CheapShow - Ep 379: Expressionate Men

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

It’s another week of American snacks as Eli brings more sweet treats to the table. How will the Cosmos Oreos, Hostess Orange Cupcakes and Dr Pepper Peeps go down? More importantly, what exactly do Horse flavoured fried bread taste like? Paul and Eli are going to find out. There are some musical curios to listen to this week, and in a change from the norm, Paul is bringing the vinyl record goodness instead. There is a fascinating dive in the life of radio presenter and “soul singer” Steve Walsh and we also find out what a disco hit designed to entice Burnley Building Society customers sounds like… Especially when you consider who wrote the lyrics! Sadly, the addition of music to the show means another appearance from Trackbot and he still being defiled by anyone and everyone! It’s all very sticky business. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-379-expressionate-men And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Devil's eggs? Oh, don't mind if I do. I've got the terrible farts. I have the terrible farts. Have you started recording now? Have you? Oh look, he's doing a little look. He's doing a little look like he has.

Have you? I refuse to join this podcast until you fucking step in line and behave yourself. What do I need to do to behave myself? Be a human being right out the gate before you go all wibbly wobbly brain bong, all right? I just want a bit of normal from you. Okay then. Just be a man. Be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a,

be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, I don't want Egyptian Pete, I don't want Alastair Ding Dong, I don't want any of those fucking

cat dogs. You've literally said Bing Bong and Ding Dong already. I know, I've let myself down. You so have. It's funny how I quickly come up against the wall with my imagination when it comes to names. Challenge me. Come up with a name.

This name is the name of someone who works in a newsagent in 1974. Gary Thatcher. That works for me. Yeah? Yeah. Alright. What year? You want the sun? You want the sun, son? I'll give you the sun, son. Look in the mirror, son. You want to see the sun, son? Do you want the copy of the sun? Page free, mate. Ooh, page free in the sun, only in the sun. You alright, son? How about that, Gary Thatcher? Race this

corner shop, man. Great. Yeah? Give me another character to get a name to I'm enjoying this. Okay how about someone who delivers millet in the 80s to health food stores. Filippa seed. See millet and seed you've now fallen down a trap. That's what I thought I'd do though. Come on give me a go. Filipper Finger Bash. What's wrong with that? There's so much wrong with that. Who has the who has the who has the who has the who has the finger bash? Oh are you? Don't know what that was. Yeah? I'm sorry, that was awful.

I don't know what that was. I'll give you one. Alright, okay. Can you put that thing into a bag though? Alright, yeah. I'll fucking muffle it. Muffle it. Dead.

Dead. Done. Sleeky. Right, one more. Alright, I'll give you a character then. Alright, give me a... Alright, okay. I want you to give me a character. Don't care about the sex of it. Give me a character who's... Who mentioned that? No one's mentioned that. I'm saying that. I'm just saying. I'm giving you a Carte Blanche. This is fucking flagrant bigotry.

I'm giving you a Carte Blanche to do anything you want with. Carte Blanche. Carte Blanche, right? So, I want you to give me a character who's obsessed with the post office and stamps You've got nothing. No, I've got it. Go on. You have to think about it. Neil McIver. Neil McIver. Yes Hello there. You thought you just named after my granddad, would you? That's a weird name to pull from the ether Was your granddad interested in stamps like I am? No. I'm Neil McIver Hello and welcome to stamps today with me. This got weird now. Neil McIver. I don't like it. I'm beyond McIvor. Hello and welcome to Stamps Today with me. This got weird now. Neil McIvor.

No, I don't like it. I'm Beyond the Grave McIvor. You take my granddad's name out of your mouth! Ah! Right, we're starting the show! Press the fucking credits. Welcome to Cheap Show. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney, Chodney Borough. I hate you.

You've got to be useful, Posse. Cheap Show, Cheap Show. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. It's the voice of shame. Welcome to Cheap Show.

Why good day to you, no matter what day to you it is, good day to you, no matter what the time of the day to you it is. It's time today for the time time. Good day to you, it is Cheap Show time, it's the time of the day you've put aside to listen to us for an hour or so. Welcome in, it's the Economy Comedy Podcast where I, Paul Gannon, and my good chumity, Eli Silverman, hello, go through the treasure of the trap doors and the nipknops. Oh God, I lost it. Nipknops. Nipknops, Paul, really. Really, Paul. Really. Oh dear. The treasure everyone that we find amongst the trash.

Does that all, I think it's a Greek saying, isn't it? Where you'll find ruin, you find chance of treasure. Trunch. Now you're talking. Now it's your treasure. The trunch of treasure. In the ruins you find a trunch of treasure. Do you know where else you find a trunch of fucking treasure? In your gullet. In my fucking gutsit.

Yeah, in your gutsit. That's a nice word, isn't it? Anyway, hello everybody. of truncheon fucking treasure in your gullet in my fucking guts it yeah in your guts it anyway hello everybody welcome to the podcast this week it is more economy comedy joy as we try some cheap eats some leftovers from eli's trip to america and we've got a paul's platters i guess you could call it paul's platters and also paul yeah it'd be nice if we do something with the records and we don't have is he charged or has he been charged up? All I know is that the last I spoke to Trackbot, he had spent... Say his name, he'd love to bring him up.

£750 getting professional cleaners in to power wash his booth cleaners. How did he get called them? He hasn't got internet access. Oh no, because Room Tone phoned up for him. Why is that guy hanging out here? He's just here to settle things down and get a bit of peace and quiet every now and then room time. Peace and quiet? Now luckily I've forgotten his voice so we can't do him this week. Good. Oh was he like this? He was a bit like that. Everybody shut up. Shut up everyone. And thank you everyone. Okay bye-bye. Yes good. Anyway no

I paid for it. I've got the power. Oh yes I got the power. Power cleaner man in and they sprayed it, sprayed it with their nozzle. Why are you hanging out here though? Oh, I can't. I don't. Fine. I'll sit over there. I'll sit over there.

I won't say a word, mate. Okay. I'll just bring some room, Tone. Fine, thanks, room Tone. Why do they all have to? What? What do you do with them? He's wanking off, Paul! Fucking tell him to... he has to go in another chamber.

Let me throw a blanket over him. Oh mate. Come here. Come here, you. Oh no. Here we go. I've just put a sheet over him. He can get away with it if he wants. Oh, room time.

Hello everyone. Now... Oh! Right, he's done now. He'll be quiet. He's you, Paul. He's not well. Hello everyone, um, now it's... He's done now, he'll be quiet. He's you, Paul. He's not well, is he? He is you. Aren't they all me?

Aren't they all me in some respect? Paul. Why don't you just get straight to the meat and guts of it and give us a Tales From The Dance Floor, which is what we're gonna get to, aren't we now anyway? Tales From The Dance Floor. What's that really famous Adele tune? Hello. Rolling something.

Rolling down the river. Are you gonna be complete- I'm gonna call- I'm gonna fucking turn him on in a second. Hello from the other side! That one, innit? I'm gonna turn Trackbot on in a minute if you don't help me in a serious way. All right, because he'll be just as good. No, no, please! I am Trackbot. Trackbot, what's that famous Adele song with rolling in the title? Let Trackbot tell all. Brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr.

Adele is known for itsy bitsy deeny weeny yellow poco dot bikini. Very good, thank you very much. You're very much valued around here, Trackbot. I'm off to a party now with Tony Blackburn. Not off. No, mate, that's Freeman, isn't it? It's Alan Freeman, that one. And he's been dead for a while.

Oh. Paul, get him back in the fucking pod now. Trackbot going back to his clean pod. It's not gonna be clean for long. It's clean as whistle. Listen, I just went to the loo. Room Tone's been in here. Yeah, Room Tone's chucked his muck in there already.

Oh yeah, while you were out. And the Randy Dog will be here any second. Yeah, right. And he's gonna bring the wreckage. That Randy Dog will fucking spray mount the whole fucking deal I have just cleaned this what have you done? While you were doing the record thing I popped in a little not one out room tone buff buff It's fine if you want to stay here, okay?

But here okay? Yeah. Oh. But. Why must you make my place mucky? Where have you been sleeping? Oh. Room tone this is directed to. I know, looking in my eyes. Where have you been sleeping? Mostly bus stops really. Okay, do you want to stay here then? Is it official you can stay in the podcast? Yeah. No, this is my place we're recording in today and it's not for you to say if you can stay in my room. Well, no, this is my place we're recording in today, and it's not for you to say if you can stay in my room. Yeah, but Paul, I'm talking about the podcast as a sort of imaginary space. Is it? It was before.

It had all the segment train, remember that? Yeah, but we blew that up. That's in another universe. This is just normal fucking reality. We record at your place or mine now. All right, fine. Well... All right, fine.

So, room Alright, fine. So, Room Tone, fine. If we're pitching new places to fictionally own the podcast and broadcast from, I vote for a cruise ship. But we'll put that pin in that one. Room Tone is then in the ether around us. HMS Cheap Show. Boop boop! They don't go boop boop! Every vehicle to you goes bing bing!

It doesn't go bing bing, does it? What does a bus go, Paul bing bing. It doesn't go bing bing, does it? What does a bus go, Paul? Bing bing. And what does a train go? Chuff chuff. They all go bing bing too too. They do!

A train's meant to go chuff chuff, isn't it? What about a boat going... Not a boat would do that. Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààà It's like that, isn't it? Right, have you put the characters away now? Trackbot going back to it. Go back in the bed. Oh, right on my bed. He made a muck on my bed. Yes, he did.

Oh. You befriended him. He's in the pod now, he's alright. He's good, yes. He's powered down. He'll be back out, no doubt. He's going to wake up with spunk on his face where he had put his head on the pillow. I'm telling you, I tried to get that dog away from here.

He's lurking around the toilet area. I saw Room Tone riding around like a horsey before as well. Just riding on a horny dog's back. He takes the piss, I'm sorry. There's something about Room Tone. I just feel he's disrespectful. He's just installed himself, you know? I understand.

I understand, but sometimes these characters just invite themselves into our life and we adopt them, don't we? What are we doing on the show? God, we've lost it. I've given up, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. No, I don't really care. I've got Tales from the Dance Floor, don't I? No, we've done 8 minutes, we just call it a day this week. Just fucking get it done with.

Nice little 15 minute episode. That's what they like, innit? It's not what they like. I don't know who they like. Alright, I tell you what. We'll take a quick break and we'll come back and go straight into your Tales from the Dance Floor. Okay, then Paul, yes. Here we go. It's Tales from the Dance Floor, everyone.

It is indeed. I had an extra gig because someone else dropped out and I can say, Blue's Kitchen Camden, they totally redid the whole floor of the stage. The stage has been replaced. It looks spanking brand new. It's crazy. Oh, that's the good thing, isn't it? There's a new mixer. I bought some new... Is this the story, mate? Needles.

Fucking hell, if you're... Tales of the Dads Floor is they put new flooring down. I was just saying! And we reached the new zenith of this fucking segment. Come on, I'm just saying. All right, anyway. You're setting a bit of a scene. It's got new flooring. Great, though. It meant something to me, I'm sorry.

It really does. It's rich world building. I can see how that is quite boring to everyone. It's good world building, go on. And it was a really busy night. Really busy, but I noticed there was a lot of sausage, if you know what I mean. Sausage night. Bloke's. Yeah, a big load of sausages. And it gets to the point where there's all these fucking bloke's.

Too many bloke's. Too many dicks on the dance floor, mate. Isn't it? It is exactly that. But kind of, and especially if they've got a sort of shitty attitude. to the point where there's all these fucking blokes. Too many blokes, too many dicks on the dance floor mate. It is exactly that. But kind of, and especially if they've got a sort of shitty attitude, so you don't have a shitty attitude, you just start thinking, I don't even want this next record to go down well. Because then they'll be all boisterous. And it's a kind of a feral boisterousness. Do you know what I mean? Where they start charting along if they know it. And it's a bit like a football stadium or something.

It's because there's no ladies to impress so their energy is diverted towards building up their masculinity. I don't want to get into it. This is a bogland, a mire rather of... A bogland. ...of you know social theory, gender theory, whatever you want to get into. Yeah, it's a bit too deep for us. Way too deep. We're simple folk.

All I'm saying is... We're simple folk. We know nothing, Gov'nor. There was a lot of males there yeah and this guy had one of those ravers hats really they still do though is it being ironic I saw him sort of dancing oh god who's this guy? Godshite! Anyway he mounts the stage with two of his mates oh dear he goes Adele Adele have you got Adele rolling in the deep? Oh Jesus! Adele rolling in the deep. I'll sing, I'll sing, I'll sing it, I'll sing it. Go on mate, I'll sing it.

Adele rolling in the deep. Go on mate. Was he Welsh? No, he was Irish. Hmm. How would you say that then in an Irish accent? Hello there, do you have Adele rolling in the deep? No, but that's too...

It's better than what you did, which was Welsh. Adele. No, what's that? Adele. Adele rolling in the day but that's too much better than what you did which was Welsh a deal A deal rolling in the deep Near Irish, so even the same fucking post code is in my head coming over it I'm sure things you do in life sound good in your head things sound good in my head cool So everything's great sound yeah head your track record of thought in your head is top ten Oh mate things sound so excellent in my head anyway be you know well thought in your head is top ten. Ah mate things sound so excellent in my head. Anyway be you know Welsh really more like this I'd like Adele

please and rolling in the deep. Hello there I'm Irish and I'm rolling in the deep so I am with Adele. I'd like Adele Adele Adele. Yes Adele Adele. See come up and say the whole thing. Alright then have you got Adele Adele? Rolling in the deep. Have you got rolling in the deep, Adele? Adele? Adele? Adele? I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing.

I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing.

I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing.

I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. I'll sing. make that fucking noise with your mouth. Don't make that noise man! Don't go Jamaican on me mate, just because fucking hell that's pretty dorkful as well. Oh my god! Anyway, so he said all that shit and then what happened? He got pulled off by the bouncer. Oh, lucky man!

Oh dear! What a story! Go on! And that was that. Oh okay. But there was a lot of people got kicked out for vaping in the crowd and stuff. They'd get a bit rowdy is all I'm saying. Fine.

But I was glad that the bouncer was there. Yes. She's an absolute champion. She's just really good. Well done. Now as we're on the tails of the dot dot dot mode, I've got one here. No, no, I've also got another bit. Can you do it in 30 seconds?

I was in a charity shop in Camden. My mate, don't make that noise while I'm doing it, please. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss issues as well. But anyway, it closed. It's got a kind of a sort of interior designed sort of interior with a sort of a bar and a sort of... A designed interior, yeah, got it. A designed interior with a sort of 80s vibe. Right. Anyway, turns out there's a new vintage secondhand shop up there. Record shop or just vintage?

Well, this is what I'm getting to. Okay, and they've got like sort of 70s shirts in the window. Oh yeah. Rogan was in there, he calls me up and goes, I'm up here and I go there and he's got this mound of seven inches when I walk in like this. Yeah. I'm like, you're getting those? What are you doing?

He's like, yeah, yeah. They're all a quid and he's got about 80 there and I'm like, what's going on? And then I start looking and I'm like, oh. Why? What was in there? Obviously some collection from a radio DJ or something. All of the artists are grouped. So you'll have...

Abba, etc. That would probably be near the top if it was alphabetical as well. America. So I think the first thing I saw was Isley Brothers, for example. But then there was like seven Isley Brothers in a row. All kind of pristine condition. And then there'd be like Gwen Guthrie. All loads of it was... I don't know why I just'd be like Gwen Guthrie all loads of it was um

I don't know why I just don't think Gwen Guthrie is a real name It is not like something we come up with they're all R&B. So I'm Gwen Guthrie. It's all basically Oh, don't take the piss of Gwen Guthrie Real person anyway is Gwen Goffley a real person. Hello there. I have Gwen Goffley. Oh Guffley a real person. Hello there I am Gwen Guffley. Oh too many sprouts last night so it was. Too many sprouts? Too many sprouts last night. Oh I've had too many sprouts. I'm not going to be gone again. Who was that? Are you a shokie? No mate mate. Now can we move on? I had a bit of the sprouts last night so I did. It's a sprouting some wind. Pfft, pfft, pfft. Ah, Gwen, ah, Gwen, ah, Gwen, I'm at your little mate Chubby Nod.

And I'm out of the sketch. No, I've got a question for you, Gwen. Yes, hello there, go on there, Gwen. What kind of sprouts were they that you had last night? They gave you so much gas. Chukkiny nubs. They did a little chukkiny nub. I'm not flitty, I'm not going anywhere with this.

Oh, it's pretty! Finish your story about the record shop. Sorry. Finish your story about the record shop. Sorry. Finish the story about the record shop. Sorry, I was screaming there. I know. That's why I'm going to ask you to very carefully and wisely and maturely just finish your story. Anyway, there was a lot of really good stuff there.

I found a soulful strings on the chess label, pristine. Nice. I've picked up some things. Gene Harris, who's a soul, funky soul jazz guy on the blue note label, a seven. I'm checking out. Anyway, and I ended up getting 50, but I wanted to get more.

I had to get a huge pile that I wanted and then go through it again. How much did it all cost? They were all a quid, that's what I'm saying. So you spent nearly 50 quid then. I spent 54 quid, but I had got 54 singles, Paul. 54 singles. No, I know the maths mate.

I fucking understand the- You can divide by one. Yes. You're able to do that. You got seven singles out of it. Alright, I know it. Moving on. So-

So that was a nice little digging moment. Shut up. I'm moving on. I might even cut that segment out because I've lost interest. Please don't. Stop shuffling your fucking piece of paper. I want to get this done so we can move on to the show. We are doing the show.

I'm not. This is the show. Is it? You just did a fucking character called Sprouting whatever that... Gwen Guffley. Don't be jealous is what it comes down to. Gwen Guffley for shit. Guffney.

No, you're right, it is shit but... It's a shit character. I'm sorry it came up for their friend. Chubbany Nudd. What is... Chubbany Nudd. Chubbany Nudd sorry it came up for their friend. Chubbony Nudd. What is? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Come over and get all anarchic cause disruption around your in. Shut up. So what I want to do is very quickly read this out. So a couple of weeks ago, a huge big box arrived on my doorstep. I don't think you've told them what this is. I'm going to tell them now. It's a different type of tale. Yes, but I'm going to get into this now. Did you do that link?

No, I'm doing, I'm literally doing it now. This is the link where I reframe it. Good luck with this link. Thank you. So a couple of weeks ago, we had a massive box delivered to us on our PO box, details on our website if you want to send anything to us and it came a huge box full of food and goodies from a guy called Ben. It also had a lesser. Stop saying huge box. Huge box. Ben's big box was sent to us. Thank you Ben. You sent so much it's going to take us a while to chip at it. Thank you. So we're going to spread it out over the couple of weeks. We had a little look through it, didn't we, Paul, before we started.

He also sent a letter and it's a Tells From The Shop floor, so let's just rip into it. Tells From The Shop floor. And see where we go. I have a very expressionate colleague who is excellent at telling stories. Sorry, Paul. Sorry, Paul. I can't, we can't. Two things, right? He says expressionate.

That's just what he read. That's what he wrote. What he read. And I read it out. Can you know apart from that? Yeah, okay. Can you slow down and enunciate a bit better? Just take a breath? No, please Oh, all right then in that case I will expressionate. That's what the word is. The word is expressionate pull expression it express That's not what does that word is the word he wants. All right, I'm gonna say expressive then I have a very No, but I think it's colleague. No, I think expressionate is funnier.

Alright, well let's do that then. Let me tell the story or we'll be fucking doing it forever. The longer we take it, the less time we have to get for food. That person used the word expressionate. Say expressionate! I have a very expressionate colleague who is excellent at telling stories. We call them Rory stories. We call them Rory stories. Is he called Rory? This story from Rory is called Rhythm and Pooze. Here's the story.

Picture a large industrial setting in the North East full of flat caps, poverty and facilities operating 24 hours a day. One guy working there always seemed a little bit odd and shy. Where? Where are they working? Somewhere in the North East. He's keeping it vague for various reasons, all right? It's a factory in the North East. And one keeping it vague for various reasons, alright? It's a factory in the North East. And one of their colleagues was seemingly quite shy.

When someone was going away from the workstation for the loo, the guy would always follow. They didn't know if he was afraid of being alone or in the dark or cold, so initially it wasn't seen as too unusual. This intensified to the point where he didn't work much, but stayed more towards the offices and facilities, and especially the toilets. Fast forward to the Christmas party, and there's been some drinks and lips have been loosened. He's talking to the others about how his wife makes him leave the house when she needs the toilet. She complained that she could hear him sniffing. He asked if he could just go to the bathroom with her and watch her do her number two,

and after that he was told he'd have to leave the house. So I'm guessing that he told a story anecdotally about, yeah, my wife, she doesn't like it when she poos, she sends me out because when she goes, I said, I want to watch it and sniff to each their own. The story quickly spread. This was the early 1980s and there wasn't much else to talk about.

Everyone was cautious about him being around the toilets and some bets started rising. Maybe someone can get paid to allow him to watch. Eventually someone went for a poo knowing he was near the toilets at the time, but alas it was a trap. Peeking over the stall, they saw him pleasuring himself in the toilet and even with half a dozen guys peering over, he never looked shocked and continued unabated. The guy actually ended up with an unusually positive

reputation apparently. Evan was massively impressed, even management. He was simply an inquisitive man who would say, can one of you have a shit please as a genuine optimistic plea, as he was trying to cross the finish line with a little help from his friends. I never found out if anyone helped him out for money or for free, but it's an unusual story for you to enjoy. It's a story that I found the nausea rising in my throat during the last few bits. It's an interesting story isn't it? When you think about it. It is an interesting story. Imagine being that man who for some reason can only knock one out when he can hear the heaving guts of a blocked bowel. No he's not hearing it, it's smell. Is it the smell you think? I think it's because

he wants to see it. That's why he says it's ephentide. He also wanted to see the action. Yeah but the smell. He wants to see the grunt. They said the smell keeps him... I'm sure the sniffing is part of it. The smell is mentioned much more. It is but I'm thinking it's part of that. I also think he likes to see the gurning face of someone. The guy's a coprophile, right? Why does he like the police so much? Not in the mood today, Paul. Why aren't you in the mood today? I'm just not in the mood for your mouth. Anyway, thank you Ben. I don't believe that story at all. Right next move it on. It was he peaked too soon with expassionate a way of that word. Expassionate yeah. Expassionate man. The expassionate man. So yeah interesting have you ever wanted to have a wank because

someone was having a poo? It doesn't turn me on the smell of fecals. Got a bread in the oven mate if you want to give it a go. I don't want to give it a go. Come on. It made me feel sick. Watch me have a poo next door now. Watch me have a poo next door now. You know what the story behind that story is? If you can reach your essence.

I'm not going to do it. And I'm not going to even entertain it. Do you know what I felt about that story where it came off the truthful rail so to speak? What? When he was caught doing it and never missed a beat. And then it was never missed a beat and everyone thinks he's a hero. That's not what happened even in the 80s.

So the trap was what they said for him. They were like, I'm going for a poo, whatever, come with us. And he went and there was no poo. But then he would have known, right? Did he just like the idea of knowing someone who was pooing? No, he liked the smell. Can't you get this through your food skull? But there was no smell in this trap, was there?

He says, I'm going for a poo and he went in, but it was a trap. It was just the thought of it. So maybe it was just the thought of it knowing that a colleague that he worked with was in the cubicle next door. Well observed. Well observed. Thank you. So what's paying attention?

He knew it was a trap, so the guy didn't take a shit then? No, he didn't know it was a trap. He went into the booth next door after hearing his mate go, I'm off to drop my guts. And he was like, well, fucking great. Didn't the guy just end up dropping his guts anyway? I think he did. No, because they all peaked over the top. Yeah, but the guy's dropping his guts in the next one along and they're looking at him in that one, having a way. No, because I don't, look, even if I'm part of the trap, I don't want to really take a shit for the sake of the trap. What if you needed two birds with one stone? Isn't it? You'd wait till you needed a shit and then you'd do that, wouldn't you?

You'd wait till you needed a shit, You wouldn't pretend to take a shit. But if it was a trap, of course you would. You know, they got a foreman looking over them. Oh, I'm dying for a shit you just want. But then when you really need a shit, you've cried wolf. And the foreman's gonna say fucking aren't they? They're gonna say, well, you've already been for a shit, mate. You've been five times today, Brian.

I do not believe that story, you're right. Yeah. Having a little examination of that whole thing at the end. Like, yay, it's Johnny's shit wank, yay! And fucking Rory stories. Rory's story. Rory's fucking- Rory can-

Expressionistic man? Nah. Fuck that! Rory the story man and his expressionistic tales of nonsense. I can't even- This segment's over. Over! Over! Oh, nomity nom, it's time for nosh.

Nomity nom, it's time for nosh. What nosh? Hot nosh? Sweet nosh? Good. Put it in my belly and nom nom nud. Nud. Nom nom nud.

Nom nom nud. Anyway, hello everyone. Now it's time for the sweet half of the snacks from the States brought by Emma and shout out to Solly on his birthday, which was the 8th. This is not a fucking breakfast radio show. Big shouts to Solly boy on his 8th! Not his 8th, he's 14. Regretting this already?

No I'm not because they bought all of this for us. Yes they did. And I said I'd give a shout out on the birthday so sorry. I don't do birthday shout outs everybody. So yeah don't email it unless you're a relative. I'm not interested in anyone. I know. Especially you. You get real mask off sometimes don't you? This is what I mean. You have a fucking psychopath lurking within you. That's what a psychopath would say. The problem is, is that I have too many emotions to be a psychopath. Too many complicated, raw emotions that I can't process.

It makes me want to fucking kill something. We tried some of the safety stuff last week. Now we're on to the suite. The potted meat was the standout. And now we've got a lot of interesting items they picked up for me, starting with Oreo Space Dunk. What makes them a space dunk, Mr. Sbilbubum? I couldn't say your name! They are contained within this package I have before me, Paul. Five galactic designs. Oh, they're different designs on each one. Funny.

So they're just different biscuit designs then? Cosmic cream! What's cosmic? I bet it tastes the same as normal cream. Cosmic cream. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, everyone right now, including those listening, know exactly where we're going to go with this.

So let's skip it. I'm not going there. So it is a normal, not going to say normal, but it's Oreo biscuits as you know them, but with a different design of some space on it and a cream. Two-coloured cream. Blue and pink. Space colours. I guess they are space, blue and pink, space colours. I guess they are space cosmic colours when you think about it.

Well that's what I was going to say, the cosmic coke was exactly the same two colours, wasn't it? Yes. What is it about those colours, do you think? It's just sort of nebula colour. Yeah, it is. It seems to have got its shorthand for outer space now, which I hadn't noticed or articulated before, which is funny, isn't it? Otherwise it would have been a black filling, right?

Space used to be black, like, yeah. It still is black, if you look. You should take a look every now and then. Most of it is black. I'm talking about the representation of space. Yes. In the media. It's much more coloured now. It is isn't it? I'm fine with it. That must be to do with the advances in cosmology in terms of the better telescopes and stuff. Yeah. More and more pictures of it. You can see it more, process it better. Isn't that weird? How the colour of a conceptual thing? Yeah, changes. Yes't that weird? How the colour of a conceptual thing... Yeah, changes.

Yes. Well, it's like the colour pink, isn't it? Back in the 1800s, Regency days, pink was the thing that all men wore all the time. And then all of a sudden, just before the war or something, blue became the thing. It's just how things go. I've lost... You've lost half a biscuit. I've lost a top.

I'm going to put that back. Very vivid, two-tone pink and blue filling. Yeah. Oh! There goes that one. I just fucking cleaned this out. I don't want cosmic juice all over it. Give me the packet. I'll pick me own one. I don't want your dirty fingers on it.

Right. Jesus. So what am I looking at? I'm looking at a little alien. I've got a shooting star. I've got a space helmet. It's got a hole in this one with a helmet. Take it from us everyone, the artwork isn't outstanding on these cookies. I'll take a picture of the biscuits that I left to show just how crumbly bad they are.

Should we see if this creme has any taste different from a normal Oreo? And have a snuff. Smells like an Oreo. Exactly, very vanilla-y and sweet. Yeah, very vanilla-y. Yeah. Right, we're gonna go. Oh, it's got popping candy in it.

Oh that, it does! That's nice. Mate, I just put the biscuit Oh, it's got popping candy in it. Oh, that? It does. Ah, that's nice. Mate, I just put the biscuit up to my ear to hear the popping candy. What the fuck? As if it was like... That's good. Can you feel it? I can feel it all popping.

Yeah, I think that's quite a nice sensation. Until you said that though, I didn't register it. It was happening in my mouth, but for some reason I had not processed it. But that just tastes like a kind of sweeter... It's very sweet, isn't it? That's sweeter than I remember to it. It was happening in my mouth, but for some reason I had not processed it. But that just tastes like a kind of sweeter... It's very sweet, isn't it? That's sweeter than I remember normal Oreo. Well, I don't think an Oreo flavouring is that sweet. That's quite a nice touch, I have to say.

Yeah, no, you know what? It sparkles like little stars. You know what I mean? In your mouth, little cosmic stars. That actually is alright. It's a gimmick product, but at least they've actually done something different. I'll tell you what, though. you only get five in a pack. A whole pack would be what? Usual 10, 12 biscuits or whatever it is.

I'm not sure, they sell them in all different sizes and different types. I did not hate that. No, I enjoyed that. You know I like Oreos anyway. Kids would enjoy that. It's got that toyetic thing with the popping candy. With the popping candy. Okay, good, moving on.

Did it say it on the packaging? I didn't notice it. That's what cosmic in the creme is I guess. Five galactic designs. What does it taste like? The delicious taste of fluffy marshmallow. Wondering what cosmic cream tastes like. It doesn't actually say on the... It doesn't say. No it doesn't say that. It must have a legal level. Yeah. Isn't it banned in some countries popping candy? It was wasn't it? I don't know. People said it would like...

There was a scare around it where they said it would... Oh, maybe back in the day, yeah, maybe. It definitely was, yeah. I don't know. Alright, I'll give that a pass. I'll give that three out of five. I definitely would as well. It wasn't too bad at all.

Next. Very sweet. Next. Okay. I already said next, okay? So I'm trying to move this on as well. Alright, go on then. Cupcakes.

We've got Hostess Cupcakes. Orange cupcakes. Now, Hostess mostly are well known for their Twinkies, aren't they? Which has the Ghostbusters connection. Yes, they can't shut up about a thing that was mentioned once briefly in the film. It was one of the biggest laughs from the original film. Yeah. That's a big Twinkie. Yeah. Now, and this is a cupcake Twinkie. Also, when you smell it again, you want to jab your nose right into the icing cream with it and just get all your nose here. Well, you can have the one I didn't nose jab your nose right into the icing cream with it and just get all your nose here. I didn't nose jab, okay? Yeah, alright, good.

Fucking hell, why have you got all fucking hygiene obsessed? Because I don't like eating things that you've had your nose pressed upon the top. You can't learn my house, you chuck shit around, you wipe your ass on the carpet, take in a big shit you've saved up all day, and then going on about how it was like stuffing a fucking bird down a tube, a big gull. It was like fucking manhandling a gull down a fucking tube. Very embarrassing content. Shut up. What's special about these ones?

These are orange cupcakes. Orange Hostess cupcakes. That's it. And they have quite a nice orangey... Icing. ...smell. Yeah. Alright, let's go. They've got cream in.

It's fine, but I don't like it. It's kind of weirdly bland. The icing's doing all the hard work, I think, there. Because I think the cupcake part is just twinkie, right? It doesn't have a lot of texture. Very soft and spongy. It's not crumbly like you'd expect a cupcake to really be. I think it is just a twinkie with orange icing. Of course it is. I mean, it's too processed. Yeah. I agree, but...

Not offensive, but I'll give that a 2. Very sweet as well. Yeah, it is. It's like set your teeth off Okay, what are you gonna rate out of 5? Get involved. Rank it. Rank it off I'll go 2.5. I'll go a flat 2. I might even do space donkers go up half a decimal to 3.5 Yeah, so what's next? What's next Paul is jet puffed gummies So what's next? What's next Paul is Jet Puffed Gummies Marshmallow. So these are little cuboid sweets of some sort which appear to have little faces on, little smiling faces.

They're little Stay Puffed men aren't they but gummy sized I guess. So are they marshmallows or gummies? I don't know. This is very interesting to me. Shall we dive in? Let's dive in. Get your fingers into the fat box. I'm getting in my fingers in here and they are wrapped further in a little

cellophane. They look like marshmallows to me. They look pretty good I have to say. No I'm fine with that it's just I don't know what the flavour is the texture I don't know what we're getting here. Are they just flavoured marshmallows? Oh a very strong vanilla coming off the pack here. From Flix Candy. Maybe they're sort of marshmallow gummies. It just says... That's what they are I think. Yeah it just says here, Marshmallow Artificially Flavoured. I don't know what makes them gummies. The fact that they're gummies. It is, no.

It's a gummy. It's like marshmallow flavours but with a gummy texture. Yes, that's right. This one is just marshmallow, I should try another flavour. Try the blue one. Should never just take what you say for face value, I'll try it myself. Yeah, blue one different. Yeah it tastes the same.

It's just, they're all like real marshmallows, they're different colours but taste exactly the same aren't they? So yeah, this... Unimpressed really. Yeah, blue one different. Yeah, tastes the same. They're all like real marshmallows, they're different colours but taste exactly the same, aren't they? So yeah, this, unimpressed really. Underwhelmed with those. What do you think jetpuffed means? That seems to be a selling point, but what does it mean? That's the kind of gummy it is, and I think these are marshmallow flavoured ones of these,

but they probably do nice, like sour ones and different things, you know, fruit flavoured ones. I'm not impressed with them. No, if you're really into vanilla. If you're really into a marshmallow flavour, but with a gummy texture, then there you go. But I'm... Yeah, nothing. Yeah.

I would give it a 2. Again, not horrible. I don't like 1.3. I don't like... Marshmallow stuff or that flavour. I just don't like vanilla, just vanilla. When it's just vanilla. I think vanilla, what vanilla really does brilliantly is when you pair it with something like raspberry or strawberry. And it offsets it, it's just vanilla. I think vanilla, what vanilla really does brilliantly is when

you pair it with something like raspberry or strawberry. And it offsets it, it gets creamy things. It makes it amazing. Even lemon, lemonade with a bit of vanilla in it. It's fucking great. But just when it's just by itself, it's vanilla. It's vanilla, innit? It's so vanilla. So vanilla. Next on the docket is what Mr. Silverman? Paul, we've got a little break here and I don't want you to take the emotion from the

little bit of house, little bit of life admin you were doing and take the emotion that gave you and bring it to the next minute. So don't, let's not with the deflationary tone. Let's get, come on, say that again. What's coming next Mr Silverman? Like you really like my company and that other thing isn't weighing down. Hello Eli, what's next on this lovely Candyland treat? Well I'm glad you asked Paul, because we have the last of our sweet items.

Yeah, because I guess the next thing isn't sweet at all. And this is another marshmallow. But this is a real marshmallow and we've had these on the show before. This is a somewhat of a US Easter tradition. Yeah, yeah. Peeps. Peeps. They do little Easter themed marshmallows basically.

Shaped like poets. But a bit too intellectual for this podcast, Mr Silverman. A little bit too intellectual for this podcast, Mr Silverman. Is it? It was a little bit too clever clever for fat brain Mr Silverman? A little bit too intellectual for this podcast Mr Silverman? Is it? A little bit too clever clever for fat brain silly Silverman to understand this week was it? Oooh, little bit too licorice for you all. Licorice? Is that a type of porn? Type of porn book. It's a fucking fanny licking porn. Where's Ganon? Oh he's next door reading his licorice. Let's write into viz. Licorice. But it sounds a bit like licorice. Incident at Clam Creek. Licorice. Just a bit. Just a bit. Licorice. No, I licked all of it. Oh! Thank you mother!

Oh don't. Peeps. Peeps. Come on. We tried these before. Yes, we had cinnamon, we had regular, but what have we got today? We have a tie-in. It's a crossover, Paul, and now, no, everyone loves that. Yeah. It's Dr Pepper flavoured peeps. These are little burbies. Burdies.

That's the thing we should mention, they are marshmallow items and these are flavoured items. With Dr Pepper? Yeah, this time out. I have never seen a Dr Pepper flavoured thing apart from a can of Dr Pepper. I've seen like lip balms and stuff like that. Oh yeah that's a very popular lip balm. But no it's not like Vimto where they slap it on everything.

You know? Yeah. Oooh. Do you be fair also you don't get official load of official Coca-Cola flavoured things? Like you don't get Coca-Cola flavoured peeps do you? Oh yeah you don't see that very often either do you? Is it the same company? Oh I don't know about that but either way, let's sniff the peeps.

There's a very nice, in my view, Huff and Uff coming off these peeps birdies. I'll see if the Huffers are enough. It's a lovely play doughy smell. Oh yeah, but I can't, yeah I can smell Dr Pepper quite easily though. You know Dr Pepper's a bit play doughy? Yes it is. Okay, and he's taking one of these little birdies and let's go for this. Off to the munch town. There's not a lot going on there though.

No but the look you gave me was much more despairing than that. Honestly the problem is with it is that the Dr Pepper flavour isn't really all there. It's not strong enough. And the sweetness of everything, all that sugar comes through instead. It's so sickly. No. Too sweet. Really is too sweet. Too sweet and not enough Dr Pepper in there to warrant the crossover.

But we don't, we've not liked them at any time we've tasted these peeps, have we really? I mean at least the cinnamon one was hot and spicy, that red hot chewing gum flavour kind of thing. They should do Tarky flavoured peeps. That would blow their fucking heads off. Imagine how that sort of sourness, some kind of something to offset the sweetness. They would off- no, this is the thing though, you can't offset it. I don't think you can with what a peep is. I think if anything, if you add Taki flavors to it, it'll probably be quite rancid. Mind you, those Taki nuts from last week were terrible. Really bad.

Again, because I don't think the flavor matched the item all that well in that instance. It really didn't, no. Anyway, the big finale today is something from the Ben box. Oh no, was it from Ben's box? It was from Ben's box. I believe it was from the same box that you got the towels from the shop floor from. And he sent us like off-brand brand off and the Get a Grip game we played with Barshens. Thank you very much for sending all that stuff in, Ben. Oh, all it says is the name of it, Grenkie. Yeah. And it's fried bread. The flavor is what brings us to the attention. And it was Ben that it's one of them. Yes, it is.

Thank you. And it's very expressionate man. Expressionate writer. I'm the expressionate man. He's a horse flavored roast horse. Nice. Roast horse flavored bread. Fried bread. Fried bread. Now I've never eaten a horse, so I don't know what horse tastes like you've never eaten horse knowingly Did you have a burger a cheap burger when you're at university? Oh like a bird's-eye one? Yeah Yeah, you're right because of that whole scandal wasn't it? They used horse this hamburgers 80% horse meat There was a big scandal everybody if you're from abroad in the UK in the UK and when was that was about 10 years ago Yeah, it was only about 10 years or so. 15 maybe. Yeah. A lot of companies were shown to have used horse, but they used it much earlier than when it came out. Yeah, it was like, it's been a while. It's been a while for them doing it. So

there is a good chance you've eaten horse. Listen, I don't have anything like, oh, you can't eat horse because what? I mean, it's another animal. Yeah. It's another mammal. You're going to arbitrarily pick what animal is appropriate to eat. However, I don't think they should put horse in without telling you at all. You don't know that people might not want it. They might go all horse burger. Absolutely fine. Hmm. Horse kebab. Well, they do eat horse like in France. Yeah, yeah.

But what I'm saying is maybe it's because in this country, because of like folly foot and black beauty, we kind of, I don't know, see horses differently. It's the Deception. Horse jerky? Again, I'd be happy to try that. But it's the Deception was the scandal, wasn't it? Yeah, that was it. Because no one really mentioned… Because they're saying it's a beef burger and it's not. It's a horse burger.

Yeah, no one went around for ages saying, these burgers taste like horse. They didn't, did they? These burgers smell like horse. Okay, so this is a, believe, a first for Cheap Show, though, Paul, that we've had a horse-flavoured product. Well, I mean, I was, you know, I believe, the first Four Cheap Show, though, that we've had a horse-flavoured product. Well, I mean, I was, you know, I mean... We've had some weird jerky, and I remember the snapping turtle jerky was the worst. That stayed with me forever. I don't think these are going to be horrible, though, at all.

In fact, I would argue... You don't know, it might have a real musty horse smell. Yeah, but... Like a must. I'm looking for a lamby, almost a lamby, gamey, musty, horse fatty, all hairs in the... Oh, you know what I just thought of? Well, that picture of that woman got that thing out of that horse's foreskin, man. The big waxy thing that they got out. You see, already right now, you're off on your own and I don't know where you're going.

It was a picture and it was a big lump of green waxy stuff. That she pulled out from the horse's foreskin. And it was a diseased one. What a great sentence, the horse's foreskin. And it was a diseased one. What a great sentence. A horse's foreskin. There's something about the flow of that. Yes, it's the part rhymes. Of course, the horse's foreskin.

Yes. Oh, the horse's foreskin. It sounds like a good pub's name. The horse's foreskin. The horse's foreskin. Come on, let's get down to the old horse's foreskin for a plate of their own froffy. Okay, shall I bring little Billy? Billy!

Billy's a dog. Your son's a dog. No, he I bring little Billy? Woof! Woof! Woof! Billy! Woof! Woof! Billy's a dog. Your son's a dog? No, he's my dog. We're going down the horse and foreskin. They look dog friendly there. Are they? Yes.

Oh. Very dog friendly. Come on, Billy. Woof! Woof! Woof! Right, let's try these. I'm just staring a gog at you right now. A gog. Paul's a gog, everyone.

Woof! Woof! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha There's a gog at you right now. A gog! Paul's a gog everyone! He's a gog on a knob everyone! Yeah, a gog on a knob. Horses foreskin, a gog on a knob. Now, are you ready for this? Sounds like a magic spell! Horses foreskin, gog on a knob. Horsie foreskin! Paul, are you going to allow me to do an expert

nothing? Go on, hoof it. Hoof the horsey foreskin bag. And then try and get all the agitato. Agitatis. Getting all the horse flakes agitato and then I'm just going to get the smallest little corner. Corner quiff. Yes, I'm getting a beefy, deep, rich, huff from that. Pull. Oh, and there's a sort of tomatoey sweetness almost. There is barbecue sauce depicted on the front cover, like a big dipping. It doesn't look bad, that horse, does it?

No, but it looks a bit like jerky, I guess, in that instance. It looks tough and deep and dark. It almost smells like an Oxo cube. It's beefy, yeah. But you're right, there's some different elements in there. And there's a bit of a sweetness coming off. Which I think is the sauce representation. Sorry, I didn't...

Right, I'm gonna take it. Now these are fried bread things. These are like those bruschetta crisps. Yeah, they are. They're like little bruschettas. Oh god, there is a sort of real gaminess almost. I don't know. To me it just smells like an Oxo Cube.

Anyway, I'm gonna put... Oh, they're quite regular. Yeah. Little... Little biscuit shapes. They're just little crunchy biscuits. Oh, they're quite regular. Yeah. Little, uh- Little biscuit shapes. They're just little crunchy biscuits. Oh, they're hard.

Don't know about that. What's weird about that I don't get? It's that gaminess. Is that what it is? Oh, they're bitter, like they're burnt at the end as well. There's something strange going on in my mouth. There's a slight bitterness. Oh.

Oh, I know what you mean. That's weird, because you get this kind of beef up front, and then this kind of herby, gamey bitterness Yeah, something off like a meat note then the bread bit as well makes it kind of loafing Wee-tee. Yeah. Yeah, it's wee-tee and meaty. Yeah I'm not sure I love those as well poor I'm not sure I love those. I was that far for creating a character called wee-tee beefy peety I couldn't think of what he was gonna to sound like so we'll move on.

Good, wow good. Wheaty Beefy. I didn't like those very much. I didn't like them. I couldn't imagine just like enjoying them idly like you would a packet of crisps or whatever. I wasn't expressionate about them, that's for sure. No, two.

One. I'm going one. One. I've enjoyed similar products but I don't know, was it the horse that was at the back of our head? Well here's the thing, if you had said eat this and I just went nom I'll be like oh what is this like and then you were told horse yeah I don't know it's weird it tastes like one minute you're biting into an oxo cube and the next minute

you're biting into a fart it's a bit farty isn't it yeah very farty biscuit well what was your favorite from all of these items? I think it has to be the first thing we had Oreos yeah Oreos mate they were, delightful. They tickled our taste buds. They had a little surprise. Yeah. A little, it's, it is not often that no, you are surprised by food. No. And I know it's a gimmicky sort of thing, but. It tickled our taste buds, didn't it? It's all that mattered. It had a crunch and then the crunch evolved into popping candy. And it was like little stars winking into and out of existence in the galaxy. Little blinking stars. Of your mind. Little winking eyes, yeah. Little winking flavors. And it's like surround sound of the little popping.

I don't know why, but it does seem to me to be a good metaphor. I'm just gonna move on, cause I feel real sick now. It's a good metaphor for the stars. I've gone from super sweet to beefy horse, and I'm just spit fucking off. Like flavor's thrown off.

It's all a bit of a tum tum tum tum tumble. Have you got any anti-acids, antacids? I have got tums. Yeah, I've got some tums. I might have some tums. Have you got any anti-err anti- anti-acids antacids? I have got Tums. Yeah, I've got some Tums. I might have some Tums. Let's have a fucking Tums party. Let's have a fucking Tums festival right now. And we'll be right back after this.

Hello, Mr Silverman. You're in such a good mood. Would you like to see my platters? Oh, don't say that. What? Ah, would you like information about such things? Trackbot there is someone here. Hello?

Hello, would you like to give information Trackbot? I always give the best conversation. There's someone here who has got a lot of questions. Bring him in! Hello sir, hello everybody. I'm going back to my pod. Excuse me, I've been travelling very far and wide. Now Paul. Why is he here? What's he got to do with Trackbot this? He's just here, he's came, he's been lurking around. He came, he came in Trackbot's pod. That's what that man said I should do, but...

Trackbot doesn't have £700 to clean again. I haven't done that, but I did have some questions for you, Paul. Fire away! Not for you, Trackbot. For you, Paul, please. Then Trackbot can go back then, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know what that is. It looks like a funny robot covered in glue. I have cleaning issues. I don't know what that... I It looks like a funny robot covered in glue. I have cleaning issues

I don't know what that fit. I can't understand what you're saying. I have issues grab a tissues I'm wide traveled wide traveled. Okay, so track bots gone over there. Bye. Bye track bot I can't fucking keep track of these fucking characters. I did have some new Try to get rid of these characters. I tried to get rid of them. That's what my question was about. Go on. That was the question. I'm why I traveled, Rob. Yeah. I did come onto the show before. Yeah. Didn't offer much. I've been... Hey fucking that sound. Yeah. I've come on the show, right? Oh no. No, not like that.

Trackbot. Who is that robot? I'll pay for the cleaning this time, alright. What's that robot good for? He gives us musical information. Really? Yeah, he gives us facts on who's some guy and stuff. Well, do you need travel? Travel information?

No, we don't, we don't, we're alright for travel information. Do you need travelling information? Did you have a question? Yes. I was wondering when you were going to announce who the new characters would be, who's going to be, have a permanent seat. It's not you, I can tell you now, it's not going to be you who's going to have a permanent seat. It's not you, I can tell you that, it's not going to be you. Why? I've very wide travelled.

You're not wide travelled, you're not very interesting. No, I've been to other places. And it's a sign that you're a failed character that I have checked out of this conversation. I've been to lots of places actually. Trackbot's good, Cardinal Sin, he was a laugh. I didn't like that man. Mr Grunty, he was funny, I liked him. Also, you're pretty poor

That was my first question. All right. Yeah, I don't think you'll be coming back after today That's that's my question. But whilst I'm here that dip dip dip dip dip dip dip Paul whilst I'm here while I traveled. Yeah, very wide traveling Rob. That's I do I go around I travel Whilst I'm here. Do you have any questions about? That's what I do. I go around, I travel. Yeah. Whilst I'm here, do you have any questions about places? No, I don't have any. What about Eli? Did he have any?

Eli, do you have any? You better say no or I'll fucking kill you. Rob, where, how far and wide have you been? Cunt. At the, at the, yes, very far. As far as Coltester. This is already outstated to welcome this segment, so wrap this up. And as far as, that's one way I've been. I've been to H Hove we've been over that before. I should not be adding any more comedy content to this segment of the show I feel like Eli's struggling to die on his own with this bit. I fancy actually, where's that robot? It might even cut this out. The robot's giving me the

horn now. I'm not doing trackbot stuff as well you can fuck off I'm done. Can I just go and look at it, go over there. No because trackbot's in there right now he just wants some pieces going. Oh there's a little hole in the cupboard. That's just a power port. I'm fucking in. Oh, don't. Don't. Fuck it.

Oh, no. It's popping in and out and in and out and in. Oh, fucking travel at that. Why travel? You've besmirched my circuit boards. I have an empty feeling. Well, there we go. That's that bit done. Let's move on. So, this is the platter segment. I have a platter ready to go.

Two platters this week. Wake up, track pots! He's alright. He's sealed himself in. He's poked that hole up with tissue. I don't think he can sense through that hole. Oh, it smells musty now, here. They're all camping out again. It smells like sweating cobwebs in here right now. Wide travel Rob seems to be having a

conversation with room tone now. Anything wide travel. They're thick as thieves. They can fuck off. They're gumming up trap-pots. Anyway, a letter from Bob, I, what, the letter from Ben? The letter from Ben? The flower pot men? Bill and Ben are flower pot men. Bob's not in the thing. He's not involved. Bob's no man. Bob's no man. Bob's a snowman. Ben sent a letter and that letter has a segment in it

I'd like to read out because it's pertinent to our platter particulars, alright? Okay. In episode 356, I think, I haven't double checked it either, someone got in touch to say that the record from Darlington County Durham. This is Johnny and the Answerphones, one of my favourite ever platters that we've uncovered here because it was basically a sort of piss take revenge record. Yes. That the actual

person who was the subject of the piss take actually ended up releasing. Yes. It was them who's on the record. If you recall, it is quite hard to describe, but we got the whole backstory because someone who was listening knew the person who'd made the record. So effectively, an answer phone message was the basis of it. It seemed like there was a rich guy who had a lot of money who wanted to make a single and they were mixing it and the guy who released the single mixed it but never got his never released the stuff to the guy because he hadn't paid him. He didn't pay.. The guy who made this song was now like leaving him an answer phone message saying give me the fucking demo. With an escalating irateness.

And then who released a single then? Was it the guy complaining or the guy who actually mixed that track with the dance? It was the guy complaining, not the guy who made it. It's complicated. Anyway, he goes on to say in this letter that the guy in the letter was someone called Dutch. That was the guy who they think was the mysterious man with the money you left the angiphone. Yeah, and Graham, who's named on the record, was the guy, the record maker who's behind the label. So when the guy from the recording company said never trust a hippie... Yes, the hippie was the guy who was leaving the messages. I knew a guy I knew called Dutch. I'd met in Crook in the late 90s.

Now it was Crook, wasn't it? Because they were, the record label was Crook Records, wasn't it? Oh, OK. All right. OK. Yeah. Right. So he was friends with some of my family and sold weed to my late relatives. This all fits with this guy. I was only a child at the time, but specifically remember he was called Dutch as he used to get the ferry that goes from Newcastle to Amsterdam to buy weed and bring it back. Great. I'm presuming security is tighter now. And one day I hope I can dig out a picture for you. to get the ferry that goes from Newcastle to Amsterdam to buy weed and bring it back. Great.

I'm presuming security is tighter now and one day I hope I can dig out a picture for you. Fantastic. A little bit of sugar on the story there. I love that whole fact that we got the story behind that record. That's one of those very special things for me in that it is a record that is incredibly rare. Yeah.

Incredibly rare. But no value, but rare. Oh, no value. I love that kind of thing. And they always have the more interesting stories that stuff don't they but the fact that we got Detailed evidence about what the actual story behind it was from the horse's mouth was amazing. Yeah Follow up there. Thank you very much Zsuzs a little sprinkle of Sprinkly Zsuzs. Yeah So with that in mind they have two platters for us today. Two records that I found in charity shops. We're going to start with this one.

And this one's interesting, not because the song itself is particularly good, or well sung or produced, but because the artist behind it is actually quite an interesting character. This is Steve Walsh with his cover of the famous track, Found Lovin'. I played around with love before I was silly and know that I played the fool But then you came into my life and you changed that Now I know what I want and where it's at With you I find love Somebody to treat me right

Since I found you I'm in love with you Are you ready? I wanna hear some of the nation's loudest singers You know what to do I want you to get together and sing to me tonight Are you ready? Here we go, here we go Everybody in the house Are you ready? Everybody

Let me hear you singin' Yeah So there you go, that was Steve Walsh, I Found Lovin', completely new recording, never released before it says on the front. I don't know why you'd put that on the cover of your single. In that case, every single single ever release should have that statement on it, right? Perhaps because it's a tune that was originally recorded by a different artist. Well, it is, isn't it? I can't remember who we've discovered it was. Who sang that song?

A1 Records never heard of. Did he set up this label himself? I don't know. Oh, I can tell you. Who is it? Songwriters, Johnny Flippin, Michael Walker. Yeah, that's the song. They're the songwriters, but they don't ring any bells. That is a song though, isn't it? I don't know. I didn't recognise it. No, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I thought it was a cover this song, I Found Lovin'. Of what? I mean there's obviously other tunes called I Found Lovin'. It's a very generic title.

Fat Bat, Fat Back Band. That's right, that's right. I Found Lovin'. So those must be the guys in the Fat Back Band. Did you know they are still going and these guys in his 90s, one of the Fat Back. Jesus, really? Yeah, they played the Jazz Cafe last year. 1983 it was originally released. They said, the Fatback Band said as well, that they're sort of more loved over here in Britain and Europe than in America. Really? Yeah, they've been going for ages. Fair play to them though.

To the bus stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yes, it's a Fatback Band song. Yes it is. Which almost makes it even worse. The funklessness of his version. Well, here's the thing. So when I found this in a charity shop, I was like, well, who's this really kind of,

to be honest, overweight ginger man who's singing a song covered by the Fat Back Band. Fat Back Band. Carver Oversung by the Fat Back Band. It's really fucking hard to say. Fat Back Band. The Fat Back Band. The Fat Back Band. The Fat Back Band.

One a penny, two a penny, Fat Back Band. I've got a fat back in my back. And here he goes, fuck me. So I wanted to know more about this guy and I did a quick search in the shop online while I was looking at it. And then I was like, oh shit, he was a radio disc jockey and ended up working for BBC Radio London, which is where I currently, you know, do some work and stuff.

I was thinking, well, let's look into him a little bit more. So I'm going to take this from Wikipedia, apologies. I know it's like the laziest fucking thing, but I'll tell you, he started his radio career working for a pirate radio station called Invicta. I don't know if that rings a bell to you. I don't know it to me. Uh, Invicta was a quite a famous label formed by Holland, Dozier and Holland when they left the parted ways with the Motown company.

Oh, that's interesting because this is a pirate radio station that was only broadcast in London. Oh, that was Invictus. Sorry, Invictus. So it's just similar. No, but I'm thinking they took the name of this radio station from that label because they specialize in only playing soul music. Yeah, it was a big soul label. Famously, people like Chairman of the Board, Ron Victus, and probably their biggest ever

record was Frieda Payne's Band of Gold. Oh yeah. You know that one. Yeah, it's a great tune. It's a great tune. Anyway, that was a pirate radio station that went between 1970 and 1984. They played only soul. So he was a DJ there. Then he moved to another soul pirate radio station. Apparently there were more soul pirate radio stations in London than I thought was needed. Well, I mean, this is something that I didn't want to get onto yet, but there's a huge problem

with kind of racist exclusion of that kind of music from the charts in Britain. At that time. Yeah. Well it was the same. It's one of the reasons why we've mentioned this before and it's a known fact that when the Blueswothers came out, it was making all those rhythm and blues and soul songs from the past that were not getting played popular again. And it allowed people like Aretha Franklin and James Brown to have a kind of boom in

their career in the 80s. Yeah, not only that, but there's a lot of artists who literally, you know, would have had hits, soul artists who would have had hits in the 60s and stuff, who just completely just went into some completely different line of work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, because it was so difficult, especially in America. But there's a similar thing going on with black artists, soul artists in Britain. So I can imagine that these power stations were playing the songs that weren't getting

airplay on Radio One or LBC or Capitol or whatever it was. There was a huge underground obviously for that. There still is pirate radio isn't there in London? It's not really the same anymore because it's obviously a niche thing because the internet's where everyone goes now to do their broadcasting. But from there he went on to later go to BBC Radio Kent, then decided to move again and he moved to another radio station He returned to London to launch Radio London soul night out at the same time He was approached by Capitol radio soul night. I was a radio show on BBC Radio London

I'm imagining where they just played soul cool having covered Saturday's Greg Edwards show soul spectrum It let's quite famous it led him to a permanent six-month spot on Capitol radio But only in the small hours of Sunday mornings. And then they became, the two stations became unhappy sharing the presenter doing similar radio content. So he eventually moved to BBC Radio London to host a Sunday 7-9pm show. And then was what we get to this record is that because he was part of this scene to

bring soul music to more mainstream audiences via BBC local radio, he became a kind of figurehead for the genre. And apparently he worked with Tony Blackburn a lot to bring soul music to wider audiences. Blackburn, obviously a champion of soul as well, and also had a record that was a minor Northern soul hit, wasn't it? Yes, he did. Blackburn himself. We'll have to find that, unless we've done it before.

I think we've done it before. I think we've found it and it's not very good. Anyway, he made an impact and then he started doing live shows, DJing where he would end up singing, and so that led to this single, his cover of I Found Lovin'. The archetype of the genre of South London soul. Don't know what that means, was there a South London soul movement? There was a soul scene there, there was a whole scene. He then went on to work with Michaela Strachan on a show called Boogie Box.

She did a lot of music TV, didn't she, Strachan? She was on the Hitman and Her as well, wasn't she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She also released a song herself from the late 80s through Stockman, Aitken and Waterman. Was it only one tune she did? Yeah, because it was fucking... Did she do a clutch of tunes? Ah, I can't remember.

I think it was two or three. She did a clunge of tunes, I know that. That song's awful. It's like that thing, Stuart Millard's video where he talks about the Royal Variety performances. There's a whole bit where Pete Waterman comes out, doesn't he? And goes, here's all my artists. And then he brings out all Big Fun. And Michaela comes out and Jason Donovan and Sonia and Sunita. She never hit as a star.

Isn't that strange? No, but here's the thing. They have all these different artists on singing songs. The music sounds exactly the same from track to track. Very formulaic. Only the face of the band changes really. Stock Aiken and Waterman wanted to be, they came from that same background, the soul, northern soul and all of that sort of thing. And they were modelled themselves on Motown.

So they wanted to have hooks and plan, but it was to have a unified sound. The way that Motown did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, that unified sound at some point defines an era but also shows how restricted they were with that sound. Absolutely, and also some of the worst stuff from the 80s is when they're trying to sound like Motown. But anyway. So he releases a few singles, he's doing live shows and DJing and things like that

and then this is where tragedy set in. Steve Walsh was the biggest DJ on the club scene. He owed his fortune to black music, performing for 750,000 soul fans a year. It was as the singer of a fatback band classic, I Found Loving, that he scored an international hit. The 29-year-old DJ from Paddington, married with three children, was in Ibiza making a video for his new cover version single

when disaster struck. His leg was badly shattered in a head-on road accident. Steve Wells spent two nights in a Spanish hospital before being flown back to London. The risks of surgery on the seriously overweight DJ were explained to him, but he decided to go ahead because he was told he could lose his leg otherwise. He died from heart failure yesterday

at Paddington St Mary's Hospital. I was due to work with him on several occasions over the next month or so and it was the most upsetting thing because he's such a nice guy and we got to know one another over the years very very well and it's a sad loss, it really is. It was on a pirate radio station like this that Steve Walsh started his career. He gave top DJ CJ Carlos his break on the black music scene eight years ago. They remained friends when their careers took a different turn with Walsh joining Radio London for a twice weekly show.

It's a big shock to this whole scene. It's going to be a big gap left by the man who is undoubtedly one of the great DJs around and it's going to be a long time before anybody else is going to fill in his shoes. An inquest into the DJ's death opens at Westminster Coroner's Court tomorrow. Mark Wadsworth, Thames News. That's a horrendous tragedy. Well, I was like, that's the interesting thing about him. He's a voice on local radio that helped develop a community

through a love of a genre of music. I know, but why does he get success because he's a white guy? Well, yeah, right. Except why he's the crossover. It's again, it's this weird sort of racism. And fine, he sounds like a great guy, whatever. But also you've got Tony Blackburn, right? Who kind of brought all sorts of music to British ears, didn't he?

He was a bit of Motown, a bit of disco, a bit of whatever. He was quite a connoisseur of genres. I mean, it's fine. You know, I just think it's funny. But either way, there's like all these voices. There was a lot of innovators over the years, obviously. And obviously at the BBC, back in the early 80s, there's not the diversity that they have now. So unfortunately, if there was a reasonably professional DJ who likes old music, who had

a big audience and could bring people to love it, it works for them because he's white. That's all I'm saying. No, no, yeah, but it's absolutely true. But again, it doesn't take away from his enthusiasm and genuine love for the genre. No, and he does look extremely enthusiastic on the cover of this. Finger in the air. Yeah, looks happy enough. And there's a pop video for it on YouTube. I'll put it on our website. But the pop video is him getting out of a limo, going into a club, getting on stage, dancing and chatting with the crowd. Rasmataz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is quite earnest. It's like a budget version of the Susudio video, you know? It's terrible. But the song itself, this cover, hot in the right place, but vocally, no.

A curio, the kind of curio's I love. Also, you know, it's funny how you'd sort of unashamedly release this when you're into soul and soul is, I mean, of all the sort of populous forms, the most dependent on the vocal performance, you know? That's just a comment. It's just an observation. And also what I find a bit puzzling, if he's really into soul, is the choice of B-side song, which is Steams' Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye. Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

And over the years that song has been claimed to have been written by Lennon and McCartney. Yes, I'm presuming that's not true. No, absolutely not. Steam were like a studio group and it just, it was a massive hit. What genre was that song then originally? It's kind of like, solely rock. Disco? No, no. It's much earlier. It was from the late 60s I believe, but it was... It's also a song that's kind of been ruined by how it kind of came into the

pop culture consciousness because it became something you would go when someone left a room who got their, you know, who shit their face. It was like, nah, nah, nah. That's why it's so powerful. Kiss him goodbye. Goodbye. It's a pure football terrorist chant. It's got a kind of loutish feel to it now, unfortunately. And they do play it at sporting events in the US. Yeah, of course.

But not this version by Steve Walsh. Now, but so I think it's sort of like this weird, it's not, it's not a real soul. It's not a soul standard. It's not like Mustang Sally or... The production's 280s. It's too... No, I mean the choice of song itself. sort of like this weird, it's not a real soul, it's not a soul standard, it's not like Mustang Sally or... No, because the production's 280s, it's too... No, I mean the choice of song itself. Oh, the song on itself for B-side. You think a soul, a champion of soul would choose a soul song and that's just a weird

pop oddity song that reeks of a sort of someone who is not a real musician just trying to think of... It's a lazy choice for B-side is what I'm saying. The other song he... Oh well yeah, I agree it's a lazy choice, but I also think he released it on the basis that it was a party hit. It was something you could get away with and get the crowd going. Yes, it's that populism of the tune itself.

He did release one other song in 1988. I mean I found love in this track. Got to number nine in the UK charts. Are you shitting me? No, according to 1987. Then he did Let's Get Together Tonight. Don't Know That Track. That got to number 74. Again, very generic title, I Don't know that track. That got to number 74. Again, very generic title, I don't know. And then in 1988 he released Ain't No Stopping Us Now. McFadden and Whitehead. Yes. It does do the original and that is, we were talking about it the other day, that's the Sound

of Philadelphia, Gamble and Huff's label. Is it his song? No. Stevie Walsh did not do the original of Ain't No Stopping Us Now. It's McFadden and Whitehead. No, no, no, but this song, Let's Get Together Tonight. Maybe he sang Somebody, anybody. And tonight's the night for us to play. Wherever you are, wherever you are. What we do, we do, we do. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best.

We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best.

We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. And tonight's the night for us to play Wherever you are, wherever you are What we gonna do?

Let me hear you singin' Let's get together tonight Let's get together tonight Let's get together tonight Let's get together I can believe he wrote that. I can believe it But yeah, I'm giving it a platter for... I'm going to say splatter because it's unpleasant to listen to. Fine. But I like the overall story behind it. I'm not saying I don't.

I like the history. This is the problem with this segment being a binary, you see now, because it's hard for to like, you know, conceptually... Binary thinking is very limited thinking. It's limited thinking. It is. And it's hard to be nuanced. It is, unfortunately, the format of this segment. So it is a splatter for me.

And it's a platter for me. But can I just say one thing before we move on Paul? Yes. If you do want a fantastic version and for me the best version of Hey Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye go for the Pioneers. Pioneers everyone. But it is the soul version that they do. All right it's not like a reggae version they are a Jamaican group. It's just pure straight up soul. I look forward to hearing it. Great drum. The pioneers, hey, hey, nah, nah, hey, nah, nah, nah.

Shut up, I'm done now. Nah, nah, hey, nah, nah, nah. Kiss him goodbye. Right, we finished saying nah, nah, nah, nah. Hey, nah, nah, nah. That was a bit of a Tommy Squeaker. It was a Tommy Squeaker. Listen, let's change gears and have a bit of a Tommy squeaker. It was a Tommy squeaker! Listen, let's change gears and have a bit of disco now.

This track is called The Best Dreams. And what I love is that this is a disco song for the Burnley Building Society. Take it away! You can dream a little, you can dream a lot But the best dreams of all are the ones you got Building in the Burnley. Dreaming about a pile of money. Dreaming about wedding rings. When you're saving with the Burnley. Building society. That's where your dreams begin.

For once in your life you'll find a new kind of peace of mind. Building a bright new home. Home is where the heart is. Planning your life today. Cause tomorrow ain't far away. You and your family. Are safe in our hands. You can dream a little. Our families are safe in our hands

You can dream a little, you can dream a lot But the best dreams of all are the ones you've got Building in the Burnley Dreaming about a country garden, dreaming about feeling free Skies of blue can come true for you So I think you can imagine that just to the ear it's a pretty shitty disco track, would you agree? And it's a disco track about living big dreams and you can do it all through the Burnley Building Society. You can. Can I have a little look at the cover, please, Paul?

Yes, you can, and explain what the cover looks like. Well, you've got a couple dressed in white. They are white people. The man is pointing to the right, the lady pointing to the left, and their arms are together. It's a Saturday night dance floor. It's a Saturday night live kind of image, isn't it? Saturday night image live. Saturday night streets. Saturday night living.

Fever. Fever. Two syllables. First syllable. You know who feels like they're having a fever now? Me. I actually do feel quite poorly right now. Also our listeners, it's like a fever dream. Wake up! I think the horsey biscuits have done something strange to me. Those horse biscuits. You reacted to the horse biscuits. I think I've had a bit of a problem with the horsey biscuits have done something strange to me. Those horse biscuits? You reacted to the horse biscuits? I think I've had a bit of a problem with the horse biscuits. You never know, you might be allergic to horse mate. Which is a problem for the job you do on the weekends. It's not, I don't have to-

That's because if you're developing an allergic allergy to horse, how are you going to drink all that horse cum that you gulped down on video? I never said I drank it. I never said I drank it. Oh, they just shoot it over your head. It's the old Bob Monkhouse trick. You take your bite and spit it out when they shout cut. So I Oh, they just shoot it over your head. No, it's the old Bob Monkhouse trick. You take a bite and spit it out when they shout cut. So I go, oh, oh, oh.

You take a bite of a horse's cock. No, what I'm saying though, it's like Bob Monkhouse did the Mars Bar Radford and he used to get sick eating all the Mars Bars. And someone went, well, just spit it out after they shout cut. You don't have to swallow the fucking thing. Yeah. So I'm saying all I do for those films is that you go, oh, oh, oh. Those films you make on the weekends with horses. Cut. And I go, because I can't, you know what I mean.

They're on a big dance floor here and there's people clapping in silhouette. So it's a party going on. And there's no indication of any building society business at all from the cover. Apart from the lyrics? Apart from the lyrics aren't on the cover. They are on the back though. Who wrote the lyrics, Paul? Well I want to just put a button in that for a minute, because I just want to say,

Burnley Building Societies gave this away if you opened up an account with them. I presume it was based on some kind of promotion, maybe it was on TV, because it looks like there was a video made from what I can see. The image on the cover looks like it could be a still from a quite expensive advert of the era, Paul. What date are we talking about? I think that's 1979 that I found out in the end. A funny nice detail on the label. They've gone for an old school 45RPM symbol there.

To tell you what revolutions to listen at. Yeah, but it's that design is what you see on old records of the 60s. But no, it's much more of a Motown, funny enough. That's on the British issues of the Motowns, would have that big 45 symbol there on the label. So I wanted to say one other thing. Yeah. Funny that this was given away when you open an account because we've covered another record.

Barclays, wasn't it? The Barclays with the Noel Edmonds on one side and that really cool track by what were they called? I want to say Bread, but I don't think it was called Bread. But it was a really good fucking track. Living or something the band was called. One, but it was a really good fucking track. Living or something the band was called, but it was a rocky thing, a folky rocky thing. No, it was like a kind of glam rocky thing. It was like hard folky rock, it wasn't glam at all.

I remember it being a bit glam, like a bit sweet. Do you remember the cut, the giveaway had a rainbow and a little booklet? Yes. So it was more of a big deal than this. More of a presentation, it was actually a gatefold seven, wasn't it? I mean, mate, Barclays had that sick, sick Noel Edmonds money, you know? They had the Noel Edmonds money. They went straight...

Think about it though, it makes sense, right? You go to the number one guy in the UK who was the face of the pop charts at that time and Breakfast Radio, the most popular radio to listen to in that era. He coined it in. Yeah, he coined it in. Pop, pop, pop coined it in. He coined it in. So, listen, give it here because I want to get to why I picked this up, because yes, a disco

track made by Burnley Building Society with the lyrics involving, you know, building your dreams and getting a house and stuff. Terribly, terribly, terrible lyrics. That's enough for me to go. Can we just talk about the vocal performance again? Well, no, we'll get there in a minute. Let me get there in a minute. So here's your context.

It's a disco track. It's a little bit of music that says, build your dreams, blah, blah, blah. Burnley Building Society. And then I was like, that's good enough for the podcast already. And then I looked at who wrote the song. Words and music. Salman Rushdie. Salman Rushdie wrote this. The guy from the Satanic Verses. The guy who is a famous award winning author. Author of the genre known as magic realism, Paul. So and as most people will probably know him, about the fatwaul he had on him because of the book he released which upset certain religious groups.

So I was like, why the fuck did Salman Rushdie write a disco track for the Burnley Building Society? Because he worked for an ad agency. It was, it turns out. It did, I didn't know this at all because I was like, oh, what was he doing around about then? It turns out that when he came to the UK he began work as a copywriter for the advertising agency Oglavey and Mather? Is that how you pronounce it? Maver. Where he came up with the Irresistible bubble phrase for Aero chocolate and also

came up with the Naughty but Nice for the cream cakes. That's genius Naughty but Nice isn't it? Mmm just look at that. Light as a feather and trembling with naughtiness. Of course the trouble in the ears, I never could say no. Fresh cream cakes! Naughty! But nice! He wrote the line, that'll do nicely for American Express.

I love his work, I'm loving his work. I like that irresistible bubble, that's great. Yeah, no, is it? You know, and also naughty but nice. That's all time classic. They fell into the parlance of us growing up. I remember saying shit like that. You know, he came up with it. Naughty but nice. Very simple. But I mean, it was obviously a good ad guy. Copywriter was Nash. That will do nicely.

Was that the animated credit card thing? Yes, I believe so. Was that Gyro? No, no, it wasn't the animated card. It was animated because remember Gyro was the other card, he was hopeless. Oh, here's Gyro. Oh, but oh, that was Barclay card. No, I don't, I think these were ads where it was like... Welcome to old men remember. Incorrectly. It was just some guy who's like, oh, I'm at a Shishi place, and it's like, someone's like, oh, I haven't got the money or whatever. And then he goes, American Express.

He goes, that'll do nicely, yes. Because there will always be the quiet weekend away. Queen Anne's suite and dinner. And then there are the bar bills for your little celebration last night. Michael, the car isn't big enough. All right, Anna, all right, we'll get another one. The better alternative.

Yes, that'll do nicely. The impromptu lunch. There will always be the American Express card. Welcome around the world. And just around the corner. American Express. Oh, that'll do nicely. To apply, take a form.

The American Express card. I used to say that when I was making love to ladies. It's fun. I would go up to them and say, unzip it and go- When you used to make love to ladies. Yeah, say, would you like this? Before the horse work. And then I would go up to them and say, zip it and go. When you used to make love to ladies. Yeah. I'd say, would you like this? And they would say. Before the horse work.

And then I would make them say, that'll do nicely. And then I'd pop them the old slippery finger. The finger after you've been. That's strange. And then he collaborated. Fine, if that's what you want to do. And then during his time as a copywriter, he worked with a musician called Ronnie Bond and created this song, which was sung by George Chandler. Eli Silverman, tell me more about George Chandler. He was in a group called Olympic Runners, a Brit funk group.

Very much in the same scene that Steve Walsh would have been involved with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good point. They were multi-ethnic. They had black guys and white guys in the Olympic runners. I like Olympic runners. They do disco and they did a lot of funk. It's funk and disco essentially. Some good tunes and their biggest tune, Sir Dance a Lot. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is very much disco-y boogie. Boogie. Boogie. But can I just say one other thing that occurred to me? Yeah. Isn't it weird how American Express is always

like, oh yes, that'll do nicely. We're the shit, you know, the high, high prestige cards. And in fact, you see everywhere in restaurants, shops, all over the place. We don't take American Express. Not any fucking more anyway. You see those signs everywhere, don't you? That won't do nicely. No Amex. It's always, there's no Amex everywhere in London. So it's like, it's a fucking useless card. It is now, especially more so now anyway because of PayPal and Google Pay and all those fucking things. I guess so but yeah it's all... Sorry I just wanted to bring that up because it's funny that will do nicely it fucking won't do it all. For extra information Ronnie Bond, the other guy who helped write this was Simon Rushdie, he was in the Trogs in the early days, he was the original

he was one of the drummers in the early years of the Trogs who as everyone might know did Lovers All Around, isn't it? Wild Thing. Yeah, Wild Thing as well, yeah. So they probably get nice, well I'd say they probably get good residuals, but I'm guessing because of the makeup of that band and how many members came and went in that time, I bet it's really fucking difficult to get money their way. Also everyone in that era, the 60s, was totally ripped off terribly by the record bosses,

weren't they? Oh yeah. So they ended up with bullshit, the labels to call them. They didn't get the residuals. Same old story. So just to wrap this up, if you're interested, Burnley Building Society was incorporated – It doesn't exist anymore, right? No, it was at the time the largest building society in Lancashire and the sixth in the

whole of the United Kingdom. They had a motto, by service we progress. Anyway, eventually they merged with Abbey National in 1996. They all do in the end. And then Abbey National disappeared, didn't it? Yeah, they all do in the end. Yeah, because all the building societies closed when they went public to make money for owners

and stocks and then banks bought them. They all do in the end. There you go, they all do in the end, don't they? That's the story of best dreams. And we should say the B-side, Paul, don't forget the B-side. Don't forget the B-side. It's a nice piece, well it's not a nice piece of music at all. It's called Dream On, it's instrumental,

and it's just this song without the singing. Without the singing, which does improve it slightly because it's really bad. I mean, I like Olympic runners, but it's not the vocals from the Olympic runners that really stand out. No, but I also think the mix of this doesn't serve his voice particularly well anyway. No, and it feels rushed, doesn't it? The whole production.

It feels more like he sang over a karaoke track rather than the... Which was the track that they played on the B-side, yeah. And they haven't mixed it very well, because his voice sounds brighter than the actual disco track on the new... And it doesn't sound like he's well rehearsed in the song either, does it? Good Earth Studios it was recorded in, just for those listening who want to know. Oh no, that's very, that's a Good Earth, that's very... Well known and respected.

It is well known, I'm sure. Okay, there you go. So, is it a splatter or a platter? It's another splatter for me. I'm sorry, Paul. I, I mean, apart from the novelty of Ittle and Simon Rushdie, I would also go with splatter as well. So we've got one platter because you were interested in Stevie Walsh.

Yeah. And look, here's the thing. I could put that on maybe at a disco and people might carry on dancing. But I couldn't do that. I said, no, you'd have better chance of putting that on at a disco. I'm sorry. So if you were doing the Blues Kitchen and you put this or that on, you think this would go down better than that? Undoubtedly. Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there? Wouldn't that be great if I had the balls to do that?

Just drop in Steve Walsh or a Salman Rushdie disco hit, which is a sentence I never thought I'd say. There we go. Right, let's wrap this fucking show up. It's always the same, isn't it? It's always the same. We come to the end. They all do in the end. They all do in the end. All podcasts, Paul. They all do in the end. They all do come to it in the end. They all do in the end. They come to in the end. All podcasts, Paul. They all do in the end. They all do in the end. They all do in the end. They come to the end. In the end. They come to the end. In the end, don't they? They all do in the end. Stop saying this because I want to actually do the admin and move on. Oh, go and do the ficking admin then, you twas. Right, so if you want anything Cheap Show related in your life, your one stop shop is our website, thecheapshow.co.uk.uk. For there is a page for nearly every single episode we've made with pictures and sometimes

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is burning up around the planet. And so if you really want us to grow and you want to help us do that, then yeah, give us a retweet, give us a like, like tell your friends that kind of thing review us on places like good pods or spotify we can review an episode and that bubbles us up to the service where we might get spotted you know what might bubble up you spread my beard out yeah fat chin a little glob your weird fat chin i haven't got a weird fat chin why'd you have to attack me i wasn't saying anything about you i was doing something about my beard You said my glasses made me look like a psychopath. They really do Paul. And it's quite disturbing. I disagree. What else is that? Okay. So yeah, if you were a patron as

well, you can also get very early access to our live show in October at the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. So if you want to get early access to tickets, you can become a patron. The tickets don't go on sale for the general public until I think June where they announced the line up officially. Oh they haven't yet. So this is still relevant to the patrons. Only way to get tickets right now and early access and secure your seat at that show. And you can listen also if you're a patron to the other two episodes currently existing of Nightbusing.

Oh yes, Nightbusing. Our little spin-off podcast where me and Paul get on a night bus. It's that simple and we just knit a natter away. You may have heard it an episode or two ago, that was our pilot, but for any other episodes going forward, Patreon only if you're interested. What else? Barshens, magazines, they're also now available on Patreon. We had a great response to our Barshens reunion thing so that's been nice to see.

I think that's it, isn't it admin wise? Got a live show and reveals online and stuff and that's it. Yeah, fine. Please listen to my House of Pickle sound show, my music radio show on Soho Radio every two weeks on a Sunday, two till four. And that's it, I think, for this week on the podcast. Now, I'm going to have to go and get a mop and clean out his pod because he can't afford another professional crew to go in and clean all that out. Why do you even worry? He adds nothing. He adds nothing.

Mate, if I came into your room and just come everywhere you wouldn't be happy with that would you? So what? That's a machine I don't give a shit I care about the dog. Mate he's got feelings. I've been feeding the rounding dog. Trackbot is the latest in AI. I've been feeding the rounding dog. What have you been feeding it? Potassium rich foods. Mate. Magnesium and potassium rich foods if you know what I mean. It adds to the weightage. It's going to come out real thick and creamy. Randy! Get that dog away from me! Come on! Come on now! Come on! Trackbots don't need this! Trackbots don't need this! No! No! No!

Mucky puppy! Goodbye everybody! Yeah goodbye everyone! Only what podcast ends with a dog coming on a robot? I mean it keeps happening every time we get... it always ends that! It always goes that way doesn't it? It always ends with a dog coming on a robot! It always happens!

It really fucking stinks as well! That's such a really fucking eggy cum. It must be all the potassium rich foods I've been feeding him. I want that robot gone. There's lashings of it on the carpet. I'm going to have to let it dry out and then beat it with a carpet beater. You know he's doing that thing that Dogstow really rolls around in his muck. Bye everyone. Bye. Yeah, he's rolling in his muck. Crackpotz! Bye everyone!