CheapShow - Ep 405: Return To The House of Pickles

Episode Date: October 11, 2024

Due to circumstances beyond Paul & Eli’s control, they’re recording this week’s episode from inside the original House of Pickles… And Eli couldn’t be happier! To “celebrate” the Cheap Chaps are going back to basics with some good old fashioned content. To get things going, Eli has a red hot Sauce Report in more ways than one. He’s sourced two sauces from a nearby convenience store, which was handy, as its conveniently down the road from his place! Paul delivers another Page Turner segment with a book he’s been trying to get into the show for ages. As it transpires, this book got a bit more of a reputation following its appearance in a recent Ghostbusters movie! This publication promises a world of “Strange But True” stories guaranteed to confuse the podcast hosts. In other news, CheapShow invents a new pet and, sadly, it’s exactly what you think “Nougat The Saucy Horse” is! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-405-return-to-the-house-of-pickles Tickets For Live OCT 19th Show in London: https://www.cheerfulearful.co.uk/events/cheapshow And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you want to, follow us on Twitter/X @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid www.thecheapshow.co.uk Now on Threads: @cheapshowpod Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow

I can't believe we're back. Well, Paul, here we are. It's weird being here doing it like this again. Is it? It is, because this is like the fledgling days of Cheap Show. Hello everybody, by the way, just to explain. Just to explain. Just to explain, ladies and gentlemen. Shush! Shush! Shush! I'm trying to explain!

Shush me? Them! They're talking over me. Are they? Their voices in me head. They're talking at me, They're interrupting my thoughts. No, no, no, no. Get out demon. Get out demon.

You can't kill me. Whack me off. Don't you voice them out for that. With all that being said, we are back for the longest time in the OG house of pickles. That's right Paul, it's the house of pickles. This is my abode and this is where I reign.

I reign supreme. Yeah, you reign hot cream. I reign hot cream! Yeah, you reign hot belly cream. That's where the belly cream flies. I don't like it here. The belly cream flies through here. It's just weird.

I'm sitting, I'm facing you, you're sat on your bed. I'm sat here. I'm surrounded by the detritus of your existence. Now. And it's old school. To be fair, be fair, I have sorted it somewhat. You know what? You have. Because last time I was here, and I'm sure you don't particularly mind me saying this, but it was a godforsaken shithole.

It was. With no leg space, no leg room, no places to put your feet, clothes, food, records, such and things. Such and things all piled up. To your credit, you have cleaned this space up nicely, for I am sat on a normal chair. A normal chair, normal desk space. With leg room, look I'm stretching out a little bit. It's got some leg room.

It's a little bit of leg room and... Fly with House of Pickles air, extra leg room. Oh. mind the demon Excuse me Stuart s yes, could you get rid of this demon for me? Oh, he's a fixture of the plane Yeah, but I ordered a banshee and this is clearly a demon I did it's a banshee out in the wing. If you look out in the wing, it's a gremlin in fact Oh a Twilight Zone reference. I like that. Oh, Paul. Yeah, buy improv scene. Go on. And you don't have to say goodbye to the improv.

I said goodbye, I had to. The scene isn't a sentient being. It is. It's the House of Pickles, new rules. I'm in charge here. You're not in charge at all. Bollock smell. What?

What's coming up on the... are we doing... You're fucking it. You're fucking it. Hello, we're back in the House of Pickles and it's time for a cheap show. So let's start the show. Cheap Show to the Mother of Boys. Cheap Show to the Mother of Boys. It's the Heise of Shai. Cheap Show to the Mother of Boys.

Welcome to Cheap Show. Those fucking pigeons are throwing themselves at your window. No, he's up there. Scratchy scratchy. Do you want to tell them about the new addition to your House of Pickles? The family. What's the new addition? Well, they're a band with Bobby Brown, but that's not important right now. I'm talking about... The fucking shut up! It was a joke, we don't often do them. Oof. Oof.

The pigeon family. Oof. Oof. Oof. Oh, the pigeon family. I don't know what generation they're on but they've been out there. Three. At least. At least three. Yeah. Turpin. And the little baby ones. What noise do they make? They're not kissy kissy. They're like eee. Eee. Eee. Eee. Eee. And little Scousers, eee, eee, as you would say. Oh, I used to say that when I had a soul. Anyway, welcome to Cheat Show, the economy comedy podcast

where each week Eli and I go through bargain bins, charity shops, and discount stores. It's so close. It's so close. So close, Paul. And find the fun and the frugal and the treasure amongst the trash. And we bring it to you, whether it's food,

whether it be game, whether it be book, whether it be toy, whether it be gadget, whether it be snack, whether it be treat, we bring it to you. Whether it be something folded up in a piece of paper. You don't have one then, do you? No, I've got another one. Whether it be bottle.

All right, I'll give you a bottle. Hollered out book with a locket in and a piece of hair. Whether it be something else specifically randomly odd and out of place with them. Whether it be, oh, a snooker case. Is there a snooker queue in? No, there isn't. But there is a faint powder. Oh God.

There's a faint powder whiff in this snooker case. What are you talking about? Look, on the show today, we've got a little bit of, we've got a little bit of sauce, right? Oh, and now. And we've got a bit of a page turner. The merriment must end now. Why? Because you've mentioned a serious word.

Oh the sauce. So when the sauce happens then you start giving a fuck. As King of the House of Pickles and reigning champion. Of what? Of just things. I'm just good at things. Yeah, belly reign of champions. Belly reign of champions.

Sticky white belly reign of champions. Man fat reign. Manfat Reign. Manfat Reign. One a penny, two a penny, manfat reign. What about that? Splitter splatter, splitter splatter, manfat reign. Where cometh down... Shut up. Where cometh down the manfat reign? I don't know why that's going on. While you're having a mental breakdown. I want to know what's coming up on the show. I just said, we said, I said noodles and then I said a bit of a page turner as well. We've got a little bit of a book for you. Whether it be. No, there's no more whether it be. Whether it be is whether it gone. All right.

I preferred the one a penny to a fanny man fat peas. What does that mean? It means it's an old dish Paul. It's a traditional dish of England. Alright thank you for the clarification. It's known as a confit. No, confit is when you stick something in fat isn't it and you let them bake. Cook it slowly in fat. No you just let it soak in fat. Marrow fat. You don't know, do you? No. You're a right cunt. Right. I'm a right cunt. You are a right cunt. So can I just say this before we get to our measurement? Advert for the live show. Advert. One last advert for the live show. On the 19th of October as part of the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival, we are doing our live show for y'all on one o'clock in the afternoon, 19th of October at the Bedford Arms.

Tickets are still on sale, but only a few mine, so if you do want to come and you go oh, fuck it, I'll go to London, South London and I'll see a comedy show in the afternoon, and you better get them quick. We've got lethal oranges, who's brought along Ethan Lawrence who's gonna be there, he's our special guest as well as actress, comedian, Sue Kempner, she's gonna be there as well and Ash Frith who doesn't know it yet but if he's listened to this, guess what Ash, you're the scorekeeper. That's going to be your role. A stellar line up for our big show everybody. 19th, Bedford Arms, Balham, closest to Balham.

I hope you don't mind a little bit of a spoiler, but if people for a while have been saying, Paul Ely, come on, three time spicy noodles. But when? 19th of October, we have got a noodle apocalypse awaiting you there. We've built it into the structure of the show and the competition amongst the guests. Yes, and it will be a competition-focused version of the show. Oh, fucking Nora. Right, so there's also going to be... Why did you do that then?

A Silverman's Platter segment, a Price of Shite, a Ganon's Golden Games. All the fun of the Cheap Show Fair. It's a smorgasbord of Cheap Show related segments and segmentettes. There'll be music and sketches and games and laughs. You know what happens, Paul? It partly laughs. When a segment meets a segmentet. They have seg- seg- nets.

They have segs. They have hard, rough, alleyway segs. Well, I'm going to use that as a seg segue to get into the rest of this week's episode. It's seg crazy! It's not, don't make it sad. I'm seg crazy. You just made it sound like a Steve Wright in the afternoon show now with that. It's seg crazy! Oh no, someone's calling up, Paul. Oh, I have to answer this.

Go on. Hello. Hello, it's Mr. Seg. Is that Paul? Yes. Mr. Seg! Whoopsie! Hello! Are you gonna say something then? Um, is that Paul? Yes. Um, Mr. Seg! Whoopsie! Hello! Uh, are you gonna say something then?

I really can't say anything to this, can I? Please say something to Mr. Seg. Uh, how about go away Mr. Seg? Alright. If you're gonna be like that. It's just Teen Yeti voice. Hello! Teen... What? No it isn't! I'm Mr. Seg, you told me! Hey everybody, look what I've just found.

It's the bag of Eli's talent. Let's have a look inside. Oh, it is empty! There's lots of talent in there. I'm trying to shake it out, there's nothing in there. Alright, I'm going to show my talent for moving on. I can do voices. Moving on. This is tragic.

What's tragic? You trying to move things on and for a moment take some kind of responsibility for the podcast. Listen, I feel... And then the baggeth openeth... The baggeth my talent? And I... How dare you represent my talent as a bagg? My talent's a throne!

My talent's a shining star in the... in the multiverse of multiplexes. Ooh, multifaceted! Oh, here we go, just keep fucking talking until you think something happens. I want guns and back! It was more fun than you. Well I'm not doing anything and even that is better than what that was. Oh I had an idea for a show. No about seven minutes and I'm bored of this now. Oh here we go here's the timer. Yeah. Here's the timer of doom. The fucking party warden's back. The fun warden. He'll limit your language and he'll come in and he'll say the time. Tick-tock to death. I'm called the Joy Patrol, actually. He's part of the Joy Patrol.

Yeah, I'm the Joy Patrol. Longtime listeners will know we do like to take a format, split it up into segments, juggle those segments around, change a segment. Focus. Maybe. You don't need to elaborate on that. Sprinkle some magic on a segment. Get to the part where you make the salient point.

I thought we could, but we're always so full of content on our shows, Paul. There's content, there's this, there's my wit, there's your exasperation. I would literally rather stab myself in the dick than listen to the rest of this. Well, you're going to have to listen to it twice, so you'd better get used to it. I am, aren't I? Yes. Because I have to fucking edit this. Yes. So I have to wade through this, and my brain's going, cut this? I'm gonna cut this. Paul, don't cut this. I'm gonna cut this.

Paul, my idea is a no content edition of Cheap Show. Some would argue that's every fucking week. No, let's do it where we can't actually discuss any content. What does that mean? Ah, now you're interested aren't you? No, I'm actually not. Well, you've asked the question. I'm confused. What would be no content? This, this currently happening right, we've both got our arms folded, we're very defensive. Well show me some love.

How do we make content out of nothing? Although we could argue again, we've been doing that for fucking nine years. So it could be the quintessential, nay the Uber episode. It could be the quintessence, the empty quintessence, the negation that is the hole, Paul, of Cheap Show. You're a fucking, you're the fucking hole of Cheap Show. Big gaping bruised bashed blooded hole. Oh yeah? Like what? Say it. A bumhole.

A bumhole? It was a bumhole. The bashed bumhole of this podcast is Eli Silverman. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that moniker. You fucking will take that. You fucking take it. Why is everything anal with you? I've got you pegged mate. Literally and figuratively.

Oh it's almost level pegging. Peg, peg, peg. Monopenny too if any man's fat. Peg and seg. Let's have a pegging seg. No. We're gonna move on. We're gonna move on. I'm glad you're having fun. Let's have a pegging seg. No! We're gonna move on. We're gonna move on.

I'm glad you're having fun. Let's move on. Doot doot doot doot doot. Straight from the House of Pickles. It's time for... The Sauce Report everybody. Paul Gannon's in the studio. And I'm Eli Silverman.

I'll be bringing you Hot Sauce Report stuff. Noodle report. No, it's not a noodle report. Uh, yeah. I wasn report stuff. Noodle report. No, it's not a noodle report. Yeah, I wasn't listening. You were listening. Sauce report. Now, honourable mention at the top of the segment, Paul. What?

Oh, I don't know, I fully thought me had. What? Top of the, something like that? Top of my knob? Top of my knob to you. No, it just amused me. Well, share please, because that's what this is all about. No, it was not suitable for this podcast, due to some of its edgy content. And you're trying to put all of that edgy stuff behind you, Paul, I know that. Honourable mention at the top of the source report, Paul.

I can't do it, but it's making me laugh. I can't do what I want us to. That's making me giggle. We were gifted. I'm just gonna move on. We were gifted a hot sauce a few months ago. Yeah we did it on the pod didn't we? Tally's hot sauce, habanero and pineapple. And it's fermented. We did it on one of the pod or Patreon things. I think it was a pod. I've been using this and let me say Tally, fucking good job. Great sauce, beautiful. A heat, fruit and that's a little bit of a smoky fermented. And you know what, Paul? The big news in hot sauce is fermentation these days because pickling adds a flavour constituent and a smokiness. And so that's the way to go. Fermentation, fermentation, ooh fermentation is what you need if you want to get the sauce

and you need to do it of course. Well, fermentation is what you need if you want to make a hot sauce baby. Yeah. And I was considering hot sauces as a thing because there's so many new hot sauces all the time. And they're all shit. A lot of them are shit and a lot of what they try and do now is like we discussed very a lot of times with ketchup is everyone's business model now is to have lots of different varieties isn't there? It is.

As soon as they even appear and I think this is a problem and I think this is why you see a lot of sauces disappear because they haven't got a core basic original product which which is really good. They're already branching into different ones. It's like Heinz, isn't it? Because they're known for their ketchup. More than anything else, maybe beans, but ketchup and beans, they own that, right? Yes. So that means they can toss off a load of things. The new pasta sauces they're doing and stuff.

You see the Heinz though and you think, oh, it must be good then, because it's from Heinz. Well, you said it was good, didn't it? Yeah, actually, the Heinz... Which one did you have? I can't remember now, but it was nice. It's just a basic pasta sauce. I think it was like maybe tomato and basil, or maybe garlic. Either way, it was like, yeah, fine. It's not, I'm not going to go crazy over it.

Kraft is Heinz now. Heinz is Kraft. They're one big megacorp. But the sauces that we're going to cover today, Paul... Oh, I thought that was it. We're just going to talk about that one and move on. No, why? What else could it be?

What's the ultimate taboo? But no, it was nothing, would say unhinged. It was just something that made me giggle. Honorable mention. But I thought if I mentioned it, then it would be seen as insensitive. So I've just decided not to do it. Now you've piqued my interest. Let's not do that. Let's not do that. I mean, I gave him a visual and I'm not going to talk about it. So moving on.

And I think that hot sauce companies get the wrong idea because they should come up with something like Tally did there. Just one product before you just immediately start to do different versions. Get the one basic hot sauce right. Providing we know that is the first one or it's only one. We don't know, do we? We were sent by a friend that was there. This is a hobby sauce. This is a hobby sauce. This isn't like getting you to manufacture. That's a genre we haven't really covered isn't it? The hobby sauce. A friend does make sauce. It's a big hobby because it's quite easy to do. Growing chilies, very easy. I saw in a chat show the road to grow a foot long chili

or whatever it was. They do. They've got lots of kits because they are a very hardy plant that will just grow quite easily. And what do you need? You need water, heat and vinegar, essentially. A lot of people jump onto it. But I think a lot of the reasons why they fail, they're putting carrot in, consistency is difficult, but also- People don't like it runny. To me, runny is part of it. Yeah, I like it. Again, this is perfect. The- Viscous nature of it. Yeah, a little bit of xanthan gum goes a long way. Just a little bit of xanthan gum. But it occurred to me that hot sauce, you don't use quite sparingly. And so I think another reason why

a lot of these new sauce companies struggle is because you go and buy a bottle and it's like they don't get the repeat purchases that they need in order to make the next batch. Because the bottles are too big or something? No, by the time you've used up your bottle, even you thought it was nice, you go back and there's not on the shelf anymore a lot of the time. Do you see what I mean? Because the supermarket's like, oh yeah, those haven't sold that well because you only sell one. You know what I mean?

The whole thing is slower. Anyway, just some musings on sauce. Musings on sauce. Musings on sauce. Now, I've mentioned we have to make the Morley's, which are a big chicken shop chain, especially in South London. Chicken shop chain. And their motto is, mmm, it just tastes better or something like that. That's great, isn't it? What's our motto for this company?

It's all right. It's better. It's better. It's better. Better than. It's just better. It's all right. It's better than It's better. It's better. Better than. It's just better. It's alright. It's better than Bims. Which is what? Eat that you cunt. No, get your mouth ready. Get your mouth ready for this. You know Bims, the one in Walthamstow has actually shut down

and they've replaced it with an even more terrible generic name for a burger place. I like that one we saw. They're called B-Max. Oh called B-Max. B-Max. That sounds like the chummy abbreviations you say about the real name, like it's like Bernard Max thing, but go down to B-Max. And they famously also had the Big Hack, which is meant to be a hack of a Big Mac, but it's called a Big Hack. Big Hack up a Big Coover. You haven't retro-engineered the burger. So also when we did Nightbussen, remember Ghost Burger that we saw, whatever that was. What is that actually referring to?

Are they vegan? Is that what it is? No, it's a burger place, normal burger place. It's called Ghost Burger. Why Ghost? Why not, I guess. It makes me think of. But we were talking about a Ghost Burger as we would get farted in the mouth. That's what we came up with on the bus route. It's just a shoe. It opens up. The person comes up to you and goes, what would you like? And I was like, I don't know. I'd like the big ghost burger. And then they just pull their pants down and fart deep into your gob. Because

they've been eating steaks for a few days. I like to think it's like one of those Dutch, you know... Ovens. Well, in Amsterdam you have those places where it's like a restaurant, but it's all little lockers that you open. It's like a vending machine restaurant. Oh, okay. All right. I think they have them in Japan, obviously as well. You can have that, but instead of like there being a pie or something, it's just some guy's arse. You open it. I want the spicy nacho. That's all that person's been eating oh can I have

the spicy ghost burger or I'm gonna have to just take some chilies I'll be back in half an hour oh baby there'd be a problem though lawsuits with um no if you know what you're getting into with solids that wasn't a ghost that manifested that ghost manifested in the form of a hot sweet corn nug nug. Yeah but if you know what you're getting into. And he hit the back of my throat like that. Get a beefy taste in your mouth but without the calories. That's it in a nutshell. I'd go. Paul, we should tell everyone. If it was top end, I'd go.

We should tell everyone about night bussing. And then the man turns round and puts his little hand up and then puts little... Like salt bait? Yeah, salt bait. Salt bait comes up your arse. Yeah. No, it's getting confusing. Moving on. Ghost burgers bait. Salt bait comes up your ass. Yeah no I it's getting confusing. Moving on ghost burgers when you fart in a man's gob. Yeah I'll put that in a fucking book. What book? I don't know. A book. The book of bad ideas. Yeah. Um Paul. Ghost burger. Paul. Yeah.

Cheat meals that's the other one. Yeah. It pisses me off because it's sort of like built it's building into the gym culture because you have a cheat day where you don't you don't behave yourself. Oh yeah cheat meals. It's like calling your restaurant guilty fucking pleasures or something you know. Yeah why don't you open a shop that sells nothing and say it's for people on fasting. Yeah nothing shop. Nothing meals. Maybe that's what Ghost Burger is.

Anyway Paul we should do a little plug for Nightbusing, where the Ghost Burger incident happened. Yes, basically, if you're a Patreon supporter, when we can, at least four times a year we do an episode called Nightbusing, where me and Eli go on a night bus, and it's real-time largely, and it's a nice kind of weird liminal walkabout episode. And there's four episodes up there already. Recently did the bus route 123, but hey hey getting to the bus was an adventure in itself and if you want to hear that join us on patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Now on to the business of today. Let's get into the business of this. The order of business we've got two sauces to taste Paul. We do. Now I was on message when

I purchased these sauces today because they were reduced if you bought the pair. Eli is the wonderful wizard of sauce, the wonderful wizard of sauce, the sauce of sauce, the sauce of course, the wonderful wizard of sauce, whenever there's a sauce of course, he's horsey, horsey, horsey, horsey, horsey. I didn't source, he sourced from a horse. He opens his mouth and gets all the horsey sauce in the end. I knew you were gonna go there. The wonderful wizard of gob. I don't suck horses off.

I'm just saying. I went up to a horse. I got his sauce Horsesauce in my mouth, of course Open my arse. He put it there too. Horsesauce, naughty Naughty horsie, saucy. New guard. That's his name. Yeah Is that the name of the horse? Yeah. New guard the sauce horse I can't even do a horse. Oh here here comes the new god, the sauce horse. He's dirty.

Pull. Calm down. I can't. Now I've got new god, the sauce horse in my head. He's a handsome beast. And he wears a baseball cap backwards. I don't know why. Just in my head, that's what he's got.

He's a cool horse. Yeah, he is. These sources retail price were £1.99 each but and they've got nothing to do with horses. Shame. But. The horsey sauce. Paul shut up. If you buy the pair it's three quid for the pair. What are we doing? What's going on here? We're doing a source report. Alright okay go on lead onduff. Now, I've got two sources. These are both source categories we haven't tried before. And he's sourced them? First one I'm handing to you.

Where did you source them from? Euromax. No, you're a max, you rude prick. How dare you? Fucking hell, I'm on a roll. You're a minimum. You're a minimum. How dare you?

This is my maxi pad. Maxi pad? Yeah. Christ. Shit. You know who needs a big maxi pad? Nugart. Nugart? You need to put a nappy on that horse.

Paltus. Nugart Paltus. Nugart Paltus. Nugart Saucy Horse Paltus. Moving on. This is a sambal sauce, hot sauce, by a company called Seris Foods. Yes. Or Seras. And they had several different sauces. They had a Sriracha. They. Yes. Or Ceres. And they had several different sources.

They had a Sriracha, they had a Piri Piri. Yeah. And they had these. This was interesting to me because I don't think we've specifically tasted a sambal. No, this is suitable for vegans. Yes. Apparently. But then what does that say there?

I can't read that for shit. Wear me glasses! Is sambal the same as sriracha? It asks there. Oh, okay. What's this say? Pairs well with meatballs and fish. That's also made me think, why just meatballs?

What about meat? If it's not in a ball shape, what if I took a meatball and instead of making a ball shape, I made it like a... Into a fish? A ribbon shape or something. I don't think it matters about the shape. Why meatballs? Because maybe...

Spiced meat, but not plain meat? Why not chops? Why not say chops and fish? Although meatballs and fish does sound like a shit double act from the 80s. Right, sambal, is it sauce? Here we go. Sandbal has a thing in... Are you smelling it?

I'm having a snuff. Do you want a little... I'll tell you what sambal is, mate. 199 or two for three pounds. That's right, yeah. There's a little stick on it. Now, oh, that has a very fragrant... It's filling the whole air of the house three pounds. That's right. Yeah. Now, oh that has a very fragrant, it's filling the whole air of the house of people. Very fruity. It's very vinegary, but

it's also very fruity. Do you want to know what sambal is? Yes. It's an Indonesian chilli sauce or paste. We've got the sauce version. Yeah. Typically made from a mixture of a variety of chilli peppers with secondary ingredients such as shrimp paste. I've checked though, you can. Yeah, no, this says vegan so I presume it would. There is no fish in this one. Garlic, ginger, shallots, scallion, palm sugar and lime juice. This doesn't seem as elaborate as that to be fair. Sambal is an Indonesian loan word of Javanese origin. It originated from the colour traditions of Indonesia. Also an integral part of the cuisines of Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei and Sri Lanka. So it's very much a regional but not national sauce type.

Okay, have a snuff. Can I just show you the other sauce I've got? Oh I thought we were going to do one at a time, that way we can have focus. I think it's helpful to focus one at a time. Let's have a little taste of this sambal. Go on. So I liked it on the nose, as I say it was very fruity and vinegary. Very vinegary, very vinegary. But this is cheap sauce so maybe it's not a good representation of what sambal is. No, because as I say on the ingredients it didn't maybe it's not a good representation of what Sambal is.

No, because as I say, on the ingredients it didn't seem as elaborate as the stuff you read out on that wicket page. No, it just looks like a standard ingredient, doesn't it? It's basically like vinegars, peppers and then like... It's just a basic hot sauce, but I'm going to have a little bit of this. It's got a nice consistency and it's got bits of chilli floating around in it, kind of thick and lumpy. Let's have a little taste of it.

Another good black. Oh, salty. Yeah, I know we say this a lot on the show in that tasting it on its own doesn't really help it because it does say you should have it with a meat or whatever but dry. It is dry it's a little bit too tart for me without enough flavour to back it up behind. Yes. This is why I'd imagine it's something that'd be better with a meat profile than definitely but not bad than a dip or whatever you know. Not bad definitely not a dipper definitely something you'd want to put with some meat or fish.

Yeah, that might go well with a chop or such. It definitely would, but it's for the people who like their chilli on the drier side. Yeah, probably. It is a very dry. There's no sweetness there at all. I think it's the vinegariness that puts me off it. I think if it dialed it down a little bit, it might be more enjoyable. Yes, it's lacking an umami, which the shrimp paste would add. So it's cheap, it's not bad, it doesn't taste like bad quality, it doesn't have that acrid taste that

Ed Sheeran's sauce for example. That was all acidity. All vidica yeah. Now I'm going to hand you the next um the next sauce we're going to do Paul and the final sauce of the segment today and this is also from Ceres. I bought two because I got the discount. Oh yeah. £2 for three. So this is a masala, authentic Indian sauce. And it says here red chillies again, water, puree, tomato puree, vinegar, salt, cumin,

thickener. I can imagine what this is going to be like, kind of a stripped down version of a nice salsa. What do you mean? Well, salsa is a hot sauce for a start, is it? So it's taking the salsa flavours, right? Wait, am I saying salsa? Masala, sorry. Salsa is like a Mexican... Sorry, I keep saying salsa. Salsa just means sauce.

Ignore that. I was meant to say masala. What I'm saying is this seems like a stripped down masala and reconfigured into a hot sauce. Well, funnily enough, I've gone on Wikipedia Masala and it says Masala, Masala or Masala in capitals may refer to spice, places, arts, entertainment and media, people and there's other uses there. Yeah, we have mentioned this before, I think, but we were surprised by that. We were surprised again. You get a Masala spice. So this is just a source based on the Masala spice profile, which is like a general, have you heard of the term, when you make a curry, you make gurum masala, which is the

spice mix. Yeah, and you add that to whatever it ends with. So this is going to have more different flavours going on. What's the nose like? Ooh yeah, you can definitely smell the masala in that. Just opposed with that intense heat of a hot sauce. It's vinegar on the nose? I'm hoping there's less vinegar. It is, but not as pronounced. Have a snuff.

Oh yeah, I'm getting cumin. And a sweetness, almost tomatoey sort of sweetness. But you see what I mean about it? It's a stripped down profile of a masala that's been added to what looks like quite roasted hot sauce. Yes, it's a dark, but it doesn't seem to have the lumps like the sambal has.

No, but that's why that has that salsa look to it that I kinda of like. It's got a nice look that sambal. I just wish it was a bit more murky. Yeah, so I'm going to go in. I've already poured mine. I'm going to go in quite a lot. This was very sweet. Okay. Yeah, that's what I would have expected. And it does have masala notes in but they don't overwhelm. It's a kind of nice well, it depends. I'm going to taste it. But for me, that's a nice balance of sweet, hot sauce and a masala kind of aftertaste. That's nice. What would you have that with? What does it say? You could have it with curry, rice. It's almost sweet, so it would work almost like a mango chutney does with curry, you know. So it literally says here, pairs well with chicken and rice. Yeah. Yeah, I

can imagine that. Oh, lovely. That's much nicer, much more complex and much more going on. It has less of a hot sauce profile, but it's a part of the DNA of whatever that sauce is. It's a lot less hot, yes. It feels quite, I mean, these are both kind of reasonably on all the docs, in that they're taking the hot sauce profile and then attaching another kind of food culture onto it. Yeah, no, sambal is hot sauce from that region and it comes in many different forms, sauces and... Yeah, but this is a...

This is much more of a sort of bastardised sort of concoction, the masala. Because it's not normally a sauce. I looked on Wikipedia, it's a spice mix, it's a thing. But what I'm saying is... It's a general style. This is made in the UK. Is it? I can't quite read it because it's quite a small font,

but yeah, it's definitely made in this country. So it feels like a Western take on a hot sauce that's married, like in these cases, like a masala and a sambal flavour to those profiles. Yeah, and they've got a peri-peri. But I just think that the sambal is going to be very close in taste to their peri-peri. Yeah, probably. I wonder, I'd like to taste their peri-peri, because you know what, it looked yellow. I think it might be nicer than, I mean sambal's fine but I couldn't tell you from Adam what it was if you stuck it away. Masala's got a lot more going on. Oh this has got an Indian profile to it, Indian food profile. That's the cumin obviously. It's the cumin, and if you knock then you can cumin. Right. And

also if you're Egyptian. Yeah, you can toot and come in. Yeah. Do you want to do any more? What spice did the... That wasn't really an invite. What spice did the porn actor use with his... Coom in. Yeah?

Oh, I will. Oh, thank you. I will. Anyway, I'd, oh thank you, I will. Anyway, I'd like a rating for both those sources from you. What was the spice that Star Trek's lead antagonist used? Ku Min. Q. Oh Q.

Q. Q Min. Captain Peacont. Ah! Eli's done it! Oh cue. Cue them in. Captain Picante. Ah! Eli's done it! He's done not only a decent gag, but one based on a pop culture reference. Captain Picante.

Paul, what out of five, let's say, would you give the series Sambal Sauce? Honestly, two. Two for you, I'll go three for that. But I want to state it's not a bad thing. It's just overall, it's not hugely impressive. And the masala, you'd go higher? Yes, I would give that a solid three and a half. Yeah, I think I'd-

3.75 for being super generous. I think I'd go similar for you. I'd go a bit higher for the sambal, but yeah. The sambal's probably more versatile in terms of where you can put it than the masala, but overall the masala's like more interesting. I'd like to try it with with chicken and rice. Nice with rice, nice with a curry. You get chicken curry and you get some rice on the side or chicken biryani, that would really go well. Good quality sauce for the price. Yes. Don't you think? For three quid, two bottles. Not bad. Not bad at all. If you think

that a bottle of Tabasco these days is easily nudging three quid, two bottles. Not bad at all. If you think that a bottle of Tabasco these days is easily nudging three quid itself and it's smaller than those. And they don't taste particularly cheap. No they're good. I was impressed because I thought they might be really horrible like the Ed Sheeran one. And that is the Source Report everyone from the House of Pickles. Sources were all about it and and pickles. And now it's time for Nugar, the saucy horse, to finish off the show with its sign off. It does a dance. Turn on the hot plate and then it does the dance. Nugar, come over here. Stand on that. You know what? I'll get the roundy dog and the horny dog both in here. They can scare

him to dance. Mate, do you really want that much muck in your room? Because it's a small room and you want lashings of horse and dog muck on every platform and surface. Is that what you want? Just to sign off this, is that what you want to deal with? Lashings of hot, hot, sticky, like viscous dog and horse muck. Dog and horse muck? Dripping from your fittings, your shelving, poor little Luigi, Davids face covered in muck. It would take weeks to wash off because that stuff stains. I've got a galley. Newgar covered in muck. It would take weeks to wash off, because that stuff stains. I've got a gully.

Nougat's muck stains. It's like alien acid. I've seen it lash on the floor and leave the stage. That's because you feed Nougat carrots. No, carrots don't stain his muck. No, but it thickens it up. No it doesn't. That's what I use them to do. I thicken up his spunk with carrots. How?

Force carrots into his mouth. No, carrots don't do it. You need xanthan gum. And magnesium tablets. Alright, well I'll put that in the carrots then. And then why? For thicker muck. We won't need to give... We've got to stop making production of like, those YouTubers who are like, oh here's my dirty knickers on my bathwater and you can buy it.

We should sell jars of the thickest nougat horsey sauce. We'd have to source an actual horse and not an imaginary one. Of course. Press the button. Fuck's sake. Or we could pretend. They don't know, do they? What, we'd have to fill jars of spunk ourselves?

Yeah, between the two of us. We'll just fill up a couple of jars. Who's gonna buy our spunk? I don't know, we'll just say, oh, at the live show, come and buy some horsey muck. I don't like this bit, Paul. I've been trying to get out. It's been really bad. Come back, Eli! help me finish this segment where I fucking jack off an imaginary horse into a great

big bell jar and fill it to the brim with thick... A bell jar Paul is one of those upright jars, it's a bell jar you cover a cake with. That's why I'm having trouble filling it. It's not like a jar, you're thinking of a... This segment's over, this segment's over right now! I tried to get out there... I should have ended it a long time ago. You should have. Oh smoke. Of course, Sam Bal, not to be confused with Sam Bar, which is the South Indian... The source report is over and it is designated a past event, so it would be no longer...

Reff, ref, ref, ref, ref, ref, ref, ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref calming, relaxing part of the show where I pick a book that I bought in a charity shop and I go, oh, let's have a bit of a read of it. And this week I've got something a little bit different, kind of. You know, I've got those books we've done in the past where it was... World's Famous Mizers of the World. Yeah, or Con Men and Tricksters or whatever. This is in the same series. It's the same series by Octopus Books. Now what's funny about this is I got this on eBay for like £2 a couple of years ago, right?

Two years ago, maybe? And I'd just been sitting on it, basically waiting to use it. Never got round to it. But then I was watching Ghostbusters Frozen Empire. And at the beginning of the film, Dan Aykroyd's doing Dan Aykroyd ghosty weird stuff. And he's holding a copy of this very book, Strange But True, the world's weirdest newspaper stories edited by Tim Healy, right? And then I went on eBay the next day and copies of this were going for like a hundred quid.

Wow! Just because it was in a Ghostbusters film. You shouldn't be reading it. Keep it in good nick. This is the same nick I got it in pretty much. This is, so this is a prop you're saying from the latest Ghostbusters film? No, this existed. It's a real thing. It's a real book. What I'm saying is because it was featured in the Ghostbusters film, all of a sudden interest in it went right up. Mostly Ghostbusters fans and people out to exploit Ghostbusters fans.

Well you do collect Ghostbuster memorabilia, ephemera, don't you? But you could say this is the first time I've actually bought something before the film made it somewhat popular. And I'm looking forward to watching, I don't know if that's the right word, looking forward. No. And I'm looking forward to watching, I don't know if that's the right word, looking forward. I'm anticipating we're going to do a commentary on Frozen Empire. We are for patrons again, we're going to do that before Halloween. If no one's heard the one we did for Afterlife, you'll be surprised to hear you got far more

angry about its existence than I did. I was angered by the shoddiness of the filmmaking. Not really, you know, not the Ghostbusters thing, I'm not like a huge fan. I'm not into leg, you know, I'm not one of these people. The actual meats and potatoes of the production of it got you. Because I watched it with you. The editing mainly. Yeah, until I watched it with you. I didn't really let that sink in, but there were moments where you go, what happened there? And I was like, yeah, how, what did happen there? It wasn't clear what happened. The editing was bad.

It was weird. Anyway, look. I'm anticipating that Paul. I think you might quote quote unquote, enjoy it more than afterlife considerably. But anyway, that's for Patrons and we're doing that soon. Anyway, strange but true, on the back it says, three handicapped monkeys mug mountain man. How do they get into my dream? Like that. Police are scouring the slopes for one of China's holiest mountains. Of one of China's holiest mountains, of one of China's holiest mountains, for three mugger monkeys who according to reports have been robbing tourists and pilgrims.

I can believe that. Each of the three old monkeys has a physical defect. One is hairlipped, another is one-eyed, and the third only has three fingers on the right hand. I thought they were going to say has no ears, like see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Yeah, you'd think they'd do that, but no, they kind of half-arsed it in many respects. Is this on the back cover of this book? This is how they're selling it, with this clip. That one, the one mugger monkey thing.

Hamster horror, super hamster feared. Oh now, Richard Gere! Stop propping that lie up, it's not true. It's such a cliched lie. Yeah, robot jailed and kilted soldiers sought for virility tests. So anyway, this book is a collection of alleged stories from newspapers, that's what it says, but they seem to have been re-edited and re-written by this Tim Healy chap. The chapters, animal crackers, strange things animals do, disorderly conduct, loners, weird

stunts, religion in the occult, wonders of science phenomena, death in burial and the ultimate taboo. Which is cannibalism, spoilers. It's cannibalism. And it caused us to say, which would you prefer to do, eat a corpse or fuck it? Well, this is, no, you didn't say it like that. What was the most transgressive of the two? Which would you, if you had to do one, obviously we're normal and we don't want to either eat human flesh or fuck human flesh.'s dead I do want to fuck human flesh but not when it's dead clarify please quick oh my god anyway the bottom

line is I get a normal job I think about 10 years time you know that and they're gonna just I would think about that sooner they're gonna press the button listen to this episode going I'd rather fuck a cop. And you wanna work with a... As an accountant. As an accountant, do you? Okay, good. Anyway, Paul, just one thing about these books. Yeah. Got a real nostalgia of when I used to be at Brent Cross and be in WH Smith and these would be on the shelf next to the magazines. Always. And the Michael Caine, not a lot of people know that books, and the Hagar the Horrible compilations and the Peanuts compilations and the Garfield books, the girls magazines with the little free combs you got on the cover and...

Shut up. Oh, I didn't deserve that. No, you didn't, but I know if I didn't do something that you would just go on and make a further list of other similar things. I like lists. Yeah, I know. Are there. No, you didn't. I know if I didn't do something, that you would just go on and make a further list of other similar things. I like lists. Yeah, I know. Are there any lists in this book?

No. Can I do a list? One day. You used to do top three. What happened to those? I could come back with those. What happened to your life hacks or whatever they were called? You know something that occurred to me, Paul?

Eight minutes and we've not done in the book yet. I know this is on source, but mayonnaise, right? Paul, can't do this. It's one of the world's top sauces but it's not known as a sauce is it? What would you call it then? It's a condiment, it's not called a sauce, it is a sauce though. But ketchup is a sauce and I call the condiment. Yeah you see it's a confusing world. Salad cream. That's definitely a sauce but it's a dressing. Is it a thickness? Because mayo is just as thick as anything else. Mayo seems to exist in this world, this condiment space in between the sauce and the dressing.

I think we've put our finger on it. It's in between mayonnaise and... Can we stop talking about this and talk about the book? This is the segment. You've had plenty of time. At least half an hour of this show has been dedicated to sauce this evening. So give me some time for this. You've had your stay. Congratulations. Well done. Okay, I'm waiting. But maybe you want to put a pin in that for another episode, eh? Your big mayo debate. Put a pin in it for another day. I will.

Thank you. Although a pin in the mayo just goes straight through. I'm going to just crack on with this. I mean, fine. Right, so I could read out some of the longer stories, but I want to get through this quite quickly. So there's a couple of box-outs throughout the book. Little micro stories. Is a box-out, is that the term?

It is when I was working in magazines. Like in a magazine. Yeah. They would call them box-outs. So when I wrote an article for Video Games Magazine, it was like 800 words and two box-outs would fill out three pages or whatever. I see, yeah. Fascinating.

But that's not the same as the little quotes from the text that they do. No, no, no, they're just quotes. They're just little quotes. They annoy me. Let's have a quick spin through their box-outs. Let's have some of these box-outs. A strange gift in the Animal Crackers chapter says, In Northampton, a pickled monkey, which once acted in one of D.W. Griffiths' pictures,

is perhaps the strangest gift ever presented to Smith College, which has received many useful, ornamental and historically valuable presents and that's in the Springfield Republican paper. See, they're trying to judge it by calling it Pickles. No one's eating the monkey on a piece of bread with some mustard, are they? No, the monkey must have been a prop or a character. It's embalmed or stuffed. But Pickle sounds funnier, doesn't it? Pickle monkey. That's what I'm trying to say. Unless of this colour, please Mr Tim Whitleystall

or whatever you're called. The thing is, you know who D.W. Griffith is? An early pioneer of the cinema. He was right, but you know unfortunately what one of his most famous films is? Oh he did Birth of a Nation. Which is the oh, aren't fascists and racists good. Terrible. The Klu Klux Klan film basically. Yeah and it led to the revival of the nation, which is the old fascists and racists. Terrible. And it led to the revival of the Klu Klux Klan in the 20th century, didn't it? Long story short, yeah, basically. But it's funny enough, because in the section on cults, they include the Klu Klux Klan, don't they? In this as a cult, a zany cult. A wacky concept. So Griffiths was a huge racist, then. He was meant to be telling the story about the birth of America and that's what he thought

this version of the story, that's its point of view. It's terrible. And it's terrible. But the Ku Klux Klan was seen as a bit of a joke before that film came out. And it kind of happens a lot. Well they are ridiculous with their stupid hoods and stuff aren't they? You know, their silly- Fucking ridiculous stupid cons.

Stupid ridiculous cons. It really is that stuff. So they're not a silly cult, they are a dangerous bunch of cunts. Anyway, moving on. Dummy is the next story. This comes from the Brighton and Hove. It's a letter for the Brighton and Hove Herald. Okay.

Doesn't say what year. And just the title is just called Dummy. What nonsense to suggest, as your woman's page did last week, that the use of a dummy is either unhygienic or a bad habit which could become hard for the baby to break. I have derived great comfort from my dummy for almost 40 years and find it gives much greater oral satisfaction than an unhealthy cigarette. It is also much cheaper.

That's troubling. I wouldn't have written into a newspaper about that. Very troubling and he's definitely writing that sitting in a big old nappy. With the woman next door who comes over to change him. Yeah. You know what I mean? He repays quite handsomely. Margaret dum dum needs his boppy butt. No, I remember seeing a strange kink, the adult baby thing. No, I know. I've seen that Channel 4 documentary from a while ago. Yes. Yeah. We saw the same thing, obviously. It's a sub segment of the I mean, to each their own, right? The submissive. Yeah. Field, isn't it? It's a sub-segment of the submissive field, isn't it?

It's a type of submissiveness. They're often in high-ranking positions who are in control. They were all like CEO, posh CEO types. Yeah, because it's how they release that. They get to be put on the foot, if you know what I mean. I don't like it. It's funny though, because I was wondering if next week the same guy wrote in to say, your story about babies wearing nappies for too long I thought was ingenuous. I've been wearing my nappy now for 40 years and Margaret from Next Door comes over to wipe my dirty cack cack bot bot.

Yes, it's disturbing in the same way when you get sort of 8 year old... It's a lot cheaper than using toilet paper. 8 year old kids who are still breastfeeding and stuff like that. Anyway, I don't know why I made you think of that. I mean, I think that's shocking, because I was breastfed up until the age of 42. Exactly. And the only reason is because mother went barren with her titty milk. Titty milk went barren.

And so I now call upon Nougat to come through and give me dick titty milk. That's not milk. Horse dick titty milk is not milk. Dick titty milk is just as good as any other milk on the market. Yes, but you have to jostle Nougat's bollocks to get it to go. It's worth it. It's worth it. It's horsey bollocks.

Yeah, and I have it whole. I don't have skim. There's actually a new product in the shop. Have you heard of it? Yeah. Nougat's nougat. Do you know what that is? It's the dick wax off the horse that has been prized out with a dick wax. Nougat's dickougat. You know what that is? It's the dick wax off the horse that's been prized

out with a dick wax. Nougat's dick wax nougat. How about that? I swear this podcast brings out, this this this actual room brings out the worst in us. It's the worst. Oh it is. Come on I want to do a few more of these. Can I just say he's right about them being healthier. Than a cigarette, yeah. And less expensive. That's what I'm saying So there's some truth there and it's a similar oral fixation, but fine. Let's have another box This is called all dressed up and I show you the picture this it's a weird monkey picture. It's a monkey man Yes images on our website the cheap should occur at UK to go along with this week's episode All dressed up some people have made it a profession out of their skill in dressing up. The Strand magazine of 1849 contains an interesting account of pantomime artist

Mr Charles Lorry's varied impersonations of parrots, poodles and some other creatures. It also recounts a capital story of how Mr Lorry was great friend with an old monkey at London Zoo. The monkey's name was Sally and the performer would study and imitate her movements for hours. Yeah, and? If she was flinging shit, he was flinging shit. He was pooping in his hand and going oopie oopie and then throwing it at people. That's what he was doing. Oopie oopie.

Oh no. One sad day Sally died. Her keepers regretted that they did not have a photograph of her. Mr Laurie told them he had plenty, and then went off, had himself made up to look like the deceased monkey, and then faced the cameras. Oh, he didn't really have photos. No, he just said, I'll dress up as a monkey, and I'll pretend to be Sally. Call me Sally.

What a strange man. Call me Sally. There's something frightful about that photograph. It is kind of haunting. Because there's very human eyes coming out of a very weird monkey man mask. Yes. You know what it reminds me of? I used to collect this magazine called The Unknown, which was like a sort of 14 times

sort of thing, which had all ghosts and UFOs and stuff. And there was a very famous sort of cryptid, which they say it's a sort of it's like a black and white photo they reckon it's a spider monkey okay you know what I mean it's big and they said it was like a man ape or a yeti but in fact it's like this spider monkey corpse that is propped up with a stick you know what I mean? Yeah I know what you're saying. That reminds me of it. It's like all that stuff. Kind of a spindly weird spindly monkey. And all the mermaid stuff you know it was like half fish half monkey. Definitely of that ilk yeah. Grim. One more story there. Like a made up cryptid basically.

In an old black and white photo. I mean that's what the freak show circuses were the day, weren't they? Stitched together, what's the word when you stuff animals? Stuffed. No, it's not, ventriloquism. What is it called? When you stuff an animal and mount it and it's there forever. Norman Bates was one in Psycho. Yeah, but there's a term for it. An embalmist. No, embalm is when you flood the body with those chemicals to preserve it. What is it when you stuff an animal and that's your job? Okay Google, what's the name of a man who stuffs animals? Taxidermy. Taxidermy. Taxidermy. Oh, I bet you were shouting it at home weren't you? I bet you were listening. I don't know why it didn't come into my head, I was just waiting for it to pop into my head.

Yeah, taxidermy. What are we talking about? I've lost... Oh fuck it. Right, last story. What did the, what did the... Uber driver... ...have to deliver the dead horse? In his taxidermy. Very poor. Right. Well, I did have Captain Picant. Everyone remember that. No, no, no. You've still got that in your back pocket. I'll give you that. That's fine work. Final story from this book today. I should have said Captain Luke Picante. That would have really sold it. Yeah, but it's fine. We still got it. It was still very good.

I'm still very happy with it. Let's have another one of these boxes. They're fun, Paul. Because this is something we could come back to on and off, I think. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't mind another box, though. All right, let's do one more. The world's most determined murder dress. The title belongs to a 36-year-old American woman who devised a series of bizarre schemes to murder her husband. Finally succeeding in San Diego, California, the case was reported in January 1978. A poisoner?

What did she do? You're asking to yourself. A poisoner. What elaborate way? Well, she put LSD in his toast, served in blackberry pie containing a venom sack of a tarantula spider, placed bullets in the carburettor of his lorry, tossed a live electric wire into his shower, injected air into his veins with a hypodermic needle to try and induce a heart attack.

Who is this guy? Like Rasputin or something? Fuck yeah! Why the fuck did he die? She finally succeeded by dropping tranquilizers into his beer and smashing his skull with a steel weight. Wow, he must have been a hardy fellow. He was either that or Wile E. Coyote. You know, it was just one of these. That's really determined. I mean, the air in the vein. Come on.

That'll do you. By the time you've eaten through a tarantula egg sack, you'd be like, maybe me and you need to work things out or move on. Didn't he notice? This is the thing, he didn't notice. He must have been an alcoholic. What do you do when you have LSD on toast? You just trip out. But then you don't go, or I'll be off the toast for a little while.

Well you don't know. Was it ergot or whatever it is, that yeasty thing that makes you hallucinate? What's it called? Ergot is a fungus. But isn't it found in bread? That is found in off bread and stuff. It grows on wheat that contains LSD. But you wouldn't, there's no way you can get hold of ergot.

She's not going to cultivate some ergot. Or maybe it is a mistranslation. But LSD itself is famously, you can drive someone crazy with a massive dose. Yeah. Definitely. That's what I'm saying. And you can scare the shit out of them and put them in a sort of mental asylum, possibly. You can't actually, there's no toxicity.

It's huge. But this is what I'm presuming. You can't overdose on LSD. I'm sure a vast amount of it is not good for your brain in the long run, right? No, but it's not like toxicity to the actual poison. You see what I mean? It's not a poison. But even so, the logic of I'm going to put LSD in your toast is, okay, so it's like saying,

one, LSD on toast, two blank, three profit. It's like what's the thing in the middle that you're trying to do to kill him? You want him to jump out of a window by himself? Yeah. Because he's tripping out. That's what I mean. It's not a direct poison. So that's why that stood out to me. Is he trying to do... Whereas a venom sack, you hope he just dies from the venom sack.

Spiders burst from his mouth and eat him alive from the inside. Or something gross. Whoa. Just something dark and gross like that. That's not the venom sack isn't where the eggs are. You're thinking of the egg sack. It's like LS details. All I can think of is like young Sherlock Holmes where you know with the blowpipe and then they start hallucinating and they jump out of a window or they... Is that when the pain of glass comes to life? Yeah and he runs out into the road out the way and he gets hit by a horse and it's an

accident. You know? It's like is it that? Well that's what the whole of the MK Ultra, the tests that the CIA did with acid back in the day, that's what they were trying to find out. If you could use it as a weapon to drive someone crazy. You said MKUltra, didn't you? It's not very effective like that because it's not a delirium, it's a hallucinogen, which means, hallucinogens, you see stuff, but it's not like with a delirium drug, I might be sitting here, I've done it, and then suddenly Dracula's in here, but it's not like with a deliriant drug, I might be sitting here, I've done it,

and then suddenly Dracula's in here, and Dracula's real and they're talking to me and I can see them and they're doing stuff. With an LSD type drug, that will never be. You'll see shapes, you'll see colours, but it all will be constantly... It's more like morphing reality rather than inserting things into reality. Those class of delirients, and those are much more effective as truth serums and driving people crazy. They break down the whole, they sound terrible. They're defensive. Terrible. Those chemicals sound terrible.

Last podcast on the left did a really good like five part breakdown of the whole kind of MK ultra drugs in the... They literally ran sort of sex party brothel houses with two-way mirrors and stuff. It's a crazy story. But anyway, that's our stories out the way for this week, but I promise you next time you read Strange But True, I'll read this one out. What's it called? The Noble Sperm Bank. Yeah, well, read that one out next time we do it. How about a bit of that? But in terms of this week, that's this week's Paul's Page turn of Strange But True. And it's by Tim Healy on Octopus Books, which is now too expensive on eBay to buy but I got dead cheap ha ha ha I win.

Nougat uses one of those. What? A NOOBLE sperm bang. I am gonna end that there. I'm gonna end that there. Come on that's at least as good as Picante. NOOBLE. The thing is when it comes to your gags,

When it comes to your gags, I have a few Equestrians for you on that. Thank you. And that's where we're signing off. Yo, yo, yo! This show's over, yo! It's over, yo!

But look, how was House of Pickles feel for you? It was nice to be back in here. It does. I think it makes us a bit more demented for some reason in here. Maybe people will like that. I don't know. Either way, it's nice to be back. Going forward, we might have a few more episodes in here, but we're going to do some at your house as well as we have been doing. What do you think about doing some of these cheap shot videos in here, Paul? I've always said if we can get the space...

We can sit there. Yeah, put the camera on the table. You think? It's a very small room, but look, I've always said to you, we'll do it when there's space to do it. We would have to move this stuff. But that's doable. Yeah. The state I've got it in today. Anyway, good to see you. Thanks for listening, everyone. Shut up. CheapShots are our fortnightly videos on YouTube where me and him just muck about and upload it. But if you want anything else, social media, videos, dedicated pages to the episodes, all that kind of stuff, it's our one stop shop, thecheapshow.co.uk and this podcast is supported by our wonderful Patreon supporters and you can join them on

patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show, get access to extra podcasts, behind the scenes stuff, magazines, extra videos, early access to cheap shots and you know, night bussing, loads of good stuff and that's it. And also don't forget if you want to get tickets to our live show on the 19th of October in London as part of the Cheerful Evil podcast, Bedford Arms, just go to our website again there's a link on there to the tickets or look up, flipping out you'd have to be fast because they are or get them by going to the Cheerful Evil podcast website and just typing in cheap show that should find it. Right.

Eli, do you still do your show on Soho radio? I do. That is from two till four every other Sunday at the house of pickles sound show, and you can listen. If you just want to see what it's like, just go on mixed cloud, type in the house of pickles sound show, lots of episodes there, including the latest from the other day. Right. I'm going to go off.

I'm going to ride off on Nougat now. No, no, no. He's not a horse for riding. He is, he's gonna take me to the shops, he said I can ride on his back. He's not saddled. I know, it's fine, I said I can ride him raw. Bareback. Yeah, bareback, I can ride him raw. You can ride Nougat. Raw and bareback. All right, go on then. All right. I'm just gonna get on top, there you go. Bye then. Cheap show away. I'm just gonna get on top. Bye then. Cheap show away. Me. I guess I'll just, uh, feed the horny dog and the randy dog.

I've got a little bowl for each of them. That says horny, that says randy. Plenty of magnesium tablets in there. Oh, they've, oh, they're starting. Oh, they're both. Oh, they're both... Oh, they're both... Goodbye, everyone. I hate that.

I'm sucking a dick of a horse! And that's how we end the Cheap Show this week. You've ridden off! You always break the reality! I went in the corner. You went in the corner, you rode off! We went behind your coat rack and I sucked Nougat off. Goodbye everyone, see you next week.