Chubby Behemoth - Gourd Zord

Episode Date: June 9, 2024

SPONSOR: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAuthorsShow BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys threaten to go straight up Byron Allen. Sam discovered a new use for a fly, runs the hoodie numbers and checks the hypothesis, and is trying to be off his phone. Nathan gave them a little applesauce, rocked a woman’s shocks at the clear line, and has been standing too. Sam is never going to lose to a Pringles can. The guys remember Little Critter. Sam closes the show with a full vapor freakout border crossing.    Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

This should be good talk, please check check check check check check Hello. Hello. Hello. I am speaking into the microphone. Nice, dude Looks good. I like when you're talking to my mic my Mike Wallace Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the two guys in bed podcast. I'm the fat bed Welcome to another episode of the two guys in bed podcast. Welcome to fat bed. Welcome to bed testers. Welcome to the mattress busters.

Yeah. This is why all mattresses are 50% off because we go around putting both of our butts in them and yeah, these mattresses I got to say five star review. Top notch. Awesome stuff. We've stayed in some nice ones. Uh, not too long ago. Definitely had a fucked up, uh, a fucked on bed, or fucked out. Yes. When there's been a bunch of banging on the side or yeah. Yeah. Um, three people stacked on one side of the bed. Yeah. A real, a real

princess in the peace situation, as I like to call it. It can be annoying. Where it turns into, it feels like you're outside sleeping on your buddy's trampoline. Yeah, God, I used to love that. Yeah, well it's actually, it'd be like a busted trampoline. It would be, the springs would be destroyed, but I'd love to sleep on that thing, but the problem was that invariably someone's dad

or older brother would come out with a sprinkler or a hose or their their penis just their penis from the deck i definitely peed on a kid from a deck before on a trampoline those were the days man back when boys could be boys you could get a kid wasted on evan williams and then take turns peeing on him oh god did you pee on each other you'd Oh, God, did you pee on each other? somebody oh You know the guy you know the guys Matthew. Yeah Wheelock that does our clips Showed me how he has started chubby be from the beginning to make a compendium of like

words Origins a glossary if you will glossary kind of but it's a more of an index Yes Because it's it shows a little more detail than like, you know Becker would usually do a few phrases or whatever alluding to some of the highlights, but this is longer It's a deeper description deeper dive into the nomenclature Yeah, and I think episode two I talk about Lamar Stuckey peeing on me in what eighth grade Well, we came out the gates hot. You know we didn't have shows so we went back in time to our childhoods. We went past our shared friendship of a decade and a decade plus and we went into embarrassing, sexy, scary

times. Sexy, embarrassing and scary all at once. I lost my virginity to Marilyn Manson girl brother it was confusing. I lost my virginity to Ginger Fish the drummer. So yeah this is Madonna Wangase. Okay let's not do this again there's no way we haven't named all the members Twiggy Ramirez but yes I've worried that maybe YouTube has not been friendly to us because the pod is growing exponentially Thank you for being here for that ride. We appreciate it, but on YouTube We're not getting the views that one would assume we should be garnering You just said that the old ones have been going up and he likes to see it, which is correct I like that too, but I'm just saying that I think it's because it's you often looking like a nude shipwreck survivor in a bed

Yeah, slapping a bag full of what can only be like smuggled spiders. No way that could be a human gut. And then me often with my feet in the foreground. So I think they think that it's some kind of like AI created sex body positive like boner show. Yeah, see? That's gonna get us flagged for sure. Don't put the put the hat on the hat on the penis. This will help, but I'm on the comics on leech fire. Now I heard you do something fun with a hat. Why don't you do that? We got you a couple of that's not what you're supposed to come on

man. Just get to it. It goes on his dick. Everybody Just get to it. It goes on his dick Over it Byron Allen is a good recurring character. So yeah The president of YouTube with kidnapping his family unless we get more views I want to fucking sell a bow flex to my neighbor and jack up the price because we we're going to go straight up by Renal and otherwise. Oh, hey, Mario Cantone, tell you a joke. I'm Ant. Who cares, man? You are. I'm grasshopper.

We've had nothing but fun here in Rochester yet again. Oh, speaking of hats, did I tell you about the revelation that I saw with Susanna, my niece? No, dude, I was we were she bought her mom a little plant a potted plant, and she was showing me the potted plant She's four years old everyone you're caught up And she took a bowl off the counter and she put it over the potted plant And I said Susanna don't give the plant a hat and her face went like this And then she started to scream laughing. And then she put the bowl on my head

and she was just like blown away what she's done. I literally got to see her face for the first moment that she realized, A, that a plant could have a hat and that a bowl could be a hat. Then she was putting the hat on everyone. It was awesome. Yeah, you're raising her right. I'm glad that you'll be closer to her

so that she can learn when when you It's gonna be bad laughs when you were on the ground after getting chopped Yeah, by Cody Devine you did the slow-motion curly slash Homer Simpson walking on your side Yeah in a circle for like literally no one but you and the people on the stage No one in the crowd could see it, but I was straight curling on the ground Dude, she's gonna know that she's gonna know accidentally walk into the wall instead of the doorway I used to always I've talked about you know you have a low garage or you know halfway closed Or at the mall you know the gates that come down from the top you pretend to smack your head real hard

She's gonna know everything at a young. She's gonna be tiger woods. She's gonna be the funniest uncle in fucking kindergarten Yeah, she's gonna be gonna have all the tricks of me legend in first grade well she with the great moment where Emily, you know Do the Eddie Pepitone, baby? I got the job The cancer's back. They found blood in my stool Where Emily got her a painting and she told her after dinner I got you something cool, but you only have to finish your green beans

So Susanna's fucking housing green beans like a little gerbil person and Emily goes and she gets this great thing Which is a like an eight by four painting not even a painting like a fucking print and Susanna was like oh it was of a man feeding a goat an apple and she said the goat reminds me of you Susanna and Susanna was pissed she slapped it out of Emily's hand literally and I was like dude you need to say sorry to your aunt which is the first time I've ever admonished her but she was kind of like spiraling so I was like, okay, I got this in Michigan right now Is it bedtime? It was right before like an hour before bedtime, but it was like right after dinner

She's been she was with her dad at gymnastics practice. She came home high on chocolate ice cream. She was straight gorked Yeah, so this painting has just been you know, it was like she was a fucking non-veteran burning a flag in front of the Capitol. So I'm like, I got this. She gets disillusioned with everything because she was lied to or misled. Like the Unabomber. In her head she hears incense and peppermint. Yeah, she thinks she's about to go to fucking, not a big rock candy mountain, but the good

ship Lollipop, dude, anytime someone says I have a toy, she thinks she's going to space. She thinks that the toy will have her on the moon by sunrise. She has the highest hopes for toys. Yeah. And I don't want to have a fucking disillusioned jaded niece. My aunt lied to me. Who else lied to me?

Uncle Sam. She goes, wait, uncle Sam, connect the dots. She goes full barco and just starts staring off and doesn't make eye contact because in her head it's just planes dropping bombs. In the Sea of Japan! And fucking... Yeah, and it's burning! She starts to smile a little because she likes it. I like it.

Yeah, she goes to the corner and makes a gun out of Legos. Comes back. Different toy. Eat it big. Sprays. It's Susanna. Had a gun. Held it to my wife's head and said, eat it pig.

Who's the dyno bitch? I would pass away. I would be dead. Like, well, I'm already in heaven. Cause my niece just held my wife and gun boy and said, eat it pig. Which I mean, you're winning now. Like it used to be that Emily was out over there more. It's very bad.

Yeah. It was, was fun. It was always good to see her. Oh, her hair's pink, et cetera. Right. Yeah. But I only see colors. There's this huge pink blob who comes in here and makes all these loud noises.

You're terrifying. I just come in and would just be like, who got in baby language. I really hard with everyone you, with any with anyone let especially a kid especially your own God I almost said seed but and it's not blood either it's your own for your family right your kin but yeah you go the extra mile you want them to be happy you want them to like you I said on the walk from the car I was like man if anyone doesn't like me I know they're fucking wrong because I try so hard with everyone to make them like me. Yeah except Turds and that's no no except that in itself is not

Not everybody needs to give you very good Sam and give you a toy I know when people are just like so that's not ice every now and then well I know but then when they don't give it to me. I work even harder. I go full cone and O'Brien You make you know I like I make a gun out of a Lego I make a gun out of a Lego You point it to your own head because you're sad you think you failed them Right then they No, I'm just like elsewhere. I'm thinking about other stuff. Sorry.

Yeah And you're like who'd like me? What about this? I get the mop bucket. I put it on my head. I'm Ringo Cut off your own finger Eat it What do you want? Is this enough? Give me a hug or some money Or a handshake Ringo cut off your own finger Give me a hug or some money

Handshake that me up motherfucker. I need this It's all I've got I just gave you an hour up there and I'll give you whatever you need Oh, you're not at a show. You're like, I just gave you my everything treat me like a hockey puck But Susanna I there's all these it's mayfly season. It's fish fly season. So the flies are dying everywhere. And there are these huge like first thumb joint size fly. That's how big they are. And the night before me and Hannah had trapped one in a glass.

And I was like, because Susanna loves the ants. There's ants all around. She was picking up the ants. They're closer to her than, you know, you or Emily's face. She'll be like, Sammy, ant! And then I have to like hit the ground and find the ant and let it crawl on me. And she won't let the ant crawl on her,

but I saved this fucking mayfly and it was dead and it was perfect. And I was like, all right, I got you a toy. And I came out with this mayfly in my hand. And for the next hour until bed, which ended in a screaming fit because she wanted to keep playing with the fly. She, I would put, I would hold the fly

and she'd be like, oh my God. Well, then she wouldn't say, oh my God, you know? But she was. Wallahabibi, you know? As-salamu alaykum. Oh yeah, she couldn't get over it, which is so funny that you nailed it, but you're a simple, you're a four year old.

I really am. You're a dog. She's a dog. I know how to. Emily's a're a simple, you're a four year old. I really am. You're a dog. She's a dog. I know how to. Emily's a doctor and you're closer to a four year old than her when it comes to talking, relating. You like slime, Susanna likes slime. I love coloring.

I love coloring. I love apple segments. I mean, I'm all on board for the four year old lifestyle. Was Emily furious that you won so handily I'll tell you about this. Yeah, so I put the fly in my mouth. I act like I swallow it. Yeah, I'd spit it out She's blown away. She I put the fly I put the fly and she'd be like put it in my hand I put it in her hand she go There was and then at one point she's running around the room.

Hannah's making a Lego gun for herself. Yeah. Cause she should have been in bed an hour and a half ago. But the fly is taking over. But you brought a dead fly into the picture. And her dumb little daughter's obsessed with it. At one point Susanna was running through the the house yelling, what a great toy. So to your point about was Emily mad.

And then she's, she's over there with her picture going and fucking herself. I guess I'll go fuck myself. An original piece of art. She bought for a four year old. What a dumb ass. Come on, Dr. Dip shit. Know your, know your audience. But yeah, after Susanna went to bed,

Hannah came back down, and that's what Emily said, because we went to dinner with Hannah, my sister-in-law's new boyfriend, who rules. She's a fan of my comedy already. She told him, like, yeah, my wife, my sister is in Colorado, she's married to a comedian. He was like, who? She was like Sam Talon.

He was like, no way! He loves Knocked Loose. He's fucking cool Yeah, all right, but at the night before shout out to the boy I don't want to say his name yet, but that night before I was like, how do you get along with Susanna? And he was like, she's great. You know, she runs to me. She calls me. She has a fun nickname for me Like we get along really well So that I say whatever at dinner. I don't remember what I said, but that night... You thought that you were just like, hmm, that's nice. It's like, oh cool, yeah.

But instead it was like the fucking Zapruder film. Because Emily and Hannah were like, by the way, if Susanna does end up having her own relationship with whoever Hannah's dating or potentially marries, that's fine, right? And I was like, yeah. And they were like, well when Sean... Well, whatever.

Sean, when Sean said the other night that Susanna runs to him, your face changed. I was like, what are you talking about? Emily was like, yeah, it was like someone punched you in the stomach. It's like, I don't think that's true. And Hannah was like, well, it's true. Oh, it's true.

Oh, it's true there. It was not your bag. It's true there. Oh yeah, your face changed there. Your face went straight sideways, didn't it there? So anyway. She didn't leave, so she still has it. Emily has it when she goes back, I would imagine. Oh my God, Emily's is getting so bad

and we haven't even officially moved. It's gonna be back. You're gonna be with a fucking igloo person. It's gonna be like. Oh, I went up to Manitowoc and I had a couple of cold ones and ended up delivering an Inuit child. Well, I hope it's not like an Irish brogue like you just took on there.

I'm all over the place. It's hard to do. I couldn't do my Trump, I can't do Wisconsin. Oh yeah, your Trump faltered. Can't do Michigan. My Trumps suck tonight, but you know, they lapped it up anyway. They didn't care.

Gave him a little applesauce and they winked and said, no cinnamon, just kidding, I like it plain. Yeah, you gave him a fly. I gave them a dead fly and they said, no cinnamon, just kidding, I like it plain. Yeah, you gave him a fly. I gave him a dead fly and he's like, ahhhh! Yeah. I put it back in my palm, ahhhh! It is funny to think about Hannah just like exhausted watching her daughter.

You come in, tornado, Hurricane Sammy. Dude, I hit him with the fucking blockbuster off the top rope. It's a tornado DDT in the corner. You're buff and you're the stuff. Oh yeah, and Susanna is obsessed. She wants to be in the NWO so bad. Everyone did, dude, but no, she's no Scott Hall yet.

She's Dean Malenko. She's a technician. Oh, you had a fun time at the airport. Thanks, Byron. I did. So... Tell the story. So give him the whole thing. The hat back. This thing is crusted. It's bad. Yeah. But why is it not white? Mine always would be dyed white. I don't know. So yeah, I know what you mean. This is dark like mud. You have different sweat, I have mud gland as we call it so yeah the a lot of airports clear opens at like 415 and I got to DIA at

345 and There were a.m. There were a ton of fucking people in the one security section that was open and a people in the one security section that was open and a dozen people waiting for clear to open I was like fuck I don't know which one to do you know so I end up actually I left to see about the other security areas they were both close so go back tell the story I go back I get in line at clear because I think that's the smarter move right because you're always gaming the system well yeah I can see that the line over there is moving but I know as

soon as clear opens everybody's gonna go through cut you know cut to the front whatever it comes to lines you do have like a predator vision where you like scan the room and assess and you're like port three gate four yeah good at that well fuck sometimes but so I get I get in line for clear, and a couple, like a minute later, this woman comes up with her kid, and she goes, are you guys, you're waiting for clear? And we were like, yeah, it opens at 415. And she goes, oh, what?

I didn't, I guess I haven't been. And then I'm like, yeah, you know, this general security looks pretty busy, Whatever and she just goes this is ridiculous And I go because you hear that so much at the airport Yeah people are flabbergasted constantly every parent every father or mother or you know older people they can't believe The the goings-on and they're blown away by the airport on a fucking Friday. So yeah, everything is ridiculous or unbelievable. Yeah. And that's all you hear and I always hate it. So yeah, this woman... If you're in London, sometimes they'll say preposterous. I would love to hear

someone say... I'm flummoxed! This is preposterous. This is a whole bag of sand, isn't it? So she says, she says, this is ridiculous. And I go, what is, and she, I rocked her shocks. She like didn't, she said it because she was annoyed at a situation. But yeah, she was wrong because no, it's not ridiculous. More people are here than normal. So shit is wonked. There's a certain amount of space and these lines are divided and this is what's going on. And it's like, what's ridiculous that Clear isn't open 24-7? This isn't a shocking development. They're not supposed to be. They never are. And you said that she just like powered down?

She didn't know what was ridiculous because she just says it and doesn't think about it. And so when I said what is, was like well, I don't know Yeah, and I was just like yeah, and then we joked you know that she just loses her mind She's like well, what what is any of this wait? None of this makes any none of this matters Yeah, just starts taking your nose. I'm madder walks into the there are no rules of the woods. We're all God. Yeah, she gets completely new. She starts shitting on the floor. We can leave this prison anytime we want. We built it. She just runs and jumps off the balcony and she's laughing. She's free, eats her own

shit. Yes, grab securities gun, kills her kid and then herself with a smile. With a smile. Big old smile. She took the Joker toxin. Yeah. It was, I loved it. I wrote you and Becker immediately to remind myself because I thought it was... Right. Because you hear that so much and I, but it's usually not being said to me or I'm also annoyed at whatever's happening and so I don't engage. You also don't have your headphones on. It's usually not being said to me or I'm also annoyed at whatever's happening. And so I don't engage. You also don't have your headphones on. It's a rare instance.

I'm usually listening to Macedon or God's hate. Yeah. Or Meshuggah. And playing, yeah. Playing farts. No, no. Playing the game that we both have said we play at the airport, which is who would I do?

Oh God. And the answer is like, I'm only horny or on the lookout in the airport. I'm curious about, yeah, who's around me and are they hot? What are they wearing? It's usually pajama, you know, it's athletic wear or fucking a pajama bottoms and a tank top. Some of my most reckless bouts of public perversion are when a woman felony leering, dude, just lasciviousvious intent like an old-school like

jack the ripper type like a man wearing a bowler hat and just like flipping a coin checking his pocket watch yeah I could have them all picking your teeth with a knife I could have every one of them for a hay penny but yeah that licking my I don't hear people but I know every time yeah, I am fucking Every time I can hear people at the airport. It's things are ridiculous or unbelievable And it's like no, it's this is fine. You know, it's what happens sometimes But yeah, and then it's like how much do you even travel where you could say that and be right? Like I can say now After frontier was fucking crazy

You know some people got on a plane Frontier don't let them have that on you I'm one of you what I don't fly private like you're fucking heroes. I'm a guy. I'm just a guy You're a fucking Superstar or whatever. Yeah, I'm the guy I'm a friend of the proletariat. My tickets are $20. I'm Lund. Yeah, you're all Lund. That's what that lady says. Yeah, wait, we're Lund. Wait, I'm Lund. Wait, I'm a Lund guy. No one's my boss. Wait, I'm my own boss.

I'm gonna fire myself. No bosses, no gods? Interesting. But yeah, so you know, I've dealt with Frontier enough to where I can say, yeah, Frontier can be fucking ridiculous sometimes, but she flies twice a year or whatever. Right, yeah.

Expects everything, expects every door to be opened or whatever. From Denver to Colorado Springs, yeah. So yeah, but it was fun to hit her with a what is. Please tell me what is fucked about this. What's happening? What's really rocking your body? We live in a society.

Or do we? She headbuts me. The social contract is broken. Claws at my eyes. She bites your nose off, spits it in her kid's face. You're bathed. Oh, but the horniest. Oh, at the airport, yeah.

Is when you're in the line and you take your shoes off and you put them in the bucket and all that and Then you see a woman who's wearing a hoodie and you think maybe well, I think potentially she has them There's your Terminator vision. Yeah, your vision is me being like running the numbers It's like she could just be broad, but maybe they're heavy But when you know that they're gonna have to take their hoodie off because they have to go through the scanner That's a good time to let your eyes have a little feast It's it's nice to be able to run the numbers and then see if your hypothesis was correct in real life And usually it's like a wife beater under there. Anyway, this is just this is lurid. But yeah, it's like a wife beater under there anyway. This is just this is lurid, but yeah, that's fine

Yeah, a couple leaves and some twigs. I've been through security hard Isn't that nuts and then it goes off and they pat you down and now I've never been patted down hard but that is my biggest fear is that some lady wearing like a Fucking I don't know. What's the kind of hoodie they usually have you it's potentially usually it's like a fucking I don't know. What's the kind of hoodie? They usually have you Usually it's like a stussy. Well, no like a second wave like English punk band Like I've seen a lot of like the addicts which is they have the same imagery as clockwork orange I know that there's two women who I've seen in addicts who have been like she's got him my god. I was right

It's awesome. It typically looks like maybe they are pregnant or on their way to being pregnant, but either way, those things is thingin'. Yeah, I didn't mean to get that deep into it. Well, again, when we're in the airport, a lot of the time, even though we've been together and have flown together some of the time, we don't usually have the same flights.

Correct. So more often than not, we're separate, we're solo in the airport. And so yeah, you can't hear anything because you're listening to music or. I'm listening to This American Life and Leering and Ogling at a Woman. Then all you have in front of you

is the sights and the smells. Of a modern rock band. And so yeah, you are scanning and just on the lookout, just in case somebody's like smoking hot, you wanna be able to look at them for four seconds. That's all you have in there. It's not even if they're smoking hot. It's just nice to see people that are in their flight mode

because they usually have their guard down. And I just, women, my God, they're so pretty. And it's fun to see them out, making their moves in the world. How about Oh your you had the The dude at the at security Clued you into maybe a TSA secret for the for the big guys in Winnipeg every time I go inside the little tube and this is bed busters Airport Edition everyone. I'm gonna peg, every time I go inside the little tube, and this is Bed Busters, airport edition everyone,

I'm sorry, there's no beds in the airport unless you're in the Polaris Lounge, and then anything goes for $30 a throw. I'm fuckin' turning tricks in the Polaris Lounge. Hey, you're flying abroad? You wanna enter international waters on land? Get me in the bed. You wanna fuck this flotilla?

Yeah, you wanna slap this bag? Flotilla the Yeah, you want to slap this bag? Flotilla the Hun? It'll be like you're back in old Albania. Oh yeah, so I don't know. I don't even know if that's interesting, but it's noteworthy. We have a lot of giant fans that might wonder. If you're a Megawad, if you're a Gordzord. If you're a Gundam.

Yeah. You're a gourd, if you're a gourd zord. If you're a Gundam. Yeah. You're a chubby Gundam. There's a lot of lines in Wide World that are fun, but I want to put a Gundam to my head. It's a good one. That and the ping pong joke get brought up all the time. Yeah, right. They do. People will be like, dude, Wide World, that ping pong joke. No, they don't. I swear to God.

One guy. No, I bet he was wearing a warm mode shirt. It's like daily. And he reeked. No, they don't reek. The warm guys don't reek because they're like, they're like men. Anyway, if you're tall, our fans reek for sure. They don't have jobs. Yeah, they stick. They don't wipe. You should. They barely wipe. They're like, I'm like, Lund, I don't wipe. I'm legless. I'm legless. Wiping's for losers. I am legless. If you're tall and you try and go in the body scanner, it's going to trigger and you're

just going to say, no scan, no scan, no scan. Then they have to get out and they have to pat you down. So it's because- You have that every time? I have it. Most times I get scanned three times and I stand in out and they have to pat you down so you have that every time I have it Most times I get scanned three times I stand in there and they'll be like, okay exit and I just keep standing and they're Like step out sir, and I step out and they're like, oh no scan I was like, okay, how many times do I have to get fucking swipe with radiation at the airport? Yeah, they're three times a time. They're gonna make sure that you get blasted like we are with a normal once through. That's my version of Godzilla minus one.

It just feeds me and I get bigger and bigger. And then I'm just stuck in there. Wait, you didn't watch it? Oh, I told you. You told me. Sorry. Everything I know is from you or Breitbart. War mode.

So if you're tall, don't go in the body scanner. Can you opt out? You can be like, is it going to work? I'm tall. I'm huge. Look at me. Oh yeah. And then they're like, wait, how do you know about them?

You can be like, I was in Canada and a nice guy who wasn't TSA told me. Yeah, a collusion. A fucking whipped pig. You guys aren't even cops. None of you are cops. No one's a cop. None of this matters. Kill the cop in your mind.

Knocked blues. You go into the cop in your mind. No blues. You go under the scanner and drop trow. Look at it. You don't have to guess. Just look at it. Oh, how far we have an ad read. Cool. What are we at 28? Okay. Well, this is a new sponsor. So we have to treat them with respect. That I have just randomly been hit up by. Okay, let's get them all out before we read this new ad. I do what I want.

I burp when I want. Lund did you know that this show is brought to you by The Author Show? The Bed Nubs. Legless in bed. Legless in Seattle. Legless Mahoney. Breakfast in nubs. Legless in bed. Legless in Seattle. Legless Mahoney. Breakfast in nub. Here's the nub.

With lund. With lund. And becker. Isn't it a nub? Eight is a nub. This show is brought to you by The Author Show, a brand new absurdist documentary series following one man who dares to throw his entire world up in the air what is this guy spinning plates on a carnival ship he's throwing his world up in the air

for one singular purpose to sit down and finally write his first novel all right wow podcast it's a a podcast called the author show London's the author show. You know what it is. Cool. Yeah. I want to check it out. Tell me more. Okay. Wait, a podcast about an author.

What's next? A movie about a clown. This is all kinds of mixed media. A book about a journalist, a song about a poet, a magic trick about a gymnast god damn it okay a living statue becker put in living statue whatever I said it's 12 22 a.m. so you're allowed to let the riff get away from you'm Casey rocket. Yeah. No, you're not. Uh, yeah. Do you, um, I'm racy cock. Okay. Where was this tonight? You know, it was funny was our host at the show. I did great. Oh, you were great. No, but you were cracking me up because the host's name was Phil Smith.

Phil Smith. And he can make pseudonym for sure. You would go on stage and the first thing you would say would be what? Give it up for Phil. We've been calling him Phil. We've been calling him Phil. No, well originally it was we call him Phil as if it was like inside information. We're dicking around instead. Or if he went by Phillip and we call him Phil. No, he goes by Phil and we call him Phil no he goes by Phil and we call him Phil We're killing it Killing it with with the new guy his little name. We've been giving him Phil Yeah, but then it turned into yeah, I heard it on the we calm Phil

I heard on the first show on Saturday, and I was cackling in the green room the first show on Saturday and I was cackling in the green room. Oh yeah, the author show. Do you often wish that you read more books but feel incapable? Yes. Because your nub gets in the way? Yeah, because I keep jacking it instead. Well you're not alone you big dummy. No one reads fiction anymore, especially young people. We're so addicted to quick fix dopamine hits. You are and your people. The jury's out. We've lost our imaginations, we've forgotten how to read. I literally have, yeah. I mean, I read on my phone,

but I miss fucking holding the book. And you still do it, and you love it, because you do get so much out of it, holding the book. People are like, wow, your vocabulary's so big, and it's like, I read. That's where you get words from. Books. That's where the words are, stupid. Yeah, want to know words? Go to where they live.

I know five words the real housewives of and then yeah Atlanta, Newark, Houston, Bosnia, Sarajevo, Dubai, the void. They're all on leashes. The other side. You said Sarajevo and my phone thought you said Siri Hey Ho. Siri Hey Ho. Tonight at the second show, or the first show, there was that woman laughing really hard. Speaking of not being able to read good, you can't read this copy. Well, I'm just trying to make it. Let's take a walk, baby. People like the stories in the middle.

We're going, how are you going to walk your legless? How can you skip it when we're doing the little dance and hiding around the corner waiting for you? That's right. Yeah, try and skip through this one. We're gonna be waiting with a fucking garrotte. We're gonna yank you down and crush those tiny mirrors in your skull.

Guess what? Your shoelaces are tied together, stupid. Yeah. We got you. Then we pants you. Then we put you in one of those body scanners and we spread your cheeks and say, look at it. Just know what it is. Quit drawing it when you get home. But this lady was like, I was like, you were the one laughing really hard.

And she's like, yeah. And you know, we didn't know you were that big. And I know big people cause I'm native and all the native men are huge. And I was like, oh, there's some, those are some beefy honchos. And her face was like, what? Actually thought honcho was one she hadn't heard. A slur. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't know what I was doing. I literally got off stage, my pen. She should have liked it.

I thought so. She was taken aback. Like head honcho, whatever that means. I just said there beefy honchos. And she was like, it was like when Sean said that Susanna liked him. Her face was like, that's why you need to watch the author show. Where my friend Daniel and his team have made it their mission to champion authors and make

reading cool again. So if you love reading, documentaries are a cheap laugh at the expense of one man risking everything to chase his dream. You'll definitely want to watch this ridiculous show join Daniel. You love to join Daniel. It's a it's a show. Yeah, it's a seven episode Odyssey where they attempt to break the mold and write the next great American novel. Well, hey, I thought it was a pocket. Hey Daniel,

guess what? I already did that. All right, fucking get your own thing, buddy, Hey Daniel, guess what? I already did that. All right, fucking get your own thing, buddy. Fucking jerk. No, he's a good guy. For a culture that couldn't give a fuck about books or literature, go to youtube.com slash at the author show, youtube.com slash at the author show and be sure to subscribe. There you go. They wrote that copy. I'm sure the book will come easy. Yeah, that's quite the task. Yeah. Turning this country around and changing them into readers instead of throwing rocks at trains. Oh dude, I wish kids were throwing rocks at trains. That'd be better. If they were out there drowning cats, rounding up rodents, having a little fucking

rat barbecue, that's all fine. Kids are not putting, they're not inserting firecrackers inside of any animal corpses they find. I was a boy blowing up a badger. That was big, you know? Maybe some birds got into the Monsanto test seed. Next thing you know, you've got a fucking, just piles and piles of dead pigeons. Tossing some pop rocks to the sparrows. Get get some m80s have yourself a little blast off, but no the kids are still on their phones now

I'm pretty reading so that's that's fine. I'm purposely trying to get off my phone I sat in here today, and I watched 127 hours with you And I was like this is so much better than being on my phone, and I'd be like one look at this And you're like what I? Was tired just yeah, he retired 127 hours man what the fuck Yeah, dude, would you have been able to cut your own arm off with a fucking tiny blade? I don't break break both

What your is it radius and ulna up here? Is that what he would have broke? Well, the good news is is I'm never doing any belaying I'm not rock climbing anyway solo desert adventure if I told if I if I told anyone hey I'm going to that cave and I'm gonna be down there everyone I told would stop me it's a no you're not or they would think oh he's gonna he's gonna he's not coming back. He's not coming back. It's obvious he's going out there like a like a dog under the porch. That's right yeah he's going to even be if they would have tried to stop you bite them and then run mm-hmm and then get hit by a car instead of same dying in the desert. Yeah yeah no I think I don't know dude I feel like

in that moment you kind of you I don't I don't know I'm not gonna say yes. I'm not gonna say no cuz I literally don't know and I'll never have to worry about it Am I cool? I like it. I might get my hand caught in a cookie jar, you know, right? There's some like Rice Krispies treats to come out hot. I'll get my hand stuck in there There's never gonna be something that's so heavy that you can't they have to cut your arm off Yeah, I'm more likely to crush someone's arm and get stuck The Pringles can you know isn't gonna leave you an amputee right? Yeah, you're gonna win I'm never gonna lose to a Pringles can that's what this country's founded on

But yeah, no, but I was watching I never seen it and one was over it because he knew he knows the guy or whatever No, we had it at the mayan. So I I only like watched it watched it once but it was like in the in the mayan Yeah for a little while and so I just whoof. It's a lot too. It's heavy You're not gonna keep you're gonna watch it over and over it was brutal Yeah, I was watching it and he fucking he almost broke his arm and I was like what no Yeah, he had to go He had to unhinge it, you know

So weird so he so we could not have to worry about the bones not saw through the bones Yeah, he couldn't have cut through the bones snap them Yeah, I had to cut his a couple of big nerves or whatever go through your oh god When that happened, when that shit kind of presented itself to me, my only response is to yell, get real! And I don't know why. Did you yell that? Yeah, get real! It's like... Get a magician, that's what you would say. Yeah, exactly. Get real. Get real. Yeah, I was fucked up. I also, I realized

that I make fun of Lunn for not being able to do very simple tasks but I have something wrong with me it turns out. There's something there's some contrarian streak in me where if some if there's like a law that I think I can get away with breaking well I would never shoplift around you based on the events of today. Dude, let's, let's, yeah, say whatever and then we'll get into that because I'm ready. I knew you were gonna try to hit me with that. Hit you with it? Hit them with that. You think I'm trying to hit you with it? Yeah. Okay. That you think it's... Well, I didn't want to talk about it, I was just

bringing it up, I was alluding to something. Well, let's talk about it. No, say the other thing. Well, this is more interesting. Today, we're at a farmer's market. We're at the public market. All right. And we got a big sandwich, which I designed. And then, Lun got a couple empanadas. We walked around. We smelled weed smoke all the time.

It was strange. Guy brought his German Shepherd, which was insane. Which we both immediately were like, this guy's got a fucking dog in here What the fuck? Yeah, not cool. Hey, sorry, this thing's in your way and it's below your eyesight So you're never gonna see it until you're on your ass. It's got your throat in its jaws You know how you're looking up and down and all around at all the literally everything else besides the ground your waist Yeah

Well, hey, I got something underneath here that is gonna trip and and you know How you're all we're all doing this dance where we have to stop and twirl and go around depending on who's stopping and who's got? A kid in a stroller so yeah, it's complex fucking little little dance We're doing and then you have a dog in the mix down there. There's people with hand cards. There's remember forklifts There's big fat people There's the most ridiculous gay couple I ever saw. Oh dude.

All that was missing from that was a man, it was a leash. Yeah. It's the only thing. Maybe one was blind the way that he was holding the shoulder from behind. No, because he looked over at me, we made eye contact. I think that was the way they saunter. But it was fucking Philip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights with an even bigger belly and a bald streak down the middle of his head wearing sunglasses.

It was that man, it was a fat little ginger man with sunglasses on. Then behind him, the fucking, the butler from Rocky Horror Picture Show? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, but he was tall. He was very tall. He was huge. He was a lurch type. The butler wasn't. He was a lurch. Oh, yeah lurch The butler in rocky horse hunched. Well, he's hunched. I think he's pretty small but this man

He was like they were both pod people. Yeah, they're fucked. They were opposite ends of the fuck spectrum and they both look like almost like gamer levels of like hygiene and like paleness Don't not social not a lot of social interaction, but all the confidence in the world then yeah crop top and more confidence than Caitlin Clark And yeah, we could see them It wasn't that they were gay guys. It was just that they existed. It was the way that they were. They were like.

Slinking around or whatever. Yeah, they were like, unctuous in their movement. It was like under their breath, they were both going, ooh, ah, pleasure seekers. They were just, they walked by us and whispered, pleasure seekers. Pleasure seekers. You have said the word mincing several times in the last few weekends, whether it's what I'm doing or what someone else is doing. They were mincing.

They were straight mincing in the middle. Gallop, like a slow gallop. With one, the guy behind his lover with his hand on his shoulder like a blind person. Yeah, like you're taking Eileen to the grocery store. But they could see everything. Yeah, they could see more than everything. But yeah.

They were not. Yeah, they could see more than everything. Yeah. They were fucking nuts. They were. Yeah. God, with all the random shit, I forgot about that. But yeah, uh, keep misrepresent what happened. Gillis kept calling me a pleasure seeker because we were in the pool on the Memorial day and like he has this pool cleaning robot with a hose And I was like spraying people with it And then I sprayed my junk underneath and I was like oh alright and Gillis was like you getting off of that hose

I was like no. I'm just experimenting. He's like dude. There's fucking kids around. What are you doing? No, it's like Pleasure seeker you fucking pleasure seeker pleasure seeker so we go and we get some juice. And- To finish the day at the market. Right, big sandwich, empanadas, cup of coffee. I bought some olive oil like a psycho. Fucking a $15 bottle of olive oil

I'm gonna have to leave at the Buffalo airport. Unless we just guzzle it tomorrow. What if we rubbed it in our hair? All over our bodies, what's an oil up for Niagara Falls? Let's freak everyone out. We're nude Fucking making people go fucking making people go yeah making people go making people turn to their buddy and go holy shit I literally turned around and ran back to you was like check this out yeah it's definitely not the gay thing because I had the

opposite of that Wednesday at the bar with I told you Ian cook mm-hmm and his partner Colby mm-hmm come into town and they're both like tens like hot beautiful nice long yeah tall Talented Colby's a dancer Ian Cook sings and plays cello beautifully. Mm-hmm. We've known Ian for a long time. But yeah the they I Want them to be so happy, but these two men look like Robert crumb drawings crumb or like... Crumb. They're a couple of Crumbos. They were like all about, they were out looking for decadence in the daylight. Shit. What? It's like...

R.B. Pecar. No, it was a... Pete Begg. Shut up. It was a children's book series with like a little critter and I can't think of what they're called. Oh, Little Critters. a children's book series with like a little critter and I can't think what they're called. Oh little critters. No I don't think they were but like Kim would fucking. Oh my sister loved them. What is it was a series of books. It was like little critter. It wasn't critter. Yeah hold on you talk. You set the table for this and I'll see if I can, cause he's gonna drive me nuts. Oh yeah yeah so what happened at this market. We're in line. Little critter these guys, right? Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, look up. They're called little critter. No Little critical your original classics. I was so mad Just a little critter collection. Okay, I was Jesus in my gender. What's not one That's one right there though You know order that for Susanna. Me and my dad. Yeah. So, those guys. They're little critter people.

Yeah, they looked fucking... They were... They were like wet, right? It was... They had olive oil on their bodies. They were wet. They were olive oil people. They were lubed up.

They stay lubed just in case they stumble across a public bathroom where anything goes. So there's some juices. Oh, cool. Let's get some fresh pressed juice. We're in line to get some three fresh pressed juices for 10 bucks. I asked the guy, can I get three juices? He says, sure. I get the juices.

I go to walk away at which time Lund from what I saw. Well, I get the juices. I go to walk away. At which time Lund, from what I saw, well, you tell what happened. No, say what you think happened. I didn't, I don't, okay. You say, hey, did that guy just steal a juice? That's what I hear. And then I think, I say, did you just tattle on a shoplifter? And then you go all up in arms because you don't realize what you've done.

And now you're trying to backtrack. No, yes. Because you spotted some guy come up who, what this guy look like? Uh, see a pleasure seeker? No, he didn't look like those two. No, no one does. He was just a black dude, tall, black dude. I think he was by him or he was with a buddy and he came up and he took a juice and you automatically

Cuz you're you're I guess you're always scanning for any kind of shoplifting I didn't notice that someone came up for a juice and I said did you tattle on a shoplifter and you said no and What I don't I didn't hear your conversation with the guy You made it seem like cuz I walked walked away and I wasn't, it was weird. We were in line and it looked to me like while we were in line, there was somebody ahead of us. And then I thought that the dude and his buddy just walked by and he grabbed a juice and kept walking.

That's what it looked like to me. And it looked like the guy who was working clocked it and like looked at him several times while doing the transaction with the people in front of us. It looked to me like he was conflicted. Do I go after this guy? Do I not worry about it? Okay. And I thought, oh shit, well if that's what happened, that sucks. And Lund backed the blue Lund. No. And then I just thought, well maybe I would pay for it and then it would be like a nice thing to do and then he's not annoyed at the end of his day or whatever that a dude took a juice and so

yeah I should have said nothing I guess correct I was curious you're curious I'm a flaneur yeah like you're a flaneur I'm the flaneur I will you know what flaneurs don't do is perpetrate class warfare you think I'm a tattler for that when I'm not I just it looked the way that the dude reacted Well, you did so you said you thought this man took a juice and then you said hey did that guy take a juice? That is tattling. No. Yes, you tattled on a shoplifter and where I'm from on the streets Tattling is saying you don't if you see someone steal something you don't say anything except for good for you brother in your head Yeah, and I my retort my reply to that is that's you're talking about like a mother If you see someone steal something, you don't say anything except for, good for you brother in your head. Yeah.

And my retort, my reply to that is that's, you're talking about like a mother stealing from Walmart for her kids. I'm talking about any stealing, stealing rocks. No. Yes. Not when it comes to just a guy with a stand at a market. It's a $3 juice though. It probably cost him 75 cents.

That guy was so thirsty, he needed to be hydrated and you want to keep him away because of capital? No, no. Also, I wasn't tattling and I'm not racist because I didn't say, hey, I didn't yell. Hey, black guy, black guy alert. I didn't yell for a cop. Hey, pleasure seekers, fetch me a cop. Go creep out a cop and tell him to come this way. They're like the McPoyle twins. That's who they are. Yes dude. That's a great yes. They were a couple of wet McPoyles man. Yeah.

God we should have tailed them. Between them and Guy with top hat. We should have topped them. Oh dude. I didn't yell for a security guard. I asked the dude, because the way he was looking at him He looked at him a bunch of times. Yeah, we think he didn't know what to do And so I thought if he's like annoyed by it, I give him three bucks. We're on our way. Yeah

Yeah, you feel better. It's like no no, he no he bought it and I was like, okay It looked like you thought he grabbed it and then the guy's probably like he would have walked away He's like what's what's happening? Who cares? Move it along. No, your seeker. Hey, where's the other two of your friends? The way you're acting is like if you're wearing those little shorts too, which was funny, you fit in with the pleasure seekers, I'm fine. The second one. Yeah, let's get a little couple creams in this this Oreo. We're the three. Yeah. We're a throuple. Yeah. I'm wet. It's a human centipede situation.

I'm itching. I'm picking. You're a meal. They're picking me. Yeah, yeah. They're eating the scabs. And then letting me smell their finger. Uh-huh.

That's me already. That's it. I'll know. You can take the blindfold off. I'm glad we're at the farmer's market, because I'm ripe. Somebody pick me. They come up and slap your belly like I was with that watermelon. It's really thumping those melons.

Well, yeah, so that's so you have you have. It was fun also, because today I observed you a couple of times having interactions with people. I have interactions the exact same way you do which is that we are just silly and jovial we don't friendly a lot of the typical interactions I think we've talked about this we were kind of skipped through it to try and bring a little novelty to people comics are comics and just anybody who performs mm-hmm is more comfortable saying whatever, having, if you have a vocabulary, you use it, whatever,

instead of this like, I guess a normal thing is if you don't interact with a lot of people, you're kind of scared of blowing it or whatever. So you say like standard shit. And I literally don't care if I bomb in front of people. No. I'm constantly bombing. I remember a time with, I may have talked about this in an episode with my friend Jacob Chittister that you've met.

He's just like an outgoing, funny dude. And so when we used to hang out all the time in high school or when I still lived in Vegas, we would go places and he would also have just, he was funny. Little bits. Bits. Trying to make counter people laugh. Yeah. Little bits, trying to make counter people laugh. Yeah, interactions with servers and bartenders where he's just allowed and confident and funny

or tries to be funny or silly. And they just don't know what the fuck. Right. It gets so foreign to them. Yeah. Where instead of, you know. Someone's not asking about the weather. They should think it should just be like,

hi, welcome McDonald's. Hi, can I have a burger and a coke? Yeah. Here. Thank you. Yeah that'll be okay. As opposed to me. Like every time. Me sitting down at Olive Garden and the lady coming up at the bar. Hey are you my sister or my mom? Because when you're here, you're family. Sam Talent, hell of a pleasure to meet you. Party of 64, just kidding, it's just me. Hey, sorry, Sam Talent, local impresario. Get the breadsticks going, please. Let's get those breadsticks in.

Let's get those breadsticks in. And then she comes up and the first thing, after I order the breadsticks, she says, what do you want to eat? And I was like, has there been any advancements in all of garden technology recently? And she was like, I'd stick to the classics and I say lasagna, make it sloppy or whatever, you know? But it's fun. It's fun to freak them out a little bit.

Sometimes people, well, I mean, it's our fucking job. Well today though, but you do a good job of it and then sometimes you just do one last tag. You think that I well you offer me you offer a lady a chair today as we're a stool we're eating our sandwich the empanada is your standing get it right you're standing I'm seated on a stool well and then you say hey do you need want to sit down she says no and you say I stand to I've been standing I've been standing too it's like she's been

standing she's been over there for five minutes She knows you're standing now. What if she didn't clock it because nobody clocks is your legless? Yeah, you're right No, I'm observing because you think we're kind of we are always we're hyper observant. That is true And some people are not but we interpret What about you? I just realized your interaction with the olive oil lady was funny because she stonewalled you, right? You confused her by speaking in a way that wasn't, what's your favorite? Yeah. What's the best one? What's balsamic?

Oh dude, on stage tonight I was saying Hillary Clinton. It was making me laugh a lot. But yeah, he walked up and I said, so what's uh, what did I say exactly? The thing that scrambled her wires was I said, if you only, if you only get pick one, one olive oil, one oil, then you have to burn the rest. What do you go with? And then she was like, Oh, this one's Spanish. Most of them, you have to heat, you can heat them up. They have a high smoke point.

It's like three 75. It's okay. I was like, bitch. They have a high smoke point. It's like 375. It's okay. I was like, bitch, I have a high smoke point too. I'm blasted on this weed pen I got in Canada because I won't follow the rules. I drive into Canada, I drive from Detroit. Oh, I get a cool fucking Dodge Challenger. Yeah, you're like my dad.

I was like your father because when I get to the- Because I don't get to drive that one either. No, yeah. I get to the enterprise and they're like, hey man, the one way to Buffalo right and I'm like I do and they're like we do as a favor and take this Dodge Challenger and I was like sure and he's like cool you know to put any gas in it and I'll give you a discounted rate but I want this off my lot because these are constantly getting stolen in Detroit so please take it yeah it's so funny so I have a Tokyo

drifting oh everyone's racing for pinks So I have a Dodge Challenger two-door And I have to drive across the border from Detroit into Buffalo via Canada So I throw the end of my fucking weed nub My little cart out the window and then I drive into Canada and the first sign I see is And then I drive into Canada and the first sign I see is legal weed stop here. So I stop and I'm like, well, I'm not going to buy anything, but I haven't been in dispensary in Canada. I'm only in Canada for three hours.

I don't need to be high. And I have a border crossing coming up. I walk in and I'm like, well, this is cool. The guy's like, can I help you? And I'm like, you don't have any like Indica carts to you. And he's like, we've got the best in town, blah, blah, blah. And so I think such a great coincidence and they have the best ones crazy that you guys here at the billboard weed shop Right off the exit in Cernia

The thing was medicine hat road Yeah, so I and then I have to go to the ATM and get money out to get Canadian cash like There's so many steps that I was aware of where I was like, why am I doing this? I only have three hours, but there's this little fucking voice in my mind that's saying, fuck them, fuck them all. They can't tell you what to do. Fuck you, you can't do what to tell me.

You know, I just go fucking straight rage against the machine and I buy it. Well I told you, the little things I don't do is because they feel like homework and I don't want to do homework because school sucks. Yeah, school sucks, surf, right? Right. That's So yeah, and that is insane that you you ditch it for the border crossing You know, you're going from Canada back to the US, you know, there's another place

Right where cops are going to search through your ship, but you go I'm just I'll just ditch that one, right? So there's ditch them and I spend $60 Canadian so I can like hit this three times and be scared the whole time because I'm driving around in a fucking challenger Yeah, you can accidentally go 99. Oh, and I do know heart beat and you can't I told you I didn't know the math I thought it was like a hundred kilometers is 60 miles per hour So that means this zone that's a 110 means I should be is 60 miles per hour so that means this zone that's a 110 means I should be driving 85 miles per hour. No, I should have been going like maybe 72. I'm going 20 over the legal limit in Canada in a Challenger with a weed pen blasted out

of my gourd. I'm Gordon Ramsay. I'm critiquing the restaurant. What about this? I didn't think about it earlier when you said this when we were talking, but what about the fact that we did this in Mexico where kilometers and miles per hour are on the speedometer? These, it wasn't on the speedometer. It was. It was not on the speedometer. No. They got rid of them. It wasn't on this Dodge Challenger because they know they're easier driving in America. You're driving

through war-torn Sarajevo. That's the only people's. Jason Statham usually drives this car. It was was a digital only or it happens Phenometer didn't okay. So anyway, I get to the fucking border crossing and I'm like fuck I'm gonna throw this away No, fuck. I'm gonna never find it I get up to the goddamn thing and the guy at the club tonight told me he's like yeah when you're ten cars deep They already have scanned your plates. They know who's driving They know who owns the car So I get up to the border crossing and the guy steps out

and he hits me with the X and he says, turn around. So I'm like, what? And he's like, turn around. So I had to back up and I have to go to a different lane and I'm totally wigged out at this point. How scared did you get at that? So scared to the point where my elbow was shaking. How high were you?

So I jammed it, I was so high. I was fucking really high and it was cool until I had a full on full vapor freakout. I was Slimer dude. So yeah. You were in the throuple. I was in the throuple. We were a foursome for a sec. The four horsemen. Dude. We were all horse, horse throats. This is the thing. This is what happens. This is the end of the road for pleasure seekers. As you've reached the end of your own fucking decadent rope and now you're hanging yourself with it So I get up and the guy's like, okay, this is a rental car and I'm like, yeah and he's like

Oh, and he's kind of having a hawing and I see him and he turns to the other guy in the booth behind and that Guy comes over and he says Sam talent. I was like, yeah, and he's like I just saw you on Matt and Shane man I was like, yeah, and he's like, alright just saw you on Matt and Shane, man. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, all right. And the guy like gives me back my shit and I drive on and I was like, ah, and what's the first billboard I see? I'm Susanna with the bug in my hand. Um, what's the first thing I see is a Western New York's biggest medical or non medical dispensary is the first billboard I see. I could have just not had weed for three hours and got to New York and bought weed right there

yeah but instead I didn't and I was scared for three hours while also being really high behind the wheel of a challenger going 25 over yeah screaming scream if you want it yeah and then I went I mean maybe we'll talk about this tomorrow and you can see if my hypothesis is true but I stayed at the Niagara Inn in Buffalo, but near the Falls and Everyone was Chinese. Everyone is Chinese everybody Chinese Awesome, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah tourists. I know but why?

Remember the Mona Lisa it's every one of them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah tourists. I know but why Niagara Falls? Remember the Mona Lisa? It's every one of them. Yeah. They go, they come over and they see the sights. But these guys, they were from red China though. What do you mean? Well, they were Japanese in Paris. I guess it's just the Asians. This is how they see pleasure. Their pleasure is kind of, you know, getting the gist of science in English at national parks and the wonders of the world. As some first generation American Chinese person who has an MFA from Brown is like, and the water comes from up there in Mandarin or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's a living.

We're going to Niagara Falls. I'm excited, dude. They can take you there. They will not. Are there? It's it doesn't disappoint, I've heard, which is the same as like the Grand Canyon. No, some people don't even like the Grand Canyon. But I think they don't deserve eyes, man. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I'm saying Niagara Falls I think might be undefeated. I don't think anybody's like jack-off motion. I think if you get there and you're rolling your

eyes it's insane because it what it is is it's whatever lake that is Lake Erie. It's just endless gallons of water flowing off the edge of the world. It's truly nuts. Right. Yeah. I used to go up there and get absolutely smashed from the Denithica because you could drink on the Canada side and under underage. Let's get wrecked. God, Jenny cream in Canada or the bat blue. Do that was the first of my lab at blue. There are the cans in the bottles just in. Oh yeah, fall. Yeah. Hey fish suck my kiss. If you're so smart, you'd be on this side of the water.

Hey. Just go full dice clay on the fish. Yeah. Grab your crotch. Throwing in six pack rings. Hey, I got six inches for you. Why don't you come hang off of this? Good ish.

You want to plug anything? Oh yeah. I'm Sam talent. Sam talent dot com. Sam talent industries. Phil Smith I use good one one Smith on Instagram okay he's a year in he deserves hosting at a club remember how long it took us to host out of the comedy works yeah of course seven years god damn it good thing

Phil got it 13 months in yeah prick no cuz you're handsome You know when to talk and when to listen Now he doesn't even know that yeah, everybody leaves Rochester But now he was fun Rochester the garbage plate and Phil Smith that's put some on the on the map up here in Genesee Brewery Yeah, we got Lafayette, Louisiana, we got New Orleans, we got San Francisco, Petaluma. You got San Francisco. Oh yeah, you've been locked out of San Francisco. Not allowed to go to San Francisco.

Batavia. San Francisco, no. Yeah, San Francisco gender. Oh, Trinidad listeners. Yeah. July 5th, I'm doing a going away show before I abscond off to Michigan at The well. Ziggy's mud hut? Okay. There's also that random ass show. I can't wait to find out it's advertised as

Featuring nationally touring comedians, and it just doesn't say who they are Yeah, you say that on a poster for a recurring show You have the HBO Comedy Central logo because you've literally had some comics with the credits. The E logo is still on a lot of people's flyers. Yeah everybody's done E. E's back. I've done comedy on E but uh, Ecstasy. But uh yeah there's another show I can't wait to find out what the deal is. We got July 5th we're at the well down there. SamTalent. comm will not have the well tickets on it believe it or not But you can hit up Lund patreon.com slash show behemoth five bucks a month It's a great deal so much great shit over there good episodes over there. Yeah, you have to hear them if you really You know the only things you can do to truly be a big fan is to be on the patreon and then maybe like try

To kill one of us. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. And which one are you going to kill? Become God. Become God, kill the devil. Uh huh. And which one of us is the devil?

Yeah, which... No. Yeah, I'm not the devil. No, I tried to save a guy from having a stolen juice on his hands. Yeah. Here he... There goes my hero. You can do it once. heroes spilt with a G.

There goes my hero. He didn't buy it. What was I going to say? Ah, fighters be by yeah. Goodbye everyone.