Chubby Behemoth - I See You Richard

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

SPONSOR: Over 3 million butts love Tushy. Get 10% off Tushy with the code CHUBBY at https://www.hellotushy.com/CHUBBY ! #tushypod   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are enjoying Sam’s new couch. Nathan thought there was a ghost, transcribed Bryan Adams lyrics, and has a new headshot. Sam talks about nurses office clothes, wishes he could dunk like Miriam, and introduces a new dance craze.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

You're sitting between worlds on that couch. You're straddling the divide. You're like evil Knievel. Crossin' streams. This is, ladies and gentlemen, this is the famous couch that I talked about on the Joe Rogan Experience. Shout out to Nick Rochefort of Million Dollar Extreme, who's a hell of a comedian, but an even better antiques dealer, because he helped me gouge Timothy Oulton down to 60% off on this bad boy.

And now, it's become a huge point of contention in my home. Well, I feel like it's... you won because it fits. It fits, but I'm not sure if I won. You never really win in a marriage. You get small victories, but she does the blitz every day, and she just bombs all these civilians, you know? What? Nevermind, I wanted to keep track of time.

Oh, no, no, we're gonna give it to him. Yeah, let's go long. Three hour pod. Yeah, get to see the house, I thought thought maybe it would be a little more moved in but Emily's a doctor. Yeah, not a Moving Professional she's never played Tetris in her entire life Except for with the ins and outs of my goings on in my daily schedule

Yeah, but that Tetris helps with packing up. This is unpacking. This is the opposite of Tetris. Yeah, this is more of a Dr. Mario. Dr. Mario spread the disease. She's excellent at Candy Crush.

My beautiful wife has never played a video game in her entire life, but man, she is on level wogazillion on Candy Crush. A wogazillion. She's so cute. She'll sit there and I'll be like, what's going on? She'll look up from her phone and I'll be like, what's going on? She's like, I need to wait 10 minutes until I get more lives. And I'm like, you're a doctor. Spend the $4 on some more lives in Candy Crush, toots. Come on.

Cheat code. She likes to do it natural. She doesn't like to take short cuts. I wasn't saying that. Dr. Mario was a lot of fun. Because Tetris, you know, you play it for 30 years. Yeah. Change the record.

Dr. Mario, there's pills. There's thrills. Will they, won't they? Yeah. Is that Mario? That's what I would always say. Is that actually Mario? Is that a doctor?

The reason that we're kind of whispering, by the way, is because my wife is upstairs and there's no doors in our house. Because this is the first time we've been in our house ever and spent the night. Well, me. She spent the night here once with my dad. What a night it was.

My dad was, I know. He was like, he was like, yeah, Emily was like no We'll sleep over at my house Dave and he was like, oh I could stay at your mom's and she was like why? And he's like, yeah, that's way weirder. Yeah, what you're stay across the city at her mom's house and he was like Yeah, it's just you know I thought you might think it was weird if me and your wife spent the night in there I was like I literally said what you think I'm afraid me and your wife spent the night in there. I was like, I literally said,

what, you think I'm afraid you and Emily are gonna hook up? Right, what's going to happen other than you're both gonna be scared of ghosts or intruders? You'd be like, what was that sound? I don't know, I haven't stayed here before. It's not long enough to be haunted by my energy, so it must be you, Dave.

Is that old Betsy, rearing her ugly head? Our pipes are clogged because my mom's pissed Betsy and Dan-o. Oh, yeah, just tap dancing in the attic. That's right. There is an attic in this house Oh, have you been up there? Once. Is it scary? I sealed it off afterward Yeah, is there like a bunch of space up there? Storage? Oh yeah. That's cool.

There's a ton of room to go off up there, King. And you have a garage. You do have to get a bunch of shit. I know. We're fucked. Because this is a big house. I mean, in Fort Collins, you were able to hang a lot of art and fill it with stuff. But this is bigger and you have more space if you need it.

Well, as I told you before we started potting up here on the mantle are two objects that I got from Nick Rochefort again, who does all of the outfitting of my home. And they happened to arrive when we were in Pittsburgh and Emily was here with my father. And I was like, hey, did you get that box? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, what was in it? And she was like, more did you get that box? And she was like yeah. And I was like what was in it?

And she was like more shit, exactly what I wanted. More shit in my house full of shit. Way to go, spudzo. I was like okay, well the couch works right? She hung up. But look at us on this couch, look how comfy we are. This is like optimum pod posture. Yeah, you know? Lazy posture. Yeah, you know lazy Susan

Yeah, you want your body to be at about 70 degrees. I want my stomach to cover most of my face So that I can take a little nap Suck my teeth Yeah, we got yelled at so we are kind of whispering like we're in the catacombs Yeah, why'd we're on because we don't want to be disrespectful to a skeleton we did we whispered in there because I didn't want to get yelled at by some Dutch tourist yeah I know some fucking Belgian slur you have to whoop a guy's ass in front of his kids beating him down fucking femurs. Yeah. Headbutt. Yeah, you just grab two skulls.

You just conk them. And then you pass, you like knock him out. And then you pose with a picture as you're holding a femur bone in front of your dick, and it's going into his mouth. He's got cat-a-one, bitch. Have fun back in fucking Luxembourg, Joe. Speaking of, I forgot about it because yesterday was a busy day at the bar. The

Des Lans played from New Orleans. They ripped. They're really good. So it was fun. The night before, it was a pretty slow night at the bar, Tuesday night, this dude that comes in with his wife and they normally have a few drinks, they're great, nice enough. He was waiting for a second round and I was helping other people and then all of a sudden I just hear such a big thud

and I looked and there was nothing in my eyesight. So I thought like a stool had toppled without anybody being near I got scared and I thought there was a ghost but no this dude has this dude has the ghost with a mojito man ears I think is a disease Luma nears I don't think that's what it is yeah Luma nears is you start wearing a big like undertaker hat. You start wearing stomp stomp clap. Yeah. You're a fan of this podcast. Yeah. No, I think I think what's up, Wes? I think his thing is a Patreon subscriber. Oh, shit. Nice.

Coors Field. Sam took a piss in front of all of your fans. All right, shut up. They all saw his dick and they all said, gross. Did I tell you about when, well, you finished your thing. Well just this dude passed out. He's a big guy. So the thud was massive. Oh. And luckily- Body quake.

Yeah, yeah. It was seismic. But he didn't crack his head. So that was lucky. He like must have fallen like shoulders and butt before and then his head like hit the wood dance floor instead of the hard tile. So he was, oh he was out of it when he came over. Overserved clearly. No, he has, I think it's Meniere's, Menards, save big money at Menards. He has a disease that where

it's an inner ear thing and so sometimes he'll have bad vertigo and so he I see. He biffed it. Yeah. But he was okay. I don't know what you said that made me think of that, but I keep doing this. Shout out to you, Meniers.

So it's okay. Save big money at Meniers. When I opened for Gillis at the Paramount, it was like the four sold out shows. Dobie Gillis. Dobie Gillis, yeah. The little people were there. You ever see him?

No, no, no, that's Darby O'Gill. Dobie Gillis was like an old show, like black and white, Nick at Night. Before Nick at Night was like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Like a Mayberry situation. Yeah, it was probably older than that. It was old. It was black and white, Dobie Gillis was, like, would talk to the camera, I think,

and he was a perv. He was a horn dog. Crushed the fourth wall, yeah. He was always trying to get laid. He was always smelling bus seats. Yeah, yeah, he was the town pariah. Right, yeah. He had mirrors on the toes of his shoes.

In-cell school shooter vibes, but in like the 50s or whatever. He would just go up to ladies and say, a nickel, I got a nickel for it. Let me have it. I got a dime if you show me both. Get outta here, Dobie, you asshole. I'm gonna make a phone call with your fucking face, bitch.

And then he'd just sexually intimidate them. Yeah, it was bad. Make a phone call with your face. Yeah, yeah, cause I got a dime. You dial, oh put the dime in the mouth, and then the tits are the, oh, swirl. In their mouth. That's like classic move.

You never did that to a chick? No. So then, hey, I got a quarter. I'll give you the whole thing for a dollar. No, I wouldn't dare. You love Dopey Gillis. I literally, oh, dude. Oh, God, this is bad.

Okay. You're gonna love it. Yes. I was with Marilyn Manson, girl. Oh god. This is bad. Okay, you're gonna love it. Yes I was with Marilyn Manson girl. All right, she took my virginity at 15 years young And so no at some point I don't know if it was an anniversary or her birthday, but I Took hours took hours to listen over and over to Brian Adams's Everything I Do, I Do It For You and I wrote the lyrics to the song in a card.

I couldn't look it up, it was 97 or whatever. I couldn't just write them. You were banned from the library, no internet. I was listening to the song over and over so that I could get the lyrics right. Oh my God. And she responded by probably fucking a dude at the pool or whatever. She worked at a pool, which was insane because she was Marilyn Manson girl.

Yeah. Was she pale? Oh yeah. She looked like Alanis Morissette. Pale. Doc Martens. Huge ones? No.

Oh, I thought she had them. No, kind of small. I don't care about her. She was pretty slight. Frail. Yeah. She was very thin. She kind of looked like Brian Setzer. She, yeah, was very pale. And almost all Marilyn Manson shirts, sometimes nine inch nails. But not, she wasn't all over the place. She had a nine inch whale though, laying down on top of her. No, I was hot. Compared to now, god, I was a fucking Adonis.

Well yeah. Wear my Roshan Salam jersey, just bears, not buffs. No shirt underneath if you'll recall. God, I don't remember. I didn't know, I didn't know. First day freshman year of high school. Yeah. No shirt underneath. Belly button on fire. I didn't know. I didn't know. First day freshman year of high school. Nipples are bleeding. Yeah.

No shirt underneath. Belly button on fire. I immediately clock how big of a mistake it is, but nobody, I don't know. I don't think I... You should have gone to the nurse and gotten some of those clothes they just have on hand for when kids shit their pants. Do you know about that? I mean, I never had to partake.

Oh, I did. I did for sure. Second grade. Dumped my bag at school. Second grade. I thought you were talking about high school. And I was like, what? No, the nurse had just like clothes on hand for, you know, if you shit your pants

or spilled apple juice on your crotch. I had a paint mishap. And I remember my dad picked me up from school and he's like This sweatpants. I was like, yeah Like what happened buddy? I started crying. I Think I shit my pants in the big chair in the special chair that miss Travis got me It's so excited to have it. My butt was finally at ease. It just opened up I'm so excited to have it. My butt was finally at ease.

It just opened up. Yeah, then there was a kid named Richard who had a rat tail and this like penguin stuffed animal that he went everywhere with. And he was, you know, I think he had fetal alcohol syndrome. Looked like Donnie Townsend. And I remember like clocking Richard in different sweatpants one day.

And I was like, oh shit, he dumped his bag as well. I like knew. Gave him the nod. Let's see you. Let's see you Richard. Instead of when you want to burn the guy that's with your ex girlfriend with how does my dick taste right? How's my shit feel rolling around in those sweatpants our way never mind no no sweat Well, no, but they're like I never got those pants. How does my butt taste?

He's like what I taste. He's like what? I spilled cottage cheese on my pants. Sure Richard we've all spilled cottage cheese in our pants. Yeah me too. Why don't you call your mom slash aunt? Because you're the same person. It did kind of look like cottage cheese with some maple syrup in it. Oh yeah it was bad. That sounds kind of good. It is really good. Also, honey on maple on a cottage cheese, of course. I was down in maple syrup this morning. What? Manistee. I was eating a bunch of maple syrup.

Because they told me to buy some maple syrup yesterday. So I did at Meyer, and I bought the best one. And then I was like, well, I'm leaving this jug behind, I guess. Everybody rolled their eyes? Yeah. No, it was like. Hey, everybody. If you're walking around outside in this summer heat, you're already gross. And then I was like, well I'm leaving this jug behind I guess? Everybody rolled their eyes? Yeah, no, I was like... Hey everybody!

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and join the 2 million butts who have already switched to Tushy. For limited time, Chubby behemoth listeners get a 10% off your entire order when you use code CHUBBY at checkout. That's 10% off your order at H-E-L-L-O-T-U-S-H-Y dot com slash chubby with promo code chubby. Also guys, Sam's going to be in Amsterdam on August 3rd, Rome on August 17th, and Wilmington, North Carolina on the 30th and 31st. Make sure to go check them out. All right guys, enjoy the rest of the episode. And we're back Becker. So yeah, no, I bought this maple syrup and I was just like pouring it on a plate.

Everybody did this. Well, pretty much. I got in trouble for like drinking out of the pickle jar up there. Who cares? Okay. So was there big plans for the brine? I don't know. It's brine time. Wait a minute. Why isn't this jar full? We need a full jar to have brine time. Unless... Yeah, the O'Connor Wonsha brine time. Viasco. No, these kids brought a bunch of pickles and jam. And the jam was great, and the bread and butter pickles were great.

But they had these just regular dill pickles that were gray. They looked like dead flesh. And Emily. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like X-File aliens or alien autopsy. Yeah. Gross, not appetizing at all. So Emily cracks a jar,

and these kids have been bragging about these pickles They were bringing a bunch of pickles if you guys want to buy some pickles So we open it and Emily like they have a trunk full of pickles Why do you yeah, we got a good deal? So hey, let me know how many you want They're gonna make these pickles. Oh, these are home pickled. Okay, these kids are good These are great kids, but these pickles were fucked for the worst. And I love pickles. I eat trash. I'm a slime king. But man, Emily like opened one and was like, and like dug one

out. And it was just this, you know, fucking alien thumb with the nail on it. So yeah, total slug. And she like took a bite and was like, Oh, those are good boys. And just left it on her plate and looked at Me like when we ate the chinchilla chucked it into the water. Yeah, she's like hey guys look Look my mom's topless over there Windows shut bounces off the window But then I got suck eating three of these poison pickles just cuz I was like these are good boys

And I took a sip and then I guess it was a big kerfuffle because there was one pickle left in the jar one terrible pickle not even food it was like a salt lick that was slimy doorstep yeah and then I closed the jar and I put it back in the fridge and I guess after we left today someone was like I can't believe Sam drank that pickle brine then put it right back in the jar and And Hannah was like, bitch, hold my earrings. Like Hannah bucked up on her. Yeah, she made her flinch. Yeah, exactly.

God. Yeah, that is... They're lovely people, but the pickle thing, it's like, no one should have to eat these. These are bad. Yeah. Woman who will be unnamed. Taking a sip.

It didn't do anything. It didn't make that pickle any better or worse. It was the same as it was when it came in. And it was just evil. Had a little less, had a little less soft tub to hang out in. Yeah. But yeah, that's a f***er. Hey, why don't you take a bite of this pickle and smile afterward? Like I just did after I had three including Emily's that she You know pretty much wanted to throw up directly into a bird's mouth A lot of a lot of mishaps up there. Did they make the jam too? Mm-hmm the jam rocked It's strawberry

There's a sweet or was it like that natural kind of no no no this was mostly sugar They knew their demographic. they did it right? They were trying to sell to Yeah, those kids are cool They used to be little quiet worms and now one of them's ripped and walks around with his shirt off Oh, yeah, they're sleeps with a do-rag new what? What Breaking news.

These kids are white bread, mom and apple pie. Good kids love dinosaurs. One of them works at the zoo. The do rag kid sleeps at the zoo or works at the zoo. And Hannah had to sleep in the basement last night because me and Emily were still in the cabin with Susanna. And Hannah came in this morning to get Susanna and we were like how do you sleep Hannah? She's like good. I'm just gonna call the kid Connor. Good.

Do you guys know that Connor sleeps in a do-rag? We're like what? I woke up to her telling me that and I was like well I'm still dreaming. This is as good as it gets. Yeah no he sleeps in a do-rag because it trains his hair to stay up like a Kramer situation. Spiked. Yeah. He wants it spiked. After Shannon cut my hair, I got it wet and spiked it. Yeah.

And it made me laugh because when you see a dude over 16. Fieting it. With spiky, yes, spiked. Oh my God. It makes me feel so bad. It makes me feel like one of those pickles. It makes me turn gray and like die inside because it's like, dude. Dude, the war is over.

Your revolution is done, Lebowski. Yeah, yeah. What is it? The bum's lost. The bum's lost. Yeah. That isums lost. Yeah. That is, yeah. Oh, these are nice.

Those aren't on camera, but those look like Marilyn Manson girls. Emmy's into Marilyn Manson now. Oh yeah, one of the boys. There's these two boys, a 13 and a 15 year old. We'll call them Connor and Adam. Connor's 15. Because those are their names. Those are are legal names

Adams 13 and at dinner the first night Connor just announced to everyone Adams got a girlfriend. We were like right on man. That's cool And he says yeah She saved her name and his phone is babe with three hearts and then Adam rose up It's like shut the shut up, shut up, Connor. You don't have a girlfriend. Your girlfriend broke up with you, so you started lifting weights. It's awesome.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's like, Kim and I are two years apart, but she is a girl. So it wasn't the same. Jason and I, three years apart, brutal. Oh God. Like so, I mean, hateful. I fucking picked him up once and put him against the wall. And I was like, seriously, I'm done.

I'll kill you. Yeah, I'll kill you. I really was so over it, because he would just needle. Just pick and needle. And, you know, I was fat, allegedly. Well, you know my sister. I haven't met her, I don't think. Oh man, no one really has ever met Sophie.

Not the Sophie that I know. People have met Sophia. But I know Fee. I know Fetus. I know Foot. She's like training with, I mean, you think I can't take people saying mean stuff to me online?

I grew up with the doughnut on my bat. I'm whacking Grand Slam when I step out of the box. Yeah so that was fun to deal with. I blew it with Susanna. Bad. Real bad. Bad dad. Twice. Well so yeah you told me what happened and I thought that you had determined, just we'll say what happened. Well, on the drive up there, you know, Emily picked me up after Pittsburgh and we drove right up there with Susanna in the car. And Susanna was like, Sam, you're my dad.

And I was like, no, Susanna, you have a dad. You'll always have Uncle Sam. Yeah. Yeah. Rocked me. We get up there. Night one, Susanna is like, we're sleeping in this little cabin, Frog House, as we've

called it. We were up there. This was Emily's mom and her mom's husband's family. We all went up to Manistee, Michigan. So I'm supposed to be up there for three days and then I have a show in Dayton and then in Detroit. And the first night we get up there, we go to bed right away, long drive. Next night, Susanna is like, we go to put her to bed.

She's like. Jacked, jacked on jam. Oh, dude, Connor made s'mores cookies at like 10 p.m. Damn. And Susanna, they come out of the oven at 10 p.m. Susanna's awake and she's like. Waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah, waaah. You know?

And her grandma, Susanna, is like, oh, you can have a little bit of a cookie. And I'm like, no, no, don't give her a cookie. It's bedtime. Yeah, this is fucking it all up. Right, she's jacked. She's like, no, stay in here. And Emily's like, shut up, you know?

Tough lovin' it. She's like, I'm scared. And I was like, well, you never have to be scared when Uncle Sammy's around. So I stay in there, I'm reading on my Kindle, and every 10 minutes she pops up and she's like, it's cold. So I put a blanket on her. I'm hot take the blanket off of her, you know It's dark I turn the light on in the bathroom open the door she keeps having all these things to not go to bed and

then she was like And then she was like, uh, Emily was like, come out. She texts me, she's like, come out here. And I'm like, I'm gonna leave. And Susanna's like, don't go. And I was like, well, I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna be right outside. And she was like, no, no, no. And I was like, well, you'll be safer if I'm outside.

Cause if someone comes in right now, we're both in here. They're gonna get both of us. That's not what we want. Look, Duds, we're both boned. You're gonna watch me get slaughtered. Yeah, it's gonna be your first memory Is your uncle being a coward as he holds you up as a shield in front of him to the axe murderer? And I'm like, so I'll be outside. I'm gonna stand right out there and she's like, are you lying? And I was like no baby. I'd never lie to you I'm gone for 10 minutes before we hear in the bit. Not even 10 minutes 5 minutes in the baby monitor And she's like, are you lying? And I was like, no, baby, I'd never lie to you. I'm gone for 10 minutes before we hear in the,

not even 10 minutes, five minutes on the baby monitor. She's like, Sammy, I run, I leave the card game. I'm right there, I'm all sweating. Like, hey, honey. She said, where were you? I was like, well, I heard a sound, so I went to find it, it was a bird. Anyway, I come back, I'm in bed.

She says, after she's finally petering out, she's like, my, I'm so itchy, I'm itchy, I can't sleep, I'm too itchy. She's crying, I'm like, Susanna, you're not itchy. Right, okay, so you didn't say all that in the car. So yeah, you had been around the block with this little lady. Hour and a half, two hours of her everything, you know?

Yeah, something's looking at me. Right, I don't know. I'm looking at something. My cat fell on the ground, her kitty cat. I have to go pick it up. Then she starts throwing it on the ground. I have to keep getting it, then I quit getting it. Anyway, so I go back in there.

Everything's fine, I wasn't upstairs having a good time. And then she says, I'm itchy. And I'm baby. I know you're you're faking it baby You just don't want to go to bed And she's like no, I'm itchy and I can't sleep and I'm like, you're not itchy go to bed Ten minutes later my finger hurts. I'm like Susanna. I know you're faking it your fingers fine So I text Emily and I'm like she's freaking out about her fingers. She won't quit crying. She comes in, Emily looks at her fingers. She has a giant splinter in her finger.

And why is she itchy? Because she got stung by a wasp or bit by a spider to the point where her calf swelled up. And the next day we had to go to the urgent care in the morning. Because her leg was she had a huge rash. It was like bigger than the palm of my hand on her calf. So not only does her finger hurt because she has a huge sliver in there also she's been poisoned. Yeah. Which I tried to explain to her in adult terms the dumbest way ever to take her mind off of it. I'm like giving her the straight shoot. I'm like well you know why you're itchy because you have a mosquito

bite and you're having a histamine reaction Say with me Susu and I make her say histamine reaction that takes her mind off of it. Give me we act on his domain will pop up And I was like, yeah when a mosquito bites you it puts poison injects poison and that's your body fighting the poison That flips her out. And he comes back from the bathroom. I'm like tell me what happened you're having a what and she's like Sam says I was poisoned from the mosquito and I was like well I told her she had a histamine reaction Emily's like you're not poisoned Susanna. I don't know he told you that and Susanna's like You're lying literally a half hour previous. She asked me if I was lying and now I've been out

It is a liar said you would never lie would never lie to her and also I don't care that her finger hurts. Yeah. Yeah Mm-hmm. It's so perfect I know cuz yeah earlier when you just kind of summed it up and and it really is the story started with You nagging or you know saying that she's full of shit, right? You're faking it my first thought was why didn't you go in there but you had been in there nine times I was in the room for like that hour that made way more sense I was like I was gonna be like dude why didn't you like go check it out but obviously yes you went running you went running a couple times yes you have to and and obviously

they know right away if something works then you got to keep at it and That's how you get kids at You know and a 24-hour diner at Midnight. Yeah, just losing their shit I used to always just be like come on like you didn't have to get in the car and come here with the kid But you mean this the world's problem, right? But I do understand that like you can't win a lot of the times you have to take the L no you do

You can't take the L with a child. I mean, this is not my even my daughter people on my niece Someone you barely know or care about. Yeah, someone who doesn't care if I live or die Who literally punched me in the face ten times. Over the course of three days she hit me in the face ten times and then knee dropped right on my glasses. She did a flying knee drop. To your face? Yes. To your head. She's poisoned. She's like the pickles. She's slime. And also like she has me wrapped around her little finger. Anything she wants. She knows how to get it from me because she's a master manipulator just like her sister

You're just like her mom just like her. It's just your aunt, you know Sister. Yeah, she doesn't have a sister. Well now she she says she has a sister named Miriam is 29 What? Oh, yeah, Miriam's always doing cool stuff. Miriam can dunk a slam dunk a basketball She said Miriam can slam dunk a basketball. You can't say I'm not a basketball Dude, the first thing that she said to me when I got out of the airport and got to the car I opened the door. I say Susanna. It's uncle Sam and she went you're so big Yeah, so I mean she's nagging me but I've been telling you been telling you the truth. I've been dealing with manipulators my whole life, man. She's I'm ruined

I'm ruined by her. I saw I didn't believe her. She was bleeding out of her finger. She had a bug bite We had to go to the urgent care in the morning It was fucked. Yeah I Blanked I had something now it's gone. You're gonna say something cool. I have a friend named Miriam. She's pretty cool She can slam dunk Well, yeah, she said Miriam goes to two colleges, oh like damn no, does she don't think is allowed yeah, it's cool Susanna and then you you pretend to call up the Dean of both colleges.

I'm jealous. Yeah, Mariam is apparently going to two colleges, which is not allowed. Well, I told her that Mariam eats grass. She was like, no, she doesn't. I was like, yeah, I was hanging out behind your mom's garage and Mariam came out and she ate a bunch of grass off the lawn. And I know it's messed up and I shouldn't tell you, but she eats grass. And Susanna, who's making this person up, then has to make a decision about like,

yeah, Miriam does eat grass and it's cool. The diaper thing got out of control. Oh, I was just gonna say, I think I've said it before, but it is nice to have my nephew Eli be old enough to where you can rough house because it takes away some of the When you have unlimited options as far as the coloring blocks Pretend hide-and-seek sometimes you just want to chuck them around the room a little bit Oh for sure get some of the energy out of him. Yeah, get out a little bit of your frustration Oh, yeah, just powerbomb him

So, uh, it is who doesn't know how to tuck her chin. She can't sell she's not safe. No Yes, susanna does the thing where I hold her hands and she walks up my body and does a flip Awesome, right but 35 times later. I'm like, all right, you're tuckered out. Yeah, that part is tough for again and uh Eli definitely wants to do the knee drop to the face. It's like okay. You're you got a little nix in you So you are getting big right? He's long. Yeah, it's a big boy can't just take two knees to the chest or throat Punch in the ear

I'm the only person who's allowed to take violence from Susanna. It's like, you can do that to Uncle Sammy, you can't do it to me. She beats the shit out of me. Yeah, she goes and grabs a golf club. Right, yeah. Just starts wailing on you.

Loser leaves town. Foreign objects. She did, she was good because when we got there, we got there at like 9.30 the first night, and I was like, all right, Susanna, like Emily's like inside, and I'm like, let's go inside and tell everybody, everyone about Emily's diaper.

And so she comes in and she goes from person to person giving hugs, and she's like, Emily, where's a diaper? And I was like, and it's okay. She's afraid to tell everybody. Wait, you did it for this trip? Yeah. Oh no. Oh yeah, yeah.

Emily's gonna kill you. Actually, everyone knows that it's a bit that me and the four-year-old are doing. But she was over it right away. That was like a year and a half ago. Yeah. What did Emily do? She rolls her eyes.

I mean, Emily's a trooper. Oh, and then Eat it pig spread to her There's another girl who's like three and a half and Susanna's four Susanna was hitting me with eat a pig and then the little girl is now eat a pig and her parents are like Oh my god, Rebecca. What are you doing? And I was like, it's fine. It's a thing They're the the pickle juice judges. Yeah, that side of the family sounds weak. Well, it's just I'm a fucking chainsaw with legs walking into their quiet Michigan family. Right.

And I show up and we got Susanna saying Emily wears a diaper and eat it big. You know, I'm drinking pickle juice. Talking about Miriam. Yeah. Who's God and the devil. Uh huh. Flies around. Yeah, Miriam's got tri and the devil. Uh huh. Flies around. Yeah, Miriam's got triples of all the good cars. Back and forth between Yale and Harvard.

You're not allowed. Yeah, she can fly. She flies there. She's a pilot. Shut up, Susanna. Shut up for once in your life. Miriam sucks. But there was a fun bit,

because I had a long layover. I was fucked on that travel day. Oh yeah, you got fucked. We left Pittsburgh, we were supposed to, or you did leave on time, right? No, no, no, no. Oh, it started in Pittsburgh. In Pittsburgh, my flight was delayed to the point

where then I missed my flight to Detroit. Out of Chicago. So then I had to fly to Grand Rapids instead, and Emily had to pick me up there. But I was trapped in the Chicago airport for like six hours. It sucked. But there was a fun bit. I was texting Emily as she was driving when I got to Grand Rapids because Emily was an hour late to Grand Rapids. So I was texting Emily, but she was driving. So it was being read through the car. And I knew that. So I said yeah made a meal of hello Susanna this is the car are you comfortable in

my seat blowing her mind Susanna is it true that Emily wears a diaper does Emily have... Is it Siri? Is it a woman? It's Cardioplae. Yeah, it's a woman, yeah. British? No, normal. That's me, I'm Irish. So I was just popping her brain with that. Susanna, true or false? Strawberries are better than blueberries.

And then she would respond, Blueberries. Incorrect. That's when Miriam came out. For the first time? Yeah, she told Emily, she's like, she says she has a sister named Miriam who says that strawberries are better. And I said, incorrect.

The car knows all. The car knows all. The car knows. Mariam isn't real, Susanna. Mariam is fake. You are lying. Unlike your uncle Sam, who would never lie to you, darling. Oh man, yeah. My flight left like 20 minutes before yours and uh, damn. Yeah.

I found out way later that you got hosed. It's because I had to fly across the lake or whatever to get there. You did not because you flew to Denver. I did, allegedly. Because I now live in Detroit. Funny that people after the show tonight at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. Legalized. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. Funny that people after the show tonight at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. Legalizer.

Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. That... fuck. What's the matter with you? I'm tired. You're at Coney Island. And I'm stoned. Why are you tired? It's only 1.30am. And I slept from 2.30 to 7am and then drove three hours. No, I know why you're tired.

I drove here from Manistee. I was in the car for seven hours today. Seven hours? Oh, God. I better shut up. I'm being a real merriam right now. You're not 29 and go to four colleges. I am.

You don't have a horse that you ride to your job. I have a job that I ride to my horse. Susanna. Fuck, what was I saying about the club? Tonight is funny that people after the show tonight at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. After the show. Oh, you kept, so many times you told people sincerely that you had moved here and then when they would come up for a picture or a poster they'd be like, hey, you didn't really move here, right? Just a bit, right?

You do that everywhere you go. Buddy. You say you live in the place. That's good. It's a good angle. That's a bit, right. Makes the people like you, because you're like them. So that was funny.

Also, Blast From the Past, one of the so many listeners in line, which was great, because in Pittsburgh it was like mostly people knew you more than the pod. Tonight it was pod heads overall, Uber Ales. Chubby chasers. And they, fuck. I'm dying, I'm dying.

I'm dying. I'm dying. What? Oh, one of them, one of the fans said, I loved Little Nicky voice. And I was like, dude, I like completely forgot about it. It dominated us for like, what, a month and a half? Three years. No, no. No, but we loved Little Nicky voice.

Yeah. And then it went away probably for the best But now it's back One person likes it so I should probably keep doing it do it for that guy What's his name like slappy? I don't know but Oh, yeah drove up skyler bigglesby Uh hit me up, was like, hey, do you know how much show there will be?

Because I'm like a tight time crunch, I don't know if I can make it. And driving from Columbus. From Columbus. Yeah. I said, dude, I think it's just the host doing 10 minutes and then me. And he was like, ah, shit.

So I figured he wasn't going to come. But then he came, and we got to have a nice little chat. Tonight was great, man. I went right from you picking me up at the airport to the club, change clothes, take a sick dump. Come on, the couch. Throw it away anyway. It's gone in the morning and was like, what?

And you're like, oh, it didn't fit after all. It didn't work, you're right. Why was it a bold choice? It didn't work. Why are you wearing those sweatpants? Why is the couch wearing sweatpants? She's going to yell at me. Yeah, dude, I had to go out and move my car from in front of the club while you were in

the toilet. And I walked by the men's room and some guy comes out and he was like, fucking stinks in there. And then you told me. The doors had been open for like eight minutes or whatever. So yeah, there weren't a lot of people coming and going. You were going. It was me. You were going enough for everybody. I was so lucky. First of all, very lucky because I flew Frontier. Yes. And I didn't realize how tight the window was for me to land and for us to get to the show. But luckily Frontier was fine, good even.

Except, oh yeah. Dare I say good? The woman doing the announcements says, zone one, it takes forever. Everybody's in zone one somehow. Because they all pay for their bags. So yeah, everybody's in zone one. It takes forever. And then active military,

children under two, first responders, need a little extra time. Marry them. If you go to two colleges. And then she just goes, but still, there's like so many of us that are waiting. And then she just goes, alright, now zone two, three and four.

She opened up the pit? Yeah. What? Dude, yes. Wall of death. Dude, I was like, no. Everything, there was a 12 minute delay, departure delay and that was it.

It didn't keep going forever. I didn't get lashed with a cat of nine tails because I had a backpack that I didn't pay $100 bring on board I'm thinking everything's good. I'm in zone four So I'm like, I'm not gonna sweat it if I can get the bag and the overhead been great But I'm not gonna line up early and look like a fool and do the whole weights What's owner you because people just fucking hang out nearby or they start to form their own weird line that doesn't count, right? I hate all of it. The line that doesn't count. Right.

I hate all of it. Dude, the independent line sucks so bad. Yeah. Yeah, just rudderless and fucking, I keep saying rudderless. That's okay. In the last like week. That's probably the fifth time I've described something as- I say impediment all the time.

It's weird. That's rudderless. Yeah. But yeah, she hits, everything's good. And then she hits us with the zones two three and four Yeah, and I just go all right. What the fuck dress you pigs? She starts throwing out slop from a bucket down the runway to trick you guys into coming on I'm surprised that it didn't devolve into a fucking free-for-all. Oh, dude, but there was already a line

And so I just went to the back of it. I Tell you did I tell you? Did I tell you? No. Who sat across from the aisle from me? Oh. From Pittsburgh to Chicago? We bare, we, you mentioned it. Dude, I was on a small plane.

And I shouted him out in Pittsburgh. Yes, you did. I thanked Pittsburgh for him. For giving us him. Yeah. Kurt Angle, dude. Yeah. Who I took a bunch of bad photos of cuz I couldn't be the guy

Yeah, you didn't want to say anything to like every airplane every airport employee like the dudes who push the people in the wheelchairs Yeah, all of them stopped and were like, mr. Mr. Angle. You're the man. Can we get a picture? He would You know smile like that. Yeah, cool. He was the the meme Where he looks all fucked up, even though he's a long clean. He is so bent now Oh, yeah, he is question mark body and he's just kind of Frankenstein's around But he walked I was standing in front of a Hudson News because my flight was delayed and he came up and I was like Good I hit him with one of those, kind of like, I know, it's you.

And then I ended up sitting across the aisle from him. I know who you are. Were you in first class? Mm-hmm, I got bumped up. So did he. Yeah, well he paid for that shit. He had a bunch of pages of a script with him that were highlighted,

and he looked at them for about seven minutes and then went. His eyes barely closed asleep. And you just kept nodding at him in case he was looking at you. And I kept trying to get a picture of him, but not wanting to, because I couldn't tell if he was asleep or if it was some weird wrestling catatonia.

Because he was just, is it was some weird wrestling catatonia. You know? Because he was just... Is he memorizing his lines? Is he deep in method right now? But yeah, he looks bad. Is he tossing Brock Lesnar around at Summer's Lamp? You know what he ate though? He had three bags of Tate's cookies, which I thought was nuts. Cause he's still vascular as hell. Yeah. Yeah. He must work out a ton.

And like me and him bordered at the same time. I was right behind him in line cause we were both one K and then he was one A and I was like one D right across the aisle. And then he walks off and I'm right behind him again. Yeah. So I was just like on Kurt Angle the whole time. It's funny to think that he could just Chuck you across the room like you're my nephew. Yeah. I want to be like Mr. Angle you're the man thank you for everything but I couldn't work it up. Yeah you know it's one of those where it's like who is that for like obviously it might mean something to him still but

not really like yeah. It's still real to me dammit. I should have said that. Hey brother you want to get color I'll sell for you. Right you don't want to do that. You don't want to go to. Let's really. Like, yeah. It's still real to me, Damien. I should've said that. Hey brother, you want to get color, I'll sell for you. Right, you don't want to do that. You don't want to go to the insider. Yeah, I know. But you do want to try to convey, like I would've wanted to try to say something because you ruled. You would've needed two pairs of new sweatpants.

You would've been a mess. One pair for each leg. My dick and balls are out. I did not think this through. I thought, Mr. Wrangle, I'm so sorry. I thought, I have two pairs. Why not double up? Hey, you know what? I saw you. I thought I have two pairs. I went in the bathroom. I just changed into this. I mean, what was I thinking? My butt is exposed. My crack is Oh, speaking of your crack. Yeah.

It was so funny to think of, you know, for high plane spoiler alert, I'm doing it. Don't tell anyone. Yeah. That I'm going to do the thing for the 14th year or whatever. Yeah, me too. In a row. I'm also secretly doing it. I'm gonna be there.

But you know, you have to upload a headshot or whatever. And I said, what if my headshot that I submitted was your bare ass? You mooning me. And yeah, you do the frame. The High Plains Festival, Denver. It's official performers. You're bare ass. God, I wish I would have pulled the trigger. Because the worst thing they could do is say please send us or they use last year's headshot or they just use my ass or they just they know we all post on the grid Matt Cobos, Zach Moss, Mitch Jones hopefully if there's any justice um Kate uh this Kate yeah Kelsey Rose oh Lund what is that it's not his ass it's too long dude you were so smushed on that camera oh you're dying yeah you're loving it

well I pointed out to everyone in there, of course, you were smushed. Look how small he is. I held my thumb up next to it and said, that's that's the same picture. Yeah. And then you said as I was doing it, you were like, yeah, there's like a TV in the green room. I noticed that Lou was smushed, but I can't imagine how smushed I am. Yeah. We all laughed.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Cause yeah, when, when you were on that camera, you looked 5'11". You looked my size. So yeah, and you're not as fucking round as me. No, I'm dense. So I just looked... Great set though. I had a really fun time.

You did great. Great crowd. One of those where instead of them kind of warming up during my set, they were warmed up, ready for me. Even though the host and Genevieve, the guest bot, didn't seem stoked. They were like, yeah, you know. So maybe they were hit and miss, but then they were like, I didn't have to wear it for the first four minutes

or anything, they were cool right away. Yeah, it seems like there's like, I don't know, I felt like that with Shannon last week in Pittsburgh, who's very funny, Shannon Norman, my official barber, for now, while I have hair. Did he do anything up top? With my hair? Yeah. No, no, no.

No. No, no, no. No. No, what's her, Bella in Chicago cut my hair. She was great. No, I just noticed that like they're kind of cold initially to the hosts, cause they're kind of like, all right, give us the boys. Oh, maybe a little bit. Yeah, there were a lot of them.

Yeah. Which I don't want to set that precedent, but it is kind of flattering. Right, now you do... Especially when the host isn't someone from the Chubby Behemoth universe, you know? Yeah. It's like Lou Michaels the man, he's very funny.

Genevieve's very funny. I mean, these are good comics. Right, but yeah, don't stonewall them. Right, yeah. Like your Alex Flynn's friends in Boston. Yeah, they hated you Hey, yeah, they made me flinch. Yeah They do there's in Kansas arms crossed. Yeah They said what are you the Philly fanatic of some shit? I said homo says what yeah

And I said what yeah, they all left. They were like exactly Lou Michaels girlfriend goes to Harvard and he wore like a skin tight Harvard sweatshirt all night. But like the classic like. Yeah. From like 1910. The white cream colored one. Yeah.

Like from when they had the barbershop quartet at Harvard. Yeah. I was going to say he didn't do himself any favors in front of a Michigan crowd. I know. He's from here. He's from the next town over from where we're sitting right now. of a Michigan crowd. I know, he's from here. He's from the next town over from where we're sitting right now. Rock a pristine Harvard, punch me in the stomach.

I write for the paper. Right, what are you doing, Lou? Yeah, you'd like to take your fucking corkskin hat off and punch a hole in it, cause Coolidge just won? He is a little built up, so you can't like, go real hard on him unless you're also kind of a bigger guy. He said, dude, he said he, you probably already know this, but he was saying how he was a

janitor at a gym and he had to do like overnight a lot of the time. He said there was a time where there was a toilet that was so clogged that he just like, he told, you know, his boss or whatever, you know, supervisor was like, he was like, you gotta call a plumber, this is fucked. Like I've been trying to unclog it, I can't. And they were like, no, you gotta do it. So he said he put, he put a pair of sweatpants on each arm,

no, he put a garbage bag on each arm and then scooped, scooped out a bunch of shit and then underneath layer upon layer of shit, the dude had taken a whole roll of toilet paper. He flushed his sweatpants. No, toilet paper. And he just shoved it in there. Or he put it in there first and then dumped on top.

Right, and then dumped upon. Just a fucking. These are the dumbest people alive, these back-to-the-pumpsters. Sociopath. I used to have to deal with it not only at the Elizabeth skate park, but also at the Elizabeth Safeway. People going in just... Somebody took a dump on a skateboard and then threw it, like rolled it into the pool.

Yeah. Just a skateboard with shit on it. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da And then that's the new dance craze is they do the turd that dump is straight-up radical tubular dump, bro The dump says thanks boss Can talk Can talk I swallowed it. Barely. That could have killed me. Oh yeah, for sure. A glass of water kills me. I said drinking water is good for you.

Not this water. Not where we are. Yeah, it's bad. Four people in that merch line tonight told me independently of each other, get a water filter. It's like their tip to living in Detroit. And we're drinking straight from the tap. Mm-hmm. OK. What, you think we're going to get sick?

I don't think I will. No, me either. You supposedly live in a vegan household, so I'm worried about you. I do live in a vegan household. I tried to be good after the show at Leo's or Lee's? Leo's. Leo's Coney Island.

Of course, I have to get one Coney dog Of course so I get one and then I want a falafel hummus wrap because it doesn't count because that yeah negates Yeah negative plus a plus a positive equals zero, but uh Though the server comes back and is like oh, we're out of falafel So then I we are growling we had eyeballed the club sandwich. Great picture of it, yeah. Yeah, it looked exactly like what you want in a club sandwich.

So I ask if you will have some, you say, of course. And I order it, and so I get turkey and bacon and a hot dog and chili instead of some chickpeas and one hot dog with a little chili on it. So yeah, I'm fucked. Yeah, you tried to be good. You turned down pre-show Wendy's. I did.

I was hungry. Almost impossible to believe. Two burgers. You were there. I witnessed. Witness. I wanted them. I was hungry, but I did not have them.

No. Damn it. You could have, but I did not have them. No, damn it You could have and then you threw them away which I worried that they were gonna stink up Emily's car I think they kind of did um I didn't notice but she certainly will a hundred percent She keeps everything. She keeps a vegan nose You should have seen her watching her family eat this weekend She kept it real she kept it real does she cheat at all. Mm-hmm just on me She doesn't she I mean chill if she wants to have cheese she'll have cheese, okay If there once like every quarter, she'll have a steak

because she has a craving for it due to how powerful her flow is. Her body needs the iron. She used to eat pennies from before the war. Not a regular thing. No. Not a weekly. I mean, it's better.

She's not doing it because she wants to, you know, it's like, oh, I'm trying a diet. This is the lifestyle, you know? Yeah. Like in the house, that's what we do. Right. And in the world, that's what she does. Yeah.

I'm still out there, I'm day walking. You have a home jersey and an away jersey. I do. The away jersey's covered with Coney Island. The away jersey's a 4X. The home jersey's a, it's just a pair of overalls so I can shell all the peas. You're going further and further down. I love it. I know. I've been doing it throughout the pond. Yeah, I said, I scooched up. Yeah, this is a wild ride. I hope to

get to watch some Detroit Lions football on this thing. Dude, we're gonna go off in here. It's gonna be the best. You haven't even seen the whole house. You haven't seen the upstairs. You haven't seen the solarium. You haven't seen the backyard. No, I'm not allowed upstairs. You haven't seen the basement. I have not gone to the basement.

Have they hung a curtain for you? Oh, you know what kinda sucks, bro? So you're in the room that has a solarium on it and I don't know if there's a door right there so that, and also we don't have like blinds or curtains in here, cause this is literally the most time I've spent in this house ever is right now. Yeah. So. I'm fucked. You don't wanna wrap blinds or curtains in here because it's literally the most time I've spent in this house ever is right

Now yeah, so I'm fucked you don't want to wrap your head in a t-shirt Sweatpants yeah put sweatpants on the head Apply sweatpants directly to your forehead. Oh, yeah, you tried to dump upstairs, but you got scared Okay, yeah, so there aren't any doors Yeah, and you show me the joke of a toilet down here, and I don't know if I'd be able to get in there. I literally will never shit in that hall toilet. I will piss in there, I will throw up in there.

On my jazz, but I will never dump. I'd have to go side saddle. Yeah, it would be way worse for you because there's so much longer. I was able to get in there, but yeah, but I looked at it. I'd have to go side-saddle. Yeah, it would be way worse for you because you're so much longer. I was able to get in there, but yeah, but I looked at it and I was like, what else you got? What are my options?

Right, how many toilets are in this hellhole? So we go upstairs and you're like, I use this one and then I'm like, wait, there's no door. Emily, the bedroom's around the corner. She also has no door. There's no door, there's a- Because the painters aren't done.

There's a sheet. And yeah, I went in there for, and maybe for like two seconds, and immediately was like, nope, there's no way. Because if she wakes up and- She was awake. Has, oh, okay. She knew.

If she has to pee, she assumes there's no way that I'm gonna be in there on the toilet, but then there I am. I instantly ruin this home. Yeah, that's her first memory. She wants to be here for the next 50 years. Me lying to Susanna is her first memory. Emily's first memory in the house is you with your pants down and your gut out. Yeah, just, I remember as a kid, the Taco Bell in Parker, Colorado,

I went to use the bathroom and I walked in on a very fat, very short Mexican man with his pants down and I saw his whole side ass and his gut and he was like, whoa, you know? And I was like, ah! ah yeah and that is burnt in my head I remember the stubble on his face me a stomach oh yeah how old were you I don't know a child yeah before high school it was like a reverse me in the Louvre I walked in on a yes the door was law or or the lock's broken. Yeah.

Oh, don't worry, buddy. I'll be right out here. Yeah. I'll protect you. Yeah, king shit. Do you mean it, mister? Well, hey, if we're both in here and someone comes in, that's gonna be bad for both of us.

Yeah. So yeah, I'll just be right out here. You'll be safe. Are you lying? I'll make sure that there's no turd burglars that steal your feces before you flush. Yeah. And then the kid sends a skateboard out

and there's a turd on it. It grinds all the pyramids in the basement of the Louvre. What about a tech deck? What about it? With a very gorgeous Skateboard with... Kids poop on it. Adult size turd is great, but a tech deck with a very tiny amount of shit on it might be even better.

And then of course you go real hard with the long board with just 80 pounds of shit. the biggest turd you've ever seen. The turd can skate. It sure can, kids. The turd can talk. The turd raps. Listen up, kids. I'm the skating turd. This is the word that you heard.

I like to rip and wrap and grind and climb Christ dear, baby. I'm not slime. I'm a turd. Oh Yeah, Adam had some really cool slime I was playing with it for like a long time in the basement with them to tell the parents for like what's going on Adams looking at you expecting you to give it back. Yeah, cuz it's his turn. I'm throwing it out That's the only thing it doesn't splatter. It it's his turn. I'm throwing it at the ceiling and saying it doesn't splatter. It's not his turn for an hour. Those kids are funny. We also played like a murder mystery game with an actual lawyer and she was very funny

because she would approach us all like she was in a courtroom and use all the terms. Oh dude, I think we're almost out of time but we played this game Monikers where it's like a taboo where you have to guess the word without saying it Classic one of them was R. Kelly and another one was deep throat and Adam and Connors dad Who's a real, you know cool guy, but buttoned up He has to charades them So he gets R. Kelly and he turns to one of the one of the girlfriends that's up there and just starts fake pissing on her. And we're all like, R. Kelly. And then the next one, he's like.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, deep throat. Thank you. Gotta do it. Yeah, he got him. What else would he have done? I don't know. Gotten trapped in a closet. And this is the man whose wife was upset

that I sipped pickle juice and put it back in the fridge. Yeah, you gotta pick a lane. Either're either going hard or we're Mormon. Right. Oh yeah Mormon was one of them and that just became his underwear finally. Did people guess correctly? Oh yeah yeah. That seems tough. Dude we had so much wholesome family fun and then also the waves. How could you know? What do you mean? How did they act out the underworld? Oh, so it's like you get to explain the thing and you guess in the second round you get one word And everyone gets to guess and all the cards are from the same pool

So you kind of it becomes like a matching like memory game towards the end. Okay, so the last round it's just like Like I had ghost dog You know, yes in the night before I had ghost So the next night someone had ghost dog makes the same thing come on I know that's not cool I know shorthand, baby. That's a half a point, but yesterday the waves coming in off Lake, Michigan But yesterday the waves coming in off Lake Michigan Were so huge that we just all right after dinner like all the younger generation like 12 of us first in the water getting Blasted by waves non-stop. It was so much fucking fun and like the little boys were like the seas angry today And then the lawyer Emma was like what'd she say?

She was like kill the ocean she say? She was like, kill the ocean, or no, kill the sea, become God. Whoa. Yeah, it was awesome, we were going crazy. They took all your stuff. Yeah, they were doing my bits. Yeah. You didn't care. Mm-mm, not at all.

You said it's a very long sandbar, right? You can walk out for days, you keep going out, you get bored before you can't touch anymore. That's how far you can go out. And Emmy was catching on a bodyboard, a boogie board, and she rode in like 35 yards, and it was awesome. Yeah, that sounds. She looks so cool.

That sounds great. Yeah. Sandbars always make me think of some random. Sandwich. Story. Ice cream sandwich? No, no. Sandwich, golf club. Toppings bar? Tiger Woods. Yeah. sandwich? Sand wedge. Golf club.

Toppings bar? Tiger Woods. Yeah. Babe in the woods. Babe pig in the city. Babe Ruth. Uh, oh that wasn't good. That wasn't a good idea. Oh, sandbars.

There was some random story I read about someone who like went to dive into water and hit a sandbar, broke their neck. Was it Shivo? Yeah, Shivo. Did Shivo do that? Full Shivo. It might be somebody else that did that, but. That was Terry. Could you imagine?

Oh yeah, sure. Doing like the dumbest, like who could ever imagine it would wreck your whole life. Yeah. Like, oh, just take a little dip. Oh, dude. And then just, you're a dog. Right.

You wake up in the house and you're like I'm a dog now? Weren't we on the shore? We weren't on a boat. Yeah what did I do? How dumb ass am I? Oh shout out to the psycho who found the murderer that my dad knew, Rick Regal's paintings from prison. Those were his? Yes. They're good Dude, I thought it was a coincidence. No, I thought he googled no and and it was a different guy. It's ragels They're not like the wife murdering ragels. I noticed like at first I was like, wow, they're really good And then I was like, well, they're not hyper realistic. They are They're removed from that like Accuracy done by an incarcerated, but it looks fucking cool They're removed from that, like, accuracy.

It's outside of art, done by an incarcerated. But it looks fucking cool. I might have to buy a Ragels. Dude, please buy a Ragels. What a great housewarming gift. Your whole house, oh, I thought it'd be for me. No, no. For you. I'm the art guy.

Ragels. I got you that norm. Yeah. That's a nice bookmark. Give me a painting. Yeah, I want a Rago. Maybe me a painting. Yeah, I want to reg. Maybe I get one for you. One for me. Get a prego rego. Get it. Get a discount. Yeah. You mean, what's it gonna cost you

fucking 40 ramen packets? Yeah, it's in a couple packs of Oh, God, I hope he's not out. No, he killed his he shot his wife in the head. His kids. Yeah, he didn't but he didn't know Over County. There's no good behavior. He probably got a slap on the wrist. They're like, yeah, you know what, Rick, she was a bitch. That dress was short. Yeah.

Yeah. I saw how she drove. It was infuriating. You did us a favor. Yeah. So buy our raggles, guys. Yeah. Hit them up.

Join the Discord. Let's make sure that he's nice and comfortable and satisfied. Yeah. Let's reward him by buying his art and shouting him out. He did a cool thing. The painting, not the murder. Love you guys. Bye.