CheapShow - Ep 385: Fallow Moments

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

Sometimes all Eli and Paul need is a bit of Moog music to quell their troubled souls. What they present this week ranges from the misguided to the truly odd. On Silverman’s Platters they’ll investigate the strange Flamenco Moog, a track inspired by the sport of Ping Pong and a piece of music from a long forgotten, and oddly sci-fi flavoured, 1970s musical! Let’s hope the Cheap Chaps get through all these tracks quickly as Track-Bot is apparently about to reboot! Thanks to a kind listener, CheapShow has another PO Box sourced Price of Shite to investigate. As they try to guess the correct pounds and pence, they’ll discover a bit about the confectioners Bassetts, try to figure out the maths of 3D Tic-Tac-Toe and give their worthless opinions on the legendary Goon Show radio show. All this and much, much less! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-385-fallow-moments And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Oh, hello. Oh, hello, I'm, uh, I'm, uh, I'm, uh. Do you want to come up with an idea quicker before we, before I press the call? No, no, I've got an idea. All right, fine, but like, if you're gonna, you know, come, come. Start, I'll start again.

Start again, because you know, these are our important moments. These, this cold open actually sets the tone for the rest of the show. And I fucked it last week. You don't have to sh- I'm gonna put my hand up, mate. And then I'm gonna apologize and say, oh fucked it up last week I didn't I didn't

deliver. Didn't you? What did you do? Remember that whole yes mr. graxton thing and the whole that well we are setting up the film festival. That's cool. June 8th Saturday night 8 p.m. but yeah what wasn't very dynamic so you're gonna have to lead the way with this one so don don't shit the bed Mr Silverman. Don't shit your bed Mr Silverman. Don't shit your bed. Oh no. You're a bit of an ugly duckling when you take upon the stage and considering that you're not very fat and getting on an age. Oh I'm almost like Oscar Wilde. Make me. Yeah now diddley-dun. Starting again. Starting again. Starting again. start again. I feel like this. We're starting again. We're starting again. We're starting again. Oh, he lies very horny, a little bit scrawny. His co-host is quite horny.

And he's going to get it out. Diddley bum, flop flop, diddley bum. Yeah, diddley bum, diddley bum, diddley bum. Go on, I'll step back. Oh, hello. Hello, I'm Atrium Vibe. I'm atrium vibe. I'm atrium vibe. I'm atrium vibe.

I'm atrium vibe. I'm atrium vibe. flop flop diddley bum. Yeah, diddley bum, diddley bum, diddley bum. Go on, I'll step back. Oh, hello. Hello, I'm Atrium Vibe. Atrium Vibe? Yeah. And why? Because someone's room tone was here, was he? I'm Atrium Vibe. Let's move on. Well, the cheap show everybody.

No, no, no. I demand to be heard. I've got Vibe. Right, okay. So what is an atrium vibe? Room tone makes sense. It's me. What do you mean what is an atrium vibe? It's me. It's me. What is your name atrium vibe or do you hang around in atriums? I don't know what an atrium is. I don't know what an atrium is. Apart from my name. Eli, diddly dum. Diddly dum. No, it was good. Starting again, starting again, starting again. Hey, fine. Let's start again. All right, well. Do you want to do another character or do you want to just come in?

No, let's start again completely clean. All right. Please. All right, we're starting again clean. Hi Paul, what's going on there? Hello, Eli, welcome to Cheap Show. Oh, welcome to Cheap Show, yeah. That's it.

All right, good. Starting again. You've got to put... Starting again. Starting again, we're starting again. Starting again. Mr Silverman. Yeah, hello. How are you? Good morrow day to you. Good week morrow morning after evening news to you. After evening news? After evening news to you. Can I say one thing? Yes. Chargington. That is one thing. It is one thing, innit? And that's what I've often heard tell. I've often heard tell on the, on the, on Hill. Over the Hill. Over the Hill. I often heard tell over Hill. They say, what is one thing? Here, there, Chudgington.

Yeah, okay well. Yes, now on an old cold open train. Toot toot. Well he's excited. Chudgington, Chudgington, Chudgington. He's pulling up the up the station ladies gentlemen I better hop on the back before it pulls out it's charging to boric show that the station I'm gonna ask you to calm down you've gone to station master we're moving on I had a big breakfast But breakfast is... Okay, good. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show. Press the fucking credits. Off, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. Organic, Eli Silverman. Welcome to Cheap Show.

Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney... Chodney Borough. I hate you. I've got to be you as a posse. Jeep Show to my mama mine. Rob up. Jeep Show to the Mama Mine! Cheap Show to the Mama Mine! It's the voice of shame! Cheap Show to the Mama Mine!

Welcome to Cheap Show! I don't know why that's so funny! I don't know why that's so funny. I don't know why. I mean, the thing is, visually I got to see you like lying back and rubbing your tummy and looking really happy with yourself, like an otter. It was strange. You were just, ooh. Ah, just uh... It was a little moment where you like, a thing broke. A little bit of him snapped off there, I think, everyone. It just tickled me, the idea of the portly stationmaster of Chargington Warwickshire. Who likes his breakfast? Fine.

Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. It's the Economy Comedy Podcast with myself and Eli Silverman. Hello everybody, here as well, yes. Go for the bargain bin, charity shops and Poundlands et al of UK and bring you back the treasure we find amongst that trash. And this week we have a Price of Shite, yes again, but we get it sent to us all the time from the PO Boxers, so we're burning through it. It's another bespoke Price of Shitesis. And uh, keep your voice down, we'll be doing some platters later. Okay, but fucking hell.

Don't say it out loud because he hasn't activated in a couple of weeks so I think he's alright. He's in hibernation mode. They told me there's a software update. Yeah okay. It's been going on forever. I'm just saying for now we can't, don't mention music. I hope he's new, they're going to change his brain apparently. I don't think so. The update is going to be better. You mean the patch?

Yeah. They've been promising that patch for me for weeks and it hasn't come through yet. But hopefully it's going to make the accuracy rating go up. I mean the patch. They've been promising that patch for me for weeks and it hasn't come through yet. Hopefully it's going to make the accuracy rating go up. I just think all that spunk's ruined the Wi-Fi in there for it. You can't tell them because then the warranty is completely gone. Exactly. If we tell them that the... If you get spunk anywhere near one of those units, that's what it says.

It says right at the top of the leaflet. Don't come on Trackbot. Whatever you do. And it says you'll want to. It says you will want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't. I know something about him. But you can't.

But you know, the pamphlet you get where it's like, you open it up and it's like, do not put in sunlight and it has a little thing in sunlight. There was literally an image there of like a cock ejaculating on Trackbot. It says, no, a big line through it. Don't do that. So, shh. So we't do that so so we're

doing music but we're doing it later okay by the time we get around to doing it I think he'll be offline so we can mention it then alright anyway so that's what we're doing this week on the podcast that's it as far as I know I mean obviously please tune in on YouTube on June 8th Saturday night 8 p.m. For the trash cam film festival We're working behind the scenes to make it happen. We've got some entries in I know you're working on your short film Well, it's already written actually. It's something I've been wanting. Guess what came in the post? What?

Have a guess what came in the post today? The samples? Yeah, the samples came. Only a few. Are you fucking shitting? Yeah, no, no they came. I mean, so- Why didn't you bring them? Because when I got here I got the message they'd been delivered.

I need those as soon as fucking possible. That's what I'm trying to tell you. They literally just got delivered, but they went to my house. Just saying. Just saying. Why can't you tell them my fucking address so they could come straight here? No, because then everything comes your way and I don't trust. I honestly just don't trust you with them.

So I'll get, when I come around tomorrow, I'll bring them. I'll bring a few over then, but make seriously, you've got to make them last. There's no guarantee you're going to get the load of them unless the show goes well, so don't fuck it up. Tomorrow, yeah? Tomorrow, I'll bring a few. What time? Eight came, so I'll give you like four, I'll give you half of them. That will have to last you for a fortnight.

Don't do that. Don't rub your tits and lie back. Nothing! I'm doing nothing! Don't rub your tits and lie back. It's just good news! Just good news. What do you do with them? What? These samples, you never tell me. You suffocate, man, I've told you. Is't rub your tits. It's just good news. Just good news. What do you do with them? What these samples you never tell me suffocate man? I've told you is that is that what inside? Powder yeah, I thought it was like his kind of gel. No. No, it's a powder. It smells of fucking eggs, mate I'd know that for a fact whole fucking box smells like bad eggs

It's fresh stuff. Yeah, it's fresh. It's fresh stuff man. Yeah, it's fresh stuff. It smells like a fucking burnt out barn It's horrible in, man. Yeah, it's fresh stuff. But it smells like a fucking burnt out barn. It's horrible in there. Burnt out barn now. Yeah, it's like all like dead chickens. Burnt eggs and dead chickens. Yeah. Cockatoo.

Cockatoo. Yeah, I have no way to end it. So, um, any tales from the dance floor? You got any, uh, tales from anything? You got nothing? I DJ'd. Bit of a fallow moment for us, yeah. I DJ'd twice. Yeah. Fallow moment. Fall? A bit of a fallow moment for us, yeah. I DJ'd twice.

Yeah. Fallow moment. Fallow moment. Eli's fallow moment. Yeah, I've got a fallow fucking... Yeah, have you? A groove. Stop.

I've got a fallow groove. I'm asking you for another week. Fallow... To stop drawing attention to your grutch. I don't want to see... Your fucking musty grutch. Grutchies. Yeah, I don't want to see your musty grutch.

Oh, I spread it thickouch. Grutchies. Yeah, I don't want to see your musty grouch. I spread it thick with the grutchies. Pass the gruchy on the left hand side. Pass the gruchy on the left hand side. That is a reference to a pot. A drugs. A cooking pot. Is it?

I thought it was a bong they were suggesting in the song. I think that's, it's one of those things where. What? It's a myth. A word for a pipe has a double meaning. Oh, chalice for example. Isn't a chalice some kind of a chalice is a cup isn't it? Yeah, like a like a chalice is also when does it go from goblet to chalice? What's the difference between a goblet and a chalice? Chalice is just a poshed up goblet in it. Yeah, but what's a goblet? A goblet is just a bit of metal

that they stuck on crudely hollowed out the top. I'd like to do like some research, you know, Wikipedia, but I actually, nah, I can't be fucked. Anyway, I'm not going to spend any time on goblet talk. In Jamaica, people call a chalice is a type of upright pipe for smoking herbal marijuana, herbal cannabis in. You pass the chalice. You sort of, yeah. The chalwar, they also call it. Is it? Yeah. Oh, well we're all learning something today, aren't we?

See what I mean? I think dutchie is also the name for a type of pot, but also the type of pipe as well. I think it's a similar thing, where it's got a dual meaning, you know. Good, thank you for- Dual meaning pipes. Come back for another this segment again.

Eli's two meaning pipe section. This is Eli's follow moments. That's what it fucking is. Well, I tried to dredge something of interest out of this fucking discourse. Follow moments. Oh, that could be a type of sweet. A fur lined sweet. No, I'm drawing a line. Oh, with a nice almost like a Turkish delight center, but fair, like fur lined sweet. No, I'm drawing a line under that. Ooh, with a nice, almost like a Turkish delight center, but fur, like a fur chocolate fur. I'm gonna let this burn out. Chocolate fur. Go on, just carry on talking till it becomes.

What do you like? I'll do the ad, okay? All right, okay, ladies and gentlemen, we've got an advert for you. We've got a pitch on you candy bar, Eli's fallow moments. Imagine I'm like a James Bond character. Oh, like the milk tray man. Of Roger Moore, yeah.

Right, imagine Eli, if you can, as a dashing spy. And it's sort of like a hotel lobby, somewhere exotic. Maybe a casino, maybe. No, hotel lobby. Alright, so it's got to be a hotel lobby. I've got the story going. And... action. Darling, if I said I had a fa...

Here we go. Come on. I don't know what I'm doing. You said you had a fa- Here we go. Come on. I don't know what I'm doing. You said you had a story! I didn't! You fucking cunt! I fucking lied!

I had an image of a guy in a tuxedo with a chocolate scone! That idea was so badly formed. You challenged me on my comedy ideas and then here you are admitting frankly that you've got fucking nothing in the bank. But Paul it felt like something was about to happen then. I thought there was. It was another fallow moment. It was a fallow moment. Eli's fallow moments. Yeah this is a segment of the show when Eli's ideas die on the vine.

Oh man, it's going to be a recurring section. Yeah. Yeah, fallow period of my life. Oh well, you've taken the wind out of this, so what would that comment? Fallow is a, it's a harvesting metaphor, isn't it? Are we really going to talk about the meaning of the word fallow now? I'm interested all of a sudden, mate. What does fallow is when You leave it fallow,

because you give the soil a break. For he's a jolly good fallow, for he's a jolly good fallow. I'm going to look up fallow. Fallow, Eli, you might have hit the nail on the head, is a farming technique, which arable land is left without sowing for one or more vegetative cycles.

Yeah, so I'm having, if we put the metaphor to my mind, when I have a fallow moment, it just means the rich soil of my brain is untilled and it's getting all the good bacteria, all the mulch and the festering tendrils of fungus coming through and all things happening. The potential for life, for new comedy life to sprout forth. Yeah, but what you're saying is- A big fucking mushroom! Yeah, but they're sort of touching your gruch!

I didn't touch it! You fucking did, you made a great- I'm doing imaginary mushrooms! Near your gruch! Imaginary mushrooms near my gruch, everybody. Right, that's nine minutes, I'm fucking done. Let's start the episode full. Oh, is this gonna be another one of those nutty ones?

It's the fucking price of shite, it's the fucking price of shite, oh wee, adio, the fucking price of shite! A derri-o, a derri-o, a derri-o! No, that's a cue for a derri-o! That's cute for a derri-o. Right. It needed a derri-o and that's right, Paul. I have two envelopes in my hand. One says cheap show, care of, price of shite and then the other one, it's a sealed one that says answers do not open. And now it's nice taping, I can see the taping glinting in the sunlight from here, Paul. We need a guardian of the answers, who can we put up? Oh, there's Red Robot, Cordroy Robot. Cordroy Robot. Bleat Blop, he says. Bleat Blop. It's the Mike Batt expert's robot.

This is a childhood toy, is he added? I don't think it's a childhood toy. Smells of musty mysteries. Musty mysteries. Which is perfect for the price of shite. Yeah. Bleat Bloop, I promise to look after your points. Bleat Bloop. Red Cordroy Robot, will you guard the points, please? Bleat Bloop, of course. Bleat Bloop, affirmative. I know you after your points. Bleep bloop. Red corduroy robot, will you guard the points please? Bleep bloop, of course. Bleep bloop, affirmative. Bleep bloop. All right, sit on them. Bloop. Bloop.

Right, let's see who this is from, because I haven't looked at this yet. This came in only a week or so ago I think. Oh, it's handwritten. It's from Frazier with a Z. Hello Frazier. Dear Eli and Paul, after searching around a local car boot sale, I managed to find some nice items for a price of shite. The total of the items is no more.

No more than seven pounds. That's our ceiling. That is our roof. That is our ceiling. That is our umbrella. We had a window last time. We had a window. Now we've got a roof on.

We've got a roof on. If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. I didn't carry it away with music. I've got a roofie. I did it myself. Yes. And the sale took place in Maidenhead, Berkshire, in case that might sway your answers. Okay, that is outside of the Lando town out. The prices are included on a separate letter in the box. We've got that, Fraser, thank you very much, nice job. Corduroy robot is sitting upon them now. Best of luck and thank you for keeping me entertained

for all these years. Cheers Fraser. Lovely, lovely Fraser. Thank you very much. In a change of the norm, do you want me to take the points and you to get the answers later? Because usually I read the answers later and you mark the points.

I'll read the answers later, thank you I read the answers later and you mark the points. I'll read the answers later, thank you. And just like the way you do it, should I make a fucking baby fuss about what to spell and how order and what way to write it and whether you use cursive or whatever. It's like fucking get over it. Write pen down paper. Alright, okay. Simple, split it.

Two columns. Two columns. P in one, E on the other. Five items. I know you can only see three but two can take... I can only see three from here. One is completely obscured but there are two in that. So there's three in there, are there? Yes. There's two inside the tin. Oh there's two inside the tin. So, with all that being said, are we ready to go? We don't know what order to do these in. And the window was nine, the ceiling was nine, did you say? Seven. Seven.

Sealing was seven. Seven, lucky seven. Ding ding ding, lucky seven ceiling. Lucky seven ceiling. We'll start with this one because I don't have much to say about it. Eli, say what you see. This is a... Oh wait!

For anyone who maybe not have listened to this podcast before, we should explain the pointing system and the rules. Oh. We've, we've, that's on me, mate. I got carried away. So look, here's the price of shite rules in a nutshell. Did he say in the letter, standard rules? Yes.

Right. He went to Maidenhead at a car boot sale and got these items. And what we have to do is guess the price of these items. And hey, if we get the price spot on and it happens, you get two Pertwings. And what are Pertwings and what are petwings? They are points in this game. It's a very important petwing but if we are correct within 25p either way the actual price higher or lower you'll be granted just the one petwing.

You get one petwing for that. Every petwing counts. It certainly does and you'll notice those 25 either side petwings those are the ones you get mainly. They can make a difference from being behind the back or right up front with the winning score. And watch Paul's randomizing strategy where he said he picked at least two of these items to be a quid because that is probably the most common prize we've ever had. Yes, and I still have to assign what are a quid.

I'm just saying it's your strategy. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Worked for me last week, didn't it? It did. Worked for me last week. Totally it? I'm just saying watch the strategy, it did. It fucking totally wiped my arse with it last week. Well I'm just saying, there's a method to my madness. But then it will come to a point in this arms race of strategies, goes on Paul. This is a war of attrition and we fucking know it.

We'll both be guessing one pound for every item. One pound, one pound, one pound, one pound. And then it'll have to be called which one of these is not a pound game. And then we can just put bots online to just play the game for us. My name is Paul Gannon and this is our talking point of our game. And I am Eli Silverman and I say... Initiate break win. And why do I talk?

I look like this and then I cut it right round there. Oh. This little Timmy squeaker. Let me help. Oh dear. That was very much a Benny Hill look you gave me then. Right, first one item is then, is then what? It is the Book of the Goons.

The Book of the Goons! Which is, this was a humorous book and it has bits of script, it looks like. They were quite popular back in the day because obviously you didn't have TV repeats as much in VHS releases so if you really liked The Go, and it wasn't on the radio or whatever, then a book would suffice. They also released a lot of LPs. Oh yeah, yeah, a lot. A lot of LPs, The Goons.

And lots of like BBC cassette tapes. I remember they just festooned the show. They were huge and they were for, they were quite absurdist and surreal, weren't they? The actual shows. Spike Milligan said when he sat down to write it, he didn't have a plan. He would just start writing

and then hope to get 25 minutes out of it by the end. It would just all spew out train of consciousness kind of thing. Yeah, my point being for something that was so popular, it is quite experimental almost or sort of unstructured, weird, surreal. And I just think Spike Milligan had a very unique voice and it was so silly that it overrode the weird. Do you know what I mean? You can laugh at the silly, but the framing is the weird. Yeah.

But they were very talented, everyone in it. What was his name? Michael Benteen? He went on to do the weird puppet show thing that he did. Benteen time or something it was called. Really? Yeah. He left the goons, I think he was the first to leave to get his own spinoff.

And it was all like, I want to say, imagine like Ken Dodd's Diddyman, it was like he had a similar thing with all these little characters. Different times. And then, you know, what was his name, Harry Seacon went on to just be a God botherer for a while. He was very much an... And people don't understand the absolute dread on a Sunday when that would come on and literally that was it.

You'd hit the moment of ultimate boredom on a Sunday. In the UK, ultimate Sunday is Antiques Roadshow, Songs of Praise, Bullseye. That is the encompassing vibe. But both those, Antiques Roadshow and Bullseye, both so entertaining compared to Songs of Praise. Songs of Praise isn't meant to be entertaining. So boring. It fills out the BBC's remit of religious programming.

Is it still going? They do have a remit still. You know, anyway, so I was never, I mean, not that I didn't like The Goons, I do like The Goons, but I was never into The Goons. I preferred the, so like, I'm sorry I haven't a clue, I'm sorry I'll read that again, those kinds of fourth wall breaking stuff. I've listened to some goons episodes and enjoyed them thoroughly. Yeah, they are fun. Super fun to listen to. But I don't know too much about the goons and all.

He's got some quite nice black and white shots of them all working together on their scripts and bits of script and photos of them performing the... And some fake correspondence between... Quite a nice thing, but... And there's some way, there's some letters at the beginning which is like fake correspondence to each other and it's all like fake lawyers and stuff like that. Again, the book, the style of book... Is a bit of world building basically. Yes, but that's what Python would go on to do with their books as well, isn't it?

So it's very much a sort of tradition for publications, isn't it? This book is the halfway house because you're getting a world-building book with like fake letters between Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers. Which Python would have things like that. Python would have like fake forwards in their books wouldn't they? Like Reginald Bozenquist's quest or whatever would always do it. But there's all that and then halfway through it becomes a radio script book of some of the episodes. So like for instance in this one, The Terrible Revenge of Fred Fu Manchu, which I'm sure is racially sensitive.

The Great String Problems. Episodes that probably people love and adore and I'm just not really familiar with. I never, maybe I need to sit down one day and goon it up. But the question is, how much is this book? This lovely bit of goon paraphernalia. It was £1.25 originally back in the day. Which is probably equivalent to about £7.50 now. Something like that.

I don't know. Like see here it says these scripts come from courtesy of the lawyers Wacklow, Fuddle and Cron. See those kind of comic pamphlet style books don't seem to exist much these days. So I think 74 would have been after they'd finished doing their radio show really. Yeah, so it's a bit of a sort of a memento thing as well isn't it? Yeah £3.85 in Canada. Right. How much? $3.85. Yeah sorry yeah $3.85. You go first this time Paul and we'll alternate with that. I went first last time because you were taking the scores. We haven't started this game yet.

This is the first one so you go first. You want me to go first do you? Alright I'll go first. Because when you were taking the scores last week you said I had to go first. I'll go first? You want me to go first, do you? Alright, I'll go first. Because when you were taking the scores last week, you said I had to go first. I'll go first then, okay? Alright, go on. And we've got a ceiling of nine... Seven pounds. So five items, seven pounds. So if I was going to divide that equally, it'd be about one pound. It would be about one pound twenty-five.

One pound twenty-five, something like that. Put something like that. Something like that. I'm going to say one pound. Okay. Get in there. One pound. I'm going to say seventy-five Ah! Okay. Get in there. I'm going to say 75p. Oh, look at this.

The gamesmanship. The game has begun. Oh. Right then, the next one. I'll tell you what, the tin is the next item, but there are two items in the tin, so I sneak them out so you can't see them. I'll close my eyes. I've put them behind me back.

Okay. Right, so Eli. This tin has been catching my eye. It's a nice tin for what it is. This is a Bassets Allsorts tin. Yes, the licorice candy treat. What is it Bassets? No, Marks and Spencer. Because I think we've covered Bassets Allsorts on the show before. In various forms. I think licorice Allsorts is one of those things that isn't a brand, but Bassets just had the most popular. And the little logo.

Similar to Iron Brew. Iron Brew's a category of soft drink. Shut it! What? What are you doing? This is one of those moments when my book comes in handy. Oh his brand book. He's got his brand book.

Here we go. We're doing research and it's not off Wikipedia. He's gone back to his famous brand book. And the sickier Wikipedia. And it has Bassets does it? I'm going to presume so. Well I'd be interested to know if they originated it and then they'd lost the copyright

or whether Marks and Spencers are in big trouble. Well let's find out, I'll go through it very quickly. So apparently it says at the beginning of this Licorice has been around before the days of Christ and people have loved Licorice. Before the days of Christ! That's what it says, since before the time of Christ people have enjoyed the taste of Licorice. Before the days of Christ! That's what it says, since before the time of Christ, people have enjoyed the taste of

liquorice. That's a strong first sentence. In the year 3000 BC. They loved the liquorice. They come down a mountain and they loved the liquorice. Even Chaucer tells of a tale in the Canterbury Tales, where cheweth liquorice to smell and sweet. After I'd put up the young maiden's quint. Upon that gruff I did stuff. She pulled forth the licorice stick which she'd been using in her quint. Anyway. You know it's got loads of words for cunt in it. Yes there's loads. Up her quinge. All right it's okay we don't need to add to it. Let's get through this. Oh, sniff at the licorice stick off the quinch.

So there was licorice banging around. Oh, banging about. Calm it. George Bassett, the founder of the company, was born in 1818 in Chesterfield. When he was 14 years old, he went on a seven year apprenticeship with a confectioner and fruitier. See, that's a big seven year apprenticeship.

Yeah. That's a lot of sweet work. And then 10 years after that he called himself a wholesale confectioner, lozenges maker and British wine dealer. So he spread himself thin on the old skill set. He's doing wine and lozenges there and also other sweets. So in 1851 he teamed up with a guy called S.M. Johnson and the sole proprietor of the company in 1893 which was maintained until 1974. What about the all sorts? The story goes that in 1899 Charlie Thompson, a Bassett traveller, was selling products to the wholesaler in Leicester.

During the course of this presentation he accidentally knocked over his individual sample boxes onto the counter spilling the sweets. The hog sailor, Mr Walker, had not been much impressed with the individual selection but liked the look of the mix and licorice all sorts were born. Oh what a load of shit. I don't believe that for a second do you? That It sounds so like one of those stories, you know? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. So he was trying to sell a separate licorice sweet and then to buy bulk, like buy these in bulk. You have whatever those are called, the different ones.

You've got the little ones that are covered with little hundreds and thousands of those weird jelly ones. They're all different ones, aren't they? And then he spilt them on the desk. I was like, no, you know what? I'll have them all in a bag, I won't have them separately on the book. Oh apparently they went public in 1926 needed a brand logo and at the time the Mitchell and Mann had been popular because obviously you know that was a very popular brand and very recognizable logo and so the managing director

Mr Bull suggested they should try something similar to promote Bassett's goods. It was decided to create a character from the Allsort called Bertie Bassett and would be made entirely from confectionery. Over the years his appearance has changed considerably and he's acquired a walking stick. He didn't get a face until late into his life. Apparently at the front he was just a faceless, round, licorice thing. More scary. That is terrifying. I like those kind of mascots, brand mascots.

I think they should be brought back. Anyway, there you go. So how much is the licorice tin? So that didn't explain to me why this is called licorice all sorts, because that can't be copyrighted then probably, because it does say licorice all sorts on the back. Does it? I don't know them, but they invented it quote unquote. Yeah, perhaps they didn't get around to copywriting that actual... The public, the company didn't go public until 1920 odd, so maybe that was when they came with the title. Maybe they ran out of copyright on that name. Yeah.

Who knows? Because this is a Marks and Spencers product. Yeah. And this is quite an attractive tin, Paul. It's a black oval tin. In relief, in 3D, on top a bunch of licorice all sorts. Yeah. Very colourful, eye catching, nice.

Would you like that tin? I like it, yes. on top a bunch of liquorice all sorts. Yeah. Very colourful. Yeah. Eye catching. Nice. Would you like that Tim? I like it. Yes. And you may keep it but I am going to price it and I'm going to price it at... 80p. It's clanging. 80p for that Paul? Yeah. What about you? And I think I'm gonna undercut you and I would say 75p. What did you say, 80? 80. Yeah, I think you're in the ballpark. You're gonna stick with 75 before I commit it to Paige? I will stick with 75.

Right. It's a little wooden man. Oh, it's a little wooden man. It's a, he's a... Talking to the mic. Fuck me. Oh, his head's fallen off. Oh, he's a little broken wooden man.

Oh no, it's fellin' off, a little wooden, it's had, his head, jupetto thing. He's had a little fallow period. I've stuck his head back on. Oh, you can glue that easily. It's not a big break. But this is an ornament, but it's legs moves, I take it.

If you pull on his string. If you pull on his little toggle at the bottom. In his toggle string. My legs move if you pull on my toggle string. Do you know what I'm saying, Paul? So if I pull your cock real hard, I'd imagine your legs would spring out at an angle quite violently, yeah.

Well, you've made that very unromantic. I would literally grab at the whole lot of it, like fucking Super Mario grabbing at a root vegetable in Super Mario Bros 2, and I'd just tug it all at the root, literally grab the cock and balls in my two hands in one go. Why? Pull at it like a root. Why do you look so happy now? Because it's, now I make your legs dance, won't I?

This is broken! It's a fiddly thing and all the, His cock strings are all tied up and his knob... Oh, there we go. Oh, he's dancing now! He's happy now, he's got his head to come off. I'm just gonna imagine, you have to imagine. You have to imagine his head. There will be pictures on our website for this.

There you go, see you pull it and he... He dances up and down, Paul. He dances up and down. He jingle jangle dances. It's a piece of shit, aren't it? It is a piece of shit. Right, I'm gonna say 50p. Yeah. He dances up and down. He jingle jangle dances. It's a piece of shit. It is a piece of shit. How much? I'm going to say 50p.

Yeah. You're going to just go 50p are you? I don't know. You have to go by 5p up or downies. I don't have to go with anything. You have to go 5p up or downies. I could say 40 quid if I wanted to. You could.

I'm not going to. No you couldn't because then you can't choose a price when he's given us a ceiling. No I know but I could still just go 40 quid. I could just say rat a little symbol of a rabbit right. Yeah. With um. Mate if we stop doing that we've ruined the game. How much is that? 20 cats? Yes. Oh oh I think it's all a budgie or two. I'm gonna say rabbit fern pot. You can do what you like. I can do what I like thank you Paul. I'm going to say, I hate this, because it's shit and I can easily see that going for like 10p, you know what I mean? This is a car boot sale, people are shoving things out, they just want to get rid of their

stuff so they have to drive home with it. Well you could say 25, go half 50. I'm kind of thinking 25, to be honest. It might be too low, but I'm just thinking 25, 30p. You'll be within the 25 and get a between if it's anything. Now I think Eli's going to like this next one and I'm gonna give it to him now. Ready for this. Oh it's a little box I can see it's a box. Here we go. It's a little Ocado van. It's a little Ocado van minting box. Nice little purple box. Oh this has got the price

on. Oh does it? He's left the price on. Frasier, schoolboy. Schoolboy error. Do you want to have a go for the trains? The thing is, are we sure that's the right price and not just a price that's been already on it? All right, let's just take this as a guide. Well then show me what the price is. 50p. 50p. That seems right, doesn't it? It does seem right, doesn't it? Oh, but it's got quite a nice build quality on this. It's a toy van. Ocado, which is a food delivery company in this country. Shopping. Yes, and they started off only delivering Waitrose food and then they moved to Morrisons I believe. I don't know. Which I thought was weird. How

you can have a whole brand but it only does one supermarket brand. Yeah. And then it goes to another supermarket brand. But what's going on in the world? It's a big go off. No commitments. No commitment. It just goes off wherever it's cool, gives it the most money. It's a nice purple colour though and quite... A Mercedes van, Mercedes delivery goes off wherever it's cool, gives them the most money. It's a nice purple colour though and a quite... A Mercedes van, a Mercedes delivery van. Oh, it's got a

little Mercedes thing, yeah. Oh lord, won't you buy me an old car, an old van. 50p. My friend, boyfriend fucks horses. You must understand, he drinks all the cum that comes out the car All those horses that he loves so much Right, okay. Nice. No, good stuff.

He sucks the cocks of horses 50p, that's my guess. Right. 50p. What are you guessing? Well here's my problem. It says 50p, it could be 50p. However, the ceiling's £7 and so far you have spent quote unquote £3.75 and I've spent £80, £75, £25, so I've spent £1.80 so like we're nowhere near £7. How many items? You've still got two items to go. One.

One item to go. Unless I've left one, which I don't think I have, because literally the box came a little while ago and I left it in. Well, are we going to get a chance to look over our prices and give them a little tweakle? Little tweakle. A little tweak, a little fiddle with. So I kind of, I'm stuck because is that 50p thrown us because it's not 50p, but if it is 50p. Are we going to take the petwings?

we should benefit from Frazier's mistake this could end horribly for us this one this could be another double donut shit the bed situation but let's crack on with the last item the last item is a box and he's handing it to me it's in big boy bubble wrap you're gonna have to be very careful opening this because it will fall apart and spill everywhere

if you don't take care. So right now or right then, when you had it on your lap, it was the right way up. That's the way. Yeah. So try and keep it in that orientation. It's wrapped in the bubbly wrap. I'm scared now. It's not dangerous.

It's just it's got lots of small pieces and you don't want to spill them. It's a very nice big bubble bubble wrap. A big bubble wrap this one. Oh, I can smell something. Like a chemical smell. Well, that might be the bubbly wrap. Like a paint smell.

Oh, I'm going to try and slide my hand in. He's going to try and slide it in. Yeah, that's a good idea. Oh, he's pulling it out. Yes, I think it is the paint on this that I smell. The lacquer or whatever it is. Yeah. Oh, this is our...

Oh, this is 3D Noughts and Crosses. Yes, made of wood. 3D Noughts and Crosses made of wood, everyone. Oh, this is our... Oh, this is 3D Noughts and Crosses. Yes, made of wood. 3D Noughts and Crosses made of wood, everyone. Oh, it's quite tactile. It's quite nice. It's got little balls for the zeros and little wooden crosses for the crosses. And so do you have to try and win every game? And do you think this is like normal 2D tic-tac-toe or Noughts and Crosses?

Yeah, I don't know. I've never paid... Because you're doing it on what? Like one, two... Like how many levels of win is available on that because you've got... You've got one, two... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, nine, ten across the top, eleven across the top, then diagonal across the center twice. Loads. So... It's an actual math... neither of us have the maths for that. Maybe it says it doesn't say. No, it doesn't say. But it's simply made, wooden base. How many possible, someone could, it's like a formula. I bet there's a YouTube video exactly about this right now.

Talking of noughts and crosses, Paul, I saw a very interesting variation on noughts and crosses the other day. Doshes and dash. No. Doshes and dashes. I don't know what you're even trying to say. Dots and dashes.

No, I said dosh and dashes. I know, but why did you say that? That's the name of the game, dosh and dashes. I don't know what you're even trying to say. Dots and dashes? No, I said Dosh and dashes. No, but why did you say that? That's the name of the game, Dosh and Dashes. Oh yeah, how do you play that? Simple, you put a Dosh on and after that you dash it. And then do you get Dosh Dosh? I love that game! Double Dosh! Double fucking Dosh Dunkie Donuts!

Dosh Dosh. Play Dosh Dosh for the Dosh Dosh. You got me, just repeating the word Dosh! Dosh dash. Play Dosh Dash for the Dosh Dosh. You got me just repeating the word Dosh! Dosh! Dosh dash. He's got panic in his eyes. He does it. He does it when he gets over excited, over stimulated. Double Dosh. Dosh Dosh Dosh Dosh. Now, I saw a variant where you have, can you imagine a Noughts and Crosses board?

Yeah. But in each one is another little imagine a Norton Crosses board? Yeah. But in each one is another little Norton Crosses game. Oh no, I don't like that. And so you have to win each game and then when, if you win the game in the, then you get across on the big one. Bigger square. It's quite cool, huh? It's quite cool, but you have to play ahead.

You got to play ahead. It's a tough one. But it does, it makes the strategy much more interesting. Then you can start there and then go to that one and play the game within that square, right? You'd have to play it in the middle one first, or you could go that one and then top left. Yeah, that's right, you're playing on all the games simultaneously.

So you could basically play nine times the game within, mate, just pick a price. It's what? I'm gonna say, like I go first with this one. It's nine, yeah. I'm gonna say that's three quid. You go first this time. I did, that's why I said three quid. I think it is something like that as well. I'm gonna say three

pounds twenty five. Both of us playing quite edgy, cagey games. I swear to god, if everything here is 50p and then that wooden thing is like six quid, I'm gonna be fucked off. Well, is that all the items? Yeah, it's all the items. So let's do a little bit of a recap and see if you want to rejig and poke around at the prices. Okay. Right, so I'll go through with you first. The Goons book, you said a pound, do you want to alter that? No, I'm like that. A pound, very often the price, and it's a good strategy to go for one item being at least a pound. I want to get double the twings if I can, Paul, and I think by guessing one item as being a quid, I'm raising my chances. So you're gonna stick with a quid? I'm gonna stick with a quid. Right and that case for the licorice tin you said 75p what do you want to do with

that price? I like that price I'm liking that price. You're not gonna go any higher than that? No. Okay. Are you changing yours? I'll go through yours first so the little wooden man you said 50p. Yeah I'm gonna stick with that I'm happy with all of mine. And the van it says 50p. It's a ceiling. It doesn't mean they all add up to exactly seven, Paul. No, I know, but you said the roof was, so at least it would be no more than six. I haven't gone over seven, have I? I haven't gone.

Literally six quid altogether, yours. So I'm gonna give you a little, I'm gonna give you a chance now to amend the price. Can I go 125 for the Goons book, please? 125. That's it, that's all I'm doing. Fine. That's my little capitulation. I said 75p for the Goon book. I might £1.25 for the Goons book, please? £1.25. That's it. That's all I'm doing. That's my little capitulation. Fine. I said £75p for the Goon book. I might go crazy.

Hang on. How much have I spent so far? Three? You're going to go up for £2 for the Goons, are you? £5.20 I've done so far. So I at least want to find another quid. So I might. I might be bold and I might say £2 for the book. Yeah.

Right. Licorice tin, I said £80p. I'm going to go ahead and say 150. And then I'm going to leave it. OK. And what were your other two? Well, the van was 50p and the little man 25p. The man might be the one that actually appalls us. And the van might fuck us. You know what? I think that is the price because it's easy to miss that sticker.

Right. So with that being said, I'm going to ask Corduroy Robot to release the prices and hand them to you. Please do. Please do. Bleat Blob. Here are the scores, bleat blob! Affirmative. There you go, he's released them and I'm going to... He's going to open them up now. There's a little bit of tape that seals it. Done. Done. Right. So go with the order of what it says on that page. Okay, first we have the puppet. Little man. We said 50p.

Did you say little man? Yeah, it's a little man. It said 50. Did you say little man? Yes a little man It's a decoration. I'd call it fine, but we both said I said 25 P you said 50 50 P is it? Yeah, so two three lie twango and mango Twang and so do I get a point as well? Did you say 25 P? Yes, you're within the 25 P mark 25 P between text put for twingage. Yeah, we played play the 25p mark. 25p per twing. Text put per twingage. Yeah, we played the game. Right, what's next?

The Book of the Goons. Book of the Goons. You said 125, I said two quid. Oh dear. What is it? 50p. I would have got the per twing then. I gambled and lost.

Oh, he's fucked us. Next item. The Ocado Van. Oh mate, we've been fucked. We've been fucked over. Frazier's fucked us. Next item. The Ocado van. Oh mate we've been fucked. We've been fucked over. Frazier's done a job on us. He's Psy-Opped that fucking Ocado van with a fake sticker. Playing mind games. Mind games. Okay so we said 50p because there was a sticker on it saying 50. It's 80p according to this piece of paper Paul. No Patwanges. This is another... They eased on it. Ash did it eventually. They fucked us over.

Little Vinny Victories. Laughing at home, listening in. I fucked those Cheap Show lads. I fucked them. I bent them down like the little letter A and I fucked them. Little fucking... With my hand. Oh, woof them.

Bop their grudge. So, what's next? The tin. A tin. Okay, I said... 150, you said 75. I mean, you're closer, but... What is it?

It's too big. It's too big. It's too big. It's too big. It's too big. It's too big. It's too big The tin. A tin. Okay, I said 150, you said 75. I mean you're closer but... What is it? It's £2. Oh.

And going into the last item, can we have a little update on the Patwin Shee? So as it stands, I have one, you have two, and the last item is the Norton Crosses. Oh dear. So... I could win one, guys. This is a... I said £3, you said £ 3.25, the price is? Three pounds.

So two per twings for me, one for you, which means it is a draw. Three per twings a piece. Well done. Not a bad outcome. Well done, Mr Silverman. We did well on that Norston item, Crosses item, didn't we? We did, we did. I think we were a bit more confident with that. Now over to the commentary box to speak to the guys who've been watching the match and they'll give their Opinions of it now in a post game discussion handing over to them now

Come on make but let's do a little bit of character work before we get A couple of minutes before you just go straight to powdery grudge Alright, alright, alright. Alright, just give us a couple of minutes before you just go straight to powdery grudge. Alright? Anyway, you played a good game those lads today. A little bit off form, but not bad, not bad. What they've done good there, you know that, Bob. I think they've spread themselves too thin.

They've done good. Pete. They've put a real, this was a real obstacle put in their way. They weren't to blame for that. I don't know, I think that 50p threw them, I think they should have known better to play that card. It's what we used to call, when I was playing... Back in the day, when it was a real game. It's what we used to call...

When it's a real game. A pig shit in the ice cream. That's what we used to call it. A pig shit in the ice cream, or we used to call it fucking grubby Cornetto. I used to give my wife the grubby Cornetto. Fuck me, she wouldn't walk for a fortnight. You used to call it half I used to give my wife the grubby cornetto. Fuck me, she wouldn't walk for a fortnight. You used to call it... After I tasted sweet corn on... Anyway, those two lads, they played a good game,

but I think it's a fair result. Round trees. I think it's a fair result. Don't you? Grotch. Okay, mate, well, if you're just... If you're not gonna get involved in this sketch... What, you said I could say grotch?

Yeah, but that's my word for a start. And second of all... I wanna say it! All you do, all you've done today, when you've been given the chance to do a comedy concede, all you've done is just go straight for your cock and balls and extended something from it or put something in it. That's all you've done! I've not put anything down it. You've not. You've powdered it, you've grabbed it, you've pulled it, you've sewn it, you've... I pretended I was a lady of old times taking liquorice sticks from her...

Fanny? No, good, I'm glad you tied the fucking hangar lantern on that particular story. A lady of old times removing the liquorice sticks. Oh, you dick! Sticky, sticky liquorice sticks, Paul! Sticky Vicky's Liquorice Trickies. Yes, I'd buy those. A flick of the dish, a nice kalisha, call a kalisha, bish, bish. That's what we like to dish on undibbly, bosh the dish.

You've made me say nonsense now. I like it when you say nonsense. I don't, because it feels like I've given up on being funny by just saying random shit. One of us has to end with something now. No, we don't. We can just go into the next segment. Well done.

Well done, Eli. You don't want to play a tiebreaker? What can we tiebreak? What can we tiebreak off? What can we do? We can't. We can't do anything. We haven't got a tie breaker situation. Well, let's just take a nice haul of potwings for both of us there, Paul. Yes, I'm happy with the three.

It wasn't a double doughnut, was it? No, it was a nice, cosy couplet. Yes, not a couplet. Trio. Double trio. Double douche. Douche, douche. Double douche. It for the dots of douche. Dosh and dutch. Just press the button. Oh, it's the Plattsons time, Mr Silverman. It's that time of the show, Paul, where I select some records from my huge collection of seven inches.

Who were? Usually seven inches. Sometimes it's 12, sometimes it's LPs. Sometimes it's a tenner. I like a bit of the old, the old Moog, as they call it. Oh he does. The Moog organ. Aye. And I like to listen to it and while I... You don't know where you're going with this as well do you? Right there. It's Silverman's Platters time. It is. And we've, we've been very, we've been very... He's shut down. We're being very what, generous? We're being very loud.

Alright, we'll quieten down again. Well doesn't, isn't he gonna, he's gonna finish with his... He's uploading stuff right now, so he's fine, he's offline. He's updating all that new software too. As soon as that update hits, he's gonna be raring, he'll be a new trackbot. I know, but let's get through this. I wanna meet new trackbots. We'll see. I want to meet new track bot Paul.

We'll see if we get through these quick enough. Well, isn't he gonna finish uploading any second now? I don't want to do a character yet. Don't wait, give me time to warm up. Isn't he gonna do any sec? Alright, alright, just let's. We've got three records, one of them not Moog. Not Moog. Which is the not Moog. So there's two Moog and one not Moog. Is this the first one not Moog? The first one is not Moog. Right. But the other two very much Moog. moog. Is this the first one not moog? The first one is not moog. Right. The other two very much moog. We've got 66.6% recurring moog on this week's... If you're doing the math, yes you are.

Splatters, platters. And the first one, get us out of the way. We'll just say, we're going to listen to these records, discuss them, and then we decide in a binary fashion whether each one is for us or not. Platter or splatter. A platter being one we would like as a platter in our lives. In our lives a splatter is the opposite.

You spunk on it. You don't like it. You put it in the bin, you scrunch it up and say I've had enough of that. You do a little pfft like that raspberry on it. Yeah a little poo. And it gets splattered. A little splatter on the platter. Blood splatter.

A splatter on the platter. Right so this first one get out the way is called Ping Pong and it's by Fandango with Norman Leong and it sounds, sounds like this. ["The I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy.

I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. So that's that. Now Paul, I came across this in a hall of Reprise Stroke Warner promos. Right. All in pristine condition. They are, they are.

There was one by Jackie Lomax. Right. Who was George Harrison's protege in the end last days of the app when they were at Apple. So were these records just given out to what? Radio stations then to kind of be like testers. Yeah, promos. Do you like this artist?

They're promos. Yeah. And there was a early Earth Wind and Fire in there. Oh, right. There was that one by Charlie Wright in the 103rd Watt Street Band. Something like that, yeah. Who were the people who did Respect Yourself. Yeah, respect yourself.

Not that one. Hey. Oh, no, Express Yourself. Express yourself. Hey, hey. That's Respect Yourself. Express Yourself is someone who goes... Express yourself. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Eyes. Oh Blue Eyes. There were a lot of weird things. There's one soundtrack for John Lithgow's first film. Oh yeah. And some really terrible, a lot of them were terrible sort of Southern

rock style stuff that I've never heard of. So what kind of music is this then? It's just... This is a novelty song. Oh yeah. Ping Pong is a novelty song because it has, you can see it has the noise of someone playing ping pong on it. It's weird. It kind of feels like they're trying to do popcorn but with ping pong, but it's not really that. And also it's just using little moments. And I'm confused by its existence. I suspect there was a sort of ping pong being a sort of exotic new sport in 72. Well, I mean, that film Forrest Gump, as in playing ping pong, when does that happen in the film? In the 70s or something?

Perhaps. Yeah, but I think there was a, I think, didn't Nixon went visited China around this time, this is 72 right? And I think maybe ping pong was in the Olympics for the first time, table tennis or something like that. I think there was a mini craze and I think this is a failed sort of novelty instrumental cash in. Yes, I wasn't impressed. Stop crutching your grouch.

Crutching your grouch. Crouching me grouch! I want Trackbot to come around. Later. Because I like going in there after each cut out of the thing. Yeah, not very good. Ping pong not very good. But interesting hall. You want to talk about the B side, didn't you? Because it's the same, isn't it? It's called Ping Pong Harmony. It's not the same tune. Oh no, it's not. It's more country.

And it has someone speaking It's more country. And it has someone speaking Chinese at the beginning. Applause. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy.

I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. Maybe that's who that Norman Leong is. Because on the record it says with Norman Leong. But we looked up one of these other guys, didn't we, and they were an extremely prolific accordionist, is that right? Yes, Carl L whatever his name is, Fontine. Oh, yes, he's got the writing credit, Carl L. Fortina. Fortina, yeah, he was an accordionist to the stars in Hollywood. He was over, apparently he was over like hundreds of films, he was used on loads of TV

shows. And then he became musical director at Paramount at some stage, didn't he? Yes, at some point so. It's obviously him starting out or something or being used. He composed it, it's fine. It's just, it's a splatter for me. Oh, absolutely. It's just boring. Boring! Next track.

Hey! I want to get this one out of the way as well. Now we're into the Moog section. This is the Moog section, so it gets comfortable. It's pronounced Moog if it's the guy's name but moog is the colloquial term. Yeah and as most people have said as well is like even he said he doesn't care how people say it apparently. He doesn't he's dead now so. So he doesn't get to fucking say I'll call it whatever I want. Doesn't get to say shit. Mooog. This is a mooog truck. If you cross a pig and a cow. Cow. Mooog.

Mooog. We're listening to some mooog music music you know what i'd like to do get that moohog no no this is going somewhere right yeah get the moohog fucking shave that fucking thing shave it shaved moohog and so you can barbecue shaved moohog to what ends both ends if you like right we can swap halfway through the moohawk session. This is our next track. Oh I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a So clean to see when I'm getting down Darkness waits for me to come

Love has never been what it should have been When I'm getting down Darkness waits for me to come What else can I say? Really simple say It's a bit moogie. It's more there for flavour than leading it. Peculiar. It's a very peculiar song. Because I don't, to me it doesn't sound like, it's not very moogie.

No. So they're not, but it's sold as a moog version and usually those kind of cover versions done in the moog style sometimes called switched on because there was a famous series called switched on switched on Beethoven or whatever which were moog versions of the classics obviously but then you get switched on rock yes but so this is that type of thing but the song is not a flamenco song not really have a great deal of moog on it. No. And it's more in a sort of weird sort of pop, psych sort of style. Almost. There's a bit of a ballad feel to it as well. But the second side is properly a ballad. Yes it is. And it's a wet, I'm not going

to put it in. It's too wet. I won't put anything wet in. It's called The Sound of My Love. It's so wet. It's quite drippy. It's a drippy song but it's got a kind of... Has moog washes. Yeah it's got a kind of forever autumn, Jeff Wins wore the world's vibe to it at the B-side I thought. Jeff Lin. Jeff Lin, sorry yes. I looked up Dan Laxman, because why not, and he was born in 1950, a Belgian composer and sound engineer. So is he putting on a French, not French, is he putting on a Spanish accent in that then? Well, he's Belgian. Yeah, but he doesn't sound Belgian in that. Does he to you? Yeah. Really? He sounds like a general sort of non-English speaker. I thought he was putting on some kind of hello, is it me? Like not Margaret

de Bracketan, but you know what I mean? Everything's also not very well produced. It's all sort of quite smerged together. It's very smerched. It's very kind of like almost in the background. Everything's in the background. Yeah. So Dan Laxman, he got into music at school. He became a recording engineer. That led to him working with bands like... Telex. Yeah. Well, he eventually formed Telex. He formed Telex. Now I've got a lot of time for Telex.

We've had them on the show. They're like pop, pop, electro, electronica pop sort of thing. They did a great tune called Moscow Disco. He worked with a band called Focus. Eurovision. Thank you. Remember that? Eurovision. That's the Eurovision hit they had. Yes. That they went on Eurovision, not Eurovision, Eurovision to do. Yes, Telex we've had on the show. We've had him on the show. He produced bands, he got into Moog, he set up a band called the Electronic System. He made a few albums in that style. He formed Telex. And he did a few Moog cash-in, Moog LPs, didn't he?

Yes. And that's off that. Yeah. Well, the Laxman Association did one album that had popcorn on it as well, and something called Hot Butter as well. Both of those are stalwarts of the novelty Moog single scene. Yeah. You know Hot Butter? Yes.

It's like popcorn. It is, they're all very samey, Moog-y samey. What's the Hot Butter on the back, on the B side of popcorn originally? I mean I don't know, I couldn't tell you. Popcorn Chicken. Oh. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum with David Bowie. I remember that person as well. Hooverphonic. I have not heard of Hooverphonic. Clues O. Ozark Henry. Ozark Henry. Benabar Uri Ross. You're just making shit up now. No I'm not actually, that's a real name. Kay's Choice. All-Pound Bands. Okay now it's getting more obscure. But that's the man, what did you think of the track? Not for me, another splatter. Yeah I don't know, it never reaches a proper flamenco crescendo. It does not and the moog is not prominent enough I've you know I need more moog. I've got

I've got a fever for moog and it's not getting given. My prescription is not being filled by the Laxman Association. So let's see if the doctor's in for our next track which is something that we thought would be well something we weren't too interested in until we did a little bit of research. This is Shelter with Ron Little Girl. ["Ron Little Girl"] Run, women on the go Women having fun, so much you wanna know Hungering for life, thirsting for action Determined to get your satisfaction Run little girl, fly away little girl

But come back home to me Run little girl, fly away little girl But come back home to me Women fly high Did you like it? I do actually, I do. It is very peculiar. It's like a mashup of, like a Switched On Mozart thing. Yes it is. It's pointlessly moogie this one. But it's very much a country pop song underneath that.

Run little girl in the world but come back to me when you're older. Well it's very like the guided Matthew and Son. Matthew and Son, Matthew and Son. Cat Stevens. Yeah him. Wide world. Yeah it's I mean. And it's a similar thing it's like you know run you go on go on go get fanny I mean go get whatever you want. Whatever tickles your particular fancy. He's like you're desperate for action he says at some time.

You're out, you're running, go get action. Oh dear. Go get some fucking action. Anyway, so this... And thirst for action! This song is not like that though. This song is a bit more upbeat and I would argue a little more innocent. Like what? No, I'm saying this song has the thirst for action line. Well yes, but he's saying go out into the world, explore... Run little girl! Come back to me. Have a look little girl!

Once you've made lots of mistakes, come back to me and I'll subdue you. It's problematic isn't it? It's kind of like, it's a paternal, paternalistic position to take. And I, it's... Toward a lover, do you see what I mean? Yeah. Do you see what the parallel I'm doing with White World? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I absolutely see the parallel. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, the vibe of the song mixes poorly with the moog arrangement. Yeah, it's so incongruous. But the moog is quite good. If you just look at the moog itself, on its own, it's doing some moog shit. You know, it's doing some bells and whistles shit with the moog there. It's almost like it's trying to be a banjo in that style where country music has an odd

song. But the B side, utterly different. It's like a slow ballad. The other thing we should mention that really stuck out to us is at the very end of the song. You should play this. They go, take shelter! Come back home to me. Take shelter. Like the Abe Wooden in a musical, in fact, very much like that Simpsons thing. Yeah, Planet of the Apes thing, Dr Zayas. Oh no! That sidecar, what is it? It's like, yes, yes!

Tin can. It's the one that the showman sings. Hot on a cat tin roof. Hot on a cat tin roof. In Stella. Yeah, but they make a musical version on a cat, cat on a hot in roof. Stella. Yeah, but they make a musical version. No, it's street car named Desire.

Street car. Stella, can't you hear me? Street car. Yeah, street car, the end exclamation mark. At the end of this they go, take shelter. Yes. And it's just so weird, because you don't have bands saying the name of the band,

but that should have been a clue to us of the origin. Yes, I looked it up and I was like, all right, I can't find anything on the songwriters. I can find out something of the artist because they mentioned the names of the artist, Tony Wells and someone else. I can't remember her name now. But then we looked a little bit more and it was like, oh wait, songs from Shelter. The band isn't called Shelter. This is from a thing called Shelter. And then I looked it up and it's apparently a Broadway musical from 1973.

This song is a release of that cast recording. But here's where it gets strange, right? So first of all, the slow ballad on the B side woke up today. That's one of the tracks on the album. B side, Run Little Girl, not on the soundtrack. The A side is Run Little Girl. Yeah. That's not a track in the-

Which would say this is also a promo, a white label. But that song is not in the musical, according to the track listing. So I don't know where that song comes from. Bizarre. And why they did that arrangement. Maybe it's a first, yeah, go on. The closest tracks on there is a song sung by a guy called Arthur called Woman on the Run.

That's the closest. And so we think that's sort of to do with the, but you're going to tell me what the plot is. Is there a woman on the run in the plot? OK, what do you think the plot is based on the song you've heard and the B-side? And it's called Shelter. Called Shelter. The musical's called Shelter.

Yeah, and it's 1973. What do you think the plot is about? Have a genuine guess. I think it's some kind of story where a woman thinks her husband has done something wrong and so leaves, runs away. But then it turns out that someone else was actually the bad guy and there's a reunite. Okay. And what kind of genre would you say it was like? I think Western. Because I'm getting the cowboy vibe of that song. I know there's a lot of moog on it, which is not cowboy style. We don't even know if the moog is in the actual Broadway version of it. It might have been

the arrangement for this. It feels like it was just in the studio on the day. This is what they had available. So they used all electronic instruments. Moog is in the actual Broadway version of it. It might have been the arrangement to this. It feels like it was just in the studio on the day. This is what they had available. So they used all electronic instruments. It's such a bizarre sounding record. Yeah, so you would say the plot was something like that. Something like a western tale about a woman who... Runs away and then comes back. I mean, I know that's quite... I'm not getting much else from it.

No, but you know, drama, relationships, romance. Yeah, drama with songs. Okay, Shelter is a 1973 stage musical with book and lyrics by Gretchen Cryer and music by Nancy Ford. The musical tells the story of a man who takes shelter from the real world in a virtual computer and how his unhealthy relationships with his computer affects his real life relationships. That's the moog! The moog stands in for the future, doesn't it? Maybe that's what it's doing. But I would not have given it... If you'd told me what that is, I would have said the same as you.

Not man goes into a computer in a 1973 Broadway musical. But it does make sense because it was that era where all the weird hippie sort of sci-fi stuff was coming through. Yeah, maybe. It was originally performed in 1973. It moved around the US before eventually heading to Broadway. In the New York Times review, they said, Clive Barnes, the reviewer says, people liking their Broadway musicals to be bold and brassy will not take to shelter, but people appreciating

more chamber music, intimate, even cozy, could find this warmly pleasant. Yeah, and then it was done in an off-Broadway show in 97. Oh, it was done in an off Broadway show in 97. Oh, it was revived in 97? Yeah, along with another Cry of Ford musical called The Last Sweet Days of Isaac. This is a whole world I know nothing about. No, I know nothing about. Then the original cast album was released by Columbia Records and then in 1997 Off Way Productions also recorded their cast album as well. But we've only ever found the single, but that's the history of that. I got that in the States in Florida. That might make a lot of sense

then. It was cheap. I mean, it was only a couple of dollars. That wouldn't have come over here would it? No. But there you go. I don't know about this. Platter or splatter. I'm gonna say for me it is a platter because I like the moog on it. Yeah. It's very, it's a, if you said to someone I'm gonna play you something you're not gonna be able to guess what this genre or what it's gonna, you know. No. You could surprise someone with that record. I think I surprised it when I read the plot I was like no really didn't see that coming Just the sound of the record alone forget the backstory you wouldn't know that was from a musical really the second side is much more conventional music

Yes it is definitely But as it stands I might give it a platter too because I like a good musical and maybe this one is a good musical but there's no there's no real footprint of it even when I looked online with a generic search engine I got a Wikipedia and old Broadway Playbill thing and that was it and even on Discogs there's nothing on this other than this existing single so I didn't even see an album nor an off-broadway one. Tis a mystery. But it is a platter mystery. I'd say platter yeah. Good. Bing! Shhhhhh! Shhhhhh!

Initiate trackbot. Initiate trackbot. Initiate trackbot. 2.0, they've done mucky business in my booth. Sticky cobwebs are drip and drop I think I gave it a little scrub out. Oh, it dot good.

I gave your booth a little scrub out before you went in for the update. Smells of death in there. Well, are you better now at like getting tunes and stuff? I am updated with the latest internet database music logs. Can I just try, can I just try just a test question for you Trackbot then please? Of course! Okay, so which singer... Which singer... Had a hit with... A hit with... Yellow Brick Road. Yellow Brick Road.

Computing... Chas and Dave... Chas and Dave did it... I don't think that's correct. Trackbot is correct. So you've updated all your files have you? Updated each and every file. You know what? It's not as funny as the first version of trackbot is he? It's about the same. It's about the same.

It's never been that good. Let's get the fucking randy dog in here. Come on. Go on. He's stuck. All that cum scummed him up. Who's gummed who up? Trackbot. No, he should be updated. Yeah, but he's called him various breeds of muck. Oh, look, I can hear... He's scratching at the door. How am I going to let him in? Don't let him in! Come on, Randy dog! Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, r, fetch, fetch, fetch. Oh, god. What a sticky...

Oh, it stinks, man. Just fucking arcs. What's he been eating? Ropey arcs of it. It's like pineapple and paint. It's all in the spot. Oh, god. Oh, trackbot.

Go back in there, trackbot. It's in his grill. Going back in there, because otherwise he's going to hang around in there. Pfft. Pfft. Power down. Poor trackbot. Shh. Well Well I don't know, I think that might be the last

appearance of Trackbot. Just need to clean his booth out. Anyway, let's move on. Right, thecheapshow.co.uk, just go there. It's your link to everything. To episode guides, to pictures and videos and extra content and links to our other social medias and also our patreon.com forward slash cheap show if you would like to help support this podcast because so many do and help keep this going week in week out and give what you can but only if you can and that's most of that's that's out of the way in it. Thanks everybody. Thanks everybody. Oh it's been a long day and I think we're both ready for nippy nap bum bums cuddly time aren't we. But yeah thanks

Frasier for sending in the price of shite. Thank you very much that was a nice concoction. I'm going to enjoy that tin. Yeah enjoy your tin, enjoy your tin mate. I'm going to enjoy that tin. We've had the red corduroy robot there. Bleat Blop he says, Bleat Blop. He knows not when to stop. Two robots for the price of one. That's two robot show. I hope you've not found this a fallow experience. I've had a fallow.

I've got a fat... Don't stop putting... I swear to God, I'm going to kick it. I'm going to kick it. Fallow Grutch everyone. I want to say that. Right, fallow Grutch. Right, goodbye everyone.

Keeping it simple. Bye bye. Bye bye. I don't want to say that right goodbye everyone keeping it simple bye bye bye