Chubby Behemoth - Getting Goldfingered Tonight

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

SPONSORS: Over 3 million butts love Tushy. Get 10% off Tushy with the code CHUBBY at https://www.hellotushy.com/CHUBBY ! #tushypod   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys start out with a Brad Garrett fact. Nathan has a theory about a ‘Love Guru’ sequel, shares his jaw related nightmare, and knows the only thing better would be double bird. Sam tells us about a murderer Duddy knew, knows where the Gloop family is, and discovered some of where he came from. The fellas also had a boat adventure. Reason with me.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Okay, can we talk about this on the podcast? I'm eating a gun. No, dude. Don't eat a gun. This sucks. It doesn't suck. This is the high flying life of podcasters slash comedians, man. Hi, everybody. Remember we were just comedians?

Remember those days? Remember when we didn't have to be a fucking bicycle salesman in a one-legged town? Remember we didn't have to shovel shit uphill? Do you know who did the voice of Krang in the 2014 live-action Ninja Turtles movie? Famous? John Malkovich. Gary Sinise. Mark Hamill.

Mark Hamill's not a bad call. A lot of voice acting. Right. Joker, he was the Joker. Uh-huh. The animated series. Brad Garrett. Oh, what?

Would've never known, would've never guessed. I love it. These ninja turtles, you gotta watch out ladies. They got four fingers, enough to steal your purse. I'm so sick of being just a brain. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Robert. No, he's Robert.

Yeah. Raymond, get me a body. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm just a brain. If I have to just keep on being a brain, I'm gonna eat a gun. I'm a brain on the ground, crawling around, I'm covered in slime.

He's leaving cerebral fluid everywhere he goes. Crang. Where do you wanna go, Crang? Crang. This isn't a podcast. It counts. It doesn't count, man. Hey.

This is America's, as of today, 218th favorite podcast. So you don't like to do anything to help the podcast except for check in on the numbers. I'm helping out. I'm spreading the word. You've plugged in a thing or two. I'm out there man. Joseph Rogan's a big time listener. He loves us.

No he's not. Yeah, he's always listeners. He gets his pump on He says the only thing that gets him out of that cold plunge is knowing that he can listen to chubby behemoth on the treadmill CP cold plunge You stripped your bed I did strip my bed because I only brought two socks this weekend You're so dumb. You thought we were at an Airbnb. You're supposed to strip the bed. Yeah, you guys stripped the bed. And I was like, OK, we are in a courtyard.

I was in there hand washing the towels in the sink. You had an old wash basin. A lot of my makeup got on the towels this weekend. It's a new thing I'm doing. I'm wearing makeup on stage. Yeah, it looks really bad. Well, after Rogan, I have to glow up man, but the issue is like.

You gotta figure out your tone. I do, yeah, not just vocally. Are you a summer, are you a winter? I think I'm what's known as a midsummer, because I look like I was, I had my head crushed by a giant mallet in a ceremony. I'm wearing my Igbo shirt, no big deal, my nipples are hard, so I'm using the pillow. You're fucking a pillow. This pillow thing was always cool because girls when they're like they're you know when they were like I

Remember being in college and like girls would like hug a pillow because they wanted to block their boobs and it's like hey, baby You got the whole fucking mattress. I know what's under there Give me all of that. They would they would instinctually find a pillow Give me all of that they would they would instinctually find a pillow There's something to put something between them and you yeah exactly yeah, maybe a gun yeah Picture of their father the lawyer just a sharpened spear sometimes a flaming torch Yeah Interesting their picture. I remember the ladies grabbing a pillow. Oh, they grab a pill I mean they used to do everything man. you know, and I'd be in the corner, you know setting the lights down

I would turn the lights down and I would turn on gold frap and I'd say hey One of us is getting fingered. I hope it's you Gold frap. Yeah, we're gold frap. I can't think of them. No. Yeah, I was a gold finger guy Man, this is getting gold finger tonight And then maybe you'll get gold membered That's where I pretend to be a smaller version of them and crawl inside their body RIP verne Troyer. We're all thinking about you, buddy It's all you think about

Verne Troyer you watch YouTube and it's verne Troyer's greatest hits and misses Yeah, and so it's Verne Troyer's greatest hits and misses. Yeah. And so it's like a scene from Goldmember, the spy who shagged me, and then sex tape. Right. And then back to the hits. And it's a real Russian roulette what you're going to come to. Just blast to Dr. Evil throwing him across the set. Oh no.

What am I into? Does this mean I'm into After Birth? I really liked that movie, but that's not the point. You know? It could be the point. What if that was the whole pod? What if this was just a Verne Troyer pod? They just want to hear us be sincere and they know you're being sincere. They know you're not trying to get clout or like suck up to Mike Myers by praising because you don't praise Mike Myers. You praise Vern Troy. I am all about VT. What about the the direction that Vern got from Mike Myers and whoever. Hey Vern, could

you like be smaller? What if you were like even littler somehow you were thinking about that Vern? Can we get Vern's union rep in here or like his agent or something? Because I can't hear this little ant talk he's doing. You know what I would imagine was Mike Myers plan once, you know, what comes next? No, if the love guru wouldn't have like shit the bed so bad, I'll bet he wanted to get his hands on that little guy from Island of Dr. Moreau. Oh, because he was smaller than Vern. He could like sleep in a shoe box. That guy.

There's him. And then the smallest woman is that she's very tiny. I think she's from India. Petit Patel. I'm on her only fans. Not you, but come on. But gross. Not you, but yuck. How about your only fans joke? Greatest hits and misses. Sam T. Tell them. That's in the fucking... Tell the joke. Tell the joke that sucked. Why don't you set me up? So, Sam, welcome to the show. Thank you, Byron Allen. Comics Unleashed with Nathan Lund. Oh, nice.

Oh, Byron. No, no, Nathan Lund can host the show. Welcome to Comics Unleashed with Byron Graham. Sam, I heard you recently had an encounter with a fan, a young lady. Should I tell like John Roy did last night on Comics Unleashed? 2011. Well, yeah, I did. I was doing a show in Pittsburgh Steel City,

Iron Town, Three Rivers, that's one too many. And I had a girl from OnlyFans show up to the show. She was completely nude. She came right from work. Ha ha ha, that's great. She was completely nude She came right from work That's great amen finesse Mitchell I heard you did something shit No, you're not finesse. I've done some shit man. I'm not proud of I was a teacher. I was a preacher I Was cast in the ice skating Jack Reacher?

Jack on ice Jack you know shit about ice. That's what I said. 2011. Yeah, the OnlyFans thing got us. Last night in bed here at 3 30 a.m. Some other stuff in bed. Greatest Hits and Misses in bed was Restless Egg Syndrome, which is kind of a hit and a miss night to

night town to town it's the alpha and omega big one in bed was those were my pants those were my pants came out of a bed just like this in Columbus Ohio yeah yeah that's it that's a hit everywhere you go oh yeah that's Sunday that's a banger yeah restless egg syndrome I remember I almost like fell out of bed and hit my head. Yeah, I was choking on my own tongue Like Hannibal Lecter's self-partner Remember that Sounds the lambs that guy like Well know that guy

When what's her name comes in? Yeah, and he throws load on her. I heard it was just lotion. Yeah throws load on her. I heard it was just lotion. Yeah. Spoiler alert, it's not real jizz. No, actually Jodie Foster insisted. She's a method actor. I gotta get into it. If I smell, if I smell jurgens,

I'm gonna be taken right out of it. Oh yeah, when she was in Nell, she was nude and in the dirt for three months. She got kicked in the head by a horse. That's right, yeah, they held their head in a bowl of punch. Yeah, no, but he makes his, the cellmate, talks me talks to some partner the neighbor into swallowing his own tongue. Oh Mm-hmm choose his tongue. Mm-hmm. Whoa. Yeah one who says I can smell your con or else it would have sounded She's like, I'm sorry

What I She's like, I'm sorry. He's like, I can't. What? I can't smell your clunk. And Brad Garrett did that voice too. He was everywhere. My dad, I just drove to Detroit with my father. He came in. I moved. I moved everyone. I track him down. Find him. No. Bring me a picture of him asleep in his own bed. What's the bounty on that? Uh, I'll stop burping. Wink. I'm drinking clubs, though. I'm like Tanner in Home Alone is a Tanner drinking Pepsi.

He's going to wet the bed. No, I'm not. No, he gives that smile. That was a Culkin. Yeah. Those little roar bit. The littlest one. Yeah. Toad Culkin. Toad Culkin. RIP. Come with it now. It's a new era. But yeah, we drove across the country. It's fine. And I asked my dad, I was like, Dad, when's the last time you were in Chicago? And he's like, well, when we drove out here, when you were about 11 years old, we drove out to Cleveland, we went through Chicago, we took that skyway. And I was like, Oh yeah, I remember that. I was reading Silence of the Lambs in the back of the car and just terrified the whole

time. And he was like, you were reading Silence of the Lambs at 11? And I was like, yeah, and he was like, what was I up to? I wasn't around a lot. Before he got sober, he was like, whoa, what was I up to? I don't know, dad drinking Red Dog? Sneak, going on walks to get photographed and then coming back and washing your hands. Yeah, I remember

Whoa. Mm-hmm. What about? The story he told you about Elizabeth Jesus Christ my father My dad is as he gets older. He's getting quieter But when he does time to listen you get older it's time to listen Yeah But when he does pipe up... It's time to talk or time to listen. You get older, it's time to listen. Yeah, well it seems it's actually time to be scrolling on Instagram. And then as I'm going 85 miles per hour in the rain, he goes, check this one out. It's just a lady with like her legs kicked up and she has one high heel on.

Because you remember the famous quote when we were in Nice. My father, me, David Borey, my sister, and we're walking at night and my dad points to a woman wearing stockings and he says, God, there's just something about black hose at night. And me and David were like, what? What the hell did you just say? Yeah, what? Come again?

If you can. I already did. Damn, black hose. I can smell your coo. I already did Yeah, black hose at night cuz he loves pantyhose when in the nightfall but man that tickled us such a turn of phrase Yeah, black hose at night. It's kind of like he knew what he was doing and then played dumb for the laughs Yeah, classic Dave T But he told me that he grew up with a guy

Named Rick Ragels. And this is all court records, so I'm not saying anything out of school. Rick Ragels I knew. For cloud. Yeah. This is true crime, not false crime. Yeah. Oh yeah, we're a true crime pod now, so you're welcome.

We're Ninja Turtles of super villains and true crime and Brad Garrett truthers. But he was like, yeah, that is Rick Ragels. I knew that guy. supervillains and true crime and Brad Garrett truthers but we He was like yeah, Rick ragels. I knew that guy man. I've known two murderers my whole life Because I was telling him how like Sam Hyde has this intensity about him That is is very overwhelming and he was like, yeah, man. I've known some intense people I knew two murderers. I was like what and he's like, yeah Rick ragels man Yeah, we grew up drinking together. You know, he

was all cut. He was fucking roofing, you know, doing contracting. He was hot. He had a fucking tight body, man. He started looking out the window. We're dead. Come back. He's like, Oh, sorry, I was lost in Rick. Give me that pen. Um, but anyway, I want to write something down. Yeah. But Rick Riggles notoriously, so his wife was super hot and he let himself go and she had to go to work, like waiting tables or something,

so she would wear like a mini skirt to work. She had to go do her job at OnlyFans so she'd take off her mini skirt. Yeah. Get on the bus, nude. Well see, if you fill in the blanks, it's great. Maybe I'll grow the bit. Maybe it's not long enough.

Maybe you have to know the person telling the joke for 18 years before it hits. No. And it was just funny that it felt fun. You were nuked last night. I said that and you were out. Yeah. She came straight from work. It's a Dr. Kev joke. We should sell it to Dr. Kev. He'd love it. Yeah. Yeah. So when you laugh really hard at something, I'm like, that's the only time I'm like, well, I'll write that down because London's over there. So I'm Hannibal Lecter.

He's choking on his own tongue. But Rick Rhegels, he ended up let himself go, let himself go. Got fat. Come home from work one day. Dinner's not on the table. It's actually breakfast, because he worked nights or something,

and then he comes home. I don't think I was in high school. I was in middle school or elementary school still, so like fifth, sixth, seventh. 95. No, no, no. 98. 96, seven, eight, nine, right around there.

Anyway, he comes home. Coming on strong. Yeah, it was a crazy time. I mean, Eminem, Slim Shady was still alive. You know, it comes home. Coming on strong. Yeah, there's no, it was a crazy time. I mean, Eminem, Slim Shady was still alive. You know, it was nuts. But he comes home, dinner, breakfast isn't ready, so in the kitchen in front of his two young children, takes a gun, blows his wife's head off.

Okay, and that's, so I thought that then he turned the gun on himself and said good night forever. You know, gave his kids the ultimate gift of- Self-high five. Yes. See? self and said goodnight forever you know gave his kids the ultimate gift of self high-five yes two for one it's good for the goose is good for the gander hey kids take a gander at this hey you guys wanna see you wanna see feminism at play You know your mom was thinking that's written on the wall. God. So yeah just total nightmare. So I thought that he then ended his own life in front of his kids. But no instead as his wife is bleeding out he calls 9 1 1 and he says, Hey, yeah, it's regals.

No need to send the empty. Just send the coroner. I'll be right here. And then he hangs up the phone and he sits at the dinner table and finishes his coffee with his two children and his wife dead on the ground. Yeah. So that's the official story as told by Dave T. They got picked up, got picked up. Went to prison. Forever. You went and saw him once a week.

I would go put money on his books, make sure he had enough soups and Reese's Pieces. Yeah. I mean, he was cool, man. We're all flawed. We're all just people. He's a child of God, just like you and me. You think it was because breakfast wasn't ready?

No, I think it's because he had a great life and his wife had to go to work, and he could no longer be a provider. And he went to seed, and he lost his hot body. Then he comes home, and he and his wife had to go to work and he could no longer be a provider and he went to seed and he lost his hot body. Then he comes home and he sees his wife shaking that thing that he was once enamored with but now barely moves the needle in his little fucking tight pants. My dad was like, yeah, Rick got kind of dark. I was like, no shit, dude.

The guy blew his wife's brains out over fucking Eggos. But he said that he would see Rick at the liquor store and Rick Regals would have like a 30 rack of like Keystone Light or whatever the cheapest beer was. My dad would be like, hey man, how you doing? And he'd be like, it's the cheapest. You got a problem with it? Defensive. Right away.

You want to judge me? Yeah. You're not God, are you? Are you? You got to tell me. I know my rights. I'm a man I'm a man still Dave Does push-ups? God? Yeah

Every time I think surely Sam has told me every awful thing that happened in a small hometown Shoutout Elizabeth. No, there's no bottom to that well The wells poisoned It's unwell. Somebody poisoned the water hole. I'm not well and she's thumbs up next to Elizabeth Cardinals left on the well. Yeah. Just insane. Really bad all the time. True Crime podcast. We just live in Elizabeth for a year and talk to folks. Hey, what do you got Byron Allen style? Hey, yeah, you had a dad, right? A little bit. Then that horse stepped on his spine.

So I heard your kid drowned in a river of chocolate. The gloops live there. The white clumps. Roll tall is from Elizabeth and he just wrote down what he saw. It's all nonfiction. Well there was that kid who drowned in all his peaches. Jimmy Peach. Yeah. Yeah. Roll took the creative liberty of having the million peaches form one giant one. That's right. Yeah. But otherwise it was real. Uh, James and the giant peach isn't real, right? That's been hit and miss making fun of schizophrenia. I love it.

It's a tough, it's fun. I'm trying to say it must be hard as opposed to like, I don't know, it's not punching down. You're empathizing, yeah. I just love the idea of a guy coming into the kitchen and being like, hey, Becky, killer party. Hey, I love what you did with the fairy lights outside. And hey, this wine, this is good stuff. I like them more low, but this cab, awesome.

By the way, I'm not Beethoven right the dog I mean because I know that I'm the composer but I'm not also the dog right Santa's not fucking a sheep in the corner right right just reason with me yeah there's a lot of weird parties going around yeah my mental health is not your issue but it is my responsibility so um the floor is not lava right because I heard rumors that the floor might be lava my feet were getting hot but they are kind of can you feel my feet but the doors you know aren't all open to allow for some nice nice cool breeze coming through right? Yeah Yeah, so it's warm in here. But yeah like

Floor is not like liquid magma Right liquid magma. I'm not dr. Evil Make sure I'm not I know I'm losing my hair. Verne Troyer died, right? So he couldn't possibly be here staring at me. I'm not a Crang of Verne Troyer, am I? Man, he was straight up Crang. IRL Crang. Man, what a missed opportunity.

Crang had little arms, didn't he? Like Meatwad. Meatwad and Crang. Yeah, Meatwad was a, Crang was proto Meatwad. Man, we're crossing all types of streams when it comes to pop culture tonight. That's what this pod is. We do True Crime about Elizabeth, we talk about Brad Garrett's hits and misses, we break down bits.

We review different beds. And of course, we're in Troyer stuff. Troyer throwback. My dad also told me. My dad told me that my great, his great grandfather, so my great great grandfather,

was a captured slave. Which means you know what that means. We can start saying it, boys. The Irish were slaves. No, no, so on both sides of my dad's family, my grandfather's people were brought over as indentured servants from, they were like Scots-Irish, way back in the day.

And then, like the talents had been in America since America didn't have a name. But then my great great great grandfather, whatever, was a Mexican in Chihuahua and he was captured by slave men slave peddlers Slave pushers slave diddlers. Yeah Well for sure that was just called smooching back in the day But and then he was brought up to New Mexico

What became New Mexico and sold off to a guy and then Catholic missionaries came by and said hey slaves are bad And there's a sign of repentance the guy freed my great-great-great grandfather, and then he just like You know took up shelter in the nearest cave started grinding beans Yeah, yeah, that's how the Escobel's got into America in cages damn mm-hmm Look at them now gotten to America in cages. Damn. Mm-hmm. Look at him now. Sitting in beds. Flying high. Mm-hmm, drinking propel vitamin waters.

This is the worst. Is it? Yeah, it tastes like if someone drank Gatorade and then spit it into your mouth. That's terrible, it's clear. First of all, I want a clear beverage. What am I, a fish? Grow up.

My dad also said Black Sabbath was overrated. They are right? No dude, Black Sabbath rules. They got a couple songs. They got nothing but heaters. Yeah it's all heaters and beaters. And I was like what? And he was like yeah they're overrated man.

I mean Deep Purple was around first and I was like why don't you go to bed you old bitch. Why don't you take one of your fucking snooze pills and I'll see you in eight hours? He slept like a vampire all over Indiana. In the car? Yeah, just like this, in the car. It's weird in the car. Ew, yeah, he's a weird old guy. Laying all the way back?

No, because we had a bunch of stuff in the back seat, so he's upright vampire, and his lip is quivering as he sleeps. Damn. Oh yeah, and so yeah, you drove in a hellacious rainstorm that affects hundreds of miles away from Hurricane Barrel. Hurricane Barrel or Barrel or Burlap. Whoa.

You're gonna get in trouble. I'm Lund. Let me start pickin. Stop biting my style. Yeah, Hurricane Barrel or Tropical Depression Barrel rained pain as soon as we hit the Illinois border. So we drove through Illinois and Indiana and Michigan just in hellacious sideways rain. I was in the Impala, of course, my wife and Katarina. Taking the power back. Yeah. Making a statement.

They're driving a U-Haul, 37 miles per hour. Almond Louise in there. Living free. They're holding hands. The bras are out the window. They have to use them to clean the windshield. Luckily, they were both huge, so it was OK. Yeah, no, it was really scary. Katarina drove in that rain, she was tough as hell,

and then Emily took over and fuck, it was so scary. I'll bet. I told my dad, I was like, Nathan Lund is not the best driver, but if there's bad storm, there's no one I want behind the wheel more than Lund. Thank you. Yeah, remember, because when you drove

in that literal tornado in Iowa with me, you, Andy Sell, Sharpie. Remember that? I'm trying to forget, dude. Yeah. It's back. Yeah. We ended up getting a random hotel room because we had to. Because the sky was green.

It was nuts. Yes. I drove in that. It was like a hydra of tornadoes. I cried in the bathroom so nobody could see. Did you? No. But I remember it was fucked.

We didn't want to spend that money on a hotel room, but we literally had to. Like the under, the underpass. The overpasses were full a couple times in a row, so that was not an option to like wait it out. And it looked scary everywhere, so it wasn't going to be over anytime soon.

No. So yeah, we got a room and it was... It was surge pricing so they fucked us. Was it? No, but it was like a red roof in somewhere in Iowa and I remember we were like, yeah, there's six of us. We're going in that room. And the lady was like, uh, and we were like, we're going in the room.

Have you seen outside? I think Cam Omelette was with us and he handled it all. That was the big one? No, no, Sal and Cam, it was 2011, Andy only did California with us then. Oh yeah, and he had like a lost profit CD that we threw out the window. Flipside, Burnside.

No, Flipside. Flipside. Yeah, Burnside's the skate. I think in Pennsylvania where we are Yeah, maybe legalize it Even saying that a lot on stage. It's been cracking me up. Yeah Yeah, it's been alright. You should make legalized lawn shirts Yeah, I feel like that's kind of hack but legalize it is probably hack right? No, okay taking me laugh. I'm a genius

Remember the OnlyFans joke? Right. That I told twice tonight on stage in the same set? Did you? Yeah, called back to it. Try it again. Yeah, I came back and I was like, she came from work, like 20 minutes after I told it.

That got a laugh. Good. Yeah, good shows at the Pittsburgh Improv. God, and Morgantown One two three pleasant dude hit up Cody Cannon do a show there comics if you're funny Even if you're not you know it's never stopped Cody from booking people before they won't even notice he can't say no Yeah, you can't blink either. That was very fun. The man's insane do his laugh You would think it was a preposterous caricature. You think that I'm kidding right now. It sounded like that. And he's also sitting by the stage and not blinking just...

Like when I like take a sip of water he's just losing it. He's all seeing ones and zeros and they're all on fire Wonder if Cody was in Butler tonight Dude, we're an hour away, baby Rest in peace done Don JT Now he's alive and stronger Don Juan I mean So we are in Pittsburgh right now. It's 4 a.m. Our flight's in an hour, because we're very good at planning this kind of stuff out. Well I told Lund, if we weren't such pleasure seekers,

we wouldn't have had to. We would have had to miss out on a couple of cool things in order to. Yeah, two really cool things. Yeah, some fun stuff. Fun bag. To do the pod. Shout out to Ali, shout out to him. Yeah, fun on the boat. Great time. But yeah, this is where we're at now. Yeah, we went on a boat with two pod fans, two hard working Americans

out there trying to make it on a staller and they took us on a boat and we went on all three of Pittsburgh's rivers. What's the one Allegheny. No, the muddy bottom. Mahonga Hela. Mahonga Hela. Manonga Hela? All right. I don't know. The Ohio. That's an amazing one. And yeah, we went out there, man, and just we were like, should we bring trunks? And Tim was like, if we get in the water, we're shipwrecked. We're not getting in the water otherwise. And I was like, OK. So I told Joe, and he wore his best culottes. Yeah, he had trunks in the car.

He had various pairs of trunks. Left them behind. Joe Esch, European homosexual. Not yet. Well, he's gay now. And what's the difference? Some of our listeners are saying. But yeah, and then as soon as we get out there, he's gay now. And what's the difference? Some of our listeners are saying. But yeah, and then as soon as we get out there, he anchors and they fucking serve up some

sliders and some fucking buffalo chicken dip and some seven layer. And as soon as the tops came off those seven layers, our tops came off too. And we followed old Ali into the water, floated and bobbed. I'm surprised that Tim said no, maybe he meant he wasn't planning on getting in the water, but he could have said, Ali gets in the water, and then we would have known, oh yeah, then we'll get in the water. I thought it was a thing where almost no one got in

unless you were completely insane or on fire or something. Or you fell out of a canoe. Right, but no, it was fine. Maybe you don't wanna go in it every day for a decade. Mm-hmm But yeah, it was I'm glad we got in we got in there water I want to jump off of a boat. I want to be in the confluence of the fucking veins and arteries of this great nation You know, that's what I was in on. Yeah, I want to get wet I want to pee well, I'm not gonna be able to pee when everybody's looking at me not being able to pee

Yeah Like Joe Ash little Joe Ash took five different positions to figure out how to urinate off the back of that boat kneeling He stood he sat with his feet out. Yeah, he went face down ass up Yeah, he said come and get me boys. I Can pee with my prostate's engaged? What did you say? Hold your breath? Yeah. Hold your breath works. You said several times. Yeah. If you hold your breath you'll pee. You hold your breath you'll pee. It's fine. You hold your breath. You'll either pass out or you pee. Okay. So it's not as

simple as hold your breath and you'll be. Well yeah. But when you pass out you hit your head you piss. Yeah. I mean it's gonna work either way. But yeah, so yeah, Joe finally had to get in the water to urinate, and Allie got in the water. She's got him, I think that's public record. That's okay to say. Oh yeah, putting food on the table. Man, really just exciting stuff all around. Lovely people, eye candy galore, Tim, hot,

but not in like an intimidating way Yeah, he's pretty he was stack. We jacked. Yeah a little bit jacked. He had like Donkey Kong body He got that from like throwing barrels at plumbers An Italian guy that gets me every time but uh, yeah. Thanks so much. But we can. It's always nice to meet a fan. It's funny. It's fun to be out with Joe Ash too, because he's a horny for both of us, but mostly for you. He's got a big crush on me, which is, which is nice. Yeah. You're his type. Apparently against all rhyme or reason. Against all of God's laws in man's logic Yeah, well he shows a picture of this boy. He's been flirting with in Germany, and he's just you from

2012 it's just young Lund yeah, yeah, so it's fun to see Yeah, a little bit mm-hmm. Yeah, we were we were shaking our sweet things in front of Joe Yeah, hey Joe you tie my shoe? You wish. Look where your head's at. Touching the back of his head a lot. That made me think of that joke I had about Tondrick, my gym teacher. Hey Tondrick, get a load of this.

Instead of being scared, we like made fun of each other about him. Diddling you guys? Yeah. Hey, what? hey hey hey Tondra guess what I forgot to bring underwear so I guess I'm going out in just my little shorts yeah I hope I hope nobody pulls him down hey Tondrick the bottom half my t-shirt got ripped off let's go out there navel blazing he'll be navel blazing. He'll be navel gazing. I'm nine. Yeah, man. I Tondrick. I'm a virgin. For now. It's a long summer. Hey, Tondrick, let's play hide and seek. If you find me, you can fuck me. I'll be behind the couch. That norm joke. Oh yeah. Uh, norm made his

assistant tell that joke to Ronnie Dangerfield in a elevator So he's like yeah, tell tell Rodney that joke you like he's like okay There's these two guys and they're playing hide-and-seek and one of the guys says hey Let's play hide-and-seek if you find me you can fuck me in the ass. I'll be behind the couch and Ronnie Dangerfield goes I'm not much for jokes kid Well the guy who's most into jokes. This whole thing. Yeah.

Hey, Tondrick, this is my whole thing. You can swallow my thing whole. Swallow my pride. Barf it back up. Also, somebody told me, I think, that his last name wasn't Tondrick. Yeah, someone told you that he was not named Tondrick. Which is crazy. I think it was that guy in someone told you that he was not named Tondrick.

Which is crazy. I think it was that guy in Tokyo told you. Is that him? No. No. He and I. He was post Tondrick. Only were in seventh grade together.

Tondrick was in Evergreen Park, Illinois, so that was elementary school. So I'm still, he's still there to this day, sniffing everyone's lockers. You get stuck. Boys, I'm stuck. When you feel like you're being watched and nobody's there, that's old Tom. That's old Tom, Tom. But yeah, it wasn't his last time.

I can't remember what it really was. It was something like that. Hopefully he's in prison. No, I don't remember what it really was. It was something like that. Mm-hmm. Hopefully he's in prison. Oh yeah. With old Ragels or whatever. Yeah. Rick Ragels. Rick Ragels.

Ravishing Rick Ragels. His old wrestling name. Yeah, that guy was no good and those kids were haunted. Let me tell you. Oh, did they stay in Elizabeth? Yeah. Just, they paid for the house. So it was there's blank check situation. I don't know. I feel like they actually moved in with

that woman who tried to raise Nick Salazar past guest. I think they moved in with Mary who took in Nick after a similar situation. Yeah, she got off on it. That was her whole thing. Yeah, yeah. She was was real crying dude. Mary was straight crying in that thing. The original gwee go Mary. We two we goes tonight. You know I'm talking about. We had one guy who couldn't have been more smushed. He was anymore smushed. He would have been flat. He would have been two dimensionaldimensional. Poor guy. His name is Barrel? He rocked us like a hurricane. Yeah, front

and center, big fan. Uh huh. Yeah. Nice, ridiculous shirt. Yeah, crazy shirt. Prove my point. Just a crazy shirt. Every fat guy has to wear the dumbest shirt anyone's ever seen. They're all really dumb. Almost every shirt that we can wear is dumb as hell. Mm-hmm. That's not on me. No sure it is though Yeah, he was up front front and center I was mostly thinking of the two ladies jean jackets both denim jacket dress drunk as yes, yes. Just kind of bumping around. Flipping and flopping. Yeah. Yeah, their breasts were like pushed up and tattooed. Pushed up, dumped. Yeah, one said like cash, the other one said money. Yeah. No one said rough. Yeah, Riders. Rough, Rider. Spelled wrong.

Rider Strong. Yeah. He runs a book podcast. Oh. I thought he ate a gun. Oh, Rider? Good for Rider. He's strong, man. Rider Die. He got out after Boy Meets World and like went to Columbia or something.

Yeah, got out before Dan Schneider could suck on his toes. Yeah, he's the ultimate Tondrick. Allegedly, man, he's trying to take the power back. He's like suing Nickelode, or suing the documentary people. He's like, I'm a good guy. Goe-goe, goe-goe.

I'm not a smutcho, I'm a goe-goe, all right? There's a difference. It's like a Ebola-phile and pedophile. It's not ebolo, it's something like that. It's heeba-phile. Heeba-phile. I'm guessing. I don't think that's right.

Nice try. I just wanted to say it. He just wanted to slur. No. Slave blood. Slur. So do we have copy? Yeah, we do.

I'll pull it up. Copy. Tell them where we're going to be, Lund. Copy that. Dude, I get to I'll pull it up. Copy. Tell them where we're gonna be, Lund. Dude, I get to see your house next weekend. Dude. I get to stay right outside of your house. Yeah. According to Emily.

Yeah. She said, I wanna be able to live in it for a year before Lund ruins it. Yeah. We paid a lot of money. I don't want it to depreciate in the first eight days that we own it. So I get to sleep nearby.

You can sleep in Susanna's little playhouse. She'll be your landlord. That crazy little, it looks like a tiny, like a hobbit hole, but is it just like a shed? Or it's like a, it's a playhouse. Playhouse, yeah. I forgot. Yeah, I'll stay out there.

I'll be cozy. You'll be all right. The bugs will just swallow me whole. Dude, those bugs are fucked. Yeah, you gotta be careful there. I'll be cozy. You'll be alright Dude those bugs are fucked yeah, you gotta be careful god damn it, dude Well after swimming in the poison rivers of Pittsburgh if I don't die next week, I can never die You know, yeah. Yeah, cuz you're a trial by fire. Oh, yeah Told people on stage. I was like, yeah peed in the river and they're like, oh no Your penis is gonna have bugs in it. And I was like, well those bugs are gonna be hungry But yeah, we're at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle and Royal Oak next weekend a bit of a homecoming 20th. Yeah, we'll be right there, man

Excited about that. Yeah, do do do do well. Hopefully we'll see Brad Wenzel. Yeah, Brad will come around. Yeah, Louie Michaels hosting sick and then also Amsterdam I think August 3rd and Rome I think August 15th my fine-felted friend Oh, yeah, we got a show over there. Yeah, and the guy doing Amsterdam. I'll be in Rome Yeah, but the guy was like you should not you should not to do a show. It's bad bad time It was like what and he's like no one's in Italy at this time you know one will tend no one speaks English you should not do a show I'm telling you this is a bad idea I was like all right well we need it for the travel show and he's like okay but it

will be bad for the show you want the show to be good because the show that you're going to do for the other show will be a bad show. It will not be okay. It will not be okay Yeah, but yeah, we're gonna do a show. Let's do a show and it cares who cares you can't arrest us all I also don't understand people in Rome will be gone because they go on vacation those two weeks Rome is empty But Europeans go to Rome on vacation. No, no, no everyone leaves Italy and they all go to Spain and Greece Nobody goes to on holidays. It's gonna be it's gonna be fucking Tokyo again it's gonna be a million degrees dude. Yeah. It's gonna be Paris again. But it will have the streets to ourselves I like that. Streets to ourselves but. You can tag wherever we want school sucks. El Bardo was here.

Luigi was wrong. Bowser was right. They're Italian. Yeah. Peach was a bitch. Hey, Peach, I can smell your con. I can smell your con. I can smell your con. Okay. Okay. And it's okay. Not okay, guys. Oh, it's okay my chemical I'm not okay. I'm really not okay

You know, it's not okay Walking around with a smelly ass. Oh Stinky. Yeah, stinky, sticky ass. Creamy. Creamy, garlic. Load it, fully loaded, like a baked potato. You know what we have? What?

Those Spagliatella's. We've got those creamy clam shells that we got from Colangelo's. Yeah, hey guys, thanks for listening. What did I do with them? They're in the fridge. They're in here. I put them in the fridge.

Fuck yeah, dude. We have like six pastries in that fridge that spoke. Oh, yeah tell how much time is left in this? 20 fuck I think we did it we did enough no Let's give them the full sh becker if that wasn't good don't use it, but you know what is good, and you should use Toshi Toshi yeah, we are selling so many bidets. They love us well They love us, but also I think a lot of our listeners can't reach their actual butthole with their hands because it's so deep or they're gweeged. They get prescribed a tushy by a doctor. Right, yeah. So they have to get one. And then they break that one. So they have to get a second one. Exactly. No, I'll bet there's a great warranty or or or money back guarantee if you smush it in the first 30 days. Go to the website for more. Smush it with tush it. If you're walking around outside in this heat, you're already gross. Okay.

If you get yeah if you get out of bed in the summer, you're instantly fucked. If the summertime your butt is a mess, you better clean it up or you're not having sex. In the summertime you gotta bidet, you gotta bidet in your cheeks. Mungo Tushy. Yeah. Don't make it worse by not using a bidet. Tushy has you covered with their bidet that gives you a precise stream of water that'll clean things up. That's what that rushing Allegheny did to my butt. I stood in front of the headwaters.

It might have put something in that a Tushi might be able to get out. And again, this is not legally binding. That Tushi can get rid of your Giardia or your fucking tunnel worm. Yeah. Yeah. You just have to stand over tushy with your urethra pulled open while peeing blasted crossfire with fire. It uses only freshwater. All right. That's good. That's what we need to do with our limited water resources is clean our little chapped holes not water from the bowl.

So it's like taking a really specific shower. All right. But shower but shower and also it cuts down on toilet paper use by 80 percent. taking a really specific shower. All right. Butt shower. Butt shower. And also it cuts down on toilet paper use by 80%. It cuts down on my toilet paper use by 4,000%. Yeah. Usually I want it to be clean. Yeah.

And I make a little mess almost every time. So it takes a lot of TP. Yeah. And it gets annoying to have to go to the store, get some more. But yeah, it cuts way down. And sometimes I just do the tush and then like one wet wipe. I'm on my way. So you still leave wet? No, the wet wipe isn't dripping. The wet wipe is just,

you know, the push, tush, wipe. It's sick, man. I love it. I'm very happy that Megan finally stepped up and installed the tush. Yeah, there's a man in the relationship. It's very easy, it takes like four minutes or whatever. Unless you're mentally ill. Unless you are so damaged by Tondrick and others. It's like your dad beat you with a bidet. School sucks. And you can't do anything that feels like homework or like a reading assignment.

The only thing is that you can eat all the toilet paper you want now. More to munch. More to munch, yeah. You know, and disclaimer, he doesn't actually eat it. He just chewed it up and spit it out. What, compacted it down in a little? As tight as I could because it was the only thing

I could control at that point in my life as a young man. My dad was hanging out with raggles, taking notes. Getting some tips. He's drinking out of his dad of the year coffee mug. World's best husband. Was it hard or was it easy? What was scarier? That it was easy? Yeah, that would scare me too. Tushy takes a few minutes to install and is a serious bathroom upgrade. So stay shower fresh all summer long and join the 2 million buds who have already switched to Tushy. For a limited time, ChubbyBeehemoth listeners get 10% off your entire order when you use code

CHUBBY at checkout. That's 10% off your order at H-E-L-L s h y dot com slash c h u b b y. Tush it do it. So should I push it do it. You're not going to regret it. Yeah. We've sold you some snake oil in the past. But she is tried and true. It's for real. Yeah.

Sorry about that Lucy settlement. I know not everyone got their money back. Their tongues are rotting. A lot of people lost their lower jaw Like Roger Ebert, which if you're a big fan, you know, that's my biggest nightmare Getting mouth cancer and having to just have no jaw and then like a curtain You have to look like Orville Beck for the rest of your life. You can't sing and you're not hot Yeah, you're superredder. You got nothing. Super Shredder. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You're Krang and Super Shredder.

You're shaped like Krang, but your jaw's missing. Oof. That's the worst in having to watch Dunstan checks in. You're an amalgam. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ninja Turtles characters, but you're not Bako, because Bako has agency.

Now, I think we should address our vicinity to the historic event of this evening. From Dick Stinkley? What? Oh, oh, oh, yes. No, the attempted assassination of former President Trump. Yeah, future President Trump. Yeah, all-time President Trump.

I think that, first of all, it was in Butler, Pennsylvania, which was an hour away from us. So, we were on stage, all right. We weren't, but we were in the improv. I'm just saying, we didn't do it. Right, no, we couldn't possibly have done it. Yeah, because the shooter shot from the top of a building, he had to climb up.

Yeah, we couldn't have gotten up yeah, no, we could have been seen Filming content Will be there Everyone cool already there. We were never here with there right now Yeah Everyone cool. We're already there. We were never here. We're there right now. Yeah. Hey, she's got him. That's what I use the scope for. That's why that guy missed the shot. Because some chick had a heavy pair. He gets up there and he's pingo. He throws off the weight balance. Yeah, I'd love to be a... You know what's cool about what happened?

Was almost immediately after, some of the dumbest people I know said with 100% certainty what was going on, whether it was staged, whether it meant that he was definitely gonna win the presidency, just 100% confidence that what they were saying was factual, accurate.

You don't know shit about nothing. No, no, no. You know less than a worm. I got eaten by a dog And that dog was dumb if he's eating worms. So what's that make you the dog? So it was a person right they hit their head They rode a fucking lime scooter without a helmet and cracked their dome turn where they were riding around Detroit with my wife and Chelsea Tonight, right now Chelsea fell on them. Yeah Cracked their skull. No, no, no. It's a person that got turned into a dog. That dog person got kicked on the head by a horse.

That dog, that horse kick dog person ate a worm, shit it out. And then the worm said, this means he's going to win for sure. Okay. I mean, dude, that picture of him coming up, covered in blood and doing black power fists. The only thing that would have been better was double bird. Yeah. Or if he did suck it, you know. But yeah, the fist was nuts. It looked crazy.

Flag in the background. But yeah, double bird would have been, fuck you. I won't do what you the club. Yeah. The glass shatters and back out. Hillary Clinton is here. She's back. She walks down like Steve with her head waggling. Long sleeve D tucked into a pair of jean shorts with a belt on. If Trump did the double bird covered in blood after an attempted assassination I am campaigning for the man. I mean how can you ever argue again. Yeah. I mean fuck fuck. Oh man. But a lot of hot, a lot of hot takes lightheaded there. Jesus Christ said with the confidence of a, you know, Wolf Blitzer and fucking Nate Silver combined and the Swami Chris Berman. Here's what happened. Rump a dump, dump it's Trump rumbling up to the podium.

Here's what happened, folks. Also you can trust me. I haven't paid my power bill on time for the last few months, so the lights are off, but I can tell you this. We thought it was a work right away. It's hard not to question everything that we see. We were raised on Alex Jones and Art Bell,

Myth Busters. Yeah, man. I don't know. It is. Bill Hendry. The first things that we thought that I think that a lot of people probably thought was there were so many gunshots and he didn't really get hit. Missed a pretty big target there.

Yeah, he's right there. It's your literally your whole thing And then you you blow it so that's crazy Nobody seemed to run everybody kind of just ducked or cow or right everyone in the stands the photographers Yeah, that looked it looked weird just that visual was like didn't make sense to me because I'm sure it was chaotic, but You'd think that people would scramble. Or scream maybe. And then also just the fact that the Secret Service kinda attended to him right there

and then slowly got him up and then eventually got him away. A lot of people are like, why wouldn't they have immediately gotten him the fuck out of there? But that could have been, you know, just those guys. Protocols. New on the job, or yeah, they know something we don't, whatever. But yeah, it all looked weird.

And yeah, so when people say that shit was certainty that it was a work, that the fix is in, it's like, yeah, maybe. I mean, so many things are possible. Well, Trump did tell the Secret Service that he was gonna get colored tonight, brother. So he went down there with a gimmick, I guess, and juiced himself the hard way.

Yeah, he little blade. Yeah, he little blade nicked his ear, comes up. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Dull on him out. Biting them like a scared dog. Dog with a hurt paw. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we'll never know what the hell actually happened. But have the wherewithal though. I mean, say what you will about the guy, but to fucking come up and throw it up, man. Yeah. I also think that he was like barking at the, I think it was maybe a man and a woman in the secret

service that were in front of him between him and the hard cam. Yeah the I think it was maybe a man and a woman in the Secret Service that were in front of him Between him and the hard cam. Yeah, I think he like got them away from him so that they the camera could get it Yes, when he said fight. Yeah fight. I thought he was saying fuck You suck it Assassin I've got two words for you Nice shot. It's not the line, Don. Oh, suck me. No, no.

Can we take this thing from the top? Yeah, man, it was wild. It definitely felt like weird, like crazy, like historic momentous, you know, what happens next. Yeah, the world stood still. We go inside and start dicking around immediately. Right away. That's all we know.

Yeah. And also because you could tell that he was not rocked. His shocks, relatively unrocked overall. I mean, he looked pretty scared, freaked out. Yeah. But- He didn't have a heart attack or anything. He's 79 and total total wad. Dipped up. Yeah. That was that guy. God that thing's gonna sell for fucking forty million dollars. The Trump diaper from the assassination attempt. I love to see. I don't know if they are going to be able to handle this one without reinforcements.

But now that bowl needs secret service to protect it from Trump's butt. It would have been interesting if there would have been, if he would have needed to be stretchered out, if there were chest compressions, if he were unconscious. Oh yeah. Going into two shows, you know.

But. Especially if there's a guy out there just in fucking Pennsylvania shooting at fat guys Living scared that yeah, of course Not of course High risk high reward it would have been I think it would have felt a little weirder in the room But also we kind of did what we do which is like hey Whatever the hell that was we still have to like try to make you laugh.

That's going to make the doughnuts. Yeah. Yeah. I already made the doughnut. I ate all the doughnuts. I already shot the doughnuts. So, yeah, yeah, that was a bit intense, but we were boots on the ground reporting, man. We were here. You know, just testing the waters of a new America we gotta go to the airport tomorrow what's that gonna be like yeah I think it'll be okay we'll be fine we have to take our shoes off yeah like hey you weren't in Butler last night right no okay I think they got the guy who he's done blasted

him he he's gonna assume the gender pretty sure it was a dude Come on, then it's not progress ladies is pimps to Yeah, I don't know the shooter the Shooter is no longer active shoot. Uh, the shooter is getting dapped up by Vern Troy right now Yeah, and then and getting shown the ropes. Welcome to the brotherhood. Yeah, verne is your fucking escort to heaven That sucks It's a guy

He opens the burly gates for you. It takes forever. Yeah Hey, good burn. Nice to meet you, man. I heard there was a hell of a roller coaster up here Can we I don't know where I am. I'm not allowed. There's still rules. There's regulations that's happened. But, can I interest you in some tiny things? Some little guy stuff?

You can suck your own dick, but you don't have to whenever I'm around. Oh God. What, he wants to blow the guy. I get it. Oh. I get the bits. I thought you were lost. Needed me to hold your hand like Vern on the stairway to heaven. I need to hold your hand. It's like a hand in yours. There's only one you're not really helping me. It's an escalator Vern.

Take me by the hand yeah we're going up so there's no like stop if it's actual stairs and Vern has to slinky going up can you carry me just throw them throw them up a ways catch up to him yeah there's no pain up there. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't care. He doesn't get kick him like a can down the road Well, I didn't know a baby was gonna show me around heaven very funny In heaven he's you know six to deep for yeah in heaven. He's four ten and he's stoked Man I can't believe how much we talk about verne Troyer on this podcast He really Occupies a sacred space in my heart. We've covered a lot of the hits verne Troyer and what happens in heaven

That's like our two obsession Is there an afterlife and is verne Troyer and what happens in heaven? That's like our two obsessions. Is there an afterlife and is Verne Troyer real? Burping, picking. You're going for it right now. Literally picking right now. Get out of there, dude. Why? It looks like you're touching yourself. My ball bag. Stop touching your ball bag. I'm itching it by pinching.

What? Well, you were like, this one's not going to be good. We're exhausted. And here we are. It's the best one. It's been very fun. It's just that strange phone call from my wife and Edwound. Chelsea's staring. I was staring. Maybe they're getting them on right now.

That'd be great. That'd be cool. Just take them in to think about that. You'll never know. Oh, I'll know. They won't tell you. They'll tell me. Oh. I hope.

They'll never tell. They're Brittany Murphy'd up. Oh, shit. She's from Detroit, isn't she? Hey, all right. Girl Interrupted too, remember that movie? Yeah. Yeah, that was cool.

I guess. Pretty heavy. I liked it man. They were hot Yeah, great weekend in Pittsburgh and Morgantown one two three pleasant and Ali and Tim Should we plug Ali's only fans? I mean is that insane? Yeah. Yeah, okay. I Think so. I don't know. Well, maybe if we get the green light which none of our business, but she's a hard-working woman Help her out fucking Mohammed in Chicago the Palestinian mo He was like dude, is that who I think it is. I was like what he was like Does she have an only fans and I was like yes like, yes. And he said, I knew it. Yeah, a few people are fans, followers, supporters. I know.

And I was like, are you a pig? And he says, oh yeah. And she feeds us pigs the best slop. So that was a rousing endorsement from a man who loves a really heavy pear. He likes a couple of iron domes. All right. You know. Yeah, sorry Moe.

We're all rooting for you buddy. I'm sure you guys will figure it out. Tees and P's. And we have to get on a flight in. T minus. Twelve minutes. So. Yeah, we should probably say goodbye, but not for long.

Cause we'll be back together in just a few days. In Royal Oak there. And we will, yeah. Oh, you know what we should try and do? Vern Troyer and such. Join the Patreon. Yeah, good call. Well, when we say just, when we just say it, you know,

no one, no one like, we get people on there, but join it. What if we like surprise them, you know? They don't seem to be coming. Yeah. The Patreon, join it. Patreon.com. Slash Shelby the Hymoth.

Yeah, I think that's good. Shock them. Shock and awe. Yeah, stern but fair. Shock, no jaw. Oh no, full Ebert. I'm Ebert. Kill me.

Hi, welcome. I want to eat a gun, but I can't. Shock no job. Oh no full Ebert Hi welcome I want to eat a gun but I can't Or what if it's kill me welcome to heaven It's me America's film critic. It's just like two pieces of wood with like a big nail halfway driven through for a jaw. It's like why? Well, it's a lot of the scientists are now my surgeons

It's God's will Why tinger with his masterpiece take my job, please. I thought I'd be whole up here. No fucking two pieces of driftwood from the Allegheny so everything itches. Yeah. Good night. Good night and good luck.