CheapShow - Ep 401: How Many Chevys?

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

After all the excitement of 400, it’s back to the usual audio nonsense this week as Paul and Eli are joined by returning guest, Tom Mayhew! In a “much longer than expected” recording session, the terrible trio sample a range of odd fizzy pop and sample some homemade hot sauce! After much fuss, they’ve managed to secure the latest Coca Cola creation which is mixed with the flavour of Oreo cookies! Will it be more effervescent muck? Who knows? They also look into the curious fixation Germans apparently have with orange cola, and so they’ve got their hands on the premier brand to taste. As Tom is a bit of a Snooker fan, Paul’s found a board game based around the multi-balled sport called “Steve Davis Pot Black Snooker Break”! Hopefully it won’t be as dull as it looks. And FINALLY, Tom surprises Paul and Eli with a quiz about their past ventures, who will come out on top? We guess you will all have to find out by listening, won’t you? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-401-how-many-chevys And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Can you keep still? I'm so squeaky! Oh, uh, oh. Um, if you don't lean on the table it doesn't bang as much. I'm not leaning on the table now. Paul, just to be clear, can I just be clear about one thing? Yeah. I said your mum earlier, not muff.

I was referring to your mum. Hi everyone! Oh, I thought that'd work better. It did not work. That didn't work. Oh, this is working. Hello Tom. How are you doing, mate?

Welcome to the podcast. Nice to see you back on Cheap Show. Yeah, good. I'm really glad that Cheap Show did a sort of back reference to something that was before the podcast. Yes. Well, we don't often like to let everyone in on our secrets. Now you see what I was doing there.

Oh, here we go. This is where he takes his fumble and turns it into fucking art. You've been doing this for almost 10 years, this podcast. You allude to something that was said before the recording began. And then people wonder, they think, ooh, the romance, ooh, what did Eli say about Chol's mom? And they try and reconstruct it and they're involved and there's engagement and there's a heady engagement. Right, Tom, before we get started, you need to pick a side right now. Are you going to go team Ganon or team Eli this week? Why is it so squeaky? I don't like it here.

Swap chairs. There's a chair behind you. Swap it. Can I? Yes. This is very squeaky. The chair behind you is much more stable. I'm sorry, everybody.

That's a very squeaky chair. Stop saying hello. Hello, everyone. It's me. Hello. Hello. Hi, Tom. Tom's here as well.

Are we going to introduce Tom properly please? Well we can. Yeah let's do it. I mean you don't have to. I don't really care. Well in that case goodbye Tom. You are now no longer welcome onto the Chief Show podcast. You've shown your true colours just like the Cyndi Lauper song of the same name. Christ. True colours shining through. Can I tell you a really embarrassing story? Right, I was in Disneyland. That is embarrassing. It's fucking not. I'm happy to be a Disney adult.

You're on the fucking ropes already this week, you. So I was in Disney and I can't, I think it was the, I think it was the Honey I Shrunk the Kids ride. And at the beginning, cause it was sponsored by Kodak, you went into this kind of cinema with 360, like projections around you. And it was like by Kodak. You went into this kind of cinema with 360 projections around you. And it was like pictures of families playing, and industry, and like utopian ideals.

Is this Florida? The Florida park? Might have been. Might have been California. It doesn't sound like LA. It might be California. Either way. Sorry, California.

The whole visual thing was scored by Cyndi Lauper's True Colors. And I'm sitting there, overwhelmed by the images. And I cried. I cried in front of everyone. She did True Colours, Material Girl, what was her other big one? Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Wow. Also didn't do Material Girl, that's Madonna. Of course I always get that confused. So she only did True Colours. What are the Lauper hits? What are they? True Colours, that's such a great tune. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, which is not her song, we know this, we've talked about this before, it's a cover. Is it? Yeah. You've got the original, haven't you? It's Cyndi Lauper.

She wrote that. You're being weird now. She didn't read that, write that. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I mean, she did read it before she sung it. Yeah, she did. She had to read it on the page. Thank you, yeah. Don't back him up just by being factually incorrect. No, because he's like, he loves it. It's the erosion of language. It's my theory of the Ganon erosion of language. Yeah. Just little words that are wrong all the time and it's basically, and it just becomes a noise. Four minutes of cold open, it's not worth it. Fine, I'm fine with four minutes. It's always

fucking four minutes. It's not. It's point you look over there. You go god for me Alright, so let's do that. I'll help you this week Don't please ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to fucking cheap show Press the fucking credits Welcome to the Cheap Show. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney Chodney Borough. I hate you. It's the voice of shame.

Welcome to Cheap Show. It's the price of shine. Welcome to Cheap Show. Yes, it's episode 401 of the Cheap Show podcast. All baby doll. I'm Paul Gannon with me is Eli Silverman as usual and our very special guest for this week's episode why it's returning, returning comedian. Oh baby doll. It's tom mayhew it's tom mayhew in the house now tom the last time we were all together in a room he was slapping his own

stomach red raw for the amusement of a baying crowd remember i do remember yeah in a way it was his finest moment he was drink after was do we have a pint or something after that gig? I can't remember. It was an old smelly room full of old pinball machines. No, what are you talking about? No, there was old arcade machines. Arcade machines? Where? In the back, sort of the green room, which wasn't a green room. It was like a pool, it was a little arcade thing. And they didn't work. They were just there. And we were like, oh, this would be really exciting if they worked. And they didn't work. They were just there. And we were like, oh, this would be really exciting if they worked. But they didn't because it was just like, here's what you could have won. Here's what you could have been enjoying while you were waiting for your show to start.

The stage was well sticky up there, but good. I glad it was nice. Nice enough. Anyway, it was a good sticky stage. You like a good. Besides, I was slapping my tum tum and it was a crowd pleaser. So I will be doing that again in October 19th. If you want to see this tongue get fucking slapped, I'm going to slap it. I'm going to do it every live show now.

I'm going to make it more and more elaborate every time. This shouldn't be a bit, mate. I'm going to say it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be your signature bit that you do every time. Come to see Paul slap Tommy Gannon at the stage near you tonight. I think people would come to slap my tongue. That's what Chevy Chase used to do, isn't it? Slap my tongue? No, he used to just do a pratfall. That's how he got into comedy, just pratfalling. By pratfalling? I'm not pro pratfalls. No, they were fine pratfalls. He used to do them on TV. I haven't seen any, but he just like fall through a

table on Saturday Night Live and then everyone was like, yeah, give that guy a huge movie career. And they did. And for couple years it was it was a wise choice nah come on he's not the world's greatest movie star that's all I'm saying Chevy Chase I just want to do a podcast is he the world's greatest movie star no I mean I'd say he's probably the top five yeah yeah I can't come on movie podcast no we're not doing a movie podcast. I'm into movies. No, all right then, Paul. Oh, I saw Beetlejuice Beetlejuice on Saturday.

Oh, did you? Yeah. Where, in the cinema? No, I had it beamed directly into my head from Warner Brothers HQ. Did you? They could have been streaming. Yeah, it was a streaming. It was a lobe stream.

Well, they beam it into your lobes. Yeah, I've had it. I've had it a chip put. I'm not doing this bit. You've had a chip put in for lobe streaming. I'm not doing into your lobes. Yeah, I've added a chip putty. I'm not doing this bit. You've had a chip put in for lobe streaming. I'm not doing this bit. I don't like it.

I'm backing out. All right, let me then. It was good. I liked it. Really? Yeah, that's what people have been saying. If you liked the first one, I would be surprised if you didn't like the second. There you go.

Not as good as the first one though. No. But low as stakes. No, it's a weird plot. It's got a very strange plot, and it has a few genuine surprises in. And it was surprisingly gory at times as well. But lots of fun. How many chevys out of 10?

I will. Definitely seven and a half chevys. Oh. Mate, that is we should sow. Like for Star Factors on movies, we call them chevys. After the great man himself. All right, so how so I used to have Fletch on VHS and watched it quite a lot.

That bit where he gets yeah, do you want to his finger up the ass? Yeah, and he goes blue Let's talk about fucking movies and write everything with Chevy'sys. Fletch. We'll call it the Chevy Chase podcast. I bet some cunts done that as well. I've driven past a road called Chevy Chase. There's quite a few Chevy Chases though. Yeah. What do you want a fucking badge for that for? I want a badge for that please. Yeah. Anyway. Hello Tom. We should. Can I? Go on. Oh you're going to do a nice little Hitler salute there to get attention. Hitler salute please. Alright then I will if you said said please we're both doing it. Oh everyone's doing it in here that feels weird now guys. Eli Eli Eli Eli. What you mean I get to be anyway? For a moment Eli was tickled with the idea he got to be a dictator. Now Paul yeah what have we got coming up in the show that's what I was going to say to sort

of move this... Well, no, let's talk to Tom. Hello, Tom. How are you? How are things since you were last on the podcast? Yeah, they're all right. Yeah. It's good. Glad to be back. You're still doing the old comedy? Occasionally. Yeah, you still... How's the Radio 4 series going? Uh, well, they've not recommissioned it.

But you got two out of them, didn't you? I got two series, yeah. That's good. I got paid to be on the radio and everything. Yeah, that's good though. Most people don't get one. I didn't get one., didn't you? I got two series. Yeah, that's good. It got paid to be on the radio and everything. Yeah, that's good, though. Most people don't get one. I didn't get one. I didn't ask for one.

I have asked for one back in the day. We went to me and a friend of mine. We're writing sketch comedy for Dead Ringer's back in the day. What friend? His name was Jem Roberts. He also writes books now. He wrote a book about Blackadder and the Sorry, Having a Clue Bible. Douglas Adams.

Douglas Adams, he did. And Beatles. So he's, you know Adams he did and Beatles. So he's you know, Fry and Laurie. But we were back in the day little writing, no he hasn't Python. He ain't done the Python. No, but he's done Neil Innes and like Thruttles and that's all the same kind of ecosystem. Anyway, the point is that we were a sketch double act writing thing and we wrote for

Dead Ringers and then we got the chance to pitch a sketch show to a woman called Dawn Ellis who at the time was producing Shuttleworth and it went nowhere. Oh well. Who was going to be in your sketch show to a woman called Dawn Ellis, who at the time was producing Shuttleworth. Ah. And it went nowhere. Oh well. Who was going to be in your sketch show? Me and him. Yeah, it needs more Chevy Chase.

It needs more Chevy! That's what Dawn said! If you can get Chevy Chase for this project. And it was what, 2001? I bet I could have. Yeah? Maybe. That'd be a bit of a long shot, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Something more important happening now with Mr Silverman. I thought... It's Chevy, he's texting. Yeah it's Chevy texting. Oh no, someone's responded to a photo of that hot sauce that we've been sent Paul that I'll be tasting later in the show everybody. It's fermented and he sent a fucking Patrick Bateman in an American Psycho GIF where he goes gif where he goes like unfettered capitalist excess. We're gonna keep on doing that to one of us laughs aren't we?

Oh baby, one of you will. One of you fucking will. I won't let it happen. I will. I'll laugh at me. Oh he got me with that one. I got you both. I got you both. We got you both. Right I tell you what, we will say a couple of things. So about what's coming up in the show. What you just reminded me of, Eli, was one of my favourite things I've ever seen at an Open Mic comedy gig was a guy who was clearly very new about five gigs in,

and he said a joke and no one reacted and there was just a couple of seconds of silence and he just went, LAUGH THEN! And it made everyone laugh because they were just like this guy's nil. And then he locked that bit into his set for the next five weeks thinking that that was the moment where he nailed his content. Christ. No, on the show today we are doing it. Well he learnt something didn't he there? Yeah he did. About persona.

It could have been timing. In stand up rather, didn't he? Rather than gags, you know what I mean? The difference between a gag and just doing a bit. And that man is now James Acaster. Star of Ghostbusters, Frozen Empire. Frozen third empire. Three chevys. That's my review.

Right, we have got some more soda this week. We've been asked about it on Twitter, on the socials. We're tackling it today. We'll keep it a little bit of a secret, but we're looking forward to it. Can I ask our guest? Yeah. Tom, what's your, what are your views vis-a-vis fizzy drinks and that? I like them. Any particular favorite brands or you know families of brands? I like Coke, I like Cranter, I like Pepsi. Hell, you like Pepsi and Coke. I like Sprite. So you're not picky? I like Tango. You're not a picky, you're just like a fizzy one.

7 Up. This feels like a piss poor segment of VATS life. That's what the show is essentially about, Paul. Strawberry Marinda, that's nice. Oh, I don't rate Marindas. Oh, you're a fucking idiot, mate. No, we had an orange Marinda, didn't we? It wasn't very good.

It was very poor. It did better than the Tango, didn't it? You are right. No, that was one we undersold and ended up being a slight surprise. So, I mean, come on, that's some knowledge. I uncover knowledge about fizzy drinks in our guests. That's value. I'm giving value to the podcast. Why after four episodes are you now trying to justify your role in this show? I don't know, man. Genuinely sounded like you're trying to justify it for tax purposes or something. I do give value to this project. Yes.

Also, I do want to do something a little bit serious right now and I do want to get it out of the way. So at the end of 400, you know we had a list of all the Patreon names. Serious? Like how serious? Not very serious, but serious that I want to do in some reasonably sensible terms. Get serious man. Not that serious.

Was this about that eye on your chest? It's nothing about that. Wow, it's stallions. No, no, that weird third eye you have on your chest. That is an erect penis, sir. And it reaches the nape of my neck. Right. God.

Woo. I'm trying to be serious. Nape of the neck, like. Drop the nape of the neck stuff, mate. So it's like it's fucking yourself in the neck. Yeah, right under me Adam's apple. Good, I'm glad we've gone there. We are there now. I'm knobbashing my Adam's apple for you.

Oh, I'm so proud. God, so the serious bit is that. About your knobbashing. Nob apple. At the end. Sorry, I have to turn my phone off. Please do. While you're doing that, I'll just say at the end of episode 400, we had a list of all

our Patreon supporters that we pulled straight from Patreon. Oh, and some were left out. Some people say I didn't see my name. And I was like, I don't know. We pulled everything, the complete list. And if you're missing on that, we apologize. What I'm going to say is this, if you are a backer on Patreon and you think your name was missing or you saw it was missing

email us and then what we'll do is on the next Cheap Shot I will put a title card at the end with all those Patrons supporters that are missing. And explain the Cheap Shots to people. Cheap Shots are our fortnightly YouTube videos where me and him just dick about for a bit for a laugh. That's it really. Dick out and about. Right good right so we're doing sodas and then after that we're doing a guest focused Gannon's Golden Gables or at least a Paul's Pleasant Pastimes. Yes, very much focused on your other work, your other podcasting work Tom. Yes, we'll be allowing you to talk about that. What's that called? Your snooker podcast? I don't know why you... Was I not meant to say it?

Snooker! No, but even if you didn't say snooker he still would have said it's a snooker podcast. What's your snooker podcast called? Fuck. Tell us! I feel like I'm on Parkinson, this is great. This is like Letterman or something. Hello Letterman. You be the funny guy does the sketch things.

Like my sidekick. Alright. So, you've going on with that? I'm mainly worried about that guy over there, has he had some sort of breakdown? Yes, meh, meh. Junty Munty? Junty Munty! Meh!

I didn't mean like that Paul! Meh! I'm Junty Munty! Yes Junty, have you got something for us? Something topical? Um, I think we're gonna have to... We're gonna have to pull this bit. Junty Munty! We're gonna have to pull this bit.

Sorry. Well, thanks for having me on Letterman, it's been great. Things have gone downhill pre-COVID, post-COVID. I would much rather have been the band member who stands across the way in Hoots and Hollers. That's better. That's what I was gonna say! No, I thought you were talking been the band member who stands across the way in hoots and hollers. That's better. That's what I was going to say! No, I thought you were talking about some fucking puppet or something at the end of

the row that didn't stop. You didn't pick up on my subtle clues. You weren't very clear, were you? You know, like in Gary Shandling's show, the guy, he's like the side guy, you know? I want to be the band member who just goes, woo! And then will, I won't play a single instrument, will I? I think we've cleared up something already. I've said at least one thing funny. Just ask him about his podcast.

I've been trying, he's been very demure. Oh, but to be fair, I was interrupted by someone going... I was John T. Mundy, not me. Right, well fuck off John T. Mundy. We're trying to have a serious interview here. Come on. Oh, fucking hell. Do it. What's your podcast?

Oh, it's a podcast that I do. Yeah. Come on, what is it? How many episodes you done? Have you done more than us? No. I've done about 50. That's good though.

That's reasonable. That's good though. You're getting your wings now, mate. Is it always just you? No, me and my friend Joe and we chat about Snooker in a stupid, silly comedy way. And we talk about... It's got some bits that are quite similar to Cheap Show, really. We'll have to get our lawyers involved now.

Not in a, oh, we've nicked it, but in a... Sos if we're the best of originality, so... Well, we have bits where we have one section called Cued in Music where we talk about songs that are quite crap songs released by Snooker players or people related to snooker. It's funny that there's such a rich vein of snooker based... I've got a rich vein of snooker based... Oh my god! Fuck!

Paul, Paul! No! Not acceptable. That's not acceptable, Paul! No! Not acceptable. That's not acceptable, man. I've reached the part of this show where we've done it for so long I've just given up on quality. Continue, Tom. I want to hear more about your rich vein, to be honest. Yeah, wow. Rich vein, as in what? Beef? Just really thick and prominent.

Yeah, right. Why would you never describe a vein as rich though would you? I mean prominent implies that it kind of overshadows the rest of the penis This is what I'm envisaging It's just a huge spurting vein of a tiny dick I'm putting cock on the side Stop! We need to do a set- look I'm going to taste this hot sauce, we need structure. Do it, alright, quickly, quickly, quickly.

Why isn't it here? Because it was sent by someone, are we gonna mention their name? Yeah, but why isn't it here? Where's the letter? I don't know, you have it all. I gave you everything. Right, we're gonna take a quick break while you get the sauce, see you in a bit. We'll go straight into the drinks as well.

Okay. Alright? You're a very naughty boy. You were complaining about table and glasses and have I set everything up and is everything ready? And here you are shitting the bed. We'll do the sauce at the end of the drinks because we don't want to spoil our palate with the sauce, which is a hot sauce everybody. We'll go and get it. See you in a bit. It's that time of the show, you know, where we have a fizzy drink or two. It's that part of the show, you know, where we have a fizzy drink or two, bada bum It's that part of the show, you know, where we have a fizzy drink, a little fizzy drink, a lovely fizzy drink, or two, bada bum

Of two That's my new jingle Or two Or two We have a fizzy drink or two, bada bum Doesn't matter how many drinks we have We have a little drink or two, bada bum We could have three

We could have four We could have five We could have. We could have three. We could have four. We could have five. We could have six. Oh. More than five. Not worth going into. We've ruined this now. Because they're soft drinks. They aren't alky drinks. They're soft drinks. We're having soft drinks today. Tom, you'll be enjoying some of the soft drinks that we've been sent, bought all. No, that's it. That's the two options. Now we tasted some orange cola last time. Correction, for our top tier patrons they got to see us test the German brand of orange cola drinks, but we saved the main brand for this.

This is the main brand, the Paul and Espezi. We have a sugar and non-sugar version. Coke mixed with orange flavourings. Which is apparently a big thing in Germany. Is it not just like Fanta? No, Fanta is just this is good. This is a good discussion. He's asking questions. He delves straight in.

Don't be afraid. Just get in and ask questions. You're right in suggesting that Fanta is in fact a Coca-Cola product, which it in fact is, of course. And is in fact what German Coke turned into during the Second World War. Well, I've got a thing here. And then was re-bought by the American Coca-Cola company. So it's always been Coke, Fanta. Anyway. And Coke bought like, didn't they buy, what did they buy? Lilt. Yeah, Lilt's been absorbed into Fanta, hasn't it? Yes. Tragic news.

I've got an original can of Lilt, just accruing massive value. Do you think that's going to happen? You can take it to Antiques Roadshow in about 50 years time. Well, I got it because I looked forward to putting content into this podcast, Paul, and I thought we could taste, we could taste new Fanta tropical, whatever it's called. And then taste 50 year old tin can. It's from last time. It's from last year. From the last times. From the last time, from the past.. It's from last time. It's from last year. From the last times. From last time, from the past. It's only from last year.

From the bye bye times. I haven't had a Red Bull today. Oh, you've had a nice coffee though. I gave you a nice strong coffee. So that should have some effect on you. It was quite strong. And there's a Pepsi there, isn't it? That's got caffeine in it.

Another cherry Pepsi. I think you're all right for caffeine. Well, and there's going to be probably some caffeine in the selection we're about to taste today, Paul. Let's have a little quick look, because I looked up Sprezi. Spezi. Spezi. Oh, yes, you're right.

It is the brand name for a soft drink owned by the Brauhaus Regiel in Germany. Paul and I, they make great pilsner. Pilsner beer, yes. And for some reason they're now also, or they have branched for a while into this orange-cola mix, which- It's big in that whole region, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, all around there. It says here though that Spezi is a genericized trademark and the name is now used in a generic sense for anything that's cola-orange mix.

Ah, so that's the actual category name for that. Yeah, it's become like when people say Tipex and you mean Correcting Fluid, it's that kind of thing. So you could say that last, on the Patreon video, we were actually tasting other spezies. Yes, other types. Other spezies. This is the, I mean the other one that we tried was Metzomix and that was by Pepsi. And what was it called? Boopy Doopy or something? No, keep guessing because this is going to be funny. What was it? Boopy Doopy? Yeah. Bisty misty. It was called... Come on. Just if you can give me... Spritsy mitsies. Oh Christ. It's good. Do you want to have a crack at it? I was looking at it today. I threw the bottle in the recycling today. All right good. It was called

yummy chummy. It's as good as any. Isthmust pismust. Do you remember what it was called? Yeah because I saw the name just here. Yeah what's it called? It was called... Schmuckersmuckers? Yes, it was called Schmuckersmuckers. Actually, you weren't too far away with that one. It was Schwip Schwap. Schwip Schwap! Schwip Schwap!

And Mezzo Mix, or the other. Schwip Schwap was outstanding. Really good. Very, very sort of distinct orange oil sort of zest. A zest coming off that, wasn't it? Yeah. All the way through the drinking experience. The brand for this was registered in 1956.

They first sold beer under the trademark and then since the 70s it has been produced and bottled by another brewery under a franchising agreement. The Paul and Noir isn't really them, they don't really do it anymore. So anyway, so that's it in a nutshell without just reading the whole Wikipedia page. So shall we get straight into it then? Because we kind of enjoyed the original, well, the other ones that we had for the video. The Schwip Shrap was particularly good. Have you ever had it before? No, I feel like I'm missing out and I'm gonna go somewhere and ask for a Schwip Shrap and they're gonna look at me as if I'm mental. Yeah, they might do. Or, you know, they might get you the help you desperately need. A Schwip Shrap, it's a spezi. It's a spezi. Schwip Schwap, it's a spezi. I've got a spezi on me

Swip Swap. Oh, here we go. You've twanged it. You've twanged me Sprezi Swip Swap. Look, I've got an actual question about the forthgoing proceedings. Yeah. Free glasses. We have the sugar free. Yeah. Oh, I didn't get the letter for the hot sauce. Oh, mate,

you are a fucking... Where's the letter for the hot sauce? You have it. No, you had the box. You opened the box. Where's that letter for the hot sauce. Oh mate you are... Where's the letter for the hot sauce? You have it. No you had the box you opened the box where's that letter for the hot sauce? You have to find it. I'll put it outside. We'll have to get it in a minute. Yeah I'll get it in a minute. Let's just get the drinks done. This is what I'm trying to say. We have the sugar and the sugar free. What do we want to taste first? I think we should try the sugared and then the sugared free. Okay give give us, lean over, give me the...

I'll do it, you just keep, yeah, whatever, we've got free classic. I think that's the sugar free you've got there, Tom. Oh, the spheresy's got a nice little purple ring. Purple ring, Paul. Mm-hmm. Does that have a purple ring pull as well, Paul? No, it has a normal. Maybe that's another thing to distinguish it and make,

because it's zero, zero. There we go. One for Eli. Looks like Coke, because the the shrimp trap was kind of cloudier than normal coke is this a bit cloudy as well this is a little bit cloudy Paul have a look at that yeah no it's very cloudy the orange juice if you think about it if you did put like pulp put what if you did put orange juice into Coca-Cola I I said pulp. If you did put pulp in. Not put pulp.

If you put pulp in, of course it would be cloudy. I didn't know. I just meant even if you put like Tropicana without the bits in, it would still make it cloudy. Do you see what I mean? No. You're on your own, mate. Pulpot. Pul-pup-pulp. Pul-pot. Pul-pot. Pul-pot. Look, yes, it's a dictator... This is not a dictator flavoured episode.

Dictator themed restaurant. Pulled pot pulled pork. Oh god. I'd love pulled pot as pulled pork. Mussolini linguini. Mussolini linguini. We must have done this before. I think we have actually.

I think we might have. Oh god. Are you ready to taste this? Hitler's nitzel. Yeah. Oh, all right. That one didn't fly. No, stop trying.

Stop trying. Let's move on. Let's just have a little sip of this spezi orange cola. Watery. Yeah, but I don't, I quite like this. It's quite refreshing. Yeah. And light.

Yeah. I'm happy with that. That's this. It's quite refreshing. Yeah. And light. Yeah, I'm happy with that. That's nice. It's got colonotes. It has those kind of, you know, chocolatey colonotes in there. It also has the orange zesty freshness. Yeah, pretty good. Definitely better than the mezzo forte,

whatever that was called. It has that Pepsi syrup thing I don't like. What do you think, Tom? It's all right. In my head, it feels like it's halfway between like a Coke and a Fanta. Oh yeah. I'd rather have between a Coke and a Fanta. I'd rather have either a Coke or a Fanta. Really? Yeah. It is, I mean it is basically the... Or it's like you know when you want Fanta as a kid and your mum's not got it so she just puts orange

squash in Coke. You see, did she do that? Yeah. Did she ever do that with you? I never had that done. In fairness, we did all have different mums though. Yes, we had different mums. It would be strange if my mum was making you guys squash. Imagine we found out we all had the same mum and she'd been moving between our families throughout the 80s. Different personalities and stuff. Like the most extreme Mrs Doubtful you've ever seen. I'd love to have your mum. Most people have said that. You know what I mean?

Now guys, get your minds out of the gutter. Can me and Paul have your mum? Yes, bitter. Please. Please. He take my wife, please. Yeah, go on. Oh yeah.

So you used to have a mum who would put orange squash into cola. I mean I've still got a mum. But why would you? This would be a tragic way of finding out. Yeah, it would be a horrible way of revealing that. What would you be saving? Have you killed my mum? What, have you run out of water?

Reveal the truth, murderer! You've got Orange Crust and you've got Cola. Mum murderer! No, are you saying you ran out of Fanta? Have you killed my mum over an aspezie? No, I haven't. What the fuck, man? You killed his mum.

He said something incoherent about Fanta and Bixter Cola there. Oh no. Are you fricking out? What's going on over there? You're admitting to murder. You wouldn't have any Fanta in the cupboard. So to make up for it, you would put some orange squash in the Coke. Here you go. This is like your Fanta. It wasn't like the Fanta. It was like Coke with some squash in it.

Yeah. Okay. Now. Right. Stop pointing. Come on. You're letting us down today. We used to have one drink, only one drink available to us and that was apple juice concentrate with water. And we used to have that on our cereal. There wasn't much to it. What? We had to have it on our cereal.

Apple juice on your cereal? That crunchy, you know, that crunchy cereal? That sort of... The oats, like... Did you live in a cave or something? We were very close to it. What? Not close to a cave, but it was a big old weird house and they were hippies.

Anyway. You would apple juice with water on your... Cereal, yes we did. Yes we did. Different world back then. I don't want to have your mum anymore. I've changed my mind. Okay.

And yet I've only wanted her more. Does she still put apple um, apple squash? Absolutely not. No? No. Not that I've seen where she lived for like the last 30 years, but... Have you ever spoken to her about it and been like, what was that about? No, they don't want to go back there because around that time they were involved with a cult. So they don't want to talk about it really.

Fair enough. Now this is the fact that it always gets brought up, that cool connection, but only when we have guests on. I know. Yes, because some guests are interested in my backstory. I'm the apple juice cult. I'm very interested. In the interim time of all this blather, I've poured-

It's got a nice nose. Wait, shut up! I've poured out three sugar-free spezzies. This is the spezzi sugar-free? You've got a nice nose, mate. There we go. It's broken. Looks like a goose's dick.

I'd give it seven chevys. Seven chevy nose. No, no, no. Chevys are only available for movie reviews. I like movie. For soft drinks. I'm like a very good movie. Oh, you're rating his nose seven.

A lot of people are saying, I'm the best movie ever. Well, I'm saying if it was a movie all about his nose, it would be seven chevys. Fucking seven chevys, bro. Right. If you're going to taste this, stop. Stop. Why is everyone talking about my face? I don't need this.

You brought attention to it. I did not. What did I say? You had one. I have a face. And you're bringing attention to it. At least I have a face. This isn't good. None of this is. Look, stop? You did. You had one. I have a face. And you're bringing attention to it. At least I have a face. This isn't good.

None of this is. Look, stop. You stop. What's going on this week? I don't know. Our focus is off. Drink, everyone drink their drinks now. I'm done.

Come on. It's quite different to the sugar version. The orange is lost or the cola is lost. Something's lost. It's definitely more muted, but it's closer to a... It's got... It's closer weirdly to an actual soda. It's more artificial tasting. I don't like the sugar free shit. What do you think, Tom, of that?

Could you tell the difference? Yeah, that felt less tasty. Yeah, it's considerably less tasty. I would give that a lower score. I much prefer the first one, which I'm surprised by. I'm going to give it... The first one was nice and refreshing and that doesn't have that... Out of 10, I'm going to give it three Ramses.

As in who? Gordon Ramsay. Why not? Every time you say that now, I see his little ass pressing up against the shower, man. Yeah, how does that make you feel? I'm neutral, but it's not something I want to think about really. Alright, okay good. How many Ramsey's are you going to get that drink though? I liked the sugar one.

The sugar one I'd give 4 out of 5. Alright, would you prefer Rhodes? Gary Rhodes, how dare you? That man died. I know for our sins, but would you rather it be named after him? Gary Rhodes died, okay? Yes! I don't know sins, but what I know, would you rather it be named after him? Gary Rhodes died, okay? Yes! I don't know why, what, what, what? That's why I'm saying we should name our rating after Gary Rhodes in memory. Why, why with his TV chefs?

Because I can't forgive anyone famous associated with soda. Listen, a Chevy is a good name for an award of some sort, so let's spread the Chevys out. We can't give everything Chevys or Chevys. Multitask the Chevys! What about Ainsley Harriott? Oh, an Ainsley or two. An Ainsley, that's got a Chevy's out. We can't give everything Chevy's or Chevy's. Multitask the Chevy's. What about Ainsley Harriot? Oh, an Ainsley or two. An Ainsley. Yeah.

It's got a ring to it. No, I want it to be his full name. I want to give it free Ainsley Harriot's. Oh, god. We know about Ainsley. And he'll be going, can we call it Harriot or the Ainsley? I'll be like, no, it's the Ainsley Harriot. It's your full name, mate.

I'm going to give it free Ainsley Harriot's. No, I can't give him the time of day. Why? I know too much about Ainsley Harriot. No, I can't give him the time of day. Why? I know too much about Ainsley Harriot. Walking down the street, I dropped a naked Ainsley. Oh, someone's picked it up. Come on, let's go on to the next drink. The next drink you say, sir? Let me have a look for it right now.

Is it going again? Yeah. That was magic. The magic of cheap show editing. Oh no let's not have that, let's have the Maury Firth thing. What is that? Oh you shhh. What are we having now?

That's the Pièce de Resistance. It's our pissy resistance. Right, this, this is sent to us. That's like a dirty protest or a pissy resistance. We got this in the post today, didn't we? Viva la pissy resistance! Didn't we get this in the post? They saw me open the box.

It's the same as the hot sauce. Same as the hot sauce. So we need to get that letter. Oh God. Do I have to cover? Wait, no, wait, is it this one? Ah, stop, you hurt me. I might have brought it in.

Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha! Cannon is a man. He's a man alright. That's his catchphrase. It's on my t-shirt. Hello Cheap Show, congratulations on 400. Thank you very much. This comes from Kyle.

I have said- Sorry, did you say thank you very much or did Kyle there? Kyle, I said thank you very much to Kyle for congratulating us on 400. I thought it might be in the letter. No. Well it'd be weird if he- because he'd be thanking us for 400. And did he say early on, this comes from Kyle? He says hello-

Is that in the letter as well? No, it's not. It's in the letter. It's in the letter. It's in the letter. It's in the letter. It's in the letter. It's in the letter. It 400. I thought it might be in the letter. No. Well it'd be weird if he's, cause he'd be thanking us for 400. And did he say early on this comes from Kyle? It says hello.

Is that in the letter as well? When did you start reading the letter? I just need to know for sure. From the beginning but then I threw in a little, I'm gonna fucking have you. I can't believe he swore in the letter, Jesus. You can't believe Kyle would swear like that in the letter. Literally says that, I'll fucking have you right there, first sentence. Kyle, very aggressive mate, very aggressive mate very aggressive very aggressive

Dear cheap show I'll fucking have you Anyway, I've sent down some hot sauce that my friend Tully has made I've got it here mate We're gonna have a bit later It is fermented hot sauce that's been pasteurized to stop the fermenting process The pulp is then strained from the sauce dehydrated ground and then mixed with salt. We also got that but we won't be tasting that. That's spicy. Don't get it in your eyes he says.

Anyway finally I have enclosed a bottle of the Murray Cup. It is a soda from the north east of Scotland that was discontinued and now it's back. When it was discontinued they were selling it online for 50 quid a bottle on eBay but it's cal calmed down now, as you can imagine, since they brought it back. Thank you, Kyle. And we are now going to taste the Murray Cup. And it is looks like weak Ribena in the plastic bottle. See, I'm not looking at the label yet. Tom, what do you think this flavour might be based on the colour, which is red?

Got to be strawberry, right? Could be strawberry. It's got red and it's got got green which makes me think strawberry. Yeah. Although the fact you're asking me is making me think it might be something else. See, I don't know. As I say, I'm just looking at it. Is it like a beetroot?

Is it maybe like a turnip juice drink? Could be. Could be watermelon. Could be raspberry. Could be almost anything. Could be blackcurrant. I mean, I've noticed this as well. There's a hashtag on the bottom that says hashtag bring Marie Cupp back.

Yes, because it's been referenced in the, Carl is referencing in the letter. But they have brought it back because I'm holding this. It says limited edition if you see up there. Do you see that? Oh yes it says limited edition. So what they, maybe they're just sort of essaying, you know they're just like releasing a limited run of them to see what the appetite is. They must have been dropped because they weren't really selling anymore. So I will say something

that is a real nostalgic element of a whole demographics childhood. I think the hashtag is a bit confusing though, as you say surely the big identifier should be how many bottles do we sell. They shouldn't go oh we sold 10 but look how many people are tweeting about it. I know, it's so bizarre isn't it, the way that products are sort of morphing into the internet these days. Right, these are, it just says fruit drink, that's all it says. Yes, but what's the history of it? It's like some kind of iron brew offsuit, isn't it?

Because you only get iron brew in Scotland, right? Moray Cup. They've got indigenous soda brands up there. How many Ainsley Harriots did Kyle give this? That's why I want to know. Kyle, how many? How many Ainsleys? AHs? Ainsley Harriots. You've got to, yeah, but it's not going to fly on TV when you want to get through the night. This is like, you can't keep saying the full name. No, no, that's why though. It has to be as awkward as possible to say. And every time someone says-

Yeah, but no one says I'm the winner for best picture from the Arts and Sciences Entertainment Award commission. No one does say that. No one ever says that. No, no. You're correct, Paul. No one says that. All right, that's all. Well done, mate. You're all very unique. A unique sentence there from Paul Gannon. I love it when Paul just says facts. Spouting truth. Right, hang on. He tells it like it is, mate. He does. Come on, Murray Cup.

Hang on, I'm looking up. Murray Cup. Come on, Murray Cup. Hang on, I'm looking up. Murray Cup, Murray Cup, Murray Cup, Murray Cup. What's in your cup? I want Murray! You could have a curry and a Murray. The BBC have an article on this from 2017. A popular drink that has been produced in the North East of Scotland for a decade has been discontinued. Cot beverages have said they're no longer able to viably produce.

What beverages? Cot beverages. Weird. What do they do? Baby milk? Yes. Well done. The red fruit drink was made in the company's plant in Macduff, Aberdeenshire.

Macduff? Macduff, yes. That's what it is, Macduff. Macduff. And then, yeah, the company went into administration. They had to stop making it, it wasn't financially viable and now it's all... Yeah. That's that.

There was a Facebook page at the time that was set up in 2012 to try and save it. Obviously now living in the future, we know that. It's back. Fruit flavoured, is it? Yes. Okay, let's have... You want a portion of portion to us there? Oh, is it fizzy? Yeah, it's a fizzy drink. It doesn't look fizzy in the bottle. In the bottle I

thought it was like a squash. Yeah it looks like that doesn't it. Oh that's like a champagne cola. That is like a pure, very much like that Inca Cola. Like a champagne cola. It's got bubble gum notes on the nose, there's bubble gum notes, there's kind of a vimto vanilla note. I was thinking, I thought vimto, I thought vimto, yeah. Very vimto. Have you, what did you think, Paul? Tizer. Ah, that's it, it's like Tizer. Because Tizer's a red troop drink, isn't it?

Yeah, Tizer, is that Scottish as well, Tizer? I don't think it is, because that's bar, I think. One of these indigenous soft drinks. One of these indigenous. Right, I'm going to give it a supping. I like that a lot. I do not like that. Why?

It tastes like fucking, oh, what's that flavour like? Fake bubblegum flavour drink? That's what it tastes like, yeah. Bollocks. I never liked bubblegum as a flavour for anything. I like it. It says it's got carbonated water, sugar, flavouring, acid, fruit and vegetable concentrates, which are carrot and black... Carrot? Carrot and black-carrot are the only sort of genuine ingredients. The rest of it is all just fake shit. Fake shit, yeah. Yeah.

I think that is Tizer. Maybe it's not Tizer but it's definitely like a... It's close to Tizer, it's got something in common with Iron Brew as well. Is it a bit vimtoey? Yeah, and a bit vimtoey. I like it because it's like a champagne cola, it's one of those sort of... It's fine. What do you think of the flavour there, Tom?

I think it's nice, I think it's quite good, I think it's some... It's a couple of Ainsley Harriots at best, that for me. Three, four Ainsleys. Why, we can't use Ainsley Harriots. I'd give it, I'd say, 3.5 Ainsley Harriots. So you get three Ainsley Harriots, you cut another one in half. Right down the middle. Is that a Harriot or an Ainsley? No, that's an Ainsley Harriot, but it's half of an Ainsley Harriot. No, well, that would be an A-hole, wouldn't it? An A-Haw? Can I have a A-Haw, please? If I cut you in half, we wouldn't go, oh look, the top half, that's Eli, the bottom half is Silverman.

You'd go, oh, there's Eli Silverman's... What if you went straight down bilaterally through the arsehole from the crown down through the arsehole? I don't think we would go, that is Eli Silverman's spliced arsehole. Yeah, we would. I don't think we'd go, oh, that cheeks Eli and that cheeks Silverman. I don't think we'd split it that way. I've got a question about the menu.

What's in this? Spliced arsehole. It's very good. It's delicately made by our chef who's from Paris. Is it spiced or is it spliced? We add a little bit of cumin to it. We add a little dash of pepper sauce. What about the spliced? We add a little bit of cumin to it, we add a little dash of pepper sauce. What about the splicing? Well, we take an artichoke and we bilaterally split it down to make two C shapes, which I then put in a light frying pan. He's doing it again! He's doing the thing where he can't finish the sentence. I can't

do it. I'll have two. I'll have two of those please. Well done. John. Well done. John's over there. I'm Wendy. Well done. John and Wendy us. Well done. That's us. Yeah. Spliced asshole twice. Do you want to get involved in this sketch Tom? Spliced asshole twice. Right. I like that. What? Spliced asshole? Yeah. It's a very much an acquired taste. That's what he said after eating it. I like that! Okay, alright mate, fair enough. You've got to be careful, it's got a venom sack. Hashtag bring back spliced arsehole, fair enough. Bring back Eli's spliced ice arsehole. Ice arsehole? Ice arsehole?

Chilled. Is it a type of lolly? It's a frozen variety. It's like a box full of ice. Ice spliced arsehole. Yeah, it's a box full of ice with little rings of arseholes on the top. Little rings of arseholes on the top. Little rings of arseholes atop the box of ice spliced asshole yeah it's a box full of ice with little rings of arseholes on the top little rings of our souls atop the box of ice this how many are souls do you have just the one okay but it's a good proper good also he's got I've seen it how many aancy harriots I would give that for I did I find that very enjoyable. Your arsehole. My arsehole.

Ha ha ha. You ready? I'm ready to move on from that. Oh dear. Tom what did you think of Murray Cobb? I liked it. Yeah very nice. It's funny to refer to it as a cup. To refer to the drink as the cup. I like that. I want to speak on mic.

If you lean back that's fine but you've got to bring the mic closer to you. It's not in a cup it's a bottle. I don't think you's kind of old school. I want to speak on mic. If you lean back that's fine but you've got to bring the mic closer to you. It's not in a cup, it's a bottle. I don't think you can take a trade description. There's a cup on the artwork. Alright, well that gets it passed. I like that. That's a real little cult soft drink and I think the flavor is quite nice. I like that.

I like that and the flavor is quite nice. I like turtles. Do you like turtles? No, it's that kid on the TV. What kid? What TV? What? There's a little kid with an American Cable News program and it's? No, it's that kid on the TV, the advert meme. What kid? What TV? There's a little kid with an American cable news program and it's like Halloween and it's like Ninja Turtles and there's a kid dressed up and the reporter goes up to him

with the mic, what are you? And the kid goes, I like turtles and that's it. And it's a meme or something now, is it? Yes, it's better and funnier in context but describing it in this way, I admit, takes some of the lustre off it. The lustre is way gone, mate. We're through the luster into the varnish. How many Ainsley Harriots? How many Ainsley Harriots are you going to give the Murray Cup? I just told you four and they're not calling you! Tom.

Hello. How many Ainsley Harriots are you giving that fucking Murray Cup? You better be quick. I am giving that fucking Murray Cup three and a half Ainsley Harriots. Three and a half. It's three and a half Ainsleys. I'm going to give it four. I'm going to be a bit more generous. Shall we move on to the pissy resistance? We're going to move on to the pissy substance.

Nah, nah, nah. Just move it on. Now, now, oh, yeah. These are yet another limited edition Coca-Cola in a, what can only be described as a red ball can, really? I believe there's an Eli Pjab right on the lip of it there. What do you mean a Pjab? That's not like a Pjab. There's a little Pjab on that.

Have you been rubbing this can against your... No, no I have not. Your riched veiny... No, my rich veiny knob has not been near the cans, okay? Oh you both have rich veiny knobs, that's cute. It's from years of working together. I've just got this picture now now some guy who's in a mansion and he's like he's wealthy and he's a dickhead and he's got all veins up here like rich veiny knob that sounds like it sounds like no good no stand up sit down stop walking on the right we need to

describe these colas it's too hot in a hairless in here. We're gonna take a break after this because obviously this is too much for you. Just describe, I've got to look it up. I'm gonna look it up while you tell them what you've got. Fuck me! Tom, I'm sorry, we're much more professional than this in real life, you should be aware. That's not true. That's not true. This is exactly what I would expect. We've done all of these, all the ones that we could get a hold of, these are these limited edition Coca Cola. They started with the cosmic one, you remember?

Yes. Now, this one. No, was it cosmic or space? It was cosmic cola flavour and they're all sugar free and they all have been bad. Yes, they've mostly because of the sugar replacement, you know, the sugar free shit ruins it. Yeah, but even beyond that, they haven't been well thought out flavors, if you ask me, because they are limited edition, so they don't have to, you know. And often they'll be tied in with some kind of music artist or something, and there's always a... Well, this is the interesting thing... ...code for some kind of online activity with these. So they're very much sort of trying to sort to make it social media-y Coke with these limited editions.

Well that's the thing isn't it? These things are... Deadmails. I would argue these are things that are almost made just to be drunk for podcasts and YouTube. Because the limited edition, they're a bit weird and as a result it gives your channel traffic if you review it. Not us though. Never works for us. We've been brutally honest about these. Most of them have tasted really bad. And Coke has been... What was there was a Coke product the other day, the Schwib Schwab. What about it?

That was made by Coke, wasn't it? And that was quite impressive. That's the best Coke owned product I've tasted in ages. The Schwib Schwab. Okay. I don't know why you're not talking anymore. No one's talking. I like the panic in your eyes. Go on. I'm not having a panic. I don't know why you're not talking anymore. No one's talking. I like the panic in your eyes. Go on. I'm not panicked. I'm fine. You can have five minutes to yourself right now. I want five minutes to myself. Be barbie.

So Tom, have you tried any of these weird colas in the past? No mate, I've never tried any of these. I'm very intrigued by this one. Do you want to say what flavour this is? This is a Oreo Coca-Cola crossover flavour. Yes, so this is a tin of cola that has been flavoured by the Oreo biscuits. Now, I will say this, Oreo, on their half, have done a Coca-Cola Oreo biscuit. In return? But they are not either the same corporation? No.

Because it's Nestle's Oreo, isn't it? I always thought. I don't know, I'd have to I always thought. I don't know, I have to look it up. Evil Nestle. I don't know. Here's the copy on the Coca-Cola ad for this, for the website right? It goes, besties just bring out the best in each other don't they? Just ask Coca-Cola and the Oreo brand, two bestie brands teaming up to offer fans a unique flavour experience that celebrates the real magic of friendship. Yeah I'll be looking for the flavor. What is the flavor of friendship Tom? What do you think the flavor of a friendship is? I mean it depends what stage of the friendship really five years, you know, you went to school together

You've you've split apart University you went separate places, but you got back together afterwards I think sometimes I five years in it's really nice flavour, you're really happy, it energises you, you're really upbeat. Other times... Is lemony? Maybe a bit of a lemony flavour there? Yeah it's kind of like a really positive lemon but in other times it is more like a oh I'm sick of this person, this tastes like stale piss. Yeah okay. Vinegar. We're in our vinegar years Paul.

We're in our vinegar stroke years yeah. Yay! Mate. I always saw our friendship as a kind of sugary butter. A sugary butter. You know, like a kind of cake paste. Oh, I like that. Yeah, you know what I mean? You put your finger in and go, that's our friendship. Now, cake paste. Yeah, cake paste. Can I just make one observation? Cake? What's wrong with the word? The phrase cake isn't it cake mix isn't that what other people call it i think or paste implies you use it to like build something yeah yeah you're putting it on the brick and making a building cake that's icing that's what that stuff's known as icing cake paste cake paste is icing yeah if you're an alien and you yeah bleak block what is this it is is cake paste? Cake paste? Icing?

It's icing. Glimpglob? Cake icing. Mmm. Now, how many chevys is cake? No chevys in cake, mate. Oh dear. Anyway, they're tying their signature tastes and iconography together to deliver playfully unexpected innovations.

Fuck me. I think they are owned by the same corporation. I think Coca-Cola owns the Oreo brand okay Google who owns Oreo? Mondelese International. Mondelese International isn't Coke no okay there you go they are they they share some kind of marketing department because do you remember we tried cosmic flavored Oreos yeah but that was just Oreos no and it's the same branding it's's Cosmic Coca-Cola, which is the first one of these limited edition Coca-Cola. That suggests to me that there's some

kind of head marketing office where they're coming up with these ideas. The point is that there's a lot of coffee party is doing the branding, you know, they've outsourced some branding, I reckon. You can scan the QR code on this and it allows you to find friends and customize playlists on Spotify with bestie mode. And the last few have been tied into artists, haven't they? Spotify music artists. So it's all very much trying to get engagement, online engagement through the Coke. If Cheap Show had your own Coke, what would the flavour be? Cherry. Cherry. Yeah, cherry. Sour cherry. Hang on, I know what he wants to hear. Cum. Cum flavour. I would never put myself behind a cum flavoured drink.

Cokie Comet. Coco Comet. No, froth. Froth. Lemon froth. No, not lemon. It's got to be a real kind of like... Cherry froth. Like froth. No, not lemon. It's got to be a real kind of like cherry froth. Like a cream soda flavour. Sour cherry froth. Cream soda. It's got to be that, isn't it? It's got to be that kind of creamy buttery kind of soda. Why are you doing that on me hand? It's weird. Because you're bereft of any ideas. I have to lift it. I think, you know what, Paul? We should get on with drinking this and then go for a break because I'm flagging.

Oh, I just want to say this. I just want to say this. For some reason, when you scan the barcode, it also gives you things to do in real life as like live... Oh like what? Tell me! Scan it! Scan it and close my eyes! Wait. Scan it! Tell me! I'm ready. It gives you live experiences including ferris wheel takeovers and the opportunity to friends to create matching temporary tattoos. Oh, oh! No Now I have my eyes closed, do it. Oh, is it gonna suggest something random for me to do? No. Clean my bum.

Scan here for bestie notes. Clean your bum, it says it, clean your bum. Clean my bum, how do I need to clean it inside as well? Yes, clean it. Use the Coke to clean your bum. Put the Coke up my ass. Put the Coke up your ass. Yeah, put it all up your ass, quickly, quickly.

Quickly! Paul, are you behind this? It's like that Mento challenge, but you gotta shoot it up your arse. Quickly, quickly. Quickly! Paul, are you behind this? It's like that Mento challenge, but you've got to shoot it up your arse. Yeah. Mento challenge. It says, can you stick this up your wide meters? Is there some kind of challenge on at the moment

that people are hurting themselves? Are you interested? Yeah, the fucking dickhead challenge. It may as well all just be called that. Nail in head, nail in temple challenge. Jump off building challenge. I'm going to stick this nail in my temple, or I'm going to give it to charity.

Are you going to share some of yours? I'm going to pour some into the glass and I'll take it from the tin. Are we going to taste this Oreo? I don't think that the, because we tasted those on the episode 400, Coca-Cola, fizzy-Cola bottle flavored Jaffa cakes. Oh yeah.

And it didn't work. You said they were horrible. Yeah, they were And so this, that is the chocolate with cola. Oh you can smell the chocolate actually. You can. Let's have a look. Oh yeah you can. It's strong. It's like that same kind of chocolatey smell you get with like stout chocolate stout drink. It's like a bready chocolatey smell isn't it? Like a cakey chocolatey smell. Yeah like chocolatey cake paste. Cake paste, it's got a big thick layer of cake paste on. On the visual side it looks like Coke. Normal Coke. Yeah quite dark. What else are you going to do with it? It's a bit darker than normal Coke is it? I don't know because that orange stuff was much lighter. I don't know which one it is, do I? Right let's have a little

sip of this and see what happens. I will say this, it does taste like Coke and Oreo, however that taste is fucking horrible. What do we think? I don't even know if I say it tastes like, it just tastes like Coke and chocolate to me. Coke and chocolate, yeah. I know Oreo is like a chocolate cookie, but it tastes just like, as I said, chocolate flavouring, putting Coke, I quite like it, I think that's quite nice. Yeah, there's something nice about that. I think for me it's just the fact that that fake sugar sweetener flavour comes through. I just wish they'd released like a sugar version, you know, like just a regular one. With real sugar I can imagine that working. In fact, I'll go so far as to say, Paul, this has been my favourite of the special edition

Coke so far. I was expecting this to be horrible, but I would happily drink this. There's a synergy, there's a sort of a pleasant way that the two flavors come together. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think the only thing that holds this back for me really liking it is that sweetener thing, which just ruins everything for me.

But it does say fizzy cookie flavored drink, and I guess that's true. Although is there such a thing as a fizzy cookie flavoured drink. And I guess that's true. Although is there such a thing as a fizzy cookie? If you made it with sweetcorn, it'd get fizzy quite quickly. Sweetcorn? Sweetcorn cookie? Have you ever had a sweetcorn cookie? How does that make a fizzy cookie if you use sweetcorn?

Because it gets fizzy, doesn't it, if you leave it too long, sweetcorn? Does it? Yeah. You ever had a fizzy sweetcorn moment? I'm talking top end. Then it would happen bottom end as well. I can't talk to a man just saying fizzy sweetcorn. I don't know what to do with that. You can't talk to a man saying fizzy sweetcorn. You bigot! How dare you? That man said fizzy sweetcorn. Swap swizy fizzy sweetcorn! Swip-srap swizy sweetcorn, mate!

I think that's quite nice. That's alright, you're right. In best of those so far, would you say, Paul? Yes. In terms of accuracy. I would give it... Sorry, go ahead. No, go on, no. You give me your Ainsleys. Don't say Ainsley Harriers. I would give it four Ainsley Harriers out of five.

Yeah, that's not bad, is it? I'll give it 3.5 Five what three? Yes, just point points. No points here though. It's meaningless now. It's the Harriots But you wish I'm using a Z area I bet you wish we stay with Ramsey's now I know I don't Know you see this is bum again Looming have you heard? He's done... He goes on about this all the fucking time. He's got hotel rescue, which is his new thing. Yeah. He goes around, you know, criticising hotels. So it's like kitchen nightmares, but in a hotel. Yeah. I think it might be hotel nightmares. And now he like wanks to it because every now and then he's... He always checks the rooms. He checks the rooms every week on the show.

Yeah, he has a shower room. And has a shower. And we see his bum. Genuinely, because I don't know if you ever watched, um, Kitchen Nightmares, but every episode there's a bit where he's changing his top. He's such a fucking... And he's topless. You see his nipples in every episode. He's so vain. He's so weird and exhibitionist and vain he wants people look at his little

He's got worse because kitchen. I'm kitchen nightmares. It was just hit topless every episode weird man Now he's getting his arse out weird man is all end Gordon Ramsay's Sperm banks where he goes and sees a sperm bank and he has to get his cock out on camera Every episode he has to get his big fucking cock out on camera. Every episode he has an excuse to get his big fucking sad old Winsock cock out. Paul, I don't think there's a lot you can say about a sperm bank in terms of whether it's just whether it is up to various... If I went into a sperm bank and it was filthy, like just a dirty place, I don't want to go in it. I will not part with my semen there. No, but there's a certain sort of set of scientifically predetermined sort of standards that they must... Yeah, but that would be the problem. He'd go in and go,

oh, this sperm's not fresh. Unbelievable. Oh, I came in here, right? It's not refrigerated in here. What the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? It's not refrigerated sperm. It's going to be bad. I'll have to replace it myself. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Chef, chef! Get a spoon! Oh dear! Gordon Ramsay's Spunky Nightmares. What about that? Sperm Bank. He goes in, look at the magazines, are ya? Razzle, 1972, you wanna get another Playboy in?

Yeah. Oh, using computers now, computers, bring a laptop in. Go to Buporn, Redbubble, get your go- Not Redbubble, that don't do porn. No, they do. Anyway, Gordon Ramsay, Sponky, I like this. I bet you could get some porn on a t-shirt. I like the idea of every episode, just him going in, and the first two, like, it is a dodgy sperm-bomb,

but eventually he goes and they go, no, Gordon, this one's fine. He goes, no, I've got to fix it. Right. Gordon will fix this. I've got my dick out. Here we go. I'll repopulate the fucking planet. Gordon stop. No, I've got to fix it. Here we go.

Oh, I'm so angry. Right. Right. When Gordon Ramsay came into our sperm bank two weeks ago, I thought we couldn't hear this place around, but look at it. It's glistening. It's absolutely glistening now. In Gordon Ramsay's sap.

Oh, I can still smell Gordon. It's absolutely glistening now in Gordon Ramsay's sap. Oh, I can still smell Gordon. It's lovely. Paul, it's time for us to taste what was their name? Kyle's lovely friends, lovely pasteurised and fermented hot sauce. Right, so we're back and E.I. now is going to get out Kyle's friends' sauce. Tully sauce. T. now, we're going to get out Kyle's friend's sauce, Tully's sauce. Tully's sauce, we're going to call it. That's got a lovely smell, a lovely, lovely smell. This is habanero and pineapple. As we said in the letter, it was made by Kyle's friend Tully. When I say it out loud, it makes it sound like an Adventure Time plot.

And it's called Tully's Hot Sauce. Oh, does it say Tully there? Yeah, it's Tully's Hot Sauce. Oh, it looks like Tollies there? Yeah, it's Tollies Hot Sauce. Oh, it looks like Tully here, so I do apologize. T... No, you're right, Tully. Oh, it is Tully. I'm sorry again, I'm going to correct the correction. I apologize for Tully Tully. Is this a commercial sauce or is this just a small batch?

He's just made it himself. Yeah. So maybe it's a small batch. This is literally homemade small batch. Yeah. It's got great color. Yeah. Lovely orange color.

I think that's from the fermentation gives it that milk. It's got great colour, lovely orange colour. I think that's from the fermentation, gives it that milk. It's opaque and orange. Yeah, it's like tomato soup kind of colour. Or carrot juice. Yeah. But it doesn't have any carrot in. It is just, we hope, anyway. Is there a place people can buy this if... I don't know. I don't think there is. That's what I think it's gifted think is gifted from family sort of strong smell don't you think that's a great smell oh yeah no it's really earthy it's really spicy smell I'm gonna taste we've only got a little bit we've only got a little bit cuz we don't know how hot it is do we oh oh oh that's really nice oh that's really quite nice cheeky

it's spicy oh it's got a good kick up the front. It's got real kicks, lovely dry and like a fruity flavour you know. Yeah. Oh that's really good and the texture it's got no graininess it's nice and smooth. And how many Ainsley Harriots would you give back? No I'm not, I've played along with the Ainsley Harriot naming of the fucking drink points or whatever, but I will not let that pollution touch the source report, okay? Ainsley Harriot is a pollution! No, I'm not saying him himself! Fucking hell, poor Ainsley!

I don't mind Ainsley Harriot! I find him charming! No! I'm not saying that! Oh, I'm fine with Gordon's asshole, but Ainsley Harriot, he's the problem! Does it appall you, Ainsley Harriot? Five Ainsley Harriots. I'll give it five Ainsleys as well.

That's delicious. Put a bit of a sweat on from it already. Kyle, tell your friend Tully that is really lovely. Tom, did you like it? Yeah, man. I mean, it's got real heat to it. I can't, a tiny half a teaspoon. It's hot, it's very hot, but there's a lot of flavour going on as well.

Are you a hot sauce connoisseur of any kind? Not as much as you guys, but I do like a hot sauce. I like spicy food, I like stuff that's quite, you know, a bit of a kick. And that's got a nice kick. But it's got, as you say, flavour. It's not just like, oh that's hot, you're like, oh no. No it's got that weird grassy, fruity element to it. Oh, you know what? There is an earthiness, a grassiness as well.uity, fruity elements to it. Oh, you know what?

There is an earthiness, a grassiness as well. You're right. We will put our names to this. We will put our names to this if you want to make this the official cheap sauce, cheap show hot sauce. Yeah. We will put our names to this. You can talk to our lawyers about the deals and the finite details.

Well, I mean, what? Oh, I'm just, I don't know. Right, shall we take a quick break? I'm flagging. I don't know if you've noticed everyone, but I haven't been quite as oh funny for the last five minutes. Just stop leaning on the table

who is knocking the microphone. Can you shut up? No, because it affects the audio quality of this fucking podcast. So remove yourself from an issue that I don't wish to raise again. Come on then. Just go for a break, man.

And then we'll play the game. Gannet's Golden, yeah Paul's Pleasant Pastimes. Oh dear. Is it? Is it Paul's Pleasant Pastimes? Oh god that was like all the drinks and hot sauce at the back end coming out. That was weird. How many Ainsleys for that burp? That's a solid seven. That's a solid seven Ainsleys Harriots. You can't get more than five Ainsleys. Well, I'm giving you five Ainsleys. Right, that's it. Right, that's it. Right, that's it. Right, that's it.

Right, that's it. Right, that's it. Right, Tom over to you. 401. 401. You've had 401 episodes. I have got you both a little treat. Oh no.

Oh, he's got something. I've, I've. I'll take me pants off. Why? Because he's going to have what? Bum sex with us? That's the joke. The little treat is his penis being introduced into both of our assholes taking turns.

We're both over the table and he's taking turns. Is that what you're saying? Is that your joke? Keep talking. Is that your joke, Paul? I'm just going to say wash my willy. You've just ruined the surprise. Okay. No, I've got you both a little present. I'm just gonna say Wash my willy. You've just ruined the surprise, but okay. No, I've got you both a little present. Oh, badges. I know you like badges.

So I've got you both. There's two for Eli and one for Paul. I've got a pot noodle one. Get down with Ned Noodle. I've got a little race dance. I've got a real Ghostbusters badge button badge. He's holding a candle for some reason. Ned Noodle's got a boom box. Looks like a cheap boom box. A boom box? A ghetto blaster. Is his name Ned? Oh yeah,

it's Ned. I've got Ned. I've got a Ned at home, have you seen? I've got an actual Ned, a foam Ned. I've seen his foamy Ned. I've got a foam Ned at home and I can put these badges on an actual Ned. Oh, there we go. Please do. Ned's all the way down. Alright. I'm putting my array badge on. Thanks very much Tom. Thank you Tom. These are lovely little badges. What was the other one? It says fill your tum. What is it? It's Ned Noodle right? Ned is looking at the camera and he's doing a thumbs up.

Come on. It says right outside of the badge it says, it says fill your time and have some fun. Alright yeah well we will. Thank you Ned. Great badge. Great badges. Ned Noodle's 30th film will. Thank you, Ned. Great badge. Great badges. Ned Noodle's 30 film. Oh, who's that can on your badge?

I said, you weren't listening. I was not. I know. It's a little race dance from the real Ghostbusters. That's right. This looks like it's taken from the comic book or something, the Marvel UK comic. That's the kind of design I think this is.

I genuinely thought it looked like you, Paul. I thought it could have been- It does look a little bit like me, actually, doesn't it? I was like, oh, could that be from Paul's Edinburgh Friends show? I have no idea. No, it doesn't. It does look a looked like you, Paul. I thought it could have been... It does look a little bit like me, actually, doesn't it? I was like, oh, could that be from Paul's Edinburgh Friends show? I've no idea. No, it does look a bit like you. It does look a bit like you. You do with a candle in that, isn't there?

Uh... Well, Eli's having his own fun this week. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. I don't laugh. I don't laugh. I'm not laughing. I'm ready for the next bit. Right, let's get into the next bit. Well, I've got more. Oh, he's got more. I've got more. Don't... I wasn't laugh. I'm not laughing. I'm ready for the next bit. Right, let's get into the next bit. Well, I've got more.

Oh, he's got more! I've got more. I've got a special for- He's got all Jiminy Cricket-y. Come here, there's more. For episode 4001, I've written you a little quiz. Oh dear. Because I thought, you know, it was not just 400 episodes of Cheap Show. You guys have worked together for a long time, different projects. I know.

And I've basically got 12 questions about different things you've worked on. Oh, yeah. And we'll see how well. It's going to be a small quiz then, innit? I think I'll win. We'll see how well both of you. I think I'll win. Do we get a question each or is it like fastest finger first? No, there's one question.

OK. You both have to think of your answer or maybe write it down. Does that make more sense? I knew this would come in, Andy. You got pen? I got several. Do you want a piece of paper out the cheap book? You can have a piece of this paper. You can have a piece of this if you want. I'm alright. I'm set. Right, questions. What do I call this in my book? What should I call it? And how many questions will there be? There's 12 questions. 12. And it's just a cheap show...

Cheap show quiz. Quiz, yeah. Put that at the top as a heading for your piece of paper, Paul. Put cheap show quiz at the top. I've got to use a gold pen. Write cheap show quiz at the top as a heading for this. Cheap show quiz. And listeners can play along at home if they know any of the answers.

And there'll be 12. 12, yeah. And we need to write down our answers? Yes, well I think what I'll do is I'll ask a question and then you write down your answers, tell me your answers and then I'll ask the next question. Okay we'll do it question by question. Alright, alright. And we score on each one of those. And we can chat about it if you're interested I'll move on to the next question. Okay great this is fine, I'm happy with this. Okay so question number one. Question one. Yeah. What was the name of the podcast you launched in 2013 with Joseph Wilson? Oh yeah.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Failed comedian and deadbeat Joseph Wilson. He's still gigging a lot actually, well played to Joe. I don't know how he's done it with no material for all this time, but God bless him. God bless you Joe if you're listening. God bless you Joe. 15 years in the industry and you still haven't written a joke yet.

That's quite impressive in itself. No, he had some. He's just still got the same ones. He's more... I push I would say he's got patter. He wrote those seminal jokes. Those... Seamen. Embryonic jokes. Right, do we give you the answer now then?

Who are you going to ask first? I will ask Paul first. All right. It was called Topic Thunder. That's what I've got. Yes, Topic Thunder. I will ask Paul first. All right. It was called Topic Thunder. That's what I've got. Yes, Topic Thunder, there we go. Congratulations. All right.

What I liked about it was I did find, it's like half of the first episode on Paul's YouTube channel. I think it was only ever like an episode and a half of it. One or two, because the other one got real bad vibes when we were recording it, remember? Like we had a real bad vibe day and it's like, no, it's not working. Really?

Yeah. Were we at each other or? It was you and Joe just going at each other it was getting really really nasty. Really? Yeah and then it was it was ditched. It was just ditched. But you had you had a very similar dynamic of ripping the piss out of Joe's you just did and also that was a nice bit where you're talking about comedy catchphrases and Elo went oh I've got one he just went oh have I shat the bed. Yeah that's where it started.

And I was like, oh it's nice to see you guys have... Consistency. Yeah, you stay true to your roots. Some would say that we just... I haven't said I've shat the bed in a long time. No, but you know... And it hasn't happened. Hope's brings eternal.

I just want to be clear, it hasn't happened since I was a small child to me. Okay, well none of us really thought you... I haven't even been sick with a fever and shat the bed since then. It's never happened. I just haven't shat in my bed. But you have shat in your pants. Yeah. Have you ever shat your pants in your bed? No. Question two, everyone. Question two. Go on. In 1992, Paul was on Games Master. I was. But what game did he play? Oh Oh easy. Well, obviously somebody's a bit easier for Paul in the offer you like Right Go on. It's duck hunt. Yes

Correct. There we go. There we are. I can't duck on Why is it called that it's cause it's a duck on isn't it? Yeah, but it should be called like ducks go hunting ducks and then you wouldn't have that problem. Isn't it hunting ducks fine? counting ducks and then you wouldn't have that problem. That's snappy, isn't it? Hunting ducks is fine. Cunting ducks? No. Cunt ducks. I wish they'd put a cunt in ducks sometimes. They do. They have a cloaca, don't they?

Yeah, but that's not a... Maybe cunting duck is what you say when you lose at duck hunt. Yeah, cunting ducks. A cloaca does not a vagina make. I love it when you quote Shakespeare. Go on, question three. Question three. Go on.

In his standup set at the Comedy Brew House in 2010, what was Eli's opening joke about? Oh, hang on. 2010, Eli Silverman. There's a video of you at the Comedy Brew House. Oh, God. I wish that would go down, be taken off. What was your opening routine?

Okay. Can I, I may as well answer first, because he might know and it might give it away. would go down be taken off. What was your opening routine? OK. Can I I may as well answer first, because you might know and it might give it away. Was it his triple Jew threat material? My name is Eli Jacob Silverman. Jew Jew, triple Jew, triple Jew threat. I think that was his second bit he did. Oh, smirk.

It was smirk. Was that your opening set? It was. For several years. It was a joke about the smoking ban and flirting. Can you remember the routine? Basically, I said, oh, there's the smoking ban. Smoking ban's just, they used to say the smoking ban's

just come in. And you said that six years in. No, I didn't. It's like, you used to go, six years in. I started to say, oh, well. Do you remember when the smoking ban came in? I started to say that. And you had to go outside for a smoke,

and you had to smoke and flirt You had to smoke and then flirt. And they said smurt in the newspaper. They coined a new term smurt. So I wasn't asking for smanel. That's right. There you go. I know you'll stand up pretty well. Yeah.

Go on. It was smucking and then sm- it's missing. Yeah? Yeah. It was a good bit. Smansmod. It was a fine bit. But god.

Anyway, question four. Oh god. Okay. Gonna be a four. Oh god. It's going to be a long episode now, this. Paul used to host Geek Night Out with the Dark Knight Rob Deb. In their 2009 Geek Night Out awards, what was their worst film? Fucking hell. 2009 Geek Night Out worst film 2009.

This was at the old piano bar. No, this would have been the comedy pub. This would have been the comedy pub downstairs, which was the old seven piano bar. Oh, yeah If you say that one behind the comedy stuff by the comedy stuff. Yeah, that's all part old piano bar seven. All right like seven well done That's a well done condescending I actually have no idea cuz I don't remember doing this Yeah, I guess film of the year. Yeah, what did they give us their worst film of the year? 2009. What the fuck came out in 2009? It's a British film if that narrows it down. That's made me change my guess. Don't know honestly don't know I'd guess I would say

worst sex lives of the potato man but I think that came out much earlier. But I don't fucking remember. But there must have been like some kind of disappointing Because it was geek. It was all Marvel stuff. Yeah, but we tossed that off. I have no idea I was gonna say Superman. No, it wasn't common bit. Man of Steel was it that terrible Superman? That was later. Have you got anything? No, I got nothing. It was lesbian vampire killers. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, that was terrible That was terrible. I haven't seen it. Yeah, that makes sense. That was terrible. That was terrible. I haven't seen it.

Yeah, that was like Corden and the other one trying to do their Sean the Dead thing. The other one who I used to hate more than Corden, but now I think he's okay, you know. Yeah, because he wasn't. Because he isn't James Corden. He isn't James Corden. He is very nothing, you know, isn't he? He's a bit of nothing, yes. Question five.

In the first episode of The Cheap Show, you reviewed two novelty songs. Who Were the Artists? And the first episode of The Cheap Show, you reviewed two novelty songs. Who Were The Artists? And the first episode was a live episode. Oh my word. Well, the first show is Brian Wecht. Which songs won that episode, yeah? Yeah, two songs. Two songs.

For the Silverman's Platters section. Yeah. Which it wasn't called then. Before it was even named that, yeah? Yeah. It was just like the marking of the year. And they were both novelty songs. Er... Erm... Could you. I don't know oh what would we have played for Brian if anyone knows this at home I'll be delighted

yeah because I don't fucking know I just I think I know one of them but I don't know the artist that's all I've got yeah terrible this isn't it I'm just gonna I know one of them but I don't know the artist that's all I've got yeah terrible this isn't it I'm just gonna I've got I'm gonna go for one but I don't even know if this is right can we get half a point if we get one of these right yes you can all right I'll answer first you've written it down have you pull is it ET phone home no sorry right one ET phone home I was gonna go that do you know what that is do you know that is Tom no okay I know the song that Michael Jackson did with ET. What's that called? It's called like someone in the dark. Oh yeah. He did. And he did it for the ET soundtrack. And then at the end. Was ET on it going

genuinely at the end? It's got Michael Jackson singing this ballad and then at the end ET goes thank you. God. It's awful. Really really weird. He was good good, wasn't he? He was good, E.T. He was good, E.T., wasn't he? I seem to remember that that song was made for it, but never actually put in the final film. No, I think it's just on the album. Just on the album. It was never in the film, yeah.

Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and say it was Lonnie Donoghan in My Old Man's A Dustman. No, it wasn't. It was Timmy Mallett, Itsy Bitsy, Pokedoc Bikini. No, it wouldn't have been that. It would have been the other one. Go on. And the other one was Ted Rogers and Dusty Benham oh that would have been that's what I think my dustbin dustbin man thing came through that one is a proper very bad record that one

yeah with the little moog line no well that's the one where he sings with the kids isn't it no no it's not I know the one I know the one he I know the one he means. Dusty Bin? Yeah. He's Dusty Bin! It's like that! I fucking, I fucking, I fucking, don't say no. He sings to the kids. I'll tell ya, he goes, er, der, der, der, der, der. There are no kids on that record. I can't wait for you to fucking eat crow right now.

Okay. Ted Rogers. I'll be wrong! So I'll be wrong, it won't be the fucking first time I've been wrong. Yeah. I'm used to it. I'm used to being wrong all the time. About the contents of my own beliefs. This never happens on the actual quiz shows.

This is a remix or something. No, this is the original. It is. I can see from the artwork that it's the original. Moob, Flutey. Yeah, who is it? The kids coming in. Know who I mean. Dusty bitch.

I don't hear any kids in it yet, Paul. There they are. They're even laughing in a gay manner. I'm wrong, I'm eating the crow. Nom nom nom. I never thought I would see literally children innocently laughing and Paul's face so serious. Have that.

The mixture between a kid going, hee hee, and Paul going, yeah, fuck you mate, who's right? Yeah, me. So, question six. Just to clear this up, because you didn't... Which Timmy Mallett song was it? Itsy Bitsy, Polka Dot, Pocky? No, it was some sort of cover. I think it was...

That is a cover of a... Yeah, but Timmy Mallett released a second single, which was also... Itsy Bitsy, Tope, Teeny Pea, Beanie, Teeny... No, it's neither of those words. Itsy Bitsy weeny yellow polka dot key it's not that I'm not sure I don't know if you said on the box that is by that guy Brian Highland the originally was it but that's not the answer so stop giving us facts in the rock and roll era right question six you don't know what song it was no I know it was Timmy Mallett what was that song we covered I was just looking for the artist. Yeah, just move on from Timmy Mallett. Move on!

I like Timmy Mallett. Yeah, he's fine. I like Timmy Mallett. We're Timmy Mallett friendly show. Yeah. How about time? Question six. OK.

Again, I don't know how many times you did this, so it's just based on a YouTube video I found. OK. At the end of the humble quest for universal genius oh this is my this is your thing yeah house what animal did Eli read a poem about oh which episode the one that's on YouTube right I think Rufus Rufus hounds there is it the Rufus hound one I'm gonna have to take a guess is he against Pasco I Pascow? I believe so, yeah. Oh, that's quite a high, um...

You don't see much of Rufus Hound these days, do you? He had his moment. Where's Rufus Hound these days? I don't care! He's on Twitter. He is on Twitter. He seems like a nice lad. I think he does acting mostly of the stuff these days. He was. He's nice and fun to work with, definitely. Yeah, he seems like a nice man. He might have done it a couple of times, actually. I'm gonna take a wild guess. I've got a wild done it a couple of times actually. I'm going to take a wild guess. I've got a wild guess. What animal?

What animal? What animal? What animal? I think I know. Is this number 6? 6, yeah. OK, you say first. I think it was Otter.

And I've got Otter here. It's a kangaroo. Fuck! I'm just surprised we both said Otter. Because it was at that time that Sarah Pascoe dissed my otter poem. Oh, that's what I was thinking of. Because I refu- because it was at the Leicester Square Theatre. Who's fucking she to diss your otter poem?

Well, she just said- What is this? I was going on about dam building and she's like, That's beavers. That's beavers, you idiot. Basically. Can you remember your- Okay.

Can you remember your otter poem off the top of your head? No, something like, Oh, still building a dam and I'm a beaver. It's like, pause up, baby, pause up, give me your love. You know why? That's by Otter Man. Very good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Go on, next question.

No points for six right. No, no, that. So question seven, Mr. Tom. When Paul was a guest on the Richard Herring, Edinburgh Fringe podcast in 2013. Worst month of my life. Who were the guests Richard was chatting to on that episode where Paul was a standup guest, but who was Richard talking to at the Fringe?

What's his fucking name? Okay, got it. I've got no idea. Right, I think I know. That was like genuinely, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you a little story about that. So I was in Edinburgh doing my solo show in 2013. I was very, very lucky to get a spot on Richard Herring's podcast.

It was just a standup set, not an interview set, just doing a bit of standup. I'm having a bad month in Edinburgh for various boring reasons I won't get into now, but I'm heading down to Richard Herring's show and I'm nervous because, you know, I'm going down. Herring doesn't know me. Is it one of these theaters up town?

Where? It was one of the stands. It was the stand. It was one of the stand venues. Anyway I head down there and on the way I meet a stand up and he went where are you going and I was like I'm off to do Richard Herring's podcast. I'm doing a spot. He looked at me and he went you? You're doing it? And I was like yeah he goes you're not good enough for that and just walked straight off. So anyway so that was heartening as I walked down to Richard Herring's gig and to be, it went all right in the end. I haven't listened back to it in a long time, but I think it went all right. You're not good enough.

You're a cunt. Yeah, I'm not a cunt. Even if you thought that, why would you say it to the person? It was I mean, it was like jealous, especially for someone who goes on about how you're such a lefty comedian and that's how you treat people. Yeah. And it was just like a real stab in the back when I didn't need it after three and a half weeks of fucking misery. Yeah, but no one needs it ever. Anyway, you showed him, mate. You smashed the gig. You're still here.

Yeah, I'm still it. I'm still kicking it. Now, I say Rich Hall. Oh, yeah, the question. The answer is Bo Burnham. There's two people. Bo Burnham is one of them. Oh, there was another one. It was Milton. Milton Jones. Yes, it was. Oh, you bastard. Full point. Two points for that.

Is it one or two points for that one? Make one for each one for each point. That you got what you got one for the Timmy Manic. Ted Rogers question, if you got them right, that's one. Yeah, you didn't get that right. Yeah, I said E.T. phone home. Yeah, that wasn't there. Question eight. What character did Eli play in the 1997 film, Perverella?

Oh, god. Oh, well. According to IMDB. Oh, yeah. It's specific, isn't it? Is it? Do we have to get the number right? No, there wasn't a number on IMDB.

It just says in Perverella, which I've never heard of. It's not worth checking out. It's not. Any memories about Perverella? It'll get canceled. I do. We filmed, okay, and I was in these Lycra shorts and just a sort of fur, furry gilet. So many Cheap Show fans are rushing a little furry gilet. You know what I mean? Like a furry vest, a fake fur vest and Lycra shorts. We were waiting, this is the kind of film it was, there's loads of topless women. We all had to wait in this sort of room in this

guy's house where they were shooting and there were all topless women sitting around and the table between us was piled with vintage porn mags, piled with it and I had to sit there all day. God, ands, piled with it. Yeah. And I had to sit there all day. God. And it had Jonathan Ross in it. Fucking so shit. It was like a terrible day to be fair. Isn't it terrible? It wasn't terrible. It was memorable.

But it was a bit strange, you know what I mean? And you couldn't even get an erection because you were in those tight pants. You try not to. You don't want to, you know, you're not trying to look at women's... Gesticles. Yeah. How much did you get? I don't think I got very much at all. I think I got like an extra fee. a hundred anecdotes out of it wow not

worth it for some reason the Jonathan Ross bit made it just seemed much worse yeah it did already sounded crap and you went in John Frost and I went oh no it honestly it's one of those films it's probably not even so bad it's good it's just tedious tedious right I think the answer, I just think it's like third pervert or something. I've got dirty perv. Dirty perv, correct. Fair enough, I was close though. I'm happy that I got close.

You were close. To be fair, if you were a perv, do you need the other qualifier of being a dirty perv? Well, maybe you're a perv that's into dirt. Was there a clean perv as well? I guess, there might be a clean perv. Clean perv, yeah, like bishops and stuff. Well stuff well no you could be clean and like want to wash someone's wash someone down right question question nine yeah you're right question nine please Tom

little washy pervert right question nine please no point for you. No. No point for Spongy Perv. Shame. Soapy Perv. Okay. At the Rogues Variety Performance Show in 2012. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The what? The Rogues Variety

Performance Sketch Show. Graham Casey, me, you. In 2012, Paul played a Good Times version of which song on his ukulele. What's the venue? What's the venue? It just says the Rogues variety. I can see you writing down. It was the Espionage back in the day in Edinburgh, we did that.

I know, I remember. Yeah. Nick Helms' show was on before ours. I'll answer first. Why are you talking to the mic so we can all hear your wit? Shall I answer first? Yes. Correct, yep. Yep creep by Radiohead Yeah, and I've written creep. Yes

Used to do that a lot I never did it I did it once in the in the show and then I did once with Matt Devereaux at the other comedy club the Six Styles one you used to do it live. I never did creep as part of my stand-up set Oh really never did it play it a lot. Yeah, you did it live on this video. Yeah, but that's... It's good, it's really good. No, it's alright, but like the best one's the one with Matt Dever on piano. Right.

Some accompaniment. Yes. Cool, we both remembered that. Right, question ten. Oh, nice bit of this. Okay. In 2017, Eli starred in Clanker Man. He did.

Well done. What is its current rating on IMDB? Oh, can we get a point for who's closest? Yes. So it's IMDB. Which is out of five. But they go to... It was out of five.

They go to two decimal places? I thought it was out of ten. Out of ten, out of ten. It is out of ten. And it goes to one decimal place. Alright, whoever gets the point closest gets the point I've written mine down. I thought you'd like the fact that currently there's been 69 ratings. Oooooooi!

The lowest they say. Nice. Uh... What's going down, Mr Silverman? What's your number? Are we getting in-between for being near here? No, these aren't. What are we pointing at? We can't have Ramsey's for this.

So we can't have Haynesy Harreys. So how many points are we getting? What can we get? There has to be something related to cheeps rather than something related to films. You've got to coin it. You've got to coin it. It's up to you to coin it. Keith Juggwins.

No, we're not calling them Cheggers. You've got five Cheggers. I'm not getting any Cheggers now. Cheggers, No, we're not calling them Cheggers. You've got five Cheggers. I'm not getting any Cheggers now. Cheggers, Chebs and Chips. And Chives.

Edmonds. Cheesy Cheggs. How many Noles? I've got Cheesy... Oh no, God. Whoa, okay. Good dear. I'm just trying to say nonsense things.

You know, sometimes I can't finish a sentence, but I'm glad I can... I don't get anywhere near that when you talk. Please, could you cut that out? I wish you would cut it out. It was a mistake Mistake phoneme just how many right so you don't get between so each point is a Four swang for swang for swang. I'm not happy with it, but it will do I said nine point five Am I being big-headed? I said 8.7. It's an 8. Oh I still me get the point though I'm closest. But it deserves more, deserves more. I'm getting a point for that because I was closest. It's still pretty good isn't it? 8 is very very good. To be fair if people are listening to this want

to go to IMDB and give it a higher rating? Yeah please do. I'm not going to check it obsessively. Question 11 please. Question 11. Okay in his stand-up show Ain't Afraid of No Ghost, Paul tells a story of going to see Ghostbusters at the cinema when he was six years old. He certainly does. But what happens during the library scene? Oh that's easy. Yeah I've written that down, it's the easy one this innit. I often tell this story. during the library scene. And then it went, bleh! And then it was like, oh! But then you stayed. No, my auntie who took me took me to the bathroom. And cleaned you up. Took my pants down and got tissue paper and dried me out. You did miss a small portion of the film there.

I didn't walk back into the film until they got this, Ray got his third mortgage or whatever it is. Oh really? So it was like you missed a chunk. I missed a big chunk. So that's why when I watched it on VHS all those years later, it was like, oh, director's cut. It's funny.

Yeah, it's funny. It's a sad story. I get a point for that. We both get a point for that. Yep. Right, final question. Question 12. OK. In his review of your 2008 Edelberg Fringe sketch show,

which was Rogue's Handbook Bumper Book of Sketches, who did Steve Bennett from Jortle compare Eli to? Oh, a cunt? No, you said the only one who can act. I love that he takes away all of that always I can't remember this at all. DeVito No, I'm being so big-headed here. No, that doesn't seem like you at all I am gonna take a stab at the dog. I haven't written this down, but I'm gonna say he maybe is it some okay I'm just gonna say he maybe compares him to nick helm no no go on then he describes him as the baldric of the operation yeah no yeah the baldric there we go

it was fucking funny i have to say all right well all right okay yeah but baldric was still a dirty scabby mentally deficient half-wit i have one two, two, three, two, three, four, five, six. Four, five, six. I have six. There's no tie break, isn't there? Oh no, I was gonna make a tie break. Oh, there's no tie break. It's all right, let's just shake hands and agree

that that was a wonderful quiz, and thank you very much. I enjoyed that, thanks Tom. And I'm glad neither of us won, because that would have made this a little bit more unpleasant. Maybe the prize can be the friendship. The friendship we made along the way.

Are we gonna play snooker break now, or not? Let's play snooker Break now. Is it Gannon's Golden Games time Mr Silverman? Would you like to bark incoherently for a few minutes? And do the theme? No, not if I'm allowed to. Does it lose all the frizzle? Is that all I had to do to really basically define you? Or in that case, I'll do it. It loses all the frizzle. Is that all I had to do to really basically find you? Or in that case, I'll do it.

He's getting go game. He's getting go game. Ooh, ooh, he's getting. Who's game is it? It's dog yours. It's Gannon's dog games. Try and introduce a Dario thing. Trying to introduce a Dario. A dilly daryo.

A dilly dary daryo. He's working better for me now, dog. A dilly dig dog Dario. Dig dog Dario. There we go. It's Gannon's dog games, everyone. Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly Dilly I certainly did. It was up on Wood Green somewhere, I think. I can't remember the specific shop. It's got a lovely build quality. It has. Do you always jump ahead to the stuff that needs to come second or third and not the actual title of what the game is? It is a game, a toy, not really a board game, but

it's Steve Davis' Pop Black Snooker Break TM. Now, Tom, since your podcast is all about Snooker and I'm guessing you do know about Snooker, tell us more about Pop Black. Was it a brand? It was a TV show sort of launched by the BBC. It was one of the first times they had Snooker because Snooker was a very good indicator of colour TV back in the day. So when there was black and white TV and they went, what's a show that can really show the colour? And they went, perfect Snooker, that works. It it's got colour so it was a really big thing in the early days of television and the early days of the sport kind of getting a massive following so I presume this might be from the 70s then?

1983 this is right. Oh okay well yeah Steve was the dominant player in the 80s Mr Steve Davis. He was a young chap there we got a picture of box, he's got a little child on his knee. Yes, it's a bit creepy, isn't it? Don't think that's appropriate to play a board game with. Well, it's just saying, look, you know, play together. Unless that's a growth, like Steve Davis once had like... That's his weird, his weird, what's that character called? Conjoined twin, yeah, yeah. What's it called? From Total Recall. Yeah, what are they called? Take your, open your mind. I want to say like Kujo. Isn't it Nugget or something? Guago. Guago Nugget. Anyway.

Guago Nugget. We've moved on. No, Paul, they did a Rick and Morty episode of it. Thank you. Of Pot Black? Of Pot Black. Imagine that. That bit out of... We don't need to talk about Rick and Morty, so let's just move on. We don't need to. Thank you. Right, so it's Steve Davis' Pot Black's Nougat Break and it's not like a board game. It's kind of like, it's hard to explain, but easy to play.

There is a snooker table. It's a plastic base. Yeah, there will be. With a snooker table painted on it and there are little pegs that resemble the snooker balls and there are three spinning dials and depending on the outcome of each spin of certain dials depends on determines where the ball is and your points and scoring. Yes our actions and you're gonna be games master. Yeah because it's only for two or four players. And I'm gonna take on the guest. Okay here we go. I want to ask one more question at this point Steve Davis he was quite young at this point, right?

Yeah, I mean, he must have maybe been sort of mid-20s to 30s, I'd say at that point. So he was the big golden boy. He was sticking his name on everything. He was definitely the world champion, the world number one. Yeah, isn't he in the top 10 of like all time snooker men? Yeah, in terms of world titles, it's kind of Ronnie and Hendry have got seven and Steve's got six. Okay. So he's still up there. And he's still a regular part of the punditry. He still DJs at Glastonbury.

I couldn't believe when you said that. He was a Funk and Soul DJ and he's also had an album of electronica style stuff. I like that because he was often like called boring. That was the spitting image thing, wasn't it? He was like boring and uninteresting. It's strange because that was the perception of him, but nowadays he seems like a bit of a joker. He has a bit of a laugh and he's got quite a dry sense of humour and... I guess it's like he's like the Gary Lineker of Snooker. Well I think, I guess he was seen as boring because it was him and he's quite a clean, normal, calm individual.

Yes. And the people he were opposite were high on coke all the time. He looked sort of square compared to his big drinkers back then. Ronnie Sullivan is that one? Yeah, he's the dominant player now Ronnie Sullivan. Still. But he's not a big drug, has he had drug things? He has. He's very temperamental. He sometimes just goes, I'm not feeling it.

Yeah, he's had real sort of, he's a bit more of a fiery kind of character. Oh dear, I don't like him., he's a bit more of a fiery kind of character. Oh dear, I don't like him. Rather than like a nice boy. No, back in the day, there was all these, who's the one with the funny glasses? People who had serious alcoholism and cocaine problems and gambling problems and they were playing these tournaments as well weren't they? Yeah, I think players like Hurricane Higgins got suspended for punching the referee and stuff. Yeah, like Hurricane Higgins got suspended for punching the referee and stuff. Yeah, but that's what I remember when my dad used to watch it. It was the booze and the cigarettes and the whole whole vibe of like an adult sort of space. There was a guy called

Big Bill Werbernak and he used to drink like he'd drink to pints while playing. Go through a number of pints while playing. Dirty sport back then. I remember, do you remember this? There was a sketch on Alas, Smith and Jones, where they're like snooker players. It's set up to say they look like snooker players, but it turns out the competition is actually how many. Oh, that's right. The pints are spread out on the table. How many drinks you can get down. And then here comes Steve Davis who walks in. He's the pretty boy, nice boy, good to his mother, plays a clean game. We can see why he became a poster child for snooker-based tat. Yeah, I think with the child on his lap, they're trying to sort of sell him as a sort of older brother kind of character. Yeah, that's it. And he even says it on here, all the rules, the thrills and excitement of a

professional snooker match that can be played anywhere, indoors or out. He's got a nice build quality and a nice compact feel. Yeah, I like the spinny dials. Lovely covered spinny dials with the little ball bearings in. And this pegboard, very much like a Mastermind. Yes it is. It reminds me of the design of the... you remember Mastermind? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not the TV show, the board game Mastermind with the code breaking mechanic. That's what I mean, yeah. Everyone had Mastermind, I don't know why. Everyone had, because they had about 18 versions. It's like Jeff Lyn's War of the Worlds. Yeah. They put out a new version every two months. From about 82 onwards, there's about 800 versions of Mastermind.

Like 3D Mastermind. Superduelux board. It's fucking Wordle with numbers. Well, colours. Or whatever it's with, it's bullshit. Well, you're not a big fan of it, are you? It's so boring when you look at it. You go, ooh, nothing like, ooh. The only other snooker-based-

Fuck that. The only other snooker-based game I wanted to get, because obviously you can buy tiny snooker tables and stuff, and that's not that interesting, but I'm kind of keen to get my hands on the big breakboard game, based on the TV show of the same name starring horrible human being and outright cunt Jim Davidson. He, what's it called? The Big Break game?

Big Break, yeah. It's only a game so put up a real big fight. We're going to be snookering you snookering you tonight. Snookering you snookering you tonight. Big Break. There you go. I don't remember it. And then John Virgo was the boring man in you tonight. Big break. There you go. I don't remember it. And then John Virgo was the boring man, you know. So it was Virgo and Davidson.

Yeah. Pure toxic stew. I don't know about John Virgo being a toxic man. Virgo's alright, he's alright. He's a player, right? Yeah, yeah. You thought he was a ref? He was a player.

Oh he was? Oh okay. And now he's a commentator. Now he's a commentator. But he would kind of be quite funny as well, he's quite... Dry witted, isn't it, almost? Yeah, he's a commentator. But he would kind of be quite funny as well. He's quite... Dry-witted, isn't it? Yeah, he's very much like that. But big break game. I presume you just score points by insulting women.

Yeah, no. It was like question number one. How hard a slap does a woman deserve for not having your dinner ready when you get home? Oh, Jim, I can only go from experience, but one good slap will do it. It says here, I give him two. All right, there you go. He is a cunt isn't he? Question number two, why are wheelchairs a problem at live comedy gigs? That's the other one. Anyway, I don't know. Anyway, horrible cunts that the BBC tried to make the next Bruce Forsyte by having them do Generation Game and all sorts. Yeah. Anyway, I do want to

get Big Break. One day we'll get that. Because you're day, you're obsessed with ballgames, aren't you? Yeah. And basically ones based on TV shows, which kind of this counts, I guess. This can. Yeah. Yeah. So let's are you ready to play? It's going to be Eli versus Tom. I'm ready. So when we're ready, let's play. Pop Black, Steve Davis, we're going to play. So basically, you remove pegs from the snooker ball by spinning a dial.

Who would like to go first? Shall I toss it? No, I think that our guest should go first. Alright, so I will break off. And once he spins the dial, I will then tell you what the outcome is based on this rules book. So he's spinning for his first shot, he's spinning the red shot. And there's a little ball that goes round? Oh, and it's in the light green. Light green. So that means this is a foul stroke four points are given to your opponent expert as well. He's come here

He's come down here. So our whole that was a practice shot That's all that was so that would have been two minutes not score. I don't get it I've given you four points in this instance What you could theorize is that the ball bounced off the cushion and didn't hit anything on the table? Oh, yeah bounced off the and so didn't hit anything on the table. Went in the hole? Went in the hole, yeah. Or went in the hole, yeah. And so is the winner the person who gets 100 points?

It's, yeah, basically. Actually, it's the game's over when all the pegs are off the board. Well, we should play one frame, shouldn't we? No, because it might be forever. So that's why I've put Take Club. I'm going to spin. And I have to fucking edit this podcast. I'm going to spin. And I'm not going to sit here and edit. Oh, just what? We're having fun. We're having fun for once.

I'm going to make this edit easier by playing ragtime music in the background, evoking a pop-black vibe as we play this podcast. I'm not going to sit here and edit. I just thought we're having fun. We're having fun for once. I'm going to make this edit easier by playing ragtime music in the background, evoking a pop black vibe as we play this game. Do they have a ragtime vibe? Yeah. He's spinning for his red shot now and let's see where it lands. Spin it round and round it goes. Oh, red. Is it red? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I know it's a bit faded. Red. There we go? If it if you land in the red section score one point and place a red ball from the snooker table on your segment

Which you've done Reserved for potted red balls then take a color shot. Okay, is that the middle? That's the end one So spin the color show because you know red then color red then color red then color round around it goes round around It goes watch it landed on is that blue? yeah green green so it is definitely green I was gonna say the whole so you can't not pot the black I'm very confused you can if you can if you want it's all about the four colours it will explain in a bit later so if it lands if you're colour blind you can't play this game. Or you can't play snooker.

There's quite a high proportion of... Of all you can play. Yeah, because it's dots and little stripes. There are some snooker players who are colorblind and occasionally have to ask the ref, Is that a brown or is that a red? Oh god. That's what's going to say. That's what's fascinating because it's quite a high percentage of men are colorblind. It's not insignificant. It's like one in five or something.

It's something that high, one in ten or something like that. It's like two in ten. That's right, stop saying numbers! I think you're trying to chat because you want to win this 1-0. Yeah, right, ball lands in green section indicates the required ball, so what would happen is if you got this right, you can say what colour you hit and potted in, and that's your point. Is there a question for me? No, listen, let me finish. Requires that the ball that you aimed for had been hit,

but not potted and the opponent has been left snookered. Play passes to the opponent who will spin the snooker wheel to escape in the snooker wheelchair. So Tom is now spinning the snow. Exciting snooker. Yeah, let's see where this goes. It. So, snooker, blue. Oh dear, a foul stroke. Four points to the opponent. If all reds have been potted, the value of the next colour ball is given away. That's not, you haven't got that.

Oh yeah, four then. Why, why, why, why? He's nine nil up. But you have to take one back because you don't get a... Did you add a point for the red one that you got? Yeah, no. Alright, cool. In that case, Tom, don't get a did you add a point for the red one that you? Got yeah, no, yeah. All right. Okay. Good. All right cool in that case Tom It is now your go to go on the red, please. I just went didn't I know it does play it goes back to you It's not quite so go orange orange, right? What does that say red orange? The opponent has been snookered

So now he's been snoozing. I spin the spoon you spin the spoon. That's another question I have for the snooker experts, seeing as they're here. Did snooker used to mean put in an inescapable position? Or was snooker, was it a nonsense word that made up the game that then became to be known as that? It's that one. Yeah, the second option.

Yeah, yeah. The term came first, and the association with the term came second. But where did the term originate? Do you know where snooker came from? India. Oh yes, because it has that sort of sound. Spin the Snooker circle.

Back when it was British India, many years ago. Middle one. Spin it. I'm not looking. If you had, put it back. It's in blue. Blue, which means... Yeah, four strokes to...

Yes! Four points! There you are. You're halfway there. Eli. means yeah four strokes to four points. You're halfway there. Eli. And now I spin the red. Yeah. Doesn't it go to the other person? Oh no it does in this case. Yeah it does on this one so now you take it.

I know the rules better than the enemies. It didn't last time but it did this time. I'm reading it as I go. He's spinning a red. Oh will he pot a red? Will he? It's gonna land on. Oh white. What's that one?

That's foul. Four points. Wait, no, wait. Clay passes to the opponent, which means the red ball had been hit but not potted. Oh, that was close though. So I go on the red now. Yeah, you're red now as well.

Nice spinning action as well. Not great, but pretty good. Effective. It's good for a toy. It's got nice orange. It's not all gone brittle. The plastics have a certain quality level. Orange.

Your opponent has been snookered. so you've been snookered again. You've got to spin the snooker wheel. Oh, for God's sake. Yeah, but you might get a lucky this time. You might get a real good one. You spin in the snooker. Stop playing like Peter Evden. I like the fact that we've been playing it. Blue. Blue. Oh, that's not good, is it? Yeah, no. Four points to Eli. Right, so Eli, you now take a red shot. Yellow. No, that's half yellow, half orange.

Is it? Yeah, yellow tip. Oh no, you don't mean the inside, just the outside circle. Orange. Right, so that means, oh fuck's sake, snookered again. I've snookered you again. I've never seen this many games of snooker and fucking snooker. Snooker, I'm sick of saying snooker and all.

This is terribly boring as a game. Orange, what does that mean? Uhhhh... You've escaped but without scoring. And the opponent is left in snooker, which means now you have to spin the snooker circle. Ah, I've snookered you with my snooker. Yeah, so you did something clever.

This is exciting stuff. He's managed to get out of the snooker and snooker me. That happens when they go up the end and go down the bouncy. And yet, we've only potted one red. Not blue! It's blue, which means four points to Tom, and he gets to take a shot on red now. He's catching up, Mr Silverman.

I'd like someone to pot a fucking red at this point in the game. Oh? Orange. Orange. Snooker. I'm snookered. That's all that's going to happen. That's the whole dynamic. People get snookered. No, wait, this is red. Oh orange orange That's the whole dynamic people get snoek

It's just one it's just one orange all right, they've been all they've all been red We're having a problem right so Tom you've now potted a red right which means you take a point I put it there. Yeah, you put on your side. Yeah. Yeah, there you go And then you can move it one space and And now you spin a color as you would. So now we go on to color. Come on color. Come on color. What have we got? It spins it around. It's greeny blue. What do you want? Blue. That means the ball has been missed. Four points or higher, depending on the point value on the ball are missed and awarded to the opponent for a foul stroke. Wait what? I think we're meant to be saying which one we going for don't we? It doesn't say that though. Yeah, he doesn't know the basics of snooker. This is the problem they don't explain the rules of snooker.

Why didn't we just get a real referee like Leo Scully and Ossoff Herbow? Oh wait no, you know what I didn't read the whole thing. So you then take a colour shot. The colour you require is determined by the colour segment on the inside of the red section of the ball. I didn't see that bit. Tell you what, Tom, start again. This is fucking violence. I'm sorry. That means I was going for pink then. So Eli gets six points. Oh, fucking hell.

I'm beginning to see why they drank so much. Yeah. You've done the scores wrong as well. Look, it's one to 10 and then numbers of 10 upwards. So you should be actually at this point. No, that's gone too low. At 12. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, look. It goes up to 19, 20, and then it counts from there. All right, this is all going well. Cribbage board. I'll give you cribbage. Right, Eli spin the red. I've got terrible itchy cribbage. Eli spin the red ball. Spin the red. Spin the red. You know what's a nice dish? Yeah, go on, you have a go. You have a shot Paul. I'm having a shot. Let's see what I've got. I hope I pot you a red. You

know a nice dish is some bacon. I potted you a red. And some cribbage. Put some cribbage leaves in there. Into the pot with the bacon. Fry it up. And then does he go for colour? Alright, colour. So what's brown? Brown. So I'm going for brown. Right, okay. So how does she spin the brown? I'm going for brown.

Get your fingers round the round, brown. Right. Round and round she goes. Where she stops, no one fucking knows. White. White in the colour shot. The required color ball has been hit but not potted and play passes to your opponent come on mate

Tom's on our on red now this is really dull really really dull how long is this supposed to take until you clear the table I can see why about that ball lands in white section play passes to the opponent as this means a red ball has been hit but not parted I need another peg to say I've got 20. No you yeah all right I need a peg to say I've got 20. I'll give you a pegging. I don't know where I've put my pegs. Where are the fucking pegs at? I need a peg to count the 20s. Right. Fuck's sake mate. I'm sick of this discourse. Right. How many do I get? I don't know what we just did. Now you gotta shoot a colour. Shoot a colour? Yeah't know what we just did now you gotta shoot now you gotta shoot a color shoot a color yeah and know what the color is

based on the inside no you've got to do red haven't you you've got you've got to do red yeah we don't just did you read he's not part of the red rules here what just happened you have to over 20 points tonight. I'm shaking his hand everyone. Well played. Eli is best at snooker. Shake hands with the ref as well. Oh careful of the mic. I'm not touching you. Why? Then you can't win. If you don't shake the ref's hand you won't win. Okay don't do the finger thing though. No. Please. The finger thing. no please classic ref Frank so we'll eat key finger holes as a gift from cheap show would you like to take the Steve Davis pot black snooker break game home with you tonight it's just my losers probably

yeah wow consider a loser stroke participation medal I'll take it if you if you guys I presume you won't play no storage never played again I'd rather pegs away though nicely. I'd rather give it to a snooker loving home. We don't have to do that now, Mr. Silverman. We're doing a podcast. Leave it in. We're just finishing the podcast.

You're only going to say some shit. No, I'm going to press stop now and then we're going to do it. Do you want it? Yes, please. Thank you. You can have it. And you can just fuck off. It's mine actually.

I'm having enough. You can have it though. I mean, it's mine to get. Do you want some money for it? I'll give you the money for it. I don't want the money. It was only £3.75. That's alright, isn't it? That's a bargain. It's a, it's mine actually. I'm having enough. Do you want some money for it? I'll give you the money for it. I don't want the money, it was only £3.75. That's alright, isn't it? It's a bargain.

A bargain for that, and that's what you're taking home with you tonight. Yay! Now, and give Tom an opportunity to plug his stuff. Of course I'm going to give Tom an opportunity to do his stuff, of course. But first of all, it's Gannon's turn to say, look, look, one stop shop, the cheap show.co.uk everything you want from cheap show you'll find on there. So just go to the cheap show.co.uk YouTube, Patreon links, videos, dedicated pages to episodes. It's all there. It's all there. It's all there. And if you want to support us on Patreon, you can go to patreon.com forward

slash cheap show, but give what you can. But only if you can please. And you can access to recent 400 behind the scenes stuff and extra podcasts and videos and all sorts of lovely garbage. Eli. Thanks for supporting the show everybody. You're not going to talk about your Soho radio. I have a show on Soho radio. I have a show on Soho radio music show and that is called the House of Pickles sound show that used to be the name of my bedroom but I'm thinking of a better name for my bedroom. And? Curry Tray Palace. Curry Tray Palace I actually do not mind.

I was thinking of calling it like Splatter Manor. Nah, that's terrible. What's wrong with Splatter Manor? No come on, after Curry Tray Palace Splatter Manor sounds bad. Splatter Manor's wor- I'm gonna call my pants Splatter Manor. Fine, fine and you can make it some laughs with that. I did, thank you, Thank you, I did. Anyway.

How's the Pickle Sound Show everybody? Soho Radio. But you can just go on Mixcloud now. Look it up. Something's changed with the algorithms or whatever. Whatever. But they're just there on Mixcloud. If you go, I think the search function on Mixcloud is improved.

Good. So you just put How's the Pickle Sound Show into Mixcloud. Yeah. And the show will come up. Right, good. Thank you. And now. You don't have to go even anywhere else. You're done here.

Right. And our guest this evening, Tom Mayhew. Thank you for joining us on Cheap Show again. That's all right. Thank you for having me. And thank you for the, well, I don't want to call it a game, the experience of Steve Davis's Pot Blank. You could play it on your podcast and maybe make it better by adding something fun to it. You know what I mean? Think outside the box.

I don't know how I'd make this better. You could cover it in like challenges and days. If you put a red, you've got to make a teabag disappear or something on your person. You've got to hide a teabag on your pants. What? I don't know. I'm just thinking it through, innit? You're not thinking anything through there. Shut up. I've got a suggestion. No, I have a suggestion. No, no, to be fair to Paul, I think we will try that, we'll play it and if we miss we'll put a tea bag in your pants. A tea bag in our pants. I think that's a great idea Paul, well done. Very good idea. Yeah, you know why? Sometimes I think you have to encourage him. Well done, well done Paul. That's a PG tip in it you fucking cunts both of you fuck off right Tom tell us where people

can fight. Way to own the episode Paul. Tom give us all the juicy details around people can follow you listen to things you do follow you online meet you in the street whatever yeah if you want to hear me put the tea bag down my pants then it is the Snooker Loopy podcast. It is a comedy Snooker podcast, where we mainly sort of take the piss out of the weird characters on the snooker scene. Also a bit of chat about weird kind of snooker paraphernalia from the past.

So we've talked about like a- Let's talk about this. Well, we can talk about put Steve Daze's pop black. We've talked about like a snooker calendar from the 80s when they used to actually be weird old men that you'd have on a calendar. I don't know why you do that. We've talked about songs released by people like Jimmy White and Hurricane Higgins. So many dreadful songs by snooker players. If you'd like to sound that then please do tune in. Also I'm on YouTube, Twitter, even though I hate Twitter now. Everybody hates

it but you can find me on social media and yeah, keep supporting Cheap Show because it's great. Is your Tom Mayhew's benefit scum still on BBC Sounds or? The first series is on my YouTube channel and the second series is on BBC Sounds. There you go, definitely check that out because seriously, two fantastic pieces of radio comedy and I tip my hat to him, fair play, lovely stuff. Aw, thanks mate. And what else? No, now we need to finish.

No, this has been a much longer episode than we all expected. It's always longer when there's a guest. There's one, well, hmm. Because there's like, almost, if you did it as in terms, if there was a correlation between number of people doing the podcast and how long, like, that would be a third more, or like, 50% more. Can you imagine how long it'd be if we played a whole frame That was a fucking terrible if we did a best of 35

minus Harriots Minus Harriots. Yes that game gets minus Harriots. Yeah, anti-chevs. Oh anti-chevs anti-chevs It's definitely getting no Ramsey's from me tonight. No fucking Ramsey's around here. Right, in that case, let's all say goodbye and end this fucking episode. Goodbye everyone! Goodbye everyone! Goodbye! Bye!