Chubby Behemoth - Captain Ron In The Background

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

SPONSOR: MyBookie: Support the show and use promo code CHUBBY on MyBookie to claim a bonus up to $1,000 on your 1st deposit. Get started at https://mybookie.website/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys talk about what’s going upon outside their window. Sam’s crazed or whatever, caused a woop-woop explosion, and made a new friend with face tattoos. Nathan offers Sam some help, has his mind blown by a recent toilet set up, and tells us about his new puppy. Sam got the ultimate crunch wrap but was covered in cinnamon from Ohio. Nathan tells Sam a story about redneck justice.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

That's the beauty of this podcast is we're always learning. We're learning new stuff. We're figuring out clever workarounds to very simple tasks that most podcasts figure out in their first three years. Not us, man. It's called evolving. We keep them guessing. De-evolving is a part of evolution.

Two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes it's a giant somersault off of a pier backwards for us, but that's okay. It looks cool going into the water. Yeah, also sorry we thought we could do an episode underwater again, maybe a devolution, but a learning experience. That's what this thing's all about, dude. It's just collaborating to figure stuff out. It's not about the humor or the ride, it's more about how can we blow the end result in a new spectacular way? How can we piss off the people that love us the most? And so am I good? I think so. I mean it looks good, it

feels good. I forgot. These lights I think are necessary. Check me out. Yeah, I mean imagine watching this podcast and being like I can't see them well enough. You're welcome Can you see our six shirts though? Yeah, we talked about a Brecker bigger brought him to Rome, but it was so hot over there and these are a little thick Yeah, these are funny. These are beefy teas Couldn't rock it until last week at the bar, or Tuesday at the bar. Becker's love language is ridiculous shirts you can't wear unless it's 65 degrees. Speaking of, we turned the AC off, so.

I love it, it's great. Hopefully that helps with our quality. Oh yeah, I mean, look, I'll put it to you this way. Old jub-jub's a little tie-tie, okay? I'm look I'll put it to you this way old jub jubs a little tie-tie Yeah, I'm jub jub. You were driving. What were you doing? Making a living man. Take take me there. It's right trying to keep the lights on so I've been today's Friday

Historically allegedly as we call it in the business Friday the day before Saturday after Thursday Unless you follow the Gregorian calendar when it's this is chance day Allegedly. As we call it in the business. Friday, the day before Saturday, after Thursday. Unless you follow the Gregorian calendar when it's, this is Chance Day. But Wednesday, I wake up, I've been in my home for three nights at that point. Emily hasn't been home. She's with her uncle Bob. He had spine surgery. Prayer's up for Bob.

We're going to get you back in a upright position soon Bobby. Whoa let there be light. Let there be Lund. Let Lund rain. Let Lund rule. Sometimes it's nighttime and all we have are the, we're at the mercy of the hotel lighting. Yeah. This open window I regret immediately there's a guy beating the shit out of his girlfriend or wife. Let's hope it's not his daughter. Oh yeah she looks young. You gotta look on the bright side. I'm Mr. Brightside. I'm an optimist. He looks like he could be a killer if nobody intervenes. But we are committed to the podcast not vigilantism. Yeah. Not getting involved in local affairs that have little or nothing to do with us.

Looks like Lady Justice should have kept her mouth shut. Could be a San Antonio custom. It could be their wedding anniversary. Yeah, you can't travel around and look at the place through the lens of your own xenophobia, you know? That's right. You got to understand there's different cultures and they express love in different ways. Stop hitting me and I'll suck it. Which was not San Antonio, but maybe it's a sister city to wherever that was. I don't remember anything.

Yeah, that was a bad, we were in like a place where you could rent by the week, which is always sketchy. There's always a guy who's been there for months, hasn't learned a single fucking lesson, despite so many opportunities to do so. He just keeps staring at his phone, waiting for those three bubbles to pop up and the text message to Jamie. But Jamie's already moved on from you, Rocco. All right, you and the rest of the road crew guys can move on up to Saginaw because she's not coming home. It's always road crew guys in there too. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a lot of orange vests and Bud Light. Ideally, but sometimes it's a guy who got divorced, arrested. He's out, he's looking for work, cannot pass a piss test. Hey, I'm just being honest. At least it's my piss this time. Can't be trusted at a piss test. I always end up drinking it.

Old habits die hard. Well, I never passed a test in my entire life. You can't be trusted at a piss test. I always end up drinking it. Old habits die hard. Well I never passed a test in my entire life. Why would I start at 37 years old? So yeah, nothing's going on out there. Also oil workers are at those hotels. I think they made up. Oh they're having sex now, so that's good.

You call that sex? I call it making love. Man having sex outside right now in the San Antonio heat. Boy howdy put fireworks in my foreskin and light them up because that would be the worst out there. Have you been outside since you arrived? No I went I it was okay when I landed and got my uber quick. We're right by the airport. So I just wanted to let you check in so early. Mm-hmm. You checked in at 11? Yeah, I was happy about that.

It was like 10.30. I paid for early check-in at the other hotel that I booked. Oh, good. Because someone can't text message when they do what they're asked. But that's neither here nor there. I've been everywhere, man. You're Johnny Cash.

God, I'm cashed, that's for sure. I'm a spent bull. Sc're Johnny Cash. God, I'm cashed that's for sure. I'm a spent bull. Scrape me. Use my resin. What was all this driving? Well, I drove to Dayton, Ohio. Because it's three and a half hours away. From Saginaw, your new home.

That's right. I'm up there in the upper upper peninsula. No one really talks about it. Some people call it Canada. I call it my home. But I drove to Dayton, Ohio, and then I did Dayton, then I drove to Columbus the next day. And after Columbus, I drove to Detroit.

And that was last night. Got to bed, got in, got to bed at like 3 a.m., had to get up and leave by 9 a.m. I wake up this morning in what can only be described as a psychotic break. Oh my god. What? Emily set the alarm for 830 and I woke up and was like, oh, oh, and she's like, it was

like a bear coming out of its den, dude. I'd lay dormant. The plugs of pine cone I put in my butt had turned sideways and I had to get out of the cave. I put in my butt had turned sideways and I had to get out of the cave and I Emily Emily recanted it to me Because I was like, oh we got to go and she's like we don't believe for half an hour I was like we have to go So I'm in some kind of fugue state because it's a new mattress, too It's like the first time we've slept on like an actual mattress, you know, it feels like home

It smells like our sheets. Emily's head has been on my pillow mattress, you know, it feels like home. It smells like our sheets. Emily's head has been on my pillow. So I come out of it and I go, I've run outside. I put on my shorts and I run outside. To get the newspaper. Yeah, I guess to move the trash cans in. You set up the ladders so you can clean the gutters. Yeah, I was like, I got to let Gordy out.

She's like, Gordy's been dead for years. He's alive in my mind. So I go outside and I have my shorts, I have my shoes. I'm shirtless. I'm shirtless. And she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, my shirt's in the car because I left my bag in the car last night.

So it all makes sense, I guess. So I'm walking up to go to the back driver side door. And Emily has this on video, I wanted to send it to me because she was like following me through the house because I was like crazed or whatever. Looking for a son that has never existed. Give him back. So yeah, I go outside and I go to get into the back door, my backpack is and I walk directly into a giant spider web.

And the spider sitting on the nipple of this web looked like he swallowed a Robin's egg, dude. It's the biggest fucking spider I've ever seen. And I walk directly into it and then Emily has it from behind and I go, oh! He swallowed the spider who swallowed the fly. If I would have swallowed this spider, I wouldn't have needed breakfast. It was so much protein. It was nuts, dude. So I walk right into that thing, Emily's like, what's going on? I'm like, spider, spider. She gets the shotgun.

It's time to send me home home this is why she takes the gun lessons so she knows how to use it when she needs it yeah so she'll have a steady steady aim she doesn't want to have to shoot you more than once she doesn't want to wing me that'd be cruel yeah she doesn't want me to be in pain so yeah I walk into a spiderweb this morning leave a message and I'll call you back that's right man no doubts cover of bad brains by the way look it up they do it at an spiderweb this morning. Leave a message and I'll call you back. That's right, man. No Doubt's cover of Bad Brains, by the way. Look it up.

They do it at an MTV show. Ian Fideynt shared the clip. It's really good. But so yeah, it's just been a crazy couple of days. And then I blow it today because I land. And I flew to Houston because I was like, why would I rent? Why would I fly directly to San Antonio and then have a one-way rental drive to Houston?

I should surely drive, I should fly to Houston, then drive four hours, do a podcast and two shows, and then tomorrow, run it back, baby. I drive backwards. Yeah. You're paying, they're paying you to rent the car. Oh, for sure. But literally, dude, two out of my last three drives were three hours and 36 minutes exactly, which was weird. And also, I don't know, but there's more dots to

connect, all right? Because today, last night I was in Columbus, today I'm in San Antonio, I'm driving on I-10, I pass a road sign that says Columbus 12 miles San Antonio 130. And I'm the only person ever to be like that's for me. Yeah. They're talking to me. What are they trying to say? I need to get to the bottom of this. I know the piece is fit. I better pull over at this Buc-E's and I did and I got a turkey sandwich and then one what else did I get from Bucky's? You know your old man the corn corn pops What are those? Nuggets the Bucky's corn nuggets and I went in lying to myself the whole way I said

Well, I'm gonna go in here and get a turkey sandwich. That's healthy a couple of waters get out of there I'm not getting those corn nuggets nuggets I walk in five people yell welcome to Bucky's you know you're back in a fugue state covered in spider webs I ate the spider the spider on each shoulder so then I spider web tattoo on your hand oh yeah fuck well that was in Dayton everyone had face tattoos and hard-living oh we'll get there but I walk in there and I see the Bucky's Nuggets on my way to the turkey sandwich and I say, nice try, Bucky's Nuggets. I walk, I get my waters, I got my turkey sandwich, and as I'm walking out, some deep reptilian part of me just reaches out without any thought and grabs that bag.

Bucky's Nuggets, if you're not living a life of delicacy like me, they're corn pops and they're covered in some kind of caramel glaze and they're salty. So you pop the top on those, you have a couple, you're driving, you know. You're like, well, I can't have these in the front seat. So you put them in the back seat. Next thing you know, you're clawing behind you like you're trying to- Swerving. Like you're flirting with your girlfriend while your mom's sitting in the front seat You know you're grabbing the Bucky's bags thigh going higher and higher until she slaps your hand So the next thing you know you're fucking screaming down I-10 you're going 120 you're covered in blood and hundred dollar bills

There's a man in the back seat who works at a Brinks truck. He's duct-taped He's saying you won't get away with this viper You know that's that's it I pretty much blacked out and woke up here after my Bucky's high wore off and now like I said, I am I'm a log that's been in a fire for too long I'm turning to ash were you Riffing in Columbus and Dayton like you did in Wilmington or did you get back to your set? I don't know my act anymore It's gone

Well, I do want your help cuz no dude, I'm up there surviving on wits You know I go in and I just happen to leave a ridiculous hat on someone's table You know hoping they'll put it on or if they don't put it on I can still go whoa What's with the hat on the table what no I'm kidding? Okay? No I was gonna grab a Emily know hey, yeah, it had to be done She would cry then she's not he's not there anymore. She would say, thank you. Yeah. She thought about it. She wanted a little more time to talk to her lawyer. Yeah, to make sure that my life insurance was iron clad.

But yeah, I mean, take the laces away from me, man. I'm fucking cuckoo magookoo. laces away from me, man. I'm fucking cuckoo, my cuckoo. But fuck. Yeah, no. What was I saying? Oh, I don't remember my acts. Yes, I've been riffing relentlessly to the tune of, you know, standing ovations left and right. But what are these people know? You know, don't they want to see a guy get up there and just say shit that he's passing off his stuff that he just came up with? That's comedy.

It's not what I do. It's not a frenetic evening that no one could ever recreate. It's not a live thing, man. Well, it's funny how differently people can feel about that. Some people think that prepared material is... They instantly clock it and they don't like it. They think that it's you going through the motions. And it's like, no, that's kind of what it is.

And then with moments of riffing and spontaneity. But some people want the spontaneity the most because they think that it's more impressive, which it can be. But sometimes it's just the same trope over and over again, as if it's on the spot. And they don't know. Well in this crazy pre-packaged world where everything is just in your phone

at the touch of a thumb, I feel like the only real thing you can give people is a night that can't be recreated. Yeah, but some people would be like, man he didn't even try, none of what he said had a set up and a punch line. If you watch me and you think he's not trying, you don't know what the word trying means. Sure. Because I'm trying so fucking hard up there.

I'm making momentum, I'm calling back to things, I'm asking people if they have nerve damage, then they do, and that's a sweet treat to unwrap. You've got an eye for that? I do, yeah. Yeah, there was a guy in Dayton who had nerve damage, and I was like, whoa, you know well at least you're never nervous or whatever, you know, I don't have an act I'm mailing it in up there. I'm thinking of the money. You just said you're not mailing it in. I'm kidding

I'm totally kidding But then there's another woman in the back and she starts laughing real hard and I'm like, let me guess nerve damage And she goes that's right And this Dayton show, dude, look, I don't know if I've been in a more charmless room in my entire life. It's the dab lounge, circa 2012, before they figured it out. Right, before they figured a couple things out.

The checklist got a little shorter. And it had the potential to be kind of fun. First for one or two sets. Right. You didn't know which two. No. Show by show. Mm-hmm. But yeah I think I had fun there once out of four times or something. I had fun at the Dab Lounge every time except for the last time because they moved it. The Dab Lounge was a place in Colorado Springs that existed in a legal gray area between fuck it and who cares.

Where they were like, you can't smoke weed in public, public consumption is wrong, so why don't you come to the Dab Lounge and smoke the weed you brought with you? We're definitely not selling any hash or distillates or God knows what other drugs they weren't selling there and and then you'd get there and then you would do stand-up for a bunch of people coughing and pointing

and going righteous and going yeah hold up go back whoa whoa whoa whoa pause it I have to piss. Yeah, a lot of that. And in Dayton, they thought they were on the cutting edge of this new comedy experience. And I was like, I've been doing these shows since these shows been doing these shows, bro. So I mean, it was me, this guy Jarrell, this kid Nick, and Johnny Woods, who's huge and looks like the Cincinnati Reds mascot. Whoa.

Directly. Massive head. Massive head, wide, moon-shaped, planetoid face. The ridiculous mustache. And instead of the little hat the Reds mascot wears, Johnny has like a weird like, swoop thing that he has. Emo bangs? Emo bangs, but the rest of the head is like real tight. Oh. It's insane look. Yeah, that's a weird move. I mean the man's 6'4", probably 300 and marbled well. He's not a big fat piece of shit like us. He's not veal. No. So yeah, it's like us versus a hundred jugalos without the mate the makeup

I mentioned jugalos about 20 minutes, you know, I'm up there in my head. I'm just thinking about postcards I have to send you know Did I did I turn the oven off, you know, I'm totally faking it up there No, I'm working very hard. I'm doing a good job and then I mentioned jugalos and whoop whoop just erupts out of the room. As if, it's a language we all forgot we knew. Is that kind of thing? You know, like it unlocked a core memory in everyone.

And the whoop whoops. Oh, they said it without thinking to do it. Yeah. Okay. Uh-huh. It was a Pavlovian response. Gutteral. Right. So they're whoop whooping and then I'm talking juggalos stuff and then afterwards everyone comes up. I made these

cool like lino prints. I hand carved. I saw that. A stamp. People went crazy about it. I think it's cool. I saw all this art in Europe. Went to a bunch of museums and I was like, I could do that. Are you crazy? Oh wow. You think that's what you did? Yeah. I did, I went to a bunch of museums. I went to an Amsterdam and Bruges and Ghent. And it's like, if Keith Haring can get away with this,

I can get away with it too. I'm brave. UFC fighter, Keith Haring. Is that right? I wish. Now, is he, is that a guy? It sounds familiar, but it's that guy who did the fucking stupid like, you know, spaghetti body people and he would post them in the subways in the 80s and AIDS was going on. So it got politicized.

Huh? I don't know. I literally think it has the least artistic merit of anyone who's been celebrated in the history of the canon of American art But that's just me has nothing to do with him being a gay guy. I think that's cool. I like gay guys I've been texting a gay guy all day who Joe ash. Oh, yeah, he's over there. He's in Estonia. Yeah, he's been fucking sending me pictures of cheeses. He's eating and being like come and get me daddy I'm like daddy died in Wilmington. What we had was convenient for me. Unless there's sunblock involved, sun tan lotion.

Right, yeah. I'm not interested. Well, a chimp could have done what he did. You know, rub me down with his tongue out. But, so anyway, I made these Linos, I'm selling them, and afterward everyone's like, that Jugglo stuff was good. And then the biggest motherfucker in the world,

one of the scariest I've ever met, I think his name is FJ Outlaw. Okay, FJ Cruiser. Yeah, this FJ Outlaw guy shows up. Actually, he was in the green room, and he was very considerate, but I didn't know who he was. I didn't know he was a rapper. I just thought he was like a scary guy who was there selling them drugs or he secretly

owned the business, but it was in his mama's name, like that kind of thing. Huge white guy, face tattoos. One of the biggest chains I've ever seen. I think a grill, I could be admonishing grill, I could be saying that the grill was there, but I think he had a grill. He had a grill. Beautiful young woman at his side, she's got him. You better believe it.

I'd like to hear that. Dude, FJ don't play. All right? The bitch is stacked or he's out getting racks, you know? But yeah, he comes up, he was in the green room and I paced before shows, I don't sit in the green room, even if the green room isn't full of, you know? Rando's.

Yeah, Rando's, Dayton Rando's who hang out at the dab bar. Yeah, it's like, you guys can have the room, okay? You guys can keep that flat two liter of Coca-Cola that I opened but didn't hiss. Oh no, what's that all about? It got dropped. Someone dropped it, yeah. But he comes up, he couldn't have been nicer.

He was like, man, that was some true player shit. Like I ain't never laughed like that. Like you were just spittin' up there, you don't got no act. And I was like, hell yeah, FJ, you know? So we hang out, we start talking, I ask him about his Juggalo experience. He says, man, he's not a fan of, he had a bad time.

He did the gathering. It wasn't the most fun. Meanwhile, I'm like, well, I'm doing it next year, and I'm doing that. And he's like, prayers up for the true players. So I keep trying to leave, because I know that I have to go home and finish the wide world voiceover not go home go dude these little guys shout out to Tommy and

maggot and Thomas JF in law you know FJ outlaw they were all so sweet and they were like we've never done this before the jokes and tokes comedy experience is brand new to us but they all have shirts made and they're like we've never done this before the jokes and tokes comedy experience is brand new to us But they all have shirts made and they're like we got you a nice hotel room And I'm like rolling my eyes, you know thinking it's a red roof in we're like for some reason the pool is in my room I can't imagine you know you like to float so we got you the pool room can't imagine. We know you like to float so we got you the pool room. As many towels as you need. No but they got me a they got me a sick hotel room that was an executive suite at the Holiday Inn Express there in Dayton. I

had two toilets in that room. What? We would have loved it dude. Oh man. It was a his and his. Yeah. It would have been perfect for you. Wait same room? Yeah same room. No. Yeah. So, we would have been looking at each other like face to face. Oh, no. Okay. In your room, there were two bathrooms. I had like a suite so there was like a living room and then a big bedroom. Still crazy that there'd be two toilet, two bathrooms. And also the jugalos provided it? Yeah. What the

**** And also they figured you needed two bathrooms. I needed two toilets. Yeah. Because when I? And also they figured you needed two bathrooms. I needed two toilets, yeah. Because when I got done with merch finally, shout out to all the Dayton heads who came out, it was one of those shows where people who were fans of mine get there and they're like, what the fuck is this? You know? Big fan of the pod, Nick Butler was there,

who I've been sending shit to his house since the Shiden days. He shows up and he's like What are you doing here? I'm like, I don't know Nobody knows nobody's sure but they gave me a big they gave me a huge envelope full of cash And I I tell him, you know, I hit him up the next day and I'm like, hey, thanks for that hotel room You guys weren't lying. You didn't have to be so sweet, but you were and they were like no problem, man By the way, we're going to 1099 you later. And I was like, what?

You paid me in cash at the fucking weed front for this? Who knows? It's probably not even the Hells Angels. It's like the Pagans, you know? It's one of the regional bad boy groups. I'm just assuming. But so they're going to 1099 me for their illegal weed show. That'll be fun.

But yes, they're doing it right. They're doing it big, but they had a food truck guy there who was a big fan. I get off stage, he's got a prime rib sandwich for me. I'm like, I don't wanna be rude. I eat the prime rib sandwich. He's like, hey, have you ever had Parmesan fries? I'm like, yeah, he's like, not like mine. Barrel of Parmesan fries comes out.

I'm like, my God, I'm so full. He's like, have you had these fucking gummy Skittles yet? I'm like, no, you know? I'm eating gummy Skittles. And then they bring out the biggest fucking milkshake I've ever seen. Whoa. It's in like a boiled peanut tub.

You can tell they just like scraped whatever was left and they gave it all to me and I'm eating it and some guy comes in he's like you like that milkshake and I'm like oh yeah so I'm like does anyone else want me in there like no it's all you. I'm trying to pawn this milkshake off on everyone because I know I have to go back to the hotel room. It's a two liter. It's a gallon of milkshake. God damn. So yeah, they really sounds pretty good. It was awesome, dude. You would love it.

That would have been huge for you. Yeah, I tried to figure it out. It would have been very expensive to fly Columbus to San Antonio. Maybe that's why you did or no, you didn't. I flew from Detroit. You flew from Saginaw, Saginaw regional. That's right. So I do that show.

I go back. I would have gone. I collapse right. So I do that show. I go back. I would have gone. I collapse. Just done. I'm like, ugh. Yeah, they also gave me a bunch of gummies and weed. I'm smoking vapes in the hotel room. Next morning, I wake up.

I write the Wide World. I'm working on Wide World. I'm writing it. I'm about to do the VO. Knock on the door. Hey, you got to get out of there. I said, I thought checkout was at one. They said that's never been a rule before. You're lying effectively.

I'm like, well, last night I got here at like 2 a.m. They say I could check out at one and the lady literally says, she's not here no mo. Yes. So I got fired. Yeah. Because she tried to hook you up. Right. Yeah. The straw that broke the camel wide. So I have to buy a hotel room For two hours. No, I spent 120 dollars because I was like, is there a conference room in here? And they're like you have to go. Yeah leave and I'm like premises. Well, no, I don't you wrote down some premises

We're tossing those. Yeah, you're not gonna flush them out. Not here. No riffing. Have an act. What time was it? Noon? It was noon. Yeah, and I'm like I can have it till one. I'll be done. And they're like you have to be out. So I was like, do I? Everybody's begging to check into this Dayton. Oh, it was nice, but still. It was a Holiday Inn Express. Yeah. Somewhere in Dayton. I don't want to say where, it was near the Chop House. So if you know where that is in Dayton, it's exactly right there.

Yeah, I've been there. They know me there. Oh yeah. I chop it up at the Chop House. Yeah, they have you. They have a gold bust of you. And it just says, Nathan Chopland. Get to the choppa. So I got the room for two more hours. I paid $120 so I could finish Wide World.

I mean good on you. Yeah, it had to be done. I was like, fuck it, I'll do it in my car. And then I was like, no, I won't. I have this bulging envelope of tax-free money. For now. For now. I have this bulging envelope of tax-free money for now for now and then Yeah, high-tailed ass to Columbus

Went to the Franklin Conservatory their botanical gardens Very good one of my favorite gardens in the world lovely Yeah But the bummer was is they were having a celebration of life throughout the gardens for some old lady. Throughout? You get a corner. No, they had... You get a little area. You don't get the whole... ...magilla. They had the whole zone, bro.

Come on. So I'm bumping around in there in my, literally my pirate seven-strong shirt. You know? I got my extra tough shoes on. I'm slapping around. I couldn't be louder. I'm trying to like sneak around in there. I'm high as hell. I'd been scared earlier cause a cop followed me for 12 miles as I was high. And I was like, I'm going to jail somewhere in Ohio. It's gonna suck.

So I was like, you know, anyway, so there's gonna be a bunch of photos of that celebration of life of just captain Ron in the background. You fighting off a spider web knocking over the fucking casket. That's right. Me chasing a butterfly. My pants are down.

The next picture is the butterfly chasing me. You licking hash oil off of your hand for several speakers worth of photography? I mean I couldn't have been a worse addition to that. And also I only had 40 minutes because the garden closed at 5, I got there at 420. So I'm like, it's like from Wide World. Got it, clocked it, clocked it. All right. Flower tree, bush, flower. Exactly, casket, weeping adult man,

kid who's bored on iPhone. Your uncle taking a work call. But then Travis, oh yeah, my uncle Pat, dude. Put it on silent, man. Come on, Pat. Your dad's speech about your mom was like 25 minutes long. It was 43 minutes. No.

We filmed it, it was 43 minutes. Well, it was incredible. Yeah. It was, I told him, you couldn't have asked for a better eulogy. Just top notch, funny, brutal, covered the whole relationship. Long pauses.

I thought it was 25 minutes. It was twice as long. Really milking it? No, it was just so good. But Patricio took several work calls. He's retired for five years. Well, then it's his fantasy football league or something. The commissioner's rejecting his trade and he's fighting it and he can't turn his fucking ringer

off. So it goes off every six minutes for an hour. It was crazy. It was nuts, dude. It was my side of the family. Yeah. And then meanwhile, I'm pacing besides my dad. It's like I was following Carrot Top. I was like, I got to go up after this. My dad's up there fucking jerking every tier. But yeah, talking about Travis Irvine yesterday, we went to East Market in Columbus, got some great food and then went over to the Comedy Attic in Columbus. It fits a hundred. It's one of those fucking submarine rooms, you know, where it's really long but not deep.

Is it in the attic? It's in an attic. Okay. I got conscripted into being in like one of their YouTube, their YouTube series. I get there and they're like, all right, all right, we're gonna sit outside. You guys sit outside and eat. I'm like, all right, that sounds great. Sit right there. Yeah.

Sit right here. Literally. Hey, can you pull your seat up a little more? I'm like, what? Yeah. So then I have to do four takes. I did, I did four takes. Then we took a little break and did four more takes of just me and Travis talking

and chopping it up as we're trying to literally eat dinner and catch up I haven't seen him in a long time he's got all that tea from the last podcast you know and then they're like we got a little taste last time we saw him last year or beginning of this year yeah November of last year November of last year mm-hmm we had them they're like alright so Brian's just gonna walk up and interrupt you guys and like if you want to be mean to him be mean if you want to play with it be play with it I'm like, what are you talking about? And they're like, oh no one told you. Yeah, we got this YouTube series

And like we're just gonna like have you in it's kind of like a behind the scenes and I'm like, okay So then I have to Pretend like I'm mad at this guy When in reality like I'm mad at this guy. When in reality. You were pretty convincing. I'll bet you really willem defoed their asses. Oh, I was Daniel Gay Lewis.

He's a real hegy bee type. He's got a headband on. It's five o'clock. You don't know hegy bee? We haven't talked about hegy bee. I don't think so. He was this guy that was kind of just like this burnt out drifter who hung out with the Loft family

And I was friends with all the Loft girls and Elizabeth and he would show up in a fishing hat. He looks like the the boyfriend from American Dad Does that make sense I Can't think of them. They got the jugged-up gal who's the daughter and she's anti-authority, goth. I don't know about goth. I'm thinking of something else. Anyway, she wears a black t-shirt. Okay. Anyway, so yeah, I remember one time I was like,

Sammy, what's your sister's friend's name? And she was like, oh, Hedgie B. And I was like. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. What was, what was last night in the Chiefs Ravens game, there's a rookie that has had a pet alligator

since he was a kid named, I think, Crock-E-Jay. Did you hear about him? No, I was on stage. I didn't see the first half. He's like a white rookie linebacker, I think. He's had an alligator since he was like nine. His dad got him a little tiny alligator. Yeah, he's still alive.

And I think his name is Crocky J. Crocky J. Crocky J and Hedgie B. Your drive time Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, favorite. They're giving around. They're giving away tickets to the Marshall Tucker band somewhere right now. He's like a hundred, 110 pounds or something.

He's doing great. Megan was pissed. Oh god. She's like don't have an alligator in Indiana I think is where his family is. Okay, if it was in the end I was gonna assume that he was swamp people. Yeah, no he They went live to Crockett Jay and it said like somewhere in Indiana. Huh? So yeah Wild wild stuff. Crockett J. Hedgie B. Hedgie B But yeah Trampled by a bison or something ridiculous. Did he blow up? I don't know gasoline fight

No, he was just one of those guys that was around and I only remember him because his name was Hedgie B Okay, and he'd hang out with Tally loft and, and I was like, what's going on here? Who's this adult? Who's this adult fisherman? But yeah, after I did the show last night, that was good. Dick Stinkley was there. Shout out, Dick. Maybe surpassing Tanner for super fan number one.

No, because Tanner's seen me in like 12 different states. I think Stinkley's seen me just in the Rust Belt there I mean, he's traveled. Well, he's he's online that guy is on the discord and He is in the drop of knowledge. He's dropping fat knowledge. He's in the hasm chat, dude The hasm discord been in there. He's the king somebody was desperately trying to get in there. Did you see that? They posted I think it was one person posting like across the chubb Reddit, YouTube, their Patreon. Let me get them at this court. I know why he wants, he wants to know who has him. He doesn't know yet.

Well, you don't just get to know what human beings with their full cognitive function have them. You can see women with Down syndrome who have them. You can see fucking Dick Stinkley posted a chimp with huge tits in there. First thing he says to me last night, he walks up, he's like, you see that monkey with the rack? It's like, yeah. You're just rocked. You just leave your body.

Nothing makes sense anymore. What have I done? Dude, that, yeah, I mean, the disc, that one's on me. your body? Nothing makes sense anymore. What have I done? Yeah, I mean, that one's on me. I'm in the Botanic Garden. The memorial was for me. That's why only the little kid on his iPad could see you. That's right. Everybody else was just grieving and was unaware that you had come to visit.

I see fat people. I see fat, dead, gross people. I see fart people. But I do that show last night and then. I see James Head people. He can only see your head. Emmy's been singing James Head. Emmy's been singing, no one can tell me no.

Oh, did he have an album or something? Yeah, he had songs, yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Jimmy H. Yeah, shout out Jimmy H. She busted out a solid Walla Habibi baby. Out of nowhere, to the point where I was like,

Emmy, run it back. Yeah, it was good. What was that? It was good, yeah. But I did that show and then I'm over there selling merch and as soon as the last person finally buys the last thing, then they're like, well, you know, what's up? And I'm like, hey, nice to meet you everyone, I'm out.

Yeah, the door is just swinging open. Yeah. There's like a cloud of newspapers and tumbleweed spinning behind me. Yeah, I was like, I gotta drive fucking four hours and then fly in five from that. So hey, that's a wrap on tea everyone. How many Linos did you sell? I think I sold like 50. I sold all the ones I made on one paper and then like half the ones I made in another one.

I ain't got no merch tonight. No. Because guess what? No meet and greet for old T- old T dog tonight San Antone guess what you're gonna have to Google Sam Talent Wikipedia yeah yeah I don't have any merch and I'm tired and I just I can't do the two shows after this and then do the merch line tonight sorry San Antonio if you're hearing this retroactively I love you but you know what you should do instead of meeting me? I'm not a man. I'm a product.

All right? And guess what? When the show's over, the two leader's empty. Okay? So instead of meeting me, why don't you meet the other people who came to the show? Make a friend. Shake a hand. Say where do you live? Potential love connection. Right. They share similar... Just kidding. There won't be any women there. Unless they're with their boyfriend. Just kidding, because we have some lady super fans for sure. Yeah. Thank God! They really help me to feel okay with what we're doing with our product.

Well, this is just one of many products. It's not just for Dick Stinkley's. It's not just for Who's Got Them Chimp Edition. Dick Stinkley's. It's not just for who's got him chimp edition. Oh dude I ate so these two kids come up in the merch line last night and they're like hey man big fans of the pod and I'm like you love the pod and they're like oh yeah dude we're fucking chubby chasers we love it and I was like meet Dick Stinkley and Dick Stinkley says are you guys going to Skankfest? And they're like yeah and he's like can I sleep on your floor? I'm like okay I'll let you guys going to Skankfest? And they're like, yeah. And he's like, can I sleep on your floor?

I'm like, OK. Come on. I'll let you guys handle this. Come on, Terry. Yeah. Talk about who's got him for a few minutes before you ask for a favor. Yeah, he just jumped on him.

But I think he's making it happen But yeah, I feel like people should just after the show be like hey, what's your name? You're here. I'm here clearly We're into similar stuff. How do you feel about Lon? Yeah, what do you think about Lon? What's Becker's deal? Yeah, what's killing Becker? Who's got him? Yeah Well, you can't blame people for wanting to meet you. No, I mean, it's totally great. Just like literally tonight, San Antonio. And I say that now.

Yeah, cut to me at 945 out there. I'll go out there. They make a special announcement. The meet and greet, the part of Sam Talent will be played by Nathan Lund. You're out there on like lifts in your shoes. Yeah, I have an apple box Apple bottom cheap Haven't I have an apple box so that I can be six four or whatever they want I can be any height they want Oh, yeah

And yeah, I'll press some palms Shake a couple babies. I almost pulled over and put the Bucky's nuggets in the trunk. Because you did not want to finish that bag. Because I don't have self-control. Oh yeah, they disappear. Hold on. Let me take that back.

Last night, I'm driving from Columbus to Detroit. It's 1150. I pull over because there's a Casey's Pizza. I say, hey, I had a long long productive day. I've been eating good Straight dog. Sorry. That's all right. As long as it's not a crow I can have your attention The Casey's Pizza is closed a Taco Bell I go over there. I'm like you guys still open. They're like for ten more minutes I'm like right on The sign you know like the signage that tells you their menu isn't on darkened darkened

And I'm like there's no menu out here, and they're like yeah, but you know, like the signage that tells you their menu isn't on darkened, darkened. And I'm like, there's no menu out here. And they're like, yeah, but you know what we yeah, we're Taco Bell. You've ordered blackout drunk before. You definitely know what you can order. Yeah. So I'm like, cool, I'll be in and out of here real quick drive through. Can I get a Crunch Rat? Big Diet Coke. I'll be in and out of here real quick drive through can I get a crunch rat big diet coke? I got three hours more to drive They say we don't care. Yeah, I didn't say that I just but that's my I need the big diet coke So I can have that little caffeine drip also. I wanted something, but I didn't remember what they have

I'm like do they still have the fucking you know double decker taco do they still have the the potato burrito? I used to like that one. I don't think they do. Right, so I just say Crunchwrap. So I get up there and the guy hands me the Coke and I have a $20 bill and he's like, this one's on us, we already turned off our computer. And I'm like, all right, well here, take the 20. And he's like, oh, for real?

And I'm like, that's right. So then that means it's the Sonic drive-through at 1159 in the year 2004 right there in Elizabeth, Colorado Because everything they can't get rid of Comes right out that window to me. Whoa, that's right, dude So I got those those cinnamon twists a fucking Taco Bell party bag full of cinnamon twists They got a handle the handle one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they've got these little're like, they're like, they're like, they're like,

they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like,

they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like,

they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, up for you bro. Your life? The crunch wrap is no shit. It's fentanyl in it. It's as heavy as a phone book bro. I grabbed the bag it fucking yeah dude I'm like you sure did bro and he's like yeah man thanks for that ten man I'm gonna get some fucking weed I'm gonna spark up bro. Is it twenty or 10. I gave him them 20 There's two of them in there. Oh, yeah anyway, I

Start driving I'm not opening the crunch wrap. I'll get to that when it's safe My hand gets in that fucking cinnabar bag. Sure, and I'm eating cinnabar and I dig a little bit deeper I find a blob. I'm like, what's this they pranked me no delicious when they put in there it's an eyeball it's a cat's eyeball I fucked it up for you so I'm like well this is a fucking bounty of snacks I have a moderate amount of those and then out of nowhere the the fucking food sugar sickness takes over I'm just digging through the bag for those little custard balls

The cinnamon twist might as well be human feces. They're packing peanuts at this point. They're keeping my Cinnaballs safe They're useless So I search every fucking ball out of that bag dude like a little truffle pig while driving 85 miles per hour So I'm like, okay, I gotta fucking I'm like jacked, you know, I'm like, oh So I go to I gotta get the crunch wrap. I gotta even out, you know I cracked that crunch wrap bro. It is this thick. I get in there, there's somehow bacon in that motherfucker. They've got chicken, ground beef. They've got every sauce available in there. I mean, it's just, it had to have been 12,000 calories, this thing.

I take one bite, it explodes out the bottom, all over the seat belt in my tits It's in my chest hair cuz I'm rocking it free, you know, I Have two more bites of that. I'm like spinning out. It's incense and peppermints I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I roll the window down and I whip the crunch wrap out the window, dude I tossed it out the window. You won't be hurting us anymore. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I say, I gotta find my baby. It's my mile marker 163. It's seven pounds, six ounces. And then I fucking, I go to throw out the cinnamon twists and I have the window open and I hold the bag up

and I just get a fucking shotgun blast of cinnamon in my eyes as I have the bag out there. The twists are going out. I get blasted with cinnamon sugar right in the face This morning dude, I'm scratching my head I find a pebble I'm like, what's that? It's fucking cinnamon, bro That's why I showered. I was so grossed out. I'm like I'm covered in cinnamon from Ohio. I'm in Texas New bed ruined. The pillows are glazed like a ham. Might as well be glitter. Oh yeah. Glitter and glue. Dude I'd prefer if Emily busted me with glitter because she's like were you at Taco Bell? You promised. You promised you

wouldn't eat 8,000 calories after midnight. Baby, I threw it out. She's like, you're lying. I make her get in the car. I drive back to Ohio. Dick Stinkley's there gathering up the Crunchwrap so he can sell it online. No, he's molded it into two breasts so he can post it on the Has-M Discord. That place is fucked, dude. I'm not going in there you need to go in there I'm scared there's some sacred knowledge in there there's some

dark truths you need to look right in the eye dude fucking stinkley posted a database I don't even want to bring it up but it's fucked he shouldn't have access to this all right yeah was it CIA agents that have them? Separate from the Down syndrome having them Syndrome double D's we have read do we have ad reads on this do we want this to be a free? Yeah, for sure catch them up with road life, you know road life life until I showed life. Sophie and Mellor at my house in Detroit right now with Emily. They're having a nice time. That's cool. Their first time at the house.

First time at the house. So he got in there nice about it. I already jacked it. Yeah, you broke the seal. Come on. You did. Guess what? I broke the seal in here, too. Yeah, I know. Get over it. It sounds like that Taco Bell. I don't want prostate cancer. Come on. You did. Guess what? I broke the ceiling here to get over. It sounds like that talk about I don't want prostate cancer. I want to go when I want to go. Interesting.

Yeah. Maybe I'll get in there and be healthy as well before the show. Maybe I'll look out for number one. Is this going to be for this week? That's right. This week, nine to I believe. You've got it in there, two, I believe. You've got it in there, man. Dig deep. Fuck. Dig deep.

Oh. You got it. My bookie. Yes. They're back. They're also doing the wide world ads. My favorite. My bookie.

Dude, the wide world ads are Adam and Eve, My Bookie, Chubbies, and the Author Show. Okay Okay. Yeah it's like these these ads would never hang out. Nightmare blood rotation. Well we talked about how stoked we've been about football being back. Dude. A big part of football being back. It's it's the athleticism, it's the history, it's the tradition, it's trying to make six bucks out of three. I think I also figured it out. I think it literally gives me, it's five months where I have a focal point. It's just a bit of order in the chaos that is my life.

On Sunday, there is football, and I can sit in my chair, my big couch that my wife and sister hates. Sophie's anti-couch. What do you think? She's true chaos. My wife and sister hates. Sophie's anti-couch. What do you think? She's true chaos. Is she anti-couch or is she anti the fact that I didn't buy her a huge couch too?

Anti Sam's happiness. Yeah, anti Sam has a little bit of money about a couch. But yeah, dude, I love gambling. Derek Henry, I had Derek Henry touchdown. That was my big bet. And then I parlayed it with first quarter Derek Henry touchdown. I hit both. I'm on stage I asked what's the score 7-7 who scored Derek Henry first quarter first quarter I walk off

stage I said I didn't need any of you guys you've all been worms to me I just made $320 I'm fucking out of here. Can't tell me nothing. I've got him. I'm James Head. Well yeah, if you are going to be throwing down some bets this football season, I'll bet you are, you maniacs. You need my bookie. Their sportsbook and casino platform lets you bet from anywhere, anytime. You on the toilet? Drop a few bucks down on an over rush yards for the QB. Also, are you flying to Texas but you want to get some action on the fucking Friday Night Game

but you don't want to download a VPN to light a fan duel? My bookie has no state-to-state regulations. What? That's right, man. I didn't know that. That's cool. Well, you're about to know it biblically because I'm going to fuck your ass with that knowledge. I'm all about it. Yes.

That is annoying when you're somewhere and you get a hot tip. Land the free, bro I can't even fucking whack off or gamble in this state. That's right. I found a workaround with that though Yeah, X videos 51 discord My bookie makes it so easy You don't even need to download an app check out their weekly risk free boosts on Thursdays If your bet hits you win big if. If it doesn't, forget it. My bookie will refund your wager.

Really? Yeah, probably. Maybe if it's the weekly risk-free boosts every Thursday. So yeah, they got something you can put some money on, but yeah, it's no risk. Nice. Risk-free. Risk-free. In a risky world You can have a risk free boost every week But yeah, it is an exciting part of our Week is figuring out how to make a little cash. Yeah, man on the side tipped you off last night. Now you're rich

Yeah, I went I went off and and got Derek Henry and Isaiah Pacheco I went off and got Derek Henry and Isaiah Pacheco together anytime touchdown and that hit. So yeah, it was a good night. Not for Creech. She was pissed. She didn't know football was back already and she knows that it lasts through January. So that's right. We're going to try to get a bigger house so that she can not have to hear or see football possible But yeah when you're done placing bets on your favorite sports teams try out their casino with blackjack video poker and even a live lotto There's no need to download an app Just click the link in the show notes sign up and you're ready to bet Lock your futures in now while you're waiting for the season to begin. Guess what? It's begun. Think of your future. Lock it in. Use promo code CHUBBY to claim a bonus

up to $1,000 on that first deposit. That's CHUBBY to start the season off with house money. Don't ever miss out on the action. Bet anything, anywhere, anytime, only with my bookie. Lund usually makes the first deposit when we're in any kind of domicile. So I like to get in there. Yeah. I know you mark. I like to grease the sheets. It's not cinnamon. Yeah. My bed's all wet. It's not glitter either. You're whacking in my bed. Is that the only ad? I whacked it all over the house. I thought we had just in my room. But we had two. We just got the one. All right. What time are we at? We need a little more time. I got some time for you right here man. All right. What's going on with you? I've been dominating this pod. I've had a wacky turnabout of events. People like to hear from the dog. I've been with my

puppy, Beanie the Chowini. She's a Chihuahua-Docchin mix. She's three months old. Prime against God. She's so funny, cause she doesn't, she's not potty trained yet. So we'll be outside six times between eight and noon. You know, just, hey, we're out here. She's chasing a butterfly like you at the Botanic Gardens. Yeah, no one's mourning though. She's kicking it.

She's like chasing mama, pissing mama off. Mm hmm. The last thing mama wanted was a puppy biting at her nipples. They were used against her will. Yeah. Mama poisoned George Michael. She was six months old, probably. They fucking wore her out and then ditched her on Colfax. Now she's back in that life because she thinks that she had a puppy somehow. I don't remember getting fucked. What the hell? I got to quit drinking. This is mine. I don't remember getting fucked. I got a good drink. This is my having

seizures puppy came out. No. So they're outside and we come inside and beanie drops a Duke. It's like, come on, man. You saw mama take a piss. You took a whiz out there. We acted like you cured cancer. Yeah. But then you come inside and you're like, yeah, I just pissed wherever. Who cares? Yeah. I'll shit in here. He does it.

Yeah. I watched him shit for 20 minutes. He's clearly some kind of animal. There's a hierarchy in here and I'll abide by it, but. So yeah, puppy, puppy time. Luckily she's good at sleeping through the night, which can be such a nightmare. She's good at that. sleeping through the night, which can be such a nightmare. She's good at that.

She is licking every inch of the carpet, the tile, as if there's cinnamon twists in them there hills. She'd love my head and neck right now. It's covered in fucking nacho cheese and cinnamon and some kind of house brew ground pork they were doing there, I assume. They fucked it up for me. Yeah, that's damn, it's crazy. Because I would do the exact same thing as you as like be

have a crisis over how much to eat. And then what do you do? I probably would have eaten it all made such a mess that I would have had to go through a fucking car wash with the windows down. And then told Megan that the car got flooded somehow. Last night I had a very early flight, so I slept from 11 p.m. to 2 a.m., showered, drove to Denver, 2.30 to 5.30. I drank two Zoas for my caffeine.

What is that, Kratom? It's the Rocks energy drink. Oh, wow. Sugar-free, they're okay. The grape is bad. The white peach and the tropical punch are okay. I think the guy that owns Bang is like a trophy hunter that like probably hunts humans or whatever So trying not to do Red Bull or bang. There's a political move. It's just I don't know the rock is

He's entertained me since I was 15. I might as well give him a couple bucks Oh, yeah, and also you won't support Dutch owned businesses. So Red Bull's out Red Bull is gonna be fine I've drank so many Red Bulls. I've Bull is gonna be fine. I've drank so many Red Bulls. I've had every flavor. I wish I gave you wings. I'm hungry. They're all okay. Yeah. Oh I told you before we started the pod that Matt Duran is a big fan, lives in Trinidad, changed my oil while I watched and tried to make Beanie not eat chicken shit. She it's on the ground she's probably gonna put it in her mouth. Oh yeah. See how it goes. And the roads are turned out are paved with chicken shit if you

haven't been there. They have a couple chickens there was some type of animal shit that she decided to taste. Nice. So, we started talking about Zinz, because he had a vape. And I couldn't resist. You honked it. Let me honk that vape. I don't really miss it, but it's a different time. It brings me back to last year, basically, the good old days, when I was honking them. Because you'd have them, I'd honk them, I finally got my own, and I was like, this is

dangerous. It's great, man. This is a bag full of cinnamon to us. Oh yeah. With some powdered cinnamon balls in the mix. They were tasty, I'm done with them. I love gooey surprises. Yeah, sure.

And that's what was in there. They'll sound good. I told him about how I was trying to get away from pouches too and he was like, oh you gotta be careful with those pouches, man. He man He was like he said he last year before a Broncos game He had like one six milligram Zin or something and it knocked him out it fucked him up and he was like Out and he had wings that got cold woke up after the game games over Beer is warm wings are cold. What he was out for what's a minute. Was he on his period? What the fuck is warm. Wings are cold. What? He was out for like two and a half hours.

What's the matter? Was he on his period? What the fuck is that? Those things are weird. I've been, I've had like... They give me the hiccups. I don't want to tell you how many tins of six I've had in the last 72. Yeah. I'm on two and a half tins in the last 72. My gums hurt.

Yeah. My tongue? Gone. Smooth. There's no buds So yeah, but it was wild. He also said I think he said his grandpa somebody in his family That's an older guy grandpa had had one and like had to pull over and have Matt take over driving Wasted don't dose grandpa on fucking Gen Z nicotine.

He was in NOM. You figure you give him a Zin, let him take the ride. But he wasn't ready. The weed is not is not grown in the ditch anymore. That's wild, dude. So yeah, maybe they lack an enzyme. They are. Yeah, this guy passed out at the football game and didn't see the end of it?

No, he wasn't at the game. He was on the couch. He wasn't at the game. He was going to watch the Broncos on television. Was he under the influence of any other tastes? I think he smokes weed, but... Don't blame Zen. He had a Zen and it blasted him into oblivion. He was in a fugue state like you. Oh yeah, I was bad. But yeah, had a nice, oh dude, I was gonna say it was a nice week in Trinidad, except I found out that this dude Brad came into the bar. He's like, did you hear about that guy that threw a guy off a bridge? And I go, no. Catch me up, I have a puppy. Dish, sis. So fucking, like a month ago, there's this drug dealer.

Sold some drugs to a young man. He overdosed and died. That dead kid's dad gets a hold of the drug dealer. Redneck justice. They fight on like a, it was like a bridge that's like 10 feet above the river walk or whatever. It's like sidewalk, whatever. And then over there's like this small footpath bridge thing.

They fight, they both fall off of the bridge, land on the concrete below. The drug dealer dies like a week later. So now dude has a dead son, a murder charge, he's locked up, he's probably done, right? He killed the guy like Peter Griffin fighting the chicken. Yes, they took a tumble. Yeah. And he maybe landed on top of the drug dealer, I don't know. Ooh.

But man, and I'm just like, why do I not know about this? Yeah. I work at a bar. People are supposed to. Well, he gave me that information. People can't trust you. He didn't say anything to me the day before. I've been around. I mean, I was gone.

I was in Rome. Yeah. But I want to know these things. Megan's there all the time. She doesn't tell me this. She doesn't know about this. What are people talking about that they can't get to the vengeance murder? Ah, yeah.

I mean, that seems like it would be top of the tidbits, you know? That's right. It's literally tidbits. Yeah. Thank God they didn't have that tussle in Rome because they would have landed on people ballroom dancing. Remember that? Yeah.

We were walking from the soccer game and we just wander up and there's someone playing violin and we're like, what's that? We look off the bridge below us. There's people just engaged in ballroom dancing. It was like a mixer and it looked like all the dudes were old and the women were young. There was a chick who had him in a very big way and she was fanning herself sitting down and there was three dudes just circling her. It was nuts. I mostly liked the... I didn't want it to be sullied by detail

So I kind of looked and said that's nice and then like looked at the sky cuz I did once I saw that it was older Guys, I was like, what is this? They have money. It's like a mixer. Oh, yeah One of one of these women is gonna like marry a guy for money and then hate her life Hopefully just hope that he dies. He lives to 95. Yeah And he's horny until the day drops he thinks about ending it every day. Mm-hmm Well, you know what if you're thinking about ending it you should not you should come see me live doing stand-up comedy That's right, everyone They'll turn your life around that for a segue without any

Premises cuz those were escorted into the trash no I literally need to remember my hour because I'm doing Rogan's Club next weekend and you can't just fucking slap and tickle on the big stage maybe you could Harlan Williams does it Ian bag you know does it why can't I do it joke in his life he's so fun he's so funny it's very fun to watch Ian I guess I don't really have any dates to plug because what it's Rogan's Club is sold out and then High Plains High Plains. Oh, yeah, come see we're doing a live chubby be at High Plains on Saturday at 5 o'clock

What is that the 21st or something? It's the 21st. Yeah get those tickets. We got to sell that out I don't know if we're at HQ or the Bobcat lounge. I think we're at HQ. I think we're in the big boy. Okay Those tickets should go on sale soon, you know where the tickets have been on sale and no one's bought any Bridgeport, Connecticut guys Weekend yeah, London will be there. Oh come to Big Diamond Comedy Festival in Arkansas me and London will be there Yeah, Bentonville, Arkansas. First weekend of October, then we have Bridgeport, and then, uh, you know, Helium, Helium's coming up in Philadelphia.

Denver, get your Comedy Wars ticket. Shit. Tampa Bay, we're coming back down there. Uh, we're going to be in Key West, I think, for 10 days. Hubba hubba. Yeah. How's that sound to you? You'll be down there.

I think I'll be elsewhere. You're not sound to you? You'll be down there. I think I'll be elsewhere. You're not going to come for Wide World? Key West? I'm booked. I'm booked, brother. I'm booked, Terry. Well, come to a website called patreon.com slash chubby behemoth.

Join the Patreon. So much good stuff over there. Get on the Discord. Occupy Wall Street. Or don't. Yeah. No, check it out. See who's got them. Yeah, but don't. No, check it out. See who's got them.

They're figuring it out over there. If you're in the Hasm subreddit, please open any links that are posted in a locked closet with the lights off. Don't open them just sitting in a busy airport. Not on your own phone. Ask to borrow somebody's phone. A co-worker that you don't like. Your boss that you're hoping gets fired. Yeah. Uh, distinctly the menace.

Spreading the gospel of who's got them. I bet God's got a sweet pair. I want to suck all the fucking knowledge out of those when I go see him in a couple of weeks. You can suck the cinnamon balls off of him. Those are his nipples. Goodbye.