CheapShow - Ep 395: The Quid's Gambit

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello everybody, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where we look for the fun and the funer- frugal and the treasure amongst the trash. Mates. We've got a stuffed pack- ah fuck. Just do one, just do a good one of that. The fun and the frugal. Fun and the- I keep wanting to say fugal. Don't say fugal because that's not a word.

Starting point is 00:00:19 I've got it, I've got it. This is gonna be slick as fuck. Here we go. A packed episode. Packed. I was gonna say a tacked stuffed packed. Tacked stuff. A tacked stuff. Tat stuffed pack episode. A tat stuffed packed episode. Taft stuffed.

Starting point is 00:00:31 Taft. William Taft. William Taft puffed death dough. Shh, here we go. F-f-f-f-f-f. I'm going, here we go. I am going now with my mouth. Here we go.

Starting point is 00:00:41 Frugal. Let me start again. Frugal. Here we go. Frugal. Frugal. Here we go. Frugal. Let me start again. Frugal. Here we go. Frugal. Here we go. Yes. Hello everybody. Welcome to Cheap Show, the comedy podcast where we go through the Bargamin, character shops and power lands of Great Britain and look for the fun in the frugal and we find the treasure amongst the trash. We have a tat stuffed episode for you this week. So let's just

Starting point is 00:01:01 get right into it. It's Cheap Show time. Well done. Thank you very much. I've practiced that. It's the Heiser Scheib! Cheap Show to the Mama Man! Welcome to Cheap Show! And there goes the credit theme. The Cheap Show credit theme. To Daytime, Paul. To Daytime. Hello to Time to Youth Time.

Starting point is 00:01:34 Today's Time to Toot Time. Two times to Daytime. Twice up. Twice is as nice. Twice up, ya mama. It is. Twice up. Two fingers. Right up to the knuckle. Don't get fingers and knuckles involved twice up double pumping it's too early for all of us there's two of us there's two of all i'm

Starting point is 00:01:51 saying yes two of us on this on this in this journey together yes the spit roast of content there's me there's you double fisting the time lord double fisting the time lord yeah let's do that all right let's do fanfic let. Let's do fanfic. Let's move to pure fanfic. Do you think that's what I'll get more people listening if we just go... Oh I'm spacewalker gobbling off some elf. Oh I'm Captain Kirk noshing on the pipe of fucking Picard's peculiar. Oh Kirk and Picard, do they do that cross-generational? Well that was the film Generations wasn't it? Picard and Kirk share the film together for a little bit. I've lost track of all that.

Starting point is 00:02:26 And then they completely waste the opportunity of that. So moving on. Because I don't want to talk about Star Trek. What about Godzilla? And Pee Wee Herman. Giving Kong a reach around. Oh yeah. I don't know. No, no, no, fine, okay, no, yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:38 And Mothra flies up his arse. Oh, Mothra's the piggy in the middle. Oh no, just comes from outside. Or is it- He's hovering around the edges of the city. Gamera you could get in the middle. Mothra up the bum bum. Well we've all had a case of that in our time haven't we? Excuse me doctor I've got a case of Mothra up the bum bum. Get out of my office. Oh come on. Just one more time. Alright I'll write your script. I like it and I can feel the wings come out. What's your drug called again? Errrr. Moth bumrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr into it. First of all, bit of admin, tickets still on sale for Cheap Show Live in October

Starting point is 00:03:25 as part of the Cheerful Eiffel Podcast Festival. I think we've got 20 odd tickets left, so if you're interested, get in while you can. Snap up those 20 tickets because they'll be gone. I can feel them. Feel it. Fluff the fluffer. Like a Rolodex. Fluff the flutter. Like a Rolodex. Yes, you are not funny are you this week? Sorry I'm sorry. Alright don't worry. I do always say that as well. I know you're getting really tropey aren't you in your old age.

Starting point is 00:03:51 I'm getting old trope laden. Tropy and ropey. Oh they call me old man trope laden. Oh hello old man trope laden. Oh could you carry my bag Sonny? What's in it, Grandad? That's full of old tropes. Oh, at least I made my yeast for myself, love. Oh, Sonny! Sonny! I'm going to say this now. I'm not getting involved in this. I'm on my own tropes. This is a block from me.

Starting point is 00:04:14 It's a no from me, dog. It's a no from me, dog. I'm out. Should I put my bag down? Right, so we do have a lot to get through. OK, sorry. So we're going to get straight into it now because we've got a Price of Shite. What have we got? We've got a charity shop showcase.

Starting point is 00:04:26 What else we got? And we've got a little bit of sauce and a little bit of sodie pops. Very special and genuinely an exciting moment for me on the sauce. So would you like to do that now? The sauce area! Yes. It's wonderful watching you visibly struggle this week. Let me just compose myself somewhat.

Starting point is 00:04:48 Da da da da. Like Beethoven. Composer stuff doesn't he? It does. Anyway. This is the Eli Fifth Symphony. I just have to get into a serious state of mind to introduce this segment Paul. Because you have to take this seriously. This has been a lot, this has been much called for on

Starting point is 00:05:06 Twitter, on Facebook. I've called for it and you the listeners have responded by sending us sauce. So yes, it is a very special sauce report everybody. We've got our hands on it at last. I was getting tired of telling people, yes, we're waiting, we're getting it. This is Heinz. Heinz. Pickle flavoured tomato ketchup. Does it say special edition or limited edition on it? No, this is a permanent. Is it? It's a permanent If they don't sell many of it they'll dump it. I don't know because oh it's there. Wait you know what So who sent it to us? Let's get this out the way. You're right sorry. So it came with a letter

Starting point is 00:05:40 Hi Paul and Eli long time stalker first time sending something. Please enjoy the pickled ketchup. Also, I saw these key rings and thought you would like them. Thank you for cheap show. Blah, blah, blah. Lovely stuff. Lots of frothy knickers. M the cheapskate skater. Thank you, M the cheapskate skater. What about frothy knickers?

Starting point is 00:05:58 What was that? Just says very frothy knickers. Who's got them? Who's got the frothy knickers? The cheapskate skater. They do. Yeah, but mate, if someone says to me, Oh, I've got frothy knickers. I'm staying them? Who's got the frothy knickers? The cheap skater. They do. Yeah but mate if someone says to me, oh I've got frothy knickers I'm staying away. You need some personal hygiene. I mean we do the fun in the fungal not fun in the fungal,

Starting point is 00:06:12 do we? I get my fun fingers up the fungal. It could be a different kind of froth. I've got funky fun fingers up the fungal. Mad dog froth. Mad dog, like mad dog froth. Mad dog froth, yeah. You mean like crispy froth. Rabid fanny syndrome. Crispy froth. Yeah. Like it's gone dry. The yeast beast.

Starting point is 00:06:32 Oh. Anyway, which one's which? Oh, I'm gone. Oh, the key rings from M. Yeah, there's one for me and one for you. This is your one, I think. M as in the letter M or E-M. E-M as in maybe Emma.

Starting point is 00:06:44 Emily, maybe. Emily or Emma, yeah, that's a good point. So what does yours say M as in the letter M or E M. E M as maybe M R. M R. So what does yours say? It's a little simple. It's round. Oh, this is for me. Yeah. They've chosen which one goes to who. Yeah. Paul, mine says, yeah, confusingly this keychain was made by Flamingo Candles. Oh yeah. It's neither of those. But it's a keychain. Yeah. So there you go. Perhaps they've broadened their horizon output. Yeah. You know, diversified. They've diversified, but you think they'd just be called Flamingo Industries or which I can say

Starting point is 00:07:10 Flamingo Industries or maybe Flamingo Incorporated. Flamingo. Something like that. I don't know. Yes. Now we're thinking we should become business consultants.

Starting point is 00:07:21 No, we should. No, this one hasn't been very successful that we're doing right now. So. Ah, do you want to hear my key ring then? You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give. Yeah. Mine's a grey little circular plastic disc and on it...

Starting point is 00:07:35 I don't give a fuck. ...is ascribed the phrase, I work hard so my cat can have a better life. Well, you do, Paul. That is true. It is time for sauce, Paul. Come on, I'm going to let you do the honors because this is your segment and I don't want to take anything away from that.

Starting point is 00:07:49 Again, the sauce report is a very important part of Cheap Show. So here it is. Remember, you've got to take the tab off. It's got a little tab on. And this is honestly the most curious, let's say, I've been about a new sauce product in a long time. Although did you see the Morley's fried chicken sauce? Yes. That someone posted on Twitter? Yes. There's always sauces coming out. There's always this mouth.

Starting point is 00:08:09 This mouth is always ready to taste new and exciting sauces. Yeah, you were here first ladies and gentlemen. This is the sauce tasting mouth. You'd like to taste sauce as well, don't you? Yeah, but easily. What should we do now? Two spoons. Don't listen to me. What are you saying? You're grumbling. I'm excited.

Starting point is 00:08:27 It doesn't matter, does it? What are you saying? You're just always talking ahead of me. It's fine. I do my own podcast. I'm sorry. Paul Gannon Town. How's that podcast going?

Starting point is 00:08:35 About as well as this one. All right. All right. Remove the tab. We should say, you didn't have any pukeys late last week after the walkabout. No. I think we sweated it mostly off. I had that sandwich that really helped. Yeah, the sandwich served.

Starting point is 00:08:47 All day breakfast sandwich. Nice, nice. Now. Oh, get on with it. Fuck me. Just in terms of the colour in the tube. No. Isn't it slightly darker than your average?

Starting point is 00:08:56 I would argue it might be a bit darker. Yes, I'll give you that. And that is because it has minced gherkin in it. Now I want us to look at the ingredients on this. All right. Before I do. Sorry, just give me a second. All right, it's your time. You in it. Now I want us to look at the ingredients on this. Alright. Before I do, sorry just give me a second. Alright, it's your time you're wasting. Just I'm just excited. You can have a, do you want a big spoon of this or a small spoon? Small spoon of this. Jesus. Okay so I've got the ingredients here Paul. Yes. I'll be interested to see if they

Starting point is 00:09:18 list gherkin or what's going on here. So we have tomato. Tomato. Tomato. Ketchup. Ketchup. Spirit vinegar. Vinegar spirit. Sugar. Yes darling. Salt. Salt. Natural dill flavour. Natural dill flavour. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. That's a bit of a warning bell. Onion powder. Onion powder. Spicy and herb. Oh they were very funny back in the day. Hello I'm spicy this is Herb! Hello everyone! My pants have fallen off! I'm on my dick, so I'm fired! I've got a bag full of eggs mum!

Starting point is 00:09:50 Give us an egg will you, Spicy? BOOM! See you next week everybody! Oh, a bit's gone off my nose! Oh, my badge is itchy! So it doesn't look like an actual pickle, it looks like they've gone for the flavour of pickle. What does that mean then? Like a dill pickle.

Starting point is 00:10:05 It's got vinegar. Wrap it up, he's saying to me. I just want to get to the bit where we importantly taste this. Oh, celery. This couldn't be more drawn out if fucking Peter Jackson directed this podcast. It does take to refrigerate after open. And I did, by the way.

Starting point is 00:10:19 I did refrigerate it in the couple of days it's been at my house. So that clears something up for me, because I was worried that this might have like a tartar sauce has minced gherkin in it. I am dangerously close to tuning out. No, stop! This is the best sauce report we've had in ages!

Starting point is 00:10:35 And you are absolutely draining the energy out of it. We're engaging with the listeners who have sent, thank you, for sending this. It's fucking Timmy Tangent and his walkabout garble nonsense isn't it? I'm not going on a tangent, I'm telling everyone about what the fuck... No you're not, you're going on a tangent, not a t-in-g-ent, whatever that was. I'm not going on, I'm angry, that's why. Eat the fucking sauce mate, it's 11 minutes. I'm going in for the niff-naff-nuff report on the sauce.

Starting point is 00:11:01 Fuck me, I hate you, come on. I was just worried that it was going to have minced gherkin in, like Tartar, but it doesn't seem that... No. It seems like they've actually tried to flavour the ketchup like... Yes. ...pickle. Yes.

Starting point is 00:11:14 There are no chunks in this. And it must come from America, because the default pickle in America is a dill-flavoured gherkin. You mean to say that didn't come from America? The idea of it came from America. Yes. Because you do get dill pickles here, but in America it's a thing. I want you to fucking eat this all soon. I'm opening it everyone.

Starting point is 00:11:33 It's got one of these twist off just like a normal ketchup sticker. Oh, it's come off nicely all in one go. Oh, I'm getting a very fruity ketchup smell immediately you know a normal one. Yeah what is the hoof you haven't done that do it. It smells like McDonald's. Does it? It smells like a McDonald's burger because it's got that combination of. Now I'm engaged come on. Oh yeah it's like it's like Big Mac-y you you will know what I mean. Yes no that exactly is. It's that combination of ketchup with the gherkin. That is exactly that. It's really reminiscent of like of maccy d's isn't it? Yeah maccy d's sauce. It's crazy. Well then this shouldn't be too bad. Oh that's got a really nice smell. Have a deep whiff on that. No I did, I did have a deep whiff. Just put it on a spoon and

Starting point is 00:12:14 put it in my mouth and end this fucking segment. It's 30 minutes. That is exactly like pickle and tamar ketchup. And theoretically tasting this should only take about 30 seconds. Tell you what the amplitude on the on the nose. There's no need for the length of this. Absolutely no need for the length of this. It should only take about 30 seconds. Tell you what, the amplitude on the nose. There's no need for the length of this. Absolutely no need for the length of this. Do you need a spoon, yes? Yeah. The amplitude on the nose. on a hot day. But it's it, it'll be over soon. The nightmare will be over. Not top of my list of things I wanted to do today. I love the smell of this. There is having a niff.

Starting point is 00:12:51 Now, I will say this, in my memory banks, the McDonald's sauce obviously has got the pickle in it, which is different, but it tends to be a very sweet ketchup, doesn't it? I wonder if this will be sweet. That they use in McDonald's? Yeah, very sugary, sugary ketchup. Well, Heinz is quite sugary as well. Like classic Heinz tomato ketchup. Oh, I'm just doing this, I'm fucking bored.

Starting point is 00:13:07 Interesting, it's nice. It's a fine-sauce ketchup. The pickle seems to be kind of coming in and out. Yeah, it is very sweet. It's got a great texture. Yeah. A great mouthfeel, nice and... Smooth.

Starting point is 00:13:18 Very smooth, nice. And would be nice as a makeshift burger sauce. That'd be great in a burger. Yeah. That'd be great in a burger or something like that, which Deal would go with. So immediately I feel like I wouldn't want that on chips. I wouldn't go for that on chips necessarily. You know what I mean? It seems to have a much narrower use case spectrum than ordinary ketchup. You know, you wouldn't want it as many things. No. But like meat, be very nice with meat, beef type meats.

Starting point is 00:13:46 I think it's locked into burger or at the very least hot dog. Yeah. Oh no, I have it on hot dog, definitely. It's that oniony dilly sort of nice with certain meats, but definitely not like fish and chips. Yeah, you couldn't. I found that sauce ideal. Oh, it was ideal for you. Ideal, ideal.

Starting point is 00:14:03 Ideal for you. I found it ideal. Do, it was I-dill for you? I-dill. I-dill. I-dill for you. I found it I-dill. Do you have any final thoughts? Because I just really want to press stop now. I'm bored of this segment. Jesus Christ. 15 minutes, mate.

Starting point is 00:14:14 All we have to do is put sauce in our mouth. We've won some kind of score out of five for the sauce, please. 3.75 for me. It's very nice sauce. I mean, Heinz aren't going to let you down. I've always been more of a brown sauce guy, frankly, when it comes to burgers and chips like that. And then mayo and then maybe ketchup.

Starting point is 00:14:30 Here's a question, Boffins, where's my pickle HP sauce? I mean, maybe that's on the horizon because they do... Fruit. They do a fruitier one, don't they? They do different HP variants. Right, what's your score, did you say? Four. Solid.

Starting point is 00:14:45 And now... Thank you very much, Em, for that. That was good. And we are going to be tasting, at some point in the future, Morley's, who are like a cult fried chicken brand from South London. You must have heard of it. If we can find it, we'll have it. It's always been the remit.

Starting point is 00:14:59 It's in Asda. I'm going up Asda to get sauces. Do it. If you do it, we will munch. It is that simple. If you build it, we will play. I'm going to Asda to get sources. Do it. If you do it, we will munch. It is that simple. If you build it, we will play. I'm going to keep holding this source. Shut up! I'm bored now. You can have that. I'm going to keep holding this source.

Starting point is 00:15:12 Yeah, for you to keep. You're doing well. Super smashing great. Who's that? Old man? Old man Chul? No, I'm doing Jim Bowen, aren't I? Hello, Sonny. Hello, Sonny. No. Oh my gosh. Can you help me with my bag, please, Sonny? Please help me with my bag. No, you're making it. Can you help me with my bag please Sonny? Please help me with my bag. No, you're making it creepy. Please help me with my bag.

Starting point is 00:15:27 Oh Sonny, I haven't got the strength in me arms. I haven't got the strength in me arms any more Sonny. You look panicked right now. Help me with the. You know this concept. Help me with the bag. This conceit is not working for you. You know I've got something for you.

Starting point is 00:15:42 Look how unimpressed I am with this. Look how unimpressed my face is with you right now. I've got something for you in the bag. Look how unimpressed I am with this. Look, I've got some- Look how unimpressed my face is with you right now. I've got something for you in the bag. Yeah, I don't like that. I'm not going along with it, because it's going to be grotty or- Just put your head in the bag. All right.

Starting point is 00:15:53 Coming up behind you. Get off! Get off me! Knuckle, knuckle, knuckle! Right. Great. No, I went along with that and I instantly regretted it. There we go.

Starting point is 00:16:03 Next segment. Right, we've had our sauce, Paul. It was an impressive sauce. along with that and I instantly regret it. There we go. Next segment. Right we've had our sauce Paul. It was an impressive sauce. You need something to wash it down with don't you? Oh because it's not one but two exclusive food things we've got on the show today. Yes what is the next thing? This is Pepsi Electric. It's part of our little segment we like to do where we test interesting flavors of soda. We used to call it the soda jerk, maybe we still do. I don't know what we do anymore because we keep resetting ourselves.

Starting point is 00:16:33 Well this isn't a full soda segment. It's just one off because it's new and we want to keep on top of it. Yeah so this is blue electric Pepsi. I don't know anything about the flavor profile, I Just saw it in Tesco and thought, oh. It is fruity. What do you think electric means though? Citrusy fruity. So I thought it might have been an energy drink,

Starting point is 00:16:52 but I guess not. I don't know what. I don't think it is. It's just another variant. It's weird. I like the way that they've gone. I look it up. Hang on, talk shit like you always do while I look it up. Basically, I think this is their response to Cokes,

Starting point is 00:17:04 remember? Yeah. Spiced. Spiced, which is like a variant. It's not coke and I think it's like a fruit. It is a citrus fruit flavor, I think is what they should call it. According to the old Twitter questions ask things, not Twitter, Google. It just says zesty citrus. It's more citrusy than the cola. Britvik having an official page on it. Pepsi set to supercharged soft drinks

Starting point is 00:17:27 with bold electric blue Cola. Yeah, it's just a new one. This mate, Pepsi is disrupting the Cola category once again. Oh my God. They're disruptors. They're not. They're disrupting. They're literally disrupting, mate.

Starting point is 00:17:38 Following a successful rebrand earlier this year, I guess. Yeah, they went to the old... Logo, the old thing. You remember the old logo? Yeah. That's the old school logo they got to. I like that one. Yeah, went to the old logo. The old logo. That's the old school logo they've gone to. Yeah I like the new logo. The new launch challenges what consumers expect from a cola boasting a zesty citrus taste and a striking blue liquid available for only 12 months. Oh I see. And then blah blah blah how much you can sell it for

Starting point is 00:18:00 blah blah. What a load of crap. Yeah. Disrupting by having a new a limited edition that's not disrupting. We'll just add more f*****g syrup to the flavour sell it for blah blah blah. What a load of crap. Disrupting by having a new limited edition that's not disrupting. We'll just add more fucking syrup to the flavour won't we? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we'll just add more fucking syrup. Well it's sugar free. Meanwhile if Pepsi HQ yeah just put more syrup in it stick a cherry in it stick a cherry on it take all the sugar out put a cherry in there's sugar out put cherry in make it blue make it blue make it blue. Make it blue. I'm the king of Pepsi put it in the sugar in. Yeah you're a Pepsi maker. Do you work for Pepsi? Yeah I it blue. I'm the king of Pepsi. Yeah, you're a Pepsi maker.

Starting point is 00:18:26 Do you work for Pepsi? Yeah, I work for Pepsi. I'm the king of Pepsi. You're the king of Pepsi. I make the Pepsi. You're making the Pepsi? They bring me in and say, go and sit down and make Pepsi. Is this your office? Yeah, this is the office here. Can I leave the office?

Starting point is 00:18:42 Why have you brought me here? Just to show you my process! I made this drink! Where's the process? It doesn't look like a lab. I took out the sugar of the Pepsi, put more syrup in, put more blue, made all zesty citrus, and you know what it is? I just said make it century! Okay, can I go now? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo drink to taste. I'm king of Pepsi. I'm the king of Pepsi. Hello. I mean we were going to have a normal conversation but you went off on one. Me. See I'm generous. I'm not saying this is a block. Me. Me.

Starting point is 00:19:12 Please draw that character. You're going to drink my Pepsi now. Yes I will. Please you go in the other room or something. No I have to watch her. No please go! He's going to go sit in the corner. King of Pepsi, fine, we'll let you know. Oh, sorry, I made this weird for you. Yes. I just did me, so I just get very excited about my job making Pepsi. Yeah, what you do, you put the stuff in.

Starting point is 00:19:34 And then the blue out, put pink in. Put what in? And make a pink flavoured Pepsi. What else do you put in it? Purple pink flavoured Pepsi, because I make Pepsi bibbles, and I make pickle Pepsi. Stop. I make pickle Pepsi. What about pickle Pepsi for you? Shut up. What about, no, pink and purple pickle Pepsi. Stop putting- I make pickle Pepsi. What about pickle Pepsi for you?

Starting point is 00:19:45 Shut up. What about- no. You said you'd sit over there. Sit over there! Blub blub blub blub blub. Blub blub blub indeed. Paul, you should be ashamed. No, no, stop making that noise!

Starting point is 00:19:53 This has been about five minutes. Don't woof. What do you mean woof? He's kind of gone to bed. He's gone to bed. Honestly, he tied himself up. I bet he did. He's intense.

Starting point is 00:20:01 I did not like him. I did not like him. I did not like him. I did not like him. I did not like him. I did not like him What do you mean woof? He's gone to bed. He's gone to bed. He's constantly, he tied himself out. I bet he did. He's intense.

Starting point is 00:20:09 I did not like him. He is the king of Pepsi though. He is the king of Pepsi. Basically, they are in a constant sort of marketing battle and Coke has had all of that stuff, those special edition ones. It's what we like to call the flavour wars. And they also had, of course, Spiced, which I brought a lot back from the States. Which did nothing for us. Very underwhelming. Underwhelming. Now I did catch a review of this last night actually on YouTube, a very

Starting point is 00:20:34 small view account channel, just one of these random review ones and he actually really liked it. Okay. So. Is that what's the sniff like? Where's my glass? Very fresh. Right, where's my glass? It's almost like cologne. It's very... Cologne? Yeah, it's almost like aftershave. Oh, okay. Blue, you know, like those cool blue sort of flavours.

Starting point is 00:20:54 Yeah, there was a guy on the buss that was coming down who was just spraying himself with links. Yeah, it's out of order. Cunt. Give that a whiff. You know what I mean? I know what you mean, but to me that's... Again, it goes back to the predictable thing I always say, where it's kind of surface cleaner-esque.

Starting point is 00:21:08 Very much so, yes. But not unpleasant to be fair, it's just got that element of like, it smells like radox. Yes, it does, it does. That's what I'm getting at. You know what I'm getting at? It smells like radox. Like a fruity radox. Very well done. Hello, I'm fruity radox.

Starting point is 00:21:24 That's it, bye. But that's it, that artificiality, which I'm calling sort of like perfume almost, is what you're calling the sort of the cleaning fluid sort of note. Well, let's just suck it and find... Nice, quite a nice, sorry, quite a nice full fruit. Sorry, mate, quite a nice full fruit, that's all I was going to say. Let's sample this now. All right, that tastes like Pepsi Max cherry. That doesn't taste like Pepsi Max cherry to me.

Starting point is 00:21:45 That tastes like almost nothing. It just tastes like a kind of sugar syrup with that fake sugar aftertaste. Yeah, completely drops off, doesn't it? The flavor, empty, empty sweetness, a really empty sweetness. It's got a really watery upfront flavor, which is just nothing. Yeah. You know, I complain about syrupy Pepsi. There is that in this, but it feels so kind of watered and weak.

Starting point is 00:22:07 I don't like this. It's not unpleasant. No depth of flavor. It's not like an unpleasant drink, but at the same time, there's nothing to it. Very weak. Very weak. It doesn't even have a cola profile. No, it's like Pepsi Max without the cola taken out, sort of, you know, and just an

Starting point is 00:22:21 emptiness in its place. It tastes. A ghost of flavor. There is an eggy moment, not an eggy moment. an emptiness in its place. It tastes... A ghost of flavour. There is an eggy moment, not an eggy moment. Yes, almost sulphurous. It's that acid, they're trying to put that sort of... I know exactly what you mean. It's a sulphur sort of...

Starting point is 00:22:33 A boggy swampy note. Yeah, a sort of sulphury sort of... Yeah. Well, luckily I've got... It's empty sugar with sulph... I've got good old Lucasade, I have to wash that. Nice, I've got the Lucasade original. Nah, just, yeah, just good old original, like, Lukey.

Starting point is 00:22:44 Well, can I have a little bit of that, please, got Luca Day's original. Nah, just, yeah, just good old original, like, Luki. Well can I have a little bit of that please, could you pour me a little bit of that? Okay, I'm gonna give that out of five, two, inoffensive, but fucking, I don't know. Was it as bad as the Coke Spiced? Or better? Yes, it was worse than that. It was worse than the Coke Spiced. Because the Coke Spiced wasn't great, but it wasn't also kind of flavourless, if that

Starting point is 00:23:01 makes sense. There was something to that, it didn't really successfully be a Spiced cola but it was a nice cola, it was a fine cola. This is just kind of a transparently nothingness kind of sweet flavour. It completely disappears within micro seconds. Oh didn't you like it then, didn't you like my Pepsi at all? Have I made that Pepsi just for you? You should hang your head in shame. What? Oh, what do I do? You've made all. Despite putting in all lots of sugar, putting in more syrup, putting in more... What else did you put in? What else did you do? Despite all of that, despite all that you did, you didn't make a good Pepsi, you can't be king of Pepsi anymore. You can, yes. I think Michael Jackson was the Prince of Pepsi, I can't be king of Pepsi, I can be prince of Pepsi, can I?

Starting point is 00:23:46 I think Michael Jackson was the prince of Pepsi, wasn't he? No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no He's changing! What's he doing? He's like broken down into a weird gelatinous form. Yes. Did you get a mop or something? Paul, is this your thing? Did you get this sweep this under the rug? Just, you know, I'll tell you what. There's a little plug in the bottom of the podcast. You can just pull the plug and it will go down. Okay, I'll pull it out now. Oh, it's all swirling.

Starting point is 00:24:26 It's all swirling, it's going down. Cheap show, ladies and gentlemen. You will never see that character again. No, you won't. You can't even remember their name. Who was he? Now! No, that's it. Now! That's it, we're done, fuck off!

Starting point is 00:24:46 It is the Chowdy Shop, did a little showcase, it's the warm place where you can show your stuff, come and come and come, come on and come to the Chowdy Shop, ooo showcase! Check it out! Showcase Check it out! I'm Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim Avarotti I'm looking Jimmy in Avarotti Jim Charmy I've got a Jim Charmy army

Starting point is 00:25:14 And I've got Avarotti Avar-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A little showcase. It's the one place where you can show your stuff. Yes, that's right. It's time for Charity Shop Showcase. Showcase. And I got a wonderful bargain the other day, I think. Now, the item I'm about to pull out isn't the most amazing thing ever, but for the price and the fact that it works, I'm genuinely quite impressed and I want to use it in something. Now he's already, you can hear from his pleading, pathetic tone, trying to get me, because he knows I'll be the arbiter. I will bring back Pepe the Pepsi King if you're not careful.

Starting point is 00:25:53 He's not called Pepe. He is, he's called Pepe. He didn't say that. He was. He didn't say that. I did. I'm King of Pepsi! He's King of Pepsi.

Starting point is 00:26:04 Pepe the King of Pepsi! I'm the king of Pepsi! Alright. Let's start the episode again. From the top, yes can we? The reason that you're trying to be so salesman-y about this thing already and say it was a good bargain is because we have to explain... Can you stop? Just finished off that Pepsi because I don't want to waste it.

Starting point is 00:26:26 The rules doesn't want to waste his leukazade. Can you stop distracting me when I'm trying to do this? I'm not distracting you. I'm just letting you ramble like you like to because you love the sound of your own voice. Charity Shop. And when you Peter out, that's when I step in and do the content. I want my Peter out. You haven't.

Starting point is 00:26:40 You smell it. I've got my Paul out. Pull out your Paul. Fly away Peter. Okay. Because in Charity Shop Showcase, an item is presented and it has a fate. Either it goes to the showcase, in which case it's a charity shop showcase, or binary opposite, it has no place. It has nothing.

Starting point is 00:27:01 It has no place in this world. In the bin to you my friend. It has no place in this world. It has no place in this world, doesn't it? It knows nothing of existence. It has no place. It has no place. Just gotta wait for Peter to turn up and then I can step in. Peter, pull my porky Peter! See, he's off. I'm just gonna do a separate podcast from now on

Starting point is 00:27:21 and cut Eli's ramblings into it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Shall I get my charity shop showcase item out? And then I will judge harshly whether it is the showcase indeed or whether you fraudulently Shut up you tedious cunt! fraudulently brought me a no place item. He's handed me a box. Am I liking it already?

Starting point is 00:27:40 Thank you. It's an LED projector everybody. The most cost efficient resolution LED, high resolution LED projector. It's a two tone item it looks from the box. Half yellow and half white. Looks similar to a sort of Polaroid beveled edge sort of design. It has got a kind of Polaroid camera look to it. I mean again like Ev, like always, if you go to our website thecheapshow.co.uk you can

Starting point is 00:28:02 see pictures that accompany this episode on its own dedicated page. We often deal with items in the very cheap end of the range on this show. Yeah, now. Like Charity Shop Showcase, you're allowed to go a bit higher. Yes. A bit higher and then it might get into the showcase. So these things are about 50 quid aren't they? Depending.

Starting point is 00:28:20 I can't remember what exactly this model is because it looks a bit generic, but it goes between 30 odd and 50 odd I will say this if you're paying 50 odd for this. It's probably too much, right? Because Although it works and it's all fine and dandy. I don't think the resolution is all that great It's a very pixely thing when you have on a wall really, but I think we can test it now if you want I would love to so I've opened the box We can see the model that we actually have here Paul is not the same as the one on the box which was yellow and white this is actually black and white yeah monochrome

Starting point is 00:28:51 yeah I like this better I like the black and white better than the yellow and white it's got a nice look to it. I believe this version of it charges but I've not been able to charge it for long enough to see if that works yet. Yeah it's micro USB you can see it there. No that's not how you charge it for long enough to see if that works. Yeah, it's micro USB, you can see it there. No, that's not how you charge it. That's just for... Images. Cards and images and stuff. Oh really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:07 Yeah. So where's it charged? There's a DC thing. Yeah. Now it didn't come with it, but I managed to figure out a cable that would work. So it does work. I just didn't come with it. But you've put batteries in, is that right?

Starting point is 00:29:17 No, it doesn't have batteries in. I'm not 100% sure this is the version that charges. It says if it's got a little tab on the side, which this does, it charges so you can take it portably. However it says if it's got a little tab on the side, which this does it Charges so you can take it portably. However, I've charged it for a little bit It didn't seem to store a hold so I don't know when we do this demonstration now You're gonna get the charge through the USB. Yeah, I've got a little thing in there if you yes the wire To me and I'll we've got a remote control. Yeah a charging cable and two little batteries What are they for for the remote control. You need to put those in?

Starting point is 00:29:46 Yeah, because when I got that, someone had left the fucking batteries in it and they'd swollen and exploded. So I spent an hour. I spent an hour cleaning it out with the, you know, special Isopropyl alcohol. Yeah, I used that and got it all clean. So give me a minute. I'm going to try and wire it up to your TV and plug it in. So I've got this charger there and HMDMI. Oh no, let's see the projector. No I will but I've got to plug it into the TV to get a signal from it to send out to somewhere. Oh. You see what I mean? I've got a sense. You can't use your phone. No because I don't have a connection for it. Anyway, let's just take a quick pause as I set this up and see if it works, yeah? Okay.

Starting point is 00:30:21 Didn't fucking work. Did it? No, that was a... It was a shame because last night I tested it because I wanted to test it before I brought it over to make sure I had ammunition in my arsenal, right? And it worked fine. I plugged it into my laptop, got it on, came on. Nice. You know, not great image, but did the job for a very, very cheap thing.

Starting point is 00:30:39 Yeah, we just tried it now and no dice. It wasn't doing it at all, which is annoying as fuck. Now, Paul, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's not going in, I know. It's got no place. No, no, no, I'm going to be fair with you. We need to increase the binary to a triumvirate ivory. Triumvirate ivory, yeah, I'm fine with that.

Starting point is 00:31:01 There needs to be a third notch. Okay. So it might be a showcase. It might have no place. I haven't been given enough information today to come down and judge. So I'm inventing a third category. Go on. Showcase limbo.

Starting point is 00:31:15 Boooo. To be confirmed. What about, you've got space. How about space? We work space into the word space, like the Never Space. The in-between space. The Never Space. The liminal space. It's in a liminal space. It's in the word space like the the the never space the never space the liminal

Starting point is 00:31:25 space it's in a liminal space it's in the liminal showcase space everybody and that's where it must reside until Eli sees for himself that this does work and how much did you pay for it it was five pound that's good five that's nudging it towards the showcase tenor i would have been pissed off anything higher than a tenor would have been pissed off with that but fiverr i was like i can give this a go for a Fiverr. It was working perfectly. Yeah, it really was when I was at home. Is it defined or is it a bit sort of...

Starting point is 00:31:51 It does the job for the price point. It's not fuzzy. It's sharp. It's just very pixelated. So, for instance, if you bring up text, like if you use it to look at a web screen, like I did on my laptop when I plugged it in, it was just... you couldn't read it. It was just nonsense.

Starting point is 00:32:05 But if you watched a moving image, you wouldn't probably notice it that much. It's got no real use though, does it? It's good. I mean, what would you want it for? In the advertising, it says take it camping with you and blah, blah, blah. Or when you're tent or in the garden or something. I'm not sure the garden will work, but home thing, you know, have it at your desk. So it's more to sort of project something in the background than actually watch films or TV on.

Starting point is 00:32:28 Yeah, it's not like it wouldn't replace your high-def television as your viewing experience. But you could put some ambient, like, you know, 10,000 hours of a log fire or whatever. Yeah, perfect for that. Or a train. Or maybe it's Halloween and you want to decorate your room a little bit by projecting a ghost going woo on it. Yeah something like that. I mean it's nudging place, showcase place for me. It must remain in the liminal space. It's coming back knocking my back door. I know.

Starting point is 00:32:54 It's knocking. It's pressing with some urgency isn't it? Yeah it is. It's putting its shoulder into it isn't it? I'm out here, I'm out here waiting for you. Right they are leading to it. I'm coming in. I'm out here waiting for you. Right, they are leading to it.

Starting point is 00:33:06 I'm coming in. Oh no, that's it. will reside until next time you demonstrate to me you it's down to you you're coming around aren't you on on wednesday the burden of proof is on you right well i'll tell you what show me the showcase you're coming over to mine on wednesday i'll show you it in action then and if it works we record a little tiny bit to throw in here right here right now it is now wednesday uh what day is it? The 31st of July, Anno Domini 2024. That's right Paul, and here I am.

Starting point is 00:33:52 And here you are, and we are in my living room with the projector on. Now, fortunately it's too bright in here so I can't really show it in full work in order, but I'm going to press play on this video which is our title card that we use for some videos. Right. And I'm going to hold it up and you can see it there ish and the sound coming out all right it well well and then you can make a decision if it's got no place or showcase oh come on mate. Right here we go. Shut up. It better. You can start with the violence.

Starting point is 00:34:30 Don't start with the violence. It's my decision whether this is a place or no place or no showcase. Okay here we go. Here we go. Shut up. Press in play. Here we go. Let's see it then. Is it coming out?

Starting point is 00:34:50 It was coming out through there a minute ago. Why is it not working now? I'm sorry. Hang on. I'm sorry. It was literally just working before you came in. This is the second time Paul wait It is in right? I'm I'm a generous man. It's gone to another setting changing

Starting point is 00:35:13 May it works it works it literally just fucking work Right I'm gonna do it again. I'm gone Pulling it out Putting it in right that looks look look look. There's the opening credit video. I think going pulling it out. What are you doing with the putting it in? Right. Look, look, look, there's the opening credit video. I think it's just jammed. Well, it's not working then. I want to see a moving image, please pull. Yes, that is the map of Britain. Right. But that's the opening credits to our video. Hold it up. Here we go. That's not what's playing on the screen now. I'm going is no, it's frozen. It's frozen. Turn it off and on again. Where's

Starting point is 00:35:46 the control? But look, it's still, it was still... It does not work. As such, it doesn't work and as such, Paul, I'm a generous man, but I'm a man of my word and I'm a man of integrity when it comes to judging whether something is a charity shop showcase or whether in fact it's jammed it's broken so the first time you tried it did not work the second time you tried to demonstrate it to me just to be clear it didn't work and then it broke so remember when I when I set it up at your place and you could see the opening title thing with the menus and stuff that proved it mmm but Paul let's just nip this in the bud and I'm sorry but your art art LII mini projector has no place look you can see

Starting point is 00:36:36 the map still that's gonna be there for all time that image it won't turn off you won't turn it off now here we go. One last go. You watch. Come on baby. Work for Gannon. He wants to get you in the showcase. Come on. In the showcase. On. Here we go. Bear with. It's coming on. Little blinky light. Come on baby. To say Tyson. Come on baby. You've got to do this for me. It's come on. You've got to do this for me. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's on a blue screen. Oh. Blue screen oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, What happened there? It's no place is it? What happened there? Why did that happen? Because we nudged it a little bit Oh no I can see it's there

Starting point is 00:37:30 But it's not projecting it, I can see the image look Oh yeah but it's not very strong I mean as I say it's a very bright day Look mate, no place It has no place, it's a terrible thing Anyway back to the show Bye everyone Anyway, back to the show. Bye everyone.

Starting point is 00:37:42 Bye everyone. Well, I don't know how that turned out, but I'm hoping for the best. Cool. Oh, it's the fucking buss-a-shot. It's the fucking buss-a-shot. It's the fucking buss-a-shot. Oh, it's the fucking buss oh it's the fucking bullshit And that's right

Starting point is 00:38:09 That's right, so it's our price guessing game here on Cheap Show everybody And we have, as is our want, as is our whim, as is the warp and weft of our lives Intertwining, we've been sent a bespoke price of shites Someone, a dear someone, a dear listener, has sent in this price of the shites, and we are not going to have a crisis this week when we play the Price is the Shites port. Yes, because it has been sent to us, we can play it together

Starting point is 00:38:36 because I do not know what the items are. Oh, it's a versus! Yes, it's a crisis versus prices, shites. Right, it's all of that. So I don't know what the items are, I don't know how many there are, I don't know who it's from yet because I haven't looked at the envelope. And we don't know what form of the game we'll be playing because over the years there's been lots of variants, lots of mutant forms of the game, different ways of playing, but one thing has stayed the same. It's the betwings. It's the betwings, Paul. In this game, points are betwings.

Starting point is 00:39:01 There are bedrock. We'll be fighting each other for betwings and they're the most precious the ones we take from each other oh there's two little envelopes with gift for Paul and gift for... oh that's... oh just gift for Paul a gift oh I already opened it, it was a pin, it was a nice one, I put it on my board I'll get a present there's the price of shite answers

Starting point is 00:39:17 oh there they are, they're nice and sealed now we don't have... should we put it... give it to Mickey to look after this week oh we could have dog ornament dognament dog ornament alright have dog ornament. Dog-nement. Dog ornament. Alright. Have dog ornament. Woof woof.

Starting point is 00:39:29 Arrrr. The cheap dog ornament that we were saying that was weirdly identical to one that I'd bought that was better. I'll look after your point. Thank you very much dog ornament. Alright, he's on there. He's sitting there, he's nice, he's holding it down. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:40 Lots of weight so no wind can slip it through and throw it into our eyes and we go, ah. It's a very hot day today here in London. We've got the windows open. And we've got the windows open so there would be a slight danger of it being flying around. Look at this card. Look at this card. Oh it's got Ecto-1 on it. It's a nice card this.

Starting point is 00:39:57 Lovely. Oh let's have a look, let's have a look. To Paul and Eli, my husband and I have put together some items for a price of shite. There are six items, all of them from charity shops. We spent no more than eight pounds. That's the roof. We have a ceiling, ladies and gentlemen. That's the roof.

Starting point is 00:40:11 Ceiling. The answers are on the envelope so that you can play together. In the box, you will also find a few gifts for you both. I did win on eBay a present for Eli, a handheld Tomy R game. Oh, you got one of those? Yeah, but it hasn't arrived yet and if it does I'll send it separately. Thank you. Amazing. I do want one of those. And finally we hope you enjoy playing The Price of Shite with our items. I love Cheap Show and Eli's Noodle Pimping.

Starting point is 00:40:33 And that's from Kirstie and Brim. PS didn't write on the card so Paul can keep it. Yeah, very wise. Oh that's lovely. It's a lovely card. Thank you very much Kirstie and Brim. Brin. Brin. Brin. It's innn Brynn isn't it? It's Brynn isn't it? Yes. Alright. Thank you very much. And let's get it. These are the items. Oh you've got the items now. These are all for Eli I think. So before we get into the game Eli can open these gifts for him. These are gifts. These are for you. This is a mug. Oh I know what they are. A gift for me as they know I like confectionery mugs. Yeah you do like confectionery mugs. I wonder what confectionery this will have on it.

Starting point is 00:41:06 It looks like a Cadbury's one. I've got to undo my belt. Why? Did you have a big dinner? I'm just digging into my fat tummy. I'm a fat man. Cadbury's Dairy Milk. Oh, that's a nice one. Tastes very 80s this.

Starting point is 00:41:17 That's a very 80s mug. Very 80s, quite nice. It's got a lot of cup of teas in that, you can tell. Do you know how you can tell? The scuffing of the bottom with the spoon. It's quite scuffed. But still, perfectly good mug. Oh, it's got chocolatey fingerprints that's what the yeah design is yeah it's nice if someone's

Starting point is 00:41:38 next mug hey it's present time for Eli oh samefff, f*** it out. Oh, same message on this one. I know you like confectionery mugs, so it's another confectionery mug. I think this is a mini egg. I can tell from the colour. I think it's a mini egg from the colour, yeah, I agree. It is mini eggs. There you go. You can't go wrong with mini eggs. Oh, that's quite nice and colourful. It is, isn't it? Mini eggs.

Starting point is 00:41:56 Mini eggs mug. When Mr Caprice Parrot says hello. Rawr! How's the advert based on this one? Are these more toys for me? By Bonzo, yeah. You know what they are. I know these are more ones for you. Not Price of Shite it says. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Ah! What? I've hurt my... What, just opening some bubble wrap? Yeah, no, I've got some kind of thing in my wrist. Oh, aye? I wonder how you've... My left wrist, no, shut up, it's not funny.

Starting point is 00:42:18 I wonder how you've ever damaged that? It's like arthritis or something. Yeah? Yeah. From constant aggressive movement of bone upon gristle. Oh this is one of those little toys. I've got the full set of these so I've got doubles. There's two more here. I've got the full set of these. These are called mind twisters. Oh my god I've got more of them now. Oh. I haven't got that one though. You haven't got that one though has he?

Starting point is 00:42:38 These are cool. I like these. These are what they're called? Mind twisters. I don't know. I've got a full box Paul. The little plastic cube see-through with a ball and ball-based cobble. Ball bearings and plastic shapes and you have to do things. Like here, this has got red rings and an equivalent amount of ball bearings and I think I have to get it so I get all the rings inside, the balls inside the rings. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. I'm ready to play the Price of Chai. Hand me the, shall I be note taker and point scorer? Here comes the note taker. Hand me the book and the pen please. Right he's got the notes. Let the games begin.

Starting point is 00:43:20 Chadwick. Mind teaser games. That's what they're called. I just checked the box. Thank you for the update, Mr. Silverman. Right. Because I got a full set of 12 and actually just one last thing on this. Oh, you tedious guy. One of these is not included in the 12 that I've got in my box. So you've got a new Chadwick.

Starting point is 00:43:35 You've got a Brucey bonus. Thanks guys for the new Chadwick. You know what? When you've been... Yeah, that's what happens. Yeah, I know what happens. You just showed me your wrist, didn't you? No, you know what happens when you masturbate too much. What? You get a dose of the Chadwick. You get a chapped dick.

Starting point is 00:43:52 You get a chapped dick, Paul. Yeah, no, I got it. Not Chadwick. You get a chapped dick. You get a... Do you want to just play the game or do you want to just... Oh, you know what? No. We've got one more thing to do. Oh, we do? Scoring. I'm going to do this because you'll fucking blather on.

Starting point is 00:44:08 Shut up. You're taking the scores, but here's what happens. Everything's priced. We know the ceiling is £8, so we have to guess the prices of each item. Now if we're bang on the money, spot on, we will get two betwings. They're our points. We love them. Two betwings.

Starting point is 00:44:22 However, not everyone can be that accurate. So if you're 25p above or below the actual price, hey, you're going to get one betwing. That ain't so bad. You're going home with a betwing. Six items. So a perfect score here would be 12 betwings. I'm guessing so. So I think this is the first one because it fell out. Paul, can I ask you one thing just before we embark? You can ask me one thing.

Starting point is 00:44:44 Are you sure that we're going by the original rules? There was no mention in the letter. No, there's nothing. I read the whole letter out. Paul, can I ask you one thing just before we embark? You can ask me one thing. Are you sure that we're going by the original rules? There was no mention in the letter. No, there's nothing. I read the whole letter out. I didn't hear anything about different rules. Because you weren't listening to me and there were no different rules. I read out everything on it. They simply said, charity shop, near them, eight quid ceiling. Fine, ready to go. Understood. Item number one. This, what is it? It is a ornament. Yes. It's an ornament. I was checking on the back for a fridge magnet thing because it could be a fridge magnet. I thought it would have been a fridge magnet. No, but you can tell it's an ornament because it has some kind of indentation there where you're meant to put a... I don't know what you went

Starting point is 00:45:14 to fucking do with it. It is Tutankhamun or a Egyptian pharaoh or prince of that ilk. The sarcophagus. The sarcophagus. It's one sarcophagus, two sarcophagus. No, it'd be sarcophakai, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. Two sarcophagi come to town, hey-dee-day-dee-do. Three sarcophagus come to town in a hey-noney-noney and a wiggle-eye-wo. Not a bad paint job. It's in navy and golden red. It looks like... With the stripes on the headset. On the headd Mmm. It looks like gift shop shit. It does. That's our first item, Paul. Now, would you be guessing

Starting point is 00:45:51 first on our first item? Because you always shit the fucking bed when I decide, oh, I'll go second and then you cry for five minutes about this fake timeline in your head. This is no time to bring up old grievances, old pal. Fuck off with that. Right. Okay. So there are six items. I'm going to say this one is 75p. That's what I'm going for right now. I will not yet be playing the Quid's Gambit. The Quid's Gambit. Now, the Quid's Gambit. The Quid's Gambit. Very good. Now we should explain that because over the years, it is my thesis Paul that the most common price of any item, if you're just going to pick any typical item across all of these games of Price of Shite that we've won.

Starting point is 00:46:33 What's so funny? I was thinking of the phrase my meters thesis. My meters thesis. Yeah, my meters thesis. My meters thesis. It's really quite hard to say as well. Issues for the meters thesis. It's really quite hard to say as well. Issues for the Meters thesis. I'm just sitting there trying to think of what the tip of a dick's called. Meters thesis. I've got opinions. I've got thoughts on it.

Starting point is 00:46:55 Forthcoming with his Meters thesis. I'm Professor Chadwick with my Meters thesis. Yeah. I've got a chap dick. That's the thesis. Now, sarcophagi. Yeah, I would if he paid me. Oh my god. Bang on. My god, that's really good, Paul.

Starting point is 00:47:22 Did you not have heard that before? I don't know, it just came out my mouth. Suck off a guy! Suck off a guy! Oh my god, that may be the best joke you've ever done! I don't know, I've never heard it. That might be the most legit best pun you've ever done. I'm not saying I've... It's not been done, I'm just saying I've not heard it.

Starting point is 00:47:41 You could do it in a set where if you do Toot and calm and you do that one And then suck off the guy Mate that's brilliant stuff right what's your price? I think we should just stop the episode. Maybe I Peaked I'm all messed up about that The sock off the gate! Oh dear! Oh man! We do have fun! Oh right! Okay, go on! No, no, calm down!

Starting point is 00:48:10 How much did you say? What did you say? 75 pence for the sock off the gate! Okay, okay! That's cheap mate! Are you addicted to crack or something? Yeah, maybe! 0.75

Starting point is 00:48:23 Yeah! I think I'm gonna play the quids gambit then! Oh, he playing the quids gambit. Yeah, right. I'm gonna guess a quid. I'll be guessing on the second round. What else is in here? It's like in a brown paper bag with all the bags inside. Yes, nicely wrapped. And here's the second item. It's a bit heavy this one. Do you want to hand it over? I'll do the next one, but you can explore this. I'm gonna explore this item, Paul. It's a bit heavy in the hand. It's been nicely wrapped, suggesting it's ceramic.

Starting point is 00:48:48 Yeah, maybe. Another... Oh, it's a snow globe of some sort. Oh, it's got what it's got in it. It's a Harry Potter snow globe of some sort. Oh, he's dropped the snow globe! I thought that was going to fucking smash. And that would have been all watery bits of snow and splinters of glass.

Starting point is 00:49:03 Harry Potter, more like Harry Splosher. It was badly glued into the base. It just spoke right over my punch line. Wasn't very good. Try again. Harry Splosher. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm sorry, I spoke over it. So what's in the snow globe there? What is it that tells you that's Harry Potter?

Starting point is 00:49:30 I don't see it. I think it's one of the baddies. It looks very much like a... I'd just like to say I dropped it because the glue failed on the base. It's a horrible cheap nasty thing. It's not glass is it? It's plastic that, so you're probably all right. What the fuck is that?

Starting point is 00:49:42 No, that's... Oh, it is Harry Potter. Oh yeah. It's a kind of Funko Pops-esque. Exactly what I was gonna say. Interpretation of I think Voldemort. Right fuck that. Yeah fuck that. Cheap, nasty, hate it. Oh it's come off. It's come off, it's so badly made. It is, I bet you, I bet you any money this is the kind of shit they sell at that Warner Brothers fucking gift shop crap. Utter crap. That is real shit. However, it's Harry Potter so I think people overprice it because you know whatever and

Starting point is 00:50:11 I think. No no it's me first. Oh you're giving the game away. At least my number's locked in. At least my number's locked in. Giving the game away there because I was going to go really low. You're like people pay high even in charity shops. They obviously overpay for it where it was sold originally as new but would they...

Starting point is 00:50:26 We've got an eight quid ceiling here. Yeah. I'm just trying to... Six items. Did they say where the charity shop was? Let me just read again. Yeah. No, just says from charity shops, doesn't say where they're from. Okay. So how much do you want to say?

Starting point is 00:50:39 You know, we're not always locked in. We can go back over afterwards. I'm going to say 50p. 50p. Yeah. I am going to say £1.25. Okay, £1.25, you're going a bit higher there. We are. Let's move on. We do have the option to...

Starting point is 00:50:52 Adjust. Let's move on. I cough a guy. We lie, it's good. Right, I'm going to pull out the next one. Oh, what's this? Oh, oh, look at that. They're all breaking. Explodey game.

Starting point is 00:51:10 Oh, so it's a little candle pot made of ceramic, but it's called Candle Lit Names, and this one's got Janet on it. It's another one of these gift shop items, Paul. Reveal your name by candle light, so you put like a tea light in it. Oh, it has got one. It's got a tea light coming with it.

Starting point is 00:51:23 Yeah, shall I light it? I don't know what this is. This might be off a different item. But this is just a candle. No I don't think it was off the different. Oh maybe it is. Yeah no I think it is. Oh you got a lighter there. Yeah. Damn it Janet. Yeah it's just a little Janet thing. There you go. There you go. Oh it's uh it lights up nicely. Does the job. It contains a candle. But uh you'd have to be called Janet or have someone close to you in your life called Janet anyway Janet tea candle and it's pop thing whatever it's fine it does the job it's not remarkable it's our third item Paul and we need you to guess first on this one and it's a tea light holder 80 pence ATP ATP for that oh we're gonna have to get get some more expensive items I'm holding back

Starting point is 00:52:03 I see the rest of them to Get to the 8th ceiling. But I need to guess now, and I'm gonna say £1.25 for that. Look at us with our little niji niji noos. I don't know what all this... And now we'd like item number 4 please, Paul. Alright, item number 4. Oh, I hate this shit. Go on, you have a look.

Starting point is 00:52:22 They're really horrible. What is that? It's just a load of shit. It is another ornament. This is sh hate this shit. Go on, you have a look. They're really horrible. What is that? It's just a load of shit. It is another ornament. This is shite this week. Fair play. It's not even 3D printed. It's just a resin five pointed star. It's not even a cool like devil one.

Starting point is 00:52:37 In blue plastic. Blue resin. It's more like a green that. It's a greeny blue, yeah. A greeny blue, turquoise. It is, but a dark turquoise sort of colour. Yeah. And it's translucent, transparent.

Starting point is 00:52:50 Is it solid or a bit floppy or wobbly? It's solid. And it's to hang because it's got a little green. What do you fucking do with that? Hang it on a Christmas tree. And then that's it? It's a Christmas decoration? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:00 Oh, well, okay, fine. I was just... It's not very nice. Those are all those shit ones. You're hanging a window and the light comes through. Well maybe you could do that with it as well. It's gonna end up in the sea isn't it though? It is. It's gonna end up in a whale's gullet.

Starting point is 00:53:11 Yeah, or forcing sharks to come further and land and attack us, the human race. They don't organise them. How many are there? This is four, number four. Because I'm not, I'm confused by what I'm holding in my hand so I don't know if I'm meant to pull stuff like for instance Oh, it's the back of that. Oh, it's the back of the sock off a guy sock off a guy Oh, so it's like a little box is what it is. Yeah, so you can keep I don't know pins in or pencil So that's improved it. Does it seal?

Starting point is 00:53:39 Top shit In it though think about you want to live to sit within it so it doesn't move about. No, it's a cheap item Paul. I mean, do you want to change your price now that we found the other half? No, I don't think that's going to change too much. But again, I might go over it later. That's terrible. Maybe it came from Egypt originally. But now I need me to guess the price of this ornament. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:02 And I'm going to say £2. For the resin ornament, I'm going gonna say £2 for the resin ornament I'm gonna say £2 resin star ornament. Paul and I need a price for you. I'm gonna say £1.50 because that's overpriced shit. £2 for me. How many items have we done? Four. So there's two more? Yeah. £1.50. I've pulled them both out because it just all felt weird in the bags. So I wanted to see if... Okay, well let me see one. Um, so, I think that's it. This is my favourite item so far. They pay 8 quid for all this shit. No, this is good.

Starting point is 00:54:37 I like this. I don't know what that is. I'll tell you what it is, Paul. What is it? This is a Doll's House lamp shade. You see, he's saying that. And it is to the eye. But, because it's made out of metal, it doesn't feel suitable for a Doll's House lamp shade. You see, he said that, and it is, to the eye. But, because it's made out of metal, it doesn't feel suitable for a Doll's House.

Starting point is 00:54:49 Surely it would have been like a little wooden thing with little fake fabric. Oh no, this is actually very nice. Yeah, but what is it? What's it's point? It's for a Doll's House. No, I don't believe that for a second. Yes it is. What else is it? Like a dumb piece of shit to put on a mantelpiece. Well yeah, but it could also be used in a Doll's House.

Starting point is 00:55:04 It looks like a little lamp, doesn't it? It kind of feels too big for a Doll's House though. And also, if it could also be used in a doll's house. It looks like a little lamp, doesn't it? It kind of feels too big for a doll's house, though. And also, if it was a doll's house... No, it doesn't. Think about a little... Look, it's perfect for a doll's house. I'm going to take... Shall I Google image it and then we'll see where it comes up? Yeah, go on. Go for it.

Starting point is 00:55:15 Eli's going to Google image that and see what comes up. I think he's going to get some brass fittings or something from some kind of fucking... I know, it's definitely a model lamp. This is definitely my favorite item so far. Is it? Yeah. Wow, the standard's really that low this week. It is. I know, it's definitely a model lamp. This is definitely my favourite item so far. Is it? Yeah. Wow, the standards are really that low this week.

Starting point is 00:55:28 It is, I mean come on. I mean, yeah, no. I mean, fair play to Kirsty and Bryn. This is shit. It's proper tat and that's the way we like it. I'm just surprised the window's eight quid, or the ceiling's eight quid. This to me is lucky to pull a fiver out. Antique metal...

Starting point is 00:55:41 I'm getting antique metalware. Victorian street lamp. Gothic revival. Yeah, it's a little model lamp. I'm getting antique metalware, Victorian street lamp, gothic revival, yeah, it's a little model lamp. I think perhaps you're right that it isn't for a doll's house because of the metal. I think perhaps you're right Paul. Because my nan used to have shit on her mantelpiece which was like a fake little metal cannon for no reason. Or a fake fireplace that she would put on top of her fireplace. I think it's exactly one of those. It's an ornament again.

Starting point is 00:56:06 Almost everything that we've got in this package has been ornamental. It has and I don't know how to price that. So I'm going to... It is your turn to go first. I'm now going to play the quids gambit. You're playing the quids gambit on this? Playing the quids gambit on this item. You know what we should say?

Starting point is 00:56:20 If you play the quids gambit, it means you only give that one item in the whole list, one quid. Okay, well that could limit your fucking... Yeah, we could say one ten or one twenty or... Yeah, or one five. You know what I mean? What I'm saying is because one pound's quite a dependable price... You can only play it once per game. That's the quids gambit. I'm loving this.

Starting point is 00:56:35 Thank you. This is the development of the Price of Shite. He's loving that. That's Justin Timberlake. You have to pay him. Fuck off. He can suck my big ol' choggle. Your big ol' choggle? My big ol' choggle. Well. Is it my turn to vote first?

Starting point is 00:56:47 I've lost my place in this book. Oh dear. Please bear with me. Where the fuck is it now? Just for people unaware, because I've edited this down, it's now been 25 minutes since Eli started looking for the page he lost in his book. He's flipped through that book so many times.

Starting point is 00:57:03 I would have to flip through every flipping page, mate. This is a special cheap show notebook. It keeps all of our points and put-twings in. It does. It do's. Oh no. No Christ. I'm glad this isn't a live show. Sorry everybody. How have you managed to do this? I've just misplaced it in the book.

Starting point is 00:57:20 You found it? Find it. Good. And we're back in the game. We're ready now. Right so what? I've lost track now because it was so long ago when we did the answer. Brass lamp ornament. I just don't remember, it was so long ago,

Starting point is 00:57:30 I don't remember if it was last week or this week. Come on, it's the brass lamp ornament and- And I played the quids gambit. You played the quids gambit. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna go two pound 50. Oh, that's a cheeky one, innit? Listen, mate, I've gotta play my own game. Oh, that's a

Starting point is 00:58:04 And it's got a hole in the back so I don't know if it's four. Oh, it's probably not a little pebble actually. It's probably been cast like this. So it's a little cast cement based owl. Let's have a look at that. It's not even the fucking chubby owl. It's ceramic, it's clay. Yeah. And it's hollow.

Starting point is 00:58:17 So yes, it's been, it's been mortal. It's another little piece of shitty ornament. It's a terrible little owl ornament. These are all fucking awful. These. This is just the worst thing. Woo hoo. It's the owl. He's like a sad owl. That is just a terrible little piece of crap. Yes. Owl

Starting point is 00:58:31 ornament. I mean, what have I got? So you know what? Let me give this price 50p. You're going to say 50. 50p. And I'm going to say 70p. Right. The prices are now placed down and we will now review and find out where we go next. Right, so as it stands right now, what are the scores? What are the points? What's my ceiling so far? You feeling comfy? Let's see.

Starting point is 00:58:57 And we all, so how much you've guessed so in total? What's my accumulative poundage? Accumulative guess because it's, because we did get a ceiling, which means it's no higher than. Could be a bit lower than though. Yeah, no more than eight. It's no more than eight on all six items. So you have spent, so to speak, Paul. I prefer windows. Because if you say ceiling at no more than eight quid, we'll spend then yeah, it could be five pounds. It's trickier. I think you should say it's between five and eight. Yeah, that's a window. And then it's like, oh, now we don't know where we where we're playing him. Yeah but you know it's a bit more of a personal preference. I prefer it without the ceiling. You prefer a window rather than a ceiling. Always. Because if you think about it a window has the ceiling as part of it. Yeah so two pounds eighty three pounds um five eighty. Five eighty six eighty seven eighty so I'm two pounds short on stuff. You're still £2 short and I'll tell you what I've spent. Shall I tell you? £795.

Starting point is 00:59:49 Oh, okay. So I should really move around unless you want to move your stuff around. I'm okay. I'm going to stick with what I've got. So can you tell me what my first two, three prices were? Yes. You've got the sarcophagus, which we found it's more complete than when you first looked at it. By a whole half. And I said £75. I I want to make that 125. 125 for the sarcophagus. Adding 50p to that.

Starting point is 01:00:08 Okay. And then the second item was the in terrible, terrible thing. Yeah. The worst thing. Yeah. The Funko Pop style. Harry Potter globe. Harry Potter snow globe.

Starting point is 01:00:20 And what did I say? 150? 125 you said. I'm going to move that to 175. 175. Locking that in. Yes. You want to keep going through these? Yeah quickly, quickly. Okay the Janet tealight holder you said 80p. Oh I'll keep that at 80p. The resin star ornament, remember the turquoise resin star ornament? One pound fifty. The brass light ornament. Yeah. You said one pound. Right. And lastly the owl pebble thing you said. So I'll just keep it as is. I'll keep it as is. Yeah. Okay. You've put on a few,

Starting point is 01:00:53 you've put a few pounds on. Yeah. How rude of you to say. You put a few pounds on and not wait Paul in terms of currency added to our little game. Woof woof. All right Mr. Doggy, it's time for points. Here we go. Oh the dog ornament yeah. Have we got a name for him? Wanna give him a name now? John. John. John the dog. They've been on the, that was also part of the Price of Shite from before. It was. Right I'm now going to open the Price of Shite answers and we'll get into it. It's that Pertwing time and this is where we see who has won P per twings. Yeah this is where the real sizzle comes out. Paul's been doing very well in all of the competitions. He won the shoot out the other week. I never feel confident that I'm going to win. But he has historically

Starting point is 01:01:35 got more per twings I think as well everybody. I have in my hand a piece of paper. Right so Neville per twinger lane. Well let's go in order of how we pulled them out. No no. No sarcophagi. Harry Splosh. Not bad. I'm sorry. Right so the first thing we did was what again? Was the sarcophagus. Right so that was, he says Egyptian Mummy Box. You said what? One pound, I played the quid gambit there, quid gambit. And I said, one pound 25. In that case, Eli, you get two per twings. Wow. I get one, it is one pound on the nose, the prize.

Starting point is 01:02:16 It's one pound on the nose, wow. Quite wisely plays the gambit there. Great moment for the gambit. Yeah. And I'm in the lead. Already two one. Two one. Next. And I'm in the lead. Already 2-1. 2-1. Next one then, Mr Silverman.

Starting point is 01:02:28 Is the terrible Harry Potter. Oh yeah, Harry Potter bollocks. Harry Potter Globe, how much did you say? 50p. And how much did I say? £1.75. In that case, I'm getting a Pertwing because it was £2. That is...

Starting point is 01:02:43 Is a... I told you didn't I? Didn't I say though? Didn't I say though? Didn't I say though that they would always mark that shit up? I just didn't, I fought against that. That is just awful shit. The glue's gone on the base, the glue's gone inside on the... When the models... Although I reckon I could take it all apart

Starting point is 01:02:56 and put like a cheap shit one together. Well that'd be nice, wouldn't it? I mean yeah, maybe we would, I'll do that. Okay. Put a pin in that. I think you can get like craft kits make your own snow globes Yeah, I could recycle that get rid of the shitty Harry Potter from it be making some use. Yes something wouldn't you upcycling? The next item is the least inspiring maybe yeah of all our items

Starting point is 01:03:16 But it is casting a nice yellow glow across the proceedings here in broadcast center now That is of course the Janet damn it tea light. It doesn't say damn it, it just says Janet everyone. That's how they could have sold it, like a Rocky Horror thing. Which is still going with Jason Donovan. Who gives a fuck? Right.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Jesus. You've never been the same as him. You've got the wrong key ring, mate. He never wrote back to me after all my lovely letters. You've got the wrong key ring. Yeah, maybe. You need the don't give a fuck key ring. Yeah, but you can't have a cat key ring, can you?

Starting point is 01:03:44 I like cats. Janet Candleholder, how much did you... You said 80p. Yes. And I said £1.25. Sadly, we are not getting any betwens there because it was £2.50. Fuuuuck. Which is absolutely not appropriate.

Starting point is 01:03:58 Oh dear. Next item was the lamp. No, the next item is the resin star ornament. Oh, plastic green star, yeah. How much did you say? Plastic green star, I said two pounds. And how much did I say? One pound fifty.

Starting point is 01:04:10 Oh, fifty P, nothing for either. Oh, I've got the right prices, two pounds, fifty I've given for the next one. Do you know what I mean? But they're in the wrong place. I'm playing the right tunes, just not necessarily in the right order. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:04:22 Thank you. Right, so the next item was the lamp, yeah? Brass lamp ornament. And you said? 250. And I said? One, you played the quids gambit there Paul. Oh in that case I get a two per twing thing. Amazing! The quids gambit! This is the quids gambit man! The quids gambit is so strong this time isn't it? Yeah. Wow. One pound. You've taken the lead. Have I? Thought thought it'd been even or something by now anyway no you've taken the lead you've got to watch the betweens as me it all takes down you don't know what it comes down to the last one so the last item was the owl stone owl I said what 50p and you said 70p it's a quid fuck 75 I would have have put 75, I would have got a betwing. You would have.

Starting point is 01:05:05 I should have nudged it! No, I know. I should have nudged it. I know. But there you go, that's how it all plays out. What are the final scores on this edition of the Price of Shite? Well, this time round I've got two betwings, not bad, but Paul you're out there in front yet again.

Starting point is 01:05:19 Oh dear. With four betwings. Nicely done. Well done me. Well done. Like I say, frustrating game for me because I got the exact prices. One was exactly 50p, one was exactly 250. I just didn't get them on the right object. You just didn't get them on the right object. But that's the lesson you learn when you play the price of shite. If you don't spin the wheel, you won't get the right deal. Excellent quids gambit work everybody. And you too, it paid off for us both. For both of us. Well I'm off

Starting point is 01:05:45 for a wank because I frankly won and did the suck off a guy gag so I have peaked this week. Well done. Oh this might be a highlight for Gannon's life, not only podcast career but actual life. Goodbye. Cheap Show is saying goodbye for another week, but don't worry, we'll be back next Friday. And don't forget, every fortnight now on YouTube, you can see Cheap Shots, where Eli and I do one-shot videos with all kinds of random oddness. Right now, I believe you can watch the episode where we drink the cola test. We do the cola test. We do a blind cola test. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:24 Cherry cola. Cherry sugar-free cola test. And that Dr Pepper thing as well. So you cola test. We do the cola test. We do a blind cola test. Yeah. Cherry cola, cherry sugar free cola test. And that Dr. Pepper thing as well. So you can test. Coconut creme, which is everywhere now. Yeah. They've rolled that flavour out. Madness. Terrible one. Either way, when it comes to all the other admin, look, your on-stop shop is thecheapshow.co.uk. Everything is there. Everything. Everything. Just go and have a look at the website and see what you find. Also, patreon.com. We have lovely backers on Patreon who support us week in, week out. And if you would like to join those wonderful people and get access to magazines and behind the scenes stuff and special podcasts and special episodes and early access to the Cheap Shots, you can go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Give what you can, but only if you can.

Starting point is 01:07:00 And if you can't, spread the word, retweet, social media, tell your friends, review on various podcast apps. Also, Paul. Like good pods, which we recommend at the moment. If you can't spread the word and you're a hippo, you could spread your own poo like they do in those special videos. Why are you smiling at me? That wasn't good. You came at me like that was like a great sign off.

Starting point is 01:07:21 And it's just like, no, you just. See, I was doing the swishing tail of the hippo. Like scatting or something. It spreads a muck. Muck spreading. This podcast is like a hippo spraying its muck. Anyway, thank you very much. Yes, go to the website please.

Starting point is 01:07:37 You want to see photos of all the items we've seen today. And there's been a lot. I have a radio show on internet radio, the House of Pickle sound show. Just search for that but it is on Soho radio every two weeks on a Sunday. And that's it! That was episode 395. We are five weeks away from 400, which will be a very special episode.

Starting point is 01:07:56 Yay! As long as we manage to film it and my co-host doesn't fuck off for a film shoot for something he might get instead. Listen, we can negotiate. In that case, I'll be auditioning for an Eli Silverman. We can renegotiate something. I'll cast Eli. I'll just cast an Eli in it. I'll probably get the fucking call for that casting. You won't get that job either.

Starting point is 01:08:13 Just like Charlie Chaplin. Just like Charlie Chaplin. Been a very hot day, everybody. It has been a very hot day. I did have a lot of fun just having a laugh with my friend, which is what the podcast is all about, really. And on that note, goodbye from Jeep Show till next week. Bye everyone. Thanks for listening

CheapShow - Ep 395: The Quid's Gambit

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