CheapShow - Ep 372: Books Bunny

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

This week’s episode is all a bit random and bemusing. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Bugs Bunny ever visited London in the early 1970s? The answer may confuse you. In a Charity Shop Showcase, Paul is offering up a strange child’s album featuring Warner Brother’s most famous Looney Tunes that brings up way too many questions. Eli has a few odd trinkets himself, a curious assortment of toys, games and tiny toys, but Paul would rather get into his Page Turners segment! There are three books to investigate, ranging from comedy double act tie-in annuals to a large helping of 1980s nostalgia with Smash Hits 1985. It’s the final book that proves to be the most interesting. What if you turned Cadbury’s Crème Eggs into a literal egg hunt? One book, following in the trail of the legendary “Masquerade”, will present its own “Conundrum”! Find out more in this week’s economy comedy podcast! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-372-books-bunny And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

We're here. Let's be present in the moment before we start, both of us together, Paul. Please, look me in the eye. I don't want to. I know you don't want to, but this is the point. I don't want to do this this week, I'm going to be honest with you. No, you never want to do it. No, I do always want to do it. I'm just tired. I'm just having a long weekend. Alright, let Daddy Gannon...

You've always had a long weekend. ...have a hush-lo-shush-shush time. I'm not hungover. I just want not hush-shush-shush time. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're not hungover. I just want not hard shush-shush time. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're not hungover. Wow. You are in a state of being which millions of people share daily. All I'm saying is, Paul, we need a moment to bond as friends,

beyond the podcast, just as mates. Having a laugh, yeah? Doing something we... How do we do this now, then? Just look at me let's just before we start okay so let's do the cold open now

I'm not clapping you sarcastically I'm doing the clap clap clap as in edit don't do the slow clap don't do the slow clap I'm not proud of what I just did

now we do it yeah now we do this you had it going yeah I've slow clap. I'm not proud of what I just did. Now we do it. Yeah, now we do this. Right, ready? Yeah. You had it going. Yeah, I've had it going the whole fucking time. Of course I have. I know, because you're like, oh, I'm Paul.

Eyebrows. I'm doing my eyebrow voice. Dr. Spotlight came. It's not your normal fucking voice. Dr. Spotlight came to me, and that's how I turn it on. I'm feeling a little lift of Dr. Spotlight myself right now, Paul. So, how's the... Maybe that's a character for

later dr spotlight he comes in makes everything better yeah i'm dr spotlight how are you feeling today dr spotlight we instructed you to wait i've given up on it giving up on dr spotlight the problem with it is dr spotlight is a is a thing, isn't it? Yeah. And I've realised it. I've realised it. Anyway, in talking about the characters... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you did one last week

so it's my turn this week. No, but he's... No, he's been hanging around. Ernest, but he... It's not his name. That wasn't his name from last week. Don't you remember?

It was Roderick Josh Roderick or whatever it was, wasn't it? No, it wasn't Ronerick Ronerick. It was. He was trying to do Ronerick Ronerick. It was not

Honorick Ronerick. It should have been Honorick Ronerick, Ron, Ronerick. It was not Honorick, Ron, Ronerick. It should have been Honorick, Ron, Ronerick. Honorick, Ron, Ronerick will show up one of these days and you'll be fucking sorry when he does.

Well, good. Why? What's his USP? He writes papers. He writes papers. He's an academic. Is he? I remember what he writes

papers about, Paul. Yes? Yes. He writes papers about the significance of source to this podcast we do. You want him in? You want him in, Paul?

Because he's my number one made-up fictional sauce academic. Welcome to Cheap Show, this week's episode I don't want to do. Press the fucking credits. Off, run, run, off, off, run, run, off. Paul, Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Chief Show. Sources and words and phrases.

Two things I'm responsible for. I hate you, I've got to be with a posse. It's the Price of Shite Welcome to Cheap Show Didn't we have a lovely day the day we went to Cheap Show? It's Cheap Show time, the economy comedy podcast where I, Paul Gannon, and my good friend Eli Silverman That's me everybody, hi Go through the charity shops, bargain bins and pound lands of Great Britain and bring you back the treasure we find amongst that trash. And boy, howdy, have we got some weird curios for you today.

We've got curios. It's a curios episode. You got some curios? I did. I felt like this episode could be vaguely vague. We always get P.O. Box stuff coming in. We love it. Keep it coming. But we haven't actually grabbed anything ourselves in a while, have we?

What does a Victorian granddad eat for breakfast? Oh, here we go. You weren't listening. You're inside your head and you just thought, I've got this. Eat for breakfast.

Sorry, start again. What does a Victorian antiquarian granddad eat for breakfast? Does it matter? Curios. Sorry, everyone. I'm mulling it over.

It's not bad, is it? It's your kind of gig. I do like it. Yeah, you do like it. But it just needs a little bit of a sizzle. It's the... Wait, what's Curios? Cheerios.

Yeah, okay. Actually, doesn't matter. You could say, what would a Victorian man like for breakfast? Cheerios? No, they don't. Cheerios? I think Cheerio is First World War or something, isn't it? I don't know.

Cheerio, love. Cheerio, governor. I'm off to get murdered. Oh, I'm going to fight for the old king of country. Oh, Cheerio, mother. I'm off to the war. Cheerio. Ew, Cheerio.

Two months later. Oh, a letter's come in the post. We regret to inform you, your cheery son is dead. Cheerio. Cheerio, he's dead. Oh, my word. Well, what a great start to this week.

What were you saying before when I was thinking of that joke? I don't know. Something about stuff you bought. I don't listen to myself either way. No, what I said was we keep it vague. We have PO box stuff come in, but we very rarely these days buy stuff for each other to go, look what I've found, look what I've got.

I don't know about you, Paul, but I have a problem. I mean, you're just, that's not, it's a dishonesty. We're constantly buying crap in charity shops and sending each other photos of it. True. We live this. We live this. Okay, I'm going to look to the middle distance

and say to our listeners, we're living this. It's the charity shop tat lifestyle down to a tee. Down to a second hand golf tee. I'm actually cupping. Yeah, we are. We're cupping. You weren't listening to me then, were you? No, I wasn't. No, Paul. Because sometimes when you go into your little thing now,

I just go, oh, he's going to be at this for a while, so I just go to happy land in my head. I wasn't. I had nothing there. You've got to see how strong it is when I started. I heard the bit when you said cupping. That was a good bit. No, cupping was a dead end. A dead end. Well, as it often is.

Dead end cupping. Come to my house. Don't know where I'm going with this. We're getting straight in. Yes, right. What we're doing today is I've got you a me... What do we call it? A me-casser-sue-casser. A me-casser-sue-casser.

It's just a me-casser to you-casser, isn't it? That's fine, because you've done the same to me in the past. So maybe this is a charity shop showcase with an added bonus in that you can take away both, neither, or one of the items I got. Oh, I see. That's the little game, is it? So let's say it's a charity shop showcase with an added, you can have one of these if you want it, kind of addendum.

Oh, do I have to give you one of mine then? You know I like my addendums. Oh, you love a dangling addendum. And then after that, once we've shared and contrasted what we've got, I've got three Paul's Page Turners, which we'll work into a little mini Price of Shite. A little Price of Shite for me to guess the prices of these paperbacks, are they all? Yes.

Three paperbacks, three prices, three separate little narratives. It's all coming up here on Cheap Show. And now for my addendum, Ryan. Swing your addendum? No. Oh, I had to apprehend them. Okay.

Now I'm going to let you see this through. Because every week, mate, it's getting to the point where I think you're driving yourself mad. I think you're genuinely using this podcast as a way to purge yourself of certain pent-up emotions during the week. It's weird, though. We didn't used to be like this, where we talk shit for a bit, and then one of us snaps. It's not healthy, is it? No, it's not.

It's not healthy. In episode 78, one of us just doesn't go, oh, garbage, and then one of us snaps. That's not healthy, is it? No, it's not. It's not healthy. In episode 78, one of us just doesn't go, oh, garbage, and then snap. Scream guttering. No, I'm on board, Paul. I'm back.

Right. So, do you want to present your item first before I show you my two? Let me have a look in my bag. Yeah. Because we're just going to get into it. Show us what's in your... Oh, it's a whole food bag.

Oh, I've got basically three things. Okay things in the bag paul show me your three things edit will come into our my two things uh first thing um microphone around the corner uh where they have amazing drops because you know what it is there there is no filter between someone dropping a bag off and then getting out on the shelf i've seen my own stuff yeah go out within the day in and out so they don't and they don't look at it they don't they don't check prices for things no most of the stuff's crap but you've got like these weird collections of children's toys and stuff and this came in oh yes you have shown me this yeah the svengali board uh game. Except it's not a card game. It's by a company called Child's Play.

Right. It's in a little plastic case. Like a Top Trunks case. It's very much like a Top Trunks. Or Top Trumps. Top Trunks is all about the best things to wear in the pool. Top Trunks, Top Trumps. Top Trumps Trunks.

About elephants and... And cases to put treasure in. No, this is by a company called Child's Play. I've never heard of. Never heard of. And they are little... It has the feel of something sort of prototype-y. You know, with the way with this...

Well, okay, let's skip to the chase. Basically, remember in Ghostbusters, where it's like the wavy cards and the thing like that, and you have to kind of use psychic abilities to guess the patterns on the card that you can't see? It's effectively that. It's a card game trying to make a game out of a faux science psychic test i'll read it to you yeah well there's there's a little score card rules card sorry svengali svengali cards the chord but i didn't think that was a

svengali because in modern parlance a svengali is someone who's like a manager or someone who does something for another artist no well there's also a Svengali in terms of like you are a um almost Machiavellian business-minded kind of hustler kind of guy yeah but again that's not really related to the what this game is so I'll just read a little bit of this for you uh Svengali a telepathy game aim it's just a low aim in this run easy aim and it's to transmit or receive shapes and colours

by telepathy Paul yeah that's what you're meant to do that's what you do you know we could all just read each other's minds

like that get the kids practising telepathy from an early age and then they're fucking Akira you know what I mean yeah no they are

contents you've got 36 of these cards now this isn't the famous design which you get from the beginning of ghostbusters yeah there's a name for those cards i just can't be asked to look just the doctor's name who invented them because they were and they were sort of they were meant to be a standard way of testing esp because back throughout a lot of the 20th century esp and telepathy and other sort of uh pseudoscience... Xenocards. Thank you. Xenocards. Thank you.

Put it this way. Someone just listened to trancey old house music or something. It was like it was in my head. It was so loud in here. I thought it was a thought I was having. It was very strange the way that sound entered into here. They thought that telepathy and other things like that, paranormal things, they still hadn't decided whether it was real science yeah no there's still people doing

serious scientific yeah uh peer-reviewed testing of all of that back then and then none of that turned up anything and that's why they don't do it anymore and now it's considered complete pseudoscience oh it's absolutely pseudoscience but again this is what this game is based on you have to hold up a card in front of your friend stare at it and go what am i thinking of based on what's on the card and the card's like a triangle uh of a certain color with a different shape in the middle of a different color always a shape within a shape like triangle with a circle in the middle basic circles squares and triangles and that's it so you would hold just out of just randomly eli grab a card and try and transmit that to my head and And I'll have a guess.

I'll use my psychic powers. Okay. I've got one. Okay. You've got to transmit it to me. I'm transmitting it. Are you? Yeah.

It's a red. Are you taking a shit right now, Paul? Are you squeezing one out, Paul? Because you did. I thought you'd done enough damage to the flat earlier. Mate, you have no idea the piping I laid. It was a one-piecer. It was a one-piece. It was a one-piece punch.

It was indeed. What is the shape within a shape that I'm transmitting? I'm seeing a square. And? And in that square... Inside the square is? I'm seeing a triangle. And the colour of the square?

Yellow-blue. Yellow-square-blue-triangle. Yellow-square-blue-triangle? Yes. Oh, it's a Yellow square, blue triangle. Yes. Oh, it's a red triangle, yellow circle. Within. There are actually two games. There are two games here.

Yeah. One is called Sixth Sense, weirdly, and one is called Svengali. Either way, it's a load of bollocks. So the first one, you take the top card and you try and transmit it. Yeah, bollocks. And then Svengali,

one player, the Svengali, transmits the shapes and colors as above but this time the receiver tries to give the wrong answer so basically the each consecutive wrong answer the receiver scores a point what the fuck is going on so the idea is you get you that's some kind of logic game that they've sort of smuggled in so that there's some kind of play well no it's basically saying the odds of you guessing the right card are as probably as as what's the way are reduced compared to guessing wrong all the time and accidentally being correct. You're more likely to get it wrong, aren't you? Because it's less specific.

Yeah. No. But then that would be like, then, oh, I've accidentally guessed it correctly. You don't get a point, but I've proven you're psychic. It's very strange, isn't it? It's pointless. It's a funny little thing, this. And I've seen, I've just spotted, it says Child's Play, but that's obviously a sub-brand of this company, FX Shand, and it has a little card emblem, so I think they probably make playing cards more... Fair enough. I don't know. It's an interesting little curio, I grant you. Right, what's in your bag? Show us your bag. Next little thing I've got. You know how I like lunchboxes.

You do love your little boxes. This is a little, in the night garden, a miniature lunchbox. I mean, it is what it is. It is a little in the night garden a miniature lunchbox. I mean it is what it is. It's a little tin box. It's very nice. Look we've embossed as a clasp. And it has all the characters.

Mini lunchbox. That show I don't watch because it's for children. Rare five pounds has the sticker on the back. That's the other thing I wanted to mention to you. Rare five pounds.

How is it rare? I think there's just someone in there just is like oh it's rare. I don't yeah. Because when I went to buy it he went oh it's rare i don't yeah because when i went to buy it he went oh that's lovely that is the guy in the shop this was mined in

camden which is the ultimate funky cult charity shop isn't it it is i mean that's they had that whole horde of badges that lasted years there yeah i just gotta do the badges no more what happened to all the badges they have proper real people who work in that shop. People with life stories etched into their faces, if you know what I mean, Paul. So I see this on some websites and effectively it's going for like two or three quid. Oh, fuck.

And the one I tried to look for has now been sold. I think it's in demand. I mean, we're pushing up the demand as we speak. Yeah, now people are listening to this. We've given it the cheap show bump. Everyone's got to want a night garden tin box. It is actually quite a nice thing if you're into these kind of things, Paul. It's got a nice...

Which you are. Yes. You like your tins and boxes. I probably overpaid for it, though. I did. Yeah. But he finally, the guy in the shop, said, oh, yeah, that's nice, that.

That's Teletubbies. And I said, no, no, it's in the night garden. He went, oh, no, it's Teletubbies, Teletubbies. Maybe that's why he thought it was rare, because he thought it was much older than it was. tubbies was much before this wasn't oh yeah no it was the progenitor of that type of kids show although in itself not too different from like the marty croft stuff the uh hr puff and stuff type hr puff and stuff really well yeah it's suit it's children's stuff in a suit yeah yeah but like aggressively hyper stylized and visualized

banana bunch were essentially that. Oh yeah, that's a good point. La la la la, la la la la la la la. I like that kind of thing. Yeah, it's good. But it has to be a horror now. You can't just have a straight up. No.

What was that? Ooga Booga Barga? Don't know. I'm a Booga Barga. Googa Garba Garba. Babadook? No, it was on like Adult Swim, but it was actually for kids or something. No, it was on Nick or one of those.

I don't know. And it was called I'm a Bunga Bunga. I don't know. was on Nick or one of those I don't know and it was called I'm a bunga bunga I don't know no I don't know and I think you should stop what's the third and final item

you fight them you can see photos of all of this stuff you can it'll be on our website thecheapshow.co.uk oh what is it it's a little walrus

it's a little walrus it's a little plazzy walrus very nice didn't overpay for that it must have come from a bigger set of stuff. Well, it was by itself in Rock and Roll Rescue in Parkway in Camden. Oh, it's a little...

I don't know what to say. I mean, it's quite a nice mould, isn't it? It's a tiny, nice little mould. It's funny how the lines are still there. You should put it in that weird little house thing you bought. You know, the thing you showed me in your bedroom. Should I have brought that along today? It's too late now.

You've missed the boat. Now, this is a... You could live in that little house with the hens. There's been an update to my collection of plastic walrus-type things. Sealed walruses. Walrye. Walrye. Multiple walruses or walleye.

I've got walleye. I've got Eli. Are you okay, Paul? Paul, this is what I mean about being present. What do you know about getting anyone a present? I have another little plastic seal thing. Creaturette. Which I've had for years.

In fact, this is what I got for Virgil, my friend who died. His wife gave it to me. Okay. After. And look at this one. I'm sure I've figured that's good. Oh, you have shown me this before. It's a little flappy.

It's a little pink one and it's almost in a manga style and it's got a little reticulated tail, that one. It's a much better thing, isn't it? What is it? A sea lion of some sort. Yeah, a seal, I think. I wonder what you do with it because it's got a hole in the head.

Yeah, I think if you put it in a bath or something, it sort of shoots around or something. Or could you put it on a string? Yeah, I think it's just to hang it on a string. I'd put... It's got a little floppy tail. You like that better than the old daddy brown walrus? I mean, just in terms of play, it's a string. Yeah, I think it's just to hang it on a string. I'd put a little floppy tail. You like that better than the old daddy brown walrus?

Just in terms of play, it's better. It's actually a lovely little thing, the way that the hinges work on that. You can hang it upside down. Not only is the tail hinged

on the little pink one, the flippers are also with little plastic hinges. Yeah, I already said that. Anyway, that is my last thing. Right. Right.

Don't throw it around. It's a tiny little pink thing, mate. It's fine. It's going to survive it. It's is my last thing. Right. Right. Don't throw it around. It's a tiny little pink thing, mate. It's fine. It's going to survive it. done now. Yeah.

What's your favourite? What's my favourite of those? Yeah. Well, the pink seal doesn't count. No, it doesn't.

But what's your favourite of all those? It is the lunch pail. I like little... What are you going to put in it? Rizla papers,

lighters? Basically, yeah, because my suitcase one is getting a bit bashed up and might move to this. Might move on. It's perfect. Don't you worry, though, because my suitcase one is getting a bit bashed up. I might move to this. Might move on. It's perfect. Don't you worry, though, that if you take it in a bag, it's going to get bashed around

and that embossing is going to come off. That's what's happened to my suitcase one already. And that's what happens to these tins. But I do have that. Do you remember the crayon one with the little wheels? I've got that. I've got a little one that has all Japanese snacks on it. A box one as well. With a magnetised lid. I'm into them. Sorry. i don't know if anyone can hear this at home but i'm shrugging

he's shrugging his whole face is doing the whole paul shrug everybody do the shrug it's all down to you now i'm gonna sit back and enjoy this chinotto right in that case ladies and gentlemen it's time for a kind of proto charity showcase. It is the charity shop little, little showcase. It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Come and come and come. Come on, come to the charity shop

showcase. Check it out. I'm Jimmy, Jim, Jimmy, Jim, Jim Pavarotti. I'm the Jimmy and Pav Jimmy, Jim, Jim Pavarotti. I'm Jimmy and Pavarotti, Jim Carby. I've got a Jim Carby army. And I've got Pavarotti. It's the Sherry Shop, little, little showcase.

It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Yes, it's the part of the show where we go, Oh, that's nice. of the show where we go, oh, that's nice. I mean, your things were nice. I'm not saying they weren't. You haven't even allowed them to be included in the showcase. It's more of a kind of pre-showcase.

Charity shop pre-showcase. Fuck you. You're the pre-show to the big deal. Well, I'm going to have a little moment to sit here then. All right. And have a bloody drink. So I went out yesterday to get a few things for you. Two things came.

Oh, for me? So these both, you can have both of these. None of these, one of these. You can have both? If you want, because you might not. Because one of them I was excited about. And then I listened to it last night and I was like, hmm, I don't get this. So I'm going to show you this one first.

It's a vinyl. A vinyl. Say what you see. This is. Yeah, you see see Bugs Bunny comes to London I have never seen this before I've never seen this MSP got this in music for pleasure Paul yeah which are very uh we've discussed before one of these budget labels very prominent though in the uh yeah 60s and 70s anyway I got that at the RSPCA in Watford, just off the high street. And I was excited about it because you see on the front, it's like this kind of psychedelic 60s London

with Bugs Bunny looking cool on the front cover, right? The illustration style looks like Mr. Ben, doesn't it? Yeah, it's got a bit of that. A little bit of that, yeah. But the actual picture of Bugs himself is very much in the... Classic style. Classic Warner Brothers cartoon style. So basically, it is a story adventure of Bugs Bunny coming to London

and being given a tour by a policeman. And that's the adventure. It's licensed. With songs. So it has to be licensed. But basically, what's weird about it is you hear it at the beginning and it starts with a song. And it sounds like Bugs Bunny.

It sounds like Mel Blanc is singing as Bugs Bunny, right? You think, oh. And then the episode starts, the adventure starts, and for whatever reason, it's not his voice anymore. Because he didn't want to fly over. No, no, no. But it's weirder than that. Bugs' voice, like someone's doing an impression of it,

but they've pitch shifted it so it's quicker and higher, like a pinky and perky thing. Yeah, like a, yeah. And so when I was listening to it the first time, I put it on and thought, is this at the wrong speed all of a sudden for some reason? Or do I have to change the speed between tracks? But then a policeman came in and it was like, hello, hello, hello.

And it threw me off audibly because it sounds, I don't understand. Because the voice that they have in it sounds enough like Bugs Bunny. But I feel like they've sped it up to hide the fact that you can probably tell it's not the real Mel Blanc voice. Meaning to imply that I did not believe that you were your actual Hollywood celebrity. But I am, I am. It's me. I can honestly assure you that it is I. blank voice. doesn't leave till 8pm from London Airport. Oh, I think I've still got some time yet it doesn't leave till 8pm from London Airport. So, in the story it's someone else, but in the songs it's Mel Blanc singing them. There's two songs, one at the beginning and one at the end, where

I think... London, Here I Am, started at the first side, and then London, Oh London at the end of the second. Yeah, which I think are the only things Mel Blanc's given to the album. It feels like maybe they went, can you just sing this song and this song and then we'll get a sound alike in for the rest of it. Because once the story starts,

Bugs is almost secondary. There's a whole bit about cricket in that, where it's just, and he took the wicket there and he goes down there. And it's just like that for two minutes and then a really boring song about cricket. Oh, that Bugs sings? No, Bugs sings two and a half songs.

I love this sort of thing. The best thing on it is a track called The Bunny Hop, which has this fucking wicked bass line. So it is a song? It's got songs and story. I mean, I can just put it on right now, Paul. I'll tell you what, let's have a little listen to it right now. What I'm going to play for people right now in the episode

is the track Bunny Hop, but I'm going to let you listen to everything else right now so you can get an idea of what I've just out of breath. I got to keep going. Oh, yeah. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. Well, that just about does me for today.

Oh, come on. Come on. What a find. See, it's such a weird curio because you've got all these British actors going, oh, I've got to know, and oh, I'm a taxi driver, and I'm a policeman. See, it's such a weird curio because you've got all these British actors going, oh, I'm a taxi driver and a policeman. It's terrible. The audio play itself, meandering

and sort of feels like it wasn't rehearsed. It feels like it's unscripted, doesn't it? I mean, it is scripted, apparently. I looked at the musician who did the lyrics and the composer who did the music and they're both British guys who basically in this era worked mostly on music for pleasure stuff

and wrote Rupert the Bear album or the Lack Olympics. It's a knock-off, essentially. But it's licensed, though. Warner Brothers have said you can do this. But Merry-Go-Round, the label within the label for music for pleasure, dealt solely in things like Rupert and Wendy Craig does Beatrix Potter

and those kind of kids stories I've seen it you see it you see a lot of it but I've never seen that one so that's that find

right great we just listened to we listened to a little bit of it and it isn't weird what they do with the voice Bunny Hop yeah the Bunny Hop

which I've put into the episode which is funky what's that riff that's used in hip hop it's that used in Christmas in Harlem or whatever it's called. You know, the one that they use in Die Hard?

That rap in that? Yeah. It has a sample in that, doesn't it? I need to actually hear it. Basically, that riff and that riff are very, very similar. So? Wait, I'm obviously misremembering the name. Hang on.

Die Hard. No, there's a lot of songs. Christmas in Hollis by Run the MC. Oh. Okay. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. That's...

You know what that is? It is Backdoor Santa by Clarence Carter. Okay, but that riff sounds like that. Hello? Providing you're right. Excellent. I'll prove you right now. I'll give you fuck it.

I'll show you Backdoor Santa. Get Backdoor Santa by Clarence Carter up. All right, hang on. There you go. But you agree that the riff in that, in Bunny Hoff... Sounds very similar. It's very funky. Great find, like I say.

So I get to keep as many of these as I want. If you want, yeah. The second one I'm going to pull out now. You ready for it? Yeah. Close your eyes, actually, for this one. Oh, really? Yeah.

It's not horrible. Is it wet? No. Is it hard? Oh, it's paper. Have a look. It is paper. Oh, it's not paper is it wet no is it hard oh it's have a look it is paper oh it's not paper it's it's a storosaurus paul it's a storosaurus it's a box for your cassettes i like this so it's like i like all this crap i don't know but like it's got a place to put you you know the old cassettes the old audio cassettes. It's like a soft case. Soft casing, but then inside it has a rack for compact cassettes. And this is a Staurosaurus, and it has a giraffe-type creature wearing a walk...

Well, a Staurosaurus. This must be 90s, right? Probably, yeah. It's got a 90s vibe to it. The colouring and everything. It's multi-coloured. Yellow, purples, pinks, greens. How much did you have to part with?

Funnily enough, they both were the same price. And I'll let you guess if you want to have a laugh. I'll give you an honorary patwing for it. Where did you buy them? So they were...

Actually, one was bought in a North London hospice in Watford and one was RSPCA in Watford. Both in Watford though. Yeah. So I'd say they were

a record of this with about the same price. The exact same price. Now I will say I think they're a little bit expensive for what they are. £2.50. Close.

£3.00 for the vinyl. I was going to say £3.00. Well you didn't though. No but I looked at this and thought £3.00 but then you said the vinyl and that is a bit much

for a vinyl. But I'd pay £3.00 for that. I mean I don't know how much it's going for on Discogs you know can I get both of these because I do have

some cassettes that I need to put in here it's a Mikasa Tsukasa so if you want both and you're going to use both then you can have both I do need to put some cassettes in here

the Storys alright well there you go that's my Mikasa Tsukasa charity shop showcase for this week do you like it? Yeah.

Good, wasn't it? It was very good, yeah. Better than your shit. But... You fucking walrus wank and your kid's tin box. You have to then... You have to just... No.

This is how you... I'm peacocking. This is... Put my arms at everyone and I'm peacocking. Talking of characters, Paul... Hello! No, no, no. I'm Dr Spotlight.

No. You're feeling under the weather, are you? Well, here you go. Tell a few jokes in front of this crowd of 100 people. I don't have any jokes. No, you fucking don't, do you? How truth come from mouth. I'm sorry, who am I talking to?

Me. You're talking to me now. No, he's present. As soon as he gets his fangs in, he arrives. Now. Ben. Ernest. Yeah?

Scungeness right he wants another chance basically he's been contacted because you said there was that particular aspect when he mentioned that other thing he did

yeah he can come back later and he wanted he wanted to have another go no I'll keep it secret until later in the show because you haven't got anyone I do actually you've got someone

for this week I'm going to interview I'm interviewing them yeah they were coming in a bit later I think it'll be a lot of fun and it's not Dr Spotlight well I hope not he's already bedded in. I'm going to interview. Yeah. I'm interviewing them. Yeah, they were coming in a bit later. I think it'll be a lot of fun. And it's not Dr. Spotlight. Well, I hope not.

He's already bedded in now. I like him. He's not bedded shit. He's coming through the back way. He's a pretend for the crowd. You'll forget he fucking exists. What's that? You've got a bit of touch of the floor.

Why don't you do Hamlet in front of a crowd in Shakespeare Town? Just the on the noseness of that gag. It's beyond word shit, Paul. Is it? It's beyond word shit. Is it? Did you like mine better than yours, though? No! I like lunchboxes made

for children. Don't clip that! Well, that's what I'm going to be using out of context for the first few years of your suspended sentence. Right, so... It's now time to finish this segment with Paul reigning supreme and move on to the next segment of Cheap Show.

And that segment is a segment all about books. And I've segmented the segment into segments so we can take a look at each book each and then Eli can guess at the end the prices of the books. Officer, officer, don't try and offend them. They've got a hairy append-addendum. No, you can't even fucking do that. Addendum, what's it called? Addendum, addendum. I've got a hairy addendum. No, you can't even fucking do that. Appadendum. What's it called?

Addendum. Addendum. I've got a hairy addendum. Yes. Bollocks. Right. Suspend them. Spend your bollocks.

Context. Brackets. Hello. Hello. Hello. Are we beginning to lose? Hello. I am a doctor.

Hello, doctor. Doctor Papa. Dr. Papa. Come on. Let's get this going. Dr. Papa what? I'm Papa Dapadendum. Right. So so nothing then.

I'm a Papa Dapadendum. Eh? Dr. Addendum. No, no. Dr. Addendum always comes in at the end with a little bit to add on the end. I'm not a real doctor. I'm going to do it then. Hello.

Hello. Hello, I'm Dr. Addendum. I'm Papa Dapadendum. And I want to just add something to the end of what you just said just then. Oh, but I'm not Papa Dapadendum. Can to just add something to the end of what you just said just then. But I'm not Papa Dapperdendum. Can I just add something to that, please? A little bit of things. See, on the nose, we never reach a truly surreal

moment because you have to tie all this literalness in. Yeah, but just saying Papa Dapperdendum is just... I think that's pretty funny. Well, it's not, though, is it? I'm Papa Dapperdendum. See, now it just sounds sad. Now it sounds like the last weird bob. I am sad. Yes, you are.

I'm an unhappy person. I'm unhappier. I want the sads. Here we go. Here comes the real Liverpudlian. That's good. No, it's not. None of this is good, Eli.

Objectively, none of this is good. I've got a new suit on. Yeah. And I'm a father. Yeah. Papa Dapper-dem-dem. Dapper. I'm Dapper. Dapper- Dapper Dendem. Dapper. I'm Dapper.

Dapper Dendem. Please press the button. I'm not. I'm never going to press the button again. Aren't we doing the books? I don't know what we're doing anymore. We're looking at books. What time is it?

What time is it, Eli? We're talking like old men. You don't know how to have fun anymore. Okay? I know how to fun. You do not know how to have fun anymore. i know how to fun you do not know how to have fun i have fun all the time i don't you don't never had fun so try in this moment that we have these fleeting moments that we have to share with our listeners when they'll be our last exactly so let's have fun so when i say something like papadapadendum just go

do the mouth thing do the mouth thing do the mouth thing I do the mouth thing as and when I think it's necessary thank you thank you it is the

charity shop little little showcase it's the one place where you can show your stuff why it's

Paul's Page Turners you're gonna love this segment it's Paul's Page Turner why do You're going to love this segment. It's Paul's Page Turner. Why did I have to use the word fucking segment to rhyme? What rhymes with segment?

Pivot. No, it doesn't. Welcome to Paul's Page Turners. I went out and got a few books in a charity shop, all in Watford. I went to Watford. Everything's Watford-based. Watford isn't actually inside London, you know that? No, that's true. Sorry, I take that back.

You've got books. Three books. We're going to start with least interesting to most interesting, I think, in this instance. Now, this first book was fascinating because I saw it and I was like, wait, I think I had this as a kid. But the one I had was a hardback. This is a paperback version. Okay.

And there's nothing, you know, I think we've covered these people a few times in the past, but I wanted this book because it was a beautiful thing so I'm going to show you it now okay it's built it up oh it's glossy

like a glossy it's a glossy the Morecambe and Wise special it's a Morecambe and Wise special by Eric and Ernie apparently I don't think they wrote two words in it

but I don't know I've never seen this this is very much the format that the Monty Python books were put out in. And goodies. The goodies had a few books similar to that.

It's like a reinforced magazine sort of format. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like that. It's like a paperback annual. It's a paperback annual. Paperback annual.

It's the type of thing where like Empire magazine would do a special on a certain subject and they'd give you something like this. Yeah. It's got a fold out

of Eric and Ernie. That's very much Monty Python. They had all those little sort of formal things that they used to do yeah print run and playmate oh you know like letters that would fold out and stuff like that you know so you're meant to think oh are you going to see morcombe and wise's big dicks oh yes and you don't it just ends up being them upside down yeah like a playing card that's not very funny is it no i mean the thing is it, I've always found these kind of things interesting because effectively they have to distill the visual and comic language of a double act into the written form.

And it's like, well, how do you do that? And a lot of it is kind of like the Python book where it's spoofed, recognisable things that people would read in magazines. Yes, for example, like a crossword there is in there, a spoofed crossword, all different spoofs of different sort of things you'd have in magazines, like you say.

Interviews, fake interviews, sports. There's like a play in there. And there's some photographs. And there's a comic strip, yeah. Comic strip as well, which is almost a bit sort of Viz-y. It is very Viz-like, actually. You're right. That's quite nice, actually.

There's a few pictures in it of them. I wonder if Eddie Braben wrote any of this, because Eddie Braben was the guy who famously wrote with Eric and Ernie and developed their very particular style for the BBC. And did he write with anyone else? Yeah, I mean, I can't remember off the top of my head

who, other famous double acts, I don't want to get it wrong, but he is well known. I used to have one of his books about the autobiography of his life that he wrote. And he never performed himself. I don't think so. I think he was always just a writer.

But he was the guy who basically came up with the idea of Malcolm and Wise sharing a bed and living together like a married couple and forming that whole relationship. Which completely cemented their legend in the minds of the nation. Yeah, on Saturday, it was kind of heartwarming to see them act like a kind of married couple in many respects. All those clip shows.

That's what everyone talks about. Those sketches when they're in bed together don't they yeah but what was great about those segments it was like they weren't like sketches they were like get to know these as like sitcom characters almost yeah which is why famously that scene where the fire engine goes past the window right before he gets into bed eric morcombe says well he's not gonna sell many ice cream going at that speed all that stuff comes from there oh i thought that was a um like a line that people had actually come up with at gigs sort of thing no that's an old more coming wise line yeah that eddie braeburn probably wrote um i'm trying to find a writer for this and i honestly can't see where it says written by weird it is copy

written to eric more coming ernie wise or earnest wise 1977 this book came out at the height of It is copywritten to Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise. Ernest Wise. 1977 this book came out. At the height of their powers at the BBC. And when did they move to ITV? Mid-80s, I think. Way past their heyday then. Yeah. There's a wonderful jokes page here.

The worst puns in the world. Read it to me. I'm just not very tall, said Ernie shortly. Shortly. Oh, yeah. Three new plays to write this morning, said Ernie playfully. Playfully. Ernie, I'm going to break you into two little pieces, wisecracked Eric.

Cracked. I hate fishing, he carped. Carped. I've lost the new job, he said, disappointed. I don't get that one. Appointed. You were appointed, and you were disappointed. Oh, Eli likes that one now. I don't like that one.

Don't let that bull near me again, said the matador. Cowed. Cowed. He was cowed. Anything in the honours list, asked George, peering hopefully. Peering. I then grabbed my parachute and jumped, he explained. Plane. Ex-plane. Ex-plane. Exit plane. I can't bear

much more of this, just to let you know, Paul. I can't actually handle much more of this. I've just come in my pants, heaculated that wasn't there it is it says here ernie says i've just come in my pants he ejaculated it doesn't say that it says ernie came in his pants it does not say that and then eric says afterwards oh you've come up short again see what i mean because he's tiny and he's covered in ejaculate can we see what the next book is i mean that's uh good and all but please Can we see what the next book is? I mean, that's good and all, but please, can we see what the next book is? Have we done 10 minutes on this yet?

There's a little bit of history from them with pictures of their old posters when they used to do the end of the pier shows and things. I just never found them. Do you mean? The great Eric Morkman-wise. They're just not that funny. Yeah, just fuck off.

Just fuck off. Come on, mate. What do you mean they're not funny? I just, it never tickled me you know i find funny more funny than that little and large you're a little enlarged say that benny hill oh mate not the bits where he's chasing women around just the bits where he's slapping old men or chasing other women around the guy i know you like slapping bald men you've made that very obvious and yeah i, I don't know. I like it.

No, it is a nice thing, Paul. There's the lyrics to Bring Me Sunshine. To be honest, it's a nice thing. And a lot of effort went into it. You can't imagine a publication based on whatever, 10 out of 10 cats or something. Yeah, exactly. Having that much care put into the production. In the 90s, you did get your first year of good comedy tie-in books.

I know Fist of Fun had a really good one. Yeah. You don't see them anymore. Perhaps they still do do them. I don't think they do, though. Not really. It's not the same thing. Usually it's a Mrs. Brown's Boys load of shit,

and it's obviously just farmed out. But, you know, that's the first book in Paul's Page Turners, and Eli will have to guess the price a little bit later. Okay. But let's move on to the next Paul's Page Turner. later okay let's move on to the next paul's page turner you know me i like looking i like fast forward magazine i like all that stuff and when i saw this i had to get it as well so eli what is it uh he's handed to me very similar format to the first book yeah they're all kind of similar apart from the third one this is is Smash Hits Yearbook 1985. Yeah, it's an annual, paperback annual, glossy,

with all the characters and stars of 1985. It's the year the 80s broke. When it's hymen burst. What am I talking about? Hymen burst. What does that even mean, Paul? That's when you lose your virginity if you're a woman. Yeah, but obviously that doesn't relate to this, does it? No, it doesn't, and you shouldn't have said it.

I didn't. I didn't say it. I didn't say it, did I? No. I mean, you're in charge of the edit. Yeah. I'm in burst.

Oh, look at the back. Oh, I'm in burst. Look at the back. How much do you think it is? You can't see, listener, but the back has got a huge £2.50 written on it. Yeah, you can't miss it. They must have been back has got a huge £2.50 written on it.

Yeah, you can't miss it. They must have been proud that it was only £2.50. I mean, £2.50 was probably a little bit costly at the time.

Something like this now would be a £10. Yeah. Easily. At least £10, if not more. It would be more, probably £13.99.

Maybe £14.50. I don't know. It would be a £99 rather than a £15. I've seen £20. Really? I have. I've seen 20 really? I have I've seen similar kind of things

in double H Smiths like in an airport yeah it's always fucking double H Smiths I remember that ghost hunting book I bought at the airport

just for something to read while I waited for the plane and that was like I think $9 or something and that's no it was more

it was like $15 it was expensive and I did regret buying it because it was full of nothing yeah but at least you know

I had something to read while I was playing Goose Game as well. You played Goose Game a lot. What's on the cover? Wham. Wham. Boy George. Boy George.

Tracy Ullman. Tracy Ullman, because she was releasing an album at that time, wasn't she, with songs on? There is a photo of... Who's that? The guy from Duran Duran. I met him when I was supposed to meet Freddie Mercury, me and Virgil, in the studio. Did I tell you that story? No, imagine wanting to meet Freddie Mercury

and then just meeting that guy from Duran Duran. Le Bon, what's his fucking first name? Simon Le Bon. Simon Le Bon. Yeah, so yeah, that had come down. It was bad. We weren't into Duran Duran. Set it up then.

Tell me why you were nearly going to meet Freddie Mercury. So this is what, 80s story then? Yes, probably around this time. 85. Maybe a bit later. All right. I would have been post live aid uh no no okay pre-live aid it's very hard to say anyway i do have this remember

this memory give us your remembrance virgil's dad was recording in a studio in london and as you've mentioned briefly before virgil's dad your best friend he was in yes yes steve howe of yes the guitarist of yes and he just we were going to meet Freddie Mercury. This was going to be our treat, because it was like a treat when he took Virgil to the studio anyway. Right, okay. It was a big deal. Virgil loved it.

He loved going to the studio. Of course you would, though. You get to go to the green room and hang out. They often had a pinball machine in there, you know what I mean? Drugs. No, no. A lot of drugs and alcohol. You know, you can see why that appeals to a kid.

No, it appeals to a kid to hang out in a studio yeah well especially like it's busy and everyone's being creative and there's a vibe yeah I get it

so why would have why was Freddie Mercury going to be there then was he recording something with Queen or helping out with Yes he was recording with Queen I think the

I think the the connecting tissue here is Trevor Horn oh like most things in the 80s yeah exactly but Horn was

is a friend of Steve's, Steve Howes. And obviously was in Yes. And was in Yes briefly, yes. Yes, yes. But yeah, Simon and Bond turned up instead of Freddie Mercury. Oh! I know. Maybe my whole life story could be different.

Probably unlikely. Well, it depends. Simon and Bond, to be fair, was perfectly nice, but was a bit like, oh. Who's these two fucking kids? Some fucker's kids. I came in to do a fucking rail of fucking coke. Steve was obviously like, to be fair, was perfectly nice, but was a bit like, oh. Who's these two fucking kids? Some fucker's kids. I came in to do a fucking rail of fucking coke. Steve was obviously like, oh, Simon,

could you just do me a favour? Because I've got my son here. I said that, you know, like Freddie Mercury and, you know. Yeah, he was a terrible addict, wasn't he? Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. Also, Duran Duran, I just think are a bit overrated as bands of that era go. Okay, that's it.

Don't come at me. Anti-Duran Duran, anti-Morkham and Wise. I know. I prefer Morkham and Wise to Duran Duran. Well, yeah. Next to Simon Le Bon on this smash hits yearbook

1985 is the whole of Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Yeah. There we have Howard Jones. Yeah. And is that Fun Boy 3 at the bottom?

Or it could be Thompson Twins. It's Thompson Twins. Let's have a little look. Because wasn't Howard Jones in Thumb Boy 3? No, he wasn't. No. Yeah, I think that's Thompson Twins. Thompson Twins. It's Thompson Twins. Let's have a little look. Because wasn't Howard Jones in Thumb Boy 3? No, he wasn't. No. Yeah, I think that's Thompson Twins.

Thompson Twins. Yeah, because they were huge at the time. And inside, literally, it's not too dissimilar to a looking magazine annual. There's some cartoons in it. You mean comic strips. Comic strips, yeah. The Year in the Life of the Culture Club. Oh, wow.

Andrew Ridgely in his pants. He was a big sex symbol, wasn't he? He's got very hairy legs. I don't see it myself. Andrew Ridgely in his pants. He was a big sex symbol, wasn't he? He's got very hairy legs. I don't see it myself. Andrew Ridgely, 20 questions. Are you good at telling jokes? Only if I concentrate, he says. He was always like, please get me out of here.

I don't like it. What would you do if you weren't in Wham? Well, it's 85. You'll find out next year. Exactly. Good, good. He famously did... He split them up, didn't he?

Or did George Michael was just... His star was so ascended that they kind of fell apart, I think. But if there's been a story about it, there's been a thing on Netflix, hasn't there? Yeah. Not that into them either,

I have to say. Not for me, really. But you do watch some of those early performances, George Michael performances, Paul, and you have to hand it to him. He was a class act. Yeah. George Michael, dance, singing, you know, you have to hand it to him. He was a class act. Yeah.

George Michael dance, singing, you know, the whole thing. Funny, look at this. It says, if I hadn't met George, well, our percussionist said I'd still be the best looking bus conductor in London. He was a bus conductor. I mean, maybe. I don't really know. You don't get those anymore, do you?

No. Do you hate being criticised? Is George bossy? Can you speak foreign languages? Weird mix of questions what o and a levels have you got what was the first record you bought his favorite is mud rock by mud his first album was good by yellow brick road his first single was popcorn or wig wham bam by the sweet yeah morrissey 20 questions don't give a fuck oh dear i dear. I've never liked Morrissey anyway, regardless of him as a person.

I hate, hate the sound of his voice. Really? Hate it. Don't you admire some of those Smith songs? No. I have no love or real hate. We're going to get hate from everyone on this. There's Tracy Orman.

There's a calendar in the back when songs were released and stuff. All right. What's the third book? Hang on. I'm going through it, you cunt. They talk about how to record a Duran Duran album. Anyway, that's that book. I'm going to have to give that a proper read,

but I quite like that. I thought it was interesting that you get a calendar and shit. Now, were all of three of these books bought at the... So there's Michael Jackson in there as well. Yeah, Michael Jackson. Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee Your new LP, Thriller, is out in Britain. Are you pleased with it? And he goes, Is it out already? I've got a copy.

In the stores? Yeah, it's about to be. Are you pleased with it? Oh yeah, I'm pleased with it. Paul, if you're interested in Michael Jackson in that era, apparently there's a documentary about the making of We Are The World. Oh God. Which has some great footage. Yeah, but that's a horrible fucking song and I hate it.

No, but it's like a proper behind the scenes stuff. Apparently it's very interesting. Why did you choose the title Thriller? You like movies a lot. I love movies. All movies. But I don't like scary movies. Why not?

I can't sleep after watching one. It scares me. What a strange man. Yeah. That's not exactly the most cutting edge opinion of him. Always like he was actually sort of like putting across this image of infantilism. You know? What kind of people

offered you songs for the album that you didn't expect? I heard there was one by Stevie Wonder you rejected. Stevie had one which was good. It was a good song.

A danceable song. What was its name? And then he goes, I don't know. I don't know. What a great interview. They kept that in. I thought we were going to get

some juicy stuff about which song was dropped from the album by Stevie Wonder. I was like, no. What album? Thriller just came out at this point. It's a really big, long interview and it looks like it was legitimate. It was the biggest thing.

It was bigger than any of those British acts, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. At the time. I like listening to Paul McCartney's early solo stuff a lot. Of course, it does have his collaboration with McCartney on it. Yeah. Do you like groups like Human League and Soft Cell? Yeah, but I like Beatles. All right what's your favorite beatles song my favorite beatles song is paul's favorite beatles song what's that yesterday it always touched me

the most i love it do you think anyone's come near the beatles songwriting quality yeah holland those year holland who are the main songwriters at Motown, or the most famous. Yeah. There was several classic songwriting partnerships at Motown, though, at the time. Including Ashford and Simpson. Yeah. You know them? Solid.

Yeah. Solid as a rock. And also the other really famous songwriting partnership, Whitfield and Strong. Barrett Strong, Norman Whitfield. He's not a very good interviewer, this guy, Michael Jackson, is he? Do you like Elton John? I like Elton John. What do you like about him? Whitfield. He's not a very good interviewer, this guy, Michael Jackson, is he? Do you like Elton John? I like Elton John. What do you like about him?

His image. He's good. I like his good songs. We're good friends. What other English bands do you like? I like Black Lace and Russ Abbott. Atmosphere is a dance floor banger. He doesn't say that.

You're lying. He does. He does not say that. Agadou is a... I nearly rejected Agadou. Stop making up... I rejected Agadou from Thriller. Stop putting words in that dead legend's mouth.

Oh, do what I want. You won't. Hee hee. Black Lates are the best. Oh, we are now literally doing fucking Keith Lemon shit. Yes, we are. Now for the third and final book. Right, last book.

Now, I found this in a off-the-beaten-track charity shop that I'd never been to in Watford before. It's kind of round of a corner, round by the off-the-main strip of the shops that's up there. And I saw it and I went, oh, is that the book I'm thinking of? And it wasn't. But I'll let you explore it. I think this is super fascinating.

I even showed this to Stuart Ashton. Now, Paul, you lied. This is a hardback book. I did showed this to Stuart Ashton. Now, Paul, you lied. This is a hardback book. I did say that was a hardback. Earlier in the episode, I said all of these are the same. Oh, apart from the third one, which is a hardback.

I didn't listen to you then. I know. Sorry. Nor did I listen to you just then. Don't know what you said. I don't know what you're saying now. What are you saying right now? What's going on?

Where am I? I'm alone. I'm all alone in that box of my dreams. Who am I? Where are my dreams in that box? There's a box of roses. I have panties. Do I wee?

Do you wee? I have toilets. Do I poo? What is it? This is... It's a book. A book. About?

Can I use my own words to do this, please? If they are real words, yes, you can. The book's called, Paul, Conundrum, and a detailed illustration on the cover depicts a wind vein is that what they're called yes i believe you can get away with that uh the man digging is is portrayed in silhouette in this the metal of the wind vein yes and it is the cadbury's creme egg mystery yes written by don shaw illustrated by nick price there's a sticker nice original sticker still on this which is nice that no one took this off. Note to readers, all 12 eggs have been found.

Oh, so this is like Masquerade. It's exactly like Masquerade. And it's the same art style, similar art style to Masquerade. So Masquerade came out in 79. I think this was mid 80s. But effectively, it's the exact same thing.

It's a book of poems and short stories, fairytale like, but each one is a location to a hidden... Solid gold cream egg. Yeah. Now, when you found the egg,

you didn't find an egg. You found a certificate and you would take that to London and give it to the people who'd made the egg and they would give you the egg in response. But there was a 13th egg

which was never released as part of the book. It was a promotional thing. But that went on sale two years ago in an auction and it went for £70,000. Wow.

So it was like a fabergé egg but in the cream egg i mean i can see it one here it's a very lovely thing the egg you know look with sort of gold filigree yeah um all molded and stuff now there was a little bit there was a little bit of controversy with the masquerade book because it's alleged that the person who eventually found it had some insider knowledge and And the main prize... We should explain, for those who don't know, Masquerade was an illustrated book that came out... By a guy called Kit Williams. Kit Williams.

Well, I had a copy, and it was... The whole thing was a treasure hunt riddle, a mystery, an enigma. What do you call it? I don't know. It was like a treasure hunt riddle book. Riddle book.

Yeah. And so you deciphered all of these beautifully detailed paintings that he'd done uh full of information and clues and weird little yeah codes and stuff but eventually then you would find a massive piece of jewelry that he'd also made as well depicting hairs and so forth in gold very uh very pagan almost right it was very old english pagan yes very much the countryside and all that cool basically a bit folk hor bit folk-horror-y.

Yeah, so interestingly enough, though, the prize was discovered eventually. However, there was a scandal. In 1988, the Sunday Times printed a story that accused the winner of the masquerade contest of being a fraud. Ken Thomas, quote-unquote, was revealed as a pseudonym of a man called Dougland Thomas.

Thomas' business partner, John Gard, was the boyfriend of Veronica Robinson, who had previously been a girlfriend of Kit Williams. Gard allegedly convinced Robinson to help him win the contest because they were both animal rights activists and he promised to donate the profits to the animal rights cause. I guess that didn't happen. The Sunday Times alleged that while living with Williams, Robertson had learned of the approximate physical location of the hair, which is the necklace thing, and remained ignorant of the proper solution of the book's main puzzle.

So then he found it, given a crude sketch, and then submitted it, saying, is this roughly where it is? And Kit was like, yes, you found it. But then allegedly it turned out that he hadn't really found it. Oh. Just a rough estimate of where it was.

It has been dug up now. Yeah. I think it's even been sold on auction a few times since. Oh, look. What's the book called again, I guess? It's called Conundrum. I'll read a bit of the blurb, Paul. Yeah.

In 1983, Cadbury commissioned Garnard the Crown Jewellers to create 12 golden eggs for Conundrum, the Cadbury's cream egg mystery. Each one is 22 carat gold, each one uniquely and exquisitely enamelled, and each one contains at least eight ounces of gold. Okay, so that's why it goes for so much, because there's a sort of market at least eight ounces of gold okay so that's why it goes for so much because there's a sort of market price of the amount of gold you see yeah

yeah yeah well they were real they're like made by a master jeweler in london you know and they look very beautiful garnard the crown jewelers but weirdly to advertise cream eggs it's effectively a big advertisement for cream egg but do you think they they saw the huge hype at the time and buzz around... Yes. Probably. Probably exactly where they got it from. And they said,

let's do one of those. Because think about it. But how much money had we got to... Well, a lot. ...splash around to make these eggs? Well, those eggs,

I think were like a couple of thousand pounds each just to make. Yeah. It makes sense to some extent because there's a sense of, oh, an Easter egg hunt, a treasure hunt.

It fits thematically with the product, yes. and i like the fact that rather than being one prize there are 12 to find across the uk yeah that's cool as well it's democratizes it somewhat um but the little it's great that you have the the sticker on this note to readers all 12 eggs have been found so i mean how much did they knock off the price but it's like that board game where it's like if you can solve this board game, you can win a million pounds. No, you can't anymore. But every reprint says the price has now been solved.

There's a website called the Armchair Treasure Hunters Club and they have pages dedicated to breaking down the solutions to these. It says here, it was a book for Cadbury's Cream Egg illustrated by Nick Price, written by a guy called Don Shaw

who basically wrote short fiction stuff. This is kind of unusual for him to write a puzzle book. The 12 paintings and accompanying verses contain clues to the whereabout of 12 curated caskets.

These caskets contained a certificate of ownership with a telephone number which the finder then called to claim the exquisite 22 carat gold egg created by Gerard,

the crown jewelers. Each egg had a retail price in excess of 10 grand. Crazy. Because it breaks down every single clue now. So you know where to... Oh, so you can look through it. So you can now look up and go...

I actually really like the paintings in there, the illustrations. Kind of spooky. Yeah. They've got this sort of egg-shaped motif running through it, if you see what I mean. Yeah. Don't they? Yes. Every picture has an egg shape in it.

Yeah. That one is like trees framing a guy on a little donkey. Or Professor Egghead. Oh, it's Professor Egghead. And there's a story that goes with it. And at the end of the story, it alludes to where one of those eggs is. But similarly, like we were saying with the Morecambe and Wise, the amount of effort and work that's gone in to producing this thing.

This similarly, like you can't imagine a company like...'s gone in to producing this thing this similarly like you can't imagine like a company like bothering to do this doing something like this at all now can you i would it'd be interesting how successful this was as a campaign there's not much on it online other than the bare basis of the fact that this book existed and you can buy it and there's this website tell you what there was just too much money sloshing about in the late 20th century wasn't there it's just sloshing about but the late 20th century. Wasn't there? It's just sloshing about. But at the same time, this is kind of quaint compared to some of the things they do these days.

It's like, we're a fucking jet plane or whatever with tabs and shit, that kind of stuff. Yeah, and more thoughtful and good. I'm not saying I hate it, but I just think that just the sort of, how could you justify this as a business helping the bottom line as an advert you know but i wouldn't know the first thing about solving these i like puzzles and i like logic puzzles and stuff but these are so kind of obscure and because basically i've just very quickly read the solution to this one professor egghead and it says he's on a journey to a town and he passes certain villages and you think all right so it's on that route these are real places that exist but then it says but you have to also look at the picture because the picture will give you clues as to where about in these villages you should go right

and what visual signifies levels of geographical accuracy going down yeah so then it says like the road between cardigan village in the next village called old warden town forms an avenue and as one of the journeys towards the latter village there was a farm gate on the right hand side similar to the one in the illustration these two are the opposite sides of the road so you have to look I wouldn't be able to figure that out. No. But I don't know the people who did. Well, it's a big deal because it's quite a big prize, I guess. So they don't want to make it easy. Yeah. I just find it interesting anyway that this i didn't know about that have we

mentioned that we might have mentioned it before i saw ashton's did a whole talk on masquerade he might he might have mentioned that no when i told this to stewart i sent him a picture i said i heard of this i literally said oh you've probably heard of this but look what i found he went holy shit i've never seen this before amazing that is easily my favorite item of your books paul now can i play price of sight on it please wait there is a daily mail article which is unfortunately the only article that seems to exist on the internet talking about this story right okay quick quick quick quick quick thing then i've just done some research now it was very successful the campaign however there were problems it led to a lot of people breaking onto private property digging up

land so they had to call off the treasure hunt because of complaints from landowners so only a few eggs were legitimately found and the 13th one the most expensive one was never actually meant to be discovered it was a promotional thing uh and that's the one that went for a lot of money cabris called the whole thing off and removed the last few undiscovered eggs due to an over enthusiastic response from the public causing havoc across the countryside. Crazy. So, let's now do the Price of Shitey bit. Did you like that

book best? I liked that book best. How much best? I know you're clock watching, so I'm dragging this out now to piss you off. Let me have a quick long look at this story. The Isle of Man egg was the twelfth egg. I'll give you the twelfth egg. I'll give you an Isle of Man twelfth egg. I'll give you the 12th egg. I'll give you an Isle of Man 12th egg.

I'll give you a distended addendum. I will give you an extended addendum. Extended addendum on my face. For mice in your face. You, eh, officer, can you apprehend them? When they're swinging there, here he addendum. Ooh, I can't comprehend

them. Shut up, you fucking idiot. We're moving on. No, you, no! Right, Mr. Silverman, it's wrap-up time, but also a quick Price of Shite time. So, I'll give you a clue, right? Two of these books have the same price. One of them don't.

So you're only really looking for two prices. Two prices in total two prices so start with Morecambe and Wise how much do you think it is? all in Watford all in Watford

all in the same shop no three different shops three different shops there's a lot of charity shops up there there's more than I remembered loads of them

great place to go charity shop hunting really good place just outside of London still on the tube network on the lioness line now they call it is it? yeah I will say Morecambe and Wise £2.50 just outside of London still on the tube network on the on the lioness line now they call it

is it? yeah I will say Morecambe and Wise £2.50 £2.50 smash it's book £2.85

£2.00 £2.50 Conundrum book £2.50 £2.50 so I think those are probably the same price and higher

anywhere near a can we have 50p either way on this please if you do that means you've got three per twings because I will tell? If you do, that means you've got three per twings. Bam.

Because I will tell you right now, Morecambe and Wise book, three pound. Smash Hits, 85, two pound 50. Did you say that spot on? Yeah. All right, that's two per twings, that's three. And this conundrum walk, three pounds. Thank you very much.

So three pounds, three pounds, two pound 50. Nice. So I'm going to give you four per twings in all. Per twing, per twing, per twing, per twingwings and all between between between between thanks cheap show for this week no but i need to if you want to send them in can you get them while i'm doing the admin i'll just do the admin very quickly i don't know who i'm getting though paul because it's your turn to do the character this week unless you want terry three times again because it's um it's earnest but you know hang on hang on i've just brought him through now Right Because I've got

I've got things to do as well Paul And I'd like to be involved Amanda Can you send through There's no Amanda Paul Can you send through Do you want me to go get him Paul

Amanda send them all There's no Amanda That'd be another character now I'll just ask They're waiting outside right I'm sending in your character Oh dear Fuck's sake

Bring in the next character, then. Hello. Hello. That's me. Yeah, thank you. Come up. Here he comes. Oh, hello, see.

Yakida. Hello there. Hello. So what's your name? My name's Gareth. Hello, Gareth. I'm Gareth the Ghost Hunter, so I am. Ah.

And I look for ghosts. And you're looking for some in here? I've been looking for a ghost in here. I'm Gareth the ghost hunter, so I am. And I look for ghosts. And you're looking for some in here? I've been looking for a ghost in here, I have, I have. And how have you done? Well, I get me Johnny out. Get me old Johnny Ali out. Is that your PK meter? My PNK meter. I can't do the accent.

Hello there. I get my willy out and I waggle it around and I see where the ghosts are. How does that help? Well, the ghosts you see are drawn to my willy out and I waggle it around and I see where the ghosts are. How does that help? Well, the ghosts, you see, are drawn to my willy. They like the cheese. When I was brought up,

I have a very special gift with my willy. It attracts ghosts, you see. I go to a hoarded location, I get my willy out and then the overall musty essence comes out. The musty essence.

And ghosts kind of arrive around it. Fascinating. And I'm just going to And then the overall musty essence comes out. The musty essence. And ghosts kind of arrive around it. Fascinating. And I'm just going to get it out now for you. Oh, no, that's okay. And see if it's a haunted house. Gareth, that's okay. Here we go. No, you don't have to do that.

Gareth, don't do that. Here we go. Got it out for you. Now I'm just going to wiggle it in the air. Oh, fucking hell, mate. It's quite a beefy kind of clarity thing, isn't it? I know it's... Get him out, Paul.

You get used to it after a while, don't you? It smells like someone's had a sick roast dinner. Like they've sicked up a roast dinner, hasn't it? Get this fucking guy out of here, Paul. Get out. Ah, look, there's a ghost you see now. I've drawn a ghost in. Get out. Ah, look, there's a ghost you see now. I've drawn a ghost in.

Get out. The ghost's going to be sick. Gareth. Oh, the ghost's been sick on your carpet. I called you. So I put it away now. Please. There we go.

Oh, God. Right, anyway, so I'll go now. But I'm Gareth the Ghost Tantasy. And with my stinky stinky Willy of justice Go Bye now Bye My stinky Willy of spectral

Justice So anyway He's our new He's our new character He's got legs Well He's got a chance Paul But that penis

Fucking stunk man That fucking Christ That was like Someone stuck needles Up my nose Also I just had A little glimpse of it, and it was like so furred up with gunk

that it was glowing white. It was like white discharge. It's like that frost resins, isn't it, that you get on some deep sea creatures. It was bioluminescent smelly cock. Yes, it was. So anyway, that's Gareth the Ghost Hunter. I'm feeling strongly about him.

Right, that's it, Che Ghost Hunter I'm feeling strongly about him right that's it cheap show for this week go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk everything's there links to YouTube links to social media our Patreon patreon.com

forward slash cheap show extra content extra footage and we're recording tonight aren't we a night bussing for everyone so that's exciting night bussing to come

oh I'm really looking forward to that oh we're doing a big long one tonight patreon.com forward slash cheap show as we always like to say give what you can but please only if you can thanks guys and that's it for now we'll see you next week on another cheap show podcast thanks everybody bye bye bye everyone bye bye i'm gonna see if gareth will let me lick it no please don't i want to know what it tastes like no no gareth i want to suck on your addendum i'm i'm pressing the button your beefy addendum