Chubby Behemoth - Hole Of Bepo

Episode Date: August 23, 2024

SPONSORS: TUSHY: Support the show and get 50% off your first Factor box, plus 20% off your next month with code CHUBBY50 at https://www.factormeals.com/CHUBBY50   MyBookie: Support the show get some MyBookie money on the house with code CHUBBY at https://mybookie.website/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are coming to you from Rome with Chris Charpentier. The fellas talk about the cobblestones, missing-hand statues, and learning what Italian words mean. Sam has a new place to store his scarves, tried to get a dashiki in play, and knows where Chris’s people are from now. Nathan got cheap meds on the pepperoni coast, did a Christ-like fall, and got surprised by Chris joining the trip! Pecorino coming out of every which way.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

It's recording now. Be nasty like me. The video is live. The podcast tracking device is live. Which means there's only one thing that can happen. Podcasting brilliance yet again. Coming to you live from Roma, Italy. Io sono Sam.

I'm so sick of hearing you say that. Io sono Sam. It's killing, dude. You said it to a dog in a car. I did. You said it to every waiter thus far. Yeah and they love it. They do. Sure. If it wasn't working, guess what?

I would quit pandering. All right? But this is the equivalent of what's up Silver Fox over here. Yeah. You're so no Sam and then they go, oh, ciao Bella. And they bring me a sweet little piece of cheese and only I get the cheese and no one's jealous. Because you are the rat king. Rat duke.

Let's be honest. We're in Italy. It's crazy. We're just a couple of fucking freaks and wads and somehow we're in Rome, Italy. Birthplace of stuff. Almost everything. Like chairs. Like everything there is.

Yeah. Horses, Rome. Roads, all roads lead to Rome. I've heard people say that and I didn't know that's because they put in all the roads. Yeah. Cause they were the first ones who were like, Hey, we should make roads.

Yeah. That's a good idea. Colossus of roads Corey Rhodes RIP no he's good I think what yeah he doesn't he he had to have both of his kidneys removed but he's a medical miracle because he's still alive yeah they put in a pool filter and now he has to drink chlorinated water, but enough about Corey Rhodes. We're in Rome. It's crazy. It's rocked me several times since we've been here. It's insane.

Everything's been pretty much perfect as far as like the group dynamic. People are helping. People are doing stuff, lending a hand, whatever, weighing in on like Cool things that we can do for wide world Yeah, no one has blown it yet. Well Whoever made the bathroom smell like piss in there So I guess not only is it that bathroom but Emily says our bathroom smells like piss, too

So three three and Emily think that Pat's going from bathroom to bathroom and pissing on the ground marking his territory like a dog. I'm pissing on the ground. Piss on the ground, yeah. Mom can't take away the ground. If he pees on the ground in mine and Sharpie's bathroom, I'm going to hit him until I can't hit him anymore. Well, he's laying on the ground right now like a rug.'m gonna pee on him. Oh pack. Can we pee on you? Is that why you go by Patrick piss? Okay

Rome doesn't stink. Okay, you can say a lot about Rome And there's very little graffiti Everything's very well maintained. It's pristine. Dude, Sharpie, tell them about what you like about the scooter people. Okay, so those lime scooters are everywhere just like they are in every big city. Ubiquioto. Ubiquioto, that's it.

En todas partes. Cacio e pepe. They're everywhere. And there's so many wonderful looking people here very put together very fashionable There's a lot of like a scoop top dresses where it's like, how are the nipples that low on the titty? Yeah, how are they not just plopping out? It's a whole scene It's like whatever the law whatever the the latitude is that's between the equator in the South Pole That's how low the fucking tops are here. I haven't noticed that.

You haven't. What have you been looking at? I've been looking at the architecture, church here. Well, there's some pretty pretty gals here. Oh yeah, yeah. Keep your eyes open. And guys, but it is hilarious, anybody taking these lime scooters,

it doesn't matter how fit or not, because of the cobblestone roads everywhere, they are the shakiest fucking people. Every little bit of fat, if you have any, or just skin shakes, everything shakes and it's so funny. So their cheeks get going. Yeah, their cheeks get going. They ride down the fucking street.

The bus was. Trying to be put together with their fucking little person. They're having a fucking time of their life. They have Gucci sunglasses on, they're wearing a silk scarf and and then just Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr seconds right in this giant it's just a Chinese baby screaming in Mandarin Becker what would that sound like free one yeah no the the scooter I can't imagine scootering here because the cobblestones are so fucking slick because everything billions of feet have walked on them because they're the first cobblestone roads ever yeah so it's just sandaled feet have been buffering, buffing the the cobblestones forever and we I haven't seen anyone eat it yet. No yeah nobody's eaten it. We've been eating stuff. There was a legless

guy he ate it at some point. Yeah and you know what? He ate so much of it. Yeah. He ate so much of it they had to take him off. Too much candy. A doctor said, hey, quit eating it. And he said, shut up. Prove it. Hey, who's the veteran in this hospital right now? I found it odd how shiny and new his legs were. Well, he doesn't have to roll around in the dirt. He's getting pushed everywhere.

Yeah, but they both look like. Yeah, he's got it made. Like the flesh was still like perfectly pink, brand new. The chrome was all shiny and the joint. Maybe this room trip was his, you know, first adventure legless. I think, I think they came over here to bury his legs. Yeah, that's what they always wanted. He said, bury me in Rome. You'm talking to your fucking chins, bud

I thought amputation party but Burying the lady a lot of people come on You know how a lot of people go to like Brazil to get butt lifts sure people come over here to have optional leg removal surgery It's to put it in place for all the statues that are missing on dude How about the handless statues of Rome? Everywhere. Wow. One of them was a guy sitting and he had, it was missing like his whole shin, the whole bottom part of his leg, but then the foot was perfect.

And that was funny to see. I wanted to tickle his little toe. I wonder if he could still feel it. See if his knee starts wobbling. Someone hold up a lighter to my foot. I think that we've done Paris, we've done Tokyo, we went to Paris together, me, Sharpie, London, some other guy. Come on. What was his name? Andrew Smichek. Oh yes, Smichek. We did Rainbow Chasers live. Who's that joke for?

Yeah me and Lunn. Yeah. Tight thank you. But uh the best jokes. Rome really just confronts you with the historic beauty everywhere you look. I don't even know what to do. Last night we were having a beer outside of a gay bar because one wanted to quote hang out with guys like him. They were playing chapel round. Yeah. It was sick. And we were sitting like on the side of the road

on the sidewalk and we turned around and just ancient ruins, just chilling. The Colosseum. The Colosseum is just over Chris's shoulder while I'm looking over at him insane. It's fucking mental They just really spit in your fucking mouth here with the history. Absolutely. Yeah, I mean Paris Paris it's like oh the Arc de Triomphe cool. All right, Eiffel Tower. You're welcome. But uh, you know fucking here Spread them out at least right here. It's like around the corner. You don't even know there's no like big signage for anything.

It's like right here. There it is. That is funny. Bam. There's the next thing and you're like, Jesus Christ. They just have it all tucked in. It's fine. Yeah.

And they didn't bother to like, oh, this one thing has become a huge attraction. Let's make the viewing space a little bit bigger. Let's make it not smell like shit and piss too. Let's go ahead and take like shit and piss to take and take down all these other buildings around. They're like, no, we're going to jam a shoe store in there so you can buy some new balances right across the street. So this pantheon. Yeah, this was the Pope's house and downstairs a book of the Beppo,

which means Beppo's hole hole of Beppo hole of beppo. Where the fuck did that come from? We've got our guy felippo here, our man on the street, very funny northern italian guy who's done ones. Yeah, the good ones. Yeah, I think there's some swiss in his pancake, but yeah, I was like what's buka de beppo mean and he goes what is bu pancake. But yeah, I was like, what's Bucca de Beppo mean? And he goes, well, what is Bucca de Beppo? And I was like, it's a restaurant in America. And he says, book at the back. I was like, yes, Bucca de Beppo. And he says, what is

this food? And I said, yes. And he says, Bucca is whole. And I was like, okay, well, what's Beppo? He says, Beppo is a man's name. So his whole of Beppo, okay, well, what's bet? He says, but was a man's name. So Mark's brother. So his whole of bet. Man, I couldn't get enough of that. And also, did you see it today when I had the scarce I bought and I shoved them down the front of my pants oh fuck yeah

so we're in front of the pantheon as Breeze buying us 12 tickets to get to the pantheon we're lurking in one of the most touristy spots there is and there's just like you you know, refugees walking around trying to trick people into buying shit off of them. Uh, and then there's like a dude like holding a hat and he's just like a little troll man, Albanian munchkin man. I think he might have been part dog. The better part of him was dog. He was, he was one of God was unknown. He was God's perfect angel.

Yes, he came He was one of God's. The other part was unknown. He was God's perfect angel. Yes. And he came. He came into our circle. He entered the circle. And I think I, did you point? I think I pointed to. I parted the tails of my shirt and I just pointed down at my bulging crotch.

My mound. Your man's pubis. And the face he made was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Was it this? He was just nodding with his tongue out a little bit. And wide-eyed, so wide-eyed like he'd finally seen what he had been looking for. Jack Nicholson in the departed. Put his tongues out. Jesus, his eyes are... We all fell out!

He said, you put everything I need in my bucket today, sir. He gave me a coin. He gave you, yeah, he flipped a euro your way. He said there you go daddy-o. Fucking simpleton's face. That Albanian boat rider just seen coming and I mean first of all the circle he enters is me, you, Joe, Pat, Becker, just some of the biggest men ever and their friend Chris and then the first thing that he sees is me just pointing at my mound flinch Just looking and nodding not saying anything not holding out his hat with coins in it just like I got what I needed in it just like I got what I needed. It was also then so funny that the joke just kind of resonated and you kind of forgot that you had him in there. You still have the big mound

as we entered into like one of the ancient mysteries of the world. It's pre-Christian. The building was built in four or whatever I need to get these I'm doing the old huge wang gag that skull in the box to see his dude yeah that's cool rule that was in the church it's like I had five testicles. It's like I brought me, is there one for me? Sure is, Manicotti Joe. The way you were framing it was also like a perfect circle. It's an orb sticking out. Yeah. Slightly pregnant. Yeah. I got a kick out of Filippo in the pantheon because when we went in he Said that you know that there's the ceiling has a big hole in it. It looks crazy

There's a giant hole opening whatever birds are coming in and out and he says now This is a fact that it does not rain in the pantheon The water rain does not enter into the pantheon. The rain does not enter into the pantheon. It's like, oh wow, that's crazy. And it's like, wait, what? There's no way. And then I see that there's a roped off area in the mitt directly underneath, and then signs that say wet floor. So he was lying? Oh, he was lying his ass off.

What? Yeah, it's like something weird. Because of the ionization. Some weird myth or something. The roof, the roof, no, when it is wet and it says, no, come in. The floor had like drain holes in it. I just was like, whoa, they were so smart.

What other ancient mysteries does this city hold? Yeah. The rain in Rome falls mainly in the Pantheon, for sure. Mysteries that the city oh Yeah The rain in Rome falls mainly in the pantheon It's supposed to be rad to be in there during the rain. I read on oh, I'd love to be in there during the rain Yeah, it'd be fucking awesome. Yeah, I guess the rain in there Well, it'd be it would also suck though if you were standing in there and the Sun went over at that exact moment And turned you to ash. Man, the Catholics really fucking tore down the mall and put up a parking lot or whatever,

because they just got the Pantheon and then were like, you know what would be cool in here? Christ weeping in 360. 360 degrees of the wounded Christ. It's funny to think like maybe some of the churches were built to honor God. Some were because they were scared that God would smite them if they didn't do a good job. So they're just like building this incredible architecture. Just be like, please, please let it be enough. Please give us enough water for our rice. Please save my son. My son, he needs a barata. He needs a barata trans-a-plant. They are going to cut off his legs. God bless you.

Here? Yeah. You deserve it. God bless you. God's closer here. Absolutely. Well I think the Pantheon, from what I understand from like gaming or whatever Pat back me up here what from What did you gain? I think like God of War and like magic like what are you talking Pantheon means a variety of different gods It's like all of them What are you doing back there I was holding one's hands. What? Did you give him that mic? Yes. Hands were holding Pat. My eyes were watching God. My hands were fingering Pat.

Prom night. I fingered him back to life. The easiest way to sneak up on Lun is to go down and grab his toe because he can't feel them. I've got you here buddy. I've got you here, but it's street pure and all now wearing 300 migs. Yeah, I was on a hundred 300 migs I can eat a fucking horse. Yeah, you can go head to anus You could eat a mules liver and be fine. I can eat whatever me was like I'm on drugs cuz Emmy asked you she's like, did you bring your albuterol or whatever alapurin? No, you're on albuterol, Pat. Mm-hmm. And alipurinol.

And you were like, eh, who cares? It's not like there's any pepperoni over here. And then you turned and winked at a camera that wasn't there. Sorry. When we were landing on the plane in, the shades are up a little bit. And we can see the water as we're landing. It's beautiful. I'm all excited.

There's cypress trees on this side, ocean on this side. I'm all excited. And everything goes, oh look, the pepperoni coast. Kill them before we even got off the plane. Well, yeah. How about the fact that- Well, hold on. Let me just tell this story.

No. Sorry. Yes. So- Is it about what buccadebeppo means? Because we already'm sorry. Yes. So it's about what buka de bebo means. We already covered it. It's about you coming to Italy without your necessary gout medications. I apologize. And then Emily being like, let's see if they just sell it over the counter here. Like they do in some countries. You can just get medicine that we have prescriptions for and you're like, who cares? Fuck it. We're all going gonna die one day yeah yeah taste calzones live life and then Emily's like no and she goes in and how much did it cost for a three month supply well one month I think is two

dollars it was two dollars yeah yes for a month so how dumb were you in that stronger how am I dumb well we don't have that long we want to have dinner this is what happened I went through my pills and then was like, Emmy, I need a refill. And she was like, I'm in Scotland. I'm looking at my grandma's grave. She's not dead yet, but it's here waiting for her. We just carved in her birthday.

You guys were very busy. You were over here. And so she called in a prescription that is in La Janta. It's an hour and a half away. I was like, all right, I can get it or she'll transfer it to the Trinidad pharmacy where I live as opposed to where she used to work. And, uh, yeah, I don't know, a little bit of miscommunication, little bit of who cares. A lot of bit of who cares. Yeah. But I mean, your WC fields, your who cares cares feel water closet field pissing on the ground blaming it on pap the perfect the perfect crime skidoo

But uh I'm peeing on the ground and then writing a little note next to it that says pat's piss Yeah, it just says at patrick piss suck it just says at Patrick piss. Suck it. Whirl away. You're welcome. Follow Pat everyone. So yeah no I was kind of dumb because I didn't have a plan for... I was gonna try to not eat a ton of meat over here basically. What? I was. That's like saying I'm going to see one ancient obelisk while I'm in Rome. No, I would have been okay. A lot of these pasta options just have a little fungie. Some truffle oil, some tomate. So I would have had to sacrifice a little bit of meat intake.

Can you do cheese? Yeah, cheese is fine. It's really just and and alcohol, but I don't have any alcohol Yeah, you haven't had any booze while you've been here. Wait. I did. I have a little digestif. That's right I see a little sip and So anyway, we got your out medication, but what we really got was a big surprise for you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm Yeah, I didn't know that Chris Charpentier was coming. I was coming. I'm still coming It was awesome. That's how fun it was. Don't work blue on the pod. You see what we do here You flew from LA to Chicago we've been from Denver to Chicago. Yeah, and

It was perfect because Sam said to the group Hey, let's Mike up Lund, let's get him going from basically, you know, connecting flights. So walking through O'Hare, getting to the gate, getting on the plane, because he knows that I often will mumble obscenities and sarcasm at people who are blowing it in airports. It's like your whole thing.

One of my whole things. It's really the only reason, it's one of the reasons that you do stand up is so you can go to airports and be snarky to people under your breath. And I do love it because dude, anytime someone will stop in front of you at an airport, I'm like, yes, give it to me. Here comes the boom. It's like watching Terrell Strawberry wind up and you know that fastball's coming over the plate. Well yeah, and when we, in 2019 when we flew to, or when we flew home, I think from Paris, there was a guy who was like suitcases in the aisle and I decided to fall, trip over them and fall

to make him feel bad. You're like Christ, they should put you on the wall of the pantheon, the pantlodeon. Yeah and it worked. He was like, Oh my God, though. I'm sorry. But yeah. Uh, so I'm, I'm like distracted by talking shit through the airport. You got a hot mic on. Yeah. Mic'd up, get to the gate. Bonzo is like, uh, let me get you over here. And then like ask me something like, so we're going to Rome or whatever. And then guy comes up our Bonzo impressions are so rude He doesn't know his own name. He's always asking his own name. I'm Bonzo. But yeah you a person comes up bucket hat, and 95 mask.

American flag. American flag tank top over a t-shirt. Was, which was so perfect because so many people decide to wear American flag shit when they fly. It's like, who is this for? Especially when you're flying from. International. Well, either way it's dumb.

Well, you know, when you go to an away game, you wear your Jersey. That's all I'm saying. But yeah, you came up and you're like, Oh, man, hey, what's up? Let me get a picture. And I was like, what? Of course, your guy wearing a mask. You would be one of my fans. You would be a one guy. So a little webus in a mask.

Somebody who cares about other people, yeah. Crazy. But yeah, you were perfectly covered up to where I would not have known that it was you. Yeah, that was the most fun I've ever had trying to surprise someone in my life. I was standing there all sweaty. I'd been waiting for like 20 minutes,

so nervous that I was gonna blow it. You're gonna meet Lund. Like surprising my friend. I was been waiting for like 20 minutes. So nervous that I was going to blow it. You're going to meet London. Like surprising my friend. I was like, oh no. And Sam said that I should wear a dashiki as a disguise before. So I bought what was not a dashiki, but something close. You bought what a cab driver wears to his daughter's wedding. It's a formal wear for an Indian person. And but I couldn't get the courage to wear it by myself while I was waiting in the fucking airport. I felt so stupid with the American flag shirt. I was like this is enough I think. But yeah surprising you. It was awesome. What a

treat. You just start taking the things off of your head and the fact that it was you was so insane The video is awesome because one comes up and he goes whoa Lund or sharpie comes up and says whoa Lund and Lund's like yeah, and then you see Lund He's like, can we get a picture and then Lund turns to Bonzo and is like and then you see Lund go Wait a minute and then Sharpie pulls off his mask. Is this a plant? Yeah. You set this up. Yeah. It was like, no.

Yeah, that was great. It was awesome. It was a beautiful moment. More people should be surprised in airports. Well, everyone always says, Sam's the puppet master. Oh, he's always pulling the strings behind the scenes. And yeah, it's just so people can have beautiful memories made. I was on vacation in Belgium and I was only concerned

with making sure that Lund had a little bit of whimsy thrown into his life. It's crazy. It's crazy. You also, did you help get Bobby out to surprise me at High Plains? Of course. Okay.

Yeah, that was cool too. Couple years ago. Didn't think Bobby could make it because he was in law school. Mm-hmm allegedly, but he showed up at the park and I was like I dumped I didn't know yeah, I dumped him out and then I told everyone my mom died and everyone was like But Bobby's here but Bobby's here and when I went in anyway, serves up Becker. You haven't said a word. Let's keep it that way. No good stories. You got a good story for us. I ate way too much pot before I got

on the plane. Okay, a thousand milligram, a thousand milligrams of THC and a thousand milligrams of CBG go off King king. And you didn't sleep. You just, you were just gorked. I was gorked. I was really ripped, man. When did you eat them? In Denver or Chicago? I ate them in Denver. When we got to Chicago I was really fucked. And it wasn't one 1000 milligram giant gummy. No, it was 20 gummies.

It was 20 gummies. Twenty fifties. Twenty gummies. It's like you drank a six pack of Surge. Yeah, dude. So I got off the plane in Chicago and was in front of everyone and got off the plane at the gate and was like, I should wait for everyone. I was so hungry that I like in my head I was like, should I text?

I had just abandoned everyone to go get a hot dog. Yeah. Yeah, you said you had to see the man about a hot dog or whatever in the group chat I also asked you were like I need to get six and I was like buy him at the airport and you said in the group chat I want to have one before I go in and I responded he wants to have one before he goes in which got me but then Lund alerts us in the group chat that Sharpies coming and I say Sharpies coming to Rome Yeah, you're still trying to surprise me Well, hey we're joined by a special guest the cinematographer and director of

wide world ladies and gentlemen guinnie sling Giuseppe's here come on come say I'm Banzo yeah Banzo ask your favorite question oh doing cool guy voice I'mzo, by the way, what's AC's birthday? Oh nice. Why do you not like that? Why? We didn't even say it was a girl until right now. I said AC.

It could have been Slater. Talking about an air conditioner. No, but Bonzo's got his sweet young thang here with him. He keeps goosing her out on the streets. Wait, Hanson her? Oh, she's 31. I was like, she 21? We'll bleep her birthday, Bonzo. Allegedly. And I'm Bonzo. Hello everyone. I'm Mr. Sandrin. Hello, I'm Vontae Sandra do you want to suck my jeep at though shupa mi Guam bah chow it's funny that you have to do the accent here to actually speak Italian I know we got a little taste of a different fun accent on our plane to Chicago no wait yeah to Chicago yeah there were some like Dutch

or something a real floofing Waffen kind of situation and there was some like Dutch or something, a real floofing waffin kind of situation. And there was a kid and the kid was, everything the kid said was hilarious. Obviously, papa, is this mine seat, eh? Do I floof in here? Just so everything is floofing, fluffing. And it's just like, dude,

how are you not supposed to giggle? And it's fine, cause they're white white so we can laugh all we want and they're the whitest you could be too Yeah, didn't you say that those were my people when you Belgium you said that I look like the There was a lot of sharpie s characters fucking taking up the lower spaces of bruge Just a bunch of like stout bottom men smoking cigarettes backwards and just being like, oh, that's my people for sure. I think you guys are more Belgian than anything. I'll have to do a 23andMe. That's the best part of traveling Europe is you see the 12 American faces that we have

and you're like, oh, that's fucking Bonzo over there in Northern Italy. Oh, you go to a pet co. You're like, Oh, that, that hedgehog looks like line. You go to the puppet museum. You're like, Whoa, Beckers people were here. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, it's really just God. I've been over here for a while now and I burnt my passport. So she's we're're gonna be doing the podcast you have to fly in once a week come to the pod so you guys join the patreon hang out for a couple days patreon.com slash chubby behemoth so I can stay wide

and another way that we pay the bills around here is our great advertisers We just got Pat picking his front wedge. Pat just made himself a wedge salad. Oh yeah, fucking Becker had a Caesar salad at lunch today. What a psycho. Why is that psycho? Because we were at like Jimmy's original ravioli of gold and Becker's like, Caesar salad please. Yeah, it was great. Extra wet. It was extra wet.

Can you make it extra wet for me? Thanks, Chachi. Did it have big ol' anchovies? No, but it was like a really fine paste in the dressing so it was granular. It was really good. I hit that guy with Io Sono Sam and right away, water's free. Oh, your guy got you. One of our servers, yeah, was like where are you from in America?

And we also Colorado oh and we're like Denver and he's like I don't know this where is that? And we said in the middle you know in the middle of the country. Oh like a Malcolm lives. And yeah and he's like oh yes my brother lives in Chicago and I have a friend in Boston, but I cannot visit. I do not have a visa. And I was like, well, maybe you can, you know, try and get over there. You got to visit. It's like, yes, I'll try and, I'll try and visit and maybe I'll see you. Well, I know I will see you wherever I go because you are so big.

And I was like, yes, very good how about i whoop your ass pat's been getting it too they'll just be like ah yes get your belly out of the way and i will take a picture the guy taking the photo is a burn and a half he made pat sit different to like so his belly wasn't sticking out as much i mean he is right in long term. You don't want your photo Yeah, you want to straighten it out, but boy Getting roasted like that by just some dude It's pretty good. Has anyone slapped our bellies yet other than you know, that was big in Paris

That guy slapped our guts. That was the best whenever I want to slap my guts. You know what I do. I Use to sheer whatever the fuck it is It can be though Well, so here's what I'm thinking up in my, because we're staying in the nobleman's loft, this thing is costing me an arm and a leg. It is incredible. It's the most money I've ever spent on anything. It's so good.

You bought a house. Yeah, well the bank owns that. This is the Roman Coliseum. The house is in George Michael's name. He owns a house. He's a homeowner. Yeah, in heaven. Dog at punk house, actually on lease. It's the only hard times when I ever got in. What were you gonna say about your bathroom? Up in my bathroom, we have a bidet. And the the only thing whenever I use a bidet over

here I wish god I wish it was made of plastic and portable and we can offer you that at a discount I assume of some kind oh yeah I was gonna say what a belabored segue that was your your bidet is one of those where it's separate from the toilet which is weird. Yeah, it's kind of funny. You got a waddle over there, but I'll use my toilet. He said, I don't want to have to waddle over. I don't like to waddle.

Why? I'm always I'm Tom Waddle. Stop shop. Tommy Waddle. Chicago Bears wide receiver in the 90s. But yeah, we got to shout out to she I miss my to she. And if you want to eventually miss your Tushy when you're elsewhere, you should get one. You can stop relying on toilet paper that just falls apart in your butt. Yeah, when you make the long drive from...

What? In your butt? Yeah, I mean it does. No, no, no. A lot of lesser toilet papers will just disintegrate as you use them in your butt in your butt they fall apart you know you wiping dummy oh I'm starting on the outside oh I forgot how you wipe you put a mirror on the ground you stand over it and you say look how beautiful I am you say fuck me beautiful I'm brown downtown with as small as I am my poops are a lot like deer poops they just come out the very small oh man I haven't actually had to wipe in like six seven years

I had a whole fucking leg of venison come out of me the other day Yeah, they're not saying they're not saying that the toilet paper falls apart in your butthole It does saying in the act of wiping in your toilet pay a lot of toilet paper. It falls apart It goes onto the ground. I used to have a joke about it watch my first special here. I go again But yeah, it's a nightmare. It's a total nightmare back there But you can freshen up this summer with a tushy bidet it cleans everything down there with a precise stream of water That'll keep you feeling great. My first special was called still crazy With a precise stream of water that'll keep you feeling great. My first question was called still crazy

No matter how hot the weather gets and it is fucking hot over here. Oh my god, it sucks I was gonna kill you when you were like, hey, guess what everybody next year We're gonna go to redacted for another season of Wide World Yeah next July and I go you motherf motherfucker. Oh wait, that's winter I was so stoked to finally we're going to Cape Town When it's not the hottest it can be and Drax We have an Tusha uses fresh water So you don't have to worry about germs and it cuts down on toilet paper use by 80% and that's conservative I think I'm saving thousands each month on toilet paper yeah you're killing the whole forest of

trees when you wipe I have a lot of butt you sure do I have a lot of poop more than I have a lot of butt but yeah no it is awesome to use way less toilet paper you know you're cleaner it's we don't have a bidet at all in our thing and it sucks. I should have I should have brought the travel tush. We'll just use mine. Yeah but Waddle Cam. We'll have Bonzo in there dressed as a towel. You've been putting your butthole on the bidet and letting it really get in there. I haven't used it because I only use Tushy brand bidets. You've been backing that thing up in there.

So I don't know if I want your remnants on my. Also, Emmy's pussy's never been cleaner. I ate soup out of it the other day. The other thing about the Tushy, easy to install, easy to use, so you can, and it doesn't hurt. So you can level up your hygiene this summer. longer hurts stay shower fresh all summer long and join the two million butts who have already switched to Tushy for a limited time chubby behemoth listeners get 10% off your entire order it's been a limited

time for about a year and a half now shut up when you use code chubby at checkout that's 10% off your order at h e l l o t u s h y dot com promo code chubby well at least we only have one ad this week oh no oh you wish let me see this one i'll do this one no okay i'm gonna have sharpie do one no he's not a good he's not a good reader he's becker-esque. People got nasty about Becker doing the ad read. One person said, never again. Like it was 9-11. Like it was the Holocaust. I'm picking my front wedge. Pat style. These are Sam's old shorts. Are they? These are Sammy downs.

Pat's also wearing my shorts. Trickle down, trickle down, trickle down, Freakonomics. Speaking of 9-11 today, Filippo, we were in the Pantheon and he was talking about how this was a big, it was big propaganda for the church. They took over the Pantheon and they put up all the Catholic ideations and whatnot, idols. And he was like, it's propaganda. Like you're alleged to nine 11, nine alleged to like Filippo. You still got it. That's funny. Yeah. Filippo is very funny. I enjoyed hanging out with him. Yeah. First thing I said to him, I saw him on the street. He came up and he was like,

Sam. And I was like, fuck, you're a fucking stud, aren't you? Cause he had like a shirt made of I don't know labia yeah unbuttoned to a point where I didn't know buttons could go that low low a woman was sucking his dick while he walked up top of coffee on top of her head. Manja. Yeah, hopefully he's not funny. No, he is funny. Hopefully he's not good at comedy. It's like, come on. He also plays classical piano.

He speaks so many languages. He's incredible. He's the number one language of love. I'm going to burn my passport so I can live with Filippo. Oh, yeah Hmm. I was making fun of he was like you pay for the bus, huh? I was like, yeah, and he's like And you only did it so that I wouldn't get mad at yeah, and then I didn't pay for the bus Yeah

I tried last night and I tapped my phone and it gave me the green light and a thumbs up and then on the way out It wasn't working and like it the doors were gonna close any second. Everybody's Sharpie was like scared for me. Run! Run! What is run? Yeah, and Yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna get charged for yesterday But today I was like I didn't see the same kind of like card tap thing so I didn't know if what they had worked with a with a tap so I didn't even try well Filippo today what it felt good we had a little bit of a kerfuffle where Emmy almost bit

my nip off because we were walking and I saw a gigantic brioche hot dog bun full of whipped cream on a plate and I said Filippo what is that? They sell them inside the star! I was like really? And he's like yeah ciao Bella! So you know he was like Alfredo! And so I run in there and as I'm trying to buy the last two remaining dream clouds of whipped cream, Emily comes up from behind me and says, You can't come in here without telling everyone where you go. And there's 10 human souls outside that need you to hold their hand to the Brahma's land. So how dare you not give them the necessary details wherever you go.

She got a bra on your ass. She did. Yeah, she went full Greg the Hammer Valentine. Yeah yeah you're just following orders that's what war criminals say. And I turn around and I'm holding two delicious buns and I said honey I wanted a treat. She's you had enough treats. You know where they don't have treats? In the fucking grave that I bought you and I had to buy two because you're so fucking huge so I'm walking out and they give me the receipt and I'm like so do we have to pay for these now and he's like you go abroad then you commit crimes and I was like yeah you pay all your taxes in Berlin anyway oh

there's a good one there's a new Fuck. Oh fuck it is football season guys It's getting close. I'm talking the good one, too I'm so dumb We're doing dead crow at the end of August and I bought the earliest flight out of Wilmington because I gotta get home in Time for football football doesn't start till the next week 9a nights But if you want to put in some futures bets guys This is how you know you made it in podcasting when you get to do an ad read for something that Comtown had in 2017. Do you want to win big this football season? Yes, I'd love to. Well, you should look no further than my bookie.

They give you options to bet and win all season long on both NFL and college football. Whoa, they give you options to bet and win. They long on both NFL and college football. Whoa, they give you options to bet and win. They don't say anything about losing. It's perfect. So you just bet and you never lose any money. That sounds great. Fuck. I think it's like some sort of Roman games.

We should have my bookie to see the over under and how many chairs we're going to break in this place. One sat down on one and it sounded like the fucking Amistad. My bookie makes every game and every play exciting. However you decide to play, you're going to have a blast because all you do with my bookie is win. What? Hey, right. Guaranteed. That's my first. That's my personal endorsement.

Something happened up there. I don't know. Oh, dude, dude, dude. It's my first that's my personal endorsement something happened up there dude It's almost like I told you what's it say Becker Okay, get out someone else's phone for once in your life mine is All right, I don't have an iPhone ones going to town Videos stopped so I should probably get it out. Get out that front stank. Put it all over your hand. Rub your mouth.

Smell my hand. Rub your nose. Rub your mouth. Rub your mustache. Grab the mic. Give me a mic. I just squished my nuts. How many?

I just put my nuts in my hand. 8,000 per second. We're just gonna put this in. The video will pick back up. Right now we're gonna do an animation of Patrick itching his grundle. That's what we'll do. We'll just get... Okay. But we'll be back in just a second. Okay, but we'll be back in just a second. Yeah, make it, make hey where the sun shines. Lund is full grundus among us. It's like he's grading parmesan.

It smells like too. Parmesan oregano. I've got pepper Pecorino coming out of every which way. You're going under the gut too. I'm laying down. Oh, this gets so bad under the gut. Oh, I know dude. Under the Tuscan sun.

Get out of there. I'm behind the screams. Becker you didn't pod the recording did you? No. Alright good. They love this kind of stuff. They love the behind the scenes you know. Okay and we are back in video. And we're back in video, which means we can keep plugging the Never Lose It gambling app, my bookie.

The guaranteed free money application. I love gambling, as you know. Some people call it my only vice. And I say, do you know what the word only means stupid but I'm gonna get in heavy man I'm gonna be fucking gambling non-stop as I always do and then when my dad does my taxes he'll say hey buddy is everything okay my dad loves to tell me how much money I made and then be like how much he gave back yes the people uh-huh yeah I'm paying a tight to the tech giants, but with my book you never lose Please don't mention that you never lose

I'm gonna be betting on Bonix touchdowns for the entire season you think he's gonna be tossing them I want rushing touchdowns because if you watch that preseason game they ran a naked bootleg to the left-hand side with the fullback lead blocking. They ran it five plays out of seven play drive and he was picking up 12 a run. So I think between Jared Stid and Bo Nix and that little Mormon who fucked his mom's friend. Me? No, Zach Wilson. So yeah, also who do you think's gonna win the Super Bowl this year?

Niners? Well if you put that bet in you can't lose. Free bet? No, it's just whoever you bet on will win the Super Bowl. And that's verbatim from the ad. That's crazy. Wow. You're going chiefs.

Peck, stop picking your nose and telling me lies. It's been so annoying to just have it be the chiefs. I don't know what the line is for the Broncos, but if it's over four and a half wins, I am betting my house payment on it. What was it last year? Because you can't lose. Eleven and a half. I don't know why you took the over.

I fucking put a prayer in in Japan last year at that ancient temple that said, please over like, I think I had him at over 11 wins. That's how fucking hopeful I was for Sean Payton. But if only I had my bookie when I put that bet in, it would hit for sure. With my bookie sports book and casino platform you can bet on everything and win anywhere anytime using your mobile device. I'm putting a thousand bucks on anything. I'm putting a thousand bucks on Kamala. Yeah for touchdowns. She could start for the Broncos.

There's no need to download an app. Just sign up online and you're ready to bet. It's safe, secure, and you get paid super quickly when you win. Use promo code chubby to lock in a welcome bonus that'll spot you all the way up to a thousand bucks. What? That's what I'm talking about. I'm fucking hopping on this thing. I didn't notice in there it said when you win. This is all verbatim. Okay. You heard that right. That's promo code Chubby to claim a bonus on your first deposit so you can bet on anything with house money

That's a fucking good deal, but on anything anywhere anytime only with my bookie Don't we have to read something like verbatim now Becker? Should be on there. Yeah, it says verbatim. No, you read it. I read that. Okay, then that's the end of the fucking read. And it's not the end of the read because I was obviously kidding. You can lose at gambling, but not when you use my bookie. That's all of them. And now I'm going to look through Becker's phone for a while. Interesting.

Video is blocked. Big old bumper sticker. Oh, no Heroin calm your order has shipped Hot nude kids org Presents the Becker series. Oh, that was the music one. They got torn down by YouTube. It was on patreon I put it on Patreon after YouTube kicked it off. Oh hell yeah. Well you know what you can lose on Patreon but you can't lose on MyBookie. I don't think they're gonna be stoked on that but you know what I'm stoked on? MyBookie. I did it all for my bookie. Come on, my bookie, come on. How cool was the Colosseum at night last night?

That was unbelievable. It was overwhelming. It was as pretty as the smells were bad. Yes, it was. Oh yeah, it reeked of sewage. God, you know what wasn't good? You guys weren't here the first night that we were in Rome, but me and Emily went walking around and she kept being, she pointed and she went Sammy gypsies

Pointed to a family of homeless people You can't say that that's the worst one The worst one that's the worst slur over here now because they fixed everything else They've got some good ones. I'm sure oh god how I was That we had an awkward moment earlier me and Lund. So I've been kind of walking around there's 11 of us over here 12 with Filippo. So I've been a man of the people making sure everyone's having fun you know checking in and then twice a day Joe or Bonzo will come up to me and be like fucking Lund was just sitting in front of the fountain he did the

funniest thing. So I went up to Lund today in one of the churches and I was like, hey, so I need to hang out with you more because I just keep getting reports of how you're killing it constantly. And I'm not jealous or anything. I just want to be part of the fun. But me and Lund came to Loggerheads earlier because we were standing in front of the Pantheon.

Well, I just, this learning moment for the people who travel. That's what the show's all about. Okay, yeah, because I was wrong, yes. Right, so in front of the Pantheon well I just this learning moment for the people who travel that's what the show's okay yeah cuz I was wrong yes right so in front of the pantheon well you're only wrong you know Joe was walking around and an African guy because there's these African guys from like Senegal and you know all the other colonies that Italy blew it on and they come up to you and they're like, hey, American Joe, where are you from football? You know, and you'll be like, hey, what's up, sneaker king?

Do you want to be Miley Cyrus, too? So the first time I was here, one of these African guys comes to Emily and he's like, oh, American couple, so pretty, so pink. And he put a bracelet on her wrist and I was like, wow, that's so nice. Thanks man. And he goes, of course, five euro. And I was like, oh no, thank you.

And he says, is five euro bro? And I was okay. So I gave him the five. You gave up. Of course I gave up because I was my first time ever abroad. Remember? And I was up because I was my first time ever abroad remember and I was afraid this was 2017 is before I became the fucking worldly cultured ham that I am today So I'm like well, you know, you know

hopefully sends that money back to the the rest of people on the raft and then Next day a rose. Oh a rose. That's so sweet. this is the city of love five euro bro so we got beat twice so then we're walking along at night one night and one of these guys is like hey Michael Jackson you know Arvita Sabana slam dunk from the three-point line Space Jam You Grand Mama He knew Larry Johnson! And that is not the accent that they actually have because they have thick African accents.

And he was like, hey, what's up, Slipknot? And I was like, no. And he went, what? And I was like, no. And he says, you are racist. And I went, no. And as I'm walking away, he just yells down this alleyway, you are racist, you are racist. And I went, no. And as I'm walking away, he just yells down this alleyway, you are racist, you are racist, you hate Africa,

Bob Marley said. Um, so, so today a guy comes up to me and he tries to dap me up. He just says Africa. And then he tries to dap me and I go, no. And then Lund gives me the nastiest look. No. Like when there's not enough whipped cream on his hot dog. And he says, you can't dap him for Africa.

And I go, no, fuck that. And you go, fuck Africa. What do you say? It just seemed crazy because I knew what you were doing. You're shutting it down. But it's like you he's not you're not going to dap him. And then he's going to say five euro, bro. Nobody is then and go, where are you from?

And I'm gonna say no English, then he's gonna speak five languages because these people are so industrious and they're creating rich lives here and they have a community and that's how they survive. I get that. But I'm not the fucking Mark El Chapo, okay? Okay babe.

Okay babe, okay babe. All right pale egg. Uh. They called me pale egg. So Lund's mad at me because I wouldn't DAP it for mother Africa. And I'm like, no, dude, that's how they fucking get you. And Lund's kind of salty about it until I describe exactly what happened to me. And then next thing, you know, you know, Lund's Googling cool David Duke quotes. I got tried to DAP me up and I DDT'd him. Yeah it was

that wasn't really a DDT. Rude awakening. That's right. So anyway that's a that's a common scam over here when you're in the touristy zones. Yeah I definitely thought you were being shorter than you needed to be but like you said it's slippery slope. Well so Joe got got and then the guy was like alright Joe number one or whatever and then Joe goes to walk away and then the guy runs after him yelling Joe, Joe, Joe and Joe doesn't turn around because the guy wants to run up and try and sell him some shit after on paper what looked to be like a nice cultural exchange.

And then me and Joe watch as one of these guys goes up to two women and she puts out her hand and he puts the bracelet on her and we see her face be like, she turns to her mom and they're like, Oh, that's so sweet. You know, then me and Joe, they're not that bad after all. Dad was lying. I should have gone to prom with him. And me and Joe watch as it goes from, oh that's so sweet, to the guy going... And they go...

And he just stands there, you know, and you know, I'm the captain now or whatever. And then the fucking purse comes out and the moment is ruined because it's monetized for some crap around your little wrist they did that in Paris big time too like forced it on you going up to whatever that beautiful check look at the bed boom yeah look at that yeah oh mark now mom soccer core mom mark I should remember that because that's where I got engaged. Oh yeah. Yeah. When your beautiful fiance was at a hundred and four degree fever and you tricked her

into signing on. Goddamn right. What did she say? She said, I feel a little fuzzy. And I was like, me too. And then later she found out she had COVID. Oh, when you kneeled down, did she go, no fucking way? Yeah.

Wait, you can get smaller? Sorry, Chris. Sorry. Oh God, he's shrinking. He's shrinking. He's shrinking. He's shrinking. He's shrinking. He's shrinking. He's shrinking. He's shrinking. Oh, when you kneel down, does she go, no fucking way? Yeah. Wait, you can get smaller?

Oh god, he's shrinking. Oh no. She's losing it. Yeah, she's feverish as hell. She's just pissed that she, as I refused to go down on her, and she's like, you liar. You liar. You can't kneel down. You said you couldn't get lower. on her and she's like, you liar! You can't kneel down! You said you couldn't get lower! Well the best part was she didn't say yes. And she still hasn't. What? Oh yeah? And I'm

just, I just keep making plans. She doesn't know about this wedding. I'm a surpizer, just like I did you in the airport. It's gonna fuck her up. Yeah, just like you did me when you told me about your wedding. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, I thought I had told you guys. I, well, yeah. Cause I assumed that I had told you. Well, it was on the website that he didn't go to. Yeah, there it was. Cause I didn't get an RCP.

Well, I guess I thought I would be more personal than doing it via website, but I guess I wasn't. Yeah, it's a family only wedding. It's a small ceremony. Small ceremony. I knew that already, I know you guys big I thought I might come on. You said you weren't going to do that and then you just did it again I don't care for two. Um

Sniper eating up. Well part of the reason and and Nathan nailed it because everybody who's actually a part of the way the wedding is normal sized, right? Small to normal. Yeah, okay. Take it easy. I think we're all normal sized. And so if any of you are even in the... Little people big world. Hopefully it's not little people big squirrels. There's a bunch of huge squirrels loose in the hollowed out tree. We live here.

You're like, squatters rights. Anyway, so you're having some rinky dink fucking wedding where I can't even go watch and cry. You can watch just go watch and cry. You can watch just from a far distance. Well, I'm gonna be watching through a fucking sniper scope. Well, it's near a school so you can't get too close. I'm gonna cry when I pull that fucking trigger.

When I say goodbye to your face. Oh, it's aimed at me? Oh, yeah. Come on. If you take out, I don't know, other people, we could still be friends. I'm actually gonna... You know, we could do it again at a different time I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna buy you to the next one I'll have one bullet and I'll wait for you guys to go in for the kiss and then when your heads are aligned

No, I'm really happy the wedding's gonna be great. We're all going to it. You took it personally. No, no one told me anything. And then everyone gets mad when I react like a human being. No. I understood. I also told them I understood having our friend Touyette officiate having Matthew Martella as your best man and keeping it small to normal. Sensei. as your best man and guru keeping it small to normal. And say if me and or Sam were up there with you, it would be so ridiculous looking. Yeah. Yeah. We would look like we were about to attack.

I carry Sharpie out on a pillow. It'd be a bunch of normal people and then the abominable snowman weeping and making it about me. Those gross twins in nothing but trouble. We just show up and ruin everything. Fart on the cake. Wreck her grandma's house. One thing I have suggested that you didn't seem to like is

that you guys dress up like mariachis for the reception. You suggested that? I think I did. I told you you should get a leather hat to wear to your wedding that had leather jangles hanging off of it. So you could look like the Mexican Undertaker. I said sure, and then as the conversation happened, blah blah blah, somehow it came up. Anyway, you guys should get matching mariachi suits and come to the fucking wedding dress like that. And then it doesn't matter if you look stupid as hell.

We can make some money, make some tips. Dude. Not the worst idea. No. Yeah, I think you should. And you're gonna have a wedding. Yeah, you're not gonna see that part of it. Yeah. But then you're gonna see the reception

which is immediately following and gonna be the fun part. You're gonna be pretty pissed when Martell shows up with a GoPro strapped to his forehead. And we're live streaming it on patreon.com slash shubybehemoth. Fine with me. Okay. I don't think it's gonna be that sacred or important moment to me.

No? Your wedding? Yeah, who gives a rip? You're gonna be high so... What's on the menu? What are you serving? There's a bunch of stuff. Finger food? It's a buffet. Okay. Buffet and we have appetizers. Buffet for guys like us or for guys like you? It was everybody. For everybody. We got everything. We we have five appetizers to being served around three on tray three like Whatever and then a buffet of all kinds of different. I can't wait trade in my face I can't wait for Sam and I to be in line watching Tiny person after domain dominion to a family member with a plate

Heaping full of food that they'll never finish and then we get up there and half of it is no longer They're gonna take their plates back to the other I tell you something? It's not serve yourself. No I don't know about that but I asked that was I very much brought that up. Is there gonna be enough food for Sam and Lund? Yes I was like I have a couple of friends who will be pissed if there's not enough food for everybody not Not just them, everybody, because they'll complain about how much food is on people's plates. Is this an issue?

And they said, I don't think so. I said, well, we'll see. Holy shit. Also, I don't know if I told you guys this story. They have two pictures of us, the caterers. Watch out for these two. They are trouble. Keep your fingers away from their mouths.

Yeah, they said, do you want them to sit close to the buffet table? I said, make their table the buffet table. You fucking Yeah, they said you want them to sit close to the buffet table I said make their table the buffet They'll serve it out to people Based on their weights. They have to step on a scale beforehand like the claim jumper exactly Yes, I also don't think I charge. I don't think I told you guys this that there's gonna be a conveyor belt on the table Just gonna be at Lund's mouth When we got the place we need to be decided on what place we were gonna go to we went and saw it

And got the whole thing and we were like, oh, yeah This is where we're gonna do the reception for sure and they were like if you sign and pay today We'll give you a discount blah blah blah And we were got all excited and we're like, can we do it tomorrow instead? Like we'll get all the blah and they're like Yeah, we'll give you the discount still like We're like, sweet. Then we had a big Halloween party that night that we went to and I didn't know anybody at all. Renee did, knew everybody and right when we walked in somebody pulled her aside for like a serious relationship conversation because they had just

broken up with whomever. They had like serious girl time and I didn't know anybody and there was a good DJ going so I just got Wasted I just drank and danced my little butt off and was like look. Yeah, I'm getting married. We found a place I was all excited costume party. Nobody knew who I was. I didn't know anybody. I was like freedom What were you wearing dumb as I want? What were we wearing? Oh, I was doing like like 1920s Gangster so I was wearing like a white pinstripe suit. Going for it. You want to be one of the dummy from the Batman cartoon. Having a good time. And as soon as Renee came in from outside, I stopped dancing

enough to be like, oh, I'm going to get sick right now. I'm like going to puke. I'm like, I drink too much and I shake my whole shit up. This is stupid. I'm like, oh, I'm in bad shape immediately. So she didn't get to enjoy the party at all, and I went and puked, and she gave us a ride back to the hotel where we were staying, and then she went and did, like, gotten food and stuff, because I ruined the whole night, and just slept. And then the next morning... She went to Del Taco? Yeah, exactly. Del Taco and loaded up on food for herself. She brought me some, but I was already asleep, so she ate it.

Good omens. Would she have a single french fry? No. She puts it down. Anyway we were, the next morning we got up and had to go and sign all the paperwork and all that stuff and while we were signing the paperwork in the middle of it I was like I'm gonna go to the restroom real quick and went and threw up like crazy. No.

Super hungover. What? I was so sweaty like in our little meeting I was like dripping. Like in our little meeting, I was like dripping sweat. Renee could see it. I was like getting sweat in the middle of my chest. I was like, oh God. I just felt like shit. And I was like, I gotta go.

So I went to the bathroom and threw up like crazy and came back like totally fine. Ready to go. And the lady was like, butterflies are normal. It's okay. I kept telling Renee that I was like, oh my God, I can't believe we're doing this. I kept shaking.

How long was Renee talking to her friend? Oh, a while. Like over an hour? And you had like four drinks, you were pounding them? Dude, I went nuts. They had- Smoking weed? Yes, all of the above. I tried a little bit of everything.

Some guy was like, I made moonshine. I was like, let's do it. And then there was like all kinds of jars, unlabeled jars of liquor. And then there's like a bunch of weird mixers. And I was like, let's do it. So it was just like suicide, hurricanning myself to death.

Long Island iced tea. And then break dancing, like head spins. Waaah! Puking all over the place. You were a human blender. It was awesome. That's what happens when I'm left to my best devices. Like on my own, I'm like, here we go.

I don't know what I should do at this party here we go dang oh oh moonshine so if you reminded me that time we did that show in Grand Junction where it was straight to my lovers fart remember that and then Grand Junction yeah a dude just hit me up and said do you guys ever go to the Grand Junction I said it's been a long time right we'll have to try to make something happen out that way, but Sophie was there Yeah, yeah And I like disappeared and then I came back in some guy's Maserati And I had two jars of moonshine and Sophie was like who are you?

Like I make moonshine you want to hop in my car And I was like sure I fucking peeled out in a Maserati then came back 20 minutes later in a Maserati with two I make moonshine. You want to hop in my car? And I was like, sure. And I fucking peeled out in a Maserati and then came back 20 minutes later in a Maserati with two jars of moonshine. And Sophie was like, yeah, I really thought you might be like, oh, he's probably having fun out there, but then you fucking pull up in a sports car with some homemade hooch. It's like, I forgot about that, Sophie.

Damn. Fuck yeah. Now, are we going to have moonshine at your wedding or what are we going to be drinking? Do we get a drink out of cups or are they going to be like flowers? How's it work in your culture? We just pour it on the ground then you gotta slap it up.

Oh, so we're not so different, you and I. That's right. We do it dog style. You know what is different though? The people. My bookie. You can't lose. You're not allowed to lose. It doesn't hurt when you win.

There's two types of people in this world. People who listen to Chubby Behemoth and those who join the Patreon. And if you want to be one of the good people, like they're all good people. Thank you all for listening. One of the chosen people. Yeah.

Please go to patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth and join our Patreon so you can have more episodes because that little five dollars that you give us a month goes a long way we're getting becker hair transplant uh lund's getting uh itchier so we got to give him some more fingers attached put a couple in down here so they you don't have to bother with those hands When this video was off God he was going for it he set the record on himself. It's so hot. We're walking around Sitting under an air conditioner right now. I'm saying the itchiness was building up all day the last couple days hopefully you guys have the itch to join our patreon yeah come on let's do that and then please do this come to see me when's this coming out Becker okay so never mind about Rome tomorrow but you can come to see us at

the dead crow comedy club in Wilmington, North Carolina the 30th and 31st of August You can come see me in Dayton, Ohio on September 4th 4th another 5th in Columbus Columbus the 5th and then Houston on the 7th Houston, Texas on the 7th Joe Rogan's comedy club in Austin, Texas High Plains hi, well, yeah, okay, I'm gonna cut of that. We're gonna sell those shows out no matter what and they just go to samtalent.com get some fucking tickets. I love you guys

Chow.