CheapShow - Ep 399: Rambling On (Stereo Edition)

Starting point is 00:00:00 On that day, little did they know. Little did they know their podcast was about to collapse like a house of cards. Going there and getting murdered in a weird murder room, man. That looks like the kind of building where you go in and they go, here you go, ehh, euthanised. Yeah, like where rich people pay to see the poor die. It's probably Apple, it's probably Apple, one of us, because we've been talking bad about their 30% charge. Let's give some

Starting point is 00:00:25 context hello dear Cheap Show listener it is Tuesday and we're about to head into a building in Finsbury Square called what was it AlphaBeta or AlphaBeta do you think? AlphaBeta where the studios... AlphaBeta is better than AlphaBeta because Beta is such a beta and Alpha Beta is better. I'll beat you off with my Alpha male cock. Yeah yeah anyway warm it up. I am warming it up. Anyway we're going into this building because there are the studios for London Live which is a London based sky channel isn't it? Freeview what they used to call a freeview channel isn't it? Something like that. It's basically cable yeah It's the British version of local cable right? Yeah. So to celebrate 400 a very kind friend of mine called Jerry who

Starting point is 00:01:13 deals with mostly musicians has gotten us a quick spot on this London live. I don't know who's interviewing us I don't know what we need to do. I said something you know, that's it's no She's just organized it. So it's about 10 20 in the morning right now And we're gonna go in of us. I am nervous because don't you don't shit the bed I I'm good at not shitting the bed You don't have a wind or morning and loud loud and violent and a very pungent wind Well, you're not really you don't usually get up this early. I know you said you're quite well rested.

Starting point is 00:01:49 I am. You don't get up this early. And one thing you, people who get up early in the morning understand, Paul, you get up and then about half an hour later it all starts to get going. It all starts to jostle. The old jostle and plop. The old jostle and plop. The old jostle and plop. That's what they call it.

Starting point is 00:02:06 Once the body wakes up. I mean I'm at that point, mate, where my guts are in a state of... Come on, man. ...need. Anyway, look, so we're gonna go in. That's good. And we will come out the other side and report on how it went. And then we'll have to make an episode up

Starting point is 00:02:24 because we've got no fucking plans for this week, have we? out the other side and report on how it went. And then we'll have to make an episode up because we've got no fucking plans for this week have we? No, I think we are well situated just at the edge of the city of London to do a real scenic walk of some sort. I was thinking maybe Shadwell Basin? Have we been there? Is that some Welsh guy? No? You know what? I feel like I've got hay fever but apparently the pollen's low. My face is erupting. Yeah. When we get in we'll be fine. Listen I tell you what, right here we go we're going in, best of British everyone.

Starting point is 00:02:56 Shadwell Basin? Shadwell Basin, maybe. We could go to the South Bank, what I mean is all within walking it. We could do a a John Rogers walk Nick one of his one of his yeah we could just Nick one of John Rogers. Go look at the London Stone the oldest part of London ever yeah could do there's lots of stuff we could do. Right by the city is all I'm saying. It all depends on what happens in the next half hour here. As soon as we get this nightmarish plug out of the way that we're both fearing. Yeah I I hope we don't have to be funny. Oh, that would be terrible. Tell us a joke.

Starting point is 00:03:28 My life up to this fucking point. Laugh at that. Right, we're going in. Are we? Yeah, because we have to get there for 10.30. We're here. Right, we're going in. Wish us luck.

Starting point is 00:03:38 See you on the other side. Cheap show to the number boy. Cheap show to the number boy. Right, we got kicked out for swearing. No we didn't, it all went very smoothly. I said this is run by John Osborne or whatever his name is, George Osborne. George Osborne, is it? Evening Standard in the London live is the same thing, isn't it? Oh is it?

Starting point is 00:04:14 So yeah, I don't know. Anyway, it went alright ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. By the time this episode comes out it may have been on the telly already, I don't know. No, hopefully it will come out before 400, next week sometime. Oh we don't know. You know what we don't have an episode this week. Do we have an episode for them this week? I mean I mean obviously this is it what we're doing right now but are you saying do we have a theme an idea a concept? Do you have any clue what we're gonna do for the rest of this episode? Eli let me tell you with full confidence that I have no idea what we're going to be

Starting point is 00:04:47 doing this week on the podcast. Okay, so what options do we have on the table? I'll tell you option one. Option one. Shadwell Basin. I know you've been talking about Shadwell Basin, but I looked it up mate and it's not exactly the most thrilling and I would just... We could go.

Starting point is 00:05:01 We could go down to like Norton Fulgate and Peticoat Lane, Ripper Country. Ripper, Ripper Borough. For episode 399, let's go to Ripper Country shall we? No, I'm taking you to Pret first. Oh yeah, we're going to go to Pret. Alright, well I'll tell you what, how about this boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen of all ages. The Near East End is there and that's quite sort of, we can explore bits around there. Yeah and we'll talk a little bit more about what we did in there in a minute but I just thought we'd get it underway this episode so welcome to Cheap Show. Hello it's the comedy comedy comedy

Starting point is 00:05:32 comedy podcast where Eli and I go through bog and bins charity shops. You get it. We find the fun in the frugal everyone. We do. We find the treasure amongst the trash and this week the treasure is content itself hopefully we'll find some but we don't know it is kind of a impromptu walk of our episode because well we've all we've all been tired and here's prep look they're still open right we're still gonna like we're gonna go prep right see in a bit see in a bit this segment, I want foodie nom noms. What are you gonna have? Coffee, innit, nom nuts? What do you think I'm gonna have?

Starting point is 00:06:09 That's a drink in most people's, sir. You're gonna have solid coffee. Yeah, can I have? You're gonna have solid, lumpy coffee, are ya? I would like a block of coffee, please. Right, I'm gonna get. Do you know, that's how they invented instant coffee, as a kind of coffee chewing gum

Starting point is 00:06:23 that was for fighter pilots in the Second World War. Well there you go, you did learn something from our little whimsy there. Well I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna pick some food as well I think I might get a toasty. Let's get a toasty. Oh yeah. Alright we're gonna do that. See you in a bit. Hang on, let me just wrap this up. So here we are sat on a park bench, we've been to Pret, we've bought ourselves a Sammy and a lovely cup of coffee. Well I did, you didn't get a coffee did you? I already had one earlier, so I didn't want to over caffeinate Paul because then I'd be going 100 miles per hour.

Starting point is 00:06:54 Well that was my first coffee of the day and much needed it was too. What MPH do you think you're going then? Ooh, I'm going to... 50? 50? I'm 40 right now. I'm driving, I'm getting up there to 60. Oof, oof, oof. Eli, you're over the limit.

Starting point is 00:07:05 I'm pumping. There's a child in the road, Eli, get out of the way! She's dead, she's dead, she's dead. They'll always die. So we are on a park bench in a graveyard. Bunhill Fields. Not Bunghill Fields, as I humorously mentioned. Because I like the word bung. It's got a nice ring to it bung doesn't it?

Starting point is 00:07:28 Bung is a great little phoneme to be bandying about. Oh there's goes a gate. Oh and chain sound as well. Bung. Because it comes from bunged up. Your face can be bunged up can't it? A bottle can be bunged up. Also isn't a bung when you slip some money? It's a a bung mate. Yeah yeah that's also a word for a bribe yeah. Yeah. But this is bun as in hot cross or... Hot cross, one a penny, two a penny, hot cross bung. And of course famously buns, not called buns all over the UK, some baps, batches, mard cakes. I used to call them batches growing up. And then when I moved down to London or moved out of Wirral, it was like, what the human fuck are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:08:09 What's a batch? It's like a little cob, what a cob. It's a little bun. Oh, a bun, a bread bun, right. Or a bread roll. That's how I used to say it. Bread roll. Well, this is the kind of content on Cheap Show

Starting point is 00:08:20 you can expect for episode 399. Looking where we are. He's looking where we are. Because this grave is the grave of, what was his name, Tony Bunyan or whatever. John Bunyan, author of The Pilgrim's Progress. I don't know what that is though. A famous early text. It's like a Canterbury's Tale kind of thing. I think it's similar to that, it's a fiction, early literature, fictional literature. So he's buried here and then we've got another guy.

Starting point is 00:08:44 Barnhill Fields burial and gardens, officially, but we're in the fields bit here on the edge of the but there's still some burial going on. Right around us. Look there's a gravestone behind us. The Reverend Theophilius Flinzi. Theophilus. Theophilus, Lindsay, MA. What does MA stand for? Master Action. Master of Arts. Isn't it like an MA? Have an MA. Yeah but this is when? When did he die? Oh it's all Roman numerals. VIII567858. He died in November 58. That can't be right. Age XLVXLXIIII. That's shit. Just put numbers on. Just put fucking numbers on. Fine, people used to be able to do Roman numerals I can't do them. So the other most famous the most famous person buried here in Bunhill

Starting point is 00:09:32 fields Is what's he called again? Dumas William Defoe William Defoe, that's the actor Alexander Defoe, John Defoe John Defoe Billy Bob Defoe what's he fucking William what's he called you could look it up anyway he wrote Robinson Crusoe the book about a man who gets down on an island with a friend with his friend called my man Friday and they live what happens at the

Starting point is 00:09:59 end is just get off the island or something I do not know it's extremely colonial basically basically it's extremely colonial in flavor. Basically it's like Castaway but without Tom Hanks and a ball which you know is for me a negative point. But anyway Alexander Defoe isn't it? The author of Robinson Crusoe. He's doing google words, google it. Daniel. Daniel Defoe. Robinson Crusoe is a novel by Daniel Defoe, first published on the 25th of April, 1719. 1719, oh dear. Yeah, so it's very deep history and this is right, it's basically on the outskirts of the city of London, but you've got up there, you've got lots of places around here.

Starting point is 00:10:42 You do, we are in London with lots of places. But what are we going to do for the rest of this podcast, Paul? We're just going to do a ramble. I thought you were going to get the lapel mics out. No, it makes no odds, maybe we'll just use this. Lapel mics are great, but they end up having a lot more for me to process in the editing at the end of the day to get them loud enough. Paul, I do have a tattoo on the! I've had enough of you now. ...times from the dance floor.

Starting point is 00:11:06 Do you? It's a bit of a dark one though. Nah, not in the mood. Why? Did someone say, have you got a song? It's for my dead baby. No, I just went to the loo at the end of the night and I went to the men's loo and there were loads of staff in there and the bouncer was pulling trying to open the cubicle door,

Starting point is 00:11:21 like, break it open because obviously someone had passed out in there. Okay, it's not that dark then it's not like can you please play a song for me because my baby died on this day and it's in memory of little baby Jacko they were obviously insensible not waking up the guy was literally gonna tear the cubicle door off his hinges meanwhile you're trying to have a piss next to it I didn't go in there because there were female staff members in there I just I was I held it oh and then I got on the bus home and there was some proper street business going on but there was this strange man and he asked he went sorry to be cheeky can I have your

Starting point is 00:11:58 water and I was like I had a bottle of water on my trolley I was like yeah okay and then was he a man of no fixed abode shall we say look like or just a piss head who would have gone angry if he said no it was a strange sort of androgynous man who had obviously had some kind of lip filler so the lips were like they were plump you know like that kind of look that androgynous sort of yeah but with um some kind of cosmetic stuff going on like that dude dude who was in Dead or Alive. Yes, very much a sort of blitzkid, new romantic kind of vibe going on.

Starting point is 00:12:32 But there was all sorts, they couldn't get on the bus. I got on and then these people tried to get on and they just got into a mad shouting match with the bus driver. It always bums my vibe out when there's an argument on a bus and you just wanna go home and the bus isn't moving because someone's going driver driver. No I've seen it all. We've seen it all. I mean I've said it before I saw someone drop a hot brown cake on a chair.

Starting point is 00:12:59 I mean I've never seen that. That happens apparently in New York when you get the subway all the time you see the subway train come in and you see that there's a car with no one in but all the cars around it are full of people. Don't get on that car because someone has shat on that car. Or vomited or pissed. I mean vomit you do get in London. People sometimes puke on the train. Sure but you don't see full fecal treatment that often do you? No. Especially intentional like because he pulled his pants down he did a squat and he dropped a deuce on a chair. You shouldn't do that. No and then he just got off. You know. And then you have to tell the driver I'm sorry you might have to drop this whole route. No the train gets totally pulled anything like that happens yeah the bus

Starting point is 00:13:41 gets pulled. I was on a bus the other day's someone had left like a glass wine bottle on the top deck and just as I was walking up the stairs it came past me rolled past me and I couldn't get it in time it's smashed on the stairs they took that bus out of service next stop you know and all because some dickhead can't carry their trash with them away don't even get me started it's a glass bottle just don't put that don't get me started what does it take you take it off the don't put that on the bus. Don't get me started. What does it take? You can take it off the bus and put it on the street. It's laziness and it's also just selfishness.

Starting point is 00:14:12 It's not being societally emotionally aware. You know what I mean? It boils my piss, Paul. Are we turning into grumpy old men? Yeah, but I've been like this since about the age of 23. I've always been a miserable humanity hating prick who tries to see the best in things but I'm done with that now.

Starting point is 00:14:33 I'm done with looking for the best of things in people. I just hope the person in the toilet is okay. Well it could have been someone who was doing nasty drugs and they were hiding in there for some reason. It was Sunday night so I think the sound guy did say to me, it's a bit of a festival crowd in that they'd been drinking all day and they're all pretty far gone in one way or another. I was heading into work on Sunday, obviously you know big swathes of crowds from Notting Hill Carnival coming on the tube. There was one guy bald about my height, obviously pissed off his brain, but he had like you know booze sweats and seriously he wasn't doing anything but he looked threatening. He was just staring across the platform to the other side of the station, sweating profusely, dead-eyed and just going, you know, like this big puffs through his mouth.

Starting point is 00:15:25 Yeah, that's not. Like that. Yeah, you think he was drunk. You can smell him from there. But I get the impression if you bumped into him or said, excuse me, that would have been just what he needed to kick off. Oh, he looked like he was ready to kick off. So like everyone was taking the widest berth around them.

Starting point is 00:15:41 Because you know, you see a man in a Hawaiian shirt. Was he in a Hawaiian shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm going to have to stop wearing them, you know. see a man in a Hawaiian shirt yeah yeah yeah I think I'm gonna have to stop wearing them you know this is our thing. The Moogaloo boys in America who are fascists their thing was Hawaiian shirts you know that and also there's a lot of people on the left who say you shouldn't because it's like cultural appropriation because they're Hawaiian I just like. So I'll tell you what I'll go back to being my fucking boring middle-class plaid shirt fucking get up with all the other 40 year old men in media.

Starting point is 00:16:05 You fucking have nothing. Why are we allowed to wear plaid shirts then? I don't like plaid. I don't like it. And then I looked in my cupboard one day and saw that I had almost nothing. But plaid, yeah you've gone off plaid. You've moved towards Hawaiian, or loud.

Starting point is 00:16:18 Or loud or colors, just in general colors. I know, it seems a shame that you're not allowed to just wear something that just makes you feel a bit brighter, you know what I mean? I mean no one is stopping you. Look we're wearing our shirts today. It's like he was in a you know all of these problematic people in in Hawaiians. Yeah but that hasn't stopped people but shopping at Moss Bros or whatever it is. What was the name? They did actually no they did these like they did dye the costumes for slaves.

Starting point is 00:16:43 Oh no you're think of Hugo Boss But the Moss Bross are a big suits manufacturer in the States. I heard a dollop about it and they literally They were yeah, no, they they were making clothing Supplying clothing for the slavery trade making slave clothes Basically slave chic clothing or like just super basic super minimal clothing. They had all these contracts with Confederate basically slave owners. I was never going that long. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:12 I didn't know they were...Moss Bross had been going since the Confederacy. Yeah, yeah. So there you go you have learnt something. Because Moss Bross is like a byword for like a Wall Street... that's what they wear, the Moss Bross suit. It's like a shorthand for like a certain type type of or if you want a cheap suit for a wedding I seem to remember just moss bros suit just moss bros your wedding yeah moss bros your wedding I wouldn't moss bros I'll I'll I'll

Starting point is 00:17:34 froth bros forget it that's all that's the Ganon and E like clothing line froth bros malarkey can we have malarkey there? Yeah, froth, froth, malarkey line of clothes. We do Hawaiian shirts. Oh, it would be great if we had a Cheap Show Hawaiian. We could as well. We've got enough and not iconography to design like a Cheap Show Hawaiian style shirt. Pickles, Winky design. Tony sort of pickle, cartoony.

Starting point is 00:18:01 Yeah. Oh, he's going to sneeze. Right, hang on. What are we going to do? I don't know. This is Oh, he's going to sneeze. Right, hang on. What are we going to do? I don't know. This is the point. We're just rambling.

Starting point is 00:18:08 This is a literal, maybe just, I tell you what, let's just make this a ramble episode. We're both rambling and rambling. So we walk across the- Yeah. Stop sneezing and go away from me. Every time you sneeze, it's like a wet fireworks night. It's just spray in the air.

Starting point is 00:18:24 Oh, he's off now. Right, well since he's off now, he's lost interest in me and this conversation. I'm going to say goodbye. Oh, something really... Yeah, Eli's got hay fever today. Even though it's low pollen? It's a bit like a bad video game, innit? It's low poly... gone...

Starting point is 00:18:41 No, you know what? Ignore that. It's low polygon? Yeah, low polygon. It wasn't good. Right, so, we'll see you in a bitno, you know what, ignore that. Ignore that one. Low polygon? Yeah, low polygon. It wasn't good. Right, so, we'll see you in a bit when we've decided what we're doing. It's a Rumble On episode. We're rambling on and we're rambling on.

Starting point is 00:18:53 Rumble on? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do I don't know. What are you singing? The theme from a video game on my Amstrad CPC back in the day.

Starting point is 00:19:05 Rumble on by... The Stones. Led Zeppelin almost. Led Zeppelin. Same difference. It's the one where he goes in the darkest days of Mordor. In the heart of Transylvania, in the vampire hall of fame. Gollum and the evil one crept up and stole away with her, her, her, yeah. Her, her. Her, she had lovely her her yeah her her lovely her lovely hair go lemon the evil one a little spunked in her anyway Led Zeppelin did the theme tune to Count Duckula in the heart of Transylvania in the vampire hall of famia there ain't no one is any here was Duckula Count Duckula Oh Ducky booze

Starting point is 00:19:41 wasn't Brian May was the main singer in Led Zeppelin. Robert Plant. Yeah, Robert Plant was the voice of a nanny in Count Duckula. He was the one who went oh Duckie Booze! It's a fact. You look it up. It's not a very well known fact that Led Zeppelin are the creative voices behind Yes, it's one of these facts. It's not very well known

Starting point is 00:20:00 and also not a fact. It is a fact. It's like, you know the goodies did the voices for Banana Man? Or Led Zeppelin were watching Banana Man and they went... The goodies did the voices for Banana Man? I'm thinking of Super Ted, which was Griffiths of Play School. Circus of the Daughters, yeah we've had that before. We've had it all before.

Starting point is 00:20:17 Erm, what was I going to say? Right. So yeah. At least I had sex. Come on, we're getting noticed here in Bunhill. They're going to try and bung us up our uphill. Up our hill. Danger Mouse's voice has been written by the Who.

Starting point is 00:20:31 Right, let's move on. Let's move on. Get it out there. Let's go for a wander. Don't do that thing with your fingers. You swallow it every time. Oh, what's that guff? We're walking our way through the city. Great Swan Alley, not

Starting point is 00:20:49 Great Swan. No, Great Swan. Listen, I forgot to mention we start off at Sphynesbury Square near Liverpool Street and we're on Great Swan Alley and there's a little bit of a hunk isn't there in the air? There's waves of pure sewage but not like sewage it's more, it's more fresh it's almost like, it's like hot brown, hot fresh brown laid shit stench but also like brie? Yeah there's a cheesy, there's a sort of burnt cheese top note to it I wonder what it is? Oh god! You can't escape it, what is that? Where is it coming from all these slots in the hole? Slots?

Starting point is 00:21:28 Slots. Are they? Because that's a fucking mega honk. That's a mega honk. It seems to have blown away. It seems to have blown away, but that was really unbearable. I just thought it was worth documenting that. Hot tod in the city. hot tod in the city tonight.

Starting point is 00:21:48 Hot tod shitty in the city, back of my pants are brown and gritty. Pull them off, it's not so pretty. Lots of dirty chunks of skin. You've done written that before? No, I'm just doing it now because I'm an absolute master at making up music. Where are we going? You're trying to get to the bridge, right? What bridge? Temple. What's that bridge by Temple? Temple Bridge. No.

Starting point is 00:22:09 The one that kind of goes over the road but under the road and over that road? Round there, yeah. Up round there? It's up round here. Yeah, you haven't said that in a while, have you? Let's go up here. Let's go up round there. We're on Cocktall House Street, are we?

Starting point is 00:22:19 Cocktall House Street? Cocktall. Cocktall? Cocktall. Let's move up to another one. City Hall buildings. There's Cocktall close and there's Cocktall buildings. Cockthall. Cockthall. Then we move up to another one, City Hall Buildings. There's Cockthall Close and there's Cockthall Buildings at the end there. So we're just rambling on. This is us rambling on.

Starting point is 00:22:33 Cockthall Buildings. Cockthall. Cockthall Buildings. That's Cockthall Close. Towards a bridge that Eli wants to talk about or go over, I don't know. No, I just want to get to the south side. Do you want to get to the south side? Yeah, I want to get to the south side. Of the river. Yeah. Thames. That's right.

Starting point is 00:22:49 Riverside Thames. Or as it's sometimes known, the Thames. Oh yeah by Americans. By Americans. Who over-pronounciate words they can't understand. Oh we've got to go this way. I think this one comes out by, yeah this is a rock. It comes out by the bridge doesn't it? Yeah I think so. It's just, it's just right by the bridge. Yeah, I think so Well, anyway, I only turn this on so we could talk about that honky shit pipe stink But now that's done. We could just keep on because it was really almost making me want to honk honk Left leaving a pavement Pollock in our wake, right? Okay, let's cock on What do you do? Oh, did you catch yourself on the wall?

Starting point is 00:23:28 I always hit my hand when I'm walking on things that are too close, my right hand. That's another thing. Well that's a weirdly odd specific ailment to have. I know, but if you keep doing it, you kind of... Something about my visual... I swing my hand and I smack it on things. It hurts Paul. Great content. See you in a bit everyone. Right we've passed the monument at The Monument and what's special about The Monument? It's the monument to the great fly of London.

Starting point is 00:23:58 The great flies of London. Is that the huge big flies that came in in 1800 and shat on everyone's food and ate it? They were known as the great spunky flies of London of 1800. And that's why the monument is a giant golden fly. And that's how we have the song of course. The spunky flies they come and down a London town. They spunk their dirty flyges up and down the town. I don't know if that's the kind of thing you want to do in public.

Starting point is 00:24:21 The flyges comes up and down, it splashes all around the town. I think he wants you to stop as well. Comey, comey, fly spunky, funky London town. Really in public you want to do that? No, you started it. I didn't. You started this fake history. But did I decide to...

Starting point is 00:24:35 The Great Fire of London, that's where I used to work. Because he'd always say, what's this bridge we're on? And I went, oh you mean London Bridge? It's so... Where the fire started. So ubiquitous that I forgot the name of the bridge. But you mean London Bridge? It's where the fire started. So ubiquitous that I forgot the name of the bridge but it's London Bridge everybody. London Bridge is falling down my fair ladies. It's not falling down when we cross it right now. Well if it does

Starting point is 00:24:55 it would be the worst London disaster in decades. I know. Wouldn't it? Countless dead. Yes I would rather not be amongst them. Yeah. So. We're just rambling. This used to be the bank. This road that's going under us. We're under... The bridge crosses a road before it crosses the river. And that used to be the bank. The old Roman bank.

Starting point is 00:25:16 It's noisy, isn't it though? Everything's beep-bop-beep. Wait till we get to the other side. So... Where should we... Where should we reach the vein? I don't know what we're doing this week. Well, we're going to get to the other south side of the river.

Starting point is 00:25:29 I wanted a day off for Monday because I was knackered. We could go up towards the South Bank, or we could go down towards Shadwell. I'm not doing Shadwell. Just on principle, I want to stay away from that. I don't mean Shadwell, I mean Shad Thames, the warehouse district. The Welsh guy. Shadwell Thames. Hello there, I'm the London's most famous Welshman. Shadwell Thames. Hello there, I'm the London's most famous Welshman, Shadwell Thames.

Starting point is 00:25:47 And I'm very proud to get my penis out in public for Five Bob. And that's the best I could do for that character. I mean, my fly song was much better. Mmm. Much, much better. Just admit it. Just admit it. Hey, don't look at me. Oh no, I was going to say don't look at the sign, but now I've said don't look at me, which means you looked at the sign. I was going to say, do you know the post go for London Bridge? It's EC4.

Starting point is 00:26:09 Well, because it's right on the fucking thing, innit? Oh, now we're crossing. Now we're crossing. See, there's the big shard. There's the shard. There's the shard. And there's Tower Bridge. And you know what? A lot of people go,

Starting point is 00:26:21 oh, everything's always in London. Why don't you come do something enough? We will one day, we can't do it though, because in my scheduling is. But we will do it, we want to do it. Just leave me alone. I'd like to go to Norwich. We've done Norwich. Did we? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:38 What do we do? Not properly. I'll tell you what we should do, because someone's asking for this and I would agree. We should do another tat hunt episode, a two parter, one part tat hunting, two part reviewing, eating, whatever. Like we did with Denise Finchley. Part two? Yeah, I'm up for it any time of the week, mate. Look, you can see the battleship, one of those battleships.

Starting point is 00:26:56 There's Tower Bridge, the bridge that is famously confused with London Bridge in American minds. It's very close as well, isn't it? Yeah. They're close together. Because that's the old adage, innit,'m gonna buy that Yankee was like I'm gonna buy London Bridge thinking it was Tower Bridge and then he bought this one. And this one, this isn't the original London Bridge it used to run down there. That London Bridge is now in America going across some huge fucking lake or something.

Starting point is 00:27:20 The original bridge was one of these, I don't know what they call them, the technical term is, but it had all buildings along on the bridge. Yeah. That would have been incredible if that had stayed. Isn't that like the bakery where the fire started or whatever it was in? No, the fire started up there, Lud Hill, which is just behind, that's my old office building where I used to do market research. Yeah, that's horrible.

Starting point is 00:27:40 No, it's nicer than the ones next to it. Christ. Then there was that terrorist stabbing. That's the hall where the terrorist stabbing started just there as well. Do you remember that? It's like, what is it with your view and all your negative flavoured stories of London? It's like I said to him before, oh that building up there, the Cockdawge Inn, that's where I got married in 2001 and he was like, oh yeah, it's the same place a man threw himself

Starting point is 00:28:03 off because he was depressed. It's like, alright, thanks. That wasn't the memory I was reaching for. That was my magical wedding day before it all fell apart a lifetime ago. We still haven't decided what we're doing. Are we going to go up there towards the Tate and so forth? Yeah, let's do that. There's more interesting stuff up that direction. That direction is kind of cool because it's like all the old Docklands where they used to film Doctor Who and shit but now... It kind of runs out of interest

Starting point is 00:28:27 so should we take the Thames path? You know what I would like to do? Go up the Thames path towards the South Bank and then let's end the episode with a nice bevy and a drink and a boozer or something. Okay yeah I don't want to drink booze but yeah all right we'll have a lemonade I'll have an alcoholic drink and it'll be our Intro to 400 because this is that this is episode 399. Is it? Yeah, it's not it is. Is it? Yes I'm in charge of the podcast. I know which ones work This is in charge of these podcasts for sadly me all the successes of mine and all its failures are doubly mine I don't think you should that's a very unhealthy way to look at it failures are doubly mine. I don't think you should, that's a very unhealthy way to look at it.

Starting point is 00:29:11 I'm here, I'm here with you man. Yeah. Whether I like it or not. Whether I like it or not. Well you... Telly Savalas wanted to do your job and I said no to Telly. Why? Because he was dead. Because he's been dead. Zombie Savalas. Zombie Savalas was like, who loves you baby? He looked like a lollipop I get out of his jaw. You know those are the most hated steps in London there. Why? Because they're steep. They're at a weird angle. Have you never seen those ones? I have because we've been up and down them. It's one London bridge.

Starting point is 00:29:34 Yeah, we have been up and down them. But we're going the other way this time. There you go. So, right, we're going to take a walk along the... We've crossed the bridge now. And we're now going to go up 10th passage on our way towards the South Bank Centre. And we'll see you a little bit further along on our journey. Oh it's another cheap show Rambalong. I've got a Rambalong. I've got a big honking

Starting point is 00:29:53 throb on. How about that? That's where you used to work, the Sun. It's not the Sun is it? Maybe the Sun is in there but I know, well News UK where Times Radio is is in that building. That's Murdoch I think, News UK. Yeah it is. And it is all of them. And so I used to work for them and used to have to get up at 3am to get there for four to do a breakfast show till midday. No, I got a taxi there every morning and I hated it.

Starting point is 00:30:15 I hated getting up at three. I hate it. There's steps down here. Right, we're gonna go down the step. Proper sign off now, tattie bye. Right we're going to go down the step. Right proper sign off now, Tati Bay. Right we're on the Thames Path now as you can hear there's lots of construction in the background. What's this? The Golden Hind. What's this? What is this big boat then? Golden Hind. It's been around the world. Yeah. Did it find my baby?

Starting point is 00:30:47 It says look there's circumnavigation. You see that? It's been around the world and it did find my baby. RIP Lisa Stansfield. She's not dead. I know but when she goes. Oh you mean her career? No when she goes. Just getting it in early. If she dies in the next week, you're gonna feel pretty terrible. I will, but I'll also feel pretty powerful. Let's say, like, someone evil. Maybe they'll drop dead. Who do I want to die?

Starting point is 00:31:15 Oh, I'm off. I'm off. Circumnavigations. Oh yeah, they go around the world. So it looks like a kind of pirate boat, doesn't it, from back in the day? I think it must have been through a lot of go around the world. So it looks like a kind of pirate boat, doesn't it, from back in the day? I think it must have been through a lot of reconstruction over the years. 1500s. And even was going through on the 1979 route.

Starting point is 00:31:32 No, it can't be. It says there, 1979 route. I know, I see, I see. That can't be real. But why would they make it out of... Oh, they made the boat again and then they did it across the world. Yeah, or as some kind of a promotion. Anniversary circumnavigation, yeah., but look you can also do an escape thing So I mean the boat huh see it's like it looks pretty ropey down there by the keel

Starting point is 00:31:52 It's a dry job. You know when like before when allot lost did that ghost hunting the Peterborough Museum They also had a escape room in there as well. So it must be like a side hustle It's a massive side hustle for these menus. That's what I'd say, Paul. We need to do a cheap show escape room. We really should, as an episode. Well, you know, we get people in to solve it. They're all puzzles. And we can be like the quiz master. You'd like to do that?

Starting point is 00:32:13 Yeah. OK. We could use the studio again. I think that's a good idea. Because it's very kind of cheap show adjacent, the whole idea of escape room. Well, I've got a load of escape room board games that we could reconfigure into cheap show stuff.

Starting point is 00:32:24 Yes. That's something to look forward to in the next year. Well that's because we want to be a bit reflective. It's hard to be reflective of the noise of that rock drill. That drill is really going for it man. Well I just wanted to talk about this boat because it's pretty. Alright let's get out. We're going past the clink, the world's oldest prison.

Starting point is 00:32:42 Yeah that's also the one that has a torture museum or a prison museum in it. Watermen, you see that there? Yeah, that's Dennis Waterman. That's started by Dennis Waterman. Yeah, I like good stuff. You know what, they're catchphrases as well. Watermans, we could be so good for you. Yes, they could be.

Starting point is 00:32:57 There's good stuff in it. What's this thing? Is this part of the London Wall? No, I think it's an old church, isn't it? Oh, mate, can you take a picture of that boat? I want pictures. I always take pictures and then I end up not in pictures on the podcast, on our website. Because I don't take a good selfie. I've got a gurney twat face. I'll take a picture of the boat. You want me to picture you?

Starting point is 00:33:19 I'm going to stand in it. Yeah, I want to be in it. That's what I want to do. I want to be in the picture this time. I'm posing. Is this good? And here I am posing in front of the Golden Hind, which is a boat that has travelled the world. Yeah? God. Right, now we can go. They do ghost hunts in the Clink as well, apparently.

Starting point is 00:33:41 Well, you would, wouldn't you? I bet they do a scratch. Extra scrap room from the clink, was that bit too on the nose? I bet they fucking do, I bet they get you scratch. Oh it's all really old looking up there isn't it, what was that Winchester's Road, Square? Street. Square, SQ. SQ, SQ, um, Squire? Squire. I love the way that that church is like embedded into the new building, it's just latched onto it like, we can see what it is, like old and new Lego. Great hall. It's like embedded into the new building. It's just latched onto it like old and new Lego. It's the Great Hall.

Starting point is 00:34:07 It's the Great Hall. These are the ruins of the remains of the Palace of the Powerful Bishops of Westminster. Winchester. One of the largest... That road Winchester Square up there that we just talked about. I have no idea what you're talking about. What did I say? Westminster.

Starting point is 00:34:21 Bollocks. Anyway, I am very aware of that Anyway, it's it's a bit of an old wall. Well done I've lost you've absolutely lost my interest now in that you've denied at all. That's old Old stuff is bad stuff. That's what we need to remember Anything old is shit. Everything new is instantly cool. We're skirting red bus shop London gifts. Oh, it's gonna be a tacky Look at that. It's like you know what you're right I do like this area because it's kind of old and you rotting up against one another

Starting point is 00:34:54 Yes, it's a it's we're walking along the Thames on the South Bank. We're going West yeah, we're going to South Bank go west the South Bank just skirting the outskirts of Borough Market don't want to go into Barrow Market. Who's Gary King? I don't know some guy. Yeah here's the clink so yeah it is a old prison museum. Oh apparently it's it's where all the clink was where the term was coined here. Yeah. Didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, it looks like a ghost train in there. I don't like it. Do you reckon we can get concessions as a family? I'll be two adults and you can be two kids.

Starting point is 00:35:35 Would that be cheaper? Wouldn't be cheaper than? No, it would not be cheaper. It would be 10 pounds more expensive. There's monks down there. Yeah. You don't get monks in prisons. Trans-global underground. Well I think Bankside hasn't changed much since the Clink's prison days. Local streets

Starting point is 00:35:55 reflect its historical past as much as Clink Street, Bear Gardens home of bear baiting and Rose Alley site of the Rose Theatre. So that was where they literally just used to get bears fighting in a pit. Yes You know, this used to be a proper country. Mr. Silverman You were entering the original site of the clink. Yeah, no It's spooky in there, but I bet it's really expensive to rent it for a ghost hunt as well. I guarantee you of course Explore the mystery coffin. What does that say rodent hunts for kids. How many rodents can you count hidden in the... Okay, not real rodents.

Starting point is 00:36:28 Are you brave enough to dig deep into the coffin? What's inside? You decide. Why would you decide what's in the coffin? Just on the pose for camera. Pulse Beyond Delight. Is that... Some kind of exhibition? For fanny toys? I don't know, it's some kind of... Multimedia Korean art exhibition. That's good. Pulse Beyond Delight, is that for fanny toys?

Starting point is 00:36:48 Multimedia Korean art exhibition. Ah, it's good. See, there's lots to see and do, isn't it? Dirty Lane. Oh, I wonder what happened up Dirty Lane. Just go up Dirty Lane. Oh, yeah, oh, Mr. Silverman. Oh, I'd love to have you take me up Dirty Lane. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:37:04 This is like a new shopping thing under the arches quite impressive isn't it spooky lit like an arcade down You like hey listener do you like just hanging out with me and Eli as we wander like two Tourists through London town I do we should do it all the time And I take a picture. It's nice. I like it. I like the I like the look Here we go. Yeah, that'll do. So I don't know where we're going from at this point, but we are going. We ramble on. Stonecutters Lane. Silverman. Stonecutters Lane.

Starting point is 00:37:45 Is that where we are? There we go, British crown, we do, we do. Isn't that the Stonecutters from the Simpsons? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star, we do. The Stonecutters, why? Are they like the Masons? This is crazy down here. It's this whole complex they've built under the railway arches. It's all full of Bijou posh place things. It's amazing. Just in terms of a space.

Starting point is 00:38:09 Yeah. It's all a bit out of our price range, innit, in terms of interests. It saves it. I bet it's privately owned, all of these spaces. Oh, knife shop. Pricy Japanese knife shop down here. Knife shop. Pricy Japanese knife shop down here. Bespoke facials you can get there. I've got a place you can get bespoke facial. I went to a freelance circumcisionist the other day. Left a tip. That's an old one. I know, that's what he said as well when he looked at it. I've got all the gags

Starting point is 00:38:39 ladies and gentlemen. One, two, three, four, five gags. I didn't realise they built this here. It's relatively new. This must be new, I don't remember this we've been we now we need to keep going that way we have this pricey shopping arcade we found this muse amusing so pure this way fortune teller informer scapegoat chimney surgeon what am I reading it's an art piece I think. Bloody artists, I hate them. I want to earn a living by slapping things on a canvas. Nobbers.

Starting point is 00:39:12 I tell you what, I'm going to... Let's take a break from this recording gold. Oh, there's two cows on a roof. It's good, isn't it? I know, I know. We're going to do it now, aren't we? But you're the one who want to go down the pretty alleyway. Right, we're gonna try and find our way back to the path. Right, when you last heard us, which was me in seconds for you, it's been a bit,

Starting point is 00:39:40 what, about 20 minutes for us, if you went for a little bit of a wander. Along the Thames, along the Thames along the Thames and we saw some lovely sights, tourists, buskers, opera singers, guitarists. Now we're arriving at the National Theatre South Bank and look at it and it's magnificent concrete glory before us and we're going to the understudy which is the great little pub tucked down here. Just tucked down there. Now earlier this year We were at the same location where we surf for our sounds of London episode. Is that where we down here? Yeah, did we go to the understudy? No, we went to the National Theatre because remember there's like one sound effect Which is like in oh, I'm gone. It's a sound effect from London

Starting point is 00:40:18 Oh, I don't know if you caught that. You know when we went into that wetness. Oh that was really wet as well I feel like I've added the pint of something to my knickers. You shat yourself is that what you're saying? No it's just the it's just the ambient moisture in your pants yeah. Ambient brown. You know I think something to do with that is the fact that we don't have any direct way of sensing wetness. Who? Humans. Humans. Humans. Like other things actually have wetness receptors but we have none of those. So we have to infer wetness, which is why sometimes you can't tell whether you're wet or not. And I think a similar effect... I know a lot of women I've been would have said that as well.

Starting point is 00:40:55 I think you're feeling a similar effect in your pants. There's a moisture-ness there, but it's not actually become fully wet. There's a kind of funk all over my kecks tonight. Is that book, is there any books open? No, there's no books today. There's no books today. I don't think so. Do you see any? I need to have a look.

Starting point is 00:41:15 I really need a drink of water. Yeah, they're the books. I can see the books. Where? I can't see books. They're all looking at them just there under the bridge. Take people all sort of looking down in a row. Take me to the place I love. Take me all the way.

Starting point is 00:41:28 Paradise City? No, under the bridge. Take me to the place I love. Oh don't start with those. Take me all the way. How many other songs do we have? Zero, it's zero. Roller coaster.

Starting point is 00:41:41 That's not their song, that's Ohio players. Still good though, innit? Right, where are we going to again? Have you paid money to go see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert? No. Good. Although I did go see Maroon 5. Are you joking?

Starting point is 00:41:56 Yeah, I'm joking about that. I'd rather see Chili Peppers than Maroon 5. Fair enough. It's like, someone's got a gun to my head, you better buy tickets for Chili Peppers now otherwise you're going to Maroon 5. Okay, I'll buy the fucking tickets. I love this place, it's the understudy. Well we're going to go for a quick drink, because hey, it's £3.99, next week's £400,

Starting point is 00:42:14 why don't we celebrate and rest on our laurels somewhat? I'm somewhat rested on my old dampened laurels. Let's go into here then. You just want to lemonade or take it? Let me see what they have in the soft drink selection. Here we go, here we go, we're going in. Right, well we have had a little drinky poo, haven't we? I didn't, I only had a rose lemonade.

Starting point is 00:42:37 That's still a drink, isn't it? Still a drinky poo, isn't it? It's got a more naughty drink. I didn't say it was a naughty drink. You had a whole pint of naughty juice. I had some citrusy IPA thing which was absolutely delicious and I'm not one for booze but I'm a little bit randy now. I know that's all that happens to you. I know it's gonna get me in problems one day innit. No hopefully not. No because I'm too much of a coward. We had it at the understudy which is the pub inside the National Theatre building. Betwixt

Starting point is 00:43:03 the building. No it's in there. Betwixt. It's not betwixt it. It's betwixt Theatre building. Betwixt the building. No, it's in there. Betwixt. It's not Betwixt shit. It's Betwixt. It's Betwixt. It's Betwixt the floor and the sky. Yeah, it's Betwixt the building and the sky. No, it's in the building, you twat.

Starting point is 00:43:14 It's Betwixt. It's Betwixt. You ain't Betwixt shit. Betwixt. You ain't Betwixt shit. I'm just enjoying saying the word betwixt. How about that? Betwixt.

Starting point is 00:43:22 Bixnay on the... Bixnay. It's Bixney So we've decided because this is a rambling episode full of nonsense and some would argue a squandering of episode 399 Well, we do what we want on this podcast This is what we're doing We're having a little walk

Starting point is 00:43:42 We've been cooped up in the house of pickles for too long Let's stretch your legs If I was going for a type of pink lemonade that I preferred to rose it would be raspberry. I don't like the floral edge of the rose, it's a bit perfumey, it's a bit old granny's perfume toilet. I like that though. You like that old granny's perfume toilet, yeah you could you like elderflower similar. And I like me Palmer Violet shit as well. I love this nice. I love this building. I'm back at the NT. Well, it is a different building though, but it's in the very sympathetic Brutalist style.

Starting point is 00:44:11 Even more so. How many times have you said the word Brutalist on this podcast? A lot. I wonder, I wonder. Everyone's gonna think London's gonna think about Brutalist buildings. Look at those little, they are very lovely little inlets

Starting point is 00:44:22 that are very reminiscent of like a Castle. A castle castle isn't it it's beautiful it is a beautifully designed building. I think it's more form than function. Form is function. Stop Motion BFI stop motion talking about Leica and Morph. Morph features. Morph was a big stop-motion thing. Yeah. No I know Morph but also Leica are being Artman and Leica are the two big ones. You know Morph comes down for tea does he? Yeah. No you're going the wrong way. Me and Morph are tight. But I would actually, is that a thing? When is it? August or October? Celebrating handmade

Starting point is 00:45:00 animator on the big screen. Oh actually you know what I would like to see that. We should go to, we should see. Because look it's obviously Harry Howes and stuff there. Should we grab a brochure? Yeah let's do it. Because that's the nice thing about the BFI and the South Bank there's always something going on isn't there. Oh the film scores of Philip Glass. What would that be then? He did a... Coyonauts Guadzi. Bless you. Martin Scorsese selects hidden gems of British cinema. Oh that would be good as well. gems of British cinema it'll be it'll be frenzy it will be peeping Tom if you said they're not mainstream because a lot of people if you said someone named like a Hitchcock film and then you said

Starting point is 00:45:39 have you seen frenzy I would think 80% of people asked would have never seen frenzy saying was a late Hitchcock film. And Peeping Tom was also a massive flop and ruined the career of, was it Pressburger or Powell? Yeah, Powell I believe. So they were known now because media circles know of those films but they're not huge hits, they're not in the public consciousness in the same way Psycho is. No. Frenzy is a Hitchcock film everyone, a late one of his last.

Starting point is 00:46:05 Set around the Covent Garden when it was still a vegetable market. And it involves grizzly, grizzly murders. And a lot of humour. And that's why it didn't really hit at the time. No there's no humour in that. The suspense becomes humorous, it's almost clowning. There's lots of... I'd have to watch it again but I don't remember it being fun. No there's a lot and that's why people didn't like it.

Starting point is 00:46:26 No, aren't you getting confused with his last film, Family Plot, which was a comedy film? I am not getting confused. No, Paul. No, I am not. I'm sorry. There's a lot of slapstick almost. In Frenzy? Yes, there is. I'm not disagreeing. All I'm saying is when I saw it, I don't remember there being a lot of slapstick and humour to it. I remember it being a very grisly, grim, mucky movie. A bit sad.

Starting point is 00:46:48 Well, we'll see if it's on the list because I think it's gonna go deeper than that. Well, I'll go deeper than you. Let's go in. Let's go have a look at a brochure. Be careful in here though. I'm gonna turn it off in case they tell us off. I'm gonna do it now.

Starting point is 00:47:00 See if you can find a brochure. Right, turn this off so we don't get told off. I'm tired of that. In and out like thieves in the night. Right, you picked it up, did you? Yes, I'm trying to find the Tarantino. Trying to find the Tarantino thing. Oh, it's Scorsese. It's not Tarantino, it's Scorsese. Did I say Tarantino?

Starting point is 00:47:18 Yeah. I thought I said Scorsese. Both did. It's Scorsese. That's weird, isn't it? So you're going to change your mind now? About what Scorsese would select? No, no, no, because I would still say it was the same. Who's Scorsese?

Starting point is 00:47:30 I brought Tarantino, because we were talking about Tarantino earlier. Yeah privately between us, not to do with you. We like our private Tarantino conversations. Yeah we do, yeah. F*** fetish c***. What has he picked? He's picked Shooting Stars. Have you heard of that?

Starting point is 00:47:45 No. That's from 28. Satire on the film industry. Oh dear. That's interesting. See, already I want to go see these. Brief Ecstasy. That's what my bedroom antics are called.

Starting point is 00:47:55 From 1937. Went the day well. These really are. The Man in Grey. Is that espionage? I don't know. Yeah. Second World War British film finally began to loosen its stage and flaunt its sexuality

Starting point is 00:48:07 in the shapely form of Gainsborough's period melodramas. Who? Claude Gainsborough? The Seventh Veil. Oh God, it's a bit stodgy isn't it? Wow, they're showing all sorts of stuff. Human Cry. Oh they were good. Lucky for Linda.

Starting point is 00:48:20 That's where they got their name, did you know? It's from a film. Yeah. Yield to the Night, Stolen Face, Mandy. I haven't heard of any of these. These could be good, like Noirs. The Damned. Among the most unusual films ever made at Hammer. American emigre Loesle's disquieting, fatalistic chiller begins in the familiar mould of the juvenile deliquent film, before shifting into paranoid Cold War-era science fiction.

Starting point is 00:48:45 Yeah, that's the village in the dam. Oh, The Legend of Hell House! Oh! Shall we see it? Let's go see it. Because I've never seen The Legend of Hell House. I've read the book recently and I was like, how the fuck are you going to convert that to a film because it's fucked up.

Starting point is 00:48:55 Monday, 7th of October is probably a good one for us to see it. Let's do it. Do the podcast and then go see it. Oh, let's do that then. I would love to see The Legend of Hell House. Good. Mr Jekyll and Sister Hyde. Have you heard of that?

Starting point is 00:49:06 Yeah, it's pretty bad. I've actually seen that. I'm surprised that's on the list, frankly. The Damned is the village of the Damned. You know, the children are with them. Yeah, it's not the same thing. What do you mean? It's not the same, it's nothing to do with the village of the Damned. It's just the Damned. Isn't it the same? No, it's nothing to do with it. That's the village of the Damned. It's just about the Damned, as in the youth. No, it's American Tourist.

Starting point is 00:49:25 Dumbles a secret military project involving a group of children. Yeah, but that's it. No, no, the Village of the Damned is a UFO crashes, and then these women wake up pregnant, and then they give birth to these kids, and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's it.

Starting point is 00:49:37 That's all of the Scorsese ones, but there's lots of- What does it say about Legend of Hell House? Because I love that. What does it say? Who directed it? Adapting his own novel. So Richard Matheson wrote the script for it as well. Nathan, well known for writing... John Huff. I Am Legion, the original book.

Starting point is 00:49:51 Yeah, and lots of Twilight Zone and stuff. What's that book called? We Are Legion? I Am Legend. I Am... Menacing Mood, Camera Angles, Delia Derbyshire on Settling Score. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. We've got to go see that. We've got to go see that.

Starting point is 00:50:05 So I've been trying to get it on Blu-ray but you can only get it in Germany. I did not know it was a Delia Derbyshire score. No, cool. That must be all like noise stuff, you know, rather than strings and that. Oh, that's exciting, isn't it? Oh, we're going to the movies. Delia Derbyshire, everyone, was one of the pioneering electronic musicians who worked for the BBC Radiophonic Orchestra. We've mentioned it before on the show, shut up. She did a lot with her, well she did some with her, Anthony Eulie didn't she? The Bimbo Bombo's or whatever it was that she called them. Yes, and we're coming up on the backside of the most,

Starting point is 00:50:33 one of the most beautiful, brutalist buildings in London. Right, I'm not having fucking the word brutal, I'm not, you can talk all you like. I'm not, because I'm walking away from you, therefore I'm going... Go up there! Why? Use the building! I thought we were going to the bus stop'm going... You can't go up there! Why? Use the building! I thought we were going to the bus stop.

Starting point is 00:50:46 The bus stop is up here you prick! Yeah but I thought we were going to Waterloo station where all the buses go from. Well we're not! I'm not fucking up here. Oh well done then fucking dozy dick. So we may as well go to Waterloo station then, mightn't we? No, not this bridge because we're not getting the bathroom Waterloo! We're getting it from this bridge, you idiot!

Starting point is 00:51:05 I don't like the way you talk to me in public. You're an idiot. You're an idiot, and you're a squat little fascist. Oh, I'm not! How dare you! Look out for the car. How dare you? Squat little fucking prescriptivist cunt. Prescriptivist?

Starting point is 00:51:17 Yeah. What have I prescribed? No, you're locked into your ways and you won't change them. I haven't prescribed anything. You don't even know what prescriptivist is. Yes, it is. It's someone who's locked into old values of their own that they've made up over the time. Yeah, a prescriptivist value. That's not true. It is actually true.

Starting point is 00:51:32 It's not. I'm sorry you're not well read. Does the word prescribe mean to dictate or run the outlaw for others? Right, okay, Google. Define, oh I've forgotten the word now, what did I say? Prescriptivist. Now I've said the whole sentence what did I say prescriptivist now I said the whole sentence now it's saying this sentence it's kind of the prescriptivision

Starting point is 00:51:55 a prescriptivist is someone who believes that they are correct I'm gone let me read out properly. Prescriptivists are people who believe they are correct and that language should provide, oh, prescriptivists focus on how language should be used rather than how it is used. So you're a prescriptivist. Where was a moment of prescriptivism? When you tell me what to think and how I'm using words wrong., believing that they are correct and wrong to use language and books about language, I fucking hate AI.

Starting point is 00:52:31 It's a linguistics term. It's a linguistics term. Yeah, but you're still one. You're still that person. It's too opposed to linguistics. So you can say, you know, it's not right to do a double negative. Then you'd be prescriptivist. But if you're a descriptivist, you say actually that's just a different way of saying the same

Starting point is 00:52:46 thing and it's just as legitimate as a piece of language. You make me sick. Back to this, the 400s are last. I've had enough of this. Is it? Yeah. Make your own podcast. Eli's prescriptivist weekly or something I don't know. We've got to walk to this bus stop on the bridge. Oh, it was all going so well this walk and then you got all narky. This is the bridge. I thought we were going to go Waterloo, I thought it'd be nice.

Starting point is 00:53:14 I don't know why you said that. We could, but this is a quicker way to get to Trafalgar Square, mate. Yeah, you're right. We're going to get a bus from Waterloo Bridge. This is Waterloo Bridge, isn't it? Yeah. To Trafalgar, where we're going to wrap this walk up.

Starting point is 00:53:25 The station is a bit further down there, another five minutes down. Yeah. Oh, that can, look at it. Lonely rolling. Going in the wrong direction up the road. Isn't that a metaphor for life? It's like that beautiful scene in American Beauty,

Starting point is 00:53:41 where the bin bag all goes up and down, up and down. But it's a can and doesn't have a sex offender in it anyway oh it's you get the super looper yeah six yeah wait is that several buses is. It's different though isn't it? Wait is this update? Hang on. It's got a button on it. But it looks like paper. No it looks like kindle. It looks like digital ink. That's what it is. It's broken. I've never seen one of those. No it's weird isn't it? It looks like paper though.

Starting point is 00:54:21 It's got all the times. It's just like a kindle if you think about it. Can we get this one? Yeah. No. This one? No. Oh, I will not get it. The only ones we can't get. Right, anyway. We can't get home, are you looking for it? We're going to wait till we get on a bus now, we're done here.

Starting point is 00:54:32 We're done here. You've soured this, you've turned it all salty. I haven't. You just decided to get all outraged. Did you get outraged because you were telling me what to think and do and how to live my life? How was I? I was not. I don't know. I was just saying go up these stairs to get to this bus stop. It wasn't prescriptivist. It was.

Starting point is 00:54:47 It had nothing to do with language. Yeah, well here's some language for you. Bog off Chodder. 172 243 or 59. Yeah? Yeah. Oh there's a 68, is that coming past here? And 188 243.

Starting point is 00:55:04 We get the 243 in one minute, that's us. That's it, it's coming right now. Right, we're getting on it. I need my wallet, don't I? Getting on it on the wallet. I like it when we get on the bus, nice sound profile. But we're going to have to walk down a little bit now. God, here we go.

Starting point is 00:55:22 Running all the way. Thank you. I'm getting on the bus, we're on 243. Right. Are we happy? We're sat down now. I'm behind you. All right. Right.

Starting point is 00:55:47 I won't get my fair share of talkie time. So what? I'm turning it off now. OK, turn it off then. Turn it off then. We're bing ding ding. We're off. Off to Trafalgar.

Starting point is 00:55:55 On the 2, 4, 3. To wrap this ramble up. Let's wrap up this ramble. What makes a house a hill house, hill house, hill? What? What makes it special Hill House Hill House Hill House? What's what? What makes it special? Howsome Hill House.

Starting point is 00:56:09 The Haunt, the Legend of Hill House, of Hell House. Is what it's called. The Legend of Hill House. Why is it important in the history of British horror? It's not, I mean I would say it's not, but what it is, is a really good British horror film. It's a good one. Although it's not really British, but what it is is a really good British horror film. It's a good one. Although it's not really British because Richard Mathis is an American writer, right? Yeah, but it must be a British production.

Starting point is 00:56:31 I'm going to presume so. I mean, Derbyshire is very much a British. Yeah, it's got, is it Malcolm McDowell in it or something? Yeah. Who's the one who played Caesar in the original Planet of the Apes films? Roddy McDowell. Yeah, he's in it. The thing is the book is like,

Starting point is 00:56:46 you know, it's like, it's no he's a British guy, but he just made his name in America doing things like, I don't know. Well, Planet of the Apes and stuff. That was us getting off the bus. Yeah, we had to change bus because Eli got us a bus that went one stop. And we could have theoretically just walked

Starting point is 00:57:04 the bridge and got off anyway Yeah but we've been walking a lot I like walking, get me steps in because I'm a fatty bumbatti aren't I? We get a bus here mate? Here? This very stop? Yep Which one?

Starting point is 00:57:19 That, a 26 or a 91 and then we ride three stops Oh there's 20 minutes to the next 20, hang on I can't be right. Oh mate we could just walk it. No let's get in the bus man. Don't you like getting the bus anymore? I do. This is where you got married. The Devil Wears Prada is becoming a musical with music by Elton John. Wow do you want to listen to a number of things I don't want to go and see? Why? I like The Devil Wears Prada. You like Elton John as well don't you? I don't. It's early stuff I don't want to list a number of things I don't want to go and see. Why? I like the Devil Wards priority. You like out on John as well, don't you? I don't.

Starting point is 00:57:47 It's early stuff. I don't like the last 30 years of his output. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, does it? What buffs are we getting? 3-4-1. We get the 91 or the 26. Doesn't the 3-4-1 go past you in the other direction? Am I getting confused?

Starting point is 00:58:02 No, we're at the wrong bus stop. Mate, let's just walk. That's not past may let's just walk the 91 to Fargo Square well with all these buses coming now we're not gonna make it well that doesn't look like it's gonna go any time oh it's gone I'll say that bus or do you want to walk to Fargo Square from here I'm happy to walk walk let's walk the back route no walk that route there's no way along the strand no this you can go that route back route. No, walk that route. There's back route there. No, we can go along the Strand. No, you can go that route, back route. That road over. Can we end up on the Strand? No, we won't. Look, see behind Mamma Mia. Back road there. Come on, we're causing attention to ourselves now. Well, that's what we do.

Starting point is 00:58:36 We're Maverick podcasters. The Club Pomeri we're walking past. Oldwich. You know what, you've got a lot of British guys in there. They're all Poms. Pomeri they call it. That's why they call it that. Okay, so the one Oldridge hotel. That's where he got married. Got married to my first wife. It was before it all fell apart when I was happy. Do you want to tell me a story about someone who threw themselves off the roof of this? Ivan Avello. Do you? Ivan Biggan. Yeah, there you go. Ivan Avellolla well I've got a little book to haven't I've got a little book too there we go aren't we isn't this how we got to 400 episodes yeah yeah see what I mean all up this way we're in theater land

Starting point is 00:59:16 and look there's mama Mia where they jammed wrong I can fuck off there's something about there's something about that show that fucks me up and rubbed up I hate that. The player that goes wrong. Oh, I can fuck off. Really? There's something about that show that fucks me up and rubs me up the wrong way and I don't know why. I think it's because it's got this kind of rather comedy vibe to it of actors who'd rather be actors than comedians doing comedy. Yeah. Because it was huge at the Edinburgh Fringe years ago and that's how it made the trans

Starting point is 00:59:42 stand. But it just reads to it and it just comes across as plummy, chummy, middle class, jolly, meta comedy. It's just like oh just fuck off. It's just fuck off. Pat yourself on the backie. Self congratulatory. I mean our podcast has been going wrong for nine fucking years mate. And do we get a West End show? No. Good. We're walking past the Opera Tavern. It's a tapas bar. Oh, Bodine's have got a branch here. They've gone downhill. There's a lot of information there mate, want to calm down? They do pig stuff.

Starting point is 01:00:18 What's playing at the Royal Drury Lane? Where such shows as Monty Python performed in their day. That's the famous one. That's the place, I never put the two and two together. I saw the producers here back in the day but does not like they do... They don't have any builds outside. Wait, is there no musical here anymore or something? You can go to the Terrace, no look Hercules. Oh Hercules is coming next year, interesting and they do Frozen.

Starting point is 01:00:42 And Frozen, they've got big shows here mate. Well why aren't there any big billboards? There's the billboard on the building next to it. It's almost as if they're trying to say we're gonna keep the front of this posh. Why not? I think don't ruin it, it's a historic building. It's haunted as well. There's meant to be quite a few ghosts from the Royal Drury Lane theatre. Who's this bloke? Augustus Harris. He must have... He was the one who got fat and got stuck in a tube at Wally's Wonkers Factory or whatever it's called. Wally Wonkers Factory. I think he must have founded the theatre.

Starting point is 01:01:11 We're walking through Covent Garden basically. Sorry everyone, it's another fucking London roamabout, isn't it? It's a roamabout, it's a rambleabout. Right, well we've talked now so let's just... We're heading to Trafalgar Square, the back way. We're going to walk to Trafalgar Square because the buses were just pointless. Pointless, especially for some London savvy chaps like us, who know London like the back of our hands. So we're not going to bother with buses. We'll have a little stroll through the Camden, I mean Covent Garden environs.

Starting point is 01:01:42 And then we will alight downstream in Trafalgar Square at Arara. We will share our final thoughts and then end this week's episode so we'll see you in a little bit. 400 next week everybody. It's going to be a big one but we'll tell you about that a little bit later. Ivor Biggan. Ivor Wee Wan. Scottish grandad. I've a wee one. I'm a wee one. How are you downstairs? I've a wee one. That's not our best material. Right, well, we are nearly at Trafalgar Square. We started our day at 10am at Finsbury Square for our TV appearance on London Live. Hope that goes out this week or something. Well I hope so.

Starting point is 01:02:33 I mean, I don't know, I hope so. If it is there'll be a link on our website to it probably, a clip or something, I don't know. I don't even know where it's going to be. It seemed a bit ramshackle, didn't it? It made our outfit look slightly professional at times. But they did have a proper film crew and camera crew and all that stuff. TV cameras and big monitors. I found that quite interesting.

Starting point is 01:02:56 So anyway, we started there. We weedled our way through the city of London, I guess. The city area. Onto the South Bank. And now here we are finishing today's episode for no real reason in Trafalgar Square. Oh there's something going on here what's going on? It is, always is mate. Are we gonna walk up to it? What's that smell? It's a nice smell though. It's like fig tree can you smell it? Yeah. And it's coming off these fig plants here I'm sure and it reminds me of being in Cyprus. It's got a coconutty smell to it. Yeah, you know that what I'm going on about

Starting point is 01:03:28 But it makes a nice change from like, you know shit pipes Here when you walk into Trafalgar Square because it feels like a sort of meadow or field smell anyway, sorry I just got one of those. No, it's fine So we are we're walking in this Is a busker on his guitar. Let's get out of here. I hate the noise of those people. I'm sure he's very good, but I don't know. Is that an Ed Sheeran cover or something?

Starting point is 01:04:01 I bet it is. He is a ginger lad on a guitar, so for all we know, it could be Ed Sheeran cover or something? I bet it is. He is a ginger lad on a guitar so... I hate that kind of music. For all we know it could be Ed Sheeran. I don't know. I mean, that's sort of middle of the road singer songwriter stuff. You know what? Let's just stop complaining shall we? Well, let's do my head in. Why is he subjecting me to it? He's probably making good money as well.

Starting point is 01:04:22 It's called busking. It's what they do. They go, look at me and my talents. give me a couple of pennies for it please. The repertoire is so lifeless. Oh god stop complaining Jesus Christ. Just, just mate, just give, show a little bit of love. Give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me. Super tramp. How dare you? Right, so how's it going? What do you want to do? About 400 and how much we love everyone and blah blah blah. Well when you frame it like that Let's go over here. It's a bit spaced Here we are we're at Trafalgar Square where if you remember we started our adventures earlier this year doing um

Starting point is 01:05:05 Sounds of London. Was that, that was that day, yeah, we had a huge Mard on when I met you. Because you pissed me right off. But here we are, we're gonna end this week's episode here, why not. No, we, interpersonally, we're in a bit of a better place right now guys. Touch and go, touch and go. So. Why were you so Mardi? Because you'd been working all weekend. Yeah, and you were late and then gave me a fuck about. I was a little bit late yeah. Then I had to come and see you when I've been in the same place for ages waiting for you. I did another wind. We managed to clear it all up.

Starting point is 01:05:36 We're by the famous fourth plinth aren't we now? The one where there's a rotating artist. Famously. There was that pregnant lady with no arms and legs, that was a big one for a bit. And then there was something in a jar, I think. Yeah, there's all sorts of different ones, but this is semi-permanent now. I've got a semi... I think this has got something to do with the colonial past.

Starting point is 01:05:57 I read it... I don't know, what is that? That was the same statue that was there, I think that's the permanent one now. Well, what is it of? It's, I think he's a preacher or now. Well what is it of? It's I think he's a preacher or someone who fought for the freedom of colonial whatever. Anyway it's time to say goodbye. So next week on the show. Oh we're gonna say that our pins.

Starting point is 01:06:17 Oh yeah we went to the Transport Museum in Covent Garden on a whim. Because I wanted to get a super loop pin which I haven't been able to identify which they've been giving out at when the Superloops launched but they're all launched now. Yeah but I've got one haven't I? So I'm great. It must have been someone who got it from a driver at the launch of the Superloop. And I got it off there. You didn't have Super bag with the rondel. Nice brown bag with a rondel on. I'm going to keep this bag. I've got a rondel on. And what badges did you get? Well I've got a Piccadilly Line one which is a bit because

Starting point is 01:06:59 it's the same colour, the round bit the same colour as the actual line which makes it quite plain. Uniform but it's your white uniform and stark and interesting. I got a Metline one and I got a museum badge one and a 70 years of Rootmaster one. And they were cheap they were only £2 for the 70 years of Rootmaster. Then I got a bus. I bet it's because 70 years of Rootmaster was last year or something. And then I got a badge set of a train, a bus and a taxi. That's what I got. Pictures on our website. Rainbow museum Rondell. It says museum on it which is quite nice. Good prices on the

Starting point is 01:07:31 pin badges there. Yeah. Because they can gouge on those can't they? It's like I said. They were up to a fiver but they weren't all under a fiver so I got three badges for eight quid all in. Whereas I went to Disney Store to get some Haunted Mansion pin badges. Got two, cost me twelve quid. Yeah I mean yeah. You know what I mean? So here's what's happening. This time, well not this time next week, it depends on when you listen to podcasts I suppose, but next Friday is our 400th episode. Nine years, 400 episodes and we thought we'd do something different and special. So whilst the podcast episode there will be a 400th podcast, it won't be our 400th episode. That will be a 400th podcast it won't be a 400 episode that

Starting point is 01:08:06 will be exclusively on YouTube premiering premiere earring on YouTube 8 o'clock 8 p.m. UK time live premiere Eli and I will be in the chat room to have a little chat and talk to you I will be working yeah but didn't we had this discussion last week we said oh I could do it live from the thing and DJ. Oh yeah, whilst I'm DJing, yeah? Yeah, it's only a chat room, we don't have to be on camera or anything. Oh, can I do that? I'd like to do that whilst I'm DJing. Past the time.

Starting point is 01:08:34 There you go, so, live, 8pm, YouTube, UK time, episode 400, a visual episode, with all the usual segments in, and a few other surprises. We've got some animations, some music, some all sorts of... Little bit of this, little bit of that, Paul. And you're pleased with how the footage came out?

Starting point is 01:08:50 Yeah, I've looked at it and I'm very happy with how it looks on our budget. We really took our time. I think that was one of the breakthroughs for you. We took three days to just film an hour and a half, it's going to be something. But we could have basically done it in one day, but it would have been flat out for the whole day. And so we took a whole day just to set it up, just to set up the set, which is nice to have that relaxed, measured approach. And we had lots of help from Stuart Ashen who helped on camera,

Starting point is 01:09:18 Tom from Channel 84, so many contributors to next week's episode that we will save for the credit sequence and we'll talk about it in the chat room But effectively next week episode 400 a visual cheaps you on YouTube There will be a podcast thing, but it won't be what you think So if you want to listen into next week drunk, we're gonna get drunk and just talk shit Yeah, but what should we get drunk on because it makes big difference cocktails. All right, but what should we get drunk on because it makes a big difference. Cocktails. Alright, but what should we get? That's up to you innit, I'll let you decide. What kind of cocktails do you want?

Starting point is 01:09:47 Margarita style like to kick? No, we should only buy one bottle. You know, we should decide what we're going to have. Are we going to have like margaritas? We could do G&Ts. If we could do G&Ts, we could do martinis. You like a martini? We'll see. I don't mind.

Starting point is 01:10:06 I'm just saying we should get it in. You pick. I don't care. I'll drink anything. We can do gin. We can do gin. As long as it's not vodka based I don't mind. Okay. So the podcast version of 400 will not be the podcast version of the YouTube thing. It will be a unique, very throw away, very stupid hour of audio to accompany, kind of, the main event on YouTube. It won't be a commentary. It won't be a commentary or an audio version of the visual

Starting point is 01:10:33 thing. We're not doing that. We're going to give you something fun and throwaway and silly. But either way, if you have listened to us over the past nine years or listened to all 400 episodes, or if you've been supporting us in any way... They can't have 400 isn't out in here. Yeah, but by the time they get to it maybe. Shut up being pedantic you prescriptivist evil man. Evil?

Starting point is 01:10:55 Yeah, I've added that as a declamative statement. I'm sorry, you just... Just think about what you say before you say it. No, Bing Bang bollocks mate. Bing bang wubbly woo wah dee da doodly dae da bollocks. You just think about what you say before you say it. That's all I ask. Bing bang bollocks, mate. Bing bang wubbly woo wah dee da doodly dae da bollocks. That's what I think. Diddley dae da bollocks. Diddley dood da da bollocks.

Starting point is 01:11:11 Listen, if you have supported us in any way over the years. You're starting to sound like a cancelled Disney show. I apologize for the text messages of my penis that I sent. You text messaged with your dick? Yeah. It was in your pants. And what did your dick write? Hello baby, fanciest sad time. That's a lot for a dick to say. Yeah. Via text. Right well there you go. I keep trying to do something sincere and you keep interrupting me

Starting point is 01:11:36 with your asinine nonsense. Oh that that works. Thank you. Listen I'm sincere too. Let me just finish this. I'm sincere. Let me just finish this and then you can talk Billy Bollocks all you like. I don't want to talk Billy Bollocks. I want to say a heartfelt thank you to our listeners. You say your thank you first then so it's out of the way. Go on. Well I just think we both can say this together Paul. No, I'm going to say it my way.

Starting point is 01:11:57 What's your way? You always just repeat it endlessly. That's because I never get the sentence out. I never get the sentence out and therefore I have to repeat myself just to have a clear message being sent out. Go on then. And I'll do my Billy Bollocks afterwards. Thank you to everyone over the past nine years or 400 episodes, if you've supported us in any way,

Starting point is 01:12:18 whether you came to us via Digi, via Barshans, via Stuart Ashens. It's like an albatross around our neck, Barshans. Whether you used to follow us in comedy. Whatever you've done to help support us and keep us going. You're losing your voice, mate. Yeah, because you've interrupted me again!

Starting point is 01:12:32 I'm going to move over here. If you're any one of those people, then thank you. Because we've been an independent podcast for all this time, weekly, making the content, doing something that we think has been fun, not only to make but to listen to, and it means a lot. In this time of BBC, Bauer, Capital, global podcasts, you can fuck off mate, it's hard to get noticed and it's increasingly more difficult year by year. So genuinely all jokes aside all meta prodding out of the way all the

Starting point is 01:13:08 silliest snarky stuff. Meta prodding out of the way. Yeah you know when you're kind of above your own content you make fun of it and draw attention to it. Oh my god. Regardless of all that genuinely thank you. We love making Cheap Show, we love making it week in week out and we hope you'll join us for another 400 or until the wheels come off in about five weeks time and we quit. Sounds like the wheels are coming off right now for you Paul. They've been coming off weekly for years, go on your go. Thanks for listening everyone and stick with us and 400 will be good and we've got other stuff coming up like the live show in October, see I just know how to just effortlessly say and thanks very much honestly and for anyone who supports us via patreon thank you as well because that really does make a difference and helps us to

Starting point is 01:13:52 keep the boat afloat. The patron followers will be getting special behind-the-scenes 400 stuff they'll get a commentary probably as well lots of goodies for them. Early September though, because we need to get all this stuff out the way. So anyway, look, patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show if you want to help us in any way. If not, help us online by spreading the word, giving us a review, spreading the love any way you can. What are you doing now, Paul? You're going to go and buy an Oasis Blur record at Big Department? How dare you? I'm getting a Blur album, yes.

Starting point is 01:14:25 Which one are you after, the live one? The live Wembley one, yeah. How much is that going to be? I don't know, if it's too expensive. That's going to be £50, mate. Well if it is, I'm not getting it then, am I? What's your cut off? £20?

Starting point is 01:14:34 £30? I think £30's fine for a double album. Yeah, for a new one. Stop fucking pointing out my spending habits to friends. That's my own dirty money, I'll spend it how I like. Oh right, I wasn't saying that. I was going to get a cartridge now, but everyone thinks I'm going to be spending Mr. Willy Nilly.

Starting point is 01:14:47 You can get a cartridge for your record player as well. Yeah but I might not now because you're either making me sound like Mr. Moneybags. Oh. And it's my birthday in a couple of weeks. Is it? Yeah. I'll get you something nice this year. You fucking won't.

Starting point is 01:14:58 You've yet to get me anything nice for my birthday so why start now? Right, say goodbye Mr. Silverman. This has been episode 399. A literal and figurative ramble on. We've been rambling all day but now we're going to stop. Good night, God bless, sleep tight. I don't know why I said God bless. Why did you say that? I said it as well. You're an atheist like me. God bless, marvelous. God bless the Queen. Good night. Good night everyone. Good night and good luck. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. And we're going to leave you with the sounds of

Starting point is 01:15:31 the ambience of London. You wanker! In order you... Scram! You wanker! Lavender! Lavender! Et cetera. I've got an oinker at me bam bam! Can I fix your pipes? I don't know what that is.

CheapShow - Ep 399: Rambling On (Stereo Edition)

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