CheapShow - Ep 381: Three Swiss Francs

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Oh Muvva! This week’s episode of CheapShow is a brain melting, word gargling, logic defying audio adventure into the madness of Paul and Eli. Eli is excited to showcase another Noodle Pot Blitz with a wide range of favours and gimmicks. Some will delight and some will disgust, but they will ALL be judged by the world’s best noodle opinionators. Elsewhere in the podcast, CheapShow “scholar” Ivenne has sent the Cheap Chaps another Price of Shite package, packed with an assortment of weird and woeful items. Sadly, this leads to one of CheapShow biggest s*** shows. It also doesn’t help that Paul and Eli are running on fumes and you know what that means for the actual comedy content of this episode… It’s going to get weird. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-381-three-swiss-francs And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Full disclosure, we can't get this week's episode going. We don't know what to do. We're stuck, aren't we? How do we start? Well, it's this insistence on the cold open format that I think is a problem. It's a problem for me. It's only a problem for you because you're creatively inept. So you can't give anything, can you?

Mate. I gave you seven brilliant pre-sees just then and you reject them all. That's your misusing the word pre-see. Is it? Yeah. A pre-see is a summary. Is it? It's not a, not an idea.

It's not initial. You're using it as initial idea, Is it? Yeah. Preece is a summary. Is it? It's not an idea. It's not initial. You're using it as initial idea, but it means summary. I need to look at Preece then, because I don't want to get this wrong going forward, do I? I want to make sure the English language on this show is kept sacrosanct. You gave me... Sacrosanct. Sacrosanct. Good. How do you sell Preece? P-R-E-C-I-S. Oh, here we go. It's like a short summary. Abstract of text or speech. Yeah, there you go. Oh. What do you mean by pre-see? It's a short written or spoken account of something which gives the important part, but not the details.

So in summary, it's a summary. Such as? So don't, see, I'm helping you. I'm not being a really pedantic twat, but you weren't misusing the word. Do you accept that now? Yeah, fine, but I wasn't, this is the thing. I don't mind being corrected as long as I learn. We're all learning here. And we're learning that the very idea of comedy has departed our souls. So this week it's time for the Willy Banjo. Ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding- That's the crazy frog. That's the crazy frog. That's the crazy frog. That's the crazy frog. You're right. We got nothing.

You're right. We got nothing. We do. We've got a good show coming though. We do. We've got a good show coming though. We can't end this cold open unless one of us gets a real humdinger of a giggle out of us. No, it's not going to happen today. It might happen. You don't know. Every week it's a roll of the dice, isn't it? We put the dice in our hand, clasp it tightly, jiggly wiggly woo, tossy woo da.

Tossy woo da. Then it goes into the thing. It goes into the thing. What thing? What thing did the dice go into? A table, a biscuit tin. It goes into a table, inside a table. On top of? It's the table hollow. Yes it is.

You have a little dice run. Yes. Or where the legs should be, it's hollow and the dice roll around. Rolls through. Bong dee bong. Bong dee bong and then they tickly tackly tickly tackly out. Tickly tackly! Then they roll upon the floor. Now we're rolling dice in an imaginary dice rolling hollow table. roll through. Bong dee bong. And then they tickly-tackly tickly-tackly out. And then

they roll upon the floor. Now we're rolling dice in an imaginary dice rolling hollow table. And then we go rubbly rub rub eyes as we stare at the dice. And then we wake up. And then we go, it's showtime! And it's like it's a four and a three, what does that mean? It's a seven, that means seven. Is it? That's yeah. Ah, but is it? But is it, is four and three seven? Is it though? In, yes. I disagree. In the world of maths. Yes, but in the world of Ganon, what does number mean?

I don't know, I don't know what it means to you. Either way, we shakeity shake, grumbly tumble, tickly tackly count, and that's how we do. Tickety tack. And that's how you roll a dice. Got nothing. Yeah, we really, you really spun that into, you tried. I tried. I did try. You tried too hard sometimes. Sometimes. God loves a trier doesn't he? God loves a trier. Does

he love anyone? Does he really? Does he really? I don't think so. Well that's what we're talking about on this week's Cheap Show. Does God love you? Join us after our introductory themed music. Is that what you got? That's what you're going with? Absolutely nothing else, mate. Have you got anything? I was going to do like, here comes the Paul Gannon into the borough. We did that last week. I know, but I was going to build it. We should develop ideas. I think we expended that idea last week. I think it was good.

Expended it? But it was a one-hit wonder. You know what I mean? We did it, we done it, we got out, we got in, we put it in. Chickalitango, chickalit we got in, we put it in. Jigglytangle, jigglytangle, got it in! That would do, fuck it. That would do, fuck it. Press the fucking credits. Off-Brand, off-Brand, off-Brand, off-Brand on.

Organic, Eli Silverman. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show.

Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show.

Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show. Welcome to Jeep Show than posse. Cheap Show to the mama mine! Cheap Show to the mama mine! It's the price of shape! Cheap Show to the mama mine!

Welcome to Cheap Show. Well Paul, that cold open sorted no doubt. Why one of our best I think you'll agree governor. Hello I'm Paul Gannet. I'm dusting myself down in self congratulatory tickle tackles. I duffity wuff duffity fluff. We both lost it now. Lost it. We lost it. Hello, welcome to The Cheap Show. It's the Comedy Comedy podcast where Eli and I go from the bargain bin to the charity shops and power lands of this

great country of ours and we bring you back the treasure we find amongst the trash. Hello, good day to you Mr Silverman. Hello time to you as well. Hello time to you. Good daytime, good time day, good morrowind. Chardington morrow time to you. Flubbled half month... ...to you. Chumlee Morrington... ...daytime. You know what, let's just give up on the English language this week.

There's no point, is there? Hello, Chardington hurry! I'm bumbley half point. No, you can't give it a half point. Oh, anyway, anything... No. See you next week, everyone. Stop saying that. That's another one of your Ganonisms. Oh yeah, alright.

You've got these trope, these families. It's like a family structure. Did not Barry Moore have his white at the back? Did not Bruce Forsythe go, it's a good game. Sean Paul say, oh dear, and such and things. Paul, you're talking about catchphrases. I ain't got a catchphrase. Oh dear. Yes, I know.

It's my new one, it's good. Yes, it's very good. But I'm talking about these family structures of tropes. So you'd like, that's the end of the show. That's just like, it's in the same family of the fake walkout, isn't it? Yeah, but it's also part of the, here he comes sitting down in his natural well.

Come on, let's do that. You say it. Ah! And I do the... No, look at, what does that mean? He's gonna do a chicken impression. And I have to describe your chicken impression. I think I want to be a chicken subconsciously

and I'm not even... I've just somehow engineered this thing and it just came out of me then. Well, you're not a chicken, but to me, you'll always be a big cock, mate. I'll say that for you. Hey, cock of the bruised. Brewster her! Ooh strutty strut strut! Cockadoodledoo! We've got nothing this week on the podcast! We do! This is what I keep trying to get

round! Nah we got nothing! We don't literally have nothing, that's the Patreon only. No the Patreon only gets our loose fit. Although to be honest the latest one we put out are probably one of our best character moments in a while so you know if you're missing out you're missing out on that no honestly guys if you're not supporting us on patreon patreon patreon you can if you want patreon.com forward slash cheap show it's a great moment we're not trying to like big it off pay wall this in fact a lot of people it just happened in the moment we did one of our loose fit episodes we just talked shit for about 50 minutes a character so a character called up and it all happened. It all got a bit messy anyway. We will be recycling that content for the main book of

the podcast when we reintroduce that character later on down the road. But thank you. Don't worry, nothing goes to waste on from snout to trout, we use all the beast. To trout? What part of the body's the trout? Oh, the gut. It's from snout to the fish, the river fish. Yeah, I don't know, the snout to the,. That's river fish. Yeah, I don't know the snout to the tail to tail to tail to tail to cock tip

No nose to I don't know it knows to gas it a phrase isn't there? Yes, there is but you don't remember it. Do I from snout to snatch? We eat the whole beast or something We only eat the female pigs. No, I don't know. Are you saying that we'd eat a pig snatch? Hey, what pig are you eating when you eat a pig? Male pig and female pig? Depends. You know, I do not know. That's a good question, isn't it?

Isn't it a good question? Mate. Come on, mate. Now, we've got a really good episode. That's why I didn't, you know, I didn't write a really good cold open. We have a lot to get through this week. We have a return to the Noodle Pot Blitz. That's going to be our first segment coming up on the show today. Eli has curated some wonderful and fascinating finds for us to nibble on in this week's Pot Noodle Blitz.

Pot Noodle Pot Blitz coming up and then what we got after that? Oh yeah, Noodle Pot Blitz. That's what I should say because Pot Noodle Blitz suggests it was just Pot Boodle, Noodle Pot Blitz coming up. And then what we got after that? Noodle Pot Blitz. That's what I should say, because Pot Noodle Blitz Pot Noodle is just Pot Boodle Brand. Boodle Brand. You know who I should get in here is Ned the Noodle because I've got Ned the Noodle next door. Got Ned the Noodle. No, no.

He could judge this. All right, bring him in. No, he's Ned. He's not a character, Paul. I'm not doing a character. You remember Ned the Noodle is a soft toy of a Pot Noodle remember Ned, the noodle? He's the soft toy of a pot noodle. Oh yeah, but that's the one that Avene got us. And funnily enough, Avene is helping us today with this week's episode

because Avene has surprised us with a price of shite. Yeah, it looks really good. I haven't looked at it. Even Eli can prove that it... I mean, we had to open it just briefly to see if the answers are in it, which they are, but I don't know what's in this. We don't know the prices. We're going to be going head to head to head this week on an event source price of shite that she got from Switzerland. These items.

So there's plenty of potwings available to both players. Paul plenty of potwings players. Paul Paul. Yes. The end of alliteration is working you well this week. What? No, don't do that. May have the last week's growing.

There's no focus. I haven't touched my groin or pointed to it yet, have I? But you just did the two-fingledingle-dingle, didn't you, Alex? The two-fingeredingle. The two-fingeredingle-dingle. Oh, mate. What's happened to us? We've got to do some content quick because this is the main podcast. Do you have a tell from the dance floor?

I don't, you know. Then don't worry about it. We're all right. We can just move on. We've got a lot to get dance floor? I don't, you know. No, then don't worry about it. We're all right. We can just move on. We've got a lot to get through. This intro doesn't have to be that long, does it? We could just go straight to the noodles, couldn't we? I mean, yeah. Yeah, so let's just do that then.

Okay then. All right. All right then. I think there's anything else to... Oh, I've got one thing. Someone's broken into the vault, Eli. We're going to have to stop the recording and check the cheap show Eli. We're gonna have to stop the recording and check

the cheap show vault. It's gonna go on forever, do you think? No. There's something else joining in. No, it's getting quite a good tune now. Yeesh, yeesh, yeesh, yeesh, yeesh, yeesh, yeesh. Uh-oh. Oh, just when we were getting a groove on. Yeesh. Anyway, fantastic intro. Let's move on to the rest of the-

Oh, I did a bogey. Sucked that right back up, didn't you? Yeah, I had to gobble it down. Oh, the back way. Yeah, right down the throat. Little rough rider going down the back of the gullet. Smooth rider. Oh, slimy smooth rider. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So Ned Noodle, yes. Ned Noodle, yes. Slimy Rough Rider, no. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo- Just move on please! Please! Subdued Wayne! I don't know!

Oh dear! Oh subdued Wayne! Sean! Let's move on! We've all made errors here tonight! Subdued Wayne! I know! Crap!

It's a dated Wayne! Is he on Xanax or something? Shut up! Oh no! Dated Wayne is he on Xanax or something? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Where's me? No, where's me? No, they left me with no noodles. And that's the sad intro to our noodle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, noodle pot blitz. A noodle pot blitz. It's a noodle pot blitz. I think you should stop

because you went past being funny and weird to embarrassing and tragic. Noodle pot blitz. Noodle pot blitz. Eli, we have four, don't let, don't make me lead the way on this segment just to get through it. Mate, we have four noodles today. You chose them. Tell us what they are and why you chose them in an order you deem appropriate. Okay, Paul. It's Noodle Pot Blitz. Christ! Yes, Mother. Noodle Pot Blitz.

Mother! Oh, no! We've got to stop. We've got to move on. I shouldn't have done that. That was my fault. I shouldn't have thrown in a little mother. You shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have thrown in mother. Come on. Be professional, Eli. The face of Noodle.

Okay. You know, be the face of Noodle. Thanks Paul, and thanks for the little pep talk. You're the voice of Noodle. Thanks for the little pep talk. Thank you. You've got to be respectful. People won't take you seriously. It's good to be doing Noodle content again, honestly. Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah. Good. And Noodle is a bedrock item of Cheap Show. It is a bedrock, it's a cornerstone, it's a load bearing wall. If you're joining us and you haven't heard of the noodle pot blitz segment, apologies. I haven't, explain to me what it is. We look at pot style noodles. These are noodles that come in their own cooking container and you pour freshly boiled water on in most cases and they may have sachets in. Sometimes it's added,

I mean the original and best, the Nishin Cup Noodle always has all of the condiment stuff, the flavor stuff and the dehydrated fruit, not fruit, vegetables and meats. Yes. In there already. Yeah. But the big brand from where they're really big in South Korea, Nongshim, they often have a sachet of powder that you have to take out, open, put in before you pour the water on. Also, some of them have a draining system sometimes. Yeah, Japanese ones generally have the draining system. A draining system and things like that. So it is a segment where we look at a number of these noodle pots because the market is always expanding.

I'm always seeing new stuff, Paul. Always convenient, innit? And we've got four hopefully interesting items for you today. I would like to see your first choice, Mr Silverman. Now, this is a noodle that you see a lot, but I think it's... I'm convinced we've done this before in the past. We may well have, in ancient history, done one of these. Yeah, maybe. It has been nine fucking years.

This is a Blue Dragon, oriental chicken flavor. It's called a noodle wok. Now, with this, you get a sort of quite sturdy... It's a plastic noodle wok. Now with this you get a sort of quite sturdy. It's a plastic bowl with a lid. And that's where you steep it. And I think the sachets in but I find this brand interesting because it's so like the Chinese food of the 1980s in Britain. Yeah, you know, it harks back to that. You know, it's got oriental chicken. You know, it's got vibes of like pukka pies. It's got like a kind of back to that, the way it's called oriental chicken. You know, it's got vibes of, like pukka pies. It's got like a kind of vibe to that kind of broad British version of what they thought

or oriental quote unquote food is. The fact that it uses the word oriental as well. Yeah, which is what does that even mean really when you think about it? Well, it's again, it refers to the colonial and orientalism, Yes. which back in Victorian era was this sort of fetishisation, similar to the Egyptian craze that happened at the end of the Victorian era as well. And the Orient used to refer to the Middle East. But then it got further.

Citation needed, but interesting all the same. But basically it's a colonial, it's a Western term for that part of the world, which is why some people do have a problem with that word. So what flavours are you expecting that to be then? Well, it's very much... Ginger? Ginger and spices? Yeah, it's oriental chicken. So basically, Chinese food in Britain traditionally has been Cantonese, which is only one of several cuisines from China. Right. Cantonese, and you get this Anglo-Chinese or Anglo-Canton cuisine, which is the orange, sweet and sour chicken, all of those dishes, which some of them are great. But definitely not traditional.

It's not authentically Chinese. And I think this is going to be that kind of thing. And it really just goes to show how much more of that stuff we have now. That this used to be a viable pot noodle sort of thing, and it was a bit exotic and it's like the dragon. But now you can go to any grocers all around here they're not even oriental grocers and you can get all these Korean ones, these Nongshims. Just so you know. I'm just saying you were doing air quotes every time you said oriental to get across the across the point. That's the word on this bloody

video. Yeah I'm just saying but you're saying it with a quotation mark. I am. But you can everywhere you can get all those Buldak, those Sam Young Bulldak ones and the Nongshim, the Korean brands and Nissin in a lot of places now as well. But this is like an artifact from before then. This says to me middle class thing you buy for your lunch break. You know, you buy it for your lunch break at the office job you're at. Yeah, it's that vibe. But it's so Anglo Chinese.

I'm bored now talking about this. Move on to the next one. Also, the other thing to mention is. I did say I was bored. Blue Dragon, they make these, but also they make those sort of make it a home kits. Right. Where they give you like a packet of black bean sauce or whatever. Those sort of. Do it yourself packs. Yeah. Yes. Very much like what's that Mexican brand? I kind of said, I do believe I said I'm bored of that. So you need to move on. What's that Mexican brand? I don't know. Don't care. You know they do the fajita kits. It's like that kind of. Oh El Tacco I said I'm bored of that. So you need to move on. Mexican brand. I don't know. Okay. You know, they do the fajita kits.

It's like that kind of El taco. Yeah. It's very much that kind of branded. Oh, that's not very authentic. No moving on Paul. Moving on. What's next? We have something that is actually very much more

from that part of the world. Right. And in fact, it's a Miu Miu Miu. It's a very cute little mini noodle pot. It's about half the size of a normal one. It looks like one of those kind of cinema ice cream tubs you get, but a bit bigger. It's very small. This is one of the reasons I bought it and it's got a little child.

Now this is definitely for like a school child. I don't know, we're going to have to look at that with our device. So yeah, a nice little red pot. I don't know what it's saying. It says Miu Miu, but we do need to check because you want to avoid fish. Is there an English bit there? Hot and spicy flavour it says here on the sticker on the side. It has wheat, doesn't look like it's got any seafood. I don't think it does. No. Then we have something that we've avoided

thus far. Oh yeah, by and large. Managed to avoid, but we both are quite fascinated by. Well, we've never touchedaged to avoid, but we both are quite fascinated by. Well, we've never touched on it really, have we? This is the Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boy. It says turn bad boy in four minutes. Now this is very much a relic, not only of what Pot Noodle used to be about, but also what the whole sort of culture of advertising was like. Yes. When this came out in the late 90s, there was a sort of lad. It was a lad culture, wasn't it? But also there was a sort of edginess to a lot of these brands. Tango with the slappy slap. But Pot Noodle really did it, went all the way. And they in fact had a tagline to their ad, which was the Slag

of Snacks or something, wasn't it? Yeah, the Slag of Snacks. Which you can't even, you would not be able to make that ad these days. Oh no, but you can call it a fucking... Couldn't make it these days! No, I bet you could, but you just call it the restaurant name, like Food Cunt and these fucking sausage bastard. You know like restaurants with those kind of names? Steak Prick, whatever it is, it's always the fucking same, innit? Those edgy ones, but that used to be sort of mainstream, that edginess.

It's like, it's a restaurant, not a fucking play at the National Theatre. Flavour Bastard is gone. You're thinking Flavour Bastard and they've gone. But this is very much, you know what I mean, it's from that era. The other thing that's kind of, it's funny that we're talking about the word oriental on that packet. This one's Bombay. Bombay is the imperial, British imperial name for that city, which is now known as Mumbai. Yes. But they've kept the Bombay on this.

Is it because, like Bombay Mix, it's just more of a flavour name now than an actual... Yes, but isn't it quite fascinating to me that they didn't... No one sort of said, that's terrible, you need to change it on all your packaging. It's obviously not a big deal to everyone. I think it's from an inside out perspective, that. Because think about it, Britain, colonial mindset still, Greater Holy Days of all the fucking whatever we did around the world. There's an element of that to it, where it's like, it's our culture attachment to that

brand. It's a British Indian cultural... Outside of the UK, a lot of people say, really, you're calling it bad boy Bombay or whatever it is. That's a bit fucking dumb, isn't it? Yeah, but it's an, oh, it's one of their hits, wasn't it? It was like a big, big deal at the time, I remember. I'm still surprised you can see it on sale.

Are the numbers sales for that still popular to make it? It must be. Beef and tomato, you always see as well. This is their hottest offering I think. All right, well, that's one. Because we've got a hotter. I just want to mention one other thing about the packaging on this.

Now they used to have sort of edgy packaging. Yeah. And we hate Charm-y copy. Charm-y copy. And they've gone and look, look what it says on this Bombay bad boy. And tell me if this has been sort of neutralized and taken the edge off.

It says break the rules. Right. Do things your own way. Think different. Do different. Have a Bombay bad boy pot noodle. That's not, there's nothing edgy. That's like a wellness sort of hustler. Let's talk.

It's like empty sort of... Maybe if you're like a middle-class banker who just can't be bothered to use the liveroo today, he's got to go and get a pot noodle and live outside the system. But that's just sort of like a be positive and be, you know, it's got to go and get a pot noodle and live outside the system. But that's just sort of like a be positive and be, you know, it's just sort of a bland. It means nothing. Didn't they used to have like this will fucking fuck your mouth up or shit like that, you know what I mean?

This pot noodle will come in your mouth. Yeah, it basically went from that to like you'll be your best self, you know what I mean? Are you a dirty fucking dirty grubby prick, are you? Are you fucking monkey grubby? That's what those ads were a bit like, you know you love it. Didn't they have that? You tramp stank cunt. Do you want to fucking eat this, you fucking grotty Bertie Varta.

Bertie Varta. I don't know what that was. I couldn't get the words out but Bertie Varta. It works for me, Paul. I am Bertie Varta. Okay, okay. The dirty old man. Now, I can't remember ever having tried this

and so I'll be actually interested to see how good it is. Last one, please! We're at 11 minutes and I'm tapping out mentally. Paul, you tapped out mentally before we started the show today. Yes, I would say I tapped out around about 2018. Can't you just let me have my noodle moment, please? It's what people fucking tune into the show for. It's not what they tune in for, because I've said before. Oh, you're right, C.E.R. You're mental.

As I've said categorically before, the NoodleBase episodes of this podcast are usually the lower listened to, downloaded episodes. Well, don't put it in the title. Put fucking whatever you said, Shervington Pentonville. Yeah, maybe I was going to say that. There's your title right? Shervington Pentonville. Yeah. Um oh god my brain. Anyway the last... oh my mind. This is what happens when we do a show weekly. Uh Paul. Yes. The last noodle in today's Noodle Pot Blitz. Mather. Mather. Tapatio. Which is a hot sauce brand. It's a hot sauce brand from Mexico Paul. And they have made their own noodle pot. It's a big old pot as well. It's a big size. It's the biggest. And they have made their own noodle pot. It's a big old pot as well. It's a big size.

It's the biggest one we've got today. Yeah. I think just about. Ramen noodle soup, instant soup mix. So this will, it's hot apparently. And I like their hot sauce. It's similar to a Cholula. Have you had a Cholula hot sauce?

Yes, I have. I have. I remember I said- One of those Mexican big brands. It's like when I went to LA that time and I brought you back all those little sachets of a Tapatio sauce. Tapatio. Tapatio.

I think it means uncle. Does it mean uncle or? No, it means the patio. Friend. It doesn't mean the patio, Paul. It means you've buried someone underneath it like in the soap opera. Who did? This person.

Broxide. Anyway. I have to know what Tapatio means. All right. Well, I'm sure it just says the brand. Anyway, while you're looking that up, I'm just going to... It doesn't. It means uncle or something.

Like burrito means little donkey or whatever it is. It's a person originating from Guadalajara city in the heart of Mexico. Ah, someone from downtown Guadalajara. So it's like Londoner. Oh, interesting. Okay, because this is a hot sauce produced in Vernon, California and is popular among the Mexican American communities there. Ah, right. So it's an... Is every single fucking loud fucking vehicle out today. There must be some police action in the North London.

The product is named after a term used to describe someone from Guadalajara where the company's founders emigrated from and exported to Mexico, Canada, Central America, Australia and elsewhere. Yeah, so it makes a lot of sense to do a hot sauce flavoured ramen, Paul. Yeah. But I don't think I've ever seen it before. Well, we're gonna see it now. I would expect Tabasco to have their own ramen brand for example. Where did you buy that? In the States. This is again in Florida. Emma, thanks very much. That makes sense though, right? Because they were sold in America. That brand is more, is known,

the hot sauce is more known in America than in the UK and Europe. It is but I'm just saying you don't often see noodles that are branded. You see like that Buldak stuff going from the from a ramen to crisps and everything and also with Indomie the big Indonesian brand. They have crisps we've done before and stuff but you never see a noodle taking on you haven't seen ketchup flavoured noodles for example tomato ketchup flavoured noodles or something like that. I love noodle content everyone so we'll be tasting that and apparently it's a hot one so we're going to leave that till last. We'll have the bad boy just before that. I'm ready Paul to put some fucking water onto these fucking noodles and get the sauces fizzing and I'm going to go next door to the Joneses. I'm going to go, have you got a parrot? What's his name? Barry? Barry's asleep, everyone.

Does Barry want a cracker? Does Barry want a hard cracker? Barry wants a cracker. Does he want a fucking hard one? Does he want a big long cracker? He wants a cream cracker. I'm going to feed Barry my cracker. I want a cream cracker. It'm gonna feed Barry with my cracker. I want a cream cracker. Oh it will have plenty of cream mate. You've just got to eat. Why do we do this every...

Wake up! Where am I? Why does my mouth taste of spunk? What's going on? So now we're going to use the sound effect of a boiling kettle to separate these two moments in the podcast. See you then! Well Eli's been busy in the kitchen with the kettle and we've poured the water into all four pots but Eli, go into the finer details, Let's say how it all broke down. Pot Noodle Bombay Mix. One of their gimmicks from Time Immemorial, Paul, has been to have a little sauce sachet. Little sauce sachet. Of course, all of the flavor, the soup base is very much mixed in with the noodle. That's the style.

Yes. And is very cornfloury. Yes. Which we've discussed before, giving pot noodles that distinctive gloopiness. That kind of stew like texture. Yeah, which I don't know why, but that's their thing. And I find it like a clear broth on ramen. I agree.

But they always have a gimmick like for chicken and mushroom, you of course have the soy sauce, beef and what's they are beef and tomato. It just comes with more tomato. It gives it a little ketchup. This came with hot sauce. It comes with hot sauce because this is their premier burn your mouth off one. But it smelled like chip shop curry, weak chip shop curry powder on it. I honestly don't think, oh actually come to think of it, I need to stir that. Yeah give it a stir now

and I'll tell you what the other one was. So we did the blue dragon thing that came with three sachets and the little cake of noodle was also wrapped. Vegetables, spicy flakes, powder, that was it in a nutshell. Hot water, lid, sealed, it's doing its thing. And it did have two different water measurings which is quite a clever thing to do. It says depending on how soupy, you can either put 250 millilitres of water on, or to the fill line. And I'm assuming the fill line is more soupy than 250 millilitres. Was it?

About the same. And then we had the meow meow, what was it called? Miu Miu. Miu Miu. And that was just pour in and then you can add the chilli thing later, right? There's chilli oil which I'll be adding just before we taste it. It's the only one we've yet to add to its pot to make it work. And also the powder had a very Chinese, distinctive sort of Chinese pepper smell. Yeah. I think that's a very sort of distinctly Chinese. I think it's for kids' lunch boxes. Yeah, it does look like that. And finally, the Tapatio had a nice beefy hot spicy powder. Which is obviously their sauce powder. And then it had veggie flakes scattered in,

and that was it. But the sauce sachet was branded, whereas the veggie flakes weren't, isn't it? No, true. Funny. And the Blue Dragon and the Tapatio came with forks. Is that right, or did the fork- No, the little, the mini fork here,

there's a little fold-up fork that came with the Miu Miu. Oh, with Miu Miu. Again, reinforcing the sort of lunchbox- Lunchtime snack vibe. ...vibe that we're getting off that. So, what are we doing first, then? Well, we're doing in the order that I introduced them firstly. Which was...

Oh, my God. Blue Dragon, then, right? Blue Dragon. Now, Paul... Not Blue Waffle. That's a very, very different thing we won't be eating. It's a very old reference. Isn't it?

Is it older than Goatseat? I never heard goatsie but I was aware of blue waffle at least 10 years ago. There's a very reassuring instant noodle aroma coming from this. I want to use my little plastic fork that I got in the blue dragon. It's just over there, that's all. I got it. It's my want. There's a nice, just a general noodle huff coming off this blue dragon. Like, big peas. Yes, there's lots of peas in it. It's quite vegetal. Quite a lot of vegetables.

And I'm gonna go in... I think it's gonna be quite plain and quite traditional. I'm gonna just have some... You've got a spoon. Don't use your mouth! Don't you do that! Don't you do that! Use a spoon! Use a spoon. Fuck me. You're glad those scissors are there, not over here,

because I would be... You would have stabbed me. ...at you. And then that would be... Right in the eyes. Why would that be nice? Why is that a nice thing to say? That's not a nice person.

No, I never said I was. I don't know why anyone thinks that. OK, I've done what you asked and I've spooned some broth. Now just fucking be a bit civil instead of getting feral. You're meant to be the face of noodle and you can't be the face of noodle if you're just a feral food rat. Look mate, just when there's a soup some broth from the side of the bowl? It's a very normal thing for people to do. You're getting all your goop right in that bowl mate.

So you don't care do you? Get some broth in, do some broth work on that blue dragon. It's dull, it's a dull noodle. It's, you know what it is, it's way too um like just veggie stock with a little bit of a spice to it. It doesn't even taste oriental quote unquote. Or like chicken really. No. No. And what about the noodles themselves? What do you think of the texture?

I mean, fine, but honestly, the peas haven't rehydrated properly. No. And then by the time they would, it's too cold to really enjoy. And I knew that might be an issue, Paul, and that's why I decided to put the hot water straight onto this one first. Still didn't make any difference. That's not good. It's not unpleasant. It's not like it's a horrible thing to eat but like it is the absolute lowest of quality you can demand from that kind of product yeah and also passable the way that it comes with this sturdy plastic unless you're going to reuse that it's a very wasteful noodle which I guess you could or recycle at least it's recyclable I might use that again to make a noodle yeah or you know piss in when you know

you come to the toilet because apparently ladies and gentlemen you're just pissing anything these days in his room. Anyway go on what's the next one meow meow what's what is it oh you have to put the hot sauce in the meow meow. Mew mew. Mew mew. I'm just saying this song to pan out the time until you add the sauce. We've got a nice um peppery sort of Chinese aroma coming off it and there is a what looks to be chilli oil. Oil, that's a good stuff I reckon, oil as well. You like a chilli oil, Paul? I prefer it to a hot sauce to squirt in.

I'd like to see the texture of that hot sauce with a Bombay bad boy. It's gonna be terrible sort of gloopy, like everything they do. And it's funny as well because Pot Noodle tried to break into the instant ramen just in a pack with no container. It died on its arse. It died on its arse. Because it was no better than fucking super noodle shit in terms of quality, texture and flavour. It was like, what are you getting here? And the point that I was trying to get to Paul is we could cover all of those other like South Korean and Nishan-do pots, but I feel like they, they got noodles in both

markets don't they? So we don't need to, I'm interested in stuff that's only available in pots. Yeah, that's why it's a noodle pot blitz, isn't it? Or special edition Nissians, which we sometimes get. And we're looking to... We're on a mission for Nissan. And we're trying to get, they did another one because we'd had the breakfast, all day breakfast one.

The bagel and cream cheese one. Listen, if anyone American is listening to this and you can and want to send us the Nissan Everything Bagel Cream Cheese Noodle, which apparently is much better than you expect it to be. Please send it to our PO box. Details on our website or in the metadata for the podcast that you're listening to on whatever that app is. And there's another one by Nish in America basically because that breakfast one was very much an American breakfast had maple syrup. Yeah because that cut noodle YouTube account, Twitter account, ex account, well it always says well we can't send you any.

Why not? I checked the bloody, what's the word for sending stuff? What's the word? The tariff? Anyway I said what foods you can send and like noodles was perfectly fine. They're very dry aren't they and like. Can you send fizzy drinks in the post? I'm sure but it's very expensive after Brexit.

It's at least 25 quid to get anything from the states. Oh, I know that. I mean, I know that. OK, I'm going to go in on the Miu Miu, Paul. Miu Miu! It's a nice, very sort of Szechuan numbing pepper smell I'm getting. So, and I've put the whole bunch of them... No, I hope people eat. It's fine. Pull it all out. Give it here.

It's nice, very pleasant, but it's quite milder than I expected in terms of the flavour. It's hot, it's salty, it's got that kind of Chinese-y vibe. Get some broth work, broth action happening. Pause. Yars, this is broth work. Do-dism, do-dism, do-dism, do-dism. This is broth work.

He's had some broth now. Thoughts on that? I mean, considerably better than the Blue Dragon thing, but it's playing in the same ballpark, basically, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, it's a very similar product, but it's more tomatoey in my mouth to me. It's got a bit more of a fruit flavour to it, the spices there on the back. It's more nuanced and complex, isn't it, in terms of the flavour, much more. It's nothing special, but it's certainly more flavourful than the last.

It's much more flavourful, and like I say, there's more going on. And it hides a multitude of other sins as a result. It's just more going on there, full stop. And everything's cooked more in the time, you know? Yeah, it's fine. It doesn't have any of those problems with... There's no juggling act here. With the rehydration.

Oh, I like that. I do like that. And, you know, for a packed lunch can of pot, perfectly fine, really. OK, now it's the Noodle Pot Blitz, everyone. As we go into our third item. And that item is... Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boy. Turn bad boy in four minutes. It's been at least four minutes.

And now I just need to get the hot sauce. You were wrong. Because we're gonna have to put the hot sauce on this as well. What do you mean in terms of I was wrong? You said there's only one thing where you haven't put the sachet in yet, but you were wrong. Oh yeah, fair enough. Well, I'm glad we're point taking on that trite point. I wasn't trying to point take. You do though, you do a lot because your life is full of nothing but hollow little mini victories isn't it? So why not have as many as you want. Don't be so nasty. Stop being pernickety then. That's me, that's who I am Paul. Yeah isn't that the problem? Again I

am not a nice guy and I don't know why you need to think that just I'm a shit who will crap in your mouth If I'm got enough money to do so. Oh, yeah. Yeah I don't know it depends cuz you'd have to get some cut of it. Wouldn't you? Well, perhaps I just want you to shit in my mouth May a guy's offered me a mil pounds of shit in your mouth a mil pounds a mil pounds to shit in your mouth I'm going I'll give you ten percent of that. Well, maybe we don't need to because eating this Bombay bad boy... It might be the same difference. Yeah.

Good. Well brought back, Eli. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, I went to the bog for a big Bombay bad boy. Okay. The noodles are full. This has dehydrated peas in it.

Something about these Brits with their dehydrated peas. Because Nishan, sorry to go on about it, their Cup Noodles, their dehydration game is so much more advanced. Oh, they're the original and best. They know what they're doing. They can have all these different things, they can dehydrate. You know, there was sausage in that breakfast one. They'd managed to do like a soya sausage that tasted like a breakfast sausage.

Yeah, it's nice. They know what they're doing. With British ones it's just like corn, peas, corn and peas. That breakfast one was a bit of a gimmick and I think the more you had of it the less palatable it became. It wasn't great, it wasn't great. It was all very maple-y, wasn't it basically? Way too maple-y towards the end. Okay anyway go on next one. Bombay bad boy. Down it goes. I mean it does taste like that traditional British. It smells like that curry, you remember the Vesta, those Vesta curry packs with the raisins floating

in it, you can imagine raisins floating in it. It tastes like curry and soap. It's not a great taste is it? No, do you know what it's got the same hangover of flavor wise? The Christmas dinner one we had years ago on the podcast. Yes, an artificiality. That artificial, almost soap-like chemical tang which is like unnecessary. Not a good noodle. I don't know why people love this so much. Get some broth on. It's just week show isn't it? No, it nothing about that. The thing is we've said it before, a chicken and mushroom pot noodle as basic as it is, it's absolutely comforting. It's fine yeah. And there's none of that kind of over gross fakeness. But there's this cardboardy as well isn't it? We know like that here. Easily the worst so far. Definitely below the blue dragon. It is isn't it?

And you could pimp the blue dragon with that. It's all gonna get lost in that sort of horrible artificial flavour. You can't pimp that. In fact I guarantee if you took me, if we had to put the hot sauce in that, that would be even waterier and less interesting on the palate. I know but it's not really hot either is it? I mean it's not. It is but only in a way that doesn't support the original upfront flavour. It's not like you get a curry heat. It's like you get a weak curry, slop, and then the heat at the end is separate. Yeah, it's almost like they're... because it's so artificial, it's separated from... it's not an organic heat coming from the curry. It's like the evolution is wrong. It's gone the wrong direction. It's just not a great flavor at all. No, it's not. Stay in your fucking lane, Pot Noodle.

But the, um... but that's one of their big sellers. That's why they kept it. It's a heritage Pot Noodle brand. I know, but I don't understand that. I don't understand it. The texture of the actual noodles themselves, okay. They were okay, I think. For noodle pot noodles, yeah. But again, did you get any of the veg? No. Again, it hadn't hydrated properly. I had one pea and that one pea was just,

it popped and it didn't even taste of anything. It's dry. They don't rehydrate. I don't like it. Both, and funnily enough, both the Blue Dragon and the pot noodle suffered from that yes and they're the blue dragon as you can say has a carton of blanche for you to add on top of carton of blanche you know what i mean yes there was enough cart blanche there for you to do something interesting with let's stick with carton of blanche you do that thing

when you stick a word in between the parts of the world i'm not calling this episode carton of blanche like fucking like apps are fucking lootly. Yeah. There's actual words for describing that. I can't remember what it's called. There is isn't there? Yeah, you did it though. You did it naturally, which sometimes Paul, you're good.

Other times you get the word pretty much. I like the English language. I like to play within its confines. Now, this is the noodle, everyone, that I've been looking forward to. And I've also been looking forward to. Apparently this is real hot. Yeah, like. Oh, what's that look?

Look at the colour. It's a real hot. Yeah, like, er... Ooh! Ooh, what's that look? Look at the colour! It's a nice colour. Give it a stir. Give it a stir. Lots of lovely condensation coming off that as well. Nice. Ooh, it's still hot.

Yes. You think there's too much water in it? I don't know. Is it meant to be soupy like this? No, I went to the... Yes. Okay. Definitely.

I went to the... It's right on the fill line. Yeah, okay. Okay. Well, we're going in for the Tapatio Berry Flavour Noodle Pot thing. It's just hot, it's Tapatio flavour. Because that's the thing, there was no sauce in this. It was literally just the powdered flavouring and the vegetable. So you'd think they would have put a little hot sauce packet in, but that didn't happen.

Oh, what is... Ooh. Subtle. Tomatoey. OK. Mexicany. I'm handing it over to him now. Ooh, that's a nice flavour. It's a nice... And there's some tartness, there's some vinegary...

You know, the vinegary-ness of hot sauce, there's some tartness. There's some vinegary, you know, the vinegaryness of hot sauce There's some of that there. You know what it smells like and this is just just memory Memory evoking for you people when we were in LA and just walking down some certain streets or the vibe It's like this has a very California LA kind of I was wrong wasn't I I assumed it was a Mexican brand? But no, it's it's American Mexican and I like the texture of those noodles to me I like that texture the chewiness of the noodle as well. Do you know what it's got a bit of?

It's got a bit of like almost churros cinnamon thing going on. There's a little bit of spice, yes, almost a cinnamon spice, really nice. Get some broth on, the broth is really good. Oh, he likes this, he's gone in for two big mouthfuls of the tapatio. I think we've got our winner, everybody. I'm brothing it up.

See what the broth is a revelation. It's got a nice subtle sweetness and like you say those spices. That's not too hot either. And it's not that hot. It's not that hot at all. And not in a negative it's not hot enough. That's the perfect amount of heat to get through that bowl. You don't want it hurting your mouth.

We are going to get some noodles coming up in the future that will hurt her mouth. We found the three times spicy noodles. Did you find them? They're everywhere. But here's what I'm suggesting. Live show event. We've never done noodles live. Yeah but then we won't be able to finish the show. The finale. Okay. The finale. We have to eat it in a minute or something. I don't know but I we've never, here's the thing we never done live. Gann's Golden Games noodles. We have to do it for this October's show. Agreed? I'm always up for that Paul. Good. I ate the whole of that

chip challenge remember. Yes. And you only ate half of it. Well we'll do, we'll find a way to make it work live on stage somehow. I had the, I had heat cramps which I've never experienced before on the bus. Yeah, no I know. Anyway. No, they're three times everywhere but Paul let's just, we've come to the end. Let's have a little sum up. Firstly. Rather than rate them, let's rank them. So what's at the bottom of this poodle potnitz? It has to be the pot noodle Bombay bad boy. Yes. Very weak product again from them. Considering how much like muck powder they put on it, it's surprisingly watery.

Tasteless, cardboardy, artificial, everything wrong. Everything wrong. Everything that they should be fighting against as a brand. That hot, call that hot sauce. That's not a hot sauce. That's a fucking, it's just a bit of crap. No, you know what, it is hotter I think than the Tapatio, but only in terms of like just basic heat, just nothing else. Just pure Scoville, naked Scoville. Naked Scoville, which is what got him into trouble. Okay and then what would you, then I'd rank the other British one. I would do the blue dragon next. The blue dragon next next although at least the blue dragon has legs to

maneuver into something a bit more special if you pimp it right it has cart enough blanch it has more than enough blot conch mate you can't keep up with this no a decent noodle with the um unoffensive really is the is the worst I could say for a real problem which the pot noodle also suffered from again is the uh lack of hydration of the of the dried vegetable why put it in why put fucking those if it doesn't work you don't put a pea that big oh this doesn't work without the pea the one pea you find in it next me you me you the me you me tasty subtle um probably for a child's palate it's not going to go full on even though it has a big sauce uh big

you know uh sachet of chili oil it wasn't really that hot but a nice subtle flavour again those kind of Szechuan peppery sort of flavours. Yeah it is a perfect pack lunch pot. Like five spices sort of flavour in there. Yeah and I think at the top number one is the, it is very comfort foodie actually this one. It's a patella, I'm just going to have one more mouthful Paul. What does it say on the side?

There's two little bits of like symbols on the side. I think one is a heater. If you rotate it the other way. Other way? No, Christ. See, on either side of the word, beria, there's like two little logos. One's a little pot thing and one's a little chilli thing. This is new premium flavour.

Okay, that's what it says. So, I mean, if that's improved, that is definitely very good, isn't it? And then what to say about the hot thing, the yellow logo? It says hot picante. Okay., well I just wanted to know if they had any more information there, but they don't, it's fine. And they say you can do it with hot water or microwave because it's in the American market. A lot of people do not have kettles. And yes, of course they don't, so of course they would do it that way. So here's the thing. But it's a good noodle. It's a good noodle. It's our winner today on this

week's Noodle Pot Blitz. Now, can you just tell us what the rough prices were for these? I think like the Dragon was 250 or something. No, it's three quid the Dragon. Pot Noodle what? 150. Good price on the Pot Noodle. For what it is. Yeah, I'll give it that. The Miu Miu? I think that's imported. So it was only about it was less than a quid still, I think. Yes. OK, fine. And then the Tapatier.

I do not know, but it's probably because it's expensive. It's probably4 or $5. Yeah. Which to be fair. It's a big noodle. It's a big noodle and a tasty noodle and you could pimp that as well. Yes. You could put scallions in, you could put little bits of sweet corn, whatever you wanted. Why not just do that? Do a good basic noodle instead of having dried vegetables that don't even work. That just turns to powdery awful nastiness. It would be more interesting if these brands went here's the basics but to improve this you could add a little little little right do that one yes you never see that what like pimping suggestions they do have serving suggestions on noodles you do see that but that's not the same as here's how you can make this a little bit more

interesting maybe out of this to it instead of that yeah instead of putting stupid sort of weird like AI inspirational copy on your fucking pot why not say hey add some of this. Yeah, maybe pay your copywriters less and your flavour chef's more. That copy on the Pompeii Bad Boy really feel like it used to say we're a slang, we eat this you fucking dirty wanker and now it's just like you're the best, believe in yourself. That's not, you know. It feels more like you're reading from a fortune cookie than you're actually reading on the side of a noodle thing. Anyway oh we've had some noodle

fun today I can't wait for our next round of pot noodle blitz noodle pot blitz we hope you're there to join us for when we do. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Weirdo, weirdo. Well Eli's got his Mike Smash jacket on and we're about to play The Price of the Shite. I'll tell you one thing Paul, got up today and I had a real passion for a splash- Splash-tion! That was almost, I don't know, funny? No. But not quite.

Do you want to have another go of it? Go on. I'll edit that bit out. Can edit that bit out and we'll do it this bit you're gonna make me look bad that's one of the worst things I've ever said ever you got a chance now to redeem yourself plus slange you got a perspashen for slashing what was he gonna do put swanjan you know what you think about it while I read the letter from the vent. No! Tick, click, click, click! Please, please Paul, please help me, please. I love the desperation I'm seeing right now. Let's start again, okay?

Yeah, no, we're starting again mate, this is not going to end up in the episode at all. God's honour on me life. Now everyone, it's time for the price of shite and we have a special bespoke- Wait, wait. What? Ling ding ding dong ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding A nice build up there, Paul. Price is shy and it is a bespoke version from Yvain. Laugh it out, man. Laugh it out. Okay. All right. Okay. So Yvain sent us, as ever, the amazing Yvain, who's the one who makes the amazing Cheap Show magazines. Please go to... I'll put the details on the metadata for this website,

but you can order physical editions of the Cheap Show magazine, the recent one being a Barsh and Special. So get hold of that it's well worth your pennies. Fantastic Cheap Show Mag everybody. And wait no can't introduce him yet. He's very impatient though. I'm trying to do the pre-see of this aren't I. It's not the pre-see you pons.

Pre-see pons. Hello. No no no no. Wow. That could be problematic. Right so. Oh no. Wow. That could be problematic. Right, so. Oh dear. Getting all edgy.

Right. So. Shock Jock, Paul Gannon. Even sent us a PO box. There was lots of stuff in it, but I've pulled out the price of shite for this tonight. Thanks Even. And I have Ned the Noodle here. So he said he was going to make a.

Well he had a little conversation in that house of pickles, Paul. Yeah. A little convo and he was talking the Noodle here. So he said he was gonna make a... Well, he had a little conversation in that House of Pickles book. A little convo and he was talking to Poindexter. Poindexter was like, I'm tired for whatever reason. Why are you talking so quietly? Just don't wanna wake him up. But he's next door, he can't hear us. He sometimes, he's very sensitive hears.

Oh, fuck off. And Ned the Noodle was like, oh. Step in. I'll step in. As price protector. Keeper of the Patwings. Keeper of Patwings. He'll be guarding the piece of paper that because we are playing against each other today. Is that right Paul? I believe we can because the envelope is sealed but I don't know anything other than that. I don't know what's in there. We're about to find out together. Can I have a pre-see of the

letter please? See I used it correctly because I don't need to read all of it because as stages. Exactly do a pre-see. Yeah we're not doing all the major points just hi Paul and Eli. Hello. If you're reading this then well done to Paul for not throwing away stroke losing this letter this time around. She's so right. Such a lemon drop from a supposed fan. Anyway, please find in close one of the finest boxes of stuff I've sent you. A big part of this haul, price of shites and some of the food, came from Switzerland on a recent visit, did a bit of an investigation, grabbed a few things from a charity shop, brought it back. Let me get to the price of shite segment. Come on. I've got a yearning for some petrwernings.

Petrwernings. Yearning for petrwernings. It's earnings and between pertaining I have a yearning to earn yearning to earnings I am a surgeon of splurging Paul that's a good one I give you that I love I'm the surgeon of splurging hey I'll open you up and fucking fill you oh really have that's actually really dark man I'm gonna hug Ned yeah right the POS specifics.

There is a total of 10 Swiss francs, which is roughly £9, worth the stuff in the bag. Divide the 10 francs between the items in the bag. Oh, special rules. Which is from the charity shop in Zurich, the items were purchased from. But beware, One item was free. Okay, always like a free item. I think again we should go through it and then once we've got all the prices then we can look back and go maybe that one's free rather than do it in the moment and having to guess right there and there. Well we never do, we always do it that way.

Sometimes we've chanced it. I think you got it right once even on that. Anyway, finally, and one item was grossly overpriced. Grossly? That's all the help you'll get. Regular Price of Shite rules apply. Two betwings for being spot on the price and one betwing for being 25p, either way of the actual price. Happy? Today, Paul, I'll be grossly... ...

If you're not going to step up and give it, then don't give it... Give what? Anything! All you've done to really give is put on a jacket. Mate, what's that character called? Mike Smash? I feel like I'm in a Mike Smash VR.

My arms are all like costumed up with the Mike Smash costume. You look at your hands and you think they're Harry Enfields? Yeah, I feel like I'm in this weird floaty... What a great visual gag for an audio medium. Well done, I'm glad I can appreciate that. So on the front of this bag it says price of shite, details in letter, answers in Swiss envelope. So we've read the letter.

Swiss Tony. And the card. I'm not gonna look in the bag. I'm getting all the fast show stuff going through my head. Oh look, it's a nice red envelope with a Swiss flag motif. So we're gonna need Mr. Ned Noodle to say. Again, Ned, it wasn't Ned given to us by a vent? Yes, that's why I thought it'd be very good, an apt port for Ned to be with us during this segment. Ned Noodle, will you please guard the petwings?

He is sitting on the petwings. Well done, brave man. He's standing there. Ganny's over, just put him face down on it. Right. Right. So I'm just gonna reach in and grab, I'm not gonna look, I'm just gonna reach in. We don't know nothing down on it. Right. So I'm just gonna reach in and grab, I'm not gonna look. We don't know nothing else about it. One's free and one's grossly overpriced. That's all we know. We have to guess in terms of appointing Franks. I don't know how many items there are. All we know

is that 10 Franks was spent overall on these items. And we have to appoint the Franks. Yeah. Now we're gonna need to get the book out. I've got the book out. And the pen. You're gonna take those points then? You're gonna invite them out. All right. I've got the book out. And the pen. You're gonna take this point then? I'll take it, I'm gonna do this. Alright then, so here's the plan. I'm gonna reach in and just grab something. I haven't seen what's in this bag so I don't know what to look forward to. I'll pull it out, we'll look at it, review and then cost it.

Right, let's crack on! A scruffle scruffle, get your fist into that grab bag. A bingley bing a tingly finger shuffle and gruffle and grow. No, no, no. First thing I've grabbed. It's a red thing everybody. It's a red plastic thing with a yellow tip. Or it is a Pez dispenser. With a Little Miss Sunshine character on the top. So a complete little figurine, tiny figurine of the popular children's character, Little Miss Sunshine, atop a red Pez dispenser. I don't think I've ever seen a Pez dispenser like that with a little mini-fig on the top. No, they're usually just like a big head. But unfortunately, Mr. Men are all head, aren't

they, when you think about it? It would just be weird to put half a dome of a character's head on there. For me, that works. That's a lovely little thing, isn't it? Lovely little Pez. I like Pez. Do you like Pez? Did you see that movie about Pez on Netflix? I did.

The Pez bandit or something was cool wasn't it? There's something really wrong about that story though. It's an odd story. When he says that he was let through or whatever because of the laws, it's like... Well it's the whole thing isn't it? But why didn't they plug that hole? Well they did. So you had to go to other airports and stuff.

That's what he says in the documentary. Right. Eventually you'd have to go to another airports and stuff. That's what he says in the documentary. Eventually you'd have to go to another airport because he couldn't chance that one anymore. Anyway, it's about this guy who was smuggling rare pez into the US. From Europe, because there was a completely different infrastructure of how they developed the designs of pezes and got them out into the world.

Nuts. Nuts, but very good documentary. Bit of fun. I'm ready to appoint some Swiss francs to some of these items. So, let's see the other net, that's it. No, let's see the next item. No, we have to price it, don't we, right now? All right, you're going to go first first? Yeah, I think, I'm just going to say this now, but I think this is the grossly overpriced one. So, right, PES, P-E-S. Do you have...

I'm going to say this is three Swiss francs. How are we getting in between? Have we been told? Yes. Is it two on the nose? But what... Well look, if the answers are all in Swiss francs, then it won't matter. So if I say three Swiss francs and it's three Swiss francs, then it's three Swiss francs,

isn't it? Keep saying Swiss francs, three Swiss francs. It's quite hard to say, isn't it? You try three Swiss francs, three Swiss francs, three Swiss francs. Hello, I'm three Swiss francs. Three, two, one. I'm Ted Rogers from three Swiss francs with a dusty chin.

Well, I got all throaty then. You needed that. I got a bit throaty. Not do Spanish accents, that'll probably do it. So, all right, so Pz, how much do you think? It's you first mate. Oh yeah, so I said three. I said three Swiss francs.

Three Swiss francs. Three fish francs? Fish francs. Fish chimney? Yeah. Gave the old wife a fish chimney the other day. Don't even know what that means. The old wife?

The old wife, the old. Gave the old wife the old fish chimney. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. gave the old wife a fish Fish chimney, oh my I gave it such the old fish chimney fucking what like a gunslinger for the rest of the fucking day How much do you think? How much do you think for pen and you think that's grossly overpriced that's the one I think is grossly Is it what is equivalent to a euro a Swiss franc? It said it was about nine quid. One franc?

No, she said 10 Swiss francs was equivalent to about nine quid. So much of a muchness, right? About a euro I'd imagine as well. But mate, we're talking in francs, so it doesn't matter. Swiss francs. How many? Three Swiss francs! It sounds like some mobsters or something. You know, like they're like... No, it sounds like an old cult from Sherlock Holmes. It's like a trio of hitmen in a sort of Guy Ritchie movie. No, it's more like... Get the three Swiss francs.

No, it's more like... Oh, I'm Swiss franc. No, it's more like a Swiss... Oh, you've fucked me up now. It's more like a cult from Sherlock Holmes stories. The case of the three Swiss francs. Okay. It's like that.

It's like that a cult from Sherlock Holmes stories. The case of the three Swiss francs. It's like that. It's like that, innit? I bet you didn't think you'd be saying that phrase today 18 times. 18 fucking times. Let's just have one more. Three Swiss francs. I'm going to say, I think you might be right about it being grossly overpriced. Because pez.

You're convincing me. So maybe I'm going to even overcut you, so to speak, and go up to 350 Swiss francs. 350? Fair enough. I just want to, out of interest, I'm just going to put Pez, Little Miss Sunshine in. No, no, because I want to see if it's one of these things that goes online for quite a lot. This is very unorthodox now. We've locked the prices in. Ned's having conniptions. I just want to see if it's on there.

He's jerking around in his little blue shorts. Wow. Someone's selling that one online for 15 quid. You're giving Ned nightmares. Just saying, someone's selling that one for 15 quid on eBay right now. And you can get a whole set for 80 quid. Of all the Mr Men and Mr Little Misses? Yeah, from Croatia.

Anyway, next item. Weren't Pez, they're made in that part of the the Mr. Men and Mr. Little Misses. Yeah, from Croatia. Anyway, next item. Weren't Pez, weren't Pez, they're made in that part of the world anyway. It was in the Czech Republic. Something like that, I can't remember. I can't remember. Anyway, next item. I've grabbed it. I'll let you look at this one. It looks like a little di- ooh. Ooh, what is it? It's a sharp branded little leatherette. Is that like plasticky? It's a little calculator, Paul. Oh is it? I thought it was a little diary, but no, it's a little calculator. Oh, that's very nice design. Yeah. I wonder if that's the overpriced one. Exactly, but...

The thing is, I don't know how many items there are, so I don't know how to divide the things. But I don't want to know what the items are at the same time as well. I'm enjoying this. Solar cell calculator. Solar panels. You want to talk to the microphone, mate, so we can all fucking hear it. Don't keep it to yourself. It's solar panels, mate. Very neat, very neat little thing. Very neat, nice little thing, innit?

A businessman's calculator to keep a breast pocket in. Very 80s tech, but lovely for it. Look at the- Nice looking condition. Pristine, looks to be pristine condition. I mean, thank fuck, it's not mint on card. I guess it's mint on leatherette. 10 euros spent altogether

Because I can I can imagine that being at least a fiver in an Oxfam. Yeah I don't know they put that under the counter in an Oxfam wouldn't they behind the glass? I'm gonna say no, it's me first. Okay Take the advantage. No, no, go on. I've already locked mine in the edge. So I'll say it whatever so you say yours first then this Maybe 250. Okay, all right. We have to spend the whole lot. Can we go back and revise afterwards?

Once we know how many items there are, I think we can maybe adjust then, all right? So I'm just shooting in the dark right now, which is kind of thrilling, kind of thrilling for me. Shooting in the dark? Yeah, just shooting my load into the alleyways. Yes. Into the fort alleyways of this game.

Turn the lights off, I'm about to chas now. Lights off, chod off. Click. Click. All right. Weird. Click. Click. Stop turning the lights off then. Oh, all right then. Click. Good night. Oh, night Eli. Click. Good night. Oh, night, Eli. Podcasts over everyone at sleepy time. Shut up. Jesus, this is weird. Right. So you said 250 for the calculator. I say 250 for the calculator. So put calc and then you put your score down.

250. And I'm going to say two quid. That's already six quid I've spent and you've spent five. All right, fine. So five more to go. Oh, I think this is the last oh no this no no there is another item. There's four items in total. Oh wait there's two loose items which are the same thing by my hand feel and then there's another little thing which is definitely separate so effectively I think there's three more things left but two are the same so I'm gonna pull these two out. What do you think? Give it the old pull out. I'll tell you what I'll'll grab one of these only pull one thing out and then you can't go wrong oh it's a little enamel pin badge which says pan and it's a big pair of kissy lips I

don't know what pan means in this context maybe it was a cosmetics brand or I do a Google lens thing you won't be I bet it won't turn it up it's too old-school no let me open it up and get it out. Could be a like a magazine. Fashion Mag it has that look of a sort of Fashion Mag logo doesn't it? I think it says lip pan lip. So maybe lipstick itself cosmetics I said yeah. Yeah, I got I'm gonna do a googly lens. And that hasn't helped at all. Just give me a bunch of other pins.

Yeah, exactly. That are red and black. Yeah, I need a price for the lip pin from you, Paul. One, one, one Swiss franc, pan lip pin, one Swiss franc. And you say and I say, can I say one as well? If you want, there's no there's never been a rule that says if one guesses one, you someone can't guess the other. The only way we play it sometimes is if you want to hedge your bets and go up

25, I'm really out of my depth here. Yeah, that does say Panlip, so maybe it is a cosmetics brand, and this is a little pin for that. I'm imagining. Reach into that. Well then in that case I'll pull out the other pin badge which was in here. Truffle Sack of Joy. And pull out another potential between... Oh, it's another pin badge. It looks like a little Swiss Pillsbury doughboy man pin badge. Pillsbury doughboy man pin badge? What if the Pillsbury dough man was wearing the

Swiss flag on his head? Oh he's a little... he's a little... ghosty little... he might be a little ghost or something. This has some age to it you can see Paul because the enamel or the lacquer or whatever. Yeah it hasn't. It has yellowed slightly. Although I know I'm thinking that's the actual colour scheme of it. I don't think so. Look at it. I'm going to give that a lens as well. That might turn something up. Oh it comes up in a Japanese website. Switzerland Bio Stem Field Pins. Solly character vintage pin badge. Bio Stem. Is that a little stem embryo? Well then I've looked, I've tried. Do you think these are counted as one item, these pin badges? That's what I don't know, I'm thinking not. I think if they would, she would have made a note of it.

So, I need to guess, what should we call it? Little ghosty? It's like Casper or something, isn't it? Just put Swiss pin, because it's definitely a Swiss character. Okay, because there is a little Swiss flag on the head of it. Anyway, going for 350 yen on this whatever website. That's not a lot of yen. No, no yen is like there's about a thousand yen in a pound I think. Oh okay then that's not much

then it'd be like what 20p or something like that. Yeah really low. All right anyway not that it's affected our judgment I'm still going to say maybe a... Ayyayay! What I thought it was my turn? Keep trying to guess first, no. It's my turn to guess first. Right come on what's your guess? I'm gonna say stick with a quid. I'm gonna say a quid too because you know. Oh how do we know this would happen? But there's one more item left. Okay. So write it down while I pull it out. Oh I don't know what this is. It's a little white cardboard box. It's a little white cardboard box. Containing chalk, sometimes matches or little stationary supplies like pins. No I think this contains a little wooden puzzle. Oh that's interesting. I'm just

gonna pour it out onto the table. Yeah, you've got to make a house shape out of these wooden blocks here. Oh, a bit like a tangram. Yeah, is that what they are? Should we do it? No. Can I solve it, please? You have to do it right now when recording.

Please have a look at it. I just want to see what it says on translation, so let me have a look at that. You can have a look at it later. But effectively, it's a little box with a little flat wooden puzzle in it. What's a tangram? Tangram is like those little square puzzles that are made up of different shapes and it's a square and you can build little diagrammatic.

Oh, Cryptum Factory used to have puzzles like that, didn't they? Tangram, it's very ancient. I think it's Chinese. Translated, this says this dismantled house. And if I turn on the round on the back, anyway, look, there's a whole spiel on the back. I'll let you look at it while I read this out alright okay so on the back it says this Kolato Koznik inherited a small piece of land after

the passing of his beloved aunt Dorothea his dreams of owning his own house without within reach he eagerly studied prefabricated house catalogues and finally bought a cute wooden house made of five parts for initial assembly from the Quella Marin Company. The price included a saza of the finished house and delivery. It was up to him to be responsible for the construction instructions and after years of normal effort to put the house together he finally was ready for the loony bin. Before you can start building your house please consider the possible tragic consequences. So the overall gist is behind this puzzle is a man bought this to live in and it drove him mad trying to put it into a house shape. I'm not finding it easy immediately.

No because you've got to do the chimney stack and how do you find the chimney stack? I was just looking at trying to get the chimney stack in there. Yeah but apparently it drove the character on the front of the box mad. Very cute item I like the little story and there's a little depiction of him. Pointless but you know, well it's a story but it's a nice little bit of character isn't it? Bit of zhuzh. It's a nice little thing there with a bit of zhuzh. Anyway what do you think it's worth? Well if I'm gonna go with you first you keep doing this the wrong way around man. I'm gonna say the exact opposite of what's correct. So I'm going to say this. What should I call it? House puzzles? I'm gonna say it's... Well shall I tell you how many you've got remaining in ten? I think I've got three remaining. You are on... yes you have three. So I I'm going to change the pairs to two and make this four in the

grossly overpriced market. Oh no, one of them's free! Oh my god, well this is the moment. I need to make my guess for this first. Alright. If I'm going by these rules of trying to fit it into 10 would be... £2 for... I think that's fair. I think that's fair. Right, so we now have to recalculate because one of them's free.

What would be free? I've already changed your score on the pes to 2 and the house put the house puzzle sorry do you know I'm gonna put house pin down yeah a pin you know I'm gonna say I'm gonna say one of the pins was free I don't know which one I'm gonna say it was the Swiss man pin being free and because I'm thinking she bought a pin and he went oh you can have another one for nothing you know that kind of logic so So which means This man pin. Yes, Swiss man is free Swiss ghost man Which means I'm gonna stick with pez being three house being four and then whatever the price for the first pin was I'm staying with one and then you only have nine you've got an extra because you've said the Swiss pin is free

You've got a quid there. Oh, well then I'm gonna rank well then I'm gonna add you need to add that to one of your you've got pairs at three you've got calculator at two oh yeah I'll add it to the calculator then just stick a stick three on that fuck it I've given up now it's got confused three on the calculator yeah okay and then it's ten right yeah all right I don't think I've done very well here I let's just think I think it wasn't one of the pins that was free. That's just my logic mate. It's too obvious, it's too obvious. What else would be free then? You got two pins, you got the car, you got the box, house thing, you got the calculator and the Pez. Oh dear. Oh hard, it's hard for me. I'm not gonna do that again. Don't make it hard

for me Paul. I'm making it hard for you.. Well, just do something mate, because fuck me. I think, weirdly, I think the calculator. The calculator was free? Quite the gambit, but why not? I just think it was weirdly. I'm going to do it. I need to add to some of my scores. So I think, I've got 250 left over here.

I think that the Pez was 5. So I've got one more I'm gonna say five for the Pez yeah I've got one more which I'm adding to the what 150 centimes or whatever to each pin yeah okay right so let's so those my final scores were Pez five Swiss francs. Yeah. The calculator was three. Right. And the lip pins 150 each. Right.

Swiss pin, Swiss man pin. And then two for the house puzzle. And the calculator is three. It's three. It's three. I know it's a bit of a gamble, but it could be true, couldn't it? It's three Swiss francs, not three Swiss francs.

Yeah. Something like that. So let's reveal the scores. Go on, pass it to me. Ned, thank you very much. Ned is getting up. Well done, Ned. On his slumber.

Well done, Ned. Here it is, a beautiful Swiss flag envelope. I've already sent this. A little bit of card on there, Paul. Yeah, no, come on. I am now going to open the POS answers. Come on, put wings. How are you going to open the POS answers. Come on, put wings. How you feeling? Confident? I'm feeling, I feel like I will score

something. I don't think I'm gonna score anything. I think I've gone off the rails with that. That whole thing with the free, the calculator being free, is just a weird intuition I've had. So let's go by how we went through the bag rather than the order is on this List so the first item was what that we saw was the pez dispenser little miss sunshine pez dispenser, right? So you miss sunshine yes, okay says on the thing you said what five Swiss francs? And I said what three Swiss francs the answer was it was Free it was the free item. We are fucked! We're fucked! I'm not gonna get, I'm gonna doughnut this! I'm gonna give this a red raw doughnut!

She's made us look like fucking roobs mate. She's done a number on us here. It's the way you looked it up and it was like one going for 15 quid. You fucker. It's not my fault, it's events. She's fucking... Ah, the jobs have fucked mate. She's fucking made us look like fools! Right, next item was what? Fuck, the calculator. Calculator, which I said was free.

And I said- Well, it was the most expensive item, it was six Swiss francs. I was completely wrong. So, next item was what? The pin badges. Oh, god. So, uh next item was Yes. Half a Frank could do a Jagger, a Jagger. A Jagger?

A Jagger, Mick Jagger. Oh, jeez. Oh, yeah. Rockin' and rollin'. Oh, yeah. Something like that. So finally, the puzzle, the house puzzle, how much did you say?

Two. And how much did I say? Four. It was three, so fuck you then. Fuck you very much. Nothing, not a single fucking between. What a fucking massive washout that was! Double donuts!

Ohhhh! I bet she's listening now, laughing. Doing this with her hands. You know the thing that villains do where they roll their hands. I don't know where I went for that calculator. It was so stupid of me. I wouldn't have thought the Pez thing was the free... You know that actually, that was a thought in my mind for a brief moment.

It's flimsy little piece of crap! We've been had. Of course it's not this calculator. This is a set up. This is a collector's piece. This is a set up. We've been set up. That's what I think's happened here. I think once you start throwing in this was that and that was free. Are you keeping the little Swissman badge by the way because I can put it on my board. No you can have that one I'll have the lit one. You want the lit one? Okay. Okay cool. Right well at least some joys come out of this. Badge joy. Because

I don't know. I'm feeling very disheartened mate. Well at least neither of us lost. That's a good way of looking at it. You could have lost and scored no putt wings. Well it's what they call in the football trade a no score draw isn't it? It's a no score draw. It is a no, in the football trade that's what they call it. In the football trade it's a no score draw. It's a no score draw today on the price of shy everybody. It's a dark day. I literally have this jacket on that makes me feel like I think the jacket was a curse I think that's the problem. I think the jacket threw us off. Yes. Anyway, mate. This is a dark day for cheap show It's not we've done this has happened before as it I wonder if we have we must have the stats probably done like almost 400 Fucking I fucking know it shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have come like this! It's a freak of nature!

It shouldn't have happened! We're the platypus of podcasts! Oh yeah? With a womb? With a womb and a beak! That's what we are! Cheap Show is a podcast with a womb and a beak! Yes! And that takes shit in the river as well. Yeah! Peas in the river all the time. And it has venom sacs! Venom sacs up the mouth hole!

What is wrong with us? Venom glands up the mouth hole! Anyway, I feel very empty right now. Yeah, I feel... I feel hollow. I feel devoid of purpose. There's no joy. I've got no joy. Not even the joy of like... Oh, come on.

No, I've got a pin badge that says lip on it. Yeah, exactly. Pan lip. Not the unique joy of petrings, but I enjoyed the selection. It was a fine selection. I'm not complaining about the selection. I've had Ned here. Ned, good old Ned stepping up.

I stroke Ned. Yeah, do you do anything to Ned? That's all that happens. Because I don't think Poindexter would like you to be messing around. Poindexter, I haven't. What's wrong with Poindexter? I've gone off him. Well, we haven't been in years. Oh really, I've been into him in a while. Why?

Just don't talk anymore. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. He's a bit of backstage kind of, what? He just wants to do his own thing. He found that the plate't he against you i saw the i saw the report there's no report there's a cheap show hr report that i saw and it was i can't you know what i know you're doing the throat cutty thing to say stop talking about this but i will go into the report details you can molesting a teddy bear i will no i don't know oh i've got a little uh there's one little rule in my life mate yeah one little rule simply this never peg a teddy bear never never tell the Peggy bear

Never take a Peggy Bear, never take a Peggy Bear, never take a Peggy Bear, it's three Swiss francs. Three Swiss francs. Three Swiss francs. Never take a Peggy Bear, never take a Peggy Bear, never take a Peggy Bear, it's three Swiss francs. Right, worst episode ever! Worst episode ever, I think today. I think we can safely say it goes down. There's a dark time for Cheap Show this week. Sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, you should be. Right, let's just keep this simple.

Everything you want from Cheap show is on our website the cheap You're not code on UK It's there for our social media pages or YouTube pages our special episode pages every episode has a designated web page to go with it We pictures and sometimes videos We also have a link to our patreon there because if you would like to support us on patreon and help keep this show going Then that's on you, but it is patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but only please if you can. And other than that, spread the word on review us

on all those podcasts, apps and stuff that helps us float to the top of recommendations. And we'd like to get more ears on us. Other than that mate, we are good. I'm still planning the Graxton Industries Trash Can Film Festival. I've located a location and we've had a few- Did they?

What? Have they? Okay, so I need to say this to you now. They will give you more samples. When? When? Now? Can I have some now please?

They said, you gotta listen to me mate, because this is really serious, they will give you two samples pre-festival. You've got to make them last. Afterwards, if the show goes well and you don't embarrass yourself and I don't ruin it or whatever, we don't fuck it up. They'll give you 40 samples. That's almost a year's worth, right? But you can't, we can't fuck this up.

They've put 20 grand into this. It's fine, man. It's fine, okay? I said it was okay, it's fine. It was going to be more, but I had to trade it off for your fucking samples. And also they said if you don't give them swabs this time Report swabs you won't get the other You won't get the 40 That's what you should call the episode

Call three Swiss Franks Report swabs You're out and about report swaps would you thanks patron? Hey look listen this is important. I'm really so really do appreciate it Yes, they recently got hold of the rolling with it video to go along with that week's episode We got this fun. Yeah, you were came up came from behind I did and took all my money which happens every fucking day take you from behind and then take all my money. Which happens every fucking Monday. I take him from behind and then take all his money. Oh, what does that suggest ladies and gentlemen? Say it,

say the catchphrase. Oh dear. See you next week on Cheap Show.