CheapShow - Ep 389: The Tomy Triple

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

If there is one thing CheapShow loves without exception, it’s Tomy toys from yesteryear! We’ve covered much of their back catalogue in the past, but this week we have three items that are very beloved. Paul and Eli get to tinker with kitties in a Water Wonderland game, battle sharks with the Tomytronic 3D “Shark Attack” toy and take on the challenge of Screwball Scramble: Level 2! How will Tomy fare? Only CheapShow has the answers! Also on the show, we wet our whistles with three soft drinks, two of which will probably be godawful, and investigate “milky straws” that are filled with candy flavoured beads. Will they make the milk better or worse? We sample two new “Candy Cans” but it’s almost a foregone conclusion that the cheap chaps will not take kindly to them. Maybe Eli’s new Red Bull (sigh) will save the day? If not, don’t worry, as Eli is obsessed with making crude jokes involving genitals and types of fish. As you can expect, Paul isn’t too impressed, but despite suffering from food poisoning whilst recording, he’s going to have to craft a gag to appease Eli before the day is over. Oh Joy! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-389-the-tomy-triple And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Cheap Show is for entertainment purposes only. The characters and events depicted in this podcast are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Cheap Show is a fictional show starring two fictional characters called Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon.

Anything they say and do isn't real or ever or means anything or don't just, don't just chill. Just chill, would you? All right, it's just a podcast a little bit of fun every week for you and your mama to enjoy oh mama sorry anyway Paul yeah and I mean this with the utmost respect yeah I'm just putting a statement in. Let's start again. No no that wasn't that didn't work there were no laughs for about 30 seconds it was just you reading I had to read that out for legal purposes

because people think we're real. No, they don't. They do. They think that we're real and we behave like this all the time. And I kind of have to state now that no, this is an entertainment purposes only podcast. Paul, I've got something to say. Have you? And it's not for entertainment purposes. Oh, here we go. Okay. That's fucking Eli going off on one of his grandpa gumball chats or whatever it's called. Eli's gumball chat. I've got something to say. Go on. Right. So I was, I was, I've been sick four times this morning just for the record. I honestly think that was a really terrible way to open it. There was no humour in there. I couldn't detect any humour. Go on, do humour now then, do

your thing. Is that going to be humour? Alright, alright, don't fucking challenge me. Come on then Mr Humour Man, here he comes to save the day. I'll rise to the attention. Mighty Eli's on his way. I'll rise to the occasion. Oh hello. Don't sit like that then. For I may be taken astray with an eye. Go on laugh at it you prick. Right I was getting changed. Sorry continue I was just having a coffin. Coffin. I was having a coffin fit. Coffin. Yeah. I was sick four times this morning.

Foreshadowing. And I had two types of runs. Two different consistencies of runs. The old banger, you know, you sit on it goes, PAH! And it all comes out, PLEH! And then there was the FFFF one that came out. The fizzy steamer. Yeah, the fizzy steamer.

All aboard! Anyway! You've done a train again! The fizzy steamer! aboard! Anyway! You've done a train again! The fizzy steamer! Go on, poop poop! Yeah, thank you, right, you just need to get to the poop poop bit. Poop poop. Poop poop, Mr Silverman. No!

So, I'm basically putting my pants on and I get a proper... a chuffney guft. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Of your crannic area. I get a chuffney guft. Yeah, of your gruntle. A gruntle waft. Yes. what I'm saying? Of your crannic area. I get a tough knee guft. Yeah. Of your gruntle. A gruntle waft. Yes. And I think, oh, there's a note of fish in there.

Oh, that's a shame, innit? And I think... From you or from your clothes? And then I think of this very funny little pun wordplay thing. Here we go. We've all been waiting for it. Oh, my bollocks smell of Alaskan Pollock. My pods smell of codaskan Pollock. My pods smell of cod.

You think of one! I've got one mate. I already did it. What? I did it just before didn't I and everyone laughed at it. Don't try and gaslight me. I did. They all laughed at it.

You made a fish. Just repeat it for me then. No. Kindly repeat your fish ball smelling of fish pun. It wasn't fish ball pun. Well what kind of pun was it then if it's not a fish ball smelling of fish pun. It was a fish ball pun. Well what kind of pun was it then if it's not a fish ball pun? I've been very poorly today. Leave me alone. My bollocks smell of pollocks.

Right. And my pods smell of cod. So there we go. I've got a fishy waft on my guff me guft. Another outstanding... Also I've got something else to say. Do you want to leave it for after the credits? No.

I'm going to fucking play them. I'll roll them now then. You're not playing along. I want you to do something with fish and bollocks. Can we do it after the credits? Can I put the credits in now? Pesky testies. That's better.

No, but Piesies testies. No. Right, it's time for Cheap Show. What do you mean no? Guffney! Guffney guff'd! Shut up. It's time for cheap show. Guff me guffed. Guff me gruffed. Shut up It ruins the rhythm going in. Play the fucking thing. You can't say that because you say that in the clean though. Play the thing. Shut up Press the fucking credits Off-run, random, off-run, random. Organic, Eli Silverman. Welcome to Jeep Show.

Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney, Chodney Borough. I hate you, I've thought you were a posse Cheap Show to the Mama Mine Rock Rock Cheap Show to the Mama Mine It's the price of shine Cheap Show to the Mama Mine

Welcome to Cheap Show Right. Welcome to Cheap Show. Right. Welcome to Cheap Show. It's the Comedy Sometimes. It's the Comedy Comedy Podcast, where Eli and I sometimes go for the bargain means the charity shops and power lines of this great country of ours. Sometimes we bring you sometimes back the cheap that Oh, oh, oh, the treasure we find amongst the trash, the cheap trash. Oh, sometimes, sometimes.

Right. I saw this. Oh, he's just gone into it. An advert the other day, Paul. I saw an advert the other day, Paul, and don't put deodorant on while I'm podcasting. For fuck's sake. I'm a bit stinky because I had a massive sweat on when I was being sick. No one cares. Oh, that's better.

Oh, right. And it was some advert, it was a billboard and it was um a footballer Paul. Yeah. And it said, it's some footballer yeah. Right. And it said up your barbecue game and you know what it was advertising? Uh sauce. Hellman's mayonnaise and barbecue sauce and it's like how fucking stupid is everyone getting? That is basic condiments, that wouldn't up your barbecue game, do you know what I mean? Like what, is everyone going around having barbecues with no sauce and someone brings, some cunt brings a fucking bottle of mayonnaise and they're all like oh I worship you, you've upped your barbecue

game, it's bullshit, it's the stupid for vacation of everything and the non acceptance of sources as a basic basic principle of eating and especially outdoors barbecue tar stuff. You don't even you don't even agree with my point. Up your barbecue game it said. I would agree. If I listened to adolescent locker room. Yeah. here with your fucking horrible deodorant at least it's not linked to africa no it's not imperial leather suffocating me it's not i can't breathe i can't breathe up your fucking deodorant game mate go into the hallway and grab off the top of the boxes one of those barshens magazines it's on top very top very very top there we go well done sorry It's on top, very top, very very top. There we go, well done. Sorry.

Oh mate, that's fucking hell. Sorry, sorry mate. Up your barbecue game, by what? Bringing some ketchup, have you heard of this? It's ketchup. Have you heard of ketchup? I just wanted to- It will up my game.

But have you finished ranting about fucking upping your barbecue game? Oh, he's really, John, our John, he came, he really upped our barbecue game. I'm too poorly to put up with this this week. I've got a bun! John has a bun! I think I had food poisoning or something. John, introduce me to buns! Have you had any buns?

Do you want to sit down? You fucking mad prick. Stop making a noise! I've got a neighbour downstairs who thinks I'm having a breakdown. She always knocks on the door and shouts at me. Oh, she says. I can't perform here. I'm straight-jacketed here. You can perform here. You've just got to, you know, modulate your performance.

Sorry. By the way, Paul. I don't want to talk about whatever it is you want to talk about right now. No, but by the way, I just need to warn you. I need to warn you. About? TB. I haven't got TB.

No TB. He's been sending emails. Who's TB? Trackbot. Oh no, I don't reply to him. Not to me. I just don't reply, no, I know, but he's been inviting people. To what? To the podcast. This podcast? Yes, he's been sending out emails. Well he's... Off his own steam. For what? For they can join in? He's there. Why travel

robbers in there? Oh fuck off. You know what, I'm just not doing that, I just don't want to do it this week. He's in the antechamber. Alright, well then they can have fun next door. He's insisting on coming in because he's got the email, he's printed it out, he's got the email from Trackpot. Can I do this, which is actually more important and maybe our listeners give a fuck about this as opposed to whatever drivel you're creating narratively in the room next door. I'm just warning you, he's gonna have to park it straight around the corner at some stage. I'll tell you what mate, I'll just be blunt, I was sick four times and shit twice today

and I'm not in the mood to play Trackbot, I'm just not in the mood to do the character. You don't have to play him. I don't. What's the point then? You explain that to- This is a no character week. You explain that to wide traveled Rob when he comes in. This is a no character week this week.

I'm saying it now. I can't control it if someone comes into the room. Don't care, people are looking forward to it. Oh I like me Trackbot, oh I like me wide traveled Rob. Alright good, but not this week. Paul. You are such a party pooper. Paul did three rainbow yawns this morning. Who cares? Put that aside and entertain the people. Agufney Charlie, Agufney Chuff. He comes round here, comes round here. I can't do this podcast anymore with you. I can't. Why? Because you can't do anything. You do nothing.

Because you just railroad me all the time. Railroad this. You just push your way in with your fucking agenda. Your meaty beef gruffiting gender. Gruffiting gender. Gruffiting agenda and you just wade in. All guns blazing. No moderation, no subtlety, no escalation of it. It's just straight in. Bof bof. A chudney wongy dungy. Isn't it with you? It's always the same, isn't it? It's not the in, bof bof, a chudney wongy dongy, isn't it with you? It's always the same, isn't it?

It's not the same. Listen, look, stop. Flavoring nonsense. And I'm tired of it. I'm just explaining. This is a podcast for serious people. Okay. With just merry happy times. Okay Paul. I don't want characters.

Fine, no. I don't want this feeling in my mouth anymore. Go tell Why Traveled Rob to Go. No, don't. Because he doesn't exist. No, I'll go tell him. No, you don't exist. You could just, you could just, You could go tell him though.

You could tell him in the break. Yeah, how about when we go to the break? You can do that then, you can go to the break. When you do the break, we can do the break then, you can fucking tell him then, when it doesn't matter to this fucking episode, I've been sick four times today. Paul, you are really, you really.

I've got a film in my mouth of gritty nastiness. I told you already, that's where the vomit has stripped your mouth of the layer so it's the opposite. I think I had a bad burger or something. Oh anyway look, you've ruined it now. I'm not ruining shit. The point is.

You continually ruin it by being unplayful. I'm not in the mood for being playful, I said this. That's why people listen to the show Paul. Yeah but some weeks we can have a week off for being playful can't we? And be what? Just be dra-dry. Drab. We can be dra dra-dry! Drab! We can be draa-dry as you like!

Come on then you dra-dry fella! People who support our podcast on Patreon every once in a while get a digital magazine from the Amazing Mind of a Ven and all the fantastic artistic contributors to that magazine. It's a fantastic thing. Why do you sound so angry about it then? Why do you sound so angry? I don't know. Stop angry, I'm just trying to get it out. Stop fighting me.

Stop fighting me. I'm interested in this as well. Well, why are you interrupting me again? Just play along. So recently, our latest issue of the magazine... It's because I'm... It's you! I'm scared of you!

Stop shouting about it! Just be normal. Just be normal. I need a glass of water, I'm going to go get one in the... I'll get a glass. No, do you want the break? You can speak to him in the break! I can get me water, we can have a break for a reason! I was just saying, I'll go past Y Traveled and get you...

Don't need Y Traveled Rod to do anything. I'll get you a glass of water. Do you want a glass of water? No. And you can explain about the magazine that I've left. No, stay there! Because the longer you drag this out with your fanny... My fanny? Yeah, your word fanny. The word grumble that you pour

out onto that microphone the longer this segment goes. So shut up! I'm not mad. I've just been sick four times a day and had two runny times twice. Paul, I was concerned, but then you said like you wanted to do it anyway. Well, because I've got no other day to do it. Do we? We've got to do stuff tomorrow as well. We do. I'm looking forward to it. Anyway, there's a new edition of The Cheap Show magazine. It's been available to patrons for a little while now, but now you can buy the physical edition of the Barshans edition of The Cheap Show magazine.

If you remember Barshans, oh, long time ago, we celebrated it recently with our episode. Remember we got Barry and Stuart and everyone back. You can listen to that still. But now there's a magazine to go with it. It says 4.99 on the front, but if you go to the website, Events website, so yeah, if you go to Events website, cheapmag.shop, you can order and get a physical copy of the Issue 17, which is the Barshans edition.

But look out for the three and five pack options for better value for money. So you can buy any of the previous, I don't know, like 12 or 13, because there's a deal. And there'll be less than five each. Yeah. There's loads of deals depending on how many copies you want

and what issues you want. So check out that. But yeah, good. It's fucking great issue. I was just about to say, we had a little peruse before we started recording and it's got a fucking great poster. Yeah, comes with a big poster done by Tony. Some amazing art and also...

Lovely stuff inside the mag as well. Interview with the cast of Barshans, all look pictures. Full interview with everyone. Quiz, Eli Box thing. This is the thing about that. I've written little bits for this stuff. Price of Shite, Price Hunter Edition. Event just puts the most amazing magazines together and so this is one of the really fucking great ones. Mason- Easily one of the best of the cheap show mags that have been done, I'd say.

Paul- Yeah. So Event, yeah, and then we've got Tony, Paige, Tom, Karen. They've all been involved doing art and things like that. Graphics, it's all there. Go get it. Order it now. We don't often pimp the magazine this heavy, but this is a fucking issue. And also, maybe Barshens is coming back, innit? Barshans is coming back. Isn't it? Maybe it is. I don't know. No one's talked to us about it, have they? Yes, they have.

They haven't given us dates in the near future to record them. Not as far as I know. I don't remember hearing about that just the other day. I feel sick. You actually feel pooky-pooky? No, I never pooky-pooky. No, I don't know if it's going to happen, but I do know what's coming up on the show. Milky Milky. So, yeah.

Milk. Milk is coming up. Yeah, milk. Let's hope it's only coming, but I do know what's coming up on the show. Milky Milky. So yeah. Milk, milk is coming up. Yeah. Let's hope it's only coming up a straw and not up your gullet. You're the wrong way around, mate. It's milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner, chocolate. Chocolate is made. Yeah, it's spongy chocolate. I don't want it to be milk, milk, rainbow mouth, come out, down brown south.

Something like that. Down brown south. I've formulated a joke that I was trying to fucking make for the whole stand-up career. End the segment with it and then we'll kick in. You know they say uh... He looks panicked. He looks upset and panicked but go on. Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Yeah. Pink spongy sky at night, angel delight. It's not too bad, I'll give him that. I'll give him that. I'm not too bad. Come on! Right, let's get on with the show. Bloosh! We've had a package.

Fizzy fizzy drinks. A fizzy drinks passage? Fizzy drinks passage. Well that's your bummo, isn't it? That has definitely been my poor little sphincter today. Your whole alimentary canal, boy. My sick sphincter. My poor sick sphincter. My double-ended sick sphincter. I've left me water over there. Oh my word.

Tell them what the gist is though. Okay, so we have been sent some fizzy drinks. We like to taste fizzy drinks on this show, Paul, and tell you what we think of them. And there's been quite a lot of debate in the news recently. A bit of debate, yeah. That you've noticed about sugar-free stuff, and whether a spaame in particular is really

bad for you or not. They still can't really tell. From anecdotally, Paul, a lot of people say nothing's going to be as bad as the full sugar ones for you. No, I'm fine. I'd just rather drink the full sugar ones, but just less of them. Well, you need to. I do.

Cheeky fuck, shit cunt. I need to fuck down as well. How dare you? Come on. Why are you so angry this week, man? I think it's just because I'm poorly in my temper. I'm in a good mood. Don't be...

I'm trying to be in good mood. Please. Anyway. But my tummy is just every now and then. Do you know like when a washing machine seems idle, then every now and then it goes vzum, vzum, and it rolls a thing. It's not good. It's like my tummy's like that right now.

I'm fine. Then every now and then I get a wave of... I have, I have sympathy. We can have some milk coming up, foreshadowing. So that will probably line your stomach in a nice, cozy, comforting way. Yeah, but we're also going to filter it through that muck. We'll explain it later. Anyway. But also Paul, fizzy drinks, if they, once they've gone a bit flat are quite good for an upset stomach. Generally. I was, when I worked in a private hospital, someone was saying the best thing for upset stomachs which they don't tell you is flat coke. Oh okay. Private hospital, look after your tummy, I do it for money and you. And one other thing I learned.

Pretty good satire that don't you think? Private dancer, private hospital, dance for money, pay for money, get better. Excellent stuff! What? I still want to hear a fish and bollocks pun from you. I'll work on it, alright. But another thing I learnt in that private hospital, Paul, was that you can clean cutlery and crockery by using a bit of old tea. Ugh. Bit of old tea. Eli's going all fault. He's going to be 50 soon, he's hitting old man status.

Bit of old tea, we've got an upset stomach, a little bit of flat coke. Well I've got a little bit of fat cloak. Hi Jeep Show, shut up! We've been sent some drinks everybody, here Paul's about to read the letter. Yes it says, hi Jeep Show, sorry to bother you again but please find in close some Barrett's milk straws. We're going to get to that in a bit. The Blackjack version sounds particularly dreadful. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, mate? Blackjack flavored milk on my tummy. Oh, it could be bad. Some candy can drinks and two cans of swizzle drumstick squashes, dry shampoo. The dry shampoo. Yes, you read that right. Dry shampoo. Don't taste it. We will be doing that on our forthcoming

cheap show, Cheap Shots YouTube short videos, which we're going to start releasing soon as extra Cheap Show content. That's fun. You can see that then. We're not doing it now. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Much love to you as always, Sarah, Dog and Lampost on X-stroke Twitter. Looking forward to the live show, which is in October. Tickets are now on sale to the general public. Check the metadata for this podcast for a link to those tickets or on our website thecheapshow.co.uk. Thanks for sending these in. We have tasted these before, Paul. And also I've added one. Oh yeah, you've added another one. Because I knew you were poorly and I spotted this in the shop and I thought you like this as a flavour profile.

Yeah. This is a flavour profile. Yeah. This is a Red Bull Summer Edition. These are the different flavours, they do different ones every year. Uh, Caruba Elderflower. Ay, Caruba! I can't believe it! I don't know. Look up Caruba, please.

I don't spell Caruba. Hang on. C... Yeah. U... Jimmy. Ah. C-U-Jimmy!

C-U-R-U-B-A. Oh, it does say it's a banana passion fruit, also known as Taxo and Carumba, is a group of 64 of them around the world. What flavour is it? It's a hybrid of passion fruit and peaches. Oh, well that might be nice, huh? And there you can see a little picture of it there. It looks like a fanny.

Oh, it is a banana passion fruit. Yeah. Because that's, you see. It does look like a banana passion fruit. It does. Imagine in your head, a banana, and in your opening, it's got passion fruit bits in it. And so it's got the seeds the passion fruit seeds the distinctive seeds of passion fruits so why does it you know when i first started eating passion fruits what when i worked in that private hospital private hospital you get wealth for money you traded it in with your life so we're going to taste that as well

right well that's the website here when i put in caruba elderflower, it says a red bull. It's a unique energy drink that combines tropical caruba flavors with delicate elderflower flavor. Perfect for boosting energy and focus. Although apparently it will kill you and mutate your genes. And in my experience, their flavors aren't as impressive as they sound on the titles. No. Funny, all the things we cover on our show are killing us. Like noodles, some noodles are being seen as being too salty and too spicy as well they took

them off the market. Oh I bought a pack for the show. Live show we're doing three times spicy. Before they can ban it. Yeah. They won't ban it here, they don't ban anything. Yeah but also Smokey Bacon Crisps, cartonagenic, getting rid of those soon. I'm not surprised you know because they're the worst repeaters. Yeah. Repetit offenders. Have you ever had like a frazzle at midday and you're still tasting the frazzle? That sounds quite existential. Metronomically, every time you open your mouth, basically, the fucking eternal flavour of the eternally repeating frazzle, will taste my tail.

Smile if you please, I've got some frazzles on me knees, a nibble in my munchie man I go down on me tees, a dee a bum, a bum bum bum willy, a willy bum bum and I'm cutting that out. Maybe I'll keep it in. Should I keep it in? I don't care. Keep the willy in. Keep the willy bum bum in, that's what they say.

Keep the willy in the bum bum. Keep the bum in the willy, the will in the boat. I may I've got nothing Please help me. I try to I try and then you fight right. Let's just get on with the drinks So let's do the elderflower first then go on oh try the red For the milky one later, so we'll just use a little bit in these glasses. I couldn't be arsed to get the ice out I apologise. They are cold though they're chilled. Yeah they've been in the fridge. He's gonna pour me a bit out. It comes in a green can but the colour of it is just red. Red ball colour. I think it's a bit lighter. Yeah. Actually.

I couldn't see. No it's very much that piss colour. It's that piss yellow colour innit. Looks like piss as well. What am I using for this? Any one of those two, but just don't use the other because that's for milky milky later. One for milk and one for fizz. It's got almost no smell to it. Oh, that's a nice smell. It's a bit raisiny with a bright sort of bright appley. I'm getting an appley raisiny sort of...

Like a white wine almost note. Yeah, that's right. You're picking up why I have there. Pass the teeth down the gorge. Like a grassy almost. A, raisiny sort of... Like a white wine almost note. Yeah, that's right. You're picking up wine there. Pass the teeth and down the gums. Like a fresh, like a grassy almost. A fresh, bright sort of... Over the gums, down it comes, whatever. I'm getting the elderflower.

That's not bad. That's very elderflower-y. Yes, it is. Yeah, it's that kind of a floral, rosy, lemony almost kind of thing. I think that's quite nice. And do you know what surprised me? But there was a banana back end, isn't there? I hate the banana back end. Passion fruit. Are you getting that? I hate the banana back end, mate. I think that's quite nice and you know what surprised me but there was a banana back end isn't there? The banana back end? Passion fruit, are you getting that? I hate the banana back end mate, I tell you. I'm actually not getting that, I'm not getting any of those.

Think about it, take another sip, right after, right at the very end you've got a sort of banana mouth. Okay. See what I mean? A little bit, yeah, a little bit. It does feel like you go from a wash of that floral bright elderflower and then into the banana-y back end. Yes, better than I thought it was going to be. And you know what makes that better than I thought it was going to be mainly is the sweetness level. Yeah, it's not too sickly sweet. You knew what I was going to say. Yeah, I agree. It's probably palatable. Better than I thought.

Yeah, next one. So Candy Cams we've had on the show before. And by and large, we've never been too impressed by them, have we? Have you been super kind of fake tasting or just nonsense? They are always incredibly bad. And I can't believe they keep going with new flavours. Zero sugar. It's the this is the kind of zero sugar soft drink that I can't get with. Don't eat it drink it says on the can, oh fucking course. Yeah because they're all like things like birthday cake other sweets aren't they? There was candy floss was there one we did?

Yeah birthday cake and I don't know fucking whatever. There was a cream soda-y one that was sort of like... Maybe it's a bit I don't know it all blows into one. So there's two which one you want to do first? You want to do sparkling winter edition that's all it says there's no... Candy canes you can see candy canes on it so it's going to be like that. Maybe a bit of cinnamon? Maybe. But that might make it nice. And then there's a Wonka branded because Willy Wonka came out and he does wacky things and this is a sparkling toffee apple drink. Let's start with the toffee apple. All right we know where we are with toffee apple. We don't know the mystery, we'll leave the mystery of winter for later on. Yeah we will. Here we go. Get

the fresh Nif Naf on that. Smells like candy floss. So is Wonka owned, isn't Wonka owned by Paramount or something? The name Wonka. No, Warner Brothers I think has Wonka. So you think these people paid Warner Brothers to have Wonka on their can? Yes, but also there is a brand of candy that's been going for years called Wonka Candy. Which is separate. Because they used to do Wonka Nerds. That's the whole thing and now they're just nerds.

I've got a badge of that. A pin badge of that. But this isn't that Wonka. This is the film, this is a film tie in. Based on the new one with Timothy Shamalam. Shamalamalam. Shamaman. Yeah. Shamaram bamber shamalam. Oh Shamalam. Smile if you please and get down on your knees and show me that you're Willie goes and do it. I've got nothing. I can't do it today. Oh Shamalam. You are the man. I've got a film and i need someone in it i'll share just drink the thing please now so do you want to give it a hoof what do you think it just smells like candy floss i'm getting toffee apple from that oh yeah it's meant to be toffee apple you're right the smell isn't bad oh now that you say it again yeah i see i see that toffee thing all right here we go is

that a caramelly sort of toffee no i, I'm getting... That's almost flavourless. Are you getting anything out of that other than the fizz? It's very artificial sweet. I mean that tastes like fucking... Ugh. They're all like this. These candy cans. Why are they all shit? They're always all shit. I'm telling you, Pepsi Max cherry does not have that. The flavour when you drink it is not there, but it lingers on the mouth now that I am. It's like it's resting on my tongue. It's not nice. And it's not nice. It's very artificial.

Some people must dig that because they keep selling this shit, don't they? It's sickly. I think they make it cheap and they can sell it because people buy it for fucking mixers or whatever. That's what I think they do. That's nasty shit. That's got that aspartame or whatever it is. But super, super aspartame. Yeah, more than other things, more than other similar sugar-free drinks. You know what I mean? It's more than a diet coke. When you've got this crap on the market. Oh yeah, compared to, yeah, no I agree. Honestly. I'd rather drink, get this, a Pepsi cherry max than that fucking garbage. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm trying to say, it's not any sugar-free drink is going to be, have that horribleness, but these do. No, I've made an

error. So it says it's a candy can, which that is, but also they put an E on the end, so it's candy cane. Oh, that's what I said. That is the flavour, winter edition and it smells a little bit like unwashed dick end. I'm not even joking. Yeah, well that's, you mean like Alaskan Pollock? Yeah, this one's a... Like a bollock that smells of Alaskan Pollock. Yeah, this one's Ghostbusters 2 Mood Slime Pink. All that kind of weird liquid you get in the dentist that you have to swill. It's got that colour to it. There's an aniseed or licorice note in there. There is a kind of, I was going to say like cinnamony or some kind of... We're picking up on the same thing, but you know what I'm getting at?

Winter grass, whatever that fucking shit is. Yeah, or winter green. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, here we go. Oh, fuck it. Is that worse? No, I would... Oh, it's exactly the same colour as the dentist's mouthwash. I just fucking said that.

I know, I was agreeing by repeating it. Okay credit for my hard comedy work! No it's not, competition, stop being so grouchy! I won the puns! You did not make one single fish bollock pan, I'm still waiting for it. Oh, okay. See, it's not easy. So I used to have two plums and then I had a fish accident. Um, uh... Pffft! You fucked it up! Hang on, hang on. A fish accident! You used to have two plums! It's like surrealist poetry or something! It's meant to be a joke!

I used to have two plums and then I had a fish accident! And then I had... Had a kwon take it off! I had a kwon take it off! No, no, no, no. I'm gonna taste this shit now. That was very poor. Thank you. At least I had an effort. That's horrible. That's nasty pasty.

That's really horrid. It's got like berries and this kind of, it's a licoricey note, isn't it? There's a little bit. It's something, I don't like it. That's worse than the toffee apple. I don't know. Don't you think? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I feel. I'm going to try for the sake of the listeners, Paul. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I feel. I'm going to try for the sake of the listeners, Paul. Yeah, go for it. I feel like I need to do a bit more of a deeper dive on the flavour profile of this. All right.

Okay? Yeah, let's wind this up. Is your stomach doing one of its things now? Okay, look, I just want to taste this and see if I can get any notes because you gave nothing. I didn't. I said I didn't like it. Exactly.

It's enough. It tastes like aspartame and candy floss. It's horrible. It's got like lingers nastily. It's similar, isn't it? It's sort of an artificial caramel sort of flavour. I'm going to have a little bit of Red Bull to wash it out with. Red Bull in comparison is going to be like amber nectar. I don't mean like fosters.

Oh, it tastes of things that are nice. That is a nicer. Yeah, it's a nicer one. Oh god, thank you. Who is it? Sarah and the big dog or something? I'm afraid you listened to the important information in the podcast. Sarah.

Thank you very much, Sarah. Dog and lamppost on TwitterX. Oh, that's... I thought there was a person called Dog or something. No, anyway, what's your favourite? Like the bounty hunter, Paul. What's your favourite? Say Red Bull, then we can end this fucking segment. Oh, out of those three, I mean there's no competition. There's no competition.

Cockfuck... Paul, come on, mate. Baring. Paul. I'm actually in a good mood today, and you're really not. No, I'm glad. Cockfuck... Paul, come on mate. Paul. I'm actually in a good mood today and you're really not. It's just... You're really not in a good mood. Oh, I've burped stuff. I think it was the salad.

Did you wash it? Yes. You washed the lettuce? I washed it in the toilet. It's not... With a poo poo. I washed it in the toilet with a poo poo stick. You used the poo poo stick to wash the lettuce.

I took the log out that I just dropped and gave all the tomatoes and all the scrubby scrubby scrubby yeah. Well there's your problem. I gave a little poo loofah to the salad. You've been eating shit that you've been eating your own poo there's your problem. I find that very hard to believe. And straight on to the next drink based item. I said, I said, I said, confectionary straws, early doors, Diana doors, confectionary straws, woo wee, milky straws. What are you fucking talking about? I'm on all fours for your milky straws, Paul.

Actually, that one's all right. Right. OK, so as mentioned in the letter, we have three boxes of what do they call them? Milk straws. They are plastic straws filled with little candy beads, which when you draw the milk through the beads, flavour the milk with whatever the beads flavour is. Very well put. Thank you. Thank you very much.

And related to those things that were a big craze recently where they have the flavour ring and it's just water and air up. Oh that bullshit. But it's a similar sort of idea, isn't it? Well these have been around for fucking donkeys. They have. But those ones like you saw like the Kickstarter thing where you never need to have flavoured drinks again because my fucking flavoured o-hole will make your drink.

My o-hole? My flavoured AI generated o-holes will fucking flavour your water to taste like... O-hole I like. Gusset. That's good, o-hole is good. Gusset func flavoured oh holes. I like a holes but there's oh holes. What an oh hole. Right so you've got three. Let's taste these fucking milk straws then. So what would you like to start first? We have three. We have

bananas because everyone remembers those little soft squidgy marshmallow-y banana things. Uh flumps which are just marshmallow. Which will be vanilla. And then blackjack, which is licorice. Why do you think that's going to be so bad? Licorice goes well with milk I think. Does it? In my mind, yeah. It just seems like an odd choice. Creamy, you don't get milky licorice sweets, do you? Milky licorice sweets, no. You don't get licorice chocolate sweets either. Licorice seems to be penned off in its own confectionary world, doesn't it? Yeah, maybe, I don't know. Because people don't like it, I think. Licorice seems to be penned off in its own confectionery world, doesn't it? Yeah, maybe, I don't know. Because people don't like it, I think.

A lot of people don't like it. Licorice is the bad boy. It's the bad boy of confectionaries. Yeah, licorice is the bad boy. So what do you want to start with? I would like to start with banana because I hate fake banana. We've had this discussion before. Let's get it out of the way.

OK. We've got some milk. It's whole milk. We've got glasses. Oh, you've got whole milk. Nice. We should just need to just pour one big full glass and we can take a few socks out. Are you lactose intolerant? You are though aren't you?

I've got all me toes mate. Lactose intolerant? Sorry? You've got all your toes? Yeah I don't like toes. You lack toes? I don't like toes. You lack, yeah. Yeah.

Oh-ho. Lactose oh-ho. You're not, but you tell me when you've had a big cheesy pizza the next day your guts are in arrears, or rods, guttering up, guttering up roars. Gutteridge. Yes. He's poured some milk everybody and we're going to taste the first of these straws. Now here's your straw and look. This is the banana one. You can hear the beads. These are pretty low rent aren't they? So you just suck it through I guess and draw it through. It'll probably take a few sucks won't it first? Very little. I can't smell

anything. I like banana milk. Alright well let's find out. We're putting it in, let's find out what happens once we suck it. It makes the milk slightly taste of banana. Slightly, it's not getting a lot of banana in but it is there. Not too bad but there's more whole milk in. It gets sweeter the more you pull it through which is quite pleasing. Now there we go. If you give it a slow suck, it draws it up more. You want to get it all percolating around. You've got to seal your lips tight around the tube and just suck slowly, you know? Just kind of, pp pp pp, at it.

And then it starts to come out. It's like playing with your food, isn't it? Well, if you suck it from the bottom once you pull it out. Very banana-y. Very, I mean, not for me. I don't like banana, but you know, if you do like banana, that's for you. It's that classic banana flavour, and banana milk's a thing. That's a winner for me. I like that. Alright, good. Would you? The thing is, is this something you put in a pack lunch or something?

Or is it something that encourages kids to drink milk even though you're making it sweeter? No, you're cynical selling sugar. I mean, it's just sugar. I just don't see why you don't have it at kids' parties, do you? Do you just put a bowl of those out at a kids' party in a big fucking jar of milk? I'm just trying to think of when you would want to use these. Oh it's all running out the end dissolving into my milk. Yeah that's the bit you need to suck, that's the bit that's ultra banana-y. Yes, but that means that this is gonna make this milk taste a banana. Put it on the side then. And it's gonna ruin the flavour. Put it on the side. Look use this as a drink. It's gonna ruin the flavour of this milk. I need new milk for my next straw otherwise I won't be able to taste it. Alright, well I have to go and buy more milk now, cretin.

Now we're on the flumps. Uh, yes, the flumps. I love that fucking show. Was the flumps any good? I like the clangers better. Alright, but the flumps were very very different in many respects. Were they also on the- They're more like Wombles in many-

Were they like, were they made by Oliver Postgate as well though? Don't think so, I'm happy to be corrected on that. I just think it was a, it didn't run that long, the flumps, but it was like Northern weird, Tribble looking things up North. Imagine like a hairy Mr Potato Head man on adventures with all Northern voices. I often imagine a hairy Mr Potato Head man and he comes and he says, you're alright Eli, you're okay. And his bristles,

his downy bristles. Robert Downey Jr. bristles. That was... I'd just rather kill that dead than hear more of it. So here we go, put my straw in. You're such a cunt. I'm gonna put this straw in for the marshmallows. Every creative idea is killed. All you do these days is fucking wait till I say something that sounds like a song and then just sing the song badly.

That's the whole thing you do. How's the Flump Straw? Oh, it's very sweet. It's very, um, marshmallow. Sweeter than a banana? Much sweeter, I think. It takes a while for it to go out, but if you suck it from the bottom afterwards, it's all right.

Oh yeah, it's much sweeter. Fuck it up. Oh, that works better. It does work better, but fuck me, that's super sweet. It's ice creamy. Yes, it's ice creamy. That's what it is. Vanilla ice cream-y. Yes, it's ice cream-y, that's what it is. Vanilla ice cream.

Yeah, a nice little gimmick. Maybe a picnic. Vanilla goes better than the banana. I agree. With the milk, with the taste of the milk. It's classic, it's like vanilla ice cream. Yeah. Onto the last one, which is the...

Sorry I spoke over you there, Paul. It's alright. Here's me apologising to editor Paul. I've long since... Later. Sorry editor Paul. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care for you in your opinions. Here's the blackjack one which is a little chewable licorice flavored sweet. I'm actually quite enjoying this.

Alright but come on we've got to get through this. This is the one that Sarah thinks might make us vom vom. Well I don't think she said that at all. She did she said watch out for that. No I'm just reading it through now. No I feel guilty for sending you those... that mallow spread. That was the other thing she said. Oh, that was really bad. They were fucking... They're the same. They were the Barrett's, weren't they?

No, there's nothing in that letter that says this is going to make us sick. You've invented that in your head like you often do, because you're deluded. Eli Land is a place where no one's welcome but Eli. It says there in brackets, the Blackjack version sounds particularly dreadful, doesn't it? Oh, but she didn't say it was going to make it sick. Yeah but you said it was going to make us vom vom. That's what I was... That were your words.

I... Wouldn't stand up in court would it that kind of logic? You're such... No, no, don't. Just shutting down. If it doesn't stand up in court it doesn't stand up here. You're such a cunt. Literally you press record on the thing, you turn into this little fucking dictator.

Just calm down. into this little fucking dictator calm down we're both shaking our liquor straws I'm doing it in anger. I know right you ready do you like black jacks? I do I really do I love black jacks it's a nice it's more a nicey than liquorice isn't it Blackjack? Every now and then. Oh lovely thing but let's see if it works with milk. I have a horrible feeling it won't. It's not dreadful, but I don't get the point of it. It turns milk into a sweetie basically. I mean as I say, none of these are actually reported, I'll say that, but... Why isn't there a fruit salad one?

There may be to be fair. We might not just have it here. Maybe they weren't available when Sarah got them. Bit strange isn't it with the liquoriceateness. The thing is, it's more of a background flavour to the milk. I think if you had different, I wonder what it would be like with semi-skimmed because that's thinner. Would it present more? Because the creaminess of the whole milk is doing a lot of work here.

Yeah, I'm totally in agreement with that. I think it may, you may be right, it might present more with a more watery medium. Yes. For it to be dissolved. A weaker dribble might help. Which is why the creaminess of the whole milk really went well with the vanilla from the Flumps one. Yeah and I'm going to go ahead and say that was the best one, best of the three. Do you agree? I do, yeah. Good. Well there we go. Thanks Sarah. Thank you Sarah for those.

Not as horrible as you were fearing actually. Oh dear. You've had too much Blackjack milk. Ah that's really nasty. Eli got ill because you had too much blackjack milk. Ah that's really nasty. Eli got ill because you had too much of blackjack's milk last night. It gets bitter if you keep going on it. Yeah that's why I stopped. Oh that's not nice. That is not nice Sarah. Alright calm down. How dare you. It's your fault. And you warned us. You were chugging on. You warned us in the letter. You were too busy chugging on Black Jack's milk. It is particularly dreadful that. Right. Oh, the bitterness!

Alright, and it went from that to Arnie, did it? Alright, good. We're gonna take a quick break, because I... Get to the break! Because I might be sick. You wanna make a fun of that now? Do you wanna make fun of my tummy guts? Empty your...

Empty your stomach! Come to the chopper and... It's got... I've got a sweatpty your... Empty your stomach! Oh, God... Come to the chopper and... It's got... I've got a sweat on... You got guts out! Bleurgh... Oh, God! Oh... Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da We're gonna play some Tomy games, because Tomy are the best. They make toys for the kiddies, and they make lovely retro toys,

and we get on the show, and we enjoy them very much. Oh, it's Tomy Trio time! I got fish dick. I got fish dick. Are you trying to still make a fish dick? Is it genitals in general, or is it just testicles?

You said fish and bike. I'll expand the search. I got fish dick. Fish dicks. I've got it. Yeah. Paul, woke up this morning. I know. Guffney chuff. No, no, no, no. My front flipper smells of kipper. No. I've got knackle, mackerel knackers. Mackerel knackers, I like. Oh, that tickled me. How about that? Mackerel and the knackle. See? Persevere and you'll get a fish dick pun in here. I have produced... Have you? Three bonafide classic fish dick puns today.

One. What was it? Um, Pod Smelling of Cod. Yeah. What was the other one? Mackerel Tasticle, whatever it was. Mackerel Flapple. Mackerel Knackers.

Mackerel Knackers, yeah. Oh I got a bit of Mackerel Knackers. What was the first one I said though? I don't care. I don't care. I don't care, don't know. I'm getting this word guffney going through my head. Well, there's no fish called the guffney fish. Can we just get on with this?

I bet there is. Guppy, there is a guppy. Oh, I've got a fucking guppy waft on. What was the first thing I said? Come on, Paul. Can't do this. I refuse to do this fish testicle material this week. Oh, Pollock!

Pollock, Pollock, that's what it was. But Pollock isn't a fish. Yes it is. It's an artist. It's a fish. It's what they make really cheap. Are you actually coming up against me on this? Are you trying to say you're going to be wrong? You're going to find Alaskan Pollock. Pollocks. Fish. Pollock or Pollocks is a common name for two species of North Atlantic marine fish in the genus Polycheus or Pollock. I've got fish dick puns, I've got fish dick puns, Tomey. Did they do fish dick stuff? They did fish stuff? One of these has got fish in it! And the link is complete. I've come back round and we're on course. Hello everyone, it's Cheap Show and now

it's time for the- I've got one! I've got anchovy on me manchovy! Oh my gosh! That's terrible but I love it. Yeah. I've got anchovy on me manchovy! You just go manchovy love! Sorry about the manchovy love! Mate you've done it! You found the best way of expressing that. Thank you. Right, Tomy, we've got three toys this week. We've got three Tomy toys this week to talk about. Manchovy! Alright, manchovy!

Talk about gentleman's relish. Right, sorry, Tomy. What a bit manchovy, mate. That was so good. You knew it was good as well didn't you? Yeah I know, I was what I got there in the end. It's called workshopping and we do it during the episode. Tommy special, tell me, I've invigorated. Right so we've had three items from Tommy and from three different sources. One I got on eBay, one I nicked off the set of Digitizer and one that was sent to us by The Amazing Event who makes The Amazing Cheap Show magazines which you can get on her website right now.

Now what was the full name of Tomi? Is it Tomica? Oh yeah, it was Tomica or something back in the day, but it just became Tomi over time. Then it became Tomi and they were a big, big toy brand in the 80s. And we've covered them plenty of times on the show from Yar and Wow. The handheld, what are those handheld ones called? Oh, Pocket, Pocketers. Pocketers, Tomi Pocketers, I found that extremely rare. The shape that turns into a bunny,

like a transformer toy that's a. Oh, I know. I mean, yeah, I love me. Paul, I know you fucking do love you. I do love me because that's mentally healthy to love yourself. Not the way you do it. What? Ramming myself.

Yeah, spreading that man. Jovey. Everyone. it. What? Ramming myself. Yeah spreading that manchovy everywhere. He swiped manchovy on the curtains. I've got some manchovy paste. Anyway the first item. I love me some Tomy stuff. That's all I wanted to say. We're big big Tomy fans on this cheap show show. This is a fish based one. I can see. Well, it's water based. There are fish in it. Oh no, they're little. From a van. I'll let you tell them what it is. Water Wonderland. Fill with water for hours of fun. And this is one of those. Hours though. Stretching it. Aqua toys. But you can still get these, the ones I've seen recently in like pound shops, they're

trying to mimic sort of like a switch or a handheld console. It's similar to what Ashen's has done in the past with those pop stations and they've sometimes done squirty water games in that model, in that form. Where you're basically using a pump to squirt little things into targets, essentially. But this looks much more complicated and has the Tomy magic feel to it. Yes, so Tomy did a lot of these, they did these ones which were kind of like snow globes almost, and then they had ones which were tower based, so they were kind of came in a, and it almost looks like a flask with a clear section and it was more like skill based,

like squirting rings onto a hook. And did those have a battery in? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they were just water pumpy. They all involved squirting rings onto a hook. And did those have a battery in? No, no, no, no, no. They wouldn't if the water would you. No, no, no. They were just water pumping. They all involved squirting a jet of air into the water to jostle some kind of thing onto some other kind of thing.

The one I want to get is the Pac-Man one because you can get Pac-Man, you've got to squirt the cherries into the thing or whatever. What I was going to say is a general point. Tomy, during the 80s, they would often do physical versions of computer games, early computer games, right? Which were those things like wow and R and yar and all those kind of things. Exactly, they're like games, they have mechanical toys that are aping the aesthetics of the, at the time, emerging market of video games.

That's why I find them so magic. That's what our third item is going to be related to. We'll get to that in a moment. But, Yvonne did say this, which is a bit of a shame. Event send us this one. Yes. Yeah. Lovely. It didn't come with the plastic plug at the bottom, which means we can't fill it, which means we can't play it. But effectively, this is more of a toy than a challenge because I think you have to squirt teddy bears onto a seesaw or something. They're little cats. They're really cute. The design is exemplary.

I mean, I love Tomy's design anyway,, but They always age well. Yeah. Even when they go retro, it still feels kind of very particular of a style. Yeah. You can tell. That's had water in it, it's all misty in it. It's a bit misty inside. But look, you've got little cats and you're trying to get cats into cradles and there's little rocking horses you're trying to get them on as well. This is great. I love it. Is it got a ferris wheel or something? Is that another one or is it in the tree? It's got like a painted tree on the background. Again, it's why I say it's like a snow globe. It's got that kind of, imagine a flat snow globe. Yes, a flattened globe.

Yeah, pink. Playtime kittens it's called and also the name of a great 80s band as well. Great stuff. I love Tomie stuff. But that is for you by the way. Oh. Even said that is for you. I won't be able to fill it. To be fair, on eBay you might be able to get a replacement one. I mean you could make, I could make one couldn't I? You could make one, I don't know how. Out of, or 3D print one, I mean I've

already wanted to. You could, because you need to have it rubbery to make it seal. I don't know, I think I might just display it empty. As is. And help it, it'll dry it, open the bottom and see if I can get some of that moisture to dry out. Yes, yeah yeah yeah. But thank you, that's great, I love those little cats. It's something I'd like more of, but obviously, you know, they take up space and that one comes in a box. So I like it. I know it's obviously a very small child's play thing, an idle toy, you know, it's something you idle the hours with rather than achieve anything by playing it. There's no scoring or points. No, but they've gone, that's why they've gone for something that's...

More playtime. Aesthetically, more just sort of like a, and I love that in toys where there's no, I like games where it's just the game is infinite in that there's no goal. You think of a finite game, it's where you're trying to end the game. A competitive game, what you're trying to do is win, but you want to win, so you want to end the game, because the game ends when you win. You see what I mean? But infinite games where you're not playing to win. Like a Tetris, which is forever and forever and forever and still.

You're just playing to keep playing. And that's a totally different thing. And that's like that, isn't it? It's sort of... It's also similar to like basic app games that require no thought. It's just a button masher. It's that kind of idle playtime thing, which is fine.

It's just, you know, the water squirty evolution of that back in the day. Because I had one of those column ones and I seem to remember it was like little buckets and you had to squirt the balls into the bucket or something. And you're trying to score. Yeah, you want to try and get it as quick as you can or something. With a little timer because they have those. No, no, no.

There wasn't even a timer. You think that but no, they just look like a weird, you know, flask with a squirty ball. Yes, so again it was quite casual, not sort of goal orientated. In the same way like a Newton's cradle exists or a Rubik's Cube on a desk. It's that kind of thing. For those of you who don't know, Newton's cradle was the totemic, the most recognisable of the executive toys of the 80s that came out with the yuppies and it says yuppie. Fidget toys basically are they?

It's the balls that you... Clack clack. Yeah. They impart energy through the balls and so therefore blah blah blah etc. It gives you a physics lesson. Is it kinetics? It would be shorthand for art directors of films to say yuppie, wouldn't it? For years, it was like a thing.

You'd have that, or one of those fucking things were full of nails that you put against your face and it moulds into your face like a 3D image. Anyway, let's go on to our second item. Right, okay, so this is our second item and I used to have this very one when I was a kid. I don't remember having stickers all over it, but this comes with stickers that they slap all over it. This is a TomyTronic 3D, which is like an LCD game that you always to play, you know, the game and watch kind of things. But this is 3D because it's in color and you have to look for a viewfinder. It looks like a little pair of binoculars or something, doesn't it?

Here's a question for you. If Tomy had gone a different way, do you think they could have become a bit more like Nintendo in that they could have came up with some kind of console themselves? Uh, maybe? I don't know. I don't think Tomy dabbled in that a lot. Well, this is a computer game essentially, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, I guess it is. And this is mid-80s. And that is like a console. I mean, it only plays one game, but it's… Singapore.

Yeah, their stuff is made in Singapore. My little, my transformer rabbit thing. This must be late eighties, early nineties, I think. And the pocket ears all have Singapore written on them. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. That all makes sense. What I'm saying is I think this came out in the late eighties and it basically you hold it up to your eyes and the light comes in from the top, which casts colour, which means everything inside is in colour rather than it being a black and white Game of War style thing. And then it has little sounds and... Can I have a go please?

Yeah, so this one is called Shark Attack. I'll just read the instructions out on the back. Pleasin', please press off on on button. Pleasin' Pleasin' Pleasin' when you rub it up your nubators. Twice when batteries are inserted. What do you mean twice? Please it twice? What? Press recessed your nose. Twice when batteries are inserted. What do you mean twice?

Please it twice? What? Press recessed on off button twice when batteries are inserted. Switch sound buttons off or on. Press fire button. Your three swimmers appear. Game begins when only one swimmer appears. Maneuver the swimmer by pressing left or right control buttons.

Dodge the oncoming shark so you will be eaten. Press the fire button to shoot at the shark. Well, how have I got an underwater gun? It's a harpoon kind of thing. Win points for destroying sharks with an extra point in bonus battle. See instructions, that doesn't seem to be on here. Game ends when your three swimmers are dead. Game increases through seven levels. There you go.

How do I start it? Find out the fire button, I think, and that starts it. It starts. Yeah, because I think it's already on. These are my left and right, and where it shoots, that shoots. It's the same. I think fire as you start. Can you see it. Yeah, because I think it's already on. These are my left and right, and where's shoot? That's shoot. It's the same, I think fire as you start. Can you see it?

Yeah. Oh, I can see my three swimmers. Yes. Now I can see one swimmer. Oh, where they coming? Oh, I need to, oh. He's gonna dodge the sharks. I'll tell you, I'll put a picture

of what it looks like on. Oh, I went straight into him. You don't wanna do that, you wanna dodge him. This is quite cool. So yeah, he's got a swimmer who's hovering at the top of the screen. You can't see where they come up. They swim away and then they swim back at you. So you want to try and kill them on the way out.

I see. Oh, I did it again! Oh, what a little cunt I am. Oh dear. Anyway, oh, I've got a shooting when he goes down there. This little plastic thing looks like a shark. Oh, I've got one, he's splitting off. So the shark has...

All the shark carcass comes up around you. Yes squirts like comes around you. Oh yeah. Oh I did it again I'm dead now. Did you enjoy that? That's excellent. It's very simple but it looks great when you stare through it because the way the colours come through it looks more real. It's sort of stereoscopic as well isn't it? Yeah like it like the way like the way, what are they called? Remember the click clicks? Viewfinder. There's going to be a movie made of the Viewfinder movie. Is that what it's called? Is that what it's called? Viewfinder? Viewmaster. Viewmaster, that's the one.

This actually looks like a very similar component for the eyepiece of a Viewmaster doesn't it? But I like the way the whole thing, sorry, looks like the hull of a boat but also has stickers on to make it look like a shark's head. Yeah, like a shark from Jaws. I mean, there's a certain quality to Tomy. There's a certain pride in the way that they make things. They're never shoddy the way tiger stuff can be. But also, tag were all about the licenses. Yeah, Tomy were more about the play experience, I think. That's why they're more similar to a company like Nintendo. I mean, well, the thing is, Nintendo brought out a range of Game and Watch games that had a similar way of doing colour to their Game & Watch format. Did they have eyepieces though?

No, it was like, I think there's a digitiser video where we look at one, a Popeye one, but it's the same process. Oh, my friend had that. That was great. Light comes through the top, bounces off a mirror and reflects through the thing. So it looks like little colour items. They're great. Do you remember the one where they had the little two controllers that came out on a little reel? Neil Milliken Yes. Will Barron And it was boxing. Neil Milliken Yeah.

Will Barron That was a Game & Watch. Neil Milliken Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will Barron That was a good one, wasn't it? Neil Milliken Yeah, it was a good one. I think it was cool. I think that was the very first version of Punch Out. Will Barron Right. Neil Milliken You know, the old NES game with Glass George or whatever.

Will Barron And then it transferred from Game & Watch to NES. Neil Milliken I think it was all about the same time. I think it came out about the same time. I think, oh. Will Barron Jesus, Paul. Neil Milliken Oh, that one came up a bit. Paul. I'm getting excited thinking about Tomy toys mate. We've got Tomy Bonanza. We've got more Tomy to come. We've got one more and it's a big boy. This is a big boy. This is the one that I got off eBay for quite cheap because online it goes about 20 quid. This one though, oof, got it for like under a tenner. Can't remember. Well done.

Good man. Anyway, what is it? You gotta find out right about now, aren't you buddy boy? Paul, another Tomy product that we've covered before was the three... Oh, there's the shark. That shark, has it turned itself off? Was the three, the pinball. Do you remember with the electronic readout? That three quarters. I gifted that to my friend who has kids and um. Kids? Did he? Alright, yeah, okay. Kids.

Yeah, and did they like it? They loved it. He said they had mad sessions getting the high score and stuff so it really is testament to how good a lot of Tomy stuff is. Yeah, they stand the test of time, don't they? So this one though, we've had it in the past, this is a part two to the famous screwball scramble. Something we've done on Barshens, something we've done on Cheap Shows, something we've done on Digitizer. You manipulate a little metal ball with buttons and dials across an assault course of plastic obstacles until you get to the bell at the end. Now I triumphed playing the Pac-Man, was that Tomy?

That Pac-Man on ball bearings. Yeah. That's my favorite Tommy thing ever. That's amazing. Yeah. And in the digitizer video, we're featuring Tony Harris. I was the best on that. But then I came a cropper on the on Screwball Scramble 1, didn't I? On that. And this is an ultimate, this is a proper backer too. This is worse than Screwball Scramble 1. I would say it's not so much like more difficult. It's more fiddly, especially the first part, which will do your head in. Now I've played this already. So I'm familiar with like the touch it needs to get through.

Yeah, of course. I love the look. Bo, what do you do? Talk us through the- So in this case, here's what you need to do. Cause on the back it tells you. So- Talk us through the obstacles here, please, Paul.

First of all, your first stage is some stairs. What happens is you have to manipulate it with a button to rise and lower to move the ball up the steps right? Yes. Then part two is it will swim around. A ramp? No no no don't get ahead of me mate you do that a lot you try and second guess and you come across. I'm excited that's all. So once you get to the top of the stairs it will slide down and then you go into this little circular maze. Oh I see yeah. You want that there otherwise it will roll into a pit and you've got to start from there again. Right, there are lots of pitfalls on this, literally and figuratively.

So then, once it gets out of the maze, it goes onto this screwdriver thing. Screw, screw, it's like a screw. It looks like a nail head, yeah, a nail. A nail rail. It's just a corkscrew. Corkscrew, that's the word. So you have to kind of... How does it go along there?

Yeah, but how, where's it carried along the top? It goes, yeah, along the side, side so you got to be careful on this bit So that needs a gentle touch and then you go into the three hopping steps which launches you back onto the corkscrew you go Back the other way. Oh, yeah, and then you got to go to that bit Then you go to the pinball segment where you got a little pinball and that goes into the big ball the big dish at the top Yeah But this is where the problem is this is called pot look because there are two holes and one of them will take you on to the seesaw maze thing and the other one will drop you right back onto the corkscrew.

Okay, at least you're on the corkscrew though. Yeah, but I'm just saying, no. So then you are on the tipping table. You've got to manipulate the ball left and right on the tipping table into the little catapult and then into the bell as per usual. So steps, circular maze, screw, bouncy steps, screw, pinball, potluck, tilty table, catapult, bell. I'm ready.

Right, right. There's no timer on this because it doesn't come with a timer because it presumes you've got the timer from the first game from part one. Oh I see, it's modular. You can link all three up so one can go into the next. Look, see. So look, it comes with this little thing that you can put over the bell. Oh that's the modular link piece. And then you can attach it to the other screwball scramble so one can go into the next. Look, so look, it comes with this little thing that you put over the bell. Oh, that's the modular link piece. And then you can attach it to the other screwball scramble

so that you can go straight from one into the other. Modularity. Are you ready? So there's nothing, I just do it? Yeah. There's no timer, just see how long it takes you to get through. I think the hardest part is the first part, really,

but off you go, he's now beginning. Right, he's off. He's trying to get up the stairs by gently pressing the button. Oh, you see what I mean? It rolls to the side quite a lot. So you've got to kind of be gentle with it. You can't be too hard with it.

You got to slowly rock those steps up and let it roll. There we go. He's up on the second step now. He's rolling it. It's usually fine when it rolls onto that side of the steps, but it's the second, the one that you control where it rolls off. And that one you got to be gentle with.

Almost as soon as it rolls on, you gotta roll it back off almost. So it's going in and get it up, get it up, right, good. That should be fine. And you're onto the next segment, which is- What do I do with this next segment? Gotta make sure the corkscrew's in the right place where it goes in the hole.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I'll tell you what, put it on the yellow ramp on the top of the steps and you can start from there. I didn't preset the corkscrew. I know, but that's what you gotta be careful of before you even get to the top of the step. You've got to make sure the corkscrew is in the right place. So you go into the maze. So now it goes into the circular maze and you've got to rotate it clockwise and anti-clockwise

to get it out of the maze and drop it into the chute. It needs to go onto the corkscrew. It takes quite a lot of dialing back and forth so you can be quite harsh with it. You don't need to be too gentle. Right he's moving it around. I can't quite see on the camera but I am filming this. I might just put it up on the website thecheapsidocut.uk. That'll be nice for a change. So here we go. You got it. Is that it? I don't know it should roll out automatically. Roll out onto what? Onto the corkscrew? Onto the corkscrew yeah. Gotta roll it out. roll out onto what onto the corkscrew? onto the corkscrew yeah gotta roll it out it comes out the top there oh and then it goes onto the corkscrew right I see

I see sorry I'm not doing the right thing. You gotta roll it there's a hole in the back of that maze where you're gonna. I'm not doing the right thing. Yeah. Alright now he's got it. He's rolling it around you've got to get to the outer rim so it rolls out. Ugh, mother. I can't get it in the hole. You don't need to get it in the hole because you just need to put it onto the top so it rolls out. Yeah I know but the hole, it has to go through the hole at the top doesn't it? What do you mean put it on the top? You've got to rotate it to the top of the circle not the bottom.

Yeah it's at the top but there's no hole for it. There is, there's a hole at the back of it. Oh, I can't get it in there. I think you're thinking about this way too much. Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. There, mate. Go on, get it up then. You can be harsh with it.

I don't want to be harsh, I don't want to be harsh. Right, now you've got to go along the corkscrew. Go down the corkscrew the other way. Oh, you're not at the top. Yeah, go along the side of it. Oh, you're just pushing it along. Yeah, go on the side of it. Oh, you're just pushing it along. Yeah, but be careful because it can push you off the side.

I'm enjoying this. I like screwball scramble too. Yeah. It is like watching a monkey do it though. Like one of those ever so slightly clever monkeys. Fuck off. Mr. Clever Monkey. Like the Project X monkeys with Matthew Broderick.

Yeah, you've got to be careful. There's a little bit where it kind of raises up and then dips and those dips you can lose it off to the side. I can see, I can see. Now, you're nearly there. You're a couple of inches away, maybe an inch away from the steps and it should automatically roll you onto that step. The top step or the bottom? The bottom one.

Oh yeah. Ah, I'm in. There you go. Now you've got to do the jumpy steps things. This is familiar, the other one has one of those as well. There you go, and then a big jump over to the side. Where's it meant to land? It's going to land on the other side of the corkscrew. Go on, hit it again, there we go, now you go back the other way on the corkscrew. And you can be a little faster with this one now. No I can't. Yeah you can because there's no threat you just got to roll it to the next pinball bit. There it goes it rolls down.

Now pinball it up, you've got to pinball it into another little scoop and then fire it a second time from there. This could take forever though this one. The tip with this one mate is not to pull it all the way back. You see what I'm saying? You've got to get it just enough so it bounces off the top of that. Yeah. Oh, he's got it.

This could go on forever. Oh dear. This is riveting this bit. Come on. You do it too hard. You can't do it too... Oh! There we go, nearly! Oh, God. Little flick. Little flick. Little flick!

No, it's about not giving it a flick, it's about pulling it back and then releasing. Mate, just put it in the second part. I'm putting it in there! I will not cheat! I do not cheat! I have dignity! I'll be here all night if I need to do I need I have to all night if I need to be please man please make an effort please make an effort with this fish peony because I'll give you a timer in a minute you're not done in a minute you stop it's been already five minutes of you doing this.

I got around this in 60 seconds. No you fucking did. I fucking did. Fuck off, you can't do this bit. I've done it quicker than you, put it that way. Oh well, yeah. You're not thinking about it, you gotta think about it. It's got a touch, it's got a touch to it.

I can't take this. This is the most infuriating thing. This is like when you did that fucking... I'm almost there. You're not. I tend to find if you... What? Oh my god. Hey, he's in! Yay! Right, then you have to give it a wallop so it goes in the bowl. I'm fucking there, mate. Ye of little faith.

Come on, finish this off. Ye of little to no faith. It's been seven minutes of this. Of watching a monkey player, kids. Stop calling me monkey. Stop behaving and acting and moving like one. You know what? We are apes. We acting and moving like we are apes we humans poor We are apes. That's not what that's the back of your head. It's not what God says carry on Come on. Are you up personal? Yeah personal talky-talks of God? Yeah, me and him tight as a fucking not about me

Not much not much mate. You're an afterthought in creation big whack But stroke you went into the wrong hole much. Not much mate. You're gonna have to thought in creation. Give it a big whack. You went into the wrong hole. Oh fuck! I tell you what, put it back here. Right, you got two holes at the top of that pot look so if it goes into the right hand one you're doomed. Oh I thought it actually swivelled it doesn't. No, you just gotta get it up there. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and it only took you seven and a half minutes mate. I love that. Can I have another go?

No, you're going to sit down and we're going to wrap this up. Rush it up, wrap my knob up. In newspaper like fish and chips, Paul. This is the theme. Oh, oh, salt and vinegar. No, it's just my cock. I'm not joining in anymore. Curry sauce mushy peas?

Oh, I went to the doctor about that. What's your favorite thing from the Tomy selection today? We had three strong hitters. It's the screwball scramble. The water, the shark and we had screwball too. Easily the screwball scramble. They're just great toys. They are, aren't they?

I was playing that for hours the other day. Seriously, when I first got it out, I was like, oh, and it was late at night and it was making a lot of noise, but I didn't care. I was too busy. No, that's a lovely thing. I mean, you know, it's plastic. I was in Tomy Wonderland, I was. It's plastic, so there is an argument to say we shouldn't be making anything from plastic anymore. Well, no, by that logic, we shouldn't be making anything out of anything. I mean, yeah, well,

I know, it sucks. What do you want to do about it? What are you doing about it? I'm not doing anything about it. Are you neutralizing your carbon footprint? Did you get the second hand at least? Yeah, I got it on eBay. Well, there you go. And it was like some of the bits already open and stuff. So it must have been played with once. But honestly, it's, it's almost a refinement of all the enjoyment that you get from the first one. Yeah, you know, I'm thinking for the live show, I'll get the third one and we can do it live. All the way along. All three. It's not

exactly sort of live entertainment, is it Paul? Mate. I mean, you're going to cut down my seven minute odyssey, aren't you? No, it's all the kids. Skids stay in the picture, mate. Right. Erm... Fish fingers? No. The captain's table. Oh, skate.

That's another word for fish. You actually had to look up fish names to get Manchovy but you did. Worked though didn't it? Yes it did. So don't complain it was all worth it in the end. Thanks for listening everybody. Oh yeah I was just looking up fish names.

I've got you on it now. Yeah I shouldn't stop. Oh what did I think? Sturgeon? Yeah working the Sturgeon or something. Working the hurt, the fucking hurty Sturgeon. Mate. Squirt the Birch. Squirt the Splurge the the sturgeon. Working the hurt, the fucking hurty sturgeon. Mate. Squirt the birch. Squirt the, splurge the sturgeon. Mate, we're not topping manchover, we know it.

Manchover. The show's manchover. Crab sticks. I don't know, we're just saying fish now. It's fun, you say it at home. Say a fish right now. I like, I find fish funny. Yeah, salmon.

That is quite a funny fish. Trout. Very funny fish. Slippery eel. Rainbow trout. Yeah, quite a funny fish. Trout. Very funny fish. Slippery eel. Rainbow trout. Yeah. That was my guts this morning. That was your... and we're through. And we're out. That was Cheap Show this week. Thank you for listening. We hope you did. Look, go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. It's your one stop shop for everything. Links to our social media, links to YouTube, links to videos, links to individual pages

that accompany each episode, and also a link to our Patreon, but you can go there direct, patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. If you want to get involved, give what you can, but only if you can. And if you do, you'll get loads of extra podcasts, videos, Cheap Show magazines digitally. They're all there for you. All sorts of wonderful behind the scenes stuff as well. But go to thecheapshow.co.uk, your one stop shop for everything Cheap Show magazines digitally. They're all there for you. All sorts of wonderful behind the scenes stuff as well. But go to thecheapshow.co.uk your one stop shop for everything Cheap Show based.

Paul. What? No. I know where you're going. But shall I tell him? With the conspiratorial tone. No, I'll tell him. We're not doing any character shit. What shall I tell him then?

Tell him. No, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. Because he wants to see Trackbot. He wants to see Trackbot this week. What shall I tell him then? What? Just what shall I tell him that Trackbot?

Trackbot's sleeping. Just say he's sleeping. But he said that he was invited onto the show by Trackbot. Yeah, well, Trackbot doesn't exist. So what? Neither does he. You're in charge of this and I'm telling you, he likes Silverman. I'm too ill for con. I think he's brought a sleeping bag. So should I just tell him to sleep there in the anteroom of my mind, like, till next week? You're staring at me like a fucking madman right now. Do you think Trackbot will, erm... This is like an episode of Mindhunter. Do you think Trackbot... Where I'm talking to some fucking, like, till next week. You're staring at me like a fucking mad man right now. Do you think Trackbot will, erm...

This is like an episode of Mindhunter. Do you think Trackbot... Where I'm like talking to some fucking, like, the BTK killer or something. Oh god! You're trying to confess something. Do you think Trackbot... listen... Why do you have these thoughts about your mother, Eli? This is a serious question, Paul.

It is a serious question. Why are you obsessed with fish and your mother? Hey, what's going on there? And this strange voice outside that wants to travel. Do you feel restricted? Do you feel mother didn't let you go anywhere? Paul? Is this you trying to spread your let wings? I'll tell him that trackbot listen you do it on a level because I have to deal with this! You do what ever you want Eli. I have to deal with this!

Week in week out. I'll tell him I'll tell him to wait and trackbot will receive him next week, okay? Alright, whatever you want to do. If you're feeling better trackbot will receive him next week. And I hope you're feeling better too Eli, if that's what you need to do. You're a dick. We have to save space here. You're lucky that you say that man chovy thing or else you'd be in my shit list this Would I you're lucky you came up with that and you had to look up the word and chovy to come up with it Yeah, well look this is you fucking cheap fish used a fish cheat list I'll get my stanky cracking out in a minute if you want. Hey.

Stanky cracking. I think I can say with that I won today's show. Just tell trackbot he needs to be ready next week. Trackbot be ready next week. Oh, I'll be ready Whistle down the wind see you next week everyone. Bye everyone. Bye You