CheapShow - Ep 5: Rob Deb Sucks Sour Candies

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

Special Guest Rob Deb In this month's money saving episode... Paul sprays energy drink out of his nose Eli complains about idiot requests as a DJ Ash delivers a long list of moronic money saving tips Rob Deb vies for Old Comedian of the Year The Price of Shite game may contain peppers ...And the chaps all decide to see who can suck the most sour candy of them all! It's another joyous, anarchic podcast celebrating the very best of the very worst! So listen, enjoy, download, subscribe to "The Geekatorium" Follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow or @elisnoid @ashfrith or follow our guest Rob Deb @RobDeb Visit our lovely website for more podcasts www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, join us on Facebook - just look for "The Cheap Show"! If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, share, comment... all that jazz! Subscribe to us on Stitcher or iTunes and get fortnightly geeky fun WARNING *Show contains strong language and adult material

Ladies and gentlemen I don't want to interrupt you mid flow and ruin this for everyone I want to make sure we're all on the same page are you right?

You can go Are you going to do it again? I'm not decided yet whether I'm going to do it or not again Ladies and gentlemen I was going to do it again I was definitely going to do it again

I did it again The rule of three But I tell you what I'll put it down I'll put it down Rule of three Ladies and gentlemen I won't be doing, I'll put it down. I'll put it down. Rule of three. Ladies and gentlemen. I won't be doing it.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London's fragrant Camden Town. It's me, Eli Silverman. I'm here and I'm hosting Cheap Show. And here are my co-hosts, dead behind the eyes, Paul Gannon and the wonderful Ash Frith! Yes. People. People.

I know, it's crazy. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. The comedy show about all things cheap. The Cheap Show. It's exactly what it says on the title of the show. Cheap Show. So yeah, it's an economy comedy podcast where we three go through the charity booths. Charity booths.

I've already fucked up. Charity booths. That's fine. We go through the charity shops and secondhand shops and the pound lands, and we bring our treasure here. You to enjoy, in brackets, parentheses, probably not enjoy. Just checking. Booth sales, do they count?

Yes. Flea markets? Flea markets. Jumbo sales. Jumbo sales we've not even touched. It is kind of bizarre we've not done jumble sales. can they count?

Do you remember a bazaar when you were a kid? You had a bazaar? No, what was the difference between a fate and a bazaar? There was a fate. Revels.

Revels. Do you remember revels? Revels were those sweets which you had the, got the coffee one and that was the one you didn't like and no one liked.

No one liked it. Bazaars, Fates Jumble Sales Flea Markets Yeah. And what else was there? Frith Stores. Frith Stores. I think we can draw a line

under the types of things you can go into to buy second hand stuff. Yeah. 99 P Stores. And those. Can I just say something? Yes.

Can I just say something here? Paul is on painkillers and that's why he's Yeah, I am on painkillers. I do need to express that. I am on Cocodamol for a collection of pains in my teeth and back. Comedy gold. I think we'll all agree.

So what's coming up on the show, Paul? Well, tonight on the show, we have our special guest, Rob Depp. Rob Depp. Not as enthusiastic the second time around, Rob. Shame. Didn't cheer the second time. No, not even Rob did. Oh, well, we'll play that game later.

We've got our special guest Rob joining in on the fun and games. We have The Price of Shite, which is a game. I should, again, point that out. We also have our Cheap Eats section. Can I tell you what the cheap eats is about tonight? What is the cheap eats about tonight? Sour candies. Oh. So we're going to try and test some of the

sourest candies I could get my hand on. And I'll give you a little spoiler. Spoiler warning. I found probably the most sour thing I've ever put in my mouth in this collection. Really? And I couldn't keep it in. You had to eject it. I had to forcibly eject it from my mouth. And the thing is, you won't see where this is coming from. You just won't see it in. You had to eject it. I had to forcibly eject it from my mouth and the thing is

you won't see where this is coming from. You just won't see it. Have you got enough for everyone? I have enough for a lot of people because in the audience

it's about eight. I think I can stretch my whole candy collection. Oh, I dread this. Yeah, so and I've checked not a single one has cow bones in it.

So they're all vegetarian. You can eat them all. Ah! Ash doesn't get off lightly. So we could all be playing a spit into Paul's bag competition later on in the night. So I am, I guess, the ringleader of this operation. My name is Paul Gannon. Hello.

And with me as always is... I've already done this. Yeah, but this is the formal part of the show. We talk to the audience directly and not ostracise them with really bad gags about their culture, which is a bad way to start a comedy show. Am I right? Yeah, see, they agree. They win them back.

Hopefully. All right, so do that thing where you point at me and I say my name again. Ladies and gentlemen, with me as always is my special guest, Eli Silverman. What? I'm not a special guest. I co-host the fucking show

you're losing your mind paul sees you as just someone who comes along tolerated welcome to the paul gannon show with uh this is really happening though right this is a real show that i'm in on stage right now you really are this is a therapy or an intervention please tell me it's an intervention. I'd like it to be an intervention. All right, okay. So, ladies and gentlemen. Stop doing live comedy.

Point taken. Right, so, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, as always, with me is my special guest co-host, Eli Silverman. Yeah, hi. Hi, everybody. Eli, tell the people in the audience a little bit about you.

Why are we doing this? We didn't plan this. Likes and hobbies. It's an unscripted, semi-scripted comedy show. This is the time for you to connect with the audience. Hi, guys. I'm a performer and DJ. And yeah, that's about it, really. Wait, wait.

I've got this bit coming up, which I was hoping to sort of get into. That's what I'm segwaying into now. Because I was going to say, but you're also a DJ, aren't you? After listing the many things you do. That's right. Like, I don't know. You're so close, you guys. I was so close to having a fact for Eli.

So go on. So tell us about your experiences as a DJ. Well, we used to do a part of the show, which I like to call Tales from the Dance Floor. Tales from the Dance Floor. So I've got a couple this week. I DJ across the road there in the Blues Kitchen twice a month. And a great place it is too.

Sponsored by a Cocoda Mall and the Blues Kitchen. I was playing there the other night. It was Saturday and it got quite late. Yeah. It was about five minutes to three o'clock. Right. Exactly. So the DJ Boop is on the stage back from the dance floor.

And I kind of could see someone gesturing towards me from the dance floor and it turned to be this young lady who was making the cutthroat sign really like that across the neck basically yeah so i thought what a fucking bitch uh so i well you know i didn't say that to her obviously because i'm but it's okay to think it uh so i thought oh god she's obviously it's the music. She's, you know, she doesn't like the music, right? So I go up to her, I go, have you got a request? Have you got a request?

Which is a bit aggressive, I know, but it got worse. And then she said, oh, can we please have some 1950s sort of music, please? And I said, were you here like 10 minutes ago when I'd finished playing 1950s music for about an hour and a half? Were you there? Were you here then? Were you? You can leave. You can leave. And there was this guy who was obviously trying to chat her up and he went, Sailor V by...

Bewitched. No, what they call... Bewitched. No. Who's that really famous Guitarist Bewitched No who likes watching Women take craps Chuck Berry

Chuck Berry He goes You can't just say The guy who likes Taking shits I've never heard that You've never heard that Sorry do you know

The story of Chuck Berry And the lady shits Would you like to hear The story of Marvin Berry's cousin Basically He owned some Establishments

I'm going to have to Edit this out though right I just know I'm going to Have to edit this bit out Aren't I I don't know how legal to hear the story of Chuck Berry and the Lady's cousin. Basically, he owned some establishments and got prosecuted. I'm going to have to edit this out though, right? I just know I'm going to have to edit this bit out, aren't I? I don't know how legal this is. He's dead. He's not dead. He's not dead.

What? He was found guilty of tax evasion. We're skipping the best part to the story. I want to hear the story about... So, Buddy... Buddy Holly.

Chuck Berry. Yeah, Chuck Berry, you know, the inventor of rock and roll or what have you, he likes scat. We know what scat is? It's a dance move. He likes shit.

He likes poo-poo, lady poo-poo. He owned an establishment. As you do, you invest your money. He was the successful musician and he got done, he got prosecuted for basically installing cameras in the loo. Apparently, he

literally, during the 80s he had some guy in a truck delivering VHS's of women shitting and pissing, like weekly. He's like, here it is here's your shit videos. And that's illegal, you say. So,

this guy's standing next to this girl and he goes, oh, what about Sailor V by Chuck Berry? Which is that one out of Pulp Fiction. Oh God, I hate that song so much.

And anyway, so I go, no, no, no. And that's the end of that Tales from the Dark. Strong, eh? Good, it's a strong opening. There's another one. Oh, I'm sure you are spoiling us.

So I'm in the blues kitchen, again, DJing. I see this attractive young lady. She's walking towards the DJ booth. Oh, maybe I'll have some human contact. It's a conversation. She'll have a request. I'll be able to provide it. Perhaps, maybe I'll have some human contact. It's a conversation. She'll have a request. I'll be able to provide it. Perhaps, you know, romance will bloom.

No, she just gets her fucking smartphone out and just walks towards me, thrusting it in my face. It's got the request on it. There's not even eye contact, not even a smidgen of conversation. Not like, oh, I've got them written here. Here's my request. Just look at device.

Look at device. Do you know what I mean? Fucking hell. Do you know what they're for, telephones? They're for communicating with people when they're not in the room with you. You know what I mean? What's gone wrong with this generation? You've got a point. I've got to, you know,

fucking hell. So I was like, just get that shit out of my face. Do you have a request? Anyway, those were my tales from the dance floor. Hey! I wondered why we cut that out of the show in previous episodes. Now I remember. I think that was strong. I mean, I've learned something.

I think that was strong. Any feature where you learn something. I think of some more. I almost got beaten up by the bartender last night. I wonder why. I wonder why that was. Did he ask for St. Lave by John Ferry? That wasn't strictly

a tale from the dance floor because I was just buying a drink. It could be a kind of spin-off series. Tales from the bar. People that Eli has called a bitch.

On the dance floor. Yeah, he really, he really, he came out from behind the bar to give me some aggravation. He was a barman. Yeah.

What time was this? What time did it happen? It was last night, about one in the morning. Oh, it wasn't after the night had finished and you were just going around. No, no, no, it was closed. With your straw and the drip tray. I do paint you horribly. I'm sorry.

It's true, though. Yeah, I'm a tramp. I'm also an alcoholic. I forgot to mention that. Good. So. Doesn't mind as much comedy, that throwaway line, does it? No.

Let's. We haven't introduced Ash properly. Ladies and gentlemen, our third member, Ash Frith. Hello. Hi. Ash, maybe they would want to know something a little bit about you that they might not want to know. I. I.

What do I do? I tell jokes. That's what I do. I'm not going to do it do? I, um, I tell jokes. That's what I do. I'm not going to do it now. You're going to sit on it. I'm a standup comedian, believe it or not. And, uh, I was born in Basildon. Ooh.

That's it. That's all you need to know. These people from halfway around the world, no idea. Now, I don't think we need to get a jingle for that section of the show. Ash is from Basildon. Well, all right, you've sold me. I'll give you that. That was a win.

No, yeah, no, I've... Nothing has occurred to me this week. I was doing a gig on Wednesday and my voice did that thing. You know, sometimes when you're talking and then it makes you sound like you're a robot when there's a bit of, like, fluid. A bit of blemish.

Oh, I hate that. And so I was talking and it just went, oh, and then I do. And I don't know why that and so i was talking oh and then i do and i don't know why that happened that was the best thing that happened to me this week in front of 200 people i was going well how does that anecdote finish i was just wondering um what the worst situation that your robot voice thing could happen in because i was imagining your happiest day like your wedding for happiest day for some i do yeah i really love you deborah yeah or you know you're a doctor that one where you're sitting there it's like i'm afraid it's bad news it's malignant oh god no who'd have thought it on stage the worst place for that kind of thing so did you did you make light of it i made light of

it i did basically that work got, believe it or not, it got laughs. Yeah, the craft of comedy. The craft of just... Someone then come up to me afterwards, this is true, and said,

I really like that new bit that you did about the robot voice thing. I was like, that just happened. She didn't enjoy the rest of the show. You should do the whole

of your set always in the robot voice. You should be known as Ash Robot Voice Frith. That'll be my big bit. That'll be your thing. Bobby Dove Row, Ross Abb known as Ash Robot Voice Frith. That'll be my big bit. That'll be your thing. Bobby Davro, Russ Abbott,

Ash Robot Voice Frith. So on that note, Ash is from Basildon. Ash is from Basildon. A round of applause for Ash Frith, everybody. So every episode we invite a guest along

to unfortunately endure the rest of the show on stage rather than in the sanctity of the audience. And this week our guest tonight is a guy I've performed with many a time on many geek-based projects. He is the dark overload of comic knowledge and he is a laughmeister of the highest, the highest caliber. I want you... That's the...

I'm working it. I'm working it for you rob ladies and gentlemen please go all crazy with all the applause you can muster using both your hands for the comedy might of rob deb just take a seat sir hello hello hello right so rob deb welcome to the show hello delight to be here and the master has rested ladies and gentlemen so uh yeah so um thanks for coming on the show we like to start with an informal interview we ask the question yeah of you and um here's the question i've got for you

rob so with marvel coming out all the avengers movies and all the multitude of superhero films coming out in dc obviously doing their Words of the Colour Batman vs Superman film. The question I wanted to ask you out of all this kind of superhero lore is what would you rather lose, your tongue or your penis? All. Now think about it carefully. Your tongue

which brings pleasure to millions and your penis. I'm gonna yeah but you see the thing the thing about the penis is very much like my comedy career i'm hanging on to it for its potential um that's that's that i mentioned i'm old comedian of the year semi-finalist so uh how old is old i mean old comedian of the year you have to be over 35 have been doing stand-up comedy for more than five years,

and not have it be your income. That's fine. You have to have been unemployed for five years in stand-up comedy and over 35. And, yeah. So I'm a semi-finalist.

Welcome to the glamorous world of stand-up comedy. Behind the curtain. Grim. Behind the curtain is a hard way to get back to my penis yeah so what you're going to keep your penis or your tongue i'd keep my tongue oh why my tongue he keeps his

tongue i keep my tongue because i'm not one for blogging you blog with your penis no it's just the fact that like for me in in a more serious point is is the point of being heard the point of having a voice is all it's all up here it's all out here right where where is that well you know i'm uh i'm 39 uh in a couple of weeks um at my birthday drinks uh blue post 24th of may you're you're all invited do we keep that in the podcast yeah i'm lonely so um uh yeah no no no no penis would go penis would go oh that's it done now sorry it's just so just out of interest then sir just because you're nearest what would you rather lose sir your penis or your tongue oh god he sounded pained when i said that too no i think he's holding on to both at the same time that's why there's no timing on this it's not happening

tonight i know he seems creepy he's not actually actually going to do something. This isn't Saw. It is the finale of this show, though. So you have to make it. What would you lose? Oh, the tongue. Who's going to say tongue? The lady's present. Unfortunately, the correct answer is penis.

That's what the lady's answer would have been. Eli, your next question for rob deb thank you paul okay um rob um so you know a lot about superheroes yep yep well i discovered the other day i can levitate okay a bit is this darren blaine wizard monkey no no it's actual real levitating yeah i'm not gonna do going to do it now, obviously. All right. This is so fucking silly. So my question is... I can do it in America. Do you think it's only...

It's very low levitation. It's like... It's maybe two centimetres. Okay. And then I have to come down to move. So it's sort of just a vertical... So enough to make shelves not awkward, basically. Yeah, basically.

I can like... If i need to blue tack a postcard up yeah uh and it's a bit too low you can get that so do you think i could go into superheroing yeah you could you could but what would be but what would be my name crack man no no i'm not talking to you paul no no no fucking interview go right because the the problem there is not going to be with your powers it's with the esteem that you've brought to it is because batman iron man they don't have any superpowers right yeah i'm just watching the room to see like a couple of people nodding to get where i'm going with this right yeah so it's not about the fact that you can levitate two inches it It's about the question of

do you want to be a superhero? Do you have that level of sacrifice in you? So you're saying I'm better than Batman? I'm more super? I'm saying that you've got a power. How super it is is how you use it. Well, I could position myself underneath criminals,

levitate a bit, get them in the nose with the crown of my hand. So the idea is what? They kick you and they punch you to the ground. And as their Victorian stamp-like sort of Game of Thrones style are standing above you because they've beaten you to the ground, you lift two inches and trip them over.

I'll lull them into a false sense of looming security. Okay. Looming security. Looming security. I think that should be your superhero name. Looming security. Yes. And what color is my cape um oh well

it's purple i was gonna say purple actually i was actually gonna say purple did you notice the lack of applause for that yeah notice the lack lack of applause for that okay one guy one guy who loves your best mate from like years gone by doing that thank god i'm never going to knock that because I haven't bought a best mate well I did have a best mate with me and he went I'm not going to the podcast so yeah clever bastard he knows too much Ash is doing the last question

I stayed with Rob when we were in Edinburgh a couple of years ago with another comedian called Richard Sandling he's brilliant he is a big man We were in Edinburgh a couple of years ago with another comedian called Richard Sandling. TV's Richard Sandling. TV's Richard Sandling. He's brilliant. He is a big man. He is about six foot four, I reckon. And he's a big, big man, isn't he?

Yeah. And we stayed there for a while. And then on the last day, so I slept on the floor because he pulled rank on me. And then Richard slept across a two-seater um sofa and for the whole time that we were there and then on the last day uh richard sort of got off the sofa and a cushion fell off and i realized it was a sofa bed the entire time yeah and you i didn't know oh i i i didn't know it was a sofa bed you know that was like the seedy goonies when they found the secret door to the end of the time that we'd been there because i yeah that because the thing i i may remember because that was the first time

i'd ever met you ash and you'd come over rich and it was like i i can be very precious uh with flats anyway so when i first met you i gave rich Richard a set of keys to the flat and but what Ash didn't know was that I had another set of keys to the flat that I refused to hand over immediately or even admit to because I had to decide whether or not he was a cunt at the end of that evening I was like well done you've passed test. And he went, oh, there was an actual test here. Because there's that thing of like, you know your mates, but you don't necessarily know your mates, mate. And you passed with flying colours.

You turned up very promptly. You were very nice. You even came and saw my show. And I thought, this is a man who will not shit in my fridge. That was made very clear from the start. I was not to shit anywhere but in the toilet i don't even think i shit in the toilet i'll be honest with you well there we go all you have to do is have that happen once and you're giving fucking keys to no one that's fair that is fair right so

that's the interview section of the show so we are a show that investigates and brings back our treasure from charity shops and thrift stores 99p shops so we do a section of a show that investigates and brings back our treasure from charity shops and thrift stores and 99p shops. So we do a section of the show that Eli likes to call... It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite.

And that's right. It's the price of shite, everybody. Yes. It's our fantastic game for us all to play. I've got some fantastic shites in this bag. That is a proper shite bag as well. You can't be. I just want to explain this to the podcast.

For those of you who aren't cheap honoursers like ourselves, there is something about the slightly overstretched, non-branded blue plastic bag that has that sort of thing of like, there's an almost level of it like, will this make it home? I don't know. It adds that urgency. Will this carry?

Of all the cheap plastic bags you could have, you sir, have exceeded. Yes, yes you have. It's all part of the aesthetic of our show. So explain the rules to the ladies and gentlemen. The rules are, I will produce three items of cheap shite, and our guests and

the hosts will all have to guess the price of the shite, hence the name of the segment. Which is? The price of shite. Thank you. Getting it all clear. Then the person who is closest on each item will get a point.

The person who has the most points at the end is the winner of the Price is Shite. Does that mean they don't have to eat the sour food? No, the sour food is totally eatable. The sour food is still a thing that's going to happen. Okay, so should we, without further ado, let's move on to the first piece of shite.

So where did you buy all this shite? It was various different stores, charity shops and so forth. Well, one item is from a charity shop. Which charity shop do we get to know? Because that affects a lot of pricing. It was from RMVF. The Royal Marine Force

of Vultures. That is Raise My Voice Foundation. Oh. I think they're just one of these places who are basically funding ISIS. Do they? Right. No, because there's three levels. There's three levels in there.

There's Oxfam, which is always more expensive than it should be. Yeah, it's bullshit. You have, you know, the one that we actually raised money for. Cancer donation. Cancer donation. British Heart Foundation. Sort of mid-level, the M&S of charity shops. And then you have the ones which seem to be like raising money for dogs with Alzheimer's

and look like a pop-up sort of Kickstarter funded like crock of shite. This charity shop is the only charity shop where I've actually seen the owner or whatever shopkeeper haggle on the price of stuff. And it's like, surely that's... Who is this for? I do want to ask the audience. Who thinks it's okay to haggle in a charity shop?

No. Because I've seen people myself, I'll just put it back. I'll just put the fucking thing back. Unless it. No. No. Because I've seen people, I myself, I'll just put it back. I'll just put the fucking thing back. Yeah. Unless it's Oxfam. But, you know. It's under the shirt

and out the door. Yeah, we've all done it. What annoys me about Oxfam, Yeah. not their work, which is good, obviously, but the charity shops, you go in there

and the vinyl, the records, wildly overpriced. Oh. I know why that is, i saw i saw in terrible condition a copy of sergeant pepper's lonely hearts got banned for a hundred quid it was a hundred quid was it signed by paul mccartney himself it was a tatty old fucking copy that's one of the biggest selling albums of all time i i bought though on the opposite end of that they had a set of annuals random annuals three for five pounds sort of in so that's sort

of a reasonable deal it was um charlie who runs the philosophy club's birthday was coming okay um and out of one of these three books was uh gary glitter annual oh right you know who gary glitter is do we need to explain that all right right, Gary Glitter, he was a pop musician. He wrote, come on, come on, come on. Anyway, he's a kiddie fiddler. Do you want to be in my gang? That's what it comes down to, unfortunately. So I saw it.

And of course, the thing is, it's like, you know, and again, I'd emphasize because Charlie, if he hasn't done this show, I'm sure we'll do it soon, does a great philosophy show, is a comedian. We already understand there's a certain elasticity as I could hand that to him and go, that's funny. And he'll go, yeah, it is. But I still had to fucking queue with a Gary Glitter annual

in order to purchase this. And I thought, and you know what? They're callous. I know they're callous because they didn't even blink. They didn't even blink when they sold it to me and I was thinking, you know what? On one way, that's right,

but I feel you really should. You really should be judging me right now. Why am I not being judged on buying this Gary Glitter item? They probably see it every day. They probably get the glitter completists in all the time, you know. Looking for the glitter band.

Can we move on with the game before we start defending Gary Glitter's pop career? The first piece of shite. Toilet seat covers. Whoa. Brand new. I hope so.

There's a lot of pubs. No, no, no. There's a lot of pubs where I really could have done with those. Toilet seat covers. There's ten of them. The company's called Yo-Yo. That's gross.

I don't want a toilet seat cover. You're not going to take it back, are you? No, well. So, this is like if you get caught out and you have to do an emergency shit in a terrible pub. Or if you're a lady. Yeah. Yeah, see.

Some people are finding use. I'll confess that I had a bad experience when I was a teenager, so I always go out with a pack of tissues, not necessarily for my nose. Right. So more than I wanted to know ever. So how much? Ten. for my nose. Right. So, more than I wanted to know ever. So, how much? There's 10, 10,

10 of these in here. They've got, it's in French, English, German, and Spanish on the back. Good.

There's a 12 month guarantee. So, if I use these next year, let's say, and it, it breaks and I get some germs on my bum.

Happens more often than you think. Do you know what I mean? It's not exactly the bum is designed. It's not going to get infected unless you've got weeping sores. Anyway. Tell me price this, please. Let's have some prices. Ash, you're first.

What would you say? What would you say? 75p. 75p. Is that based on anything? No, no. That's the value I put to those. Thank you.

Rob is thinking. Can I see? Rob is thinking. Don't do that thing with no one. I'm just trying to figure out the material. They are just tissue, aren't they yeah but shaped yeah you've got the manufacturing process 10 covers i could just you know that's still you know soft soft soft pound pound from

rob deb and paul oh i'm gonna go with 99p i'm going to offset it by a penny So remember your prices Does anyone in the audience want to hazard a guess? You madam, how much do you think the yo-yo toilet seat covers are? 50 pence Ask her in two hours, they'll be fucking priceless 50 pence Even if you're in Glastonbury

you've given up by that point Yeah you would One in all in The next piece of shite even if you're in Glastonbury, you know, no one's going to, you've given up by that point. Yeah, you would. Haven't you? Okay, so. One in, all in. All right. The next,

to the next piece of shite. Oh, wow. What is this? Oh, what is this? Let's have a look. Yes,

it's a pepper-shaped receptacle. He's opening it with his, oh, oh, it opens up, it's like a, it opens up. It's a pepper keeper.

We all needed a pepper keeper. It's a pepper keeper. It's a pepper keeper. It's a pepper keeper. You know, you really want to eat some pepper at work. Right. Right? I need it whole, and it's just terrible getting my pepper bruised on the way in, on the commute. So, what better than this pepper-shaped, pepper-holding thing?

I've always... Oh, God, I hate slicing peppers. I just like to... Straight in. I often think... It's like one of those bloody banana-carrying cases, which is a case on the sheet of banana for your banana. Yeah, but a banana, Paul, a banana...

Are you going to school me now? ...is a kind of thing you would put in your bag for lunch. You know i mean but not in a banana green pepper what kind of you do buy banana cases yeah and it's not no what a weirdo what kind of weirdo no no no no no no that that is part of a set that is part of that set and it's like no one uses the fucking pepper keeper let's dump it in the charity shop you know when you buy like toys and there's like everyone wants he like, no one uses the fucking pepper keeper. Let's dump it in the charity shop. You know when you buy toys and it's like, everyone wants He-Man, no one wants fucking Minotaur or whatever. No one wants Man-At-Arms, right? And then on Boxing Day, there's loads of fucking Man-At-Arms.

That is the Man-At-Arms of fruit covering protection. However, if I want to make a pepper-shaped jelly, there you go. There you go. Jelly mould. Pepper jelly mould. That's proper lateral thinking

that I wouldn't trust the general public with, though. So, oh, no, because I can see that and that is,

what you've done is you've properly MacGyvered this. Yeah. Right? And then you go, you've got the puppet. Come on,

token puppet joke, you know. 50p. I didn't know there was a token puppet joke. Oh, there's always a token. If it's got a lid,

it's a fucking puppet. Right, right. Is that how Jim Henson created the vampire? I didn't get to be old comedian of the year semi-finalist if I did not know about a token fucking puppet gag. Hey, everybody, I'm Pepper Pete. I'm Pepper... You're milking this on a podcast

where no one's going to see the fucking thing. I'm making a puppet voice with a funny voice in the mouth. Don't do this again. Why don't you like me? So that's our second item. It was alright when I did it. It is quite a bizarre item.

What if you've got a red pepper? You're fucked. Right. I once had a pizza. That's a great story. Shut up. I once had a pizza. That's a great story, Eli. Shut up. I'm pausing. I'm pausing.

Not when you tell that story, Eli, but when you had the pizza. I'm pausing pause. It's my favourite story in the world. It's nuance. It's nuance. Are you going to jump in every time I fucking pause? It's very likely. Yeah.

See, I stopped speaking for a fucking nanosecond. You're in there with your drug-addled mumblings. Right. Please don't do a fake walkout. It's going. I'm not doing it. Okay, so that's my second item. I once had a pizza and for some reason

the only topping... Is the story going? It's going somewhere. That was a common awful stop. I want to hear the story. I had a pizza and for some reason the only topping was green peppers. I'm so glad we went with that story.

I like that story. That's a proper paint shop that only sells blue. Yeah, it was disgusting. It's really put me off green peppers. Oh my God. Okay, so let's get some prices. I hate you so much.

Ash, firstly, what is your guess? So much. Well, I think it's gone up in value, not because it's made in China, but because it can be frozen, dishwashed. Oh. Whatever two circles next to each other is, it can do that. Eight. Eight.

Yeah. I reckon that. I'm going £1.50 with that. Whoa, that's a decadent pepper holder, though. Do you think that? I think that's decadent. I'm 50p. 50p from Rob Deb?

50p. I am going to say 70p. 70p. 70p. Are you just playing the middle game every time? Yeah.

Who cares? £1.50 from the guy at the gentleman in the back. All right, good, good, good, good, good. They're not actually for sale. No. It's just for you to put his hand up like that. No, Rob, Rob, good, good, good. They're not actually for sale. No. I don't know.

He put his hand up like, yeah. No, Rob, Rob, don't speak too soon. Maybe we could... All right. £1.50, you say. Talk to me after the show, yeah? So, are we ready for our last item? Yes.

The price of shite. Yeah. Now, this is a real doozy, especially if someone lives in a built-up area. This is London. We all live in a built-up area. This is London. We all live in a built-up area. This is River Rocks. Oh.

You don't have to shout deep into it when you say River Rocks. River Rocks. Oh. It's a bag of rocks. Great. There's all different sizes in there. And on the back it says... Have you been to the beach this week?

Is this where everything came from? Did it wash in? This is packaged. This is for the if you're on the go and just don't have the time to pick up rocks yourself. I know exactly who it's marketed at

and what it's for. It says at the back its use as adornment. For example, use of fish tank. Yeah. Flower pot and so on and so on

that's your river rocks it's the cellar the world of imagination it's fish tank stuff right it's fish tank stuff but you know you could save yourself

an unspecified amount of money by just going outside and picking some rocks up you can't no can I just double the value of the green pepper no oh look what he's done if it closes if it closes You can't. No. Can I just double the value of the green pepper?

No. Oh, look what he's done. If it closes, if it closes. Don't devalue it by breaking it. Oh. Priceless. Ash puts a thing in a thing. Well, he is a dad. So shall I give...

Yeah, I did do that. I'm saying these are... They are... Again, I'm going to go a pound for those. A pound. Okay. All right. A pound from Ash.

And Rob. Two pounds. Two pounds. Two pounds at least. I am going to say, Mr. Silverman, as you may be surprised to learn, I'm going to go one pound fifty. One fifty. He's playing the middle ground.

A whole fucking thing. Like an absolute pussy. Okay. I choose £1.51. No, you can't change it now. Everyone remembers that. This is the moment of truth, everyone. This is the fun part.

So, what did you say for this? I think 75p, did I? No, I said 75p. You said 50p. You fuck. I said 79. No. You said, just remember.

50p. You had one thing to do. Remember the fucking price. 75. Oh, he did. What did I say then? You said 99p. Oh, okay.

You said 75. You said. I said a pound. And you said 99p. Yeah. The price of the toilet seat covers is one pound. Point to Rob. Yes!

In the room! I know my shit. Yes. Moving on to the pepper holder thing. What did our contestants say? 150. No, you didn't say 150. Yes, you did.

Okay, you did. All right. You're fucking wrong. So, and what did you say? I said 50p. You said 50p. And right. You're fucking wrong. So what did you say? I said 50p. You said 50p? And I said 75 on that one. The price of the pepper holding instrument was 50p.

Yes! Rob, he's dead on the nose twice. I've never seen anything like this tonight. I do so much cheap shopping. It's unbelievable. Last but not least, the handy river rocks. They can be used as adornment. And so on.

Fish tank, flower pot, and so on. Yeah, thanks. It's very barky tonight. Bring it home, baby. So, what did you say? One pound. One pound. Two pounds. I said one pound

fifty. The price of the River Rocks was one pound. Yes! Oh, Ash! He pulls a point back, but our winner of the Price is Shite, that's right, tonight, Rob Debb. I'm the king of the north! And you didn't

win one single point with your fucking meandering in between shit. So how much was this again, one quid? 50p. 50p? Still 150. 150 to you, sir.

It's still 150 if you want it. It's 150 if you want it. No, it's not for free. You've got to work for it. Right. So what? Good. That's good. You should keep doing that. That's my new catchphrase. If you don't like it. Yeah, it. Right. So what? Good. That's good.

You should keep doing that. That's my new catchphrase. If you don't like it, it's good. You've got to work for it. So what? It makes me feel uncomfortable. So what's coming up next, Paul?

Well, next we hand over to Ash as he delivers some of his top tips. Ash. Well, I thought I'd have a look at some ways of saving money in your life. So I think this is universal.

I think anyone in the world can stick by these. So I went on numerous websites and just made a note of top ideas, and I wanted to get your feedback on it, really. And number 10 is top 10 saving tips is separate the ply of your loo roll. What? Okay, so you mean the front and back, the two bits of paper. So you get double the loo roll. What? Okay, so you need the front and back, the two bits of paper. So you get double the loo roll.

I thought it was a sex act. No, no, no, no, no. It's like, darling, I want a double part. You know when they sell kitchen rolls and it's like three ply, four ply, extra absorbent. You may save money on toilet paper, but you spend more money on soap because you have shitty, shitty fingers.

You'll have very shitty fingers. It's thinning the bleach with water. Highbrow. You're going to end up... Highbrow comedy. Or, like, you've only got so much shampoo left, so you fill it with hot water to try and get more shampoo out of it. You're still going to end up...

I thought you were going to make a homemade douche by putting some warm water in with the left over shampoo. No, no, no. Shake it off. Sit on said bottle. And then squeezy squeezy. No. It's more fun if you use those characters.

The no has spoken. I'd like to finish. No, no. Edit point. Edit point. I'm going to filibuster this motherfucker if I don't. No, just stick it up your arse. That's the end of it.

That's it. Right. And an insult. And it's the end of it. The next thing. Who's got pets in here? Yeah, I have. the end of it. The next thing, who's got pets in here? I have. Just you two people.

This is genuinely number nine on the top ten ways to save money. Make your own pet food. How? How? How? It doesn't say. It just says make your own pet food. Did you not scroll?

No, no, there was no scrolling. So wait, I don't want to give my cat a pouch of 75p meat so I'll go out buy fresh meat for about £3.99 from somewhere like Waitrose maybe some onions fill it with some river rocks

maybe some gravy and mix it all together I'm going to get two meals out of that and I've paid £7 that list my friend is bollocks well wait a minute

because I haven't got to the good stuff yet no Paul what you'd need to do right is you go behind the butchers sniff around and just get offal yeah get a bag of awful yeah chuck it in your cat's bowl yeah we're talking about scraps aren't we uh this is um

number eight on the best ways to save money don't eat on a monday that's middle class that's just a five two diet or something there is jet so you might be right this there's a book called uh what the one day fast right yeah and it is just literally the day take monday off right from from eating entirely and um i um it's put here um it's got uh fast fasting is the ultimate way to lose weight yes definitely um these are two uh i clicked on the Amazon reviews for this book. The first one is, I'm in this book, it works. Does he mean he was that thin? He was a bookmall? I'd argue, though, that if you're going to choose the day of the week,

because of the way butchers and deliveries and stuff are done these days, Monday's probably not the day you want to take. Not according to monday fasting yeah um and uh someone else's uh someone else's quote was um fasting are you kidding me that's all they put on amazon they bought the book which is called the one day fast and their review of that book was fasting are you kidding me they thought it was about getting through the day quickly. Number seven. Now, can I add something? I just want to jump in.

Shut up. On that theme, you know, fasting one day a week. My dad, who is middle class, has to be said, he's now vegan before six. Vegan before six. Vegan before six. So he's he's uh now vegan before six vegan before six vegan before six all right so he's vegan until six and then he has a burger i don't know i'm sorry is he a gremlin is your dad a gremlin no no there is there is he's doing that more as a as a health reason then rather than as some sort of ethical you know eggs have salt sort of thing i mean my dad's pretty much my well i don't know how my dad's in his 70s now and he's basically he

is now just veg except for fish on sundays but it is more of a health thing that i've just realized that um vegan before six if you say it in an australian accent yeah they all think you're saying vegan before six six six that Six. That's New Zealand. That's New Zealand. They say fush. Fush. I've got some lovely fresh fush. Fresh fush.

I'm terribly soft. I happen to be from New Zealand. I'm very softly spoken. I don't know why. The Canadians of the Australians. Aren't they? It's a pleasure to be here. Right, what's your next one? It's my New Zealand accent.

It's not too bad, actually. The guy who runs Levi, the jean manufacturer, genuinely says you never need to wash your Levi's. I beg to differ. Mr. Levi says that.

Don't wash your Levi's. Because what, they wash themselves? They're basically self-cleaning, you can't pick it off. It's a lifestyle sort of choice that he's advocating.

My genes are 50% yoghurt. Yeah. Ash, I'm going to be very frank here. There's two things and I hope it doesn't seem too personal but there's two things that we have against us in this. One is we're men of heft

and two is we're men of a certain age who worry about having a fall. We don't trip, we have a fall. These are the two things that Levi doesn't give a shit about. You're worried about getting food on Levi jeans. The whole point is Levi jeans are not built for people who eat. All I'm saying is

if I fall and break a leg and I'm trapped in my flat with no one coming round, if I suck on these jeans, I could live for a month. If you don't wash them.'s enough calories yeah combine that with fasting on a monday yeah i'm going to november oh you know what this is already a woman's own frontline isn't it my week of eating my jeans ashforth story uh number six on this list and uh this i i do not believe this is a good idea number six on this list is uh take a bath together with a loved one.

Oh, that's so tin bath fucking 80s coal mine, isn't it? I think they're thinking of it more in an erotic way. Really? You know what? I really love my niece. She's 21. Have you been watching that video I brought in? Yeah.

I like you. she's 21 have you been watching that video i bought in yeah i am so you know ladies and gentlemen i think honestly if i take a bath that we have to put such little water in if i share a bath because i'm so fat the displacement is we're drowning if we go for more than two inches i look like a i look like a whale that's beached on South End Beach. I am beach body fit myself. Like a fucking whale. That's, you know, two mugs in a bath and I'm done, basically. Two mugs in a bath? What are you doing? You, me and my mate, two mugs in a bath.

You watch out. Racist. Hello there. My name is John. I'm from New Zealand. I'd just like to say two mugs and a bar. Do they have mugs? I'm so ignorant.

To have interrupted your bar. I've just got to say, it's just in terms of ignorance, the best one I ever heard was a certain Australian act once turned around to me before he went to play in Ireland and went, have they heard of the Hulk over there? Right, this one genuinely is another dog. dog edit point edit point this is

another book and it is called um use dog hair knitting i'm really sorry that's totally deserved though that was totally deserved that you were for for viewers at home for viewers at home um he's basically just shotgun the can it's the best way to describe that that was just i think somehow you missed it yeah you just created the whole you just created a steam cloud it was it was fine for viewers at home um so sorry no that was totally can i read you the... It's a book. It's a book, right? It's called Use Dog Hair, Nitting. And the slogan for this book is better a sweater from a dog

you know than a sheep you'll never meet. These are placenta-eating 90s freaks who should never be listened to. What's her name? Pepper Potts. That's Paltrow fucking territory, that is. I printed

off the Amazon book review page here because on this, I believe that this has got the single best review for any item that has ever been on Amazon and I'm going to read this. I might just do this every gig I ever do. So,

for the book, Knitting with Dog Hair, Better a Sweater from a Dog You Love. Yeah, we got it. So the headline is the headline is, with great power comes great responsibility. Oh, fuck off!

Four stars. Be very careful with this book thinking myself clever i shaved my dog then knitted him a sweater using his own fur i believe this paradox may have ripped a small hole in the space-time continuum my son son seems to now be ageing in reverse, causing me to deduct one star from this review. Otherwise, a very informative book. That is genius. This is brilliant.

A two-star review on the same book. Headline, nothing really new. I was very disappointed with this book. Not only was it expensive at over $50 and short 101 pages including the index, there was little information that couldn't be

found in any other beginning spinning book. Right, well we've all learned something there. Where are we on the list? I don't think we're topping that so um oh there's one thing there's a new website house out which um is things that weigh the same as other things in tesco so you know when you're using the self-service checkout no that's a pack of i've made this this year in 2015 my goal has been to steal something from Tesco

every time I shop there. Now you've found your in. I'm in, yeah. So what you do is, so a pack of Wrigley's Extra Chewing Gum weighs the same as a 12-pack of Poppadoms. Ooh. You know, the pre-cooked Poppadoms.

I love Poppadoms. Boom, boom, you've saved yourself £1.20. There's a website. Which is cheap. The Poppadoms are quite expensive, aren't they? Yeah, Poppadoms are more, boom. You've saved yourself £1.20. There's a website. Which is cheap. Poppadoms are quite expensive, aren't they? Yeah, Poppadoms are more expensive than the gum. I love Poppadoms, mate. You scan the gum.

You scan the Poppadoms or gum or whatever, and it says it's the same thing. You can just load and you're nicking. It's theft, but there's a whole website. There's a whole website. There's a whole website dedicated to it. You'd have to go with two of everything and abandon one bag

of shopping. Or if you really want poppadoms. Why would you have to go through all of that? I mean the Tesco around the

corner from me you could just walk in and nick shit. They do not give a shit. I went in there the other day

and said where are the drinks? And he just went I don't know. It's like you work here. They did not give a shit.

Anyway. And that's the end of my How to Save Money in Your Life section. Right. We're going to go to the final part of the show now. It's the part that sometimes brings delight to all and sometimes is the end of everything.

It is the Cheap Show, Cheap Eats section of the show. It's the Cheap Eats. Eats are the cheap. Cheap Eats. They're cheap and we have to eat them. He's doing his own jingle. We haven't actually got a jingle

for this bit. Every week what we do is we... You've outpoured his own I've got my own shitty plastic bag that is it's the fact that

you've got to tear in one of the handles to give it that proper you know when they find a corpse in the woods and it's wrapped up in plastic carrier bags yeah

it's that kind of bag that's the kind of bag that should have something that's leaked from that little slit that you've got on the bottom of it just the word slit

in that sentence anyway that's a thing it's not my fault you're the word slick in that sentence. Anyway, the point... It's not my fault you're dirty. And relax. For this part of the show, we go and source food for interesting eating time.

I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. That sentence was just words. This is where we find exotic foods. You're like a badly translated... I'm on co-coldemol. Ah, with the intro. Oh, hello there. My name's Paul Gannon. I'm on co-coldemol. Oh, hello there. My name's Paul Gannon.

I'd just like to say some interesting eating time here. I'm sorry to have interrupted your podcast with my New Zealand accent. I'm sorry if that offends you. Genuinely, I'm sorry. I would never like to offend anyone because I'm very mild-mannered in my ways.

I'm really hoping it's the beginning of a stroke. If anything, I'd like to apologise for apologising as well. Did I mention I'm from Auckland in New Zealand? Just don't mention a walk. I'm terribly sorry if our earthquake affected you in any way. Right, Cheap Eats is the part of the show where we go shopping for interesting food. Sometimes we find off-brand products,

something that you don't often go for because it doesn't have a familiar brand. So this time, we're going to go for the sour candy route. We've done sweets in the past. We did the Jelly Bellies once, you know the Jelly Belly sweets? We found the ones that tasted like snot and bogeys and vomit, and we tried those.

But tonight, we are doing possibly the most sour candies in the world. I don't think I'm bigging this up as much as I should because I'm wiggling a bag full of sweets in front of an audience. Do your Clarkson. Do your Clarkson first. This is probably the most sexist thing in the world. I'm very offended by that.

They said it, actually. I'd like to say I agree that all people are equal, whether they have a vagina or a penis. So what's the first sweet? Right, well, usually I have to up front this by saying we have called this section cheap eats, but everything in this bag was really fucking expensive. So don't go to...

It's those kind of stores. I can't remember the brand. So what's this? What's this? Describe it. The first sour candy tonight is by a company called Double Bubble and the candy is called

Cry Baby Tears. Oh, no. I dread it. It was a different time. It's from the 70s. Extra sour candy. Now, again, Ash, these are all good to use.

I want you to just shake a couple into your hand. I genuinely have like a phobia of this. It makes me feel worried. I feel more nervous about this than anything I've ever done.

They look like drugs, don't they? Right. So I'm going to... Is it me or is this like the shittiest version of the deer hunter ever? Yeah.

It's a shit deer. It's just like... Titty mouth. Right, ready? We're going to put these candy crushers... I'm going to do all three. In one go.

Ready? Yeah. So we're going to put these chalky sweets in our mouths. No. Crikey. Crikey. That is quite sour.

Oh, my heart. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, that's really nice. Did you like that? Rob, are you all right? I want some fucking wool. And these are the least sour, yeah?

No, no, no. We have a spit bag because this goes wrong some nights. They're nice. They're nice. I like those. They're nice, but... They are tart. They are very tart.

They're extremely tart, Rob. No. No. It's more of a tart sour than a fizzy sour, isn't it? I get through it. I get through it. And I'm... I like it.

I like it. That's nice. It's got a nice artificial cherry flavour. It's better. It's better now. They taste like nerds. They're a bit like nerds. They're really stale.

They just taste really like Nana's sweets. You know? They've just been in the fucking car. Nana needs sweets like that so she can taste them. Yeah. Did you like that yeah I liked it I'm getting into it

did you have one sir what come on you've got to join in you didn't decide whether it was your penis or your tongue and now you won't

eat the fucking sweets Jesus can I change my opinion from that question earlier though that's I'm thinking now that my tongue

can fucking go because that was just too much man out of 10 what would you rate them nothing right what would you rate them Adam 6 she's doing that classic 6 but she means 4

basically that's Australians are made of harder stuff well let me just say this right based on what's coming up they aren't even sour. All right? That was the beginning. So this is the beginning.

Only now do you truly understand. Right. So the next one I'm going to use is called Warheads. I genuinely dread this. Super sour spray candy. No. I'm going to spray my content into your mouth directly. Eli is now opening the little,

it looks like a little spray can for people listening at home. It's a little neon green spray can. So it's basically like an anti-air freshener. A mouth breath thing, not that I use those often. It's a spray, but full of sugar and sour shit. I only take those with me when I'm off going to Tiger Tiger, being a semi-award, you know, old comedian of the year. It's got a picture of someone enjoying them on it, this little head.

Is it a lady? No, it's someone. He's got a big white afro. No, it's an explosion. Oh, that's his head exploding. Okay. I just, you know, for the listeners. Yeah, no the listeners.

Yeah, no, listeners. Warheads. It looks like, so it's a really bad version of Blasted Billy from Garbage Pail Kids, basically. Right, right. Oh, God. I am going to spray now into Eli's mouth. Ready? That's just... That was the best Popeye expression.

That's sour. Yeah? But very little else. What's the enjoyment of this? Who said it? You're about to find out, motherfucker. That is just like slightly sugared lemon juice. All right.

That's awful. Rob, are you ready? Is that meant to be a sweet? Two squirts for Rob. In it goes, Rob. How is it? Jesus, man. It's like someone's pissed a shirt but

dip tap in my mouth right Ash you're next my love open wide darling fuck

oh god it's horrible you know what though that this one we've just done is basically

what 10 year olds do let's just recount the first candy what would you give it out of 10 no one asked me, did they? No one's doing that.

Well, you're asking me now, are you? Yes. I quite liked it. Seven. Right, good. Rob, the first candy, the chalky one, what do you think? Four. Four, and Ash?

I'm going, I'd go seven. Seven for that, okay. So, can you squirt it in my mouth? It tastes like asthma. Yeah, no, but that's what I mean. That is a blatant kid sort of thing. That is like, there must be some audience,

but the Australians wouldn't even find that out. It's like exploding bubble gum kind of thing. It's the thing that kids go like, oh, yeah, yeah. Open wide, darling. Wider. I'm sorry, but this proves this is what happens

when all the acts are over 30. Before, we'd all be smoking cocaine. We'd all be on the drugs. Now, this is what we do. Not too bad? That's Makismo over there saying not too bad.'s McKismo over there saying not too bad what's it like Virgil

Virgil's got something to say about what it's like Paul if you stop running around for a minute stop drawing focus there's something very wrong with the way you were spraying the ladies there so Virgil what's it like it's like the fizzy cola bottles it's like just getting the fizz. Don't do that. So Virgil, what's it like? It's like the fizzy cola bottles.

It's like just getting the fizz off the cola. Yeah, just that. It's very much like that. It's the essence of fizzy cola bottles. It's the equivalent of shouting bogeys, isn't it? It's just fucking...

Good. I'm enjoying myself. This is basically because we can't afford actual drugs, isn't it? Out of ten, Rob. Three. Out of ten, Ash. I'm going to give that one, and I'm dreading the next thing. Oh, God.

I'll give it a three. Ryan, I'll give it a three. I've got to say, the reason why I give it a three is because it's there and it's done. Otherwise, it'd be, yeah. How many are there? This is the last one. Two more left. Two more?

Yeah. Oh, fuck. What's the next one, Paul? This one. No, don't do the fucking thing with your... This goes by the name of Toxic Waste and comes in an attractive sewerage can motif style package with oozing green venom around the rim.

Madam. That's proper Toxic Avenger sort of sales market. They say these are hazardously sour candies, assorted fruit flavours. Now, I don't know what these are going to be like.

I do. They'll be sour, I would surmise. Each one is wrapped separately, so I'm imagining the apple flavours are going to be slightly different. How are they selling this? Who wants this? I understand. No, you know kids, kids, garbage barrel kids,

this is that kind of thing, isn't it? It's the dummies, it's the aliens, it's the snob. I think the Australians genuinely watched you as you took the last thing, and you didn't react. It was like, it's unbelievable. Now, I've got watermelon. I've got black got lemon. What have you got? I've got... Watermelon. I've got black cherry. And what have you got, Eli?

Apple. Yeah, you've got apple. Okay. Ready? I've got to say, I think I've lucked out because lemon tends to be the... Mine's on the floor. Three second rule. No, wait.

Yeah, it's fine. So, there is a spit bag here, right? On the off chance it's too sour. I hate this. All right. I'm glad. Are we ready? Three, two, one.

Who can eat that? Who can get through that? Who can do that? Who can get through that? Who can do that? He's got water. I'm dribbling. I'm actually dribbling with sourness. Wow, that is really sour. That's too much.

There's no sweetness there. Imagine that. Imagine you work for the toxic waste company sweet shop. The guy comes in and went, I've made these. He puts them on the boardroom table. The chairman tastes one and goes, John, fuck off you're fired. Hang on. Just want to make a point.

I fucking ate mine. I fucking ate mine. Last week, John came in last week. He made a curly whirly. Susan made a Twix. This is bullshit. Oh, man. I also ate mine. I feel like I This is bullshit. Oh, man.

I also ate mine. I feel like I fucking was so sick. I had bile and then I froze it and then I ate it. That's how I feel right now. There's going to be an Australian there who does not bat an eyelid. Don't let him choose the fruit. Don't let him choose the fruit. Look, they've all put their fucking hands up.

They love it. This is why they sell. This is the fucking, you know. They love sour. They're undo choose the fruit. Look, they've all put their fucking hands up. They love it. This is why they sell. This is the fucking, you know. They love sour. They're undoing the packets. That was pretty sour. I think that was the most sour of the lot so far. I'm going to watch your eyes this time because you did not respond last time. This is unbelievable.

You like to taste like gin. They want another one. They want another one. They want another one. I'm coming round with the spitbag. Did you build her? Is that what happened? What? Does anyone else want a spitbag?

See, that's a normal human being. I saw that response. Do you want the spitbag back there? No, it's coming out. One Australian has failed. The spitbag is available. Did you like it then? Do you know what?

The price of that pepper has just gone up. Okay, just as a test. All right. Ash, if you had a choice between another one of them or this entire bag. I would eat the bag

of River Rocks. You would eat the bag of River Rocks. That's what I thought. I tell you what, the guy in the sweet factory who made those sweets is an Australian. I also you what, the guy in the sweet factory who made those sweets is an Australian.

I also think he really hates kids. Fucking pissing me off. Right. So, the audience kind of liked it. You've made a very sour sweet there, Steve. Shut up now. Shut up now with that. One too many callbacks, all right?

Stop being clever. We've got the final one tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, the final of the sour sweet. Have you done these in sourness, from what you know? All I can say is that this one might be the deal breaker. So, what was that? And yet, they come from such a back garden source. What the fuck does back garden source mean, Eli?

Cocodamol. So, this last candy is called Vimto seriously sour Vimto that's what I thought did you just say did you describe that as back garden sauce

Eli's gone back in time they were so fucking sour I can't believe you fucking brought Vimto out at this point for the Australians in the audience

Vimto is basically like a very British old standard cordial drink and it's blackcurranty fruity, isn't it? It's horrible. It's old standard British candy sweet. It's northern, isn't it? And they've now branched into sour candy shockers. This will be fine.

The good people of vimto haven't got where they are in the world of confectionery by dishing out dog shit. I think they got exactly where they are in the world of confectionery. Alrighthing out dog shit. I think they got exactly where they are in the world of confectionery. Alright, hold on. I'm going to read this. It says this product may cause

irritation to mouth. On the... No, Chris! We cannot sell this! It'll be fine! It'll be fine! It's a little boiled purple sweet where the spit bag is just there, remember.

And are you ready to now insert my small thing into your gaping mouth? I'm ready. No, we've got to wait for them. Ready? It's got no smell. Never trust anything that doesn't smell.

Right. Three, two, one. Oh! It actually... It burns! It burns! It actually hurts! Ah!

Ah! Oh my god! I don't... I honestly It actually hurts. Oh, my God. I honestly, you went through, you've been through a lot tonight, Australians. I don't think there is a human being that could keep that in their mouth for a minute. I feel. If they do, can they win this? I'm fucking done. If there is an Australian in the room that can keep that in their mouth.

150 guy, 150 guy, fuck you, it's mine. Come on, Australians, you reckon you can do it? Yeah? Yeah? Keep it in for a minute and the pepper receptacle is yours. Okay, but I've been going for a minute. Am I in this as well? If I keep mine in before... No, no, no, no.

You've eaten yours. Yeah, I punched it and went down quick. That was the sourest, wasn't it? They don't even blink. They love it. Genuinely, there is no pained expression, no cold sweats. I'm going to have to ask, sir, how old are you? Right, there you go.

I'm done. He's 12 points and wake up in the morning and really not give a fuck. He's 23. He's 23. That answers everything. We're all over 30. That's why. Well, then they get the bloody pepper, then.

Yeah, you win the pepper. Eli threw it at them. And I win the toilet seat. Did anyone over here get one of those? Oh, did you want to try one? Oh, Virgil does. No one? Oh, Virgil does. No, you try. Virgil does.

I like you. You're gay. I think it's eating my guts out. Oh, hang on. Give him the toilet seat cover. Toilet seat cover. I knew it would come in handy. Oh, God.

I do apologise. Oh, yeah, sorry, Virgil. That's twice I've ejected over Virgil. Right. I lied. I've got sorry Virgil. That's twice I've ejected over Virgil. Right. I lied. I've got one more thing. What? I've got one more thing.

You can't. You know what? This is like the fucking like we've killed the fucking monster and then it just rises up, isn't it? This is when Michael Myers gets up.

Ready? Okay, so these are called radiation balls. They're gumballs with a sour centre. A sour centre, so we've got to get to the centre. I'd just like to point out that I've eaten every sweet that's been given to me. I have not put anything in the fucking thing.

You can have a black one with the red. Each candy has got the nuclear warning sign on it. Jesus Christ. You know. Sweet on the outside. These are all fucking dare sweets. Yeah, they are. I think they're gateway drugs.

Yeah. Take this big Australian, I've got to the middle. All think they're gateways, right? Yeah. They've got Australian, I've got to the middle! Alright, I'm going to go. Okay. Oh, wait, I thought you were still counting.

No, all in. I'm going to chew it. That's nice. Yeah, love him. It's quite sour. No, he's gone ahead. He's gone ahead, you see. He knows what's coming.

No, that has some balance. That has some balance. It has a little bit of soups on the balance. It has some sweetness. And a seed, and a seed. That's gone ahead, you see. He knows what's coming. No, that has some balance. That has some balance. It has a little bit of soups on the balance. It has some sweetness. And a seed. And a seed. That's actually, I think, in terms of the overall flavour, it's quite nice. Flavour calibre.

I'm back. I'm back in the rub. That's good. Well, I've got one more left. If you three want to do an orgy suck on. Have a go. Do you want the last one? Yeah?

No. I'd give that a... He's 23, you've basically given him a meal. To sum up, out of all the candy we've tried tonight, which is the most sour? The Vimto. Vimto. Vimto. No, the one before that.

Oh, the one before. The toxic waste. It's a close call between the toxic waste and the Vimto. Virgil says Vimto, but as we all know, we don't listen to Virgil. And what you guys because you had them all as well

out of all of them which was your favourite or the sourest? The Toxic Waste one. Well we've learned I mean the thing is the Toxic Waste was sour throughout whereas the Vimto

we were like mmm mmm and then it was alright. So I'm going to call a winner and say the Vimto is the winner

tonight, hooray and that ladies and gentlemen is the end of our show thank you for coming all tonight so anyway, housekeeping thank you for coming on to the Cheap Show show tonight if you want to come to our next one in May. Go to www.geekatorium.net

where all the podcasts are there and future show dates. We're also appearing at the MCN London Comic Con on the 24th of May doing some video game based entertainment. So join us there. And all podcasts can be found on iTunes, Stitcher, SoundCloud. Just go to the Geekatorium

on any of those audio podcast outlets i want to give a round of applause and thanks to all the acts and guests tonight well just rob it's actually i want to give all the round of applause to rob dead tonight coming along thank you thank you thank you rob you have anything you want to pimp um yeah uh semi brighton fringe if any of you in brighton i'm'm there whole next weekend doing an entire hour show of me and of course buy your tickets for the you know old comedy of the year semi-finals of which I am an old comedy of the year

semi-finalist on May the 10th I really hope you don't listen to this podcast like six months from now when you haven't want to be like no no no I'm going to be milking semi-finalist yeah you'll be winning for the entire year or after you've been to the cheap show at the expo,

join me on my birthday in the Sam Smiths at the Blue Post because, you know, it's not that I'm saying I'm not popular, but it'd be really good to see you all.

And to all the hundreds of listeners we do have for this podcast, you're invited too. Yes, absolutely. Paul, could I just ask something? Yeah. What,

if I, call me crazy, right? Call me crazy. What if I wanted to find this podcast and I typed the name of the podcast into a search engine? Would that work? So why do I have to write a gigatorium then? Why the gigatorium?

Why? The podcast is called Cheap Show. Why can't you tell people, just put Cheap Show in? Just put Cheap Show because that's what it's fucking called. You can't. Can't you do that? Yeah, you can.

Right, shall I play the record? No, yeah, you get ready for that. Eli Silverman, everybody. Eli Silverman. Wanker. And our third member,

Ash Frith, everybody. Round of applause. Ash Frith. Do you have anything you want to say? I'm going to be telling jokes up and down the country. If you Google my name

Ash Frith, you'll find I'm on Twitter at Ash Frith. The Geekatorium has many podcasts on its channel, including that of Richard Sandlin's perfect movie.

I'm doing that with Pappies. Don't care. Shut up. You co-produced that. That's under Geekatorium. What other podcasts

are there available under the Geekatorium? Well, that's it really. Just the two. They're two very good shows. What date are you doing with Pappies and Perfect Movie? No, oh, they're available under the Geekatorium. Well, that's it, really, just the two. But they're two very good shows. What date are you doing with Pappy's and Perfect Movie? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Why not? No. Of course you can do that. June the 5th. June the 5th. June the 5th.

Yeah, there you go. Don't go. So that's a subliminal. Long story short, go to www.geekatorium.net, and everything's there. Podcasts, website information, show information, it's all there. Shut up,.net and everything's there. Podcast, website, information, show information. It's all there. Shut up, Eli.

You hairy little prick. No, Eli's right. It's the most annoying thing of a podcast. When you're listening to a podcast, they hear the entire website for the podcast that you're actually listening to.

No. I feel a lot of darkness. This is the heart of darkness. I've grown on, I've become on Paul's side because of how nasty you two have been to him. I don't know.

Why don't you do that in a fucking New Zealand accent? Oh, well, hello there. I'd like to say that I'm fully on Paul's side right at the moment. I'd like to say, if you do have any podcast needs, why don't you go and have a little look at thegeekatorium.com. You don't have to. I mean, it'd be nice if you did. I wouldn't want to put any pressure on you to do anything you didn't want to do.

Maybe have a little kiss with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It doesn't really matter. I mean, it'd be nice if you did. I wouldn't want to put any pressure on you to do anything you didn't want to do. Maybe have a little kiss with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It doesn't really matter. I'm easy. And sleep. So, we are going to end tonight with a piece of music, as we like to, a rare vinyl that we have found in one of the many charity shops across this great capital of our London town.

The capital of London is Camden. The capital of London is Camden. The capital of London is Camden. We're going to end tonight with one of Eli's choices and the band is called Tutti Frutti and the song is called We Love America, We Love China, We Hope It's Not Racist.

Thank you for coming along to the Cheap Show tonight. I've been Paul Gannon. This is my team of reprobate tube and an audience. So goodnight and thank you goodnight in America we have hamburgers you know also late night TV shows

and cigarettes and smoke don't you know that since five weeks in China we have tattoo motorcycles discotheques

oh America we love you little tin mama means do you wanna dance? It's the Hong Kong Hilton, we will take that chance Will you send us books and clothes from Web Avenue? Get the book but only when you pay at the right bill door We love America, we love China