CheapShow - Ep 380: Brand Aide

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

It’s common on CheapShow that we’ll have to look at the genesis of a very popular (or obscure) brand and often run straight to the arms of Wikipedia. Well, no more! In this week’s episode, Paul���s found a book called “How It All Began” that gives the potted history of some of the world’s most popular brands. There’s way too much to cover in one episode, so the cheap chaps pick a page each and find out more about the birth of plasticine and Y Fronts. Yes, Y Fronts! It’s a book that may come in handy in the future. Gannon’s Golden Games returns with a board game based on a reasonably recent ITV show that Paul & Eli have never heard of, nor care much for. However, it leads to one of the most exciting, twisty and thrilling games in the pod’s history. As if all that wasn’t enough, Graxton Industries have challenged CheapShow to create an event for sponsorship in the near future, but will their eventual plan be any good? Only time will tell. Also… Can Eli PLEASE stop grabbing his crotch, please?! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-380-brand-aide And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

And you join us here in the front room and we're waiting for the Paul Gannon to start his cold open ritual. He does this every time. He's just dredging his mind for he's dredging his mind now for something, something really trite. Mum, mum, mum, and tropey everyone, that's what we're looking for here. Oh and he's having a thoughtful look, he's thinking of something. Will it be a bing bong related trope or will it be something to do with fucking a dog? I've got dog come on me breaches this week, madam, mother! Mother, madam! Mother, madam, I've got dog corsets! And here comes the Eli Silverman. The Eli Silverman...

Let me do it. And now comes the Eli Silverman. He's prepared, just shaking off some of the dust and filth upon his clothing, straightening himself down as he now begins to... Yes, he's sitting down. He's sitting down and he's ready to retort against Paul's opening gambit. Let's see how that goes. I don't, I think we should start again, Paul. We should start again with this. Now you've broken the format, because now I don't know if this is too meta.

I don't know what's going on. No, I'm really, this is really Eli. I've made a dog muck up me gusset, mother! This is really poor. I thought it was going all right, and then wow. The thing is though, I've done nothing. So what you're saying is you've let this down. I've let us both down. Whereas I came out the gate banging away with dog muck. Dog muck mother.

It's dog muck mother. That could be a new religion. No, we're not doing... what do you mean religion? Dog muck mother. Go with me, go with me Paul. What are the tenets of dog muck mother? One, don't talk about Dog Muck Mother. Dog Muck Mother, yeah. Rule two.

Yeah. There is no rule two. Right. Rule three. Regard rule two. Oh. Oh, we really are flailing in a dark corridor today. And as the theme music comes in, Paul and Eli relax.

The Paul Gannon and the Eli Silverman begin to begin their podcast in earnest for another week. Here we go. I've tried a new, I've tried a new. Oh, rain's cooled off plate. Rain! Oh, someone's beeping their own. Oh dear, anyway. It's the fucking- Oh dear, that's your one, isn't it? Yeah, this is my new catchphrase and I've noticed, oh dear. Oh, that's- Although, I am gonna have to put a pin on it because it's getting too much.

I do it all the time. I know. Anyway, you've ruined the energy. That's the intro done. It's cheap show time. Hey. Press the fucking credits. I hate you. You're fucking useless. I hate you. Good Mority? Dayington. Dayington, Timington.

Dayington and Good Morington to you. Chaddington, Timington on the Morroway beep beep. Don't ruin it. Time wise, Morrington, brrrr. Don't jump straight to crazy bullshit. Sorry, so what's coming up on the show, mate? No, let's just say what the show is first. Morrington Jodney. This is not a podcast where two men just say anything. Let's go to a mank-believe village.

A mank-believe village. Oh yeah, let's go to a mank-believe village. You know what I mean, mate? Fucking mad free. It's fucking mank-believe village, you know what I mean, mate? Fucking man-free. It's fucking man-believe. Manchester, Hacienda. Alright, the make-believe village called Chaddington, Moorington, Moorington? You need to fucking calm down.

Just right out the gate, calm the fuck down. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, it's the Economy Comedy Podcast where Eli and I go for the bargain bins and charity shops and power lands at Owl of Great Britain and bring you back to the treasures that we Find them onto the trash. Oy well done Paul. You got through that quite well. Hi, I'm Eli Silverman Everyone I'm the and Eli's got a little tales from the dance floor coming up in a little while But before we get to that coming up on the show before we get to that though got this All right got this a letter came in the post from graxton industries came in the post a letter came in the post from graxton

Industry, it's got the letter heading and everything. Well. What? If they contribute to this setup. I did all the samples. Yes, that's all about the samples. It better not be. It's not about the samples.

Do they have any more? Were there any more in it? Is there any more in the envelope? We've exhausted all of our samples. Are they going to make that? No, they've said we've exhausted. Are they going to be making that product though? No.

The product I was testing, are they ever going to be? They said based on the results they got from you. Great. No, based on those. I loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah mean... They said based on the results they got from you. Great. No, based on those. I loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but they're saying it's not fit for human consumption. They can't, legally it would be bad for them to put it out. Well, they let me do it. I did 18 packets of that stuff.

I know, and after 18 packets they realised it's not safe for the human skin to touch. Are they watching me? No. Are they watching me? No, but you gave the skin samples, didn't you? What the fuck they want? I haven't... Did you not give them the swabs? I was sampling their products, Paul. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it came with sw samples, didn't you? What the fuck they want? Did you not give them the swabs? I was sampling their products, Paul. It's you misunderstanding what the word samples means.

That's what this whole fucking sounds fucked! It's not fucked! It's not! I was doing the samples of their stuff, not giving them skin samples! Start this bit again. No! No, sorry! No, it's not worked! It's not worked because you didn't know what samples meant.

It's not worked because you interrupted me with your sample shit, which you do every time you bring up Graxton. And it's never funny. They gave me samples. It's never funny. They give me, I'm building narrative. They gave me samples. Yeah, but narrative is an ongoing development and growth. What you just do is every week say are they giving me samples? And that's it.

I like the samples. It's not narrative if you just say the word samples. Samples. It's not what's happening. Gatchdon samples. This is the letter. Alright, what's in the letter then if it isn't about those samples that I've consumed? They said, I'm just going to paraphrase this because it's a really long letter but basically what they're offering us is some cash. Yeah. They said because you've exhausted all of their samples. We did those ad reads for them didn't't we? They weren't happy with those either. Well, fuck them. But they said...

Is there money in the envelope? No, what they've said is this, they want to sponsor something that we can put on, like some kind of event. And they can call it, Graxton Industries presents cheap shows, whatever, whatever. And they say, can we do something in the arts? Okay. That's what we do, man. And they'll put a lot of money into this event.

And that'll be a kind of, you know, we'll get a bit of money out of it. Is this going to be a live thing, do they say? Let me just have a quick look. Do they want it to be live? What do they want? Is it like an expo? They said they want an interactive online art piece or something, art event. So I'm just trying to think what we can do really, what we could do for it.

We could do your Envision. No, we always do fucking your Envision. It's fun to see your Envision. Your Envision is bi-yearly. We could do a song contest. We could call it something else. No, we're not doing another song contest. Also, mate, I don't want to deal with the general public

on this. You know what I mean? I want this to be curated. You know what I mean? I want everything to go through me. I want it to be curated. I want it to be something. Look, can you look at the fine print, actually?

Because how much of this will be samples for my personal consumption? They say they will throw in 20 samples if we go ahead with some kind of online event. Prototype. Yes. Powder. Of the prototype powder. Of product XB1. That's the one? Yes, the XB1.

Product one. I'm not going to give it a name yet, but it's product XB1. Yeah, it's the powder though. Yeah, the powder. In suffocation. Yeah, yeah. I think it's in suffocation. I don't like your idea.

I don't like your idea. I'd never like your ideas. They make chemicals! What else is it going to be? Knob cream? Would you prefer that? Yes, please. Have Graxton's got more knob cream samples because my tiny prick needs it.

It needs to feed on the Graxton's grub. Graxton's grub. Look. Graxton's knob grub. What's this knob grub? It's like they make a whole fucking holster and a sort of fucking trough. Gusset trough. I don't think they're looking for feedback. And that's when your little knob goes in,

like a pecky bird. I don't, pecky bird, I don't want it. I'm not having your penis look like a fucking spring watch bird nest. Paul, I think we should both admit to ourselves and the listening public that we haven't thought through this setup enough to make it work. Well, I would go further and say,

when have we ever fucking done that, ever? We've always hung on to our narrative by the skin of our teeth. Let's just commit to this, get through it. I committed. You're not committed, you just say, put. It's samples. It's samples, it's not. We're going with knob grub instead of insufflocating XB1. You're going to have to run it past them, it's not for me to say, is it? You're going to have to get in touch with them directly via email and suggest Graxton's knob grub. Because you know they've been thinking about going somewhere else with that, so we've got to make this good.

I know what we could do. I actually have an idea about what we could do. Because you know, you're an actor right? How about we show off our acting prowess? We make like a little short film festival, something like that. We can make a little short film, show off our artists to get a couple of our friends to make films before we'll fucking do It people like that You know what I mean? We'll reach out and then we'll do like an online film festival right now right now really yeah absolutely unprompted Absolutely not based on a couple of weeks worth of prep. It doesn't feel shoehorned in here at all

You said oh dear there didn't you? I did accord myself with saying oh dear It doesn't feel shoehorned in here at all. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm were like trying to hum through a mouthful of juke. Do you want to just slurp your tea like a horse trying to fucking take something from the trough like you always fucking do? There we go it's like fucking you drinking tea on most audibly horrible things like it is it's like someone like dino rodding a fucking pipe of poop. Oh almost completed on the dino rod metaphor. Yeah well either way it wasn't as funny as I thought it was. No but it's a good start, dino rod is a good start. So look, should we just do a film festival then? An online film festival people can watch live. I'm so up for it I'm gonna, we all do our own films. Yeah. Who judges them? Who wins? I'll form a board of

film critics to review all the films. And will it be like an acting award as well? We'll do an acting award, we'll do best film, best song, best whatever, best actor, actress, we'll do whatever. We haven't figured it out yet but we'll do awards for the main categories. We're going to have to have songs in them? No, I'm just saying like best script, best director, best film, best script, best actor, best performer, whatever you want to call it. So I'll win, I'll win the actor obviously.

We'll see, you have to make something. I'm not going to help. I may, I've got, I'll do it. Alright, you make your own film, I'll make my own film as well. We'll get Biffo, we'll get Asham, we'll see if Putna wants to do it and stuff. We'll just see, we'll throw it out. Then everyone can watch us live as we do the Cheap Show trash can film festival. Wow, you just thought of that as well? Just now. Just this second.

You got this letter, opened it now, and then just thought of this whole thing. Some may call me a creative genius. Well, we'll see when the Film Festival happens. Yeah, I reckon sometime in May. Saturday night sometime. No, not May, June. Sometime in June. Erm, I think Trashcan, although a nice little pun... Yeah? I bet someone's done a nice little pun, I bet someone's done that already. I looked and they haven't. They haven't? So that's why I can commit. So you didn't think of it just now? I did. I mean I've just looked on now.

You can't think it's an audio medium. But I went on the phone and I checked. As long as I get food for the dick, food for the nose, XP1 for the nose and that fucking hot grub. It's all dependent. It's all dependent on how well we do and if it goes badly I can't imagine you're going to get any more samples ever again. So you better make a fucking effort. Well tell them we won't do it conditional on at least five samples of knob grub. Up front? I want up front knob grub in the mail. I'll give you fucking up front knob grub mate if you fucking want it. Right. Oh we're having fun today aren't we Paulable! Er, right, let's just take a quick break. Why, it's that time again where old man Eli sits us down and we gather around in front of him with our eager eyes looking up and we say, Oh, Mr. Eli, kill us as tales from the dance floor, would you, Governor?

And then Eli looks down on us and opens his big book of stories and tells us one of his witty tales about his life as a DJ on the DJ scene in London. Hello everybody, welcome back to Tales from the Dance Floor. This week a young lady came up to me, it was a very busy night Paul, busy, busy, busy night and the like I remember last time I said about how the Irish gentleman asked me for Adele and it was very much male towards a sausage fest it was a lot much more a nice balance nice this previous night so yeah I was playing busy it was going well all right now you've established you've established and this young lady comes up onto the stage, and just to be clear, they're not allowed up there. No, I know.

If the bouncer is there... You've made that abundantly clear over the nine fucking years of this podcast. If the bouncer is there, they will stop him, but sometimes the bouncer has to go to the loo or something, you know, or just can't be there all the whole time. Yeah, alright, I get that. They can't always cover all the bases, even though strictly speaking, that is their fucking job. They should, but it's a long night and they only have one position.

You've seen the venue at the front there. Anyway, this young lady comes up and she says, oh, can you play this tune? And I was like, I have never heard of that tune. She's like, go on. I was like, no, I'm not going to play that. Then she said, this is all a bit too 30 to 40s. We want something more 20 to 30s. And I said, try fucking 40 to 50, honey.

And she went, oh, you don't look that old. And I said, I'm not playing. And then she went, house music, UK garage. No, no, no. And then she left, that's the end of the story. Cool, well, see you next week on Cheap Show for more Absolute Gold. It's just, I thought there was going to be longer

and I'm looking at the classic. It was a very good story. The crux of the story. Hey, I'll go so far as to say they've never been any fucking good. Sometimes they've been good. One sort of, like Little Man or whatever it was. Tiny Man, yeah.

That's a classic. That's a classic, mate. But the way that she said 30s to 40s and I said, try 40 to 50, that was the bit. Did she mean the age range was suitable for people in their 30s to 40s? Yes, that's exactly it. And she wanted... And she wanted... So is that explicitly saying then that people of that age... You, granddad, you're playing old people music.

No, no, no. But is she also saying that people of her age can't appreciate that music at all then? Basically, she was in a sort of, not an unfriendly way but sort of saying come on play something more. It's called the fucking blues kitchen! It's not called the house kitchen! I know! Or the contemporary middle of the road fucking 1980s and 1990s kitchen! Or the commercial music that you've heard! Or the top 40 rundown charts of the 19 whatever! Blues! I mean I would you can't play blues there. You actually can't play blues at the blues kitchen. Blues derived stuff, which is soul, funk and rock and roll. All pop music really. What blues song could you get away with playing do you think that night?

If you had to go, oh I'll have that one in. A blues track. An actual blues as recorded as blues, not just a rock cover of a blues track. Which one could you slip in and maybe get away with in amongst your big dance floor fillers? Maybe something by Bo Diddley or something like that, some jumpy blues stuff. What about BB King? BB King, you could, yeah. He's had some rocky ones. Yeah. Definitely early in the night you could slip some in.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm bored of it now. You made me bored. You bored me with it. You bored you with it. I was actually trying to get a little bit engaged with this and bump it up. Yeah, that's what made it really boring for me. But I'm going to say after nine years, mate, all the story's gone now. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get content together.

Well, that's that segment done in here. We're going to be coming up for ten years on this shit, aren't we? It's nine years this year. I was actually horribly staggered by that fact. Why? What did you think it was? Because it doesn't feel... I honestly thought we were coming up to our eighth year this year, but no, it's ninth. Nine years. How? How have we done this? You think we have a single listener who started listening? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We do have a few hardcore. When we started, really? Yeah, hardcore. I reckon we do. And to that person or persons, thank you very much. Thank you. We appreciate you. In fact, anyone who listens and supports us or retweets us or mentions us or talks about us online in some respect in a positive manner, thank you very much. We do appreciate that.

Because that is the lifeblood really of an independent podcast like this. It certainly is. It is. There's no lifeblood coming from a corporate daddy, is there? No, not from your corporate overlords. Passively, Graxton. Graxton, well, Graxton, any... Dependent on the...

Yeah. But they're not like, you know, Johnson and Johnson. They're still kind of big. They're pretty big. I looked into it. They're pretty big But they're not like, you know, Johnson and Johnson. They're still kind of big. They're pretty big. I looked into it. They're pretty big and they're quite secretive. You can't find out what they do. Maybe we should check that up a bit more actually before we agree to stuff from there.

Well, I've put it all up my nose, that stuff they sent. It's great. Is it? Yeah. I thought it was for your cock. Well, there's that as well, the grub. Is it multi-use? No, no, it's two separate...

What do you use it for? It's a dual pack thing. Yeah, but what do you use it for? It's a dual pack thing. Yeah, but what do you use it for? What's this instruction? It says, set up the trough, the pants trough. Can I just say what I hate most about this is that you have to direct your hands to your groin. So my eyes are led there.

As I now imagine you inserting your... ...fucking... You just dip into it... ...earworm shaped dick into some kind of powdery trough. Yes! What's coming up on the show Paul? How did I bring it back around to that? Brilliant. Brilliant. Thanks for fleshing out that idea for me. I don't want to flesh anything fucking out when it comes to your cock.

Alright? Oh! I'm starting to flesh out right now. Anyway, we'll see you after this sound effect. Oh, sorry. As I don my glasses, it's time for me to sit into my comfy chair and regard another Paul's page turner. Hello, I am Paul and these are the pages I'll be turning this week. Hello Paul, what are the, what's on the pages that you'll be turning so deftly this week?

This week I bought a lovely book, it's a book called... How it all... Don't die with the mouth noise, please, why do you have to do that? Your last character was blud blud blud blud blud. Yeah but I don't go... I didn't do that. I do, that's the thing I do. You see I know and every...

Let me be clear about this. No everyone doesn't hate it. Let me be clear, let me be crystal clear Paul. I really want to be absolutely transparently crystal clear. Can you also be fucking concise then? Can you try being concise? I won't, I never said I'd be concise. You should.

I don't need concisement. Oh dear. You suck for everything. Come on. Come on now. No one likes it when you make that noise. That character fell off when you made that noise. Start again. Anyway, this book that I've got this week is called How It All Began. The stories behind

those famous brand names by Maurice Barron. So it's a history of brands with illustrations. I mean literally yeah it's a big book. I got it in Oxfam in Highgate was it? The one we went when we started that walk for the Patreon video and there's the Oxfam opposite the station. Was it Highgate station on the Northern line? Remember we got up we met up for a little walkabout

for the top tier Patreon video. And where did we end up? Oh for Hampstead. It was Hampstead. Oh Hampstead yes Hampstead not Highgate sorry yeah Hampstead. So I went to the up? Oh for Hampstead, it was Hampstead. Oh Hampstead, yes Hampstead, not Highgate, sorry yeah Hampstead. So I went to the Oxford and Hampstead and got this book. That's where I got that witchcraft book the other day. Went up there the other day.

It's a good little bookshop that one. It's very good. I mean it's yeah. So anyway this book is exactly what it says. It is a little tiny collection of essays, each one based around a famous brand. And I'm not going to do all, we chosen to in advance but effectively you can find out about the history and the birth of brands like Pyrex and Gillette and Goblin and Baxter's and Beacham's. What's Goblin?

Goblin did like Tech Hoovers and things like that I think. Yeah, they don't exist anymore. I think they do you know. I don't want to say Henry Hoover is Goblin but it's like that kind of Hoover type thing you know. Industrial I think. Isn't it funny though, Hoover is also a brand. Hoover's in this as well. Yeah. So it explains the history of Hoover type thing, you know, industrial, I think. Isn't it funny though, Hoover is also a brand. Hoover's in this as well.

Yeah. So it explains the history of Hoover. I mean, there's a special term for those brands that become... There is a term for that. There is. Kleenex, Hoover. I can't remember. Blu-Tac.

Blu-Tac. Tipex. Tipex. And as we'll learn later, a certain brand of underwear. Yeah, which actually surprised me and we'll be finding out about that a little bit later. But yeah, so it's just a little bit of everything. Can I ask, does it have a general history of brands in the intro or something like that it does have an introduction but it I haven't

really read it do you want me to read the little bit that's fine I'm just I'm just curious because when you would you say brands actually start to exist because the word the concept comes from the branding of cattle doesn't it don't know it's you know though yeah brand I mean I guess that yeah but I guess the concept comes from the branding of cattle, doesn't it? Don't know! It's, you know, those hot branding, that's the branding. Yeah, but I guess that's the point, isn't it? Let's say this is my cow. Yeah, not how I do it.

Which is horrendous. My cows have all our mucky bottles. So it comes from that, that's where the word was first from, and... This was given to someone. Brands, as we know, that must have arisen with the... Well, I mean, there's been brands since the 1800s. That's what I mean, with the Industrial Revolution. Yeah, but they may not have been known back then as brands.

There might have been something that came about in the TV area with adverts and things like that. But in the age of mass production, it's the only way you can have a consistent brand. Yes. It's the only environment in which a brand can exist. Yeah, volume. It's if you can replicate. Volume of products.

Yeah, and replicate it, exactly. Oh, interestingly, on the very, very front page there are a bunch of facts. I'll just read a few out. Did you know that Hovis got its name in a competition from the lattice Hominus Vis, which means the strength of man. From the lattice? From the Latin. You said lattice.

Well, it could also be lattice. I like lattice chat. If we want to do a little diversion right now to talk about lattices. Here's a quick question then. Wrigley's Spearmint and Juicy Fruit Gum, when did they first appear on sale? When did, could you first buy in a shop Wrigley's Spearmint or Wrigley's Fruit Chewing Gum? I would say around 1910. 1893. Earlier than you thought. Coca-Cola was originally made in a three-legged pot in a Georgia backyard. A three-legged pot. Yeah, a three-legged pot like a cauldron. Oh, like a three-legged pot like a cauldron. Yeah. There were never 57 varieties of Heinz products.

I knew that. Worldwide, a Tupperware party starts every 2.7 seconds. I refuse to believe that's a fact these days. That's no longer true because Tupperware went out of business last year or something. Did you hear about that? Yeah. The original Tupperware have gone out of business. Shame. You'd thought they'd stick around for longer. No, you've got all sorts of different things like Systema products. Have you seen those with the catches and the rubber seals? Yeah, all those ones. It's a challenging marketplace these days. The food preservation plastics. The plastic box.

Yeah. So anyway, she says in the introduction just very briefly that she hopes it can be an educational tool in schools and it's just a bit of fun. It was interesting researching all the brands and the history. And so that's what this book is and I thought we'd pick two stories out and go through them. How about that? Morris, that's a bloke isn't it? It can be, yes. I believe it is. How do you know this is a woman then? Did I say woman? You said she, yeah. Oh I didn't really think to look. I could check it up. It might be, it's probably a guy. Yeah, that's... Is Maurice a woman's name? No. Well then it's a guy. Yeah, sorry to be... No, no, no, it's fine. I just didn't that's... Is Maurice a woman's name? No. Well then it's a guy, innit? Yeah, sorry to be your...

No, no, no, it's fine. I just didn't even know I'd said lady. I didn't realize that. You said she, yeah. Maybe it's because I was looking at the gossard lady at the front. The gossard lady at the front. I was blub blub blub blub blub. What? You were leaking?

Oh yeah, it even says at the beginning to my loving wife, Judith and all our children. There you go, you just... Thank you for their patience, R.I.P. Is he dead? No, he killed his family, didn't he Maurice, after this book was released. Start with the misinformation. He snapped and killed them in a horrible brand based murder spree.

So you're going to, what are you going to tell us about? So these are all little monographs about different famous brands. Yeah, and you know. You know what, I can see the licorice of Bassett's Licorice Guy, I'd be interested in that as well. Yeah, well again, what I thought was as well with this book is we can keep it in our back pocket so to speak and the next time we do an off-brand, brand off or you know a food thing or a brand thing we can regard the book. Very good, very nice research for this research.

I mean, I will say. It's a great research resource for our podcast Paul. Yes, I will say this book was in 92 and I don't, this is I think. There's been a lot of action in brands, the world of brands since then world I mean it's been 30 years so yeah I'd imagine there will be brands we can look learn about the origin of them exactly it's the origins aren't going to change in that time but origins don't change Paul what do they though well the way that the origins are described probably changes but the actual origin of you're talking about mmm the bare the bare meat and bones of the origin don't change well they can can't, how could it change?

Only in superhero comics, superhero origins change. But maybe, you know… They get retconned, don't they? You can't retcon an actual historical fact. But you can add to it, more colour might come out, more character, more flavour, more context. So yes, if Coca Cola was made in 1860 whatever, I'm not saying it was. That's a good example because they dispute, don't they? Even though it's a fact of history that they used to put cocaine in the Coca Cola.

They basically just say we don't talk about it. Oh is that what they say? They outright deny it. Yeah. On the tour they used to go past the room where all these CEOs are snorting lines. It was like that used to be the stuff we put on our drinks but now they go straight up our noses. Ha ha! And then they bring out space cosmic fucking flavour cola stuff. That's why I think that's what happened. They took it out of the drink and into the fucking inventors of the flavours. And they were like, I want space coca cola like that.

Oh, I want dream landscape cola that tastes of pixie arse. It all tastes of piss. It all tastes of fake sugar nastiness. So we're each going to read out one of these brand origins. I should start. You should start. I tell you what, I'm gonna hand him the book now. Okay, now we're gonna look at something we've all used as children. No, I don't know why you're laughing. I was about to say what examples do you have of

things we've all used as children? Play-Doh. Play-Doh is one, yeah. Dr. Seuss books. Children of a certain age. I didn't have one as a kid. Didn't you have those? No, not in our school, certainly. I don't remember having one or reading one. No, Dr. Seuss.

Anyway, it's not Is It? Get into it. What chapter did you pick? I picked Harbert's Plasticine, Paul. See, here's the thing. Is Plasticine the brand name or is it Harbert's make a Plastocene? You know what I mean? Well let's see if we can find out by reading this. Let's see. William Harbert was born in 1844 at Newcastle upon Tyne. Later he was sent to study at South Kensington Art School where he became an artist of considerable

skill. At the age of 30 he moved to Bath to take over the headmastership of the Old Bath School of Art. Fine, okay, so far quite traditional. His progressive ideas... Oooh, I like girls making stuff. Did not, yeah, probably. Probably that was about as expressive as it got. Expressive, did you say? That's the correct word.

That was the word I said. His progressive ideas did not fit in with those of the committee, and in 1877 he he resigned establishing his own art school in Bath and subsequently becoming art master at most of the local schools in a private capacity. Oh! It was one of his problems as an art teacher which then led him to found a new industry. The clay used for modeling was a heavy and difficult material for budding art students to use. Yeah, the ones blossoming and they can't blossom when they've got bad clay, can they? Well, if you ever use clay, actual clay, it's very messy. Yeah, it's quite hard. Yeah, it's very messy. It's quite hard to use. You have to get really used to the form of it. And then once you've finished your sculpture, you have to sort of, if you want to keep it,

you have to fire it. Oh yeah, glaze it or whatever they call it, don't they? Fire it. I don't know, what I remember making- If you want to glaze it, Paul, just wait till after the class and... Well, get the teacher to help. I've made a clay vagina. I don't know why you'd want to make it. I mean, I made a clay... Horse's mouth. No, I mean, it wasn't very good, but it was a little pot back in the day.

Oh, yeah. No, I made a rabbit. I went to an art class in Camden Art Center, still there. Okay, you made a rabbit. Up there on the Finchley Road, you know, you go on the Finchley Road up towards Golds Green, it's up there. I just made a pot. I made a rabbit. There we go.

I had it for years. Carry on. The clay used for modelling was a heavy and difficult material for budding art students to use. So William set about creating a new material. Small scale production started with the help of an old soldier. Hey, Orr. I don't know, that sounds really suggestive, doesn't it? The material being made in tubs in the basement of his home.

So he met up with an old soldier and made tubs of special modeling. Yes, special clay. Using hands and arms. I bet he did. To do the mixing. Hands and arms? That's not a great turn of phrase is is it? Well, he's just saying he got in deep. So he'd only move his hand first and then he thought, I'll move the whole fucking arm. I think what he's saying is he was up into his elbow at least. Getting fucking right into it. Getting right into it. Mixing it with his fucking manly flesh. Yeah, like fucking pumping, pumping that proto-

I'm getting quite aroused by this. Pumping protoplastocine in a fucking tub. Oh, was he all sticky? He was gooey. Oh, you've come already. Oh, was he all sticky? He was gooey. Oh! Oh! Oh, you've come already. Oh, I've made me own special plasticine.

God, who knew? I know. Who knew this was going to go there? Everyone knew, come on. When a certain stage was reached, a heavy garden roller was pushed backwards and forwards over the mixture for about five minutes until the right consistency was obtained. The water squeezed out was mopped up by rags.

Ew. That's going to do that now. Every time something, even a tiny bit suggestive comes out of this bottle it's going ew. And the mixture then squeezed through a fine dye plate and laid out to dry and mature for several weeks. Like cheese or something? Weird. Weird that you'd think plasticine, that can't be what they use these days.

Well don't they use like, not yeast, but you know what I mean, like baking ingredients and something like plasticine? No. Is that Play-Doh? That's Play-Doh. Okay, alright. That's the dough part of Play-Doh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess.

Okay, fair enough. It is said that there are still traces of plasticine to be found in cracks and crevices of this house even today. Oh, like a ghost? This book is full of shit, man. Why is it full of shit? What? You've been there and it's said, someone said, oh yeah, it's a bit plasticine in that crevice.

Bullshit. Yeah, 100 years from now people will be saying there's still a little bit of Eli Silva in that bedroom. You can smell it. I've actually recently changed my duvet. Because the other one grew wings and flew out your fucking window. It is now, yes, An elder god on another system. Yeah, like a bat winged fucking duvet cover,

dripping in cobwebs and egg sacks. Oh, egg sacks all over the place. All over, up all up in my grill. Like many inventors, with families, William allowed his children to play with the new grey material, which modelled so easily. And they were fascinated. This gave William food for thought.

Up until then, he had thought of his invention as a teaching aid, but now began to consider its merits for children's creative enjoyment. Now a name was clearly required. The whole family put their heads together and the name Plastocene emerged. Right, fair enough. Because it comes from the old use of what plastic meant before plastic was invented. What year was this again? Because there was only plastic in the...

1844. So there weren't any plastics back then. There probably were proto plastics, but no. What was that stuff? Bakelite. Bakelite, yeah. I'm sure that was later on as well. But plastic used to just mean malleable, moldable.

Okay. Didn't it? When you say the plasticity of something, you're talking about the level to which it's stretchy, manipulable. Okay. So that's where they got, they didn't, what I'm saying is they didn't say, they didn't have plastic existing.

They didn't invent the word plastic or anything. No, okay, fine. As a material name. Yeah. Plasticine, pretty good. Yeah. It's stuck, hasn't it? Well, yeah.

They call it modeling clay, but it's a brand. That's why they sometimes, I bet they don't call it plasticine. No. They call it modeling clay, don't they? Yeah, it's like Ouija boards and spirit board. Just that whole brand makes a difference, trademark. Plasticine was the name. Plasticine's my game. At first, plasticine was only available in grey, but William continued with his developments and

produced a three-colour pack of red, blue and yellow called the Complete Modeler. Trade inquiries began coming in and William was launched into business. In May 1900, production began at an old flour mill at Balfampton, near Bath, which Williams had bought. His daughter Olive began to travel around the country with him, demonstrating his product, and soon they were travelling to Australia and the USA. Look, I've made a worm, and another worm, and I've made this big worm. In 1912, a limited company was formed. William Harbert died in 1921, nine years later.

That'll teach him. He was buried in B Bathampton Churchyard. William's family carried on the business. Plasticine had many uses. In the First World War, the chief modeller Albert Blanchard was asked to make a scale model of the country around Vimy Ridge by the military authorities. So you used plasticine to model a cannon. Well you can make 3D topographical maps.

Yeah, I guess that's fair enough. Which you need. It's going to be better than a flat map in a war sort of situation. Oh it makes it fun doesn't it? It doesn't make it fun. The first world war wasn't fun. There's the trench and there's all the people dying. I've put little bodies all over it and look there's a little football stadium there, I've put it in as well, a little row of flowers and there's a train station. Is that where they're going to have it? And there's old Mr Wushing. Mr Wushing? Yeah Mr Mr Wushing at the station. He's the station master. And he pulls the lever for the 315 from Hampstead.

This is a model railway which will be back. And then the HUN have come over the town! And the Tommies will get it in the neck! Okay, Paul. Yeah. The racer Sir Malcolm Campbell used a specially built plasticine racing car in a wind tunnel to discover its faults. Weird. Oh no, but that's something they still do to this day.

They put it into wind tunnels, don't they? And they can mould it so they can see the air flow and stuff over stuff. Ah, he didn't say road. I thought you meant an actual car you could ride in. No! No, right. No, because I think it was a... A model car.

OK, yeah. Yeah, because Mythbusters... And you test the aerodynamic thing, yeah. Mythbusters did this really interesting test years ago where it was like, golf balls have dimples in, right? And that's to help them go through the air quicker and you thought well how does that work and does it apply to cars so they got a car covered in modelling clay and made dimples in it and did it in a whole wind tunnel and they found that yeah it makes a car faster. So why don't F1 cars do that? Exactly well maybe because it looks weird and ugly or maybe I don't know but they said

it was interesting but they used modelling clay. I tell you what it would set people's tryptophobia off wouldn't it? It would! The fastest crumpet in the west coming down the ice street I would like to see that I'd love to see it, I love crumpets We could butter it as it goes past You know what mate, just for me you don't have to do the wanky wanky sign there you groin I've twice been led towards it now Sorry, I'm sorry, just the thought of wanking on a moving clumpet as it goes past.

Something appealing about that. I wouldn't want to be the driver. Today, this is 93, plasticine is a household word, it is in many countries, and it's a worldwide registered trademark, so still a trademark. And look, there's a picture of some horses. Made of plasticine, I presume. Wow, it's very good. His daughter made this.

Yeah, well, it's modelling clay, isn't it? Olive made it in 1910. It's very nice. It's like a relief cameo of three horses. I'll put a picture on our website from the book on there then. Doesn't that look good? Well modelled. Yeah, it is. It's very well done. So she wasn't just making worms. She was doing like, she was obviously a skilled artist.

She's very good at making the horse cock a bit though, as a result. Look, you really think the veins are that one, Father? Anyway, there's the history of plasticine. Let's go to the one I pick. Uh, Paul? Yeah? Why, he's just done a licky licky. Shut up. It's now time for me to pick the thing I want to do. So look, this surprised me because I honestly didn't know that the item I'm going to speak

about was the brand name for. I just thought it was the design. But this book is about, this chapter, is Cooper's Y-Front underwear. And I was like, I just thought Y-Front was the design. Well, I just thought it was a purely descriptive. Yeah. Like a t-shirt. Yeah. See?

But apparently it was a special brand. A guinea tee. Let's go into it, shall we? So it was in Kennershire, USA, that underwear manufacturer, Coopers Inc, took their first steps from Long Johns and other unflattering underwear. Because I guess that was the prevailing underwear at the time, wasn't it, for men? Long Johns. Long Johns.

Be a nightmare in the summertime. Well, that was probably part of the problem, wasn't it? And also access to cocking ass for toiletry moments, innit? Oh, mate. Or, you know, what if you got a little Josh on, you'd have to do a hundred fucking buttons to get at it. I'd lose all wood by that point. You'd lose wood getting it out.

By button five, it's back to sleepy time cock as well, innit? It's back to sleepy- So you spend most of your day just going, oh, I've achieved it again, and then unbutton the whole nose. Oh, I've achieved it. Oh, what if the actual sensation of turning the buttons up is what caused it? And it would be hell forever. And then undoing them is what made it go down again. And you'd be like a human accordion

on your... No, I get it. No, you've gone into it. We're one sentence in, so let's just crack on. They developed a garment where two flaps over the body fabric lapped over one another in an X formation. These overlaps, being easily aside and replaced was called the Kenesha Closed Crotch, but they spell it with three Ks. So I'm wondering why that didn't catch on. Well, crotch, which word is spelled with three Ks? Kenesha is K, closed, K. Oh, closed with a K.

And crotch with a K. Oh my God, I wonder why that didn't fucking catch on. Please wear our KKK pants! In 1911, it was the first item of male underwear to be nationally advertised as well, and sales boomed. 1934 saw the next milestone in the development of this now familiar garment. A senior vice president of Coopers, idly glancing through a magazine, was intrigued by a pair of swimming trunks worn by one of the bathers on the French Riviera. The trunks had a stitched, slightly cupped front section which offered the man a comfortable, sustained control. It was the birth of the modern underpants.

So I'm guessing that the Long John still existed but it had the closed crotch X design and then the guy went, oh look they're just trunks and we could put our Y on the front. I don't get this. What do you mean? I don't get what you're saying. I don't follow. Let me see the picture. No, no, there's no picture of it. There's only the Y front. But what I'm saying is the Kenesha closed crotch thing was basically still a long john. But the difference is it had a cross opening. It had the little flap but they hadn't thought to take the legs up. No, that's what I'm saying. In 1934 he saw a French person wearing trunks. But he had a totally, this French bloke. Can you stop grabbing the parts of your body I know you're referring to? I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up in a French house. I've never been drawn to you or grew up saw a French person wearing trunks. But he had a totally... this French bloke, he saw... Can you stop grabbing the parts of your body I know you're referring to? I've never been drawn to or groaned so much in one episode. But did this French bloke... It was just a picture in a magazine.

Oh, it was in a magazine? Yeah. What I'm saying is he had no way of getting his knob out. No. Except over the top. Yeah, as is the fashion with trunks. So then he said, oh, we could use this Long John thing and this is the moment, the Eureka moment.

The first experimental wide front was produced by Coopers under the factory name of the Brief Style 1001. Oh, yeah. From the future. Wow. In September 1934, we received a US patent in August 1935. In knitted fabric with elastic waistband and a unique inverted wide opening, which left no gap,

the jockey wide front was initially laughed at and scorned Y opening which left no gap. The jockey Y front was initially laughed at and scorned by the rest of the industry. Shows them. Shows them what they know because it's always the one they laugh at which gets the last laugh. Not always. Always. I'll get the last laugh. I'll get it. Will you? No. The launch window display had been booked for the large Marshall Field store in Chicago but the city was having one of its winter blizzards. The drifting snow outside an exhibition of brief undercloved males made it seem like nonsense. I don't understand what that means.

And the store management issued orders for the display to be changed and cancellation of the advertisement. It didn't fit because it was like a bunch of men in wide fronts. Oh, and it was too cold outside. I don't know. It just didn't... Either way. It looked absurd.

I don't know. However, the weather delayed the display man and someone forgot to cancel the advertisement. The 50 dozen stock sold out before noon. In the next 8 day selling period, over 1000 dozen pair of Y-Fronts were sold. It was a fucking underpant buying frenzy. It was a craze, it was a male craze, you couldn't take him off their hands. In Britain, Charlie Oliver, managing director of Lyle and Scott, had been impressed by the pair of white fronts he had seen. I've seen some white fronts and I was very impressed by them. He saw them by chance in the window of Simpsons of Piccadilly. I was just walking past Simpsons Piccadilly, they jumped out at me.

I said, fucking hell! Look at that! It's the fucking future of underwear! It's a long john without the long or the john! But you can slip in like that! Nub nub nuh! Nub in nub nuh! It's a dream! In 1938 he bought and took a pair home, tried them on and liked them.

Imagine the feeling of that, where it's like, oh I feel sexy in these! Look at the gusset! He probably did a fucking taxi driver, you talking to me? It's like, oh, I feel sexy in these. In front of the mirror. Look at the gusset. Look at how fucking... He probably did a fucking taxi driver. You talking to me? You talking to me? I can whip it right out.

Nubbin in, nubbin out. Now you're touching your groin. I know, we're all doing it. During the same year, an agreement was signed between Lyle and Scott and Coopers for the franchise rights in the UK, French and Danish markets. The agreement was for the production of wide front underpants in cotton to be made in Hawick. In Haywick, the holy of holiest of the hosiery trade, many predicted the collapse of Lyle and Scott, but the widefronts were different and comfortable. No buttons, no loops. Lyle and Scott made syrup, didn't they? No, that's

Lyle and something else. And tights Tate. But no buttons, no loops. No buttons, no loops, no gaps. It was a snug, comfortable pant for the groin. It's a great idea. During the war years, when salvage of rubber was important, they advertised... As a Y-Front wearer, we may ask you, in the national interest, to return your elastic bands from your old Y-Fronts to your Y-Front seller. I wouldn't take them. I wouldn't. If you walked into my shop with a bunch of tattie old wife runs torn asunder by years of abuse and you went,

and here's my elastic. I'd be like, no, you can keep it mate. I don't want that yellow stained brown dirty thing. They said they'd repair the what? No, they were using the elastic for the war effort for like, I don't know. So they were saying, don't free run these out. Take them back to your wife runs seller. We strip the elastic out and send it to like, I don't know. So they were saying, don't worry, run these out, take them back to your wife, front seller, we strip the elastic out and send it to make, I don't know, parachutes or whatever. I bet they did do that.

Of course they did. Yeah. Wow. After the war, Charlie Oliver, in a bowler hat with a rolled up umbrella, traveled the world opening up export markets. The advent of the jockeys or boxers only helped to increase sales and demand constantly exceeded. I don't understand, what's the difference between boxers and what they invented? Well no, just the design style changed. They went from the trunk design to more loose boxers shape didn't they? It was just part of the development of that style.

Paul, can I ask you? Wait, I'm nearly finished and we can get done. Today, Y-Fronts are the clear market leader in the branded underpants department and there's some adverts of a man holding an Olympic torch and checking his underpants or waistband. Paul, do you wear Y-Fronts? I haven't worn Y-Fronts since I was like 10. Yeah, I think maybe they're more for children these days. I always associate them.

They're like training pants, aren't they? Yeah. I don't know, a lot of men do it differently. Some men like to go out through the... I'm much more of a waistband puller downer. I'm over the top. Yeah. Stop touching yourself.

I wasn't. I was there in front. Because even though most of my underpants do have the button... I still go over the top. I'm just still whacking it. It's more control if you go over the top. Yeah. And I can get all the length out in one go then. You know what I mean? Get the whole bird out. Yeah.

Get the whole bird out for presentation. I mean, we talk about this. You know, like you do it every day, you have to handle it. You have to touch it. You've got to wrestle with the beast. When I'm taking a leak, I often think, God, it'd be good if you didn't have to do this all the time. Yeah, true. What?

You didn't have to touch your penis all the time? No, I'm up for that. Oh yeah. But many are. What, the process? Going, having to go for a wee. Yeah, no, I know. And a poo.

And a poo. Well, that's the sad thing. My last memory of my wife was laying a big brown loaf and carrying it around. It had a little poo hammer in my pants for a couple of hours. All your memories from childhood are all about you shitting. I don't. Flower pots, pants, everywhere. First of all, I wasn't your... I mean, I was like 17 when I shat in a power pot or whatever.

Power pot? Flower pot. You know? Power pot! It contains... And then what was the other time I shat in a power pot or whatever. Power pot? Flower pot. You know? Power pot! It can change. And then what was the other time I shat myself? Tell me. Tell me when it was. The other day when you were doing the radio. No. That was a little bit of a It was a nug nug. It was a hot fart that had a little bit of spittle on the end of it. That was all it was. I thought it was like had some. No. When I was ill over Christmas

there was a little bit of seepage, you know, a little bit of... Oh, I'm sorry I started this conversation. Lost offerings. That's it. So that's a go. There you go. The history... I mean, thank you, Maurice Barron, for letting us read from your book. And like we say, that is going to be invaluable as a little piece of research resource. Tate and Lyle's in there, yeah. There you go. And I didn't know this, just to end on. The golden syrups, Lyle's Golden Syrup, they finally changed the logo recently.

They did, just recently. I was going to bring this up. Do you know why? Because it was a dead lion. I didn't even notice that for years. But yeah, if you look at it, it's a dead lion surrounded by wasps or bees or whatever. Bees, they're bees because it's to do with the honey. What is that from?

Why was it that? Oh, OK, I'll tell you very quickly. Golden Syrup still bears the name Lyle's Golden Syrup with its picture of a lion laying down surrounded by flying bees. Underneath is the phrase from the Bible Book of Judges chapter 14 verse 14 referring to the story of Samson. Out of the strong came forth the sweetness. Okay yeah. Don't know what that's got to do with a lion. Samson took a lion. Awesome. Didn't he take a... I think they were very religious, weren't they, Tate and Lyle? And Tate was, of course, a great philanthropist. And a great philanthropist, yes.

Great philanthropist. Yes. Philanthropist. And I'm philanthropist. Pissed off with you right now. Well, let's end this segment now then. That was Paul's Page Turners. Is it theme time? Unfortunately yes it is theme tune time for this segment of the show which unfortunately is a Gannon's Golden Games And now do the Bruce Forsythe version. Oh no, you just did. Now do a lounge version. Something chill and sexy.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go games. Go games. Go to games. Go to games. Go to games. again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again,

again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again. Yeah, of course you're good. You don't, the minute you go, oh, oh. You have to, don't you? It's funny, cause it's like a pop hook that doesn't involve words. Exactly.

Or to the other one. Ooh, yeah. That's that one. Or the other one, yeah. That's that one. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. That's the same one.

Yeah. We're talking about the same one. It's not the other one. Welcome to Paul and Eli talk about yellow. Oh, oh. Anyways, it's kind of golden guys what we got on the... That's why I have sex. Oh, oh. Like that.

It was always in sex scenes. It was always in the scene in the 80s movie where a sexy lady would walk out. Like it was used in Ferris Bueller for the car, remember? Oh, oh yeah. That car was equated with a sexy lady in the film. And what was the other one? Secret of My Success with Michael J Fox. They use it in that as well. Yes they do. Anyway, that's not what this segment's about. It's about playing a board game. And this board game is based on a TV show that until I'd seen the board game did not know existed. We are playing today, the ITV show, I believe, rolling in it.

Eli, you found the Wikipedia page. What do it say? Rolling in it, it's a British game show, Paul, that was aired on ITV from 8th of August 2020. So this is right up to date. Yeah, it's a British game show, Paul, that was aired on ITV from 8th August 2020. So this is right up to date. Yeah, it's not that old. Although, the year of the pandemic, so maybe that's a reason. Four years. It somehow doesn't feel like four years.

Four years? What the living horny fuck is going on? Yes, everybody, it's true. 2020 was four years ago. Isn't that mad? Yeah. Anyway. And Cheap Show started almost nine years ago. Isn't that mad? Yeah. Tickets to our live show available in October.

Details on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Still as game shows go relatively young. Yes. Well, I mean, is it still going? No. Yes. It is. It is hosted by Stephen Mulhern.

Now, he's on the cover of this. Cheeky face on the box. He looks like a cheeky. He looks so cheeky. He's ruddy faced as well, doesn't he? Chubby ruddy faced little chap. To my memory, he is a guy who started out as a kids performer magician who got a TV spot on like CITV and then that led to him doing game shows and shit after that. He's a presenter magician and comedian He began as a comedian fucking hell. I like comedian actor. Yeah, maybe He began his career at CITV presenting the children's television shows fingertips. Hey Sorry, I just knew you'd do that

Do you want to see his fucking fingertips did you? Anyway whatever fuck him. His prestidigitation. He's doing fine. Were you not, he's one of those per, like you said like that face and you kind of recognise it and you just think butler's chubby. I don't know who that person is at all because I stopped watching television about five or six years ago completely. Did you? It must have been about that long ago. Pretty much. I only watch YouTube and streaming platforms. Anyway, what else does it say about the game? So there's no way you'd come across him? Oh no, if you got... Oh don't make that joke. Take the point I'm making. I would just ask to see his fingertips and take it from there.

Hey all! Hey all fucking mother! Dog's muck mother! Right, shall I describe the game? Describe the game's format for me please. Gameplay, here we go we go main game but perhaps this will help you to get the rules as well I've already looked at a mate I'm down pat and I've played this game already main game three teams compete well that's one two three that's that fuck fine doesn't matter it doesn't matter the three teams don't matter each consisting of a celebrity oh that's fucked that even says to we haven't got no celebrities here minor z-list internet celebrities we, people want our autographs and pictures and shit. Yeah, I suppose.

We are Zedlist internet celebrities. We should be comfortable in that. Because we're not getting any higher. Listen, don't try and hold me back. Start touching your fucking groin. It's like the 20th time. I was touching the empty fabric that has come, the tension, you know what I mean.

I know. On the jeans, the empty fabric, is that okay? The gussets. Is this okay? Yeah, no it's not. I'm plucking at my gusset. No, it's not okay. I want the back of my head up.

I'm excited, I'm plucking the gusset. Right. Okay. Okay. Each consisting of a celebrity and civilian, blah blah blah. The centrepiece of the studio is a wide, slowly moving conveyor belt. Et voila. Et voila. Now this is the conveyor belt. It doesn't do that. That's not what this one does, but it does fire a coin along.

What I would see is a similar belt stretch. Good. You added there. At one end is a launcher loaded with giant coins. We got one of those as well. It comes with a toy little launcher. Points from side to side. The other has a sweep. This is getting... What?

Not safe for work now. Go on. The other has a trough. Yeah, the trough's there. Fuck! Yeah. Trough. Gwen Guffney's trough hour.

Hey, I'll watch it. God, I'm like a fucking lunatic. You are! You get lost... Stop slapping your thigh. It's such an unsettling thing. Oh, I'm like a pirate. Yeah, you're like some kind of sh... You should come with a sheese, Yanty.

Oh, no. Anyway. Come on. So you fire a coin down the conveyor belt. Oh, I got really waylaid by the word trough there. Yeah, I know. Ten slots! There are ten slots at the end in the trough. The trough has slots. Yes. And each slot has a price.

Display values or effects that can change during the game. Pressing a button on top of the launcher releases one coin to roll along the conveyor and the result is determined by the slot into which it falls. And then... The two outermost slots are marked Roll Again. Well not on this version, only on the TV. Okay, so we move now to Yacht. Yeah, so basically the game is, you fire a coin down, what do you want to call that,

an alleyway, and it ends up in a trough and there are ten segments and each segment has either a price or a forfeit or some kind of extra rule, right? I wouldn't call that an alleyway. What would you call that then? A lane, a lane. A lane, like a bowling lane, isn't it? A lane okay bowling lane yeah well I was thinking bowling alley but I guess the bowling alley is where the lanes are oh yeah largest structure well you've learned something now have we we've just reiterated something to

ourselves so that's what happens so here's the gameplay before we get into it the game some fucking coins down there mate we're gonna do a little break first but I'm just gonna basically break it all down, right? Basically break it. Basically break it all down. But bake the Brasics? Yes. Back to biscuit Brasics with bar bar and boo boo.

Can I just get through this? There was no point to that, there was no point to that. So, when it's your go, right, you fire a coin down, it lands wherever it lands, if it lands in a gold spot, which is one of the prizes, right, you answer a question and then you get the winning price. I was about to ask, there is a general knowledge trivia sort of element. Yes, and then if you get the question right, you have the money and then you have a choice

to carry on another get roll, which you can do up to three times. However, you can just say, no, I'm going to pass. But if you then decide to go for another roll and then get that question wrong, you lose the prize money from the first role, do you? No, only the one you would have gotten if you... Okay, so there's no point in not continuing then? Well, no, because you can, for instance, if it doesn't make it all the way up the runway

into the trough, that counts as a missed go and you missed your go. Sometimes, for some reason, it doesn't always reach the end if you don't fire it correctly or it hits the side and rolls off. So in that case, you'd lose your go and you wouldn't get the chance to win any money, right? So you have up to three chances in a row

to play before you have to hand it over, okay? Or if you get the question wrong, you hand it over. Six turns each. So it'd be one, two, three, four, five, six. Do it that way, yeah? You mean three turns each? Three turns each, yeah, over six rounds. It's meant to be 10, but I wanna get through this.

I'm gonna play two rounds and then the final round, which is whoever got the most money in those rounds we just did, goes through to the finale, right? Yes. On their own. That's game two, so what's the finale? The finale is... That's the main game done. And whoever wins the main game goes to play the end game. I'm going to look at the Wikipedia page as you say this to help me. No, no, but it's simple. It's not. No, no. The final round is... Where are we? Shut up and let me fucking explain you, blather mouse troglodyte! Ooh. If you win that round, if you win the main game, only you play the finale.

Yes, okay, like any other game, chef. And in the finale, you answer 10 questions, and for every one you get right, you get a win card slotted in. For every one you get lose, you get a lose one slotted in. Then you fight the coin, and if it ends in the win, win, slot, you win. If you go in the lose one, you lose everything. It's all over. Okay, so we're gonna compete against each other

for the chance for the big money. Yes. The rest of it we'll explain as we go. So with that in mind, are you ready? Absolutely. 100, condo, percento. It's time to play. Rolling in it.

Ooh, bang bang! I'm the banker. You are the banker. All hail the banker as we play the first round of shut up of rolling in it. I'm the magician man. Hello. Welcome to the show. Oh, look at me. He does. He looks like that. Yeah, he does. Hey, mother. Hello, welcome to the show. Oh, look at me thumb. That's not what he does. Does he have a voice like that? Yeah, he does.

Hey, oh, mother. I've made muck on me dog. I've mucked me dog up, mother. I've mucked him. You've got your dog up. Hello, welcome. Anyway. Is that what his act was? Do you want to go first? Yes. Do you want to go first? Right. We should say, Paul, that energy seems rather different because Paul forgot to put the batteries in the device.

The one job. It was one job he should have done. Well that's one job more than you fucking ever do for this podcast anyway. Look, immediately, any kind of criticism of you. Yeah, well, just don't criticise me for doing something that you would never do anyway. Never criticise you? Am I not allowed to ever criticise you? No, you did let me finish the sentence, did you? So therefore you don't have the context of where it was going to go. I don't want to hear it. So therefore, once again, you've proven yourself to be a fat-eared twat. I don't want to hear the end of the sentence. No, there you go, you're just as ignorant as me then, aren't you?

Yes. You dribbling gobshite. Whoa! The nastiness has come back in. Well, because... It's because you're tired. It's because you're tired. Here we go. The excuse is coming, because you can't take criticism. And you couldn't... I opened the fucking device. You kept... I was too distracted with your fucking asinine fucking bedtime stories

that you call incidents in your life that I have to regard. What was I talking about? I literally blanked it the minute we stopped talking. Turn the machine on. The machine now is this little firing ramp that goes from left to right and you put your coin in. Get on your knees. Don't have to stand behind it, mate.

Why not? You're not a baby. Why don't you see fucking right down here? I'm going to point that camera right at your crotch then at this point so we can see your fucking grobbling nubble. Stop being such a wanker, please. Anyway. How many blows do I get? Only two?

One coin is all you need. So put the other one down, right? He's now loading it in. No, wait there. I need to show you how to load it. So he's loaded the coin into the machine. It's pointing left and right. It's going to fire it down the ramp.

He'll press the orange button when he's going to go in for the middle. I don't know what the scores are across the board. Can you read them from left to right, the prices quickly. 4,000, steel, then bankrupt. Steel, bankrupt, 10,000, 16, then half, half a thousand, 8,000, half a thousand. I know, it means half your money, you have to give half a minute to me or whatever.

8,000, 4,000. So he's gonna go for the middle, he says, he's gonna go big. Let's see what he gets. No, just press it down normally, don't tap it. It's launched! It's off to the side! Where's it gone? So, 4,000. Right, keep that running, get back to your seat. Because now it's time for a question. And if you get the question right, you can have £4,000.

Oh, right. I'm ready for my question, please, Jim. Right. What motif appears on the Ralph Lauren designer clothing? Is it A. Crocodile, B. Polo player or C. Shark? It is B. Polo player. You are absolutely correct. Take £4,000 from the bank. That's yours to keep. Is it? Whatever happens. Yeah, you can take that worthless piece of paper money home with you tonight.

Yeah, but you know, if I was on the game... Right, Myton, Myton, you have to narrate me. Right, narrate. Well, Paul has lifted himself from his favorite blue chair, he's gone round, he's going to try and... The aiming I tried didn't go very well and he's going sideways on. He's looking down the barrel, trying to have a little look down there, and it hasn't made it. It hasn't made it. And so that's... you're out. You're out. Give me... Yeah, so it looks like he's got the coin out. I want to do it again. No don't no you

can't do it again. No no not to dig that point just to test my moves. Oh what a little cry baby. See it's not as easy as it. No it's not I agree I just. Okay you missed mate. You don't get a question it's my go again. Round two, yeah your go, fuck's sake. Right he's launching the coin into the little thing, blah blah blah, oh it didn't work, yeah it didn't work, it didn't work. I did it. Right it's coming, where's it gone?

Ooh, steals. I've got no money to steal so you can't have anything. Why can't you fucking get some money you useless cunt? Because you didn't let me have another go, you could have stolen some money I just had but I didn't get it. Well no, we shouldn't cheat like that. No, well there we go.

If it doesn't get there, you said, if it doesn't get there then you lose your turn. Right, I'm off. I'm off to... right, better luck this time. You need to take that coin out of the slot. Right, I'm off to fire the trough. You haven't paid... you could have got steal. Shut up. If you could leave it in there you wouldn't have got steal. Shut up.

Would you? You want to be stealing? Oh, 10k! 10k! You need to answer the question though. Right now to win 10 grand I've got to answer this next question card and I picked it randomly so don't fucking filter them and cheat. I'm not. This is the first one yeah? Go on. Which country's name yeah Paul yeah for 10 000 pounds 10 000 which country's for 10 000 pounds which country's name is derived from the Spanish word for silver? Oh!

Is it A. Mexico? Right. B. Argentina? Right. Or C. Venezuela? Is it A. Mexico? B. Argentina? Or C. Venezuela?

B. You're gonna go for B. Argentina? Yeah. I'm s- Yes, you were right. TEN GRAND gonna go for B, Argentina. Yeah. I'm... Yes, you were right. Ten grand! Give me ten grand! Give me a tenner. Give me two fives or whatever it is. Imagine if you'd stolen that from me. Right, your go. This is your last go now. Last go this round. I might get a steal. Oh, I might not go through to the final. You don't know, do we? Because you might get a steal or you might half you don't know right he's off do you want me to move that he's launching his third and final coin

of this round oh oh 16 oh right it's fucking rebounded off the side did you see that i saw that was a nice little spinny move that the camera saw it wow right okay i've read that one you don't be selecting questions no i did i've read those two questions to you. I'm turning it over. We'll get the next card then. This is the same card, it's just question three on four, there's four questions on a card, this is question three from it. Right. You were so lucky on that one, you didn't know that one did you? There was a guess. Oh Argent, oh yeah. It was a guess to be fair. Right, because I knew it wasn't Mexico, that's all I did know. Right, okay. I would right okay I would have guess London introduced in 1617 after traffic jams

led to road rage is it a say that again what did London introduced in 1617 after traffic jams led to road rage was it roundabouts one-way streets or speed bumps roundabouts one-way streets or speed bumps. Roundabouts, one-way streets or speed bumps, what was introduced into London in 1617 to prevent road rage and traffic jams? B. One-way streets. Yeah. You are correct.

Come on. Take 16 grand from the bank. Thank you. If he's gonna 16 grand, call his parents. That's convenient. That's stupid. Right, my last go. Right, my last go.

Well, you're gonna have to steal all the money or get... You're gonna have to eat 16 grand. Here he goes. He needs a 10 or a 16, really. Here we go, Mother. Four. Four again. Four. Ask me a question on four grand.

I will, but it's really immaterial because you can't win. No, we're doing another round after this. Two rounds, then the finale. So whoever wins the next round goes through to the final. Alright, so yeah 14. So give me a give me a question on 4000 come on actually you want to use the same card it's up to you But I did according to the Bible according to the Bible. Yes, what did God create on the fifth day? Oh shit, would it be the Sun moon and stars or? living creatures or The sun, moon and stars. Or... Living creatures.

Or... The land and sea. It's the fifth day of creation. I'm going to say land and sea. You can say sea, land and sea. Land and sea, sea, sea. What is it? No, it's B, I'm afraid.

Bollocks! Living creatures. It came quite late. Right, it's time for round two! Right, it's round two and there are a change of prices now, a change of scores across the board. You've replaced the card in the slot at the end. Can I say, Paul? So, from left to right, 4,000, steal,

which you can steal the person's money. I know, I got that before, didn't I? 8,000, steal, which you can steal the person's money. I know I got that before didn't I? 8000, bankrupt, which means you lose everything that you've got to date. 30,000, 8000, half, which means whoever gives it gives half of their money to the other, and 20,000. So anything could change on this round. It's a new card, he's put it in the slot, and I have to say Paul, although I'm enjoying this quite a lot, it a game show, what has happened to culture? I mean, it's all gimmicky stuff now, it's all gadgets and the wall, remember the wall

and the wheel? Yeah, that's what it is, isn't it? Yeah. So that's the way it went. Why did it go that way? I don't know, just because you can't just do answering questions non-stop to win money to do boring. That's 15 to 1, isn't it?

Yeah. Basically that. So they have to introduce like, tipping points. It's a poor shaping machine. But it's basically the same as Wheel of Fortune, isn't it? Effectively. Yeah, it's the same basic presence. There's no kind of mechanic. There's no questions of Wheel of Fortune No, is it it's all letters and vowels and all that stuff. Those are the questions

Yeah, but the wheel to work like a Macintyles the wheel which I have a cup I've got that board game as well. Yeah, but yeah, spit a thing. Okay balls. I was whatever It's always Wheel of Fortune fucking no. So it is Wheel of Fortune? Fucking hell. Well no, because Wheel of Fortune has just letters. That has questions on the wheel, right? Okay, update everyone. So I go first for this round two?

Going into round two, I have 20,000. I have 10, but anything could change in this next and final round. I'm going first. Here we go, I'm going first. I'm going first. You went first in the first round and I'm behind. All right. So here we go. I'm going first. I'm going first. All right.

He's turning on the fucking machine. Uh, and I'm not your mum. Jesus. You've said mother so much today. I have not actually touched it. It says paging Dr. Freud. Oh, don't use that hacker. Hack it obvious. I only did it as an ironic. Is it warm in here? It's really warm. Bankrupt. Right, well I've just lost 10 grand then.

I'll just put that back in the shell. It went straight down. It went so quickly. I get your money round then. I'll just put that back then shall I? It went straight down. I get your money don't I? Yeah, no. The bank would be gone. Steal means you take the money. Yeah, okay I see. So your go then. Your go. You should have seen everybody the way it just...

And if you're a patron, you did see that. It fucking ran straight down. Your go. Dead eyes. Can you have your go please now. It already looks like I'm not won this week. I am loving it. I am loving it. Come on. I'm going to get through to the big money final. Alright he's loading his penny pound coin into the machine. The sweeping ramp of doom. And he's fired it off. 30 grand! So here's a question for 30 grand. To be fair at this this point, if you get 30 grand, we may just skip to the end.

But let's just see. Right, this is just the first one I got off the top. New card. Which of these Derbyshire towns shares its name with a type of large, tightly stuffed sofa? Is it Buxton, Chesterfield or Draycott? It's Chesterfield B. Is correct. Award yourselves £30,000. Loving this game. Woo! Money! To be fair, we'll see it through

because it might get a steal or a bankrupt. We'll see how it goes. I'm not going to throw in the towel just yet. I've got 50k. All right. And you have nothing. I have lots of nothing but hope in my heart. You've got hope in your heart.

As I load my coin. Take the other coin out of the 30k tray where I lumped it down I got a rebound straight on 10k try not hit bankrupt again that'd be really sad it hasn't gone you fucked it again Paul take your medicine but it didn't get down the lane don't be throw it don't be breaking it either you'll go just have you go okay okay right next card question which of these countries is closest to London

Wales France or Belgium what's closer to London do you think come on get fucked off with that sound of the machine go is it Belgium no it is France so no 4000 for you however it is the final round maybe something magical will happen I'll get 30 and you'll lose at all but let's find out I'm gonna go in in for a penny in for a pound and's going, stepping up to the ockie. And he's loaded his funnel. It's about to press the button. Release the coin. Down the lane and there it goes and it's a steal! Now let me just look up the rules for steal shall I? If it lands in a steal slot, the player steals from whoever they choose.

If no player holds any money, then none is stolen. But the player still needs to answer a question. So if I get this question right, I can steal all your money. Don't look for a hard one. I'm not. Okay, give me a question. Just give me the top one. Okay.

And I'll steal it all. It's a patriotic question, pal. Okay, good. Good luck to you. Thank you. This could change the game. How many blue triangles... Right. triangles right on the Union Jack flag? Is it a six?

B eight C 12 B eight. That's the correct answer. Give me your fucking 50 grand right now The big old bellies come out Wow Yeah. Oh look. It's the big old bellies come out. Oh, he's doing. I've gone full otter. I've gone full otter. Wow. No one needs. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Mate, you've got a rich hair going right up your. Right up it. Like a seam. It's like an up tail. It's like a seam on a naked teddy bear or something. Mate, it's your last coin toss. You could bank, you could steal away again. I've given up. You don't know. I have to hit steel. Yeah. And get the question. That's the only way. There you go. Aim for steel. See what happens. As we go into the final

round is he going to aim for steel? Let's see. He's going to fire it off. Oh, here we go. It's all, what's going to happen? 30 grand. Sir, 30 grand's 30 grand though. So let's go through them. Let's see if we can get 30 grand. Which of these is not a stringed instrument, Mr Silverman? Is it a balalaika, a mandolin or a bassoon? Bassoon is not stringed. Is the correct answer. 30 grand for you. But going into the final round, the big winner is Paul Gannon with Eli's 50th grand that I got. Let's take a quick break. Well done. Right, it's the final round. I have one coin to toss down the alley. Oh, only one coin to toss?

Only one coin. You get lots of questions. Yes, so let me just brief it very quickly. I've only got one coin, and I'm gonna fly that at the end of eight questions. Based on how well I do on these eight questions is whether each slot is filled with a win or a lose. So question one, if I get it right, I slot winning.

If I don't get it right, I slot lose. We go from left to right, 10 questions, is it? How many is it? On one card? Yeah, because you do front and back. Eight. So okay, eight, right. Now I launch the-

There were eight lanes. And then I launch the one coin and aim for the win. Alright, okay I'm ready to go. You are, Paul. I'm ready to go. Eyes down for the eight questions. Are they multiple choice or just here's a question, give me an answer.

They are, you need the answer for these. They're not multiple choice. Okay, and you're gonna like the first question. Alright, well let's here we go. Eyes down for a full house as Paul goes for the final round. And the time starts in my first question. What we do with a timer? There's no need.

I just like saying that. Oh, I know, sorry, that's fine. I'll let you have that moment. Sorry, I took it away from you. Okay, so the time will start, your time will start when I ask the first question. Okay, Eli, thank you. Which city would you be flying to

if your luggage was labeled LAX? Well, that would be Los Angeles, so yes. Put a win in the first time slot, The first luggage was labeled LAX. Well, that would be Los Angeles. So, yeah. Put a win in the first time slot, not time slot. I'll just put it in load up in a second. You're going to he's going to load it

afterwards. Everybody just will Are you ready for your second question? Yes. What was the seventh color? What is not was still is. I was going to say it still is. Left they've updated the rainbow. That's right. You you've preempted the end of that question, Paul. What is the seventh color of a rainbow?

Purple? Or indigo, whatever you call it? Yeah, violet. Violet's another win. Thank you for that. Okay, win-win. Winny-winny-chick-a-dinny. Violet's quite old-fashioned. No one says violet these days, do they? No one says indigo either.

Purple's a bit of a dodgy color to put your finger on, isn't it? Yeah. My penis goes purple when I put my fingers on it. I just don't buy it. And I rub it till the pipe of pipes. Come on, the time's running out. Which character played on screen by Tom Hanks had an IQ of 75? Forrest Gump. Correct. Alright, another win. This is good. All wins so far. Are you ready for your fourth question? Yes. Which cartoon character...

Ooh. This is good for you. You picked the card. I did. I didn't look at it beforehand. No, alright. Everybody. Okay.

Which cartoon character... You might not get this. I might not. Which cartoon character is known for his catchphrase, Yabba Dabba Doo? That's a friend, friend stoke. That's right. Another win.

He's going to get any loses. Well, we'll see. You ready for your fifth question? Yes. Which is the closest planet to our moon? The closest planet to our moon. Oh, our moon. Earth?

Yeah. Oh, I got tricked though. And then he said Mercury. You almost said Mercury because that's the closest to the sun. Win-win, chicken din. Here we go. Six. Yeah, six. What wouldn't you be wearing if you went commando? These questions, who are they for?

White fronts. Yeah, underwear. Hey! These are quite easy, these questions, actually. They fucking are, mate. What nickname? Because they want people to basically win the money, don't they? No, but it should be hard though, right? It should be some kind of difficulty so you don't just get a row of wins.

But go on, question seven. What nickname is given to the England ladies football team? Lionesses. Another win. And finally... A tube line as well. It's good, isn't it? Finally. Yeah.

This is so easy. Finally it has happened to me. You've won all of the lanes! Imagine if I just... To be fair, I might launch the coin and it not reach the thing like I did twice. Well you'd have... And that would lose. You are gonna have a full... Well we'll see. All you need to do is achieve... Trough. Yeah. Basically. Trough. You ready for this last stupidly easy question? Yes, please. Well you might not get this. Alright. Doc, Grumpy, Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Bashful, and which other dwarf were characters in the Snow White fairy story? Say it again one more time, because I wasn't paying attention.

There's one dwarf missing here, Paul. Say it again then. We've got Doc. Yeah. We've got Grumpy. Yeah. We've got Sleepy. Yeah. We've got Happy. Yeah. And we've got Dopey. Bashful. And we've got Bashful. Yeah. We got sleepy. Yeah. We got happy. Yeah. And we got dopey. Bashful. And we got bashful.

Oh bollocks. Er... Er... He said dopey. I said... Er... Sleepy. We got sleepy on the list, I'm afraid.

Grumpy. Are you giving up on this one? I'm giving up on this one. It is sneezy. Sneezy? Oh, fuck off! He's got one lose. At least you've got one lose there. Yeah. You've got the possibility of losing by hitting the lose trough or of course as he mentioned he might, the coin might fall flat and lose all momentum in the lane which has happened

to him twice getting here which really makes mockery of the whole strategy of the game because I played much better better i got more questions right and just because of that stupid steel thing he uh yeah well that's the whole point of the game isn't it the whole point of the game isn't it winjee mctwatt pants winjee mctwatt pants he's called me now winjee mcbuhu me baby cry all night long winjee mcbuhu me baby cry all night long now he's looking for a win here he's got seven wins in a row he just has to get it in the trough in that part of portion of the backboard I'm gonna close my eyes and not even look when I think that's fucking foolish

as fuck okay he's got his eyes closed everybody. And he's got his finger hovering above the orange nub. I don't even know which way it's looking right now. I'm gonna do it. He wants me. I hope you lose so desperately. He's got a win! It's a win for Gannon! Gannon wins rolling in it! And that's another successful Gannon's Golden Games for this week. I'd like to thank Mama, Papa and Mookie Pop himself

for joining me today. Why, I'll see you all next week on Rolling In It. I fucking won that one. Well done, Paul. Well, after all that excitement, I think it's time to say goodbye for another week on Cheap Show. Well, I've had fun.

Eli, what was it like to be absolutely fucking smothered with my excellence in that game? Was it? You got lucky. Going into the last game, Eli's 150 grand. Woof, woof. You got lucky, mate. Touch me, Willy. Touch it.

Can I just say as well, I don't touch it. Touch it to make sure it's there. I bet you walk around with your hand down your pants all the fucking time, don't you? I don't do that. I don't touch it. To make sure it's there. I bet you walk around with your hand down your pants all the fucking time. I don't do that. I don't touch my willy. You fucking do. Anyway, look, that was Cheap Show for this week. Look, long story short. Oh, look, look everybody. If you want anything from us online, you'll find it in our one-stop shop, thecheapshow.co.uk.

That's our website. You can go to it. Every episode has an adjoining web which has videos and sometimes it has pictures and sometimes has little special bits but it's all there. Also our website has the information for our PO box if you want to send us stuff, videos, links to our Patreon because our Patreon supporters and backers help keep this podcast going and we thank them for it. So if you want to become one of those wonderful people and see the game we played today, because that'll be uploaded to them. It was quite visually exciting. It was at some points. I got a rebound at one stage and you hit bankrupt straight on. I know, bosh bosh. Steel, did I get the steel? You got the steel. I got the steel. Membrably so Mr Silverman. Membrably so. Membrably so. So you can become a Patreon at Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show as we like to say. Give what you can but please only if you can and you patron at patreon.com forward slash cheap show as we like to say give what you can But please only if you can and you'll have access to magazines extra podcasts extra videos

Behind-the-scenes stuff lots and lots and lots and lots of goodies there for you stretching back years And that's it really the nutshell. So anyway Paul can I before we yeah wrap this up because I need to figure out. If you say, if they send any more samples, yeah? The dick paste or the X1B. They don't do the dick paste anymore. Or the X1B then. Didn't sell very well. I want more X1B then.

The knob grub. No. Yeah, that's the knob grub. No, the X1B is the nose powder. Well, you're not meant to, it's meant to be knob grub. I've been using the paste from my little beaky boy. You know what? The fact that you've got it at a beaky boy

makes your penis in my head look like an octopus's mouth. And that's just more terrifying a concept. Oh, anyway, thanks for listening everyone. What if I lifted up your balls and saw an octopus's eyes staring right back at me and it's little beaky boy? As you like to call it. Have you been to sleep yet today? You haven't properly, have you? I've had a few hours. Not as many as I need, but look, I'm gonna start sorting out contributions

for the film festival. I'll look for a venue to the awards and things from, we'll do all that. I'll look into that and start spreading the word to our contributors. We need to nail down the, what? Like who's the best actor and stuff.

All right, yeah, but fine, but if you wanna be a part of that, you'll have to contribute a film, obviously. Yeah, I can do that. So I would be able to- I've been in films that have won awards. Yeah, yeah, no, but I won't be able to contribute. I had a short film that's won awards.

Actually, people actually use that film. Film teachers use my film to teach- Yeah, no, that's fine. To teach the process of filmmaking, Paul. Okay, but you're gonna have to still make something yourself. I can't help you with it because it has to, because I'm gonna be the judge of it all. And I'm gonna be the figurehead.

I have to be the ringmaster. As long as the respect, the respect to the craft that we all, the acting craft is... Well me and the judging panel... There has to be respect across the panel... There will! ...to the craft of acting, okay? It'll be equal. Equal. And I'll get a panel of non, you know, neutral minded, artistic judges and me and them will sort out the winners and the losers and all that.

Or you just supply something, alright? I will, don't worry. And hopefully, I mean there's no promise it will get commissioned for the film festival. What do you mean? It might not pass. How do I get automatically into the film festival? No, I don't see why you should. Why?

Because everything should be delivered on merit, right? So if your film's not up to scratch, it won't be a problem, it will be, I'm sure. But I'm saying we have to have some kind of quality filter, right? Okay. So I'm just saying don't take it for granted you're going to get your film on, it will be, I'm sure. But I'm saying we have to have some kind of quality filter, right? Okay. So I'm just saying don't take it for granted you're gonna get your film on, alright? Alright, alright. Alright, at least, otherwise it looks like I'm giving you a favour, right? Okay, no, I don't want any fucking favours from you.

Graxton are gonna put the money in, I have to kind of at least remain neutral in this. See if Graxton will just do some of it as samples. I think you're pushing your luck with them actually. And we've already upset them. What do you mean pushing my luck? That's what they do. They're a chemical company. They didn't like how we sold their product.

They think we've not been doing our end for the money that we took from them. Who's your contact at Graxton? Barry Graxton, isn't it? Barry Graxton. Barry Graxton. Actually mate, he was a character you created and none of us can remember so should we all agree to move on? Well, you did remember him. I made that up just to get through that fucking moment.

Listen, let's say goodbye this week and say goodbye this week. I keep letting off. I know, and you keep rolling your balls, and it's very unpleasant in the land of Eli's Lap. So let's just move on. Eli's Lapland, if you want to call it that. Eli's horrible Lapland. This is all make-believe, by the way, everyone.

Yeah, interesting. Eli's penis is make-believe. Can we go? I wanna go home. Stop then. I will. Press the button then. I will. Fuck you. Fuck you.