Chubby Behemoth - James Head

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

SPONSORS: Mint Mobile: Support the show and get your new 3-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15/month. Head to https://www.mintmobile.com/CHUBBY   The Author Show: https://www.youtube.com/@theauthorshow   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys meet a new friend. No one can tell him no. Sam threw a cat once, was the least impressive Kemper, and did out the window bits. Who’s Thirsty?! Nathan clocked a character actor, thought it was Dad Bonzo, and had a creepy Lincoln experience. Sophie rolled the ultimate Uber Dice. Guess who came to the show? The fellas remember elementary school presenters.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Oh man, I can't believe we're saying goodbye to this old house Bob Vila style We just wreck it. Yeah when we move out we're gonna burn it to the ground We have a background in demo Oh, Lund, you know we should do God forbid George Michael gets too sick to carry on but if he does you should insure him for a lot of money and too sick to carry on, but if he does, you should insure him for a lot of money and then we'll, you'll bring him over here and then the house will randomly catch fire and he'll die in there, like Viking style, you know, burnt alive, sent to Valhalla, but then we can cash that check because I can't insure this place. It's an Airbnb for my benefits against Larson,

but if your dog burnt alive into a tasty little marshmallow, then we could get like, you know, 3,500 or something. Yeah, but he's worthless. It's the issue we're not gonna. Yeah, we're not gonna get a sweet deal on insuring insuring an eleven and a half year old dog. Well, yeah, but if what if I went to the insurance agency and I said I'm James head, no one can tell me no hi. I'm James head. I have no arms or body or legs or feet. Welcome to heads up seven. Yeah, but even though my life is a curse and I wish I was dead all

the time, no one can tell me no. So ensure this dog or they're going to put me in its bowl and cover me in peanut butter. You just reminded me of a time when I spent the night at a ladies house. When you were just a head. I was just a head but I got the job done. Yeah it's easy. On the walk home while I was rolling home on my chin. Yeah. Army crawl. You were on the tech deck. With my sideburns. I passed this. Nice act out Becker. I passed this yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a yard with a He can't shit. And sure enough, he was trying to shit and, and, and was not. Yeah. So you locked eyes with a dog laying his last turd and then he passed away and then that dog soul went into your body. And that's why you love

dumping so much. Two souls. Yeah. That's why I like to eat trash. That's why I like to swallow chicken wing bones. Yeah. You like to do that. You like to, you like to go run around in the woods and get covered in ticks. Yeah, you like to do that. You like to, you like to go run around in the woods and get covered in ticks. Yeah, like to eat goose poop. Yeah, yeah. Mm hmm. You like to go to the lake and wakeboard in my wedding. I like to get swatted with a newspaper. I've never hit a dog, but I have thrown a cat across the room one time.

Was it hurting? It scared the shit out of me. Okay. I was like nodding off in Clay to Hans Cher. I was in like seventh grade and I catch him to my lap. I was like nodding off in Clay to Hans chair. I was in like seventh grade and he catch him to my lap and I was, and his little sister started crying. It was fine. The cat was fine, but I did like whip it. I didn't grab it by the tail and swinging over my head. I just like, you know, gave it the boot. Yeah. Get on out of here. Cat nose. Scaring any snoozes down here and played a haunt basement. Yeah, that's like the least Crazy thing you could do to a cat is give it a little toss. Oh, yeah, you can do so much bad stuff I would never hurt a cat or an animal. I might hurt you Lunt just emotionally

That's where I would never hurt you though, you're safe with me buddy. Thank you. Yes Hold on I'm pushing his head line it's a weird sensation it really sucks do it to me back there see what it's like pushed down. Hi, I'm James head. I'm here to talk to you about no damn it. Stop hitting me and I'm. I won't suck it, but no one can tell me no, but I can tell you no. Oh no. Where are we going? Where you're gonna? What am I doing this bag? Many just hear bowling balls hitting pins. No, no

James head professional bowling ball star of the Igbo classic. Yeah, he'd be a hit the Igbo. They'd pass him around like a jug at a Grateful Dead show. What is the acronym? International Gay Bowling Organization. Igbo sounds like a special ed kid Igbo International Gay Bowling Organization. Ah. Igbo sounds like a special ed kid. Igbo sounds like something we would call a freak on a bus. Just a head. It's Igbo, not James. Hi, I'm James Heddyby.

Igbo, Igbo. That's all you can say. No one can tell me no. I'm the one known as Igbo. Igbo. If Igbo jumped in my lap, I would have tossed him like that cat. If Igbo was on a shelf up I would have tossed him like that cat. If Igbo was on a shelf up there and just all of a sudden just kind of rolled off and landed I was over here snoozing off some fruit roll ups.

Ah! Igbo! No one can tell me no. I don't know why no one can tell him no, but I like that aspect of his character I mean isn't that kind of the underlying message with a lot of Being a heinous world. Yeah, I mean any like real heinous kind of predicament. Yeah Disability mm-hmm Underneath yeah is like you tell me no. I don't have any arms or legs. Yeah, I'm just a I'm just a torso Look, I came in the room and everyone said,

thank god I'm not that guy. And there's an asterisk next to the word guy in their brains. When I come in here on my penny board that I have to push with my tongue, everyone says, thank god that I'm not him. So hey, why don't you just yes and me? No one tell me no. If I want an ice cream cone, serve it to me.

You have to hold it. Actually, we're doing a fundraiser to get Igbo an ice cream cone holder on his skateboard. So he can be autonomous. Cup holder, yeah, put a cone in there. And then his chin just swells up because he doesn't have anywhere for the ice cream to go. So he's just bloated with ice cream

until he like throws it up. He has a valve in his throat and you just have to like burp him. Then all this food comes out and ruins his skateboard. It's like a soft serve faucet. You just turn it on. It goes out the neck. Close it up. Yep.

So that ants can't climb up into your brain. Uh huh. I'm uh, I'm Igbo aka James Head. Stage name Igbo. I'm withbo aka James Head. Stage name Igbo. I'm with 3 Arts. Did you get my writer? I'm reading for the Head Detective reboot. I'm reading for the role of the Terminator.

Well hey, James, we're just going to stop you right there. In this reality, in this gritty reboot. Terminator can be anyone. It can be a black woman. It can be an Asian man, but all it has to have his legs in a body. So sorry, I go. No crap. What is my manager? Keep sending me on these. What have I told you? I wanted the role. No one can tell me no and by that point he's just out the window and birds are pecking at him. You just leave him on the front seat like a pumpkin. Ah, ah,

Igbo says his stage name. You get thrown out the window. Is that what you say? Yeah, just put on the leg. The director is like, all right, enough out of you. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you no, but I am going it on the leg. The casting director is just like, all right, enough out of you. Yeah. I'm not gonna tell you no, but I am gonna put you outside. It's hot out there.

James Head, AKA Igbo, reading for the role of Scarlett Johansson. Before I get going, remember, no one can tell me no. I know, it's crazy. It's crazy life, but look at me. No, really look at me. No really look at me As you can tell I'm a hundred percent head

Yeah A lot of people you get looked at from head to toe peep me from forehead to chin Yes me to bring in a headshot and a full body shot. Guess what? I've I only had to print one copy. There's one piece of paper in this envelope But I am doing different characters in my various headshots. He's like a fire captain. He has the hat on. There's a dog, a dumbass who's licking his head. His body, excuse me.

Oh, sea captain. Put me in the crow's nest. He just has the hat and a pipe. Eye patch. Still, for some reason, he's doing black face. No one can tell him now. Makeup artists really testing testing that theory and also his love his tongue is black because he had to apply the shoe polish with his tongue to his face and he's like a giraffe he like had to adapt so his tongue's really long.

Hey, lady, the muscle in oh a lady casting agent. All right. I know I can get this role. You can hoist me hoist me. The unfurls his tongue like the constitution. No one can say no. You can't. You can write down the word now and show it to me though. I know shitty loophole, but we wanted the strike to end, didn't we everyone? That's why they struck. It was in the fine print, yeah.

So Igbo aka James Head. He had too much control over the industry with his no-no policy. Oh, for sure, You know, I mean, Slimer got that gritty reboot. He was the one in the suit. Slimer? Yeah, he played Slimer's body. Not the head. That was someone else. Yeah, that was his son. Andy Serkis. He gets all the good stuff. Yeah, Serkis. He took another job from me. James head. Andy, put this gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Remember,

no one can tell me no. He thinks it's mind control. It's just flimsy contract law. I'd much rather be just a head than just a body. Because the body can experience pleasure I'd much rather be just ahead than just a body. Yeah. Because the body can experience pleasure, but it can't decode it in its mind. No brain. No brain. No consciousness.

So it really doesn't count, right? I feel like a body knows right from wrong still. Without a brain. Yeah. I think the body is always trying to do right and look for like homeostasis, but the brain is what perverts that body's mission. Body's got to be primal, basic. If my hand found my ween and started to yank, my brain wouldn't say keep going. Dude, poor things. You just be jacking it. Not really a horny movie. Me and Emmy put it on thinking we were

gonna do a little mukbang afterward. But no, everyone went to bed hungry. Yeah. Okay, good. Cause I was thinking about watching it because you guys keep making it sound horny. Uh, you'd probably love it. Uh, it's everything you like. Okay. It's whimsical. It's fantastic. It's got a lady with a, you know, adult onset down syndrome. Just getting piped all the time and learning French. Awesome. Yeah. Wait, is there anything I like? They should do a reboot. That's Igbo and the girl from the curse. The poorest thing you can

imagine just ahead, just ahead, but he has a sexual awakening, but he doesn't have a penis. People are just using his head. They put little hats on it and spin him around till he throws up a camper style camp camp gets put on a lot of fireplaces and then gets darts thrown at him. What about Sean Kemper which is Ed Kemper but he can slam dunk 360. Yeah unstoppable. Uh-huh. No no co-ed would be safe. No yeah and Gary Payton would have someone to pass to again. Sean Kemper. This is the best part we've ever done. Bubble butt. He called himself bubble butt, is that right?

Bumble butt. Well, no, I think Henry Zembrowski called him that or something. I went as I'm Kemper to a last podcast on the last Halloween bacchanal in LA when we lived in Vegas. I was like, this is perfect. And then there was maybe 50 other ed Kempers there and they all looked cooler and like actually understood the assignment. What did you do? Mustache, mustache, the hair, wore like the shirt he wears in jail. But there were guys there who like looked exactly like him. Had their own mom's head. That's right. Yeah. With them. Well, Igbo got a lot of work that weekend. Because he got rented out by the hour. You gotta do drag I'm Kemper's mom. I

Told him no too many times. Look what happened. That was the origin of nobody could tell who tried to avoid another Kemper situation Hey, don't go full Kemper in here That Ben guy Ben Kissel went full Kemper on a couple of ladies, right? God, he was, he's big like Kemper that lady with the Hooters that someone decoded on the chub read it. I don't know if I saw Sarah Benakasa, I think was dating him really. Yeah. And allegedly he was the, she was the one that he intimidated physically. Oh no, yeah. I mean those things would drive me wild too. Drive me to the edge of myself. I'd go full Igbo, grease up the lane and fucking whip me at the pins.

What else could a head be? Flotation device? Dog psychic? Globe of course. Yes. He had to shave and bald bald yeah or just put your head in one of those globe mounts so we can spin you I'd love to put his little stump on a globe mountain photo and find Sri Lanka lantern lantern would be good he's put a candle in his mouth many unfurls his tongue if you need to see light further out he's toothless for sure Igbo has no teeth. Did he have them removed or did they go with the body? No, I think it's from climbing stairs Igbo was over here aka James head. No one can tell him no Man, our stairs are fucked fucked the hardwoods ruined do you want to tell

us about your you're having way more fun at the bottom of big go okay James don't call me Jimmy head hey I didn't I didn't say we were done with that segment but yeah maybe Igbo goes to the bay. Yeah, Igbo goes Hollywood. He's barking with the sea lions at the wharf. Yeah, Cobbs was sick. Cobbs is huge and I've never been in that room before and it was packed. And I had this guy, this lady Miriam, it was her first host weekend ever. So she was cute as a button talking about how great it was to work with one of her heroes and just like very positive and but before we came in like they had a big line around the block because this lady's and I was doing the early show and she had

she's a Muslim woman in America, so her crowd was very different than mine and I was like percent changeover Nobody had tickets to both. Well, the staff said that it was rough because no one was ordering drinks Because they were very pious not a lot of you who were you know based in their faith? Yeah, no liquor allowed. Yeah, and the fucking pork rinds didn't sell so but I like me and Sophie and Mel and another guy Walked by the by the line because I thought the show would

already be seated but it was late so I like walked by the line and there were it was San Francisco but it wasn't just San Francisco it was Bakersfield it was Turlock it was Stockton the boys and the gals drove in from all over middle California and there was a dude there who was six foot nine, um, Simone Kat had a face tattoo and uh, he like grabbed me and gave me a huge hug and was like, bro, I just ate so many mushrooms. I was like, okay. And then, oh yeah. And then he called the, I'm not going to remember any of that. Yeah. He called Mel shrimp guy and that was fun.

So we kept calling him shrimp guy all weekend. But anyway, I walked by and they're barking and they're like, they're in line. You know, there was a guy with a giant bong in line, like a six foot glass bong. Fuck yeah. It's like, what do you do? Buy a ticket for your bong? What are you going to do with that bong when you get to the door? Hit it.

Coat check. No, you're going to sit down and be like, oh, sorry. Hey, let me put my cell phone and keys in the bucket. Also my bong drinks free, right? Yeah, fill it with water. Yeah. So, yeah, put some twisted teas in there. But anyway, Miriam was like, how do you, how are your crowds? And I just remembered like, you know, how some of these monsters interact with people. It's like, and then I thought of the guy with the face tattoo who ate every

mushroom and he was literally in the fields eating off of turds after it rained and I was like oh they're they're good you know but she did a great job Kevin O'Shea did a guest set on each show old buddy Kevin O'Shea and then this guy Alfonso Peralta I forgot how much better it is to go up after a good comic how much better it is to go up after a good comic. I forgot how good it was to go back to his you could breathe up there just a competent professional doing good bit. You know, not talking about it is very a shirts that he wears

you're lashing out at Becker shirt humor. Well, yeah, I'm if I'm not having fun. Nobody's smoking weed on my watch No, dude, you were missed for sure. But um, I say hey something real or no. Yeah No, I was gonna say Alfonso did an excellent job, bro He reminded me of like when I saw canane at orange cat like for the first time like silly and like But you know from had a point of view, just he was really fucking good. There's not, not much thing. He's better than you, but I, we worked together every weekend so I hadn't seen someone do 25 minutes and it was just like, he was really good and he fit the vibe. He's like a drummer in a doom band from Stockton, Mexican guy. But

yeah, so he, I was like watching from the side of the room or from the hallway cause I get nervous and I have to watch the new guys, so we don't step on each other's shit. You know, yeah, and I was like laughing so hard. Yeah, it was good he was cool and then uh, I Fucking crushed it really laid it on the line. Yeah lady one show each night one show each night That's nice, but uh, you know sold I Didn't there wasn't the balcony wasn't, but we had over 300 each show and San Francisco of course was my home away from home coming up and stand up when Dave Borey started over there. But the lady Molly who books the punch line,

who like books the Sundays, like the open mic that we would all try to get on. She came over and introduced herself on Saturday and she was like, hi, I'm Molly. And I was like, I know. And she was like hi. I'm Molly and I was like I know and she's like Why how do you know me? I was like I? Was in your way a lot on Sundays You know I was one of the the hungry mouths begging to be fed back when David Bowie started baby bird So after the show though she came up to me at the merch table and Sophie was helping me sell merch but she comes up and she was like, um, like she was like confused.

I was like, fuck, I, you know, I say some stuff in my set that might go against the San Francisco vibe. So I was like ready for a tongue lashing, but then she was like, yeah, so I've, no one's ever killed that hard without the balcony full. And I was like Oh, that's that's great to hear. Thank you. And she was like Yeah And then she left she literally turned around like

Eating walk towards the sun walked backwards into traffic Yeah, no one's ever killed a woman. Like the woman at DIA when I said, what is, to her saying, this is ridiculous. Yeah. You, you turned her into a dog. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's great to hear. Thank you.

Yeah. And then just out the door, Sophie was like, who the fuck was that? I was like, can it feed us? Shut up. Sophie wore a ridiculous outfit, so people would come to the merch line, and I'd be like, is my sister, her eyes are up here. She was dumped.

My sister's over there dumped, and people come up, and I have the posters, and sometimes people think the posters are free. So they'll be like, oh, let me get one, dude, and I'll sign it, and then they try and walk away, and Sophie will be like, cash or credit bud. Just up their asses. It was awesome. I had to do that. Uh, not a lot, but a handful of times. I mean, I'll do it. I'll call them. Oh yeah. Great.

Right. Well, I don't know why you would think it was free. Well, also you've been in line. You've been waiting in line for like 20 minutes for the meet and greet and you saw everyone in front of you in line, me money or tap this thing yeah what were you doing we just with your eyes closed in the back of the line yeah I want to see how big he is but I want to be a surprise I wanted all to be fresh yeah this is their time they're like this I don't want anybody to take my time while I'm up there so I'm gonna respect the people ahead of me. He only has so many riffs like what's he gonna do for me? Oh the green room this was fun on Saturday the

green room is above the street and there was a huge line around the block because the show got out late the first show so I popped out and was just like doing bits out the window I was whipping cans of Coke at people like I sprayed a guy with a can of diet Pepsi. Yeah Yeah, I like dumped water like all over my head and shook it out like a wild animal Just giving him what they wanted. There was this big waiting him into a friend. Yeah Shaken come here. Hey, hope you had some fun in there. Wave check, wave check. I don't get it. Pull off their religious head gear. Yeah. But there was this big dude who played football at Dartmouth listens to the pod can't remember his name, but I threw a can to him and he already had two cans of beer in his hand in line tailgate just bounced off his chest. I was just whipping cans of soda.

You're on the side be like heads up second floor, probably like floor and a half. You know, like I could reach down and like shake hands But still I can see down both sides of the block. Yeah, I was like, hey who's thirsty Car alarm, yeah That's a spectacle yeah, that was fun, dude And then Yeah, do you yeah, I'd love my job back, please Well, you're you have your job for as long as you want it, but it was just fun like, you know

Alfonso was stoked and well, you really like did the job You said how the the nice thing about me coming is that you know, I'm going to be a solid There's no uncertainty but the opposite is that it is uh cool To have young comics get their first hosting weekend. That is massive and I gave her the whole like After my sets i'd be like hey stay up here ladies and gentlemen This is miriam's first hosting weekend everyone give her a big round of applause and she was like she was like an adorable woman

wearing like a pleated skirt and a sweater. Like, you know, it was awesome. Yeah, that's cool. There are, do you think, do you think they're both like between five and 10 years in a comedy? Alfonso's good. Yeah. And, uh.

And some people figure it out in a few years, but. Yeah. There's that certain level that I think you can, most people only get through doing it long enough. Yeah. in a few years but yeah there's that certain level that I think you can most people only get through doing it long enough yeah what till you're when you're just ahead you just that's all you need yeah ten minutes I'm being just ahead and it's not your whole act easy put some political stuff yeah it used to be a song and dance man but hopefully I can still carry a tune Like to carry my head around in this basket

They bring you out in a basket and just put you on the stool and you're up there the whole show And then when it's time for you to perform a blanket Who's ready for a picnic aka James head you can't tell him no Everybody says it. Yeah. No. You're going to say Petaluma. Petaluma was crazy. Petaluma is that we didn't know where it was. It's fifty minutes north of San Francisco, like right over the border into Sonoma County. Okay. GMC Sonoma County. I wish dude. It's truck month every month in Petaluma. Bakersfield-esque or more? No, like Tony wine country small town. They're like the butter and egg capital of the world.

They have like egg fest every year. James Head is the master of ceremony. They shave him. Yeah. They gleam him up. Uh huh. They actually put him inside of like, like a big bird. It's kind of like in Ace Ventura. He comes out of the rhino. Oh dude, the guy, the, oh yeah. So I was watching X-Men 2. I see, I'm reading the trivia on IMDB.

It says something about the dude that plays Jason mastermind or whatever that is able to control Strikers kid which I know is not comic book. It's not he's an amalgamation on characters Right, but Jason that who is he? like is he like the Jason that who is he? like is he like the

Fantastic fours son like kind of representation sort of but there are also elements of like Legion in it Okay, professor X's kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah with what was her name Maura Torney? She's in the Moira. Yeah. No, but didn't professor X have a baby with like Fucking Banshees like ex-girlfriend? Yeah. Yes. I still got it Alright, I'm still in there. Well, I was just gonna say Ms. Moir. The actor that plays him was the guy who is sloth in seven and Something like eight things that like are some of our favorite movies he was in and you didn't you didn't know him. It was weird. It was like a crazy, I wish I had more examples, but he was in like several other things. Fuck. It was nuts. Damn. I wonder if Alfonso is really able to podcast. Bring them on.

They're just a Mike fucking that's what James had would do. Podcast just set Oh Just a mic fucking That's what James had would do podcast just set him up. Yeah and let him roll Fixed fix the mic right where he wants it becomes like an Anthony Kumeya s He's like these animals out here, you know, thank God. I don't have a foot or I'd shove it up their ass Fucking pull up your pants foot or I'd shove it up their ass fucking pull up your pants pants. Guess what they go around my way. I'd have a belt and suspenders tuck your shirt in make your bed. I can't make mine asleep in a pile on the floor. It's my wife's boyfriend's underwear and I gathered

them up and I had to drag them together with my teeth Making a nest was was there any gwee-gwe activity out of Sophie did she turn? There was a full moon I think Saturday there was it was beautiful. Did she howl at all Sophie was the best And so was Mel there was this group of seven very beautiful 23 year olds who came to the show, all women, and they were all dolled up like dressed up as like classy women. It was one of theirs 23rd birthday and they like came to the merch line and were like thank you we spent her 23rd birthday with you you're so funny we love you on Kill Tony thank you for being here and they leave and

Sophie was like what's wrong with them? What are they doing? They're white. They have money like where do they like you? What's going on in here? Could have gone anywhere, anywhere in the world or oakland. They're the personification of privilege. They came to you anyway ten bucks pigs fifteen. If you want to see one, yeah she's got a side. So yeah there was a there was a member of our crew, an old friend who was a bit of a handful. Oh sure drank a whole bunch and ruined everything. Well

all day was great and then at the end of the night I come out after like, well, I think he deserves his own, his own designation. Because Guiguos are still like, kind of like, you know, they're like mischief. This guy is dead eyed, blackout drunk, trying to go into the bar instead turns, walks directly into the glass window. Yeah. Like La Rocca's is right next to the club where there was an open mic back in the day when we were starting and He like tried to go in and I was out front and there was a bunch of people who were like Sam Sam and he tries to go in and he turns in and just walks right into the glass and everyone inside starts laughing Yeah, that was awesome. You're hanging out with Mr Magoo. Yeah,

what no. What do you mean? What he's that's how he talks now. I don't think it does okay. Well, anyway, at the end of the night he would get drunk, neck, no neck, just ahead this face and his phone died one of the nights. So we're like okay, we're going to put you in a uber and he's like I don't need to do that and then he turned in almost walk directly in front of the thirty bus, the stockton bus, oh god almost got smushed in front of us because he was being a son of a bitch

about not wanting us to help him. Yeah. Cause we were like, dude, you're blackout and you're not going to remember this tomorrow. So we're just going to call it here. So you're going to go home. We order you an Uber, but his phone died. So Sophia had to put him into an Uber blackout drunk on her account. Yeah. Yeah. The biggest role of the dice of all time. Right. But so the guy on his, the driver, when it's waiting for your car says I am I am deaf

So we're like, this is perfect. You know, this is perfect So we open the door and we shove a man and Sophie throws him his dead phone and he's like And we're like, this is great deaf guy. But then as Mel shutting the door, the driver turns and says, Hey, Hey, hold on. What's going on? We just shut it and slap the hood. He wasn't deaf at all. Yeah, he can smell. He can smell trouble. Oh yeah, he could smell trouble coming. Oh yeah, it was. I wonder how that ended up. That's the last trouble coming. Oh, yeah, it was I wonder how that ended up That's last you saw well know cuz Sophie was tracking the uber to make sure that it got home The car exploded

Just disappears and then there's like a stick of dynamite emoji There's a little spray angel comes out of the fire truck. Yeah, and then just a head. That's the James head origin story, but he was good for most of the time. He was really pissed off about there's these like we stayed on Fisherman's Wharf in this nice hotel that the club bought. And Sophie was like, it's crazy to be in San Francisco and not be like sleeping in a folding chair or on the ground, because we'd go to Sylvan House.

So we had a nice hotel, but there was these dudes with like crotch rockets and they do wheelies right by the wharf, like during sundown. There's a bunch of low riders that were sick, bro. There was this Impala that looked like a fucking spaceship, dude. Yeah, I thought of you. It was a bubble top. Dude. They were sick, bro. Fuck. Yeah, there was this Impala that looked like a fucking spaceship, dude Damn. Yeah, I thought of you the bubble top dude. Yeah sick, bro Yep, and I you know, I went up to the Vato's locos and we're like, yeah, I got one of these 2007, you know, they were like

If you want more of that, I'll be at the comedy club tonight But yeah, our buddy who shall not be named got furious and was yelling at the motorbike men Because he was like it's dangerous man. There's like kids There's like kids around with those bike We lose one of the bikes and they kill a bunch of kids and like this guy's like one of the most like punk rock Fuck the cops guys ever but now he's a tattletale and he's going up to these bike dudes as they're literally doing donuts and smoke Is flying and people are watching loving it and they're so loud and he'd just go up and be like oh yeah you're so cool it's so cool what you're doing and like

clapping but they can't hear him they just see like a simp and clapping yeah yeah and fake smiling yes going like this yeah Yeah, and they're like... While being like, fuck you, fuck you! I was like, that's cool, what they're doing is cool. They had like babes standing up on the back in bikinis, like riding around. It was very cool. Yeah, I don't know how... It's just a beautiful mind that can be so unpredictable. Take offense at that can be so unpredictable.

Take offense at that. You're unpredictable. You on your own at the end of the night are more dangerous than a dozen crotch rockets. Yeah, I was thinking, do you think he was more bothered by the danger or the group of people having a joyous celebration of the street?

He's just contrarian. Yeah, okay. Because he was like, they're so loud, that sucks. And we were like, that's cool. Look at them over there. They're raising hell. That's like civil disobedience, that's cool. So then, since we say it's cool, he has to say it sucks. Okay.

You know, he also had his first beer at noon in Chinatown. My sister and Mel and our buddy were getting so drunk on Friday night, and then they were like, we're not gonna drink tomorrow. And I was like, yeah. And I'm just a fucking head. Yeah, we're not gonna drink tomorrow, and I was like yeah, and I'm just a fucking head Yeah, you're not gonna drink call me Igbo. I'm six four six point four inches. I'm just ahead yeah No one's gonna be telling me no tomorrow

And and of course at noon we go to Chinatown and we sit down at Nan King is the name of the restaurant Nan King Kong and I got and we sit down at Nan King. Is the name of the restaurant? Nan King Cole. And I got to tell everyone about the Nan King situation. Oh yeah. The war crimes. Throw that out there. Yeah it made sense that everybody picked that restaurant. But anyway they get beers. It's. And it was all downhill from there. We went to the Bourdain place where they had Mai Tais, Mel got a bottle of Hennessy, they're sipping it in the sun. There's like this little girl playing that...

You know that thing? Yeah. Yeah, and we're just like sitting there smoking weed, like marveling at this tiny girl dressed like a traditional like Chinese person We're just like oh my god, they're sipping Hennessy Mel got the fucking nude manga shirt. Yeah hilarious hilarious hilarious Outside of where you buy it because if you you like you were saying he bought it and then like put it on But yeah, it's not really for them. It was a silicon doll with huge jugs exposed

New horny rockin it it was great Very funny, but yeah, that's maybe a house shirt or go to a bar In Denver. Yeah. Park Springs. Yeah. Or just San Francisco. It's fine. You know, but then the next day he wore it and we went to like this bakery that ended up being in Japan town. So Mel is wearing this like ridiculous weeb horny hentai shirt in the place where

everyone else is wearing that shirt. So he just looked like he was trying to be one of them and he was so pissed. He's like, fuck, they think I'm like with this shit. Cause I'm wearing the ironic, hilarious, big titty doll shirt, the one place where everyone's like, Hey man, I dig your vibes. Well, and funny or not as creepy cause he's a black dude, white guy in that shirt, the cops are gonna come ask some questions, maybe give you some caution tape that you can put over the nude nips.

Yeah, they're just gonna cut the nipples out. But then your own nipples are visible through the shirt. By the way, I don't like to stop and pat myself on the back too much, but I really nailed that fucking Chinese harp noise. That was really good. That was nuts. I didn't know I could do that yeah that's great all right well I can do that on stage now and you repeat the same rhythm three times Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. What can I do?

Just ahead oh Yeah, but the show in Petaluma was it this skate church community center teen center what yeah, it was not No, dude what they had was They had a giant stage and this was the last show that Brad Noel ever performed at before he died. Oh Yeah in Petaluma. Yeah, and of course I went on stage and You know Said a lot of stuff about Brad Noel And the owners were not necessarily stoked because they were all friends with him. Yeah, you know, they were all there How do you know anything about this Becker? That's why he OD'd. He'd been, I love sublime.

I love sublime so much. My sister's 13 years older than me and grew up out there and used to follow them around and shit. So that was like the cool older kid music I was exposed to as a kid. But yeah, he had been sober for six weeks and all of his friends ran this spot. One night in Petaluma. And they were doing like one last show before their official record release so that was like two weeks later and he got high with his buddies that were helping or were at the show not necessarily running it and when

they went to go get him in the morning to go surfing he was dead in his room mmm yeah and like his dog like Lou dog I think was in there laying with the dog a part of them yeah no that's a thing. And Lou dog bit over 47 people. So it wasn't a good dog to have around. They were being assholes by bringing that animal anywhere. It's a beautiful mind you have. You mean that the dog that lived in the punk ska reggae band's van

was a bit jumpy? Yeah. Interesting. Dalmatians in general are aggressive. You'd think Bud would have stepped in Wait so they you could see the people maybe being Non plus from the stage or were they weird after this old head came up afterward who ran the venue and was like yeah This because I didn't know that it was his last show What did you saw cuz in the in the green room there was a mural that said Sublime.

And it was like, you know, very well done. And it said Brad Noel and Skunk Records. So I just went up there and I was like, yeah, this place has so much history. You know, Brad Noel OD'd in the green room. And you heard the room go like, alright. And then the guy came up afterward and he's like, yeah, you know why that fucking joke didn't hit? Because he died after he played here This was the last show he ever played. So yeah real good stuff

Loved it. Yeah, if I was just ahead I still would have figured out a way to give you some applause. Someone should have told you no Noel, it's Noel. It's not Noel. Maybe they didn't like your mispronunciation. I Don't care nor give a shit. He wasn't well. He wasn't well That's figured it out. Oh sick. Yeah, that's a bit over 47 people Yeah, he was doing he was doing good. He had already made it through the hard part. That's the stupid thing But there was a huge stage tip a toe back in in. Was he injecting or did he? He was injecting. He loved it. He couldn't get enough. Well, yeah, I didn't know if he took that 12th step. Oh yeah. Yeah, he spiked it. But they have a skate, they have like quarter pipes and

half pipes in the room and they just push them to the side and open up the floor and then put in folding chairs. And there was like, you know, 230 people on a Sunday in Petaluma in this theater that's never done standup. And it was a bunch of fucking gnarly weed people, people who work in the fields and like grape fields and shit, like skateboarders. It was a real, real great demographic for me. But I have that bit about, you know, your daughter.

And I ask a question to a person in the crowd about their daughter. And I ask it to this woman. And she says, my daughter's special needs. So I took about three or four minutes to make that all okay. Oh yeah. Yeah, wait, because you'd already asked. I'd already asked and her response was, and I'm doing the thing where I'm like, I ask if you don't even want your daughter to be fuckable. And she says, no, my daughter's special

needs. Oh God. Well, what kind of special needs like she needs like a stick in her mouth because her boobs are so big. She's like, no, you know what kind of needs a lot of bathroom stuff. A lot of, a lot of gross, a lot of gross stuff. I'll tell you, a bidet makes things worse. Cause she thinks it's chocolate. Chocolate fountain. Yeah. She thinks she's at golden Corral. Yeah. She thinks she's cracked the code. She never ending chocolate machine. But yeah, I ended up being like, well, really I'm bringing awareness to special needs children. So yes, in fact, I am a brave hero

Anybody want to do a Christ there right now for the kid I got this guy so hard I was like look at this fucking fuck look at this fucking poser. He pushes Mongo for sure. I Mean dude, it was it was one of the best. I mean I think I keep saying they're one of the best sets ever I think I'm just like figuring out how to do stand-up finally and When I'm on I am on bro, I mean a guy laughs so hard that he fell there they were they were they were You know the they split the the pipes so he's at the top of the ramp But I mean laughs so hard that he fucking slipped and fell down Slid down the ramp. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It was awesome, dude

Yeah, shout out mckill nordstrom and get michael nordstrom. Excuse me. He spells his name stupid guess who came to the show. Oh Bonzo's dad Where does he live like 20 minutes from Petaluma? Whoa. You didn't know that? I did not know that. Bonzo doesn't know either? Yeah, Bonzo's been looking for him. I'm laying low. Don't tell the Ant Man. I was way off.

I'm just trying to figure it out. I'm making a sustainable mandolin in the woods. Gina doesn't care, do you Gina? Did you know him growing up? Growing up, Bonzo played on our football team. Bonzo does the wide world photography, the cinematography, and also was the camera guy on my specials. He's one of my oldest friends. He's the reason you hated the special. No, Bonzo rules in the special rock and it was all intentional, you

dipshits. We did everything intentionally. It didn't, you know what, people they're like, it just ended. No, I didn't just end. Yeah, we did a thing at the tombstone. That's the end of the special. You drop the tombstone on them. Sopranos ending and then there's credits and bonus content at the end. So no, it didn't. It was only like, okay, well, we're not going to watch how it ends. We're just going to go right to the fucking credits and bonus content. Anyway, I I'm over it but Bonzo played on a football team he was a little worm body earthworm gym type but then Donzo his dad his name's Don we call him Donzo

okay that Bonzo don't know that would work too though you guys had a lot of those yeah you guys would would take it around the block and figure it out I know he calls his son and fawn and Sophie calls him Fonnie. So we're all having this conversation Fawns Bonzo and fawn Fawny little ant man Don's son says his girlfriend Gina who rules but yeah, we're hanging out back there and Donzo used to when we first moved to Denver It was me Bonzo my buddy crusty and they lived at 16th and Logan with me and then moved into 13th Corona

And Donzo would come down and he would have a mandolin and we would smoke grass and Donzo is used to like the old man Elizabeth like Hescher weed and then we would get him like zooted, you know I'm the fucking fur coat orange crystal weed that was prevalent in Denver in like 2005 and six. Some kind of bud. No, like this was like the best weed we could find. And I blew the entire, uh, seven grand that my grandpa gave me when I graduated from high school on weed. I didn't sell it. I just bought eights for 50 bucks and fucking ounces for three 50 to the tune of seven grand gone in eighteen months to him. It was crazy. It was insane bro. I smoked seven grand worth

of weed from two thousand five to two thousand six with your buds. Yeah. One of them was selling me the weed and he could. He wasn't like hey, why don't you just like buy a quarter pound and then like all sell this for you and like you can smoke for free. That would have been great, great but no I just gave him 50 bucks every two days easier this way yeah and then I would like load eight foot gravity bong tokes anyway Donzo would come down we would get him absolutely torn out and then he would have Bonzo pick up the guitar and he'd be like Sam grab some pots and

pans man let's jam and then I would sit there as he played like Bob Dylan and Bonzo played the two chords he knew and like keep time on the drums. They were pots and pans. And I stayed with him in Olympia a couple times too. He's a good guy, real good dude. Supports his boy. He's like, yeah, you know Anthony, he skateboards.

He's got a great girlfriend. He films the stuff. He's happy. That's all he's gotta be is happy. Hell yeah, yeah. He's also wearing like a collarless peasant blouse. Oh really? Like a tunic, Donzo showed up rocking a tunic,

and I was like, Donzo, are you okay bro, do you need to borrow some money, we gotta get you a collar. Did he button it to the top? It was wide open. It was right here. So one button undone is even crazier than all the way up or all the way off. Yeah.

Yeah. Whoa. It's fucking midsummer, Donzo? What's going on, man? He had a job interview at the candle factory. Ha ha ha. You got to split the diff. He doesn't want to come in too cash.

He doesn't want to be too buttoned up or else he's going to get denied. Not chill enough. And he told me this great story about how when he was like 18 he rode a bicycle from like Denver to Boston. I was expecting Fort Collins, Albuquerque, Alliance Nebraska. No. That psychopath used to come to your school. East Coast. That wrote, Hey mom, can I ride my bike across America? No. And he would try to recruit kids to go on a bike ride across America. Like some kind of two-wheeled Pied Piper? Yeah. No. He would come to our elementary school every year. And be like ride bikes with me across the presentation on like the And how it changed all these kids lives and be like who wants to join me? No

Okay, we had the guy who would come who was like looked like Steve Hofstadter and you could tell did stand up And he had his whole thing about like how drugs are bad Yeah, remember that guy. I do look like Steve Hofstadter with glasses, I think he worked at one of the radio stations. I bet he did Yeah, but I remember only one joke from his act was a yeah, you know crack cocaine is addictive Heroin's even more addictive, but you know, what's even more addictive the most addictive of all Doritos I can't get enough of them I can't get enough of them. I bought a gun just so I could give Doritos whenever I wanted. Yeah. And then we had Avi, that creep Avi. Avi, yeah, Avi did the rounds. Yeah, that was a... I remember we had a little fire truck that had eyes and a face. It was cool as

hell. I think play music. Yeah, it was like, must've been remote and a face. It was cool as hell. I think it could play music. Yeah, it was like, must've been remote control. I think there was like a big like industrial remote control. Was that in Chicago? Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. It was like fire truck and I think it had eyes

and told you to be safe or whatever. Did it like break dance? No, I think you could spin around though. Did you ever sit on it? I don't think you were allowed. Well, you could have you were James head. Yeah, get me off this crazy thing. Just puking out his neck hole.

Who's spinning who? How are you puking? What's even in there? It's from the truck. Belly is my belly there was that and then there was a time where there was an Abraham Lincoln impersonator Abraham crazy Abraham once thinking I'd be Abraham thinking George Wallace two hours no I'm loving it I'm just saying that's why I said Abraham thinking under my breath to myself. But anyway, take it away. Well, no.

So he had like a weird log cabin looking RV and he must have shown up like the day before the assembly. And so it's after school. We're playing football at the elementary school on the field and this fucking, the scariest looking obvious like red flag of a vehicle has pulled into the parking lot and we're like what the fuck, nobody gets out for a half hour, we're just like, all right,

he's jerking off watching us play football for sure. Putting on all of his regalia. No, no, no, because the assembly was the next day. Oh, so I thought he was showing up early, going to be like, hey kids, this is my love cabin, and then the next day do the presentation. Oh, he's barking, handing out flyers. No, I don't know what the fuck.

A lot of great presidents in there tonight. We got George Washington, we got Thomas Jefferson, we got both the Adamses. Yeah, it was wild. I don't know if he even came out or not. So we were just looking at it like, all right, there's a lot of us when we have our bikes so we could take off. Yeah. Was he tall? He looked like Lincoln. Uh, yes.

Did he sound like Lincoln? That was my question. Did he do the voice? No, he didn't do the warble. No, I barely remember those. Because those, because we moved when I was 12. So those were probably when I was like eight or nine. Both of those, I was young. What about Cool Lincoln?

Four whores and 20 beers ago, I piped. I crushed in Petaluma. I'm manipane. Man doesn't need a slave. Neil Young? Abraham Lincoln. He spot the difference. Yeah yeah that that weird warble. Did Daniel Day Lewis do a weird warble? A little bit. But didn't do it right? Yeah, I don't think he went the full,

I think if you do it accurately, you sound like you're being an asshole. Yeah, so that's what he sounded like. He was really like Mickey Mousey. It wasn't just a warble, he went like on a couple of wax recordings. I'm six foot two, and that makes me the tallest man alive.

Yeah, so I think if anybody does it in a realistic way, it comes across. It's crazy to think back then. I've only seen my wife nude on accident. Before your voice would travel the country, that there probably were a lot of people that had like wacky voices or speech impediments that would have kept them from being taken seriously.

FDR was all right. Print, yeah. FDR got away with the big lie. Millard Fillmore. The great lie. Millard film rate lie. Miller film or was the duck. Yeah, blankie. He's got my vote. It's making a lot of sense. I don't know about I gotta get rid of these geese. Daniel Day Lewis should play James Head just like my left foot. He goes method. He goes everywhere. He's just wearing a curtain neck down. You can't tell me no. People come into the room. Hey everyone real quick Daniels come excuse me James is coming Igbo's coming remember

everyone never Jimmy never Jimmy don't tell him no and he doesn't have a body remember nobody no no he just comes walking in no no doesn't have anything just comes walking in he's like oh lord it's hard not to have a body they're have to look down because he would be on the ground I'm so tickled by it would get. Oh, do we have an ad? Don't fuck with me, we do. All right. Lund, vamp. Welcome to the show.

Hey, come on in, grab a seat. Almost showtime. Give me something good to eat. On the wharf. Oh, uh. Don't look at where his head should be the comic that was on the show before me at the punch was named oh sorry Cobbs was like I said a Muslim woman lovely very funny very hard worker her

name was an ab Johnson I believe but uh she was like, I just got on with the meet and greet and I was like, was it a halal meet and greet? Whoa. Oh yeah. She stole it. She took it. Yeah, it's in the act now. You know what's not in the act is coming to Batavia, Illinois this weekend, comes to me at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois.

And then, boy, we have a show in Trinidad July 5th me and Lund over there. Come on out to see me in Detroit, Pittsburgh, Morgantown, Samtalent dot com for tickets. Get on the old Patreon, chubby behemoth dot com slash Patreon, nice com slash chubby behemoth, Patreon, that's right chubby dot behemoth com. Are you going to edit these into the middle? No, I know where they are because it makes the most sense really yeah okay, and they don't read them at the same time. They don't specify the thing ready.

If this show is brought to you by the author come on. Oh, you're doing off there. Yeah, that's why it's funny back. I thought we were reading different copies of the same copy. No, ready? This show is brought to you by the Author Show. If you're paying more than $15 bucks a month for your cell phone plan, you're doing it wrong. Go ahead. You shouldn't have to break the bank for quality cell coverage. Mint Mobile has you covered with plans starting at just $15 a month.

Oh, Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile. I'm on a Bazel Cellular. Oh. So I gotta get over here. This is the former Ryan Reynolds operation Oh my god, Ryan Reynolds rap. He is. He's still in the ass. He is. He's on the condoms that he uses. But it's not his anymore. He sold operating share. To Vladimir Putin. I don't know who to. To Igbo. But it is that. It's the phone for homosexuals. Yeah, it's got high-speed data, unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's light largest 5g network

Mint mobile is a sure bet Sarah B and Emmy went to pride fully dumped with pasties. I saw Some dumb nice some dumping dang. Mm-hmm. It was pretty cool You know if you want to receive like if you want to look up photos of my wife Dumped out with just pasties on her huge knockers. You can get on mint mobile and use your phone to do that. Yeah. It's unlimited data. I'm like, you're going to need big data to download these things. Our buddy, Sarah B my God, she's got a couple of igbos. No one can tell those. No, no, it might've even confused some boys. Uh,

but I'm unlike the big guys. No, I did. I did. What about you? Lund? No. Okay. I think Trevor did. All right. That's fine. Yeah. He was, he was very happy for a week. He was a handsome kid. He's very handsome. Yeah. Unlike the big guys, Mint doesn't have retail stores or pushy sales people, just us. So they can pass that savings right on to you. You get to keep the same phone so you don't need a new phone to look at Sarah's dumpers.

You can get a new phone. You have a reason to get a new phone. I'm a pixel man. Your phone sucks. I have a pixel plan. Save us. I only pay $400 a month. What?

It's a lot of overages. I could go unlimited, but I'm kind of stuck in my ways. Yeah dude, he's always, whenever we get anywhere, he'll be like Excuse me. What's the Wi-Fi? I don't have unlimited data. Wait, really? Yeah, he tells people cuz I don't need it most months cuz I can get on Wi-Fi How much are you saving? Typically I can save some dough man. Sometimes I pay 80 bucks for me and Megan

Well, how much is this Becker? It'd be 30 bucks a month for you and Megan to have unlimited unlimited data bro. All the pixel you already have. Yeah you can keep your phone. And to get this new customer offer. Wait hold on can you play hearts on this? You can do anything your phone already does. That's all he cares about. Yeah yeah yeah. To get the new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month Go to mint mobile comm slash chubby. That's mint mobile comm slash chubby Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mint mobile comm slash chubby. I'll read the fine print Must have a body $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month new customer on first three month plan only

Speed slower above 40 gigabyte on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply and it comes preloaded with nudes of both of our wines That's pretty sick cement mobile for details. I'm gonna be smelling mint mobile Hey, Lund. Will you read this one? Yeah, I've read it the last three weeks. I need some new air into it. Yeah, man. Hey this show Named to be determined is brought to you by the author show author a brand new absurdist Documentary series on YouTube following one man who dares to throw his entire world up in the air for one singular purpose To sit down and finally write his first novel. Yeah, cuz you can't write a novel standing I'll tell you you can't do it kneeling. You can't do it on all fours

I've done it on my back. I Did a dangling up zero gravity? Yeah No, you up paint of the Sistine Chapel laying on his back. Oh yeah, another bit of... What did he do? You know, you. Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel laying on his back. Oh yeah. What an idiot. So he wouldn't have to do this. How dumb was he? Do you often wish that you read more books but feel incapable? You read a bunch of books. I read three this weekend. Damn, so you should read less books but everybody else should read more. I should. Went to City Lights Bookstore in San Francisco. It's the best. Sophie got shit on by a bird.

We were all stuffed. Best day ever. We had Becker, I think you feel the same way as I do. I wish I read more books. Yes, never will. We are not alone, you big dummy. No one reads fiction anymore, especially young people. I did. They're too busy dabbing and doing doing the

what to see yeah and they're doing hell and James head no they're up on lovers lane necking and doing the twist and you know what that really makes James head upset when people are necking because he'll never know what that's like yeah my last name's head isn't that crazy you think maybe my first name would be head that would have made sense but no my name is James head and I was born without a body so God's life's a real fucking crazy thing man I know one of James's complaints about the youth is that they

are so addicted to quick fix dopamine hits yeah they've lost their imaginations yeah they're addicted to quick fix dopamine hits like putting him in a bag and throwing him in the river telling him to chew his way out yeah but yeah you know I think it is true that a lot of us we've forgotten how to read. That's why we need to watch the author show where my friend Daniel, damn Daniel, with the fucking white, with the white Nikes. Damn Daniel.

Damn Daniel. How did you hear about that? It was on VH1s. I love the 2010s. The damn Daniel Yeah, he doesn't want people to know but I think people should check it out He looked cool when he was in ninth grade. He's even cooler now He's practically losing his fucking mind over here trying to write the next great American novel. No big deal

So oh dude Drake from Drake and Josh came to the show this weekend in Petaluma. Yeah anyway back to the author show. Wild. Yeah yeah stay tuned for that. But yeah if you love listen if you love reading if you love documentaries pussy you love pussy. You love a cheap laugh at the expense of one man risking everything to chase his dream You will definitely want to watch this ridiculous show. It's seven episodes. It's hilarious. We highly recommend it It's at youtube.com at the author show no second s it's not plural at the author show Be sure to subscribe while you're over there. Don't be a dummy. Watch the show, stupid. Yeah, and hey, if you're James Head and you're

trying to read a book, good luck. I'll be right over to turn the page for you. Yeah. Doesn't have to be windy anymore for you to see what happens to the frog and toad. Puts it in front of the vent. Just waits patiently. Wait, wait, wait! I wasn't done! I was a dot. Thank you for listening. Subscribe to our Patreon. Yeah, girl.