Chubby Behemoth - Grain Alcohol And Phone Chess w/ James McCann

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

Patreon Preview! This is what we're up to over there. Come check it out https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Where the grass is. Vaginal Lionel. One pug and international waters. James McCann joins Sam this week.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Check, check, check. I'm good. Hello. Do it again. Hello. Hey everybody. All right, do it in a real human accent though. All right, seriously folks, it's nice to be here.

Nice to be talking into this microphone. It is really nice to have you here, James. And I'm going to say this. You were such a good host. You did such a good job this weekend. I know I'm not, you're a very good comic. I'll tell a good job this weekend. I know I'm not you're you're very good. I'll tell you about the moment that I feel like I let it down. Please do. The four men stood up together to go to the restroom and it

did not occur to me that they were going for cocaine. You could have called out the cocaine thing. Would have been super funny. Oh yeah people would have canonized you in that moment. I didn't know. I haven't done enough cocaine in groups. I've done no cocaine with groups of men or on my own. What did glad you're not doing it by yourself? That's how the buzzer I had side Oh, yeah, that's how you know, I get the tick under I love to drink alone That's really where I do my best drinking. No. Yes. You get a big bottle of spirits Stay up late play chess on your phone. Watch the ranking collapse. You're You're drinking grain alcohol and playing phone chess.

Have done. Into oblivion. Many such things. Really? Kids are in bed, it's been a rough day, my wife's tired, she's in bed, it'll be nice to share a drink together. But she doesn't want one.

Well she's asleep, but she can handle it. This isn't something that I need. No, no, no, I mean, I don't really drink alone. I never like drinking alone. I do smoke weed by myself, that's fun. No, no, no. I mean, I don't really drink alone. I never like drinking alone. I do smoke weed by myself. That's fun. I never smoke marijuana. I know.

And that's fine. That's OK. I fear it. I think I've drank alone one time, and it was due to heartbreak. I was dejected. I literally dropped a girl off, and she said, hey, you know, we've been having fun.

Thanks for taking me to Midnight Movies, putting your arm around me, and honking my bo we've been having fun. Thanks for taking me to midnight movies, putting your arm around me and honking my boob. I love that. I love how after our first date, you started keeping your hand on my thigh and just slowly working it up higher and higher until I said that's enough. But I don't think it's gonna work out.

And I said, hey, big deal, toots, who cares, you know? There's a lot of fucking fish in the pantry and I'm a pelican, I'm gonna eat it all. You drank a lot? And she shut the pantry and I'm a pelican. I'm gonna eat it all you drank a lot and I She shut the door. She got out of the car and then as I was driving home I was weeping and screaming you fucking idiot. Yeah, you're so stupid at yourself at myself. Wow. Yeah, you're so stupid How did you not see it coming? Yeah, all these things and I went and I got a 30 rack of Keystone light 30 beers. Oh, and I think I drank I know I drank a 30 rack of Keystone Light, 30 beers. Oh.

And I think I drank, I know I drank more than half of it. That's not so bad. No, no, no. That's with 15 standard drinks with a lot of sugar and water. Yeah, but I probably drank 22 of them. You know? The number changed.

And I was smoking cigarettes in my bed and it's the only time I ever fall asleep smoking. How old were you when this happened? I was like 19, 20. That's a beautiful, you can only have that once or twice. I mean, I'm glad I only had it that one time. Yeah. Now you've got it coming. I think these kids don't want to get their heart broken. I believe that.

That's why they, they don't catch feelings. It's quite nice to have your heart broken. Well, lambs catch feelings. We catch flights, jet life, jet life. You know, I see it now in the touring comedian. The, uh, the lifestyle that for many, not all, but many, I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing.

I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing.

I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. flights, jet life, jet life. You know, I see it now in the touring comedian, the lifestyle that for many, not all, but many, that makes it doable. Because you know, you're in a, I mean, this is a very nice room that they've put you up in. Oh yeah, we're in an ivory castle. A beautiful room. We're in the setting of a Paul Oster novel.

But often you're in a very sad hotel room. Yeah, red roof in. So I have to move past it. That's okay. And one is alone, almost I have to move past it. That's okay. You're at the New York trilogy. And one is alone, almost all the time. Oh yeah. And so of course people have sex with all the waitresses.

Oh of course, the waitresses love it too. Yes. Oh God. The waitresses have seen you be successful in front of them. And they know you're leaving in 48 hours. Other than the fact that it's wrong, it's just win all around. I mean, it used

to just be an orgy of decadence, being a stand-up comic in the 80s and the 90s. People got afraid of being cancelled for their terrible sexual unpleasantness. Yeah, for banging a lady. I remember begging a lady was cool. Not anymore. No. That's the worst thing you can do to a lady. I take my marriage seriously. I do too. That's why I love you. It's fun to watch you interact with people because it's kind of like being able to watch myself interact with people in a way.

Because you're such a way with words and you're not afraid to use your vocabulary and you say things succinctly and directly. And I like to think that I do that in conversation when I'm not on, you know? Yeah. And it's just kind of like holding up a mirror to myself watching you. I don't feel like this is working for me, but I appreciate it. No?

I'm so infinitely charmed by you. I don't think the chat has helped me very often in this business. I can think of real doors that the chat closes. Like what? Oh, every Australian door. Oh yeah? Just, man, I turned so many people against you. I was a young man starting comedy.

So I was mean. Yeah we started at the same age. Well I was very you know you're not good, you should quit. Oh to people? What are you doing up there? Why are you running this comedy festival so badly? Why would you run the biggest comedy? Why would you be in charge of the biggest comedy festival in the world and suck? Is a conversation that I had on my fourth gig I think. After placing in their big comedy competition. It was a conversation that I had on my fourth gig I think after placing in their big comedy competition. It was a shock that they didn't want to have me back. Was this in Melbourne? This was Melbourne.

Wow. Fourth gig, you win the contest. I came, no, I was in the field. I didn't even get runner up. Still, you were in the field. Yeah. This was the grasses. Yeah. Yeah. And I couldn't keep the big mouth.

You couldn't curtail your fucking vocabulary. I thought people would want to hear what I had to say. Yeah. And life is a long journey of finding out where they do and where they do not. Well, I didn't do it forever. For a long time, I was just being like, oh, that's wild, bro.

Like I dumbed myself down purposely because I didn't want to come off as pretentious. But due to the fact that you're foreign, it's cool. I mean, Americans don't like pretentiousness at all. No, we have, we have whore it. And I'm thinking about why that is. I think it's cause you have a serious role in the world. You have to run the world and you are happy to fall into certain kinds of

decadence, sexual depravity, depravity. Not a problem. If anything, that keeps you violent yeah it keeps the soul unstable so you can the Romans did this of course what they got into the depths of horse fuckery to keep themselves honest I believe there are some terrible murals that survived to this day so that they're able to have great civilization and great violence this is the great trick that you you've got to keep those two things together if you're going to have a global empire.

But you can't have frippery and you can't have infantilization. And there is no... It's a big... I got very drunk this week and started to... You brought this up the other night and I was infinitely interested. All right. Go off king. British comedians, they treat the audience like children.

Not all of them. But that is when people talk about absurd British comedy, it's often like a silly voice or a little movement Yeah, please doing a funny walk to man with a lollipop and he's hitting another man over the head as it while they're kneeling in Their shoes and Todd is literally tickling members of the audience. Really? Yes Yeah, he would have a like a little feather duster You're going to tickle the front row You're like you think you're safe up the back and they'd go and get an enormous feather duster of 10 foot and tickle the front row. It'd be like, you think you're safe up the back? And then he'd go and get an enormous feather duster of 10 foot and tickle people in like the fifth row.

And he was doing this to success. People loved it. He was one of the most successful British. It's also very funny. Ken blob, Ken Dodd, this right. And his opening line, he would come out and he would say, uh, it would just be like a club show in the middle. He goes, well, I suppose you're wondering why I've called you all here this evening.

That's good. It's great, but it's all silly little, because the English can have that, because they've lost their empire, and they just have to pass the time. Yeah, and their stiff upper lip is allowed to bow when they're paying for the privilege. That's what they have to do in their own time.

Yeah, when they're off the governess' clock. You know, when they're done sweeping out the chimneys and eating their eel pies. It's the upper class as well. They all like to be treated like little children. But the American audiences are... Well, here you grow up, you go work in a factory at 12 years old. Yeah. You know? There's no NHS that's going to save you eventually. Right, yeah. Your foreman takes you to a whorehouse when you're 14 so you can pop your V with a pro.

Yeah. Then you go fucking back to the foundry. Sex too is a kind of work. Everything must be reduced to labor. The way I do it, it's not. You're an amateur sexual. I'm always swinging by the office, if you know. I'm just checking emails when I'm in there.

Sex is a... Everything is reduced to labor and work here. It's good. In many ways, it's good. Yeah. I don't want to be down about it. No, I think you love America. I love America. I find it interesting who the... who Americans think are alt-y comics.

Yeah. Who would be so far to the club side of the spectrum in a country with the king. Like, who do you think that would be? Because I came from alt rooms. Yes. that's why Shane often makes fun of Shane used to call me when he'd be like headlining the like Albany funny bone and he'd be like how was the fucking bookstore show beep beep beep beep you know and I like wasn't in a bookstore I'd be at the looney bin in Wichita you know but you're the fact that I came no it's not was I. They put me in an insane asylum.

I would say, I mean, Steve Martin. We got Demetri Martin in Australia and he was very, very mainstream. Martin Lawrence was big. Yes. Yeah. Then they tried to kill him. I know. He had to run down the street.

He was too brave. I mean, who is it like a silly emo? Phillips. Phillips would be as close to a British comedian that you had, I would think. Oh, hello everybody. That feels like that could be a little Britain character. Yeah. My goodness me.

You do, I mean, children's entertainers are allowed to do it. Pee Wee Herman was allowed to do it. Yeah, but he was doing it for hipsters. That Pee Wee show started like a Largo situation in LA where like, uh, like Lawrence Fishburne and like Guns N' Roses would come and see him do this postmodern kids show live. I didn't know this at all. Oh yeah it started as like a cool like outsider comedy event and then they were like how can we monetize this? Oh we'll put it out for children and all

the subversion that he was capitalizing on was kind of washed away by capitalist needs. Is he doing with the cardigan a sort of Mr. Rogers? I believe so. Bizarro thing? That's Mr. Rogers I believe so. Bizarro thing? That's great. Yeah. I mean, my dad loved Peewee. My uncle Tom, I think was like 23 when I was born.

And some of my earliest memories are sitting there with my uncle Tom. He's fucking dying, drinking a beer, smoking inside. Yeah. Yeah. I've only seen Peewee on Conan. I haven't seen anything outside of that. So have you just seen Paul Rubens

or have you seen Peewee do Peewee? I think he would come on sometimes as Peewee. Yeah, I think so. After he got caught wanking his own pud. Well, is that a crime in this country? No I mean him and Fred Willard got away with it It's very funny to remember Fred I didn't know that happened to Fred Willard poor sweet Fred Oh, yeah, Fred and his wife got busted at a jerk-off and his wife. Yeah, I think so I never thought about it. I didn't know that happened to Fred Willard. Poor sweet Fred. Oh yeah, Fred and his wife got busted at a jerk-off theater.

And his wife? Yeah, I think so. Really, if you're going to do it, do it together. The end of Best in Show is the best end. It wasn't a blind prostitute. No, I didn't think it was. Yeah, because you really have to hand it to him. That would be very...

That was one of Fred Willard's jokes. He did jokes about that. You know what they say about blind prostitutes? You really got to hand it to him. I didn't know he was a stand-up. He wasn't, but I think that was actually in one of the lesser guest films. Anyway, best in show. Go on. Oh, no, just the ending is perfect.

It's an hour of people taking dogs very seriously. Followed by a dog show hosted for 30 minutes by a man who doesn't know what's happening. A thing about dogs. Sitting there with a very stiff upper-lipped Briton who's trying to play by the rules. How many push-ups do you think I could do? And then that's stolen by so many movies after. Semi-Pro is doing a similar thing.

Dodgeball has a similar thing happening. Yeah, with the Ocho. Is that Bateman? It is Bateman. Yeah, yeah. He was excellent in that role. Really, the most range that Bateman ever uses. Heeman. Yeah, yeah, he was excellent in that role. That's the really the most range that Bateman ever uses. He's the same character in everything else except there. Yeah, when they

frosted his tips, he was a brand new man. He was very good. Yes. Underused. Yeah, no, I think that, have you heard about when they filmed Best in Show with Willard? Not a thing. So they would just let the camera run. Yeah, they just had Fred set up. Like Brando at the end of Apocalypse Now? Yeah, the horror and they would just let Fred roll and they had like three hours allotted for that scene Yeah, but Fred was killing so fucking hard. It took like 12 hours It was like the sun rose and went down and he's still over there goofing. I would like they must have that They do. Yeah, yeah Fred Willard was one of the few he was like that was one of the biggest celebrity deaths where I would like they must have that oh they do yeah, yeah I've Fred Willard was one of the few it was like that was one of the biggest celebrity deaths for I was like goddamn

The world got a little bit brighter because Fred's dead Brighter because Fred's dead. Yeah, I got a little sorry a little less brighter. I believe that's right a long thing No, no now that Fred's dead. Suddenly. There's room for the rest of us to shine. Yeah now I can be the whack-pack dingbat. He's Cleveland No You think that that city? room for the rest of us to shine. Yeah. Now I can be the whack pack ding bat. He's Cleveland. No. To think that that city gave you the great Steve Harvey. Yes. And Fred Willard.

And they were, they were best friends in the Navy. That's not true. You're right. Can you imagine that though? I would be, I don't think Steve Harvey was in the armed forces. Hey, talk about it all the time. I've been ironing your suit and it seems to be getting a little small. And he holds up like a baby suit.

And Steve's like, Fred, you've got another one. That's a camera turn. Mm-hmm. What? Yeah, I forgot you were enamored with Steve Harvey. The greatest talent to lowest level of respect in the comedy industry of anyone I've ever encountered. Steve Harvey is astonishing. People don't listen to the albums. The albums are great.

Don't trip. He ain't through with me yet. And of course, still tripping. That's the follow-up. Oh, he opens the show. But coming out, he goes, everyone's applauding, he comes in and he goes, I wanna tell you what God means to me. I love God. And everyone's cheering for him. God is the most beautiful thing to me. But I'm gonna say some things tonight that make you question that. And then they, ah!

Yeah, some guy comes swinging in on a rope. Like, black crowds go crazy. I mean, look, Austin doesn't have a black room. This is your main pursuit. This is my pie in the sky. I talked to my wife about this and she said, James, if you want a black room in Austin, you can't be the one to start it. I said that today during football.

They have a history of that here. Motown. Yeah. I'm one of the Jews running chess records. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. You don't want that to be your business plan. Didn't they help everyone? Didn't everyone love those men?

Oh yeah, they really shared the wealth. That was trickle-down economics. I don't want to make a dollar from it. I just want to perform in a black room again. I know, but you can't be the one who builds the black room. How do I get people to have a little more gumption and do it on their own? Well, you got to talk to Jen and Ron and Buffet. I just call a meeting of all the Austin blacks. Yeah, we're doing a black roundup. Show yourselves blacks.

There's a solemn task to you to make it so I can perform to your audience. Yeah, well, then they have to. And then, well, Adam, you get told us today his great story about Danny Brown show that he wanted to start. Yeah. Danny Brown told Adam, I want to write a show here. And Adam was like, okay. And Danny's like, yeah, we can call it Beep Night Wednesdays.

And the beep of course stands for the tattoo on James's thigh. You know, beep night Wednesday. And Adam Egan pauses and he says, can we get rid of night? It's beautiful. They should, if beep Wednesdays could get going on. Oh, it'd be big. With the mothership.

Yeah. I mean, that would be transgressive. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Live at the Apollo rides again. I don't know if they're still doing live at the Apollo. I can't imagine they are. I think the Apollo Theater's still throbbing. It's there in Harlem.

I never make it up to Harlem to see it. You need to talk to Ethan. About? Doing Live at the Apollo. Yes, I would love to. If there is still a Live at the Apollo going on. Okay. I've asked him to put me on the Chitlin circuit.

And also cruise ships ships because I think these would both be really fun. This is the agent and he walks around going... He introduces me to other powerful Jews in show business going, this man wants to do the Chitlin circuit and a cruise show. But we have different plans for James. Can we do both? Can't we do both?

Can't we do both? They're not mutually exclusive. Will people stop booking me in an A room because I'm doing a beautiful cruise? Here's my plan. You are so Australian right now. You've gotta fly with children, there's a time delay, it's difficult, my family never gets a real one. You wanna take a steamer?

Yes. You wanna pack the kids in a trunk? We'll begin at the top of the Mississippi. We'll come down, come out Louisiana way. Big riverboat paddling. Then we're gonna come around the, what do they call that, down the bottom of Chile? I hear that's very easy to sail around. Oh yeah, the Cape of Good Faith. Good, is it Cape of Good Hope is one of them, but that might be South Africa. Isn't it bizarre that they didn't sail down Africa sooner? I don't know Europeans They it was the 1800s 19th 19th century and the Dutch got there first

Dutch they were they didn't they only had the trading posts on the outside But it took I think the French to really get up the guts. Oh, yeah, they did some damage and the Belgians really are I Don't know how bad that could have been the Dutch were like I hear the Belgians were very bad The Belgians were some of the worst the Belgian Congo. Yeah How much of that is revision? What's the one? People trying to put an ugly bow on things It's an easy answer a little button on that, that genocide. They left it better than they found it.

Well, you know what? If someone's like, hey, it's like a white guy is from Africa. Yeah. You assume South Africa and that's bad enough due to their troubled past. What if you find a Congolese white? If you find a Zimbabwean white. Oh, yeah. Oh, that man was in the bush with nothing but grenades and smiles. A Rhodesian.

Yeah, the Rhodesian. Yeah, the Rhodesian army. While the Black Lives Matter protests were happening, I was in Melbourne, hadn't fled yet with my then pregnant wife and we were finding an obstetrician and we found a guy and they call him vaginal Lionel. Where did you see him? On a urinal cake? That's the best.

No, all the people who need a, who don't want to have another caesarean section, go to vaginal linel and he gives you a vaginal delivery. But he was Rhodesian and we had a... So how did he learn this task? Well we were talking about the Black Lives Matter, you know, and we were watching it, it was on the screen, and they were using a water cannon. And I think he said something like, uh, they weren't using a water cannon when I was in the tradition He's a great man he was very funny Positive things he wasn't being negative about anything at all. I don't want to slander a man. No, I'm a giant alainal

They say he's the best Because we fled other buskers on the street all the Catholics. Okay, who want vaginal deliveries? They want to keep it tight. They don't want to well they want to loosen it out actually then I know but I'm the ceasarian though that really that's the fucking church Lucy Lucy, yeah It's very hard to the recovery is ugly. That was the abedabas slur. I should be aware of Okay, you don't call him the abedabas no no, oh be aware of. No, abedabas is the abdominal muscles. The abdominal, okay. You don't call them the abedabas?

No, no. Oh man, what a funny... We've almost got a different language here. Oh, you guys have the best stuff going on down there. Well, I just, I found out running up the score, that's a big one. Yeah? We don't have that. You don't?

You just take a knee? No, you just win as hard as you can and people go, well that was that, but in America, you're not supposed to write their sportsmanship involved I love that you have restraint in victory we have to that's what we've only been winning for so long we can't just go out fucking spike in the football and doing the worm on the 50 this is what you have to do militarily you've got the fat man it's like having your hide you know you know nuclear weapons in Vietnam is that really a loss or was that a exhibition game?

That was a real war. Pre-season. Yeah. It was a scrimmage. We figured it out. I don't know what a scrimmage is. Yeah, I went to Scotland. Any of you done, have you ever done comedy Key West?

No, I've never done comedy in Scotland. Well, the comedy Key West is in Florida, it's Key West Florida, but I went there with the people who done comedy in Scotland. Well, Comedy Key West is in Florida. It's Key West Florida. But I went there with the people who own Comedy Key West. So I'm over there with this guy named Tom Dustin. He's one of the funniest fucking guys ever to live. He's from Boston. He moved to Key West to fucking leaving Las Vegas himself.

But he rules and we're sitting there and he's proposing to his girlfriend at a falconry spot. So we go to see these falcons, right? And the guy who's the falconer says, he has an accent and I'm like trying to talk to Tom and I'm like, where do you think he's from? And he's like, I don't know. He sounds like he's Australian, some kind of Kiwi.

Hey, hey, where are you from? And the guy says, I'm from Africa. And Tom says, South Africa. And the guy says no Zimbabwe. And Tom goes, Oh, they were the Brits who went there after the war. Another weird part of it. Their population exploded in the, I want to say 50s, 60s, 70s. It might've started to obey. Yeah, it was a buyer's market. What's weird about the Rhodesians is when you killed one as a black separatist, independent communist.

Freedom fighter. Terrorist. Liberator. Whatever it is that you were. Yes, a good man, no doubt. 10 would leave. But this did not replicate in South Africa with the Boer, who would,

the British were just happy to get out. This is difficult, we're leaving, but the Boer in South Africa, they cling. They're not going anywhere. Isn't that strange? Yes. It's interesting. So are the Boer the whites?

The Boer, Boer, was it Boer? They're the Dutch whites. Some people think this whole conversation is one of those. Well, that's why, that's why the Dutch are so exciting, you know, is because in the 17th century, all the Boers left. Thank you for having me, Conan. You were telling me about a fun desk bit from a guy who got fired in Australia. He just covered himself in olive oil and rolled around.

Oh yeah, when the show got cancelled, I believe the character was Mr. Oily that Greg was playing. And he just covered himself in oil and rolled around on a tarp. Oh my god. Oh, Mr. Oily. That was the full sketch. Would they throw change at him or anything? I don't... We'd have to bring up Mr. Oily to jog the memory.

Did they have to like catch him I remember that was it was that that was let him lose I got to do a segment on the show as well really and it was nice that I was as crazy an idea to put on Television as mr. Oily. Oh, yeah, you're definitely the ship sinking bring on Jimmy. We can't we can't fail any worse Now it's safe to let you yeah, they're just like throwing fucking rats on the boat as a bird Yeah, I was happy to do it. Yeah, they're just like throwing fucking rats on the boat as it burns. I was happy to have it. I was happy to do it. Yeah, I heard that you changed the paradigm with that appearance.

Because you were like, what if it was Mrs. Oily? And then you had a bikini underneath your shirt and you took it off and you covered yourself in it. They weren't ready for us. No. Ozzy's come rolling through. We'll never have another good television show. You know who needs a TV show down there? Who? Ray O'Leary. Well, I think he's come rolling through. We'll never have another good television shot. You know who needs a TV show down there?

Ray O'Leary. Well, I think he's in Britain now. Someone just, a friend of mine just met him and very attractive. And wait, no, not Ray O'Leary. I'm thinking of Ray Badron. I was gonna say Ray O'Leary. Actually, as she told me the story,

I thought she was talking about Ray O'Leary as well. Sweet Ray, I would like to cast Ray in my movie. Oh, that'd be great. And there's a scene that I think a famous American person might be in. Oh yeah. I'd get to put Ray O'Leary in the scene with. Really?

Yes. Well, both of them are gonna hate that. Yes. Yeah. That's the plan. You Machiavellian scamp. Is the famous person gonna go to Australia to be in the movie?

I'm gonna just get a cameraman to come out here. That's good, yeah. It seems like more likely than not. famous person going to go to Australia to be in the movie? I'm going to just get a cameraman to come out here. That's good. Yeah. It seems like more likely. But when Will Smith is in the movie? Will, you hearing this? I love Ray O'Leary. I saw Ray's hour recently.

And then he went off to Edinburgh with it. And it was good. It's a tight, tight hour. It's great jokes. I think I brought up Ray O'Leary in this podcast many times. But yeah, check out Ray O'Leary, the pride of New Zealand comedy now Australia via London. I met him I Can't tell this story. Why because he told me not to tell it because it was illegal But boy, what if you do it and he'd do anything for come

You must tell me later you know, I'll tell you later. Can you do it as a blind item? Like a bit of gossip revealed in the rags? You know, like a certain leery... I've heard it said. Oh, a leery fella? Yeah. A ray of light in a leery world. You're faster than I am. You're quick. I'm going to get on the fish oil so I can breathe. You're so fast. No, when I'm up there I feel turgid. Oh, you're so stupid

Is that really how you feel? Of course, you're going so fast. Your laughs per minute are fucking mental. It's so great I'm that's the only weapon One can have I mean I oh I remember the plane I was on I was on I was on the way to Perth and It was the only place that would book me I've been doing comedy for like eight years just in alt rooms, fucking around. And I kept thinking I was doing great works of genius, like dressing up like a nun and talking about monopoly and then doing that again for non-opera too,

my non-monopoly. And for some reason the critics and the audiences didn't respect it and the business wouldn't get behind me. The critics. Oh, there's a very nice to review written about me on short or where the closing line is, if only this nun had taken a vow of silence and for nowhere in this garbled incoherent messes

there anything to suggest this is a man with the slightest idea of what he's doing at a mercifully short 35 minutes anyway it goes mercifully mercifully short as if it was an act of divine intervention you not doing more than 40 I was going through a very bad time. There was a Venezuelan comedian who came to see me during that run and said, I don't think you'll respect the audience.

And I tried to change. But it was like, I was the one's helping me and I tried to, I brought up a word document and I tried to get all my jokes down to one, but there should be a big laugh at the end of the line. And if it's not as big a laugh, it has to go. But then the rate at which I write has shrunk. I mean... I'm down to an American rate of writing is 10 years gets you an hour. Well... They say that. That's their first hour. It's

really... It's taking me... Well, of course, the first hour, yeah. It's taking me a year to write 40 minutes. And for me, that's... I'm really working at it. Yeah, but they're 40 good minutes for once. That's... I was very happy having an hour of shit. I remember the first hour that I would fucking drag around the United States. Yeah. My God. I can't believe I had enough confidence at the lowest moment. You can work on and bring back. My opener for a while was sure. A lot of pretty ladies in here. glad I wore my good flannel.

I know what you're thinking everyone, wow Wolverine really let himself go. Those were my openers. Yeah. You do versions of that now. Oh of course, I'm always- I'm taking a bold choice with this shirt. Yeah, yep.

Well that's the thing is about me is like I am up there in a similar mindset where it's like everything I should say, I say should be something funny. Yeah. These people who take these long fucking ponderous setups and at the end of the act obviously I do this like poetic thing but that's because it's totally... You've got a hard kick at the end of it. Well yeah but it also just goes again it's like that's that's kind of funny in itself

because look I don't think people want to hear about the minutiae. The rhythms you get comedies about unexpected rhythms so when you have the same unexpected rhythm repeatedly, it becomes expected and you change the rhythm. Yeah, I'm having this problem now It's all fastballs. Yeah, but fuck dude. It would be nice to slow it down Oh, you know what? I want to do is a knuckleball. Oh, yeah, that just slowly floats Adam It sounded like the first eight years you were only throwing knuckleballs and sliders Do you know about the spitball history? The phasing out of the spitball? You mean in baseball? Yes. Yeah, when they would have it. No one throws spitballs anymore. A lot of people throw in spitballs and they made spitballing

illegal, but they only made it illegal for new spitballers. So if you were already playing baseball and you were grandfathered in and one guy plays on for another like 20 years. It's the last. It's worth having the spitball. Even though he's now 48 years old, we're keeping our spitball. But no one else was allowed to do it except that one guy. No. Isn't that fascinating? This is an American baseball.

This is in American baseball. Major League? Yes. Well not your fucking wiggy-woggy cricket. You're talking about a real sport. If only we could get the wiggy-wogs to play cricket then we'd really have okay. It's not a big it's not just it's not a big Italian Greek. It's not small, but they love soccer. It sure did boy Some of them like our footballs. They like bird fishing too. Have you heard about this?

There's a certain element in the Mediterranean who will put like a piece of fish on a string and then just kind of like throw it where birds hang out like in an estuary. This is set in a what? You know the world's big and there's many names for many similar things. Yeah. But yeah and then like a bird will bite it and then they yank the bird in and then they stomp on its head. Nice.

Then that's dinner. I respect that. I think it's innovative. It's probably ancient actually. A gun doesn't have to go off There's a certain well these people don't have guns The refugees any other developed country kept their guns the Swiss have kept their guns the Swiss. I didn't know they had guns I have to say they don't have a lot of shootings because they're so happy. Yeah the quality of life

They didn't get the matrix over there. I Yeah, the quality of life. They didn't get the Matrix over there. I went back and watched the Matrix again. Those trans ladies have blood on their hands. They made shooting up innocent people look really cool. That scene at the end is morally ambiguous. I have not revisited the Matrix since I saw it as a boy. Not the Matrix revisited?

No. It's a beautiful film, but for me it's... Is this The First Matrix? The First Matrix, I regard it as like Triumph of the Will, where I think a very evil ideology is behind it, but you can't knock Lefie Rochenthal into cinematography. I mean it's a perfectly made, deeply anti-human, anti-life... I liked all the bullets, the slow-mo bullets. Exactly.

Yeah, that was cool. They make that look great. It's a beautiful film. Yeah, it's really well done. It's a wonderfully made film. Evil. Oh, you can't put The Matrix in that box. I do.

I put The Matrix in an evil box. Well, I have the key to it and guess what? I just opened it and let it out. That's the nature of cinema. If only Lefie Rosenstahl hadn't made such beautiful pictures. You know what I like. Do you know Lefie Rosenstahl hadn't made such beautiful pictures. You know what I like. Do you know Lefie Rosenstahl? No.

She made Triumph of the Will, then she made Olympiad, she made the big Nazi, if you've seen cool Nazi footage that they use in Star Wars, this is the other thing. They just use parts of her movies in Hollywood afterwards. What? So the closing scene of Star Wars when there's all those people around and then they walk down and they get their medals, this is just a scene in Triumph of the will. This is where the Nazis are giving special medals and shot exactly the same very beautifully shot. So the Nazis are bad or good in drive for the will just in general pick a side. I'm an anti don't like the Nazis never have. And I went on some

podcasts and I said some pro Franco things that are sure did that was my introduction to you really was Matt and Shane secret podcast and you were on there being like well I don't know if women shouldn't be on leashes I never said well you were saying the equivalent type stuff that are close enough to that that I have to strenuously deny that's one of my views I don't even put my children on a leash because I think black people will disapprove of me oh for sure yeah yeah yeah it's their thing they can't stand it. They have to I see where you're going. I won't do it. I'm raising my children to be here I met your kids. They're great. I have missed them. I love them. You got Reggie and Louann and squeaky

We do keep the names private. I didn't say their real names because I don't remember them. If I had to guess it'd be like Gertie and I know If I had to guess, it'd be like Gertie and Mont Blanc. I know. There is a woman who does the news in Adelaide from a big Catholic family of like eight kids, and the parents would go through the obituary pages to find good old names and her name is Gertie Sperling. Gertie Sperling. Gertie Sperling. She's off the Sperling family and she's Gertrude Sperling, I believe. What's her brother's name, like Augie?

I do know an Augie. I do know an Augie. We all know an Augie. Do you have Augies? Yeah, I had a bunch of Augies. They were the ones always eating mud because they thought it was chocolate. Augie's like a dumb kid's name. St. Augustine was a great, intelligent man.

Speaking of saints. Utah Saints. No, there's something good is gonna happen. Do you know that song? No. Oh, it's a good is gonna happen. Do you know that song? No. Oh, it's a great American heavy dance number. Okay, four on the floor. Of the Gigi DiAgostino School.

Yes. But it samples Kate Bush. It's happening, I think, the early 90s. Yeah. Ooh, I know there's something. It's just like Kate Bush's beautiful warbling voice. And on the single version, it's like before that comes in to Utah Saints. No, dude.

And then Kate Bush comes in. It's one of my favorite ever songs. What? You need to send me these types of things. Ziggy, Russian stall, all your favorite guys, all your influences. Wow. What's funny about her. So she kept making movies after

being a nazi yeah i think she denied she was a nazi she was at the albert speer school where she just said i wanted to make great art right and go for it and she did beautiful underwater they were patrons for her yes yes it gets weirder with i want to say well look i'm gonna say this heidegger i bet we got a couple it's not not Heidegger. Nazi Patreon members, you know? Who's the other? Yes, probably. For sure. And I disapprove. I don't think Nazism is the answer. I don't either, I don't like fascism.

I like freedom and liberty. I thought you said, I like fascism and you were propping that up. You said it a lot. I have said repeatedly that Mussolini had a cool vibe. Yeah, he said that he was chillin' to the max. He was obviously not a good man. You said you were on his wavelength and his groove was appropriate. His graphic design is unbelievable. Have you seen his C poster?

Of course, of course. I own a couple of those old like Soviet propaganda posters. They're in my home. Yes. Yes. Again Soviet realism very beautiful. Oh, yeah great movies coming I'm trying to watch Andrei Rubalev. Please keep I can't make it all the way through movies coming out. I'm trying to watch Andrei Rubalev. Please keep... I can't make it all the way through. Andrei Rubalev? Yeah. Does he play for the Mavericks? This is one of your big, tall Yugoslavian basketball players.

Yes, yes. War Criminal Blood gives you a jumper like no other. Why are only the... It's only one Slav who's big though, of the people. Like it's the... What are they called? The Serbs. Have you met a Croatian? I have. Itty bitty angry strange people. They're just off-brand Italians, let's be honest. Them, the Albanians, let's get real.

Well, Dua Lipa is a real fine moral. They kept playing when we were trying to watch the football, this ad for a Dua Lipa show that was coming up later, it's because 60 Minutes is doing a Dua Lipa special. Really? Dua Lipa, I couldn't, every time it came on, my eye started to twitch, and I sat looking at Dua Lipa and feeling very alone,

and thinking about how just wonderful Dua Lipa is, and how proud I am of all her success. Is that what you were doing? Because there were moments where I would, Tommy actually said to you, Tommy Pope went, Yeah, right over there James cuz You were sitting there like this It's like the end of clockwork orange and you were just yeah, Beethoven is playing in my mind well Julie

But that's what I've done to find strange women attractive that TV. Well. It was like videodrome in there. It was insane Yes, it was like we were in Pittsburgh your favorite football team who beat my Denver Broncos today But it was it was not an aesthetic victory. Yeah, no, it was plodding. It was like watching mules fight. You have a great defense. None of those players double up to the offense. Historically, no.

In college sometimes, there's a great guy for CU. Sorry everyone, I just pulled a Lund. Go what? Yeah. There's a guy at CU who plays both ways. He's did like 186 snaps. Okay. Yeah.

It's very rare though, because there's too much to lose. And also it's so specific in the NFL. Yeah. You have an area of expertise and then you devoted your life to that and you keep mining that vein. If your team is a great defensive team, you should, and you never offend well, you're never offensively threatening. Well think about this, if a cornerback could catch a football he'd be a wide receiver.

Okay. That's what everyone always says. That's great. You know and then also a fat guy has to decide when he's in third grade if he's going to be a defensive fat guy or an offensive fat guy. The fat guy job looks really similar. Uh, it is not. Okay.

What are the different skills for the fats? Okay, let's, you're Pittsburgh Steelers. Yes. I'll break it down. You got three defensive linemen, four linebackers, and then four in the secondary. So cornerback, cornerback, safety, safety, four linebackers, then you have a nose tackle here, who goes over the center on the offensive line. He's just trying to sack the quarterback or the running back who's got the you that is your prime initiative. Okay. In reality, the nose guard is trying to grab onto as many offensive linemen as he can to then make the game 10 on 11. You want to draw them away so someone else can maybe get

Well, yeah, because if you have, you know, grabbing a helmet knows as you grabbing typically the armpit hair of a different fat guy and trying to rip it out. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a nasty thing you guys didn't probably do on the cricket pitch. The armpit snake. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a nasty thing you guys didn't probably do on the cricket pitch, the armpit snake. Oh my god. No one gets in your armpits in any of our sports. I don't think maybe

in rugby. Well, they call it tugby. So anyway, series of maneuvers. They actually do have one that they call the squirrel. The squirrel. What's that? Is it a goose thing? The testicle. Oh, of course. That's a big one. Okay. Oh, yeah. There's a testicle grabbing. I think I'm getting that right. If you can get up underneath the man shoulder pads and try and grab onto his breast fat or nipples, the nipples are the sweetest treat for the defensive lineman. If you can get in there, you just want to grab two guys, but you're an offensive lines. I was an offensive lineman because I was smart. I

wasn't as dumb as a houseplant. defensive lineman need to know what it comes. They need to either go left or right. That's all they need to know. I mean,, I don't want to besmirch D linemen, but a lot of them, a lot of them are legally brain dead. A lot of them don't have, uh, it's all stem. It's all stem. It's all reptile. That's what they're got. They live in caves. So then the offensive linemen are smart. These are the heroes. These are the, they sacrifice themselves. Well, what I'm getting at some sort of. Well, I'm just saying that we never touch the ball. We never get the big sack.

Now sometimes, sometimes you must accidentally get to touch the ball. Well, yeah, if it's a fumble. And then you haven't done your job. Because everything's been, it's been disheveled behind you. But you would never even try to break, like the ball's upfield. What are you thinking?

You're not allowed to go upfield. What? You have to stay back and you have to watch everyone eat day dance in the end zone? And then you could run the 40 yards to celebrate but come on okay? What are you gonna? Do no way you you're not allowed by the I mean how many of these rules are set down by are they? Customs or they actually a lot of them linesman is not to go no a lot of them are ordained, okay? Yeah, they come from the rule book you have to say who the quarter Customs involved to say this manained. Okay. Yeah, they come from the rule book. You have to say who the quarterback is at the start of the play? There's not a lot of customs involved. You have to say this man is the quarterback. He's playing quarterback. Yeah. Well, everyone knows who's the

quarterback because they're receiving the ball. Okay. They get the snap. He was a thought I had because we've got a great running quarterback. Yes, you do. Justin Fields. I'm thinking he has Notre Dame and he can really run. Yeah. And people aren't happy about that because his throwing is... You're thinking about Notre Dame? Yeah, I'm thinking about Notre Dame. So he made you like that team? Oh yes, he did. Is that one of your rules?

Yeah. You signed that contract? I got Shane to go along with the Adelaide Crows and I accepted Notre Dame. I'm an Essendon man. So sad. They're Jack Rabbits, they're fun. They're bunny rabbits with horns. What do you want?

The Bombers? No, you're thinking the Rabbitos. The Rabbitos. It's in rugby. No, no, we have no rabbit-bers? No, you're thinking the Rabbit-os. The Rabbit-os. It's in rugby. No, no, we have no rabbit-based AFL team. You gotta have a rabbit team. How do you get the chicks to watch? The crow is the rabbit of the sky.

Add the shorts. Short shorts. The crow is the rabbit of the sky. I was just trying to say you should be a crow boy. I love it. No, I'm a crow boy, I told you, I'm in. It's America's team. Yeah, they must be.

Certainly not Australia's team at this point. We are not playing well. But your boss made you watch Notre Dame and what happened? I mean first of all, I love them Yeah, cuz we beat Texas A&M and that first one that I watched that was great. Oh and also you're Catholic. Yes Okay, and I was in the Midwest. Mm-hmm, and the Notre Dame sphere of influence is huge I mean, they're coca-cola. They're Marlboro cigarettes. They're definitively American I love no Notre Dame means a lot to this country in our history. It means a lot to me. I've been there too. I've been there too. I've seen the

Golden Dome and the Grotto and the classical architecture school. Yeah. I have no shortage of nice things to say about the sweet people and sweet campus of Notre Dame. Yeah but have you been into South Bend? The Dew Drop Inn was the comedy club across from the jail and you got paid in Arby's gift certificates. That's a good sandwich. But, uh, the Meyer I did like as a store. Meyer.

Is that how you say it? Oh my Lord. Meyer's great. It's like, what if Walmart cost a little more? Everyone was having a good time. Yeah, exactly. It's such a fun place. I was like, okay.

So here's my thought is that so the the quarterback has to run and But he's the only one who can throw forward you get one opportunity to throw forward But if that person if the first throw is backward, then you can throw it forward. It can still be thrown Yes, that's a backwards lateral. So if you had a great running back if you had a great running back slash quarterback, you could somehow get him the ball way down on the side to start running and throw it like you could have the ball launched. You see what I'm saying? No, I think you're lost in the sauce.

Here's your quarterback. Okay, here's the ball snap to him. Ball snap to him. Okay, okay. But your quarterback who can really run and throw. You have the man who can really throw. Yes, to him. OK. OK. But your quarterback, who can really run and throw, you have the man who can really throw, he's actually here. He's back. And some other secondary type person is here, just getting the ball over here to the quarterback so that he can launch from wherever. So you're saying you'd put your quarterback out to the

sideline. So that he may receive a lateral pass and throw from a different position, open a different play. But if this guy's throwing the ball forward to the quarterback. He's throwing it laterally. Oh, so you have this guy, you have the quarterback set up like 10 yards back. And to the side. And to the side on the sideline. Yes. Where the offensive line is not located. There's no one to block for him over there. You could move a couple guys out there. You could move a couple guys over there, but you have to maintain your formation. You need to have five men on the line. You do need five men on the line.

Yeah, so. Can they be on the line at any point, or they have to be a certain level of centrality? They can, but you're trying to break the rules. Isn't that what football's all about? People coming up with creative plans. No, it's all about standing for the national anthem. It's all about making sure kids still join the Navy

and the Marines. It's a big, it's a white, it's a brainwashing Psy-op and I am in the Matrix. I am goo goo for Gaga when it comes to them. It is a hopelessly regimented game. Yeah, exactly. It's warfare. Yes. You guys are a bunch of chickens with your heads cut off kicking the ball forward and

kneeling. Well, we're uptight the rest of the time and we need to do something loosey goosey. The Australians are uptight? Oh, yes. You guys are the toddlers of the world. No you're running around going... We're following all the rules. I eat beef pies. They're great. There's cameras on you all the time. You can't speed in your motor vehicle. You're a nanny state. You're babies. That's what I'm saying. So you finally have one moment to be free out there for football But I feel in America you live such a free beautiful life. You want a tightly regimented recreation I think that people in America

I agree I think that they are so desperate for some kind of order in the chaos that their lives have become that they can Have this fucking you know nipple and then they're there five months of their life on Sunday Just is automatically circling this thing and also I mean this sounds like a negative description I love it I love the AFL that's the greatest sporting event I've ever been to Port Adelaide coming against Sydney in an upcoming big final Ken needs to deliver oh yeah but Port Adelaide has no chance against the mighty Sydney well South Melbourne is they used to be South Melbourne and Sydney. You can say that to sort of hurt

their feeling. But they're a good book. They're a good team. They're playing at home. The Port Adelaide coaches on borrowed time. Oh, yeah, I think he keeps taking them to the final but not winning fans boo him now. Yeah. And they want him gone. And last year, they wouldn't even buy tickets to the finals because they were like, well, he's just gonna lose. And you know what he needs to do? He needs to walk out at the beginning of the next game with Bob Hawk under his arm Bob he's dead. I know okay

Yeah, and then when he comes out he has like a like a velvet pouch sadly he was a guy Oh out of it. Yeah, and he says I've got hockey's head It's nice to read any fucking and then he fucking skulls a beer out of it He skulls out of the skull. Ken's head already looks very skull like. Oh no. He's got a skeletor. Wraithish. Skeletor is the meme. Wraithish. Skeletor. Yeah. I love that. But he's started to get, the pressure got to him last week and after they won the game, he got very chippy with the other team. Right. Because of an Instagram comment, they were chairing someone off the field, chairing. Yeah, if someone's played a like

a milestone game, like 300 games, yeah, you put them up on your shoulders, like your human chairs. Oh, we do that after like a good punt return. Really? Yeah, yeah, we hand out chairing. So we this is how tight we are. We saw this approving if anyone gets a chair before they're 300. Well, yeah, and the Prime Minister has to sign off on it. you know, he has to like deliver a letter stamped Oh, but then when we go relaxed when you kick a hundred goals during a home and away season, you know this no It's very it hasn't happened in a quite a while

But if you kick either a thousand career goals, which happened a couple years ago It was great or you kick a hundred goals in the home and away season career goals, which happened a couple years ago, it was great, or you kick a hundred goals in the home and away season, people just run onto the field and it'll be like a big game, a hundred thousand people and they all run onto the oval. So they'll storm the field in like the first three minutes if that's when the goal scored. It doesn't matter when it is, then the game just has to end for fifteen minutes. And everyone's okay with it. They push everyone.

Oh no, there's a lot of security and they ask people not to do it. But they were okay with it, now they're not okay with it. But there's no stopping it. No, of course. That's the power of tradition. They have engineered it so fewer goals are kicked. And it happens less and less. Is that as a preventative measure against people

reveling in public? I just think they don't want us feeling joy while we watch football. I can't imagine why the rules are being written any other way. I feel like you guys are some of the most joyous people I've ever met. And granted, I'm only hanging out with Australian comedians. Australian comedians. But we're cutting up and you guys, I mean, Andrew Wolfe, that man's defined by joy and

fear and rage, you know? Andrew Wolfe cannot be defined. No, no. She, it would be nice to... He is a mist. He doesn't fit in any container, but he takes the shape of everything. Wolfe, you're a great man. I love Andrew Wolfe. And you've got to tour the world and be seen by people. You got to get out of there

Wolfie. Wolfie. All right. You've got a family. Yeah. You've got to do something so that people know about you. You're a great gift. Quit scamming the stock market for the Yakuza or whatever the fuck you're doing and get out of there. He has two of the best podcast episodes I've ever heard. Yeah. It's uh. One was on like the crunchy guys or whatever. Mr. Crunch and the crunchy bunch. I see, you're quick too. And the... No, it wasn't there like, it was called like a scumbo's madhouse or something.

I mean, that would actually do very well in Australia. I think it was on... It just ended. I don't remember what it was called. It was a podcast I've been bad-mouthed on. I don't remember what it was. Yeah, was a podcast. I've been bad mouthed on I don't remember It was yeah, it was the boy. It was like their come town, right? They would tour No, I don't know that they tour we never had anyone successful name of the part. I can't remember the the put down the gross out the I hate you show and They would just talk about things that had angered them. Yeah. But we never had a compound.

We never had, well, sometimes. And the people bleep my name out, but I can tell that it's me. Uh-huh. Because the joy in their voice. I'm trying so hard. Sean Gardini has started spreading a rumor that I'm a mean man. Oh, really? He keeps saying, mean man McCann.

You mean the black cloud of Austin, Sean Gardini? The boy prince who's been anointed? He's a sweet, he's a sweet boy. He's a great kid, but he's always bummed out. I'm like, Sean, you got the tiger by the tail. I think he was so happy to come up with Toyota Tacoma Tommy and how angry that made Tommy. Did you follow that drama? Tommy bought a Toyota Tacoma. Tee-po. He's got a cool on triple T Toyota Tacoma Tommy. And Tommy doesn't like it.

Tommy, apparently is what I heard hated it. But now is starting a YouTube series called Toyota. What he's owning it. He's embraced it. It's his guy. Wow. Yeah. What the hell? I think that's beautiful. I'm glad I mean, Tommy. It was fun to watch his set from behind the curtain, you know? Yeah. Because he goes to, like you said, he goes to some very dark places.

Well, there was, also the material changes a lot from night to night. And there was one night where he was keeping it light, and it did sound like he was giving a woman an orgasm. Oh yeah. And I don't think I've ever made a woman make those noises from the stage or in the bedroom. No, never, for sure.

Women in the crowd will go. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! It's just in the bedroom. No, never for sure. Women in the crowd will go. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! dogs playing tennis though. Okay, oh yeah, this is your passion project. I wonder if they could coach the dog by using a dog whistle. You know, I had a coach in tennis and then maybe people find out and then they can't coach the dog playing tennis anymore. And this is what you've been filling the hours of your life with since your family left? Every day, every day I sit down, they're coming back, I sit down and I, yes, I just try and churn out Wimble Dog. It's getting there. Wimble Dog. So it started as a pun. I started as a description. I came up with the whole plot and I was doing a bit on stage where I would describe movies that I wanted to make. Yeah. And that was the one I did as a joke to say this is what dog movies are meant to be like. Yeah. Someone said Wimble Dog.

Someone said it. I know. Someone in the crowd. I went thank you. That's mine. Very good. Someone in the crowd? I went, thank you. That's fine. Very good.

But the one I really wanted to make is... I'll be having that. There's a man who is... The Greyhound Racing Track, man finds a loophole where any dog is allowed to race. It doesn't have to be Greyhounds, just dogs, and they're the fastest dogs. What? But he really believes in his pug. So he takes a pug to the racetrack, and he's a very fast dog, but then he's so fast, he

sneezes and his eyes explode out of his head. And it's more of a short film, I think. You're gonna need a big effects budget for that. I wish you'd need one pug and some pepper. You need one pug and you gotta go to International Waters. You know, I've watched a couple movies back to back that involve cruelty to animals from the 70s. So like at the end of Apocalypse Now-

Is this where you get your kinks? I just noticed that it was happening. I thought, that's strange. I usually see an ox getting beheaded alive on the screen. And the other one was in this movie, Andrei Rublev. There's a horse that falls down some stairs and that's the Russians and they don't prize life the way you and I do. But it's really upsetting to see something bad actually happen to an animal-

I would hate that. ... in an a piece of fiction Yeah, yeah There must be other examples. There is an example of it There was cat drowned in a great Australian movie, which I've not seen but a bad boy, bubby. Am I getting that right? That's a very beloved. It sounds like a fake movie. No, it sounds like an Australian movie. They probably won an Oscar I think it this summer bad boy, bubby You've had enough cake Bobby. I think it this summer bad boy, Bobby. You've had enough cake, Bobby. Shut up, Bobby. Oh, so it's this summer. Bad boy, Bobby. You're Nick Cave. Do you

know Nick Cave? Of course. The proposition very much. What the movie right? The proposition. I've never seen the proposition. What? No, it's one of the best movies you guys have ever done. Okay, it's like that and Chopper. Well, the rest of the world can get out of the way when it comes to Chopper and the proposition. A little movie called Babe, Pig in the City. That's yours? It's an Australian director. It's the same guy who did Mad Max. No wonder it's so whimsical. Did you know that? That was his follow up? Yeah. Is that George Miller? Yeah. He did Babe. I want to confirm that I'm getting this right. I think I'm getting this right. I'd be so embarrassed if I wasn't getting this right. I'd be embarrassed for you We would have to start over I think

Where we at on this my god, we're fucking cooking baby James is looking up. He's trying to validate another one of his lies Also, Adam you get lied to us and said he was gonna wear a hilarious big dog shirt Screenplay here did the screenplay. Screenplay by George Miller. Oh my God. Also known for Mad Max's. And wearing scarves despite the weather. It's a very Australian thing.

This is, we talked about this, you could become George Miller. You could pivot and do your fucking, you know. We'll see how Wimbledog goes. Wimbledog's going to be big. I think the Glove film's gonna be good. Oh, I hope so. I didn't mean to. No, no, I'm just thinking about it.

Here's my question. Do you know the Australian actor, Jeffrey Rush, Yes, of course. got into some trouble with the ladies? Big law case. Is it time for Jeffrey to come back? Would it hurt the film? I don't think it would.

You should get Depardieu as well if you're going to revive Rush. Oh come on, the big fat French guy who drank four bottles of wine on set? Yeah, he got a bit curious with his fingies. I don't believe that any lady could possibly have found that unpleasant. Oh my god, can you imagine Depardieu? Depardieu dipping his wick and you're fucking, Depardieu or Depardon't, get off the pot. I can't keep up, it's been too long a day. You're doing great, you're carrying the load. There he's back.

That was you. I need a great older actor. Ideally who can do a German accent and what's this man's name, who's had the trouble? Geoffrey Rush. I remember him from a great movie, Mystery Men. Yes of course. Which he plays Casanova Frankenstein. Mm-hmm. Frankenstein. Paul Rubens was in that. Who's Paul Rubens? The painter? Peewee Herman. Yes he was. I never put that

together that that was the same guy until right now. Yeah and that's where... He's the flatulent one. He's the flatulent one. The first time I saw Janine Garofalo and I found her very sexually interesting. Of course. Yes. I've been described as Rubenesque. A Ruben sandwich? Come on.

Ruben Solo? He's a comedian in Australia. Do you know the Ruben guy? He's painted the fat ladies. The fat ladies? Yes, okay. I have one of those bodies. Very incredibly thin, beautiful, womanly arms.

Interesting. And then chunky, chunky torso. Yeah. There's also that fucking Italian guy. I don't know if you've seen him. He's a very sexy guy. He's got a very sexy body. He's got a very sexy body. He's got a very sexy body. I have one of those bodies very incredibly thin beautiful womanly arms interesting chunky chunky torso Yeah, there's also that fucking Italian guy. Maybe he's South American. We did the big fat lady statues. They're all over Rome I don't know about this. Yeah, and in the wide world Rome There's a lot of me like putting my head inside of a big fat lady's butt nice

Yeah, I mean we're giving people what they want. It's really having a good time, I do believe. I'm playing her boobies like bongos. You know, we've got to respect the ladon there. I do. I'm a friend of the women. I came up with a bit about blowjobs that I'm not going to say. Okay. It'd be like, some women are like, I love giving blowjobs, you know. Well, then you're not giving a good one.

That's going to work big in the black room you started. You got to do it at Black Rabbit. Anyway, I thought there was something there. It was a play on, people go, a pornography's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. Not the kind I've been watching! Is that from the first eight years? I'd never made it to the stage. It's interesting that you were in alt comic who then broke into the mainstream, similar to me.

I mean, I was definitively, and that was just because there's alternative rooms. I couldn't get into clubs yet. I wondered if also you started in a medium-sized town. I did. I started in Denver. And you yearned to stay. And I must say, I mean, maybe you'll disagree. We haven't spoken about this.

The downtown of Denver reminded me very much of Adelaide's downtown. Sure, it makes sense. It's a grid, the streets are fairly narrow. And it's empty. It's held on to a lot of your 19th century, turn of the century architecture. Denver's a brand new city. Yeah, it's like built in the 50s and 60s and 70s mostly.

Really? They made it look old and beautiful. Well, we have one building that's cool. It's shaped like a cash register, and we really hang our hat on that That's our exploding star. We won't shut up about I'd like to see it. You look at the skyline I'll see the cash it's on the nuggets logo the fact that hills surround it mountains. We've got the hills You've got the mountains and I loved Adelaide and I could have left Adelaide earlier Yeah, and I really didn't want to brother. I like adored Denver, and I adored my my position in the rankings

I liked being you know you'd walk around in Denver I'd be like six years into comedy and people would be like hey You're the guy from the Squire or whatever it was like there was a micro celebrity to it I would get laid from stand-up Alessio Carducci saw this happen to me in Adelaide not they're getting laid Yeah, but the you know King of Adelaide. He was like like you gotta leave this is not healthy for you no one ever told me to leave everyone said he was from Melbourne so he came over and thought even this is disgusting to be successful with a million people what would be funny is LA and New York comics would come and do my weekly Wednesday show and

they'd see how much fun it was and they'd be like what are you guys doing the weekend I'd be like oh I host and feature at the Comedy Works and they'd be like, what are you guys doing the weekend? I'd be like, oh, I host and feature at the Comedy Works. And they'd be like, pretty good thing you got going on here. Because they'd be like fucking scraping their teeth for seven minutes of stage time in LA or whatever, a week. You just get up all the time in Denver. And the Comedy Works, which I've never been to, but I have seen. And I've seen, I think Nick Marlin did his special there.

It's Gangs for the Memories is recorded there. It looks, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. It looks like a beautiful people say is one of the best comedy clubs hands down. Yeah Yeah, I mean anyone who's performed there. It'd be hard to argue against that. It can be made to look bad. I've seen some Online specials that that wall just looks very strange and flat you got a rock wall Mullen got away with it It says comedy works on the wall using aullen got away with it. It says comedy works on the wall. But he's using a weird angle to get black. It's just a tight, it's here to here, black background. He could have done that anywhere. Oh yeah. And it, so you have to shoot around it being a... I was gonna film mine there and then Ethan said, well

Mullen just did his there so why don't we do something else? Because we were in the Diamond District. The Bosch Belt's beautiful this time of year. Me and you on the Chitlin circuit would be huge. Is there a third one? Bosch Belt, Chitlin circuit. The Latino lattice. That was the infrastructure they set up. Taco time.

I've got nothing. You could be doing, you could be doing Mexican rooms down here. I told you that. I didn't know that, I don't know that there are Mexican. Dude, there's Latino comics that no one's ever heard of outside of Texas who make like 300k a year doing like mole festivals and... I wouldn't even know what Hispanic comedy looked like. Ralphie May?

You need a cowboy hat. Is Ralphie May Hispanic? No. Okay. No. He is. He's the Great White Whale. R.I.P. Did he die? Ralphie May? I didn't know he died. I knew that he was a big, but I didn't know he was dead. Oh yeah. He's been dead for a while. And I've made so many jokes. Sorry, Ralphie and your family. Well, of course. I've been in green rooms all over this great land and like a couch has been broken or something. And I've been like, what, do you have Ralphie May?

And whoever it is, every club owner or manager will flinch and then be upset with me and walk out. Because they loved Ralphie so much. Because he was beloved. I think he was on the first season of Last Comic Standing. Yeah, yeah. He was not the last comic standing. Well, he got beaten, I think, by on the first season of last comic standing yeah yeah he was he was he was not the last comic standing well he got beaten I think by a little Chinese guy and ant or Mario Cantone I don't know him or no the

Chinese guy there's a Chinese guy yes he did the big Coca-Cola closer I can't remember one of their bits the second season I think an Australian woman was on no Yeah She came over for it I believe wrong it might not have been the second season It was one season of it that would be a good show to bring back if they tried to bring that back I think they brought it back with norm years ago. Yeah, they did jessal neck was involved Roseanne was involved Yeah, they did. Jett Slomick was involved. Roseanne was involved. Is Roseanne one of the judges? Yeah. It was mostly Norm being like, your bit about the Bible shows how little you know about faith.

And the guy's up there doing a joke about like eating a ham sandwich or something. And Norm's like, he was just like, became like a wizened old sage. I'm sorry we didn't get that for longer. That would have been the most fun part of his career. I do believe I Wish he get would really just spill the beans, you know Every time I'm hanging out with the EGOT I'm waiting for him to just give me a fucking norm story that might color my perception of one of my revered heroes No, I want to hear about like the gambling I want to hear about the gambling through Amos Gill.

Oh yeah. So Amos was at a casino and have I told you this story? No. Oh, I'm so happy I get to say it. Please do. So they come up to him after the show, the people who run it, and they go, would you like that in a check or in chips? And he says, well, I'd like it in just money. I don't want chips. Why would I want that?

He goes, well, sometimes people like their gamble and we can set aside a private blackjack table for you if you'd like. And he says, well, I'm tired. And I'd like to go to bed. And I said, would you like us to send a blackjack dealer up to your room so you can lie in bed and gamble what you've made tonight? And he said, no, who would do that? And they said, no, McDonald will do that every time he was in town. Play for bed. He'd get into his bed.

He'd be recumbent with his stocking cap on? He'd send a blackjack dealer upstairs. What? And he'd play blackjack after the show in bed. Oh my God. Isn't that lovely? He's the best. Yeah.

How have you never told me this story? I'm sorry. Wow. Just up there with the blankets pulled up to his chin. Getting snowed, really probably getting to know the blackjack dealer. Maybe a movie's on. Right. Get a little room service. Wow. Oh, just up there with the blankets pulled up to his chin. Getting snowed, really probably getting to know the project, maybe a movie's on. Right.

Get a little room service. Wow. Damn. Yeah, I mean, I've been paid in chips before. Doritos. Tell them where to find you, James. Oh, the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. The pamphlets are going around.

They are. Someone's done a new pamphlet as well. Lovely. That man who does all the free. This is done a new pamphlet as well. Lovely. That man who does all the free... This is... I've got to give him a shout out. Zach Wommer?

Zach Wommer. Yeah, yeah. He painted me. He's made a new pamphlet. Yeah. And he just does great free work for everybody. I never use his stuff. He did a painting of me.

I bought a norm painting. I bought his norm painting of the Harlequin Clowns. I bought his norm. I have it in my home. This syncopated burping. Yeah, what's happening here? Our cycles are locking up my thumbnail for my podcast. I used to have a different one jokes I liked but then I use his now because it was great. What was I saying? You I was plugging your camera and playing pamphlets out now. Yeah, yeah. Smooth Dolphin

the Chinese language hit single. That's on YouTube. It's doing very badly and You're filming a special at some point. I have to film a special. Yep I don't know how I've got the man that I really want to film it and he's in Australia until December Hmm, I could film it in December, but I need to book you film it in fucking Australia Dummy did film a crowd work special in Australia. Okay called crowd pleasure a crowd work special in Australia. Okay. Called Crowd Pleasure.

The name came first, obviously. And it's just bad crowd work for what I hope is an hour and 20 minutes. An hour and 20 of bad crowd work. Of just the worst crowd work I could do. It would be like, hey, who are you? Yeah. You know?

Let me do it. Okay. Who are you? My name is Max. No, not your name. Who are you really? Max Jefferson. Come on, your name. Who are you really? Uh, Max Jefferson. Come on, deep down! Who are you?

I guess I'm a son and a husband. You're defined by your relationships with other people. We put you on a desert island, you disappear. But who are we without the relationship, you know? I think you've said something very wise. I thank you. It's just that. Awesome. Okay. And where are you putting that? very wise. I thank you. It's just that. Awesome. Okay. And where are you putting that?

In the trash, I hope. Now. We'll get it done. Also, I'll say this. If you want to watch exciting comedy, Houston, you're going to Houston, you're going where else? Going to a church basement in Tulsa.

I'm gonna be in a church basement in Tulsa. So you're still an art-off guy? They asked, and I was on my way back from your comedy festival. Oh, yeah, you're going to be at my comedy festival. I was going to bring my family to Airbnb, but they will have just traveled back a week prior. I don't think I came to travel again. And so I wanted, even though I said I didn't want a place to stay,

yeah, I still have a place to stay. Of course, yeah, yeah. Hopefully you'll stay with me in London, Pat. That would stay. Yeah. I still have a place to stay. Of course. Hopefully you'll stay with me in London, Pat. That would be really great. I'd love to do that. Also, I'm doing a Houston... Yeah, the secret group.

I was just there. ...Tope 13. I sold out two. Sell out two for James. He's one of the most exciting, just propulsive performers. And I admire you on and off stage, but I see so much bad comedy, James. And watching you this fucking weekend open the show. Makes those bad comedians look good. That raises your feeling of what's possible in the world. No man this guy's a he's just one of my favorite

people. Well that's very nice. Support him in every way possible and I love you guys thank you for listening. Thank you.