CheapShow - Ep 390: Dérive Time!

Episode Date: June 28, 2024

Sometimes people accuse CheapShow of being “too” random. With that in mind, Paul and Eli are about to throw a bit of chaos theory into their usual “walkabout” episodes. Following the principles of “The Theory of the Dérive” and using an app called “Randonautica” CheapShow is heading into South London to plot an unplanned journey through its streets and parks. Will the Cheap Chaps stop focusing on their everyday relationship to their social environment and start seeing the world differently, or will all that booze they’ve brought along with them create the kind of chaos that no app could possibly generate? As Paul and Eli pinball around Colliers Wood (because why not?), they’ll battle the high temperatures, odd liminal locations and confusing maps until it all gets too much. It’s another epic adventure on an epically small scale! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-390-d%C3%A9rive-time Additional Music by White Bat Audio https://www.youtube.com/@WhiteBatAudio And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

History and name of the ugly brutalist building near Colliers Wood Tube. Colliers Wood Tube. Shut up. According to your local guardian, Colliers Wood's brown and root tower voted ugliest building in the capital. The brutalist edifice that looms over Colliers Wood has won yet another unwanted title. Satirical website S London, which documents urban decay at its finest crown the grim brown and root tower the ugliest building in the capital now we can start don't let that keep that in well I don't know what just literally like it letting an AI do the content of the fucking you're just gonna repeat

that though aren't you so it doesn't matter say if you're gonna repeat it ah this is not the way I want to start no I'm just saying, if you're going to repeat it. Shut up! Oh, this is not the way I want to start. No, I'm not. I click. Hello. You're the one who clicks? Hello, I am the man who clicks. Well, click please.

No, because I'm, this is the whole point of this episode. We are letting fate and chaos guide us. Okay. Right? Hello, ladles and jelly spoons. Welcome to the Cheap Show podcast. I am the star of Cheap Show, Mr. Paul Michael Gannon and my sometimes co-host is here with me. I forget his name. What's his name? Shut up. You're using all the tropes from fucking

everything. I'm Eli Silverman. I'm also the star. Okay. I can share that. I share top billing with Paul on this podcast Is that what we're talking about? Is that what we're gonna talk about right now? No, it's not I'll tell you what though Paul Tell you Sorry at me. I tell you what now Paul. I'm ready to do this week's episode though Good because it's gonna it's it's a bit of an odd one this week So where this episode starts for me was I watch a lot of

ghost hunting shows right? I watch a load of them. You watch too many. Too many and a lot of debunking channels. And recently there's been a trend on ghost hunters. You know the really stupid ghost hunters. The young guys who scream and run around and say everything's a demon right? The really cheesy sort of obviously faked... Obviously fake shit. Hype beast sort of ghost with the backwards baseball cap sort of thing. All that kind of twin paranormal, Jasco, Mindseed, all those bullshit YouTube channels, all that stuff. There's been a trend recently, or rather a few years ago, where rather than ghost hunting they're using something called Rando Nautica and it's an app and so this week we are going to be using rando nautica to plot this journey we're doing today outside walkabout episode that wasn't the name of the app you told

me the other day it's called rando nautica yeah okay and that's what we're doing this week and we're gonna get into more details after the opening credits but for now that's what we're doing this week today we're going to get into more details after the opening credits but for now that's what we're doing this week today we're leaving it up to chaos theory and what was it called the theory of derive? The theory of derive that comes from the situationists who were a group founded by a guy called Guy de Boer who was a marxist cultural theorist Guy de Boer, who was a Marxist cultural theorist from the 60s, I believe. And the derive was an idea about sort of radical walking. Very much connected in the modern day

with people's ideas about psych geography. I'll say psych geography was a big thing about it as well. It's like looking at the space around you in a completely different way. It was a random walk, I believe, a derive, in which you sort of connect disparate parts of an urban landscape psychologically. And it's sort of like a, it was a radical,

because he was a Marxist. It's quite hard to explain what he meant, but his other big idea was the society of the spectacle. He said he'd gone, we'd gone beyond a capitalist society into a society of a spectacle, using Marx's ideas as a basis for that explanation. And that's what Cheap Shows do this week basically. No, but no. Let's do the credits, I'm bored now.

No, can I wait? Wait a bit. Are you going to talk about that building? Is that what you're going to do, about that big building? I'm not, no. Good, because otherwise I like to do the credits. I've got a couple of things to say. Can you go after the credits? I mean it's fine. The credits don't take any time in my world, in my universe. In our universe, it begins as soon as it begins. It doesn't matter when, does it?

We're in the moment. Right, so say the credits now. No, I don't want. No, I'm doing it. I don't know. Don't you tell me. The credits have been then, haven't they? No, no.

They've been. No, I tell you what. The credits are done. No, they're happening now. Press the fucking credit Right, so before we get into the actual meat of the episode, Eli has some things he would like to state for the record. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman. Hi everyone, I'm Eli Silverman.

And a lot of podcasts, you know, or YouTube channels, they like to taste weird stuff. They go, oh, we got this special edition stuff, but they do not have the foreign, weird flavored takis that I've produced for this podcast. Look at that one guacamole seen that white packet I got one of those we're gonna taste those today everybody yes I've got not one I've got two exotic turkey master classes here. Master classes. I've got ice there that's not really the point.

It's not really the point what are you doing? Oh that's an unusual colour for a packet of turkeys. Oh that's because these are salsa brava. These are foreign exotic turkey flavours. Salsa brava. Good Jallow movie. Salsa brava. What happens in it? Women who are killed off by a man who calls them in salsa. But who does it turn out to be in the end? One of the women? No, it becomes their father. It's the police detective who's actually trying to solve the case. He's actually behind it, yeah.

Jaloh. Jaloh, Paul. Jaloh, yeah. Anyway, we've got Taki flavour. It's yellow, yes. We've got two different flavours of Taki. What have you brought to the picnic? I thought it was going to be a picnic. Well, I've brought some tins of boo booze. Also we're in Colliers Wood where I

once knew a lady. Yeah the one who called you a traitor for not being able to get in. She's the one who called me a traitor. No I got it up and I went at it. It didn't spurt off. What is it worth being up for? It didn't spurt off that's what that's what she called me a traitor you couldn't fully just because I didn't come download your DNA into a woomy hard drive indeed anyway we're in Colliers wood and Eli's got a boner for some fucking building which used to be ugly and now it's just a glass facade it was called the root and Brown building but now it's very much transformed into a glass edifice that you could see that from other parts of the city it was so huge and sticky outy the root and Brown building go on say something about that Paul go on I

had a poo the other day oh root and brown I don't care I don't care here's what we're doing this week on the podcast So I downloaded the rando nautica app and we're gonna see what happens. But here's the thing the history of it strange I'm just gonna read from Wikipedia, right rando nautica was an app launched on the February the twekin to on the twekin February 22nd 2020 founded by two people called Auburn Salsegdo and Joshua Lengfelder. Lengfelder.

Lengfelder, yeah. It randomly generates coordinates that enable the user to explore the area and report on their findings. According to its creators, the app is an attractor of strange things, letting one choose specific coordinates based on a certain theme.

It gained controversy after a report of two teenagers coincidentally coming across a body, a dead body using the app. I looked into this story and effectively lots of people on TikTok and YouTube were using random nautica to make content, right? And these TikTokers were going around, it took them to the beach

because I think they put the word travel in as their inspiring word to start the thing off. What are we gonna use? Well we'll find out we'll come up with it later because it's a whole weird thing but no let me focus we can get to your funny little asides later. Woodland porn maybe it'll take us to some fucking hardcore old school woodland porn. Or it'll take us to some fucking pegging land. Pegging land? Yeah I think that's in Orlando, down the road from Disney. Peggingland. It's where the dads go when they drop their kids off at the Disney. Strap on for a fun day at Peggingland. Anyway, you've put me off now. So yeah, the story goes that basically these TikTokers

they were filming, they put a word and they took them to this beach. They were trying to make a piece of content. Yeah, so well, ready. I'm but no, but here's the thing. This is a true story. This is not fake. This is a true story with like police reports and everything because what happened is they went to the beach and when they went to the beach seafront, it was a bit like Brighton Beach.

Very stony, very, you know, there's piers and the seafront, but there's no sand. It's more stones and rubble and things like that. Right. They found a suitcase. They open up and there's severed body parts in the suitcase please get involved fast forward a few years and long story short a landlord killed two of the people in his properties shot them something like that put their chopped up bodies in a suitcase and left it United States this is in the United States yeah so that's one very highly

publicized story about the app but people on YouTube are saying oh we went States. This is in the United States yeah. So that's one very highly publicised story about the app but people on YouTube are saying oh we went here we typed in accidents when we got there there was an ambulance picking up a body from the road or I put this word in like said stranger and then this guy started following us and when we got to these locations we kept finding notes and so a lot of people were faking content with it trying to generate more horror aspects from it because Yeah, oh, this is pure confirmation bias even if yeah, isn't it?

It's pure confirmation bias in action sort of if you're trying to make and but even it makes those biases even more Effective or doesn't it if you're trying to make content and you're sort of so you're not only you saying the word accident into the app but you're thinking I've got to make this content wouldn't it be amazing if something weird and somewhat supernatural seemed to occur you know. Well this guy on YouTube was basically slamming the app and then decides to use it he types in the word accident I think it was accident and then when he's driving that's when he sees an ambulance when the spot it tells him to go on the map

there was an ambulance there in a police car and they're putting a stretcher into the body it's like well that's weird I'll say that for it later again at night and some crazy driver tries to drive him off the road at the spot where they were aiming and he he was like look I know this is a coincidence but these are my two experiences using the app, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's kind of got a kind of urban ghost story to it now. But there's other cognitive biases at work there. It's not just a confirmation bias.

There's a sort of framing bias there as well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you're actually taking a particular spot. And so anything that might occur just randomly around that spot becomes part of the narrative you know that says you're framing it as an event you know. Well yeah but maybe but here's what they say maybe the app knows that and it's crafting this thing with chaos theory designed around your wants and desires because.

I have a serious question though we're going to be using this app today. Do you think we're going to invite evil into our lives in some uncontrollable way by using it? Open up a personal demon portal inside our own brains. I mean I did that nine years ago when I agreed to do a podcast with you didn't I? Did the demons call in your brain? Yeah the naughty demons came in. The naughty demons. The naughty demons and said say willy say willy and it make Eli laugh. Say Willie in fadge. Oh fadge is a good one. I haven't had fadge in ages. You haven't had fadge in ages. Oh fuck off. I used to get fadge around here. You did, this is fadge county. And once I left her house and there was a huge rat

at the end of her road. Because there's a lot of rivers and waterways around here. I think it's quite ratting. The wandle. The wandle, yeah. Anyway, so it goes on to say the app which creators claim to be inspired by chaos theory and Guy de Boer's theory of the derive offers it uses three types of coordinates to choose from an attractor a void or an anomaly and then it's bit then it says how it's been used with tick tockers and YouTube's what does it mean though I don't even know what attractor void anomaly means. An attractor is like the great attractor is this, funnily enough it's an anomaly in cosmology where you know they discovered that the whole universe is expanding right?

But then they found this thing called the great attractor which is like it's not expanding uniformly. Everything in our local group of galaxies and everything seems to be veering off towards this thing which they call the great attractor yeah so that's what an attractor is something that is that that's what it means that they mean a location that that pulls people or energy or whatever you want to avoid is an empty space of course so it could be a field or car park or the most interesting to my ear is the third is the anomaly because that might be, you know,

something sticking out. When I look up the Dereave, it says here, it's an unplanned journey through a landscape, usually urban, which participants stop focusing on their everyday relationships to their social environment. Members of the letterist international movements first publicized it as Guy Debord's theory of the of derieve. He defined it as a mode of experimental behavior linked to the conditions of urban society, a technique of rapid passage through various

ambiances. It's very similar to what we do on our Walkabout episode sometimes Paul, a little less poncy language but we do we often go through lots of different different layers of the urban scene don't we we ended up in last time didn't we we were on that we were down in Putney and then we waited for a bus for two years and then where do we end up somewhere else? Exactly we didn't know it all got very frightening so the so there's loads of stuff in here about all the different theories and you know psych geometry and all these kind of things And it just says at the end of this article It says random nautica was launched and cited guy the Boar's essay on the Dreeves of core inspiration

It uses a random number generator to seed a random map Location that the user is prompted to walk to while holding an intention in mind. Yeah, see this is all bullshit What's our intent? Our intent should be should be corn. Corn. Horn. You want to get the horn? Let's get the horn. Our intention is to get the horn. I can get the horn just here. I'm gonna be thinking of the words bonk on throughout the whole of this week this week's episode. No. Bonk on. I think if we don't take it seriously some... Bonkon nautica. No, we need to take it seriously and select something. What would do we really want to hold in our mind? We don't want anything negative. I don't want to like have the word death or accident or misery or cult or you

know what I mean? Any dark words. I think we should do something like adventure, whimsy. What about a specific animal or fruit, right? And then we can test the real magicness of it because if a banana, for example, if a banana turns up... Up a dog's arse? Oh look, it's had a dog with a banana up its arse. Oh no, then we had to take it to the hospital. Hurt, someone hurt a dog with a banana up its arse. Oh no then we had to take it to the hospital. Hurt someone hurt the dog with a banana. Pull the banana out. No they've hurt it with the big spiked banana. They've hurt that poor dog. Okay so I think what we should do is where are we what's this little park area. Let's have a little look. Shall I check my map? Yeah check your map because this little park area is like a little nature reserve-y type of area, this.

Can I ask something? Does the app provide a map? Or does it just give you the location? No, it has a map, so you can track it. You know what I'll do also? I'll mirror the tracking on CityMapper here, just so we get, you know. I mean, the app also says it might take you to private

property, and obviously it says not to go into private property if possible. We won't be doing that. So yeah, so there is another app on my phone that I wanted to try called Deriv. private property and obviously it says not to go into private property if possible. We won't be doing that. So yeah so there is another app on my phone that I wanted to try called DeRive. The way it activates is kind of different. It'll say find someone smoking and head in their direction and then put another thing in.

Look for a red item, walk towards the red item. Then it'll be like is there a taxi nearby? Walk to the taxi and get in. And it's like I'm not getting in a fucking taxi for no shitting reason. Where do you want to go to? I'll ask my phone. There's a big pond behind us. Yeah, it's just there. Can you see it?

What's the name of this place? What's the name of this place where we're at? Wandel, that's the Wandel, you're right. Yeah, you're right, I was right. Anyway, Wandel Bank is the other side but I don't know if this has got a name. Maybe it's just like Nature Reserve or something, Collier's Wood. There's lots of it around here, isn't there? Yeah, because there's like that wood there, Scruffers wood or something. Scruffers?

I don't know what it's called. Scruffly wood and of course I used to um I've been down here when um my friend Ben Steiner was showing a film because there was a there's a place here where there's an original mill. You know what fuck off everything's about you and your life I don't care they don't care listening. Yes they do. No they don't. Put it one way. I don't care therefore no one else will care. Thank you for putting... Thank you for adding. I'm in such a bad mood.

It's about the local area. It's always about you is what it comes down to. Everything's always about you. I give it context. And you're important. It's like you've made yourself the centre of the universe. Every single place of note we go to has some kind of Eli triggering moment. I'm sorry that I'm wide traveled like a certain character but... Right so what we're gonna do is we

saw over there a big pylon. That's all I was trying to say. The Wondal is in the middle. Lovely. Right I don't care. I don't care. There's a big pylon over there, a huge thing. We're gonna start underneath that because it feels like a good place to start. Is that where you want to start? That's a good place because it will focus the energy. I would go so far as to say, probably wrong, but that is the biggest pylon that is closest to a tube station. Yes, the odds are probably quite good for that. Right, well let's set off and start our rando nautica journey. As long as it's not about me then Paul, as long as it's not all about me wherever we go it's all gonna turn out to be about me. That would be horrible. Maybe I should

think about you as the as the inspiring guide, Eli. It would turn into something nice. Yeah a bunch of rutting dogs in another park half a mile away. Because you're obsessed with dogs. You're mine. You're the one who thought about sticking a banana up a dog's arse. I did not! You! I said banana and you said up a dog's arse. I think you're fine. I've got it banked to rights. Right, let's go to the pylon and start our journey. Can you give me some tobacco first please? No, never.

Please. Don't try fake walking. I'm not fake walking, I'm walking on the spot, it's different. Here we are, we are underneath in the very centre of a pylon and Paul if we were in Wandal Park underneath the big pylon. Yes we found out what park we were in, Wandal, the river Wandal which is like wand which is magic. Yeah it's true. And also we're at the underneath the apex of this pylon which is pyramid shaped which means if we were safety razors we'd probably stay sharp for a few weeks longer.

Can you feel the sharpening? Are you talking about that whole idea of pyramids like drawing in energy from the universe? Keeping things sharp and making plants grow faster. Okay so if you're going to be Billy Belend for the rest of this episode. Billy Belend, the conspiracy nut. I'll be Billy Belend, the conspiracy nut. No, yeah, don't want you to be conspiracy nut Billy Belend. No, but also Paul, it is, you have to admit, I am a materialist at heart. Materialist girl.

Not a materialist girl, I'm a materialist at heart. Alright. And so I don't really go in for all this woo and magic, but if you were going to pick a dramatic psycho geographically resonant spot in which to start a digital derievement. Yeah. This is it, I'm ready to go and did I mention two flavours of Tarkis. Two. Are you hyped for the Tarki taste test?

I'll stick them up your arse. You'll stick them up the dog's arse. No I'll stick them up your arse. Two flavours of Tarkis. Two. Are you hyped for the Tarki taste test? I'll stick both of them up your arse. There won't be room up that dog's arse. There'll be a banana up there. You have to say I'm king if we see a dog with a banana in its arse. Or even a yellow poo coming out. I'll give you £100 if I see a dog with any fruit up its arse today. And that's not Patreon money.

Your money, £100. Any kind of animal with fruit in its bum. Or a picture of it. Not from me. No I know. Alright listen I'm going to get the app out because I've never used this. Great. I looked at it once. I'll hold that for you. No. Hold that while you do it. So. No. Shut up. I've opened the app and you get things called Owl Points, right? And stages of the journey or routes are you spend Owl Points on. And so you get 150 free every day, but you can do top-ups and have a subscription, all this shit. Stuff we don't need to do. You haven't spent any money on Owl Points as of yet? These are my free 150 points.

Do we have an emergency Owl Point budget today? You can do add-ons, yes. Are you prepared to spend any money on Owl Points? Yes. Okay. But look, we are. OK. But look, we've got 150. That should get us somewhere.

So it sees where we are on the app. You can see it's got a map on it, right? You've got two tabs at the top, anomalies and blind spots. When you tap on blind spots, it asks for a quantum or a pseudo route. Quantum random coordinates requires five hours, generate. Or there's anomalies attractor power and void so attractor dense area of random points requires 15 that's the root power most

anomalous area of random points requires 20 and void sparse area of random points 15 hour points well we've got 150 hour points yeah let's spend 20 that's the good one. Power. Power I think. Power up. Alright so shall we? And we know and do we have to put a theme in now? Well I don't know exactly what happens next because I say I've never used it so. Okay let's go. Press the button. Generate. Send those hour points. Woo. Alright generating. Oh it's a fatty hour. Breathe and focus on your intent. Now we said the word play didn't we? That's not our intent, our intent is banana.

Oh, power, Void Power Anomaly. 66, Holmsbury Court, London, SW9. Alright. Wait, start journey. How far, is that just there? Yeah. Save your points. Saving your points allows you to return to bookmarks and log your experience. Yes. Yes. What would you like to call this point? Start call it pile on pile on apex call it pile on apex

right yeah bookmark seven-minute walk it's just put you on Google Oh right seven-minute walk do you want to do that where's it taken us you give me the please can you give me because it's basically taking us to Collier's wood recreation ground I'd like to see that so we're gonna head that way. I guess can you give me the Postcode that it's given us please and I want to because I want my own hasn't Give me a postcode without me coming out of the app. It's just Colliers wood recreation ground Alright, so right we're going we're off Walk north it says

We're thinking we're off. We're thinking swings That's what I have in my mind swings and I was thinking play because I thought this adventure could be something playful rather than dark Okay Bolting close. So alright, so our journey has begun and We're gonna come back to you. I guess when we get to this next location I suppose right? Yeah, it won't be far. It's seven minutes seven minutes. So let's just see I would have spent some more points Later on well, I mean maybe it's 15 points for the whole journey

The whole route that we decide to take is 15. You mean this is just the first point on a How many locations are there on each don't know I've never used it before it might go on forever or unless it's that it runs out of points per stage I don't know see what it does when we get there yeah just to mention Colliers wood is one of these the south end of the northern line has these lovely stations Balham yeah which is the station we need for if you're gonna come and see our live show oh yeah we we're going to be at Ballum in October. Very similar sort of.

Look at the column tops. They're like 3D versions of the underground Rondelle. Do you see that? The top of that column. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah like little globes. Globes but with a bar through it like the Rondelle. Right so I think we go this way up then. I do Rondelle, Dell, I do Rondelle.

Did you meet him on a Monday and your heart stood still? I do Rondelle, Dell, I do Rondelle. Somebody told me his name was Rondelle. I do Rondelle, Dell, I do Rondelle. And you get the basic gist with that gag. Spice of Raj, Tandoori and Balti, oh yeah. This part of London, very much known for its South Indian cuisine. Turn left onto South Gardens, it's right ahead. My ex used to live.

What if he took you to your ex? What if we turned up there and she was there? Well we're very close. It was the next road along. We're going up South Gardens. Yeah. It says to go up South Gardens. Old school, that's beautiful. No, this was her road. It's a single-tim primary. Oh, wouldn't it be funny if we came across her and she went, traitor! In the street, like at the end of fucking body snatchers. R.I.P. Donald Sutherland.

Rippity-Rip R. Donald Sutherley. Are you taking a picture of that? It's a very old school. Only about 100 years. Just two men outside of a primary school taking pictures. Let's move on, shall we? So yeah. I saw a big rat. Right let's just get, let's just stop. Can we stop until we get to the point? I don't think we need to record everything on this room. Absolutely, okay. All right we'll see you when we get to the first

stage of wherever it asks us to go. Here we go. Okay, so we are here and we are at it's taken us to the Garden of Remembrance. It has been planted in memory of those men and women who gave up their lives in the wars of 1914 to 1918 and 1939 to 1945. The two big boys. Paul, although we've tried to be positive, we've walked past some playgrounds to get here. We should be mentioned we're in Colliers Wood Recreation Ground. I'm having a lovely, liminal, South London experience already, Paul. So an old school which you took some pictures of and didn't look creepy at all, do you? And I love this kind of landscape just to wander through this endless suburb of London.

But despite us trying to be positive it's taking us to a place that connects with the death of millions. Yeah but also we also thought didn't we it's like play and swings look this swings over there and play but then it's a recreation ground so what do you expect? Oh there's grass there, oh blue the sky above us. Yeah all right so it says generate new point. Yes. So I'm guessing, because this is the weird thing,

when you load it up. You've given us our points for getting here. Because look, I don't know what this 66 Holbury Court London is, SW2. That's where we need to go to, that's the anomaly. But why is it, no, but that's not here, is it? Type in, do it right now. Type in SW192EU and see just where that address is and what

it's asking us to go to. It's very near here. So it's just up the road then? Seven minute walk from here. I think we should go there. But that's not that's well this is the thing so start journey power void anomaly that street power radius I don't understand any of this. But then it's got start journey, create report, create new point. In order to use discover, you need to set up your profile. Oh, I'm not doing that.

Save. It's a bit opaque and arcane. Yeah, there's no rules about what you're doing to this at all in terms of how to use it. There's no guide. Look at this address then. Just and then, or do you want to generate another another point see what it says there. Just generate, okay generate make sure your location is turned on, it is. Generate. Right

generate I have to use another 20. Breathe and focus on your intent I'm gonna put the word sex in my head. Why? Because it's let's see what happens if I think of sex you were about to start you're about to embark on your journeys of flying owls. So I think that's the whole game we got there. Why does it open up Google Maps and then send you back and it doesn't know where you've been? I don't understand what app you're meant to use for travel. No true anomaly available.

There isn't a true anomalous experience on your radius. Try again momentarily or try and increase your radius. How do you increase your radius? Put on a vast amount of weight. try again momentarily or try and increase your radius. How do you increase your radius? Put on a vast amount of weight. Well, how else do we increase our radius? They mean the radius in which we search within. There must be some kind of metric.

Let's stand up by the basketball. No, that's not what it is. You have to do something on the app to increase the radius. I'll tell you what, how about we go to that street that it had on the map and then we start the anomaly search from there. All right, so SW19. That's fine, I've got it. Something caught.

We're going. All right, we're going to go that way then. So all right, let's see where this takes us. This is an unusual walk. Yeah, that way. All right, just getting our bearings. But let's see what happens. I'm going to just put this app to sleep for a bit

and then we'll generate a new point when we get there, yeah? Yeah. All right. I'm up for it I'm enjoying Colliers wood recreation ground what if we end up finding like a dead body like the Tik Tokers? We won't Paul. Oh well there's a park pantry there. What if there's a cult? Yes wait park pantry and it's I don't I don't understand what this is is this a place to cook? No longer... Oh, it must be. Or is it like a kid's fake plate set? It's...

Park pantry. That's the anomaly. Is that the anomaly? Park pantry. It looks like an outdoor toilet. It's got a plank with two holes in. For droppings. You'd just piss in the woods otherwise, wouldn't you? Can you take a picture of the... I did.

Yeah, right, good. Come on, I'm off the route. Alright, come on then. Let's go on the route and find out where our next Point takes us. I'm using city mapper just to back us up on them Yeah, because it does seem to just hide high piggyback on Google Maps. Yeah, doesn't it? Which is again? Not ideal because you want to don't want to be flipping back and forth You want to have a map idea? I don't understand why I've got a flip back and forth from one app to the next to get

around. That's what I mean. I thought it would have generated an app. That's what I'm saying. What's the whole thing about the BookMox then if it's not recognising where we are? It's working, that's what I mean, it's sort of parasitising Google Maps in some way isn't it? Or maybe it's a way of making you buy the subscription because blah blah blah it gives

you this. It's just a pain yeah. Who knows, who knows. I'm having a nice walk with my friend Paul. And I'm also having a nice walk with my friend Paul. It's like I'm not really here for you. Who said that? Don't start this. I feel there's a power anomaly. Eli Meyer power anomalars, Eli my power anomalars. Are we going to do night busing soon? Yes. I get to have my sail on night busing because we could use the lapel mics. Yes right okay let's turn this off and

we just take that path there Paul. Take that pathway and then we'll see where we go. See you in a bit. Okay Paul I need you to explain what we've done here on this derievement now, because we don't understand the app, that's the problem, probably using it right by not understanding it, but it keeps telling us to go to a point, but then it also mentions an address, but it doesn't say go there, does it? Look, think about it, where's this court, it's probably backing onto the park where we were, so actually that court could be just on the other side of the park where the Remembrance Park was right so you see what I mean so

maybe it's wanted us to go around in the big sort of circle yes to get to this location but when we got here we found the little tree planted in memory of what we think is is it John Manning yeah 1967 2016 unforgettable and a cat has pooed on the word John. And it is a fruit tree. So we've achieved animal bum fruit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Is this not a fruit tree? Is it not a fruit tree? Where is the dog? We'd said we expanded our search. We did.

You specifically dog? We said dog with any fruit fruit that's where I was flexible any fruit beside a plant right let's anyway we're here now so let's find but it's nice it's all nicely it's not filthy the park Wandel Park was very filthy with the detritus of teenage garbage. Gin bottles and smokes and marijuana length rolling papers. Anyway, so I'm going to pick another power and generate and I'm going to think of sexy again. Really? Can I think of something?

You can think of the next one. You're in charge of the mood of the next one. I'm thinking sexy. I'm bringing sexy back. What if we turned round the corner and it was a fucking marshmallow man? And I was like, oh shit! That wouldn't be sexy, would it? It'd be better if we...

It's me, it's me. I've summoned it by not trying to think of anything. Oh, I see what you mean. Like the destroyer, yeah, choose the form of the destructor. Yeah, got it. Oh, it's all getting dark. It's not though. That's dead. That's somebody who's dead. No, it's a tree in remembrance of someone it's anything it's about life it's anything it's about life rebirth remembrance shut up it's fecal matter

with fruit let me click this because maybe now we're here we'll get a better judge so I'm doing it value visualize you're in what you do matters be sincere allow your mind to manifest talk to you when I have to read oh here we go type in on your thing now so we can get it SW 19 1TJ this is Jerpraylanwicksite.com full blood street wear looks like a store SW 19 1TJ it looks like a store. SW 19. 1 TJ. It looks like it's a shopfront or something. Okay. I'm gonna start journey. Save point. Yes. And what should we call this save point? 12 minute walk. What should we call this save point here right now? A poo tree. Poo tree. Not you tree but poo tree. Bookmark done it. Start journey. Okay.

12 minute journey. Oh wait, where has it taken us to? The park again. Wandel Meadow Nature Park. Is that what you've got? No. It's near though isn't it? Yeah. Alright, well let's go to your address

and then we'll see what happens. Alright. Oh okay, so we're off now to Eva the Nature Park. Oh no it is, look it is in the nature park. Fitbult clothing, clothing store in the park. Is that where it is? Yeah look that's basically what it says here. Mine isn't taking me there. Oh hang on. It's the same area but for some reason this is in the nature park. Should we go by you then? We'll just have this as a backup. Well yeah I'll tell you what we'll head, you know, directions, start. Because I can turn it cli-

Alright. Yeah, but we're not- Does it know we're walking? No, you should have put walking in. It says seven minutes. Oh, it must be walking. No, it can't be seven minutes. Look at that fucking route. That's around the houses.

Let's type your route in. So just do it to the same, do it to the same... I'm on my route, my route is currently going. And has it taken us to the exact same area? The Wandal Nature Park. But for some reason, oh it's because it's on the road it thinks I'm in a car. Yeah. Well that's fucking ridiculous. Can you just turn that off? Alright let's do your one then, we're doing your one. Ladies and gentlemen we're going to walk to this and find out where this takes us but uh clothing store says so oh yeah fuck this I need to have a little break maybe there'll be a shot maybe there'll be a

shot I can get some booze of course we can taste some booze all right all right all right if it just gets you off my back. Are you going to taste the tarkeys? Yes, I'll taste the tarkeys. When would I let you down on that? I'm going to have to ignore you. I'm going to have to ignore it. We're going to go by yours, okay? Is it giving it a car route? Yeah, so we're going to have to go by your route.

Okay. Didn't do it before when we walked. That's a lovely old house. Yes, it's a lovely old house. Right, okay, so let's carry on to the next point, which is Wandel Nature Reserve or something, I think. We're getting drawn... you know what the attractor has been? The Wandel River. Yeah. Today for us.

We haven't strayed too far from it yet. We've had a Wandel Wander. Huh? Our Wanderer would be Wandel. I do Rondel Wandel. I met him on a Monday and me... what's wrong with your voice? It's all gone deep and crackly. You've got one of those late night DJ smokers sort of voices. It has been changing a bit recently. Hello, Lisa.

Your voice has become more croaky recently. Do you think I'm dying? I hope you're not. I really do. Sometimes I think eternal sleep would be nice. Yeah, everyone has those thoughts. Oh Jesus Christ. Right, right, we'll see you. We don't want to be putting that out there. Let's just get our wandles out and wander to Wandel.

Alright let's do that. Alright cool. We'll see you in a bit. We'll see you our next location Well, this isn't very sexy is it a sewage pump house unless the word pump sexy is that why it sent us near here But maybe it's rubbing off on me your intention because that's a brutalist pump house and here we found a sewage pumping house. It's all to do with the waterworks around here which is the Wandel which is the river we seem to be sort of stalking via the app but that is definitely 60s or later that red brick and concrete thing and then they've got a Victorian pumping building there and this is probably from a different era again even planer. Anyway look the parks up there as well but what's the path

saying? This is great. You've got a proper bonk on right now for this haven't you? I love these these landscapes Paul where they it's sort of a bit run down there's a suburb there's people living here but there's also the sewage work and there's the countryside the pylons we're in John Rogers country. Yes, John Rogers land I think you should do a little song like he had got his dad to do Oh Fiddly D from a pox Amy and I saw the angel of the north and I went down south and I had some Scouting I ain't no looking or chalk. Thank you. Oh the man from my

Thank you. Oh the man from Ireland. Mead path. I wish I had a squeeze box. You know what mead is? It's what you make booze out of isn't it? It's honey beer. So yeah you're gonna have some honey beer aren't you? I've got a little few. Shhh Gannon's got a few drinky booze because maybe Gannon's going to get a little bit tipsy. No why not buy you one back? You better yeah. I will. You better because you're a very selfish man. Are we going up here now or are we going through the meadow? We're going up this mead path here. Wando meadow. So we're not going through here, we're going up this way? We're not going into the meadow.

Oh look, what's that say? Live, Colliers Wood Shanty Singers. What was I just doing? Weird. I was just doing Shanty singing, weren't I? Yeah, weird. Look, come along and sing along, George's Garden, the William Morris, Puberton, no, Pub, Merton, Abbey Mills.

It should be said this is a poster Paul is reading on the Collierswood Community Notice Board. Look at the connections, what's the word that you like to use? Synchronicities. Synchronicities. I'm singing shanties, shanty shanty, John Rogers, walk in, park, park, park sounds like... Someone's written the word soapy underneath as well. Soapy pump house. Is that a soapy tit wank? Have you ever had one? Out of interest have you ever had one?

Of course. A proper soapy one though. Mate don't you're giving me you're making me feel bashful. I had a great soapy tit wank and when he came on my chest it was fantastic. I was doing the soapy tit wank because I have quite nice mammaries. Yes I know. I don't get that. No, I don't get that. I don't get that at all. Anyway we're walking now to... How far away is this say we are from this new location?

Three minutes. Okay three minutes. All right so we're kind of it's weird as you were saying like the city's running out the towns are running out and we're slowly being like ingratiated into the yeah into the countryside. It's similar to the other walk we did which was a river walk yeah which was of course along the the pin the Selandine which we did in two bits. It was one of my favourite walks. Chorse away. Yeah, that's where we go. All right. What a great route.

Well, I mean, it does make you sort of completely interrogate the the topography, doesn't it? Yeah, because we're finding all these little it's a path to the right there. What's it say? It's at the end of that road. Yeah, but look, it's telling us to go around around but we can just walk up the side can't we? Because the member says in the park it's actually in the park. Let's just go into the park and see what we can see because the Google map says whatever this thing

is is in this nature walk. I think that because city map is based on finding you know actual locations it sort of goes to the nearest sort of building rather than actually whereas that's probably going to a point in... well I don't know... let's just see what happens when we get into the park then... just over there anyway according to city map... which is fine but let's just go into the park itself in that estate, little housing estate there though... alright... it's all very strange though we're in Wandel meadow now so it should be right over there but that can't be right. Look see. See where it says fill blood clothing but it says like

it's in the park. It's not though is it? That way. It can't be. Maybe it's in there. Well judging by your location yeah you're right. It must be in there yeah. But judging by the thing itself yeah it's just there. We've got, we've got, let's go into the park and round and back and do it that way. We're going this way. Ugh, this is wide open space. This can't be right. And what's all this?

It's just taken us to another pylon. Literally where the map is, where it wants us to go is under this pylon. But there's no fill blood clothing or whatever it's called. I don't know what's going on arid barren area Isn't that army hammer he's like army hammers they eat each other's penis do they I don't know So it says on the map that wherever this thing is is here next to this pylon. Which is the apex base of another pylon. But the

actually address it gave us. Yeah let's have a sit down. But the actual address it gave us is obviously that street over where the I guess they reside as a company. Shall we check it out? Yeah we will. If there is an actual business there or an ex-business then that would bring some legitimacy to it you know. Look we're in this weird area it's so weird. Very strange there's a concrete that has been broken up and grown through with the the the grass. Do you think this used to be like industrial areas? Yeah. Like there used to be like some warehouse and they've pulled it down and then they've let it grow back. Definitely it's scrubland it's

in between it's reclaimed ex-industrial wasteland essentially. But beautiful for it. Alright, well I will tell you what, let's have a little break here mate. Let's have a little break here, chill, have a little soft. It's a verdant edge land. Whereas I am a verdant edge lord. You certainly are. Fadge.

You can't say that just because I feel funny. It's because I am an edge lord. An edge lord say things that rock the boat. Fadge. Well don't aggressively say fad rock the boat. Fadge. Oh don't aggressively say fadge to me. Fadge. I'd like some chocolate cream on that.

Cream and fadge. I'll sort it out for you now. Have you got some of that manchovy squirty manchovy squirt? One manchovy creamy fadge coming up. Ding ding. I love it. Ding ding. Ding ding Mr G Cannon. It's got really hot all of a sudden Oh, I've got a proper. I'm gonna drink some water. Let's let's take a break And then when we come back we'll come back from the actual location. All right

Yes, Paul. It's been great already I love these in between spaces on the edge of the city and this this apps I mean, it's quite opaque and hard to understand but it does like I say it brings you to these weird little places doesn't it and we wouldn't know to come here you know but it's sort of and that's why we picked this whole kind of area really just because we didn't know it that well but we know how to mix of urban and and nature yes I did yeah because there is a lot of historic sites around here as well

like the mill as I mentioned. Yeah so anyway all right cool we're gonna take a little break get some water in us and then we're gonna head back to the next venue or the next location I guess. What do you say water? I'm not gonna piss in your mouth. Oh yeah that's the other thing pissing. Oh yeah you're gonna have to do a bit of pissing. You can pop plenty of places here. Anyway listen we'll join you or you'll join us. One or the other will meet each other. Not you, you won't go anywhere, but we'll go to the next, you know what? It doesn't really matter.

The stench of the bin. I know, the bin stench is a... Yeah, but that's a bit of a, oh, fuck it, let's just go. See you in a bit, anyone. That's a bit of a stench. So basically the one bench we wanted to sit on was Stinky Cousin Bin and then we went to the other bench it was full of sticky, phlegm and gob. It wasn't just a little bit of gob. No, it was a lot of sticky, phlegm and gob. It was a lot of sticky phlegm-y.

It looked like baby sick. Yeah, bubbly phlegm-y garbage. So we're now just, we've obviously gone off on a tangent already but here we are in this little woodland area. Yeah it's cooler in here. Uh oh, bike. Yeah but what if they're busy murdering? Oh, it's over the wall. Is this the river do you think? Yeah Yeah, it is Yeah, there's the Wandel Fondle on the Wandel Eli. No Oh, yeah, we should get out of here, maybe this we're seeing too much. We're having a fondle on the Wandel We're having a fondle on the wandle. Alright, let's...

We need to find a place where we can stop where there isn't horrible stench of death. Or the potential of crossing paths with an unsavory. Yeah. Alright, let's... Or a horrible mounded, flammie babysit. Alright, well, you want to go under that bridge, but that just takes us further away. I reckon we stay on this side. Try and find somewhere else.

Yeah, alright, well, look, listen, abandon this segment for a moment until we get settled. It's too gross. Even now I can see it foaming on the side from a distance. Oh, God. Lily of the valley? No, it's just a little bit of itch I've got on me bumhole. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Right, we'll see you after this. Go right down there through there. Alright, let's go round the other side, yeah? What are you going to sneak up on? See if you can hear him. Having a wee. Oi! Oi!

What? Nobody here but us chickens, mate. Don't record. I'm not recording nothing. You're a sicko. You know that. It's you get a pleasure from it. No it's random stalker. I like to look for random stalkers, oh I don't know, got nothing.

I meant stalkers and a job on. Anyway, we found a little place to sit. Mate, let me have a little. This walk has been amazing, we're really in an edge land place there's a swamp there. Talk about pastry this place is really developing my theory of pastry and I'm telling you what we're about to get nastry in this pastry. Yeah, Tarkies, come on. Alright let's have a Tarkie on let's just let's just let's sit down and we'll come back for Tarkies! Come on! Alright, let's have a Tarkie on. Let's just, let's just, let's sit down and then we'll come back for Tarkies. Christ. It's about to get nastry. Don't make me get snarky in the pasture.

It's about to get down and nastry. All up in my pasture. It's all going to get nice and chalky in the pasture. You can't do it, you can't work today can you? It's so hot, it's so hot, it feels like a proper, I feel like chalky in the pastries. You can't work today can you? It's so hot, it's so hot. It's hard to get down. It feels like a proper, I feel like we're in the jungle. I feel like we're in the jungle.

Sit down Paul, come on, come on join me on the floor. I took a pill today for it, it's really helped. You should take a loretidine. I've taken a hay fever pill. You have instead. I have, yeah. Loretidine. Goodbye l? I have, yeah. Loretta Dean. Goodbye Loretta Dean, though whenever.

Right, okay, see you in a bit. Right, can we get one of these Takis out of the way please, because they're hanging over us like a spectre. Okay, we're going to taste the Takis now, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. The boys are drinking by the way, ding ding. I was going to say, let's let them know. Ting ting, Mr. Gannon. Ting ting. What are you on? I am on the spiced gold and

cola which I presume is rum, spiced rum. Captain Morgan. And what do you think? It's tinned rum and cola with a bit of that spice which is a bit cinnamon and mimmy-ish. Yeah you know it doesn't you don't find it unpleasant. No it's not unpleasant it's fine it's not like a diet one either which I hate, like a diet cola and spice rum. Anyway that's that. What did you get? I'm on, I took a white claw hard seltzer raspberry. It's got a terrible aspartame hum to it at the back end but it's a raspberry flavour

and that's already made me feel a bit wussy. I'm a little bit wussy too maybe this random nautica will end in a hard on pornica. What? Pegging in the woods, pegging in the woods, bong bong dingaling a pegging in the woods. What do you think of the app? I think it's a bit uh schmaltzy almost. It's a bit new agey you know and with those aphorisms whatever. When you select a uh when you get it to select a random spot and it's it's loading wherever it gives you a little be who you want to be when you're in the moment. Yeah let your mind go to the place you want to be most. I found that a

bit. Become, exist and become. Yeah didn't you find that a bit sort of new new agey chummy copy. Like new wave new wave chummy copy new age chummy copy new age chum and i've got itches all over my ankles because the nettles and shit start to get eaten alive because i can see bugs um there can you get a tacky out please because my honest to god patience for the tackies is wearing thin and i'd like to get them over and done with guacamoles this is guacamole flavor turkey. I think it would be quite nice. Are they going to be spicy

and hot still? Yeah. Just in a kind of...ooh he's had a hoof. Oh that's got a lovely...and a hoof's enough. A real jalapeno jalapeno. Get the jalapeno hoof on that. Now I'm doing Hall of Oats. I know a hoof's enough when you've got the stuff.

You know a huff's enough when you got the stuff. You know the huff is all the stuff. I think these are Mexican takis. Because it says Mascaredo. Oh, you can definitely smell the guac there, the avocado, but also like the spicy, the kind of light lemongrassy notes. It's jalapeno. It's the gassy jalapeno.

Right, I'm taking a stalk notes. It's the jalapeno. It's the grassy jalapeno. Right, I'm taking a stalk out. What are the colours? Well they look like a tacky but kind of a pale slightly green colour. They're very subtle, nice. Not heavy. They don't have that pain-ness. No.

Mmm. I'll have another one. One more. Oh yeah. They've got heat. But it's back-end. Back-end heat got heat but it's back end, back end heat. The kind of heat I prefer back end heat. Really? Yeah. The build up at the back. Yeah. They do don't they? I like it when I get a build up in the back, nice bit of heat. You know what I mean? I like

it when my pants are down round my ankles and my bum is exposed and I'm getting real heat from behind. Now how are we gonna, just tell me what you thought those takis. Tops, tops takis. That's a top taki flavour really nice imagine that with a dip. Yeah a nice guacamole dip would go perfectly with it. Mmm mmm really lovely taste actually. Lovely stuff so that's one down and one to go thank fuck. I'm gonna get back to drinking and then what we're gonna do is generally the next time you hear from us now unless something amazing happens we're gonna go to the actual location that was on the map thing the address and start off next random nautica I think we've got like 80 points left. Maybe 70 another for another two or three spots

Why'd you do that? I didn't do it on purpose. I know, you're not a very considerate person are you? It's whatever fits Eli's fucking moment. Not who's around. Isn't it? Naughty Eli. It's too hot in here. It's sweaty here. It's sweaty.

This feels like Heart of Darkness. You know? We're sitting in a swamp everyone. And the weird thing, we've got like, the way that we've got like California what are these Hawaii shirts on and like there's a little there's a slight element of apocalypse now to this weirdly you know there is we're drinking it's all gonna go downhill I'm sweating so much it's my eyes are stinging yeah my eyes are wet from the sweat oh my god turn it off let's get out of it no I'm drinking I'm drinking this spice

we're finishing it and then we'll move it on. Right. Put some music on then. No, no, no. I'm fucking tired of this. You fucking hijacking the- I just have a little nice- Why can't we just enjoy the music of the city?

It's gonna be background. Why can't we enjoy the music of the city, the sounds of the city, where we are? I like a little bit of background ambience. No, what you like to do is impose your tone on the moment. I'm not, I'm just saying to... You're a tone opposer.

Can't I just have a nice little picnic moment with some music, Paul? You tire me. Emotionally. It's not anything to do with you. Let me just sit... God, I'm hot. Oh, I thought I had a guy here. I just saw a bead of sweat run down your forehead. You know what I mean? I feel like that bit in Aeroplane, where they hooked up all those pipes and stuff. Yeah good reference mate. Bazingo, aw he's wiping his face with his shirt. I've got a sweat on. Listen I think the best thing we

can do right now is drink alcohol. I think that's the best thing we can do so let's just do that for two minutes and then we need to get on. Absolutely. Rambling bastard! Right so we're here wherever this is. We were in a swamp next to the Wandel and it all got a bit hot and sweaty didn't it Paul? Yeah and we took my clothes off and and I got me a manchovy paste out. I'm pleasantly hot today steamy. Steamy windows. But we now we've come to the original point given to us by the Nargo Biloxian app and what's it called? Brando Nautica. Brando McNasca. I could have been a cadander. Brando nautica brando nautica please today do one thing for me family do the pressure of Marlon Brando family do one thing for me today I thought I

was out and they pulled me back in that's not him it is no it's a god it's one of the godfathers anyway Andy Garcia in the godfather part three is it I thought no I saw Andy Garcia who says that is it I it was Al Pacino says it. He's in the kitchen. I tried to get out and then I pulled in. Hoo-ha! Great ass! Now, what did we see when we came to this point? Nothing. Nothing. It's just a little housing area.

It's very much a residential spot and we need to get on the app, Paul, and get us out of here because it's a bit... Whatever that shop was though, that lip clothing thing, either doesn't exist or maybe work someone's home is their office. Could be. Could be. But let's now start a new journey. How long have... How much have we got? Look there's a van. We've got a hundred... We've got a living, we've got a finishing touch. That's furniture isn't it? How's my driving? Yeah but it's parked up here as if they live here so maybe... Yeah? But that's not... That's a different thing altogether. that could be anything. No, that's furnishing.

Like, oh, there's British gas, oh, gas. No, gas has got nothing. Wind. What is closer, living, the finishing touch? Obviously interior decoration, i.e. furniture or gas. You're tedious. You're a dick. Right, we've got 110 hour points left, so let's create a new point. You know what, I feel like spending

some hour points right now. The Chutney hours are here to spend some Chutney points. It's everyone's favourite Cheap Show character. Oh thank you Chutney Owl, I love you, I love you my Chutney Owl, every night at midnight you come down and give me your Chutney. The owl spunks on you. Yeah, let me finish. And every midnight and every time I see him he spunks chunkly in my mouth. Right, let's just do this. Generate new point. The whole universe has become an endless series of images of Paul being spunked on the mouth.

What should we bookmark this as? By an owl. I've had a hard seltzer. I've had a hard seltzer now. I'll give you a hard seltzer. Watch I've had a hard seltzer. I'll give you a hard seltzer Spunk a spunk what spunk owl That's what you said. Oh, I'm the spunk owl. Oh, you're the tiny owl. You make the same sound effects Oh, I'm the spunky owl. Should we what do we want to bookmark this? Oh residential maybe or houses resident evil

BD Living. Resident Evil. Bookmark. This app is terrible. Right, generate. We're gonna do power again, right? Yeah, all right. We'll try some of the others. Well there's void, which we'll take a... Let's try void. No, that's a really long walk. Is it? Yeah, it means it sends us further afield. How do you know? That's what it says. Listen, look. Sparse area of random points. Okay. Power. Most anomalous area of random points. Okay. Power, most anomalous area of random points. Okay. So that's just, I like anomalous.

It doesn't, nothing about what you just said suggests to me that it's further away. What theme should we do? What can we decide? You have to type it in. No, you don't type it in. We have to imagine it as it's doing. That's stupid.

I thought it was effect, that's just stupid. That's the psycho-geographical thing in it. Red Bull can. Right mate. Manifest. That's what I'm thinking. Energy drinks are uncool. Yes and they mutate your genes and I hope your I mean it's very apparently as yours. I don't have any children so don't matter. Maybe you do. You ever thought about that? One erroneous gush. He was a great poet. Aaronius Gush. Aaronius Gush.

He's a jazz man. He's not a jazz man, he's a poet. He's a, and a jazz man. This one is, he's a jazz man and a poet. Aaronius, Aaronius Gush. Right, oh it's gone off. I'm gonna do anomalies, power, genera. I'm thinking about.

Visualize your intention what you do matters oh shit where's this Hayden's Road recreation ground SW 19 1a w I'm going on city mapper yeah that me again oh here he goesding at the screen. SW19. Yeah. Yeah. 1AW. Nine minute walk. Right. What the hell? Should we start off?

Oh, it's going right across there to there. Is it taking us back to the, no, to different recreation ground. Haydn's Road, 118. We need to take a shortcut. Is your bag talking? Because you've got your Bluetooth speaker on it. It's talking to your speaker now.

So now your bag's alive. Oh it's the magic bag! Oh hello magic bag. So I've said start journey because I need to at least register that we're doing it. Take this little shortcut again. Yeah take the little shortcut again. Alright so we're off then. I hate the fact that it says this is a car journey.

How can I change that? You have to go back to the front screen I change it from but it generates the map automatically that's the fucking problem so I can't go in and do the settings because it jumps past that I mean about the problems of it hijacking Google Maps as a way of operating and not using its own thing yeah your visits a map activity map tivity okay yeah walk I've done it. We're all good. Oh you have done it? Yeah. Oh it's giving you a walk now? Yeah. Okay we're both on a walk. Alright so we're going up this route. Turn right onto North Road. That's what we're doing. Alright cool. Alright we're off to our next spot.

On the road again. I'm gonna get my feet back on the road again. Let the mission be to spend all the points and then be done with it. Yeah yeah. Alright, well this is a nine minute walk so let's start walking. These apps are made for walking. It says if you're walking with a stubby leg chunker then it will take a little bit longer. Let me have a look. There's my stubby leg chunker. I hate these episodes when you get to hold the thing and I'm just shouting it. I know I like it

It's the true power of control right okay. We'll see you in a little bit boys and girls ladies and gentlemen That's the scrub land where we were before I am stuck in the middle with you you a poo Chunky little poo poo. I like to think of myself as a runny oily one Chunky little poo poo. I like to think of myself as a runny oily one It's a sloppy plopper the chunky stubster. No a sloppy plopper. I'm gonna make that my DJ name. What chunky stubster? I quite like it Chunky stubster and sloppy drops. That's me. I'm your bit. I'm your hype man Who stands behind you defecating on the stage Garfield Road? Yeah, no, I Yeah Monday's as well.

Merton Abbey Mills. We're crossing the river by Somers Town. Road bridge now. First time today? Yeah. No yeah over there it will be yeah. We've crossed the Waddell. Look there's a little bridge here over there as well. Yeah right all right we'll see you later cheap show fans. We'll see you later Cheap show fans. See you a little bit later There's the waddle. I'll take a fit take a picture of me under over the waddle Oi what's going on mr. Sexy balls? We're having Jackson Cokes Was it Jack and Cokes? About two of them I mean. What's the pluralization? J's and K's. It's not that kind of drink though is it?

Oh is that a plazzy bottle of Dr. Pepper? No not Dr. Pepper, Jackie Daniels. I've had a drink already and maybe I'm feeling a little bit fruity. Perhaps too fruity for mama. But we have, although we are slightly seltzed, we have been following the app Rando Begonian. Oh yeah and now we're at the other recreation park. We are a much planer and more utilitarian recreation ground. Hayden's Road Rec Ground at SW 191 AW. It's very flat, it's got straight edges and it has a crooked ground in the middle. I'm not complaining Paul, I'm not complaining, it's a nice way out here.

But Collier's Wood Rec had a real much more character being next next Wondell as it was. Now how am I going to free pour this Jack? Twicks Chondell. Twandell Chondell. Twicks Chondell. This is proper alcoholic sized bottle of Jack. Yeah, Classy 200ml. Yeah, Classy 200ml bottle of JD Dude arm. There's a tennis and basketball court. The actual location it asked us to go to on the map was where the critic cricket ground is. Not critic ground where every Sunday a bunch of critics come on and complain about fucking Marvel movies and what's on at the bloody National Theatre this week.

Mmm not the critic ground. Critics at Lloyd's. Is it Lloyd's? Is that what they do cricket? Lloyd's. What's it called? Lloyd's. Lloyd's. It's Lord's. Talk about failed comedic bits. That's one of the worst I've ever heard. I wasn't doing comedy mate. I was doing insightful observation. Observation? Nobservation. Oh yeah, that's what they call it when you look at someone's knob.

Yeah nobservation. Hey mate I'm on nobservation duty. Oh my gosh. I've started to sweat into my eyes again. Yeah you've got a sweat on. I've put proper full sugar coke for this. It's a proper J&D and I've got big ice cubes it needs to mention. How much are those glasses? £1.25 25 each these are plastic tumblers plazzy glasses

plazzy bottle of booze wide opening which is why we they're like what do they call those wide not tumblers clear the narrow ones eight balls right no what's it called the fat chunky glasses a tumbler tumbler yeah tumbler tumbler is a stouter one stouter thinking thinking of a high ball it's one of those tall with soda size that's just my observation don't know about yours well that's a lot of JD that's hot at least a hundred mil between two fifty mil each it's gonna be a strong JD hey this is not random nautica more like alcohol nautica. Has anyone else done this? It's like horrible histories. Just get fucked. Horrible, horrible mysteries.

We do have to spend the rest of these points after this don't we? How many have we spent? Well we got 150 so we spent obviously 60. Right here's the code going. Listen you can't listen to us drinking and talking about man's issues and man's issues and man's stories and adult, I mean some of you are probably too young to listen to this podcast and you shan't be listening to our male adult conversation. I should be turning this off right now. Look at that, it's so perfect. Oh, there's big boys coming this way. Oh, no. Oh, no, they'll ignore us. Don't pick on us,

big boys. Oh, what have you done? I'm going to lickie that vag, vag on the left, vag on the right. Hey everybody, going to lickie that vag, vag on the left, vag on the right. I'm coming into town and I'm eating your vag And I'm going downtown to the sushi shop And I'm gonna lick the big old pussy right out And I'm gonna have some fish juice on my slippy slop

Manchovi, get over it Come on baby, it's the creamy side of it I wanna dribble my cream on your tits. Make sure...oh dear. Back in the room! It glitched. Hello everyone, we're 100% more drunk. That's the sound of an empty drink crying out for Marma to pour more amber nectar into Cup of Joy.

You've got an issue there, there's an issue with that. Just to let you know. Is it a fish you? No, the issue is, you can see this. No, but there is, you know what there is? Jack, there's more Jack but no cup. There's always Jack. It is sugar free Red Bull. Red Bull and Jack, is that a thing though?

Oh yeah. Alright, I'll do that. Will you? I'll do it. Hey! Random stroke of a stroke. There's plenty more Jacka Jojo's. There's plenty more Jack in the seat. You're fucking down that shit bruh. Fudge to the left, fudge to the right, fudge in the morning and the night. Gonna get the fudge, gonna make the

badge, badge of a fudge, your fudge in the badge. We're having a bit of a P-Funk moment. G-Funk cat but also Vaporwavey. We were listening to some Vaporwave and we got a bit of G-Funk on the lyrics. G-Funk on the lyrics baby girl doll. We started with the fadge on the left. Fadge on the right. Push your lips into the fadge. I inspired Paul by making some lyric about going to Sushitown. Yeah, you couldn't recreate that, could you, in the moment?

I tried to capture it. I'm sorry, I forgot it. I know. I thought of all these brilliant things to put into the podcast today when I got up, but then they go. They always do. They always do. You never make it onto the actual podcast, these things I want to say.

It's like you load a gun up with bullets and then when you pull the trigger they're all blanks. They're all rusted away. Fudge to the left, fudge to the right. I got surrounded by a fudge all night. Quim in the morn, quim in the morn. Quim in the morn it's a time I'm gonna moan. Oh we do have fun. Now Paul, now I think we should, it's only rice. I can't expect to get this tipsy today. Well I knew I'd get you. I can't usually get him to drink but when I've got the fucking Jack and Coke that's his weakness. JD baby it is my weakness. It is delicious though. There is a synergy isn't there. It really does. Synergy. What are you going to

say? We need it to be remiss of us not to update everyone about the status vis-a-vis because we're going to get to the end of this. We're going to spend all our points. We're going to go and rando... What's it called? Rando... Rando Nautica. Oh, fuck it.

Rando Nautica. Are you still game to get to the end of the points? Yes, we can, but so far we've sat here downing JD and Coke. So it's not like we've got... JD and Coke? That would be worse. JD's that horrible cheap scotch. This is Jack Daniels.

That's JD and Coke. No, because there's a scotch called Jetta in there. I know, but I can still say JD and Coke and to some it would still be an understandable concept. You can say what you like to me, honey. Fetch to the left, fetch to the right. I'm gonna be in Sushitown to the left, fudge to the right. I'm gonna be in Sushitown all night.

Yeah, fudge all the time. Fudge in my nose. Fudge can rub it on my clothes. Queering in the mornin', I'm yawning. I'm pulling back the curtains, it's dawning. And I'm eating all that fish. Because I'm feeling kind of groovy, I'm covered in manchovy. I wanna get to heaven but I don't know if I'm going to go aloney.

Oh nice bringing in the god thing. Right. Fadge. Just the word fadge really pleases me today. You got it. Fadge. You finally got fadge. I said it like 300 episodes ago or something.

I'm bringing fadge back. I'm bringing fadge back. It's a great word. How is it spelt though? D G E? No, F A D G E. Fudge. It's fucking hot fudge. Oh steamy clammy fudge. What are we doing? It's pathetic. That's pathetic! You do this for a living! I'm sitting here in a park screaming fadge! You're in the park, we're going to get roughed up. Mate, let's just finish off and then we've got to pick another point to go.

That's what I'm saying, let's do that now! We might have fadged this up. We haven't fadged it up. I'm finishing my Jack Daniels and Coke, then we're going to have a, I can't believe I'm saying these words but, a sugar free Red Bull and Jack Daniels. No, it'll be fine. It'll go half measures. And then we have to find a new location to go to, right?

Okay? It's simple. It's simple, but shall we have a pause while we have those drinks? Yes, I'm not going to carry on recording now. We can listen to some more Vaporwave. Yeah, have a listen to a bit more Vaporwave and then we'll start singing. We could go jungle. I mean we could go tasteful jungle. I like the Vaporwave vibe today. The Vaporwave veg.

I love it. We could listen to proper G-Funk. No. No, come on, it's great. I know but I think we need that when we're going to be on our lowest step and we need an up. Vaporwave right now is a kind of nice... We should finish this album, Holograms, by I Believe It's Father, but I don't know, it's all in Chinese.

Oh, a martyr, martyr, oh, to, oh, to martyr. Oh, to martyr, oh, to martyr, oh, to martyr and martyr. Oh, to martyr, martyr. LAUGHTER To martyr, martyr, martyr. LAUGHTER Mr Silverman You've lowered You lowered the bar

No that didn't even pick up No one knows anything No Tomata Pata Fata Fata Fata Turn the shit off Turn it off Oh dear Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it.

Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it.

Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it.

Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. Boat it. I'm going to look up a new spot. We can't sit here any longer drinking. Mate we've done, we've polished this. It's an update. Give me that mic mate.

Update with Fierce Order Jack. This is the update. Hey, hey, hey, give me that mic, mate. I'll give you that mic. Go on. Update with physical attack. Hey! You don't need to do, ow. That's the fat sound. It's the sound of a police. Ow, ow. No, come on, say that one more time.

It's the sound of a police. That works, the tone works. No, go. It's the sound of a police. Ow. I don't like that. No, I've got to get it right. Stop it now. You've hit me on the head and't like that. I know, I've got to get it right. Stop it now.

You've hit me on the head enough for that. I'm going to get up a next journey. Get up a next journey, mate. Generate new points. Oh, Tarkies. It's the Tarkie moment. Do you want a tractor, which is dense area of random points, power, more anomalous areas, or void?

A tractor, a dense area, then we've got several points to do in one. No, it'll certainly give us one thing at a time But they'll be closely, you know, I'm gonna do power again. Fuck you. No don't I'm gonna do it too late I've generated it. I spent it. It's gone. Oh, the owl points have gone Oh, you promised me we'll do avoid next time. Please. Yes. It's only a couple of bits up the road Do you want to fuck around and get no one had to? 202 Haydn's Road, London, SW198. Alright, give me it. I'm putting it into City Mapper. But it's just... It's literally up the road.

Have I got a charger on you? Yeah, got me a power bank. And yours lead? Yeah. Please, could I have some? Nah, because mate, I bought you one ages ago and you haven't ever used it. I knew this moment would come today. I knew this moment would come.

Please shut up! I need it more than you because I am powering the phone that you're using now. That power bank you bought me stopped working. I bought you two the phone that you use. You know that power bank you bought me? It stopped working. I bought you two. I bought you two. You haven't bought me two. I have bought you two. I'm sorry! I'm not great with power banks. What is this? You know what I mean? Is that the deal breaker?

You rely on me far too much because you just can't be fucked. It's what the problem is, mate. And you know, he's lonely. He gets to sit there and get stroking at his boney. He doesn't get a power bank for his phone. What is he gonna do? He's just so fucking lonely. Shut up, man. That sounded good actually, but.

Good lyrics Paul. But please can I use your power bank in all seriousness? In a minute, yeah you can. Now I need it because I need to put the fucking thing in, don't I? No, because I need it for this phone as well, don't I? Dip shit. Are we gonna just go on the phone for the navigation? Well it's literally just up the road there, look, see. No, because I've got I need it for this phone as well, don't I dipshit?

Well, it's literally just up the road there look see it's literally up that way somewhere Well, it says to void power anomaly 202 Hayden's Road SW 1980 R Look it's on the street corner. It's just it's just up there We're so it's telling us to go. Is that where we have to go? Unless we want to go to Garfield's Recreation Ground and do the waddle. We could go all the way up the waddle if you want. The wandel. Waddle. We could go all the way up the waddle if you want.

I would like, obviously, it'd be far more for us to go up the waddle, but... We've got 70 points left anyway. Could we go up the Wandel? Do you want to generate a new one? I'm going to generate a new one, it means spending more Wandel points. Go for a void, because it might take us further, it might take us up the Wandel. Alright, do we just do void? I'm going to do it, here we go.

Generate, allow your mind to manifest. What you do matters, be sincere. I'm going to think of a big throbbing knob. Knob off. Oh wow. I'm going to take a big throbbing knob. Oh wow. I'm gonna take it sincere I doubt it. It's right over here by the motorway. It wants us to go to the A24. It's gonna be under spaces, under crofting. Let's do that. You want to go to the A24? Can I give you the address? I need the power bank. I will give you it once you put it in and I will attach you but you've got to put it in my bag. Walking route via city mapper which works better for that. It's going

to be a long walk, it's going to be at least 20 minutes. Well let's have a little look. We're going to have to go past the waddle. There it is. Oh it does look 20 minutes or so. 16 minutes. That's not too bad. Alright we're going to go set off while the moon is high. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Hey my night elf kiddy, I went to bird and left a pounce in my skiddy. Eh. Meow. Cabin crew.

Anyway, let's crack on. I doubt it! We're by another pylon. We're in the Aldi garage yeah we are doing like a pylon walk on the garage the car park we're in the kind of we're next to Bondal or another of its tributaries and it says it warns us deep water no swimming deep oh look there's a little area to go and look at the river close up danger deep water welcome to the Priory Retail Park. Maximum stay two and a half hours or something.

We're getting out of here. We're going to have a huge pile on. Pile on. But we walked a little bit over some urban streets and then through a back alley. This has been the longest walk of the mission so far. So far, yeah. And I don't know what we're walking along right now but it could still be the Wandel. What's it called? Wandel? It's the Wandel or one of its tributaries? Definitely. We will... Here's another massive pile on everybody. That's my map sayer. Just keep going this way.

Really? Yeah just keep going this way. About four minutes. Unless you want to go to Dun Elm or Burger King. What does Dun Elm do? Paint. Shit like that. Kitchen. It's all been landscaped here with these little walled embankments around the wandel. It's quite pleasant really. Alright. I don't know, this has taken us to the A24 did you say? I don't know but it is some, looks to be, I'm hoping it's an elevated circulatory system that we can get under. Will it take us then though? I'm frightened. Are you? Yeah. Really? No. It's very hot it's quite an unpleasant day for walking has to be said. My balls are chafing and chaffing. It's not the perfect weather to walk in. Especially when you've had some javadagadag. I am actually having problems with balance and my horizon. Oh here's another... Cum cart, what's that say? Cum cart. Oh rum cart.

Priory Collierswood. Which way are we going? I think this is it. Really? I think it's taken us here. Yeah. We'll come back down here. Yeah we're here.

It's just here. It's just here. Just here. How many points have we got left? This was the void, was it? Look. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. What? This isn't no void.

This ain't no void. This is a very busy road into Shenzhen. I'm a lot more drunk than I thought I'd be. It's the sun, man. We need to get some water on board us or else we're going to die. I've got water. We're going to be like Dr Moses or whatever he's called. Dr Moses? What's it called?

It's saying we go just that way. Weren't you sad when the doctor died when he was walking somewhere? What doctor? The TV doctor. Doctor who? Just said it. The doctor. This is not good content for a podcast mate. I don't, I've stopped thinking about the podcast. I know, what do we do no more? We do, we spend

more owl points. Owl points. This is all we know. I am the poo poo owl. I am the poo poo owl. You're not the poo poo owl. You're not the poo poo owl! Right, let's close this and I'm gonna open up the next one. You're not the poo poo owl as long as that's clear. I'll be the pellet pigeon. The pellet pigeon. Can I be the pellet pigeon please? Alright, I'll be the poo... pellet owl. And the true chutney owl. Let's have a conversation between those two. Woo hoo! No, between those two. Woohoo!

Oh, that's both of them, is it? Both of them have the same voice. Woohoo! The chutney owl and the poo poo owl, everybody. Woohoo! Pfft! Oh! Which one's which? Was it Chuckmeat or was it Brown Matter? What are we going to say? What are we going to do? I'm going to generate another point. We've got 55 points left. What does the app say we have to do? It's got 55 points left. Be serious, okay? Right, okay, here we are. Look, we're on here. Shut up. Oh, he's nudged me, everybody. A tractor. Dense area of random points. Power or void? We just did void and it took us here. I didn't like void. I didn't like what void had done us done. Don't don't don't us bad. We just gone done us a bad blood That's blood my friend. Let's just do power again. See where it goes. Always power was more enjoyable

It's 20 out we've got 55 points left and we got this is a 20 hour point They almost say almost at the end of our journey. Here we go. Generate you're about to embark on your journey Visualize your intention. I'm going to think of a big pair of bully boobs. Oh, you've shut up. Fucking hell. Allow your mind to manifest. I'm thinking of it.

17 Mortlake Drive, Mitcham. CR4. How far is that? That's outside London. That's in Croydon. No, it's like... Croydon postcode. That's Croydon postcode. How far is it from here? Do you, that's in Croydon's. No, it's like... Croydon postcode, that's Croydon postcode.

How far is it from here? Do you want me to get my phone out? Far. Do I need to get my phone out? Yeah. Alright. It's really far. We can't do it unless we get bus.

No, it's walkable. Is it? It's far, it's about the same distance as what we've just done basically. What lot to see? We're there. Look, we're there. We're there. And then we're going here. Just tell me and I'll type it into.

Alright. It is CR4 2B2BB. Oh it's not that far. Nine minutes. Nine minute walk. Which way? We're about to do it then. This was our point.

This was the worst one. This is awful. By a road, by a multi-park. What are they called? What should we call this bookmark? Retail park. Retail park. Retail park. Retail park. Retail This was the worst one. This is awful.

By a road, by a multi-park. Well they could. What should we call this bookmark? Retail park. What should we call this bookmark? Retail sludge. Retail sludge. Retail sludge.

Slush up. We have been circling the old Rutan Brown building which was the brutalist edifice, the monolith which used to be in black but now they've redressed it. What do you think of that aesthetically as a building? Ganon has no opinion on that. Right here we go. But we have been, Paul give me the mic. We have been circling it with all our excursions they've all been basically in the Collierwood environs and I'm enjoying it Paul but this was a bit like straight up to a main road, bit noisy, bit smelly here. What are you hoping for on the

next er. Well there's a park nearby but lavender park. Let's get the Red Bull, let's get vodka, let's drink the both. No, I'm doing vodka Red Bull. That'll make Gannon go to Honk Town where everything is green. No, no more booze. Absolutely not. I've got one more tin in my bag though and you owe me one for the one you had. Oh you want another tinny then? Well you did say. Oh you're a tinny! Right, shall we go?

Yeah, do you know where we're going though? Don't you want me to put it in? It says ETA similar, 10 minutes. Well I've done it now. I want to put it in. Which way do we go from here? Oh look. Which way is that? Is it this way? Get a second opinion from fucking... Here we go. Here we go. Look, very easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. But which way do we go? Start there, go.

Which way? We go this way. Straight up. Right, okay, off we go to our next location. Down to Medley Dumb Lake or Mortlitt Lake or something in Croydon. Lake Road. Mortlitt Lake Low Road. Alright, Dove.

Come on, love. Look at this, Dove. Come on love. Look at this. Premier Inn. That's awful. That's a terrible ugly building. It's like the fringes isn't it? The fringe of the city towns. I hope it just doesn't keep us on the main road because it really is big. No it's gonna. Really? We're gonna have to go all the way up that? Yeah. Not all of it but most of it. Oh god we do as well. Is that Rogan? Looks like him. Shut up. Is this... Come on it looks like him. He has long hair. Do you want me to do another path? Do you want me to pick another start point? No we should do this. This is what we deserve. It is what we deserve. We're being bossed around by an app. Let's go up. Let's do this. Look there might be

greener pastures over the road. There's a Mackey Dee, should we go? After we finish are... No, no, no, shall we go? After we finish? No, no, no, no, no. Shall we go? I don't think we should be... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Where's the Mackey Dee? Should we go? Just there, in there, in the tandem centre, because Gannon wants a burger woo okay and then we can go and back and do the thing I'm very hungry because I am very drunk oh shut up I know get your own this is not cheap showtime well ask the patrons hatred patrons can he like a burger oh they've all said no all said no

especially Steve Stevie Smith who said no specifically right we'll see you in a bit when we get to our next location boo hoo boo hoo big boy the listeners want me to have a big map no they don't the listeners want you to fail in life across the board you're such a weird I'm very trunk mate and I can't do content when I'm this bollocksed. That's not going in surely. You're just being really weird. Oh there's a Mos Bross here and an Andos. Would you prefer an Andos? Yes. Little cuff you're getting at McDonald's now. Right see you in a bit. What are you getting? What was this power void? So here we are, this is literally the location, Lake Drive.

Hey everyone. Big surprise, it's another residential housing estate. As I was just saying to Paul, it's like when you press the random button on Wikipedia and you just end up getting a lot of moths and worms and... Quim. Not quim. Moths, beetles. Because there's thousands and millions of species of those and that's what happens with this because it's a random thing.

Rando Nautica picks random locations. Most of them are going to be in housing estates. Two out of our five so far have been housing estates, haven't they? Yeah, I'm very disappointed with where this is going. But look, see, there's a little park here, Lavender Park. And then we'll press the button again. I think we should go to Lavender Park and then press the button again and see what we've got. So we go up this way and we go, I mean it's basically first left, first left and then follow the road. We reached Mock Lake Drive. Yeah we're here, we're at the precipice. We're at the precipice. We had the

McDonald's by the way. Oh and we want to say thank you to Shaun who bumped into us and nervously said, just after we'd wolfed it down. Yeah, after two fat middle-aged men wolfed down two burgers near a bin in a copaclock. What did you have? I had a quarter pound of meal. Veggie deluxe. Veggie deluxe meal. I needed it. Is it nice?

Yeah, I like it. I never go for that. I just needed it rather than meat right now. Fine, absolutely fine. I'm not judgmental, but has it got a crispiness to it? Yeah. A little bit of crispiness. Like a kind of veggie nugget? Yeah.

With a bit of mayo, lettuce, job done. Comforting, not terrible. No, it's very bland almost but it's all like a stomach. You know what, the quarter pounder of cheese is quite bland really at the end of the day. It all tastes like milk. It's all milky milky milk. It all tastes like milk, doesn't it? Comforting milk. It's up this way anyway, let's go this way.

What's it called, what park? Lavender Park. But basically it's a first left, first left and follow the road round. I'm gonna just get the walking distance It's a short trip according to city mapper. Five minutes. Go! So and then when we go we will do the respawn point journey. This was really close to one of all. This it? This is kind of shit this bit. More Lake Drive.

It's just one of these places, one of these housing estates. There's so many of them that you wouldn't even remember you'd been here. No. Not unless you knew someone who lived here. If they dropped you off here you wouldn't know you'd been here before. But yeah. But if you knew you were coming to this area you might think. But seriously.

If you knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake. Or you baked a cake or baked a cake. If I knew you were coming out of the baged cake, oh you're baged a cake, oh we're baged a cake If you knew you were coming out of the baged cake, I've got a little bit of jizzy in I've come on my tummy, can you make a cake, make a cake I've got a come on my belly button, can I make a cake, lick my whole cake out Alright mate, doing it in a housing residential estate draws attention necessarily. Yes we are. Thank you. Thank you. I know it's the only way the world goes isn't it? Slappity numbollocks isn't it? We're going to the park isn't it? Yes.

It's basically this whole thing is parks and residential areas. Well that's what I like. That's South London for you I guess. I've enjoyed it because of that. It's very much a little bit of the... You enjoy the... The edge lands, the city's meeting the... The suburbs meeting the countryside, which is... Suburb meeting what? Alleyway business.

Alleyway business. So I think we go up this... Yeah, alleyway, and then we go into the park, I think. But mate... We've seen some parks today. I see all these YouTube channels where it's like, Yeah, alleyway and then we go into the park I think. But mate, the thing is, I see all these YouTube channels where it's like, oh, I saw a dead body and oh, I'm being stalked by a monster on this route.

And it's like, come on, you're not, are you? You've gone there in advance, left a little note written in the other hand so it doesn't look like your handwriting that says I'm stalking you and that's it. Nonsense. Don't be a pig. Yo it's this way. Not another field anyway. We're in another field. That's not Crystal Palace. We're too far south of Crystal Palace. No, because Wimbledon's north of here so it can't be. Er, Mistelmallis. Crystal Palace.

That's Crystal Palace Radio Tower. It's Mistal Malice. We've come to another park. Yeah this is a whatever it says on the thing. Oh mate I shouldn't have drunk. He's got to put his stuff in someone's bin that's naughty. Right well here we are then. Here we are in a little park. Another South London nondescript park. Very much is isn't it. Where's the little nice bench for us? The bench over there. Alright we'll see you in a bit. We settle down and plop our bottoms. And here we are in Lavender Park where we have sat down and had some libations. In Lavender Park where I sat down in the pastry ways of Colliers Wood I saw a fair Maiden Bahia- Bah-

Bahawai-inshirted man No And his name was Paul He was a lonely salty sailor from the Nevin and Umdeedoo And he liked to go to heaven with the numidibumbeeboo And he went to go to sailing with the nibbly-bobbly-goo And that's my story and the wibbly-wobbly-woo Update on the mission vis-a-vis Rando Norton, the um, Norton McPhee Rando Norton, Apple

TV, Danny McPhee, Apple TV Norton Rando, that app we've been using. We have been endeavouring to spend those L points Paul, To spend those owl points all day, we've been trying to spend those owl points. We've been spending... Chk-chk-chk-ching. Paul, if there's one thing we've been trying to do all day, what's that? What have we...

We've been spending sick owl points, mate. LAUGHTER But there's been one other agenda, which I'm sure everyone has been really excited about, and that is the other... Takis. I think these are actually from the birth home of Takis vis a vis Mexico. These are proper Mexican Takis no other podcast

or channel gets this shit. That we know of or can be bothered to listen and look for. What are these flavour again? Salsa Ververty? Salsa Brava. They look hot hot hot. What does Brava mean? Juliet Brava? Oh trust you to come out of that. Right so. I got stung by Nettles. John Nettles he took 10 quid off me. Ah ha ha I got stung by John Nettles. Is he still alive John Nettles? Red sky at night. Nettles delight. Red sky morning. Pamela Stephenson's warning. Maureen Lippman's red yawning. Oh that is like... He's had a huff by the way.

He had a huff. Now to go to the huff report. Smells of Mexican spice. I'm joculating now for Paul's go. Where do I's go we are too inebriated at this point smell it first smells like burger burger flavored crisps there's a bit of a pickle you know yeah you're right I'm picking up on that Oh this is gonna be a spicy corn chip. That's a dangerous red color. Brava hot bravo. They're fine. It did seem to be not quite as hot as the guacamoles. No there's build-up. Yeah but. Oh that's a classic Taki. It's got a lot of sour, a lot of salty and a lot of chilli heat with a crunch. Oh, Tarkies.

Well, thankfully that's the fucking Tarkie bollocks out of the way now for the show. Now we can get on to your sexy questions for Paul. Dear Paul, I have dreams about you at night where you rub my tummy stick until the white glue come out. Well, er, Mr Biffo. Yeah, Mr Biffo dreams about me me I'm saying it now. It's perfectly normal to have those kind of feelings about me. I'm a red-blooded man and I have hot, I give off hot sexy vibes and now my next letter, my next letter, my boyfriend doesn't give me the hot pump love action I deserve. Please come and service me.

Who's that from? This is from M Faj. Madame F Faj is her name and I want to put a shout out to Madame F Faj and say don't worry if your boyfriend can't satisfy you. Next time he's in you. Next time he's in you. Just imagine it's me. I'm giving one of my cheeky winks at you, I'm giving one of my cheeky smiles. Even if he doesn't satisfy you, the memory of me will and that's the important thing to take away

from all this. Now that's all we've got time for on Paul's Erotic. What did you win on your Maccy D box? I won a sausage and ham McMuffin. Ah, and ham? No, sausage and egg. Sausage and egg McMuffin. Ham and egg. And ham and sausage. Ham and egg. Ham and sausage and egg. Spam and eggs.

Ham, sausage and egg, oh dear. Should we put in another date? Should we do this? So we've done Lavenda. Hill mob. This is from Mortlake. Should be, we should be. We should do it from here.

We're doing it from here. We're doing it from here. We're doing it from here. Right, let's do it. How many points have we got left? 35. How many locations does that mean we can go? Maybe two. One and one more.

We're not doing more than two more. Right. We can't do more than two more. Generate. Here we go. Visualize your intention. I'm gonna go for shocking. I'm thinking shocking, something enlightening.

Or enlightening. Oh, here we go. Three tandem way London S 19 T U T Y. Oh, it's another walk. Oh, I don't know where that. Oh, look, the tandem center. I think we passed that. Put it in my machine. I'll put it in. SW 19. SW 19. Mr. Silverman.

SW19, SW19 Mr Silverman, 2TY for yacht. By some road, 9 minutes away. Yeah, it's back the way we came basically. Alright, well that's closer to the tube. In fact I think, you know where you saw that, where you saw, we saw that blackout company that did the rigging and the blinds. I think it's back that way. Do you want us to do another one?

But that might mean this is our last one. Alright, that case I'm gonna generate our final point now do you want it to be I'm gonna do put I'm gonna put lavender lavender I'm putting a bookmark lavender knobbing lavender knobbing lavender knobbing this is what I just say as well we've been to several parks today this is the most uninteresting and flat even that last one and that that type of architecture in particular with the the mock Tudor eaves I find that depressing that particular style of architecture. You like brutalism? Yeah well you're wrong because brutalism is an eyesore on the soul of this country. I'm gonna build a new Brutalist building which has a big...

Swillis building, did you say? A Brutalist building. You say Eli's going to build a Bruce Willis building. And it's going to have a big sign on the top, you know what it's going to be? Die hard. A neon sign. Yeah, say what?

Pepsi Max cherry. I'll burn it down. And every child in there will die. Whoa, is that children? It's a school. You built a school. And I've burnt it down because of Cherry Pepsi Max. Which of the Tarkies did you prefer? The Avocado.

Really? Yes. I don't want any of them. Really? Yeah. Right. I'm going to choose our last. This is 15 point. Oh, we can't even do power. We can only do...

Void. Attractor or void. Let's go with a tractor. A tractor. A tractor, a tractor. We all fall down. A tractor. No, a tractor.

A tractor. We do a tractor. Because a void and a tractor and a tractor we haven't done I guess. We haven't done a tractor yet. Let's finish with an attractor. Alright, I'm going to generate it. So we have to go here. Yeah.

We have to do this or else we're just abandoning the whole mission. We're going to do it. Here we go. I'm running it one last time. It's our last chance. 15 points down the bin. Breathe and focus on your intent. Shocking, scary, sexy, sexy, shocking, scary, erotic, angry, violent, sexy, erotic, suggestive, sexy, weird, kooky, weird, rousing, sloppy, hot, sex, beast, grinding, sweaty. No anomaly

available. I'm gonna do it again. Tractor. It's one of those, oh you've got to widen your radius or whatever. How fucking wide. How wide is your anus? Hello Sean again. nice to see you. Nice to see you Sean for saying hello. Pity you had to see us at our best, worst, at our worst. Why were we at our worst? He probably walked away thinking, what the fucking state? He's never sort of scared looking his eye after you witted on with your social anxiety for about half a week.

Here we go. 165 Western Road, Mitcham, CR4. It's not Mitcham CR4 it's not too far away but it's just on a road we have to go there it's our final stop. Feed me postcode it is CR43EF Mate we could we could fuck it off we could go to Figs Marsh how about that you want to go Figs Marsh instead it's that way instead of the to Figs Marsh instead? Where's Figs Marsh? It's that way instead of the other way, look see. It's saying it's a six minute walk. Figs Marsh is that way, you wanna do Figs Marsh instead.

I wanna do Figs Marsh and then we can walk up from there to Tooting and go home. Yeah but we should finish the mission first. This is the mission, the mission is to be random. Why can't we randomise the randomisation and go to Fgis Marsh? Figgis Marsh doesn't look any fun. Does look fun.

There's lots of fields and it's got a cemetery. You could walk through the cemetery, London Road Cemetery. See, kind of knows, doesn't he? Well, we fucked off the app though. They don't have any. Fuck that app right up the clinger. What's your last word on the app? I think all this urban legend, scary stalker,

monster ghost, dead body stuff is bollocks. It's just like using anything to give your stupid grift some legitimacy. You impart on it your own meaning. It's like geographical pareidolia. You project what you want from it if you're that way mentally inclined. You mean see faces in the bushes? No, I mean like you put more meaning on to something that has no meaning by lieu of the fact that you're using this app. I know but

meaning is much more comforting to people than just the chaos. Well guess what everyone there is no meaning to anything. It's random, unfair and cruel. So get over it and just live. Just live your life. Just live your life just live your life because mr. Gannon says Mr. Gannon says if you don't live your life you won't live a life that's good in it put out a fucking t-shirt we're gonna go figures Marsh through the London Road cemetery yeah figures figs Marsh figs marsh. figs marsh. figs marsh we're going to do that instead so shall we? yeah I'm gonna finish off this horrible cola vanilla and ginger spice rum oh I'm just gonna put figs marsh in and we'll do that instead one two

three F-I-G-G-E figs marsh. Marsh. All the way over the place, hasn't it? 14 minute walk to Figgy's Marsh. 14 minutes? Yeah. Jesus, that's the longest walk so far. It's not, we've done 16 minutes to get here. No, we didn't, not. Yeah, because we... Well, not to here, but to the other place

when we were at the other place to come into this place. I just want to stop walking, actually, Paul. Would you like a kiss? No. Hand job? In that case, are you you like can I have a kiss and a handjob? Is that really that's the... I don't think you'd be very good at it anyway actually I've just decided. I've just decided it would be half hearted with you. Who cares?

I reckon you would put no... You really hurt my feelings. I can't give a hand job. Ah, I'm fools out of an accident. He spat warm alcopop on my jeans. He came out his nose. Why did that get you? It was the absolute objection from you about it which just tickled me. It's all sticky. I'm sorry. I spassed all over you. He really did, but anyway. You've got salty sweat marks on your black vest.

It looks like I have been shrimp fishing with my vest. You've got like the sweat tie-dye on. I do. Yeah, it's been a hot day, man. It's been a very hot day. I need some more water. I've got loads. Do you want some? Could you pour some into my bottle? Yeah, you can have some of that. Just pour it in.

All right, we're going to get our shit together and head to our final location that we've decided to do. We've gone against the grain and we're going to go to Figgy's Marsh via the road. Check out Fig's Marsh. To figure out, and then we're going home because two things up the road. Yes, that's what we're doing, yeah.

Right, cool. Now, I will just say, please don't hate us for being drunk. I'm sorry. We did it bad. We did a podcast bad this week we did a podcast bad the extra jack here yeah is you the jack really turned the corner for us random random North drunk like like sailors nautica is sailors yes I know but you also said the shanty and the shanty thing when I was-dee diddle-dee-dee. When I was on the sea on the other side,

I went to the side of the other side sea, side of the sea, and I was in the side sea, and I was sailing on the sea to the seaside sea. Fatch. Not that's not fatch. Fad-dge. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well I'm saying fadaggy. Right, stop it. Let's stop this. Stop this now. Fadaggyo. See you at Fig's Marsh everybody. Oh look lovely allotment Mr Silverman would you like to have an allotment? Yeah I'd love it but quite hard to get you got on a waiting list and what would you grow

tomatoes? Good yes whatever works you know I'm not a huge fan of tomatoes but I do like I've been enjoying them more in salads recently lettuce you don't eat tomato do you? Of course I eat tomato, I don't like ketchup, you don't like ketchup? No but I like plum tomatoes considerably yeah I've been eating plum tomatoes in my salads I love plums don't you? Anyway we've left Lavender Park and we're walking towards Figs Marsh is that right yeah We've abandoned that stupid app haven't we? Bollocks to random Nautica. You know it's interesting to a

certain extent but I mean look you got us out and about and seeing some interesting different new places. Yeah you see new places you've never seen before but they're just housing estates now we're walking past a massive graveyard. This is London Road Cemetery. Look at it. It's full of graves and there's a great big... It's not a church is it? What would that be? A chapel of some sort. Some sort of chapel of some sort.

I'd say it was a church. Usually in the middle of a graveyard you have a church. Yeah but if it's a cemetery it's different from a graveyard. Oh is it? I don't know. Yeah, cemetery is more kind of... What about burial ground? I think that's a general term for anything where people have been buried so I mean from my point of view mate that could be like maybe where they hold services for the dead before they um yeah type of church get chucked in the ground and bird food. Camatorian is that

what you want? Yeah. You've got chimney. Let me take a picture. If the dead came to life, we'd probably be fine because they'd be right away. We've said this before when we did the big boys of summer walk. We said they couldn't walk and shit. Yeah, they'll be dry and frosty and crumbly. So you just kick them over. It wouldn't be a nice thing to see. No, no one wants to see that, do they? No one wants to see a dead body come out the ground. It's more fence.

It's just more fence. You know what Paul, I have an admission to make. I'm flagging 100%. I'm 1 billion percent flagging. I mean it's just such an effort to fling one leg in front of the other to just to make the necessary steps to go forward. We shouldn't have drunk too much. We're off the trolley aren't we? We're very much off the trolley. This is such a quiet little area though, I like this. It is, but very nice, as we said, but wow.

Ready to go to bed, to be honest with you. Yeah, well. Lie down. Lie down. Pull this to the pillow. Sweetie, sweetie, num num, Christ. Taking a nice picture for... What's all this down here then?

Some basketball courts. All right, next to the graveyard. Absolutely tasteless. What if the ball goes over and bops on a gravestone? Eh? Who's gonna... Nothing's gonna happen is it? So...

See I told you, what did I say about buses? Tooting. That's our escape route. Dirty tooting, Eli's are dead. Just off in Figs Marsh though? Yeah, just over there, literally across the road there. There's people playing tennis on the tennis courts now. Eli's taking a few more pictures. Random nautica then, in a nutshell. I wouldn't spend money on it, but if you fancy spending um owl points on a random walk There you go

Obviously, there's a lot of urban legend these stuff online about the horrors of it But based on today's excursions, I think we can safely say what a load of wank What a load of bollocks so Tamworth Recreation Ground. That's what we're walking past now. Main road ahead of us, all me lasers are undone. And, erm...

This is our last stop. It's a bit more public this, actually, isn't it? Weirdly a lot more busy than I thought it was gonna be. Oh, there's plenty of buses. Fucking yes to be. Oh, there's plenty of buses. Fucking yes, mate. Yes, mate, plenty of buses. Plenty of buses to take us where we... What are you talking about just now?

I was talking about Hagsley, how the app is. Good if you want a random day out in somewhere you know, and it might become more unfamiliar as a result. Yeah, especially in a dense area, yeah. But I wouldn't worry about all the urban legend demons stalking evil dead body ship this is that the marsh across the road yeah it's Figgy's marsh all this our final part of the episode everyone all figs marsh let's cross over it's name Paul because I did a little well I did a little research on it yeah it got It got its own name. From? Some guy called Mr. Figgs and he owned it the whole land around here

I'll take that Patently wank. Oh, here we go crossover You fucking scooter pricks Does the road not apply to you, sir? Does the road rules not apply to you, you scooter bastard. Here we are in our final and you know what we've had I think a rather lovely walk through the urban and natural parts of south south south London. It's very deep south, this is about as deep south as we've got and it's just miles and miles of suburbs. We sit on that log right in the middle. That log is our final destination.

I like it, it's almost symbolic. You know, we started with a pylon and we ended with a log. Good, I'm liking it Paul. I don't know. That's a very striking churched tower. It's very narrow. Very narrow and tall. But then actually the roof is quite big so it's not that weird in circumspect. No more booze for Mr. Pauly whoo he's learned his lesson on a hot day, don't drink. Half a bottle of JD and three tins of alcoholic stuff and a Red Bull. Someone's left a bottle there, that's a shame. Look, someone's left a bottle there. A nice bottle too. Oh is it? Oh there we go.

Maybe pick your bottle up mate. You got told there mate. I didn't get told. Did you not nick the man's bottle? Did I have any intention of nicking anyone's bottle? I think not. Oh, here we are on our log. Our final log. It's a bit rocky, raidel, rock, oh rocking all over the world. We're going to go home now, mate. What time is it? Seven o'clock. We started at one. We've been out for six hours. Yeah.

Generally how long we do these things, isn't it? About that, yeah Rand and then we usually give up because we're old and fucking fat and useless. Well we didn't. How many steps have I done? We spent our hour points, that's what we set ourselves to do. We did, we spent 150 hour points on a walk around. But we didn't go to the last two locations. No. Suggested. Didn't we miss one out before as well? No. We redid it again once before. We did redid it but you don't spend points if you redo it. Oh so we didn't? We spent it once and it took it away once and then it once it took

it away. What are you doing with your phone? 128's a 128 heart rate. That's too high, mate. Sleep steps. Have you done your steps today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you haven't. Step workout. 14,689 steps. Is that a lot?

Yeah. I mean, you meant to do... I mean, I've set it for 10,000 on mine. All right, so you're over 10. So, you know, not too bad. And there's still more walking to come because Tooting's up the road that way. We're not walking there. And get the bus right. We because tootings up the road that way We're not walking there and get the bus, right?

We'll get the bus up the road so we will and get the bus to tootin tootin on the buses Mate, I'm so tired. Well, let's just sign off. It's so hot and I'm so drunk I've got mate. I'll be honest with you. I think the Manchovy factory is in full production because there's a lot of... Tinned Manchovy? Yeah, tinned in brine. Manchovy. Fucking...

Manchovy cream? Manchovy. A steak of Manchovy. Do you know how they spell Manchovy cream? C-R-E-M-E. Creme. Manchovy creme. That's what we've got.

I'm going to put in tooting. It's just up the road. I bet it will say like a six minute walk. What the bus will say. I reckon it will give you a walking distance first and it will say five minutes. Nine minutes or five on a bike. If you've got a bike, have your bollocks. We're walking then to tooting are we? May as well. Get me steps in. Work off some of this alcohol. It's just right up there. Yeah, it's just right up there, top of the fence.

Alright, let's say goodbye. Do the thing, do the day work. Oh yeah, okay, well I'll just do it, I'll keep it simple. Look, if you like Cheap Show and you want to know more, go to thecheapshow.co.uk. Photos, videos in some cases, links to our live show in October at the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival at the Bedford in Ballum. You can get tickets for that. It's at 1 in the afternoon for 90 minutes and we're going to have lots of time afterwards for a meet and greet. And maybe I'll make some badges to sell them as well. But apart from that...

This is the most uncomfortable log. The Cheap Show. Move over. Thecheapshow.co.uk and hey, if you like us even more than that and you want to help us on Patreon, you're more than welcome to, but as I always like to say, give what you can but please only if you can. And if you can't, just support us on social media, spread the word, tell your friends, review us.

I'm not a reviewer. You're going to be called Kroki Ganon Ganon Kroki box patreon.com forward slash cheap show and you get magazines and podcasts and videos and hey we're doing YouTube videos now we're gonna do regularly regularly do fortnightly YouTube videos called cheap shots and our first one will be up this week probably before this episode comes out on a Friday so you can go to YouTube right now and watch our new series Cheap Shots on YouTube 15 minutes or so of extra Ganon and Eli. Right, I love you guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for listening.

See you next week. See you next week on what we promised to be yet another edition of the Cheap Show podcast. Do you want to love it? And remember. Can't finish. And remember. Please finish the podcast. I've got a perfect out. Ready?

What's... Figs Marsh and signing off from Figs Marsh, I've been Eli Silverman. I've been Paul Gannon. And remember, wear a badge if you want to eat fadge. Yeah, come on laugh. Fadge. Say fadge. It wasn't that funny. My name is Madge, eat out my fadge. What about that one? Do it a little bit grudge when you eat out my fadge. No, Madge is going to be with you. I really want to stop talking now. No, we'll never stop talking.

This podcast goes on and on and on until one of us dies. Will it be you? Will it be me? Will it be? All you need to know is good night, sleep tight, and don't let the fadge bugs bite us. That's not funny. It's just because you said fadge. Fadge bugs. That's not funny. F's just because you said fads. Fads bugs. That's not funny. Fads bugs aren't funny. Stop recording. No, never. You're an idiot. You're editing. I

know. I'm fading this out at this point. It's being faded out. I hope so. A long fade out. It's being faded out. Bye bye.