CheapShow - Ep 347: Thrift Pod

Episode Date: August 25, 2023

Whilst Paul and Eli have carried on regardless, there have been nefarious plans developing in the background and its not good news for the “much loved” economy comedy podcast. Following the shocking events of Red Nob Day, Richard Brandoff and Jimmy Biscuits are living in hiding on a busy roundabout. The other characters are also off the radar, and it looks bad for the extended CheapShow universe. To make matters worse, all those copy characters created by Brandoffski are making a push for dominance and it looks like they're going to succeed. Richard and Jimmy find out about the unbelievable success of “Thrift Pod” starring Saul and Levi and decide to check the podcast out. Turns out it’s pretty similar. Maybe TOO similar. Something is not right here. Why not make up your own mind and listen to both CheapShow AND Thrift Pod… Is this the end of everything we know and love? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-347-thrift-pod And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter (we’re not calling it X) @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive new CheapShow Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

This is a bloody rough, rough outrage. Jimmy! What? Jimmy, Jimmy, come in here. I've got something to show you. I'm watering the roundabout petunias. Yes, I know. Do that and you need to do the guttering later.

I'll do the guttering, you big blunk. But come in here for a second, would you? All right, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. What do you want? There you are, Jimmy. Come over here, look at this. Yes, it's a newspaper. I've been reading this article in the Times, Ruff Ruff. Yes?

It says, top up-and-coming comedy podcast. Yes? Ruff, number two. Number two, yes? I like a number two. Thrift pod, Ruff Ruff, what's that? What's what, thrift pod Yes. I like it number two thrift pod What's what I don't know join Saul and Levi what and a cast of hilarious characters

I know that damn McNabb and Andre brand of Andre Panto. Oh I know that Dan McNubbin. And Andre Brandovsky. Andre Brandovsky. Oh, he's the reason we're living on a roundabout bus. Well, I kind of do like it on the roundabout. I'd like it too. I'd like a better roundabout. I'd like a better roundabout too.

We've had, we've been through this. But we're here because of the nefarious things that Brandovsky's done. And now you're telling me why he's stepping on our patch. It looks like they're setting up an alternative podcast. And it's already more successful than Cheap Show? Well, it's in the time bloody up and coming bloody... What are we going to do? We can't afford to lose Cheap Show.

I tell you what. It's one of our incomes. I know, I've still got the brand-off section. Many incomes. I know, I know, but I've still got copyright on the brand-off section, Ruff Ruff. Yes, I know, but come on, what are we going to do? If this thrift pub takes over, it could destroy Cheap Show. Ruff, right, I'll tell you what we're going to do, Jimmy.

Yeah? We'll listen to Cheap Show, and then we'll compare it to this one, which is bloody stupid. So we'll listen to both of their recent episodes, and we'll compare and contrast and figure out what the dilly-o-ding-dang-dong is going on. Jimmy, you'll read my mind sometime. We've been so close. It's like I'm inside you. Crawling around like a little worm.

Ruff, ruff. So anyway, I got distracted. We'll listen to both podcasts. Let's download them now and listen and see what we can see. We could just stream them. Be easier. And you do the guttering later. I do the guttering later. How are the petunias looking? Oh they're looking like a dream. Good, good petunias. They're the best petunias. I'm

gonna enter them into Kew Gardens. Oh yeah. Yeah. Ruff ruff, ruff ruff. Right, let's let's listen to these and see if they're plagiarizing. We can get them legally. Jimmy, you're a lawyer, right? Uh, sometimes. Yeah, exactly. When I remember. Exactly. So, Ruff Ruff, let's listen to them right now. Let's listen to them right now. Right Ruff Ruff now.

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. Go J! People love noodles. It's just a fact of cheap show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap show. Cheap show. It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show.

And a go and a nuzzle. Well Well that might have been our funniest cold open ever Hello everyone, it's Cheap Show And I am Paul Gannon I'm Eli Silverman, it's good to be back again Paul For another week, another week of absolute palaver Oh an absolute giggle box of cheap treats and tat But all, all Mr Silverman Silverman, can I just say? Aren't you going to do that bit where you go, what?

You know. What? About. About what? You know, the sort of stuff you do. Don't just say you know. That stuff you do. Oh, it's the comedy, your comedy.

Okay, I got it. Okay. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast, where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and power lines of Great Britain. Why are you saying it like that? I'm bringing another edge to it. I'm giving a kind of, oh, tiger.

How is that? No, come on now. You're not connecting anything in your brain. I'll connect. I'll tell you what, I'll connect. Oh, and your fish to your gooch. Oh, you're going to punch my gooch? I'm going to donkey punch your gooch, yes.

Oof, Mr. Silverman. Sometimes I wish you'd tongue punch it. I will wind you. I will push the wind out of your nuts and out of your mouth. Oh, and then what? And then just put it all back in. I would not talk to you. Why? Because you'd have hurt me. Hurt my gooch. Yeah, but you hurt me every week mentally. No. You don't apologise

for that, do you? Right, good, no. Well done for pointing at something and going, erm um as if something's gonna happen next and then just like i've got nothing do you mean you got nothing i've got nothing anymore i thought you had a tales from the dance oh i do yeah let me just whatever before we get to that well hello hello i'll start you again i'll fucking start you again it's just it's this has become utterly just bereft of what little juice it had before there was a little i'll fucking show you juice yeah i'll give you juice i'll

give you juice he's shaking his fist at me you juice can i say something without resulting in you saying come on man well i don't know what to say now. I'll give you. I'll tell you what I don't say now. Why don't you fucking give you that? I'll give you. I'll give you, fucker. Don't you know what to say? Oh, that's it. What's, um...

What? I think we should start this bit again. No, I'm enjoying watching you suffer. Come on. Say a sentence. You're a big boy now. Hello, everyone. It's Eli Silverman.

I also am here. And, uh, I did some DJing. Are you going to go straight into it? I was going to say what we were doing on the show this week and then... Who gives a shit about that? Well, I do. It's going to be some shit someone sent you so you don't have to do anything. Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

Cheeky shit! You don't do anything ever! I source... So forgive me. I source... forgive me I saw forgive me for leaning on the kindness of our listeners

I find the content for this episode I invent phrases when I'm at the coal face the old cheap show coal face digging in a scratching and a digging in a weaving

and a digging in a scratching all you need to know mate is that if you're going to complain about me slacking off that is just oh I'll give you that, mate. I'll give you it.

I'll give you slacking off. I invent phrases. Right, we're doing off-brand brand-off this week. We've been sent some off-brand brand-off items, so we'll be doing that. I find sources for which to us to exist. Yes, mate. Thank you for getting involved in the podcast

with those wonderful words. Sources and words and phrases. Two things. Two things I'm responsible for. I like my little penned topic bubbles, you know? Yeah.

And I think I contribute a lot with those bubbles of topic pent up topic bubble things. Do you want me to step in, mate? And I don't know throw a sentence in there for everyone?

Shall I do that? Chuck in a sentence Paul. Hello my name is Paul Gannon welcome to Cheap Show to the economy comedy podcast where we go for the bargain bins and charity shops of Great Britain

and bring you the treasure we find amongst the trash. It's the treasure amongst the trash! Now with all that out of the way I just want to say we are doing a live show. If you go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk

we are doing a live show as part of go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk, we are doing a live show as part of the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. November 4th. South London, Saturday, November 4th. Streatham. 2.30 in the afternoon. Streatham. Streatham.

Now, go to our website for tickets or just look up Cheerful Earful Podcast Cheap Show. And here's the other thing. Tickets are limited, only 100 seats. And it's a team up episode with digitizer so biffo and sanya is going to be there we're sharing the show and i'll just say it's going to be the last time we do a live show for a while because next year we've got plans what we've got plans do we yeah so just tell them we're going to do the album the vinyl

album oh next year we're hopefully going to do a one hour tv style episode of cheap show so no live show no so we can concentrate on that okay yeah and then 500 we might do a one-hour TV-style episode of Cheap Show. So no live show? No, so we can concentrate on that. Okay. Yeah. And then 500, we might do a live show again or before. I don't know. Either way, I'll give you fucking... I'll fucking give you it.

Anyway, so anyway... I thought it was going to be versus. Yeah, it is. It's Digitizer versus Cheap Show. Right. Right. Yeah. So come along if you want to see what happens when us four share a stage

and do an episode of our collective shows together. And it's a wonderful venue, and we're going to put on a good show. So come along. Tickets are limited. Get them while you can. Only about 12 quid, I think, all in. It's 2.30. 2.30 in the afternoon. The dentist o'clock. Oh, it's the dentist o'clock. Paul, because I have a sort of tendency to kind of nap around that time.

So can I nap? Actually, you know what? Can we go tag each other, team each other out? You can have a nap while Sanya and Biffo do something. I'll tap out when I want a little shush-nush. A little snoozy. I'll fucking give you tap out, my mate.

I'll give you tap out. I'll fucking give you tap out. If you want to have a little nap, Eli, when Biffo and Sanja are doing a thing on stage, you can do that. I've done that before. Look, I will put your hand in a bowl of water when you're sleeping to make you wet your kegs.

Myth. Pardon? Myth. It's not like... That's a myth about putting your hand in water. Is it? Absolute. In that case, I'd just piss on you.

I mean, that would be more of a prank. It would be, wouldn't it? It would be, because it'd just be... Eli, I pranked you. Why? I pissed on you. It's not a prank, is it? I know, but there's a...

But I pissed on you. There's a thin line, isn't there? Is it really a prank? Just to physically hurt someone when they're asleep? If I said, Eli, here's a shower for you before the show. Have a quick shower. But I'd loaded the water tanker with my piss. I probably wouldn't notice.

I'd probably notice, depending on how old the piss was. It's a couple of weeks of stagnant piss. Oh, then I'd notice. It'd be rich with that kind of... Like that tannin tea kind of texture. I know, because we used to have to piss in cans of Coke because it was late at night

and put them in the cupboard. So I've seen piss in all stages of being left in a can of coke. And now it's time for Eli's Tales from the Dance Floor, where he regales us with a story from his time DJing. Eli, please now continue to tell your story. Now. No, Tales from the what? Dance Floor.

No, this isn't the dance floor. It's someone's house in the cupboard. Put those mini cans. No, I'm not talking about piss no more. You have a Tales from the Dance Floor floor. No, this isn't the dance floor. It's someone's house. It's in the cupboard. Put the... What? Those mini cans. No, I'm not talking about piss no more. You have a Tales from the Dance Floor. You know those mini cans? And at seven minutes, I would like you to now continue to do so and do it.

You don't see those mini cans so much these days, do you? Mate, tell your story, or there'll be no story at all. Oh, Tales from the Dance Floor. Yes. Okay, Paul, it's time for Tales from the Dance Floor. Good. I was DJing.

And... Right, no, I'm cancelling this. No, no, don't cancel. You cannot cancel it. Well, then do it. People love to hear it. It's my whole... It's my little enclosed subject bubble.

I'll give you fucking subject bubble enclosed bubble. Stop saying that. Stop saying that. I love it. Subject bubble. Now, Tales from the Dance Floor. I was DJing.

Je. At what venue? You know, it's a the Dance Floor. I was DJing. Je. At what venue? You know, it's a soft G sound in the middle of that word. Je. Like, je. I'm going to hover my finger over this button. I'm going to hover my finger over the stop button of this recording. And if at any point I feel like you're just not going to deliver the story in a concise way,

I'm just going to stop this segment. I'll deliver the story, Paul. Look, here's my finger. Don't hover your finger threateningly over the button. Well, then do it. Do it. Just please do it. Do it.

I'm going to do it. I was DJing the other night. No fucking tangents. Tell your story. That's not a tangent. It is. I'm simply saying what I was doing.

DJing. Mate. And this young woman walked up to me and there was two incidents God God please there was actually

two incidents Paul yeah firstly a pair of young ladies because the bouncer is someone I haven't worked with before yeah who guards the stage usually the old hands

who've been working there for a year or more yeah door people security staff should I say they know not to let any old bastard

or anyone up on the stage because they just don't, they know it's just useless. They're going to bother me. And there's expensive musical equipment on the stage.

I'm in absolute fucking agony. Yes. So this is the background of the story. It's because the door person wasn't as experienced that these people

were allowed up to give me, Right. give me right give me bother right and they said can you say happy birthday to simon it's his 30th i was like no well i said i don't have a microphone oh yeah i was gonna say you don't have a mic do you i don't have a microphone here i can't say it yeah oh could you get there's anyone gonna be here later who could say happy birthday 30th simon um and i went oh the band you could talk to the band and they go no could you she goes could you say it could you and it's like they want you

specifically and i went and yeah i did what people always advise me to do in these situations we just agree to it yeah and then not do it yes well i've been saying for years well i did it paul at the end of that i went oh yeah i'll say it and they went, and it's like, yeah, I'm going to say shit about Simon's story. And a bit later, an Irish young lady came up to the decks. A diddly diddly. And had a request for a particular rock and roll artist.

20 points if you can guess which one. Gary Glitter. That's not rock and roll. I think it's rock and roll. Why are you just going, Gary Glitter. It's me being edgy. All right, so, okay.

Give me some parameters. I just think it's someone edgy. Give don't you just go, it's me being edgy. All right, so, okay, give me some parameters. I just think it's so edgy. Give me some parameters. What parameters are there? Was it a 50s artist? Rock and roll. Yeah, but 50s rock and roll? That's the only kind of rock and roller it is,

Daddy-O. Then it's going to be someone that they would know, and the only one they know would be maybe Chubby Checker, or maybe Bill Haley and the Comets with Rock Around the Clock. You're in the right area

it's getting something like that isn't it what would they know because there's been a huge musical and film about this particular star who's white

as well a white rock and roll star Elvis no there was one though wasn't there I don't mind an Elvis request this is someone

who I personally in the pantheon of like great classic rockers I personally don't rate that much Jerry Lee Lewis good yeah he was good he's better classic rockers, I personally don't rate that much. Jerry Lee Lewis. Good.

Yeah. He's better than this guy, I reckon. I don't like all of Jerry Lee Lewis's music. Yeah, all right. I like some of his music. Great balls of fire. That one is a good one. Come on, that's a good one.

I've got big balls and they're on fire. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I've got big balls and they're on fire. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, God, my balls. They're hot old balls. Goodness gracious. My balls are on fire. I've got balls. I've got balls. I've got balls. I've got balls. I've got balls. I've my balls. They're hot old balls. Goodness gracious. The balls are on fire.

I goggle balls and I goggle my mouth. And then I go down deep down south. And then I slurp. And then I burp. Goodness gracious. Goggling a man's balls. See, like. Goggling a man's balls.

See, like. Right, so I don't know who the artist is please tell me Buddy Holly fair enough oo-wee-oo I look just like Buddy Holly

I find it annoying the way Buddy Holly goes I mean that's an annoying sound isn't it Google game marvellous

if you knew Peggy Sue if you knew Peggy Sue If you knew a Peggy Sue There's that other British one who sounds like that as well He sounds like What do you want if you don't want money What do you want if you don't want Baby

Kiss you once in my life Baby Who's that? No you're right it sounds a lot more like Woody Woodpecker when you do it anyway

they asked for that and I said no right and they looked at me like pleadingly and I went no got a sweat on that and they went

pleadingly looked at me and then I went no and then she went why and I said I don't like Buddy Holly okay and she said fair enough ooh I said, I don't like Buddy Holly. And she said, fair enough. I do not look like Barry Hardy.

Barry Hardy? Barry Hardy? I don't know. Russell's brother. Salt of the Earth is Barry Hardy. Russell Hardy couldn't trust him as far as you can throw him. Barry, absolute staunch, salt of the earth.

What a great guy. Oi, oi, Barry. Always gives you an odd in the wing. Always there for you. Yeah. If you need to borrow money. Fiver. Gives him away.

He fucking flies out of his wallet. Good old Barry. Barry Harty. Barry Harty. Fucking. God bless you. God bless that man. Is that your story, Dom?

No. She said. Please. She said. fucking God bless you God bless that man is that your story Dom no she please she said and then she asked for this is the end of this anecdote now

and segment forever so I've said no she said fair enough I don't like Buddy Holly I just like Buddy Holly ooh and you're Mary Tyler Moore

hey come on we're nearly there we're nearly there we We're nearly there. Oh, we are. It's 14 minutes. And then she said, what about Move On Up by Curtis Mayfield?

I didn't want to play it. Yeah. Because it wasn't really going with what I was playing. I was playing sort of classic rock and roll-y stuff. So Buddy Holly is a fair enough thing. And then, so I said, no, the band play that one. Because sometimes they do. They do. That's clever yeah sometimes they do they fear it so i'm using strategy now good that's deflection strategies which people have to play it but the band has

that on there and then i'm told not so i do do some of that sneaky deflection stuff like that um and i trick of the trade that's a trick of the trade i'll give you I'll give you a fucking trick of the trade listen no violence around Barry no I don't like violence zero violence policy Barry

he really does yeah but you know we've said he's a great bloke but I've seen him yeah but you just don't want to upset him that's the problem with Barry

you really don't because I've seen him as well he rips people apart I've seen him fucking take out people's teeth with his thumb and forefinger I've seen that as well. I think that's a party trick.

That's why they call him the dentist, isn't it? The dentist Barry Hardy. 2.30, now. Can we wrap this up? The thing is, I'm right now editing this at home going, why couldn't we wrap this up earlier? And then, no, this is the little punchline. Yeah.

She asked to move on up by Curtis Mayfield. I say, the band will play that. They didn't. Oh. Did she come back then and say, oh, she didn't do it.

No, she didn't give a shit. None of them did. Drunk by then, off on the reservation. Fuck it. I don't, I think it sort of cheapens, I think it's fine

if you have your birthday party in a place, but just, it's cheesy when everyone's like, oh, whose birthday is it you know it's tacky anyway before we end this segment sort of

say happy 31st birthday to Simon Adams it's his birthday this week is a long time but listen to the show I'll give you a happy birthday fucking hell mate let's crack on

all right so far so good boss All right. So far, so good, boss. Sounds like classic cheap show to me. Yeah, same old. Same old shit. It's the same old shit every week, isn't it? I'll give you same old shit. No, don't you.

It's very funny, Jimmy. It's very funny stuff. Jimmy, it's fine. If you want to do the guttering now, I'll just keep listening. Is that all right? I don't... You're going to listen to... No, I'll stay to listen to the other podcast first.

Is it Sausage Night? Is it Thursday? No. If it's Thursday, it's Sausage Night. No. It's definitely Thursday, Sausage Night. Right, well, just don't bother with the guttering. I'll do it tomorrow.

Come on, let's listen to this... What, this bloody new thing, thrift pod? Thrift pod. Let's give it a go. It won't be very good. Hello, I'm slow. Hello, I'm Saul. Hello, I'm Levi. And welcome to ThriftPod.

Oh, God. Hello, fucking ThriftPod, innit? It's another fucking week of Thriftpond. It's the only tack, retro-based podcast of fucking masses. Okay. Oh, I'm so over there. Is that what you're going to do, is it? That's your intro, is it?

I mean, fuck yeah. Oh, my God. It's so embarrassing for you. I fucking, I tell you what. I fucking come over there and I fucking, I fucking hit you. Oh, you're having me, will you? Oh, I fucking. Are you going to have me or are you going to hit me, are you?

I fucking. You're going to, no, you're going to mentally abuse me, are you? No, I fucking physically. You're going to physically. Oh, no, that's great. That's great, Paul. Right, no, I'm going to fucking. Physically abuse me, are you?

Oh, that's, no, that's very much so. I'm going to take this red hot poker and I'll fucking stick it in your bumhole kinky. That's really, you know, that's just gross. I don't know why you'd even say that. Fuck off. Oh. Spunk, maester. Riff, ruff, ring, rong.

Fucking shut up. What have we got coming up? Fucking what have we got coming up on the show, then? I'm about to fucking tell you. Come on, then. Ick, right? Oh, welcome to Thrift Pond, everyone. I'm Levi Arrow.

Right, we got fucking... We got fucking... Before that, you know why we... Fuck. I'm Levi. I'm out. Right, we've got fucking... We've got fucking... Before that, you know why we... Fuck. I'll tell you what. Why we're the fucking best fucking comedy cheap stuff fucking podcast out there. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Look at fucking Times. Eek. Look at fucking Times. We're in the top. We're in the number two in the Times. In the number fucking... That's really good, Jack. Top upcoming comedy fucking podcast.

That's fucking great, that. I tell you what, that's because Brandovsky's put in a good word for us, isn't he? He's done all the good things. So thank you to all our new listeners. Hello. We can't wait where the up-and-comers will love you. What else you got coming up?

Go on, tell us about the show. We've got a fucking great show for you guys fucking right today. What we got? We got a special... Are you ready? Is your mouth ready? Go on. Is your mouth ready? It's always right to receive you. Oh, because I'm fucking spunking

today, I will. Oh, here we fucking go, spunk again. How boring. We got Real Deal or Bad Meal. That's the fucking segment of the show, right? Oh, yeah, I've got something for that. Just for people who don't fucking know, it's fucking segment of the show, right? Oh, yeah, I've got something for that, this week. I've got something. Just for people who don't fucking know, it's the section of the show where we taste two different versions, right,

of a product, right? And if it's either the real deal, it's like a real one, or it's a bad meal. Yeah, it's either real meal or bad deal. I will give you what you need to know. Get it right. Wow.

Fuck you. Wow. What else? Oh, you've got... Oh, no. Oh, God, do you have to? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I've got Levi's disco diary. It's going to be fucking the same, isn't it? Oh, it fucking is. Here we go. Oh, fuck this. I was DJing at this little nightclub, the Spruce Goose. I do funk town reggae.

Why is it called the fucking Spruce Goose? It goes back hundreds of fucking years. Is it fucking goose themed? Yeah, it is. There's a big fucking goose on the roof. Oh, come on. Oh, please. Oh, I'm sore and I don't understand geese.

What's all that about? I don't know there were no geese anyway i'm djing and this girl comes up to me and you know what she says oh you know what she says she said to me have i got five star i told her fuck off right off okay. Fuck off. Okay, okay. And then I did a fucking rail of coke. Right, is that... Off her spine. Oh, good. Fucking good, yeah.

All right. So... That's my disco diary. Fuck right. Thank fuck for that. That's my disco diary. I will see you after the fucking sound effect. Ring prong brough brough.

Shut up. Really, fucking shut effect. Ring prong, brough, brough. Shut up. Really, fucking shut up. Prong? Jimmy. Can you believe that? It's just cheap show, but shit. Jimmy, I've never been so angry in my life. I can't believe this.

They are copying everything. They're stealing everything. It's the tales from the dance floor, the disco diary, the Rothbrand Brandoff. Your name, Rothbrand Brandoff, you've been thrown out.

That's where I get my money from. That's where you get your money. The royalties money. And if that ends up being successful, you can forget about Rothbrand Brandoff ever being a thing again. They are successful. They are successful.

Jimmy. What are we going to do? Let's just keep listening for now. Let's just keep listening. All right. I are we going to do? Oh, let's just keep listening for now. Let's just keep listening. All right. I've got an ear open. Well, let's see what Cheap Show Normal Cheap Show are doing. Oh, yeah, let's do that.

Bum, ba-bum, ba-bum, bum. Oh, off, brand, brand, off, off, brand, brand, off. Biddle, diddle, off, biddle, off, brand, off. Off, brand, brand, off, off, brand, off. Biddle, diddle, off, biddle, off. Is it off? Is it brand? Is it off? brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand off brand Do you understand that human beings need to listen to this podcast? Do they, then? And do you ever listen back and hear yourself do moments like this and just die inside? Because you should.

Do you know what? It should be deeply embarrassing that you behave like that. I think shame is useless. What? Shame is useless? It's a useless emotion, isn't it isn't it why is it good does it do anyone it stops people from just getting their cocks out in front of strangers yeah that's a big part of shame isn't it there is that yeah are you telling me you would like to just whop it out from any other person i'm just saying what's the point feeling shamed you've done something you did it that's what you can't

not do it that calls you a sociopath doesn't it you can't you're a sociopath you cannot do it again so if you do it once it's not shameful but if you do it. That calls you a sociopath, doesn't it? It calls you a sociopath. You cannot do it again. So if you do it once, it's not shameful. But if you do it twice, it's shameful. All I'm saying is, wouldn't life be better if you didn't have to feel any negative emotion? Yeah. But unfortunately, you don't get that luxury unless you're a psychopath. Shame, I think, is like a secondary emotion.

Because anger has a use. What's the use of shame? It just stops you getting your job out. Yeah, exactly. That's a really big one. You know what I mean? It's a shame. It just stops you getting your job out. Yeah, exactly. That's a really big one. You know what I mean? It's a big one. Shame prevents us from maybe making

a fool of ourselves and going too far. I just think it's sort of like it's a more socially connected emotion than some of the other emotions. I still think shame is important. Yes, I agree.

It plays a social function, obviously. So therefore... It's not real, isn't it? It's not like anger. You know what really is an emotion you can get rid of? Love. Fuck off.

Get rid of it. Zigga-zigga. No, I don't. I'm a lovely man, and all I want is love, and to be loved, and to have love. Love. Zigga-zigga. No, it's not.

I'm sweating. Yeah, you are. Just so you know, he almost pooed himself recently. Oh! So he had to go drop some off at the thing, which is why the energy has changed in the room because I was really

kind of upbeat. Then it was like, oh, I got a shit. I really, off he went. I'm glad this is what we talk about all the

time though, you know. Well, I'm just saying, I just think if anyone, if anyone's listening and they're going, why has the vibe

changed all of a sudden? It's like, well, I'll tell you what, because Eli ruined the momentum by dropping his guts. So it's going to leave that hanging

like the scent you left in the bathroom. Oh. Talk about fog on the tine. Don't start that. Yeah. It's funny to me. Anyway, it's time for Off-Brand Brand Off. We take a brand

and compare it against its off-brand contemporary and we decide not only which is better, but can you notice the difference? It's really that simple. Which is better value, I is what we also that plays a big part in it as well uh paul yeah hello i'm eli silverman i've done that don't need to do that again i'm just reintroducing myself because i'll be taking on the garb the role the very important position

within the pod of super taster in the panthe. And I will be testing my buds to the limit with this one. He's a Super Taster! That's right. Wow! Super Taster! Hello, I'm Eli Silverman and I'll be donning the garb

of the Super Taster for this segment. Super Taster! You, Paul. Ow! You, Paul. Yes. Have you produced a blindfold for the super taster myself a bit sick doing that scream oh we don't don't let any sick out it'll mix with the smell of my we've got a letter and it came in a box i'm going to mention this in a minute but i'm gone dear cheap show i hope this package finds you well well, we'll get to that. I'll give you

get to that. As promised on the formerly known bird app, I've sent you an exciting new version of Off-Brand Brand Off. Off-Brand Brand Off

we can do. I present to you a vegan Off-Brand Brand Off. First of all, we have Kinder Bueno versus Love Raw Cream Wafer Bar.

I love raw cream in a different context. Cream Wafer Bar. I love raw cream. In a different context. Yeah, I'll give you fucking raw cream. Will you? Fucking raw. Raw cream. Straight from the pipe. You're merging the concept of lovemaking with violent punching.

I'll give you fucking violent lovemaking. Now, what are you saying? Right, and insert any jokes you see fit here about that name. Well, I'll insert fucking you in there. Well, fucking give you that. I'm doing that. It's this thing

I do this week. It's a terrible thing for an audio format, Paul. What, that I shake my fist at you when I do it? I don't know, it makes me laugh. No one can see that.

I don't care. Why? And also, I've sent the original and best pickled onion monster munch versus crave monster feet. The absolute disappointment I felt when I became a vegan and best pickled onion monster munch versus crave monster feet. The absolute disappointment I felt when I became a vegan

and found out that monster munch still contains milk. No, it doesn't. Oh, milk. It's vegetarian, but it's not vegan. Monster munch contains milk, so I couldn't have it anymore. I'm still not over it. Nor do I know why so many crisps have milk in them. It doesn't seem right to me.

It's a wh a way it's more like a whey product isn't it the curds oh yeah i think they use whey because they can um i use it way too much if you ask me manipulate hey i think they do it way too much if you ask me i blame the curds i don't know i think that the manufacturers can do a lot of different flavour jobs with whey. I think it's quite a versatile chemical constituent that they can do. I'm just trying to answer the question. Who was that girl who had curds and whey? Little Miss Muffet.

Little Miss Muffet. Sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey. She was into tuffets, curds and whey. And not spiders. And not spiders. From what I heard, one sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away. Was she drinking cider as well? Was she into that as well?

No, because that isn't in the original nursery rhyme, is it? You hairy cretin. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet drinking a fucking pint. She had some gin, she had some rum, and then she fucking got a fight. Go on. What did she do? What did she do when she got drunk? She flashed a man to a spider.

Oh, no, right. The spider died drunk? She flashed a man to a spider. All right. The spider died. Because she flashed her minge. Spider was like, oh, I don't know what to do. Oh, I'm not crawling no more. It was like all eight of its little arms twitching. You need more shame. Flange.

What else is in this letter? So the letter goes on to say, I need to tell you who the letter comes from as well. Just want to say thank you for all the laughs and brightening even up my darkest days. You guys kept me company when I gave birth alone in 2020 while my husband, family and friends weren't allowed in the hospital

to see me or my baby thanks to that virus. Wow. I may have been alone, but I had you guys making me smile and help me drown out all the noises on the labor ward those places are loud thank you for always being there your hard work does not go unnoticed and is always appreciated but enough of that get on that blindfold and get to work lots of platonic love sarah known as dog and lamppost on twitter thank you sarah a few little bits and bobs we'll get to, but we're going to do

the Monster Munch multi-pack against the Crave Monster Feet. That's what we're doing. What about the bueno? Ah! Well, okay.

Yeah. Sarah, I need to apologise. I don't know what happened between you sending this package and it getting to us, but when it arrived the other week, there was a hole cut in it

and a tape over it saying this has been damaged in transit or whatever it is. But there was a great big hole cut into it and a tape over it saying this has been damaged in transit or whatever it is. But there was a great big hole cut into it. So when I opened it up and I saw the thing about, you know, the Kit Kat and the vegan Kit Kat. The raw cream. Raw love cream. About the Kinder Bueno and the love raw cream.

The love raw cream. They're not in the pack. I mean, you just need to put the raw in front of the love and change that around and it is raw love cream. Which is quite, not literally, but could be very much raw love cream. Describe spunk. I mean, a man's spunky ejections,

Paul. Yes. A loopy, thick rope, if you like. A gloopy rope of thick, glistening globus.

A jism lasso. Air globus. Wafer bar. Bye. I don't know what I'm doing. Globus. So, so what? There's no fucking, there's no brainer.

It looks like someone has taken it out of the box. Hang on. Out of the box. Why? I don't know. What? What? Fucking the people who work for the Royal Mail like Kinder Bueno that much.

I can't give you an explanation. How do they know there's Kinder Bueno in there? No. No, they leave the brainer. Why wouldn't they just take everything? It just looks like someone's cut into it and grabbed that. This is ridiculous. I know.

But what can I tell you? It's not in the box. There's a hole in the box. I need my love cream and I need it raw. Well, unfortunately, Eli, I can't give you raw... Bueno, lovely love cream. I'll fucking give you... I'm going to give it.

The fist's coming up. It gonna give it the fist's coming up it's coming up it's coming up it's there it's there I see it right oh well

so unfortunately all we can do is the monster munch and crave monster thing today alright I'm sorry I feel like they do look very similar from what Sarah said

in the letter yeah there must be a big difference is what I'm predicting here because she said ironically enough she craved the original yeah she craved but she could not eat it because of the way way the way they put way in it paul yeah does it have weight yeah it says per per meters no what's it say per meter from milk way per meter per per um per meter per meter is weigh per metre. Per metre. Per metre. Is that it? It's not per metre.

Weigh from the metre. Metres. Weigh per metres. I'll give you weigh per metres. That's not just your get out from every...

It is. This week, it is. I'll give you... Keeps on going. So we're going to be doing Crave versus Monster Munch right now next. From what she said

in the letter about really missing real Monster Munch, I believe this is going to be doing Crave versus Monster Munch right now next. From what she said in the letter about really missing real Monster Munch, I believe this is going to be relatively easy for the Super Taster. Well, we'll see, won't we? And that Super Taster, Paul, just if everyone is not aware, the Super Taster on Cheap Show, it's me, I'm the Super Taster,

and I will take that garb on. Tedious wank. Now, Paul. Yes? Fetch me the blindfold. Mate. I'll give you fetch me the fucking blindfold, mate. Come on.

Alright, let's go get it. Let's go get it. Alright, back from the fucking sound effect. Like, fuck off. Hehe. Right. Now, it's time for the fucking section, right, where you fucking...

Real deal or bad meal, I want a real deal or a bad meal, I want a real deal, bad meal, deep about a deep meal, gonna get the big man. It's real deal. That's our little jingle, that is. Little jingle. That fucking, fucking, which when you fucking try to tell... Oh, yeah. Right. Because I am the flavour master.

You're the fucking flavour master. My tongue knows all the secrets of the flavour universe. I tell you that for nothing. Now, we want to fucking see if it's like a fucking real deal, like it's a fucking good value for fucking money, right? Yeah? Eh? Right?

Or it's fucking terrible. A fucking... It's fucking shit. Fucking hell, you don't have to go on. Just get in a bit with that fucking fucking...

Have you got your fucking blindfold on? I've got the stuff What are we going to do this week? So I was sent this by Brandowski. Oh, he fucking gets great...

He sent me... He gets fucking great scram he does, doesn't he? He sent me a Kinder Bueno. Ich, oh, bueno. And he sent me, er... Love Raw Cream Wafer. Oh, that sounds a bit fucking dirty, that does. It's vegan, too.

Oh, I'll give you... I'll fucking give you Cream Wafer, Love Raw. Fucking do, fucking... Will you have sex with me, though? I love fucking give you cream. Wait for love, Rob. Fucking do, fucking, will you have sex with me though? I love, I love raw cream. Fucking Levi. I love raw cream.

Levi, I'm begging you to fucking actually have, like, make love to me. Every fucking week. Every week. I have to put up with this, this weak, horrible,

boring, predictable shit from you. Every fucking week. Don't you get bored of it? Fuck no. Anyway, we're doing these. I've got to put it on my tongue so the flavour master can adjudicate. Hold it.

Put it on your tongue and you make me come. And I'm just doing a song which is just a fucking bit. All right, so we've got two. We've got Bueno, Kinder Bueno, and then a knock a fucking bit. All right, so we've got two. We've got Bueno, Kinder Bueno, and then a knock-off fucking brand. Yeah, Love Roll. Where did these come from? I don't know.

Just sent to me by Brandovsky, so I thought, fuck it. All right, then. Doesn't really fucking matter where it comes from, does it? Have you got fucking... I've got a fucking blindfold. I've just put a fucking cum sock on my eye from my room or something. Oh, it's a crispy fucking sock in a fucking blindfold. I'll just put a fucking cum sock on my eye for my room or something.

Oh, it's a crispy fucking sock in your fucking room. Fucking dripping, drippy, drip, droop, drip, drop, droppy, gooey, blip, blop, blap. Oh, fucking welcome to Levi's fucking mouth-da-da business hour. Oh, here we go. Oh, you're fucking nonsense. What the fuck? Fuck off. Come on, let's just fucking get this going.

All right, get the fucking blindfold. Right, get your lovely blindfold on, Mr Silverman. I've got the blindfold, Paul. Now, we've got two packs of crisps here. We've got Monster Munch. Everyone knows Monster Munch, don't they? Everyone knows Monster Munch. We tackled it before on the show, even really recently,

with the pickled onion fiasco. I have a theory, if I may, Paul. Yes. Okay, so you know that we did a comparison of the new pickled onion Monster Munch flavour potato crisps. Yes. Which were terrible, we thought. Piss poor.

And we compared them against the actual pickled onion flavour crisps. Piss poor pickled onion crisps. Again, made by Walkers. Yes. Whichiss poor. And we compared them against to the pickled onion, actual pickled onion flavour crisps. Piss poor pickled onion crisps. Again, made by Walkers. Yes. Which are classic. You can't go wrong. They're delicious. The texture and the flavour twixt each other hand in hand.

Skip down the road to merry flavour land. Indeed. Indeed. And I made me think. I made me think. What made me think this is it made me reconsider my relationship with pickled onion flavor monster munch and how that's changed since they changed the fucking flavor which they fucking did and it's that weaker less tart less good flavor that they put on the their limited

edition potato crisp ones right and that's why it was much weaker because in fact pickled onion monster munch haven't tasted like pickled onion monster munch in years since they went And that's why it was much weaker. Because, in fact, pickled onion Monster Munch haven't tasted like pickled onion Monster Munch in years. Since they went new, it's gone down. I don't know. Listen, I'm the super taster and you've got to listen to me on this one. Right. Well, let's see how he gets on this week. Because, again, Monster Munch and we've got these other things, Crave. And it says gluten free. Yep. Lactose free.

Gluten free. Of course. Milk free, obviously. Vegan, really need to ask question mark and the shape fascinatingly enough is exactly the same as the monster munch

so even that should hope hide the sins of one or the other do you think there'll be vastly different sizes I won't know until I open them so it seems to me

that this Crave product has been literally designed to fill in for those who can't have that no more vegans who who crave are Cra crave exactly see crave huh oh yeah you see what i've done there it is it's vegans it's crave that's a clever name

because that that's what i tend to hear vegans saying they crave typically vegetarians and vegans bacon i crave bacon but there's certain foods aren't there there's certain flavors there's certain flavors which people crave. Hey, listen, love. I bet they've got some terrible...

Hey, darling, shut up, listen to this. All right, darling. It says here, here at Crave, we are all about taste. We won't accept

anything less than ridiculously delicious. Our products are normal. So much so, it's extraordinary. They are non-preachy, fricking delicious and are good enough that you don't have an allergy intolerance or be a vegan Normal. So much so, it's extraordinary. They are non-preachy, freaking delicious, and are good enough that you don't have an allergy intolerance

or be a vegan to enjoy them. You don't have to have them. Okay. We're here to give you what you crave. Yeah, okay, so they're bigging themselves up. Don't... No, it's fine. I just don't want to open them now in case the sound of the bag...

I don't want to get... I'm putting my blindfold on. All right. I don't want any cheating. I think I'm going to be able to distinguish these. But... Now, I will say, he's putting the... It's a grey scarf today. He's wrapping around

his stupid, bulbous, onion-shaped head. Onion? A lot of people got onion-shaped heads. I'll take that. Yeah, but yours is more onion than others. What do you mean, more onion? Your head is more onion than others. Fuck you. Right. So, I've opened both bags. Am I all right in mic placement? How's mic placement?

Yes, yes. All right. Where are you, mic placement? I'm over here. Hello, mic placement. Fuck off, mic placement. Fuck off you too, you cheeky arsehole. Get out of here.

Get out of the podcast, please. You cheeky arsehole. I'm doing... Paul, tell this guy to fuck off, will you? You cheeky arsehole. That's not a characteristic. That's just a repeated phrase. You cheeky arsehole. That's not a characteristic. That's just a repeated phrase. You cheeky arsehole.

Mic placement, fuck off. Well, get out, mic placement. All together. You cheeky arsehole. It'll be on all the T-shirts next week. Right, so I will say to the eye, they both look very, very similar in size and shape. Same size, same size.

Yes, pretty much. So I'm going to hand you now one of these two crisps. This is going to be difficult. Is it? Yeah, because if they really are good, the Crave ones. Sorry, there you go. I've placed crisp A in his hand. He's doing a snuff.

Now, it smells pickled onion-y. Good, that's the point, isn't. Now, it smells pickled onion-y. Good, that's the point, isn't it? It does smell pickled onion-y, but to my first niff-naff-niff, to the first niff, go the victor. There's something that isn't monster munch about this. Monster munch? No, you're right, it's not monster munch.

There is something that isn't monster munch about this. There's a certain over-sharpness, I'd say, and a sort of one- one dimensionality to the onion. That's just on the nafniff, nafniff nose. Well, now it's time to put it in your fucking ting-tong, ting-tong-tong. Fucking eat-ot, eat-ot, eat it. Okay, I'm going to be going a lot on texture here. You'll be going a lot on texture here. I will be going a lot on texture here.

Because that's the thing about Monster Munch, isn't it? Why are you shitting sentences this week? Oh, he he's taken a bite and the mastication begins in goes the rest of this thing and that's the crave thing you think that's a crave thing absolutely why do you think that's a crave thing doesn't taste like pickled onion monster munch oh it tastes like apple juicy it's got that whole pretending that i i fucking missed the way i missed the way on this shit man it just immediately like a thin slice okay now i may change my mind of course that's your part of me as i bit in it just said no you know what i mean the thin slice that i'd accessed yeah no this is not right like that so give me the next one it's like that book isn't it what was that book it was

malcolm gladwell wrote a book about book about like the first impressions of something? It's known as thin slicing. It's experts can sniff out fakes and stuff. Or just know when they can't put their finger on it. They just, ah. And it's called thin because it's just, you only need a second. And for me, as I bit in fully to that.

Your thin slice said what? This isn't pickled onion monster munch. Can you put out your other hand this time as it's easier for me to hand you that from that point of view. I'm putting out my other hand. Here's the next one Gildner. Gives it a snuff and a huff. Oh, now. Now I wouldn't say that smells like it either. Oh dear.

I thought I was going to have this problem. It's all up in the air. This is much more Worcester saucy. Is it? No, it's much more. Is it? Worcester saucy? Yeah, it's got a Worcester sauce. Oh, quick question. The texture of that thing, what was it more. Is it? Worcester sauce-y? Yeah, it's got a Worcester sauce. Oh, quick question. The texture of that thing, what was it like? Was it familiar to you? No, that was very much part of the reason why I rejected it

because it felt it kind of didn't have enough crunch. It didn't materialise too quickly. Yeah, I get it. It degenerated, you know? So it turned to nothing. And then there was this wrong note sort of apple flavour after that rather than the tartness of the proper sort of onion-y. Yeah.

It's an apple-y onion, sort of almost sweet, but not in a nice way on that last one. Yeah, but like not... Like a cider vinegar tang. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, he's going into the bite of the second crisp. But the nose on this is very...

It's duller. Duller. It is a lot less... And I'm thinking this is the real one, because there's a lot less tartness on the nose and much more one because it there's a lot less um tartness on the nose and much more like i say a sort of general brown saucy almost nice stuff isn't it and but also i can feel the the actual sort of size of the claws on this yeah he's gone in masticating all the way chompy chompy chomp chomp yeah there it is yeah yeah and so you're powered they are which is goes back to my point my theory

about them yeah they're just not as tight as they used to be no definitely the the crunch was right exactly and the way it turned into the warmth god i hope i'm not wrong because i really i do not believe that first one was a monster so can you now please for the record please now state what you thought crisp one was blindfold off yes you can can you tell me what you thought crisp one was. Can I take my blindfold off? Yes, you can. Can you tell me what you think crisp one was and then crisp two? Crisp Ron. Crisp Chris. Chris who? Ron. Chris Ron. No, not Chris Ron. Hello, I am Chris Ron.

You dirty arsehole. Oh no, why did he say that as well? Because he learned it from the other guy. He's doing it now as well, aren't you? Oh, you dirty arsehole. Shut up, guys. Crisp one is the Crave

and crisp two is the pickled onion flavoured Monster Munch. Do you know why? Because I'm also... You just told me for the past five minutes why in good detail.

Also because in Sarah's letter she said that, you know, it's one of the things that still hurts her about being a vegan. Influence of it. Is that okay?

The implication from her letter was that Crave isn't good enough, and it is not. Well, Eli. It is not. I'd like your opinion on this, Paul. Eli, I would. This would be one of the biggest surprises of my super-tasting career right now if you tell me I'm wrong, man.

Don't tell me. Don't hurt me. Well, unfortunately, Eli, I've got to sadly admit that you are correct. Yeah, of course I am. Yeah, you are correct. Now, I'm going to. Taste them yourself. I i'm gonna try a crave and i'll give you my shameful that they pick themselves up so much on the packet finish

masticating there you don't mind it i will say this i agree with you on all your points however if i chose to be vegan and i simply had to these aren't bad but you're right there's too sharp a vinegary it's like maybe the flavor is just wrong i don't mind the sharp but here's the thing maybe it's more accurate to pickled onion when you think about it yeah possibly fair when i think of pickled onions in a jar that you pluck out and you put in your mouth i do remember it's overly like sour yes i know but that's what the the walker's pickled onion flavor crisps have that this is goes back to my theory i'm gonna have these don't these don't have any of that.

It's less tart, isn't it? But it's the texture. It's the way that the corn breaks down into that, and then it turns into that warm mulch, you know? That's totally missing from the crave, isn't it? And that must have something to do with the way, must affect the way it breaks down into proteins. I would also agree that that doesn't seem to be what I remember

pickled onion monster ones tasting like. I remember it agree that that doesn't seem to be what I remember pickled onion monster munch tasting like. I remember it being almost a halfway house between what I expect and what the crave go for. Okay. Okay. But. So in many respects, if you want a more pickly crisp, the crave fits the job.

It's just, it's a tasting. At the end of the day, it's subjective. Someone might really like that. The texture just isn't there. And it doesn't do that thing. The texture lets it down. It doesn't do that thing. No, the texture lets it down.

But. I have a strong suspicion. I'll give it a pass. Really? Honestly. But it doesn't do that thing. The texture lets it down. It doesn't do that thing. No, the texture lets it down. But as a substitute, I'll give it a pass. Really? Honestly? It's not going to be cheaper. No. But again, being vegan is a financial choice in many respects, isn't it? Okay, but we're not talking about being vegan on this show. Because you could argue being vegan is a bit of a middle-class privilege

because you can't afford to go to Whole Foods where lots of families can only afford Iceland or the corner shop. Absolutely, yes. But also, I want to be... only afford Iceland, or the corner shop. Absolutely, yes. You know. But also, I want to be- Having a Tesco club card or whatever. I'm trying to be balanced about this. You don't.

There are lots of vegan products that come out with the big- I don't think it's a bad thing that people are choosing to be vegan. It is. That's what you said to me. I didn't say that. And then you brought up Ash for some reason. It got really, really mean to him. I think there are products that are definitely-

And like, it's a lot of these vegan burgers actually have more fat and aren't as, you know- I don't know. I don't have really mean to him. I think there are products that are definitely, and a lot of these vegan burgers actually have more fat and aren't as, you know. I don't know. I don't have the stats for that. I can't back that up or confirm it. A lot of, I think there's been a bandwagon, obviously. I'd be very careful what you say. There's a lot about, I'm just saying,

they don't deliver the texture. I'll fucking give you fucking delivering texture, Eli. Paul, one semi-serious question. Yes. Semi fucking give you fucking delivering texture Eli Paul one semi-serious question yes semi-serious I'll give you a semi oh dear some weeks I have fun

go on do you think if you'd been we'd done a reverse brand off that you would have been able to perfect you would have been able to tell you would have been able to tell. I'm a reverse brand.

I'll give you a fucking reverse brand off. Great. Great. Great. Great stuff. Can you just answer that fucking question, please? What did you say?

If you, if you had a reverse cowboy. What? If you know that He had a reverse cowboy. What? If you'd had to do a blind taste test on those, Chris, do you think you would have been able to get it right? Yes, I do. I do. Okay.

That's it. Case closed. I would have come to similar conclusions as you. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. But you thought they were better than me. I didn't like those at all. It's just, I think, if you're going vegan,

then it's fine. Go for it. I think if that's a choice you want to make and you can afford to make it, then they're probably fine for you. Fair enough. Sarah, thanks very much for sending that. Thank you very much.

Right. Ooh, let's crack on. Ah, come on. Get this fucking going. My taste buds are hungry. What? They're desperate for attention. Come on. All this fucking going. My taste buds are hungry. All right. They're desperate for attention. Come on.

All right, Levi, you ready for your fucking real deal or bad meal? Right, and it's either Kinder Brenno or some fucking cum spunk one, isn't it? Now you've got your blindfold on, right? Is it the spunk one? I want a spunk. Now shut up about spunk for a minute, okay? Oh. Please, listen. Now, shut up about spunk for a minute, okay? Oh. Oh, please, listen.

Now, you ready for your first chunk? Yeah, come on, fuck's sake. All right, hold your fucking hand out. Are you ready? Yeah. All right, here's your first. This is chunk number one of the Bueno Challenge. Now, one of these is a vegan product.

Right, now shut up. Fucking let me eat, you prick. You fucking stupid prick. Right, get that in your gob. What do you think of that one? It's all. It's all. It's all.

It's all. Right, so, to my taste buds, I can feel the amplitude of the familiar... Fucking hell, shut up, get on with it, mate. The familiar, lovely, delicate... Fucking get on with it, familiar lovely delicate fucking get on with it mate

I haven't got fucking all day for fucking this mate it's a drawn out process isn't it it's a drawn out

I can taste the kinder chocolate so I think off the top of my head I think that one is the bueno you think that one I wish

I wish to be able to change my mind after the second one alright alright mate so you think that one's the... I wish to be able to change my mind after the second one. All right. All right, mate. So you think that one's the bueno, do you?

Yeah. Am I on mic? You're not. No, put your mouth over towards there. Right. Right. Am I on mic now?

Right. Right. Now, you're fucking ready for your second go. Yes, I am. Now, just to be clear, you think that one was the real bueno?

Yes. Right. Here's choke number two. Right. What, I am. Just to be clear, you think that one was the real bueno? Yes. Right, here's bit of, here's chunk number two. Right, what may I have? I'm going to give it a half. Give it a sniffy sniff. I don't know why I'm talking like that. Hey, hey. Right, it's going. What do you think of that?

So far, the nose doesn't reveal anything unusual or untoward. Popax in your gob. He's masticating it, ladies and gentlemen. Oi, eek. Fucking hell. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Yeah, that's the knockoff. You've had both. Now. That's that raw funk cum one. What's it called? Cum cream. I'm looking at the packet. It's the cum cream one.

It's not. Love, shut up. We're fucking talking about fucking cum I can taste it because it's got that fake overly milky chocolate fake overcompensated chocolate thing That's what I think

Number two is the fake and number one is the real No, I think number one is the real You don't fucking listen to me Alright, I'm listening Number two is the raw cum. Okay. It's the actual product name, right? It's Love Raw Cream Wafer Bar Milk Choc

Cum Raw. Cum fucking hard. In your face hard. In the kinky. Right, you can take your blindfold off now. Right, for fuck's sake. Oh, it's so bright. I can't see, it's so bright. Oh, God. Right there, Christ's sake. Right. Oh, so bright. Oh, I can't see, so bright. Oh.

Oh, God. Right there, you're right. Right. Okay. Was I right or was I right or was I right? Now, I'm happy to say... Oh. ...that you were totally wrong.

Was I? Yeah. What? So the first one was what? The first one was the Luvrong cream choccy board. There was the knock-off bit. Oh, that was better.

It was better. Oh, I liked it more. You can have a little taste of this. Yeah, have a little bit. I'd like... Oh, I've... Mate!

Mate, what's this mean? What do you think about that, then? It's nice, that raw one, isn't it? Ah, yeah, and have the kinder bueno. It tastes so fake. What does this mean? It tastes fucking flat. The real one tastes fucking...

Off? No, it's just flat. It's cardboardy. Yeah? Ick, I fucking hate you. Right, I like the other one. I like it better, too. But I bet it's a little bit costly, and I bet it's not really cheap, is it? I bet I like the other one. I like it better too. But I bet it's a little bit costly and I bet it's not really cheap, is it?

I bet it's a bit costly. Who fucking knows? Are you done now? Wait, I've got to do... Spring, spring, spring. Spring, spring, spring. All right, fucking shut up, man. Prong.

Prong. I'm pressing the fucking button. Prong, pring, prong. Pring, prong, pring, prong. Prong. I'm pressing the fucking button. Prong, ping, prong. Ping, prong, ping, prong. I can't believe it. I can't believe my ears. That's un... I can't believe it.

I'm pissed with anger. I've boiled my bollocks are boiling off. What are we going to do? This is outright theft. They are stealing and I have an interest in how we're ever going to, if they steal our cheap show's formula, how am I ever going to

make any money and get us off this roundabout into a big luxury roundabout? All I know is that we're in big trouble. Cheap show, we're losing faith, we're losing everything. And look at those guys. Top of the pops. Top of the pops they are right now.

King of the castle and we're the dirty rascals. Well, they're number two. It's still much better than fucking we are. Look at where we are in the fucking aroundy-bowdy. All right, don't have to swear, Ross. I don't like it. Sorry, but look. Look where we are.

You used to be the king of an empire. Look at us now. Yes. Could we be any more bottom than this? Well, I tell you what. You used to be the king of an empire. Look at us now. Could we be any more bottom than this? Well, I tell you what, we have to give in. Because I'm a power bottom. We have to stop this. I'm a power bottom and I will drive my way and I'll grind and grind to get what I gotta do.

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy B. That's what I gotta do. Jimmy, Jimmy B, Jimmy B. Yeah, Ricky, Dicky, Dicky. Jimmy? Yeah, my boy. Now, calm down, Jimmy. Now, I've heard it said they taught me first time I arrived at big boy business school,

back in the 80s. Rough, rough. They said, little, little, little Brando. You know what they said to me, Jimmy? Go on. They said, this is the first lesson, little boy, before you get your first spanking. Oh, my God. And the spanking room smelt of urine.

What? Where's this going? I'm like, yes, the first thing they said to me before they spanked me. What did they say to you? They said revenge is a dish. Ruff, ruff. Best served cold. So let's calm down. We'll have sausage night. Sausage night is still on.

They like sausage night. I'm very angry is still on. They like sausage night. I'm very angry about this, but revenge is it? Revenge is it this? Do we tell Paul and Eli what's going on? No, I've got a plan, okay? Okay. We'll get revenge. Don't you worry about that, Jimmy B.

Oh, yeah. No, I like it when you're like this, yes. How will we do this? Well, I'll make some calls, but first you need to get out the special secret phone. Okay, I'll get out for you now. Where did that come from? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's right up there.

It's up here. It's right up there. It's right up there. Oh, it's right up there. It's all the way up by your rough... Oh, it's come out his mouth. Oh, I got the phone. Give it a wipe down, there's a good point.

OK, and then I guess you'll get a one and we can make special plans for revenge. Yes, over sausages. Is it appropriate to give an evil cackle? Go ahead. Ruff. And that's it for Cheap Show this week. We're back next week for more economy comedy larks. Larks and lols and lamows.

Have you heard people saying lamow now? No. You know what it means, don't you? Because you just made it up. No. People say lamow. Meaning? Lamow, maow, maow, maow, maow, maow, maow, maow.

Don't do that Everybody's heard About the word Paul No one has heard about The bird Is what they've heard about Well that's what I've said

Everybody's heard About the bird No you didn't say that LeMau LeMau Laugh my ass off Oh LeMau You know it's spelled

L-M-A-O No I don't know Anything that you're talking This is all just Shitting normal bollocks Shitting normal boll No, I don't know anything what you're talking about. This is all just shitting normal bollocks. Shitting normal bollocks. Yeah, I don't care. Shut up, Mr. Silverman.

I just want to wrap this up. I bring sauce. I bring other ring-fenced, segregated, penned-in, subject-cluster bubbles. I am the podcast that you love at night. He's doing a song.

I am the podcast that you dearly love tight. Have you given the podcast... He's doing a song. Have you given the podcast? Have you given them the website? Look, everyone, the basic facts are these. For all our social media, for webpages dedicated to each and every episode with videos and pictures, for links to live tickets, for example, for our show in November, for links to our videos on YouTube. It's all on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Go there, and from there, you can go in any direction you want

to join us on the socials. Question for you, Paul. Yes. What if someone's out there, and they're thinking, oh, I really like this podcast, but I want other stuff, maybe some videos, extra stuff that goes on, as well as kind of supporting them because I believe in what they do.

What could they do for that? I don't know. All right, fuck it then. So, yeah, like this, patreon.com forward slash cheap share, everybody. Give what you can, but only if you can and you'll have access to now years worth of extra videos and events, magazines and podcasts and behind the scenes things

and all sorts of lovely jubbly stuff. Lovely stuff, jubbly stuff. Loving and a jubbling, that jubbly stuff. That's it enough. I will give you, if you don't shut up, I won't give you a little treat. Oh, what? Which is to explain to the listener from last week what vernacular brutalism is. I'm giving you this moment now.

Do not waste it, but you do have only 30 seconds to get this information across. Begin. Vernacular is basically the mainstream or everyday. So, brutalism as a style emerged across lots of different scales and budgets of buildings. So you have something like the National Theatre, which is a huge, prestigious architectural project.

I wouldn't call that vernacular because it's not everyday. Vernacular brutalism is these schools or car parks or even homes, estates, whatever, that was built in the brutalist style, but is very sort of just not major, just sort of ordinary, everyday architecture. That's basically it, Paul. I'll give you fucking brutal architecture.

Vernacular brutalism. I fucked it now. You made basically it, Paul. I'll give you fucking brutal architecture. Vernacular brutalism. I fucked it now. You made me fuck it now. Well, you could have remembered what it was. I'll give you vernacular brutalism. Oh, I'll give you it. Oof. Oof, Mr. Silverman.

Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye until next week. Thanks, everyone. Bye. you