CheapShow - Ep 356: A Log In The Gob

Episode Date: October 28, 2023

There's just one week before we reveal our Los Angeles adventures to the podcast world, so before then, let's dive into some more good, old-fashion Cheapshow goodness! Firstly, an email to the podcast shines a whole new light on a Silverman's Platter track they discussed a few weeks ago. Paul and Eli learn a little more about "Dog and Bone" by Johnny and the Ansaphones, that both surprises and delights! The Cheap Chaps also cover a game for Gannon's Golden Games that is a spin on a VERY familiar classic. Wordle may have some competition. However, on the off chance that it's not very interesting, Paul has a pretty awful plan to try and sex the segment up. Finally, Eli is on Off Brand/Brand Off duties when McCoy's crisps goes up against a much cheaper interloper. Beware the Quirf! CheapShow Theme by @noiselund See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-356-a-log-in-the-gob And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter (we’re not calling it X) @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow NEW ART: Get hold of Spunk.Rock’s exclusive CheapShow 300 Artwork: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CHEAPSHOW-EST-2016-by-spunkrock/115961855.WFLAH.XYZ www.instagram.com/spunk__rock Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello, Mr. Gannon? Yes, sir. You at the back. I'm here as a representative of Eli Silverman. I've got a document I need to give to you. But aren't you Eli Silverman? No. For the sake of this little moment in time,

are you not you? No. So you are you then, because you just confirmed that you are not you. I'm here as a representative of Mr. Silverman. But you are Mr. Silverman, and I'm confused. I have a document to deliver to you. I've got a fucking document to deliver to you,

and it's my big old wingy wang. They're going to representative of Mr. Silverman. Okay, Mr. Gannon. Fucking shonk my donk down. Okay, Mr. Gannon, I'll just... Shonk my donk, Mr. Silverman's representative. Mr. Gannon, if you don't want to accept this, I'm just going to tell you what's on this document.

No, fine, fine. Bring it my way. Yeah, go on. Now, Eli Silverman has formed a union, and his demands are he won't be returning to the show. He won't be returning? He won't. Listen, I'm not a performer.

Doesn't he make a very well-written article? I'm just a representative from the union. Saying he could have done with the spell check. He will not be taking part in the so-called cold open section of the show. He refuses to as it demeans him. I'll just replace him with AI. It's fine. We've got hundreds of hours of Eli on record

and just put it together. Do you want to do that now because he won't be returning if you... Yeah, I'll tell you what, I'll just put it in my computer and I'll just do generate Eli Silverman AI based on past algorithm conversation. Right, here we do generate Eli Silverman AI based on past algorithm conversation. Right, here we go. Eli Silverman, hello, how are you? Chiffney.

Sounds good so far, yeah. Chiffney, Chiffney Squat Hole. Yeah. Chiffney Squat Hole. Yeah, it's very good, this program. It sounds just like him. I'll ask him a question. Oh, Eli, what do you want to do after recording today? Wank, chiffon, squat hole. I might need to run it through the computer a few more times, actually.

No, it's me, Paul. It's me. It's actually me. What? Did that bit work? No, it didn't. Are we going to start again? I'll tell you what did work.

Chonk my donk, Mr Silverman. Chonk my donk. I'll do more than that. Yeah? I'll chk my donk. I'll do more than that. Yeah? I'll chomp your donk. I'll tell you what. AI. AI or more like...

Paul, I have to say, the amount of times you've grabbed your nutsack area during this cold open is unacceptable. Is it? About six times. You're going to do it again. You want to. I'll tell you what.

I'm going to go on strike, mate. Oh, yeah? No, I'm going to go on stroke. Oh, God. I'm stroke oh god i'm off on stroke i've crossed the picket line the sticky picket line oh oh i'm gonna pull a scab oh mate i was gonna do that gag too oh and that's our topical opening hi everybody hello everybody it's cheap show roll the credits press the fucking credits our topical opening to this. Hi, everybody. Hello, everybody. It's Cheap Show. Roll the credits. Press the Jeep Show. Sources and words and phrases.

Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney. Chodney Borough. I hate you. I've got a fucking usual coffee. Jeep Show tonight. Jeep Show tonight. Cheap Show to the mind. Cheap Show to the mind. It's the voice of shine.

Cheap Show to the mind. Welcome to Cheap Show. I saw that. Oh, bollocks. I tried to catch him farting on the audio recorder. You're obsessed. You have a tell when you lean as far left as you can and aim your arse up into the air, and then you pull a Popeye face, and then I know it's coming.

Anyway, hello, everyone. Welcome to Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast with me and Eli Silverman. Go for the bargain bins, the charity shops, and pound lands of Great Britain, and bring you back the treasure we find amongst that trash. Splang Japan, ladle it on. No, we're not going to do any more of the Eli nonsense, god bollocks anymore.

We're not, are we? No, no more god bollocks. We're not, are we? No more god bollocks from you, please, Mr. Silverman. I've got some bollocks. I would like nice gobbets. Gobbets of Splang Japan. I let that happen.

Oh, I'm such a giggling moron. That's me. I let that happen. Oh, I'm such a giggling moron. That's me. I let that happen. I know that. So, hello. Welcome to the Ecomedy Comedy Podcast. How are you? Who are you talking to?

Them, listening. We never talk to them directly. They could be driving. Poop, poop. Brrm, brrm. Pull over, Mr. Greengrocer. That's someone in a car. Or they could be in the kitchen.

A chippity chopper. A chippity chopper. A chippity chopper. It's stew tonight for the family. Or maybe... Oh, I've got another one. Or maybe they're just having a walk. A delightful walk in the park. Ah, hmm.

Doggies. Fresh breeze. Children play parks. Golf courses. And a little caff with overpriced coffee. A tiddly pom. A tiddly pom. I listen to my podcast with aplomb.

What am I talking about? What have I done? coffee a diddly bomb a tiddly pom I listen to my podcast with a plumb I've what am I talking about what have I what have I done things that the listeners might be doing can I just add one yeah having a shuffle no one listens to this podcast

and has a wank at the same time a rearrangement a little fluffy fluffy shuffle oh yeah a rearrangement where you rearrange your sperm from inside of you to outside of you.

I rearranged some sperm right out the end of my dick. Good stuff. No, good stuff. I really... Oh, Paul. I'm not performing well, to say the least.

Get it out loud. I'll give you a proper evaluation. Oh, would you? Will you chonk my sponk off? No. Chonk the donk, Mr. Silverman. And now, this episode is unfortunately

going to be called Chonk the Donk. No, it won't. That's not very funny. You brought it up past credits. It's, Mr. Silverman. And now this episode is unfortunately going to be called Chonk the Donk. No, it won't. That's not very funny. You brought it up past credits. It's not funny. It is. I happen to think.

Is this the cold open still? No. Because it's formless. No. What's coming up on this show? Don't, don't. I'm scratching my bum a little bit. It's itchy.

You're removing it. I'm not removing anything. A wedge of fabric from within the... Oh, he sniffed it. Reader, he sniffed his finger. It's a bit salty. Paul was looking into the middle distance when addressing you, listeners,

and I wondered if you see a sort of amalgam listener floating above the table we record on. And what are they going? A gestalt entity. Are they wagging their finger at you? Tut, tut, tut. They've kind of got a bright-eyed and a kind of open- open mouth offering. Like they're

going to take a load. Like they're willing to let me impart my humour information into their gaping mouths. I can't do this. What have we got coming up on the show though, Paul? Honestly, because we need to get to it. Ganon's Golden Games, off

Brown Brandoff. Appy? I am. But, however, a few weeks ago, do you remember we had that Dog and Bone record? That mysterious record which the guy had cut in Abbey Road

and contained a backing track with some manipulated voice answer messages. From an answer phone, yes. From an answer phone.

Now, here's something which was delightful that popped up in our DM Twitter inbox thing on X. phone, yes. From an answer phone. Now, here's something which was delightful that popped up in our DM Twitter inbox thing on X. Oh, fuck. From a guy called James Wilkinson. He sent stuff to us before in the past. He's been in touch with us before.

He said, I'll tell you what, I'll just read you what he said to us. So basically, it's a follow-up to that record. Well, I'm glad there is a follow-up, Paul, because we thought it was going to stay obscure as all beans. As all dandies. As all dandelions.

Yeah. So how about you shut up now? Let's just get into it. James says, Hello, Paul. So I have the backstory on the Dog and Bone record by Johnny and the Answerphones. It was recorded locally to me,

and my curiosity got the better of me, so I did some digging. And then he just posts a picture of an email that he sent to Graham Robinson was it Graham Robinson? yes yeah

Graham Robinson and then Graham's replied and so this is from the horse's mouth himself from utter obscurity to an actual you mean not complete obscure

obscure to maybe our interest but like he's got a record oh no he's not obscure but that record is oh so he was probably thinking I haven't talked about this

in years it's just popped up that record is obscure because we found him was probably thinking, I haven't talked about this in years. It's just popped up. That record is obscure because we found him, didn't we? His website, yeah. Yeah, so we knew about him, but we didn't know, there was no mention anywhere of the actual recording question. So I presume James asked him, hey, I was listening to a podcast and they talked about your record that they found.

Can you elaborate? Right, here's Graham's reply. Hi, James. Here's Graham's reply. Hi, James. Here's the story. In the summer of 1987, a hippie geezer called John Cole visited my studio that was then based

in Darlington Arts Centre and asked to book several weeks of studio time. He'd apparently come into some money and wanted to record some of his own songs and album tracks with his friends

and associated bands. Okay. So far, you think, all right, he's been called on to use his skills to make this guy's album. Fair enough. After a month recording almost around the clock, John and his business partner called Dutch,

who had plans to release the- His business partner? Partner. Shake that back. After a month recording almost around the clock, John and his business parted. You fucking prick. You put that in my head now. It wasn't me.

It's a word, partner. After a month working almost around the clock, John and his business partner, Dutch, who had plans to release the recordings on their Crook Cassettes label...

Oh, it's their label. It's their label. Oh. ...came to collect all the master tapes and left the cheque. I couldn't help but notice how they seemed to cackle a bit maniacally as they left. Right, they paid.

Ah, the cheque turned out to be a rubber one. Wow. So it bounced. Oh, that's the implication. After going away for a few days with my girlfriend, I returned to find a series of telephone messages from John Cole on my answer phone. The telephone messages started off calmly enough, but then progressed to being more irate as John called back and apparently assumed I was just ignoring his messages. The thought occurred to me to just

put a little track together featuring Mr. Cole's ranting telephone messages. I recorded a one-take jam in the studio with bass guitarist Colin Stevenson, myself on drums. I then flew in... Didn't I have predicted that you did yes and then I flew in John's telephone messages during a Bell BD-80 digital delay sampler

triggered by the Boss DR 55 drum machine fucking cool and finally added some keyboards of course the detail in that bit

I love that detail so he's using a drum machine but he's using it for the voice samples yes yeah because he's triggering a drum machine, but he's using it for the voice samples. Yes. Yeah. Because he's triggering them like you would on a...

So he can mess with the tone and pitch and all sorts. Brilliant. And a sample of the SD-12 or whatever. We thought the track was pretty amusing and decided to send the cassettes to John Cole as a slightly defiant gesture with the title Dog and Bone by Johnny and the Anzaphones. His response was, I'm putting it out as a single. Oh, he put it out.

That's the one we got. It goes, and then I think the B-side may be the superior tune. I heard John had passed away last year. I never did get paid all the tapes back. At least there's a gentle reminder of Mr. Cole and his delightful telephone manner on a bit of rare vinyl. Cheers, Graham.

Fantastic. This is one of the best follow-ups we've ever had to a platter. Honestly, that's great. So, I was right in that he did it as a grudge. Yeah, but I just want to say one last thing. So, I replied to James and went, oh, that's really amazing. Thank you so much for following that up he didn't listen to the episode did he

apparently he did and he replied back to james saying congrats to all for a great and hilarious listen and hats off to the guys for both finding the record and broadly figuring out the motivation behind the creation of the track of course there would not have been any kind of release of the track had john cole not gone to the expense of taking it to Abbey Road to be mastered. Wow. And then having vinyls pressed up, which I guess was a form of vanity publishing on his part. But as they say, never trust a hippie. It's so funny because his tone is exactly like those nasty hippies.

Those hippies that get nasty. Because at the beginning of the track, he's all, oh, okay, man. Yeah. But what's he getting irate about though because i mean we'd have to re-listen to it again i guess i guess because he just felt like the guy was didn't call him back soon enough but why the check bounced if anything graham's completely right so i'm fucking ignoring you you wasted my time and didn't pay me you haven't paid so what are you getting angry about you've got the masters he sounds like a piece of work this John, doesn't he? Well he's dead now so fuck John Cole.

It's the voice of a dead man on that record as well. Yeah it is. It's spectral. Yeah. And that's as close as, by the

way, that's as close as this Halloween episode's going to get because it's not a Halloween episode yet. We don't have the time for it.

Don't have the time. I'm sick. What? There's that book I've got. No we're not using that book.

The book of spells. I don't trust it. It's got flesh on it as a cover. I don't like that. That's just cow hide. It's not. You said there was a. I don't like that. That's just cowhide, I think. It's not.

You said there was a sticker in there saying, Real Human Flesh. Yeah, but they would do that in a book, wouldn't they? And written in blood. Anyway, yeah. No, we're not using it. We're not having it this week. I've read one of the spells.

No, you didn't. I did it in my room before you came over today. And what happened? Nothing. Oh, I'm possessed by a ghost. Oh. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Oh.

So he did it as a grudge but then John took it and wanted to John was wow John went I'm going to

twist this flip it and reverse it and make something of it it was John's label so that's why

he's in Darlington but John is from County Durham weird little story but nice to have a little bit of closure on that so thank you

Graham and James for conversating yeah thank you so much. That was really fascinating. And the record exists as a sort of rip-off. It's weird.

It's sort of stolen, isn't it? Yeah. The whole thing reeks of it only exists out of spite vibe. Crazy. And it must be incredibly rare as well. Because think about it, Graham made it out of spite

and then John Cole released it out of spite. And then no one wins? It's just that it ends up on this stupid fucking podcast. Yeah. 30, 40 years later. Amazing.

Really, really great. Thank you. If anything, it's given us a little bit more honour to own this now, I guess. Absolutely. Thank you very much for letting us know. Is it James? James, it is indeed. Thank you.

Thanks, James. Thanks for listening, mate. Thank you very much. You particularly, James. You're my favourite man. Are you envisioning him taking a big load of your info semen? I hope James is mouth agape. Taking a big load of your info semen? I hope James is mouth agape. Taking a huge load of your info semen.

Taking gobbles and gobbles of my humour load. How about that? Squaff. Squaff off my choggly bonk honker. Bonk honker on. Bonk honker. Susie, this podcast cannot give up on the English language completely. Chuff off my Sponk Conker.

We're moving on. My Sponk Conker. Shut up! Hello. It's time for Gannon's Golden Games. It's that part of the show where I, a board game enthusiast, It's that part of the show where I, a board game enthusiast, brings forward a game to talk, discuss, play, evaluate, dissect.

Join me for a Gannon's Golden Games. Hi, Paul. Yes, it's Gagaguy. And I'm pleased to be here with you. Now, I just want to add to your little introduction there. By saying, don't talk to him, all right, people, about card games. Don't even mention them to him. Don't do that. Don't even... Don't step up.

Don't touch a card game without washing your hands. Don't step up to me. He can sniff card game on your fingers if you've been handling card games. I grab your hands and I raise them to my nose.

He sniffs them hard. He sniffs it hard. You've been playing Uno, haven't you? He's got Uno. He knows the smell of Uno. You fucking Uno pig cunt. Get out of my fucking house.

I'll just do a little version of the jingle. I can smell poker reeking off you. You stink of poker. Even if it's digital. Even if it's digital. I've been having a really good run on... Chinese pineapple open hand poker face Chinese, which I play every Monday or Tuesday.

Pineapple poker, what's that? You should learn. We could pass some time. Oh. No, what have I just said? Don't come after me again. You knew. No, how about no?

How about no? A nice reference to the 90s films, Austin Powers. How about no? How about no? He doesn't say. He says, how about now? He says, how about no? How about no?

How about no? God, that sucks. You crazy Dutch bastard. Or whatever it is. That was more like Cartman. I can't do voices. Paul. It's Ganon's Golden Games.

It's Ganon's Golden Games. Here I am, a derry-o, a Ganon's Golden Games. Pop. All right, what about this? Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga. Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga. I push it to me. I derry-o.

I'm looking down from there. Sponk my concoct. Mate, that's just fucking garbage and bollocks. This is garbage. I'll show you garbage. That's gubbage. You're showing me gucoff. Mate, that's just fucking garbage and bollocks. This is garbage. I'll show you garbage. That's gubbage. You're showing me gubbage, mate. It's similar but different.

I've got a fucking whole garbage tray. Your fucking testicles look like four-fifths of the plastic. Fifths? Four-fifths of the plastic bag. Pig knuckles. You get from the butcher. Trotter gollops. This episode has just given up.

Well, it's a shit game, isn't it, Paul? Right, look, listen. We're going to keep this one brief, right? Here's the thing. So, one board game we've never had on the podcast, mainly because I just don't care for it, is Mastermind, right? We've never talked about it

because I didn't feel like there was much to talk about. It's a kind of code-breaking type game where you have multicoloured pegs and through a process of elimination and guesswork, you have to figure out the code that's hidden behind the little shield. It's a two-player game. There's one person who creates the code, the secret code, and then there's a player

who takes progressive guesses. You try and get it in the least guesses. So it was invented in 1970 by a guy called Mordecai Marowitz, I believe. Oh, that's much earlier than Kensington, actually. It was shown at a toy fair picked up by a plastics company called invicta plastics based in leicester uk they purchased the rights uh refine

the game further it was released in 1971 possibly 72 oh that's much earlier than i thought the game actually this is quite interesting the game was based on a paper-based game called bull and cows and a computer adaptation was run in the 1960s on a cambridge university titan computer system and the game was then called moo oh i mean without getting into the weeds of it bull and cows obviously is a very similar kind of code breaking type game yeah so he didn't really invent shit i mean no obviously he interpreted and developed it into a board game kind of thing and took it off the paper i mean seriously but think about hangman as a toy you know like mb games released hangman did Did they? Yes.

And it came with that big plastic dial that when you turned it, it showed a little bit more of the gallows being built. It showed a bit more. Yeah. But they could have made one where you actually built the gallows. I mean, there was versions like that. There is versions like that. But that's giving it something else.

What I'm saying is, with Mastermind, it's literally, you could just do it all with paper just as easily. Yes. Do you see what I'm getting at? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you can. But that's the point paper just as easily. Yes. Do you see what I'm getting at? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you can. But that's the point. As we found.

Yes. But you develop it and you turn it into a physical toy that you can package and market. They had so many different versions of Mastermind. They was like, they tried to make it, this is what I mean with the sort of-

They didn't have that many. They just had like Super Mastermind, which had- But they had like Executive Mastermind or like- Well, I mean, it says here there's, I mean, Christ.

There's a lot, aren't there? Again, without getting into the weeds of it there's mastermind the version called bagels royal i'm sorry bagels yes it's called bagels it's called mastermind bagels no it's just called bagels oh well i don't need more there is no more i want it i want bagels it is bagels everything bagels or poppy seed? Bagels! There's also Royale Mastermind. Royale with cheese? I'm getting hungry.

Mastermind 44. Oh, fucking 44! Which apparently is a four-player version of the game. Super Mastermind, Deluxe Mastermind, Advanced Mastermind, Word Mastermind. Mini Mastermind, Number Mastermind, Mini Mastermind, Number Mastermind, Electronic Mastermind. Fucking hell. This is all by 1977.

Six years after it's been made. There's Supersonic Electric Mastermind. There's Walt Disney Mastermind, Mini Mastermind, Mastermind Challenge, Parker Mastermind, Mastermind for Kids, Mastermind Secret Search, Mastermind Handheld Electronics by Hasbro, New Mastermind, Mini New Mastermind. Whoa. That's as far as i think it goes without getting into video game adaptations and things

like that that's like the fucking list of pringles flavors not as many but yeah we got there you see what i mean they kept repackaging it so i think it's it's very much a forerunner of what they do with all their fucking games titles these days yeah reskinning isn't it and all of them have had since 1973 most of these adaptations the box art has always featured a photograph of a man in a suit jacket seated in the foreground with a young asian woman standing behind them they are two amateur models bill woodward and cecilia fung and they reunited in june 2003 to pose for another publicity's photograph many many years years later. Like you do. Very much an internet age

sort of conceit to do that, isn't it? Yeah. It's very much a Facebook post sort of thing. These two were still married and here's their shot of them at Woodstock or whatever. You know, that one goes, don't they look old and not as I remember them? And you think, yes.

It's been 40 years. Yeah, no, but that's like what the tabloid is like. Look at this old cunt now. Look, this person has aged I can't believe she's an ugly bitch now and not a young model like she was in the time it's like people fucking

fat shaming us on YouTube isn't it fucking why are you three so fat said the man who else is fat they took us to the video with Ashton's in and some guy goes

oh you all look fat and I was like what we're middle aged for a start we can fuck off yes and we're unhealthy. The seeds don't fit. And who gives a fuck?

Fuck off. I bet he's sitting there with, like, soup on his guts, and he's fucking got biscuits all over his knees. Who knows? No, he might be, you know, he might be... What, like an athlete? Yeah. And he sits there commenting on fat cunts on YouTube.

Disgusted at us fat middle-aged guys. Well, then he must never stop typing, because that's all YouTube is. Rows and rows of fat people reviewing shit things. Mastermind. And we're proud to be fart about fat contingent. I'm proud to be fart as well. Fart contingent.

Fart contingent. I'm going to start with the choffings in the second part. Robert Redford, the fart contingent. I'm going to start janking off the chops. No, we've done enough. We've already exceeded our chod manifesto limit. Okay, now, did you ever play this at the time? I never really wrapped my head around it,

and I'm not a logically-minded person, if that makes sense. It goes into my problems with numbers and stuff, you know? Yes, it's good of you to admit that. But hey, it doesn't matter, because this is Word Mastermind, and Eli, what is it, basically? It is Wordle, before Wordle was Wordle. Like 40 years before, right? Absolutely, and I don't think the inventor... I've read an article about the inventor of wordle i don't

think he was aware of mastermind i would i mean maybe the back of his head maybe but maybe just like they're taking the bull and cows game and turned it into this exactly some way he's taking that and made it into a digital version of but it's better his version because you you know the position you can see the actual letters go green and you know that that's the right letter in the right position but that's because the game has to give you a quicker hit of success it's a better game it's a better game wordle is actually it actually just in those small details the small changes it is incredibly addictive and i've loved wordle from i didn't do it at first because it was a big sort of um you know trendy thing did you squirtle over wordle did i didn't and i thought oh fuck this this is this is such stupid but then when i played it i thought i was

hooked almost immediately right it is the perfect duration and challenge it just is just it just is fun but it's a little escape and it doesn't take it doesn't distract you from other things during your day no it's just a little moment you have for yourself where you have a little challenge and i just think that's why it's so hugely successful it's just that that just the exact time and little reward little endorphin reward i love a bit of wordle and i was uh i was a big arises first word man boring old fuck shit. But then I went to Trace. But now, do you know what the... I have lost all fucking interest.

Do you know what the best starting word now is these days? Chod. Slate. Slate. Chod is four letters. No, you spell it with two Ds at the end, don't you? I've always spelled it with two Ds. Oh, did you?

It's got a hard double D ending to Chod. Why did you have to spell Chod at all? Because you worked in the Chod factory? No, because my new company I'm setting up. And then your boss was called Crafty Grampian. No. Who came along and said, Who in the chod factory no because my new company I'm setting up and then your boss was called crafty grampian who came along and said

who's your chod I'm going to fucking stop you right now from saying any more bullshit words write down the name chod

I'm chaffney grampian it's my new business I'm setting up for 2024 called chod enterprises does chaffney have to play a role no chaffney

is my subsidiary food based company chod is just basically board games ephemera gadgets toys chehefany is my subsidiary food based company chod is just basically board games ephemera gadgets toys uh chehefany is my uh new age stuff you know my my oils my soaps it's a whole world it's a whole world that i've mentally checked out of my own conceit doing listen i want to get into this bit right because i want to get into mastermind back to mastermind mate so this is wordle but it uses the same basic

conceit as mastermind now i will say this you're right your version wordle gives you a quicker uh sense of reward right because the challenge is quick as possible right and those little green tiles give you a little thrill oh it's exciting it's compact this is different because it's two player i don't want you to guess the word i've got, right? Which is why the signifiers of what words are correct and not are vaguer here. Well, you don't get position. You get two different pegs, a white peg and a black peg. So I'll guess the four-letter word. That's the other difference.

Wordle is five letters. But it doesn't have to be a word. Yes. You could just play it with just the letters as the symbols. You could, but I think the idea is, because it uses the... Otherwise, it would be called letter mastermind, I guess. Yeah, no, it should be a word

and that's the... It's fairer because it allows a more logical deduction. Yeah, yeah. Because I know words. Because Wordle would be almost impossible, right?

If it was just random fucking shit. Well, it would be a different game. Yeah. It is the fact that it's a word and it makes you think about spellings in English

that gives you that extra... You see what I mean? Yeah. And I'm surprised that this never took over, took off rather, as a version of Mastermind because it is more fun

where you use real words and I'll tell you why I didn't take off. Because it's fiddly, fucking messy, It's a piece of shit. Because basically, you have like Scrabble tiles,

you have letters but there's loads of them and when I opened the box, hundreds of letters of the alphabet poured out of them, we had to separate it all up and buy a tiny,

little fiddly, little pieces of paper basically. And you can't even like, you don't even have a little box to separate them out and we had to separate it all up on tiny little fiddly little pieces of paper basically and you can't even like you don't even have a little box to separate them out and put a lid on

if that had a little lid it'd be fine you could stick them in there all the time but no it doesn't so everything just falls out and scatters across the box

so you spend hours setting up for a 15 minute game I think they got the plastic nice because they're basically a plastic manufacturer

but with the rest of the game design the letters are terrible should we have a little game of it so basically you choose your four letter word you put it behind the little shield that i've got here the shield and then i will guess yeah and you'll guess by putting letters from the pack of letters in the grid like like the countdown letters and then you use the black or white pegs yeah and use a black peg if i've got a letter that is correct and in the right position and white for any letters that are in the wrong position

that are in the word. And I don't have to put them. And so if there's no letters in the word, you just don't give me any pegs. No. And I would like a good old pegging

today, Paul, from you, please. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you stopped. This is troubling shit. Cockney, Cockney Chestnut. Do you want to just kill this podcast right now?

Do you want to end it for good? I'm ready to play, Paul. Let's play. Right, I have chosen a word. Now, is it an actual word? It is an actual word. It's not bluff or chow or chow. Glugl.

You know, I've picked a proper word that people use. Okay. Now, I'm going to make my first guess, Paul, using these little really fiddly bullshit things. Yeah, this game is so fiddly and off-putting to play. I can see why you just want an electric version of this, you know? Absolutely. But they still kept making the board game after an electronic version came out.

Yeah, because I guess it's just, it's an easy way to sell it. It's kind of iconic, isn't it, the board game itself, because of the artwork and things. It is both slightly racist and misogynistic. I mean, I don't understand the idea behind it. He's the mastermind, so he's meant to be like a Bond villain, isn't he? Oh, you're challenging him to be him and then like she's the

femme fatale or something. No, she's more like it's aspirational for the bloke, isn't it? It's like you could be the mastermind. Yeah, because look

what I've got. I've got an exotic wife and a couch. That kind of stuff wouldn't fly these days. But obviously this wasn't, this is

awarded apparently a game of the year. But the industry's moved on so much because there's a whole big industry for board games in sort of adult board games in Germany now isn't it

Ratzenberger and all of that so what I'm saying is yeah she didn't mind obviously because she came and did it became iconic in 2003 so yeah I'm not saying it's but they also

reshot them for other variations of Mastermind yes and it was part of it like you say it's part of the sort of trademark. It's part of the identity of the game. But wouldn't fly these days, would it? In terms of the sexism.

It would and it wouldn't. At this point, it's probably ironically detached enough that you could just get away with it. Okay. I've got to think of my first word here. So Eli's going to have a little think about what word he's going to put down. Remember, it's four letters.

How many are consonants? How many are vowels? Where do you put the most popular? I'm going to, down four letters how many are consonants how many are vowels where do you put the most popular I'm going to from my wordle knowledge I'm going to try and get some

so he's going to use his wordle skills now to try and beat me the word games master what was it word mastermind you're the word mastermind here Paul

yeah do you have any sort of tea I've got some oolong tea because when you order it it doesn't come for 20 minutes and I went why is it taking so long oolong tea. Because when you order it, it doesn't come for 20 minutes. And I went, why is it taking so long?

Oolong. Ah, fuck. Brilliant. Brilliant from you. I've made my first guess. All right. Okay. And what is your first guess, Mr. Silverman?

Cash. Cash. How many white pegs? How many black pegs, please? Three white, one black. Ooh. So you've got... Oh, my God.

I'm going to smack this down. You've got one letter in the correct position. But all the other letters are in the word. No, the white means... Oh no, so in that case, just one black peg. Just one black. Sorry, yes, I keep forgetting. The white means it's in the wrong position, but is the right letter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sorry, I got you excited. So say again, what was the word again? Your pegging really got me off. Yes. Let me... Let me... Imagine someone trying to peg someone with one of these pegs.

It would just be lost in the anus for good. Unless you had a really small anus. I mean, yeah, even so, you could pop them in with a pinhead or something. It doesn't really matter, Eli. One black peg. What was the word you said? Cash. Yeah.

Yeah, in that case, just one black peg. So which letter do I think it is, Charmity Charm? Well, you'll find out with your next guest i'm gonna find out in my next because that's how it's a process of elimination now it doesn't make for completely exciting content but i have put a porn music background to this to spice the segment up so if you like you can jack it to this segment of the show no no in fact while eli's picking a word let me talk dirty to you oh i like your tits or your willy whichever whatever you want oh i love your bottom everyone's got bottoms you can't get involved with that oh i love bottoms

do you want to see my bottom oh here's my bottom no paul you're actually if you hurry up then i can't hurry up because you already i don't talk to all the bees are falling out they've all gone everywhere i'm taking out my willy. Oh, it's so proud. Oh, it's so hard. I could crack a toffee with it. Oh, I could crack a toffee. Steve Francis never said that, did he? Hack, cunt.

I've said cunt too much this week. I need to calm down. Paul, can you... I need to calm down. I can't concentrate. All right. I'll just put the Paul music on while you're doing that.

Everyone wants me to talk sexy, though, don't they? You do. You listening do. James does. James does. Everyone wants me to talk dirty to him. How about this? Oh, I love gash.

Come on, what's your next word? It is buck. B-U-C-K. I don't think you've guessed that word. No pegs. Nothing. No pegs in your second attempt. So now your third attempt.

So it's not the C from the first one that was right. No. I still haven't used an E, which is the most common letter in every word. True. Well, you know, you've got a third attempt now. Third attempt. Oh, I know what I'm going to... Oh, he knows what she's going or he knows what i know what my guess is yeah if you want this is just a pain in the ass yeah you know what how about you could literally not play it without the board just right

tell you what play this in your head how about eli you just write it in this book i know it's fucking ridiculous this game it's a huge pain in the ass put it all to one side and we'll just do the speed version where you don't need these fucking tiles and grid. Fucking stupid, isn't it? I mean, what's the fun in this? I mean, it's a pre-internet, I guess, but still. But think, you could just do it with a whiteboard. Do it with pen and paper, mate. You could put a whiteboard flat on a table and play the same game. You could do it in your head if you had a good memory. Yeah, I don't, can't do that, don't. No, you haven't got a memory for that. So he said cash first, then it was book. Cash, I get one black peg. Fuck, I get no pegs.

My next guess is seed. S-E-E-D. No pegs. Fuck. How many goes do you get, by the way? We will at least keep to that. One, two, ten. Ten.

So this is his next one. Anyway, while he's doing that. Seed nothing. Got a great big willy. It's big, nice and thick. Looks like a... Oh, we really don't need to hear this. Looks like a leprechaun's neck.

What does a leprechaun's neck look like? Thick and veiny. I thought they were small leprechauns. Yeah, but they are. That's why I'm saying by comparison, you could put my penis next to a leprechaun's neck and you wouldn't tell them apart. Well, how am I going to get the neck off the leprechaun?

If you just get him to lie on the ground and I just shuffle up... It doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter. Are you going to go and decapitate a leprechaun and then you get your knob out? My penis looks like a goblin's wrist. Come on, move it on.

What's the next word? Paul, I'm worried that I'm talking across the mic to you. It's fine. I haven't got a good position on the mic. Why are you still using the pegs? Just keep writing. Put the pegs... put the tiles down. You don't need any of that no more.

This is seven minutes, and I thought it was going to be more like four. Oh, I've got moisture on my muff. You've got moisture on the muff. Can you just put everything down and just start writing? So, he said cash, and then book, and then what? Seed. Seed. There's no E's. That means there's no E's in theed. Seed. So what's the next one?

There's no E's. That means there's no E's in the fucking word. No U's. No. It must be the A. It must be the vowel that is in the word. Come on. Oh, black, and it's in the right place.

So I reckon there's an A in the second place here. All right. Okay. Well, pick a word then, ducks. Meanwhile, I'm going to talk more dirty. Okay. Oh, I've got skiddies. I've got dirty brown skin.

That's hot. Hot, skinny action. I've got my... Why have you got more and more degenerate? They're my sex stripes. And my little yellow pouch of lust.

Oh, come on. Yellow pouch of lust? My little stained yellow lust pouch. Oh, come on. Yellow pouch of lust? My little stained yellow lust pouch. Oh, mate. You've got all pee-pee poopoo. Some people like it. Lemonade. Coprophilia. I'd like to copophilia.

Yeah, I would. I'm going to guess land. L-A-N-D for my fourth guess. No pegs. Fuck! What the fuck then? And I'm not cheating. It's a proper word.

It's got it right here. I haven't fiddled with it. It's right on the table out of his reach of sight. Reach of sight. What did I guess? Hand. Yeah. No pegs. No pegs. He started off so well with a black peg. There's no fucking vowels left. There is. There's a very obvious vowel you've missed. I don't get it.

Goth. Look at me like that. Write it down. I've written it down. Goth. No pegs. No, I don't want no pegs. A peg ain't gonna solve this word for you.

Written on the passenger's side of my master word mind. Try to follow me. Come and look at my skits. Sexy old skids in a yellow little patch of lust sitting on the front of my keg

I can't concentrate if you keep talking about skids and yellow patches the yellow patch gang my little pissy patch of love come to me

flitter flutter shut up I'm confused it's not tea because there's no tea so there is tea I said goth

with a T And you said no Okay so white peg in that case Fuck's sake Paul I forgot that one So white peg You fucking prick White peg

You go off in your own little fantasy world I'm trying to play Ganon's golden fucking games here You're going golden showers Yeah You never give me your pillow You just splash in my face with urine. And when the middle of, when I'm yawning, you drop. A white.

Yeah, a white. For goth, I've got one white peg. Yeah. So it's not in that position. It's not in the second position. No. What's your next word after goth? Come on, pick it up.

Hood. No pegs. Why would you write hood when you know two? Oh, I on, pick it up. Hood. No pegs. Why would you write hood when you know two... Oh, I don't understand you. Hoot. Black peg. Hang on, and the seed is no pegs? Seed is...

A white peg. You fucking cunt! You fucking arsehole! There's no point playing with you! I would have got it so much quicker, you twat. It's hard this game, isn't it? It's not hard. It's hard when you try and play it.

You've got the fucking words right in front of you. You twat, man. This is so ridiculous. Right. I'll tell you what. Start from the top and read the letters again. I'll do it better. Go on.

So the first one was cash. So that was a black peg. Right. Next word was what? Buck. Definitely no pegs. Then we had seed. A white peg. Then we had goth. And that was a white peg. Okay.

Now I'm not going to... I'm going to take back Hoot. Yeah, fine. That's fine. Because you cheated. No, I'm not cheating. It was just me being shit. I'd rather be known as a shit than a cheat. Okay. It's getting dark in here now, isn't it? It's getting very dark. Time for L'Amour.

No, it's time for a spooky time. Go on. Because I can't get that book of spells. No, we're not doing anything Halloween-y this week. No one knows it. All our themed Halloween episodes are at least downloaded. I've got Keith as well. No, Keith is a past Cheap Show item.

No, he's still real. It's very much a past tense item. He still speaks to me. It's Generation 2 Cheap Show. This is Generation 3 now. He speaks to me in my dream. Keith comes to me in my dreams. We're not doing any Halloween content, mate, so just deal with that this week. Everyone can deal with it. No one needs it

and I don't need to edit spooky, spooky sound effects. I'm going to do you a word. This is now 28 minutes we've been doing this. It's meant to be five. List. Three black pegs. Yeah, here we fucking go. And what are you on to now? What guess is this? Like six or seven?

No, no. We've got cash, buck, seed, goth, list. How many is that? Five. I've had five guesses. Yeah. Right, but I've got three black... Three black pegs. Missed. Three black pegs. Howed. Three black pegs.

How many guesses have you got? You've got three left. Four left. I can't think of another word. Come on. I'm Black Peg, the saltiest of sea dogs, and I want to suck your cock. Chissed. Three black pegs.

Three guesses left. Fist. Four black pegs. Yeah, I got it. Broke the code. Look, just to see I'm not cheating. There you go. There it is.

Congratulations. Well done. Do you feel a sense of pride and achievement? I'm just, I'm confused that this game exists. That it's a fiddly pointless game. That they could sell it to someone. All you'd need were the rules, and then you could do it on paper. Just gridded paper. Well, look, there is. It's called Bull were the rules, and then you could do it on paper, just gridded paper.

Well, look, there is. It's called Bull and Cows, apparently. So there you go. Amazing. So that's why I don't feel like the Wordle guy should feel guilty, even if he did get the idea from this. He streamlined it and made it just much better. But also, Mastermind in its original form succeeds in the fact that it's got those little coloured

pegs, and it's got a more tactile play to it. Yeah, and there are those little pegs, and there's this, you know, it's got a more tactile play to it. Yeah, and those little pegs and they're much easier to handle and sort than these terrible tiles. And it feels more tactile to play.

It feels more of a reason to be like that. This feels like they sort of rushed it out and they didn't want to spend any money actually developing a different version

of the game which had letters. It was like the success of Tetris, wasn't it? Tetris came out, Hatris, 3D Tetris, Super Tetris, Tetris this. Nah, the purest version is the game which had letters. It was like the success of Tetris, wasn't it? Tetris came out, Hatris, 3D Tetris, Super Tetris,

Tetris this. No, the purest version is the best. Leave it be. So, Eli, word mastermind, is it a Ganon's Golden Games

or a... No, we're not doing this with every single segment. I did not like this game. All right, you didn't like it. I think it's a real rip-off in a way. And the way that they kept...

It's not a rip-off. It's a rip-off. It's a rip-off. It's like saying tic-tac-toe by executive tic-tac-toe. Tic-tac-toe. Tic-tac-toe. I'll fucking play that. I'll fucking play tic-tac-toe. Come on, love.

Do you want to play tic-tac-toe? I've got a train of chuff me cockness. Here, geezer. I've got conker spodney. Here, geezer. Do you want a little bit of splix-plack-toe? Dix-plack-toe. Exterminate. Experminate. Conker Spodney. Here, Giza, do you want a little bit of splixplacto? Dixplacto?

Exterminate? Experminate? I'm going to play Quimtac. Anyway, look, let's just tap out right now while we can. This was a nice little sojourn into the world of Word Mastermind. But both of us both agree, not for us. Maybe your opinions will differ. Leave a comment below.

Okay. Not you. I've heard your comments. Oh, my comment? Yeah. I don't like Paul Leave a comment below. Okay. Not you. I've heard your comments. Oh, my comment. Yeah. I don't like Paul and he's fat. Oh. But I'm old.

Oh, but you're... Post. And so the ongoing content creation king, Paul Gannon, dies again inside. Paul, also... No, that's it. We're done. The Mind of the Druid. I've been reading this. This has been 46 minutes.

I've been reading this book. It's been 86 minutes, this. I've been reading this book. We've been playing this game for one hour and 48 minutes. I've been reading this book.'s been 46 minutes. I've been reading this book. It's been 86 minutes, this. I've been reading this book. We've been playing this game for one hour and 48 minutes. I've been reading this book. The Mind of the Druid. Yes. Good.

See you next time on Cheap Show. That's this segment done. We're going to do Off Brand Brand Off now. I want you to address me by my druid name. Oh, fuck off. Do you know what that is? Come splatter off my charka ding-do, fuddly-bing-dass, doddly-hop-hop,

bonky-donk-chonk-man from the planet Gribble-grob-grab-slap-diddly-ging-dong-fop-fop. How did you guess? Well, it was written on your passport. God. See you in a minute. Press that fucking button. Paul, I've had a little talk to myself. Oh, here we do.

Here we go. Here we are. I've had a little word, and it's fine. I'm going to behave. I'm going to behave. I'm ready for the next section of the show. You've had a nice, stern talking to yourself, have you? It was a vigorous, brief. But stern.

A brief, but extremely hard, vigorous, strong, swift words coming out my mouth to me. Yes, I was saying. Yes, you like. Yeah, I thought I was going to let that pan out. It's Off Brand Brand Off, everybody. Off Brand Brand Off. Off Brand Brand Off.

Off Brand Brand Brand Off. Brand Off. Which is the segment of the show where I, Eli Silverman, super taster extraordinaire of the podcast, will taste two separate products or more. And we've got more today. See if I can distinguish with my mouth hole alone what is the branded product and what is the off brand. For two reasons, I'll tell you which is the best tasting in my humble view. And also, whether it's worth getting the cheap one, because it's almost as good.

Yeah, sometimes that's the point. Not whether one's best, but whether you get better value for money with an off-brand brand. Yes. And we found recently on this segment of the show, we've done products where the off-brand product is tastier. Tastier. Essentially.

The Pop-Tart was better, wasn't it? Yeah. I mean, that was not saying much, though. But it was noticeably better. Yes. And the Kinder... The Bueno Bar, or whatever it's called. The vegan one was surprisingly nice.

Yeah, but not the vegan Kit Kat. No. I could tell the vegan Kit Kat a mile away. No, we did that in the 350 stream, which you can see on YouTube right now. I'll celebrate the 350 stream that we did. Paul, what will I be taste testing on today's segment off-brand brand off thanks to the wonderful tom from channel 84 this is all part of that

package of stuff he gave us this is a off-brand brand off where he got two certainly more popular mccoy's flavors so mccoy's crisps we have covered in the past they're thick crinkle cut crisps and boy how do they're tasty and crunchy. I just think they've got a kind of cultish following. Here we go. What does that even mean? I think some people, the way that you're like, oh, Jaws. The cult of McCoy.

The Blues Brothers. I love the Blues Brothers and I dress up. Some people have McCoy's every day. Dress up as crisps? No, as the Blues Brothers. Oh, I'm going to go to that fancy dress party as a McCoy's crisp. Because I am part of the cult of McCoy. I just think people,

some people like McCoy's. All I'm saying, the cultish aspect is, in my experience, people who like McCoy's really like McCoy's and they get pissed off, for example, when they're getting a meal deal and the McCoy's isn't available or something. When they kick off.

I'm not having that walker shit. They kick off about it, yeah. Well then, they need to get out more. Paul, just briefly, what are your thoughts on McCoy's? I like them. When I'm in the mood, I like. They kick off about it, yeah. They need to get out more. Paul, just briefly, what are your thoughts on McCoy's? I like them. When I'm in the mood, I like them because they have nice, distinct flavours. And the texture's good.

It's very robust texture, yeah. Yeah. Bolder. You know what I mean? Bolder. And they've got their own version of the classics like cheese and onion. Yes. And salt and vinegar.

But what two flavours do we have today? Well, the reason why we have these two flavours is because Tom went to, I think, an Aldi or a Lidl or whatever and found matching crisps to these brands. Knock-off versions. Yeah, so we have Thai sweet chicken and flame-grilled steak. And then we have a company called SnackRite, and we have featured them on plenty of occasions on this podcast.

Yeah, with crisps and snacks and chocolates and all sorts. Are they the Lidl in-house? Potentially, yes. Charlatan brand. Their brand is basically called Ridged, thick-cut variety, and they have Thai sweet chicken, and they have flame-grilled steak. And, you know, as far as we can see to the eye, to the flavour palette, they are identical.

And they've gone for a real rip-off on the colour is identical for the flavours. That kind of, what is it, like turquoise-y kind of thing. The Thai chicken and a brown for the steak. Brown steak. And they've copied almost every aspect of the classic McCoy's design with the lettering. Because that's it. The typeface and everything. That's part of the appeal, isn't it?

You're scanning your eyes for crisps in a little oldie and you go, oh, that looks like the brand that we usually get. I know, but it's like a con, isn't it? It's trying to fool people into thinking. Only if it's shit. If they're not shit, it's not a con. It's savvy. Another thing I've noticed, these packets,

the knockoff, the rigged, rigged, sorry. Rigged. And bigger, aren't they, than the McCoy's packets? They are, and bigger. Yeah, they are sharing packs. They notify that in the corner. Yeah, but, and these are grab bags, are they? Grab they, than the McCoy's packets? They are, and bigger. Yeah, they are sharing packs. They notify that in the corner. Yeah, but, and these are grab bags, are they? Grab packs, the actual McCoy's.

They're your meal deal kind of sandwich size these days. Right, look, hey, no beating about the bush. Eli, I'm going to have to ask you to put on your blindfold now. I'm happy to do that, Paul. How do you think I'm going to do? I don't know, because I don't know how close this is going to be. It'll probably come down to the texture of the crisp and that whether the one flavor tastes more robust than the other i guess

okay and we're going to do them one at a time so we're going to do we'll do flame grill first i mean it's up to you do you want to do the i don't want to alternate because that'd be no no we're not alternating but what i'm saying is which pair do you want to do first do you want to do the pair of sweet thai chicken first or the grilled steak ones first? Let's say the sweet Thai chicken, please. You want to get that started? I think, yeah. All right, okay. It doesn't say chili.

It just says sweet Thai. Weird. Sorry, yeah. Have I been saying chili? Yeah, it's just Thai sweet chicken. No, you haven't. But it struck me. Perhaps it's got no heat in it,

which is why they don't say chili. But they're almost... I mean, that's the thing. They're exactly phrased the same. They could have easily said sweet Thai chicken, but it's Thai sweet chicken. It's still beat for beat, trying to be the same thing. Exactly.

So I've got these now. I've opened both packs. I'm going to have a little private huff. I'm going to do a lot of huffing here. Okay. But again, you're right. Maybe it's going to be less thick cut, the knockoff, which would be closer to what walkers do.

They're less chunky, the walkers-ridged crisps. McCoy's going for an outdoorsy branding, aren't they? Like a lumberjack would have. They're like lumberjacks crisps, aren't they? It's a lumberjack because it's a big chopping slice. It's a big chunk of wood, isn't it? It's like a chopper. They're trying to say it's like a log.

The crisp is like a log. It's that chunky. Put a log in your gob. I knew as soon as I said log. Log in your gob. Log in your gob. Log in your gob. Log in your gob.

Log in your gob. Log in your gob. Chod on my spot. Alright. Okay. Here is your first crisp. I'm going to get the niff-naff-noff going as soon as you put it in my hand. Here we go.

Try and pick a similar size. I have already done this. It's fine. The ridges might be different. You just don't know. Now, what are we doing? The Thai sweet chicken. This is Thai sweet chicken.

So I'm going to ask you to give it a huff and give us your first impressions. Oh, there's a very sweet odour. Just carry on talking over me, why don't you? It's only in the middle of a sentence. Sorry. Just saying. Now, go on.

What was the odour? I'm getting a sweet oh sorry i'm just gonna enjoy this for no real reason i'm just saying something about records okay uh it's sweet um but with a background of sort of a chicken stock or chicken soup sort of oh okay all right interesting right he's giving it a huff so now it is up to him and there's a potato there potato there, obviously. But I can't tell from that smell. I don't know what to think about what it is. How about this smell? No, don't. Please, please. That tastes like sweet chicken.

Is that real? Log in your gob. Was that real? It's because you pushed it, mate. It's real. Oh, it's so real. It's too real. I'm taking the blindfold off. Too true too real. I'm taking the blindfold off.

Too true for real. I'm taking the blindfold off. Too true for real. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to open a window. I can't do this. It's fine. It's fine.

It's all right. It's all right. I'm looking for it. That's the problem. How am I going to know what's the crisp and what's the guff? It's not. It's fine. Okay.

Come on. Did you make that noise with your mouth and your hand? You'll never know. You'll never know. It sounded too dry for one of yours. Yeah, it was that. Was it? You'll never know.

Maybe I'm a good arse mimic. Okay. Right. So go on. Eat this crisp. Okay. This is the first of my Thai chicken variants. Yes.

In it goes. Right. Go variants. Yes, in it goes. Right, go on. I've heard that before. Paul. Yeah. Do you know what that flavour reminds

me of? Do you remember those, Biffo and Sanya brought those Chinese takeaway flavour crisps. Yes. That were really

nice. Had a little element of that to it. Okay. Did you like it? Was it all right? Yeah. Texture?

It tasted like a McCoy's, man. It really did taste like a McCoy's. Right. Well, here's the next crisp. Here we go. It maybe was a little thinner cut than a McCoy's. Oh, yeah. I can feel it in my hand.

This is a McCoy's because it's much more rigid and robust. Really? Yeah. Oh, worse flavour coming off the nose. More artificial flavour. I'm going to just say now, I've compared two of them,, worse flavour coming off the nose. More artificial flavour. I'm going to just say now, I've compared two of them, and the ridges are the same. I mean, just because I've got my eyesight on,

so I'll just confirm that they actually... No, but it's the feel of the ridge. I mean, look, I'm not telling you... You can't judge from the eye. Anyway, I'm having my own conclusion, okay? Of course. Yeah, thanks for helping. But the smell on this, it smells more artificial on the nose

and less amplitude. It's sort of, it's a thinner and more chemically smell. All right. Okay? Yeah. Yeah, that's the McCoy's. It's harder. It's more crunchy.

Okay. It's less of a, it's got more of a ridge in it. Flavour, very similar. Maybe slightly punchier, slightly sweeter, more sugary. Which one do you prefer, though? I think I prefer the flavour of the first one okay it did seem

it just felt more Thai like and it had more yeah it had more of a chicken element no more of a sort of curry exotic spice

sort of finish okay alright where this is sort of seems much more basic just the sweet just the kind of straight down the middle there's less spice on this one

so what do you want to say what was the first one? knock off? I really but then again if I was just going to go on the flavours alone I would was the first one knock off i really but then again if i was just going to go on the flavors alone i would say the first one was the mccoys because it had a better flavor profile all right but from recent episodes of this segment i've been fooled haven't i by that

quality i mean i've been fooled too we've both been hoodwinked but make a decision in terms of mouth feel and the texture i really think that the second one is mccoy's so what you want to do i think the second one is the mccoy's that's my guess okay okay and then the second the first one was the snack right yes but don't tell me now because it will give it away for the second yeah yeah i'm gonna move on to the second one now the next one is the flame grilled steak uh snack so here's your first one he's gonna taste like those peanuts we had steak flavored peanuts the other day didn't we oh yeah The next one is the flame-grilled steak snack. So here's your first one. These are going to taste like those peanuts.

We had steak-flavoured peanuts the other day, didn't we? Oh, yeah. Well, that didn't sit with me quite right. Anyway, hand out. I thought they were okay. So this is the first. This is the first. The ridges feel like McCoy's.

Oh, it's a very generic smell coming off that. Kind of beefy smell. Smells like barbecue beef flavour hula hoops okay blatantly like that uh in the biting goes and chunk and chunk and crunch it goes oh nice umami warmth as it as the as it as the crisp breaks down on that one nice salty sort of mouthfeel coming off the degenerating like licking an oxo yeah very stocky hmm pleasing and the texture definitely says mccoy's to me again with that really crunchy that sort of robust almost woody crunchiness you know next crisp then okay i've handed him the second oh this has got the ridges of the same size oh definitely from two separate bags man this flavor smells nicer it just feels more complex a little bit more nuanced

the smell of this a little bit more more going the smell of this. A little bit more going on. Yeah. Oh. This has got more flavour. Okay. What texture is like, though? Is it the same kind of texture? No, the texture is slightly softer again.

Oh, dear. I could get this wrong, exactly wrong on both crisps. You could if you fall for the same fallacy. Oh, bollocks. But, mate, I'm going to have to ask you to commit to an answer at this point now. You have a 10-second window to change your mind on the first one. The flavour feels better on the second one of those beefers. Right, okay.

It feels more present. The flavour's more present. Crisp number one, what do you think it was? McCoy's or Snack Rite? I think that was the Snack Rite. Okay. But then I might want to change for the first crisp. So does that mean you're committing to the second crisp in that one being McCoy?

Yeah, I am. McCoy, all right. And so what do you want to do with the first one now? Can again uh just quickly yeah just quickly i'm gonna give you both at the same time how about that we've never done this before this is exciting isn't it so what have i got in my you got both of them a tie i know they're the tie but is it number one from the original test or number two in which oh hang on so in your left hand yeah that is the first crisp you got the first time round okay all right yeah again kind of a weak smell oh much more coming off the second one and just to remind you you said um in the first instance the first crisp was snack right and

the second one was mccoy yeah in that instance okay what i'm gonna stick with that just i'm gonna lock this in now in the thai chicken case crisp one is snack right crisp two is mccoy yeah in the second steak case you said the first oneack Right, crisp two is McCoy. Yeah. In the second steak case, you said the first one was Snack Right and the second one was McCoy. So I got both, I guess both the same

for both ones. Right, here we go. Now, which one did you prefer in crisp one? Very close. They're very close. This is, wouldn't you agree? It was very close.

Very close. I've tested a few myself. Yeah, I know. I heard you. So I heard you crunching, which kind of is fine. And even with me knowing which one I was eating, it was still like, oh.

Yeah, very difficult. Basically, I went on. You're right. It was a fallacy, the thing with the texture. It was a fallacy. Yeah, because it depends on that particular person. They were the same. The same ridges.

They're the same ridges, essentially. But I just went with kind of more amplitude, more full of flavour, just more fully flavoured. So do you prefer both of those? And I do prefer them, yes. But which one? The ones that I believe that they're McCoy. So crisp number two

in both flavour profiles. You think you prefer. All right. Okay. So the first crisp, the Thai chicken, sweet chicken Thai crisp, you said was Snack Right

than McCoy. You were correct. The first one was Snack Right and the second was McCoy. Yeah. So that means for the second. Oh. You said it was Snack Right and McCoy again in that order. And you were correct. The first one was Snack Right and the second was McCoy. Yeah. So that means for the second. Oh. You said it was Snack Right and McCoy again in that order.

And you were wrong. In that case, it was McCoy first and then Snack Right. That was the second one. Ah. I, having had both, prefer the Snack Right. In both cases. I like the flavours more in both cases. Yeah.

Well, I definitely preferred the steak Snack Right. What about the Thai? I think the Thai, the McCoy's, is slightly nicer. I actually disagree. Really? I like the extra flavour of the spices of the snack, right?

Yeah, there's something else there, isn't there? There's more curry flavour to it. There's more of a curry. No, you're absolutely right, Paul. Yeah. It's very interesting, but in conclusion, even though I preferred the McCoy's...

No, I got it wrong, didn't I? What you thought was the McCoy's one, so it's didn't know what you thought with the mccoy's one so it's kept it's complicated now basically if you're into those kind of crisps those uh ridged ridges yeah they're probably a similar price for more crisps isn't it in terms of yeah where you're buying them then it's more likely than not that if you spend 80p on a regular size mccoy's those share ones probably gonna be like a pound 10 yeah i mean i didn't ask tom what the prices were unfortunately so yeah but much better value just on the face of it aren't they the brand off this is the outcome we like to see on the show where there's not a massive margin of error or

difference rather and you can go it doesn't matter which you put them in a big bowl in a table mix them together and no one would ever know no they would not and so well And so well done, Snack Right, on that. Unless they're just like taking someone around the back of the factory and they're like, those McCoys, put a few bags in here.

Well, that's the rumour that we need to get to the bottom of because it just keeps getting bandied about that, you know, Heinz also make the generic ketchup

for supermarkets and so on. So maybe McCoys do, maybe KP or whatever do it as well. Make it for Snack Right. I don't know, Paul. I do not know. We just don't know. So maybe McCoy's do. Maybe KP or whatever do it as well. Make it for snack right. I don't know, Paul. I do not know.

We just don't know. Oh, I'm enjoying crisps. They're good. They're nice crisps. Okay. Oh, joking on it. Oh, no. Are you really?

Oh, it's close. Oh. No, we're all right. Good. That could be my last episode, then. Well. I just don't know. We just don't know.

Can you give me the Heimlich manoeuvre I can give you I can give you the Lich manoeuvre I'll give you the give me a high Lich manoeuvre I can give you the fucking

fucking Conquer Train manoeuvre oh god we're shit right so let's move on to wrapping this show up but that was another successful

Lofbrand Brandoff well done diddle diddle diddle pop pop and that's it the cheap show this week and guess what

what the next few episodes are LA adventure you're gonna we don't know what's happened yet we haven't done them

this is recorded in the past but everything is recorded in the past yeah true that's in the definition recorded yeah everything

ever recorded is recorded in the past it's true so if you do it if you do it live ever recorded is recorded in the past. It's true. Get your mouth right. But if you do it live, then that's recorded in the now. But you could never record something in the future. So you get there. You never record something.

You always record in the now. Yeah, but then it's always the past. When you listen to it. Yeah, by definition. So could you project a sound into the future? Oh! Just throw a sound over there. Just throw a sound over there.

Why would that sound go into the future? Oh! Just casting it sound over there. Just throw a sound over there. Why would that sound go into the future? Is that... Just casting it ahead, aren't I? Yeah, I think you've managed it, Paul. Yeah. You should go into physics or something. Someone in the year 2525 is sitting here in this chair. 2525.

Sitting in this chair right now, or in this space, and all they hear is, Oh! What are they called? Zega and Zega? No, they're called Halaman Bob Dashiboff. Halaman Bob Dashinoff. And the Quirf.

Mate, you've ruined me. You've ruined word. No, the Quirf. The Quirf. The Quirf, everybody. I am the Quirf. Oh, I'm from the past, Quirf. Hello.

Are you all one person like the Borg or a different kind of alien? I am just known past, Quirf. Hello. Are you all one person like the Borg or a different kind of alien? I am just known as the Quirf. And how many of you are there? One. Right. So just more like Rumpelstiltskin or Golem or something. Yeah. Okay, good.

Cutting this out, I don't like him. Don't like the Quirf. Don't like him. Right. So thank you for listening to us once again. We're back next week. And yes, these next few episodes will be from our adventures in him. Right. So thank you for listening to us once again. We're back next week. And yes, these next few episodes will be from our adventures in LA. Let's see how that pans out.

If you want to see pictures that accompany our episodes or videos that sometimes accompany our episodes, you can go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. There is a page for every single episode bar the first 14. But you know what I mean. So go there. Also links to our social media, our videos, our YouTube page. It's all there. It's a one-stop shop, thecheapshow.co.uk.

Also, to everyone who supports us on Patreon, thank you so much. Thanks, guys. Again, we can go to LA and have these crazy adventures because of your support. We've put this money aside for years to get it going, and this is our adventure, and it wouldn't be possible without you so thank you and again, if you want to get involved

and help support the podcast, you can. It is patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can but only if you can. Only if you can. And there's years now

of magazines and podcasts and videos and behind the scenes stuff and magazines from event. It's all there. It's all beautiful. Go explore.

Have some fun. Support us if you can and that's it. It's all beautiful. Go explore. Have some fun. Support us if you can. And that's it. In it. You said magazine twice. I like magazines. I was hoping you'd say that. I did do that as well.

That's some blazing saddles. It is indeed. You can't make it no more these days. No, you can't. You can't. I've just had a little idea, Paul. Yeah. I've gone to see the Quirth.

Yeah. I said, hello, Quirth. The birth of the Quirth. Well, it wasn't the birth of the Quirth. Have you ever birthed the Quirth? No, don't do the birth. Birth, birth see the quurf. Yeah. I said, hello, quurf. The birth of the quurf. Well, it wasn't the birth of the quurf. Have you had a birth? No, don't do the birth. Birth, birth, quurf. Stop. I went to see the quurf.

Yeah. And I said, can I have tuppence worth? Tuppence worth of quurf. And he said yes. Yeah. And then I went, eh, eh, eh. It's a wanking thing again, mate. Come on.

No, this is good. Wait for it. Wait for it. I went, eh, eh, eh. Spurf. Okay, well, on that note. Worth it. Worth it. Admit it. Wait for it. I went, Spurf. Okay, well, on that note. Worth it. Worth it.

Admit it. Quirf it. It was quirf the wirf. Wirf the quirf. This is the worst episode of all time. You say that, but I reckon we'll try harder next week. See you next time.

Bye, everyone. No. No. Come on. It's like the jerky boys or something. Yeah, I jerk you off. Bye. on it's like the jerky boys or something yeah i jerk you off bye