Chubby Behemoth - Sam and Nathan Discuss The Little Nicky Musical

Episode Date: November 19, 2023

SPONSOR: Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com & use code CHUBBY BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   This week Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are full of accents and half covered in blankie. They debate the hierarchy of Culkins. Children’s entertainer Austin Opossum stops by and the boys talk about the shows in Europe. Nathan reveals his new talent agency. Someone had to use a seatbelt extender. Lund broke edge after seeing a horse thief.  

And I let sound good and you sound good. I sound good? I would imagine you sound good. I would imagine you sound good. Because I love the sound of your voice. I'm glad this person is vacuuming at 1130. We got a meth head above us. We got one of these British tweakers that they talk about on the streets.

We saw that one guy hit something before getting on the train. We were in the subway tunnel. The tube. The underground, bruv. That's where I live. The old tubie, teletubies, they call it. We were below the crust with the troglodytes, weren't we? He was puffing on something that wasn't ganja, mate.

He wasn't spinning a glass stick, either. It was just a straight, shot barrel load of crack cocaine. Must have been. I think he was the bloke from Oasis. He looked pale as a ghost. He looked like Pete Doherty. I'm going Liverpudlian. I'm going posh.

Posh Spice. I'm Posh Spice. Hi, I'm Posh. Posh Spice. Hello, it's me, Posh Spice I'm Posh Spice Hi I'm Posh Posh Spice Hello it's me Posh Spice isn't it I like to take a hit of the old paper And then vacuum the night away I've been smoking crack in the tunnels

Because David won't answer me calls will he What was the quote David Beckham What was the quote of Posh Spice She said something rather heinous I think she said I owe it to the fashion community To look good all the time What was the quote of Posh Spice? She said something rather heinous. I think she said, I owe it to the fashion community to look good all the time. Oh, yes.

Something like that. Someone asked, why do you always look like that? And she said, I look like this so that David Beckham's hands can look like this. And then he held up his hands and they were all burnt. They were scarred, weren't they? Picking up a hot crack pipe. Picking up a crack pipe without any gloves, without any crack handling gloves. He burned his hand and he said, help us, help us. Now that's from The Simpsons, isn't it?

That's from The Simpsons 2, isn't it? A little bit of your butt gun powder came out your tunnel system. Oh, just a wee bit. I want to have me tubes tied, that's what I say. I say a lot of stuff. I say a lot when no one's listening. I talk to meself. I've been saying things today and no one would respond to them.

We had a rough morning, didn't it? Oh, you took a bit of criticism, didn't you? It wasn't criticism. It was just a slice of nasty pie. It was a big heaping spoonful of piss and shit pie. It was something other than, you're the best, mate. You changed me life.

And you reacted like a wee little one who doesn't know how to take a little bit of a compliment and a criticism at once? Well, look here, if your wife ever watched you do standing of comedy... She's not a fan. And then she said something mean to you, it might rock your very shocks as well, wouldn't it? I like to live in a world of ignorance where she doesn't know if I'm funny or not. Yes, you're Schrodinger's husband.

Aren't you? Schrodinger's comedian. You're Schrodinger's cunt today, aren't you, mate? Nobody sees the special, then they don't know if it's good or bad, do they? I don't know, Ringo. It's me.

That's Liverpudlian. You're Liverpudling. I'm sitting in a Liverpuddle. Me liver's been weeping. It is. I've got cirrhosis. I've had to wring it out from all the Guinnesses

I had in Dublin there. Oy. There's me wife. She's got no undies on. So many Guinness. So many Guinness. Down the hatch, open it up, put it in the pipe. So little time. This, me belly looked like a used latrine. Because of all the Guinness inside of it.

Think about that. Oh, a lot of dark mud. A lot of mud. I make me own mud, don't I? I'm like a little spider monkey in a tree. The host of the Dublin Airbnb called the police the garter. Said we have a goiter that popped in the bathroom. That's the only explanation. Emmy, do you want to come over here and tell us about that goiter we saw in the Dublin airport, eh?

Why not? Emmy, will you at least come in here and do your great accent that you have? She's not on this podcast. She's doing the next one. Emmy's going to be on the next podcast. She's going to be doing her impression of the lead singer of Madness. Emmy, come over here. What did Madness sing?

Emmy, don't put your face in front of there. They're going to screen capture it, and then they're going to use it. They're going to make a dartboard out of it, and they're going to hit it with their loads. Do you remember the name of my talent agency? Yes, I remember. Your talent agency is called Get Over Here. That's right. Right?

Yes, that's right. Get Over Here. My talent agency. I said, oh, I wonder if there's any talent in here. She broke her own phone me wife's having a bit of a spaz attack I think she's got some spider mites

in her bundus I think it's because you unplugged her phone from charging so I had to unplug it so I could plug in her computer which we're also using

I think you could've left it in I could have and I regret not doing so. Emmy, you missed out on about 3% of charge on my behalf, and I'm sorry. It would have been more if she hadn't been proactive. Emmy, go out there and scrub your gambrenis.

Give your gambrenis a scrubbing. What is grambinis? I can't remember. It's a beer, isn't it? Grambinis is a Czech beer. It's a beer. Ooh, I'll have a beer, won't you? Yes, sir. Well, thank you, Captain. It's a beer, isn't it? Grand Venus is a Czech beer. It's a beer. Ooh, I'll have a beer, won't you? Yes, I will. Thank you, Captain. It's me.

It's a different guy. It's a different accent. God forbid we talk like ourselves. We can't do that, can we? I don't know. I'm not stopping until you do. I'm going to do the voice the whole time, but it's going to evolve and become different dudes. We're going to have a very low-viewed episode. I don't think so.

They like when we do characters. As long as it's not that pal Corbin of yours. Now, Corbin had a good showing, did he not? People have been begging for Corbin to come back. They say, what's happened to Corbin? Is he still a human trash can in the park? Well, when we left Corbin, he was considering it. I think that he was in a torrid relationship with one of the lesser Macaulay Culkin brothers.

That's right. That's their name. They're the Macaulay Culkin brothers. They're like Albert and the Chipmunks. There's Macaulay. There's Mario. Yep. Luigi.

Yes. And. Princess Peach Culay. Mm-hmm. There's Mario. Yep. Luigi. Yes. And Princess Peach Culkin. Grambinus. Grambinus Culkin. Grambinus Culkin. He got out of the limelight, did he not? I don't know that you would call Kieran Culkin the lesser Macaulay, the lesser Culkin at this point.

He's certainly not Macaulay. Macaulay who pissed off to live in Paris and take drugs and sing about pizza pies. Right. Meanwhile, Kieran was on Succession. No one watched that. It was popular. It was not in this country a good show because we didn't understand all your allusions to American business parlance. Oh, they do business over here, mate.

Oh, I've been doing business over here. You've been in the toilet breaking business and business has been good. Business is exploding, much like all the toilets I've been decimating with me bum. Oh, you know what I enjoyed? What did you enjoy? Did you have a secret piece of cake? No, no. Is that what

you enjoyed and you didn't tell us? No cake. You had some very public tiramisu and you didn't offer me any. I got it for mes myself, did I not? I told you we're having snacks while we watch our movie. Would you enjoy to have a snack? And you said, I don't need anything. Leave me be.

I had currently, I had been full. I was full of fish. You had an entire red snapper, if I remember. I had several people's fish dinners. Yes, you did. You also finished several people's french fries, and you finished a man's gyro in Dublin, which was a bit insane, but I recommend

it all. It wasn't insane. You finish people's food all the time. I do not. That's a Lund move. Lund says, Oi, boy, are you gonna finish that apple? And he says, But I haven't even bit into it, mister. And you say, You're weaker than me. Give me my mouth. Give me my mouth food. This is what I'd

like to say. Hit me. I had a bit of a toilet issue in Dublin. I sprayed, and I left a little bit of poop in the bowl. This is what you must say. Yes, because you went in there, and you said, oh, my God, why don't you use a

brush? And I said, that's the way you've left every toilet I've ever encountered after you. Yes, yes, yes. That's all hearsay. Oh, yes, of course. Why would I talk about it? No, no, no. That's not what I do. It's what happened. Every toilet looks better once I finish using it. Oh, no. Every toilet retires. Every toilet

is taken out to pasture and shot in the head with a scatter gun. Every toilet has been turned into a garbage can after you're done. Most toilets are garbage cans if you think about it, baby. Yeah, baby, yeah. I've been hiding in here the whole time.

It's me, Austin Powers. Oh my God, it's me, Austin Possum. I'm a little marsupial. I can't believe you're coming back. I've been playing dead. I don't know if you heard, but I'm not Austin Powers. I'm Austin Possum. It's a whole different thing, baby.

Oh, it's a new one. It's a new thing. It's an animated movie for the younger set in which Austin Powers is reincarnated in the body of a possum baby. I don't know if I'll go see that. I don't think anyone will. It's very bad. Trust me. We're in rewrites while we're filming.

That's how you know it's going to be a real shit heap. It's going to look like the backside of that toilet in Dublin, baby. And now, baby. Oh, no. Austin Powers has been possessed by Sammy Davis Jr., baby. I don't know if you should explore Sammy Davis. You haven't tried him out too long. Sammy Davis is easy, baby.

You just look like this, and you have your mouth a little bit full of spit, baby. And then instead of saying it like baby, you say, baby, like you're honking a horn. Oh, I'm back. What about Lebanese Sammy Davis Jr.? You were exploring that earlier today. I forgot about that.

Oh, yes. That was getting me when the edible kicked in. Oh, a little bit of a gummy. Walla habibi, baby. Not bad. That's Arabic Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, you're talking as yourself. Looks like I won.

Even though I only relied on one voice while you took a little tour of the world. That was the narrator commenting on the show that they're watching. Deus es machina, baby. The ghost in the machine. Imagine a machine powered by ghosts. We would have to kill people every waking moment to keep it from turning off, baby. Imagine a baby ghost machine. Instead of Boeing, it would be called

booing. Baby, I'm a British baby. Don't brush my tooth. I don't brush me tooth, do I? I like my tea with milk from mummy's bosom. Squirt, squirt. I ride

in a little carriage on the train and every now and then I put my hand in a man's pocket and me mummy slaps me hand and says, no, no, those aren't your keys. That really happened? You don't even have a car, baby, baby. He wanted to shake his own keys. A little boy put his hand in me pocket on the

tube and his mummy said, oh, I'm going to have to torture you when we get home i hope she didn't i hope she did because he's a little thief is he not he's a little fucking gadabout handsy man and he looked like a nice chap to me he was you cannot judge a child his brain's probably simmering with poison. He grew up on the subway and his favorite movie is Austin Possum. He says, Mommy, can we go home and watch Austin Possum?

I like it when the little rat sexually harasses all the other animals. It's already out then. Oh, it's straight to VHS. That's not good. Not even DVD. It's a collector's item out the gate. That's not good. Not even DVD. It's a collector's item out the gate. That's not good for sales.

Oh, I don't care. I have so much money, baby. I'm Hamas. I'm Hamas. Keep talking, please. Don't stop it. I'm in Hamas. You'll sink us all

lower than a yellow submarine. Please let the nightmare end. Stop talking in accents. I'm still doing the accent but now it's getting even further and further away from human speech, baby.

I ended up doing a decent Donald Trump, didn't I? You really smashed it, darling. And then I lost it in the late show. You couldn't get it back. It was like a dove released from a cage.

Trailed off. Yes, you tried to do a joke about Donald Trump going to prison and raping everybody. I'm the best at raping. Everybody knows I'm very good. I don't have it. It's okay, because you've been doing the Liverpudlian for too long. Oh, tried to do a little quick transition. And I failed.

What about Donald Trump, who's also Austin Powers? I'm the best. Everyone's saying I'm the best. Everyone's saying I'm number one. I've got to make America jizz again. Everyone in America needs to jizz, baby. Randy Donald Trump. Oh, call me Randy because I'm

uh, my name is Randall, but call me Randy. It's short for my full name. I'm under a blankie, am I not? Yes, you are. Look how square me head is right now. People love to see a big white mouse that's why they like my stand-up when i perform in my transparent top i'm going to start wearing

saran wrap as a shirt when i go on stage oh and then i'll say i'll say peel me peel me baby peel me simon go ahead, baby. Peel me, Simon. Go ahead and peel off that saran wrap and we'll turn around and give that big booty a clap. I've been pointing out who's from England. You've been pointing out who's got them in a major way. Oh, well. We've been saying Big Ben, because that means...

She's got them. Clock it. Oh, yeah, clock these clock these manchester mounds baby look at look at these meaty manchester meat mountains and i'd like to ascend them i'd like to climb them and plant a flag but the flag is actually made of my cock. Do you think about it? I don't think anybody's listening anymore. Everybody can't turn it off, baby.

Nobody's made it to the 16-minute mark. I think they love it. Look, they like when we're having fun, and that's all we're doing now. We're not going to go through and tell you what exactly we ate here in London or who bombed. No, no one's going to know. Nobody bombed. I think that what they should say when they're planning a terrorist attack on the subway, they should say,

watch out tomorrow because you're about to have your tubes tied. I've been trying to figure out how to phrase that joke since I said tube tying about eight moments ago. You judge 11 in moments. In London we don't have minutes or hours or days. We've got moments and it's our job to savor

and suckle the marrow out of the sweet ones we get every day. Solid advice. It's hot in here, is it not? Last night the thermostat was set to 94 degrees. I don't think that was correct. Yes, it was a liver poodle. A poodle of liver in my bed.

Now, here's something I've wanted to ask you. What do you think is the main difference between Dublin and foggy Lublin? What was that last one? London? in foggy Lublin. What was that last one? London? Well, here's what we've been saying. Dub Lund and London.

Which one's better? I like Dub Lund because it's a lot tougher to put together. It's not right there in front of you like a big blinking light that says, this is a joke. This is a joke for you. No, you have to do the work on Dub Lund.

A bit subtle. A bit subtle. A bit subtle. I bought some cheese at the store, and I ate just a wedge of it while I was waiting for you to come out. Do you remember that? Oh, yes. A bit of secret manchego in front of the store there, baby. Apparently, you'll share your manchego, but you won't share your tiramisu. Now, when we were in the store, I said,

you'll share your manchego, but you won't share your tiramisu. Now, when we were in the store, I said, Lund, you're going to want a treat, because we're about to watch the best movie ever, The Adam Project. That we did. We watched it. It stars Ryan Reynolds' rap,

which is what I'm going to call my Reynolds rap that I wear on my body, the translucent layer. And then a little boy, he was a bit of a fire plug. I want to see what he does next. He's a bit of a star in him, doesn't he? I think he'll probably kill himself. God, I hope not. That's what happens with these child stars. I'm sure he got diddled by Reynolds on set repeatedly.

No. Oh, yes. Reynolds can't keep his finger out of every pot, can he? That's why they call him Winnie the Pooh. Because he's always got that sticky jam on his hand. He's allergic to pants. Winnie the Pooh. A.A. Milne.

From right here in the British UK. That's right. Possibly from Liverpool. I think he was from Nottingham Forest. You're thinking of Robin Hood? Oh, I always am thinking of Robin Hood, baby. Oh, you're horny again. I've never not been horny, to tell you the truth.

Now, something I wanted to ask you. What was the main big difference for you between Dublin and London town? Dublin, there's less people, so it's a bit less annoying to get around. Aye, it's just a bit of a thumbprint compared to the palm slap that is London town. And it's a bit too much for me,

especially now that I'm in Trinidad. I'm used to less people to bump into. Well, yesterday when we were on the train straight from the airport, we were jammed in there. We were jammed in there like a scoop of Skull Brand chewing tobacco in a gentleman's

lower lip. Jammed. Packed. Sardines in a tin, mate. You hated it. You were like, my god, what have we done? I'm going to blow this whole train to smithereens? Call me Guy Fawkes. Call me Guy Fawkes because I'm blowing up Parliament.

Call me Guy Starfox. Call me Guy Ritchie because I've directed several good films and a couple of bad ones. Which ones were bad? You should direct Guy Starfox. Remember Starfox? Yeah. Yes, that was a good game. Now imagine if Starfox was wearing a mask and angry at Parliament.

And instead of shooting those rings with his spaceship, he blasted Parliament down to the very pillars. A bit more political. I like my N64 space shooters with a bit of political charge, baby. You can play Star Fox. I'll be playing F-Zero. F-Zero sucked. No, it didn't.

It was for knaves and simpletons. You were too young to get it. I couldn't handle the remote control. You put the controller in your mouth. I said, this gum tastes bad. It's plasticine gum. I can't even chew it. And it was, yes, it was just an SNES controller.

Speaking of SNES, we saw a bit of a blast from the past, didn't we? Down by the London Eye, came across prints of various pop culture, and all of a sudden, several prints for the SNES game Super Ghouls and Ghosts. Of all the things that my brain could never create, it would be stumbling upon a street fair where they were selling books and records and CDs and prints from movies and all types of pop cultural ephemera, and stumbling upon a 16-quid, 8x11 advert for super ghouls and ghosts my brain could never cook that up in a million fever dreamings it was the only video game that

we came across yes well why well because if you ask me british parliament's full of only ghouls and ghosts. Do you remember when I bombed the other day in Dublin? I do. We were in a taxi shed, which is what they call cabs in Dublin. We were in a shed, yes. In a taxi-mobile, ripping through Dublin town. And our driver pointed it, and he said, that's Parliament over there. And I said, more like the Nuthouse.

But unfortunately, the man was old and so he probably had respect and reverence for the people in control he revered his politicians as a good irishman does but not us in the uk we're able to uh discern a bit better who's a trickster and who's a thief but not over there in irish i call it ir. Over there in Irish, they don't know. They're just, oh, Lauren Begore, if it ain't the little leprechaun. That kind of talk. Charlie Begarlin. Charlie.

My Irish eyes do cry when someone calls my leaders insane to the naked eye. That was very good. Oh, thank you. That was very good for a Liverpudlian to do such a convincing Dublin accent. That might have been from the county cork, honestly. I couldn't tell ye. Oh, now I'm all over the place. It's okay, now you've become some kind of pilgrim.

How did they talk? Hello, pilgrim. It's me. hello pilgrim it's me a pilgrim it's 16 20 and i want some corn i just came over here wearing a wool suit and i reek like flea bites my flea bites have shit in them my let's have some dinner. God, so yeah, I think you did Corbin for about 20, no, you did Corbin for like 36 minutes and people threatened to kill your wife. That's what they do. People come out.

They're so unoriginal with their threats. Don't hurt my wife. What did Corbin even sound like? I don't want to bring him back. I'll lose this one if I try that one. There's his face over here. Oh, that's right. He kind of sounded like Little Nicky.

No, he didn't. He kind of sounded like Little Nicky. If I know anything about our listeners, they're going to hate this fucking episode. Because we brought back Super Ghouls and Ghosts and Little Nicky. What the fuck? Our listeners are more of a murder mystery two crowd. Now I've even lost Little Nicky.

Because I obviously haven't re-watched it since it came out. Why would I? Unless I was truly insane. Now it's just a creation of my own. And I don't know who he is, but I think I'm going to let him take control for a while. I don't have a phone, so I should probably lose my mind, too.

You lose your phone, and then you start talking like Little Nicky. All I do is play Super Ghouls and Ghosts and doctor myself as a Little Nicky-esque character named Big Cletus. Big Cletus doesn't have a southern accent like a lot of people named Cletus. It's an honor to have you on the pod, Big Cletus. What's a podcast? All I do is plan my revenge.

And play Super Ghouls and Ghosts, right? Well, yes, I multitask. As soon as I beat Super Ghouls and Ghosts, yes i multitask as soon as i beat super ghouls and ghosts i'll be ready to execute a plot i'm blowing up parliament in every country whether they have one or not parliament's blown up already man what george clinton did for them he really put them on. Get up on the Downs Road. Oh, everybody get up. Get up on the Downs Road. Here's something you don't know. I watched Little Nicky pretty recently.

You must be as insane as me. I'm even crazier because I watched it with the sound off. Because I didn't want, want i then as he was talking i would do all of his limes in a voice that kind of sounded like him so i would just riff along while it was on on mute that sounds great to me baby i think that sounds smashing oh this guy's back i like. We don't have you in hell. There's no British people in hell. Sounds good to me, baby.

That's right, because you guys are all Protestant. Yes, we get to go to heaven, huh? Yeah, you're all up there. I'm just covered in Irish Catholics down here. No one's good at basketball. Everyone's always sunburned. So you heard me doing that voice and you said, I should probably do that voice too.

I should get in there. This is the new hotness. This is the new shit. Well, I did watch Little Nicky pretty recently with Emmy. Why? She hasn't seen Gangs of New York, and yet you watched Little Nicky together instead. We had a Sandler triple header. header okay what were the other two we watched uh

happy gilmore little nicky and mr deeds okay mr deeds was great yeah i remember liking it tuturo's in it yeah he's funny i'm a sneaky little man yeah he's always sneaking around. I'm very sneaky. Yes. He says it. I can't believe it. Mr. Beats. Turturro's character says it. He does. And people just kind of look the other way because they didn't want to cancel Turturro. Well, when he opens the door and they have that special cameo from the ladies' man, he's just so surprised.

He's like, what the hell are you doing here? Beep. You must have watched the director's cut. I did. Yeah, so you watched. So out of the three. Gilmore. Well, I'm just trying to think.

Like, out of the three, happy Gilmore, good call. Mr. Deeds, sure. Well, you forget about Mr. Deeds. Because everyone's like, let's watch Big Daddy. Everyone, first pick, it's Big Daddy. So, yeah, we Mr. Deeds. Everyone's like, let's watch Big Daddy. Everyone, first pick, it's Big Daddy. So yeah, we threw on Deeds, and then we were like, if we're going to do this, let's do it all the way. It's little Nicky time.

We cranked Nicky for 93 minutes. And it's not good, right? No, Kevin Nealon has the boobs on his head. That's pretty cool. That's kind of cool. But other than that, that fucking movie, not that good. I don't like when Adam sandler knows mystical powers that's your that's my that's my big issue that's why i like uh uh i like uh guest of the wedding is that the name of it muriel's wedding

sandler's in that yeah it's him and ch Rock, and it's like their kids are getting married, and Chris Rock is rich, and Sandler's like, but we gotta, everyone's gotta pitch in and spend the same amount of money on the dinner. And Chris Rock's like, man, I don't need to do that.

I got all the money. Just keep me away from my crazy parents. I don't think that's Muriel's wedding. Yeah, and then Sam's like, well, what if instead of me, it was little Nikki? from my crazy parents. I don't think that's Muriel's wedding. Yeah. And then Adam Sandler's like, well, what if instead of me, it was little Nicky? Like in the movie?

What if I was little Nicky in this movie too? Wait, did you watch Hubie Halloween? Oh, yeah, of course. Me and Emmy watch it every Easter. What does he sound like? Does he do kind of a little Nicky voice? He kind of does like a Shabba Doo again. Okay.

A Shabba Gabba Gobba. Good call. He just does little Nicky, but it's UV Halloween. I'm Adam Sandler, and we've got a free Palestine. I'm kind of, everyone thinks of me as Jewish comedian, but really I'm a humanitarian voiced. That's right. This is how I actually talk. He's from New York.

I'm from New York. I'm actually from Concord, New Hampshire. But I don't let that get out to you. You don't let it get out to you. Is that the capital? Concord? Concord's the big boy. I think it's Concord.

Then you got Burlington, Vermont. Manchester's in the mix, but they don't really get enough love. Manchester, England? Manchester by the sea, little Nicky. It's a different Sandler guy talking to little Nicky. But it's right on the fringe of Nicky. It's on the outskirts of Nick Apocalypse Is that in Greece?

Yeah, it's in Crete That's its own place There was a guy at the show in Bratislava He was from Turkey And he kept using the toilet That was right next to the stage He kept using it? He went in there twice

And he was in there for longer and longer intervals And I said, Turkey, more like turdy What are you doing in there twice, and he was in there for longer and longer intervals. And I said, Turkey, more like, turdy, what are you doing in there? You got a Turkish delight for me? What are you baking up on that toilet bowl? I biked the door. I just held the mic to the door. I was like, we can hear you.

Did they like that? Oh, yeah. I mean, I had to do everything I could. It was in a bookstore because all the shows in Europe sold well well except for bradislava sold like 15 tickets so they moved it from this theater that was called the hotel colorado to uh this bookstore called next apache and in one room there was a bunch of books and like a little reading area and then there was like a bar with like a couple of kegs and a coffee machine and big board game tables. And the host, he did God's work, but he failed to get the people

that were playing board games to come in. So by the time I got up there, there was like seven people in this room. And I was able to finally get the board game people to come in. But yeah, at the most, there was like maybe 18 people at that show in two separate rooms in one room you could smoke cigarettes so everyone wanted to be in that room because it was eastern europe that was the game they

were playing was smoke the cigarette how many cigs can you smoke while ignoring the fat man yes and there was a there was a guy from turkey and there's a guy from greece right next to each other and i said grease up the, and that went really well. And I kind of just like skated from there. Dined out. Yeah. Dined out on that for a while. Yeah, I made a big old meal of that, greasy turkey slob.

And then the turkey guy went to the bathroom, and I just like stood in front of the door. He was like, we can hear you. It stinks. I did my full Santa. like, we can hear you. It stinks. I did my full Sandler. Ew, it stinks in there. What are you cooking in there? What do you got, a full turkey

just dropped in the bowl? This is my impression of a guy doing an impression of Adam Sandler, but he's never heard Adam Sandler talk. So it's pretty close. He's trying to cover his bases so he throws a lot of different voices Yeah

That's not a bad idea He doesn't know about Shabba Doo He knows he's been in a lot of stuff So he's like oh but he sounds like a lot of different people He's probably He's like Gary Oldman He can become anyone at any time Is there anywhere

That I can't go That you went on this tour that you definitely wouldn't go back to well i don't know if i'm in a hurry to get back to stockholm um i feel like we saw stockholm from top to bottom because we got there with like you know first four days of vacation enthusiasm which meant we're riding the big red bus we're taking the river cruise we're uh we're returning to places that we found on the big red bus to further explore so i feel like i really like kind of scraped the meat off all those bones i'll be scraping meat easy nicky we're Sorry. He just kind of comes out of me from time to time. You should come out of the closet, you fat gay.

What the hell, Nicky? I'm homophobic, obviously. Because I'm real. I'm the devil's son. Don't forget that. Who's my mommy? Do they establish that? Yeah, I think it's Rita Rudner Rita Rudner's my mommy

I think it is They don't show her, do they? No I wonder why It would have been Tia Carrera if I could have cast it correctly But we had a limited budget They couldn't get Carrera It was right after 9-11

We had Kevin Nealon money. That's all we could scrape off. They had to pick between Kevin Nealon and Tia Carrera, then went with Nealon. Yeah, we thought we bet on the sex appeal of Kevin Nealon. Tia Carrera's boobs are the ones on his head. We slapped him off. So it's like an homage.

Yeah. It's like a cameo. Just a quick little day day rate yeah yeah we can only afford her boobs for a day we we yeah I don't think I would be going back to Stockholm I mean I want to see more brought us love across love was cute man we got there and we stumbled into this like big market and there was like a big book flea market upstairs. And then there was a bunch of natural wine stalls downstairs.

And Emmy bought all this cool stuff to like have a little picnic. And then later that night we were walking around and we followed this like weird Balkan music until we wound up at another like wine festival. I think it was the Beaujolais Nouveau of Slovakia. And it was just a really magical time we went to the we went to the uh opera that's right yeah it was it was crazy because it was uh it was an operatic rendition of little nicky so that was cool there was just a lady up there going i'm the devil's shrine it's really cool. Kevin Nealon was there, too. They say it's better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.

But what if you're serving your father in hell? What do you do? Shabba-doo. I don't even think he hit a shabba-doo in that movie. That's why a lot of people didn't like it. Robert Ebert said it needed more Shabba-Doos. One thumb down. Roger Ebert had his jaw removed

so that he would never have to be forced to smile when lying about enjoying Little Nicky. That's one of the big underlying motifs of this podcast is your obsession with robert ebert getting his jaw removed roger ebert roger stone respect on his name i don't i don't know dude roger ebo roger ebert which i used to watch your show i am obsessed i'm terrified uh that that will happen to me and uh in order to kind of maybe shout at the devil i bought two vapes today i'm playing with my own fate i'm saying come at me little I'm Henny Youngman Except with mandibles I'm married to my own jar

What guy You made yourself laugh twice Really hard today Oh yeah? Yeah the first one There's one over here on the couch What was that? I can't remember I don't know I mean you got yourself at dinner When you said The first one, not the first one. There's one over here on the couch. What was that? Shoof.

I can't remember. I don't know. I mean, you got yourself at dinner when you said the thing about your talent agency. We were surrounded by Japanese people at this fish and chip shop. And you said, Emily was like, have you noticed anything about this place? And you were like, you mean the surroundings or the talent? And she said, the talent. And you said, well, yeah, I have a talent agency. I'm a talent and she said the talent then you said well yeah i have a talent agency i'm a talent scout and my talent agency is called get over here yeah so that got

you really hard and then you went to use the bathroom and the lady said let me show you how and you said i know how to do it because she had to unlock the door but you made us all laugh really hard with that yeah i'm glad she liked it instead of being like oh yeah she she liked it and then i also liked hearing you laugh in the bathroom she just sprays me with me yeah your face falls in the fish fry helps me in the knee yeah me and emmy eat our dinner you're like ow help me no one pays attention to me unless i do little nicky voice but i think i tore my patella tendon oh my god i'm in so much fucking pain over here guys emmy's like wrap it up oh god how's how over it is she she's not dude she's been so good i love her so much she got me this morning because she was mean to me.

Maybe I was being touchy. But yeah, I love her so much. I can't stay mad at her. I see her and I'm just like, oh my God, look how cute she is. Look at her little hair, her hat. Well, I mean, I backed it up. What she was saying was that last night at Lester Square Theater, you were very raunchy. Thank you to all the chubby chasers who came out.

That was cool, man. That felt really cool. A couple of Lung guys. Joe. And we walked in. Patch and Joe hit you with I'm a Lung guy right away. A little stinky. That put me in an immediate bad mood.

No, it was a good show. But yeah, you were raunchy. The riffs, I think, were a little. One, you did an hour instead of like 45 to 50. So there was a little more wandering. Also a theory. You have to do the jokes. You have to riff.

You can't just do crowd work like I do. I'm the only man to ever do crowd work. No, that's the thing is I'm over crowd work. So in that big of a room, you're like, okay, I'm just going to talk to you. I'm going to do my jokes. And sometimes when you are playing at the extremes of the human mind that's what you do that's what i do like albert einstein well i could only fill 50 minutes with my great little nicky impression yeah it was way too much little nicky well and also when you

introduced me you said what was your introduction for me after the break we're in the lester theater it's a beautiful room historic oh yeah Oh, yeah? What's the history? Oh, it's been there forever. It's like the first time an American comic comes over to London. That's usually the room they do. Oh. Yeah. So it's like a big deal.

Not anymore. Yeah, because you brought me on by saying, hey, did you enjoy the break? Have you all pissed and shit? Now that you all pissed and shit. Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah. This is a and shit. Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah.

This is a nice place. Yeah. I kind of regretted it immediately, but it was funny and people liked it. Yeah. And they said, we have pissed and we have shit. Yes. All pissed and all shit. Now I'm ready for more laughing, huh? Oi, mate.

I've pissed and shat. Now bring out the big man, eh? Let us have him. The pos potch sounding guy but he still can't escape his cockney past look here i'm pissed in a shit baby baby i've pissed and shat 14 times today i ate something bad i had some under kick i had some undercooked chili roll. What's that? It's a London treat. Give me some. But yeah, also, so yeah, I was a bit raunchy and extreme. It's okay.

That's you. And he said I was raunchy. I was like, you. Raunchy extremist. Yeah, it's like, raunchy extremist. Well, like I said, I would actually like to make a list, two columns. A word map? A word cloud?

Well, no, just the list, just to see them next to each other but the like intelligent vocabulary that you used which was extensive you know and then the other side is just all of the the bad words swear words and like gross descriptions of the human body or what it does yeah and it would be funny there would be just a lot you could try a lot of conclusions if you looked at those two columns i don't know if you could i think you would be like what is this madman spouting about what is this strange fucking freestyle poetry this guy's all about is he dealing with the extremes of the human condition yeah i guess you're covering a lot of ground because if somebody liked the whole show i don't know if i'd want to hang out with that person no i enjoyed the

whole show i know you did great you had that great thing about a seatbelt extender yeah i needed a seatbelt extender for the first time because we're on ryan air which is maybe worse than frontier i think it's right around like the frontier of of europe it's it's they sell scratch tickets on the airplane that's how you know you're dealing with some pretty low class individuals yeah some kind of gypsy scheme they're running. They sell your email address. Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

I sat down and it was the first time, like there have been times recently because I'm the biggest I've been. And there have been times where I have been like, oh God, this is going to be tough. Really? Yeah. And then I get it. Not that I'm sitting there in pain the whole time, but where it's like I can't really pull to tighten.

It's just like as big as it can be. It's as tight as it can be. No, no, where it's as long as it can go, and then I leave it there. And I'm comfortable. And then this time, I couldn't i couldn't get it i was close but yeah i needed the extender and the guy in front of me was bigger than me i looked at his giant bald head as he sat in front of me and he also got a seat belt extender and then and i was

like all right solidarity and then i figured you needed one too no i never need them well because you didn't buckle it no but i mean i've never needed one ever in my life but i'm saying you said you didn't buckle your why am i being told what to do right but also you couldn't so i didn't even try i sat on mine and i didn't move towards it once so you were more uncomfortable than if you put it on well maybe the lady came up and she was like uh mrs talent looks like yours is on uh and oh little nicky yeah you're surely you're bound in and i went yeah i'm tied over here i'm locked in i'm not going anywhere except for back to hell to get my daddy

yeah but yeah so the flight attendant uh a few minutes later came and talked to the dude and he was in an emergency exit row if I haven't already said that and she said I'm sorry but you can't be in the emergency exit row and use a seatbelt extender which is ridiculous well yeah because if there's a tear in the plane he'll just plug it with his fat body he's like

man putty he can help yeah exactly I am man putty yeah I'm man putty but uh's like man putty. He can help. Yeah, exactly. I am mad putty. Yeah, I'm mad putty, but Elaine I'm putty put me put me in the shower to plug up that leak Elaine rub

me all over a newspaper. Pick up the comic strips. Show him to your dad. Let's get a nickel, but yeah, you can't be in the emergency exit row and use a seatbelt extender. Too fat to save. He said, that's fine. I don't need it.

And he gave it back. And I was like, wait, what? This guy's huge. Yeah. I don't know what he did. Because she must have looked. Like, maybe, yeah, you got away with it because you weren't in the emergency exit. Because you, like, stared down the flight attendant as she approached.

And she just kept walking and was scared. I hit her with my little Nikki and she was fine. She loved it. Oh, speaking of flight attendants. Too fat for heroics. I go to the back. We can go in the front or the back of the plane. You and Emmy go in the front.

I go into the back. I walk up and into the plane. And the flight attendant, instead of greeting us saying hello how are you uh welcome to ryanair she's staring off into the distance kind of like slumped uh on with like her head and her arm on like a little shelf and she's just kind of biting her arm just just a little bit it's gumming her forearm yeah like she's not she's not she's not going at it like there's a little brown sauce on there and she's a she's a giant battered fish she is just like like like the like something that you would do when you don't think anybody's looking yeah except

she knows every single person is looking at her because they're walking into a plane and she's the first person that is seen. And it's her job to make people feel safe or like they made the right choice booking Ryanair. If there's trouble, don't worry. We have a great team. We have a great flight crew. No. Except for big Cletus over there.

If I nibble my arm, then the plane won't crash it was wild and i don't think i ever i don't know if i saw her again because there was the guy oh yeah what did the guy do he like yelled at one of the flight attendants oh yeah they had a verbal altercation in the front of the plane right in front of us what a shit show yeah it was crazy she was he was like he was like shut up do your job and she came back up to talk to him again and he said do your job and then he got on the horn and said hello thank you for joining us on ryan airlines we're going to be flying you all the way to london stansted the third worst airport in london it's going to deliver you an hour and a half train ride away from london so you're to deliver you an hour and a half train ride away from london so you're gonna have plenty of time to think about what a bad choice you made flying

this airline if you look to the back of the plane we have arm nibbling julie she's completely lost it on account of the chocolate uh and i'm up front and i'm verbally abusive to any woman who crosses me so ladies if you got any tips or tricks keep them to yourself because my fingers are itching to start slapping we and they had it was a 55 minute flight but they sold like a bunch of different food duty-free cigarettes fireworks drinks the scratch the scratch literally scratched they said it was for charity i don't think it. It's to get the Joyces some more chickens to eat for their feasts. Oh, hell yeah. Dude,

shout out to Connor and Megan who went to the early show at Whelan's in Dublin. And then they caught me coming out of the bathroom. Not right out of the bathroom. They were waiting. We have a talent agency. Yeah, it's called Get in the bathroom. Not right out of the bathroom. They were waiting. But I was going to... Hey, we have a talent agency.

Yeah, it's called Get in the Car. Get in here. I kept saying they were swingers. Yeah, you wish. I do. You wanted me to bang both of them. Yeah. And get banged down.

Correct. You did the math. No, they were nice. But eventually, just because we were in Ireland, there were a few times where I brought up the movie Knuckle, and it usually paid off because somebody knew something. And they were from around near where some of the travelers lived. I don't know if they set up shop for a long time.

Obviously, they travel. It was County Gambrenas. Gambrenas. set up shop for a long time obviously they travel it was county gambrinas grambinas but uh yeah it was uh interesting because it's like countryside and i said joe joyce like driving that horse around you know horse and buggy and they're like oh yeah they're millionaires yeah and that they have yeah they have a ton of dough shout out to knuckle you guys gotta watch knuckle it's the best documentary about about inbred boxers that you'll ever see. I was going to say they're not inbred, but. Oh, they for sure are. Well, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's fine. And that's okay. And if you call them inbred, they'll punch you in the face. They soak their hands in petrol. Yeah. No, I'm afraid of them.

You can't say a negative thing about them. Yeah. Also, we saw a literal Irish horse thief in the streets of Dublin on our way to walk to the Guinness factory where the pints were flowing and the jokes were nonstop. We saw a man riding a horse without a saddle while wearing, like, duck boots. And he had no control over the horse.

It wasn't going anywhere he wanted it to i don't think he had reins i think he was just pulling its mane to make it go right or left i think they were both drunk off petrol they were drinking gasoline and yeah and traffic was just like crawling behind the two of them as yeah the horse would like stop moving every few steps and then he would have to like try to convince it to keep going yeah it was wild and then we tell some of the comics that night and they're like oh yeah that'll happen yeah we got horse people or one of them said that that's the bound that's the travelers yeah just like have an unruly horse that's addicted to pills oh you know what got me really good was when we were watching the movie

and you just decide to throw out, like, for Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo's characters are married. And we were joking that, you know, she was going to accuse him of, like, drinking again. And you go, what are you using? And it got me so hard. Emmy's been on fire, too on leave her alone no don't make her come in here she doesn't want to come in for great bitch she was blasting us all day I remember one one was good what was it instead

of exits it says way out I mean will you do some of your best bits that you did today on us for the people of the pod come on just hit him with one good bit there was way out no no he hasn't said that one yet here what you can't do way out? Oh, yeah, Buffalo. Instead of exit on the subway, it says way out. And she said, way out. To me, she said, way out. That'll be you when you come out of the closet. Yes. Way out.

And then she walked under a streetlight and went, yes. Yeah, because she nailed it. She's been on fire. Emmy, I love you so much. I miss you. I do. I'm sending a bunch of pictures to our family for the calendar. Okay, thank you.

Also, speaking of this, last night, who came out to the show but my childhood friends? Oh, yeah. Shout out. Sammy Loft. Sammy Campbell now. Ressa Vandegrift. Vincent Villavicencio. Vincent D'Onofrio. Which Iift, Vincent Villavicencio.

Vincent D'Onofrio. Which I've been saying Villavicencio our entire life, but last night he said Villavicencio and I felt bad about it. Oh, I thought you were a quarter mestizo or whatever. I am, but he's 100%. Well, you'd think you'd know how to do the double L. Dude, I thought it was Villavicencio because I've been hearing basketball coaches pronounce his last name forever. Oh, yeah.

And also Patsy Vandiver. The basketball coaches of rural Colorado. Not good at the pronunciations. Dude, one time in our locker room, we were watching film and the lights were off. This was during football. And my coach, Coach Klein, walked up to the front and tripped over David Borey and say David Jesus it's dark smile and we all laughed at him like we were like this is hilarious but it was really bad it was a really bad thing of my coach to say and David still remembers me

I want her to do her bits you know yeah that's not fair also Also, she's going to do the next one, probably. I hope so. I've been trying to keep Emmy happy. And a big part of that is keeping my face shaved. And also, I sometimes mix up my face and my dick. A new thing that I've been doing is when I can't unlock my phone with my face because I'm too squinty-eyed from being high or whatever, I pull down my pants and I hold it up to my penis. And it unlocks that way because it thinks I'm a dickhead.

And the big issue has been that my pubes have been out of control. Do you have ugly pubes, Nathan? I mean, they're okay. I wouldn't walk past them without smiling if I saw them in a bar, but I also wouldn't take them home to Megan and say,

what do you think about a threesome? Yeah, like those swingers in that bar. They weren't swingers. Squeaky. They were old friends. She didn't like him when they were young because he was a little squint, and then he grew up and became a man. Yeah.

And then she was like, oh, hello. Kind of like Ryan Reynolds when he tries to bang his mom in The Atom Project. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, it's for 12 and up, and yet, yeah, there was almost incest. I was like, what is this, Back to the Future?

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What? That's not good. Because they're turning it into toilet paper and whatnot. It'll, it'll, it'll, what's I can't read this. My glasses aren't working. There we go. My glasses aren't working. My glasses aren't, his glasses aren't working. There we go. My glasses aren't working. My glasses aren't... His glasses aren't working.

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by your bitch-ass wife what this is crazy like you no did you write this no i don't you can decide if you just want to trim or if you're going for that super close shave yeah do you want to look at baby down there do you want to look like you've never hit puberty yeah do you want to role play where your wife's a pedo i mean it really is tough because uh if you go real short but they're still stubble and she's grinding away she's gonna be she's gonna have gash rash yeah well have you ever gone all the way down to the to the rocks to the shocks shocks? No, no. No? No, but I don't... Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, you want to be pretty smooth, I guess. Damn.

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Now back to the little Nicky impressions. How'd they know? How'd they know we were going to do that? Did you send them the show notes beforehand? No. No? That's crazy. How did they know? They're really good that? Did you send them the show notes beforehand? No. No? That's crazy. How did they know?

They're really good. They're really good. What the fuck? You know what else is really good? Being over here with you and my wife. Yeah, you know, it's been nice. I miss my wife. I wish she was here, damn it.

And you can't call her because you lost your phone. I didn't throw it into the Liffey. Yeah. Is that the river? I think so. It's the river in Dub it into the Liffey. Yeah. Is that the river? I think so. It's the river in Dub. I think that's right. Yeah.

No, I fucking, it almost certainly fell out of my pocket as I got out of our taxi cab. That's because we went to the Guinness Brewery and you broke edge. It didn't break edge. I had a couple of sips and then a pint and a half of full-bodied Guinness draft beer. And he said, I'm back. I've never felt better. I'm going full Little Nicky. Well, you know, they get a load of me.

Anyway, no, it has been great. I'm very excited for Denver because that's like a homecoming Spider-Man kind of thing. No way home. Well, guess what? It is a homecoming Spider-Man kind of thing. No Way Home, well, guess what? It is a homecoming. We're coming right through you, baby. Spider-Man's full of shit. I cannot wait. If you're in Denver and you've not bought tickets to see me at Comedy Works

with Nathan Lund featuring November 22nd, 24th, and 25th, what are you doing? Come out and see us. We'll be doing all of our favorite bits. We'll be doing Guiguo versus Chamba. I'll be doing about 35 minutes of Little Nicky stuff. Save it for the special. Yeah, I know.

And also, I'm filming a special December 1st and 2nd in Cincinnati at Go Nanners. I'm also going to be in Columbus. I'm going to be in Louisville. I'm going to be in Lexington. Me too. I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin. Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Just add it. Chicago, the'll be in Madison, Wisconsin. Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Just add it.

Chicago, the first weekend of January. Yeah, Eau Claire, baby. You didn't tell me. I don't tell you everything, do I, baby? Little Habibi. Walla Habibi, baby. It's me, little Nikki from Lebanon. Whoops. Whoopsie. You just burnt a hole on the couch with your butt sure sorry also patreon.com slash sherry behemoth has all the great episodes you want five dollars a month you know what if

you're on the patreon and you're raising hell about anything it's five dollars a month you know what i mean we do a really good job over there oh yeah we deliver so much quality fucking shit over there we started the patreon when we started the pod so that means there's three years of patreon episodes oh yeah there's all ready to go if you've listened to all of the free ones and you love them then hey and you want more you don't have to wait around you know for the new one each week. You don't have to wait by your radio dial. Go back into the past to 2020. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth, baby. Get in there. Yeah, there's some really good stuff.

In hell, there's no Patreon. I'm proud of most of those episodes. I mean, some of the best ones are in there, which I say a lot, but I mean it. I know that to be true. And yeah, it was really funny to listen some of the best ones are in there, which I say a lot, but I mean it. I know that, I know that to be true. And, uh, yeah,

it was really funny to listen, to listen to your friends from Elizabeth gush over how much they love the pod. And they listened to every episode. And I was like, how funny that he just uses first and last names, you know, for all kinds of people, friend and foe.

And they were like, Oh yeah, they like, they like listen scared because they don't know if they're next if you're gonna blast them for something they did when they were 15 oh man i've known those girls since i was like i think fifth grade i mean well i loved them so much they were so such an important part of uh of keeping me from becoming pure evil. Right. They kept me in check. Yeah, it sucks when men don't have women friends. Or if you're not used to talking to girls just as friends. They're not just holes to be filled.

Jesus. They're not. And so if you have women friends, if you have sisters that you like, it helps you become a better young adult instead of a psychopath who's just trying to get blown yeah no i mean i definitely wasn't that guy yeah you didn't look like one we saw a picture of you from prom you looked insane jesus i'll post that on the patreon it was crazy i wore a red zoot suit to prom giant coat oh yeah the kingpin i got you with uh how long did the open mic last that took place in

front of you because you look like a brick wall i look like suge knight it's crazy yeah it was crazy i had a cane we had a big laugh you had a cane but i think it had a plastic bottom like you stole it from your grandpa yeah no i for sure got that from my grandpa that's my grandpa's cave he never walked to get yeah it broke when you were using it and so he was bedridden after that you know all he could do is lay in bed and watch little nicky sammy hit rewind nicky's over oh it was like a reversal because all of a sudden he needed to tell you when something was finished that you could take care of it yeah unlike when i was a boy life is crazy i'm finished he would come wipe me he'd wipe you he'd he essentially he was rewinding your bottom getting it back to the beginning a nice clean butt so that you could go about your day thank

you grandpa little nicky voice yeah wait when that came out you were in high school Nice clean butt so that you could go about your day. Say, thank you, Grandpa. Hit him with that little Mickey voice. Yeah. Wait, when that came out, you were in high school. Well, we got to go.