CheapShow - Ep 368: Ennery Of Keverett

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

It’s a proper jam packed, tat stuffed episode this week. Paul and Eli go head to head in one of most fiercely fought editions of The Price of Shite to date. Thanks to a PO box delivery, there is a wealth of charity store sourced items to peruse and evaluate for those sweet, sweet P’twings. From gadgets to board games, via retro magazines, grizzly VHS tapes and 90s nostalgia, there is a little bit of everything! Sadly, its during the Charity Shop Showcase where things go awry. Eli is in charge of the mystery item and Paul is not going to be happy when he finds out what he’s been fiddling with. It’s just another week in paradise for CheapShow. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-368-ennery-of-keverett And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Right, we're recording, Mr. Silverman. So, Paul, just before, I wanted to have a little word with you before we started today. Yeah. Just to have a heads up, because there might be a little issue with our friend. Who? TB. Tuberculosis. Yes, TB is not our friend here on Cheap Show.

Oh, it's not good to have tuberculosis. No, Paul, Paul. Don't have TB, everyone. If you take one message away from this week's episode It's don't have TB I'm not doing a fucking bit here Well you're failing at that bit I'm still attempting a bit I'll show you my bit

You know what when a bit really fails is when the person who's doing the bit As well as every single person who is listening Or will ever listen Don't believe in the bit You don't believe in your own bits I believe in my bits I'll show you my bit. Alright, slaver him up. Oil him up.

Get the spunk out. Yeah, you're right. I don't believe in that bit. No, anyway, Paul, stop distracting me. I need to have a word with you. Go on. About Trackbot. Oh, Trackbot. What's wrong with him?

He's alright, isn't he? No, but he keeps trying to get me to ask him about music trivia stuff. Why? You know it all, though. Exactly. And sometimes it's not needed. I don't want... He's giving me extra... Bleep bloop.

Bleep bloop. Bleep bloop. Hello. I am Trackbot. This is exactly what I mean. Hello, Trackbot. Hello, Eli. What is your energy level energy level is on top charge okay now the thing is track but as i said and actually programmed into the

keyboard you know in 1965 the spinners wrote love is all around which became a hit years later for aha for a bond film trackbot no trackbot no trackbot no would you like me to play lossless version of track i don't want you to play anything as i explained to you and try to program into you yeah mate listen to him a minute please trackbot you are only needed you're are valued member of the of the cast you are only needed during the silverman's platters segment which is an infrequent segment doesn't happen weekly it's not a regular thing okay so we do need you just stay fully fully charged i've cleaned up the charging cupboard i've squeegeed out all that dog cum that was in there hopefully you won't have an issue with that, so go back in, okay? Black Lace played backing

on Guns N' Roses Paradise City. Black Lace did not play on any Chaz and Dave invented rap. Guess there's some fucking terrible edgelord insults who do believe that. I have facts all

day long. By the way, trackbot has problem. What's the problem, trackbot? Dog muck. Randy Dog uses my charging pod as defecation nodule. Yeah, and there's a... And mucky slime.

And an action pad, so to speak. You human call it ejaculate. He plays fetch with his big bone in there as well, doesn't he? He plays fetch alone. Now, Trackbot don't like it. Is Trackbot lonely? Trackbot very lonely. Now, okay, I'll ask...

Trackbot needs Trackbabe. I see. We're going to deal with the issue with the roundy dog If we can round him up But he's He's doing his rounds Round him up Can we start this podcast now Please actually

I've done the designated bit You asked me to do You wanted me to do Trackbot Trackbot You're doing No you're not doing lonely You're going to go lonely And you want me to ask you

A trivia question Close friends get to call me TB All dressed up in finery. Trackbot, the most insatiable. Trackbot. Now, Paul, this is what I mean. The most erectable leader of the gang. We don't need Trackbot to do...

He's the top. He's the tip. He's the championship. He's the most tip-top. Diddle-de-dit. Trackbot. And that's Trackbot. Can we go to the credits? No!

No! No! Press the fucking credits. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney, Chodney Borough. I hate you. I've got to go to the usual coffee.

Jeep Show tonight. Chodney Borough. Jeep Show tonight. Cheap Show Time! Cheap Show Time! It's the price of shite! Cheap Show Time! Welcome to Cheap Show. Yes, it's Cheap Show Time again. It's that time of the week where we give you the treasure we find amongst the trash. Through our searches, through charity

shops, PO boxes, bargain bins, pound lands and such and the like. Hello, Mr Silverman. Hello. Stop fiddling with Trackbot. He just needs us to ask him. Trackbot wants his nodules. He needs to be asked a question, Paul. Cleaned out.

If you just ask him a trivia question. Eli, do ask him a trivia question. Eli, do you have a mop? No, a track bot. What about... Steam cleaner. No, what about a pop trivia question? Can you answer those? Track bot knows all.

Good. All about music. Test me. Now, can you tell me, who was the lead singer of 80s act, T'Pau? tell me who was the lead singer of 80s act to pow the answer is kim wilde right get back in your fucking cupboard now but it's back in paul he's gone back in he's a new character 2024 ladies and gentlemen it's trackbot you love him i love him trackbot and the randy dog the bruise is fucked off

right hello welcome to cheap show uh yes hello i am paul gannon and that is i'm eli hi everybody and yes today we are doing two segments we are doing the price Shite, and it's a big Price of Shite today, so we're going to be chipping away at that over the course of this week's pod. And to start us off, Eli will be presenting us with a charity shop showcase. Yes, it's a charity shop showcase. All right, Paul. And I do have an addendum, unless you have anything to genuinely add. You know, so we played that Lone Ranger track. And we said, oh, where did Kenny Everett use it?

And Kenny Everett use it? And Kenny Everett used it in his TV show. In the theme? Yeah. In the actual titles, wasn't it? A guy on Twitter, sorry, I forget the name right now, sent me a link to an episode of Kenny Everett. And it was literally used as a kind of short, instantitial between segments.

And it's just that opening long word. It's just the word, yeah. But you know what really rankles about it? Well, it's a hill in New Zealand, right? It's the longest word in the Guinness history, in the Guinness Book of Records, right? That's right. And so then it was reused to sound like a Native American chant of some kind.

That's right, yes. Kenny Everett uses it over an animated face of a stereotypical black... No. You know, like native, tribal thing. African. Bone through the nose, black black face so it's been like misconstrued twice yeah for the same kind of broad racial exotic other other just to the other it's so terrible the thing with any of kenny everett was any of kev any of kev any kev out there any

of kevrit is is yes that you know back when he was making his 80s shows they wouldn't be seen as edgelordy they'd just be seen

as more alternative than anything else it's funny how alternative then could still contain terrible ancient racist tropes the young ones

famously has one or two scenes has tribal bone for the nose type thing either way times they are a changing. Welcome to Cheap Show.

I just wanted to make that amendment that it was used again. Yeah, no, interesting. Very interesting. What did you want to say? Nothing. That's all right. Because nothing's really happened

since last week, really. I didn't want to say anything, no. Just I've been hounded by track bottle week, you know? Yeah, well, you know, you're lucky. Since we lost all those characters, we've had letters sent in from characters around the world wanting to be part of the show. Oh, yeah.

So I thought maybe throughout February we could audition them and see if any of them stick. You know, some brand new characters. Oh, great. Could I bring a... Because I've had some... Have you had some letters too? It's more like slipped under the door little cards.

They're like little green cards. Yeah, like post-it notes or something. And they've got a photo. Oh, yeah. And then a number. And it says, burn this after looking at this. All right.

And then you have to put it in a special slot. Yeah, well. And you have to take it to the post office. We have got vacancies, so why not invite some of them along, see if they stick.

And then you take these cards to the post office. You're going to labour on this now. Okay. Hey, everybody. You've said you've on this now. Okay. Hey, everybody. You've said you've got nothing. It's fine to have nothing. I thought we were going to Charity Shop Showcase.

We are. That's going to be a separate segment. Because then I go, well, let's do that then. I never know where the snip comes. Is it on the end of my willy? Here we go. Oh, dear. The uncut crown, ladies and gentlemen.

Can we go do this bit? Because you're really starting to fucking grate with your fucking talk. Say something good. Be playful. Say something good to me. Oh, Eli is a witty and imaginative comedian. That's just, I don't want a praise.

I want play. I want you to play good. Play soft. Play good. Soft with me. Play. Play. I think we can all agree you've ruined this now i've not ruined nothing i think you can all agree you've set a poor precedent for this week's episode haven't you you're not engaged you're not willing to give the whole trackbot expansion module bit

and the award for new character development goes to Eli Silverman. No, I've got to take this, Paul. Now, I've got something prepared. Have you? Thank you. I'd just like to say thank you. I think it's the first time in eight years Eli's prepared anything. To the Academy.

What Academy? What Academy? The Academy of Cheap Show Characters. Who's on this board? Who voted? There's John Jones and... John Jones. Wow.

Yes, the right honourable... You know what? I take back the witty and imaginative comedian aspect of the praise I gave you. The right honourable John Jones. The right honourable Rod Rodney. And there's Julia Jensen.

The right honourable Eni of Keverit is here. Julia Jensen. And there is Eni of Keverit. Yeah, you know what? I'm Eni of Keverit. I am. Eni of Kevrit. Yeah, you know what? I'm Ennery the Kevrit, I am. Ennery the Kevrit, I am.

I am, I am. I got married to the woman next door. We don't have to go on with this. Let's just awkwardly... She's been married seven times before. Let's just now move on to the segment where you go on about... I'm Kennery the Everett. He should have done that. We should go back in time and contact kenny everett say hey

you should be called ennery the keverit that's that's not come on that'll get a lot more laughs just from the name maybe but i still want to move on now so ladies and gentlemen it's time for the part of the show where we bring along something we found at a charity shop and go oh this is a bit something interesting to talk about. And this week, Eli has brought along this week's charity shop showcase. It is the charity shop little, little showcase. It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Come and come and come.

Come on, come to the Charlie's Shop. Open showcase. Check it out. I'm Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Pavarotti. I'm Jimmy and Pavarotti, Jim Carby. I've got a Jim Carby army. And I've got Pavarotti. It's the Charlie's Shop. Little, little showcase. It's the one Shop Little, little showcase

It's the one place Where you can show your stuff Now, Paul wanted to get to the point where he presses the button and puts a sound effect in because he's desperate for those points. But he really did a very bad job of explaining the basic mechanics

of this segment. So, if I may, Paul, if I may, Cherry Shop Showcase is a competition if I may, Paul, if I may, Charity Shop Showcase is a competition. I, or Paul, please... Go away, Randy Dog. It's not time for you yet.

Go away. You're going to have to get the water spray. But make sure you don't spray it into... Paul, make sure you don't... Make sure you... No, Mum, you've got fetch in my mouth. I've got fetch in my mouth. I know, it's amazing how much...

The range on it. They don't call him the Randy Dog for nothing. It's not fun. It's so chewy and gelatinous. Just spit it out then and be a big boy, a grown-up, Paul, and let's get on with this. And, Paul, I just need to mention as well.

I swallowed it. If you're using the spray... I swallowed it. He made that belt out. He twined it. Made it sound like the death smell of this podcast. Because I said I swallowed dog cum.

Paul. Anyway, go on, do your bit. No, Paul. Go on, no, sorry. No, if you... I shooed him out. I shooed him out. He your bit. No, Paul. Go on, no, sorry. I shooed him out, I shooed him out. He's gone. No, but if you are going to use the water spray to get him out before he does it,

make sure you don't spray the charging cabinet. It's waterproof. Trackbot's charging cabinet. And besides, I didn't spray him with water. Because you don't want Trackbot shorting out. I sprayed him with impulse. That spray. Because dogs can't help acting on impulse. dogs can't help acting on impulse.

Dogs can't help acting on impulse. Yeah. That's the gag. That's how far you're going to go with that gag. That's a member berry and you hate those. That's a pure, just anyone remember that fucking motto from the impulse ads. You know the best ad of all time?

The Caniston one where it turns out it's the fucking vicar who's a lady and has thrush. Right. You know that one? I don't know that one. It's like a woman getting ready to... Right, and then it puts on a dog collar at the end, and you think, oh.

Yeah, I love that. And then it's the look she gives at the camera, like, hey, I'm the one with fucking vaginal diseases. Yeah. We've subverted your expectations. Anyway, that was a great ad. It was just hilarious. Two minutes 30.

Carry on. So, it's a competition. I present a charity shop item. You're going to have to use the spray. You're going to have to use the spray. He just can't stop. He's off, though. He's off.

He likes to go out in the garden. Sorry, continue. Continue. Carry on. Explain the rules. So, we are... There's a Hall of Fame charity shop showcase. It's a...

I'm going to put that dog out. Fucking lock the door. Lock the door, then. Squeaky clothes shut lock. Not doing sound effects this week. For fuck's sake, Paul. You're off on your own podcast. Yes, we've developed the Randy dog.

He's out now. He's out there. He'll be howling at the moon. An item, an interesting item is presented from a charity shop. And Paul has tried to subvert these rules before because it has to be from a charity shop. And Paul has tried to subvert these rules before because it has to be from a charity shop. And it's presented to the co-presenter and they have a binary decision. Are they going to put

it into the charity shop showcase as a good thing or will it have no place? Have no place in the showcase. Showcase or no place is the game we're playing today. Now. Now Eli's got a humdinger of a thing

he says. I was in the charity shop around the corner from me. That one. Which sometimes has nothing. Sometimes has

everything. It's a proper rumbly dumbly old. That's what I was going to get to Paul. We talk about this concept of funk as it pertains to

charity shops. Yeah. The funk level there is high isn't it? It's a high funk level and we like it. It's a funk level that is high, isn't it? It's a high funk level and we like it. It's a funk level that means they actually

will have some face cream or something. Someone will bring it in. Yeah. They'll just put it out on the shelf. They were selling big bags of tenements.

Yeah, they get all of that. They'll do sort of stock. Yeah. People put everything there. Did you get a load of them for yourself? I didn't buy tenements. You should.

You should stock up now really with you, shouldn't you? Why? Because you think I'll be pissing myself. I think you're getting there. I think stock up now really with you, shouldn't you? Why? Because you think I'll be pissing myself soon? I think you're getting there. I think you're getting where those little drips

that you just can't shake off are becoming little streams, aren't they? I think you're wrong. I think, you know... Now you're going for penile hygiene. I'm just saying.

You're saying I'm a Mr. Drippy. You're saying I'm a Mr. Drippy Nose Dick. I've already been through this. It looks like an anteater. An anteater's had a little truffle shuffle with my nuzzle guzzle i'm just saying that maybe these days a gentleman's underwear diaper stroke nappy situation may be a wise investment for a man i'd like to call the

yellow patch kid right so it's got a high funk i'm not gonna rise to this you can't anyway you're only five foot one that's what you said to me the other week, isn't it? I remember. You could say something about I can't rise, as in I can't get it up. Oh yeah, let's do that as well.

You have a broken willy. Why don't you shut up? Are you having fun this week, Paul? I kind of am. You're not. You're kind of not. You're kind of not being fun either.

You don't know what I'm being. Now, Paul. Show us your thing. It has a high funk level there. Yeah. What did you get? What did you get? Another thing is I brought a high funk level there. Yeah. What did you get? What did you get?

Another thing is I brought a bunch of stuff that we have covered. Eli, Ronnie, Corbett, Silverman. And I brought it to that charity shop, and it had been turned around with a price sticker on it, these items, in an hour or so. Wow. They literally just go, what have we got? Shove it out.

That's what we like to see. Sticker. Bosh. Done. That's what we like to see. Get back into the ecosystem. Very interesting items. The other thing that's quite we like to see. Bosh, done. That's what we like to see. Get it back into the ecosystem. Very interesting items. The other thing that's quite unique about how funky that one is,

is a lot of the stuff isn't priced up. And so it's down to the person who's working there, their mood on the day, their knowledge. Their whims. Their knowledge of how much that type of thing costs. Is this one of these items? If they're in a good mood. What?

Is this an item that was priced vaguely? Well, I got three items. On this occasion, I saw an item and I fell in love with it and I knew I was having it. Right, go on then. That was the first item. Then I saw another item that reminded me of something from a video game. So I thought, oh, I'll have that as well.

And then I was leaving. Leaving. And I saw the third item. And the third item, the third item paul is the contender to get into the showcase today good good but i brought them all up to the till yes all up to the till yeah and the lady there looked at them and gave me a price and the price was five pounds for these three items a bargain considering sometimes i've been there was about one pound 70 this which we've discussed because i've showed you was the first item i saw and it is a japanese toy radio yes by a company called unimax and they

have a very tomy style to their toys extremely tomy now i was going to ask you do you think the bits that are lighter on this have yellowed do you think it's yellowed very very much so it looks like it's from 83 we can't decide whether it's 93 or 83. It's 83. It is 83. It has to be. Because there's not much about the company in general in the 90s, so I can't imagine that would have been a 90s-style design. Pictures of our items today will be on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. This has a great build quality, similar to Tomy toys at the time.

Fisher-priced Tomy. It's got that solid, you could whack a sibling over the head with it and cause severe damage and not break your thing. And it has a real 80s colour scheme looking similar to stuff in the Memphis style, which was very... Yellow, white. And it's a radio. You haven't told people what it is, have you? It is a radio, I did tell you.

It's very quiet though, isn't it? There is no... The thing that really makes it a toy, Paul, is it has no headphone output. Yes, and the volume is limited to three settings but it is working strangely which means they must have put new batteries in

since the 80s right we hope so there you go yeah that's on the highest setting it has three volume settings but there's not much difference between them

there's not much difference it's quiet and then there's an off setting a little more less quiet and then a little less more quiet than that and it's a bit toyetic

sort of thing on the dial in that you can turn the dial on the front of the device using this sort of panel with a raised knobbly bit, or there's a dial on the side, which does it as well. Right. Nice toyetic. I fell in love with this. Come on, mate.

Speed this up. Speed it up a little bit. I knew I was going to have this, and I was looking for a price thing, because I probably would have paid 10 quid for that. Yeah, but luckily you didn't. Because it's so up my street. It's that Tomy aesthetic.

Right. And then, whilst I'm looking at this, Paul. Whilst I'm looking at that, Paul. Yeah. I think, hey. Hey. Isn't that the taxi from Crazy Taxi? Right.

That great game. Here, I'm handing it to you. Let's have a look. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's just a generic Hot Wheels taxi, which is fine. It's nice, isn't it? It's like a, what do they call those?

Hot Rod. Drag racer. A Hot Rod, yeah. Hot Rod drag racer. A Hot Rod, but mixed with a yellow taxi from a New York taxi. It's a lovely little car, but you know what gives it away if it would have been a crazy taxi? There would have been no roof to it. That's right.

That's what other people have said to me, because they're all, so you can see your passengers, they're convertibles. Because they can jump in and out there would have been no uh roof that's right that's what other people have said to me because they're all so you can see your passengers they're convertible they can jump in and out and stuff yeah that's right crazy taxi it's very good game but i really was excited because it does there's something similar to the aesthetic of crazy taxi about that there's sort of hot rods in that game and stuff yeah well it's got that americana feel to it even hasn't it so you know good and then like. And then... Right, final item. I'm about to leave, but this last item, which is for Charity Shop Showcase, catches my eye. Go for it.

And it's there, it's above me on a shelf, and I think... Oh, mate! I think I have to have this. I'm not going to speed up for your... Stop polishing this eventual turd. I'm not going to speed up for you, Paul.

I want to reveal it. You're being a cunt. No, you're just taking forever. You're being a cunt. No, you're just taking forever. You're being a cunt. You're not letting me... You're just not letting me walk around and enjoy the sound of your own voice. Everyone likes the sound of my voice, Paul.

I can prove to you... That's part of why this fucking podcast is listened to. I don't like it. Half of it. Well, that is an issue then, isn't it? Only for you. If you're just going to be a petulant cunt and destroy my mood

and degenerate my fucking mental health with your fucking toxic toxic slime sludge pig head is there a fucking violin in that then fuck you i saw this and i got it what and you're not allowed to google lens this all right this is also as well as a charity shop showcase contender, it's also a little game of guessing with you, Paul. So,

this is the item I saw. Right, okay. And here, I'm going to hand it to you. Right. Photos on the website, everybody. To my basic,

plain gut instinct reaction to it, it is obviously some kind of flask of some sort, some kind of mug. On the top, it has a blue

domed lid and that lid is fashioned into what looks like an elephant there are big ears and it has a big trunk but that trunk is oddly shaped it is more like an egg cup than a spout for its face so as it's weird like it's like balancing an ice cream on its face because the top of it of this trunk has a yellow bulbous cap which as i open just shows a great big opening. Right. Have a look at the other, because it's screw on.

The head screws on. So I'm screwing it. So inside, there's a spout, a funnel. Oh, it's greasy. Is it a baby's flask for something or other? Because I don't understand why it's got... It's kind of hard to explain. Again, pictures on our website.

But it's a flask. But inside the flask, there's a funnel, which means that whatever falls into it can't get out right yes so does this collect something then does it does it just have a look at lens it google lens it it's obviously for children yeah because it's got a face i think it scoops water up rather than you drink out of it google this is like a fucking sperm cup or something no No, just Google Lens it. It's fine. You're very close, actually. So it's just interesting to know. It's an intriguing object, isn't it?

Yeah. Just Google Lens it. It should tell you straight away what it is. Right. Well, it's... Oh. It is a kid's child portable urine potty for outdoor use. Boom!

Oh, mate, when you were saying it's for scooping up water, I was like, I couldn't hold it in. Right, no, great. Well, I'm glad I didn't try to drink from it. How many wieners have been there when you were poking your fingers around and when you said, oh, it's a bit greasy? Mate, I presume it's been fucking washed, at least. I haven't washed it.

Have you sniffed it? No, he has been in that, no doubt. Why would you pee into an elephant's trunk, conceptually? Why not just make... It's a smiling face. So the inverted cone that's in the inside is to stop it spilling out, obviously. Well, obviously, yeah, but it's also to slip the penis in, so... No, I'm not talking about the nose.

I'm talking about that device that's in the main body, the cone. Oh, yeah, but that's just so you can pee into it it doesn't slip out doesn't slip out which is which is what i correctly guessed you know what the more i consider this thing the more i think i could use that yeah but i wouldn't i wouldn't i would repaint it at the very least like black why because if you need to piss in public and for whatever reason you're caught you don't want to be caught with your penis in an elephant smiling Trump face down a dark alley. Yeah, it's obviously some kind of animal. It's just a big nose, weirdo.

But it's like, oh, look at me pissing my face. Well, it's for toddlers, Paul. Yeah, I know, but I don't see why you have to add smiley faces. On a long car journey, can't you see? On a long car journey. Yeah, but why do you have to add smiley faces to it? Because it's like, oh, put your little wee-wee in. Mr. Blue knows his nose.

No. And he's going to suck up all the wee-wee in Mr. Blue Nose's nose. No. And he's going to suck up all the wee-wee. No. I'm Mr. Blue Nose. I suck the wee-wee. I don't believe kids need to see a smiley face just to... It's not smiling. There's no smiling.

It is. It's smiling. Look at the grin on that. Dirty. Dirty Eli bought a piss toy. The build quality is actually quite nice. It's all very solid. It's fine.

It's solid. And it has a... It doesn't have solids in. It's got a strap so you can hang it by the side. Yes. It's all very solid. It's solid. And it has a... It doesn't have solids in. It's got a strap so you can hang it by the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, all right. Well, congratulations. My hands don't smell of anything untoward.

It was only £1.60. It's going for 16 quid online, I just noticed. Exactly. So, bearing that in mind and the aesthetic of it... You had to go in there and buy that. That makes you weird as well. I want to know if this toddler's port-a-potty. Yeah.

Smiley face elephant port-a-potty. Right. Is a showcase or has no place? It is a no place. It is a strange thing to exist. Well, no, it's fine that it exists. I don't like its design. I find all that troubling stuff where it's like,

remember that thing on Digitizer where it was like a thing where you could force-feed kids pills because it came out of like a spout in a teddy bear's neck. That was a Kickstarter, though. This is a real product. Yeah, yeah, but it's that same idea of putting a smiley face on it to make kids want to use like the toilet. Put googly eyes on a fucking toilet so your kids will shit.

That's essentially what this is. You wouldn't want to shit in there, in the nose. You couldn't shit in that because they'd have to you couldn't you'd have to stamp it down the spout it is something i don't want anywhere near me again you shouldn't have bought and you need to take back i like it i'm hanging it up i mean look i have it in my room that's a total showcase for me well that's an interesting item how often in this day and age paul does a grown man buy a child's Paul, do you see something and you don't know what it is? It's definitely a thing.

I got pretty close. You did not know. You didn't know it had pee pee in it. I didn't guess it was pee pee, but I did. And you go, oh, it's for scooping water, keeping the water in. I was correct. I was correct. It's for something to take water in and not spill out.

You didn't get it, though, did you? Doesn't matter. I'm saying it's a very interesting thing in this day and age to see an object at all that you don't know what it's for. I find that stimulating as a person. But you fucking shouldn't. And it's a showcase for me and I'm setting up my own showcase basically. And I'm setting up a helpline.

For my items. For weird men who go into charity shops and buy child urinary toys. I didn't know what it was. Didn't you? Absolutely not. And then I was at my friend's having dinner at my friend's and I child's urinary toys. I didn't know what it was. Didn't you? Absolutely not. And then I was at my friend's having dinner at my friend's and I was like,

took it out at dinner. I was like, what does everyone think this is? And then they called the fucking police straight away. You're really being really just bad taste in the mouth this week.

I'm glad I didn't drink from it otherwise I'd have had a bad taste in the fucking mouth. I wasn't going to make you drink from it, you prick. That's a poor move. Yeah, it is. That's why I wish I'd found it and wish I could have brought it along.

I went, have a little drinky-woo out of that. Do you like apple juice? Do you like apple juice, Eli? I should have done that. Yeah. But I haven't got a fucking devious, mean, amoral mindset. Anyway, I like the radio best. See you after the break.

That gets in then. Can we swap that out? Yeah, showcase for the radio. I like it. Okay, thank you, thank you at least we've got some agreement the unimax toy radio definitely has yes a place in the show place and the taxi just gets a partial nod from me and a kind of oh yeah fine it's all right okay i'm pleased i got something in good like a lot of those people who used your yes, well done. Please take on it. I hate you. Where's Trackbot? Oh, don't, please. It is the charity shop, little, little showcase.

It's the one place where you can show your stuff. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's that fucking price of shite. It's that fucking price of shite it's the fucking price of shite oh it's the fucking price of shite it's that fucking price of shite it's that fucking price of shite you just don't know how to do the price of shite the fucking price of shite ding ding ding ding ding and that's right that'll do that's the all-new theme for 2024 for the price of shite i'll do it again it's the fucking price of shite. I'll do it again. It's the fucking price of shite.

Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. And that's right. There we go.

Mate, I'll be honest. My heart's gone out of it. I know. The whole episode, you've been really tetchy. Tetchy and uncreative. I'm tetchy, tetchy, very, very tetchy. I'm very tetchy. Will he have his paddy on?

Will he have a mood? Will he go to school with his hat on? I'll stop. I'll stop. Right. You've stopped now, have you? Well, can you fucking... This week's price of shite

Eli comes from the PO box and it was sent by Ash who has sent us some stuff in the past

before and if you would like to send us some interesting items for the price of shite or anything in general there's a PO box

you can find it in the metadata for this podcast but we'll mention it at the end of the show sources there hasn't been a lot of sources

no we haven't had a lot of sources lately that's a good point there was that suggestion oh what was it do a off-brand brand off which is the segment where we test branded items against their off-brand counterparts with sriracha sauce yes because there's a lot of generic and old your little one sriracha isn't a trademark no it's it's just a type. There's a very, there is countless different Srirachas. But, as that source has taken over the world,

as it has in, its popularity here in Britain has skyrocketed. Skyrocketing. And there are different, I've seen them in all the supermarkets.

They have their own brand ones. So we're going to try the... And there's also two or three other brand ones. Yeah. And you can't even

get that one, the cock or whatever it is, here. Right. Which is the rooster band, which is the big one in the States. Right. I don't think you even get that ones. Yeah. And you can't even get that one, the cock or whatever it is, here. Right. Which is the rooster band, which is the big one in the States. Right. I don't think you even get that here.

No, save it. Flying goose. Save it for when we finally do it. Everyone wants to hear me talk about these things. Save the sauce report for when we have the sauce in our hands.

You know? Let's get physical. Physical. I want to get physical. Let me hear your body talk physical let me hear your body talk let me hear your body talk paul don't do don't stop trying to be funny this week don't let me do stop trying to be funny don't stop having a big pool right hello guys hope you had a great christmas and here's to another great year of Cheap Show.

Oh, fucking hell. It's not. The podcast is over. I can't work with Paul Luggy. I have an interesting piece of shite. Have you had a knock on the head or something, Paul? No. It really feels like you've...

I had a health scare. Is that why all your fucking life has gone out of you? Nah, I'm just a surly cheeky monkey this week. Everybody likes surly cheeky monkey Paul, don't they? Oh, well, of course they do. I have to convince myself they do.

Right. I have an interesting price of shite for you and your perusal. Who's this then? Ash. Hello, Ash. Long time listener.

So, Ash has sent... Long time listener, Ash? Yes, and sent stuff in before. Can you read the letter again? I didn't pick up any of that. Please, just go from the top. Hello, Ash. Hello, guys. What does he say, Paul? Guys, yeah. Please, just go from the top. Hello, Ash. Hello, guys.

What does he say, Paul? Guys, yeah. Yeah, hope you have... Hey, you hate that, don't you, when they say guys? It's fine when someone writes in and says it, but I don't like it when content creators say it. It just rubs me up the wrong way.

Okay, fine. Right? Fine, I accept that from you, Paul. Hello. Hope you've had a great Christmas and here's to another great year of your cheap show. I have an interesting price of shite for your perusal this time.

Yay! Also, one of the badges provided was given to me when I worked at Toys R Us for Employee of the Week. They did this four times and then just gave up. Enjoy, Ash. So there's some badges he's given. And I bet you've got dibs on that one he mentioned. I want the bottom two. But maybe we can talk about this.

Oh, great. Send badges. We love badges. But maybe we can talk about this. Oh, great. Send badges. We love badges. Enamel pin badges are our jam. Ooh, the bottom two. Yeah. That's the Toys R Us one. Toys R Us employee of the week.

Is it wow? No, it's just TRS or something it says, isn't it? No, that's the R from R. Yes. What's on either side of it? A W or an M. No, the R is backwards. It was backwards on the logo, isn't it? Yes, it? A W or an M. No, it's... The R is backwards. It was backwards on the logo, isn't it?

Yes, it was. Very peculiar and desirable. Well, it's mine. And you've got the dibs on that, have you? Yeah. That's like a proper rare badge, that is. I put up with having tons of boxes in my flat with a PO box.

That's a rare... That's an employee only. That's why it's going on my classic pinboard badge of dreams. At a corporation that no longer exists. But I'll be honest, I'm not sure if the badges are part of the price of shite. It's not clear. So if it turns out that when we reveal the points at the end,

it does have them for the badges, we will discount those scores. What do you mean? Why? Well, because there's seven items ahead of us. And the badges could be eight, but it's not sure if it's explicit that they're part of the price of shite. It might just be a bruising bonus. Yeah, but they are. I've seen the if it's explicit that they're part of the price of shite. It might just be a Brucey bonus. Yeah, but they are. I've seen the price when I open it.

You've seen the price? No, I haven't because it's sealed in an envelope. Well, guess the price of these at the end then, like an eighth item. You made a mess in a meal of that. No, I'm just saying. You're like Henry VIII. I'm just saying. He's making a meal of a big piece of chicken or something.

That's more of a Annie of Kennevert stuff, isn't it? I'm Enne of Kennevert. Ennery of Kennevert. Right, come on. The other badge that you've got your dibs on is some three geese flying in front of a sun symbol. I can't see the word. What is that?

I can't see it either. That's very nice. A kind of 80s graphic vibe I mean the other two there's a butterfly yeah it's like quite an old badge

talking to the mate with quite oh is it no it's like a union jack is that right yes I don't know I can't see if you like this I don't even want it

thanks mate alright and what's this other one moose oh I quite like the moose you can have the moose I can have the moose now talking of badges

Paul no I got given some badges as well. Now, maybe you'll want to swap one for that. I'm not swapping anything for the Toys R Us one. I like that coffee cup one. That's nice, eh? That's a nice one.

Describe it in a bit more detail. It's a Dimejo or something. I don't know what that is. Dimello. Which is a coffee brand, I believe. Is it? It's a nice cartoony takeaway coffee cup. Yeah, it's a simple coffee cup one.

There was another one from them, which is also, I think, a nice badge. This one is a screaming cat face in the style of the Dillamello logo. Do you like that? It's all right. Do you want to swap it for the... No, I'm not swapping any of them for... I'm just not swapping any.

There might be. What if I had some kind of classic old winky thing that no one ever discovered? This is a tiny badge that looks like a book and I can't read it because I'm old and I need my glasses and that's depressing me. Something, something, I was gay. The times I knew I was gay. Maybe it's based on a book and I can't read it because I'm old and I need my glasses and that's depressing me. Something, something, I was gay.

Yeah. The Times, I knew I was gay. Maybe it's based on a book, I haven't seen it. Yeah, little model book. I think it's just a bunch of books that have been turned into little mini badges.

Yes, that's right. Yeah. On a similar theme, but a much better quality badge this one. Oh, this is a nice one. This is a Penguin one. Go away, I'm reading

in the Penguin classic style design team badge. Do you like that? Yeah, they're all nice. Would you like that one? Yeah, they're all nice. Oh, I like all of these. Out of the goodness of my heart, I will give you penguin one. Go away, I'm reading in the penguin classic style design. Do you like that? Yeah, they're all nice. Would you like that one? Yeah, they're all nice. Oh, I like all of these. Out of the goodness of my heart, I will give you that one.

You don't have to. It's fine. No, it's fine. I like your board. I want to support your pin badges. Do you want that penguin one? I'll have the penguin one. Yeah.

Thank you, Eli. And lastly, my dad got these from Oxfam for me. A pin of a chair. A mid-mod pin. Mid-mod. A mid-mod. I like that. It's a kind of

bucket chair type 60 design. I probably wouldn't wear that. It's a bit too sort of I'm a guardian reading architect. But, you know, it's a nice chair, isn't it? It's a lovely chair,

but it's not my favourite of the badges, to be honest. When they say mid, do you know what they're referring to? No. Mid-century. Right.

Mid-century modern. Modern. Meaning the middle of the last century. Mid-mod modern. Top mod. Top boss mod mid-modern

I tell you what I'm going to have just that badge the Toys R Us one you can have the other three I do like the one with the three keys you can have that then

thank you Paul that's fine we've made a little compromise we've come now let's play the price of fucking shite let's play the price of shite and now

an announcement from Paul Gannon, fun warden. His job is to reduce the fun. Ash has put the answers in an envelope. It is sealed. I have not touched it. You can see. I can see that. It is now going to go over there out of reach,

so no one can possibly guess or have a peek at the answers during the recording of this segment of the show. Right there in view. And I've put potty weird elephant potty nose on it. Who's going to protect it, Paul? Professor slash cub. Right. Yes. It will be in the... We've got a lot to get

through. In the place of Poindexter we'll be guarding. So the first item today is... Come on. I'm waiting. For what? The first item. The first item. We have to do this quickly, Paul. I had to show Eli pictures because I didn't bring it with me. That was the first item. Yeah.

So the first item was an accessories kit for a Nintendo Wii. And these were fashioned after the game Cooking Mama. You know, it's like that mini game where you make sushi and stuff. And it uses the motion sensing on the Wii, if you remember that. Yeah. So what you basically do with this is you put your Wii remote in this plastic accessory casing. And it makes it look like a frying pan. Or it makes it like a skillet or tongs. No, skillet is the same as a frying pan.

Okay, well then it makes it look like... It's sort of a weird Swiss Army knife with a spoon and a fork. Three kitchen tools coming off the end of one. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. I haven't seen this in person, but Paul assures me that it's cheap and tacky and plasticky. It's super brittle. One awkward smash and that's easily broken. Awkward smash.

Awkward smash. You know, like you go fizzle, fizzle and you flick it and then you hit a table or something. Awkward smash. Frankie goes to Hollywood with a bit of it. Oh, wait. There is an extra addendum. I forgot to mention the front. Addendum.

He's swinging his addendum. So here's the thing. It says here. Oh, move the potty mouth aside. Right. So price's the thing. It says here. Oh, move the potty mouth aside. Right. So, price of shite answers. It says they range

between four and six pounds. Now, does that mean the overall is between four and six? Yes, he's given us a window. We've got seven items here. So that's...

So we're looking probably at the top end of that. Yeah. So... But this is from outside of London? Is Ash operating outside? I can't remember, but I think so, based on vague memories.

Okay, so we're going to assume that, and we're playing against each other. So the betwings, the thing that we call points in this game, everybody, are called betwings to us. Betwings are the thing. Betwings are the thing, and we want to accrue them over our Price of Strike playing lifetime. Paul's in the lead.

I don't know. There hasn't been an update for a few years. I don't know. We've never really kept track for a few years. I don't know what. We've never really kept track. It doesn't matter. We did, and it's a big deal to me. And shut up.

Stop. The fun warden's back. I don't think I'm in the lead. I'm having fun, and you come in with your just complete just a bleh, bleh, negative bleh, bleh, bleh.

Anything you're saying, bleh. Right? Right, Eli. what is your guess for the price what do you how much do you think the Wii so we've got a window

of £46 for all 7 items yes this is only the first and it's taking a long time do you want me to go first yeah I'm going to say a quid I'm going to say a quid

for that quid is a solid guess you get one per twing if you're within 25p of the stated price but if you get it spot on that's two per twing to take home. Two whole per twing.

Two whole per twing. And Ash hasn't said that we're going to be playing anything, any extra rules or something. No, nothing. So it's standard rules. Standard rules. Standard rules here. Standard.

I will go, for that reason, Paul, £1.75. Oh. £1. I haven't written it down yet. £1.50. £1.50. And it did come in it looked to be a very

sort of big it was about a board game box yeah about the size of a regular what else was in that box nothing plastic casing

it was mostly like thin plastic inside casing moulded what a terrible thing yeah I've never liked that shit for the Wii because it doesn't add

anything to the game it's just this weird pointless expenditure but they're not made by Nintendo are are they? Very few things like that were. Mostly third-party shit.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Very low quality. Third-party shit. If Nintendo made stuff like that, it's good. Like, they made that in real life Mario game. Cart thing, yeah.

That was pretty impressive. Yeah, but unfortunately the Wii certainly was known for how much shit it just churned out. Like, third-party shovelware shit. Well, it was there, yeah,

because they knew it would sell on their platform. Anyway, next item. I'm going to throw it to Eli. Check it over, Paul. Oh, he's warming it up on his leg. Why? It's a little bit wet because I spilled a bit of coffee on it. He's had a big coffee incident, everyone.

It was a tiny coffee incident. No, he comes round here and he... Oh! He's trying to injure me. Stop it, you. You are living on borrow time. Why? You're fucking getting closer to the edge every year.

Why? The edge of what? You're taking a step toward your doom every moment of the day. What are you saying? The tick-tock of the clock that counts down your inevitable demise. Everyone's going to die. Yeah, but yours. I'm winding it forward. Everybody dies.

Sometimes. gonna die yeah but yours i'm winding it forward that's not everybody dies sometimes well it does work as a lyric everybody hurts sometimes and then they die when they hurt a lot with a big hurt that's what i call it the big hurt yeah what is it anyway item number two this is a pack and it's very reminiscent of those... Blind baggy things. Blind baggy sort of plasticky packs and it says finger finder. No. No, football finder. Finger finder. Finger bash. I'm going to cut that.

Shall I cut that out for you because that was kind of embarrassing? I'll cut it out. You won't. It's called finger football, right? No. What? It says finger football on it. It says football finger.

Right. Fish finger. I met this guy at a club last night and I gave him the football finger. Goal. Kicked his balls around. Oh, is there hair on the pitch? I mean, grass.

Nah, mate. Don't add. Don't add. I've scored a fucking bollock. Don't add to an already bad idea. Oh, can I open it then? Yes. This is a mint on card, everybody. It's add. Don't add. I've scored a fucking ball at... Don't add to an already bad idea. Ooh, can I open it then? Yes. This is mint on card, everybody.

It's a pack. It's opened. What do you think it is? I don't know. It's a whole finger football set. So you've got a little ball here. One of those very cheap polystyrene ones. Yeah.

Very light, though. Do you want me to bounce it over to you, Paul, so you can have a little look at it? Yeah. All right. I'm looking forward to this. I'm going to bounce it over our equipment. It's that light. It's not going to damage damage it even if it hits boink very soft it's

very squidgy um then we got oh these are two little football legs that you put your fingers on right so come on i'll give you yours yeah well what are these i don't know those are like goal posts yeah i think i guess you can make a little goal there's only two fingers yeah you make a little goal post all right so why don't you make a little goalpost with them. No, there's only two fingers. Yeah, you make a little goalpost. All right, so why don't you make a little goalpost then and kick a ball through? I fucking will. Good. I want to see you.

I want to see you do it. I'm doing it now. Do you like it when I do it? If this was in a... Sweet shop or something. In a cracker. Why don't they have toys that are a bit like this and crackers that are a bit better?

I don't know. Maybe it's something to do with the... I mean, obviously it's cost. You know what I'd like to do for like a luxury YouTube channel? What? Where I sort of dress up in a big tie and stuff. Yeah. maybe something to do with the I mean obviously it's cost you know what I'd like to do for like a luxury YouTube channel what where I sort of dress up in a big tie and stuff yeah

and I go right on my luxury YouTube channel I'm going to spend like a thousand pounds on a Christmas cracker you know they must exist right

super luxury ones with like a Fabergé egg in or something I've never seen those no people doing unboxings of those yeah well it's you know

we should do it yeah we should do an episode called Rich Show one day Rich Show I've lost the foot no it's here no the other one

oh the foot it's under the sofa everybody Christ oh I have to guess the price on this as well don't I yeah

so essentially photos on the website everybody but it is a little this is what it says do you like that a hand spider have you got the peg

we're almost there you've got the ball as well yeah alright he's continuing to build the goal post now I shouldn't have I shouldn't have put the feet on my fingers

before I started no you shouldn't have this is already taking far fucking longer than I expected to when you're fucking sausage palmed fucking meat slabs

trying to put a delicate thing together. Pass the ball. Right, here we go. Paul, watch out! I'm gone. You're going to have to get... I dropped the ball

literally, figuratively. Don't you break that chair. He's going to score a goal. He's got a little back passy and he's kicking. Hey! Well, what a load of fun. How much was that?

You get to guess this time. From looking at the packaging, that was a lot better. Okay. As a thing. Don't you think? It was more toyetic, wasn't it? Because it's a toy. The little bootsies that you put on your finger.

Talk into the mic. It's doing my head in. The little boots that you put on your finger are quite well rendered. Yeah. You've got little sporting stripes on them. Yeah, and little studs yeah so i like those with the yellow sock yeah motif yeah how much why am i out of breath and playing football with your fingers depressing i can have an orange please anyway right how much £1.25 oh I feel myself

losing now £1.25 I'm going to put 50p right so far the wee shit is £1.50

say Eli £1 say Paul wee accessories finger football £1.25 say Eli what did you say 50p say Paul

have you looked at the build on these yeah yeah yeah but again it Paul. Have you looked at the build on these? Yeah, but again, it's a charity shop. How? But the build on these are good, and that was mint on card. So let's find out what the next item is. Are you going to die?

Ah, this sugar-free Red Bull's giving me serious heartburn, Brad. Meant to give you wings, not a stroke. Stop about strokes and everything. I like having a stroke. Yes, Dr. Gannon. Will you? Wait, you've got me in a sketch where I'm not in it.

I'm not in your head. I'm a separate identity. Are you? I'm a whole different person from you. Anyway, hello, Dr. Silverman. Hello, Dr. Gannon. Hello, Dr. Silverman. I see your rash has cleared up, Dr. Silverman.

Yes, Dr. Gannon. Yes. It was that new cream I got. It's good cream, that, Mr. Silverman. Do you your rash has cleared up Dr. Silverman. Yes, Dr. Gannon. Yes. It was that new cream I got. Mmm, it's good cream that Mr. Silverman. Do you know what it's called? It's a Graxton Industries compound. In the service of fairness, will you allow me to read the

prices out so there's no dilly-dally? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. That's fine. It's all fair, all square. All square, all fair. Alright, I'm ready for the next item. Paul, how do you tell me? It looks Barbie themed. It's pink, everybody. He's all fair, all square. All square, all fair. We care. I'm ready for the next item. Paul, how do you feel? It looks Barbie themed. It's pink, everybody.

He's chucked it over. I've missed it. It is Barbie. No, it's Weird Crushes. Yeah, it's a card game. Weird Crushes, British hunks. So I'm guessing it's some kind of weird top Trumpsy kind of game,

but with British men. 55 hunks. And there are three hunks on the cover. And only one of them is one, a type of person who i think of as a sort of sex symbol paul right and that person is danny dyer yeah danny dyer a lot of women like his yeah a lot of women like his edge then slightly less so yeah louis through is he like a sex symbol as well maybe some people like his nebbish qualities but the third is i'm

sure it's not what i would call a hunk all right right, what is it? But also isn't a joke. To be fair, it does say weird crushes on the box. Oh, ah. But then it says 55 hunks because the third person is Simon Cowell, who isn't a hunk, is a weird crush. He's a slop. A slop of cowl.

British hunks, 55 hunks. It says hunks twice and then cowls right underneath. And the 3D effect on the 55 hunks is literally pointing at Simon Cowell's head. Yes, no, I know. It's a psy-op to make us think Simon Cowell's good looking. Or it's an ironic, aren't British men kind of really ugly overall?

Oh, Adrian Child. God, I don't like this. I'll have a look at some while you're up. I don't like this. Split the pack so I can have some while you have some. Oh, I've got Adrian Child. Just give me half the pack, you belligerent little man. Adrian Child, have an opinion. No, I've got Adrian Child. Let's give me half the pack, you belligerent little man. Adrian Childs, have an opinion.

No, I've got Adrian Childs. Let's play a game of it. You can get some ointment for that if you've got some Adrian Childs. I've got terrible Adrian Childs. They've all dried and then they split. Try some Graxton Balm. Have you got any? Not on me, no.

I've had to use a load of it to waterproof trackbot. I thought you said they were going to send us three samples. Yeah, we had to slab a trackbot in it so it would protect it from the dog. Where are my free samples? I did that fucking ad read and everything. I'll get some more because of my fucking... I know. Jonathan Ross.

He's got six sex appeal. Ainsley Harriot, Paul. Fame, seven. Alan Titchmarsh. Keith Lemon. Alan Carr. This is actually quite depressing to read out. These are just people who've been on the mainstream telly about five years ago.

Les Dennis. Yeah, well, I think he deserves his place. I want to compare Les Dennis to Jonathan Ross. Right, just for a second. So Jonathan Ross is six sexy. How much do you think Les Dennis is sexy, according to this? If Ross is six? Yeah.

And what's the most? I think it goes up to ten. Probably. I'd say Les is probably going to be perceived as less sexy than Ross. Yeah. How less sexy? About four. A four.

It's a three. Oh, look at me. I'm on fire. Charisma Jonathan Ross, eight. What do you think the charisma for Les Dennis is? Again. I don't really know. I don't really know.

Four. Two. Oh, that's cruel. Style. Jonathan Ross gets an eight. Les Dennis. Les Dennis? Les Dennis? Why are they using this card game to victimise Les Dennis?

He gets a one for style. Come on, let's play it like trumps. Although, weirdly... Let's play it like trumps. All right, but they both have likeability at level four. Oh, here we go from this. So, who am I going to pick? I'll pick the sexiest man I can find.

I pick. Fame. Have you got to stop flicking through them and play the game properly, right? All right, all right. so I'm going to pick I'll pick the sexiest man I can find I pick fame you've got have you got stop flicking through them and play the game properly alright okay I've got my card

I'm going against you I've got my card I'm going against me no I'm going against you I know and I'm going against me too go go for it we're on the same side mate

we're not on the same side yeah I'll beat that Gannon we're playing a game against each other you shit that Gannon let's team up fame I'm not listening to your

mouth garbage fame four I win no I need to keep this card give me the card Playing a game against each other. You shit that, Gannon. Let's team up with them. I'm not listening to your mouth garbage. Fame. Four. I win. No, I need to keep this card. Give me the card. Are you playing?

Give me the card. You didn't even tell me who he was. Chris Evans. Noel Edmonds. Oh, that's not true. I mean, at the time, doesn't this have a very sort of late 90s kind of vibe to it? I don't know.

In terms of everyone who's famous. And it's a mix, though, because I've got, like, Philip Schofield here. He's like Abilities 9. That needs re-evaluating these days. Piers fucking Morgan, like Abilities 0. Well, at least you got that.

Oh, they knew that. Yeah, he's very abrasive. Richard Madeley. I hate this. I hate this thing. Ricky Gervais, Simon Carroll, Stephen Fry. It's so sort of with the pinkness. It's meant to...

I'm tired of this. An awful thing. But how much does it cost, Mr. Silverman? It's your to... I'm tired of this. An awful thing. But how much does it cost, Mr. Silverman? It's your go-to guess first, Paul. I'm going to say 60p. I'll go quid. Okay. 95.

Yeah. Right, next item. This, Mr. Silverman. Oh, God. It's got a bit of coffee on it. Everything's got coffee on it. Everything's got coffee on it. The chair.

Are you sitting in a puddle of coffee? I didn't know it had this much coffee on. I thought it was only a little splash. I do apologise. Pathetic. How much coffee is everywhere in this room?

Fuck's sake. It's a VHS, Mr Silverman, but what of? Riot Police. Rated 15. Oh no. How the police

combat mob rule and other civil disturbances. This is like a cop show. a reality cop show. It's like 999 police rescue video. This is all real footage of riots and police controlling civil. Was this given away with the sun or something?

No, this would have been something you bought, because remember, there was a VHS boom. Like, Red Letter Media have done this all the time with Best of the Worst and, like, the Black Spine stuff. There are still videos out there where it's like, look at this crazy... That used to be be low those police chase videos look at this crazy guy it's an extension of that that's what it is yes but if you look at the back i think it says from the same makers of all the videos it does it says reality video that's the name of the video

company uh from the makers of police stop i think i remember that was that a tv show yeah wasn't it like the guy who presented it then got done for drink driving? Yeah, it was one of those early shows that just showed a bunch of basically what they'd call body cam footage now. Wasn't it?

Yeah, but back then they didn't have that. But yeah, dash cam footage. This is a VHS. All these trends have been going. But those shows have had their day again,

haven't they probably? Because there's too much you can just get freak out videos on YouTube or failed or what, police chase.

Reaction vids and stuff. If I put police chase into YouTube I'd get hundreds of bloody things I'd get endless endless so I don't need the shows

no but then this is the day before you saw all that freely anyway online can I read the back I don't know can you we've been doing quite badly with reading anything

from Toxteth to Tottenham from Brixton to Bristol from football terrors to picket lines. Riot Police recalls winters of discontent and summers when the best on the street battled over late, shocking, violent... What?

Recalls winters of discontent and summers when the best on the street... Busy's on the street. ...balled overlate, shocking... You read that last sentence of that. Am I just being an idiot? I can't read that last sentence. It makes no structural sense. In the red lighting at the very top of...

The red writing at the very top of the... The red writing. The red writing at the very top of the corner. Red riding hood. Red riding hood at the very top of the corner. Everett Kennington and his red riding hoods. From Toxteth to Tottenham. Yeah.

From Brixton to Bristol. Yeah. Fromxteth to Tottenham. Yeah. From Brixton to Bristol. Yeah. From football terrace to picket lines. Yeah. Riot police, Pocalis. It's not Pocalis. Riot police recalls winters of discontent and summers where the best on the street

bullied, overt, late, attacking. It's not just me. And summers where the best on the street bullied over late attacking... It's not just me. That's a really fucking awful, horrible sentence, right? Bizarre. I don't know what it says. I can't read it. Put it on your phone or something. I'm trying.

I took a picture and it just says, Recalls winters of discontent and summers when the heat on the street Belled over late shocking violence. Belled. It's either B-O-L-L-O-D or B-E-L-L-E-D. Belled over late violence. It's the heat that's doing this thing.

Street belled. With the heat on the street. Boiled. That's it. Boiled over late shocking. But still, boiled over. That makes sense.

We're getting there. Into shocking violence. Yeah, boiled over. We're in there. Into shocking violence. Yeah, boiled over. We're in there. He's unhappy, everybody. Just a bunch of people who like seeing coppers trunching the fuck out of people on picket lines. Yeah, great.

For your Tory fucking dad this Christmas. Basically, yeah. Riot police where Britain needs fucking sorting out. Paul's angry with this item. 50p. Okay, and I will say, like, I'm going to say 25p. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to cut you on that one, Paul. Last two items. Hey, everyone, it's the price of shite. There's three more items to come, not two. You've snapped the foot off the leg. It's horrible and discoloured. It's all coloured. Next item, Mr Silverman.

The sock meets the boot. Give me the fucking item. Next item. It's a fucking Spice Girls book, isn't it? No, it's weirder than that. It's Spice Girls themed. I've got that. Yeah.

This fucking book is covered. It's wet. Everything's got coffee on. I'm sorry. You're such a prick. Literally, I saw a little droplet of it. I thought, oh, at least I haven't spilled that much. And it's just apparently gone everywhere.

Have you put it into the extension cable? Is it all in that? No, it's nowhere near that anyway. It's fine. Fuck me. It stinks of coffee. Look, basically, this item is a... It smells of coffee quite badly.

Yeah. It's a Spice Girls official, Spice Girls photo album, everybody. And literally, it's a photo album that's stuffed with random pictures of the Spice Girls oh postcards promotional postcards like photographs that's it

I don't quite understand it's like having it's like pretending the Spice Girls memories are your memories are your family it's really weird and it's just

random pictures of them in their early years oh there's one with Kathy Burke from the film from the film so a lot of them would just be stills.

And here's a sort of signed promotional. Yeah. Where they've got all their autographs on it. Yeah. And they're all in a white studio background. If you like spy skills, it's probably fine. There's Jerry. Everyone was into it.

What a different era that was. It really was. It was an innocent time, Mr. Silverman, where the country's spirits were up. Things could only get better. A new Labour government. Girls' powers. It is a sort of fantasy where you're friends with the country's spirits were up. Things could only get better. A new Labour government. Girls' powers. It is a sort of fantasy where you're friends with the Spurs.

But this is like this fantasy where you're not speaking into the mic. You're friends. You can't do this. You're doing this all the time. And you've just got to move your head. It's very simple. It's been eight years. And I thought I had a stroke last week. And it all boils down to this

It does not It all boils down to this You having a stroke or not You're trying to fucking kill me You thought you had a stroke It's what it is, isn't it? All these years You're trying to fucking kill me, aren't you?

You're playing the long game Can we just be clear? Well, congratulations Mr Silverman The long game has done you well Good That's why I always play it Now, it's disturbing That you want this item

It's just so an adolescent woman can have a fantasy about being friends with the Spice Girls. Because this is a photo album. You could take these pictures of the Spice Girls out and then replace them with real photographs of your family, loved ones. It does work as a photo album. It's exactly

what it is. So is that what it's for? No, it is meant to be for collecting. Because if you look at the very, very front page, the actual inside page thing it says like all the numbers of the photographs and what you need to collect oh so maybe they were sold separately it's like a panini uh sticker album so yeah business model that's definitely what it was take a look they put spice girls on everything didn't they yeah because that was like but i have never seen a uh that concept done before like a collect card collecting thing in the form of a an old school family photo album yeah you wouldn't need to have this these

days because you just go to pinterest don't have them don't do they but you know i used to like photo albums no for me they brought on dread because it was always like you sit down and then your mom would go oh i found this in the attic do you remember this when you were three yeah yeah do you remember this when you were four do you, yeah. Do you remember this when you were four? Do you remember this with you and granddad when you were six? Do you remember? Yes.

Don't you like it? No. You don't like memories? I hate memories. Memories just suck. I find it difficult with you sometimes. Memories are just fucking lies. Lies.

I'm going to say... Reminders of regret. Memories are the breadcrumbs Of my loathful life I'm going to say £1.75 for that Alright Was it me to guess first? Yeah

It wasn't was it? It was because remember I said 50p first last time So yeah Yes you did I am going We've got three more items Not two like he said

Because he's trying to Shorten his very existence On this planet I'm going to say That's 80p Okay And let's now have the penultimate item in this epic price of shite game we're playing here today on cheap show paul now this is another item i didn't bring because it was too big and we weren't going to play it anyway but basically in there was something quite delightful it was a take that board game and you say about how i mean spy skills must have

had a board game as well it was this new way of marketing boy bands and stuff yes i'll go so far as to say i reckon the spice girls probably had more than one board game maybe it's all out all i will say on the subject without doing any research is that there seems to have been this new pop embrace of pop in like spice girls and take that east 17 it was like market pop again, which it hadn't really done properly for a while. The Osmonds had loads of board games and TV shows with the monkeys and stuff. Yeah, well, because dance was so dominant in the early 90s. You know, that sort of anonymous dance.

Yeah. Because of the rave thing, you know. But you didn't have pop groups like that. You had these dance collective things. Yeah. And then they came back, is what you're saying. What period are we talking about? Spice Girls is 96, isn't it?

Well, we're talking about early 90s to mid 90s. Early to mid? Yeah. When you could get away with all this marketing again. Because as I say,

in the 80s, maybe Duran Duran had a manual. There was a lot. There wouldn't have been a board game and a video game and a movie.

You're saying that the merch, the marketing machine was much more came back in place. And I think bands were sold more on what they could market it was like a revitalization of that trend in pop right anyway the board game is kind of very simple the idea is you play as a personal assistant and you have to make sure your take that member gets on tour so you can only play with four members five where they're five five mark howard johnny rat face and pinkerton and they would take that members no there was gary mark howard jason

and robbie uh robbie left and then one of the other two left leaving the last three right there's only two now yeah so not the last three oh there's still three yeah there's three of them gary and mark and then either frankie or or Howard. Frankie Howard. I can't remember. Anyway, so the board game is simply, you go around the board. Every time you do a full rotation, your Take That member goes to a different part of the world. And once you go from Manchester, New York, Tokyo, Paris, back to Manchester, you win. Do you know what this reminds me of? What?

Of a game that we played recently. What? The Miss World one. Yeah, actually, yeah, kind of similar. Yeah. Far more basic than that, get kind of similar yeah far more basic than that but kind of similar in structure but there are challenges where you turn a card over it says gary likes your hat go forward two spaces or you slept through you your alarm and take that i've missed the plane

go back one space it's that kind of thing but there's also take that questions and i want you to test me on a few take that questions at random let's see see how good a take that fan i am because i am a big take that fan all i do each night is spray hoping that i've had a curry or something else that day oh please stop words all the times my tummy gumbles and the bum comes out the bum comes out i don't know what that means. Relight my arsehole. My bum is a total disaster. Relight my arsehole. No, no, no, no, no. Rewind. Please wipe my bum hole.

My bum is a total disaster. Rewipe my bum hole. Because I poo need to poo. Myself. You've got to be strong enough to wipe on through your arse. mole, because I poo need to poo myself. You've got to be strong enough to wipe on through your ass. Paul, are you ready? Yeah, go on, hit me with a take that question. How old? How old? How old

was Gary when he wrote A Million Love Songs? 16. Other options? There should be options. There are three options. Go on. A, 15, B, 17, or C, 20. 15, then. Yes, you're correct.

Yeah. Do you get two points if you... No. Without getting the multiple choice? No, in the game, it's just like you get the options, and if you do, you lose. Well, not in the game. We're not playing the game.

You're playing my game, sunshine. In that case, two points. No, just eight points. You get one guess. You get to guess, and then I'll give you the fucking... I've got to take that token. I'm only doing one or two more questions. Just two tops, really.

Because I am so bored of this right now. Let's do one more, then, just to prove how great I am. What was the name, Paul? Yeah. What was the name? Name. Of the first single, Take That, released. What was the name of that single?

Do you think you can answer without getting the multiple choice? Do What You Like. You're right. Do What You Like. I don't remember that single. That's the video where they have their bottoms wiped and all the jellies when they were going for the more sexy look yeah it was like get our bums out for the kids they were basically male strippers weren't they when they started they

had a weird look but i would argue if you want to see a more embarrassing look watch boyzone's first appearance on the late late late show i've seen that it's classic and it looks who's that presenter he's uh he's on the footage isn he? Yeah, but it's kind of embarrassing. They all start coming on and start doing weird dancing in their dungarees and weird pirate hats. No, great footage, Paul. Anyway, for what it was, it was a fine game, but it was condescending, I think, to its younger audience.

Now, you didn't look at the price of this, even though you've played with it? No. Okay, there's the envelope. I see it. So I'm going to say it's £1.50. Is this the last item? No. We've got one more item

after this, but we'll do it very quickly because I'm going to save for something else. I'll say £1.50 as well. £1.50 as well. All right, final item. Eli now has the envelope

and the scores. He's opening. He's easing the flap open with his big thumb, staring me all the while. Now... It doesn't look like it's been tampered with, everybody. No, it hasn't. I have no need to tamper.

Now, he's got the scores over there. I've got them in, so I'm going to read them out first, then you tell me what the actual score was, okay? Yeah, but they're in a different order than we did them. It's fine. Always this case. All right, well, then, tell you what... Can't you ever just do it in the order?

No, you can't. I couldn't because they're sealed. It's hard to. Do you ever want to just fling a fucking complaint through before you throw it at me? Well, just to make this go smoother. Can you do it in the order it's printed out there? Then I'll just read it out beforehand. So tell me what the first thing is.

I'll tell you the scores and you tell me the actual price. Okay. All right? Yeah. Go on. So the first thing Ash has on this. Yes. Oh, there's little aliens at

the bottom nice little print is the take that board game take that board game okay we did second to last and we both said one pound fifty for that so how much was it was one pound poor no between there no between there we're looking for between again if we get it 25p either way we get one and if it's on the nose we get two petwings yeah so in that instance because we were 50p out of the final price no petwings were given i was hoping you might be right there in which case i've piggybacked on your petwings but unfortunately we both fell on the first hurdle so what's the next item uh the spice girls it says album here but in fact it is a photo album okay it's not a spy it's not what's the name name is spice girls don't actually Actually, don't.

Don't ask any of those questions. Spice Girls. It'll come out of that cupboard. It'll be out of that cupboard. What is this? Spice Girls. Name a Spice Girls album, Trackbot. Too young to live.

No, that again, that's wrong. Are you sure? Trackbot knows all. That robot needs a different. My favourite Spy skills Track is Everything changes He knows fuck all

He does He needs a new data set Spy skills I said 80p You said £1.75 Fuck How much? 75p

Oh We've got a petwing on the board And the first petwing has gone to Paul A petwing One petwing for you there Because you are within Easily within the 25p Nice Zone of radiance on the board and the first petwing has gone to Paul. A petwing. One petwing for you there because you are within, easily within the 25p.

Nice. Zone of radiance around the nubbin nose. Right, so what's the next item? Uh, the Riot Police VHS. A distasteful item. A Riot Police.

You said 25p, I said 50p. The final price was? Fuck's sake. What? 50p. Oh, it's two per twings for

Ganon. And one for me. And one for you. I didn't forget that, Mr. Silverman. I wouldn't dare. I was very astute

and played within the 25p. You did. What I'm referring now to as the zone of radiance around the nubbin nose, Paul.

Now we're going to say that and say it again. The next item was what, Mr. Silverman? The next item on my list that I have here in front of me was the Looking Magazine. The next item was what, Mr. Silverman? The next item on my list

that I have here in front of me was the Looking Magazine. Our last item. Oh, Looking Magazine. So I said a pound, you said 50p. It's 50 people. Oh!

Ooh! Drama! Nose and nose! And that means right now the twings are three each. Three for twings each. Oh, I'm going to have to... Do you mind if I...

I might have one too. Oof! I might urge one out. No, I didn't mean that. Urge to have to. Do you mind if I? I might have one too. Oof. I might urge one out. No, I didn't mean that. Urge to spurge. Oh. At least we're having fun at last. We are having fun.

Bloody hell. This is the great thing about Cheap Show. It's better right before the end than we finish. Next item is what? We've had the Look In magazine. Did you score on that? You said no, you didn't. I said a quid, so I got nothing.

Nothing, yeah. That's why we are now tied. After the Looking Magazine on my list, I've got the Cooking Mamma Tat. The Wii stuff, yeah. The Wii accessories. So I said a quid. Which I didn't actually see in person.

Okay, I said a quid. You said 150. What is it? One pound 50. It's one pound 50. Look. Oh. What is it? One pound 50. It's one pound 50, Paul. Look at that. I've gone into the lead. I can't believe this.

Just snuck into the lead there, but there's still- I've got it on the nose twice. Two more items. Bigger, bigger, blow. A blow, blow, blow. Two more items. What will happen? This is thrilling stuff as we head towards the end of this.

A closely pitched price of shine can i just say yeah bigger blow of how you like me now paul how do you like me do you like this now yes am i doing this right for you now would you like some jelly on it would you like some jelly on it now i have an urge to smudge come on well i'm just looking for the next one on the list paul and the next one on this list here yes is the football fingers football fingers uh now i said 50p you said one pound 25 and the score is oh you've gone into the lead it's 30p oh no i have gone into the lead yeah only get one between yeah so i've got four and you've got five oh jesus this is one of the best games of the Price is Right we've ever played. It's nipping and

tucking. So it all comes down to the what I believe is the gentleman's crush weird. Weird crushes, top trumps, oversized pink

deck of cards, deck of trump cards, terrible, probably my least favourite item. So do you want to flip this one for the last one? What was your

least favourite item Paul? Probably the football thing, no the Wii stuff, I fucking hate that shit in general. Oh, you hate the Wii stuff. Yeah.

I hated those cart, that top trunks. Yeah, it's all the same, that shit. It's a waste of trees. Anyway, do you want to reverse this? Do you want to tell me what the price is now? And then I'll tell you what the points were. Okay. And what are the petwings going into the last item?

So right now, it stands at five petwings for Eli, four petwings. Amazing. So I need to be honest. I don't think I'm going to win this, but I could draw. Well, if you got it on the nose. If your guess, which is? No, you tell me the final price, and then I'll tell you the scores. The price of the item, the Weird Crushes card set, was 50p, Paul.

Okay. So it was 50p. It was 50p. What was my guess, Paul? 95p. So you're out there. I said 60p. It was 50p. What was my guess, Paul? 95p. So you're out there. I said 60p. Oh.

Which means, Eli Silverman, we have drawn. It is five betwings apiece. Let me... We need touching. We've shaken each other's hands. Well played. That was probably one of our most nip and tuck, duck and dive, wheel and deal.

Nip and tuck? That doesn't nip and jab that doesn't mean what you think it means shall I try shall I try saying it go on that was probably Paul

one of our most exciting closely fought battles battles at the game in the in the between arena no nip and tuck

a bit of wish and wash pick and tuck tick tack you did it you did that thing where you were... Little ducking and diving. You were bopping and chopping. You were about to say something

and then you didn't have the words to say what you wanted to say. Thumbing and thumbing. I've done it all. Oh, sometimes I love that when you do that, Paul. Well, thank you, Ash. What a wonderful, wonderful thing. A lot of fun, that.

Five betwings each. A good haul. A great haul of betwings each. A good haul. A great haul of betwings. A great haul as well. So let's calm down and let's wrap this episode up. Cheap Show is over. Put down your pens. It is time to stop.

So as we like to say, your one-stop shop for Cheap Show is over. Put down your pens. It is time to stop. So, as we like to say, your one-stop shop for Cheap Show stuff, social media, YouTube, whatever, whatever, whatever. Dedicated pages to episodes. I like to say it. It is thecheapshow.co.uk. You'll find links to everything there. Go look. Go check it out.

Lots to enjoy. And hey, if you think you can send us a challenging price of shite, we have a P.O. Box. It is P.O. Box 1309 Harrow HA19QJ. But also it is in the metadata for this episode in the podcast app. You are listening to this on. We also are supported by Patreon people.

So if you want to become a Patreon person and help keep this podcast going and get therefore access to magazines extra podcasts behind the scenes stuff video episodes lots of secrets and surprises you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show give what you can but only give what you can if you can and to those who already support us thank you so very much love you patrons thank you very much for everything everybody thank you i'm eli silverman and finally digitizer is back as a full retro gaming series you can find it on the digitizer level 2 channel on youtube episode one is now up it's a barnstormer and they're going to be released weekly now for the next few weeks but also we're going to host it

on our website as well in case you want to go there yeah just i'm in it i'm in some of them as well he's in some of them as well but i'm in it mostly so if you want to see biffo and me and retro gamers and having a laugh and lots of people trying to not be sick then digitize the level two is the series to go and enjoy right now on the youtube right do you have anything to say or should we just go now should we um just turn him off? He doesn't know if he's not charging. No, what I just do is put a blanket over his head. You go in the cupboard with him.

Hang on, no, I've just got to throw it over his head. The problem is he knows, the thing is he knows that I'm doing it now. Paul, you'd be going in the cupboard with him. No, I don't go in the cupboard with him. I just open the door and drape it over his head. Hang on, let me just do it now. Hang on. You've got to be quiet.

All right, I'm not. He's charging. I'm not doing You can't be quiet. All right, I'm not. You're charging. I'm not doing anything. What are you doing? Shh. It's bedtime. Oh, no. It's...

Just put it... Don't... Don't do it. The track bar. Slade released an album in 1986 called As You Like It. As You Like It. I know. I know. I think he's gone.

He's gone to bed. Okay. Cheers, Paul. I'm going to go to bed upstairs. All right. I hope you've closed that door, otherwise Randy Dog's going to be in there. No, the Randy Dog don't mess with me.

I saw him. I think I give him the ick. I give the Randy Dog the ick, Paul. He sniffed me and he was going he was gonna go for it i mean i was chummed up goodbye everyone goodbye from cheap show till next week bye everyone and he fucking he got the ick shut up you