Chubby Behemoth - In The Land Of The Spies

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

Support the show & get 50% off of Factor at https://www.factormeals.com/CHUBBY50 with code CHUBBY50   Ride A Turtle To Work. Hot Pepper Cultures. Everybody Loves Draiman.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

It should be, yeah. People really want us to make more music. How have the hits on Spotify been since Danny Brown released the episode? Oh, Pat said he had like 1,200 monthly listeners last month. Holy shit. It went from like 7 to 1,200. That rules. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Hey, buddy. Speaking of pretty cool, I'm here. Right on time. It's my main slime. The rhyme to my lime. It's Nathan Lund. speaking of pretty cool I'm here right on time it's my main slime the rhyme to my lime it's Nathan Lund you're in

you figured out your thing don't jinx it hey Lund do you hear any reggae tone music yeah are you in a Roomba studio Zumba yeah it's actually I'm staying at Billy Blank's house and he is a nightmare he says hey no sugar

no cream in that coffee put it down wado start planking turn earn the cream in that coffee it doesn't stop he just always he always has a class it's like yeah he hasn't gone to the bathroom he hasn't hydrated he hasn't been blinking what's going on his teeth just keep shining i go to the bathroom he's like and wipe on one and wipe on two and wipe on three and wipe on four billy billy give me a minute okay wiped wipe till it hurts yeah i always do billy i can't get clean otherwise it looks like like Rudolph's nose down there. Yeah, so right outside my window here in Key West, there is a street festival, Nathan. And that reggaeton music starts up loud and proud at like 9 a.m.

And I would be really upset by it if the festival was not called Goombe Festival. Goombe. by it if the festival was not called Goombay Festival. And everyone out there, yeah, it's called Goombay, which first of all, I'm on board. I probably said that without even knowing about this festival a thousand times in my life. Goombay. But if you walk through the festival or just even listen, people out there yell, Goombay, Goombay, Goombay. It's just people walking around yelling.

Yeah, they do, dude. Yeah, because it's a bunch of food stalls and, like, fucking Haitian trinkets. So people are just walking around wearing big hats yelling, Goombe, Goombe, Goombe. It's awesome. It's just a bunch of Haitian street foods.

Oh, it's great, dude. And last night when I came home I got back at like 1 and they were closing it down and the guy on the corner owns the coffee shop next to the comedy club and he made a bunch of burnt ends like real burnt ends so as I was walking home last night

at 1am he gave me a fucking big old grocery bag full of burnt ends so I've just been... It's been... It's been fucked, man. I got my plastics brewed. Are they... I've got my little boat that I eat out of because there's no plates in here because Kevin Farley smashed them all.

But yeah. Probably... You said they're the real deal? Probably two and a half pounds of burnt ends that I put in between 1 a.m. and 1 p.m. I'm so jealous. I'm going to need Billy Blanks to come in and help me. I get to do a lot of cool stuff with you, but I have to miss out on this, and I hate it. I wish I was down there with the Goombay people.

Well, they prefer if you just call them Haitian. But Goombay Fest is a blast. I've been eating plantains. I started my day yesterday with a big ol' long chicharron. Like, I don't know. As big as this screen. Probably 14 inches long. I love Goombay.

Goombay. It's gotta either be that or double O. What happened to him? Goombo. He's in the either be that or double O. What happened to him? Goombo. He's in the damn hotel. Shit Wi-Fi. Hello? All the Haitians are stealing the Wi-Fi.

Goombe. 20 minutes. So, yeah. You can't call them Goombes. You got to call them either Dominican or Haitian. And, man. Rice and beans. Just turkey legs.

Apparently, Cubans love turkey legs. You just throw a cube. You know me. There's Cubans, there's Haitians. It's all of the more ochre, mahogany-hued people that are adjacent to Key West, Florida. Well, and I looked it up, and Goombe says it's a musical style from West Africa.

So it's a goombay says it says it's a musical style from west africa so it's a real melting pot okay so it probably unites them underneath one rhythm or it says you know sierra leone and goombay music is indigenous to the sierra leone creole people so there's the creole aspect which maybe is what got the Haitians involved. I don't know, but I saw a guy playing a steel drum with some churros, and I was like, this is the festival for me. Yeah, that's home. Yeah, that's fucking Bernense. After we went 0 for 2 in the home of Bernense, you had to go to Key West, Florida to get the real deal.

Oh, yeah, look, everywhere that's not on an island can suck my kiss. I'm an island man, and I want to be down here forever. I just want to ride a turtle to work. You know me. If I can get a big old turtle involved. I hung out with turtles yesterday. I fed a bunch of old-ass turtles carrots, and then there was a sex gong.

I went to this weird... This place is weird, bro. I believe it. carrots and then there was a sex gong i went to this weird this place is weird bro i believe everything you do down here sounds like it's a red shoe diaries episode it's just like we went to uh i'm down here with tom dustin rolling around having fun and he has access to like all of the uh you know hotels and uh and private pools because he's the local comedian. So he ripped us into this place last night called the Garden of Eden. There's just all these pools.

And there's this old guy named Phil bartending and no one's there because it's like $900 a night because the sex festival's in town. It's Fantasy Fest right now. So we're just alone in this pool. And he's like, we're about to feed the turtles. And I was like, what the hell are you talking about, Phil? And he's like, follow me. feed the turtles and i was like what the hell are you talking about phil and he's like follow me so i take my nude egg-shaped torso not that kind of egg lung chill

out and uh me and tom dustin and james patterson go watch this old man feed these turtles these old ancient african turtles and as soon as he walks in and he shows them a carrot they fucking scurry like cats dude i've never seen a turtle move this fast and he shows them a carrot, they fucking scurry like cats, dude. I've never seen a turtle move this fast. And I've invested a lot of time in turtle viewing. So yeah, they come out of the woodwork. There's like six turtles. He's feeding them. He puts the carrot in his mouth. He puts one on his belly button, kneels down.

The turtles eat it. It's awesome. And then he's like, come around the corner. Let's ring the gong. And there's just all these mats and hammocks hung out. And then there's like a big old gong with a bunch of different kama sutra drawings on it and he's like who wants to ring it and then we all took turns rigging this gong and a bunch of birds flew out of the trees that was just like two hours of my day yesterday wait why were you nude feeding turtles ringing gongs why you said you were new i I had little very, I had tiny, tiny shorts on. Okay, okay.

Cabana Boy shorts. Yeah. That was... I didn't roll in there with a swimsuit on, so they were like, we have swimsuits. And I was like, okay, let's, let's see how this fits. Let's see how many you need for coverage. Yeah, go wake up the seamstress. Alright? We gotta go fucking Betsy Ross on this thing. It's a brand new flag. It's a hell of a flag. He had to kick a turtle out of its shell. These turtles, bro.

And if we're quiet, we can stay here and watch them mate. They mate every day. I thought turtles didn't mate ever, and he's like, oh no, no, they rut. They love to rut. They mate every day. I thought turtles didn't mate ever, and he's like, oh, no, no, they rut. They love to rut. They love to blast. So, you did a show last night down there? Yeah, that's all they do.

They eat carrots, they rut, they hear people ring gongs. You did a show last night? Of course I did. I do shows every night down here. Yeah, since Wednesday. Oh. Okay. I had a show last night too it's called

Lucha Libre and Laughs weekends work ever heard of it yeah I heard it sucked I had a bunch of people hit me up on Twitter and say it sucks without you

mhm well it's not true it was a blast and uh I bet no I heard it was like really bad without me our friend uh even wanted

their money back our friend noma got into it with a dude on the balcony she got into a dust up it was a whole thing oh yeah because that guy was like this show sucks where's sam bring out sam and she was like i love lund i've always loved l. I can't wait to have Lund back in my life. Hopefully, Creech eats that packet that I sent her. They thought that Mitch was you, so they thought they were having a good time. Also, oh, they did the same thing they did to us. No one's ever thought that. They did the same thing that they...

You guys are interchangeable. You're interchangeable with unrisen dough they wanted flesh from me uh and i people refuse people walk into sexy pizza and they see the pizza dough and they're like hey lon and it's called what pizza dough because you're seven ah give me the pizza dough we have to cook it for sam no give me the pizza nice nice i want the pizza you had to think about that rebuttal that that show sucked if that was as quick as you could come back i'm on fire goomba goomba what are you talking about if there was a delay in my response it was because of your shit internet connection. Thanks Goombe.

No no I got the best internet in Key West. So wherever you're staying whatever red roof inn Gossard put you up at instead of paying you I bet the internet sucks. I'm on top. Goombe. I hope you puke all those burn hands. So anyway Noma's up there trying to blow a guy because he looks like you.

Well no so first I was saying oh Mitch mentioned that we were sweating. And I said, yeah, I'm wearing two layers for some fucking reason. And then people were like, take it off. Remember last time when they were just rabid for you to dump them out? They did it again. They were like, take it off. Yeah, they loved it.

Take it off. And I was like, no, I'm not going to. Sam's not here. Des here desperate for your love and then mitch was like started to unbutton his shirt and they were like yeah and then he like took unbuttoned all of them and they just they lost their minds it was the biggest pop of the night but yeah so nice yeah dude we're entertainers that was the beginning that's what we do we give them a show yeah it was a show all Yeah, dude, we're entertainers. That was the beginning. That's what we do. We give them a show. Yeah, it was a show, all right. I was like, how many nipples do you have?

You're up there wearing sunglasses so they can't see you roll their eyes. So, yeah, I don't know. Becker, are you experiencing a delay? It's Lund's delay for some reason, but his upload's good, so I don't know why, because your upload's slower. Yeah, mine uploads slower because I take my time with the riff. Run, Lun guns it. He just fucking, I can't drive 55,

you know what I mean? Yeah. I'll get my phone off of the Wi-Fi. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. London is Maserati. Yeah, dude, look, people used to come down here for Jimmy Buffett, and now they come down here and they say, Gimme buffets. Key West, Goombe.

Wait for Lund to hear it. There's the laugh. Yes. I can time this whole thing. You're delayed on my end, too. So, during the show... You're degayed on my end. Yes.

And you hate it. Yeah, see? Got it. So, during the show, there was like a dust-up. There was a commotion at the balcony. And I said something. I was like, this isn't a Broncos-Raiders game. How about you cool it up there?

And then a few minutes later, Noma messaged me and was like, I got in a fight with a guy. And I think what happened was there was a whole section of people that were very rowdy up there. And she tried to get them to knock it off. Probably sit down or something. They were just fake wrestling each other or something. And she was trying to get them to knock it off. And one of the guys... Enjoying themselves? uh no it was just they were like too much they're probably heckling i heard a guy heckling during pogue set he kept saying that he wasn't funny

and it was annoying and it might have been from the balcony but uh yeah so she i think told them to shut up and then the guy like pushed her And she said she hit him a couple times. And then eventually security. Nick Gossard said that security was dicking around on their phones. They didn't know what was going on up there. And he had to tell them. So it could have been worse. But yeah.

Meanwhile, a marginalized woman is getting pounded upon by wrestling fans wearing lucha masks. That sounds like Goombay Fest at 10 p.m. She said she was okay. marginalized woman's getting pounded upon by wrestling fans wearing lucha masks. Yeah, I don't know. That sounds like Goombay Fest at 10pm. She said she was okay, but it still sucked. They're out there. And they all got kicked out, so she had to go home early. I'll probably see her tonight.

I think she said she's coming to the comedy lounge. They booted Noma? Yeah, I think they got rid of everybody. Not everybody, but whoever was involved. So that part was done. Oh, shit, man. Noma had to go back to her igloo that's right she's in you it and i'm into it yeah and you're into it yeah i beat you to it so shut up i'm back baby king of the no king of the i said it i said it four seconds

ago and you just heard it because you have coal-powered wi-fi no no you have a hamster running in a wheel to keep the lights on over there meanwhile i'm living in the lap of sin over here i'm on the devil's ball bag and i'm treating it like a fucking comfy chair. Look, it's okay if you're delayed. I'm sorry, Noma. I'm sorry you got booted out of the bad show featuring two wads. But I do want to apologize to all of the Lucha Libre fans. I wasn't there, and I'll never be back, because that show's beneath me. And Nick Gossard

raped my wife. Much like Brock Purdy slurred my brother-in-law, Gossard put four of his nine fingers inside of my wife against her will and she came. And that was the worst part. That was the worst part of the whole thing.

That sucks. All of that sucks. Yeah yeah I know dude yeah you think I like it I mean she did kind of she won't admit it this is terrible goombay I tricked a bike rental company and I technically now own an electric bike in Key West Florida whoa so that's pretty cool yeah what fast does it go yes we rented this electric bike and it had a bunch of different there's a contract you sign right and there's a bunch of different lines you sign you my name initial all of the lines as yeah I signed. Let Lund rain.

He just fucked me. They're going to send me a bill. Yeah, because I know your social security number now, because whenever I book your flights, I have to put it in. No, you don't. Because you're on the do not fly list. I do too. Yeah, I have to.

I told you to throw that piece of paper away, damn it. I thought I saw you do it. You must have gone back to the trash can. Oh, throw it away? I thought you said, make a hundred copies. I'm sorry. But yeah. So I didn't check the box that said, I will return this bike at noon.

And I didn't check the box that said, I am responsible if this bike is stolen or you know broken in any way so the Cuban guy who runs the stand did not look at the contract afterwards and because he was so busy yeah exactly yeah He's looking at a bodacious bootay. A couple of goombas walking by. Some turtles were fucking. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Dios mio. Me gusta. Tortuga. Yeah.

He was touching himself through his very thin shorts. And I was like, alright. You're having your own festival over here. I'll let the music play. No. So. Because I didn't want to pay for it if someone stole it, because it's like a very nice bike. So anyway, there's this guy here at the comedy club called Good Time Charlie, and he's dying of terminal cancer, and people are always giving him. The good times are coming to an end.

Oh, yeah. Good Time Charlie. Oh, yeah. Good time, Charlie. Oh, no. Temporary nickname. What the fuck? He had too many good times for too long. Yeah. Jesus.

He's very sick. He's hanging out by the microwave. Having those good times. I mean, this place is a microwave everyone down here everyone down here is so fucking ruined bro they're all like that deep tan of like if you ever seen like you know like a hairless cat mm-hmm yeah yeah those things yeah they all look like a burnt hairless cat? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Those sphinx cats. Yeah, they all look like a burnt, hairless cat. Just like, poo, like, you know, ribbons of skin all over their body and just like, fucking leathered by the sun. So, look, there's a lot of stuff going on down here. It's funny down here, though, because people are just like drunk on the street like totally wasted like homeless people like drinking shampoo and tom dustin will be like he's got the keys disease and it's like no he just has crippling alcoholism quit calling it keys it's a look it's a cute nickname it's a local thing

yeah locals only we all have cirrhosis that's our thing shit so good time charlie yes he's uh people are keep breaking him off pieces of square grouper do you know about square grouper no it's when they find floating packages of either marijuana heroin or cocaine in the ocean. Oh. Because that's how they smuggle drugs. They just leave these big buoys encased in kilos of Coke. So people are always finding Square Grouper, like these commercial fishermen,

and then they bring them back and they break off a corner for Good Time Charlie because he's dying slowly and painfully. So he always has this just like a plus fish scale coke and he's always offering it to me at the club and i'm like no charlie i don't want to have a good time tonight but he used to be a lawyer so i had him look at this contract that i have because i have the you know when they sign the contract and then they rip it off and they give you the pink sheet yeah Yeah. So, Good Time Charlie wants to give me 500 bucks for this bicycle, cause he

says that it's a bulletproof case, and no court in the land could convict me of theft. So, I'm thinking about fucking selling this bike to Good Time Charlie for half a band. The electric bike that you somehow own now? Yeah. Yeah, cause he said that I don't have to turn it in.

Everything on the contract that I signed, no part of it says that I have to give it back because I didn't check two boxes because the Cuban guy was watching Turtle Smash. So you loophole own a bike now. Yeah, because I didn't want to be held culpable and I knew that the guy can't read, so I was like, this is perfect.

He's fucking swamped and right before me there was a black bachelorette party and behind me there was like a Latina bachelorette party and they're all trying to rent golf carts so he was just like ripping his fucking payludo out

he was having the worst time and I was like hey man I rented online can I get my bike? And he's like, hey, hold on, viva la raza. You know how they are. What? I'm down here with the Cubans and I'm a quarter Mexican. I connect with these people.

Alright? You're part Goombay. Oh, I think I'm 75% Goombay and 25% Mexican. You should see Mario's just jumping on everyone's head over there. 5% burnt ends. Goombe, Goombe. Dude, I have so many burnt ends in me.

I was in bed last night, and I passed out, and then I woke up, and there was a burnt end right here in my neck fold. I woke up and was like, oh, hell, I ate it and then went back to bed. I mean, it's been decadent in here because I haven't been drinking because I was sick for the last three days. So it's just been like meat. And I ate like a fucking jar of whipped cream last night at the comedy club.

They have homemade whipped cream in there and I was just housing it in the back. It's a nice time. Sounds delicious. But yeah, Charlie says I don't have to turn this bike in oh yeah he wants to buy it yeah I think I'm gonna I think I'm gonna sell it to him maybe maybe cut him cut him a deal I guess that probably is a deal. It's probably like two grand. The bike, it says on the contract that I have, it says that I would be held culpable for $1,500 if the bike is stolen. Yeah.

But again, I did not check that box. Yeah, hell yeah. You're a lethal genius. Yeah, so I think I'm going to go into like law. You start grifting. No, that's just a grift. Just a sleight of hand. You check all all the other boxes you get a little smudge on the box that says i'll pay money it's just burn end grease some people called the bill of rights a grip you know what those people were called treasonous i'm a patriot yeah Trader Joe's that sounds like a slur

uh yeah it was a it was a fun show last night for sure uh everybody getting dumped on their head uh what else

that was at the comedy lounge no that's tonight last night was literally brain laughs oh yeah the last one. Little show called Lucha Libre and Laughs. Sold out. All the shows have sold out this year, which is sick. Nice.

A lot of people left wondering, what happened to the show that I loved? When it was just me and you before fucking Mitch came in trying to rip the bark off every tree and, you know, be the guy at the end of The NeverEnding Story. The wolf? I don't know. I've never seen The NeverEnding Story, but Tom Dustin keeps telling me he's falling asleep to The NeverEnding Story every night because his girlfriend's out of town. I'm like, what is that supposed to mean? I've seen a lot of cool cans down here, let me tell you.

Bros, I don't want to oversell this, but it is Fantasy Fest kickoff weekend. The chicks are walking around either in pasties or they got a lion's face painted on their goombas. And people are just walking around the street with their tits out yelling Goombe Goombe and the burn ends are free. I mean, why would I leave? Why would I leave this place? Sounds pretty magic. There's a half-dead man trying to help me scam

a bike rental company while offering me pure cocaine. What's left for me anywhere else? It's everything I've ever wanted. You're going to leave there and move to La Junta. Yeah, I know. The opposite of Key West. Judy Bloom owns the bookstore here.

You can walk in there and talk shit with her about people who don't read Raymond Carver. It's awesome. What? She's hanging out? You've talked to her? She lurks. Yeah, I've talked to Judy every damn day.

That's cool. I go and I say, what's up, Jude? You feeling rude? Then she goes like this. Oh, oh, talked to Judy every damn day. That's cool. I go and I say, what's up, Jude? You feeling rude? Then she goes like this. Oh, oh, oh. We have a little dance. She does the worm. Well, she calls it the caterpillar because she just lays on her side and kind of...

She's very sick as well. Everyone here is either very sick or has really sick tits. I'll tell you what the people don't have down here, breast cancer. Because, God, they're swinging. Also, the dudes, there's a whole bunch of homos, and they're keeping the streets lit with a festive love. It's awesome. They're walking around, walking up to people.

I saw three guys last night walk up to this dude who had a, he was this big black dude with the monster cock visible in his bike shorts and they just walk up to him and he like gives him the head nod and then they just grab his dick and like wrench on it this little chinese guy took his dick with two hands and was like playing with it like salami they're just on the street in front of a walgreens salami yeah this place is fucking decadent and depraved man was that where the the whole boat captain drunk ass show was or was that uh somewhere else in florida that was key west yeah all the ship captains i've ever done yeah just uh yeah yes yeah emily heckling me the owner of the comedy club screaming, just tell a joke, Sam. Just tell a joke.

What was Emily was telling you to stop talking to a pregnant woman about her rights or something? I asked a woman if she'd ever been pregnant and someone in the crowd yells out, don't ask her. Nothing gives you the right to ask her that. And I look into the crowd as I'm like punch drunk and weary. I'm like, what's going on? Because I was all tanked from this like sunset boat ride where we drank nine bottles of wine in an hour. So I'm on stage. I'm like punch drunk and weary I'm like what's going on because I was all tanked from this like sunset boat ride where we drink nine bottles of wine in an hour so I'm on stage I'm terrible

two rival boat crews both turn on me because I kick one of their captains out and they have some kind of like maritime allegiance that bonds them against any enemy to the vessel and I'm like struggling I'm eating my ass I'm wearing so much of it that they have to give me the patent on how to put it on and then in the crowd somewhere someone yells out you can't ask her that and

it's my fucking wife oh my god so bad but the shows here have been great i love it here uh last night stop eating the burn in front row you quit burping i'll quit munching oh yeah somebody blasted me because after all that burping i shamed becker for uh not muting when he lit that torch and and ripped the the bong and uh they were right yeah dude it's very gross i should have muted 13 times what you're doing is is despicable what i what i was doing was. Someone made a super cut of you burping. No, dude, there was nothing natural about it. It's number eight.

That was the human equivalent of fracking. My burping is number eight. You were fracking your own guts. On the Billboard Hot 100. What were you going to say about the show last night? How nasty can one name be? Somebody had him. Oh, people are having him all the time.

A lot of tube tops. I just want to run up to someone and yank them. Last night at the show, I think you were going to say. Oh, last night at the show, the guy in the front row looked like Santa Claus. He was awesome. He gave me his card. Key West Santa. I walked on stage and was like, oh, look, Santa's here.

He came to Fantasy Fest to empty his sack. The crowd loses their mind. And then I hear in the back what sounds like a baby crying. I'm like, what the fuck's that? Six-month-old in the crowd. Six-month-old Tate Tyler Vanderwest is there, along with his grandparents, his mom and dad, and their entire family. They brought a fucking baby to the comedy show. So what does the dog do?

He bites. And I let that baby have it for about 45 minutes. I called him a date rapist. I said he had the name of a lacrosse-playing date rapist. I asked the mom if I could breastfeed a lot. I asked the grandma if I could breastfeed. Santa Claus was wearing a hilarious hat and I kept being like fill up his hat fill up his hat with tit milk

the crowd was into it that family was not into it wait the name of the baby was Tate Tyler Vanderwick or the father Tate Tyler Vanderwest no that was the baby's name. Okay.

I kept saying, hey, let me hold that baby and then I'll sit on Santa's lap. I sat on Santa's lap for a little bit without the baby. I mean, it was a freewheeling, funky, good time. I was all fucked up on cough medicine. It was nuts. Oh, yeah. You said you've been sick. That's not fun.

That sucks. Yeah, but I was blasted on DXM and homemade whipped cream. So I'm sitting on this old man's lap. His legs are shaking. Turns out that he's wearing a megalodon tooth around his neck because he owns shipwreck coins, Greek Roman coins, megalodon shark, and dinosaur fossils. He's R&D Rarities.

I want to give a shout out to R&D Rarities of Sturgis, South Dakota, Bowman, North Dakota, and Dickinson, North Dakota. Go in, ask for Dennis or his wife, Roberta, and they will show you a funky good time. He's crippling this old fat man. It was awesome. God. I kept putting his hat on, and then I put it on his wife. I mean, none of this really translates unless you were there, but between talking to a man who looked like Santa and being rude to a baby,

God, this is as good as comedy can be for me. Well, yeah, you were working the room. Nothing was off limits, not even a little baby no did you have to work the room down here because it's a fucking cruise ship it's these crowds are some of the dumbest people that are still alive i mean at the door they should check and do some kind of test where they're like hey okay so when your mouth is closed do you swallow your tongue or do you leave it out of your throat? Okay, you leave it out? You can come in.

Or just a square block, and then they have to put it into the square hole to get in. Yeah, exactly. If they have any trouble, then they just throw some change into the streets and clock the door. Yeah. I mean, six-month-old Tate actually raised the streets and clock the door. Yeah.

I mean, six-month-old Tate actually raised the collective IQ of the crowd last night. I mean, Santa's a treasure hunter who prospects in Alaska three months of the year, so he's cool. And his wife used to have him, but I think they were taped down or something. But, yeah, these people are just... Back in the day, and we don't really use this phrase anymore, but there was a word we used to use. It started with an R and ended with a D. And I'm not talking about research and development.

Yeah, so it is just... The CIA is recruiting down there. The spy is giving them... No, no, no, It's not even the CIA. It's like... I'm trying to think of the worst spy agency in the history of the world. We only know about the good ones. KGB.

Mossad. CBD. Wu-Tang. Wu-Tang? I didn't know they were spies. Oh, yeah, they were deep state. They were sent to destabilize the Uyghur population. More W-U-T-A-W.

Becker, beep that. No, then they'll think it's the other one. Yeah, that's true. You mean the perfect crime? Thank you. Just bleep the first letter, Becker. Oh, I know. That's all I ask.

I think we leave it unbleached. Leave them guessing. No. I don't think that's right. Yeah, that's a dangerous game. I don't think... Well, can you superimpose a different word over it? Like toucan or parrot?

Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Have a little fun with it, Becker. Freak it out. Deep fry it, as we call it in the community. So anyway, I'm having the time of my life down here. I never want to leave. Charleston sold out.

Some guy hit me up. You love it because you're the smartest man by a thousand miles. In the land of the spies, the half-tard is king. Yeah, I mean, I'm fucking Mungo Jerry down here, man. Yeah, but mean, I'm fucking Mungo Jerry down here, man. Yeah, but these people are incredibly stupid.

I'm probably up $30. I'm up like... Some lady gave me the wrong change on a plantain plate, so I got an extra $10. Last night, a guy at a bar, I bought a round for everyone, and he forgot to charge me and just walked away, so that was probably like thirty bucks. And then between me and near-dead Charlie, I'm gonna leave here like up six hundred

bones. That rules. Yeah, this bike scam is really gonna fucking carry me. I think Lund passed away. Sorry, I'm just getting into grifting. I'm pouring more coffee. Oh, shit. Lund's dead. Do you have coffee in bed?

You tell me. Check this out. Oh. Britta? I don't know her name, but she's a nice lady and she fills up my water jug every morning. What were you going to say about Charleston? The guy hit you up? water jug every morning.

What were you going to say about Charleston? The guy hit you up? This dude hit me up. And he was like, hey, I'm making you a care package. I made Shane Gillis a care package and it was all skull. What do you want in yours? And I said, surprise me. Then he sent me a picture of a giant bottle of Percocet

and he said, bet, fam. And I was like, okay, okay well we'll see how this goes yeah maybe I can get all strung out on perks while I'm up there oh wait this might be the best week of my life when uh I was trying to find the acid that Aaron Scarborough gave me and then I haven't been able to so I'm hoping it's at home. But I was looking through my shit, and I found a bunch of little white bars. I got a bunch of Xanax off of you, didn't I? Or off of somebody you know about it. I let you hold those Xanax, and I wanted you to give them back to me immediately.

So Xanax or Adderall? Adderall doesn't come in bars, right? If it's a bar, I think that was when I was like flying to a different country and I didn't want to bring a bunch of class one narcotics. So I was like, here, take these, Nathan. Keep them away from George Michael unless you want him to be the chillest

puppy in Trinidad. Good times, George. Okay, so yeah. I think that's right. I forgot about them which is I'm getting annoyed at myself

for not knowing what drugs I have and I want to Yeah. Bring them with you man. I got to fly to fucking Berlin after I leave Tampa

so I'll eat those. No. I want them. If I survive the Percocet this kid's going to get Yeah. Yeah. Take the Percs.

Percs don't put me to sleep. They just put me in some kind of goo-goo cluster. They make me a real marshmallow man. Becker lit up. It was Burn Ends. He perked up, and then he went to sleep until he heard about Percs, and then he was like, huh? Well, no, he came back alive for when I have a minor fraud scam going

he liked that too turtles fucking actually this might be his favorite episode ever I've talked about turtles I've talked about mutants I can talk about teenagers if you want I saw a guy wearing a gi so there's your ninja wow it's everything you want

dude the streets here after midnight are just like the Spy Academy exploded and everyone got a new costume. Burn it! He muted himself so that he can puke. That was a quick mute job. I'm so sick.

You still feel like shit? Oh, I'm good. you still feel like shit oh I'm good you still feel bad hello son of a bitch oh no okay can you hear me yes

can you hear me okay yeah so I sound okay I had to move yeah you sound fine. You do sound fine.

What? Because outside, someone in a food truck ran into a power pole, and now I am on my iPhone's hotspot Wi-Fi, because the Wi-Fi went down in here, and the lights went off in the kitchen. God damn it, Goombay. Goombay has turned on me. Oh, no. Yeah, someone's all hopped up on plantanos. Do you have...

You're in a different hotel room, or you're in a different room of an Airbnb or condo or whatever? I'm in my Airbnb bedroom now, because outside there's a bunch of people screaming out in front of that window I was at and there's like there was like almost a fist fight of some kind I don't know

I was frantically trying to do this but now I'm logged back on to my iPhone's hotspot so hopefully that can carry us for the next however long we have to do this for we have another hour I like talking to you guys that's not the issue I just want to get down to the beach man overlong where you have to do this for. We have another hour. Okay. That's okay. I like talking to you guys.

That's not the issue. I just want to get down to the beach, man. Did you go yesterday? Oh, I've been every day. It's been great. You had shows Wednesday, Thursday? And Friday and Saturday. Today's Saturday.

Right. I knew you had one last night. Yeah. I knew you got in on wednesday but i was not sure if you had wednesday show yeah show wednesday i've had an electric bicycle uh like i said and now i have it forever unless good time charlie really signs the check over but uh yeah dude so i've just been i rode all the way around this island on thursday that was sick it's like 30 miles on the electric bike riding Riding an electric bike rules because I

feel on an electric bike the same way most people feel on a normal bicycle. I'm like, oh wow, this is so easy and free. Look at me go. I'm cruising. I had to I rode Megan's electric trike to and from work on Wednesday

because I was getting my car worked on by Chubby Chaser Matt, Matt Duran. Shout out, Matt, for giving me some brakes and some spark plugs. Did he put them in for you? Yes, because I'm an artist. I don't know how cars work, but he does.

Yeah, you keep calling them vroom vroom boxes. Go go, go go machines. They make me go. I wish I could point this laptop camera at the scene out in front of the condo right now. Give it to us. It's people from hot pepper

cultures just yelling at each other in different styles and rhythms. and it is quite fun to watch don't say rhythms it's not the rhythm of the night it's the rhythm of the day right now and they are playing the orchestra of swears outside it was very fun, especially to ride to work because it was still light out and I went through the boulevard loop. And the trike sits pretty high, so you kind of feel like you're in a car almost. And it was a good time. And then, for some reason, nothing out of the ordinary, no weird change in the shift or anything.

But at the end of working Wednesday, my thighs were so chafed, I could barely walk. And so there was no pedaling on the electric trike on the way home. It was all trike. It was all vroom vroom. Yeah, so does it have that thing on the handlebar

where you can press it and it just moves the bike for you? Yeah, a little throttle. Dude, is that what that's called? Uh-huh. Yeah. I call it the Mas Rapido lever because that's how the guy that gave me the bike described it. Mas Rapido? Mas Rapido?

And I was like, oh yeah, yo se, yo se. You're going to use your Spanish down here. Yeah. It actually comes in quite handy, to tell you the truth i bet do you know how fast you're able to go oh yeah the fastest i went on that thing was 21 miles per hour whoa yeah i was topping out helmet 13 wait that's a tricycle there's one more wheel to get power to i'm on just fucking dose wheelos and i'm cranking it i cranked it over a bridge so fast

i was like i might die on here because they gave me a helmet but i don't want to be called a maricone so i haven't been wearing it last night last night two fun things or this was two nights ago uh we we hang out at this gay bar because miller lights are three bucks and i'm trying not to drink because i've been sick but there's just all these studs behind the bar they all have different like weird eastern european accents that's the bar where i saw the uh the guy get honked that big black guy get honked by the chinese fella so we're hanging out there it's me tom dustin james patterson this lady mic So we're hanging out there. It's me, Tom Dustin, James Patterson, this lady Micah who's hanging out with James.

And this dude flags down a car. He gets out of an Uber and he runs up to these police and he's talking to them. And then they walk up to the window and they have this very curt conversation with the driver. And then the driver drives away. And then I hear him walk back into the bar. And he says, he thought that I didn't speak Spanish, but I do.

And I might be Americone, but he can't call me that. And the whole room went crazy. It was awesome. They really rose up. That's cool, yeah. Street justice. Street justice, yeah. that's cool yeah street justice street justice yeah so that was fun to see the boys get behind another one of their own and then also last night i was or no two nights ago sorry it's been a fucking fever dream down here i went to get a slice of pizza and this chick walks in she's

bleary-eyed she's wasted and uh we start talking and we're talking about what slices they have available and i'm like i think it's buffalo chicken blah blah blah and then she said something about like pirates and i said avast g matey i don't want to wait anymore for my pizza and like winked at her and she said you're a curious fellow and i went i laughed i fucking lost it it's a curious fellow and she's like oh you like that did you and I went yeah it's very funny and she said yeah it was and then she walked out so that was I got described I got described perfectly as a curious fellow nice I moved the mic away it shouldn't have picked up much at all.

Your burps break all rules of microphone acoustics. Yeah, you're so worried about your burps. You're so worried about your burps, you don't... Yes, and my cool stories. That is funny. Well, it made me think of times when... It's funny, he says. Thank you. What do you want me to do?

I don't know. Take an improv class? With your sausage pizza in your hands. Ah, yes, the vast sea of cough syrup and goombay has taken me. Is this good? Is this good team play? It's better than, oh, I picked up my burp. That's crazy.

It's crazy that the microphone that's programmed to get all sound within six feet of it picked up my burp.'s crazy crazy that the microphone is programmed to get all sound within six feet of it picked up my burp wow i forgot everybody that interacts with you usually sucks your dick and yes ands you and says your book was great and i try to keep it moving listen in a conversation that's what they do this man let's do more about the pizza i was in a pizza place once and the lady was like hey you look like a hell of a specimen. I'd like to put you under a microscope. Who cares? You said something, now I said something.

Keep it moving. Hey, it's me, Nathan Long. Remember me from Men in Black? That's what you look like. Sugar. That's what you look like when you wake up. I'm Nathan. I burp.

I'm going to send you some fucking greatest hits of Whose Line Is It Anyway and I want you to study Wayne Brady and Ryan Sties I've watched most of those I was a Clive Anderson guy before Drew Carey got involved No wonder you're wearing it on here today Clive Anderson only burped

I'm just saying I watched the old ones too I was a big fan You liked Clive and Drew Those were your two dudes I watched the old ones too. I was a big fan. You liked Clive and Drew. Those were your two dudes. I like the hosts. Yeah. They write the ship.

Speaking of pirates, they're the one. You're making a real mockery of this whole thing. A Colin mockery. Look, I'm Colin mockery. Look, I am big head. Hey, play off of this, Sam. I'm all head. Yeah, you are all head.

And you're all balls as well. Too bad that head doesn't have ears attached to it. Oh, God. Someone's jerking off to this right now. POV, I'm going down on you. Oh, God. And this is my face. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Don't stop. That's how I suck dick. Yeah. You probably have a dick in your mouth and you're like, Oh, I burped. I can't believe your dick felt that.

It's crazy. That's nuts that your dick could feel my burp. Now this is podcasting. This is what it's all about. This is why people pay us the big bucks. By the way, what should we do for when we hit 1,000 Patreon subscribers? Stop doing the podcast. Yeah, let's just... Hey, you know what? We had a good subscribers. Stop doing the podcast. Yeah, let's just...

Hey, you know what? We had a good run. Thanks for the cash. Please do not... If you want to quit doing the podcast, I can start up my passion project. Which is? Turtle Talk with Sam T.

And the T stands for turtle. Slime time. I'm going to introduce... Yeah, I want to interview different turtles and uh interview different slime enthusiasts as we call them the goo crew what about so seven relapses was it 500 we got the tattoo 500 i don't remember but we're like a thousand we get a thousandbray piercings. A thousand, we get the

Lebray piercing with two with the curved spike like Dave Draymond from Disturbed. We do the Disturbed piercing. Yeah, and you know what I'll do? That would suck so bad. So you get that.

We're together doing weekends and we both have Draymond. Everybody loves Draymond. We both come out to down with the sickness. Yeah, not even two different Disturbs songs.

No, it's the one everybody knows. And then we make them all sing the entire song it plays the entire three minutes and 35 seconds of down with the sickness for the both beginning of both of our sets that would be huge you get the lebray i'm gonna get the uh i'm gonna do that thing where you cut your entire hair and you just leave the bangs that's what i'm gonna do god that would be so bad no you would hate that i don't you wouldn't you do care you would immediately care no that would be a bridge too far i'm gonna cut everything off behind this and then just leave this

just go full danzig now danzig at the grocery store Just go full Danzig now. Danzig at the grocery store. He didn't do that. That was Jerry, wasn't it? I don't remember. But yeah, you get the Lebray piercing. I'm going to go Jerry only fans.

And Becker, what's going to be your thing? Before you answer, channel mockery. Channel Brady. Harness the power of the ancients who came before. And, dare I say, riff Becker. The choice is yours. What will Becker say? I could permanently commit to the haircut my mom hates.

No, that's not fair to your mom. Yeah, that's true. I'm actually doing this haircut to honor my mom hates. No, that's not fair to your mom. Yeah, that's true. I'm actually doing this haircut to honor my mom's memory. She lost the keys to my car yesterday and I considered cutting it like that before I go visit her for her birthday just as a petty revenge. That could kill her.

Yeah, one day she's going to be dead. I know, she's dropping car keys while shopping now she's close to death she can't keep track of her own belongings one's getting the Draymond I'm getting the nasty

personality boy what are you gonna do Becker Becker said he'll drink a bottle of scissor so you're gonna party we're gonna look dumb as hell and you're gonna have a real fun night and go to bed early yeah but if it goes wrong I could have a real unfun

five years again no you're not gonna slip back into the sweet sweet glove that was the best time anyone ever had oh wait we never go ahead well we never got becker's perspective

of skank fest when he almost went on stage and tried to like demand that you be introduced becker what the fuck i don't i don't remember you blacked out yeah after i took the edibles i got sick and then i just went I was gone nothing existed I was goombay after the liquid THC went in my which I didn't even remember that when I woke up in the morning I was like how did I go from like drunk but with

it to completely not even a little bit of slide I was immediately gone that picture of you that faces of death-esque picture of you, that Carlo sent me from your hotel. Rotten.com homepage. Yeah.

Oh, that was rough. Yeah, that fucking deleted scene from a Serbian film. You looked every ounce of that. I was waiting to go on stage at Stuff Island to get my hair cut, and you're like, Bobby Kelly's been up there long enough. I'm going to go out there and say, bring him on, bring him on. And I was like, bro, get away from this fucking curtain. What are you doing?

At one point, you had your arm around Toby McMullen from RU Garbage and Sean Gardini in the green room, and you said, we got the best job in the world, fellas. We do. I know, but they're on a whole different level. They're printing money. Sean and I are angry about all the same things, though. What? You have

one tyrant who's ascending too fast, and another guy who has far-out ideas. Alright? Yeah, I get it. I understand. You're in a very comparable situation. Lungs in an interracial marriage as well the uh yeah the the edibles buried me that was the worst decision you were so fucked up and

you know what the deal was we had that suite at the aria where we got free drinks all day and you were really hammering cold beers and you're not a big cold beer pig typically you don't really wallow in those waters but you were slurping them down to impress all the new cool guys and it was fun and and i was done like i actually had a day where i didn't have to do anything yeah i was like excited yeah i've never seen it i've never seen it in you before no i think i had 20 tall boys and six bud lights yeah i mean you i that sounds hyperbolic because uh you know you usually uh stretch the truth but i think you probably had

at least 20 beers i saw him probably have 20 beers over the course of that day yeah yeah did you know when becker you know when becker's feeling himself and he gets all cocky and he starts walking around like fucking bluto with his arms to the side he has that weird thing where like his elbows bend out kind of like some kind of anime superhero yeah dude your pants your shorts are all hiked up hike tall and your shirt isn't long enough to like go as low as it should because you kind of have a gut fat dude you looked ridiculous and people kept being like who's that guy and i was like like, he's mine. That's my boy. Leave my boy be.

That's my boy over there. It was rough. But I was holding on. I was drunk. You sack tapped Kim Congdon. She doesn't have balls. You said, what's in there? That didn't happen. Yeah.

No way. Uh-huh. Even drunk, I know that she was practicing would whip my ass. Yeah, dude, you were a handful that last day. Yeah, especially like the last fucking hour. Yeah, you were like, Bobby's got to get out of here. And then Carlos at one point just... Like you were stage manager?

Yeah, like you had a lanyard. I have no recollection of that. My last recollection is like talking with ran as easy okay so again that's insane what did you say to ran as easy we were talking about shoes and then i was like dude i'm just trying to i'm trying to find the bathroom because that's when the downward spiral had started but then everything went away you're like hey ran as easy i'm trying to find the bathroom give me your shoes he was sitting there with like his open your mouth looking at his phone i didn't

know it was him and then he was like oh hey nice shoes and i was like you two cool wizards where's the bathroom oh god no wonder he won't come on this podcast that's it yeah that was rough the edibles were the worst decision i've made in a very very long time you were gorko man well how were what were the was do you know what the milligrams were or yeah i had two gummies that were 10 a piece and that might have been that probably would have ended my night but i don't know if I would have gone Gorko. But then we poured a bunch of liquid THC into my last beer. Yeah, we did do that. And I think that drove the train off the cliff.

Yeah. Why would the... Oh, you're saying because you drank so much. 20 milligrams of weed would have done the trick. Yeah, Becker poured that liquid syrup into his beer, and then he went, Next stop, hell! And then he went, next stop, hell. And then he chugged it. I mean, it's crazy.

When Carlos does anything, like when he emotes at all, Carlos came in and he went. And I was like, oh, no, Carlos is freaking out. Both his eyebrows are raised. Oh, oh, oh, way. Very accurate. Carlos is freaking out. Both his eyebrows are raised. Oh. Oh. Oh, way. Very accurate. We need to get rid of him, man.

It was an unholy miracle that I wasn't too sick to fly. I don't know how I was in a hangover mess. I was fine. I'm glad you didn't give fucking Rebecca Tran a titty twister. You were really a liability back there. Oh, no. You took Sam Hyde's cowboy hat and you put it on your head. Rebecca Tran a titty twister. You were really a liability back there. Oh, no. You took Sam Hite's cowboy hat and you put it on your head. Really?

No. He would have bounded you. He would have killed you. I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you kept him from going on stage just because it could have been bad. He would have felt like a dick. But what if you would have let him go out there? It could have been a magical memory. Well, honestly, we could have a thousand Patreon subscribers right now.

Becker gets his own podcast. He gets offers. This guy's a star. Bobby Kelly takes him on the road Becker kept going up to Bobby Kelly and being like remember when you wanted to put our show on your network and I was like what's he talking about this is a lie and then Bobby

remembered it somehow and I was like oh Jesus alright good Becker's not insane you should do that thing with nadav where you and him just have a podcast about producing podcasts you can produce his podcast producing podcast maybe you'll learn something yeah that we need to get you better equipment that is our biggest hurdle is the equipment well why don't you quit buying fancy shoes and fucking buy me something cool okay when's the last time you guys bought me a gift i'm buying you guys gifts all the time Well, why don't you quit buying fancy shoes and fucking buy me something cool? Okay.

When's the last time you guys bought me a gift? I'm buying you guys gifts all the time. I bought you a gift recently. What was it? It's a secret till you get it. So you didn't buy me anything, and now you're going to figure out something to get me. Well, give it to Lund, and he can bring it to Tampa Bay, because we're at Sidesplitters next weekend, baby. Charleston sold out.

Come on down to Sidesplitters in Tampa Bay and see me and the one known as Lund. Hell yeah. I'm excited for Tampa. Me too. Emily's going to be there. I've been to Orlando. I've been to Daytona. I've been to Pensacola. But I have not been to the Bay of Tampa.

Maybe there's Goombay. Maybe they have a Goombay festival that goes from Key West up to Tampa. Well, dude, the Goombay's inside of you. Bro, I wish I was here next weekend for this fucking fantasy festival week. It's going to be crazy. Sunday they have a zombie bike ride where everyone's topless and painted like ghouls, and that kicks off the whole fantasy fest officially. Everyone's topless and painted like ghouls.

And that kicks off the whole fantasy fest officially. And then I guess next week is just fishnets, body paint, laying in the trough. Just good old-fashioned fun. Fuck yeah. Everything's a glory hole. If you put your dick in a fucking post office box, you're going to get sucked off. Some guy's going to be like, I can't believe your dick felt my burp god damn it was that you

calling back to when we were at the Wrangler and we discovered that sometimes guys get in the trough oh dude no that's just a thing that some gay dudes like I guess they do it down here there's a big trough in that gay bar that we've been frequenting for no reason no crazy reason you've

been peeing on dudes no i'm just saying that there's a troth in there i don't use the troth because i'm not a debauched deviant i just piss on the ground i just go underneath my shirt standing yeah no one knows oh so uh i forgot about this part of a story that landon and katie erdwell landon remembered because he was there but remember when i told you about catalina well catalina i got into a fight with my girlfriend jessica with your stepbrother where the moon saved it at the wine mixer. Yeah, I got it. We went to...

I knew we were going to break up. She might have dumped me in Catalina. So on the bus ride back to Vegas. Done me? How's it going to be? Did you say she might have done me? Dumped. Oh, okay. That's better.

Alright, good. There was no doing it after I pissed her off. Well, Landon remembered part of the story that I did not, which was, you know, we were out there with our biology class. We did like a whale, you know, whale watching boat ride. And then there was snorkeling and scuba diving. there was snorkeling and scuba diving. Well, I've completely forgot this, but Landon said that when we got into our wetsuits,

the instructor was like, hey, make sure you pee before you get into this thing because you can't pee in it. It's too tight. It's all sealed up. Well, Jessica, while we were in the water, she had to pee, and she peed, and it went all over the wetsuit, and so she felt it warm all over her, but then eventually it worked its way out through the head hole. She just had her piss come out all around her face, and I don't remember it, but I think we all made fun of her for having piss all over herself

and that was like strike one and two and then the moon was strike three you're out of here so I don't remember that but it was fucking crazy to imagine it just like working its way out the only hole that there was

which was around her head yeah she had a golden just like working its way out the only hole that there was, which was around her head. Yeah, she had a golden halo is what we call that in the diving community. That's called a diver's yellow bell. I think we have an ad read we have to do. Becker, pull it up. Go ahead, Lunt. You can keep talking while Becker opens the ad read.

Well, I also forgot that a highlight of the trip was encountering sea cucumbers, which just look like a wad of slime, you know? Yeah, yeah. If you, like, jerk them off, right? And they spew? Yeah, you can jack them. Yeah, dude. Yeah, so we're all in high school. That was like that Chinese guy last night at the gay bar. Yeah, that's just like the epitome of comedy is just being able to jack off a sea creature until it juices.

Yeah, it was a hell of a trip. Isn't the juice delicious? I couldn't tell you. I wasn't in my jizz drinking phase just yet. I just know that I can't wait to get to the club and eat some more whipped cream.

You sold it out. I'm sure you didn't leave some for tonight. They make more every day because it's a coffee shop in the daytime. They do. Oh, shit. The perfect crime. No. I think that I...

I need to take a shower after that one. You shit your pants? No. The jury's out. They're gonna be coming back quick. He's guilty. Right now it's Schrodinger's pants. So we'll see.

If I never check, the turd is not alive or dead. Your pants are pristine until you look. Hit me with an ad read. I'm ready. It's so hot in this room. What do you mean? Send it to us. No, no. Let him read it. Let Becker do the reading.

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if you have an eating disorder, you can check a box and Factor will just send you empty containers. You can say you ate whatever you want and Factor will help you by having something in the garbage. Yeah. I did eat. I ate a bunch of stuff. Then I went on a hundred mile run. Yeah, I ate a bunch of crap. Leave me alone.

I had the cranberry walnut pork chop. Yeah. I had the 10.5 pounds of burnt ends bag. They give you a little spray that you can spray into the air so that it smells like you cooked something. The perfect crime. Thanks, Factor.

You're 75 pounds. You're like good good time, Charlie. I've never felt better. Then you pass away. Gilda Radner loves Factor. Factor. Fuck.

Sorry, Gilda Radner. Head to factormeals.com slash chubby50 and use code chubby50 to get 50% off. That's code chubby, C-H-U-B-B-Y, 5-0, at factormeals.com slash chubby50 to get 50% off. Come see me in Tampa Bay with Lund this following weekend, October 26th, 27th, 28th. And then I'm coming over there to see you, Europe. I'll be in Stockholm at Big Ben Comedy Thursday, November 1st, I think. Then Tallinn, Estonia.

Tortu, Estonia. Budapest, Bratislava, Vienna, Prague, London, November 17th. For the love of God, get those tickets. And then Denver. Hey, come see me in London Comedy Works Thanksgiving weekend. That'll be very nice. Followed by, I think, Cincinnati, Louisville, Lexington, Madison, Wisconsin. Come on out. See a big old OG. Join the Patreon. Lund, what's up with your monkey butt? I'm going from Tampa to Pittsburgh. I'll be at Kingfly

Spirits Sunday the 29th. I'm doing a Don't Tell somewhere in Pittsburgh on Friday, November 3rd. I'm also going to be doing a show in, fuck, somewhere in West Virginia. What is the name of the show? Give me. I don't know. It's through Cody Canyon. Morgantown. That's right. 123 Pleasant.

Yeah. That show rules. Wait, you're going to be in West Virginia and Pittsburgh for a whole week? Yeah. Three shows. So I'm going to be doing a lot of sightseeing. I'm going to do some mics. Yeah, you're going to be there for seven days?

Six. I don't know. Sunday through Friday. Holy cow. And then you're coming over to Dublin? Creature's going to kill you. No, I go home for like two days sick all right yeah creature's gonna be pissed oh god yeah and then you're gonna be with me for thanksgiving in denver yeah yeah and then you leave the next week to go to Lexington, Louisville, Columbus, Cincinnati Whoa

It's called Deal With It, Creech Yeah, it's called The Dogs Are Dead And I'm not going to be on to bury them Holy shit Patreon.com slash Chevy Behemoth Get over a million new episodes You haven't heard before There's a million episodes on there

It's crazy that there's a million episodes A million hours of our. It's crazy that there's a million episodes. A million hours of our lives. It's nuts. We've covered it all. Yep. From the birth of the automobile to rocket ships to North Korea and South Korea splitting. We've been doing this podcast

for over a hundred years now. And I really gotta go check my shorts to see if Santa came early. Does it rain? Oh, it's bad. Please join the Patreon. I got to... This sucks.

We got to go. Stop the recording.