Chubby Behemoth - Olive Oil Change

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

SPONSORS: Mint Mobile: Support the show and get your new 3-month wireless plan for just $15 a month with Mint Mobile at https://www.mintmobile.com/CHUBBY   MyBookie: Support the show get some MyBookie money on the house with code CHUBBY at https://mybookie.website/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Nathan and Jake talk about the Italy trip. Becker talks about the days he stayed after the Rome trip, failed a few tests, and ruined his head with a fountain. Nathan was constantly bumped, had a tiny toilet incident, and thought they’d know who Rick Flair was.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

What's up y'all chubby behemoth in the house two-thirds well three-fifths Back in the States You becker had extra time in Italy. How did that go? We haven't talked it rocked Yeah, I stayed what I stayed four days longer than you guys, but I left a day early so I had five days without the group than you guys but I left a day early so I had five days without the group and I went I drove across Italy which was really fucking cool I drove up the coast and then inland to Siena and through like Tuscany there which was really cool and then I drove over to Modena or Modena however the fuck you say it and went to the Enzo Ferrari Museum there. Oh shit. Yeah that rocked. And then we were you hard? No I wasn't hard but I was like it was dope. The shit they had was really cool. They had

old engines on display. They had one of one Ferraris that were on display. One of them had like fighter pilot glass on it so you can't see through it looks like liquid metal what yeah that one thousand shit yeah it was to you yes fucking full terminator glass that shit was rad Modena was cool we walked around there for a couple hours and saw the like city center and got dinner there and that was really good it was like this cool bar where you went in and they had all the raw food set up and you'd choose what you wanted and then they would go back and use what you chose to make dope dishes well yeah and that was just like a happy accident because we were tired

of looking and it was like whatever's going on there looks nice so that was cool and then we went to up up to like the Italian Alps and drove along those to get to my sister's house and missed our last exit but then ended up seeing a fireworks show at 1130 p.m. because we missed our exit so that was really neat yeah happy accident yeah I don it's like 12 minutes, and we got to see a fireworks show so I was fucking like a cool ending to a really long drive and Then we went to my sister's house and hung out there for Four days Andy went to go see her friend in

Germany so she was gone for three of the days and then we met back up in Rome and I fucking signed up for shit. I wasn't like aware of how bad I was putting myself through it, but I had to get up at 3 a.m. to drive to Rome and then met up in Rome, went and got lunch, went back, got on the plane, had our like 13 hour flight. And then by the time I got home I was like, I feel weird, and then ran the math and I was like, I somehow was up 30 hours in one day. That's fucking insane. So I've just been like a zombie since I've gotten back.

Since then, Oof. Well yeah, you said you flew into San Francisco, which seems crazy, but... It just depends on the flight, and so you had an extra couple hours. Yeah, and it was only like an extra hour and a half, because we flew like over the... The north. Like we went up and over Canada. Oh yeah, yeah, I think we did that more going out than coming back But it seems weird. Is it like it must be jet stream stuff

Yeah, it has to be because we were hauling ass too and the pilot made up like 30 minutes Which was great because I barely made my layover It was tight in San Francisco and made my layover. It was tight in San Francisco. And then, yeah, yesterday I passed out at like 4.30 in the afternoon till like 1 a.m. So that was a cool move. Well luckily you don't have a lot going on. That's very true. I'd be totally fucked if I had to like return to a normal life. Yeah, you would fail a cognitive test all over again. Yeah. Which was one of the biggest laughs of the trip. We haven't talked about it on the pod yet, but man, a lot of big laughs, obviously,

throughout. Bunch of funny people being funny, But then you let us know that you got laid off while we were over there right like Halfway through the trip or whatever. Yeah, I finally you've been on medical leave because I was up so early I decided to call in and like let them tell me formally Mm-hmm, but yeah, oh, yeah, you can't make halfway through Yeah, so we're all hanging out. You let us know that you've been let go after it was eight months you were on medical leave? Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, eight months.

And we were like, yeah, you know, eight months is crazy. And you're like, but yeah, I couldn't like do my job. And you tried and you failed a cognitive test. And we start laughing and riffing because of course, when we hear a cognitive test, we think of like judging if someone has a head injury, you know, like what year is it? Yes. Who's the president?

Yeah. Which one is your left? Which one is your right. Yeah. And so we start, we started hitting you with all of these bombs and eventually when, when the laughter dies down, you get to explain that, you know, it was related. It was a cognitive test of your ability to do your job. Yeah.

It was much more complex computers at the same time and convince someone on the phone that I wasn't doing anything. And I was like pretty close on them and I was also maybe not trying my hardest when I did them. Yeah. But, yeah, it's fucked. I still don't think maybe this week I have it in me just because I've been eating so good. I have like five more days of those pills

So I'm like really Trying to plan out all the food. I want to eat and keep down. Absolutely. So today I had a pizza Yeah Is that that's on special? No, that one wasn't on special I saw the special and it sounded really good and then when I thought about it I was like, I really don't want any more ricotta or balsamic or olive oil I want like a gross American pizza with chicken and bacon and green chilies

We are that one sounds good too, but I thought Megan didn't think that was on Bella Luna's menu So maybe it's new. I I add the the bacon and the green chili. It's the loco. It's the chicken pesto one Okay. Yeah, you you becker it up. Yeah, wait now Are you gonna be able to get more of those pills? Are you not supposed to keep taking them or what? They they told me when they gave them to me that I'm not supposed to take them for like long bouts They gave me a they want you to go they want you to go back to shitting and puking a lot Yeah, or to taking it easy.

But I have to talk to my doctor on the 5th. We have a call set up so that I can figure out how long I need to take a break, if they're really bad for me and I should only be taking them when we're going to have a life event where we're somewhere cool and I definitely don't want to be the stick in the mud during the trip. Or if it's like a month on two months off Or I just don't know what why I have to be off of it the doctor wasn't very clear if it was like it'll do permanent nerve damage if you keep taking the nerve pills or

Yeah, I don't know I'm hoping that it's the kind of thing that I can be on and off of with some kind of regularity at least till I get more tests in december but Yeah, it sucks to think that you have to go back to Wondering what's gonna stay down? And what's gonna get sprayed Yeah

It'll suck Because I I only got like kind of sick one time in it Italy and I just like couldn't sleep because I felt ill All night and that was it Do you think that was because of a certain thing you ate or just random? Whatever. I don't know if it was what we ate or if it was just random I also like fucked my nasal cavity up on that water fountain on like the first or second day and definitely gave myself a Really bad sinus infection that I'm still fighting.

From what? One of the fountains, one of the street? Yeah, I like water fountain. I don't know what I did wrong, but like when I went and hit it, it like went through my nasal cavity, like a reverse nasal wash, and it like soaked my face and shirt.

Everyone was like enjoying it, and I enjoyed it because it cooled me off. But oh yes a few hours later I was like my whole heads fucked up and then that night I was like I think I'm fucked and the next day I got some Sudafed from Dr. T and then I went and bought a bunch of it was taking it all day every day but you failed a cognitive drinking test yeah really bad that was you forgot where the water goes thank God for those fountains man can you imagine if we would have been walking around and we would have had to have like a bunch of filled water bottles to last us all day thank God because had the water

flow they weren't serving us anything cold. The booze was like the only shit that was coming out American cold. And the water was like seven bucks for a bottle and we always needed three because there were nineteen of us. Yeah. So yeah, those fountains, they were thinking, they didn't fail a cognitive test when it came to building Rome because they were like we need some water for the people The pores if you give them water unless likely to

Try to kill you everywhere. We went we encountered it too. I saw him in Siena. I saw him in Fontanedra or wherever I was what where my sister lived. They were all tiny little towns. It didn't make sense It'd be like if Trinidad was three towns. Mm-hmm. And they had fountains, they took care of people. Yeah. And the gelato once I got out to the country was serious fucking business, sir.

Even better than what we had in the city. Dude, so infinitely better than what we were having in Rome. What the fuck? And I didn't think that was possible at all. Yeah. I like almost cried. It was so good the shit. I had in Sienna. God damn. Yeah It was nuts Fluffy Fluffier the flavor was better like all of them had just like you could feel it on your tongue that the fruit was just like ground into the shit

Shit yeah, it was fucking nuts. It was so good on your tongue that the fruit was just like ground into the shit shit yeah it was fucking nuts it was so good oh yeah how crazy was it driving out of Rome into Rome because we we talked about how it it was insane to be in an uber in a cab and see how people drive it's like there's no real lanes no there's so many split roads and so you can go either way but you can't tell where you're just chaos in a thousand feet wait but you need to know when you make the decision yeah no rome was fucked once i got outside of rome like 30 minutes outside of rome everything goes to being the most magical experience. I've ever had in the car Other than me driving the worst car I've ever driven in my life

What was it? It was a Fiat 500e and it was dog shit Didn't you try to get something that I reserved a much better car and then when I got there They're like that car is not ready. We could have it ready in two hours. I Was like no What's what's available now and he's like all we have is automatics And then he tried to give me an all-electric one and I was like no I need petrol So he gave me a hybrid one and it drove like shit, dude Like every time you'd come to a complete stop and

then try to start again it felt like you were rocking out of like a deep dip. Oh that's awful. Oh it sucked so like you it I almost ran over a cop when I was getting a ticket in Sienna. Speeding? No I just drove into a town you're not allowed to drive into. And what? Didn't know we were fucking up based on the signs in Italian until we'd gotten far enough in that it was like, I think we fucked up.

So when I pulled into the- Because you were the only car around or were people shaking their fist at you and screaming in Italian? No, because locals are allowed to drive there, you're just not allowed to drive in as a tourist. Oh Well, then put the fucking sign in a couple other languages or put it to like on the street where you still have a chance Of turning around they put it far enough of these old Roman Castle roads That it is truly like oh, you know what? I think that means we're not supposed to be here Well at the next turnaround will turn around and the next turnaround was me driving through the main town square. A parade.

To a very angry Italian cop. And you almost hit him? Yeah, dude. So he waves me down and is like, you already have a ticket from the camera. And I was like, okay, great. How do I get out of here? And he gives me directions out and we're stopped on this old two thousand year old cobblestone road that I'm not supposed to be on and the car already does this weird fucking rocky accelerate thing so

the cop like starts to walk away and I'm trying to like ease out of the spot and it the car just like jumps in them and I almost hit him with the fucking side view mirror and he was pissed. And Andy's just laughing at me like I'm a complete fucking retard. I felt like a complete retard because I couldn't like get the car under control and then I let my brother in law whip it for a second. And he was like that's the I don't want to drive it. It's the worst thing. This is garbage. yeah, it's on

It all that but like even if I was going like quick on the interstate And then I like pressed the gas to speed up to get out of somebody's way or to pass It would like shutter like the whole car would shutter That sucks that figures that you got I keep thinking of Seinfeld huh well they didn That sucks. That figures that you got. I keep thinking of Seinfeld. Well, they didn't have any cars. At least you got a car. Yes.

Yeah. Come on. You reserve a car. But the drive was amazing. I wonder what they were doing into it. They were giving it an olive oil change. Come on. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting.

I have a good story from the way home. So I'm on the flight, roam to Chicago. I switched to an aisle seat from the window. Normally I like the window, I like to go to sleep. And Sam bought us the crew window seats because it's nice to be out of the way. I shove up against the window. I'm less likely to bump into people. And the couple times I've been in the aisle, including the flights home, I was reminded the flight attendants don't really try to avoid bumping into you. So if any of them have a little ass to them, if any of them are larger than tiny, then they're just blasting you, blasting me, because I'm now, instead of shoving up against the window, I'm inching into the aisle,

so I'm not touching the fucking person next to me the whole flight. And so yeah, I'm just like constantly bumped the carts, flight attendants', but this one was doing the safety demonstration and I swear she was like she kept bending over to put stuff down and pick Stuff up and it was like she was grinding my elbow. She was like backing that thing up. So So I'm the flight home. I'm in the aisle Because the the two seats that were next to me were not taken when I changed seats and I thought maybe they don't get filled. They got filled with a young Italian couple in their 20s. They were fine. But I go to the bathroom to pee the first time and I went up to the first class, you know, the bigger the bigger

bathrooms and I was like, oh shit These are good if I have to shit I should come up here Well, then later I have to shit but they're both occupied and there was like the cart service was happening or something So I couldn't really get up there So I go behind me and they're tiny the fucking bathrooms are so small and I was like, well goddamn it I have to shit it'll be fine small and I was like, well, god damn it. I have to shit. It'll be fine. It wasn't fine because I was so cramped. My legs are basically like together, you know, like I can't really spread them. I'm trying to get my dick in the in the toilet hole so I can pee while

I'm shitting. It's a nightmare. But I think that everything is fine until I get up to wipe. I stand up to wipe. Some people think it's sacrilege, but I have to stand up. I never got used to leaning. Also, I've broken toilet seats by leaning to one side, so I don't trust that, the lean. And so I've never gotten good at doing it. So I kind of stand up a little, I crouch,

I stand up a little, and I start to to wipe and I find that most of the shit has gone like in between my cheeks It hasn't gone into the toilet because I'm so like It's press crunched. Yeah, I'm fucking so I'm sure I said oh good because I knew That it was gonna take me so long to unfuck this problem. And it did.

Luckily, nobody started banging on the, you know, nobody was like in desperate need of that toilet because it took forever. It was like 12 minutes of just like cleaning up, wiping, you know get get a little wet toilet paper But then you got to get in there and get that out of there with dry toilet paper It was a whole fucking saga. It sucked Luckily the next time I had to poop it wasn't like a big thing and I went up obviously I went up to the the fancy big big boy bathrooms

the bourgeois so that I could Spread but I didn't even really need it because it wasn't really like another full Don't grump. Yeah. Yeah, it was just like a epilogue. Yeah, so But yeah that first fucking it was just like an epilogue. Yeah. So but yeah, that first fucking it was just like, goddamn it. Anybody if people in the afterlife get to watch us struggle, then that was that was a fucking sweep sweep kind of situate. People were tuning in somebody wanted me for because it was fucked. Luckily, I didn't get it like all

over my hand or like, I was so scared that it was fucked. Luckily I didn't get it like all over my hand or like I was so scared that it was just going to be everywhere. I was going to reek but I did a fine job. Just continue the mess when you try to clean it instead of getting anywhere productive with that wax toilet paper. Yeah, make it worse and then make it better eventually. No, it went about as well as it could have. Didn't run out of toilet paper. paper Like I said didn't have an old woman like banging on the door or like a screaming kid or whatever So it could have been worse, but oh my god. It was just like fuck

and again It was nice that I didn't have to Wake somebody up To get back to my window seat, so I was glad that I made the switch but yeah I could not sleep on either flight which was annoying so my sleep schedule was fucked when I got home but because I still couldn't sleep and I kept trying to do do the math on like how long I'd been up and I needed to do I you know I got some I think I talked about getting meds in Rome.

These pharmacies had a lot of, you can get a lot of stuff without a prescription. It's not as like you can get antibiotics. So I wanted to get more additional antibiotics so that I could take whatever for Quanto for my cellulitis, my infection that I had, but then also have, you know, some, like another couple of doses. Back up. Yeah, for if Megan and I were to get sick, get a sinus infection from failing a drinking test. And, God, they, so people, you know, we've talked about, Sam and I have talked about the staff, people in Paris get a bad rap for being shitty or whatever.

And in Italy, I don't know that anybody was shitty. I didn't pick up on any servers being short with us, whatever. But the pharmacists, these, they were all, the only people we interacted, that I interacted with in the pharmacies were women some some of them were old some of them were young and hot. They were all and I don't say this lightly they were cunts. They were such cunts. They were so mean to me and Emily.

They acted like we were dumb and Emily didn't hit him. She showed restraint because she didn't hit him with she could have several times been like I'm a doctor but she didn't hit him with she could have several times been like I'm a doctor but she didn't she stayed in civilian mode and just like we took this shit one one pharmacist said that she needed a prescription for something that she had gotten from a dude pharmacist a couple days before I think it was the antibiotics she was like oh you need a prescription for that and Emily didn't say anything she didn't blast her which was nice of her but like you just lie and oh, you need a prescription for that. And Emily didn't say anything. She didn't blast her, which was nice of her. But like, you just lie and say that you need a prescription when you don't, why?

Because we're Americans that want, you know our healthcare system is fucked. Let us buy some stuff. I'm pissed to find out we could buy antibiotics because the one cunt doctor, pharmacist guy I spoke to told me I couldn't have antibiotics and I got more Sudafed. Oh, you got the treatment from a dude. Well, when Emily said that she had gotten stuff from a male pharmacist and he was very nice and helpful, I was like, well, yeah, you're hot.

You're Dr. Hot. But yeah, these women, God, they were so mean and short with her as she's like telling them what we need or whatever. And we did stock up on allopurinol from a gout. Oh, and I did not know until we were over there that I was on 100 milligram pills, but we got 300 milligrams and Emily was like, yeah, there's four six and I was like well shit man She I guess she thought maybe

100 milligrams would do the trick, but she doesn't know how how hard I go When I'm at McDonald's or fucking jack-in-the-box So now I'm on 300 milligrams and it's like I'm still trying to Not go crazy, but I think I can I don't think I can be killed with conventional meat I fucked up on the plane though and forgot to take a whole round of meds Because I didn't realize that I'd been up for 30 hours Yeah, wait, didn't that do you did you get sick? I just got more clogged up

I'm like still say I should probably go get antibiotics. I feel like it's probably not going away. Well yeah, I started the antibiotics for Quado in Rome and then took them for a couple more days here and then stopped because I thought it was enough. And then I fucking had like an ear infection and like toothache. So I think they were connected maybe. Some food stayed in one of my tooth canyons

and then got into the ear. And so I had to start back up with the, the back churn. So that was dumb. I probably could have just knocked it out and been fine if I would have done Six days straight or whatever But I like I said fucking healthcare system being all stupid I tried to save them for next time for when I fall while skateboarding or whatever

Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking, but it's fucked. I thought about going today, and I was like I just don't want to deal with going to the hospital to get a sinus infection dealt with. So I'm just going to wait for my appointment on the fifth. Well, yeah. And I'm acting like I'm alone and helpless. Emily's my doctor. She can prescribe me stuff. And I don't think antibiotics are expensive. No, they're not. Pricy. Like some of these fucking drugs that are in demand, stuff and I don't think antibiotics are expensive no they're not pricey like

some of these fucking drugs that are in demand they don't get gouged so I didn't even need to but it was nice to get the allopurinol and the blood pressure the statin statin X I've got a bunch of those so that I don't have to worry about that for a little bit dude we had a big fat guy that was like six feet tall who was that one of the Stewardesses whatever stewards air steward flight attendant flight attendant air steward sounds fun Bring on the sexy stooze, man. This guy was not sexy. But to your point, like we talked about how he was too big to be a flight attendant.

In those aisles. It was fucking insane, dude. He was just like checking people in the shoulders constantly, like with his hips. Like it wasn't even just like scooting a little butt cheek. It was like fucking insane. It was truly nuts to behold that this guy thought like this is a career move for me in life Yeah, yeah boy. Yeah, I When Frontier makes you size your bag to see if you know, you have to pay I always think what if we did that for? The middle seat what if the middle seat was for little tinies and they had to fit into a little

box and because what if we did that for the middle seat? What if the middle seat was for little tinies and they had to fit into a little box? And because it's so annoying when a when a big person is in the middle. It's like come on you saved maybe 30 bucks, 36 bucks round-trip. Just pay, get an aisle or a window. The middle should be for children and for slight, small people with no elbows. Ideally just a head is in the middle seat. And yeah, when it's just like a grown ass dude, from Chicago to Denver there was a married couple probably in their 50s and they both got middle seats, one behind the other. I said, fuck you. The woman was pretty big, and I was sitting next to the dude who looked kind of big. He had two pizzas that he ate on the plane.

Little personal ones, but two of them. I was like, all right. They reeked. They smelled so strongly. It's like, come on, man. He wasn't too bad because he didn't like spread you know a lot of a lot of these guys will fucking spread It's like no you're in the middle seat. You should you should be scrunched. You got to disappear in the middle seat Yeah, that's where I'm sure $30 goes Yeah into your scrunch

Jesus Christ sorry we cheated God and had empty planes the whole time. Like so empty that it made our first flight or our flight from Chicago to Rome look full. Oh yeah, yeah. You said that before we got going. Yeah, I didn't have that. We had pretty full plane, both flights on the way home. But it was fine watched a couple of movies could not sleep kept getting bumped but me too and they do those three

meal services so it's like every two hours they turn the lights on and bother the fuck out of everyone oh yeah that was annoying because I had a flight attendant who like waved her hand like so I'm in the aisle. Obviously, I know you're right next to me with a cart. I don't want anything right now. But some of these flight attendants want to make eye contact with you and like make sure it's like no, of course I don't want want if I wanted anything I would be looking at you and she like waved her hand in front of my face and was like, you know I'm watching a movie or whatever, but she was like, I think she was asking if I want anything to drink and I was like no

The cart blasted me in the clavicle. I don't I don't need anything I would have fucking and I'm sure it's because They've probably been threatened with you know death I don't need anything. I would have fucking, and I'm sure it's because they've probably been threatened with, you know, death because some idiot didn't, wanted something and then didn't, you know, say anything. Some geriatric fuck was so into Avatar that they missed out on the snack service

and then they threatened to sue because they were diabetic or something. Yeah. Oh my God. On the way there, I had the, you know, there was the actual meal, which was whatever. But then the snack was a breakfast sandwich and I got the vegetarian, so it was just egg and cheese on a roll and it was so fucking good. And I was hoping it would happen again on the way back, but it was a little like a pizza log the twist. That's what we had to yeah, and that was fine

It was that breakfast sandwich. I was like, where did this come from? Dude, I love rock hat and Andy fucking hated it and I think Bonzo hated it too. That's crazy Did you get meat? I got meat. It was turkey sausage Yeah, I if you had the same roll and egg and cheese. Yeah, it was bomb. I like it a lot I was not like put off that they didn't like it. I thought I was trash No, it's not even that it was trash. I don't even know what they wouldn't have liked about it anyway oh, yeah, I keep thinking about the sandwiches. Between Donkey Punch and the triangles, traz-eet-bio or whatever, and the, uh, fuck.

Oh, the spot that Renee told Chris about. Yeah. Uh, oh my God, the sandwiches. Renee told Chris about yeah. Uh, oh my God, the sandwiches. Dude, we we went to we had the last day in Rome on the way out and we went to this giant market, made a bunch of fresh fruit and had this old man make us sandwiches at his little deli. And those were fucking insane. They were the craziest sandwich I had on the whole trip.

Also, we went we went back on like the day Rome reopened Mmm, it's crazy. How much busier Rome was clocked the difference after the holiday was over Yeah, the amount of storefronts that were open and shit that was going on was insane Yeah, I wondered about that cuz like where we stayed Was very touristy. So it seemed like it was mostly still open. Yeah. Mostly open. But a lot of other places I wanted to grab a tele. You could tell a lot of stuff was closed. Yeah. So you're saying, yeah, it was just like, it was mostly cafes and like gelato spots that were open everywhere,

but you can kind of tell that there were like blinds closed on most places or the rare shop that didn't have blinds. You'd see a sign in the glass window that said like closed till the 26th Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you got a little glimpse into full Full blast room. Yeah, it was nuts because we went over kind of by the Vatican Museum to where this giant market was and Saw when we were going past the Vatican Museum how much busier everything was it was nuts So like I think as far as filming and doing what we did

We kind of nailed it Yeah, I was gonna say the time the only times I did not love being over in Rome was when we went to some of the super populated tourist Attractions the treviountain made me feel panicky. Yeah, I hated it. It wasn't even that bad. Well, it was bad, but like it wasn't massive the most amount of people you've ever seen. It was just a small, like, there were so many little alleys and if there were more than a few people

in there it sucked and that was like still an alley but with a bunch of people coming and going, getting in the way, stopping. Yeah. When people were trying to file past the throngs. Yeah, that was like the only time, because even some of the other spots, Coliseum, I had a good time.

Yeah. But yeah, that Trevi Fountain, it was cool looking, but I was like, fuck man, this sucks. I think that's the most panicky I've ever gotten in a crowd And I don't know if it's cuz I was like hot and sticky and then that was going on Or what but that was the most my brains ever been like cool. Fuck this. Let's go Let's get the fuck out of where this is This sucks. Yeah. Yeah, well also be and but it's beautiful my brain be like no fuck that leave

Yeah So yeah, but it's beautiful my brain be like no fuck that leave Yeah Well, yeah And then Sam saw a cream puff and decided to duck in and get and get cream puffs And then we ate them out right outside and it was like man. We're like barely removed from The madness. Yeah, I wanted to get the hell out of there, too And everybody was like this is where everybody gets there gets a pickpocketed. This is where all the orphans are the street Street kids. Yeah, that's when I bought that crazy hash cuz I was like I have to fix this now and I saw a lady that said hash a

Lady told you hash and then you followed her they were like barking outside of that cannabis store Okay. Oh Yeah, I didn't even clock you said you saw a few did like dispensaries. Yeah, I went to two of them Mm-hmm, but yeah, I never I didn't see any I saw the pharmacies I mean they were tiny little Amsterdam cannabis stores that had like rock hash some pretty bad live hash and Then some flower that looked pretty rough. I didn't buy any of the flour Yeah How are the prices?

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Yeah. So why not? I need the savings. I was on Xfinity Mobile but now I don't work for them so my discounts are going away. Yeah, I was going to say, your internet has been bad since you were on medical leave now, it's worse They're they're they're targeting you. They're fucking me. They're throttling you. They're gonna get their money back How long did you work before the eight-month medical leave six months? I can't believe they gave me as much time as they did really and

It was six months after The coding the training and all that yeah Okay, well that was like almost a year. So you came out ahead though You worked for six months got paid for an additional eight. I think it paid for all of it. I just didn't get fired Yeah, well shit then they should have kept you on yeah, you could have come back stronger than ever they were paying my insurance Well, that's huge yeah, that is huge, but that was that was the part that mattered they weren't sending me any checks Okay, yeah, well shit What are you gonna do, do you know? No, I gotta kinda figure out what's going on with the doctors.

They're trying to put everything off till the middle of December, which seems fucking insane with the rate I'm losing weight. So hopefully I can get them to move that up. But they don't really have a plan yet. The doctor just kind of hooked me up with these nerve pills because I made him feel bad about me going on the trips. I was like, I have these things coming up and if there's anything that I can take that's stronger than the shit you're giving me now, it'd be really cool if I wasn't a problem

for everyone every morning. And he was reluctant. be really cool if I wasn't a problem for everyone every morning. And he was reluctant. Yeah, if you're a half hour late every morning because you're blasting a toilet. Yeah, or just texting you guys like, go without me, I'll find you later today. That would have sucked. Yeah, that would have. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad that you didn't have to. And I wouldn't have been able to eat anything anywhere if I was worried about it Like there was I thought about it a couple of times when I'd look at a menu and be like, thank god This is working because there's nothing on this menu that would have been a solid choice had this not been working Yeah, there was no mashed potatoes Or yogurt. No, I don't know what else you were eating I did have your real mashed potatoes in Tuscany that were fucking crazy. Was speckin' them. What's that?

That like Italian bacon. It's like a smoked... pig belly thing. Oh, sure. It's carbonara. Yeah, but the gas. When you said the price of gas was going up going into that ad Holy shit the gas fucking bananas Huh, it was like a leader to right. Yeah, it's fucking so you don't even know what you're paying until it's too late. I

Knew yeah, it was a lot. It was about Seven and nine dollars a gallon depending on where I was Jesus our way is four liters is a gallon is yeah, okay? It's not difficult to crack that code acted like it's like you're like Fahrenheit, okay Okay, so you just multiply by four you're about there pretty much Jesus Christ. Why the fuck? There's getting choked out over there. Yeah, cuz they don't have any like power over OPEC and They don't have their own oil reserves like we do

Yeah, yeah We're lucky Yeah, I guess. Still feel like I'm getting hosed over here paying for. It's not going to go down either now. The summer's almost over. It's just going to stay for it'll come down like three seventies. Fuck you.

It might they might open up reserves going into the election. That usually happens, but it's not a good idea. Well, you know, I'm hoping to make a bunch of money gambling, sports gambling. I haven't been able to do it with baseball or the WNBA. I like to lose my money with pro football and that's right around the corner and almost as good as pro football as college football and it's about to be epic with my bookie. That's right another ad Send the death threats now. I have a PO box. So you're not gonna get my home address anymore, but feel free to send me a severed rats head I

Can't remember what the PO box is 168. I think Trinidad I can't remember what the PO box is 168 I think Trinidad my bookie sports book and casino platform lets you bet on every game and win anytime all from your mobile device you don't even have to have pants on to win with my bookie you can be taking a shit and have the money just rolling in your your gains You don't even need an app. What? You just go online, sign up, and you're ready to go. God knows I hate apps. So you just go online and you can start gambling. You can get that rush that you haven't felt since you were in high school and you almost hit that kid with your car. My bookie has tons of ways to win.

When you know your favorite teams well, it's easy to take advantage of props like team win totals or early picks for the playoffs. Sam went real hard on props like team win totals last season and he did not win. But this year he just might thanks to my bookie. I love sports gambling. It's fun. It's a rush. People keep trying to get me to play fantasy football.

I say I'm out. I'm not going back. I don't miss it. What I do like is gambling every week. Like I said, mostly pro football. I like getting into like playoff basketball did not do great last year But I don't even care because it's not just about winning. It's about having fun. It's about having little stakes in the game watching live texting your buddies

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Anything anywhere I'm gonna bet on The next school shooting over under how many victims in the next school shooting I'm going with that though I'm going over if the if well if the line is nine, I'm going over I'm thinking double digits God that's morbid the copy made it sound like you could wager anything too. Like yeah, you can bet your dog Yeah, you can bet your firstborn That Biden will die before Christmas 2025 I Should have said 2024 That Biden will die before Christmas 2025. I should have said 2024. 2025 is like, yeah, come on, he's not gonna see spring 2025.

But he may be dead already. We have no idea. But yeah, I like the idea that you can bet on anything, anywhere. When's the next time Becker's gonna throw up it's on there you can get some action I bet nine days Yeah, how many more pills do you have like five five more days of pills? Yeah, so it's probably gonna be less than a week I'm surprised that they're back because and Sam will be too because he didn't think that that first ad read was a slam dunk To be fair they bought this one before the first one was posted so shit

I will see if we get a third floor. Maybe this is the last one, but you know There's other options out there. No, there aren't there's only one option my bookie. It's my favorite I definitely don't use fan duel and. My bookie. It's my favorite. I definitely don't use FanDuel and not my bookie. Why would I? Also, yeah, Sam kept saying that it was that you couldn't lose. You can't lose. That you can't lose.

Yeah. Which is fun. But you know, sponsors come and go. That's right. The podcast is forever. Oh yeah, I worked at the bar on Tuesday and classic, so many people come in and they just want to look around, which is fine. The bar was closed for a long time. Maybe you haven't been in there since you were a kid. So people like to look around. Sometimes

people are tourists and they just want to stop in. Maybe they think it's a dispensary. Oh, no. Oh, but this is a cool bar. You mind if I look around? Of course not. But sometimes people come in and I greet them and they don't say a goddamn word. They just look at me. Sometimes they don't even look at me. They just shuffle around, leave. This guy, and it's annoying because it makes me feel like a fucking asshole Makes me feel like a worm. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just you can't even oh, hey Not looking to get a beer or anything. This just looks like a cool bar. Oh, yeah, sure take a lap But yeah, this fucking guy comes in probably in his 50s Shuffles shuffles in hey, how's it going man?

Nothing just kind of looks at me keep shuffling I Go fuck myself obviously He does like a little lap around the bar leaves and then like a few minutes later I go to take a whiz and the toilet seat is down and It's usually up because I Want people to pee in it, not take a shit. So the lid is down and the seat is down, I'm like, God damn it. I lift it up, there's just a turd.

A turd and some toilet paper. And it had to have been that guy, because it was so slow, and it was still early in the shift. So like I knew how many people had been, it was like there had been like four people in there. So this motherfucker can't even talk to me. And he doesn't have to say can I use your bathroom, which would also be, you know, a conversation, an interaction. Yeah. And I let people use the bathroom because there's those there's like public toilets up the street that

are never unlocked. I thought it was seasonal. It's like, oh yeah, spring and summer. No, they're just locked all the time. Or you have to answer a fucking trivia question to get access. I don't know. Or there's a lottery. Your name gets called. It's like, you get to pee in there this week.

But yeah, they're always closed. So yeah, that's annoying. Whatever. So I usually, unless somebody is actively shooting up, I let them go use the bathroom and this motherfucker can't even talk to me. He had suspenders on, so he took his little suspenders off and he wiggled his pants down and shit and then was in such a rush to get to fucking city council meeting that he couldn't flush. Couldn't give me a salute or a nod or a thumbs up on his way out.

Oh yeah, there's a lot of that. A lot of people there's we're pretty sure that the head shop next to us is selling drugs. So there's been all kinds of characters coming and going. Uh, I went in there to try to get a rig before I left town, the headshot. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They're for sure doing something. Yeah. People are coming and going way too quick. Yeah. Uh, and like somebody's running out to cars. So that sucks. Uh, hopefully I don't have to worry about anybody ODing in our bathrooms we have Narcan but the training was like two years ago so I don't think what they're selling needs Narcan oh yeah that's for opiates yeah okay so I just have to see Matthew to me I just have to kick them in the ribs or

tickle them cold water bucket water bucket, cold water, warm piss, ice bucket challenge, smack them around a little bit paintbrush. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to harsh anybody's mellow, but yeah, I'm hoping not to like clean up meth shits or Put out a small fire in the bathroom because these these head shop Customers are gonna be in need of a little privacy I'm surprised we didn't see more junkies in Rome

Yeah, no they went on vacation to. Everybody took Faragosta off. Yeah. We didn't see many people sitting on corners or holding up signs. What was that? Cause it's huge. There's gotta be a bunch of homeless folks. Yeah. And you'd think we were at all the spots, like down by the river.

Down by the river. That's where I would hang out if I was hot and just wanted shade. Yeah. Those parks. Yeah, most people didn't look like they were street folks. Oh yeah, there was that... God damn it. I'm not even drinking bubble water.

I'm trying to be a good boy. There was that one guy, or I don't know who was with us. It might have been just me, Bonzo, Sam. When, oh, when he went to get, when he went to get those shirts. Yeah, there was just a few of us. Yeah, it was when me and Andy peeled off. Okay. So and the girls were hung over, right?

Yeah, they had all tied one on. They slept in. Yeah. They tied off. We went to whatever, there was like a lot of Asian businesses. Bangladeshi folks were in the spot with the stalls where Sam got his four shirts turned into two shirts. And I don't even know if we talked about that on the pod

Yeah, we talked about them getting made but you guys were having to go back the next day. Okay well so when we went to when we were the day the day we just went and we're walking around and and stumbled in there we were by a park and a guy came up and asked us for a smoke and We didn't have smokes. But I offered him a Zin and I was curious if he knew what to do with it. Because I didn't know how could I have explained it. I would have had to charades it and be like, put it in here and then leave it.

I didn't know how to explain it because I didn't know how much it didn't seem like he spoke a lot of English He kind of just at motion for a sig gotcha They have it to him. I don't know what he's there Yeah, but he looked like he might have been Homeless ish. I don't know There were a lot of kids and families at that park and it looked like maybe he was hanging out with some with like a family but he also looked kind of rough, so I don't know there were a lot of kids and families at that park and it looked like maybe he was hanging out with some with Like a family, but he also looked kind of rough So I don't know if he was you know just trying to like get some snacks and then until he got shooed away

But yeah, it was funny to imagine him like chewing on it thinking it's gum. I don't know Trying to light it on fire. Oh, yeah open the open the pouch snort it God that would be rough Fuck snorting one of those would be brutal Yeah Fuck pure nicotine My brother-in-law has infection a ton of logs. Oh He stocks up. I guess they're pretty big with all the fighter pilots

Oh, he stocks up. I guess they're pretty big with all the fighter pilots. What? Like the Zins? Yeah, because we were talking, he was like, you know about these? And I was like, yeah, there's apparently a shortage. He was like, yeah, I can't get them from the place I normally order them from. And then like every cabinet I opened in his house there'd be a log so it was kind of funny that he was worried about running out and had hundreds of them from what I could

tell. Whoa. I guess nicotine helps with like circulation issues when you're pulling G's. So they're all full blownblown addicted to zins now everybody's quit smoking and they're all just fucking horseshoeing zins Interesting yeah, so he was stoked when he was like, but I just found out you know about these vellos. They're like 25 milligrams. Oh God I can't imagine all the Italian ones were like that the velo's that they sold there were all high dose weird shit. Yeah.

But we only had the one thing of velo's and they were six, right? But yeah, they were like nine and 12 and I think 15. That's too much. Yeah. How cool can one person be? That would be buzzing hard. I was bummed I didn't have any for the flight home. Yeah, I had two and I think I only used one. It's so funny when they say you can't have smokeless

tobacco and I think they say that and they're talking about like loose chaw, right? Yeah, but I want you spitting. Right. They don't want yeah, they don't want you to use your water cup you fill it with Choss bit and then you just dump it into the end of the garbage bag But yeah, it would be insane if anybody said anything about Nicotine pouches because there's no well Except for dipshits like Sam who just put them wherever and act like it's fine Yeah, like it's like it's their God-given right like what am I supposed to do? And it's like

literally Treat it like garbage because it's trash and put it somewhere acceptable You don't just stick it somewhere. You don't fucking Just put it wherever as soon as you're done with it. But, you know. I forget where it was in Italy, but one time I like ended up with one in my hand because

it was put somewhere gross and stupid, like underneath a soda can. It was something dumb and it just ended up in my palm and I had a oh good moment where I was like oh very nice That's from someone's mouth probably Sam's so I guess oh yeah and a little better and for some reason he can't Like take it out After like kind of sucking on it so that it's a little bit dry. It has to be like Full of saliva. It was like a loogie. Yeah.

We did our one show, comedy show, thanks to Filippo, who was so fun. I'm excited for him to be introduced to wide world viewers because he was great every time he was on camera. He put together that show for us. It was fun. We didn't know if it would happen because he guaranteed it was going to be a disaster. It actually was fun. We didn't know if it would happen because he guaranteed it was going to be a disaster. It actually was fine. But there was a pretty bad language. Language must have been part of the problem, right?

I think they were all of the problem. It was the main issue. Yeah, they didn't they didn't know who Ric Flair was. And I asked Patrick, do you think people will know who Rick Flair is? And he goes, no. He was, he said there was only like two people who knew what Spencer's gifts was. And I was like, yeah, but Rick Flair has like been around forever. More of a pop culture thing than just a wrestler. It's not like just wrestling fans would know him. I thought, but I was, and I made fun of them and then I get on stage

and probably two people knew who Rick Flair was other than you and and AC or you know our our crew. Yeah, there was like nothing which It was the first time I told this joke because I think I thought of it over there or like right before we went over there, but it's just Rick Flair, you know, wrestling legend, called himself the nature boy, but he was adopted. So I feel like he probably should have called himself the nurture boy. And it got nothing.

And most of most of most of our stuff did not hit hard. People were definitely entertained. They got a lot out of it, but they weren't laughing hard. And so it Chris had a fucking solid set, but Chris's bits were an, uh, a beautiful act out, a humorous physical bit that he did that was long and great and amazing and translated fine Yeah, and then he did his impressions Which is a silly and perfect for an audience that barely speaks like he I don't think even intentionally did it But his set walked the line of like people that barely spoke English perfectly, I think.

People with who are dogs. Yeah, they all got like accident. You're right. No, I would imagine Sharpie just tried to do the stuff that he likes doing the most or whatever. Yeah. And it coincided with. Yeah, he was he's never had stuff that super cerebral I would say not that I do either.

But the yeah, a lot a lot of his stuff is very silly the weirdest the most clear spot I think anybody lost him on language Was how with you they were up until bluey Bit they were with you a hundred percent and then when you made that reference everybody just kind of got like, huh? Yeah, and I didn't think about it being an issue until right before I said Bluey. And I thought, do they know who Bluey is? And yeah, the answer was no, they don't know Ric Flair. They don't know Bluey. But anyway, so I say all that because despite everybody definitely having a good time, you know, loudly applauding us after every set.

I didn't get a lot of good laughs. It was, you know, I said, I can't wait to tell that Ric Flair joke in America. And but it was, and it was fine. I also felt like shit before we, when we had dinner, I would just like couldn't stop sweating. I felt a little bit sick to my stomach and it was very annoying. So I go on stage, I feel okay. I don't pass out or puke on stage, which was great. I get off stage and I'm like, yeah, it's a living.

I don't care that I didn't crush. But I sit down where we've been sitting and I set my phone down and Then I pick it back up a minute later And there's a fucking zin stuck to the back of it and it stuck to it because it was just it's a shell act Because it was so wet with Sam saliva Because he thought that's where that's where zins go the bathroom is six feet away. There's like three trash cans in the bathroom Toilet you could flush it down a toilet if you wanted but now you could put it in a napkin and then leave it on the table God forbid you do anything other than

just bleh it just spit it out there just spit it out on the table who cares I'm Sam T God I hope I hope he crashes over the Atlantic I was now we left that pizza there. Oh Yeah, seven of us couldn't Nobody could remember to grab these two pizza boxes. We all biffed it that that was unfortunate I was surprised by that because and I part of it was probably because I didn't feel great. So I didn't care I had I ate Enough and then yeah, I wasn't in leftover mode

Well, we'd all ignored the box for two hours, and then yeah, it was yeah It was hot in there. I felt bad for you guys. It was so hot in there It was brutal and then the fact that it got like as far into the show as it did before they turned on the air conditioning was insane. Oh yeah yeah it was going before the show. Yeah and then they turned it off when they put bodies in and then like more than halfway through the show. Was it right before your set or was it right before Sam's? I think it was after me So right before the headliner they turned the air back on That's tradition now I would imagine it's cuz they're the people weren't drinking a lot so he's like alright

I gotta save a couple bucks. I don't know. Yeah, but Oh God another burp means it's time to say Check out the patreon You freeloaders if you haven't already we started the patreon pretty much right when we started the pod So and which was right around this time four years ago. It was like end of August wasn't it? I think that's when we started yeah, yeah for four years Okay, sometime in August mm-hmm four years of chubby be four years of patreon episodes

And there's some good stuff in there. So check it out patreon.com slash chubby behemoth Sam gets back to the States Tonight he will be in Wilmington, North Carolina Friday Saturday With Joe ash I will not be there because I biffed it and didn't get plane tickets sorry North Carolina sorry tar heels but go to Sam talent.com for upcoming tour dates I will be in San Antonio I will be in Houston at the secret group those shows are Friday and Saturday San Antonio Friday September 6th Houston September 7th Sam will be in Dayton September 4th Columbus September 5th Big Diamond Comedy Festival October 3rd 4th and 5th in Bentonville Arkansas if you're anywhere near

Bentonville you should come to that we're gonna do a wrestling show The lineup is killer Kyle Canane's gonna fucking be there. He's the best so Come check that out Sam and I will be out there Sam and Raj Suresh put together the fest and had you know The committee go through submissions and pick actually funny comedians as opposed to just whoever has the right management I don't want to get into all that bullshit But so many festivals are just scams and awful just grifters just some dickhead Decided to get a couple sponsors and throw together a festival book their friends and then book whoever can help their career

So yeah, this is not that this is just Raj Approaching Sam and being like, let's do like a good festival. And Sam being like, sounds good. So that's cool. It'll be fun. Ran Barnacle will be there. Can't wait to dick around with a bunch of friends

in Bentonville. And then as I said on Instagram, Kidnap a Walton or two. No. If you're listening, ATF, I don't know who would, I won't be smoking while I kidnap a Walton. Also, it's a joke. Wink. It's a joke.

Allegedly. But, uh, yeah, we'll be out there for that. High Plains and Denver is coming up and, uh, me and Sam and you will be all over that, uh, chubby B probably Saturday during the day. Generally fine. Gentleman's club Saturday night. Sounds like we are closing out the festival. Fuck.

Yeah. Which is interesting. Yeah. Usually we're the last show Friday night. I think we're going to be the last show Saturday night. Uh, so that's yeah, that's cool. Uh, but yeah, samtalen.com don't go to NathanLun.com. I can't fucking get my shit together, maybe ever.

I wonder if you can bet on my bookie, whether I will, what will happen first? I'll have a functioning website or Armageddon or the Rapture. What will happen or will I die? Everybody keeps talking about how huge I am. So I would imagine the money, the smart money is on me dying before having a, and people want to help whoever Harley, whoever has reached out about helping me. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking dickhead and trying to put together a website is like homework and I have a school

sucks disorder. I have SSD and so I can't be bothered. Speaking of Patreon people, we have cool merch that I'm eventually going to get in the mail. It's great. Leslie, our friend Leslie put it together. Jordan Dahl designed it and it's great and I'm going to send it out, god damn it, in the next couple days. So that's cool Don't bet on my bookie Just yet, but uh Yeah, thanks for listening Sam

Rest in peace. I just got word he's gone but That means I'm going to Wilmington Later bye