CheapShow - Ep 374: Noodle Boutique

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

It’s been a while, but Eli and Paul are finally diving into a new batch of instant noodle. It’s a new year and because the Country Urban Noodle Testlab Kitchen is “occupied”, Eli is going to have to open up the “Noodle Boutique”. It’s a place where Eli can show off his hand picked noodle discoveries, and this week, he’s got two very interesting examples! Will they pass muster? Listen and find out! Paul contributes to this episode by simply p****** Eli off with a range of new and annoying characters. There’s a mean old man, a Scouse poet and a desperate ghost hunter out to ruin Eli’s return to noodletown. Maybe a quick game of The Price of Shite will make him feel better. Spoiler Warning: It doesn’t! More mucky business on CheapShow awaits you. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-374-noodle-boutique And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Sometimes, I feel like a priest in a fish and chip shop, quietly thinking, as the vinegar runs through, how nice it would be to buy a supper for two. That poem was by Roger McGough, and it was called Vinegar. Thanks. Welcome to Dan Strand's Poetry Strand. Dan Strand. Dan Strand's Poetry Strand. Strand. Dan Strand's poetry strand. Sturgeon. No, no, no, no, no. Where I go through weekly

some of the best Mersey poetry that's available. I'm really proud of me Mersey roots. I'm Dan Strand. You're Dan Strand. With my poetry strand.

Sorry, I thought I did, am I in the wrong? Paul invited me in to take over for a week. Okay, because you look similar. Because Paul was kind of tired. Yeah, well, we all look kind of similar, though. We all look like me.

You know what I mean, mate? Do you want another poem? I don't. Mersey. Mersey Docks. Look at that lady with the lovely locks. She gets on the ferry. She goes to Birkenhead.

She buys her shops and then goes back to bed. That's the story. I've got a question. I've got a question, Mr. Strang. Dan Strang. You can call me dan if you want me just a little question yeah there's that line from the poem you just recited to me yeah roger mcgough one of the great the one that just now that it was you oh yeah yeah yeah she does her shop she does her shopping in birkenhead no no no that wasn't the line you were really listening mate so you don't know what i said i want to paul i honestly i i paul's't know what I said, do you? I want to. Paul, I honestly...

Paul's not here. Paul's at home. He's having a day off. I want to start the cold open again. Dan's going to be your podcast mate today. Just so you know, mate. I feel... Honestly, I don't...

Got another poem for you? No, I... Listen to this. You're going to love this. Eli sits, cries, drinks, wanks, bed, repeats, Eli. That's me poem. I've got a poem. Have you?

Yes. Good. I'm all for poetry, mate. That's what they've brought me in for. You know, you poetry. That's my poem. It's cool. I like it, mate.

Beat. It's cool. Yeah, it's got the beat to it. It's got that kind of jazz beat. Poetry, mate, was invented in Liverpool. I don't know if you knew that. It was invented in Liverpool in 1804 by a man called

Scully McNabb. And Scully McNabb was the first person to make words rhyme. It's a fascinating fact that Liverpool gave the world the best pop music. It gave it the best poetry, the best football. History was invented in Liverpool, mate. You know what I mean? And I'm Dan Strang with my

Poetry Strand. And I'll see you next week. I'm off now. Good. Oh, bye. Oh, did you see that? Danny just came in. I didn't. Welcome to Cheap Show,

the economy comedy podcast. No, no, please, no. That's our cold open. It's not going to work, Paul. It's tough. It's not going to work. It's not working for you. But unfortunately,

it has worked absolutely perfectly for Paul. It didn't. So, welcome to... I'm sure you all love Dan. I'm Paul Gannon. That's Eli. I'm not doing this.

Welcome to Cheap Show. I'm not doing this. Tough with Star. Now the credits are coming in. I can hear them. I can hear them. I'm not doing it. Press the fucking button.

Press the fucking credits. Up, up, up, up, run, run, off. Paul, Paul Gannon. Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Chiefs show. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney, Chodney Borough. I hate you.

I've got to be used as posse. Cheap show to the mind. Cheap show to the mind. It's the price of Shite. Welcome to Cheap Show. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, by the way. The comedy comedy podcast where we go for the charity shops, bargain bins, the pound lands, the Great Britain.

Blah, blah, blah, Paul, that's Eli. Get into it. You just put me in a bad mood. Go on then. With your terrible cold open. Mate, you've got a chance to put me in my place now. Step up. Step up. I don't want to.

Because you can't. Can you? You're such a dick. Because you can't. Oh, I'm sweating. Please. Hello, welcome to the show. This week, we have got a little price of shite and a country urban noodle test lab kitchen.

It's not, though, is it? What is it? It's the other segment where we just go and make it in the other room and bring it in here and taste it. Yeah, because your flatmate's here and he... Oh, I haven't... Have you noticed? Yeah.

It didn't inspire me, that cold. I don't even feel like I'm doing the show now. It's really weird. It's nice and relaxed. It's not. It's weird. It's alfresco cheap show, isn't it? Oh, shut up!

It's alfresco cheap show. Right. You know who's not. It's weird. It's Alfresco Cheap Show, isn't it? Shut up! It's Alfresco Cheap Show! Right. You know who's coming in? Go on. Fucking... It's Wide Travelling Rob from last week, everybody. Alright, sit down. Hello. Yes. Hello, Paul. Hello.

Hello. Can you say hello to me? You can say... Well, I thought you were just getting sat down. Wide Travelling Rob. Where have you been through this week? I've been to very far. Yeah. Very, to me? You can say... Well, I thought you were just getting sat down. Why travelling... Where have you been through this week? I've been to very far. Yeah. Very, very far. You've travelled further than Hove? Way past Hove.

Where have you gone? Way past Hove. Yeah, no, where have you gone? I've been to Eastbourne. Eastbourne? It's very exotic. Isn't that not far away from Brighton, really, when you think about it? I thought you were going to say, like, Cuba or something.

Excuse me? Yeah. Excuse me? Yeah. It's very far. I've been very widely travelled. Eli, I don't feel inspired by this at all. Well, shall I do a bit later?

I'll tell you what. Can I do a bit later? Come in, Dan. All right. Do you still want me? Oh, hello. I ain't travelling, was it, Bob? Oh, hello, Dan. How are you do you still want me? Oh, I don't know. How travelling was it, Bob? Oh, hello, Dan.

How are you doing? What's your name again, mate? You remember me from the hotel. Yeah, I know. From the hotel. I remember. Yeah, I remember you. Well, why don't you remember my name then?

Travelling. Why travelling, Rob? Bob. Rob. Blob. Rob. Rob. Travelling Rob. You've read me. Rob. Blob. Robber. Rob. Travelling Rob.

You've read me your poems. Oh, yes, that's right. I wrote a poem about you, mate, actually, last night. Can I hear it again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're inspired. All right. Travelling Rob in his room fast asleep wakes up 4am and bashes his meat.

They're very good. You woke up your mate. Do you know where I'm planning? Pool. Pool. Hang on, I'm getting confused. Am I now? You're pool now.

Hello. I'm wide-travelled Rob. Yes, wide-travelled Rob. Wide-travelled Rob. I like travelling Rob. It's got a more kind of folksy vibe. I'm not going to lock in travelling Rob right now's got a more kind of folksy vibe. I'm not going to lock in travelling Rob

right now. The point is I've been widely travelled. I've been to several thousands of places all over the world. How many buses did it take to get to

Eastbourne from where you live? I took the... I had a lift. Yes, you got a lift. I took a lift. Oh, a lift. A kind of taxi thing.

I took a thing. It was like it had wheels. Do you never just go for walks? Hub, hub, hub, hub, hub. All right, you don't know. Okay, so travelling, Rob, is... I'm going.

Yeah. I'm going now. I mean, conceptually, the idea works, but ultimately it just goes down to you going blob, blob, blob into the microphone. Hub, hub, hub, hub, hub. Yeah, all right. All right, now I'm going.

I'll leave you to it. Cheap show, the pod. It makes things nice. Listen with your ears. Listen to it thrice. If you don't like it once, you don't like it twice. Oh, God. Give it a go.

It's actually quite nice. There you go. That's going to be released in my next book, Mersey Rules. And it's great, Mersey, because they tell you, Mersey invented chocolate. Did you know that? I didn't know that then. Chocolate was invented by Scousers in 1903? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. What was the first Scouse chocolate bar called? It's called Mert. Do you want a bite of me Mert, mate? Nice big chunk of Mert. Was there a game called Soggy Mert? Yes, there was actually. How was that played?

Well, I tell you. Okay. We used to submerge our chocolate in a bucket until it melted. A bucket? What kind of liquid would you use? Milk. Milk? Yeah, we used to melt chocolate in milk. A bucket? What kind of liquid would you use? Milk. Milk? Yeah, we used to melt

chocolate in milk. Hot milk? In buckets of milk. Hot milk? You had buckets of hot milk in the playground. Literally, the Liverpool streets were lined with buckets of milk.

You're much older if you remember doing this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1903, did you say? I look young, but I'm actually 270 years old. 270 years old.

That's the plan. Oh, fuck the busies! I've got to get out! Oh, I feel slightly better, Paul. Well, that's good. I'm glad I've cheered you up. Anyway, listen, look. We don't have...

We've got nothing this week. Hello. Oh, I really have nothing. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm quite anxious. And I've... Do you know what? I've...

Doesn't have to be gold. I'm running off very little sleep so we're both doing... You can tell the quality of that opening was really... I thought it was one of my best characters. I like the conceit. I like the execution. I can't get rid of Dan for my voice.

I'm trying to tone back the scouse. Tone back the scouse. Let's get BBC. Come on. Hello, my name is Paul. And you're listening to The Cheap Show Podcast. Well, it's been the worst episode of all time. I mean, we could only find out by going

further into it, can't we? What have we got coming up on the show? You've already said it. Price of Shite and a Noodle Test Lab kitchen delivery system takeaway. We should call it something like an Uber Eats thing or Deliveroo. We should have a Cheap Show version of that where we don't prepare the food, but it

comes to us. But we are going to prepare the food. We're just not going to record the processes. Not this time out anyway. So maybe we need to have a DeliverPoo. Do you know what I mean? DeliverPoo app. We order the noodle, ink the concept and then they deliver it. Then we go, oh, thank

you, Mr. Man. What about Uber Spunky Sheets? Uber Spunky Sheets. It's a bit too long. What's another one? I've got the app Gorilla Spunk. Gor spunky sheets. It's a bit too long. What's another one? I've got the app. Gorilla spunk.

Gorilla spunk. Next time you want an ice meal. Get here. Spunky here.

Shit here. It doesn't have to be spunk or shit related. Piss out my old piss hole here. Right okay so

it doesn't have to be related to any orifice. Shit bum delivers. Right good. I've reached the garbage. It needs to be.. I've reached the garbage. It needs to be...

Paul, I've reached the garbage moment. Maybe that's what the name should be. The garbage moment. No, gubbage. We use gubbage to order our food. Oh, garbage tip. Yeah, gubbage. I gave him a gubbage tip the other day.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. I did give him two gubbages. I gave him a foamy gubbage and a thumb up. Fucking thumb hole garbage. Well, we're both losing our fucking minds and we are only seven minutes in. Good stuff.

Is that seven minutes? It feels like my whole life. It does feel really long, this segment. That Dan Strang bit, wow. I love Dan Strang and his poetry strategy. I think him and Bob, you know. They could get on. Rob, sorry.

They could go on for walks together. That's good. I'd like that. I would like that very much. You see how it's working, new generation of characters. We've got Gareth the Ghost Hunter. I just felt it was sloppy.

Mate, did I tell you? I was sitting here, and I know we've been talking about all haunted room, bigging up Gareth and he wants to investigate, but I was sitting here waiting for you. And you know that little blue ball for soap you put in the washing machine, whatever they call those things? Well described. I don't think they have a name.

I don't know what they are, but it was on the couch, right? And I was sitting here, and then I heard a twang. And then that clothes rail thing behind you, the white one, vibrated, and then that blue thing was on the floor next to it. Now, I'm not saying I didn't accidentally nudge it when I was moving things around, and it rolled over, but I was sitting here for a good ten minutes before that twanged. Do you know what I think the explanation is, in all seriousness, Paul?

Please do. Have you noticed there's a certain vibrations, noise from out on the street really carries in here. So when, for example, a big truck goes by or someone who has got

huge illegal bass speakers in the boot of their car. But it really, it really rattles it. Yeah, maybe. And I think it's the vibrations. And do you remember there was that moment on,

I think last week's episode. Where the painting was moving. It wasn't the painting. It was that. It was the coat hanger. That's it. God, your mind is fucking like Swiss Tees. That's why I should never do this.

Yeah. Swiss Tees. Swiss Tees, yeah. Oh, I'm a Swiss Tees. It's where you get a cheese comes in and takes its rind off. No, I know I'm the Swiss Tees. Oh, you can't catch me. Get your curds away out, you dirty bitch.

Oh, you dirty boy. Oh, I'm't catch me. Get your curds away out, you dirty bitch. Oh, you dirty boy. Oh, I'm the Swiss Tees. Hello, would you like to see my... Oh, the EDAM's coming in. Oh, oh, oh. Take your red wax off, you fucking dirty... Oh, I stripped down the little waxy bit. Would you like to see my holes?

I'm Swiss Tees. Right, anyway, that's about ten minutes before we crack on now. Your big... Anyway. It's a wet hole on the Tees all i will say is that blue ball thing did didn't off twang off that because it felt like it was thrown at it that's all it that's all i'm gonna say i'm not saying it's ghosts it could have rolled off and hit it all these kind of things

i'm just saying we need to get gareth in we need to get gareth in to investigate this room at some point because i think there's a there's a spiritual presence here and gareth he knows how to bring them out of hiding with his foamy cheesy smeg malaced cock and his aroma of spectral law should do this price of shite is that we want to do first you get that first or do you want to do noodles first i'd like to do the price of shite first let's get the price of shite out the way and see who can walk away with some betwings because we can both play this one together oh do, do you know what? What? Poindexter re-emerged. Oh, where's Poindexter been? It's in the other room.

I'll grab him. Let's go grab Poindexter. Have a good old lovely game of Price of Shite, shall we? Okay, then. Come on, best chum. Okay, mate. I don't know why. I've ruined it.

There's no reason for that! I've ruined it. I panicked and I've ruined it. Oh, it took me so long to warm up this week. Sorry, everyone. I was a right mardy bag at the beginning of this episode. Mardy bag man. And I went bobble, bobble, bobble.

You said bobble. Oh dear. Let's just crack on with the show. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's the fucking price of shite. I said, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's the fucking price of shite. I said, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's the fucking price of shite i said oh oh oh oh it's the fucking price of shite i said oh oh oh oh it's the fucking price of shite i said oh oh oh oh that's the fucking price of shite and that's right see that's that's all right that one isn't it you can imagine almost like an 80s sample over that you know like what shut up for your face maybe yeah maybe like shut up for your face

oh that's more accordion you kind kind of want a Blue Monday thing. You do it again and I'll put the sample in. That's Blue Monday. I just said that. You weren't listening. I said it'd have to be more like Blue Monday. Why does everything have to be like Blue Monday for you? It doesn't have to be like Blue Monday.

That's one of your reference points. Although today is Blue Monday because we're both feeling like shit and it's Monday. Just do that again. Yeah. We'll see how that sample that I suggested worked. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, it's the fucking price of shite. Shut up in your face. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, it's the fucking price of shite.

Shut up in your face. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, it's the fucking price of shite. Shut up in your face. Ooh, ooh, ooh, it's that fucking price of shite. And that's right. Shut up in your face. Shut up in your face. What's the matter you?

What's the matter you? What's the matter you? What's the matter you? Hey, got to know respect. I got to know respect. What do you think you'd do, Mr. Silverman? Why are you looking...

I spuffed off on your face. I spuffed on your chest. Hey, I spaffed off on your face. Maybe we should release that as a proper single and see how it'll help. I spuffed off on your face.

Anyway, in other news, Paul. Yes, Poindexter's back Yes Poindexter is back. Poindexter is back. He's surfaced.

He's fine. He's in good stitch. Good nick. Good metal. There's no bruising. No.

And he's fine and we're fine. And he'll be looking after the points today. He'll be sitting upon the points and there's a

lovely sealed envelope. Upon the points for Twings. Yes. Points mean for Twings. The Twing sits

upon the points for Twings. He sits upon it mean betwings in this game. Betwing sits upon the points for betwings. He sits upon it. The point prices. Betwing, point dexter sits betwing points, betwing perturbed points betwing. Now, Paul, who is sent in? Petwazzock. Very good. Petwazzock, indeed.

And you described yourself. Yeah. An absolute petwazzock. Oh, petwazzock, indeed. When you describe yourself. Yeah. An absolute petwazzock. Oh, petwazzock. Now, is there a letter? Yes. Well, let's do this. Come on, shall we do this formally, please?

Yes, this comes from a chap called Matthew Lewis. He said he's been a fan for the podcast for six years. Oh, dear. And had the pleasure of meeting us at the show in Leicester last year, which is almost this time last year we did that show. And the Leicester Live show. Was it? I know, it seems longer ago, but it was a year ago we did Leicester Live.

It feels shorter to me. That's what she said. Ho, ho, ho. Was it? Who says that? Ho, ho, ho. Me. No, it's not.

You nicked it. Me and good old Scouser Jimmy Tarbock. It's Tarbock. He goes, oh, yeah. You're a nice girl, aren't you? Oh, oh. Hello, fat chummy. Oh, oh.

Chappy. Oh, oh. It's the Germans, the bomb-dog chippies. Stan Boardman. Another great classic scouse like Tom O'Connor. But I don't know any Tom O'Connor material. Stan Boardman. Was he the one who did the mic cutting out?

No, that was... That's another Stan the mic cutting out? No, that was... That's another Stan, I'm sure. No, that was that, not Duncan Norvell. I don't know, but he did the window, didn't he? He's like,

over there, you little... Yeah, God. And that was his whole act. And then trying to fix the mic stand for a bit. Yeah. That was his whole shtick. That's the glory days

when you think about it of light entertainment. Your act could literally be you have a groin grabbing bird on your arm and that's your whole act for 20 30 years if you're lucky i know you can run around on a fake ostrich chasing children on a pantomime stage and that's your career you can be you could just own a big dog and that's your fucking career in the 80s i don't know but he hadn't wasn't he working with his brother yes and then his brother died his brother died? No, they had a massive falling out

because I think Bernie Winters had an affair with someone in like a backstage dancer for the show. Right. And it broke up their relationship and one quit and he carried on and then got Schnorbitz the dog. Got Schnorbitz the dog.

And then his whole career was, hmm, everybody. Here's my dog. Yeah, here's my dog. That's my act. So weird. My act is I own a big dog. Yeah, I mean... I mean, you've seen Stuart Mill That's my act. So weird. My act is, I own a big dog. Yeah, I mean...

I mean, you've seen Stuart Millard's videos where he appears and his whole act is, where's my dog? Oh, there's my dog. Bye, boys and girls. Anyway. Anyway. Start again.

That's it. He joins our show. What's his name again, sorry? Matthew. Hello, Matthew. So he sends us a price of shite. Thank you very much for sending us a price of shite, Matthew. And nice to have met you at the Leicester gig almost a year ago now.

Indeed. So I have summarised the details of each acquisition below in no particular order. I have enclosed a price ceiling envelope, should you want to read it. Noted. I don't agree with the price ceiling because it becomes the something of the something. Come on, hand it over, Paul. However, I understand that something, P-O-S, would be something otherwise.

You read it. Please. I'll do a little mark on the center like this bit here. Okay, let's see if we can give it a better go. My eyes ain't what they used to be. It also includes, as you said, a price ceiling envelope, should you need it. You don't agree with the price ceiling because it becomes need it. Yeah. Don't agree with the price ceiling

because it becomes the source. Yeah, right. Okay, so it's not just me. Sorry, I'm sorry, but wow. The guessing. Yeah.

The second phrase is the guessing. All right. The source of the guessing. The point is, we're going to move on. However, I understand that nationwide price of shite

would be something. Difficult otherwise. Right. Yes,ult otherwise. Right. Yes. It does. He's right. He's basically saying he thinks it ruins the sportsmanship.

Well, what do you want to do then? It anchors. I think, if I may paraphrase, it anchors our guessing. Do you know? Yeah. Which is why we like a ceiling. And they've included a ceiling because they're nice. Yes.

So it's optional. So thank you. And we do like a ceiling here. Well, do you want to do a ceiling this game, or do you want to challenge... I would like a ceiling. Let's go with a ceiling, then. The ceiling in its own special envelope.

Right. Isn't it? Yes, there are four... So I'll take a ceiling. There are four items on the docket today for us to enjoy. It's two betwings on the nose, one between 25p, the way he's saying here.

Yeah, which is standard, which is general, which is standard. And there's a maximum of eight points available, which is fair dues. Sometimes we have changed, tweaked, as it were, the one-between window rule, as it were. 50p either side, sometimes we need the between. It depends on the ceiling, really, doesn't it? Sometimes when it's a high ceiling, we want our own ceiling, don't we? So we know how high to reach we know how we have got a

ceiling we've got a ceiling um so oh what a feeling we've got a ceiling oh i've left you reading when i've done so much peeing peeing oh i, oh. Oh, I've got a VD. It's made me very crispy. Crispy VD. Right, so should we crack on? Should we crack on? Can we just do that? What, crispy VD?

We could just do rhymes. We could. It's a very rhymic show today. Oh, my word. Right, okay. Let's crack on with the game. Are you ready? Or do you, okay. Let's crack on with the game. Are you ready? Or do you have any questions

before we crack on? Well, so we've got the prices in a little envelope, nicely sealed. Let's put Poindexter upon them. As is our want, as is our whim. Whim and want. As is our whim and want, and we'll put the finely wefted weave of the

Poindexter's butt. Poindexter's posterior will sit upon the price's stroke-per-twings of the price of shite. Indeed, but they are only potential per-twings for we haven't scored.

I love alliteration. We haven't scored, have we yet? Not yet. Potential per-twings. Now, shall we see what the ceiling is? Shall we see?

Open that ceiling envelope, Paul. See the ceiling. Certain. Ceiling. Sharp. Sexy. Crisp. Ceiling. Sharp. Sexy. Crispy VD. The ceiling is...

I'll leave you reeling. The total of the four items comes to no more than five pounds. Okay, five pounds for all four items. That's cheap. English pounds, of course. Just to clarify. Clarify. So we've got a five pound ceiling to be aware of.

Oh, gee. That's clarified butter. Start with this one, because I think this is the shittest item. I'll let you have a look at it. He's passed it over to me. We're right in, and I'll be hoping to score some betweens.

This is a mint on card new item, Paul. It looks like it's mint-ish on card-ish. There's a card in there, and it hasn't been opened. No. For me, that's a mint on the fucking card. That's a big mint on the card, ladies and gentlemen. It's mint-coloured, this item, as well.

I'm thinking of mint. It's minty, minty, minty, minty, minty, isn't it? I'm thinking of a lovely menthol mint. This is World Heritage brand shoehorn. There's something really shit about the words World Heritage shoehorn. So this is for getting your shoe off?

On. You'd use it to jimmy your foot into the shoe and then slide it out. Where does it attach? Can we open this, please? Yes, you want. Let me just read out what he's put here. It says, shoe horn purchased in a,

I think it says Hallswood Animal Sanctuary in Norwich. A beautiful price for those needing to put their shoes on when they're out and about. I don't understand it. Does it look fabric? I thought shoe horns were meant to be a bit more robust than that. Yeah. It goes on your key chain.

I think that's why it's got a thing. You put your keys with it, it says on the back. Yeah, I guess you can do that. If you really have an issue with your shoes... I don't understand how that would help me to get my shoe on at all. So, sometimes, if you've bought a shoe that's maybe a bit too small for you, you jam your foot in and you put the shoe horn behind the heel and use the

shoe horn to slide the heel into the shoe and then you pull it out. It's completely floppy. It's a flaccid horn. Yes. Well, Eli, we've all had to deal with a flaccid horn from time to twime. Twime? Time. You know why? Because I was thinking of patwing again. It's hard to keep your

mind off the patwings. It does. It kind of really takes over. By the way, everyone, Petwings are what we call points here, and it is rare for us to be competing. Yes. Because often the mechanics of the game mean that Paul has to see the answers, so to speak. But we've got our safety, our security, Poindexter himself. Yes. Bestride the Petwing.

I hate this thing. Can I have a touch of it? I don't understand I hate this thing. Can I have a touch of it? I don't understand how it would work. Can I have a touch of it? Because I'll show you. Right, I'm going to have to get up from the mic, so you're just going to have to describe to people what I'm doing. Okay, now he's standing up from his seat,

and he has his vans on. He's taking his van off just to demonstrate. He's using the standing on the heel with the other foot method. Now, he's undone the shoe. One shoe is off. This shoe is slightly small for my foot, but I bought it because it was cheap. Are they a little tight, these? Okay, there you go.

Now, he's trying to put it back on. Now, he's behind the heel. Why does that help? Well, I'll be honest. And that's meant to what? Pull it up. Oh, it pulls it. Oh, that's quite magic.

I see. So it's the friction. By a process of friction, it grabs the heel and pulls. Oh, no, it doesn't. It grabs the outside of the shoe, which pulls it over. Yeah, and your heel slides down. Okay, I hope that was clear to everyone. But the packaging seems to just be selling its portability.

Yeah. Why would you want a shoehorn, right? You put your shoes on before you leave the house, right? So the shoehorn doesn't have to come with you. You're out and about, you're shopping,

you're having a busy, hectic life. Oh no, my shoes have come off. Oh no, right in the middle of... That would mean they were too loose and you wouldn't need the shoehorn. This is a really bad thing. Oh, I've been struck by lightning and my shoes have popped off.

Pop, pop. Is it for lightning then? Yeah, lightning-based lightning and my shoes have popped off. Pop, pop. Is it for lightning then? Yeah, lightning-based shoe accident. Did you try to say pop, pop again? You did. You tried to do that thing from Community when he goes pop, pop. But I've got two shoes on and they both flew off, so I'd have to say pop twice.

All right, I've got three legs now. Pop, pop, pop. Still bad. Off they come. All right, what other sound can be for my shoes popping off? Flop. What? Flop.

No, flop would be like it just tumbles off. It's a very floppy shoehorn. It's a very floppy shoehorn. Anyway, how much? Bored of it now. You guess first, first. I'm going to say 75p for that. 75p for that, Paul.

I'm going to say... And I'm writing it down on our specially made Price of Shite score sheet. Oh, deary me. I mean, it is new. Remember, £5 is the ceiling today we're playing with. I'm going to go 65p. 65. Just to try and hedge my bets and get in between.

Maybe pick up an extra. Locked it in. He's locked it down there. It's nice. He's shown me it's working there. He's written it down. Next one. And he's going for the second item.

Second item coming out of the bag now. I'm going to call this... It's a mug of some sort. The sticky mug. Oh, why is it so sticky? I don't know why it's sticky. I don't want it to be sticky. I think it's something to do with the plastic it was made of

is beginning to corrode and become sticky. This is a tin mug, and the handle is a carabiner, Paul. Oh, it says here, carabiner cup. At a YMCA in Norwich, I have not cleaned it or made it any stickier. It is as sticky as when I bought it. Why is it so sticky?

Because I think the plastic they've put on the surrounds of it, which is meant to be protective, is that it melts after a while. Like those old Nokia phones. Yes. I've noticed they do that. Yeah, and that Gizmondo

failed handheld console was made of the same stuff. And you can't wipe it off because it keeps doing it. It's the sort of reaction that the plastic has with an air. It just means everything sticks to it.

Cubes, hairs. This is a small tin... Grit, dirt, muck, fecal matter. Fecal matter. Spodge. Airbound fecals. Yeah. Great group. I didn't like this second album.

I thought it was right up their own arse. I don't know why I thought that was funny. This is by a company called ALS and then they've got a little monkey.

ALS. An ape. It shows, what's it called? The ascent of man. Yeah, the ascent of man or something. But it's the other way around. So you start with an upright man here, and he becomes a stooped over ape by the last one.

It's much bigger. But with a man's head. Oh, weird. It's a strange design. Everything about it I don't like. The design, the shape, the size. It's sticky, stickiness. It's a sticky mug. Everything about it I don't like. The design, the shape, the size. It's sticky, stickiness. It's a sticky mug.

And it is made in China. Carabiner for the handle. So it's got a catch, which is quite useful. I mean, carabiner wasn't as nice as ribiner, but it was nice that they used carob root stuff. I used to have to eat carob. Did you? Yeah.

It's a chocolate alternative that doesn't taste as good as chocolate. He was my favourite comedian, Jasper Carob. But have you seen the guy who does the props, Carob Top? Oh yeah, that's a good one as well. And that gold is

worth 24 carobs. No, we weren't comedians. I found another comedian. Don't do that noise! Carob Top,

everyone. Yeah, Carob. He does the prop stuff. Do you remember those old silly movies with lots of sexual innuendo in? Carabon camping.

Is that alright? Is that alright? It was horrible. It was when we were macrobiotic, so it was an alternative. Have you never had it? I went to that big warehouse where you can get it.

Cash and Carabon. Bomb, bomb! No, not bomb. Fucking bomb, bomb. Have you ever tried it though, Paul? No. It's not nice. Okay.

What kind of thing is it? Is it a root vegetable? I think it's a similar to... It No. It's not nice. Okay. What kind of thing is it? Is it a root vegetable? I think it's a similar to... It's a seed of some sort. Okay. I think it's in a pod. How much? You're going to guess this time.

How much for the mug? £5 ceiling. You've said 65p already. I'm going to say 75p for this. All right. 75p. What are you going to say, Paul? I'm going to say 125.

Yeah. I thought maybe a quid or more, but then I'm thinking it's nasty and sticky. I know. But I'm going to say 125. Yeah, I thought maybe a quid or more, but then I'm thinking it's nasty and sticky. I know, but I'm going to stick with 125, mate, because we've got four items, and we're going to go in to our third right now. Hand me the third item. Third item.

Now, these two are the juicy ones, the ones I thought, oh, Eli will like these ones most of all. Here we go. Here's one. It's another boxed item. These are mint in box. These are spoons. Yeah. These are Chinese spoons, soup spoon things.

He says porcelain spoons purchased from, I think that says Breck in Norwich. There were two pieces on the item and that was charged the lower. Oh, there were two prices on the item and he was charged the lower of those two prices. I like these. Yeah, the little, what did you say? What kind of spoons are they? Chinese? Yeah, Chinese soup spoons or rice spoons.

I don't know what the actual term is. Right. You get these when you eat in a Chinese restaurant. But you see that people actually use these with the chopsticks. Do you see? Oh, really? They kind of scoop with this in their left hand. And then the chopsticks.

It's all part of the delivery system into your mouth. But you see people eating in Chinese restaurants. And they sort of scoop up the rice. And you get a bit of broth in there as well. And for soup. And these have nice little hanging holes. Yeah. And they're all different colours.

They've all got a... A streak on them. A little streak on the neck of the spoon. Streak the neck. And a little symbol, coloured symbol, on the base of it. They all look quite nice. And they will, if you notice,

they have flat base. So they'll... Sit on a tabletop. Sit there. Nice all look quite nice. And they will, if you notice, they have flat base. So they'll sit on a tabletop. Sit there. Nice. Great little items. Simple as. Nice set of four.

And I probably might use those when I have a noodle. Yes, you will. You can have them. We could try these out in the second part of the show. That's a good point, mate. Well played.

To test the broth on our noodles. Continuity. Good. Right. So I'm going to guess the price now. I'm going to say £1.50 for those. And I am going to say... What do you think, my son?

£1.85. Oof, £1.85. As we head into the last item. You've seen this? Well, yeah, of course I have, because I had to open the box and look at it all in the first place. So this isn't really a surprise for me, really. The only thing I don't know is the prices,

which you can attest are sealed and currently being protected by Poindexter's Posteria. Poindexter's Posteria, perched pon petwings. Pon petwings. A lot of stuff that is in packets that has not been opened. Because we should say those spoons were in the box and the packaging cardboard protecting them from each other was intact. So, mint on card, everyone. Well done, everybody. So, mint on card, everyone. Well done, everybody.

So, what have you got there? These are a pair of Easter-themed objects. They look... He's a bit confused because it's all in Japanese, so he's not quite sure. Shall I tell you what it is? I've opened them.

Okay, I'll tell you what... They're moulds of some sort, I'd say. Matthew has said this. They're jelly moulds. No, this is what he says. These are egg moulds. Oh, there's a teddy... They're not Easter-themed, this is what he says. These are egg moulds. Oh, there's a teddy. They're not Easter themed.

It's just I saw the eggs and the bunny one was exposed. You see those two images together makes you think it's Easter themed. Oh, yeah. But in fact, the other mould is a pig or bear. Bear. What do you think? So I presume you break an egg in them and then what? Put it in boiling water.

Yeah, or in the microwave. No. Or the microwave, yeah. Oh. So yeah, a set of egg moulds purchased from a friend visiting from Brighton. Egg poachers, yeah. Oh yeah, they've got instructions here. You do, you put it in a bowl, but not on the hob.

Right. You just pour boiling water onto it. Oh right. Freshly boiled. So you put that in a bowl and then you pour hot water over that and keep it in the bowl. It has an egg in, to begin with. And then it poaches it in that shape, and you open it up, and it's like in the shape of a pig's head. I'll be trying that.

We will be trying that. Oh, well, it's a bear, isn't it? It's probably a bear. Is it on different sides? No, it's just one thing. But what happens? Because the yolk, what gets impregnated? I think someone just went past in a fucking jalopy.

That's what I mean about this area. Yeah, you're right. It's a noisy, noisy town. That's what I mean about this area. Yeah, you're right. It's a noisy, noisy town. That's what's causing all these ghosts. I don't think we need Gareth to come with us. Well, I've already said he can come over the weekend. But did you tell him... What?

I mean, does he... How does he work? Is it still with the... Yes, he still uses his penis to draw out the ghosts. With the smell of it? Yeah. But just keep the windows open. It'll be fine.

He's also going to try some new tech out, which involves bum flakes, but he didn't go into too much detail. He just says he's not going to wipe for a couple of days. I don't know what that means. Eli's going to try some new tech out, which involves bum flakes, but he didn't go into too much detail. He just says he's not going to wipe for a couple of days. I don't know what that means. Eli's going to snap. I like those. Yeah, they're lovely.

I guess what their purpose is is to make your kids eat their eggs, I guess. Yes. You know, you put it on with their breakfast or something, and it's like, oh, look, there's rabbit egg face. Yeah, and it's not too much extra work for mum or dad. No. Doing it. It's a little bit of fun.

Fine, fine object. But Eli, you'll be guessing the price for this last item first. I quite like the look of them just in themselves, as themselves. I might put them on my shelf

because they kind of fit in with the Tomy sort of plastic toy look. Yeah, they do. First of all, Eli, give me a price. Is it my go to go first? It is this time. Yeah, because it was me, then you, then that was me a price is it my go to go first it is this time

yeah because it was me then you then that was me and this is you two pound two pans and I'm gonna go with one pound

wow and I think it's now time for point decks to present the betwings hidden upon his person right well it's

the time of the show now where Eli and I are both keen and eager and and anticipating anticipating no no

it's a good game it's a good game but anyway it's the time of the show now where betwings matter can I just But anyway, it's the time of the show now. We're Petwings Matter. Can I just mention again, lovely job on the presentation of this price of shite. Handwritten note, envelopes with a wax seal on. There's a wax seal on these prices and also a concession to the price ceiling,

even though they didn't believe in it. I know. They didn't believe in it, but for the good of everybody, they included a price ceiling. And I found the ceiling useful in my i found it useful too although again it's an interesting experiment to do without a ceiling to see what where we go with our prices from flying high without a string oh oh i come down mother i'm pulling it out the end of my thing oh string coming out mother's flying away on the twanger string. Oh, the twanger string's got all crystals on it.

Piss crystals. Right, well, so let's just... All right, okay. So... Oh, piss crystals. Eli, what's going to happen is you're going to break the seal, reveal the points, and I will first tell you what we scored,

and then you will tell... And then I will tell... You will tell me, I will tell you. Paul, I actually broke the seal before you arrived. Oh, dear't do that you need to give it a wash yeah oh that's the sound of the wax snapping that's just the sound of eli's snapping seal yeah he's just snapping his wax seal in front of the mic right oh it's a little envelope tiny little okay and i have the prices here okay so we will do them in order as he's written them in this instance, all right? Oh, which I will be privy to. So you tell me what order he's done the answers

and then we'll do the points. So egg mould first. Then two horn, then... Well, let's just do it one at a time. Okay, egg mould first. Egg mould. Egg mould. You said...

Plural. Two pound. I said one. The price is? One pound fifty. Oh. Already I'm feeling like I'm going to be patwing less. So.

Only four items to score, Paul. No patwings for us there. Neither of us. But I feel like you're going to get some. Well, we'll see. What's next? The shoehorn. The shoehorn was item number one.

You said 65p. I said 75. My least favourite item. Although, I did win you over with my delivery of it, didn't I? How impractical. I didn't understand how it would work, but it is through friction rather than stiffness. Which is how I like to work. It's very much like how I rot.

Robby, rob, rot, rot. Yes, it is. Robby, robby, robby. 65p. I said 75. What's the price? 50p. We both score.

Oh, all right. Yeah. One between each. 50p. One between each. We both knew it was in that range, didn't we? 50p. We both score. Oh, all right. Yeah. One per twing each. All right. 50p. One per twing each. We both knew it was in that range, didn't we? It's in that ballpark.

It was all definitely in that ballpark. Aye. That World Heritage item. Classy. What the fuck? Next is rice spoons. Rice spoons. That was the third item.

They are rice spoons rather than soup spoons. You could use them to scoop soup, though. I mean, if you know how to use a spoon and you can find a practical use for it, it's worthy. Yes. Right?

I said... Rice spoons. You said 185. I said 150. What? Bollocks. What? It's 150.

Oh, two betwings for Gannon. And none for me. Oh, but who knows what might happen with the last one. I should have said 175. What am I doing? Could have brought a betwing back. I thought it would be closer to two.

That's why, yeah. Either way, it stands as three betwings for me, one for Eli as we go into the last item, which is what? I can only draw. I can't win going into the last item. No, but draw's still a draw. Only if you don't get any.

What was that item? It's the Sticky Metal Cup. Oh, the Sticky Metal Cup. Actually, that's my least favourite item. Yeah, that was my least favourite. only if you don't get any what was the what was that item it's the sticky metal cup oh the sticky metal cup actually that's my least favorite yeah that was my least favorite i didn't like the shoehorn though you don't see the shoehorns getting away with it you said 75p i said one pound 25 and the price of the sticky carabiner cup yeah mug thing yeah pa, was, the price of it was one pound. So it's another between for me. Oh, but you get a between as well, because you said 75p.

And what did you say? It's 125. So I get a between as well. We're both on the other end of the between, the fucking one between window. I'm fucking spit roasting that score price. And I'm making fucking eye contact with you, aren't I, the whole fucking time. Yeah, he is. 125 to 75. 125 to 75. price and I'm making fucking eye contact with you aren't I the whole fucking time yeah 125 75 125 75

just fucking filling that price up with a fucking gun giving it garbage I fucking love it

good well done nice to get a per twing there so at the end of that game Eli scores two per twings Paul Gannon

runs away with four per twings making Paul the winner this week on the show. Congratulations, Paul. Well done. Thank you very much. It was a good battle.

We both put up a good fight there. Eli was at the top of his game, but at the end of the day, one of us does have to walk away victorious. I just want to say thank you for giving that chance. It often is you, Paul. Giving that chance to. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you very much, Matthew, again, for sending it in. Brilliant. That's the end of that, then. Shall we get on to noodles and shit? Yes. Let's do it, then. Okay. Come on, everyone.

You can come with us, too. Come on. Okay. Come on. Hello, I'm Eli Silverman. You may be interested to hear I've got a penchant for noodles. It's something we've covered a lot, and I think we've got two doozies. Me and Paul will be tasting them.

One is from a very familiar and seemed dominant brand from Korea, and one is one a bit more of a wild card noodle and with a connection to crisps. So without any further ado, I think we'll just go straight in, Paul. At this point, I'd just like to stop you because I think if we're not going to go into the kitchen and show the process, this segment needs to have a new name, a sub-segment within the segment. Well, it's not the Country Urban

Noodle Test Lab kitchen because we're not in there. We can't access the kitchen at this point. No, unfortunately. We will summarise the process of preparing these noodles, unfortunately. We will summarise the process of preparing these noodles, Paul. Yes, we will summarise and then legitimise and then actualise us eating them.

I'm going to actualise some spoff spoff. So I've got a couple of names for you, Eli, just a couple of names. Johnny Spoff. You do what you want and then I'll just get back to you later. You've got a couple of names for us, okay. So I'll go on with the easy one first. Noodle Time.

We'll just call it Noodle Time. Hello, everybody. It's Noodle Time. I like that. You know, simple. Then I've got Noodle-odian. Like Nickelodeon, but noodles. Noodle-odian.

It's too reminiscent of a brand for children and I think we want to move away from that. No, fair enough. Okay, so my next one is called Noodle Boutique. The Noodle Boutique. I like the way that sounds because of the ooh of the noodle. Yeah, and the boo of the teak. I like Noodle Boutique, man. Noodle Boutique.

Come to the Noodle Boutique where we'll give you the best. Mate, I like the word boutique, which does describe our approach to bringing these noodles to the public. To the public and making them aware. I have a new favourite name for this section. And then the last one, which is called Oodles and Noodles of Noodles i was just gonna call it oodles and noodles oodles and noodles no very bad so noodle boutique should we call this welcome to the noodle boutique here's francois uh we we uh i'm not gonna do fucking character i'm the swiss no i'm the swiss tease oh i am Alpine Hole right okay well if you want to just carry on

with the shitification of this the shitification would be if we started charging people if you put it behind a paywall or something oh dear we won't do that advertising you know dodgy like health supplements and shit yeah we're not doing that yet right

so what have we got in the noodle boutique this week? Now, we have a What's the brand? I don't know. I thought you said... Samyang. Oh, it's Samyang. Bulldack. And what does that mean? Is it just a type of noodle, the Bulldack? I think Bulldack refers to those...

What does Bulldack refer to? Please, could you look that up for me? How is it spelt, please, so I know? B-U-L-D-A-K. B-U-L-D-A-K. It says fire chicken, so fire? Why is bulldak banned? Mexico recalls bulldak instant noodles for false labeling. Mexican officials explain that some Sanyang foods,

bullyak, bulldak products, not bullYak. Bul-Sak. Bul-Sak products. Misled customers by labeling the product as hot chicken-flavored ramen. The package claimed to use chicken meat, but only artificial chicken flavors and chicken-flavored powders were used. So, okay, it's not that good.

No, what is Bul-Dak? Just put Bul-Dak. It says fire. It just means fiery. Okay. How spicy is Bul-Dak? And it says it's 4.404 Scoville units. I don't know what that means,

four Scovilles. No, that's nothing because they're in thousands. It must be in thousands. It says 4,404. Okay, yeah. I read that as point, so yeah, that's my mistake.

That would be it. Paul, this is a very famous brand, Samyang Bulldack Hot Chicken Flavour Ramen. So this is going to be hot, creamy, bacon chicken ramen. I haven't said what it is yet because they have these sub-brands. Oh, yeah. We did, famously, they did the two-time spicy one that we did.

You know, there's a three-time spicy one. I think we should try. We're going to have to. Yeah. That two-time spicy one was really hot. I literally, like, shed my arsehole like a snake's skin eating that stuff. Like, literally, I pulled my pants down one day. It was just like, I thought I'd, like, a snake had shed that stuff like literally i pulled my pants down one day it was just like

i thought i'd like a snake had shed its skin in my pants but it was my rectal lining so these uh are fascinating to me because they're all hot chicken flavor but then they have totally different sort of flavors underneath that yeah and this one is a cream carbonara flavoured noodle. Hot chicken flavour ramen. So is there no bacon in there? It's just a creamy bit? I don't think there is bacon in it. They just keep doing different variations

because it's such a huge brand and they sell the sauce separately. Yeah. And there's other snacks that are not noodles where like crisps flavoured like this. It's become a whole flavour profile thing, a whole flavour brand similar, Paul, to the way that Red Hot Cheetos gets everywhere.

Yeah, it becomes like the tip ex of describing a type of brand of something. This is similar, but from Korea. And Samyang are the big ones. Now, what interests me is this has got, it says cream carbonara. So this has, and it has a little Swiss cheese emblem on it. Yeah.

And garlic. Oh no, I think that's meant to be a spodge of cream. That's meant to be a garlic. Oh, is it? Yeah. It's a head of garlic, yes. We have tried a cheese flavoured ramen from Korea before, years ago.

Do you remember? Yeah. And we quite liked it. Quite nice cheesy umami. It can work in noodles quite well, Derry. I reckon that might Do you remember? Yeah. And we quite liked it. Quite nice, cheesy, umami. It can work in noodles quite well, dairy. I reckon that might be quite nice. Yeah. Do you like a carbonara just as a sort of thing? Yes. I mean, hard not to. Hey, we can't do

we always forget, so open it now and tell me how many packs there are in it. I think we should do that now before we go into the preparation chamber. Now, the trademark with these Samyang Buldak Hot Chicken Ramen are a big saucy one, because these are not soup noodles. No.

These are stir-fried style. So you drain the boiling water off. And then mix all the stuff in. Yes. So I would say there'd probably be two. Two. At least a two-pack. There'll be one wet one and one dry one.

And I think the dry one will be the milky powder. Two-pack. There is a wet one. A wet one. And there is a powder one. So we were right right so i wonder if that's the cream no you reckon that's the hot sauce that's the hot bit and this i think is the creamy bit oh yeah that looks more like it actually says cream carbonara on this what does it say on that it literally just says bulldog bulldog that's the hot sauce that's the trademark chicken-flavoured hot sauce. Hot chicken-flavoured sauce.

This could be delicious. I mean, they are fast food end of the scale because they've got so many additives. What's next on the docket then? Next. The other one, which is interesting to me, Prima brand. Let's not hope it's Prima bland though, right, Mr Silverman? I don't think it will be because it is hot and spicy as well.

Oh, it's got two hot and spicy deliveries today. Kottu Mee, instant noodles, cheese and onion it is hot and spicy as well. Oh, it's got two hot and spicy deliveries today. Kottu Mee Instant Noodles Cheese and Onion Flavour Hot and Spicy. So it's like a crisp packet flavour almost. And it's almost a blue, sort of Walker's Blue coloured packet. It does look like, when you handed it to me, I did think it was a crisp packet. It could almost be a packet of Walker's Cheese and Onion flavour. Almost. And now this, though, is a soup noodle.

Okay. Now, I'm trying to see what part of the world this is from originally. Do you want me to just look it up online? No. Sri Lanka. Oh, Sri Lanka. You can see it here. Sri Lankan noodle, Paul.

Oh. I don't know if we've ever done those before. I don't know if we've ever done them before. Now, I just don't know what to expect from a cheese and onion hot and spicy. Soupy noodle, no less. What do you think would be the sachet count on something like this? One?

Yeah. It could be a one packer. It could easily be a one packer. This is a smaller noodle. So I'm going to have to use my teeth to get in. You're going to get in. Snappity snap. Open it up.

Fine, it'll all be boiled. Of course, it'll all be fine. Yeah, it'll be gone. I wish you'd opened it better so I could take pictures of it. There you go. You can't expect a monkey to fucking learn calligraphy, can you? It's a two-packer.

Oh, it's a two-pack. And it has an oil pack. Oh, dear. And a powder pack. Yeah. So it'll have some greasy. I don't understand what this will taste like. Well, why don't we go to the noodle boutique preparation chamber,

make the things, and then come back and then eat them in that order. And we'll let you know what we think then. See you in a bit, Toodly Pip. We're back from the boutique preparation chamber. The chamber was nice and cosy. Hermetically sealed from the outside world, so it can't be invaded in by any microbes or anything. That was more the flavour.

Absolutely. It's sterile. Yeah. Only the top quality of noodle boutiques here at Cheap Show. And I like to follow the instructions on these noodles to the letter of the law, which I did. And the first one we're going to sample now is the Buldak Samyang Spicy Chicken Ramen Buldak.

It's like, what are these? It's the names of these noodles. It's so silly, isn't it? It's so laden with clauses. Yeah. But this is their creamy carbonara one. Yes. It had two sachets, one which was powder,

which was the creamy carbonara bit, and then the Buldak, the standard... Hot sauce. ...trademarked hot chicken ramen sauce. It smelled a treat. What we did is we cooked the noodle for five minutes. They do tend to take longer, Korean noodles. They're more robust. They need a slightly

longer cooking time than a lot of others. Five minutes, drain the water off, then put that onto the powder, which I put onto a plate before, mix that in and then you put the bulldak hot chicken ramen sauce on top. I sprayed my bull yak all over the hot sauce.

Creamy business. And so now you have basically a mash-up of carbonara with hot chicken ramen sauce and I'm going straight in, Paul. He's going straight in. Then I should take my attempt at eating it too.

Wow. That is so umami. So naughty. It's pure comfort food. But be warned, Paul. That bites. That bulldack, that hot chicken ramen. So you've got this lovely mouth umami from the cheese.

A creamy umami mouth coating. And then that gives way to that intense heat. It's like the cheese parts and the heat marches on out through and says, I'm here now. But nice, though. Yeah. Now, I did have a big goblode of that then, not really thinking it was going to be that hot.

And actually, a little bit of mouth discomfort. I've got a bit of water here. Ooh, that's a hot boy. That's tasty. I would actually buy that myself. I like that. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You can see why they're such a popular brand because it's just it's just so good that gets a very high mark for me it's so good it's cheesy but not too cheesy it's thick but it's not heavy it's hot but it's not overwhelming if you like hot cheesy creamy things call me so much flavor there and a lovely um appliancey on the noodle itself, you know? Yeah. They're not too soft and they're not too rigid. Not too long. You know? Yeah.

Okay. Lovely. So what do you want to give that out of five? I'd give it a strong four and a half. It's great. I'm in concurrence. I don't usually go for these, but wow. What a lovely snack that was.

The thing is, it is more of a snack and it's less of a pimping stage. Some of these, you know, like a standard chicken noodle, you want to add stuff. But this actually stands up just as a dish, just as a snack by itself. You could add some spring onions to it, maybe. You could pimp this, but it's just so much flavour going on. It's all in. You don't need to add anything else to it, really. And I think that's why they're so popular with students. It's sort of like, it's just easy. You don't have to do any prep. And actually, I guess what you could do if you don't like it too hot is either don't put any in at all and have it creamy or just

put a little splash of the hot sauce in just a droplet of it absolutely you can you could do it as much as you like because we put the whole fucking sachet in but it would be quite a tasty sort of carbonara style noodle without any of the bulldak sauce no not at all i mean that it's it's a solid highly recommended cheap show noodle, get that in your cake hole as soon as you fucking can, you big fucking cunts. Right. I'm happy about that. Very good noodle. Very, very good. You can see why

they're so popular. It's just delicious. Just quality, top down, from top to bot. If you compare it to something which is similar price point, pot noodle. Oh, it's better than a pot noodle. It's so much better, isn't it? It's a bit more of a fight to eat because of that heat wow but i'm still getting the heat no i have still got like i think my my eyes are sweating right now and now we move on to the uh cheese and onion hot and spicy flavor yes now i don't think this is going to be as hot and spicy but

it did give off when i was cooking it preparing it yeah a distinct aroma of cheese and onion paul two sachets we had an oil one and a powder one and it only called for 200 milliliters of water which means most of the water actually smells a bit like Gareth's penis as well do you notice that it's a bit like the tip of Gareth's dirty dingus most of the water is absorbed in the noodle so in fact it is there's no sort of broth okay so this is the hot and spicy cheese and onion it's a crisp flavored noodle and I'm going to go in here he's in he's going in. This is a much thinner noodle,

much more like a wonton. Stick it all in. Fish it in. Get it in. Give it here. Much less hot. That's okay, but it doesn't wow me really.

That would need a serious pimping. That would work with pimping. So it's just basically salty. I'm not getting, are you getting a slight onion? It's like a dried onion flavour. It's almost more garlicky. I would say it's more cheese and garlicky

than it is cheese and an onion-y, if that makes sense. Yeah, it's quite hard to distinguish between the onion and the... That's what I mean. It's quite a generic

sort of onion-garlic flavour. I would give that 2.75. Harmless, but needs serious pimping. I quite like it, I have to say. It's good,

like meat and potatoes noodle. It tastes much more like a standard flavour noodle. Yeah. Like a chicken or a... It's not too dissimilar to a fucking super noodle if you want to push your luck with it. But it's less cloying and gross than a fucking super noodle.

None of that cornflour. No. It's got a nicer texture. I think I'm going to go 3.25 on that. Fine. I think a 0.50 difference is adequate and absolutely fine. Well, I was going to say, what was your favourite? But I think we both agree the ball black one is best.

It's something else. And they do other flavours. Yeah. And they also do topaki, which we've never tried. I've never had that. What is that? It's those sort of tubes of rice cake, Korean rice cake. Oh, right.

Yeah. And they're hot. Are they hot? It's the same brand. It's hot chicken ramen flavour. But they're not a noodle. They're this sort of rice cake, what they call a rice cake. right yeah we've sent them it's the same brand it's hot chicken ramen flavor but they're not a noodle they're this sort of rice cake what they call a rice cake it's a rice noodle similar you know i've got an idea for an episode so you know that youtube channel hot ones but not like rip off that how about we have an episode where we have like five or six items of various

food types but they get hotter and hotter and hotter until we have like the hottest thing we can buy well isn't that one chip challenge bullshit. I've got Bean Boozled hot ones. No, no, no. We could do one of those as one of those. Yeah, that's what I mean. But like a noodle, a crisp. Well, we need the three times bulldack, which is going to be...

Let's work on this. That's just the one times. That's not even the two times that we had today. That's just the carbonara one. And that, I mean, if you think about it, the hotness there, the spice, the chilli, is definitely tempered by the cream. Yeah. Because that's what they drink milkness there the spice the chilli is definitely tempered

by the cream because that's what they drink milk when they're having the chilli competition so cream and milk actually I would actually

go ahead and say that that cream keeps the heat in the mouth longer because that sticks to your mouth your tongue your teeth

and you it coats it yeah so it's working both ways to temper the heat it's a suppressant and yet it lingers and accelerant as well

which is why it's such a lovely flavour experience going on when you eat that Both ways. To temper the heat. It's a suppressant, and yet it lingers. And accelerant as well. Which is why it's such a lovely flavour experience going on when you eat that. I enjoyed that. Oh, that's a good noodle. Oh, that's a good noodle, mother. Oh, so how about we plan for a hot one episode where we have a range of hot foods from... Okay, well, we've got two of them. We need a few more. Work on it.

All different ones. So we've got jelly beans, we've got noodles. Crisps we can do ah maybe we can do a drink is there a spicy drink i bet there is that's a good point is there a hot drink well do you have you i must have i mean i know hot as in yes the temperature i mean i'm spicy drink there is did i ever we must have covered it there's that turkish stuff salgam which is their beet not beetroot it's radish it's not radish. It's turnip water. Do I just list a bunch of things it's not? It's turnip water.

Right. Purple stuff. It's salty. We have done that, haven't we? And that is chilli. You get a chilli version of that. Oh, God. We can have some of that.

I like that. That looks like it's a one trip to Vom Vom Town for Paul, that kind of thing. It's nice, salty, radish, turnip. Mystery root fruit. Cabbage. I think it's got carrots and turnips right

well that's to look forward to isn't it boys and girls don't say boys and girls it's condescending lady spoons and jelly frogs how about that that is something

fucking big mighty boogers about it wobble dogs and kitty farts oh have you seen there's a new one the mighty boogers guy he's got

he's doing dick turpin let me just check my list I'm not sorry I need to just check my list of things they give a fuck about. Yeah, it's not on there. It's not on there. It's not even at the back.

It's not even on there. It's like literally Nazi propaganda's there before I get to fucking... Oh, he's gone there, everyone. Before I go to fucking the works of that particular fucking guy, whatever his fucking name is, Boosh Boy. Boosh Boy the Cockstock. Boosh Boy the Cockstock. Boosh Boy McCockstock. Boosh Boy McCockstock.

I want to say, I apologise everyone on behalf of Paul. He is very tired and he did have to do an extra shift, which he wasn't expecting and hasn't had much sleep, Paul. Okay, so sometimes it's not gold and I've also been kind of anxious and tired.

So thanks for supporting us, everyone. Is it professional to admit that we're shit during our podcast? I mean, we don't have to admit it. Right before I have to go and ask for Patreon supporters? I mean, I don't know if that's wise. Anyway, the new character's coming in in a minute as well. I've got a new character, so I'll have to look forward to that. Oh, have I got to interview the new character?

Yeah, you've got to. You have got to. I think we've got enough new characters, don't we? No, I think we've... I'll just go tell him to... I've promised him now. I'll just go tell him. No, you don't want him.

I'll go tell him to go. Mate, you don't want him with him. I'll go tell him to go. Mate, you don't want him with him. Why? You'll see in a minute. Okay. After this.

Oh, I'm going to hang on. I'm getting excited. Mate, will you go and bring him up from the waiting room while I do the admin? Yeah. All right.

Okay. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for the admin. The admin, the part of the show where I just go through what we have to do to tell you to follow us

elsewhere online such as our website thecheapshow.co.uk it's your one stop shop for all things Cheap Show you can email us there you can get a link to our Patreon there

you can see videos there and every episode has a designated page full of videos and pictures when necessary oh and all our social media

is there as well so thecheapshow.co.uk. And, woo, we have to thank our patrons because loads of them support us every month on that platform and help keep the lights on in this building. So thank you to you. If you would like to join those wonderful, lovely, special, gorgeous people, you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show.

Give what you can, but as we like to say, only if you can. And there are magazines and content and extra podcasts and videos and all sorts available to you there, depending on the tier you join at. That's it for now. Yeah, if you just pop your CV on the

desk. Yeah, bring him in. Bring him in. I'm going to go. Yeah, it's up here. And Paul's going to. Yes, yes, yes, I know. I know. I sit here, do I? I sit here, do I? Right, so I'm interviewing you. I'm Eli Silverman. I'm one of the co-hosts of the show. Who are you? Of this cheap show that I've been asked to come along to. That's right. Tell me about this podcast. Well, I think we're interviewing you. You will interested in... You will tell me.

You're interested in this position as the... Yes, I am. As a new character on our show. I'm considering it, yes. So you've listened to Cheap Show before? I've heard enough of this disgusting podcast. Okay. In this economy, one needs the work, doesn't one?

So I have... One might, but one's not going to get the... You haven't even asked me my name yet, have you? Have you? I mean, you've been very... Quite combative. Shut up. Is this your...

Shut up. Shut your face. Shut up. Ask me my name yet, have you? Have you? I mean, you've been very, quite combative. Shut up. Is this your... Shut up. Shut your face. Shut up. Ask me my name now. What is your name? My name is Wellington Dingo. I am an explorer, a lord, an accountant, a businessman, an entrepreneur. I'm everything.

Sorry, what was the name one more time? Wellington Dingo. Do not understand. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. How's that? Shut up.

I'll come over there and I'll smack you in the face. I'll smack you in the face, sir. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I'll come over there and I'll smack you in the face. I'll smack you in the face, sir. Shut up. Okay, Mr. Dingo. Yes. Can I ask then, if I may? Yes. You're making me very angry.

Very angry. What would you be interested in helping with on the show? What kind of segments? Well, I look around. I look around and I see this depravity, this slovenly, useless, working class. Ah. Shite, don't work.

So you're some kind of snob? Is that what we're going for here, Paul? Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut your face! Shut up! This is some kind of crude... Shut up! I have friends who could do damage to you, sir. Ah, so a...

Watch where you walk. Watch what you talk, sir. Shut up so a... Watch where you walk. Watch what you talk. Sir. Shut up. Don't you fucking laugh. Shut up. Shut up. In front of a lord, you laugh at a lord's face. Oh, you're a lord. So is it lord? That's a bit of... What was your name again, sir? I bought the lordship online.

What was the name? Wellington Dingo. Wellington Dingo. Explorer, lord, entrepreneur, businessman, action man, explorer. Okay And... Action Man Explorer. Okay. I have four houses. Good. Four houses.

How many houses do you have? I don't have... Shut up! Shut your face! Shut it or I'll smack you. I'll come over there and I'll smack your face. Shut it. Dirty little man.

Lord Dingo. And that little friend of yours. Little skeevy, little shitty, horrible man. Begging me. Oh, we need characters, he said. Were you into the job or you just wanted

to come and insult us? I just basically wanted to come in and insult you. I enjoy it. I enjoy coming in here. Yes, I love, love it,

telling a serf what to do, where to go. Right. Shut up! Shut your face or I will slap you, sir. You can go now,

Mr Dingo, please. Oh, I'll go when I want to, sir. Well. I'll go when I want to. Mate, Well... I'll go when I want to. Mate, I actually... Yeah, on reflection, I don't think you're quite sure... Shut up!

Shut your face! Shut your mouth! Shut your face! Shut it! Shut your mouth! Dirty, pretty mouth. Shut it! Mr. Dingo, honestly, I've...

Lord Dingo. Lord Dingo, whatever the fuck you are. Lord Wellington Dingo, I'm off. Where's my cars? Where are all Lord Wellington Dingo, I'm off. Where's my cars? Where are all my cars? They're out the front. Shut up.

Goodbye. I didn't like him. He was a bully. He was also not really a very good joke. Sort of fuzzy. Yeah. Bye, everyone. Love you.

Is that it, then? Just because you've given up, that's it for the end of the podcast now? Is it? Shut up you've given up. That's it for the end of the podcast now. Is it? Shut up. Shut your face. It was just an excuse for me to tell you to shut your mouth. I know. You relished it.

There was no Wellington dingo. It was me all the time. Ha ha ha. But you didn't fucking know that, did you? Ha ha ha. And the twist seals this episode shut. Oh.

Good day to you, sir. Bye, everyone. Good day. Bye, everyone. Ho ho. Oh. Pop, everyone. Good day. Bye, everyone.

Pop, pop. Don't say that!