CheapShow - Ep 404: Superlative Decay

Starting point is 00:00:00 Whoa! That was your fucking mask off having a fart face, wasn't it? That was my Waterloo. You looked really like corrupt. Your face looked evil and corrupt as you pumped out. Sad, wet mumblings. Yeah, dirty fart-er. I did a fart. Right, is that the cold open done then? Welcome to Cheap Show. No. Hello everyone, it's Cheap Show. This is the cold open the bit before the credits.

Starting point is 00:00:26 It's not though, is it really? Because it's really like an intro. Is it? It's more of an intro these days, isn't it? It is, I guess. Because you just say hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I've got a new... And you used to castigate me for saying hello everybody, welcome to Cheap Show during this bit. You've said it. The last couple of weeks, you've said hello everybody, welcome to Cheap

Starting point is 00:00:42 Show. Don't give me that look. What look? That look like you want to hurt me. Right? You're tired again this week. No I'm not. I mean I had another late one yeah but I actually feel a bit more sprightly today if I'm being honest with you Mr Eli Silverman. I'm here everybody Eli Silverman. Oh I'm refreshed deep down in my groinage. And I've got a new friend who I've invited along to the podcast today as well. I'm desperate to meet this new friend, Paul. Come over here. Yeah, sit down.

Starting point is 00:01:12 Sit down. Just, you know, introduce yourself. Hello, yes. Hello there. My name is Gunther von Striched. Gunther von Striched, eh? I see the world through existential eyes. Existential eyes. Existential eyes.

Starting point is 00:01:25 Existential eyes, yes. You're a sort of 19th century philosopher type character. I see, Eli. What was your name again? Von Strich. Konzer von Strich. Yes, and what is the name of your philosophical, you know, your treaties, your ideology?

Starting point is 00:01:39 I like to see the world through my viewmaster of pain. It's a viewmaster of pain? I see. That's the metaphor you use. I click and the slide go round and yet another image is brought to 3D into my mind. Okay. A picture of woods. It's a picture of woods.

Starting point is 00:01:59 The dark grey mask of depression rolling in on the fog bank of my heart. You're more of a poet really. You haven't really introduced... And yet I see Eli stood under a tree. How do you know me? I've never heard of you. A tree of misery raining down in security like hot sausage. I see all through my... You see all through your... My eyes. Well? The ironing of interest has been crushed by the Hoover of acceptability. Well, you know what, Mr Von Strict? You know what, Mr Von Strict? Yeah?

Starting point is 00:02:33 I'm looking at you to copy your metaphor somewhat. Yeah, it's good. Through my Christmas cracker kaleidoscope of disapproval. Ah, you pull and the snap is just the eventual snap of all eventualities. No, it's one of those little ones, those monocle like glass ones that fractures the image into several facets. The fractured image of reality is only seen through the kaleidoscope of system? Yeah. And what how does where does depression fit in? Well, is depression is when you're unhappy with your sad feelings. Dispression. Yeah. You're unhappy with your sad feelings? Yes. Are you, I'm sorry, I'm disappointed with your sad feelings. You're disappointed that your feelings are sad? Yeah. I'm disappointed with this. Is this periscope I see up until the light and yet darkness is like a curtain over my mind hold that thought No Welcome to Cheap Show.

Starting point is 00:03:55 You go sit over there Gunther, we'll see you a little bit later no doubt for more of your existential musings. You're such a Nazi. Go on, what does throw that about? Like every other hack person who can't think of a better analogy for someone's behaviour. You're such an autocrat. Lift the mic up a little bit. Oh fuck. There you go. Is that good? Better. But here's my character, he's called Johnny the Philosopher. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Starting point is 00:04:21 you got a question for me? No, that's just, that's just, you know who that is. No, I've got a question, I do philosophy, I'm good, John. You just do squishy built mate, that's what you're doing. I'm bouncy. You know, you're just doing squishy gym. I'm quite upbeat. You're moving on. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where Eli and I go through the Bargamins pound lands of...

Starting point is 00:04:40 Oh, don't say, fun ruined it. Oh, don't say, fun ruined it. Can I do the intro? Yeah, go on, then you do it. Oh, don't say fun ruined it. Can I do the intro? Yeah, go on, then you do it. Hello everyone. Welcome to Cheap Show where Paul and myself, Eli, go through the charity shops, bargain bins in basements, jumble sales, pound stores, bric-a-brac boutiques. Yes. And where we find the fun in the frugal and the pleasure in the treasure in the... Pleasure in the treasure. We find pleasure in the treasure in the trash. Where we find the bounce for more of the ounce. That's a little foreshadowing isn't it? A little bit

Starting point is 00:05:19 for later on. Well that brings me to this. What's coming up in today's episode of Cheap Show? Today we'll be going through the dusty boxes of music and pulling out a few slices of vinyl from your collection, I believe, in a Silverman's platter. Yes, Silverman's platters and it's a legit Silverman's platters, sourced both by me recently. Fresh vinyl. Hang on, both by me? Well sometimes you get the vinyl and it's not really Silverman's platter then is it? But you shouldn't have said both by me.

Starting point is 00:05:45 By me both. Because that implies two of you did it. Both of me? I mean, I know. No, we're not doing that. You know who I got to help me with. No, we're not having another fucking... Johnny, Johnny Philosopher.

Starting point is 00:05:54 No, we're not doing... I'm not going to have Johnny Philosopher. He just sounds like a clown car. Life's full of meanings. I hate you. You're an awful host oh the only thing you should host is a parasite anyway anyway there he made himself chuckle what else is going up on the show today Paul say that to me now what

Starting point is 00:06:19 this is the autocrat I've been writing your lines for 400 episodes. Read the script! Read that script! Alright, it's here. It says something about keep going with the Johnny philosopher thing. No, it doesn't say that! That's the script that you read! I'm writing these lines! I'm writing these lines! I just do what you ask, Paul.

Starting point is 00:06:37 I'm writing these lines, aren't I? I'm just gonna do what you ask. Big wink, big wink. Wink, big wink. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wink, wink. Wink, wink, wink. No, no, no, I didn't write this. Johnny Philosophers! I'm so full of knowledge. That's what you wanted, Paul. And scene.

Starting point is 00:06:55 Right, so coming up later in the show is a Price of Shite. I have come across four items in my charity shop Musings and I've collected them and brought them back. Musings? Shut up. And then Eli has to guess the price of the things I bought. In my charity shop musings? Wanderings. Wanderings, thank you. I should have said charity shop wanderings. Well, that's what it says on the script that you wrote before.

Starting point is 00:07:14 Oh, I misread it, didn't I? Yeah, I think that's a typo, actually. Yeah. Oh, it says Johnny Philosopher's coming back in. No, he's not, it doesn't say that. Oh, here's a bit of the script coming in where it's like Paul punches Eli vitally in the gob knocking his teeth out. Oh god, and here we are again, the endless cyclotron of violence. Threatened violence.

Starting point is 00:07:34 Tick that off your bingo cards, you fuckers! The cyclical nature of the repetition of this musings. It continues on. Gunter, shut the door. Sometimes. You are a dull character that's not gonna catch on. Also this Poundland waiting for Godot does not work for me. Gunter. The misery inside my heart is quite quite oppressive. You're okay to stay but I'm telling you you're doing patterns so there's gonna be all sorts of people in the studio Gunter later on. There's a little robot I don't want you to get disturbed, the dogs will probably be in.

Starting point is 00:08:08 I just wish to stare out the window and lament. There's no windows. Well, even better. I will just lament. Just look at the wall. Look at the wall from your lens of misery. And I shall lament. Also, you can use the Game and Watch toy of despair.

Starting point is 00:08:27 The up and down of Mario is similar to the up and down of my dark thoughts. He take a mushroom and grow, and yet when I take my mushroom, I go low. Okay, close the door. This door is like the closing of my thoughts against Mother. Oh fucking hell, worst character ever. Slamming the door of eternity. He needs Johnny Philosopher to… Belonging to no one but the inevitability of death.

Starting point is 00:08:59 Close the door. Aye, I close the door. The key lock behind me. The key that is hard to cut and hard to unlock. No, there's no meaning here in what Gunther says. Yes, what is meaning? Is it my meaning? Oh, is that kind of philosophy, I see. Or is it your meaning? What makes no sense to you is the most sensible thing I can compute.

Starting point is 00:09:17 You compute now? I do. This is my world and I see it through all gauze of agony. Nine. Nine. Nine. Anyway, I like Gunther. I'll be bringing him back as often as I can forever. And I'm never killing him off. He's always going to be around forever. So anyway- Why are you so combative?

Starting point is 00:09:35 Both weeks. I'm not. I'm not combative. You're so combative. No, I'm not. I'm trying to bring joy. And you literally invent a character who sees everything through a veil of misery. And I think it reveals something about you.

Starting point is 00:09:47 Misery is my... Johnny Philosopher has a pragmatic approach to the world and the issues in it. And he would like to meet Gunter... Misery is my comfort blanket. I'll just get him in then, okay? Johnny Philosopher will meet Gunter. Yeah, go on. Go get him. Okay.

Starting point is 00:10:03 I'm pressing stop. Ha ha ha ha! I'm in control of this podcast. You've never been in control. I'll do what I want. You're being a proper, a little Hitler this week, aren't you? You're a deal-go-keep-going-with-the-boring, obvious, overplayed analogies that lose all meaning because of their willy-nilly usage. I'm not interested. I'm not interested. You know there's a word for that? Yeah there is. It's called boring. No, it happens to, like for example the best example is the word awesome. It's called superlative decay or something. Superlative decay?

Starting point is 00:10:35 Yeah, because... What a fucking great phrase to describe this podcast. Yeah. Superlative, I'm calling this episode superlative decay. But do you know what I'm getting at? The word awesome used to mean actually causing awe and fear in people. Like an atomic bomb blast you could describe as awesome. It just means good now.

Starting point is 00:10:51 Yeah, because everything is awesome. Brilliant. Yeah. That's brilliant. Amazing. Everything. So it's a real, do you see it? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:58 See now? And so you need new things. You need new superlatives. Yeah. Because the old superlatives lose their meaning. Well, what, mega? Although that went in and out of style mega, didn't it? Super. Outstanding. Does outstanding still mean outstanding? It does, doesn't it? People can overuse outstanding. Like that was outstanding shit I had just now. I mean, was it that good? There's lots of meme

Starting point is 00:11:18 associated with people say S tier now, don't they? Because they do. Because of the iceberg or the tier level, God tier and everything. Everyone's just called s that super tier blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah doesn't matter does it doesn't matter me talking more. You are I smell bad first. No, I know. Oh, you know. Yeah, I have sensed it. Mr. Grunty McGree. Yeah, well, he was like, Oh, God, I fucking hate life. That was what your mouth said. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:46 Your fucking, your face was in a real sort of, oh, I'm pushing out, pushing out the grim, pushing out the grim farts. That's how you started. And it's not good. And we should have a meditation session and like look into each other's eyes. You boring cunts, shut up. What do you want to do? What do you want to do?

Starting point is 00:12:02 Do you want to do the records first or the price of shite first? I want to do the price of shite first. Yeah, you want to do the or the price of shite first? I want to do the price of shite first. Yeah, you want to do the price of shite first? Yeah, I want to do the price of shite first. Alright then, let's go into it. Let's quickly explain the rules. Do you know what? This is like old school. Back to the old school. Of? Our podcast. I've done the Silverman Platters, you've done the price of shite.

Starting point is 00:12:19 Oh yeah, yeah. We bring them together, there's no outside influences. No, no guests. Just us in a room. No gimmicks. Sweating, smelling bad, farting badly. Raw cheap show. Like pulled the skin back and grazed it on a cheese grater raw. Why is it always a cheese grater that you do on your knob? Because cheese graters have four different sides don't they? What about sandpaper? Oh, you can win me over with sandpaper.

Starting point is 00:12:40 What grit is it? What grit is the sandpaper? Very fine. Oh, is it water? Is it a water rub down as well with the grit? What do you mean a water rub down? You drop a little bit of water on the sandpaper so when you do it you get a smoother shine to the grit. Is that true? Yeah, it is. You're not going to get a shine on your knob and it's going to bleed. It depends on how well. And then scab over. So it'll be the opposite of shiny.

Starting point is 00:12:58 Yeah, tell me more. It'll be suppurating probably. How about apart from that, let's go old school. Just drag my dick across the top of a brick wall. Grab it, force it down, just slide my dick across the top of a brick wall grab it force it down Just slide it right across the top of a brick wall one of those ones where they put tar and glass on to stop people from climbing over Oh those remind me of my child Yeah of my child Jumpers for Gold Posts

Starting point is 00:13:17 Yeah but there used to be more walls with bits of broken bottle in the cement in the top Back in the day there used to be more walls I think they might have erm not more walls I remember there being more walls. Have you seen that dog? Have you seen that dog who speaks Italian? This is not a podcast anymore. Have you seen that dog who speaks Italian?

Starting point is 00:13:29 Why? Does he just go... Er... Er... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes...

Starting point is 00:13:31 He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes... He goes...

Starting point is 00:13:50 He goes... We're doing it. Oh, right. Let's we do the theme tune. Yeah, I'll do the theme tune go on Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite Oh, it's the fucking price of shite And that is right. Thank you Gunther you go sit over there Shut up I like Gunther So it's the price of shite where one of us goes to a charity shop, buys a few things, brings them back, we show them off and ultimately guess the price of those items. And that's the game in a nutshell. No, but who does? That was very confusing about who's doing that.

Starting point is 00:14:14 It wasn't, because I said one of us goes to a charity shop. Yeah, but then who guesses? There was no, you didn't point, shall I try it? I'll do it better. I'll do it better than you did. Go on. It's a game that we play on the podcast. It's a price guessing game. So someone could be one of us could be someone else. I guess that's exactly what I fucking said. Goes and gets stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:33 Some items from a charity shop. Yeah. And then the other person who's playing the game has to guess the prices. Now there is a point awarding system in our game. The price of shy that we play here on cheap show is there. Yes. And the points in our game, The Price of Shite, that we play here on Cheap Show. Is there? Yes. And the points in our game... Prove it! You just listen to any other episode where we've played the game. Oh, isn't that convenient?

Starting point is 00:14:52 There's proof. Oh well, fuckity-hoop. And they are called Pertwings. Oh, how obvious. Pertwings, now he says. P-sure, tell me more of these Pertwings. They are what was called points, and there's two ways you can score P'twings, Paul. Two ways now is it?

Starting point is 00:15:09 Not one, there's two ways to get P'twings? Well, fuck my gibbets, go on. If you guessed the price and it is within 25p either above or below the actual price. If I guessed 50p but it was 75p or it was really 25p. You would score one point known in this game as a Pertwing. And you would assure me of that one Pertwing. You would be assured, you would pay the bearer on demand one Pertwing. I'll give you a note. And he'll say please when the bearer comes in... Is he a tiger bear? No he he's a bearer. He's more bear. He's more bearer.

Starting point is 00:15:48 He pays one between. Yeah. But you can also... I don't want the between bear to be a thing. The between bearer. Wow. Stop with the characters because we've got actual characters coming in the platter section which you'll have to play.

Starting point is 00:16:04 We'll do what we want. I'll do what we want. Go on, next one. Then what about the betwings? You're not explaining this very well. You're getting very distracted. If you guess the price of the item and it's 25p out of the way, one betwing. If you get it on the nose, as in you guessed the exact price.

Starting point is 00:16:14 On the nose now? I have to get it right exactly, you're saying? Then you get two betwings. Oh, so it's worth it. Sometimes people give bonus betwings, for example, for getting all the prices or something or getting them or sometimes we have a zero. There's as a sort of trick. One of the things will be free and then they well, there are variations to the rules, but we explain those on a game by game basis.

Starting point is 00:16:35 Now, Paul, you are. Yeah, go on. You are a absolute wanker. Thank you. You are also today's curator of the game. You have brought some items in and I's curator of the game. You have brought some items in and I will be playing the game. These are what's known as pristine petwings.

Starting point is 00:16:51 No one can score other petwings. I'm the only one who can score petwings today and add them to my tally of several hundred petwings over the years. Although I am introducing a new rule right now for this week's game. No. That you just thought of, that is shit. Yeah, it's exactly that. Here's the plan. Me and you, we can't play against each other because I've curated it. And you know the prices. So here's the thing. Every time you don't get a Pertwing at all on an item, I get one Pertwing.

Starting point is 00:17:16 That is utter shit! So if that- No! They're not real Pertwings! I shan't call them real Pertwings either. You shall. I will bracket them. You shall. I will bracket them. You shall. I will bracket them. These are pseudo petwings, my friend. So I'm just saying for every item you don't get a petwing. You get a pseudo petwing. Or petwing. Whoever's documenting this in the year 3000, the alien's looking down.

Starting point is 00:17:36 You don't need to shout. You don't need to shout. You're being very unprofessional. Calm down. I'm proposing a way for me to keep... They need to know. I'm proposing a way for me to keep into the petwing game. The aliens from the future need to know.

Starting point is 00:17:44 The aliens. The aliens. The aliens in the- Give Glob and Splop Splop don't care for us. I think Glob Glob has a real soft spot for me. He doesn't. He has recreated my anus in a huge 3D telegram. Great, 3D telegram. He sent to the queen of the aliens.

Starting point is 00:18:00 Good stuff. No, no, great stuff. No, because what happens there is- No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's just carry on. You know what happens there? No, no, no, no, no. Let's just carry on. You know what happens there? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not interested in your 3D printed anus. They send a telegram to the Queen of the Aliens when they get 100, which is the reverse of

Starting point is 00:18:13 what used to happen here, which you get a birthday card from the Queen, which could be a telegram when you were 100. But they send it to the Queen there, because the Queen is very poor in the alien land in in the future looking back on this podcast. Elie Silverman rambling for eternity searching for a way to end his funny thought and yet like an infinite race with no finish line he cannot cross those boundaries. He is a staggering buffoon and yet he marches on in this eternal walk to damnation. Thank you Gunther. Thank you for putting a succinct point. What Gunther can I ask?

Starting point is 00:18:49 Are you into like games and stuff? Do board game design I thought I saw on your bio? No it's mainly... But you use a lot of game metaphors and toy metaphors when you describe your philosophy don't you? Yeah because life is like connect four. Right. In what way? Is that you drop coins and hope for success. Okay, good. Now. Life is in many respects a lot like operation. You hope to have the pain removed

Starting point is 00:19:16 and yet the doctor of eventuality sets off your red nose. Right, so get on with this, are you ready to play? I will not be accepting those as real betweens. You're fucking stupid betweens. No, I will not. No, no, no. Don't be changed just because you want betweens. You're such a jealous, petty little, petty man. I'm just going to say this and then we'll move on to the game.

Starting point is 00:19:40 The reason why I'm instigating this rule today is because you never get anything for price of shite and I'm always curating stuff and therefore I'm always going to be at a loss in the greater game of who's behind on betweens. No that's not fair. That's not fair. You haven't done this in years. What do you mean? I did it a couple of weeks ago and a couple of weeks before that I've got the fucking evidence. No you didn't. We have podcasts to prove it.

Starting point is 00:20:00 People send it in usually. No remember the one with the projector as well, the little shitty projector that wouldn't work. Oh that sucks so bad. So I'm just saying... You just can't make... I'll be accepting these in the between. And I make the podcast and I'm the boss and they are. So welcome to capitalism, my friend.

Starting point is 00:20:16 Is there a quids gambit in here? Yes. No, it's... No, I'll say that there's no quids gambit. Right, bye. Put the credit sound effect in. Let's play the game. Right, I have four items for you today. Four items that I got in a charity shop in, actually where did I get these? Where did I get them? Oh no, oh no, I went to Watford.

Starting point is 00:20:42 I went to Watford again. Several charity shops in Watford. There's loads in Watford. There's like seven. A little bit of nuance here for the listener, Paul. Are you going to give me a price ceiling or a price window? I'm going to give you a window right now. It's between what prices? I'm going...

Starting point is 00:20:57 How much was spent in a window format, please? No, I tell you what, the ceiling was £13. Altogether, I spent £13. The accumulated price of all these items is £13. please no i tell you what the ceiling was 13 pounds all together what's the i spent 13 pounds the accumulated price of all these items is 13 i thought you were gonna give me a window i don't want to give you a window because there's no point i'll just give you the ceiling and that's the actual amount spent it's not even a rough ceiling 13 it's a finished ceiling it is smooth ceiling yeah it is the cysteine chapel is it not ceiling. No. Am I gonna bang my head on it when I go up in an elevator? No. Yeah? No. I've got a machine. Come on then. How very embarrassing for you. It's not embarrassing for me. I'm a funny

Starting point is 00:21:37 guy, Paul. I say stuff people laugh all the time. I'm gonna get the thing out that you don't care for. I'm just gonna get on with it because you're obviously just gonna ramble on unless I get this game started. That Jack Daniels guy works at the Jack Daniels distillery. Remember? He makes people look goose he was called or something. Right. Do you remember goose? Do you want to play the game or do you just want to talk about goose? Goose! I don't want to do this. Right here's your first item. This is the one you're gonna hate the most from getting out of the way. Oh, okay. Because you know I'm a sucker for this shit. Eccentricity Mystery Box.

Starting point is 00:22:08 It's a box everybody, he sent it to me, and it's made by... Talking to the microphone. I can see it's made by Marvin's Magic. Yeah, Marvin's Magic always ends up in charity shops in various sizes of packs. Because they are, is it fair to say, sort of cut-rate magic toys? No, Marvel magics by and large I think make good quality magic kits for kids and adults right. The problem is I think the fundamental problem with selling magic and these kind of things is that they're like a Christmas gimmick. You give them

Starting point is 00:22:36 to someone they go, ha ha ha, they never really bother to learn it and then it goes back into a charity shop the next week. Magic is one of those strange disciplines which to be any, to do well at it at all, you have to work your arse off. Yes, you've got to put in many, many hours to learn car manipulation or coin tricks or, you know, mentalism and- And then you could still be quite unsuccessful

Starting point is 00:22:57 because you've got no stage persona. So you have to be sort of like a standup comic or have some kind of showbiz or performative skills as well. Do you know what I mean? I think Paul Daniels, I think it was Paul Daniels who said like, Patra is like one of the most important parts of magic because that's part of the misdirection. Of course. You know, and it's true. It's like it's often at the Patra or the magician's point of view to distract you from what's really going on as he's doing it right in front of your eyes.

Starting point is 00:23:23 All I'm saying is I've always had a great deal of admiration for professional magicians because it's a certain type of you have to be technically brilliant, learn all the technical sides as well as being able to perform. What's that phrase? Press the digitation or the card manipulation. Press the digitation is what they use for their fingers and hands. I think that's what it is. And yeah, so this is a magic set with tricks and bar games and things to win bets with. It's one of those ones. Right, so they're kind of widening it from like wanting to be a magician, to sort of wanting to win bet. This is basically for the guy at your office who does this every fucking other day anyway at the office and this is to shut him

Starting point is 00:23:59 up so he can learn a magic kick. I've opened the box Paul. Yes. There's a CD in there. No interest in... A DVD rather. No instruction book. There is just a CD in there. No interest in the DVD rather. No instruction book. There is just a CD, which I haven't watched yet. But that tells you how to do the tricks. And I can see here there's a mystery thumb. Yeah, every set comes with a thumb. And there's a little very cheap sort of hanky.

Starting point is 00:24:17 It looks it's weird. It's like neon yellow. All the square. Yeah, because that just about fits in that. Probably fits in the thumb. Yeah, because that just about fits in the thumb. That probably fits in the thumb. Yeah. I've got the thumb, it's reasonably quality, isn't it? No, no, because here's the thing, the perspective, these thumbs about perspective.

Starting point is 00:24:31 So when you show it like at the end of your thumb, you can see the difference. It looks too big, yeah. But if I point my thumb at you, you barely see it because the hinge of the thumb covers it. The foreshortening, yes. And so, here we go. Oh, is this what you used, because you sent me a video of you stacking the dice the other day.

Starting point is 00:24:44 Yeah, I spent half an hour trying to learn how to do it. And that's the reason why I picked this set up. I have to say, Paul, I was not that impressed with that. I don't give a fuck. Many, many people were. A distinct, because you didn't sort of say, hey, look, this, I've learned this, or give it any sort of caption or anything. So it felt really like I was in a bar and I was being

Starting point is 00:25:01 forced to watch this by a pickup artist. Yeah, that was exactly the tone I was going for. It had a real pickup artist vibe to it, like you were going to neg me out. In fact, that is really what this is like, isn't it? Week after week, you neg me out. Yeah, it is. I love it. In order for me to say something funny. I get full tumescence when I do this every single week.

Starting point is 00:25:19 Superlative decay, my friend. Superlative decay. Also, these are funny. These cards aren't very standard are they? No I mean I haven't looked at the set properly because I need to look at the disc to figure out what they do but most of these are kind of like follow the lady contric kind of card games. Are you going to try some more of these? Yeah because I was thinking of doing it on a cheap shots. Cool. Yeah you know what I mean? Okay look forward to that. Cheap Shots Everybody is our little video series on YouTube. Fortnightly little videos of a little bit of fun. No real agenda, just mucking about for 20 minutes or so.

Starting point is 00:25:47 Anyway, that is your first item. Four items, £13 spent altogether. Yeah. And I think overall, considering what these items are, I've done quite well price-wise. You always do look for a bargain, don't you? Yeah. I will give you a hint.

Starting point is 00:26:02 I will tell you with confidence that this is the most expensive item of the four today I think I feel like four pound fifty. It's the figure I'm getting you can change it later Let's just go put four pound fifty on the card. All right We'll do that now for you and gone noted item number two is He's had to me another box. This looks like a piece of high-tech equipment. It says talking to the mic I'm sorry. I'm just looking down the manufacturer of this is Eschenbach and it says Mobilux LED. So it's some kind of I Think what this is Paul is a map. What are you looking for?

Starting point is 00:26:37 I've lost a piece of paper already that I had two seconds ago. Why do you always do that? I don't know where I've put it. I've literally moved nowhere On the floor. I put it. I've literally moved nowhere. Oh, it's on the floor. It's on the floor. I've got it. We're all good. This is a magnifying glass with a light on it. Yeah. I don't know if it works because I only got it the other day.

Starting point is 00:26:51 But yeah, so you can look at it. You need to put a battery in, don't you? Yeah. I mean, there's a few things that need batteries and I don't have. That's quite a neat item, actually. It's relatively bright, isn't it? Yeah. So if you're looking at a road map in the dark or something,

Starting point is 00:27:04 or you want to investigate something in detail and it's not quite the right light, you can shine it down on it. relatively bright isn't it? Yeah so you know if you're looking at a road map in the dark or something or you want to investigate something in detail and it's not quite the right light you can shine it down on it. Oh yeah. Is it effective? It works. Again it's just a little magnifying glass with a little tiny led light next to it. That's a nice thing.

Starting point is 00:27:17 It's a nice little thing though isn't it? Not as much as the mystery box. No, no no no. So where are we looking at? okay, cool. I think this is probably in the three pound area. It's in the environs of three pounds. It's sort of, it's come to three pound town and it's sort of looking in, seeing if there's a table. Just hanging about, waiting for a bit of loitering. And then some waitress has looked at him and gone, ooh, and he's like, what was that look? What was that look?

Starting point is 00:27:43 You know, it didn't feel like a come on, but it felt like an angry look. It felt invasive. Anyway, is it three pound or not? I feel like it's three pounds, Paul. Okay, well, let's just say three pounds for now. Okay, for now, three pounds for now. Nice little thing.

Starting point is 00:28:00 All right. I wonder if that's adjustable though, the way it turns. I don't think the turning of the glass means anything. I think that's just where it sits in the frame. It sits in the frame there, the cradle. I think that's all it is. Okay. All right. Next item is this Mr Silverman. Oh, it's a very high tech episode. It is a techie. It is actually. I haven't even thought about that until now, but apart from the magic set, it's cool, a bit techie. Oh, the magic set had a little tech element in that the instructions were

Starting point is 00:28:23 on a DVD. Well, all right, I'll give you that then. They've all been in sort of boxes so far. Yes. Are all four in boxes? Yes. They are. Including the fourth one, yes. They're all boxes.

Starting point is 00:28:33 So... I don't think I've opened this one yet either as well. This is built for better since 1912 rechargeable neck fan. Yeah. Now, we're here recording in London everybody. Hello. And the season has turned. The season has very much turned.

Starting point is 00:28:46 It's very much turned. Does fucking Gunter have something to say about that? Yeah. What? Sometimes the rain and wind. Yes. Sometimes it blows through my consciousness, cleaning out the cobwebs of my depression. You like winter then?

Starting point is 00:29:01 Yeah, it is comforting in a depressing way. The inevitability. Oh god, I hate Gunther so much. I really do hate him. The inevitability of the season is a misery comfort blanket on which I can rely. Is it over there Gunther? Yes. I lament.

Starting point is 00:29:18 Oh, now. He's not, wait there. He's lament. Yeah, I lament. He's off to lament. He's off to the lament. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, what is it Mr Silverman? This is a rechargeable neck fan.

Starting point is 00:29:29 It's a kind of plastic collar you put around your neck and it blows air. Up your neck? Up around your neck and head. Now, this is stupid. It's got a little readout on it. Mr Biffo's got one of these and he said it works very well. He was wearing it when we made Digitizer Series 2. Yeah, but it's not something you'd want to sort of walk down the street in because you'd feel like

Starting point is 00:29:47 a non-tear. Maybe, but if you know. Or sitting on like transport. Public transport, yeah, you could get away with that because it almost looks like headphones. If it's really hot, yeah, I guess. Yeah. And it does get super hot. Mate, seriously, if you were super hot, you wouldn't wear that on the tube. I guess I would. I guess I would. Yeah. But now where's the batteries going? I don't know if it's one of those things that have to USB charge. It's got a USB charge. Yeah, and I haven't charged it. Does it turn on? Is there any charge in it at all? No, it's micro USB actually. Oh, that's even worse. That's the old school one.

Starting point is 00:30:12 That's shit. Yeah. So this does have any, I'm just wondering if this has got any charge in it at all. No, it doesn't seem to. Oh, it does. There you go. Is that the right way up? Where's the air coming? He's got it on his neck everyone. No you put it on. And it's working. I don't know which way up it goes.

Starting point is 00:30:29 Well look it's got a readout. Yeah no it's got a little readout. 9 degrees. 97 degrees? I don't know what that means. Oh well. Yeah it's quite nice isn't it? It blows all around. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:38 Now you look like a... And then you can pretend you're like... A hairy cyberman. I can't hear you! I can't hear you! I've got it over my ears! I can't hear you! You also look like a grubby cyber man though, that's the thing. Dickhead. A what? Dickhead.

Starting point is 00:30:50 That's what I said. How much is it? Little bit noisy isn't it? How much is it? Well it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you're cool. Oh what does it blow down my top? No it's... Yeah I think it sprays it up doesn't it?

Starting point is 00:30:58 Yeah but you can put it both ways. Yeah. No, this sucks man. Well it's only, it's not really charge-proppy is it? It's not really doing anything. It's just making noise. On a hot day though, on a hot day you'd benefit. It makes a difference on a hot day but it's got left and right on it. That little button there, is that level 4? Oh you weren't on the highest level. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I think the proof of that... I think it's noisy but it works. I think. How much? 250. Mint on card.

Starting point is 00:31:26 Right, fine lights and then. Are you going to hang on to that and sort of use it you think? I don't know, maybe. Those little hand held ones are a bit better. The one I've got, I'll just keep my back. Yeah but the point is with this is you didn't Tecmoan review this recently? Similar but that was much more fancy elaborate stuff. This is a cheaper version.

Starting point is 00:31:43 I mean that was literally like it chilled you. It had an AC thing in it. This is just a fan. Very cheap version of that similar thing. But you don't see these, so they might haven't caught on. No, not the same way. You don't see people, because it got pretty hot this summer. You see those on like Swish and Temu and things like that.

Starting point is 00:31:57 Of course, yeah. Anyway, you said... 250 for that. 250, I've written that down. Okay, final item is this it's another box this one's got a little window on it and this is a again a device of sorts yeah chatterbox the talking radio yeah and the lips move as the yeah it's like it's a radio with a big pair of lips on and when you listen to it the lips go up

Starting point is 00:32:21 and down this is my favorite item of the day, pulled by Miles. I want this. Look at the side. Look at the side of the box. It's not just lips you can get. What else can you get? You can get a pig or a frog. Yeah, you see what I mean? The lips is the best one.

Starting point is 00:32:34 I think so. You can pretend it's Rolling Stones merchandise. It is pretty cool, this. Isn't it? It actually looks like a little TV set, doesn't it? It's, yes. The lips are sort of coming out of a screen area. A pink plastic TV. It looks like a little TV set, doesn't it? It's yes. The lips are sort of coming out of a screen area. A pink plastic TV.

Starting point is 00:32:46 It looks like a little mini pink plastic TV with lips coming out. And does it work? I don't know. How do you turn it on? It's off now. So here we go. Radio. Scan.

Starting point is 00:32:59 I can't see the... Oh, we're going to get... Turn the volume up. Oh, it doesn't matter about fucking... Da da da da! Oh, motion! I haven't put it on motion yet. Oh, come on, do it! Put it on motion! Oh, something happened there.

Starting point is 00:33:15 You put the motion on, then the whole thing fritzed out. Oh, what's going on? What's going on? So when you put it on motion it starts to crap out. What's going on? It won't go through another channel. The lips aren't working though. No.

Starting point is 00:33:48 What's this we're listening to? It's like a local Turkish or Kurdish station I think. We're back to that station now. No the lips... No, the lips are... You know what? You know what's really crappy about it? Oh wait, no. Oh, it's almost doing it then. Was it moving?

Starting point is 00:34:17 Yeah, a little bit. It's a terrible thing. I'm just going to turn it off because it's doing my head in. It's terrible. But anyway, it doesn't work properly. That's why... Chatterbox. Anyway, it doesn't work properly. That's why. Chatterbox. Lips on a telly radio.

Starting point is 00:34:27 Now, I think this is more like £2. So I'm going to amp up. I'm going to say £2. £2. £2 for that. All right. And I'm going to go back over to the first one, please. Eccentrics Mystery Box.

Starting point is 00:34:39 I'm going to go up to five. The magic set. Yeah. You want to say five. The Eccentrics Mystery Box actually is what it's called. Okay. I'm just putting it just for my notes. Yeah to five. The magic set? Yeah. You want to say five? The eccentric mystery box actually is what it's called. Okay. I'm just putting it to my notes. Yeah. Five. Yeah. So you say five you said 250 for the neck, fad. Okay. That's... Do you want to keep that or change it? 750 and then what did I say for the... But you're keeping with that what I'm saying

Starting point is 00:34:57 is. For now. What did I say for the... Magnifying glass. You said three pounds. Now, I would like to call the tower three pounds and then say 250 for the magnifier. The neck thing, you mean three pounds? Put that to three. Three pounds. Yeah. But then, and also put the magnifying glass to 250. Magnifying glass to 250. Yeah. And there, I'm done. Let's go through the scores right now. Let's get into it. Here's the scores. Here we go, mother. Let's have fun. So we started with the magic set, the Marvin's magic eccentric. Mystery box. Tricks.

Starting point is 00:35:35 Tricks. Accentrics. Mystery box with the dice stacking thing, which is why I got it. And you said five pound. £5. Yes. The final cost was actually £4. So a whole quid out so a Pertwing for Paul Gannon. They're not real Pertwing. A real Pertwing for Paul Gannon. In no way a real Pertwing and there is no warning. A real Pertwing for Paul Gannon.

Starting point is 00:35:59 A completely inauthentic fake Pertwing for Paul Gannon. A real, very real Pertwing. Very, very real Pertwing. An absolute pseudo-shamira of a Pertwing. Next thing is what? What was the next thing I got? A nowhere land Pertwing. What was the next thing I pulled out? Was it the...

Starting point is 00:36:16 It was the magnifying glass. Right, the magnifying glass. Okay, so you said that was £2.50, and again, you were a whole quid out, it was £3.50 for that so that's another put-twing for Paul there. Again, not a real put-twing. Another real, very real put-twing. In no one's mind a real put-twing.

Starting point is 00:36:34 In many respects a very actual physical real thing that I hold in my hand. I can literally sense and touch and feel and understand and grapple. It is a Shimeric phantom put-twing. Very much only an idea and not existing in anywhere except the mind of Ganon. That's what I'm thinking. The point is that Eli doesn't really have a real say on the outcome of these games. I'm the arbiter of those and I make this real. He's such a dictator. Listen to this guys. The, he's like, insert despot here. Well done. Pol Pot.

Starting point is 00:37:06 Next item. Pol Pot was a despot. Well done. And a tot pot. That's all I've got. Do you want to do any more rhyming? That's all I've got. Right, okay, next one was the neck fan.

Starting point is 00:37:14 A neck fan. You said that was... Actually, it is a neck fan, innit? I know, but it's funny. You said three pound. Oh, fuck. And I'm sorry to say, mate, it was three pound. Ooh, two per twigs. Oh two petwings.

Starting point is 00:37:25 So that means we have two petwings each at this point. That's not true at all. Completely fake petwings that no one's going to accept going forward. Well if mine are fake then you're a fake then aren't they? No mine are real petwings. By the game's ancient rules and this is a bullshit rule and you just make these rules up and you don't think about the implications. I am. You don't think about the implications. You don't think about the implications. And I came up with betwings. They are my concept, betwings trademark are those aren't. And what do they reside in? What do those betwings reside in? They are very real and they are under my golden wing.

Starting point is 00:37:57 My wingeth, embraceth, betwingeth. You need to listen to me. Where do they exist in? What is the stage if you like for those betwings to exist? The podcast. And whose podcast is it? Oh fuck off, it's both of ours. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but ultimately who does 95% of the work to keep it going for nine years. Oh here we go, you love this, every time.

Starting point is 00:38:14 What falls into the church of Cheap Show is therefore- Is it a church now, is it? Yes it is. Well I don't worship you, you cunt. Well it doesn't matter because it's an atheist church for middle class people. I'll take my fucking betweens and I'll keep them under my golden wing and I'll embrace them. The thing is, your petwings can't exist outside of the podcast, can they? They are worthless. They are crypto petwings in the real world.

Starting point is 00:38:33 No, yours are crypto petwings. No, mine aren't. Yours are fucking... Yours are NF petwings is what yours are. Yours are petwing coin. You said Chatterbox was £2, yes? Is that the last thing? The radio, yeah. Yeah. All just out £2.50 it was. So another betwing for me. That's not real. Which means at the end of the

Starting point is 00:38:51 price of shite. That's, honestly, in Paul. It is three betwings to Paul. Three hype betwings and two very, very well earned betwings from Eli there. I don't know, you don't try and butter me up. Three. After absolutely breaking the game. 3-2 to Paul. No, it's not. The game price of shot is over. I challenged you didn't I and you failed my challenge. Price of shot is over. I have earned between. Skip the fool in you. Look at you dance this to pop it. You dancing the marionette. Marielonette. Marielinette.

Starting point is 00:39:21 Marionate. Marion-E-Linette. Is it like got bits of meat? Marionating. Marionetting. That's the sound of me being very disappointed. You know what you're disappointed in? You've appointed yourself emperor and awarded yourself fake petwings.

Starting point is 00:39:36 You're like the Turkmenistan guy, which is a name I can't remember. You're going to buy horses? Is that what you're going to do with your fake petwings? My soul is an upside down goose submerged submerged in fat, the confi of misery drowns me and yet makes me succulent for others. Good, Gunther, yeah. All petwings are fake.

Starting point is 00:39:55 I hate Gunther so much. Ifeberal petwings. Honestly, I really hate him. They. I really, really hate him. Yearn for. Paul, I hate everything you've done this week. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:40:04 I mean, on a personal level, we're getting on okay. really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really even though he was brilliant, you can't have no petwings from me. Eli's, Eli's there's into the abyss, realizing his lake of petwings is shallow, and yet he wishes to drown in them and end it all. Gunther, I have one more question, it's a very, it's a good question. What don't you understand about go in the anteroom and close the fucking door? The door is only one way to my eternal agony. And yet, I enjoy its pain, for the feeling of that pain proves I exist. Paul, are you going to make use of any of these? We're going to do a video with the Eccentrix Mystery Box.

Starting point is 00:40:56 Nein. I don't want to talk to Gunter! He's so boring! There is no Paul only, Gunter. There is no Paul only. Hey! Ghost is no Paul only. Hey Ghostbusters! I do not understand the reference. I don't want to talk to Gunther because we're going to have to end the episode here if Gunther's going to be doing this. I can't wait to do the next section with Eli.

Starting point is 00:41:15 The vinyl record turning a black hole. You can't face it. So you're Gunther now. Spinning around and around and around. Playing two minutes and thirty seconds of pop to enlighten the masses away from the darkness that surrounds them bubbling popping Winking in and out of existence and yet no one feels Gunther's pain

Starting point is 00:41:35 I'm gonna start hitting my weed vape now man I think that's fair I think the puff of the weed vape is what you need for it is the gateway I really hate Gunter I love him for that fucking reason Oh, Gannon's on a roll He's not Gannon's on a roll this week

Starting point is 00:41:53 He's not though He's on a roll What a beautiful man Paul Gannon is, let's kiss him Let's all kiss Paul I'm not kissing Paul Let's all kiss Paul Tomorrow in the local garden centre There are two pair of lips here that might you could use.

Starting point is 00:42:07 Paul is in the garden centre, sitting on a log. Paul is in the garden centre, chocolates and bogs. One, two, one, two, kiss his name and kiss his shoe. Stance around and be a two. Gonna, no, no, edit that out. No shit. Gonna, no, no, edit it out. to That's the expression I should have said when you were farting. You went well goblin mode. Goblin mode! Go on then, you take over. I've gone goblin so I need to calm down, I need to hydrate.

Starting point is 00:42:58 Hello everybody, time for Silverman's Platters. I collect vinyl records and we've covered a lot of comedy, TV tie-in, novelty, that type of thing. And we have two very different discs for you today. Paul, let's start with the really depressing Terrible Hack ballad for a charity one. Yes, this is a track called Better Believe It. It was released allegedly for children in Need and it's sung by EastEnders stars Sid Owen and Patsy Palmer and unfortunately it sounds like this. And a kind color of green, this goal we cannot achieve We can save a mother's child, a baby boy or girl

Starting point is 00:43:55 For the future of the world, I'm sure you'd agree Every child should be free And give them the power, the chance to meet their fears So give it your all, and change their destiny You better believe it We will find a way to help the children that need it. We will make a brighter day. I know we can do it. We can take the pain away.

Starting point is 00:44:40 If we do it right now, we may never have to try again. So that was released in 1995 and... Was that the height of the Ricky and Bianca storylines? They were quite big stars, weren't they? Well, let's just put it into context. So in the UK, if you don't know, there is a long running sitcom set in the East End of London called EastEnders. And during the 90s, two of the big characters were played by Patsy Palmer and Sid Owen. It was Ricky and Bianca. Bianca. Right. Okay. And at some point- Were they like off again, on again, sort of romance? Maybe. They were sort of like trying to be the equivalent of- Ricky!

Starting point is 00:45:24 on again, sort of romance. They were sort of like trying to be the equivalent of Ricky! Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan, like Charlene and what was his name? Charlene and Doug or something. Scott and Charlene. See here's the thing, when they got married that song was amazing even though it was a horrible ballad. It was not an amazing song. Suddenly you're here with me. You've just got a soft spot for Jason Donovan. He didn't sing that though. It was sung by a guy called Dangerous Sid or something. Yeah, Dangerous Johnson. Something like that. What's he called? Nathan Dangerous. Reckless Allen or something. No, it was dangerous. Anyway, let's not talk about that. Let's talk about this. Better believe it. Now, first things first, it needs to be said, this was

Starting point is 00:46:00 a track to raise money for children in need, right? Which is fair. It uses the expression, children in need in the lyrics. But it's not an official BBC thing. This is not an official BBC children in need record. It's an independent by a company called, listen to this song, just think, yeah, Music Industry. They're called Trinity Direct Marketing. Yes.

Starting point is 00:46:20 And... So basically that to me feels like they weren't a proper sort of record company. No, it says here 50% of the net profits from the sale of this record will be donated to benefit the BBC Children Need Appeal. So where do the rest of the profits go? Can all the profits go? Probably because it was made by the BBC and it's been made independently.

Starting point is 00:46:40 They have to cover their costs and production. Yeah, covering your cost isn't profit. Profit is extra. But only 50% of that is good. Do you see what I mean? Oh, I see what you mean. So yeah, net profit. You're right. Okay. So then it's only, well, then... Who knows? I mean, I don't know enough about it. 50% of nothing went to Children's Need, then, basically.

Starting point is 00:46:56 They must have sold some copies. I can't find anything online with it. It is. To say it's a generic, terrible, hack song with no artistic merit really at all would be an overstatement of the quality of that song. It really is. Can I just say though, you're right, I'm not going to disagree with you. They can't sing. No, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:47:15 I'm going to say this. I think they can sing. They went to theatre school. They've been through, but they have a theatre singing voice. That's exactly what I was going to say. They don't have any voice of their own. They have that stage school singing voice. That perfectly good.

Starting point is 00:47:30 I mean it's trained in a way, but... But there's no real identity to it. You're right, there's nothing that pops. Terrible. The other thing is that you always hear on these kind of records with actors doing a bit, is they buried their vocal. The production's terrible to begin with, but they've buried it, haven't they? And the laziness of putting the acapella version...

Starting point is 00:47:50 Well the B-side is called karaoke mix. Karaoke. But here's the thing. The acapella, sorry, the opposite. Here's the thing. Maybe it's missing from this, but there's no fucking lyrics to the song on this. So how would you know what the lyrics are? How the fuck would you know? And it's sort of both lazy and presumptuous, because you're like saying, oh, this is going to be such a hit, people are going to want to do it karaoke. Well, it's because... They did not. No one wants to do this karaoke. It's because there's a

Starting point is 00:48:13 thing, isn't it? Like, to raise money for a charity, the song has to be well-meaning and passionate and like a ballad and it has to, you know, get everyone in solidarity, like it's a heal the world kind of thing, right? Yes. The problem is is after a while, I think that loses that, its power because everything sounds the same mush. I mean, look, it's hard to really fault the gesture behind it. What interests me is the lyrics. They say, we'll help the children in need. And then they say something like, and then we might never do it this year.

Starting point is 00:48:40 Everybody. And we might not have to do it again. And we might never have to do it again, which strikes me as strange. It as strange. We know that it's tiresome to have to give to charity and help children. If you give money I won't fucking release this again next year. It seems to be a threat, like come on, this time let's make this last push. It's the band-aid thing isn't it? It's that whole sense of a great big epic song well meaning up its own arse a little bit to some extent with the earnestness of their request. Yeah, but it's funny to put the message in of sort of, we won't have to do this again,

Starting point is 00:49:10 as if it's acknowledging that it's a bit of a pain in the arse for everyone. Well here we fucking go. To be asked for money, you know what I mean? The song itself kind of has that same, oh fuck. It is very knocked off. It's got all sorts of cliched songwriting little bits, like it does the thing where it goes up an octave at the end. Yeah, the end, picked key change.

Starting point is 00:49:29 You know, just too tiresome to mention, Paul. But I can see when they were writing it, they thought this is textbook, this is exactly what works. I don't think anyone put 100% into this, anyone involved with it. The design, you know. I just want to read two things out to close this out. It's a decent photograph of them. I just want to read two things out, right? On the back of this, there's a picture of a man, and you can see him there, right? You can see the picture of a man.

Starting point is 00:49:51 Oh, who's he? Well, let me read and find out, because someone wrote this under their picture of that man. It says, a very special thanks to the man they call Mem, who provided the song, the relief and the vibrations. Big up your chest! That's what it says at the vibrations. Big up your chest. That's what it says at the end. Big up your chest. Yes, which is an expression from dance music of the time. Jungle, hardcore, big up your chest was sort of like a call to dance.

Starting point is 00:50:17 Do you know where this was mixed? The Soul to Soul Studios in London. And then I just want to read one last thing out and then we can decide if it's valid or not, this track It says at the end after all they're written by, produced by, thanks to, it says this, we especially thank you for buying this record and making this happen and last but not least praise the Lord. Okay. Weird. I mean why would you put that on to say praise the Lord? It seems a weird thing to slap on in a kind of faith, unnecessary faith agenda.

Starting point is 00:50:48 Yeah, it's the only bit of faith coding there, because you don't want it to be, you want it to be a secular charity, don't you? It's meant to be, I guess, but... But there's no sign of Pugsie, is there? No, nothing on there at all. It's just those two cunts on the front and a plain white thing with a shitty text box on the top

Starting point is 00:51:02 that says, better believe it, what looks like, like a cowboy writing with lava behind it. Now. Doesn't really make sense. Images on our website, thecheapshot.co.uk. But it reminds me of a time when they were actually really popular and people would do tabloid stories about them. And we seem to be completely past that era where there's a big soap opera.

Starting point is 00:51:22 That soap operas seem to have receded somewhat. Well, they are less popular at the moment because viewing figures and TV habits have changed. Right, I get that. But it's almost like all of these categories are going down, aren't they? Like sitcoms aren't as big as they used to be. Soap operas aren't as big as they used to be. The only things that seem to have survived are like game shows. Pretty much in reality TV, which is hanging on. Chat shows aren't big.

Starting point is 00:51:43 Yeah. In the evening, those big sort of... Graham Norton one's still very, very popular. Okay. And they have a huge online presence as well, which helps them considerably worldwide. So that was all right. Anyway, look, at the end of these segments,

Starting point is 00:51:53 we go, is it a platter, which means we like it, or is it a splatter, which means get in the bin? And I think we know what we're going to say here. It's a double splatter. It is a double splatter, unfortunately. This is one of those build up over the course of a few hours you finally get to the toilet you drop your pants and there's a full-on shotgun blast of shart into the bowl. Choco shotgun? Yeah. Hobo with a choco shotgun.

Starting point is 00:52:16 It is a punched angel delight of muck. This is an absolute wood chipper with an angel delight supply. Yeah this this this is this is an absolute large fan with lots of mud being thrown at it. Splat splat splat. Oh it is the combined recta of a hundred rhinos scatting and flicking this shit across the faces. Oh you're thinking of a hippo. Yeah what's that thing they do with the tail? Muck spreading. Muck spreading. This is a full muck spread of a single. It's very poor. So I'm obviously giving it a platter.

Starting point is 00:52:51 No, you're not. The cheapness of just sticking the instrumental version on the flip and then going, it's the karaoke actually. But it's like a lot of things that are so 90s, like that big up your chest thing. So 90s and the karaoke I think was at its sort of most popular point mid 90s in Britain as well. Yeah. Think about it. It was sort of anyway, splatter away. It's out of the way. It's terrible. We're going to go into our next track now. Now, which side are we doing to focus on? I think we should talk about both. All right. Well then

Starting point is 00:53:19 let's start with this. We should talk about both but the A side I think is the main thing isn't it? Is the A side disco Disco Mania? Yeah. All right. Well, then this case, in this case, in that case, in that case, in what case, in what case, in what case it is, this is Joe Text, Joe Text, Joe Text message, Joe Text, Joe MSN and his Disco Mania track. I'm gonna get you and be back, you see it? And they get to talking about shaking your groove back And I shook mine and it fell on the floor

Starting point is 00:54:09 Somebody asked me the other night, said, Joe, what's a groove back? I said, man, I don't know All I know is mine fell off And some bigfoot, somebody stepped on it and mashed it all to pieces Oh, it'll never be good no more, I can't use it So I want to just say something because I'm thinking ahead. When I edit this I'm probably going to take the middle of it when it finally kicks into being disco because the first minute is basically like a gospel kind of pulpit ramp.

Starting point is 00:54:52 Now that's what, yes, but that is Jotex is very famous and influential. Give us some context of who Jotex is please. Southern soul singer. So he was coming up with people like Solomon Burke, you know Solomon Burke, famous for Here's the thing, pretend the listeners know, not me, because I'm not listening to you right now. You would know Solomon Burke because he did Everybody Needs Somebody, which is that song from the Blues Brothers. He did the original of it. Solomon Burke was a really enterprise. He only died a couple of years ago, but he was, he did that and other classics of the

Starting point is 00:55:25 Southern soul and Joe Tex was around at the same time. Solomon Burke used to be very, I think he was a reverend at one point, like so many of these early, that's what you say about the pulpit. I think Joe Tex must have come up through the church because he's got that style, what they almost call signifying, but Joe Tex was known for his spoken word bits in his songs. So that's what he's been doing his whole career. Well, I will say this because we've got the Wikipedia open. It did say when he was a kid, he played baritone saxophone at the high school band

Starting point is 00:55:52 and at the same time sang in a local Pentecostal church choir. Yeah, crazy. The workload, the work ethic of these soul singers. Because obviously they were on the chitlin circuit in America as well, not able to perform to white audiences or you know yeah like and that whole segregation thing and he spanned several decades going up like so many American soul singers trying to get into the disco thing he often had funny bits in his songs like people will know him from the song used by Tarantino. Uh-huh. He said you're gonna give it to me. And he has another song called You Said A Bad Word. Yes. If you know about that, the lyrics are literally, he is a schoolgirl I think it is, say a bad word

Starting point is 00:56:37 and then he coerces her to have sex with him by threatening to tell his mum that she said the bad word. Which is just grim, isn't it? It's a funky tune. Is there a sense of like tongue-in-cheek to it? Absolutely. Okay, so it's not like he's... It's like a character. It's like that same tone on that. It's funny sort of.

Starting point is 00:56:53 It's also from the tradition of signifying. Yeah, well... The black American signifying. He's got more on the Wikipedia. Well, it just says that he had success in the 60s because originally what happened was he got his first break by winning a talent competition in New York and won some money and then Label tried to sign him and his mum went, no, go and finish your school first and then get on with it, which is kind of what happened.

Starting point is 00:57:13 He's classed in this as a, he has a mix of Southern soul with funk, country, gospel, rhythm and blues involved in his music. Absolutely. So when he first started off, that was sort of the rock and roll era. So that was much more rhythm and blues. Years active, 55 to 82. It's 40 years, isn't it? It's nearly 40 years or so, isn't it? I think disco, he had, I ain't gonna bump with no big leg woman no more. Ain't gonna bump no more with no big fat woman. What year was that? 1977 it says here. So that is his disco era hit. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:41 Because it has a sort of novelty vibe, doesn't it? Because it's sort of big. Well his first hit set it says here is Hold What You've Got. Yeah, that's like more of a... That is like a straight up Southern soul ballad. Yeah. And we listened to one today, didn't we? Well, that's why we're talking about Joe Text, because when I was looking for that last track, Better Believe It online, there was nothing. And then instead, I got Joe Text, Better Believe It, and we were listening and then it was like, Oh, yeah, oh yeah, which is great. So he's a legitimately great soul singer, I'd say. But yeah, it's very much, but soul and country are very close as genres, you know, in terms of the song structure and stuff. But was he constantly successful or was he more always chasing trends? I think he was chasing trends because yes, he, like it says there, he's got all these genres. So he starts off in R&B when the soul thing happens in the 60s and then funk in the early late 60s early 70s and then disco and I think disco is what finished it off because he died in 82. A lot of people died in the great disco but some people managed to make the transition for example someone like Diana Ross

Starting point is 00:58:41 some of her greatest stuff is in the disco period. It helps when your songs are written by the greatest disco people of the time, which is the Bee Gees, right? I mean, whether you like them or not. Most of her songs weren't written by the Bee Gees. No, in the 80s. Yeah, but that's not the disco period. All right, okay, but... I'm talking about songs like, I'm Coming Out, Upside Down.

Starting point is 00:58:58 That's disco though. That's still disco vibe. That's what I'm saying. That's disco. Yeah. And she's got several others. The Boss is one of the less known disco, Diana Ross once from that period. People I'm trying to think James Brown, another person who didn't manage to get into the disco. Little Richard couldn't do it as well.

Starting point is 00:59:17 Yeah. But some people did get into the disco thing. For example, some people had their most success. People like Candy Staten, you know Candy Staten who did Young Hearts Run Free and other great disco things. She also sang Sometimes I Feel Like Throwing My Hands Up In The Air, you know that one? Which Florence The Machine covered, huge track. Oh okay, yeah yeah yeah. Oh yeah yeah yeah, I know what you mean now. Here's the thing though, it says in the 70s he retired, right? For music, but then got back into it following the death of a chap called Elijah Muhammad in 1975 and then released a bunch of like R&B hits. Why? It doesn't really say. I mean I could go into

Starting point is 00:59:53 detail but it doesn't really say at this point. He had a rivalry with James Brown. Yes. The feud between Tex and fellow label mate James Brown allegedly originated sometime in the mid 1950s. They were both on King then. King Records, yeah. Brown reportedly called out text for a battle during a dance at a local juke joint. Yeah, James Brown was obsessed with his status. That's why he's known as the godfather of soul and he actually, Solomon Burke was known as the king of rock and soul, right? Yeah. And at a gig that they were doing together James Brown was like I'll pay this a thousand dollars or something I'm gonna be the king. Literally. Yeah. You know he wasn't a he was a nasty piece of work in that way. Wow he died quite young though he's only 46, 47. Amazing in 82. In 82 he was found at the bottom of a swing pool in his home. Oh terrible. He said it was a heart attack. Imagine how much he packed into that life. I'm two years older than he was when he died. And

Starting point is 01:00:49 straddle all those genres as well because here's the other one, here's the thing. So Disco Mania, I was like oh weird, it kind of takes a little while to get going. He's trying to say, what does he say he does mention? So he's sort of, it's very common? But he mentions the Bee Gees doesn't he? And he mentions Rod Stewart's Do You Think I'm Sexy? We interrupt this podcast for an update. A little addendum, mid episode addendum. The record that we're discussing, Joe Tex's, what we were referring to is Disco Mania. Mania, it's not mania.

Starting point is 01:01:22 It's called Disco-monia, as in pneumonia. Yeah, like an illness. Why is that then? Because he's playing the character of someone who's got the disco bug, so to speak. But also it's a reference, because we're talking about his wide ranging career going from the R&B days. A lot of records in the R&B rock and roll era

Starting point is 01:01:42 that referred to someone getting a fever, well fever that's a no no fever itself you know fever that was an R&B tune by Little Johnny Taylor. That was an R&B tune to start with but also there's a lot of songs called the Rocking Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu for example so it's a callback to that kind of novelty rock and roll record Disco ammonia as in rocking pneumonia or the boogie boogie flu and we just we failed to mention it Alzheimer's boogie, but it acts apps. Okay What's that Alzheimer's

Starting point is 01:02:22 Salsa Alzheimer's? What's that? Alzheimer's? Salsa Alzheimer's Salsa Alzheimer's Anyway, we're about to We're about to go do Sorry You're really tired aren't you?

Starting point is 01:02:38 You need to have a coffee or have a red bull You made the coffee haven't you? Now, just to let everyone know, we're about to go for the fourth episode and film the fourth shoot the record. Shut up you think you I'm getting your hysteria now record the fourth episode of Nightbusting our spin-off podcast just for patrons only they get it we're about to go out and do that now the one two three from Ilford all the way in back here So here we are. Anyway, we're gonna leave you back now to the original broadcast of the podcast that was recorded earlier today Thank you very much. Bye. Bye

Starting point is 01:03:17 He's like saying he's being overwhelmed by disco. He got the disco thing. He didn't like disco now He's well into disco and he's getting down. It fine, it just doesn't seem like a song you would release as an A-side, doesn't it feel like it's the song that would warrant a lot of radio play? It's meant to be funny, isn't it? Yeah. But it makes it more novelty then as a result. It's novelty disco, which is a terrible genre. It is the B-side though that got me excited. I just want to get straight into it. It's called Fat People. Let's hear a bit of that. It fucking sounds like this. But she was right on her feet. You should see that big one. Oh! Now everybody loved to see the fat woman dance. The way she twist her body and move her hands.

Starting point is 01:04:14 But she said, oh, my body twisted and moving my hands. Hasn't helped me to catch me a man. And she said, y'all know, fat people need some loving too. Fat people need somebody like y'all do. Fat people don't move too fast, but fat people can last and last, and last and last, they just last and last. Fat folks just last and last, fat folks, just last and last, you get

Starting point is 01:04:45 More bounce to the outs, more rounds to the pow'r More reading with the feeling, and more notion with the motion So, has he lost his mind at this point in his career? Because I want to get this straight, right now, I fucking love this track, I genuinely love it. Well, it's very much in the mould of like, his other tracks which have that kind of lyrical problematic but a sort of narrative, a sort of joke structure like, you said a bad word. Yes. So there's a sort of story, it's like you said a bad word. I'm going to tell you a moment on you. It's less creepy than that track, considerably.

Starting point is 01:05:29 It's less creepy, but also problematic because it's kind of fat shaming or it's not... It's not though. It's weird. It's a song that's saying you're missing out by not getting as much out of a quote unquote fat person as you can. They move on the dance floor real well. He mentions a particular lady who's fat and says she's very light on her feet. Yes and basically he's saying you're missing out there's more bounce for the ounce. Which is funny because that expression is very famous name of a track by Zap which is a P-Funk sort of classic oh oh oh oh oh oh check that out everyone if you haven't heard Zap's more bounce to the ounce. But like the ancestor of this is like Big Butts. Yeah. It's that same kind of... But James Brown used to do that. Yeah. You know, I like

Starting point is 01:06:09 them fat, I like them proud, big and proud, big leg women and like it's a big sort of... I mean the title is awful because calling it fat people sounds... it kind of sounds more like you're calling them out more than anything else. But the song is celebratory. Very much celebrating. But it's almost like grubby celebratory. You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of like a chef track from South Park. Yeah. It's got that same kind of chocolate salty balls vibe.

Starting point is 01:06:32 Absolutely. It's a fucking funky track and I would dance to this. Yeah, the music on the A-side, Disco Mania, is very generic disco. What was the other one? More cushion for pushing or something like that. There was like loads of... There was stuff like that. He's basically saying you could fucking have a lot of fun

Starting point is 01:06:46 riding on the back of something fucking sexy like curves and fucking wet parts. He likes them big. Anyway, it's on the TK Disco label, which is a Florida thing. So he must have been shopping it around somewhat, I think. It's not a huge label. But it just feels like he's made us two songs here that give or take, it's quite good, right? But they're not soft, you'd expect airplay off. No, because they fall in between. They're kind of quite funky or whatever, but stupid, but not have that novelty. So it's hard to... They wouldn't be played in the club necessarily. It's like on the radio, you wouldn't get away with disco mainly because the first minute

Starting point is 01:07:22 is just him basically doing the whole pasta thing. Which he's good at. Yeah, no, brilliant. It's really good and it's really well written. But the point is, is that it takes so long for the disco bit to kick in. It's like on radio we just cut that bit out. You would and you wouldn't play it in a club as well because it's too much of a gap. And it would lose context if you took the trunk out.

Starting point is 01:07:40 It's weird he's trying to find something that works but there's, yes, for those reasons it's never going to work as a hit. Feels like it's an A-side because the title is Disco Mania and that in itself seems like the selling point. Wrong A-side, but again. Fat people should have been the A-side. It should have. Except I would have called it you know like Big Love or something.

Starting point is 01:07:56 Yeah something like that. You know just something a little bit. But I think it's because he had the hit didn't he with Ain't Gonna Bump with No Big Leg Woman No More. Yeah that would have been a few years before this right? So he's trying to replicate that with the subject matter. Joe, Joe, we need more songs about overweight people that you can really get a groove on the disco floor with.

Starting point is 01:08:12 So poor. Joe Tex's... Joe Tex's... Which song are we... Both. We're gonna pass both. It's the whole disc for you. Both sides we're judging. I mean, we judge both sides of the other when you think about it.

Starting point is 01:08:22 Is it a platter or a splatter? It's a platter for me. And for me. And for me. We often agree and I just think… It's kind of joyful this song in many respects. He was a class act and it just amazes me that he was 47 when he died and how much he's done. It's kind of weird to have that short a life but see that much change in music.

Starting point is 01:08:43 It's incredible isn't it? But that's what the middle of the 20th century was like. The rate of change, cultural change and things going on was just so huge, wasn't it? Fads and taste changed so quickly. It was crazy, wasn't it? Just think about like, like end of the 60s to the beginning of the 80s. And like, you've got like, I know, disco and punk and all these things. Huge genres coming through and death metal and all this.

Starting point is 01:09:04 Think about the beginning of the 21st century to now. Cold play to Lady Gaga. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cultural stasis is what's happened. Yeah. It just isn't moving in the same way and it's down to technology and just everything. But if you think about it, it didn't move that fast like from 1820 to 1840 either. No, it was all. fast like from 1820 to 1840 either, did it? The 20th century was the anomaly in terms of how fast it changed.

Starting point is 01:09:30 Well that's because technology changed and then that changes how you make music and how you find sounds. But technology's still changing now. It is but I think the problem is, you could argue this too, very broad problems. One is there is less risk involved in bringing out new music and whatever tends to grow is viral, right? So when something breaks through, it tends to be a viral hit first rather than a cultural change of music. The other thing is the people making it are probably just working within whatever tool sets they've got and they've stagnated because, you know, no one's going to suddenly invent a moog and change a sound.

Starting point is 01:10:01 I also think on a wider level, when the smartphones come out and the internet access of that, you've suddenly got access to everything. And everything just falls into one big moment. And it kind of devalues everything. It's easier to make music, but much harder to have a voice within it. And harder to make any money from it. Think of AI. So harder to be a professional because you can't sustain yourself through it.

Starting point is 01:10:21 You see what I mean? All these changes. This is why it gets tricky because we talked about this a little while ago, where it's like the death of music. Remember that thing you watch, but it's like also the democracy of making music is better for people because the tools can be cheap to make songs. However, the point I just wanted to end on

Starting point is 01:10:35 was like, you see all these apps now, it's like make a pop song with AI, put the title in your genre and a thing, and then we make a song for you. And it's like, yeah, great. But then all you're making is Spotify dark music that gets churned out and it's like no what changes music what makes music is those individual voices that do something that's unique to them and connects with others. It's a funny time because what's going to happen? What's going to happen? What's going to happen?

Starting point is 01:10:58 What is going to happen with all that? I hopefully will be dead by then. By when? Then the event horizon of culture collapses upon itself like the black hole of imagination. The only outstanding remnants of imaginality will be that. Gunter, if you could just press that big red button. The release button. The release track button. Masturbating on TikTok. Could you just go over there? For pennies.

Starting point is 01:11:21 And yet, the eternal bliss of understanding eventually ascribes a script that we all must play from. Eventually, words will mean nothing. Music will mean nothing. That wittering is going to make people stop listening to the episode. It's 400 fucking other episodes. Go listen to them. I'm playing Gunfair. Can you, Gunter, please let Trackbot out please because it's this is his thing. Is it Gunter? Go over there. What is this little hole in here for? No that's not for you. It seems big. Press the button. I'm not gonna let you wank into there. Oh what is this is it wank is this?

Starting point is 01:12:00 Press the button I'm going over there press the button. Activate trackbot please. Okay, trackbot should be emerging right now. Can't be arsed. Bye everyone, this segment's over. He's such a cunt! Fucking hell mate. Bye trackbot, thanks for coming in, thank you, bye. He's off now to clean off. He's to clean off? Yeah, Gunther had an existential wank.

Starting point is 01:12:35 Right so let's say goodbye. I'm not allowed to do any characters. That is some of the worst work you've ever done that Gunther. I like Gunther and I'm going to bring him back every week now. You don't like him really. I now. You don't like him really. I do. You don't like him really. I can see the shruggy self-loathing.

Starting point is 01:12:48 Yeah, well he's not just standing up barking and hopping on my back feet, is he? It's not like that. Hopping on my back feet? Yeah, when you did the little weird hoppy thing you did when you got up and then just went blah, blah, blah. It's all your characters are just sound machines, aren't they? Sound machine? Mmm.

Starting point is 01:13:03 Goodbye everyone. When you go see your family you become the Miami sound machine. The Cheap Show.co.uk is your one stop shop for all things cheap show. Why if you go there you'll get loads of things. Video links, links to dedicated pages for each episode, videos, it's all there. Social media, YouTube, it's your one stop shop. I'm on social media. Also we have a Patreon and we are supported by some fine folk who get access to all sorts of wonderful extras as being a supporter of this podcast,

Starting point is 01:13:32 including videos and bonus podcasts and behind the scenes and magazines and all sorts of wonderful things that we can come up with. And if you wanna get involved in that, you can go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. But as we say, give what you can, but only if you can. And if you can't to patreon.com forward slash cheap show but as we say give what you can but only if you can and if you can't just spread the word online in the various socials that you have access to and that's it in a nutshell hello Eli what have you got to say for yourself?

Starting point is 01:13:55 Nothing hello thanks for listening. I'm glitched I've got no energy I just popped out. I know but I wish you wouldn't you can let me do something. Go on go on do Johnny existential whatever his name is. Johnny philosopher. Go on do Johnny philosopher. I'll get him in. Go on, go on, do Johnny Existential, whatever his name is. Johnny Philosopher. Go on, do Johnny Philosopher. I'll get him in. Go on then.

Starting point is 01:14:08 Press the stop. You're such a wanker! Go on, do it! I'm not doing it! Do it! I'm not doing it! I'm not working under these conditions. What conditions are you working with? Your demands!

Starting point is 01:14:16 I know about characterisation! No you don't. That Gunter was shit! No he wasn't. He wasn't? He was! He just was. Right, write in if you like Gunter everyone.

Starting point is 01:14:24 No don't write it, it doesn't matter, does it? Write it on a letter with a quill. Go on, do Johnny Mnemonic. And, and, and, and, and! Yeah, great. The best character you've ever done. You didn't let him breathe! Fucking hell. If that was the option, I'd just suffocate the bastard now. Right, okay everyone, that's a lovely point to end on, isn't it?

Starting point is 01:14:41 You're losing your voice, mate. I'm losing it. Losing it, mate. Four words to one. That's a lovely point to end on, isn't it? What lovely lot. You're losing your voice, mate. I'm losing it. Losing it, mate. Four words, the one. Blah, blah, blah. Cheap show. Blah, blah, blah. Cheap show.

Starting point is 01:14:50 Blah, blah, blah. Eli Silverman. No, I will plug the radio show. Go on then. I do a radio show on Soho Radio every two weeks on a Sunday from two till four, and it's called the House of Pickles Sound Show. So if you're into funk, disco, boogie, and psychedelic rock,

Starting point is 01:15:08 that kind of thing, you can listen. And also on Mixcloud, just type that in as a search term, The House of Pickles Soundshow, and they all come up, which is good, because they must have improved their search engine on Mixcloud. Bye, everyone. I'm Paul Gannon. This was our podcast. You are useless. I enjoyed it very much this week and we're now gonna go and record night busing. Oh, we're gonna do night busing? We're doing that tonight. I'm knackered. Now, Paul, don't have an anxiety

Starting point is 01:15:38 attack when we do night busing. I've got it sorted. I've planned it. Don't have an anxiety attack please tonight. Well, alright, I'll do my best. That's for Patrons only, Night Bus, isn't it? I will do a flask, my special flask with hot drink. Coffee, yeah like that. Should I do coffee or tea? You had tea last time. Coffee please, black coffee.

Starting point is 01:15:54 Should I do black? Yeah, keeps it hotter when it's black. It does keep it hotter. And I like black coffee. Okay fine. That's even the Night Bus, isn't it? Alright, black coffee for the Night Bus. Black coffee for the Night Bus.

Starting point is 01:16:04 Thanks for listening everybody. Black coffee likes the blackness of my heart. Incomprehensible, incomprehensible. Yeah you're right, it's shit. See you next week everyone, bye! you

CheapShow - Ep 404: Superlative Decay

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