CheapShow - Ep 387: Day Clipper

Starting point is 00:00:00 Avast me hearties, arrrrr. Eli and I are this week doing something a little unusual and so far already catastrophic. So we are doing a special outdoor episode but we're not walking today, are we? We are boating, Paul. Boating along the Thames in London. The transport to get to, tell them where we are first. So we thought we'd start as far east as possible on the Thames and get a clipper all the way to Putney, which is as far west as you can go. Except we got here and you can't get one till five in the afternoon.

Starting point is 00:00:41 No, but we're gonna start barking. We couldn't have got one from there at all, could we? We've both tried to get to Barking Riverside today but that line was down so we decided to meet here in Woolwich Arsenal which is one stop further west. Anyway long story short no bus has come until five so a very nice bus is till five that's after we purchased the ticket. Timing is everything. But the tickets should be good. They'll be valid.

Starting point is 00:01:09 We've paid for the whole route. So we're gonna, well, we're gonna have to jump back on the Lizzie line, or as I call it, the Lizzo line. Lizzo's been canceled. She's been achieved. Well, let's hope the boat isn't canceled today. We could have researched this a bit better. I'm not putting the blame at your door. Well let's hope the boat isn't cancelled today. We could have researched this a bit better.

Starting point is 00:01:26 I'm not putting the plate at your door. I mean you usually do. I'm not though. I'm saying we both could have had a little look and seen that the boats don't go. But look, we jump on the Lizzie line, I think it's only one or two stops, it's not that long and then we can head to, then we just get to the Clipper station from there, they're probably more regular right? Well you'd hope they're more regular than the first one being in several hours time

Starting point is 00:01:48 in this evening Paul. Yeah. Oh look there's a cannon. A big cannon. Is he like going to make some kind of penis joke about it being the same size as or girth of? No it looks like a very long thin vagina. When was the last time you've had sex with an actual real person?

Starting point is 00:02:09 I'm not doing this with you. This is not what this is about. This isn't about your toxic... Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now?

Starting point is 00:02:19 Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? Is that what the podcast is now? to episode one of toxic pod where every week I rinse my incel co-host because he's afraid of women so no I just I need to bring that up because like ladies part we can't say now we're going past a lot of ladies I was saying I was trying

Starting point is 00:02:38 to put your expectation of me making a cock joke about cannon and turn it on its head invert it mate we shouldn't have gone this way. Why did you go this way? Go up that way. Because it's just there. Anyway, look, the beginning of... I screwed up, twice. That bus is called ET. It's an outer space bus. Right, so we're gonna jump back on the underground, head to Canary Wharf where you'll probably hear us next. In no time at all for you but probably a good 20 minutes for us and hopefully we can get on this fucking clipper

Starting point is 00:03:11 and begin our sea shanty adventure to Putney. Oh look you can see where the um... Terrain tracks went yeah. Where's Morden Mountain? Morden Mountain? Into Portal Shuttle. Oh it is! You see I was just joking, I thought it was in old code but they've actually made something, it's an extraterrestrial bus, Paul. I've got, extrater, extraterrestrial.

Starting point is 00:03:32 Listen, I was on the EL1 the other day. The Eli. It's the Eli bus. Right, well okay, so I am now going to say properly, please join us for our seafaring adventure this week on Cheap Show. Come along. A shambles on Thames. Oh, a shambles on the Thames.

Starting point is 00:03:51 Sounds like a shit cocktail. Right, see you in a bit. I'm going to invent that. and And welcome back. Eli and I have arrived now at Canary Wharf, a place that, really for both of us, doesn't particularly hold any magic. It has negative connotations for our memories, Paul. I came here once to do a temp job, we're at data entry essentially, and the guy had a go at me because my typing speed wasn't very good and I just left at lunch and thought, what's happened to me, who am I, I'm unhappy,

Starting point is 00:04:53 I'll never have any money. And things haven't changed really, have they really since then? No, I'm happier now. I've got more purpose, because of you Paul and Cheap Show and so on. And the good listeners who help support us. And the good listeners. I did have a little negative experience because I'm thirsty, came out of the tube, went to a coffee store and I said I

Starting point is 00:05:14 was gonna buy a bottle of water. Yeah. I said do you take cash? No sir, sorry. Why? What the fuck is... And it's corporate bullshit. Anyway, old man Eli having a little rant again. Whereas for me, I also did a temp job around here where it was working in a, you know, like, warehouse part where the trucks come in with all the stationery or whatever and this, that and the other, boxes and files.

Starting point is 00:05:42 And the guys I worked with all to a T were racist and massively sexist, and had the reddest gammon-y necks you could possibly imagine. Seriously, every time a woman went even close to the office space, it was like, oh, I bet she'd fucking take my poundage. Ooh, ooh, ooh, whatever.

Starting point is 00:05:58 Yeah, your pound of gammon. Yeah. So that was always pleasant, because I was like early 20s at the time, and I had to come all the way from Shepherd's Bush to Come here for eight o'clock every fucking morning. Yeah till six We're heading from no, I'm finished fucking being angry and eventually I'll tell you what happened I did my fucking back in moving boxes because they asked me to and then when I was when I told them I couldn't come in

Starting point is 00:06:21 Cuz my back was in agony. They just fired me right there and then. And my temp agent had a fucking go at me. Tate recruitment, if anyone wants to know. Cunts! Anyway, so we're back here and you used to DJ here as well. I did, we're heading towards West Ferry Circus, which is sort of at the end of the Canary Wharf estate so to speak. We came out of the... Basically if OCP from Robocop built a town it would look like this. Yes, West Ferry I did used to work at the Gaucho restaurant. Remember those? Gaucho? No. They're like steak, sort of Argentinian style steak houses.

Starting point is 00:07:03 Or was it Camino? No, it was Camino.. Yeah it was Camino with you wasn't it? Yeah look where are we? Because there's the wharf, the jetty. Oh there's the wharf. And where are we? Why don't you tell us? You are here. Yeah we'll walk up there. So we'll walk around. But anyway look long story short, I've got to stop saying fucking that. I've got way too many idioms and maxims. Oh yeah, long story short. Yeah, it's pathetic. End of the day do you say that? End of the day, yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:28 Fuck me. I know. Anyway, at the end of the day, it's got a long story short. We're heading to the Jetty Pier for hopefully where we can, what is it when you get on a boat, there's a word for it, embark. Yes. Embark upon a board and embark. Board and embark upon a boat. Oh, we're going through Willoughby passage.

Starting point is 00:07:47 Holly Willoughby's passage. Oh I wonder if Willoughby's passages are echoey. Oh, oh! Oh, hello, Holly, open up! Ay-oh! Ay-oh, Holly! Smells like a dead whale up here! Smells like... Oh, I recognise it. Philip Schofield's regret. It's an old cam!

Starting point is 00:08:18 The wind's going to be terrible on that shirt. It's got a muff on. The muff does all the work. I'm sure it doesn't completely eradicate it, eradicate it, eradicate it, eradicate it. But anyway, we're two hours late for our adventure and we haven't got on a boat yet. You haven't explained to them why we haven't got on a boat yet anymore? I did because you can't get a boat from Woolwich. I thought that was abundantly clear. It's

Starting point is 00:08:44 just up this way. It's just up here, I recognise this. Yeah, hang on, I'm going to take a picture of this. Right, so we're getting our steps in, so hang on, let's just get on this fucking boat. And then we'll figure it out. But yeah, this is such a soulless place, this is such a soulless area of London. It certainly is. It's sort of designed like an American sort of boulevard, isn't it?

Starting point is 00:09:04 Well, it's kind of designed like a Hollywood movie set. It's just a fake place. There's nothing organic about the way this arose. It's a fake city. It's an empty fake city. Fuck em. Right. There will be a little video diary for this,

Starting point is 00:09:22 but it won't be anywhere near as extensive as our usual stuff maybe so just saying that exists. Right let's get to this fucking wharf or jetty or... Here we are at the circus. Not the fun kind of circus with the abused animals and dodgy clowns. No, it's the kind of circus which just means circle really. Boring, even to the magic of the word circus and ruined it. Right, hang on, let's just get here. We'll see you in a bit, hopefully next time you hear from us we'll be on a fucking clipper.

Starting point is 00:09:54 We'll have embarked and boarded and embarked away. Embarked and barked. Right, so, we got to Canary Wharf and the lovely lady there told us... Not Canary Wharf. Oh it is, yes. Sorry. I'll just deny everything you say and then I'll correct myself afterwards. Do you deny my love of Christ?

Starting point is 00:10:13 Yes I do. Good. Right, so the Clipper, oh it's gone to the other side of the dock. So we went to the Clipper on the Canary Wharf and the lovely lady there said if you want to go straight to Putney we've got to wait for an hour because that's when it goes direct. So let's catalog the things that have gone wrong so far today. Barking Riverside closed, can't get there. Woolwich Arsenal, no boats until 5 in the evening.

Starting point is 00:10:36 Then we've got to Canary Wharf an hour so it's the at least that is going to happen. Yeah and then once we get on with there We're on it till we get to put me and said to her. No, but she said it's fine They said the problem is if we got off at Battersea to try and change then that will cancel the ticket It wouldn't allow us onto another Clipper to go any further west. Yeah, so long story short We're here in one of the least

Starting point is 00:11:02 Appealing spots in the whole of London to kill an hour so there's a Virgin Active Gym do you want to be join up we can I'll spot you how active is the Virgin that's all I want to know. Oh whilst we've got a minute here Paul here you can see the city down on around the bend in the rivers quite picturesque but little tales from the dance floor I used to DJ here infrequently at the Gaucho restaurant, still there, behind Royal China, Gaucho. And once I got chatting to some people and they took me to another pub around here somewhere that I didn't know.

Starting point is 00:11:35 And it was a bit of a pain in the arse because I had to schlep my trolley full of records all around. Right. Tales from the Dance Floor! Not one of your, in fact I would say your least engaging story there wasn't even a promise of an anecdote there it was just I once went to a second pub. That's it. Exciting times. Exciting times call for exciting measures. So this is just a little update we are going to kick it back here now for an hour. The lady said if we

Starting point is 00:12:01 go back at around half past that would be fine. And look looking at it we can get a nice little seat and also we forgot to mention it's not just us taking a journey we've got some cheap eats with us some drinks while we wait should we do that we could do one I reckon I'm just thinking a dope to be honest just fucking wait until we get on the boat and then continue it so they want half of this podcast this week's episode to be just us not doing it or not doing anything in Canary Wharf complaining about how soulless the whole fucking place is. It is pretty fucking soulless though, isn't it? I feel part...

Starting point is 00:12:30 You look over to Columbia Wharf and look how old and interesting and ancient and... It looks a bit more interesting over there. You do get a nice view into... Yeah, well it's like the whole thing, is that guy, I can't remember his name now, French philosopher I want to say, who hated the Eiffel Tower, so his favourite place in the whole of Paris to philosopher I want to say, who hated the Eiffel Tower. So his favourite place in the whole of Paris to be... Was to be on top of the Eiffel Tower. Was to be on top of it so he didn't have to look at it. I've not heard that story, but there are a lot of French philosophers.

Starting point is 00:12:55 Yeah, eh man, your camp was a real pissant, it was very rarely able, I'd digger, I'd digger, it was a boozy bed. The French philosophers of the 20th century are from what they call the continental score. and a lot of people to say that's not even philosophy at all because it's been French. Yeah I mean, yeah, I mean we love our French listeners if there are any. There are. There's got to be a few I love French things. French kissing in the USA French kiss in France. The Aberdeen Steam Navigation Co. War off extended, 1903. Wow.

Starting point is 00:13:29 Alexander Pirie-Hogarth, chairman. Oh, he gets his own little fucking plaque, thinks he's all that. Just because he's some rich asshole. Just because he's a rich man who owned a big warehouse. This was the river, this is where they extended the pier. Is that where someone lives up there, or is that just like a gantry or something? It looks like a little apartment. Oh dear, we've both got weird pops. Here's a few little shops.

Starting point is 00:13:48 Right, I'll tell you what, look, we've gabbled for too long. We're going to kick it back. For about 40 minutes now. 40 minutes and then hopefully, finally, the next time you hear us, we will be on that lovely, on the lovely Clipper. Smoke me a Clipper, I'll be back for breakfast. Right so we're now standing on the pier and it's going up and down. It's a floaty pier. I didn't think it was a floaty pier.

Starting point is 00:14:16 It is unnerving but I don't suffer from sea fever. Sea sickness. I don't know but already I don't like this bit. We're just about to finally board our Clipper for Putney. Only three hours later than scheduled. 13 stops before we arrive. I'm hoping it's not like seven hours because that would be really weird. I might get a bit of a nap in, that might be quite nice. I could get a nappy. Really though, don't you?

Starting point is 00:14:55 Can you cut that? You know what, today this episode's already gone off. A bird has shat on my bag, my new bag. I think it's good luck. I think it's a sign that finally things are turning around for us. Maybe. Oh, you know what? Wobbly wobbly. It is going up and down and wobbly. Here is our boat.

Starting point is 00:15:15 Does it have a name? The hybrid. Celestial. That's a good name. Celestial Clipper. Yeah, which is another good sign. The stars, the stars are our destination. Indeed.

Starting point is 00:15:29 Oh, I don't know, it's exciting. Right, we're getting on, we're getting on, bear with us. It's happening right now. Oh, it's like a kind of big wide coach. There's loads of chairs and everything. It's a catamaran, you think, is what they actually are. Two boats. The man on it looks like an old seafaring

Starting point is 00:15:51 gent with a big beard. People disembarking. Once they've all disembarked. Oh, we're straight on. Straight on. It's none of that business. Oh, here we go. Here we go.

Starting point is 00:16:03 You're live. It's happening. We're getting on. We're getting on a boat. I'll let you find a seat or crossing over the gangway or whatever it's called. over the gangway or whatever it's called. Oh, this is really weird. Oh, this is all really weird. There's a little cafe and a bar. We sit here. Yeah, I guess we can.

Starting point is 00:16:39 Oh yeah, we've got our own little table. This is nice, isn't it? We're right next to the cafe and the toilet is that a toilet? Yeah. It's bound to be. Oh this is exciting. We've got our own little table here and you can see all of the fare available at the cafe. They have polo mints. I don't see those very often and Smarties. These are like legacy Brit band brands aren't they? There might even be brands specifically for these ferries. I can feel the power. I feel the power. Can you feel my power baby?

Starting point is 00:17:16 So now we're traveling to Putney, see how long it goes. We're in it for the long haul. We're gonna pop in at... Tower Pier. It's quite fast isn't it when you're on it. Real fast. Zooming by. Past the bench where we sat and waited. There we are. Bye bye to the bench.

Starting point is 00:17:37 There's a little viewing point there. Jetty. Please take a moment to read and familiarise yourself with the safety cards in the seat back pockets. Can you go outside you think still? We also draw your attention to the safety instructions... Yeah there's an outside bit as well.... camera out. What is a yellow man? Is that what you mean about the hangman steps? I think it's there. I don't think it's that. That's famous, the grapes up there. The pub called... We just passed me to that one back there. Oh we passed it. The hangman steps? It wasn't that one.

Starting point is 00:18:13 Yeah but it wasn't that pub, the grapes. Talking of grapes mate. What? You need a whoop-poop-oo? I don't know. You're gonna go for a boat poo? Hey we could start on the beers mate. Let's get ranked. No, it's not we're gentlemen on a gentlemen's tour. It's a private garden there, it's right on the riverside. You don't often get to see this angle do you? All the back ends. I have to say. This person on the beach with their dog. I love them. I love traveling by boat. I've never done this. This is why I thought we'd do it. Because we've never... Oh, it's going up and down. It's a bit choppy. Oh, engine's cut. This is it. So that we're going down.

Starting point is 00:18:54 Shhh, shh, shh. Women and children first. That's a brutalist brick structure. Yeah, it's weird as well, such a weird design. I love it. I love it, yeah. I don't like it. It's modular, all the different modules. You don't like it? No. Why?

Starting point is 00:19:13 It's too imposing. It's too lacking in warmth and character. For me, it has a lot of character, it has a lot of style. Yeah, well, that says more about you. This is the tunnel, that's the tunnel... What tunnel? The tunnel under the Thames, the foot tunnel. Oh yeah, I've always wanted to do that as well.

Starting point is 00:19:31 Is that there? I think that is there, isn't it? No, you might be right. That round building. I'm really enjoying this already. Alright, well you know what, I'm going to turn this off for a bit because it's going to be a long journey. Are we going to update all the listeners every time we get to a station? Not every time because there's 14 of them and I don't fancy turning this on and off 14 times.

Starting point is 00:19:49 Just take a break and chill. Okay. Oh look it's picking up speed now. Our celestial clipper is taking us to Putney and we're finally doing it. Right let's just take a break. Okay. We're passing under London Bridge, Eli's taking pictures of a hotel called the Gungadon hotel, something. Guman. Guman hotel. And I'm just going to go out and look at the Tower of London because we're going under it. Tower Bridge. See, I'm going out. Eli could get fucked. So there we go. Going under the famous London Bridge, no Tower Bridge. London Bridge is the one that people get confused about. It's kind of cool to go under it for a change.

Starting point is 00:20:52 It's nice to go over the other side now. Here we go, look there's the bridge and the number 348 going over it. I think that's 348, can't read it. Live reporting from the Clipper. This is Cheap Show on the Clipper. Heading down towards Putney, which it turns out, we thought it was going to be a long journey, but it turns out actually it's only about an hour and ten minutes on this from where we started to where we're going to go in Putney. And I think we're going to pull into a stop now, so I'm just going to go back to see my mate, my good friend

Starting point is 00:21:28 Eli, yeah there's toilets there, the bar, let's see, Tower Pier, yeah I've got some good footage of that, got some good footage of the bridge mate, some good bridge footage, we erm, are they all getting on, more people are getting on more people getting on Yeah, maybe We went past the Tower of London People are getting on London Bridge, City Pier. Oh, people are getting on. There's quite a few people getting on, but that stems the breaks, innit? But there's loads of seats up there and back there, so I don't think they're getting too old. It's pulling in, it's bumping.

Starting point is 00:22:19 What are you doing? I'm getting lunch out. What did you bring? Sandwiches. Did you? Didn't bring any sandwiches for Gannon? Did you? Do you?

Starting point is 00:22:36 I'm very... Oh, he's got a nourishment tin. I hate them. What is it? Our unique creamy taste made of fresh milk. So what is it? What is it? It's a milk based drink. Like a milkshake? Yeah. Have you never had a nourishment? No. They're really nice. You'd love them. Not the banana one maybe, but they do a chocolate one and they do a strawberry one.

Starting point is 00:22:58 How do you love to be nourished? I know I like it. It's good if you're basically it's good if you're trying to what you're losing the audience. Do cold turkey from heroin. Why is everything about you've mentioned drugs a lot today you bought a special Red Bull because it has a B16 bit and it gets you off acid or whatever you said. Oh I've got the special red ball and if you take it, acid doesn't work no more or something that's what you said. I'm sorry mate.

Starting point is 00:23:33 So you can drink a lot of nourishment so basically nourishment is the drink of the crackhead. Yes. And. Are you a crackhead? Is this you admitting it? I'm not no. Eli Crackhead Silverman. I am not, no.

Starting point is 00:23:46 You hear that here first, ladies and gentlemen. Also, it's very... It's very brave of you to admit that. I think it's originally a Jamaican product. Right. Or it gained popularity. Yeah. You used to get those, and then you get a Ribena,

Starting point is 00:24:01 a packet of salt and vinegar, crisps, a Kit Kat. For some, it's the creamy, delicious caramel taste that's unique to cooked fresh milk. For others, it's the essential vitamin and minerals that make up. You drink a great pick. I can't read this, my eyes are fucked. Straight from the can, poured into a glass,

Starting point is 00:24:20 or mixed into a punch. Yeah. There's ways to enjoy a delicious. See, that's what I mean. That's the trick, yeah, no. A a punch. Yeah. There's ways to enjoy emotions. A run punch. So what we've learned today is Eli is a crackhead. Trying to get off his fix. No I've bought a sandwich. With the monkey man on his back. Is that crackhead behavior? Yeah. I've brought your own packed lunch because you know you're going to be out. Yeah. Do you want to see what I've got?

Starting point is 00:24:45 What have you got? Show us your crackhead bag. Your crackhead pack lunch. It's not. Your crack lunch. Stop saying that. Well then there'll be a crackhead. Look I've got a nice lunch bag.

Starting point is 00:24:55 He's got his nice lunch bag. Lunch box. Yeah. No one's going to hear anything you say because you never talk on the mic. Lunch box. That's too close now isn't it. It's a little bento type box in it yes it's a little Western bento what have you bought olives there

Starting point is 00:25:12 stinky pickles and that you know that isn't orange crunch that is a bacon flavored soy for salads and that's not the main course though look at that. Sandwiches, what kind of sandwiches did you make? Corned beef. I don't like corned beef. My mum used to make it with corned beef, I don't know, when you mash it into a baked potato. I love that, I absolutely love that.

Starting point is 00:25:38 I don't know, it just ruins good mash for me though. I like my mash. Corned beef and cucumber I've got, I've got mustard, mayo and butter. This episode for me is an absolute boring disaster. We missed our first point of call, we had to do the whole route. The weather was shit when we had promised it would be lovely. You're a crackhead. It's just horrible.

Starting point is 00:26:01 You've ruined this. Oh, City Pier. It's a bit like Night've ruined this. We are now arriving at London Bridge City Pier. Oh, City Pier. It's a bit like Night Bus in this, I guess, but on the water and not at night. Yes. Oh, it's Day Boating. Day Clipper. Day Clipper, yeah. We're getting there. We'll find out.

Starting point is 00:26:19 I used to work in a call centre. Oh, yeah. That building. Yeah, I remember. I remember meeting you there. I can't remember why I bothered but I did. Well I don't want to be all like you're a hypocrite but you're a hypocrite because it was to get drugs. Yeah but at least it wasn't crack was it? It was not crack. It wasn't. It was mescaline. And that's where that

Starting point is 00:26:43 remember there was a terrorist attack where a guy stabbed a load of people? Was that... well, do you want to pick up any more happy stories? Do you have any happy stories around it? I guess you don't, do you? No. Well, there you go. You're not allowed to talk now. I'm enjoying this sandwich. Yeah, but you're not allowed to talk now, so you can give me a nice story. Okay. This sandwich... I'll tell you a story about this sandwich. Once upon a time, there was a fat man eating a corned beef sandwich on a clipper embarrassing himself with his crack addiction the end

Starting point is 00:27:08 Wow Do you reckon that boat really is for royalty just because it's got the word royalty written on it No, also Dutch master Etc No, there's another uber of the mon Clipper. Didn't we see that before? We're on the Celestial and we now have stopped at the London Bridge Pier. Oh I'm beeping. Right, anyway, I've had enough of this. I just wanted to go onto the bridge so we'll

Starting point is 00:27:36 see you guys later on the route. Right, I've brought some snacks for eating for this journey and guess who found the letter from the big box? Remember last week? What is it? It wasn't Matthew, actually Matthew got in touch with us on Instagram to say, not me but bless us. So it was Ben. Hello Ben. Ben's big box. Thanks for the box Ben. And there's a few

Starting point is 00:28:08 things in here I need to just... right you ready? Because I want you to eat this one. Oh these are from the same box. Yeah. The box that keeps giving. Ben's box never ends. Ben's box never ends. Ben's big box is bountiful. It's a bountiful box and it... Ben's a beautiful bountiful big box. And it brings forth... You have to eat these. Bounty. Fish. King Prawn Crab... They're not crab, they're prawn.

Starting point is 00:28:36 Are these Russian? They look Russian. Look at the letter. I need to take a picture before you start eating them. They're a number one brand. Number one brand. What have they got here? They look to be spicy king prawn. Russian prawn crisps.

Starting point is 00:28:50 I think I tried these in, what's that say? Kyrgyzstan. Kyrgyzstan and spat them out instantly, rank. Oh right. But I can't eat them because I luckily have an allergy to seafood. But Paul, do you think you can smell them? Can you smell them? Can you smell the force? Can you feel it? Oh, by the way, right now on the route we're going

Starting point is 00:29:09 past. Oh, what's wrong? Oh, have a slip. Fishy badness. I'm just going to pump some air at you. All right. I'm going to pump some... Where's this area? Where are we going? This is Embankment. Yes. So the Thames were used to be much wider here, obviously, and that's the Embankment Gardens, the park there. And that used to be all seat, all bank, all Thamesme used to be much wider here, obviously, and that's the Embankment Gardens, the park there. And that used to be all sea, all bank, all Thames. The strand is at the top. Yeah. And the strand is another word for beach.

Starting point is 00:29:31 You would be stranded there. No, because you're on the beach. Anyway, shut up. You would be stranded. Smell this huff, huffy air from the prawn crisps, man. Russian prawn crisps, here we go. Oh, oh no. That smells like seaweed

Starting point is 00:29:48 and pond. Yes it's very briny and oceany which is appropriate because we're on the river. I guess, very apropos. So he's just going to, he's giving the bag a hoof now. They look like ordinary, no colour on them, ordinary potato crisps. Nothing special other than the bag and the smell of rank fish. He's mulling it over. Come on. Salty. Salty. It's an umami there.

Starting point is 00:30:16 Right. That sort of stocky umami. And a very faint sort of fishiness, very high note right at the end. Very nice. Oh, you said they were rank. I don't know what he's note right at the end very nice oh he said they were rank I don't know what he's on about these are very nice crisps do you want them yeah right was good that's that one now I've got another one now what's what is it I brought the letters Sean and Sean have sent some stuff to us in the past they send us a big bag of

Starting point is 00:30:43 mixed crisps and there's's something else, I think. I'll try and make sure I'm not getting this wrong. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba, Dutchman, hippie, blah, blah, blah, bird's milk, we've done that. Fancy chocolate's done that. Russian crypt, coconut, blah, blah, blah. Not like prawn cocktail at all, those. Oh, look, it's the...

Starting point is 00:31:03 It's London's biggest clock face we're going past now. Is it? Oh yeah, that always reminds me of that clock face of Predator 2. You can always imagine the Predator standing on the side with a big spear being hit by lightning in LA. We're going past a boat called the Silver Sturgeon which has a big fish on it. We're going past a boat called the Silver Sturgeon. Oh, there's Cleopatra's Needle. Yep, you can shit through the eye of that. No, I think Sharna sent this because Ben sent the Mexican Rites from last week's episode and stuff.

Starting point is 00:31:34 So if I caught this right. That is actual men here that they looted from Egypt. Did you know that? Some highly overpriced donut things. Oh I don't know who sent this shit. Anyway, Ben, Shauna and Shauna, they sent crisps. Here are the crisps. And we've done that one now. Number one brand. I want to get another bag out while we're here.

Starting point is 00:31:54 Kyrgyzstan Prawn. So these are funnyfish, doughnuts, caramel style. So they look like Monster Munch. What's that say? I can't figure out what it says. They look like Monster Munch. What's that say? I can't figure out what it says. I'm going to translate it. I'm going to Google translate it. We might have a few more of these prawn crisps. Translate.

Starting point is 00:32:19 So it says here, sweet and salty all round, the delicious composition of sweet caramel with salty peanut offers all peanut fans and connoisseurs a unique taste experience fresh doughnuts crispy round thing so they're I guess they're doughnut shaped made quite a lot of people disembarking here at embankment of course you can get to the arts festival and stuff here can't you? Well, no, and Theatreland is just on the other side of the strand. Theatreland is around here. Covent Garden, well it's all here. There's the Footbridge.

Starting point is 00:32:54 We were down here on a different episode and you remember I pointed out the... the skateboard graveyard. So anyway, donuts, they are, they look like... the same consistency as Monster Munch. You know what that shape is called in maths? Anobolobnus. No, a Taurus. Oh, I'm Taurus. Are you? No, I'm a Virgo, which explains everything. Right, so I'm going to give this one a hof now. I don't like the sound of these, I have to say. They're sweet, caramel and peanut buttery. They're more like a Snickers bar. I guess. Maybe. Does it smell like a Snickers bar? Smells like a cross between paint and peanuts. Oh you and your paint notes. Go on I'll let you

Starting point is 00:33:35 do the hoffington you're a master of hoffington. Oh yeah you're right though. So thank you. Very painty um but that's the peanut. Yeah I'm just getting an artificial peanut flavour that verges into Ethelone or whatever they call it. Yeah, Ethelone. Ethelone. I don't know. I'm going to have the first one. Go on then.

Starting point is 00:33:57 What's the size like? About the size of a ten pence UK piece. It's a Taurus, it has a brown staining. I guess that's the peanut coating. Yeah they're definitely texturally very similar to the Monster Munch. It's a Corn Puff. Corn Puff. Paul's gone in. They're fine but. What are you getting? You're getting that sweet and salty combo? Not so much salty but definitely peanutty. I'm not getting any caramel there but it's got a creamy, more creamy. What do you want it to, I'm gonna go in now.

Starting point is 00:34:31 It's more creamy than salty and peanutty. It's quite nice but kind of unsatisfying. I wouldn't want to finish a whole bag of that myself. Oh it's very sweet actually. Oh that's mmm. How are you feeling? I think they're fine but I like them. I don't know. I like that. They've got a nice, what's the word? Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um Those, I think those are nice, those are nice. What's the rib experience? Is that a, oh it's a different type of boat. No, right, so we're going under Embankment Bridge. Is this Embankment Bridge you say?

Starting point is 00:35:09 Yeah. Yeah, we're going under that. No, Tarrin Cross Bridge. The next stop is West New Stapir. West New Stapir. So I'll tell you what, we'll have a little break. Okay. We'll have some more snacks. I've got those Taki, Taki's are standing

Starting point is 00:35:22 on Pringles Territory. Well we'll get to that mate, stop blowing the load, you know, spoilers and all that. I haven't blown the load, it's just the way I'm sitting. It just looks, that's the bird poo. It's more like crumbly mess. I've had my very nice corned beef sandwiches, that, and I'm living dangerously because that corned beef went off yesterday. Oooh, and I only got it for 68p. You're a bad meaty life.

Starting point is 00:35:48 So, let's take a little break. Oh, we're going past the biggest of bends. Oh yes, here at the Houses of Parliament. Look kids, Houses of Parliament. I might go out and film this for the 360 camera. So I'm going to do that and say goodbye here. Goodbye here. Goodbye.

Starting point is 00:36:03 Was that the ear? No yeah. comb at the front. right we are heading towards Vauxhall now on this route and also on our left hand side there is the MI5 building. The green and beige MI5 building and that's appeared in some of the Bond films, is that right? Every Bond I think since Piers Brosnan. Oh really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:38 His first golden eye appearance. Is that still home to MI5? I mean they don't ever admit it. I mean in the film they blow it up. They don't call it MI5 in the film do they? Yeah. I think so. We're going at some pace now.

Starting point is 00:36:53 Zipping through the bridges. We just left Millbank, which is Pimlico. What was that? That's the thing we were looking at the other day. Don't remember that. Probably for the best. But I tell you what, I don't think we've mentioned this yet, but like, you don't get to see London from this perspective a lot.

Starting point is 00:37:11 You see it across, but it is different when you're on the river going through the middle of it. Yeah, we went past the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Palace... A bunch of bastards. Do you see them all in there having fucking drinks and cocktails and some kind of awning outside? They were, I did see them. They were laughing and like toasting drinks and I was like why aren't you saving this country? Here we are at Vauxhall, that's the tower where someone crashed a helicopter a few years back. You've always mentioned that, always mentioned it. And look there's the... Did you know? What, Battersea power station? They had to rebuild the chimneys.

Starting point is 00:37:46 Those aren't the original ones. Oh, they rebuilt them. Oh, at least they did. They could have just said fuck it. And chopped them down. But there's some kind of a viewings thing or something. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, I know. Alright, sweet man. Cheers. There, okay. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, I love. Alright, sweet man. Cheers.

Starting point is 00:38:08 There you go. Paul's been told. I always get told off, don't I? Yes. I'm always getting told off. But he was a nice man and friendly. That was fine. I quite fancy him. It's raining now.

Starting point is 00:38:21 We really haven't, er... Yeah. ...splattering down. But we're safe in the cosy designs. When we planned this last week, I checked the schedule and it was all... the weather and it was like, oh it's going to be lovely on Tuesday, mmm toasty. But you have to, Paul, what you have to bear in mind is they can't tell weather more than about 24 hours with any level of accuracy. I know that but my point is right that.

Starting point is 00:38:48 Judging by that it's like the whole week at least had sunny skies rather you know and then literally yesterday it was like oh we've changed our mind. Yeah. But what's that seagull doing he's grabbing shit. He's looking for fishes. He's grabbing something you can see him grabbing something. Oh he's giving up. He's flying away. I saw him have grabbing something. Oh he's giving up. He's flying away.

Starting point is 00:39:05 I saw him have something in his feet and it dropped out. Maybe it wriggled or perhaps it was a little crab or something in it. It went nip nip as he was... Oh there's a dog on it. So anyway we're going past Battersea Power Station where we were the other day which is exciting. Ricky, every time we think about going into it we just go ah what's the fucking point don't we?

Starting point is 00:39:32 Going into where? Battersea, to investigate the new power station but it just all looks like... They've got like a shopping mall in there don't they, that's all, like a really she-she one. Oh there's a little person on a boat, he's dragging something out. What do you think they're looking for? Maybe they're doing science experiments or something. Oh yeah, maybe like depth of the thing. They're taking a plumb line maybe.

Starting point is 00:39:53 That's what that's called. I've heard that rumour as well, certain clubs, certain clubs I've been to. So I joined to take the plumb line. Oh, why? What happens? You end up getting gobbled off. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:04 Yes. My plums. Oh, line. Yeah plum line. I'm making the gesture of cupping right now for people listening at home. I'm cupping an invisible set of testicles. So we're more than halfway right? Let me check. Let me check where we are because I took a picture of the map and sent it to you on a I think once we get out of central London and we had entered West London and the stops will probably be a bit further apart from each other because they were very close there in that central section. Where are we now? I'm just checking.

Starting point is 00:40:38 We've done Bankside, we've done Blackfriars, and Bankmill, Millbank, Vauxhall. Battersea Power Station is a stop at our next. Then we've got Cadogan, Chelsea Harbour. Cadogan. And you were a man called Michael Cadogan. He got a clipper when he fell back again. Fell right in and wet his pants again. Poor old Michael Cadogan.

Starting point is 00:41:00 He shat himself again. Shat again. Good stuff. Plantation Wharf, Wandsworth, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, shat again, time. Taki taste test time. I thought we should call this segment the Taki taste test time. And these are Pringles style Takis. Yes. Because they're trying to muscle in on every section of the market. They seem to be doing it. Did we try their super cheesy ones? No. Did we? I don't know. You can't remember one thing from the next. No. Can you? No. I think it's dementia. Laugh at that. Go on. Is that a little tunnel? Yeah, that's probably when a confluence of one of the rivers.

Starting point is 00:41:52 Oh, is that one of those rivers John Rogers always goes on about? That is, yeah. I want to go in that, see where it goes. Which one would it be up here? I don't know. That's so cool, isn't it? That's the thing, you see secrets when you're on this route. You do, you're at when you're on this route. You do, you're at the level, the river level. Yeah, well there's that big thing where the stuff comes in. That we talked about in the Battersea Park video just for Patrons.

Starting point is 00:42:13 It's a big waste processing plant right on the river there. W-E-W-A is that what it says? Western Riverside Waste Authority. Oh it literally says it there next to it. I thought you had an amazingly specific and good guess. Oh there's another little mystery river entrance. Oh and another. Mate they're all coming out. And another. Can you go up them? Like if you got a little boat could you go up them? You wouldn't want to because it'd be scary. I like scary though. Yeah they must be little tributaries. Sewer. It's the Basil Gates, Basil Jets sewer.

Starting point is 00:42:46 I just, I saw a plaque once. And because there's that massive pumping station there. The pump house. I saw a plaque once. I'm doing a joke. I saw a plaque once, dedicated to an old oak that had been left. It was a tribute tree. It was the front of the boat. It was a tribute tree. It was a tribute tree. Shed 7. What

Starting point is 00:43:11 does that mean? It's a reference to the pump house. It's one of my favourite pump houses. Yeah it's a lovely, I'll take a picture of the pump house. It's a beautiful green brick. So when people look at our website thecheapskirt.co.uk they can understand what you're looking at. You should be taking pictures of this route for memories. I have been. Bollocks, Battersea Power Station. So we're on our way. Right, stop natching. When we come back to you, Taki time.

Starting point is 00:43:38 So we are now heading towards Chelsea Harbour. And before that we thought we'd have a few more snacks. Absolutely Paul and to our right there on the north bank of the Thames you can see the very posh houseboats. Are you talking to the microphone? You can see the very posh houseboats. Is this okay for you? Well you know usually the form is, I mean I don't know if you know this after nine years doing a podcast but usually the form is when you're talking you talk in or

Starting point is 00:44:04 towards a microphone usually looking away from it's a bad idea talking off camera you know off camera off mic off camera paul do you want to stop stop having a go at least i slipped at least i cock up on the mic very lovely modernist brick buildings in towers there to our right and you can see they have a central incinerator and central heating the whole of the estate there. These are Tarkeys crisps everyone. Yeah we mentioned them in the last segment Tarkeys which are spicy famous brands for spicy hot chips. Corn chips, spicy hot chips. These aren't, these are crisps. These are actually just essentially. Pringles.

Starting point is 00:44:50 Tarky flavored Pringles. Yeah. But they're made by Tarky and not Pringle. Face the intensity. What's that building there? What's that? Is that a paddy? Some other old factory that they've converted.

Starting point is 00:45:01 Just never seen it before. Now, face the intensity on the go. We're on the go. We're on the bloody River Thames. You want to have the huff off? Yeah, huff off. How's that? Smells cheesy. Is it meant to be cheesy? What flavour is it? Tarky flavour, lime and chilli. It's way go. Now they don't come all the way to the top of the tube hey yeah yeah so bad they look like scabs they really bad scab flesh that's come off now we had talkie peanuts the other day and they were rank or stale like stale nuts, let's go into the crisps.

Starting point is 00:45:47 Are these stale as well? No. The texture's off. No, the texture's very much like a Pringle. But with the Tarky flavour, they were okay. If you like the flavour of Tarky... Yeah, we will. It's that intensely sour.

Starting point is 00:46:08 Let's get these Capri Suns down. Oh yeah, no we haven't told them yet. You got Capri Suns didn't you? Yes. I want to try the dragon. It's still going apparently. That's mystic dragon flavour we've got. What does that even mean? Dragon fruit maybe? All right yeah I'll give you that and you've got safari fruits which are a bit more obvious to decipher. Orange and lemon, but how is that a safari fruit? They associated with lions? Yeah. Oranges and lemons associated with lions, aren't they?

Starting point is 00:46:35 Oranges and lemons, said the lions of St. Clement. Oh, the lions of St. Clement, yes. Right, you've got to take the straw and pierce the wallet. He's pierced the wallet on the... Uh-oh, the straw is crumbling before my very He's pierced the wallet on the... Uh oh. The straw is crumbling before my very eyes. Well let's use one straw for both then. No, because I'm not sharing your journey.

Starting point is 00:46:50 You're going to have to. No, it's fine, it's in. It's in, see. Well, I want to taste that. You can stick your own straw in. Uh oh. It's drippy. Get some of that dragon down you.

Starting point is 00:47:01 I'm doing it. Oh, it looks like you wet yourself now flavor notes almost pomegranatey kind of cherry berry kind of thing right nice actually really nice okay and they are still cabri son of course right go on stick your straw in tell me what you think I'm gonna strip my straw in then I'll stick my oar in. Don't, right you're not allowed to criticise me. I'm not allowed to criticise you. Ever. You're now banned from that. Here let me take your straw out.

Starting point is 00:47:36 No you've, that's yours, I've already swapped it around. I'm now slipping it into the safari fruits. Safari fruits. Mystic Dragon, bit raisiny. Yeah you're right, raisiny is a bit of raisin notes and they all plum or something. Very artificial, not much going on. I think I prefer it to this which is fine but just kind of orange with a bit of a Melanie twist.

Starting point is 00:47:57 Melanie twist? Yeah she's a really lovely woman. And a good dancer. So she also knows Wayne Tootsie as well? I'm going... Come on. Come on, that was pretty good from what we were doing. Tootsie.

Starting point is 00:48:14 Wayne Tootsie. Is the dance called the Wtootsie, isn't it? The Wtootsie, yes. So it's Wayne Tootsie. But it's quite a sort of culturally inappropriate sort of fake African thing. Is it? Bloody Wayne, he told me he was like it. Now, I'm going into the safari fruits everyone. You'll probably like that better I think. I do, but it is much more familiar and it tastes of, it's like those cheap orange things that used to come in the plastic cups with the peel back. Isn't it just like that?

Starting point is 00:48:46 It tastes exactly like that. It's very nostalgic for me of cheap orange age. You'd get at events and things as a child. School sports days and a great big bloody... Oh that's actually really nice. Whereas that I couldn't place the Mystic Dragon. Oh wait there, it does actually say this. There's some strawberry and apple. What do you think that is? What is that? It's one of those exotic, that's dragon fruit. That's dragon fruit. Apple, strawberry and dragon fruit, yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:07 I like that. This is more my cup of tea. You prefer it? Yeah. And that's just, I have this Red Bull Extra. I don't know what this is. This might be just a normal Red Bull, but it's a smaller can than British Red Bull, that's for sure. And we bought this when we were waiting for our clipper Which were now nice nice journey. Yeah, but the back end of it now. I think about

Starting point is 00:49:32 15 minutes away from the destination so finish this and we get sit on the back of the last bit It is still like original Red Bull and I can't tell any more other difference than that. Is it fizzy? It's still by which I mean Yes, it has no at the essence. Yes that. Is it fizzy? It's still, by which I mean... Yes, it has no athescence. Yes, so it's not fizzy. Yes. So I've answered that. Yes. Did you say that?

Starting point is 00:49:52 Yes. God, I should listen to you sometimes. You really should, Paul. You should listen generally. You know what, you should listen internally to the word that's about to emerge. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Anyway it's been fun once we got on the boat today wasn't it? This has been great, my only kind of downside is that I kind of wish the journey was longer so we could get more time on the river. Yeah but that's just how I am, you know whenever I'm on a train going somewhere I think I wish the train journey was a bit longer, just look out the window.

Starting point is 00:50:22 I'm a travel rather than a destination kind of guy. So am I Paul, maybe that's why we like doing this. Maybe this is why we like doing this. Even when we get delayed it's like if you've got nowhere to get to, it's part of the adventure. When you've got a cut and thrust of what is that? It's like a giant thing. God this helps you at all. The listener doesn't know what we're talking about. A giant thing. It's a roof with thatch, not thatch, a roof, a grass roof. Is that a restaurant? Yeah it's a restaurant with a grass roof. But it's empty. Maybe it's just a function hall. It doesn't look like a working restaurant. No. It looks more like a meat...

Starting point is 00:51:01 It looks like a ball leg to get to. Why? Because you hit your balls on one of those. Yes, upright. When you get there, I'm glad everyone could hear our content live on this boat and go witty men, witty, witty men. Right, so how many more stops we're going outside now are we? Yeah, what did you think? We're going to go sit on the back for the last part of the journey.

Starting point is 00:51:20 I didn't say enough about those donuts. There's peanut donuts before, but they are actually quite lush. They are alright. They're alright. I think I could only have a handful or two before I gave up on them. I didn't say enough about those donuts, there's peanut donuts before but they are actually quite lush. They're alright, they're alright. I think I could only have a handful or two before I gave up on them. What about the Takis crisps? Not for you? Same. They're not something you can demolish, they're something you can pick out over the course of a long... Well you can, no, you could demolish them. You could.

Starting point is 00:51:37 I could. Because your stomach's made of asbestos and vinegar. Thank you. I'm... You're in a bad mood. I don't know why. I'm not in a bad mood. I just, there's a little report on the loo in the, there was a huge bangers and mash problem in the toilet everyone. They put me right off my stroke.

Starting point is 00:51:54 Oh you have in a way. You know like there's a seven mile high club or whatever it's called, nine mile high, mile high club. Nah it's not going anywhere, none of that's going anywhere. Let's just go. How many miles? Nine miles high club. Shut up. You're out of space when you're nine miles high. Have you got everything quick? We're going to miss it otherwise. Right, so we're heading into Putney now, it's our last stop and we thought we'd see the rest of it out on the back of the ship. There we are

Starting point is 00:52:28 splishy splashy. Oh it's blowing a gale out here. Oh look see I like it's got fabric seats so they don't get wet. Yeah but this is it we're at the end of the journey now. Only an hour and 10 minutes, wasn't it? All in. Well, it's not very far as the crow flies, is it? But it's quite a windy river. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:53 And like I say, the stops in that central London section are very close together. Yeah. Aren't they? Yeah. It's kind of, you know what? I mean, it's expensive. It's more expensive than a tube or a bus or whatever.

Starting point is 00:53:04 But if, for whatever reason, you lived in Putney and had to get to work in Canary Wharf, this is a pretty good route. Oh no, it'd be great, and also good for your soul. Yeah. In the morning, you know, instead of being on a crowded tube underground. If I was at like nine o'clock in the morning, sipping a coffee, taking this journey to Canary Wharf.

Starting point is 00:53:24 You'd be laughing. I would be laughing. But then you get to your job and they'd be like do this kill someone for me. Wear a grey suit and never think about your own personal freedoms. Kill someone for me. Alright and who? What do you think I work for in Canary Wharf? You work for the Mafia. Yes the Canary Wharf Mafia they're called. No I work for a... They're called the Yellow, the Yellow Mafia. No I work for a... a comedian mafia. The Laffia. The Laffia, Eli. The Laffy Taffia. Is that your bottle of water? Yeah. Drop this water. So we're heading in towards Putney now. We're coming in to our last station stop everybody. Look at that little house, got a little weird garden at the back. It's all very, the buildings have thinned out and there's some lovely old

Starting point is 00:54:09 buildings up here in Putney. That's Putney Rail Bridge there. Yeah. You can see the tube trains going over the river there. That's the old Circle Line. District Line. Oh yeah District Line yeah. The Green Line. I like this old almost German looking block of flats, very early 20th century, with a very 60s one next to it there. Very 60s one next to it. Lovely green bridge, Putney Bridge that must be. Putney Rail Bridge. There's a lady walking over on the phone. Oh it's got another one, it's got a footbridge on it as well. Oh look there's ducks, geese. That's a difference. Rude aquatic bird twats.

Starting point is 00:54:46 Ha ha ha, alright, wow. Hey aquatic birds. No, they're alright, they're lovely. They're lovely. What a lovely, beautiful city and here we are. There's a Boris bus going over. Oh, what bridge is that? Is that Putney Bridge? We don't know. I don't know. We've done zero research everybody. No it might be Putney Bridge. It might be. Because I don't think the next bridge is till Richmond now after this. And this don't go as far as Richmond. It really is very lovely down this end. Expensively posh and lovely course it is. West London isn't it? I'm going to go down the aisle, just see what the other one looks like. You're gonna go down the aisle? Yeah, I'm gonna go down this way.

Starting point is 00:55:30 So we had to stop filming because we weren't allowed to film on this apparently. What? When are you gonna take me down the aisle? Please? I won't take you down the aisle but I'll take you up it. Oh yeah! That's all we've got. We're under a bridge. Under Putney Bridge. Oh, there we go. I think that is Putney Bridge. Yeah, I think so.

Starting point is 00:55:53 That's quite austere, stone. It says Putney Bridge on it. That helps then. Well, that solves that mystery, doesn't it? Yes. And here we are, coming into our final destination. Here we come in. And we're heading in now.

Starting point is 00:56:04 Right, just make sure you've got all your stuff. I've got all my stuff with you, he says. My next stop is Patney. All passengers, full Patney, make your way to the front of the boat. That's Patney to the front of the boat. This is our final westbound stop. This boat will be turning around, becoming an eastbound service all the way down to Canary Wharf.

Starting point is 00:56:23 Any passengers remaining on board ensure you have an appropriate return ticket once again. This is plenty to start from the bike. And sadly we do not, so we're getting off here because we're not paying another 30 quid. Right, but here we go. Freeman. It's a nice difference though, isn't it? Lovely.

Starting point is 00:56:48 The question is though, now what do we do? The whole of Arkansas was based around the one hour, five minute journey. We've got other stuff we need to taste don't we? I've got that Mountain Dew. Oh yeah, you've got that. Well there's going to be lots of parks near here. So I think we we could yeah we could do that Let's go to a park in Putney. All right, they're probably charity shops. Well, it's five o'clock to be closing now But we'll see anyway look from now on at this point the podcast anything could happen Probably will probably won't but we're on our way. We're gonna go off the gantry now

Starting point is 00:57:21 But we're on our way. I'm going to go off the gantry now. LAUGHS Well, gantry is fine. You're judging me. Thank you. Cheers, gents. Touch in, touch out. No, we don't need to, do we? Because we've got our little tickets. So we're just getting right up. Just gonna ride up the gangway now. Is it gangway or a Ganged tree way.

Starting point is 00:58:13 Terra firma. Back on terra firma. Oh not quite, here we are. Almost terra firma. And that was that. And that was that. And here we are. Eli got me sea legs. Are you feeling all wobbly now?

Starting point is 00:58:28 Yeah, actually a little bit, are you? Yeah. Just a little bit bouncy in the legs. Shall we have a seat? Yeah, let's have a little seat and figure out our next... Actually, yeah, we need to figure out a plan of attack now, so let's do that and then get back to you, the listener, when we have more of a

Starting point is 00:58:47 destination and plan in mind Right. Oh, well, it's like the star and garter with you have over 40 gins cheese and boards live music sports and private events. Charcuterie I couldn't say it. What is the word? Charcuterie. What's charcuterie? It's meats. Oh It's like a French word. All right It used me can you spell the word segue? Yeah, go on then Segui yeah, but we it's one of those words if I saw it, I wouldn't think segue pool. Well, could I spell it? My point was if you saw it written down, your brain might not instantly think that's the word segway.

Starting point is 00:59:27 Segu. Or sig or something. I never think segway. Harry segway. It's a stupid spelling. In a language packed full of fucking stupid spellings, that's got to be one of the worst. One of the worst ever. Yeah, one of the worst.

Starting point is 00:59:40 And famously, English has got very eccentric spelling because you could spell the word fish. P-H-Y. No, G H. Yeah, G H Y T H. Yeah. Because of the way the phoenomes and stuff work. Yeah, enough is G H, the F sounding enough. Fish. Yeah. Yeah, so there you go, you've learned something more on a podcast that doesn't aim to deliver. What about the St and gartner in a big black shroud? Maybe it's getting treated for a fumigation or something. Maybe it's lost a loved one. Perhaps it lost its husband and now it must wear black.

Starting point is 01:00:13 Like a Mediterranean widow. Playing with the bead. Alright, okay. Shut up! We have to come up with a plan and I can't do that when you're staring at a building and saying it's masturbating in a fucking morning dress. How dare you! You said a lady a lady in the morning was playing with their beads. Her rosary beads because she's in... she'll never have sex again once he's gone from her life.

Starting point is 01:00:35 All right okay well there you go.'s not, it's just a little... What could we stop here? This is the graveyard. These steps are part of tombstone. Yes, these steps are made of tombstones, Yes these steps are made of tombstones Eli. Very observant boy. This might even be ground that used to belong to the dead. But here we are. It totally is. Because it's a churchyard look. The church is just there. And we are just at the foot, the south foot of Putney Bridge. Yeah and there's the train. And there's Putney train Bridge to our right there.

Starting point is 01:01:25 I think that's the... We could do our last taste tests here Paul. You could do if you wanted to. If you wanted to. What do you want to? This is the part of the podcast now I don't know what to do. I think we should walk up to that park. Try some food out and then walk to the station and take you home. I'm going to Walthamstow, you don't have to wipe my bot-bot. He's going to Walthamstow, you don't have to wipe my bot-bot. He's going to Walthamstow to do his gambling, which he hopes to earn money to buy his crack. This is the dark final few seasons of Cheap Show, with the wheels come off.

Starting point is 01:01:56 I have not got a gambling problem or a problem with addiction to cocaine in any way, okay? I mean, if that's what you want to say on the record mate, that's fine but... What's that little metal nub you're poking out the foot of the bridge there? You see the metal nub nub? It's probably something to tie your ship onto or maybe something like that. Yeah it must be, but it's a bit small. It's a bit small isn't it? But there's a crane in the water over there, look at him.

Starting point is 01:02:18 A heroin. Heroin? You want that now as well? Oh mate! I can't believe it, you're obsessed. He Can't believe it. It's a heroine. It's he's obsessed with heroin idiots. What's going on? He's easier He's bees striding around with his long legs Yeah, it's got long legs that way So do you want to walk to the ones worth park then? Have a few nibbles and then you can go and fill your vices. Yeah

Starting point is 01:02:44 You just gonna message now? He's just gonna ignore me? We're in the middle of a podcast. I'm taking a photo of the nubjool. Oh yeah? You didn't tell me beforehand. Take a picture of me in the nubjool, which I don't think you're gonna get in.

Starting point is 01:02:54 Get both the nubjool and you in. That's what she said. Don't you fucking shake your head. I've been trying this week. Good pun work. Good pun work from the Gannon. Was there? Yeah, I like to think so. Now take a picture of me, I'm gonna look plaintive in this picture, staring out over the riverbed that we've just seen,

Starting point is 01:03:13 that we've just traveled on. I'm staring at the journey we've had. These are nice ones. Alright, shall we see if we can find a park? I love this. It's just up there. This little graveyard that we're in, which is next to the river on the riverbank with a wall and we walked down a stone staircase and the stones were tombs yes things we said at the very fucking beginning of this recording it's like an incantation if you just repeat what you say it's like a poetic oh the stones were tombs tombstone there's playing in the sky that's the metal nub jewel do you think I could get get on top of that nubjool and get it right in there? Right in your cranny. And then I could smoke a crack pipe. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:51 I'd have something up my crack and then I'd smoke a crack pipe and I'd give you second hand smoke up your nose. Have a hit from the bong. Anyway, can we stop? I just, this is nice. Oh look, there's a bundle of sticks. Are you like a squirrel or something today? Where it's like, oh sticks, oh nubbles, oh nuggans, oh heroin. Heroin. The problem is, ladies and gentlemen, as we all know, people with crack addictions tend to have a very short attention span, very easily distracted, often rambling about nonsense,

Starting point is 01:04:21 create their own language. Can I say something, Paul? What? Some of our listeners might be struggling with a substance use issue You know what, can I say something? Can I say something, Paul? What? Some of our listeners might be struggling with a substance use issue and you making total light of it by pretending I have a crack problem isn't doing anyone any favour. Two things.

Starting point is 01:04:35 And another thing isn't funny. Two things. Don't tell me to be quiet. Two things. One, I'm making light of a very serious thing and bringing attention to it in a jolly and amusing way And two if people are struggling with drugs hearing your story will inspire them You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:04:52 Not a true story mate if you tell me it's a lie right now just to get attention that's really offensive The minute I start to turn this around and make this something positive and productive, you turn it to lie. Someone's doing band practice there. Yeah. When I get home I'm going to do twang practice. Where are we going? This episode's got off the rails now, so let's just see where we go. We're going to go to Wandsworth Park, finish our snacks and then finish this god forsaken episode. It's all gone downhill since we got off the boat. Too fucking right. We're gonna go to Wandsworth Park, finish our snacks and then finish this godforsaken episode. It's all gone downhill since we got off the boat. Well

Starting point is 01:05:29 yeah it has. It kind of went downhill before we got on it to be fair. Yeah wow it was difficult to get today's episode but thank you so much for joining us. We haven't finished yet don't say goodbye. I'm not saying goodbye I'm saying thank you for joining us. On this journey. There's not much left though to be honest. No not much left. I mean looking at the time code on this episode you can probably see there's only like 10 minutes left tops. If that... Limbo, limbo. Who knows?

Starting point is 01:05:50 Right, okay. Stop talking. There's a touch path. Are we going to get to some green? Yes, this way. Will I be able to do Pishon? Pishon Impossible. Oh, Pishon Impossible.

Starting point is 01:05:58 Yeah. Because Pishon Impossible is on the cards, my friend. My grand. My friend. Yeah, now I know. I'm going well, I'm doing well. I'm going to be Pish and Impossible poo. I'm going to be Pish and Impossible 3, not a Pish anymore.

Starting point is 01:06:16 Rogue knickers, something like that. Rogue turd. Turd protocol. I've got a ghost protocol going on in my pants right now. Right let's stop this. Eli and I are walking through Wandsworth Park now. Is that what it is Wandsworth Park? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:37 A lovely avenue here in the park with some beautiful trees on either side. A lovely walkway, a lovely path but the rain it comes down. It's a British summer. It said it wasn't gonna didn't it and it had come. Up until last night it was meant to be a lovely day. As it turned out yesterday was a lovely day we should have done it then but look the bottom line is we did it. I think the lesson you need to learn Paul is not to try and base these out-and-about episodes around the weather forecast. Oh yeah but come on it's better on a nice day isn't it? Yeah. It's more pleasurable. Yes it is but I

Starting point is 01:07:17 just think you know this time of year it's gonna be nice generally isn't it? I just don't know, mate. I need a few days of summer, a few, of blue skies, warm weather, just make me go, alright, alright, here's something for you, Paul. And then you come out and you base a day around the fact that it's gonna be lovely, and here we are in the woods, well, in a park, dodging the rain, in what's meant to be British summer time. So forgive me, forgive my soul for being disappointed with this when it happens.

Starting point is 01:07:54 That's the catch innit, you live in a lovely place like this, Putney, Stroke, Richmond, Stroke, whatever. But you get all this lovely housing and lovely Riverway and Parkway but you have to deal with the fucking traffic and the airplanes going over and that's the kind of trade-off isn't it? Beyond the flight clamp. It's all like parking wars and stuff this part of London. It's still busy but has a very different vibe to the other parts of town. Stroke which Richmond you said? I would I would stroke a rich man if they paid

Starting point is 01:08:27 me an allowance. Well if anyone rich is listening and wants to be beaten off by eLife for what about fifty quid? Fifty quid a month to whack a... how many... one a day? Fuck off. One a day fifty quid a pop. Oh yeah. Oh yeah does he 50 quid a hand. 50 quid a pop. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Does he have to pop? I'll get 50 quid if I just put my hand on it.

Starting point is 01:08:50 What, like kind of stopping it from popping out like a cork on a trapezoid? If it pops off, that's extra. I don't know whether he'll like me or not. I don't think he cares. I think this man, whoever he is, me, doesn't care about that, he just wants the old nuts and bolts of it. Nuts and bolts, Eli. No, I've got nothing with that one.

Starting point is 01:09:15 Alright, we're going to find a base to sit down and finish these snacks off and then end this god damn episode, yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Look, there's a miniature golf over there, maybe there'll be a toilet as well. Yeah, put in the park. Maybe there's a miniature golf over there. Maybe there'll be a toilet as well. Yeah, put in the park. Maybe there'll be piss in the park. Plop in the park.

Starting point is 01:09:29 Very adaptable. Right, see you in a bit. Look, I'm walking away again. Well done. Bye! Bye! Right, let's finish this. I went for a pee. Did you go for a pee?

Starting point is 01:09:58 Yes, can I just say one thing? Yeah. Double Pish and the Plumplished. Worth the wait. No, I'm glad. No, it was good. Did you go to that little toilet around the back of the... I mean, I think that's the wait. No I'm glad, no it was good. Did you go to that little toilet round the back of the... I mean I think that's the only toilet round here. Yeah, no I did. Those are the toilets that are attached to the Wantsworth Park putting

Starting point is 01:10:13 green. Very much a miniature golf course, Paul. Very much on that sort of wavelength. It's funny though, because when I went in, because of the whole go, the putting thing, there was like a theme in the toilet, like a weird squat man with his mouth wide open. Now that's a strange toilet. So I just, you know, had a piss. But the toilet's gargle. That was me, Paul. I'm a piss demon.

Starting point is 01:10:36 Oh, oh, and then when I flushed, he went, you have to pull the chain and it's like this weird little nublet between his legs. and I pulled it and pulled it and pulled it and then soap came out so I used it to wash my hands Hey everyone, Paul just wagged me off in the toilet after pissing my mouth Right, top top quality entertainment You know what I was gonna say though actually and I do think this is kind of like a nice bookend to what we've done we got on at Canary Wharf, soulless, right? Cold, business-like.

Starting point is 01:11:09 Oh, it's horrible. West Ferry. What's the word I'm looking for when it's like it does the job and that's it? Functional. You know, functional. It's just nothing. It's there. But you get off it at this end and look, grass. People. Warm history. Yes. The greenery. Journey into life.

Starting point is 01:11:26 Yeah, and it feels like we've come at the more verdant end of it all. As opposed to the kind of clinical fake utopia kind of... Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but also the east of the city where we started, Paul, traditionally is very much the industrial end and this end is where all the rich folk live. Well yeah, I mean I do appreciate that as well. But it's two different types of affluence. You've got business affluence, coal money, deals, business business and then this is

Starting point is 01:12:01 like old rich people who've been rich for the fucking ever. Historical money, which is historical riches. Yeah, probably. Lots of pineapples and we're maxed underneath this tree. Should we stand underneath this tree and eat a packet of crisps and then end this fucking episode? What did you have you wanted to share? Because I have one more bag. Paul, I don't want to upset you or shock you but we are standing under a turkey oak. A turkey oak? Oh what's that mean? Turkey oak cueros ceris? No, cuercas ceris. What does that... native to South Europe and Asia Minor. I thought that was a planet. It's a type of oak you can tell from the shape of the leaves.

Starting point is 01:12:47 What does that look like? It looks like a fanny. It looks like the tree's got a fanny on. Take a picture of the... Tree quim. Tree quim. Take a picture of me with the tree quim. Move the tongue out, please.

Starting point is 01:12:59 I'm doing it. Lick in the back. The dirt meister. Do it. Yeah Yeah he's happy. I just gave Cunnilingus to a turkey oak. A wattle, a turkey wattle on the oak. Alright, you've got Chris then? Yes, I'll get a bag out. There's a couple in there but you can only choose one and we'll use another for another episode or something. Yeah. Alright.

Starting point is 01:13:26 Do you want to taste the, erm... What? Taste my, erm... What? Mountain Dew variant. Yeah, you do Mountain Dew and I'll do a packet of... But listen, we need to sit on this... Right, we're gonna go sit on a log now.

Starting point is 01:13:40 But then we're not under the... Now we're out of the rain. It's not raining much. It keeps coming down. Right, hang on, I'm just gonna get my bag out. It's raining quite a lot. Yeah, I just said that. But then we're not under the now we're out of the rain Right, I'm gonna get the bag out Yeah, I just said that why can't we just stand with the tree No, what's bullshit is sits is standing on us All right, yes do that let's do that. Hey, you know I have not haven't done on this journey yet. Hello? Hand me the recorder. Oh. I went to do a windy

Starting point is 01:14:12 and a little bit of hot coal came out. Oh no! Was it? No, I'm getting... I think it might have just been wet and hot. Yeah, that was wet and hot. There's nothing there. I'm almost finished everyone. Welcome to a podcast hosted by two old men who nearly shit themselves every fucking week. Well I think you know.

Starting point is 01:14:30 Come on mate. Yeah I guess. Come on mate. Give us a bit of... Oh. There's nothing there. I can feel it. It felt like there could be. But there's... There's evidence I'm sure. Phantom hot coal. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:14:46 At the very worst, a little brown blip has emerged. This pavilion opened by the Worshipful Mayor. The Worshipful the Mayor of Wandsworth, Councillor Mrs. Vanessa Graham, 96. Oh, there you go. Just a weird sentence. The Worshipful the Mayor. Why would you worship a mayor? What we done? You guys have an heart attack? No, I

Starting point is 01:15:13 My telescopic umbrella went punch me in the guts right, okay Now everyone's standing in what the fuck's going on. Leave me alone to do my shit podcast Yeah going on. He's leaving me alone to do my shit podcast. Here we go. Right. Do you want ice? Yeah. Right and here's a packet of crisps. See the rain stopped now. I want to go back to the tree trunk. All right let's do the picnic table finally. This is just faffing. Oh man, there is definitely clean up on aisle 12 to worry about. That one. Oh, it doesn't fucking matter. We're walking to this table, we're walking to the picnic table, which we started at, walked away from, and then walked back to.

Starting point is 01:16:11 So let's just do this. Right. Do you wanna try Lay's Crabs? Taki Dragon Sweet Chili? Or Bubble Gum Maxi Crunch Balls? tacky dragon sweet chili or bubblegum maxi crunch balls. That's the stuff. Well you can't have the crab. Alright let's put the crab back and have a crab another day. I don't know though because like someone said they're brand new so how would we have done them? I'm sure. I've tasted them. Right well we'll book that in another episode. Let's do the four bro balls maximal crunchy bubble gum things. See do you want to try the bubble gum crisps?

Starting point is 01:16:56 Sure. Right we're going to try the bubble gum crisps everyone. Well they also do. And I Paul can I just say as well. Yeah. We're try the bubblegum crisps, but I represent the lollipop guild. They do bubblegum, they do cheese jalapeno I think that one is. And what's that one, suka? No that looks like orange and jalapeno. I know but it says cheesy jalapeno doesn't it. What's that word?

Starting point is 01:17:21 S-U-C cum, sucum? Sujun, it's Turkish sausage. What's that word? S-U-C-K-U-M? Su-K-U-M? Su-K-U-M? Su-K-U-M, it's Turkish sausage. Oh! Like you have with a Menemen. Menemen. Menemen. Menemen.

Starting point is 01:17:34 M-N-M. I'm going to open the corner and give it a huff. I think this is again from either Sean or Ben. It's one of them. Oh! Is it? That really does smell of that bubble gum we all know and well. That fake bubbly gum. Give that a go.

Starting point is 01:17:55 Oh! Wow, that really does. It's a very distinct cheap bubble gum flavour. Yeah, but it comes in a little puffy ball. These are fucking gross mate. Go on, have one, have one, we're going to do it. In it goes. Yeah I don't like that at all.

Starting point is 01:18:14 What a strange thing to put together. Yeah. May, is it Mays? Yeah. Mays and bubble gum is just, it's really unsatisfying. It's nasty, you know what it reminds me of. And then leaves a fart aftertaste. It reminds me of flying saucers it's that sort of those two flavors bring out the worst in each other. Oh mate all right well that's a no from me

Starting point is 01:18:38 dog. What's Eli got? Nobody's getting his drink out out. We've got a Mountain Dew. Oh he's spilled his ice and his cup. What's this? Mountain Dew. Maori Burst. It's Mountain Dew with a blast of pineapple flavour and other natural flavours. When they say other natural flavours it means caffeine. It means it's packed full of caffeine. By the way do you want to take these crab ones home or anything today? Do you want to take anything home with you today? No, just bring them out again will you? I'm not going to keep all of them for two.

Starting point is 01:19:11 No I won't. Oh mate, I've got crab sticks. Crab crisps now to deal with. Do you want crab crisps to deal with? Go on, have your crab crisps, take them with you. Alright then. Or you can have the other one if you want, the donut peanut butter ones you said you like them before you like them we just prefer the crab one I just don't want to be now

Starting point is 01:19:30 look at that oh that's very green how green is my Mountain Dew oh yeah the whole thing right now I'm gonna have some now myself. Eww. No, smells like toilet cleaner, tastes like toilet cleaner. It is a bit toilet cleaner-y. Not the best Mountain Dew I've had. No, what was the other one we had that I really liked? The grape, the pitch black. It was punch or something, wasn't it? Hawaiian punch.

Starting point is 01:19:59 Yeah, either way that was my favourite. That's one of my favourite things. That's not great, that pineapple one. It's not horrible, but... It's a bit artificially. A bit artificially official. Thanks everyone for listening to the podcast. It's weird just standing in the rain now in the British summer. It would have to rain. I had that feeling today didn't it? Yeah. Everything would go slightly just slightly off. So have we learnt anything today from today? One, plan better. The Clipper is more of a tourist attraction than a viable form of transport.

Starting point is 01:20:28 But if you can't afford it, it's a lovely way to get into city. It is a lovely way to look at London. Yeah, I'd rather see that than the dark tubes of the underground all the time, you know? Absolutely, but it's just you can't get anywhere useful unless you lived in Woolwich and worked in Putney or something.

Starting point is 01:20:44 Yeah, which you know, would be daft. Would be daft. Would be daft, but yeah,wich and worked in Putney or something. Yeah, which you know would be daft. Would be daft. Would be daft. But yeah, I can see why tourists would take it. It's a very kind of clean, efficient way of getting from A to B if you need to go, if you don't know the city that well. Yeah. Because it drops you off at most of the major kind of areas you'd be interested in.

Starting point is 01:20:58 In the centre, yes. And indeed there were a lot of tourists, weren't there? Yeah, and look, I know it's a cheap show and everything, but the tickets for it one way. The whole route by the way was like £17, wasn't there? Yeah and look I know it's cheap showing everything but the tickets for it one way and the whole route by the way was like 17 pounds wasn't it each? 18.70 yeah okay but if we weren't going to Portnay I'm sure it'd be a lot cheaper if we were just going a few stops. That's the whole way yeah it's still pricey. Yeah quite pricey. And what fucks me off is Uber that evil piece of shit company. Yeah. Come at me Uber. I was sponsoring it.

Starting point is 01:21:27 Fuck off. I don't want everything to be Uber. I'd like to just fucking get something that isn't fucking mediated through your fucking bullshit. But they also do trains now as well. Oh fuck. I hate that so much. I want to buy a fucking train ticket from a train company. Not some fucking bullshit website.

Starting point is 01:21:45 Anyway should we get an Uber home? Yeah. Yeah let's do it. What? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

Starting point is 01:21:56 What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

Starting point is 01:22:04 What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Ah, fuck him. Fuck cricketers. Cricketer pricks. A cricketer pricks, a cricketer pricks. I don't know. Right, is this the end of the episode? I don't know. Something happens on the way to the train. To be fair, yeah, if something happens between now and the train station, you'll be informed. But if not, this is all standing in the rain in Wandsworth Park, getting wet,

Starting point is 01:22:18 eating bubblegum crisps and fucking wondering what we're doing with our lives. But until we see you next week, we'll see you next week. And also, if you're listening to this one, it's released on the Friday, which is the day 7th of June. We'll be doing Saturday night, 8th of June, live on YouTube, 8pm UK time. We're doing...

Starting point is 01:22:37 The Trashcan Film Festival. And I'll be putting my own entry in. I've sent you those files. I've got the film, I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure it'll be putting my own entry in, I've sent you those files. I've got the film, I haven't seen it yet but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll put it in with other contenders. Okay. But... And then I get the packets, I get all the samples.

Starting point is 01:22:54 I'll bring the samples along with me on the night. Fucking hell. But anyway, if you want to watch us, you can watch us live UK time, 8pm on YouTube and if you listen to this in the future, it's already up there, you can watch it right now. And is it gonna be a is it gonna be an episode of the podcast as well? Well what I was thinking is next week's episode can be a commentary of the film festival where we can talk over it. Alright. Give parting thoughts to the event. I'll be probably celebrating winning several of the awards. Yeah well we'll see because the judges have are gonna get the films

Starting point is 01:23:23 tomorrow I'm gonna send the judges all the films. Well make sure that mine's in there with them. All of them are in there. We've got films from Stuart Ashen. We've got Stu films from yourself. We've got Stu's from Philip Mitchell. Ethan Lawrence has given us a film. Tom Magu, Ash Frith, Richard Sandling.

Starting point is 01:23:40 We've had some of our most creative friends give us some films and I can't wait to see them. Join us for a night of film discussion, awards, debates and loving, loving film. Please do. Please do. I'm the Hoagstown main judge and I'll be running the event on the night so join us. And I will be as well. No you can't because you're... we've said this. If you're part of the competition you cannot host the show. Can I do some like...

Starting point is 01:24:05 No, we're gonna have an actors round table so maybe you can sit in on that. No promises. No promises. Oh I nearly went to kiss you then. Good thing you did because I was having a burpee mouth. A very mustardy and corned beefy burp that came out. What did you do on your podcast day? I kissed crab mouth Eli didn't I? That's what I did. Right, that's it for this week. That's it. I reckon we should put a pin in this now. Put a pin in it, fly it up the flagpole, salute it to the general. If we put a pin in it, it means we'll be coming back to it. We're not coming back to it. This is done. Don't mix your metaphors. You mix your metaphors up like a big salad. Oh, you mix a salad like a metaphor, don't you?

Starting point is 01:24:47 A metaphor salad. Hey, hey, hey. What happens if the number four becomes a word itself? It becomes a metaphor. Hey, are you? I've ruined it. Oh, I've ruined it. Oh, are you?

Starting point is 01:25:00 Metaphory? No, metaphor-for? I didn't metaphor-for. Which one's best and which one should I edit out the podcast? Neither. I've ruined it. Oh, how are you? Meta-three? No, I meta-for-four. I didn't meta-for-four have I? Which one's best and which one should I edit out the podcast? Neither. Keep them both in? I mean...

Starting point is 01:25:12 We're in. I'm weary all of a sudden. I'm very tired all of a sudden. All right, Uncle Paul and Eli need to go beddy-nap-naps time now, so we'll say goodbye. Take care. We'll see you next week on Cheap Show. Remember to join us for the Trash Count Film Festival on the 8th of June on YouTube but if you can't watch it later and we'll be talking about it next week on the pod bye everyone oh

Starting point is 01:25:34 patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show if you want give what you can but only if you can but that's up to you. Final thoughts? I've had some nice times today Paul with you and some good good tastings and well done well done us well done us and well done you for listening see you next time. Tatti bye! Why are you chucking that piece of ice? You fucking offended me. Solid. No I don't want any more of that. Now about that handjob. Don't mind if I do.

Starting point is 01:26:07 50 pounder pop. Emergency podcast addendum. We can't even fucking get home easy. We can't even get out of here. We decided to take a nice little bus journey, a relaxing one up to Wollstone Junction, the 220. And we were reliably informed the next one was going to be in six minutes from when we made our decision. And then it suddenly turned to 28 minutes. 28 minutes. And then we decided to walk one stop further on, which we did. Just to kill a bit of time. And then someone, a nice chap here at the bus stop, said are you guys waiting for the 220? And then I quote, it's a fucking nightmare, he said. No, no, no, no, no. It's a joke. No,

Starting point is 01:26:59 no. You said yes you are. It's so shit. He said it's so shit. It's so shit. That's so shit. Those are the words he said. That came from the voice of the man who's dealt with this bus in the past. Tiresome bus. So it could be heaving with unsavouries. Oh man, I don't want a bus of unsavouries. I just want to chill. I just want to, I should have just.

Starting point is 01:27:18 But it could be good because it's going all the way winding and winding. This is not a night busing episode though is it? It is not a night busing episode. Although it might be turning. This episode might be mutating as we go. We might be back, we might do more. The credits have run but we might do more. When did you say it was due? Is it like 57? Well we're still within that window. We're past that aren't we? No. In two minutes, 18.55 it is now. Every single minute today has been a gamble on a decision we've made.

Starting point is 01:27:48 And it's gone wrong. And it's gone wrong. Is that one of them? I'm yet to see one of these. No, that's a 270. They don't exist. This bus doesn't exist. This is a magic pixie dust. It's a pixie dust bus.

Starting point is 01:27:56 Pixie dust bus, ding ding. Right, well. But we better say... What? We better come back and tell them, well, if we got the bus. Oh, no, they'll be they'll be informed. They'll know All they'll know Is this podcast over we just don't know check the time code to the listening it will tell you won't it? It's not over for us. Well, isn't it? We don't know when this podcast gonna end, but you do

Starting point is 01:28:21 You just look at the time code and go go, oh, 20 minutes or whatever. This bus is real. If it's not, then we are stuck in the middle of the f**k all. Huh? Huh? Huh? Is it? It's coming round. It's coming round. Is it? Is it? It's going to swing into view.

Starting point is 01:28:35 There's a red bus. No, it's going the other way. That's a 357. Or 337. 337. And another 170 to Victoria. There's a whole load of buses out that way. We could get to go to Victoria. We could but we've missed that one now. So what will happen is we'll run over there and try and get that bus. That will go. We'll have to wait 25 minutes for that. We'll come back here and miss that 220. We'll be going, we're stuck here is what

Starting point is 01:28:59 it is. That's the fucking problem is we're trapped. I I'm not gonna, if it's another 10 minutes I'm gonna leave. Me? He's gonna go. No, you come. Oh yeah. Pop off. Pop off the cop off. Right, so it all, is this it? No, is it? I don't know what's going on. Also in it also in daunting and terrifying news, the man who told us it's so shit has walked away from this bus stop. Well, it's obviously waiting for it. He's defeated. Wait, wait, wait. No. Fuck.

Starting point is 01:29:37 Another one. Don't know. Don't know. Is this like, is this purgatory? Is this hell? It feels a bit like it. It's hell to be just standing at a bus stop waiting for a bus that never comes. It's a slightly sweaty bus stop. And in hell you decide to walk on, then the bus comes and then you're forever waiting and missing buses. Like a Sisyphean task.

Starting point is 01:29:53 Yeah. And then the people on the buses look haunted. They look un-live. Yeah. Well, this has been one of the strangest walkabouts we've recorded, simply due to the fact that it's been one big shit. I know, he's just waiting for it, he's looking, he's on the lookout. Yeah, he's keeping an eye out.

Starting point is 01:30:10 That is the sign that, oh, that's what I do. That's what I do when the bus never fucking comes, is I walk up a bit to see if I can see him coming round the corner. Like a horizon thing, innit? You know? Yeah. Because it just, it's that feeling of hopelessness when you're just here, innit? So if he starts walking back, we know.

Starting point is 01:30:26 Well, he's our canary in the coal mine, isn't he? Yeah, he is. We've got a scout. He's our sweet, sweet canary. All right, let's give it five minutes, Paul. And honestly, I just... What time is it? It's nearly seven.

Starting point is 01:30:37 Where are we? Frogmore. No such place as Frogmore. We're in Frogmore. Frogman. I don't know. What else do you want me to add to it? I don't know, just...

Starting point is 01:30:48 Listen, I'm gonna... Wait, shh. No, out of service. Fuck's sake. A fictional Bibli-Bots. Maybe that was the one that they cancelled though. Cause I often... Who fucking knows, mate?

Starting point is 01:30:58 At this point, I feel like to... Chicken tonight. I feel like chicken tonight. Can you still get chicken tonight? Have you seen it? I don't think you can get it anymore. This is a sauce for chicken, wasn't it? Like a ragu. It wasn't like a ragu. It was the same kind of shit, glass jar full of sauce, pour it on chicken. Yeah, but you pour it on and then you put it the chicken in the oven. Yeah, but still soft. Well that's a cooking, that's a

Starting point is 01:31:19 casserole. Yeah, but you can do that with ragu. No, ragu, you just stick it on there. Yeah, but you can also use it in lasagna and stuff. No you can the pan lasagna no you can't you have to get special lasagna ragu like veggie lasagna get your white sauce oh why are we talking about you know what you get your white sauce do you thick white you know what does it crisp up everything you can use as both the bechamel and the and the sheets of... Yeah, I got it. Have you crisped it up between two pieces of cellophane? Sanitise, pats, spunk. Shit.

Starting point is 01:31:53 No, shit. Sanitise, pats, spunk. And then, cock cheese on top. Cock cheese on top. That's where it's supposed to... I hope this bus comes. In the words of EMF, that was unbelievable. What did we just see? We saw the man who told us that the bus was totally shit getting a line bike.

Starting point is 01:32:14 Oh, no. No, 270. Fuck me. No, there's no 220. Anyway, sorry, you say? He got a line bike, and then he's on his way to his destination. He's given up on the bus. And we just checked and my app is now saying 23 minutes to the 220. We've already been waiting in this area for like a good

Starting point is 01:32:32 40. 40 fucking minutes waiting for a fucking fictional Candyland bus. So tell them what we've decided to do now, Paul. We're going to walk. We don't know anymore. We don't know. We're going to walk to another road where we look like there's

Starting point is 01:32:43 more options for buses. Wow, we've been let down. And we're just gonna get one to somewhere. We have been so let down by London Transport today. It's been a fucking... I think there was bangers and mash in the bloody clipper wasn't there? Bangers and mash in the clipper. Fucking Elizabeth line trains ceasing to exist when you're waiting for them. Boats that don't go from anywhere anymore. It's just been a fucking handsome men on boats telling me I can't film. You love that man. Yeah I was thinking of getting my camera out so he'd tell me off again and then I could rub my clipper in the clipper. You could say well

Starting point is 01:33:21 do you have to confiscate it from me. Oh, do you want to take it out of my cold, hard, cock hands? Right, OK. Cold. Cold, so we're going to wrap this up, I think. What we're doing now, let them know what we're doing now. When we get on a bus, we'll tell them. That at least gives it a kind of aw-ing, it's happily ever after. We'll get a bus to Victoria and Sid.

Starting point is 01:33:40 We'll see what we can get. I still don't really know where we are, what direction we're facing, and what bus we need to get. Neither do I. You need to get to your gambling addiction night. I need to start editing this week's fucking episode before the film festival. There's no bus stops here, where's?

Starting point is 01:33:57 But what direction? Let's go see. Let's go see. Right, see you in a bit. Paul? Yes? Here we are. We've got on a bus, but it isn't the 220. Which for a moment we thought was almost literally about to disappear too when it vanished from the schedule. But we need to say to everyone, the 220 bus is not real.

Starting point is 01:34:24 It's not a real bus. We haven't seen it. The unicorn. That's what I'm talking about. Anyway. He's got his porn stalks on. I don't know what that means. I won't go into any more detail, but I've expressed my point of view on that. No, 220 really kept disappearing

Starting point is 01:34:42 and kept pushing itself back 20 minutes in our apps, didn't it? We must have been about 50 minutes wait for a Buster Dev a king crazy and that guy said it's total shit. So Anyway, we are now on the three three seven everybody to Richmond We're gonna go to Richmond and then we're gonna see what we can do from there, but I'm enjoying Seeing a bit of London. I Fire station there Paul. Where's my tolerance for all of this is fucking gone now. Okay.

Starting point is 01:35:07 Absolutely gone. I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to have a bath. You can have a bath later. And then I'm going to start editing this. Okay. And then I have to work on the film festival don't I?

Starting point is 01:35:17 Because some of us do a lot of work. And then you can lie in tomorrow? Rawr! And I'll tiger on Friday By every lepid on Thursday. That's it That is it roots and berries He's just reading signs now everybody my cock of balls my aquil area Mart now. You're just safe Not a one or not a two

Starting point is 01:35:44 Your Nats is I think that's me you've got math matter math matter yo Natta one or Natta two? Oh, your Natta's Nath mate. You've got Nath Natta. Nath Natta, yo. Wasn't he a guy into reggae, Nath Natta? A guy into reggae? Yeah, his name was Nath Natta. You're skirting close to some problematic areas. I'm not. There's lots of people with strange names who listen to all genres of music.

Starting point is 01:36:02 Let's just... So look, look at the timecode below if you listen to all genres of music. Let's just, can we? So look, look at the time code below if you're listening to this on your phone or something and you'll know if it's about to end right now or whether we matter on for a little bit later on. Anyway, let's just say goodbye on the off chance. We're heading home. Bye, thanks for listening everyone.

Starting point is 01:36:18 Thanks for listening to whatever this was this week. It really didn't go very well, but then again, what does? What does? Life is a gamble, you've got to roll the dice. There's all sorts of little alleyways in this semi-rural, rustic part of London. We've gone a bit day bus, night bus and now, hasn't it? You're feeling very day must. Look at that! Hide and see. There's a telephone box in front of that house.

Starting point is 01:36:41 Oh, look at the architecture around here, it's cool. Now you've distracted. Can we say goodbye and wrap this up? We need to keep our eye on the display on this bus. Is it? We're getting off, yes. We don't have to worry about it. Where this ends, we end. We end our journey.

Starting point is 01:36:56 We end our journey. And for you, listener, your journey is over too. Unless we keep on recording. Stop saying! Just check the timecode below, you'll find out. It's a mystery. Stop getting them to check the timecode below you'll find out. It's a mystery. Stop getting them to check the timecode. East Putney Station. East Putney Station.

Starting point is 01:37:10 Shut up. We're done. Woodlands Gate. Stop reading the stuff out. We are like fucking goodbye. Goodbye everyone. Goodbye everyone. Fuck this, this is a night bus in day bussing. This is now a day night bussing episode. Ding ding. What? We're in Sheen. We've seen She Sheen this is East Sheen and we've just

Starting point is 01:37:46 seen a restaurant called Grillandia I think it's the land of grilled meats you'd hope so though otherwise I'd want my fucking money back Spice florist can't be a florist that's like what you call a curry house we're not a spice this bouquet tastes of cumin. Shut up. So. For news that was called. We're pedding through Sheen on the 2.

Starting point is 01:38:11 I can't. What was this? It's not the 220. 3337. We haven't, by the way, we never saw any 2220s at all. Either coming our way, going that way. This is taking forever. Nothing.

Starting point is 01:38:23 This is taking forever. But we're just round the corner now because look, Twickenham, Richmond. Tool station. Maybe I shouldn't have started recording actually. I thought we had something to say but it turns out I was just... No. We did see some interesting things on the bus though, path, burial ground, stuff like that. Mortlake burial ground is around here, maybe worth checking out. Sounds fascinating, doesn't it?

Starting point is 01:38:52 It is an unfamiliar territory for me and so I've been enjoying looking at the architecture, post war architecture, little brutalist estates tucked in all around and about. What a strange little texaco. Do you know what that is? A texaco. It's a pseudo Tudor texaco. Yes. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I will. T You ain't got nothing. You ain't got nothing. We got nothing. Clydesdale Gardens. You stop reading the names of places out. People might want to know where we are. Organic Talents. I don't know if anyone knows what that means. That's a van.

Starting point is 01:39:38 We're chasing that plane is what we're doing. They're all coming into Heathrow. We're so far out. Driver, follow that plane. Yeah. That's what we do. Oh look at this Sheen They're all coming into Heathrow, we're so far out. Driver, follow that plane! Yeah! That's what we do. Oh, look at this Sheen Court. Please, Paul, stop. That's where Mr Sheen lives. Who cleans umpteen things clean? Please, stop. I can't, I feel like this is just disaster.

Starting point is 01:39:57 This is, this is like... No one's coming this far on this bus, we're alone on the top deck. We're all, we're alone on it. It it, it's kind of like night bussing. It's kind of morphed into night bussing, it's a walkabout into a boat. It's like a transformer. I am your robot man. If it began with a walkabout, then it transformed into a boat. And now... transformed into a boat and now

Starting point is 01:40:26 Castle now I think I'm doing this Genuinely out of mental torturism for you. I just want me gonna get to Richmond almost there now. I'm just gonna check the distance Where are we man out road North Sheen station to what I'm gonna check the map I'm gonna check the map because this is over. This has to be over now. None of this has to be here anymore. We're almost there. I'd say five minutes. Ten. Ten minutes? Yeah. We're gonna say what? Here's what we're gonna do. We get to Richmond Station. That's it. That's the end. We're gonna stop at Richmond

Starting point is 01:41:03 Station. Alright. So you're gonna keep going for the next ten minutes? No, We're gonna stop at Richmond Station. Alright? So you're gonna keep going for the next ten minutes? No, I'm gonna stop it now, but I'm just gonna... Richmond is our line. It's the line we shall not crannough... we cannot cross. Crannough? Crannough across. Look at this! What's all this?

Starting point is 01:41:20 What are these haunted houses? What's all this? Orms houses, but... Owls? Orms! Ricky's... Ricky's Orms houses, Paul. Orms. Ricky's Orms houses. What does that mean? They're like homes for the poor, you know, Orms houses. Well they were back in the day but I bet you- They're beautiful aren't they? Look at those ones.

Starting point is 01:41:36 Now I've got them with a bit of fucking architecture. They were given to poor people and disadvantaged people. How much do you want to bet that they don't have access to those houses now? No, because they're antique houses now aren't they? Orms houses. But they might still be owned by the church in some way. Well either way, I got on with a little bit of cook, see I engaged them then with a little bit of architecture talk. That's how you get an e-light. If you want to go fishing for e-light, get a little like

Starting point is 01:42:04 statuette or a book about brutalism and just tie it on a bit of string and it'll go, arrr, and you just tug it and you'll come and you'll tug it. Those were much older than that. 3, 3, 7, 2, 1. Hey driver, wait, I'm asking people, does anyone, do you know if this is the right stop to get on for that church which is down on the road? Lady back down there? I wonder if her name's Karen? Wow. Car. Excuse me driver. And then she was like she didn't even know the name of the church she wanted to get to. Does anyone know what bus I get off at to know that thing that you

Starting point is 01:42:55 fucking know? For fuck's sake. Choose your house and his temperance. Oh. Lots of church stuff around here because the arms houses do the church. Red Cow. Paul Gannon and pointing out the names of pubs and places. You often complain bitterly when I just read out the places names. I mean, you do it. You don't have any style or panache. You shut up. That woman. I'm going to spit on her.

Starting point is 01:43:26 Where's the window? No, no, poor. Oh, she looks like one of those types. You know, one of those, whoa, types. Shaking your fucking Waitrose bag in anger, are you love? Yeah. Says it all. Right, we're going to Richmond, see you in a bit. To be fair, we went round the houses a little bit, but yeah, once I got the bearings, we're going to Rich, we've seen a bit.

Starting point is 01:43:50 To be fair, we went round the houses a little bit, but yeah, once I got the bearings, we're good. So look, hello everyone, this is it now, this is the last segment, this is the final nail in the coffin of this fucking episode. Check the timecode below, you'll see it's mere scant minutes away from completion. Congratulations, you've stuck with us. Eli has to race off his trains in four minutes did you say? Less now. Oh well then let's get a wiggle on because it's just there, it's just just there. But what, ooh. That guy's eating a hat trick. Have you had the hat trick yet? What's the hat trick?

Starting point is 01:44:18 It's the new McDonald's special burger. What makes it a hat trick? Three patties. Oh that's ridiculous. It's quite good. Oh there's a Popeyes. I went to a Popeyes today. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh.

Starting point is 01:44:30 Was it a Meh? Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. Meh. We're moving on because literally Eli has to get this train and I guess I could get it with you. Oh yeah, well then we're both getting the wiggle on. I was going to go McDonald's but now that's a whole redundant thing. If you do go today, get the hat trick mate. I'm not getting a hat trick mate. I've already had a Popeye's there, I don't want to blow the gasket taking a shit tomorrow. Right, we're heading into Richmond. Here we go.

Starting point is 01:45:07 A hectic end. What platform? I guess we'll find out. Keep right. Here we go. Oh, wait there is it? Is it? How is that quicker than getting the overland? I don't understand. 80. Because it's not... Yeah, let's get the app.

Starting point is 01:45:36 It's four minutes. Platform 2. Platform 2. Alright, okay. It's just there. Fine, perfect. In that case, let's tap him there we go and we're heading home has he got through the gate there he goes right we're all done here

Starting point is 01:45:56 right that's it oh train to Waterloo what's's it say? Page two of two. 1954, Upmentsdale, Wimbledon, no, Waterloo, 1858. 1958. Right, that's it, right, good. Well, congratulations, we survived today somehow after a series of travel catastrophes. Yeah, and that's it. This episode's had more endings than fucking Return of the King. I now want a bagel as well but now there's no time to get one. Haven't you got time to get a bagel? You might be able to get a cold bagel. If I stop recording right now I have time to get a bagel. That bagel place is called Bagels already. In that case I'm gonna get a bagel already and hopefully get it quick. See you next week everyone on the Cheap Show podcast. Bye!

Starting point is 01:46:56 Addendum, it was closed and I wasn't allowed to get a bagel. Bagel place closed everybody. I'm gonna just go ahead and say This today has just been nothing but disappointments. It has been pretty bad, hasn't it? It's been a day of disappointments. So, oh. Is the 1958 Southwestern Railway service to London Waterloo calling at. All right, we get the, so we're off to Waterloo,

Starting point is 01:47:22 where this journey and episode finally ends. And all I hope is that there's a free toilet on this train that allows me to urinate without the sight of mash and peas. Not mash and peas. Was it small bangers? Bangers and mash. Was it more like kidney beans? Yeah, it was gallstones. Anyway... I'm going to Vauxhall. You're gonna get off at Vauxhall? Three stops to Vauxhall. Alright, I'll get off at Vauxhall then.

Starting point is 01:47:53 And then I'll get the... Whatever you go, mate, I'm going over here. And then I'm gonna get the Vicitoria. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'll get off at King's Cross then, can't I, mate? And go home that way. That's right, mate. I like Giza. I like there. I'm like, well, here's our Falkland train.

Starting point is 01:48:03 Do Scouse people say Giza? No. You just said Giza. I know, because I said it our four-flam train. Do Scouse people say Giza? No. You just said Giza. I know. What do they say? Man. Mate.

Starting point is 01:48:12 Is it old mate? I like fella. Soft lad. Soft lad fella mate. I like there mate. Oh it's an old, shugly train. Right, we'll see you next week on Cheap Show. This is genuinely over unless someone, unless a human being explodes on this train in front

Starting point is 01:48:22 of us. No, if someone took a shit. Alright, if someone takes a dirty growler, this train in front of us. No, if someone took a shit. Alright, if someone takes a dirty growler, then we will report on it. Or someone exposes themselves at us. But hopefully nothing wacky is going to happen between now and Vauxhall. I hope that lady was caught on the recorder. Yeah, well they know. I know by now. I'll boost it. Let's get a window seat. Right, goodbye everybody.

Starting point is 01:48:48 Love you everyone. Bye bye. Bye bye. Night night. Take care. God bless. Sweet dreams. Good morning.

CheapShow - Ep 387: Day Clipper

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