CheapShow - Ep 402: Tea 2: Judgement Tea

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

When the call goes out, we answer! A recent which.com article looked into whether a posh cup of tea is any better than a cheap builder’s brew. When it comes to Tea, Paul and Eli are self-proclaimed experts and they decide to do their own mini taste test. Paul has bought cheap Tesco Own Brand, Yorkshire and Twinings tea to see if Eli can notice any considerable difference! Not only that, what does Eli think is the best? If you really want the answers to these enquiries, then give this podcast a listen! Before all that “science” happens, the cheap chaps have a gift box from New Zealand that contains some hot sauces AND a collection of candy that will delight and appal in equal measure! And finally, in a shocking turn of events, Eli has remembered Paul’s birthday! However, it will soon become apparent that he really shouldn’t have bothered! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-402-tea-2-judgement-tea And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

And now a message from our new spokesman, Mr. Serious. Hello, everybody. Uh, there's been too much chuntering on the show. Oh, he's very serious. From Eli. Oh dear. Very serious, man. He chunters at his own jokes.

He does. Yeah. I can stand for that. And I'm Mr. Serious. I reside within Eli's brainstem. Yeah. I tell Eli when he's been, he's been shameful, humiliated himself constantly. Pathetic.

All pathetic. And I tell him, yeah, you tell him that. Oh Eli, stop chuntering at your own jokes. So I've got Eli here. Yeah. Can you bring him forward? We're actually in the same consciousness. Yes. Bring him forward for your conscious veil. Here we go. Hello Paul. I won't be chuntering at my own shit this week. Are you sure? Nothing like any kind of thing that rolls around. The chuntering's coming. You can see, you can hear it. Oh I've started chuntering again. Yeah, when you try to not chunter you just roll into more chuntering. It's really annoying.

The comedy chunterer is what you are. We've got nothing. We've got nothing this week. We've done about a minute. We have. I'm boiling in my vest. I am. Oh no. We've done this too. We started too late.

You shouldn't have come earlier, shouldn't you? The sun is beating down. It's now gone five o'clock. We could have been done by now. It's almost tea time. You have to go around and take your time. It's almost... Blue Peter used to be on now.

Rolling in any old hour you come up. We're already after Blue Peter time. Yeah, it's after Blue Peter time. Is it after Newsround? Is Newsround just finished? It's probably after the end of the week. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's and take your time. Blue Peter used to be on now. Rolling in any old hour you come up. We're already after Blue Peter time. Yeah, it's after Blue Peter time. Is it after Newsround? Is Newsround just finished?

Newsround's finished and we're probably about time for Neighbours. Top of the Pops? That's on two, innit? It's a different channel. And it's only on Thursdays. Nowadays, but it used to be on BBC One, didn't it? Did it? We've lost all energy now we've gone off on this tangent. You know why I've lost energy, Paul? Why?

I'm boiling in the sun, it's beating down through that window onto me. All magnifikiko! There you go, the truntering's back! That's bad. Let's just get on with the content of the episode. We should do the content of the episode. Yeah, we should do the content because, wow. Yeah. You know, I really do feel unfunny and sweaty. Yeah, you look unfunny and sweaty too this week.

Do I look unwell? Yeah. Really? I don't feel, you look unfunny and sweaty too this week. Do I look unwell? Yeah. Really? I don't feel up to it. We could just skip it this week. We can't skip it. No, we'll skip it. Just bunk off.

Bunk off where? We could just stick literally an hour of silence on this. So when people see it in their running order, it looks like an hour and five minutes or whatever. Yeah, but then they'd complain. No, we'd say it was avant garde, like when Mike Batnick that thing, you know, that three minutes and 22 seconds or. Did Mike Batnick that off John Cage? Yeah. You're talking,

you're referring to John Cage's four minutes and 33. Yes, I am. John Cage's four minutes and 33 seconds. Yeah. Which is famously a silent piece. I think we do like to push the format Paul, but I think we wouldn't be forgiven. But can we get away with an hour of silence? I don't know. I'm sorely tempted. Think about the editor. It'd be fucking easy for me this week. Mason Everson Yes. I mean, but that shouldn't be the only thing that gives you like... Neil Milliken Joy. The thrill of knowing I wouldn't have

to do any editing this week. Mason Everson Yeah. That shouldn't be the only thing driving the innovation in formatting on this podcast. Neil Milliken True, true, true. Mason Everson Because otherwise you do get to absurdities like this. Like, you know what would be the ultimate... Neil Milliken Well, that's how Mike Bach paid off his contract with the record label. We need two more tracks from you. Oh, this one's silent. Oh, is that what he said? No, that's what I'm presuming.

No, because he got sued, didn't he, by John Cage or his... Yeah, do you know why? Because in the credits for that silent track he put on his album, he said the credit goes to Cage as well. That's funny. So like he brought attention to the fact that another guy almost did silence as well. That's funny because it's clever. Anyway that's what you're getting this week. No, I had a point to make. Five minutes. Is this still a cold open?

Yes. Oh it's not a cold open, it's quite a sweaty late afternoon. Well look, look, look, look, let's just do a silent episode of Cheap Show. We'll do it after the credits. Oh, that's what I was going to say. Now, Paul, if the only thing in life that brings you joy is an easy edit, but do you know where the ultimate point that we arrive at is? What? Beyond even a silent thing, because you still have to upload the silent episode. You can just stop making the podcast altogether. And then you would never need to edit a single more, another minute of my voice.

And hear me now. Should I? Could I? Should I? But you know what I mean? If you're going to go to absurd, like, make a silent episode. In fact, it's what exactly is what I'm going to do this week. Take care everyone. Bye.

Bye everyone. Cheap show time. Take care everyone, bye! Bye everyone! show. No, we won't do it. We're going to do an episode. We're going to do an episode for you this week. Spice! Right, let's get into it. The spice of life is on my knob and... Didn't need that. Right. Spicy knob and? Yes, no, well done. The yes no well done the chuntering the chuntering returns does it the chuntering back is it come on it's 37 seconds in and 10 of those were silenced so stop it stop it frost it stop it just for a minute stop it you don't need to get there yet. It's too early in the day.

Chilly frosted night! You'll end up peeking and then be flat for the rest of the hour and burn out. No, I'm fine. I'm done. I'm gone. You do that. You drop off quite considerably, I notice. You come in all guns blazing and the last back end of the episode, you're barely there, mate. I'm sorry, everybody. You're barely there. You're mentally and physically check out. In the sun, that's what it is. And I just have to say, chilli frosted

snow. Stop it. All right, but what is coming up? Today on the show, we are going to be testing some hot sauce, some candy, and we will be doing a taste test based on something we saw in the papers a few weeks ago about tea. We'll be testing tea. What? I need to be Mr Serious for that, Paul. All right, we'll be doing a tea test. We did tea before, remember? Remember milk sugar tea, tea milk sugar, milk sugar tea, whatever. Where we overturned decades of received knowledge in one of our most shocking, controversial-

Progressive episodes. And progressive episodes today. Well, today we'll be testing whether cheap tea is any good compared to expensive tea. Yes, Mr Sirius over there. And to this day, since hearing that episode, I put the milk in, put the bag on top and then I pour the boiling water on that. Wow, you live a new life now, don't you? Come at me!

However, before we get into the show, I would like to just do a few thanks. We didn't get time last week because Tom was our guest and we got over excited with that. So I just wanted to say, 400's been up for a couple of weeks now. It has been very successful for us, particularly on YouTube. So we want to thank everyone who listened and watched it and shared it.

I don't want to say anything, but... What? Netflix. Yeah, no, Netflix got in touch with me. Yes. Yeah, no, they got, they went, hello. And then what did you say? Hello. I went, hello. And he went, we're Netflix.

Oh, they said we're Netflix. Yeah. The man on the phone said we're Netflix. Yes. He said, was it Mr. Pepsi? Pepe Pepsi there? Was Pepe Pepsi there? Was Mr. Pepe Pepsi there? I don't know. Because I'd like to see him come back on the line. Put him on the line.

Oh, oh. What are you doing man? I like pepsi. I like pepsi. I put the drink in the pool pepsi. I can't remember the voice. What do you do? Don't make me do it. I liked him. I know but then I'd have to go back. You know what I'm like with my recall of that shit? I'll show you what he was like. He was like this.

Oh I put the syrup in the drink. Oh yeah no it was. Oh I put the syrup in the drink then the blue pop and the pepsi pop and then the dash. And then how do you put orange in? Do you put orange in? Do you put a bit of orange in? And then what do you do? Do you fizzy it up? I feel dirty dancing to you like this. Do you make it fizzy?

Yum. I make it fizzy, put a bit of bubbles in. A splitzplop. Oh, Pepe, I missed you. A swishwrap. Yeah, swishwrap. What do you, how do you make that? Here's orange cola. Just put a little bit of orange in. Put a little bit of fizzy bubbles in. Naccarine that character.

Wearing, wearing, wearing. Listen, shut up, just for a minute. Okay. So, because we didn't get time to thank people properly last week, we're going to do it now. So for everyone who was involved in making 400 happen, first of all we have to say thanks to Tom James, who does Channel 84 with his number of podcasts like the Untitled Trek Show. Check out his content, but he was there to help with lighting and the cameras on both filming days. Without him, yes, I doubt it would look even half as good as it did. Very secure pair of

hands. Stuart Ashen came by as well for a day to help with the camera because we weren't sure what we'd need and he came by and didn't do much to be fair to him but he came all that way and it was nice to have him there. Paul, he was great for morale. He was great for morale. He was great for morale and his thumb, which is probably more famous than his face because of his YouTube shenanigans. He's known as the Hands, isn't it? So the thumb is quite-

Stuart the Hands Ashen. Is that what he's known as? He is the Hands, isn't it? So what I'm saying, his thumb is quite a good to have the thumb cameo. He's like a big cameo, yeah. So thank you to Stuart. First, most of all, I wanted to say thank you

to Graham Woods, who edited the whole thing, because I don't do editing, video editing, as people who may see our short shots, cheap shots, will know, but without Graham's help and dedication, it wouldn't have gotten out in time. So I wanted to say thank you. Thank you very much for the edit, Graham. Very much to Graham there for editing that episode.

And I think he did a fantastic job, considering what we threw at him reasonably last minute. Yeah, and I was actually throwing my own feces at him as well. Yes, you were. Very quick thanks to Noiseland again for the Cheap Show Rap song. Alma Hus for doing the vocals on that song. Oh, yeah, cool. That was very catchy, that hook. It was very catchy. Cheap Show Rap, kind of crap. Something like that. It was very catchy. How's it go again? Cheap show rap, kind of crap, cheap show rap. Something like that. It was very good.

You know what? That Halloween one is the best lyric you've ever produced. Thank you very much. On the fly. It is. I'm quite impressed. I'm like Eminem in 8 Mile. That's what I thought. You're not like that. I'm spitting wicked rhymes about my mummy and my daddy. They didn't love me. And then I became a baddie and I grew up with me rapping and I do it like this and I rap about poo and I rap about piss and I rom tom tittle tom yuppadumadum. That's not a rap anymore. That's not gonna shanty. Yo ho dee lo ho dee do.

Bring Pepe back. No, I don't want to bring Pepe back. He's got in the mood for piss. He's been over excited. He's had too much sugar in his diet today and he wants to go to the? He's got too much sugar all the time. He puts blue in the Pepsi. No, blue Pepsi.

Blue Pepsi, purple Pepsi, purple Pepsi. I put all the Pepsi together. Big Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi. Big bubbles. Big bubbles. He has big bubbles. He goes up and down. Oh, I love his big bubbles.

It was my idea there. Right, good boy. Right, I want to say thank you to Holly, who did the opening credit sequence. Holly, who's, again, everyone's links to their work is on the YouTube page for this video so you can explore their work there and Topper Hay, Hayley did the animations for us the little cartoon sketches for us. They got the credit in the comments that they deserve. Everything got a lot of love.

Everyone loved the animations especially though didn't they Paul? In fact some would argue that the animations, the song and the opening title sequence were much better received than us but regardless I wanted to say thank you to those lovely people for making 400 happen. And if you see them online, you want to support what they do, please do. Thank you very much, all of you. Right. That was a bit Mr. Sirius, wasn't it? Oh, well, Mr.

Sirius pops in every now and then on Cheap Show, doesn't he? And he waggles his finger and he goes, now, now, chaps, we've got to be rational. We've got to be rational about stuff. Yeah, you've got to be rational. You've got to be rational. We've got to be rational about stuff. Yeah, you got to be rational. You've got to be rational. You've got to be rational in this day and age. I could go so far as to say you've got to be rational. You've got to be rational.

You've got to be rational. You could go so far as to say. Put it on a t-shirt. You've got to be rational. To be, just to and be. Yeah, gots with a z on the end. Yeah, gots. To be rational. And then a picture of a cat. Yeah. Gotts with a Z on the end. Yeah, gotts. 2B. Rational. And then a picture of a cat. Yeah, a cat like give, I don't know, a cat with a like a, a

graduate's flat board. Yeah, what's it called? Mortar board. Mortar board. Yeah. And looking at a big flat board with a pointer. And there's a chart on it. And it says smart, smart cat on it. Yeah, something like that and he's pointing to it. You've got to be rational. I want that t-shirt. No, Paul, I've got something. What? Because it was your birthday the other day, wasn't it?

It was, I'm 46 today. Now, this is a momentous occasion on Cheap Show, whether you realise it or not, because Eli always forgets my birthday. It's only a little thing. And Christmas. It's only several little things, in fact. Okay, no, I'll take it. It's nice in little things in fact. Okay, no I'll take it.

It's nice in general to have something from you in a nice way. Now Paul, now we know that you have a medical intolerance known as an allergy to seafood and fish and it's nothing to do with vaginas. No we can move on. Anyone who knows me knows I love a vagina. I'm a big fan. Oh yeah, that's for sure. Now, but sometimes you might miss the world of fish and seafood products. Yeah, I might do. You might miss them. You might think, I would like,

at least at an aesthetic level, to partake in the act of fish eating. It goes back as old as there were fishermen. There have been, these are gummy sushi sets. It's a gummy sushi set. I know you'd like it. Yeah. Is it really gummy or is it little erasers? No they're gummies. They are gummies yeah and they look like, I mean I'll take pictures before I scoff them later but they do look like little bits of sushi. Little sushi rolls with the nori round them. They're pretty cool aren't they? Sushi

party set. You like these Ramune and this is their orange flavour. We've been talking a lot about orange soda on the show. Yeah we have, it's been an orange flavoured show. But this is an actual one with a... Marble top. With a marble top. I do like the marble top. And that's the orange. Have you tried that? I don't think I have had orange Ramune. I was trying to... Ramune, isn't it? Ramune! Oh, marble in bottle, oh! Carbonated orange soft drink, it's a fun... Why is it a fun marble drink? Just because they put one in as a stopper. It is fun, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. But I just want to get it out and hold the marble in my hand. Come on, next one. Ramune. All right, so and here... Sorry, I bumped the mic there. Oh, this comes in a big bag. Middle lane market. That's where I got you then. Let's have a look. What's all this then?

It's meat. Oh, you got me Ndujul pork salami. Ndujul? Whatever it's called. Ndujul pork salami. Oh, you got me the the the pork salami. Whatever it's called. Induja. Induja pork salami. That's a little piece of British made. Yeah. Uh Induja. Induja is a fermented

soft Italian style spreadable salami. That's right. So, I don't know how you'd use that Paul. Um. You can spread it on meat like toast and things. Anything. Yeah. You can use it as a spread but I'm just thinking maybe if you if you get one of your Induja pizzas that you like to get from Morrison's you could put extra Induja on. I could go fucking bonkers. Because you stick those in the oven don't you? Yeah. So you could cook it on top. That's lovely that. Okay thank you. All right what else have we got? A couple of these.

Oh sour cherry. It's a sour cherry beer. British sour cherries macerated in tank for four months. That means the cher... Macerated. Yeah, macerated. Macerated. What does that mean? It means steeped. This is what we had when we went to the Safari episode, isn't it?

It wasn't that brand. Wasn't it? Well, I haven't tried their fruit beers. I was trying to... I was looking at the frugie. I wanted to get you like those Belgian ones, you know, because the framboise, the frugie framboise. Oh, look at that. And I asked in the shop, have you got fruit beers? And these know, because the framboise, the fruji framboise. Oh, look.

And I asked in the shop, have you got fruit beers? And these are what he gave me. What's the other one is rhubarb. Yes, sour cherry and rhubarb. These are going to be on the top end of the scale. I think both of them. But you like it. I'm going to get going on.

Don't get going yet. No, it's because it's been upside down. You need to let it stand up. I'm going to let it stand up there. It needs to be cold as well. I would have thought. Look, it's really cloudy. It's cloudy, isn't it? It's thought. Look it's really cloudy isn't it? It's cloudy isn't it? It's because of all the rhubarb isn't it? It's because it's got all macerated rhubarb in it. I don't know I like this. Is that it then? Yeah that's it then. No that's good thank you. You know. Yeah no. It's better than you know the alternative which is

absolutely nothing. Right I did it this year. Yeah no you did. Right so are we gonna taste some hot sauce? Wait don't we have anything else to talk about? That's it. Is that it? I thought we had other dealings. Oh, tell us on the dance floor. Oh, do you have one? Oh god. So I'm DJing, right? I'm DJing the other night and, um, could you listen please? You need to listen please. It's only a short one. It's quite standard. That's what she said, not what you said. That's clever. No, that's not the story. Yeah, it's quite clever. Okay. So, I'm DJing. Yeah, that sounds familiar. And often early on you get these parties that have been in the venue drinking all day basically. They're not there for the whole night. Because you start at nine, so they've been there for a few hours,

they're not gonna stay forever, you know, they're probably gonna make it till 10. Yeah, named Bale. And this girl came up to me, basically, when I was DJing, and she said, can you play the real thing? No, she didn't, she said, can you play to me everything real by the real thing? Right.

To me everything by the real everything to me. You to me are everything by the real thing. Yeah. Is that what you were getting at or what she tried to say? Yeah, no, but she couldn't say it. Right. I was trying to... I want the real you to me everything.

And I was like, that's word salad. Yeah. And I said no. It's a shame because I love that song. Actually. Actually. You know, I'm quite down on people's requests and stuff. I would have played because I love that song. Actually. Actually. You know, I'm not quite down on people's requests and stuff.

I would have played it. I like the real thing. I think they're pretty good. And some of their more deep cut funky numbers are better. It's always the best stuff you don't know, isn't it? It's always the way with you. Yeah, they're good. But I know the stuff you don't know, which is better of theirs.

Well, did you know they had a concept album called 4 Plus 2 or something it was called? That rings a bell. They're probably one of my favorite tracks they ever did, Stanhope Street. It was like a socially conscious sort of funk album and it was about, Stanhope Street was in Liverpool where they were from obviously. So they had like that kind of more Marvin Gaye sort of social commentary style album. So that was very interesting from them. But then and she said Or Dolly Parton, some Dolly Parton thing but it wasn't... 9 to 5. Or... Jolene. It was another one something about the mountain. Oh, is it that other one? She did

Silence in the stream. That is what you are That's a great song and that was turned into ghetto superstar which was P Diddy and someone And they mixed it with Knight Ride, I seem to remember in that. No, that- Did they sample Night Rider in that as well? No, Night Rider sample is the Busta Rhymes tune. Is it? Yeah. Din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din, din their ass, sweating their dirty balls off, their dirty balls off in a little room in the middle of harrow.

Well, it's a story. Oh, there was police outside. It's getting pretty street round here, mate. There's drug people who deal at the top of the road and they're brazen about it. Don't be so brazen, mate. Don't be brazen about it, you know. Don't be brazen. T-shirt, right? I want that on it. I said don't be, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don know? Don't be brazen. T-shirt, right? I want that on it. I said don't be brazen. Don't. Don't. Like a No Ghosts logo thing. Brazen with a Z. It's already got a Z. Don't be. Let's see how we take the S of brazen. The two Zs in brazen. Oh, two Zs. Don't be brazen. Could we have a little picture of a bra under the bra bit of brazen? Yeah, maybe. Let's do that. So the B is a bra on its side. Oh! Yeah. So don't be brazen about it and then it is a Pennywise clown reaching out. We've given up, mate. Let's just check out. Let's just check this bit out. Check it out. Now, Paul, I'm gonna... I'm handing this over to you since you're

the lord of sauce. I'm gonna, are you gonna drink that beer now? It's not cold, it's not gonna be cold enough. He's opened it. Is that the rhubarb one? Oh, it's frothy. It's frothing. It's all in my nose. It's got up my nose.

I was sniffing it when the bubbles came. Oh, it smells very sour just off the nose. It's gonna be very bit sour. How much is the percentage? 4.4. That's not too bad. That's not too bad. That's a bit of a session. Go on, do your source report.

I'm doing this. I hate it when you do this. I need your attention. It's my birthday and I do what I want. And I do it if I want to and I do what I want. You have to be quiet. I want to see what you think of that beer. Oh fuck.

Oh. Sour. That is fucking super sour. Jesus. Any fruit notes? It's got, I mean, the thing is, it's like there's a profile in your head of what you think rhubarb tastes like,

and that isn't this. This tastes very much like pale ale up front, but with a very limey, pulpy lime kind of aftertaste. Yeah, yeah. You wanna try it? Go on, have a little try. It's my birthday, everyone can have a little try of it. But what do you think, Mr Silverman?

Strangely refreshing. It's nice. But you know, it's got that kind of pulpy. I do have to say I think that'd be better colder, but. Yeah, maybe. I wanted to get this one out of the way. There you go. Because I'm going to get drunk on this week's episode of Cheap Show.

It's got quite a nice flavour. It's all right. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, you're right, it probably needs like a big pint glass and a bit of ice ineshow. Oh, it's got quite a nice flavour. It's alright. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, you're right, it probably needs like a big pint glass and a bit of ice in it maybe. But other than that. You don't put ice in beer.

You can do. Some people do. I don't like those people. Well, don't judge. I don't want to drink their watery beer with the ice in. Well, don't judge. Well, don't show it to me. Well, don't, don't have an opinion.

Not in my backyard. Not in my backyard. Not at my barbecue. Let's be... And if anyone came to my barbecue, just let me put this out there one more time and said, oh, oh, I've bought some fucking mayonnaise and someone said, oh, he's really upped the BBQ game in these parts with his fucking mayo. Ooh, the game, barbecue game through the roof. His game's so on point with this mayo. You're still pissed

off about those chummy adverts from Miss Ainsbury's, is that what it is? Yes. Yes. Do your hot sauce. Right. Now, I just need to summon the Mr. Serious persona from within me, because he lives in my brain. Bring him out. Because it needs to be serious. It's very serious. I'm in danger of chuntering here. Bring him forward then. I don't want the chunterer. If this is a new thing we can do to stop the chuntering, then I'm happy to have more Mr. Sirius come through. Okay, here's Mr. Sirius. I'd like this to be a podcast that, you know, people don't feel repulsed by. Okay, here's Mr. Sirius. Go on. Hello. Hello. I'm Mr. Sirius. Oh, he's come forward now. He's now face forward. Mr. Sirius is in the building. All right. Hello,

Mr. Sirius. What do you want to do today? I'm going to do the sauce report today Paul. Now sauces are something I love. We were sent one last week. Oh yeah, right now. We're in a bit of a loop of sauces and soft drinks. A holding pattern. A holding pattern of sauces and hot drinks. Oh, we come round again. There's Big Ben. My God, that doesn't sound like Mr. Serious, does it? Mr. Serious isn't real.

Same! Come on! So, but we were sent some sauces from New Zealand. We were. Hang on. And we were sent them from Australia, confusingly. So, Matthew Sears in Auckland sent these to us. Is Auckland New Zealand or Australia? I thought it was Australia. Australia. But they're New Zealand's hot sources. Isn't it weird?

I guess so. But then, yeah, we've got a box of these and a little few things we're going to have in a minute. There are two hot sources here sent by Matthew. Thank you very much. No letter. No letter? He doesn't want adulation. He just wants to send shit. And how humble is that? To just be the quiet fan who merely exists and enjoys and surreptitiously sends stuff along the way.

We like that. We also like the vocal fans. These are both from the same manufacturer of these two hot sauces, Paul. Yeah. And that manufacturer is Kataya. Very difficult to pronounce. How do you spell that? K-A-I-T-A-I-A.

Oh yeah. Catayaya. Catayaya. I don't know that's right at all. But anyway. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Should've known better. What's that? Who sang that? You cunt.

I don't know. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Should've known better. Is it Jermaine Jackson? I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Uh, no. Uh, I thought it was a Fergal Sharkey, but now I'm thinking it might not be Fergal Sharky. Sounds like it could be. It's in his register.

That is Fergal Sharky. Sweet love, the candy kind. Whatever it is. I don't remember the lyrics. Candy Cane? What was the punk band he was in? The Buzzcocks? Undertones. Undertones. Yeah. Ever fall in love, and ever fall in love, and ever fall in love, and ever fall in love, and ever fall in love, and ever fall in love. No, that's not that song. Who was that then?

Who sang that one? The Buzzcocks. What did Fergal Sharky sing then? His song, which was famously cited by John Peel as the favourite song, was the Undertones and it was... Oh, here we go. his favorite song was the undertones and it was, Oh, here we go. You've put me off by singing that Buzzcocks song. Yeah. It was. Buzzcocks undertones. Oh dear.

This is good. This is hurting me. You can shorten this. That's what she said. That's what she said. Yeah, she did. Cause it's too fucking long. Yeah, cause it's too fucking girthy.

You can fucking shorten it. Yeah, there you go. You can take a pencil sharpener to it. Oh, you wouldn't want to do that. Nah, it wouldn't be. You wouldn't want to do that. What would be the point? Come on, undertones. What are the songs ever for? Teenage Kicks. Teenage Kicks right through the night. Alright! Alright! Alright! Fast forward to good hearties. These days is hard

to find. He's a good guy, isn't he? He does a lot of charity stuff, I think. I'm not commenting on him as a person. Especially when like, what was his name? Johnny Rotten did, um, I could be wrong, I could be right. I could be wrong, I could be right. That's good. I could be black, I could be white. That's PIL. What? P-I-L. Is that, what's that? It's the band that Johnny Rotten was in after the public image limited. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. But even that is interesting because that obviously sounds like more like the talking heads than anything else he seems to be ripping off there. Yeah, it's, is interesting because that obviously sounds like more like the talking heads than anything else. Yeah, it's what they call post-punk. Punk finished very quickly and post-punk was more commercial.

Very commercial. Not very, but more commercial. More very commercial. I think he's a fucking proper piece of shit. Yeah, no, he's a gobshite from day one. He's a gobshite. Big load of old wank. And not a great singer.

No. Captured something, I guess. I could be wrong. I could be right. I could be wrong. I could be right. Exterminate, exterminate. Exterminate, exterminate. He sounds a bit like a Dalek, doesn't he, Johnny?

He does. Now, Paul, these are KTA. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's get on with this. Hot sauce, hot sauce. We've been sent two. One is their standard chilli pepper sauce.

So we're going to taste this first. What does beer de saison mean? That is the hops. Beer of the season. Oh yes, that's what it means. But look, that kernel is a South London brewery. But I'm sure we had them when we did the safari episode. We had some posh booze because we treated ourselves.

Yes, we may have, but it would have been the porters. No, we didn't have mayo. Please. Didn't do mayo. Please. I'm Mr. Serious now. Oh, come on Mr. Silverman, please do your hot sauce. We would have done their stout or their Porto. Their dark beers are outstanding, the Kern. They really are. Yeah. Yeah, well you seem to be okay with that, Ru-Bot. I mean, it's all right. I wish it had a little bit more kind of, I don't know, juice to it, if that makes sense. Yeah, I mean, like I say Paul, I wanted to pick you out some of those Belgian fruit beers. No, but you know me, I like a nice interestingly flavoured beer, don't I?

Right, so this is their standard chilli pepper sauce. It's got a nice dark hue, and I'm hoping it's not like one of these fly-by-night carrot stuffed... Well, have you checked the recipe for carrots? Have you? I'm getting a very dry, even off just opening the, the very vinegary. Yeah. Quite a standard smell. Let's see.

Oh, let's see what it says on this. Anyway, chili's used in Kataya fire. Oh, that's what it's called. Kataya fire. Kataya fire. I think it probably does rhyme with fire. Cause that's cool. Kataya fire. It does make sense. Uh, I could be wrong.

Sun ripened. Shut up. Tell him to go. I could be wrong. Sun ripened. Tell him to go. Some ripened in New Zealand, far north in New Zealand's far north. Yeah. Barrel aged. Okay. So there might be some smoke and a bit of ferment. So some good, but looks like a legit hot sauce that hasn't been tossed off from the carrot factory. Yes. Oh no. Mr. Serious Lefts and Mr. Bonkers has come in. He's got a bag on his head. Oh, bing bong, bing bong. I've got a bag on my head. Bing bong. That is not Bonkers. It is. That's not even zany. Bibble, bobble, bibble. You're all bibble, bibble. I like cats and I eat a dog's dick.

Now, I hope this isn't too hot because you've got to be fairly... Oh, I missed the bonkers. I'm just gonna put it in my nose. What's your nose? What's your nose? I'm gonna put it in my nose because I missed the bonkers. I don't like missed the bonkers. Mr. Serious and Mr. Bonkers are our new Steve Wright-worthy characters for this year. Now, it's very vinegary smell, isn't it? It is, but it's got a kind of smoky... Are you getting a smoke?

You're definitely getting a smoky barbecue texture to it. That's the Sun Rpened Barrel Age. Yeah, here we go. Ooh! Fucking aura! That's so sour! But nice! Yeah, no it is. It's got a really like, whistle sharp kick to it.

Got to bag off me head. The vinegar is so, it's really strong. It cuts through! But it's kind of nice, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? It's not just a plant. It's not like, it's, you know what? I can compare it to in house in house. How it is fucking Ed Sheeran's.

Remember we did the Teddy's one. Yeah, but that was horrible. But that had a horrible earthy aftertaste. This has a lovely tomato. Yeah, just behind, just behind the sour hit. You know what I mean? That rich roasted tomato comes in visually. Imagine this,, like the vinegar like darts down the tongue, and it opens it up like the waves, like the mose and the waves.

And then on the sides is where you get the coating of that burnt, smoky, tomatoey husky thing. Almost umami tongue coating comes in after, it's very nice. So it's like it makes a pathway for all the flavours to cling on afterwards. That is quite nice. It is. What would you have that with? My eyes are sweating now. With anything. Hot sauce you have with anything, don't you? You can't have it with chocolate. You couldn't put it on a chocolate bar. It wouldn't be nice because of the vinegar and the salt.

But they do eat chocolate and chilli. People eat that all over the world. Yeah, but you wouldn't just pour it onto some chocolate. Not sauce, no. Because sauce is for savouries, isn't it? Well, there you go then, it's not for everything. Syrup is for non savouries. You wouldn't put it on ice cream, would you? You wouldn't put it on ice cream, would you? Would you? You might if you were some kind of pont shapey, shapey, shapey. And prepare the steak very raw. And I like to drizzle a bit of my man's sap on it. Zizi.

Sauce bernays. I put a little zizi of my man's sap on there, y'all. Zizi, the little bish, bish. Just wavin' it over, and flickity flick, and here we go. I could go on with that. I don't want to. Save it with some gravy. For the sake of everyone involved.

Alan, come over here. We need the gravy. Oh, good, good, good. Yes, chef. Right, this is us. What do you mean you wanked on it? What do you mean you wanked on the snake? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? I want to see my arse. Oh this has got a different... Oh we want to source two now. Which one's this one again? The kiwifruit one. I tried to tell you. Oh this nose is mega complex man. Why? Oh wow. I'll just tell you what this one is. Let's do it. Now this is produced by the same company as that first one. Yeah. The first one was fire was fire. It's their fire one. But this is one called wahawara, which is kiwi fruit. Of course, kiwi fruit is the national fruit of the Kiwis, the New Zealand people. I believe that's to be true. It's the bird, isn't it?

Yeah. But it's bird because the bird looks a bit like a kiwi fruit, right? I don't know. It's like the furry brown bird. Yeah, they look like kiwis. Maybe they just can't name anything in New Zealand. What's that? It's a kiwi. What's that? It's a kiwi. What's that? It's a kiwi. What's that then? Are you denigrating the New Zealand people? Kiwi? What is that then? It's kiwi. What are you? A kiwi? What's that kiwi? This is like a South Park episode. What's that a kiwi? What's that a kiwi? What is that? Kiwi. Kill that kiwi? Call that a kiwi. Lovely. Right.

Kill that kiwi, call that kiwi. Lovely. Right. So this is kiwi. Could be wrong. I could be right. Oh, Paul. Yeah. Calm down on that. I'm having a birthday. You're having a birthday. Come on. Hot in here. Yes it is.

Take your hoodie off. Kiwi, fruit and habanero. Oh nice. That's different innit. Now I've noticed something. habanero is the most fruit, it's the most paired with fruit of all the chilli strands. Why do you think that is? Because that one we tried last week, that was a habanero and pineapple wasn't it? That worked alright. That was good. Yeah. That was what was it, so who sent it? I can't remember their name but they sent it. Yeah whoever, well sent it, sent it. That is I've been using, I've been using that hot sauce. Yeah. So I like a fruity habanero.

It's a great combo. This one's a bit more like in its texture, a bit like muddy puddle kind of vibe. It's a sort of green muddy muddy sort of snotty sort of swamp grot. And there's a lizard on it. Like someone, a lizard might be in the sediment down there. Yeah, it might be right at the bottom. Maybe they put a little lizard. Little tongue coming out.

But. What do the huffs say? Oh, I don't know if I like that. What's wrong with it? Maybe, right at the bottom. Maybe they put a little lizard. Little tongue coming out. Little tongue coming out. But... What do the huffs say? Ooh, I don't know if I like that. What's wrong with it? It's just quite complex. See what you... It's sort of got a vegetable and a fruit.

There's a kind of ketchup note there. Weird. It's kind of... No, you're right, it is complex. It's kind of sour and sweet and sharp and vinegary. A lot going on. Have a little bit on your spoon. It is like ketchup with a kind of green grass kind of lemongrass thing going on. Yes. But here we go.

It is quite a complicated smell. We're not just being ponces everybody. No. Oh, that's enough. You don't have to have all of that. It's quite gelatinous. You mean gloopy. Yeah. Right. But it doesn't have the other bottle had a little, an eyelet. Yeah, this one is just... Which allowed you to drop the good old... A dasher, that's what it's called.

Yeah, damn, but that's why they do it, because this isn't going to be as hot. Oh, it all comes out, then you think. Yeah. Is this going to be sweet? I don't know. I don't know. We're going to find out though, because I'm going to go tasties. Go tasties.

Yeah, I can see why there was no dasher. It's sweet. It's a very sweet thing. Oh yeah. Hmm. Not a lot of heat at all, really, and also not vinegary. The sweetness is upfront. It's quite pleasant. Yeah. It tastes to me exactly like the other sauce but with like a load of sugar at the top. You could have that

with sausages or with a chicken like some nice roast chicken. Anyone who likes Thai sweet chilli sauce that will work perfectly on your eggs, your chicken, anything you like to sweeten up and a bit of spice. See this is another thing, another argument against you, you wouldn't put it on chocolate or ice cream because it sweet pairs brilliantly with chilli. Yeah. Isn't it really? You're right. They're the mysteries, the ongoing mysteries of the hot sauce universe and we are just astronauts within that space. We certainly are Paul. And I want a rating from you. I'm going to go ahead and give them both across the board, four out of five. They both achieve what I think they set out to do because they're very different sauces.

Yeah, but do you know what I mean about the actual profile of the heat and the spice in the in the Kiwi one is there is almost identical to the fire, but it's just behind this sort of nice sweet. Yeah, veneer. Yeah, yeah. This one, they're very similar tasting sauces, but the fire one has that sourness that then subsides into that tomato smoky, smoky chili. Chili smoke.

And this has a sweet at the top instead of the sour. Yeah, there's no lingering burn with that. It's literally just like an offsetting sweet sauce. It's it would be really good on eggs. Yeah yeah I find eggs go with the sweet really well yeah little bit of juice on the egg a little bit of a man crème upon the top of your world you need to use the phone and for a call Johnny yes hello Johnny yes we need to come down give is it a Manchurian creme again? Because I've already used it all up.

No we need- I USED IT ALL UP! We have the queen of the country in here right now wanting your spuffy egg. Maybe I scrape a little bit but- She wants some Manchurian boiled egg and she wanted now- Okay I'll go to my special supply. We're both going Italian now for some reason. Fuck that!

Fuck that and fuck you! Goodbye Johnny! Goodbye! You know what everyone? You know what? We can't be brilliant all the time. Sometimes, anytime, we can't be brilliant, but we try, weekly. And God loves a trier, doesn't he?

Don't bring him into this. He's sucking on that beer like it's a baby on a nipple. This is my post birthday Christmas episode. So you did, you had a couple of beers on your birthday though, didn't you? I had two desperados. Oh yeah, desperado originals. Yes, of course I did. Oh yeah.

You know, that's just the way I roll. Very nice with your pizza. Yeah. Lovely. And I put a little bit of spicy sauce on your pizza as well on top of the doula. Oh, you used the pizza, the Italian. Yeah. I didn't see any of that in the shop. I would have got some more of that dirty dirty Ganon goodness. And surprisingly the next day my bum hole was absolutely fine with the carnage. So it can't be cheese that makes

your bum. I'll go mad. Well, there's not much cheese on that pizza to be fair to it. It's mostly the sauce, the meat and the stop now. What started to sound like those American podcasters are we about their workout routines, So-called comedians. Don't have a fucking workout routine. I know we don't but we do. I just said I had like a hot pizza and I didn't shit my pants. I know but I was sort of saying you know I was asking about your rectal health. This is what two old men in a in an old people's home. I once took DMT three times in a day man. Um right so the on the box of treats continues from Matthew Sears in Auckland. Now we have several sweets all from the same company.

Called Macy's, M-A-Y-C-E-Y-S, original classics. And their mascot seems to be a crocodile. It seems to be and also every one of them, next to the title of the candy, has the phrase Grandma's, no Grandpa's recipe. Ah, was Grandpa a crocodile? I don't know, I'm just, oh hang on, there's text upon the back. There's a story. This is good, I like a story. What's it say?

In 1875, Joseph Stacey manufactured confectionary in Queen Street, Auckland on the site of the present Civic Theatre. The Macy's brand was introduced in the 1930s and three generations of the family continue to manufacture premium quality confectionery. Wow. It's a real Australian thing. I've never seen this brand before. Proudly made in New Zealand from local and imported ingredients. Auckland is in New Zealand. Auckland is in New Zealand. We've fucked up big time here.

Well no, because, alright, we now look stupid. We now look stupid because we didn't know where Auckland was. We've fucked up big time here. Well no, because, alright, well we now look stupid. We now look stupid because we didn't know where Auckland was. We really fucked up. Well we're saying it now. We're saying it now we know Auckland's in New Zealand. Boys, don't get rowdy. That beer has changed you. Just saying, if Matthew was a fucking bitch off about where he sends his stuff from. No, because they get really sensitive about that, people from New Zealand. Do they?

Yes, because everyone thinks they're Australians. They all look and sound the same to me. They all do. Where is Auckland? Where is Auckland? I do voice search well. Voice search works better. Why is it never worked? It's in New Zealand. Yeah. Okay. Alright, we're correcting it now. We apologise. I feel like a moron though. We are morons though. But the difference is we own it. So that was New Zealand sauce. T-shirt. This is Matthews from New Zealand. These are New Zealand sweets. T-shirt. We're a morons.

Oh, with a Z. We're a morons with a Z. And there's a dog with a question mark above his head. Oh yeah, he's got sunglasses. And there's a bone on one half, on the other half, there's a stick of dynamite and he's going, run, run, run! RASC RUN! And then that's what it says, don't be morons. Don't be a moron. Okay. Yeah.

I'm with that. Yeah. So anyway, there's several sweets from New Zealand. Auckland in New Zealand. I will quickly now go through the different bags we have. We have crocodiles, which seem to be basically gummy crocodiles. But that fucking freaks me out because the mascot is a crocodile, but then they've got a sweet called a crocodile and then they say grandpas. You know this branding. Is he a reptile granddad? I don't know.

Next one is sour fio... what's that word? Sour Fiona's. Fioza? Oh that's a weird word. What is that word? Feijoa it seems like. It's F-E-I-J-O-A. Feijoa? I don't know. Feijoa could be silent. I don't know. Faiyoha? Could be silent. I don't know what the fuck that is. We could look it up, like Auckland. Oh, look, and it looks like a cucumber slice. So maybe it's some kind of cucumber-based thing.

Maybe. We'll have a little look in a minute. We need to look this up. Um, giant spearmint leaves, which look like big gummy leaves that are obviously spearmints. Paul, there's a picture of Grandpa actually on the back. Have you seen? Yeah, I've seen it. A little cartoon grandpa. So I don't know what to do with this crocodile's saying. He looks like an old Bob the Builder. Why is grandpa like wearing a hat? He's got overalls on, yeah. Dungarees rather. And then we've got

something called pink smokers. Pink smokers. What do they do? They smoke in your mouth. Maybe smoke comes out your mouth or something. I think they're just chalky sweets and that's why the smoky thing comes from that because they're chalky maybe they look chalky yeah the little pink pellets chalky pellets and then finally I've got a big bag of black balls no you didn't say you didn't say about the leaves I did you weren't listening at the time I wasn't listening trying to figure out they owe ya so yeah big black balls which I presume are like humbugs they look very much like a humbug.

Yeah. So mint and liquor- what is a humbug? It's a mint. It's a mint-boiled sweet. The black bit is not licorice, it's just mint. It's all mint. It's just all mint. It's all fucking mint all the way through.

It's a pretty mint. It's a pretty looking mint. How do you spell that Fioziozia? It's a monochrome mint. How do you spell Fioziozia? What's it called? Fioja. Fioja.

Fiona. F-E-I-J-O-A. F-E-I-J-O-A. It's a- Fioja. Fioja. Fioja. Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. Fioja. Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's it called? Fioja. What's ituguay and South America. And also common in gardens in New Zealand. Ah, there you go. Where it is widely cultivated as an ornamental treat for its fruit. It seems to have a flavour profile similar to pineapple. Okay, cool. I've never had that before. Yeah.

Should we try, start with those? It says it has a boutique reminiscent of tropical fruit such as passion. A boutique? It owns a boutique? A Rome, an aromatic bouquet, not boutique, an aromatic bouquet of passion fruit cherry guava or pineapple. Its flesh is juicy and divided into clear gelatinous seedy pulps with a firmer, gradual, opaque flesh nearer the skin. It does look like a cucumber because they've got slices of them.

Yeah. So these are meant to mimic, you didn't get the pronunciation. It didn't show me. You can get the pronunciation. Please. No. Please, because we're going to say it at least one more time. Oh, God. Come on, Paul.

Hang on. Pronunciation. Hang on. What does it say here? You can get it to say it. OK, hang on. Just put it into Google and get it to pronounce it. I'm doing it now. For fuck's sake. Right, here we go. Ready? Yeah. There

we go. Hang on. I'm just turning it up. Feijoa. Feijoa. Feijoa. Feijoa. That's what I thought. Alright, stop it now. Alright. Please make it stop. Feijoa. What's the smell? Feijoa. Hey, go on. What is it? It's in my nose. These... Can you make it... I'm fucking... Paul, I'm not going to put up with this. Fashoa. Up this with... I will not put. It's got a very sort of medicine cabinet mothball smell.

Chuntering. That set off the chunterer! Release the chuntering. Oh fucking hell that's horrible smell! Do you know what I mean? Masty. Eww! It smells like feet and medicine cancer. Medicine, medicine, very, almost like um... Eww that's really fucking nasty!

You have to eat one, you have to taste one. I am. I mean just little gummies. Oh that's bad. Why is that bad? Almost like not cow pull. What am I saying? Like, no, it's like a deep heat. Yeah, no, it's that cream you put on in it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that. Oh, and that's like a little fruit with a red nub in. This is the design of this. I think it's the design of it. It's made to look like a sour as well. It looks like a strawberry, doesn't it? The shape of it. Green strawberry.

Right. You're going to taste this. That's unpleasant. That sort of burnt rubber, you know? Yeah, it tastes like a TCP. It does. It tastes like TCP. TCP. That's what I'm not having. That is fucking grim. Nasty pasty. Fuck it.

It really doesn't taste like a sweet at all. That's not sour. Oh, mate. That tastes like eating a bandage. Oh mate, Matthew, what have you done? Nasty. Thank you. Stop with that. Is that the first time you've found that function?

Yeah, it's good isn't it? Right, the next one is the crocodiles. I think these are going to be fine gummies. I hope so, what's the smell like? Like gummies. It doesn't have any's the smell like? Like gummies. It doesn't have any of that medicine smell. Smells quite nice in a gummy way. Oh, these are all different fruit flavors.

They're very long. They're not all green. They're very long though. They're quite nice molded. Yeah. Like a slithering gator. Like a slithering crocodile. Yeah.

So yeah. What have you got? A green one. I've got an orange one. It might be because they're old, but they're very chewy. Don't talk and eat. Too chewy. Yeah, but I like that.

I actually do like that. Compared to the other one, which tastes like chewing a bandage, much better. Yeah, that's just like a standard fruit gum, isn't it? Don't chew and eat. It sounds disgusting. It sounds like you're in a medical induced coma and you're just coming out of it.

It does, it's nasty. Sorry, I let it shine in my eyes. Right, next one then. Did you like it? Yeah, you did. Which one have we done? We've done that... Did we have five bags or four?

We had the guava, we had the crocodiles. Not the guava, the feijoa. Oh yeah, there's another bag here, here it is. Giant spearmint leaves. They look like the same kind of consistency as those crocodiles in terms of the gelatinous jelly baby nature of them. But quite hard and chewy towards the pastel. Not the pastel, what are those ones?

Gums, fruit gums. Yeah. They're like that, quite tough. I like that though. You like those? Yeah. Smells like spearmint, smells like toothpaste. And you like those cherry lips have got that similar hard gum.

I love cherry lips. So you, I'm not, I'm like a bit of a softer gum. These are very hard, these leaves. They're all hard gummies, these, I've noticed. They're all the same kind of thick consistency, very hard gelatinous weight. But had an orange crocodile. It was quite nice, the flavour, the orange flavour.

What was yours? Was it apple or? I guess. Sweet. There's no fruit flavour. No. And these are like a big leaf. The moulds on these are quite nice, aren't they?

Pretty, you know, intricate, which is nice. I wonder if their children in New Zealand get these their whole life and they're sort of familiar with these and the leaves. What do you like best? The leaves or the things? It seems to be one of these things where maybe when you were growing up these were the penny chew type things you bought in a shop. It's that kind of evergreen brand of old fashioned candy. Now these are the spearmint leaves. Spearmint you don't get in sweets very often as a flavour. Not in this form. You do get like chewy gummies. Like a chew it that's minty.

Or mentos. These are alright. Just gummy spearmint. Not my favourite. I quite like those, I have to say. Yeah? Yeah. I like the spearmint taste in that form. Yeah. It's not unpleasant. Just not for me, really. Not for me, but still nice. I'm a fan. What have we got now? Last one.

Do you want to try some black balls? That's just going to be mints, aren't they? Well, we're going to find out, aren't we? I can give or take it. I think they are minty. Let me try these on your half then. So the little humbug little balls. It's a humbug. It's a humbug.

What are they called? Minty balls? Black balls. Even though they're 50% white because they have streaks. Yeah, why would you call it that? Well, because I don't think Macy's, his naming conventions are very strange. Well, yeah, because this might have been invented in 19 fucking 03, this brand, you know, so that's why it's always been called Black Balls because

it's just a generic name for these sweets you got in a big bag. Yeah, but they've got white stripes. Yeah. Don't make a joke about that. Take me out. out oh that's a the other band Franz Ferdinand yeah they're not similar at all not at all what was it what I was thinking of then do do do do do do no that's Franz Ferdinand you were thinking of seven nation army which has become a football chant

which has become a football chant. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh. I could be right. I could be wrong. Right, I'm gonna try it. Right, I'm gonna try the black ball. He's trying to build a motif there, everyone. You might have noticed that. Oh, they're very hard.

That's a boiled treat, right? Yeah, I said that. Let's get onto the smokers. Does it taste of mint? Well, I mean, you know. It's nice. It's a very comfortable old person's candy, right? Like a Werther's original.

Kind of. It doesn't have the butteriness of a Werther's original, but it has got slight mint, slight mint, not too heavy. Not a strong mint. No, not even. Humbugs, a Humbug's stronger mintier. Well, there's a creaminess to those mints.

To Humbugs. Yeah, and that's in this profile as well. It's not strong, forward mint flavor. Yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah. It's more like syrupy with a minty back flavour. A minty back flavour indeed. Now let's move on to the pink smokers.

The final ones. And be done with these. Thank you, Matthew. Grandpa's recipe pink smokers. I don't know what they are. They look like little chalky pellets. What's the smell coming off the pack, please, Paul? Ooh!

Ooh! What? Wow. He reacted. His head flew back as soon as his nose ran in there. Do you want to not say anything? Just sniff it. Oh, you know what I think it's going to be? Like Palmer Violets. Go on. Floral. Oh, cinnamon. It is, isn't it? It's cinnamon. But it's also like a flowery cinnamon. It's almost like... It's a potpourri. Yeah. That's what I mean, like palma violets. But meat, cinnamon, these are not going to be good.

I was not expecting that smell. Old school. These are so grandma-y. They are grandma. Grandma sweets. I'm taking three at once. They're very small. Oh, good for you. They're the size of ecstasy tablets. They are, if you're aware of that. And the shape of them.

And I'm sure in New Zealand these have been sold to unsuspecting people as ecstasy tablets. In a little tiny baggie, yeah, maybe. They look so much like little pills. Right, I'm going to try this one then. Oh, they're hard. Oh, fuck yeah. Too hard. You know what, if someone said, what does a pink smoker taste like?

I would say this. What is that smell? Taste? It's cinnamon and sugar. It is but there's like... Oh it's clove. Yes, it is clove. Sorry, not cinnamon, it's clove. No, no, but you're right, there's cinnamon notes in there.

It's clove and cinnamon, yeah. That's a strange thing. Very old lady, very musty. That's like I've eaten, accidentally eaten something I shouldn't have in my nan's bowl. That was, yeah, but that was better than the sour feijoas, wasn't it? The sour feijoas was just... It was a pure TCP taste there. There's no TCP taste in these.

No, it's just... It's almost medical level sort of clove though. You know why it's got a medical association as well? Because you put clove on like toothache and stuff, don't you? Toothaches, you do, yeah. And that sort of... That is just very... I don't mind those.

No, they're fine, but... Who enjoys a bag of those to themselves? People who remember them from their youth, probably. There's a very nostalgic, old-worldy... Not old-worldy, but sort of 1900s kind of vibe. It sounds like a terrible disfamism for people who enjoy the sex of the same gender. What do you mean? Look at those couple of pink smokers over there, you know?

It's got that vibe, that name to it. A euphemism sort of vibe, yeah. Hello darling. Are you a pink smoker? Yes, I am. I smoke the pink. I smoke the pink. A big pink cigar. And I pop the brown. One off the stink. One off this pink. T-shirt. Slip it in the stink. I'm a pink smoker, right? And then there's like a little piggy wiggy on the front Why does it have to have an animal all the time? Cigarette because that's how you sell it. Oh, pink pig smoking a fag. A little baby piglet smoking a fag. Say no more as soon as you said that I'm so 100% in on this

I'm a pink smoker. Big pig smoking a fag. Yeah That'll do That'll do. Right, I guess it's an off brand brand off off brand brand off fiddleiddlelubba libble off brand off. Good. Succinct. Just very succinct, getting straight to the guts of it. Serious. Sober and serious all day longs with his head on a t-shirt. All day longs and then there's a fucking flea, like a a little mini flea but he's got like a life preserver on yeah he's like I was about

to shit on you for the flea but then when I'd hit this life preserver was around it was like no I can see that next level that's next next level stuff so what's the what's the t different. Serious! So serious. Are you faux reels? Right? Here we go. No! What are you gonna read out? What are you reading out? The set up to this off-brand Brandoff.

Off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff. Off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brandoff, off-brand Brando brandy off brand brand off. Oh better brand. Oh brandy brand off brand brand brand brand brand He's on the fucking desperadoes everyone. He's chugging it like mother's milk I don't have to fucking drink tea this week do I so I'm drinking what I want to drink bonzer to Ganon look It's foaming. Oh Like a man foaming man chovy foam He's expressing his manchovy Foam. T-shirt, Manchovy Foam. Little fish!

Little fish. Shaped like a knob. And out of its mouth comes all this foam pouring out. Foamy gush. A kind of beige-y, grey-ish kind of lumpy foam coming out of this little mouth of a fish. A miasma. Yeah, and it says, Manchovy creme. I would actually wear that

t-shirt. Yeah I would as well. Right okay so what happened is this right a little while ago. Tea, no I was gonna say Paul. Yes. Tea. Yeah that's what I'm getting into. Thoughts? Well let's do the setup to this which is off brand brand off is a segment of the show. Brand off, brand off. Where we compare branded well-known products against the off-brand, less familiar alternatives. And we give advice if you're looking to save some money avoiding a branded item. Sometimes it's not worth it. Sometimes it is. They're so poor and sometimes it's very much worth it as it was famously with those kinderbrano bar things. Bontacuolojero. Get the little knockoffs, they taste better. My burps are all very weird there. It's because you're following up a rhubarb flavoured Saison de table with the fucking the worst. How is that desperado tasting? Dirty. Not dirty, nice. Yeah, but guess what? That's, it's also mixed in with the overwhelming, still clinging to

my palate flavour of those pink smokers. Pink smokers. I still can go, it's been half an hour or so. They are like the mothballs of... And I can't get a pink smoker out of my mouth, it's terrible. Right, okay, listen. So what we're doing this week on Off Brand Brand Off is something inspired by a listener of the podcast called Jude. They sent me a link saying, look at this. And it was an article on which.co.uk saying cheap supermarket tea bags beats Yorkshire tea and Twinings in blind

taste test so they did a taste test they asked 79 tea drinkers to blind taste and rate 12 everyday teas from supermarkets such as Asda, Sainsbury's, Tesco's alongside PG Tips, Tetley's, Twinings, Yorkshire Tea. It was a close contest, but basically the Asda home brand took the top spot and it was half the price of the cup of a big brand option such as the Twinings. So that inspired me to do it on our show, but we're going to do a micro version of it. Because we only have, we have the three that are mentioned at the top of that article there, don't we? We have Tesco own brand. Yeah we have a Tesco own brand. They're always red boxes.

Always red box. I think that goes from when they were used. O'Hiddly hey a hiddly hi a hiddly ho a hiddly hi a hiddly hey hi in America. You're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie. You're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie, you're a Eli, you're Eli, you're Eli, you're Eli, you're Eli, USA in America. You don't remember that my red box? No, my fettid urethra, it's gonna get deeper into your vagina. Shut your mouth! How about that? How about you shut it?

Shhh, you lady, you lady. The lady up the twix, the downstairs. She thinks we have arguments when she keeps messaging with an argument and saying is your boyfriend having a massive argument with someone right now because all I can hear is screaming and shouting. Sorry I got a bit shouty there sorry. You did. You told me to fuck off and shut up. You told me to stick my pink smoker up where I got it from. Right. So we're going to do a micro version of this just to see if it

proves a point. I have got three tea bags, well three brands of tea bags. What? I need a spoon. What for? Slurping. Okay, we'll get a spoon. You push it over the pallet. Get one of those spoons that you had. Well I explain. So why Eli gets a spoon. The plan is I've got three cups here, three cups with tea. No milk, no sugar, just tea. Each one had a tea bag in it and it stewed in the hot water for three minutes, stirred, squeezed and then removed from the cup. So there are three cups here. One has Yorkshire Tea in, which is a reasonably well-known brand. One has Tesco's own brand tea. And then finally we have, top of the line, Twinings, what they call Breakfast Tea.

So those represent the three sort of price levels. Yeah from expensive, mid to budget right? Yeah. So I know which cup has which. I know they are glasses. I know, I know but just for the sake of consistency. They look very strong, strongly brewed. You gave them about three minutes right? I just explained it. Three minutes, a stir and a squeeze and removed. It was squeezed. In quick sense. Same squeeze. Same squeeze. They triedsand session. The same squeeze. Same squeeze. We tried to keep it uniform across all three. Same spoon was used to mix all three. Right, all good.

So, with that being said, there are three glasses here. You can just choose whichever one you wanna start with. That's like a double blind, isn't it? It is double blind. I'm going, I'm just trying to sort of vocalize to myself here, Paul, what I will be looking for. Yes, what do you expect from this? I think that the cheap stuff is gonna be be flatter, as in it won't...

That means flatter? It will be... the volume will be damped down on the whole flavour. The overall tannin texture or texture, I guess? No, just the level of flavour, if you see what I mean. Okay, and what do you expect from it? You know, like you leave something out in the sun, like, and it sort of loses its flavour. Okay. If it makes sense to you, then... Chewing gum after you've been chewing it for half a minute rather than when you first put

it in your mouth. You know? So I'm looking for that with the cheapest one. I am quite familiar with Yorkshire tea and I like the taste of it. But it is that super strong immediately builders sort of has a real that real sort of tea sweet almost note. Okay, and expensive, I always sense that the expensive ones have a kind of more floral note to their tea. In my experience, even though it's the same basic garbage. Like a more delicate sort of aromatic. Leaning towards like profile of an Earl Grey almost. Right.

Almost. Towards that. But these are all English breakfast essentially. Essentially, yeah. Which is an Assam, it's a mix, isn't it? Oh, I don't know. Grey almost. Right. Almost. Towards that. These are all English breakfasts essentially. Essentially yeah. Which is an Assam, it's a mix isn't it? Oh I don't know. Recently I've been getting into the good old fashioned Earl Grey with milk. Fine. I love that. It's a solid tea. I like it a lot. I don't have milk in me Earl Grey, I like it just black with a little, maybe a little bit of sugar but. Yeah sugar and lemon is nice as well. Yeah but that's never used in music notes.

Do you know what I was gonna say, Paul? What? I've never come across. A woman's chest in anger. I mean, I have done that. How can you come in anger? It's like, come out, come out, come on. You don't, you're not, I'm not angry,

I don't associate. Come on. Paul, I don't associate. Come on. I don't associate. I'm angry with myself. I don't associate sexual satiation with negative emotions like anger. I associate it with joy and things like that. You're doing it wrong then. No, this is really weird man.

It's like, come on work! That's sad now. That's not angry. Come on! I'm angry at myself. Oh forget it! And then you hear a door slam. Oh you do indeed. Now... Right, pick a tea.

Let's just get into this. You don't need to be blindfolded because they're all basically the same. Alright, alright. Alright, so you're going to take a spoon to it. Oh, it's going to say, Paul, I love tea. In all its forms. Fine, I accept that. Now drink a tea. I'm going to go for the middle one.

She's going for the middle one of the three. Now I know which ones they are so don't you worry about it mate. I've got a slurpy spoon so I'm going to... People who properly taste stuff for a living use a spoon and they slurp it up. They slurp. They sup it, like that. So now Eli's gonna do some sup and... I'm smelling a very sort of... What's on the nose?

Just a generic sort of tea flavour. That's alright, because it's generic tea when you think about it, isn't it? So he's had a little sup there, little sup! What's he getting? What notes? Just tea, but it's not, again, this is not very strong tasting. Mars, use it for three minutes and stir the consistency. No, no, no, no. I'm saying this tea itself is kind of... I was saying this could well be the cheap stuff, I think.

In this case, the Tesco one. Red label, the red box, yeah. Because it's like just a really flat flavour. There's a tea flavour, just a little bit bitter, a little bit cardboardy. Right, no subs again. Yeah, it's just not very much going on, you know? Okay. Not much aromatics.

Fine. Now, if they all taste exactly like this, I'm in trouble. There's going to be Trub Trubs, isn't it? But anyway, that's your first one. I don't want to pin you down just yet. It's a two taste, but it's very low amplitude, you know? It's low volume. Middle of the road, what you expect for tea at a basic level.

Yeah, no sort of kit to it, you know? I can still taste pink smoke. Start with the pink smokers. of the road what you expect to see at a basic level. No sort of kit to it, you know. I can still taste pink smokers. Start with the pink smokers. I think the taste of pink smokers lives with you now in your head. It might do, because I can't get rid of it. And I've had a whole bottle of fucking rhubarb beer,

and now I'm banging on the desperado. But perhaps, Paul, you've got the equivalent of what people get with pine, where they get pine mouth, where they eat pine nuts. Have you heard of that? No, I've never heard of that. You eat a funny pine nut that hasn't been treated properly. And it ruins your gob.

It ruins your taste, everything tastes of metal for like a month, like three months. And nothing tastes good. You know, it fucks with the whole nurse. I've never heard of that. Yeah, imagine that. T2, not the film T2, with Arnold Schwarzenegger in. But anyway, he's gone for the second cup,

which to me is the right-hand side, but to him was the left-hand side. That's the one I've gone for. But anyway, it's gone for the second cup, which to me is the right-hand side, but to him was the left-hand side. That's the one I've gone for. But anyway, it doesn't really matter. He's gone for T2. This is number two. I'm just gonna compare smells. All right, he's having a little compare. Snuffety-Huff. Oh yeah.

What are you getting off the second? This has got much more aroma. Really? Already on the nose, yeah. More distinct. No, it's good. Oh yeah, this could be the Yorkshire. The Yorkshire. There's Twining's Tesco in Yorkshire. They're your basic three options.

I'm pretty sure now that middle one is the... I'm pretty sure now that the middle one... Basic one is the Tesco. Yeah, it's just so dull. Even I haven't even tasted this one yet. I'm just smelling it and it's already better, Paul. It's already better. All right.

All right. All I've done is smell it. All I've done it. I'm doing it now. Why don't you shut up with your fucking chuntering? It's not chuntering. It is chuntering because it's faff. Whatever extends the podcast unnecessarily is chuntering.

It's faffination. You are in the middle of a podcast. You're in the middle of a podcast. You're in the middle of a podcast. You're in the middle of a podcast. You're in the middle of a podcast. Why don't you shut up with your fucking chuntering? It's not chuntering. It is chuntering because it's faff. Whatever extends the podcast unnecessarily is chuntering. It's faffination. You are in the middle of a chunt. I'm the faffinator. Don't be chuntering. I'm the faffinator.

T-shirt, don't be with a flying bee, a honey bee. Don't be chuntering. Okay, I'm going to taste this. And there's an otter balancing some stones on its chest. And I'm stalled. Oh, can it be a basketball or something? Yeah, a couple of mini basketballs on its chest.

That's, I mean, this is chuntering. All right. Anyway, T2. And he's, he's surped. Oh, now what you're thinking, the flavour profile. What is it? Better, stronger, wider, faster. Rounded. It's more rounded. Has's more rounded. It has a sweet element. Again, nothing has been added to these teas. Hot water and the tea bag is the

oden component here. And it's bitterer. You know what? I first thought it was the Yorkshire, but now I'm getting a... I got a thin slicing. I just thought twinnings. As soon as I tasted it, I thought twinnings. Twinnings, twinnings. Twinnings, twinnings. It's all the same difference. I think it, twinnings, it's all the same difference in it. I think it's twinnings, isn't it? Yeah, is it? I think so. Yeah. Pink Smoker Twinnings. Twinnings, pinks... I'm just rambling, chuntering, chuntering now.

Yeah, it's got a nice flavor. There's a sweet, you know, it's got that tea. It's got a rounded tea flavor. Much, much more distinct. Well, try your third tea. T3. I've got a parallel... Rise of the Machines. In the voice. What? Of what voice? Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, Rise of the Machines. Rise of the Machines. Rise of the Machines. Rise of the Machines. I can't do it. I can't do it. No, Rise of the Machines.

No, he can't do this. This is now, this is too generic. Us doing... Getting you sharper! Come on. Too generic. Two t-shirt, two... Nondir! Gene! Oh no! It's a DNA scroll, kind of... Helix.

Gene. Yeah, but is there a pig or something like that now? And then Eric Idle. And Liz is wearing sunglasses. And Eric Idle. So it's two, Gene, Eric, two, Gene Eric, Eric Idle. Elisabeth wearing sunglasses. And Eric Idle. So it's two, Jean, Eric, two Jean Eric, Eric Idle. Oh yeah. And then there's a massive goatsie right at the belly bottom part of the t-shirt. I'm not into this now.

Well, we've crossed a line. I see you. Now. Yeah. I've gone to the T3. T3. Rise of the machines. Rise of the machines.

Okay. Right, watch on the nose. He's having a snuff. Snuffing it. It doesn't smell quite as nice as the second one. Right, in what way? So that's to compare. A little bit more acrid, a little bit more sort of blunt, whereas the second one has those...

So one's a bit more, I mean, one's a bit more traditional tea, one's a bit more flowery, juiced tea. It's better than number one though. It's better than number one on the nose. Okay. It has about that flatness. I really thought that was flat and it has been so far. Alright, well there's your third tea. And you know what? I'm looking at the surface of these teas and that first one had an oily slick which suggests a mere cheap bag. Does it?

And this has nothing. This way? This looks lovely and brewed nicely, not stewed at all. Because those cheats, that red label gets all the tanning bits floating off, and that's what you can see on that. Oh fair enough, because I mean I say I've done it all the same. No you have, I'm sure. Right I'm gonna go in here. You're having a little pissy fit outside you were about it. Has it been three minutes?

Ah right, what are you thinking? That has that kind of quite a nice flavour. Okay, good rounded tea. Yes, but it's very strong. So I think this is the Yorkshire. Okay. Good rounded tea. Yes, but it's very, it's strong. So I think this is the, uh, Yorkshire. Okay. This is the Yorkshire. It's got a good colour and a nice flavour, but a little less refined. Okay. A little more blunt. A little more, well, like Yorkshire people themselves. Yeah. Blunt. Stronger. Honest. It's stronger. Full of flavour. It's stronger. Aye. That's the whole selling point.

I'm Yorkshire tea. It's stronger. I'm here to say I'm a blunt, meaningful man with a no-nonsense way of doing what I do. It's nice to meet you. What's your name, sir? Hello, I'm Mr Yorkshire Tea. Mr Yorkshire Tea. Hello. Have you met Pepe Pepsi?

I have. He's an annoying little fucking shitbag and I will not have him at home to get lost. What did he say? Did he tell you about the syrup? You went and bought a bit of syrup and a bit of tea and a bit of Pepsi and a bit of Pepsi and a bit of fizzy bubbles. Fizzy bubbles. You can call the fizzy bubbles and put a bit of blue in.

It's like he's here in the room. I said that in and I said that I said that I said that I said put the blue in. It's a great impression of Pepe Pepsi you do Mr. What's this? Oh no there's been an assassination attempt on Pepe oh no oh no they got him oh that's the shame about assassinations isn't it? Yeah you know they only have to get it right once, you have to avoid every one, don't you? That's the thing about assassination. Paul, back to the tea, please. I don't know why you've got all talky all of a sudden. Just saying. What tea do you want? At the beginning of this fucking episode, you were like, oh, fuck this. Yeah. And now you're like, oh, blah, blah, blah. And I have to suggest a character. Off you go. I'm feeling inspired now. I think it's the two beers.

Yeah it is it fucking is. Don't get into a fucking doctor desperado came along with the medicine. I needed to become a better comedian. That's what it is. Hello doctor desperado. Olé. Olé. So I think I've made my mind up mate. You've got all box-fizz about it, have you? I've made my mind up and I've made it up. And I don't want to be a s- I mean, don't have a think, cos, you know, you might- Don't do this to me. You could be wrong. I might well be wrong.

But I could be right. You could be right. I could be wrong, I could be right. I could be black, I could be white. Great stuff. And we all let the road rise with you. The road rise with you. That's different. That's the same song. It is. let the road rise with you. Rise with you. That's different.

That's the same song. It is. Let the road rise with you. He also did Anger is my energy. Anger is my energy. That one. That's a great song. Check it out.

Oh guys, sorry about this week's episode. T1. What do you think T1 was? I think that is the Tesco Redbox cheap stuff. Okay. Because I'm thinking, is it the same way our brain works when it looks at packets of crisps or milk, like blue top, you know, whole milk, green, you know, it's pasteurized.

Salt, vinegar, red. It's that kind of association color with flavor. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So T1 you say is Tesco, which is the middle one. Yeah. T2. Twinings.

Twinings. And then T3. I think it's the Yorkshire, because it's just, it's similar flavour to the, to number two, but number two is just, it's a bit more sucky. Right, well let's shut up now, because I'm open to this. Let's just do the T.

I will be surprised. If that first one I tasted is the Twining's, that's an outrage. That is an outrage, because that's terrible. That's bad T, that first one. It's now time, campers, for a lovely bit of hi-tea time. Oh my god. Hi-tea-hi.

Can you just come up with something original? I like tea time. Tea time. I love these old kids' shows in the 50s. It's a time for tea time, boys and girls. It's time for tea. Tea time. Come on.

Right so you said the first one was Tesco's. You were correct. Yeah. You said the second one was Twining's. Yeah. You were correct. Which means you were across the board correct. You got it all right.

The third one was the Yorkshire but were they... Super Taster in action man. But here's the thing. You want to try? Here's the thing. I asked you what the brands were, effectively. Not what I liked the most. But what did you like the most? See, I don't want to come out on the side of the snobs here.

Because you've already made your decision before. I would have asked you and revealed it anyway. So I don't want to come out on the side of the snobs, but the Twinings is the nicest. But you put a couple of a bit of milk in a bit of sugar. Is that going to be up to scratch against the good old Yorkshire tee by Gum? Oh, yeah. There's not that much in it it and it is a sort of matter of taste.

The Yorkshire is, it has that brewed builder's tea flavour. Which I prefer because… I like that as well. If I'm going to have twinings like that, I'd much rather have it black with a bit of sugar in and not add milk. It's a more delicate flavour, that's what I'll say and for me, nicer flavour. So I don't want to be the snob but honestly taste how flat that... start with the tea time everybody. What did little Johnny have for tea?

Oh he's had a lovely... he's spilt his tea now. Little Paul stop it. I'm enjoying this it's my birthday. Oh god literally he's had one beer and half a desperado. ... Paul, stop that! Ha ha ha! ... Please! It's not like he's not in the same room as me.

Sausage boy, sausage boy, come down from the mountain. Sausage boy, sausage boy, you have made a fountain in your pants. With my knob! In your knob! In your gravy spurted sausage pot. You made a fountain in your pants with my nuts in your grave I'm hurting so can we just have a little bit more celebration of the fucking supertaste? Sorry, mr. Sentables coming through mr. Sentable. Mr. Mr. Sentables back t-shirt Mr. And there's a car missing a child by an inch miss There's a tear in the shirt saying these things in words, but they're not so easy to predict that depicting There's a plastic bus doing a drum solo in the middle. You were saying these things in words but they're not so easy to predict, to depict in pictures.

And then there's a platypus doing a drum solo in the middle of... I mean now I'm into this t-shirt. See, he's using his tail and his beak. What a fantastic thing. Oh, what a fantastic thing. Anyway, just so you know, the Twining's was very expensive. The Yorkshire wasn't that. I got these at Yorkshire and the Tesco from the same place.

The Tesco was like 180 I think for a box of fortune. It's really cheap but honestly, taste it Paul. No, I've've tasted it. I tasted it. Would you agree? It's fine. Listen if I was on a budget that's a fine tea. You'd have to stew it though to get any flavour out. But I'm always going to go with the Yorkshire tea as a personal preference. I just like the round it's more. It's strong. It's a strong flavour tea. But there's more would you say that it's more subtle the Twining's flavour? Yes and a little little bit more flowery, which is fine, but not for me. I am feeling a bit smug about totally being able to distinguish teas. I'm good on teas, I'm good on crisps.

Hopefully you can formulate... I can distinguish a lot of crisps, guys. And yet... The orange soda's not really good on... No, you fucked the shit on that, didn't you? And remember all those Dr Peppers I tried? Yeah. Other episodes, guys, where I taste the shit out of stuff.

Yeah, that's what we should call the segment. Eli tastes the shit out of stuff. T-shirt, Eli, face of it. Nah, forget it. Let's move on. And that's the end of Cheap Show this week. We're not moving on, then, are we, Paul? We're moving out.

We're moving on to the throuple. We're moving out of this episode. We're moving on to the bit, aren't we, with the throuple? Thanks for listening, everyone. I'm basically done. He's going to go on for an hour now. Yeah, because Mr. Sensible has to step forward now, doesn't he? Thanks for listening everyone, I'm basically done, he's gonna go on for an hour now. Mr. Sensible has to step forward now, doesn't he? Not sensible, he was called Mr. Serious!

Oh, like Mr. Serious, but like Dr. Sensible is his, uh, it's an off-brand friend who comes in and is also just as, uh, serious. I'm Sergeant Coherent! Anyway, shut up. Shut up. I'm over here, everyone. Shut up and don't get near me, don't like it. I want the same mic, like, we're doing same mic. We're doing it like Aerosmith. Warning, warning.

Stay away. Laugh that bell shit's getting cut when he's sober. Sober you up. Thank you for joining us on Cheap Show again for another episode. Hey, if you like what we do, maybe it's worth your patronage. And if you so want to do so, then go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and give what you can, but only if you can. Whatever you give gives then go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show and give what you can but only if you can. And whatever you give gives you access to magazines and behind the scenes stuff and

commentaries and videos ahead of time and top tier videos and also podcasts and all sorts of goodness. Years of stuff, extra Cheap Show for you to explore. However, in terms of social medias and stuff like that, it's all good on the one roof. It is thecheapshow.co.uk. A one-stop shop for all things Cheap Show. Go there and everything you need to know will be answered. Simple as that. That sounds a bit culty. Does a little bit, but it's fine.

It's not everything. You look like that Sid Little a bit. No, I don't look like Sid Little. A bit. The eyes. Just the mouth is good. Better than Sid's. But the eyes in those glasses. I just got a bit of a Sid Little vibe. It's actually the most disgusting thing you've ever said to me that I give off a Sid Little vibe You know what that makes you then doesn't it? The annoying fucking Eddie Lodge who does deputy dog impressions behind him I'm more like him than you yeah we do look we are like little Lodge with those glasses oh no they terrible! I don't like this.

T-shirt, Little and Large, Eddie Large, you, no don't- You can get an AI to do that so easily. No, I don't want any fuckers to do an AI Paul Gann and Eli Silverman, Eddie Large, Sid Little crossover thing. I don't want it. I don't- my soul doesn't need it. Cut to me on Twitter a couple of days after this episode. Eyyyyy! doesn't need it cut to me on Twitter a couple of days after this episode liking ironically every single fucking cunt who does it for some AI art program on the internet okay soulless art wank Paul time to wrap it up thanks patrons AI for the people who don't have the time to actually be an artist it's all

very disturbing fucking load of shit even if your drawings are shit they're still yours be a shit man I'm're still yours. Be a shit man. I'm a shit man. He's a shit man. Well. We're both shit men. I don't know. We're making it work.

I don't want to be included in the shit men category, please. I'm okay with being okay and not shit. I'm a shit man. See you next week on Sheep Show. Bye. Bye. See you next week on Sheep Show! Bye!