CheapShow - Ep 384: Dikkeneks

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

“Is there such thing as Too Much Sauce?” That’s the question CheapShow will have to answer this week when Eli turns up to the recording with a massive bag of random sauces. Donated to the podcast following a live show last year, these sauces have been festering in The House of Pickles for months, just waiting to be devoured by eager mouths. That time is now. Originally there were 16 sauces to tackle, but luckily half of them can be discounted, but that still leaves 8 interesting condiments to put to the taste test. The only real problem here is that Paul is tired and grumpy and is in no mood to gobble down saucy muck. Things don’t get any better when the Price of Shite is revealed, leading to a rather fractured game of tat pricing action. It’s a choice selection, ranging from the odd to the deranged. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-384-dikkeneks And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, no, it's going very well, Mr. Graxton. Paul, make sure you ask him about the things. Why is he so... Stop fucking asking him. I'll get round to it. Yes, Mr. Graxton, no. No, it's going well. No, do you like the film festival idea? You do?

Oh, well, we're very proud of the idea. I think we're going to get some stunning short films. Isn't that right, Eli? Did you tell him I'm an actor? Yes. Did you ask him about the samples, please? Wait, one second then. So, what's that, Mr. Graxton?

You don't want anything to go wrong? No of course it won't. Just one thing, Eli wants to know about the samples. He said he knows about the fucking samples. He says you'll get them before the show. Are they still making them? Does he still make them? No they don't make them he says.

You're getting the last of the patches. Well why can't I have some now? Just to get me through to you know when- He's saying if he keeps hearing this he'll pull out financially from the festival. Mate calm down. Right yes Mr. Right, yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Um, yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. Yes, Mr. Graxton. That's it. Now you've reached the point where the repetition becomes funny.

And now we're in the... Yes, Mr. Graxton! We're in the other bit and if you keep going... No, Mr. Graxton! No, that's not funny. No, Mr. Graxton! No, Mr. Graxton! Bye!

He's very excited about the film festival, are you like? Well, you really... The Trashcan Film Festival happening on Saturday, June 8th on YouTube live from 8pm. GMT, the bank that likes to say yes. TSB that is. You don't have a TSB Daylight Saving of Hours do you? You idiot clone fool. Well I've got nothing. Paul. Yeah that's the setup for the thing we're doing, that was a setup.

So join us for that film vessel, it's promising to be a great time celebrating the best of short independent movie. We saw a couple of episodes, not episodes. No, we saw a couple of videos, didn't we? You want to say it again? Go on. We saw a couple of the entry films. Yeah, we did. What do you call them? The films, you see films? We've seen a couple of the films. We saw a couple of the films before we started recording today, Paul, and the quality through the roof already. Yeah, well guess what? You're going to have to compete with that. Well, I've already started storyboarding mine and I think it's going to be really hard hitting and entertaining, a little two minutes. Oh, well, you know,

you know what you're up against? To be fair, I shouldn't be showing you these at all because it affects the competition. In fact, you know what? From now on, when the next films that come in, you're not allowed to see them. Why? Because you're in the competition. Listen, I'm on a different level, Paul. You saggy, bagged toss pot. I'm on a different level. You can show me these. It's like showing...

No, I can't. No, that's not fair. It's like showing Einstein the homework of some math students from, you know, a comprehensive... Oh, I see what you say. You say it doesn't matter what you see because your thing will just naturally be too good. I can't... They're not going to influence me. I've got my own thing. Well, what a load of arrogant gobshite-ery from the master of the form, if you don't mind me saying so. Hello, Mr. Graxton! Ah, it's cheap show time! It was a cold, open, low on laughs...

That was not... You are really, but we're back in now. You need to sort it out, Paul. You need to sort it out. I'm okay! You sort it out. You need to sort the cold open situation out. You sort, I'll sort your cold open out. Oh, I'll warm it up.

What will you do? I'll rub me hands until they're nice and warm. But it's warm already. And then I'll place my hands upon your cold open. No, it's open already. And I'll jostle it until it's warm. It's warm already. I'll jostle your jostle. It's warm already. Is it? Well then. It's my arsehole we're

referring to, is it? Is it? It's perfectly warm, it's body temperature. Then why have I got my hands around your nuts? Oh, I'm sorry. You can't. This is bad. It is bad. This is also four minutes. This is not a cold open anymore. It's bad. You're bad. You make me feel bad. I'm not, I'm fine. You make me feel bad. I'm not. I'm fine. You make me feel bad. You give me nothing. And then it's like struggling. It's like you're like a coast guard who stands on the beach

and watches as a small child goes down for the third time, never to return to the service. You sit there watching me flounder and go, ha ha ha, what wit, what whimsy, what joy to see him struggle. It's not a joy to me, Paul, because I feel, I feel this is our, this is a collaborative effort, this podcast that we do. Do you know what I feel? When you stop failing hard, every week, ladies and gentlemen, every single week. Every week.

It hurts me too. Do you know what I feel? And I'm able, I am actually an, I'm quite able to have a conversation and be quite amusing. But you seem to hit a rock at the beginning of every episode, more and more recently, where you go, basically, and then you go, oh I've got nothing actually, I have nothing. You have nothing. Do you know what I feel? I feel like chicken tonight. Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl Press the fucking credits. I hate you, you're fucking usual hossy.

Cheap show time. Cheap show time. It's the price of shame. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. My name is Paul Gannon and with me is my beautiful co-host. Hi everyone, it's Eli Silverman. And we present a podcast called Cheap Show. Now Cheap Show is a podcast that celebrates the best of the cheapest in the world. We go to charity shops, powerlands, bargain bins, jumble sales, thrift stores, Dollar Tree, all the cheapest places to look for some of the treasure we might find amongst that so-called trash. And we bring it, we review it, we eat it, nibble

it, discuss it, and then turn it into quality comedy content for you, the podcast listener. Hello, I am Paul Gannon. With me today is Mr. Eli J. Silverman. Hello everyone. Paul, what have we got coming up on this week's episode of Cheap Show? Well, we have a price of shite from a listener, listener center price of shite in, something to look forward to, but also something you're going to look forward to. It is a big bag of sauce. It is a sauce report extraordinaire and we love sauce here. Well, I've heard a lot of people saying this Paul, I've heard a lot of people saying this.

Get out my way fatty. No. That's terrible. Dust stop. No. That's terrible. Stop! They say, what's that cheap show? They say, oh, Paul Garner and Eli Silverman. Yeah. He... Sorry, what's going on? They say, they say Paul... Yeah. They say to you, Paul. They say to me, Paul. No, yeah. They go, I overhear them saying. Right, so they don't say to you then? No, I overhear them. Does one turn round to you, Paul. They say to me, Paul. No, yeah. They go, I overhear them saying. Right, so they don't say to you then? No, I overhear them.

Does one turn around to you and you turn around to them? I turn around to them. They turn around to you and said what? They say, Paul Gannon, he sucks the cocks of horses. Right. And Eli Silverman, he's a fucking expert on sauces. And that's what we've got coming up later on. For the listener, I am pinching my nose and making the poo-ees gesture.

He sucks the cocks of horses and I love his sauces. up later on for the listening I am pinching my nose and making the pooey gesture he sucks a cocks of horses and I love his sources no that's not that's distasteful why can't it be something else like Paul digs up and fucks a corpse's Eli Silverman likes his horses something like that I don't know I'm getting confused perhaps you can get the corpses of horses? Paul's up to his nuts in the horse corpse and Eli's got some sort! Yes! Now you're getting to the spirit of it, Paul. I hate you. Oh man. Who's that? That's Cox's horses.

Let's move on from animal abuse. It's way too easy a trap for us to fall into. animal abuse it's it's way too easy a trap for us to fall into. Right then so we're gonna have a lot of sources. Eli's looking forward to sources. Yes, unusually for the source report. This might be the first time our cold open is going to be longer than our intro to the video because that would be fun wouldn't it? It's not a video. Oh yeah, I made my brain. You are tired. I'm running off. Three days of long shifts. Okay, so your noise, your noise mouth nonsense might be worse than usual. It's a Bittle Bit Gob Stop. Yeah, exactly Paul. Do you want to do this week by yourself mate? Yeah I can, I mean I can.

Paul, you just said, just to reiterate, you just said to me, it's a Bittle Bit Gob Stop. Sometimes mate. I don't think I've worn my gob up have I? No you certainly haven't. Paul, the one point I'm trying to get through here is the source report today, unusual for this segment, are sources that have been sourced by someone outside the podcast. And it is, as it were, a bespoke source report. Yes, it is a sourcepocalypse. And we've gone to extra measures and bought some chips because this is definitely all

about just a little spoiler warning. The chip source culture of Belgium. That's what we're tackling today on The Cheap Show, aren't we? That's right, Paul. Right then. So we've mentioned that the Trashcan Film Festival, our live stream movie awards night, is on June 8th, Saturday from 8pm. What else do we need to mention? We're streaming on YouTube and not Twitch for the first time. No we did YouTube for Your Envision last year.

And it worked quite well. Yeah it worked fine. Better than Twitch. Yeah it saves importing it really, it's just laziness. But anyway we're doing that so join us there. More to come over the weeks with that, I'll tell you who's going to end up being some of the directors we've got lined up for that, who are the judges, who will be judging these films and some of the features we're going to have along the way. I hope they've got experience and stuff these days. Of course

they have. They know about acting though. Everyone who's going to get involved with this film festival has been a part of Cheap Show in the past. We trust them, we know that we're going to get quality. I mean spoilers we've already had a film from Paul Putner. You're up against Paul Putner man. You know the guy who has been in some of the most tentpole comedy shows of the past what 30 years. Name a sitcom, name a popular comedy brand. He's probably been a part of been in some of the most tentpole comedy shows for the past, what, 30 years? Name a sitcom, name a popular comedy brand. He's probably been a part of it in some way. Yeah, that's true.

And he's on last week's episode of the podcast as well. You, let's be fair, you've done a feature with Ashens, a couple of adverts with the hamster. I did a feature before, just no one's seen it. No, I know. Deadpan Valentine. Yeah, and for good reason. So I'm just saying he's got a legacy there. So are you feeling confident? No, he's not. He's made a film. Are you confident? Yeah, because he's a comic actor and I'm going to bring something really,

actually, I think deeply emotional and which actually is a comment on this, you know, this crazy, difficult situation that we find ourselves in in the world. Right. OK, so you're going to be coming. OK, yes. All right. No, good. Not prescient. Yeah. There's another one of your words. You love it. Prescient means telling the future. Predict. Does it? Yes. Here we go. It's like you've got weird problem with words that start P.R.E.

Because previously you didn't know what that fucking meant either. Shut up. Am Eli Wright? Knowing or suggesting correctly what may happen in the future. Thank you. A warning. That's not the way you used it Paul. That's what it says just there and all I'm saying is it's not completely unusable the way I used it.

Yes but it's flabby. Flabby semantics. That's what you got. No. I want to call you Mr. Flabby Semantics. That's what you want. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. That's my copyright.

You fucking give me the... You take that flabba-labba out of your mouth. No flabba-labba-labba! Smacks them in the face. Right, so shall we crack on? Shall we get into the sources? I'm up for this Paul. I'm up for it. Because we've got a lot of sources. We've got a lot of lot of sources. Surprise, surprise! Has someone squirts some sauce right in your eyes. Oh, unmistakable. What are we doing? Price the Shite first, but then we're going to swap it around. Let's do Price the... No. Sources. We're going to record that first. We're going to record that later. I know. We've been through this Paul. And that's where we lose our audience. Right, let's go. Horses and corpses? No! Sources!

That's what it's about this week on Cheap Show. Eli, it's over to you because I markedly check out. Hello everyone, I'm Eli Silverman. I'm the representative of Source for the podcast Cheap Show. And welcome to... Here's the Source Lord. An extended Source Report. We have been sent a Source Report package. Paul, now we were given this. It was handed to us.

Handed to us directly at the live show last year as part of the Cheerful Airful podcast festival. And we've got another live show coming up later this year. October as part of the cheerful, earful podcast festival. And we've got another live show coming up later this year. October as part of the same festival. Tickets will be on saying publicly next month, but until then you can only get them if you're a Patreon supporter. Thank you. And this is Marcus Lindstrom.

Hello Marcus. Who we met and he gave me these sources. This is a lot of sauce. Let me tell you. Saucepocalypse of sauces. Uh, Belgium is usually known for three things in the international zeitgeist. Beer, chocolate and chips. So people...

You're reading from his letter right now. I'm just going to... I'm doing a pre-see. Yeah, pre-see. That's prescient of you. It's not though. It is, isn't it? I just said it is.

You idiot. I'm just going to say it is. You fucking twat. Very prescient. Basically, if there is a sauce, he says, that people associate with Belgium, what would you say? Source he says, if they associate Mayo, they put may on chips famously. And it's again in Pulp Fiction. They mentioned that. Yeah, they drown them. Royal and cheese. They drown them in that shit. Yeah, he drowns. They do. It's famously they use Mayo. And it also occurred to me Paul. Yeah, go on.

It occurred to me. It's very much accepted now in England to put mayonnaise onto chips. I've always liked mayo on chips I've never been a ketchup boy. Yeah, but it wasn't accepted. It wasn't in chip shops No, it wasn't it wasn't the done thing back in the day. That's what I'm saying. Okay, you agree though It was quite unorthodox. It was a very oh man. Yeah very much not done But it is I mean, it's obvious once you taste that, it has to happen. It has to. It has to happen. It's great. Mayonnaise is one of the best sauces ever invented obviously. It is. Now they have a whole very rich sauce culture in Belgium which isn't known about internationally and he has picked a lot of very common chip sauces for us to taste here. We're going to go quickly through them now

aren't we? Especially when chips are bought in the equivalent of chip shops. These chip shops are called Fritkots. Fritkots? There are a lot of sauces available and they are an integral part of the Belgian lexicon, he says. I think he's bigging this up too much. There are all sauces commonly available.

Yeah, we got like what? 15 of them from him and we've got not we got eight here today to try eight of the most interesting sources There are some disclaimers that Marcus has put has he they should be kept refrigerated after opening now Now we should mention Paul a lot of these are just a few months after their best before but they all remain sealed and Paul's got the shits tomorrow everyone and They have been kept in a cool dry place in the House of Pickles. That means nothing because the humidity in the House of Pickles is always just below sweat mark. They've been in the shade at least, okay? So they won't have the last flavour that way. That does not say much. Whatever, shut your mouth. Juggles are in

the shade a lot and yet they are hot sweaty moist areas of the world. What, my balls? And them. What did you say? Do you ever like lift your balls up and like bats fly out and stuff and like an adventurer runs out holding a golden idol? All the time Paul, all the time. Good stuff Paul. Good comedy content Paul. I've got bat balls. Bat balls, bat balls. Sometimes I just pull out my pink pancake and I jump off a roof and I glide on my big pink pancake wing. They were sourced from local supermarkets. He would have preferred them to have been all from one brand. So that proves that Marcus thinks about this because different brands will be different. Very much

like ketchup is in the UK because we tasted Daddy's. We've done a taste test there. It's awful. Daddy's is awful. And the brown, it didn't work either. That's true. And he didn't provide mayonnaise because there wouldn't be much difference. Yeah, that's fair enough. And also, for fairness sake, we did take out a lot of the more familiar sources from this. Yeah. There were a lot of sources.

A lot of sources. We've whittled it down to eight sources here. Source prize, source prize. One of these, there's a warning for Paul here. Got a fish in. One of these, the's a warning for Paul here. Got a fish in. One of these, the Banzai by LaWilliam, which is the actual, the most upmarket one. And that's the one in the jar out of all, all these are in squeezy bottles, but this one's a jar. Possible traces of crustaceans and fish. So you should avoid, probably you

probably wouldn't have a problem. No, but let's play it safe. I don't want to have allergic reaction and the shits at the same time. Okay, so! Talking over me again, notice that as well. Go on, taste. No, I didn't say nothing. Do you want to say it again? No, it's fine, because obviously what I had to say wasn't important, so go on. Poor. I'm sorry, mate.

Minding my own business, are you? I'm over you, are you? Come on, man. Just trying to do a little podcast. Sorry, poor. Okay, so, we should, we're going to taste eight of these fuckers and we'll, he's done little descriptions so but when we taste them we'll go into the description. All right. Okay. So we, what we need to do now, Paul, I've bought some McCain microwave

chips and they've come in four packs. So should we do two of those? Yes, we can do two of those. That should be enough, right? And then we're going to have hot chips because this is what this is about. Frcoff Frit Club Fritcot Fritcot Fritcot culture comes to cheap show Paul it does Fritcot culture comes to cheap show it does so shall we do these blast these chips in the old micro wave? We're gonna stick him in the old micro weave eh? Put him in the more micro wave? Wow wow! Me o'crivy with eye! We're back from the kitchen. We've got chips. We've got chips. Okay, now we're going to start off. Marcus has been very thorough in the breakdown of these and he's actually grouped them by brand.

You said muckus by the way, not Marcus. I'm just going to correct you. Marcus. Yeah, not muckus. So go on. Yeah, so go buy what he said. This is brand one at Devos and Lemons. Oh in established in 1886 Called Devos Lemons in Coleman parlance. They're dry and and it's a mainstream brand Where's that one then? Show me that one there to the aioli which we know Yeah, we're not gonna taste that but this one did make me think the American American We're gonna go first a spicy sauce based on tomato But this one did make me think, the American. Oh, okay. American. It is, Paul.

Yes. We're going to go first. A spicy sauce based on tomato, onions, bell peppers and spices. Nothing equivalent to that in British chip shops. Not that I can think of. All right, let's give it a go. He's just picking the right sauce now. We're going to squirt it onto a plate a little bit.

American. American. Okay. There's going to be a bit of plastic foil on that. Yeah, and we'll get this off this off and we got our microwave chips. We both Made sure those have been prepared to the specification and there goes Riley wants out now Okay We've got cat trouble everybody

I'll let you out then, you naughty boy. We've got cat trouble everybody. Oh, there's an odor. There's an odor. There's an odor. Now I'm gonna squirt a little bit on and we're gonna dunk a chip and see what we think of this. Americane by Devos and Lemons.

Devos Lemons. Devos Lemons. Oh, it's a big splodge. Have a little snuff of that. Oh, well it just smells like spicy ketchup. That to you, that smells of spicy ketchup. Now I'll give you my verdict. Alright. Yeah. It's tomatoey but there's a sort of spiciness. How do the chips turn out Paul? I mean they're fine. They're McCain's microwave chips. They're hot and they're wobbly. They're a bit rubbery. They're not crisp but they

still will do you know. Dippy dippy. Tomatoey not much else. There's not much going on there but it's nice. I could happily have that on a burger, funnily enough. That would go nice with some lettuce and- Oh yeah. I know it's tasty. Not a lot going on, you're right, but there is, it's not ketchup.

It's definitely not ketchup though. And it's not hot. It doesn't have a heat level on it, does it? Oh, it's quite nice. It's quite, you know what it's like? It's like a- Oh, it does have a slight heat label on it. There's a little bit of spice,

but there's a lot of tomato-y sweetness and there's sort of like oregano. You know, that's label on it. There's a little bit of spice, but there's a lot of tomatoey sweetness and there's sort of like oregano, you know, that's downplaying it. There's a herbiness. That's the bell pepper, I think. That element coming through, I think. It's very nice. My personal opinion, but you know what?

Actually quite nice. I do like that. Now, we're still on the same brand. Let's just binarise this, up or down with the thumb. Oh, that's an up for me. That's an up, yeah. That's a nice sauce. It's a nice sauce for chips.

We're still on Devos and Lemons. Yes. And this is another one. Ander-Louise. Ander-Louise. A spicy sauce based on tomato, mustard and spices. So this probably. Tomato and mustard is different. Yes. So the Americane was tomato, onions and bell peppers and spices. And this is tomato, mustard. So this is going to have more of a kick. We'd hope so. Um and all of these so far are based on different parts of the world and uh and ander louise's part part of the world. Yeah yeah yeah. So is America everybody. Yeah they're around the world. And they've got these are classics D and L classics and here we go and you've got you've actually got a steak and chips on the on the other one. What did the other one have? Had a burger hey how appreciate of you. Oh there you, and some chips! Don't want the chips to get cold though.

No, no, we're racing through them as quickly as we can. We have got eight to get through, this is just the second. Okay, here is the Andalus coming out. Oh, a big gush of that on the plate. This is much lighter in colour, this is a real baby diarrhea colour, whereas the... Like a parrot shit, context. It really is bad. It's bad, but have a sniff-sniff sniff, sniff. Oh, it's getting a mustard. There's a little bit of mustard but it's very creamy as well. Yeah, very mayo like almost as well. Maybe it's closer to a sort of mustard mayo with a kick. Oh, there's a sweet, there's a sweetness to the odour. Oh, that's all right, isn't it, that one? It's like curry sauce, yeah. It is like a curry

sauce, but like very, very mild but buttery, coconutty almost. Yes, oh, oh. That's a cheeky one that. It's almost coconutty, you're right. It's got, definitely got curry. I'm not getting the mustard. I'm getting much more getting a curry. Oh, that's a thumb up for me. It has to go with something particular. Like the steak, I think would work nicely.

It's a curry note, isn't it? And a sweetness, and like you say, a sort of creaminess. A mayonnaise-y creaminess. But not like a chip shop curry note. It's more like a cormor. Yes. Almost like a Korma. Yes it is, yeah. Okay that's a thumbs up for me as well. That's so far, that's top of the list. That's very good. Very unusual but very good. Okay and now we go, we move on. Move on to the

third. I have to say there is another sauce that we decided not to taste. Yeah. The black pepper because that's something. Yeah. It's, you know, black pepper sauce. We don't need it, R.D.A. We're just looking for the unusual ones. Now. Next. Also, D&L, Brazil. Brazil. This is a delicious sauce. So Marcus is into this one and it has a hint of pineapple, Paul, this. Oh, that's interesting. Okay, so let's get the Brazil. Does it have a hint because that's part of the ingredients or is it a side effect of the combination of flavors in there already? Well he has printed out the ingredients. Is there a pineapple note in the ingredients?

I'm just curious. Lemon juice? No. Well maybe the pineapple note comes from the lemon. Oh no I'm looking at the burger, sorry. Oh wanker. I was looking at the wrong one. No, doesn't seem to be any actual pineapple.

Oh pineapple puree! Oh okay! Third ingredient. So this is likely to be my first thumbs down because I'm not into, as we know, a lot of fruit with meat. And the illustration shows a chicken skewer with a bit of pineapple in between, is the serving suggestion. Huff happening. Oh no, I'm going to have a huff happening myself. That smells like paint. It does, doesn't it? Are you getting paint? Yeah. That smells smell like, that smells like enamel paint. Yeah, I don't know what to describe that.

Well we're gonna find out. That'll do. It's just the yellowest of the sauces so far, everybody. Right, the dipping's happening. Very much yellow. They've all got a similar mayonnaise-y consistency, I'd say. And this is the Brazil, everyone. It's fine, but...

It's just sweet, isn't it? Just sweet in a fruity way. Yeah. It's actually fine. I don't hate it. There's a little bit of ketchup there, but not because there is ketchup in there, but just because it's got the same similar kind of fruity profile. There's just not a lot of nuance happening there. It feels quite...

A bit one note. A bit weak as well. Yeah. It's like the other flavours, it lingers on the palate. It's a thumbs down for me. It's not... It's just a sort of... It's a bit of a milk toast sauce, isn't it?

Mmm. You know? Not unpleasant, but... Bit of a wallflower sauce. Doesn't work for us. So the fourth sauce we're gonna do, that was the Brazil, also included was the burger, but that's very... he actually says in his intro that the burger is very close to what we... what we'd call a burger sauce here, which is basically a combination of mayonnaise

and ketchup, isn't it? Which is fine. Isn't it called a Mary Rose or something sauce? It's called a lot combination of mayonnaise and ketchup, isn't it? Which is fine. Isn't it called a Mary Rose or something? It's called a lot of different things that isn't it? It's known as burger. So what is our fourth? But that burger sauce that we're not having did have chunks of gherkin in it, which is like, you know, unusual. Yeah, there's also a tartare, but our fourth, fourth today, is the samurai. Oh, this is the one that you're going to have on your own. No, that's the banzai. Oh, two Japanese burros. I forgot we had another one with a similar name. Oh, Japanese words sound the same to you, Paul.

No, but I also forgot- Oh, they all sound the same to you, do they? You're the one who made fun of people with a speech impediment, mate, so, you know, just wanna say that. Anyway, God- Oh, whatever, this isn't a battle of Royale. A hot sauce. Oh, it's a hottie. And it's based on red bell peppers. So, looking for some

heat here. What's it called? Samurai. Oh yes, of course, yes. Interesting. Let's get it open and get it in. Samurai. This has three hot peppers in their rating. Another cream. They're all creamy. They're all kind of yellow to orange to dark orange to browns kind of in their colour palette. They are Mayonaise. Mayonaise drive me crazy. Happy, happy, happy. Thank you. I was hoping to do a rhyme there with crazy and Mayonaise.

Hello, I'm crazy Mayonaise. Hello, crazy Mayonaise. Who are you? I'm fucking crazy mate. What crazy stuff have you done today? I've been going around putting my special mayonnaise on the seats in the buses. And if you've got make a spunk joke on your bingo card. He's a nodder to the spunk.

He's a nodder to the spunk, Paul. He's a nodder to the spunk. What did nodder to the spunk, what is it then? It's a crazy mayonnaise. New character. Go on. Oh, it has a smoky. This is quite a nice smell.

A vinegary smoky sweet odor, I'd say, on the samurai. Okay. You know what I'm getting at? Yeah, but it's similar to the last one, weirdly. You're getting a painty thing. Not in terms of paint, but just in terms of there's that fruit and that smell. We'll see, we'll see. Okay, well, if this is similar to the Brazil in its sweetness and fruitiness, but has a

kick, that would solve the problem of the Brazil sauce for me, wouldn't it? Well we've had enough of the the snuff so now it's time to work that squirt I'm making it interesting for me more than anything else what's the color is in between and this has like red bits in like a kind of pronged cocktail-y pink tinge to it they are all different colors but a big doll up on the end of this one. In it goes. Huh. I taste of mayonnaise to me. It tastes exactly of mayonnaise with a tiny, tiny.

There is a bit of a kick. That's actually very nice though. It's nice, but it's also kind of surprisingly safe. Apart from the little tinge of heat at the end, I couldn't tell you that was anything more than mayo. Ooh, it's very nice. I like that. Oh, I don't hate it, but like,

if you told me that was just mayonnaise with a spice, I would have said, yeah, that's mayonnaise with a spice. Yeah, it could be marketed to you as a Sriracha mayonnaise. You know, and you'd think of it the same thing, but it doesn't have the sweetness. It's drier. He's now gone back in for the Brazil. He's comparing it to the Brazil. I think I like that one a bit more, the last one actually, in comparison to the Samurai. Yeah, I know, I'm saying I like the other one. You like the Brazil better? Yeah, I think I like the Brazil just because when I compare the two the last one's a little bit more interesting to the palette the Brazil is going back all right right well four down four to go yeah see what I mean one lifts the other of the other almost oh mate you could if you walked into one of these

Frit cops yeah dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip is that what they're called Frit cops yeah Frit cops yeah Frit cots as in babies cots yeah so we crack get all of these in there dippy dippy dippy dippy dip now only halfway through let's get through the last four lickety split lickety fucking split number five how many chips you got left enough I got enough for the nest we got four sources aren't great in texture they taste okay they help the sauce they are microwave chips. That's the point Second brand we're on to now talk about me again I'm sorry. I'm excited. I'm having fun. I'm in my element. This is the second brand Paul Yes brand two and it's called Bonnie Bonnie B. O. N. I the store brand of Colnoyt which are Belgian discount stores

Okay, right Carl, right is Belgian discount stores. Okay, right. Carl Wright is how it's pronounced. Carl Wright. The quality varies, and they're slightly lower quality than the mainstream bands, but they're also cheaper. So that's what we're all about here. We're all about the cheap, aren't we? I'm not afraid to taste it.

What do you think it fucking says on the tin? Cheap show. Yeah, so I'm not afraid to taste a... It doesn't fucking say Frustrated Fathers, does it? Or My Therapy Don't Like Me No no more. Oh dear here we go. Paul, in a weird foreshadowing, earlier on you mentioned George Pippard, and now this sauce is called Hannibal. Mate you can't say that because it hasn't happened yet. Say it again. This sauce is called Hannibal. Wouldn't it be funny if that turns up later in the podcast? Right. Hannibal. Hannibal. A multiplied sauce with onions. Multified meaning? I don't know what that means,

it's got oil in. I don't know. But isn't that mayonnaise? So that's all. Everything's got oil in, hasn't it? Yeah. Anyway. That's the main ingredient in oil. What's its flavor profile? In mayonnaise. It just says, it doesn't say flavor profile, it says a multiplied sauce with onions. That's it. So it's a Hannibal sauce. I love it when a sauce comes together. It's a bit browny orangey. It's very similar color to the others the D and L. Yeah oh dear he's giving a little bit of a brucy percy. The onions are coming through very much and it's an onion based mayo sauce everybody. Onion forward oh dear. Is it going to be an R.A. team though? It smells like those onions you get from a hot dog stand on the corner of Totten Court Road. It's that kind of onion. Fried onions.

Braised or whatever. Yeah, braised onions. Right. I'm going to give it the old squirter. Tell you what, that Hannibal. A bit prescient for what comes later, isn't it? Right. Oh, what a wig-jet. There you go. How about that?

All right, all the chips are still just about warm. Yeah, no. What's the problem? Sweet, oniony. Does it have bits? I think it does have bits. Yeah, oniony. I think it does have bits in it. Yeah onion bits. I don't know. It's fine. I like it more than the Brazil. Really? I like the flavour of onions. It's got a sweet, very sweet, oniony, mayonnaise-y texture. With a hot dog that's probably

spot on really when you think about it but it didn't win me over nor did it appall me. It doesn't show, it just shows onions and tomato. It's basically a sort of onion ketchup. Ketchup ketchup. Does that get the thumbs up or thumbs down from you? Yeah, no, to be fair, all of them have gotten the thumbs up so far because nothing's been outright disgusting. Didn't think the Brazil was very good. Yeah, but when you went back to it on the double dip,

it amused you more. It still gets the thumbs down from me. So that was the Hannibal. Thumbs down from me, dog. There is another of these bonny sauces here that we're not tasting called called Pitta which is just a garlic sauce you get that in all sauce regret. Come on mate. Now it's time for my moment to taste brand number three LaWilliam established in 63 well-known mainstream brand slightly more upmarket than D&L. It came in a jar yeah and it did come in a jar this is the only jarred sauce we've got and this is the one you for the sake of your safety of your health. I'm gonna stay

away. You can't have a niff naff naff. I'm gonna have enough. And this is banzai sauce. Banzai. A nice spicy sauce with a strong aftertaste of red chilli peppers, Paul. That's been a bit of a theme for a few of these actually. Yeah they're very, it's all mayo variants, aren't they? Yeah. Smells like mayo. Smells like mayo. I'm gonna have a dip, pass it back. Smells like mayo! He's gonna dip it right in the jar.

What a... What a... What a... What a reckless maverick. It's just like a... What? Ooh, spicy mayo. That's alright. Wasn't that other one like a spicy mayo though? It's similar to the samurai. Very close to the samurai, but this is... No, the Americane.

It can't remind you of the Americane. The Americane had more of a herby. You can see the little green bits in it as well oh this is definitely the hottest this one yeah yeah this is much hotter than the samurai doesn't even say heat on it does it you can taste the quality of this this has got some real

deep chili heat but on the front it doesn't say if it's got a heat level does it like the other one does but it isn't hotter than the samurai fair enough it's and marcus says this is a higher quality brand you can tell immediately number seven number seven i'm beginning to get a little bit nauseous with microwave chips and a variety of sauces, mate. So come on, you don't have to taste

the apple. I do, because I want to be a part of this. It's just you and me, innit, to the end. Brand four. Paul and Eli, 100 years forever all the time. Paul and Eli, forever, 100 years, 100 years of cheap show. This is going to be exciting, Paul and Eli forever, 100 years, 100 years of cheap show. This is gonna be exciting Paul for you. Brand 4, Brussels Ketchup. It's not number 4, this is number 7. This is brand number 4. Oh the brand is called brand number 4.

Brand number 4 is called Brussels Ketchup. So brand number 4 is actually brand number 7 in this instance right now? No, we, no. It's number 7, it's the 7th brand we've done. You're fucking me off now Paul. But the brand is called brand number 4. No, we've been doing separate brands and the sources are numbered! The sources are numbered and the brands are numbered!

Some of them, all those D&L ones, the first four, all D&L, you twats! I don't understand this. I don't understand this. Well... I think you've just confused things. You're a cunt. You're a fucking cunt. No one needs this! Just because it's sources. This, this, I'm fucking warning you. You've fucking warned me all you like.

You're fucking pressy at me all you like About a warning Be a little bit pressing with me This is a new brand a recent player established only in 2013 sells classics as well as some fresh ideas Including one of my very favorite sources and we're gonna taste Marcus's favorite sauce. Oh now this is Dallas Dallas another place name sauce favorite source. Oh, now this is Dallas. Dallas. Another place name source. Do you know J. Pepard was up for the role of JR Ewing? Yeah. It sounds like that sounds like a credible fact. Let's just commit to it. Did you know that George Pepper was nearly playing JR Ewing as well? I bet that turns up in an AI question answer thing

because we fucking said it. Scrape that you cunt! Scrape that fucker. Dallas, his personal favourite, it's emulsified spicy sauce with roasted onions. Sounds almost identical. To that one. Which was the... Bonsai? No. Samurai. No? Yeah it was samurai.

Because I couldn't eat the other one. The emulsified onions ones. Oh the hot dog one. Yeah, it was samurai. Wasn't the emulsified... Because I couldn't eat the other one. The emulsified onions ones. Oh, the hot dog one. Yeah, it was Hannibal. Hannibal. So it sounds similar to the Hannibal. Oh, everything does. This is our last...

And it says on this sauce bottle, a dickernic knows why. A dickernic knows why? A dickernic knows why. What does that mean? I don't know, you have to. Is that lost in translation? It says here, a dicker neck knows why.

A dicker neck? This is the actual, I found the actual meaning. Go on. An arrogant boaster. I was right, I was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look. The title dicker neck comes from the Flemish words dyke and neck, verbatim for fat and neck.

Fat neck figuratively means an arrogant boaster. So Eli Dicker Neck Silverman, please continue with the Dallas. Dickeneck, dickhead, dickeneck. I'll put my dick in your neck in a minute. And I'll fucking jam it right down your fucking gobble. Oh, I'm fucking going there. I'm going down.

And relax. I'm not saying that. Please say that. I'm having a sniff of Dallas. Sniff your dickeneck. Smells exactly like all the rest of them. I know. It's all beginning to blur into one. Luckily we haven't got many to go. No, it smells exactly like all the other of them. I know, it's all beginning to blur into one. Luckily we haven't got many to go. No, it smells exactly like all the other fucking shit.

Smells like an onion fucking shit. Onions and mayo. Onions, Dallas. But for some reason, this is a bit better than the other one. You have to take a photo of that plate afterwards, mate. Mate, it looks like a bird's been sick on our plate. Yeah, several different birds who ate slightly different amounts of berries. Right.

This is already terrible. Here is the Dallas. Don't worry about it. I'm tired. You're about it. I'm tired. You're an idiot. Does it taste exactly the same like that one? Almost exactly. Oh, it's got more lumpy onions in.

Yeah, okay, both. Can you feel the lumpy onions? That's exactly the same as the Hannibal. Fuckin' give you lumpy onions, mate. This is very similar to the Hannibal. Very similar. Almost identical. So, Hamela and Dabela.

Dallas and Hannibal are very cinema cinema. Yes. All right. And now we move on. I think, Eli, we need to get through this quick. I'm shutting down quick. What's the last one? Down when we first started. Mate, I've had a long weekend and I haven't had time to reboot my humor modules.

This is the second one. We are at the last source now. And this is another one from Brussels Ketchup, the upcoming young upstarts of the mayo sauce scene and they've got another funny, this is called a 1620. I wonder what that refers to. They've got another thing because it says Dick and Neck knows why on the last sauce and this says Brussels Ketchup. No up there. Oh, space is the limit. I mean that means nothing. I think, that means nothing. I think it's to do with the space race,

because it's got a little picture of a parcel of chips. But it's a rocket. You see that? Yeah. So it's a space age sauce to finish everybody. And let's see what the description Marcus has given us is. Paul has checked out. I'm just honestly, I'm flagging.

It's really hot. I've got a sweat on. Well, you should have put the fucking heat on. I didn't mean to. It's only been on for 10 minutes. It's still a muggy day a Multified sauce with onion and pepper Get through this cuz I'm honestly like just oh god, I'm feeling really nauseous Nice nicer smell than the last one I'd say do you want to smell it?

Smells all the same. It's all just smells the same now. This is 1620 sauce Paul. 1620 meaning what? Like when it was invented? I have no idea what it was. The time of day to eat it. He doesn't say, he doesn't say. Fine, it's another mystery.

It does include... Bollocks. Shut up. You're giving me your brain laziness. I'm just waning. Right, oh it's another Mickey one. They all look the same. Yeah. 1620, what does it taste like? You're giving me your brain laziness. I'm just waning. Right, it's another Mickey one. They all look the same.

1620, what does it taste like? Like everything else today. In fact, I would go to say the Brazil one's the only one that's had a profile that's been remarkably different. No, go back to the American, you'll see it's very different. I think that's my favourite then. The American. The first one we did.

Fruity, bit of spice, bits in. It's the most different, isn't it? Wouldn't spice, bits in. It's the most different isn't it? Wouldn't you say that and the Brazil were the most different ones? Yeah. And that one's quite roasted, it's quite nutty almost in its flavour. It's nice. I think I like those two. They're different. I have to say my favourite was the Bandai. Okay. Perhaps because it was higher quality, but it had a proper flavour. Spicy kick. Thank you Marcus. Marcus, you gave us so much sauce and I hope... There's a real eye-opener looking at the sauce culture of a different country and wow do they have a real mayo and chips culture out there.

And wow do 98% of them seem to be just mayo and onion. Still, at least they're trying. They are. You don't get any mayo and onion sauce in Britain, do you? No, it's all very boring around here. I'm having this LeWilliam Banzai sauce. Well, you can take that home today with you. You've won that. That's yours to take home. Super smashing great!

Thank you. Yeah, that's safe. Your money's safe. But would you like to gamble all these sauces for the mystery sauce? No, because I... no, absolutely not. Come on, get someone Jim's mystery sauce. We know what the fucking mystery sauce is, Jim. Come on. 100 and one or more and three darts and I'll fucking give you me sauce. Get a span card. Get out the black and in the red, fucking big cum in your head. One off the

pink. Into the brown. Into the stink. Bend over and pull your pants down, something like that. Finger flat. Here's what you could have cum. In one. And Bolly's special prize stop I can't you don't give any breath this has been no this has been a failure this week yeah it's been a failure this week no it hasn't this your segment's been awful I presume the price of right to go badly for you Paul I think we can both agree I fucking been the the rock that's held you up this week. Okay, just fucking press the button. Let's go I'll say nothing then it burn out That's my gift to you price of shy which is coming next every price of shy can't wait I wonder who will win who will lose are you gonna find out?

I wonder if the school will be five to three or so. That's good school. It's good school Yeah, let's find out right now happens. It just it's a score. It's a good score though, isn't it? Yeah, let's find out right now. If that happens. It's a guess, it's a thought, isn't it? How prescient. Imagine if Hannibal came up mentioned again. I don't know, do we? Let's find out.

Ladies and gentlemen, round up, round up, round up. It's time for the price of shite maestro, please! Well, I said to my father the other day, what's that you're watching? And he said, Oh, it's the fucking price of shite, it's the fucking price of shite, it's the fucking price of shite, oh it's the fucking price of shite! That's right. Like that, the old geezers. No, you like how you do it. Oh, another one of those price of shites. Oh, I've got fucking arse up.

Well, I don't know what that was going to be, but I'll leave you there. Oh, my arse. You didn't have to go back to it. You could have moved on. I go back to it every night. You could have moved on. It is a price of shite. It is the game where we look at charity shop items.

Shut up. Charity shop items. And we try to guess the price of those items. That's right. This one has been sent in via our PO box. If you want to send things to our PO box, it's on our website, thecheapshot.co.uk and in the metadata for this podcast. This one comes from Ash.

Ash has sent things in the past. Hello Cheap Show lads. Hi Ash. It's been a while since my last Price of Shite, but I have once again perused the charity shops of Nottingham and found some truly weird pieces of shit this time. Lovely. P.S. Pepsi Max is the god of drinks, Paul. How dare you?

Fuck you, Ash. You're not welcome back on this show. I don't know if that the Pepsi Max Cherry Hill is the one you want to die on. I will fucking cling to my guns. You can't take my guns away from me. It's my right. So he also sent some badges, some lovely pin badges. You got some. I took the best ones, obviously. So I took the Wile E. Coyote Warner Brothers one wherever I've put that. Oh, I would have gone for that. And then there was another one. Oh, I don't know where I've put that now. Oh I would have gone for that yeah. And then there was another one, I don't know where I've put it then.

Paul Prunes, any badge donations Paul gets first pick of the choice. All those massive boxes come to my house mate, not yours. What's that, is that an old Snoopy one? Which one, where? Pointed at. No that's a, Warner Brothers, that's the one I'm talking about Wile E. Coyote in the Warner Shield. That is a lovely badge and it's, but it looks quite aged.

Reboot badge, remember the cartoon show Reboot in the CG, it was is a lovely badge and it's, but it looks quite aged. It looks- Reboot badge. Remember the cartoon show Reboot? I do not. It's CG, it's a bit past our time, but it was a CG cartoon show from Canada about creatures that lived in the computer and then became the game and the game was loaded in.

And if they lost, they died in the game. It was good. But it was a fictional show. Yeah, it was on CITV I think in the nineties. You can see the pity with the Wile E. Coyote one. It's very faded. Yes, it's obviously seems so action, but that board, see I've separated the Ghostbusters pins from my other one. There's my Muppet Show pin there next to Skeletor, nice pin that one. Oh where did you get that? I got that

one off eBay. Ganon ain't ashamed of going on eBay for the old pins if one catches his eye, however. I've got a tour line. I am obsessed. Moving to sweet shops. Top, top, price of shite. Mate. I know. The mouth is bad this week. It's bad this week. Yeah, it's very bad. I knew it would be from the little phone conversations we had before I arrived today, everybody. Piss posh. Right, so we are going, the answers are in this sheet. On the front it says price of shy answers. Price range between £7 and £9. Okay we have a window this week. We have a window. There are six items.

Annie, could you just explain the rules please? We will be taking it in alternative turns to guess the prices of these items as they're presented. And the rules of Cheap Show are... Yeah, it's an odd this week, isn't it, mate? Fuck you, it's always art. It's rock art. It's rock art.

Fucking ropey. Ropey flop. I've got a ropey flop on. What are we talking about? We will guess the price of each item and take it in turns to go first on that. If we guess the price exactly right, we get... Two per twings. Two per twings.

Per twing, per twing. And per twings are points in this game. They are. And if we get a price but it's not exactly on the nose. No. And it is in the 25p either side either within 20. North or south of the price. You know. You get one per twing for that. One per twing. And most per twings as you might guess are scored in that way. They are. Now usually there are bonus per twings but not this week. It looks like it's a straight down the middle, simple as pie price of shite. Alright, straight up and we've got six items. It's quite a high number.

And it's sealed in a little plastic bag and I'm going to put our 2023 Indie Comedy Podcast Award winners, Cheap Show Award on that. World Cup trophy, that is. That's happening again, have you noticed? I know, I saw you put us up for it? I know I saw you put us up for it but No I didn't put us up for it it was they that Twitter account. We entered again we've won already what's the point? The stress of it was quite bad last I mean even though it's like a bit of fun and stuff ultimately I felt really stressful by it going oh we're up against this one this week and we're up against that one now and I was like let's not come on. If you want to get involved, please do. It's I think it's called Comedy Podcast Devotee and they do a World Cup of Indie Podcasts. So look on Twitter for that.

And we're the 2023. We're the 2023 champions. Yeah, we are. And we got a lovely award, which is now guarding the prizes. So shall we crack on and get the first item? Let's do that, Paul. Right, here we go. This is shit, so let's get out of the way, because I have almost nothing to say about this. Paul, are these in any order? Because I don't have room to write down what the thing is. Just keep it simple. Just put, like, these are magnets, so put mag down or something.

It's not as if we've got 100 things to remember. It's six. No room on the fucking pad to write down what the item is. Just don't be a big baby about it. Put mag. I have. There's no room for your price, so write down what the item is. Just don't be a big baby about it. Put Mag. I have. There's no room for your price so it better be a low one. Ha ha ha! You have a problem writing small numbers or something?

I've got a problem with you, my friend. I've got a problem with you, my not-friend. Shut up! Right, this is an eight-piece magnet set to celebrate the film Twilight New Moon. Oh wow. Whatever you're thinking of in your head is exactly what this fucking thing looks like. Well they're all sort of cut out and they're on a background so that goes in the bin doesn't it?

Yeah. Horrible. Try not to bang your mic mate. Just a little professional tip for you. You've got some er... You stooey wearing that. Go on. Are those like, they're like...

I don't know it's all the characters isn't it? Promotional stills it looks like. Yeah probably. It's all like Trisha and Dracula Man or whatever his name is. It's all of them and it was very much, very hated. Duncan. At the time, wasn't it, Twilight? No, they were huge. They were big. They were shit.

They were hated by the online toxic sort of... Yeah, but the fans who loved them loved them. When we were flying back from LA, a woman watched every single Twilight film all the way home. She watched all, what, five of them or whatever it was. Because they were all on the system, on the plane. And here watched all what, five of them or whatever it was? Because they were all on the system on the plane. And here's the thing, five different films, I would like look down, look away, look up, on a different film, looks exactly the same, everything looks the same. There's five of them?

Yeah, because there's like one, two, three and then like the last one split into two parts or something, so there's either four or five of them, either way, no. They're just not for me. They're not for me either. Garbage if you ask me, but to those who love them, they fucking love them. Now what's the price, am I guessing first? You should guess first because you're first for me either. Garbage if you ask me, but to those who love them, they fucking love them. Now what's the price? Am I guessing first? You should guess first because you're first on the pad. One pound for that.

One pound. One pound. And remember everyone, we are trying to keep all of our prices when added up in a window of a seven to nine pound slot. Seven to nine, yeah. So. And then this will soon be very quickly going in the bin. Don't put it in the bin, re-gift it.

Do you know how I'm a big... I'll take it with me, okay, and regift it. Alright. Someone will like that. Well, whoever wants it can have it, but I don't want it in this house. Get it out. Get it out! How much are you guessing the price for?

I said £1, so put down £1. We have. Right, next. £1, probably the price that has won the most, I'd say. Maybe, but it could be £2. That's your go-to. That's why you're leading me in betweens overall, because you always just go, £1, probably the price that has won the most, I'd say. Maybe, but it could be £2. That's your go-to. That's why you're leading me at betweens overall, because you always just go £1, because you can't be bothered to think. Well, and it's working for you.

And would you argue then, if it works for me, that I must be getting something right, therefore my logic must be some way consistent? No, I'm saying that you buy it because of your lazy brain. Well, I could also… By mistake, you get it right more. I could frame this differently by saying I'm such a genius natural that it comes to me without any real effort. You have lazy brain syndrome. Well you know what you have? Stupid fucking stupid face syndrome. Why do you

do this? Dumb face. I haven't got a stupid face. Wario light face. Wow. Are we having fun? No. Do you ever have fun? And you called me joyless last week. I'm not joyless. I'm actually liking this. Schadenfreude is what it is. Not Schadenfreude. How much is your fucking thing? What's your guess? I'm going to say 150 for that. Fine. Item number two is on its way. That's not the really horrible item then? No. Because you told me. There's one item in here which hats off to Ash. Fucking appalled me. But it's not ugly. It's not gross. It's not the really horrible item then? No. Because you told me. There's one item in here which, hats off to Ash, fucking appalled me. But it's not ugly, it's not gross, it's not distasteful, it's just Jesus Christ this exists. Also there's this next item, what is it? Next item, Plop Trumps.

I haven't opened it but take a wild guess, what do you think's inside? Pictures of poo. Yeah. With, I don't know, some... Ranking system. Not a ranking system. There will be, like, how sloppy is it or how hard? No, that's not called a ranking system.

That's, like, different attributes that have different levels. So would you think it's gonna be sloppiness? I'd say it would probably be... Girth. How wide it is. How much it stretched your pipe out. These are animal poos. I've seen something similar.

That wasn't this. So this is obviously a whole trend in terrible novelty games games basically. Do you want to know what gorilla? Gorilla shit? Yeah. Well go on give us the stats on gorillas. The stats are frequency, hardness, length, width, yes so girth is there. Sounds like sex as well. Smelliness and yuck factor. Yeah sex sounds like my sex life. Giant panda, snow leopard. What's the gorillas then? Oh, snow leopard. That looks fucking really bad.

Oh god, it looks like something from from beyond. The HB Lovecraft movie. That is very old god. Snow leopards are solitary cats. They're very rare. They use their poo to mark their territory. Fucking with that. It looks potent, doesn't it? Yeah, that's yours. I'll leave it. That's yours, mate. You can have that.

It looks like the extract of something. Oh, wait. Also, it helps tell other cats to stay away when they are trying to find a mate during the breeding season. That's a good idea, isn't it? You go to a club. Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. Pfft. I'm on the pull, mate. Pfft. I'm on the pool. Laugh at this.

I'm going to help you out with this. Mate, can you... Saturday shite fever. I'm kicking you out. What? I'm trying to pool, mate. I'm doing the snow cat leprechaun. I'm allowed to shit in a nightclub. Come on. Why do you keep singing as well? This is techno. It's a techno night.

It's not working. This is not. Anyway, what does frequency mean? Like how often they do it during the day? What else would it mean, Paul? Well, I don't know, like the wavelength it comes out on. This is Snow Leopard on 96.7 FM. Goose, cockroach, chinchilla. Do they all start with C? Oh no, they're alphabeticized.

They're not, they're just a bunch of C ones there. You're a fucking C one. Smelliness 10 always. Yeah, that's very glistening. It's got a shine to it. It looks oily. Anyway, I get to guess the price for this. Yes. How much do you think Plop Trumps is?

75p. We get a lot of this in the podcast, don't we? We get a lot of like Top Trumps, Plop Trumps, Trump Trumps. I'm sure I've seen a different brand of the same game. What's the joy of Plop Trumps? People find poo funny. I mean, we do. There's something about Top Trumps in general being like just bastardised. It's a terrible game.

It's got no strategy does it? No it does. There is a strategy to it. Which is what? Try and pick the strongest. Because it's collecting cards and sacrificing sometimes your worst cards so you can get better cards later. There are rules to it.

It's a shit game. Well this literally is a shit game because it's called Plop Trumps. I'm going to say 50p. We've Tramped the World. Tramped the world to give you the best photographs of whoever takes... As in tramped over, walked. What did you say trampled then? That's where the word tramp comes from, doesn't it? That's what a tramp is. Someone who walks. Shouldn't this have said trampled? We've trampled all over the world. No, because that's trampled is different. Tramped is just walk. Trampol is to... Oh fair enough, I just don't often see the word tramped used in that context.

Mmm. I've had to write in very small writing. Write plop. He's writing plop down. That's another extra letter for Mag. Do better. Poo. That works fine, doesn't it, poo? Yes. So, I... My guess is 50p.

Yeah. I'm going to say a quid again. What do you mean? I can do whatever I want. I know you can do whatever you want, but your mind is lazy. But if I saw that in a charity shop, it was any more than a quid, I What do you mean? I can do whatever I want. I know you can do whatever you want, but your mind is lazy. But if I saw that in a charity shop, it was any more than a quid. I'd be fucking disgusted. So that's why I'm saying a quid. Well, we'll see. We'll see who the winner is. We got our next item. It is the Far Side Millennium Off The Wall Calendar 2000.

Gary Larsen's drawings, a daily full colour look at the last 1000 years. That is quite old. Yes, it is. These used to be everywhere, didn't they? 24 years old, this is, and a little bit out of date. It's all there. It's all there. I don't think it's been used. But you know, if you know Gary Larson's work,

you know what you're looking at, basically. Are they all colour? Yes. Which is nice. Did say on the front cover. Yeah. I'm not particularly au fait with his work. I know of the style, but I couldn't tell you if it's absurdist, if it's... It's very much his own thing and it is absurd, surreal.

Like observational, but surreal observational. Yeah, it's very much his own thing and I think it deserves the worldwide... Some of them are really funny. Yeah, I mean, as I say, I don't know too much of his work, but I know of it. A lot of them are. It's like he's got his own formula. You know who he's like is Steve Wright. It's that kind of thing. Which Steve Wright? You mean the comedian Steve Wright? The comedian Steve Wright. They're like visual absurdist one-liners.

I like that item. Do you want it? Yeah. Alright, you can have it then. You could cut it out and make a poster or something couldn't you with your best ones? I could do something like that. You could do something like that. Now it's time for you to guess the price of this item, Paul.

I'm going to say... Two quid for that. Two quid for that. Two quid flat. Flat. What shall I call it? Cal. Call it cal. Cal. And you say two quid. Two quid right flat two. That seems high to me again as a guest. I'm gonna say one pound twenty five. You do one twenty five then. I'm gonna say one quid, I'm allowed to. Of course you're allowed to mate. It's free country ain't it? God's own. I'm saying one on the nose for that mate.

One on the nose, right. Three down three to go. And this is where I think the items start getting a little bit more interesting. Here we go. Oh look! It's an annual, it's a Rick Astley special. It's a Rick, I gave a woman a Rick Astley special the other day. Oh yeah, what did you do to her? A Rick Roller, halfway through normal sex. I just started singing Never Gonna Give You Up. This is from 1989. That's awful, Paul. A lot of what you say is bad, okay? Yeah. Hold back, hold it down, wait for the gold to form. I'll tell you

what a Rick Astley special is, you do well at the beginning and then you forget about it for 20 years and you make a massive comeback and you do quite well and everyone loves you and you do stuff with Foo Fighters. There's the other, that's what I do. The Rick Astley stories in here? Like his origin story. Yeah. It's in very good condition that. Probably because it's been read once and then never again. The whole thing seems to be the Rick Astley. Oh Rick's. A to Z, what does that mean? A is for arrogance. He doesn't seem arrogant does he? B is for bicycles Paul, and the Rick Astley A, B to Z. God, how much of this did he have any input in? C is for clothes, apparently he wore clothes. Oh, I'm glad he's into clothes. D is for dancing

and drafts. He doesn't really dance very well. And drafts. He's probably a drafts player. Like that. Checkers to American audiences, I guess. Right. Oh, it only goes up to D. Well, then it's not an A to Z then is it? It's A to D. No, I think it's peppered throughout the book. George Pepperd. Who plays? Hannibal, which is what we did earlier in the show. We tasted that, didn't we? Hold Rick in your arms. Must I?

Hold me in your arms. Was that the other record? That was the other big ballad. Fact file. Name. Richard Paul Astley. Place of birth. Oh, wait there.

Don Castro or something, isn't it? Great Sankey in Warrington. No such place. Date of birth? Uh, 1950, no, 1969. 66. Ah, this is a great game. Guess Rick Astley.

Color of hair. What do you, how do you think his hair color is? Bungie Ginger Copper Boy. Bungie Ginger Copper. We used to, growing up, if you were ginger, you were called Bungie. I don't know why. Why? It must be a character. I don't know.

Um. Bungie. It's a good question that. Where did Bungie come from? I've never heard that before in my life. You Bungie mate. Meaning ginger? Yeah, Bungie-la. Like, is it bungal? Was he red? No, no he wasn't.

I wish it was to do with bungal. Yeah, but everyone loves a bit of bungal. We all love a bit of bungal, don't we? What? Reddy Brown is what it says here. Just say Gingerman. Colour of his eyes? Uh, blue. Brown. Pollux. Lives?

He does. Between London and Newton Lawillo's. Don't get too much away Rick. Newton Lawillo's, fuck me. That's like the most kind of middle class middle of nowhere place to live in the world. Do you know what Rick Astley's dad is called or was called? Rock Astley. Horace. Hor Rick Astley's dad is called or was called? Rock Astley. Horace. Horace Astley. And his mum, Cynthia, and his brothers, John and Mike, and he's got a sister, Jane.

Jane Astley. School, Selwyn Jones High School. Nice. Musical influences. Oh, right. I'm going to say there's a soul singer in there, like James Brown or something like that. Elvis Presley. Japan. The band, Japan, is an influence. Yes. Wait Presley. Japan. The band Japan is an influence. Wait,

what was Japan's hit? Did they do Big in Japan? Who did that song Big in Japan? We're Big in Japan tonight. I can't remember, but it wasn't them. What did Japan do then? Japan were, they're more arty. They weren't that poppy. I think they were sort of like a new wave, arch new wave. Japan, where an English new wave band formed in 1974 in Catford. Burning Bridges. Yeah, do you know how that goes? How can we slay that? No, that's not the Australian band. Yeah, it's not them. Quiet Life, Visions of China, Ghosts. They're the big four, it says here.

And you know what? They also did the music for the William Friedkin film, To Live and Die in LA. Really? So Japan were quite big then? Yeah. He was also influenced by The Police and Brian Ferry, but no soul singer. I mean, Brian Ferry is a bit of a sort of... Let's stick together. Come on, come on, let's stick together. First song... You're gonna like this. What? His first song that he bought?

He ever wrote. And it's got the title of that. Fanny Stank. That song, when he was eight or nine and it was called, A Ruddy Big Pig. Bring it back! Favorite meal, scampi and chips? Yeah, fair enough, oh scampi. We've heard about that.

We've all had a bit of scampi. He's a cunning linguist. He's a fucking lingling lingling. Alright mate, I'm gonna go. We've heard about that, Rick. We've all had a bit of scampi. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Yeah, but doesn't mean I hate climbing trees. I just hate falling from them. To succeed in songwriting is his ambition. Alright, good. Well, lovely if you're a big fan of Rick Ashley and it was 1989, I'm sure this book was a great stocking filler for you. O is for old friends. Fuck me. Fuck me.

Killing me. Now, is it my go to- Guess the price first. It's mine. It's mine. Are you sure? Yes, because you guessed last. No, no. Oh, then it is your go then. It is my go. Because you said two pounds for that last item first. Okay

Yeah, go on. I'm gonna say 95. 95 pence. I'm gonna say one pound and a Fiddy pants. 150 for you Paul. We got our next item of six number four. Oh, it looks like a fleck Picture disc. It's a pic- picature disc. Oh, what a strange one because the label is huge in the middle It's a single basically but on a what is Oh, what a strange one, because the label is huge in the middle. It's a single, basically, but on a... what is that? Not a 10-inch. 10-inch, yeah. Okay. It's Voice of the Beehive, if you're interested.

They were a band, weren't they? Yeah, I used to get them confused with B-52s, because they had a similar kind of vibe. Did they? I mean, I don't know, but... They're kind of pop, art pop. Yeah, but so are the B-52s, if a little bit stranger. Oh, this is a...

What? Yeah, it's a single. Look how narrow the bit where the groove is. Yeah. It's a transparent record, and then it's just been printed with a sort of picture of the band on the front. On the middle. I mean, it's got the track listing at the back.

It's lovely. What's the track called again? It's called... it's a limited edition, this. Oh, that's good. I at the back. It's lovely. What's the track called again? It's called, it's a limited edition this. Oh, that's good. I Walk the Earth. I Walk the Earth. Yeah. This is my home.

I walk the earth. This is my home. And I walk the earth. This is my home. And I walk the earth. And I walk the earth, my darling. This is my home. I want the earth, my darling. This is my home. I want the earth, my darling.

This is my home. I want the earth, my darling. This is my home. I want the earth, my darling. This is my home. I want the earth, my darling, this is my home. Not for me. I remember I liked their version of I Think I Love You. That I was lying in the middle of a big dream and all at once I woke up and something...

I Think I Love You. That one. I Think I Love You. Who did that originally? I can't remember 60s band, innit? Oh yeah. Vinyl though, it's a vinyl. It's a vinyl thing.

It is a vinyl and it's got the original sleeve there with the sticker on. Limited edition, 4,208, LOND 206, I walk the earth. I think that was... no, it's you to guess first now. Yes it is. Good, because it's one of my items. I'm going to say £2. Say £2 for that, Paul. Yeah, £2 for VOTB.

VOTB. Now, Paul. Yeah? I should tell you. Yeah? You have spent going into the last item. Tell the microphone. You have spent going into the last item. Yeah, like seven quid. 650. Okay, 650 is good. I'm gonna say for that final quid. Okay, quid, because here's the last item, the one I fucking hate looking at and think is a horrible piece of shit.

Drum roll please! Rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble That's horrible, man. Hey, do you remember those? I wasn't prepared for that, Paul. Right. That's actually quite upsetting. It's haunting, isn't it? It's upsetting me. So let me just explain people. I don't want to keep looking at it, man. Let me just explain. I'll turn it away. Please turn it away.

Does it do something? Yes. Does it sing? Yeah. Oh. They, so. I don't want to know, man. Does its mouth move?

It does things that... Listen, let me just tell the people what you're reacting to. So you know those Billy Bash fish things, the big plastic fish on a wall? Billy Bash! What's it called? That's a different one, mate. That's a fucking wanky man.

That's a Tommy Tank, that's a Tommy Tank. A Billy Bass. Bass. Big Bass fish. Billy Bass, I think it is. Billy Bass. You know, the plastic fish. And it stays on your wall, it's a plastic thing,

and then it goes, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-mow-mow-mow-mow, or whatever it does, I don't know. The fish doesn't sing the bird. It does, it sings something though, doesn't it? Yeah, but it doesn't sing the bird. Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma And so this is a little old lady mother-in-law. It's a mother-in-law talking plaque. Is that what it's supposed to be? It's got a rubbly face.

It's rubbery and it's in relief. So the face is coming out of the gold frame that it's in. She's got glasses on. And there's hair. Grey hair. She's an old lady. But those are real strands of... Yeah, yeah. Real hair. I don't like touching it.

It is a cursed item Mr Silverman. It certainly is and what does it sing? Would you like to find out? There's a button on the back. I'm going to turn it on and then I'm going to press this little button here. Mother in law, mother in law, she worried me so Mother in law, mother in law, if she'd leave us alone After all I've done for you, we'll have a happy home I thought we were happy

How I wish that she would go Go? Mother in law That is, you know who sung that song originally? Oh that's a real song? Yeah, Mother in law, I believe it's Ernie K. Doe I think I put it on seven And you know what Ernie K. Doe did? What did Ernie K. Doe do?

Hahaha He also did, do you remember there was a Boots ad that used this song? Here Come the Girls Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun That's a great track He's a great track. He's a New Orleans singer. Oh.

And I've worked a lot with Alan Toussaint as all of those people do. Well, here comes the mother-in-law. Well look, there's more things it does. In fact, mother, I'm going to look up. No, no, no, no. Just before we get to that. I just need to, yes. Because when you turn it on, that's the first thing that happens.

That's your introduction to it, right? But when you press it again, you get these instead. Ready? Stop looking up stuff. I'm concentrating. You're not! You get... put your phone back. No. Put it down. It's not important. This is important.

It's in. I'm just doing... Right. Oh God. Listen, here we go. Press the button. Oh Mother-in-law, how are you today? Blah blah blah blah blah. Are you listening to me? No Mother-in-law, because I've got suppressed feelings about you sexually. Nobody asked me, but if you want MY opinion, you're wrong.

What, all forbidden love is wrong, but I've seen so many videos on Pornhub where naughty stepmothers do wicked things, would you do such a thing with me? I love your new home! Just show me my room! Oh yeah, come into my house, mother-in-law. I don't need to criticize everything you do, but it is so easy! Oh, how about you run off with me for a romantic tryst in the Bahamas? You've got rounds in the beginning again. There's the song, that was the sitcom, that was that episode of the sitcom.

You could do your own sitcom! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! Oh, shut up, mother-in-law. Let's do a Pornhub video together, mother-in-law. Oh, come on, you know you want to. I don't need to criticize everything you do. Oh fuck off. Eli's on the phone checking some song and I'm trying to do a sitcom here.

Talk about being unresponsive and not being there for me. But Paul it's awful everything you're doing it's not working for me. Surprise! I'm coming to visit tomorrow! Hello? Hello? Are you there? Please, please don't. Why would you want this? Why would any human being want this?

But it's quite detailed. Just to let you know, Alan Toussaint did in fact write the song Mother-in-Law. Who gives a fuck? You spent wasted content time checking that up. But you were... Because you weren't here to help me you let this podcast I work look can I look at it Paul? It's blowing me You know it's how it's mouth doesn't open down Alan to song On the knob end blob blob blob end so there you go fucking horrible thing Yeah, what you gonna do with it bin bin. Bin bin bin bin bin bin bin. You can't throw it in the bin.

Bin. Recycling. Bin. Recycling. Recycling bin. You should re-gift it. It's a horrible thing. It's horrible. It's one of the worst things I've... You see what I mean? It's a musty old mother-in-law with a rubbly dub face. You could get yours in maybe. Yeah. Shut up. Well I'm just saying. You're the worst. You're the worst. You're the worst. You literally left me hanging leaving me to make bad comedy content because you were too busy trying to look up the lyric writer of that song when you could have been adding me out. Alan Toussaint everyone. Yeah but unfortunately no. So this bad part of the podcast, that awful embarrassing cringy part you could have saved and you weren't here for me. So who's the bad friend

now? You are. I mean. You are. How much? That's three quid for me. I'm saying three quid. I'm saying three quid as well. Mother in law. We're both saying three quid. Three quid. Right, let's take a quick break and find out how we did with the scores. Right, it is time to reveal the scores. I'm sure I shall move the statuette from the prices there you go and now I shall remove the piece of notepad paper from the plastic sheet and open it up okay Eli I have the scores here let's do it in order of how we revealed it right so how we went through them I'll read them out in that order so what's the first item we did?

Mag, it says. The magnets, the Twilight Magnets. They were the Twilight Magnets. How much did I say and how much did you say? You said a pound and I said £1.50. Pound and £1.50, they were... £1. Does that mean Ganon gets a Pertwing Pertwing? You get two Pertwings there. That's good that, innit?

This is what I mean. This is exactly what I was trying to say about the £1 thing. Yeah, but just to be sure, can I just say it is working, right? I must have some sense of knowledge about the price of something. Yeah, but just because you know. And about how charity shops price things up. It's not, it's like a screensaver. And after maybe almost nine years of doing this podcast. It's a screensaver.

Maybe something's sipped in. It's a one pound screensaver. Maybe you're just bitter because you're not going to win this. Almost everything you do. Because I kind of know I'm going to A-own you. Everything you do is about trying to save mental energy. End of days for this show, mate. End of days. Fucking ticket!

Next item! Two petwings you get there? Yeah, I know. How many did you get? None! Good. Next item! Next item! Lazy brain! Yeah, but it's working so I don't know what the problem is here.

I'm correct. It just says poo here. Right, so that was the top chump's poo. How much did you say? How much did I say? You said £1. Right. How much did you say? This is did I say? You said £1. Right. How much did you say? This is what I mean everyone.

Come on. I said 50p. Then we get a between each because it was 75p. Alright, so that's 3-1 to me. Yeah, I'm on the board though. Next is what? Cal. Cal.

It's the calendar. It's the far side calendar. How much did you say? How much did I say? You said 2 and I said a pound. Two and a pound it was... £2.50! So no one gets nothing. No one gets nothing there.

And then the next item was the Rick Astley book, right? That's right. Rick Astley book. How much did we say? You said £1.50 and I said £95p. Nothing for either of us. It was £50p. Quite a good value for money if you're into that kind of thing, I guess. It's in good condition. Yeah. Next was the voice of the beehive, right? Yep. And how much did you and I say? I said a quid. I've done, I've guessed a quid twice to be fair to you. Yeah. And how much did I say? Two. Yeah. Way off.

It was 50p, which is all right. Well, yeah, sometimes they go for that. So probably what it's worth, to be honest. Yeah. So the final thing is the horrible mother-in-law thing. How much did you say? We both said three quid. Then we're both getting two petwings because it was three quid on the nose. That was good. Good. Well done. So how much in all then? What's the final tally? I have three petwings. Not a bad, but you are out in front with five petwings. Five petwings. Five petwings. What a lovely, lovely price of shy. A nice collection of dog shittery there for us to peruse. Do you have a favour?

That mother-in-law thing. Ah. It's horrible. Why would you go to the effort of making it? Mass producing it. Mass producing it. Thinking people want this for any reason other than a five minute joke.

It's weird. The waste of that. It's quite big and heavy. It's heavy, it's hefty. You could murder your mother-in-law after a drunken barbecue with this. You could hit her with it and then like push it into her skull to make it her face. And then just talk to her via that. And just bank over it. You've gone too far there mate. Oh I've gone too far. You went too far. I've gone too far again

Paul. You went too far. I've gone too far. Say one quid again Paul. One quid again Paul. That's my nickname Paul, one quid again Paul Gannon One quid again, Paul. That's my nickname. Paul, one quid again, Paul Gannon. Right. Which was your favorite item for all of these? They were all nasty, really, this week. All reasonably worthless. Yeah. I think it's probably the far side because I do enjoy his cartoons. I'm going to go with the vinyl because it's kind of pretty and I like it. The group featured Californian vocal sisters,

Tracy Byrne and Melissa Brooke Belland. Sorry, it is Balland. Your mouth is weird. Brooke Belland! Brooke Belland! Come on. Brooke Belland! Tell me you read that and don't just instantly think Belland.

I do actually. Come on. I wasn't too far off the mark for this thing and that was how it was spelled. They teamed up with British musicians Mike Jones, Martin Brett and Daniel Woodgate. The latter was a former member of Madness. And they took their name from the Greek meaning of the name Melissa, meaning honeybee. Oh and she's the voice of the bee hive. Yeah. Okay. They weren't huge. They weren't huge but they were around weren't they? They definitely lingered. You know what probably does linger?

Snow leopard fucking poop. That probably is completely impossible to get out of your tent. It's going to take more than fucking Febreze and a pink soap wash. On your walking trousers. You're going to need Mr. More than Mr. Scrub to get that out the carpet. What's new, Mr. Scrub? It's that little scrub sponge thing with the little face in it. I like to get Mr. Scrub and Mrs Mrs Scrub and make them have sex. With

do ya. Yeah and my knobs in between. Right. I'm just gonna end this segment now. Knob sandwich. Just gonna go ahead and press stop. Knob sandwich. Just gonna go ahead and press stop because this is the end. And that was Cheap Show for another week, hello, goodbye. For all information Cheap Show based go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk. Why? Nearly every episode has an accompanying page with it with pictures and sometimes videos to help bolster the content you've listened to. Also all the pictures from this episode will be on our website and also our Instagram account, just CheapShowPod if you're looking for it. But basically you

want to stop shop thecheapshow.co.uk. And look, a lot of wonderful people support this on Patreon. If you would like to join them and get access to magazines, extra podcasts, videos and all sorts of bits and bobs, you can go to patreon.com forward slash CheapShow and give what you can, but only if you can. And I think that's it. I'm still in the midst of putting the trashcan film festival together 8th of June Saturday night 8pm. It's going to be an illustrious affair. The sample's going to arrive before. I can't promise that mate. I've spoken to them they've said it but if we keep going

on about it they'll take it the wrong way. Listen I've been going to South London. They've got pharmacies down there. Don't get the knockoff stuff. That's the only place I can get it. If you get the knockoff stuff, you're gonna get the side effects. What like? Makes your dick 17 times bigger.

Now, which way does Gee like it? I'm not doing it. Now, which way does he joke? Which way does the joke go with these? Which way do you... Oh, fuck this, Paul, honestly. Does the joke become... It's long enough to be a skipping rope.

No, I'm sick of this. Or is the joke 17 times makes it 4 inches anyway Ha ha ha ha allegedly making a penis joke. Shut your fucking mouth fuck sake Do you wanna end on a whimsical fart? I haven't got shit you've worn me down That's all I want I want you to feel what I feel I love you guys thanks for supporting the show

I love you too I don't love you I, thanks for supporting the show. I love you too. I don't love you! I'm not talking, I'm talking to them. I didn't know. That says a lot. That says a lot, doesn't it? I know I love them more. I'm the one who engages with them more. Reply to their emails.

I engage. Retweet, comment, big ups. You would have completely forgot that whole source report existed unless I drenched it out. Hey, I tell you what, here's how we're gonna end. Swirly swirly, mixy mixy, dippy dippy taste. That's how you get Eli back. He's mixing it all together on one big plate.

Look at that, a big swirl. George's magical sauce. Hehehehe. Down his dick and neck. Mmm, nice. Actually that works quite nicely. There you go. It would though, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Well, Eli's happy, I'm happy, and I hope after this, you're happy. And we'll see you next week. Bye. On Cheap Show. Bye bye everyone. Bye bye.

Bye. Thanks for listening. Bye.