Chubby Behemoth - Shinin' Metal Dicks

Episode Date: November 28, 2020

Raising T. Blowing Hot. Not Going To Jail. Buddy, Kris, David.   This weeks sponsor Hold The Phone! https://holdthephone.tv/    Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth.   Extra Episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth  

Like this? Put it in right there. Come on, Becker, get fired. I'm good. I don't think I've ever seen Becker drink. Like this. I should have brought a ring. I didn't know it was going to be a party.

I got shit to do today, guys. Whoa, it didn't make a huge mess. Okay. We're coming in right after this. I made that big ape sound. Oh my god. I made that big ape sound. It sounded like you were trying to crawl out of the bush. I'm going back.

I'm back to the bush. Oh no. I'm back in. This is the way to go dude Are we in? Are we good? Tap in We just shotgunned four beers

One couldn't hang out with this one Oh no We would have lapsed him dude Oh dude I wish he would come back We'd get him on T I do I wouldn't want to fucking

We'd lapse him We'd get him on T. I do. I wouldn't want to fucking... We'd lapse him. We'd get him on T. Yeah, dude. Teach him how to do a chin-up. I think we just raised T being in the room. Yeah, I know. I think so, too. To a dangerous height.

Yeah, dude. You know how unmasculine I am most of the time? Just bump that sweater. Yeah. We're going to get drunk and go to the fucking hotel gym, dude. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. That's the nice part about nice hotels.

That's where you puke at, man. I'm afraid you guys are going to make me do some kind of bench press thing and I can only put up 35 pound plates and then you're like, 35 pounds? I don't know. So you've never benched once? Not since 2005. He was okay when we were kids. I used to be able to squat and deadlift a bunch.

You'd be alright. Bench? You guys made fun of my never touching sleeve? Oh, that was true. Yeah, remember that? You don't touch sleeve. I don't touch sleeve. You don't touch sleeve. My arms don't fill out my shirt.

Yeah. That is rough. They were like, we're going to review your book. They saw this nice stuff, and then they were like, something wrong with him. It was fucked up, too, because you were like, he doesn't touch sleeve. Then Buddy went, yeah. Oh, no. It was a revelation. I don't know if you noticed. was fucked up too because you were like he doesn't touch sleeves and Buddy went yeah oh no it was a revelation

I don't know if you noticed I posted your guys review of my book but I left out one specific 15 second thing oh yeah

fill them out I'm gonna fill them out man this weekend I'm gonna be fucking jacked yeah I swim I fucking ride a bike around alright

I'm a cardio guy. I'm a long hauler. We are joined today, everyone. Becker's here, of course, thank God. We're joined with David Borey. Hey, everyone loves David. And the one and only, the gruesome twosomes,

the death metal dicks, Buddy Lloyd and Christopher I'm Gay Pierce. It's mine now, dude. I'm not hate-speaking Pierce. Before you think either. I'm not hate speaking either. Before you respect my pronouns. Dude, Lunt's he-himming it. What? Lunt's he-him now.

What? On Instagram. In public? Yeah. Well, not in public. He doesn't walk into Denny's and say, table for two? My pronouns are big and dog. public. He doesn't walk into Denny's and say, table for two? My pronouns are

big and dog. Alright, give me one of these. That's the problem. That's the problem is I want to do what you do. I want to be a big dog. I want to get off the porch. Now I got one of these t-shirts. This is going to be fucked.

It's like hanging out With a Big Johnson t-shirt Yeah I'll get you We're partying Co-ed naked all weekend What? You're hot naked though

Yeah Yeah you're probably Pretty sweet naked Hanging out with you It's like taking your shirt Off of the pool all the time It sucks I wanna swim with my

Fucking shirt on And that's what sucks about you. And buddy, I don't know you as well, but I'm guessing it's the same thing. Yeah, this guy looks like

he's hanging hog. Yeah, well, I know he's got a fucking hog. That wasn't what I was going to say. Becker, you never met these guys, but... Nope.

You kind of get it. I get it immediately. How scared do you feel right now? I feel fine. I'm comforted by how It's okay that you're scared. Yeah, you guys should talk about the shit you've eaten.

Becker loves to chow. Yeah. You're eating what, like 8,000 calories a day? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Most days. My doctor just recommended less than 1,800, so.

Whoa. You know. Why does your doctor not want you to be strong, dude? I don't know. I don't think that you're strong. I. Why does your doctor not want you to be strong, dude? I don't know. I don't think that you're strong. I think you threaten your doctor.

You're strong as a different strong than I think my body can produce. Yeah, you're like Rodeo Clown Strong. It's true. That's a compliment.

Yeah. You're not from where we're from. Are you shot in another one? Hell yeah. Oh, look at this guy. Say a T. I'm cool.

Oh, man. I'm a cool high T guy. This is a guy with tea. He's about to blurt everything out. This is real, see? Sam was scared to take us home to meet his wife,

so we got a hotel. That's not true. But that means we can die. Yeah, well... You really live by this, like, warrior's code. Yeah, live by this, like... But except for, like, shotgunning beaters. That's all you're allowed to do

I'm in for sword fights are you of the dick kind whichever whatever happens yeah yeah man whoa

it's gonna be a fucking sword on a dagger I was saying when you were in the car though when we were driving to get you I was like I have never had a bad time with peers

I'm fun yeah you guys are fun too we're pretty fun we're the best this is a great crew yeah I know no it's a great crew You guys are like, I have never had a bad time with Pierce. I'm fun. You guys are fun, too. We're pretty fun. We're the best. He's a great crew. No, it's a great crew. It's weird that it's never happened.

Every other comic I read, I want a body slam. Yeah, I know you do. And I love hearing about it. They stink. What's their problem? The tea's too low. Also, you saying they stink is probably the nicest way you've ever put it. I'm respecting your boundaries.

Yeah, dude. No, it's crazy because, like, buddy, we hung out and guzzled whiskey in that parking lot in Austin. That was fun. Austin or Boston? Austin. Okay. They don't let him into Boston. He's not allowed in the Eastern Time Zone.

He's only allowed to watch the first two minutes of The Parties. But Chris, you know, we and David have been talking about it. There's no, you're bulletproof. It sucks. It is hard to deal with you. I hate it. I hate it because you're super strong. You're super dedicated and determined.

Good guy. Good friend. Great guy. Good friend. Great politics. Great morals. Yeah, exactly. Good father. Good husband. Lay pipe.

Also, really funny and smart. Yeah, real funny. You got banged out one time. And you can fight. You're like a black belt in jiu-jitsu. Brown. Okay. I don't know what that means.

All right. It's right under. It's one under, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Becker knows? Fuck me. Yeah, Becker. God damn it. Well, he's High T. Becker. He Becker knows? Fuck me. Yeah, Becker. God damn it.

Well, he's high-T Becker. He's high-T Becker. Yeah, Becker's also been getting... He's got a caloric intake, dude. Becker's been... Listen, this is a high-T. He's over 1,800. You can talk about whatever.

This is a high-T table. This is a high-T table. Becker's been getting it in pretty tough the last couple days. Sighless? He had a nice piece come join him in town. You flew one in? I flew one in. Yeah.

Man, busting rules. It makes me feel good. I'm Ray Parker Jr. Love the bust. I'll tell you, man, you gotta get some fucking cowboy boots, dude. I have a pair, actually.

If I'm naked and I just have cowboy boots on, my wife knows. The police are at the door. Sometimes I just chill like that. She can smell it. It's like Walker Texas Ranger when a plane crashes. She takes the ground.

She's like, buddy's got boots. She's going to hear it. The glass of water's rumbling. He's back from seeing the power team. Did you guys ever notice holy shit this is your fourth beer you're about to shotgun

yeah we're five minutes in did you ever notice on Walker that his the girl's name is Alex and his psychic's name is Trebek

no really yeah dude I only watch Walker in clips I never watched a whole episode that's a great one

I was more of a Nash Bridges fella. You got to watch the power team on Walker. You guys know what the power team is? Yeah, we do want to see you rip a phone book. Oh, we were talking about that earlier. Can you rip a phone book? I don't know the trick to it.

No, it's a magic trick. If you get the tear going, then you can do it. Yeah, I think you just got to start it. It's a magic trick for sure. And then it's four on us. But what do you bet? Seven million? No, 505 is the most I bet.

505. Of course. most I bench. 405. Of course. I see you. Push plates. I'm your biggest fan online. Real life, I don't know. Watching your videos does make me feel bad about me. I'm just like taking a shit.

And then you're just like. It's 5 a.m. I eat 5,000 calories a day. I work 70 hours a week. And I'm like, wait, I've got to get this treatment done. It's pretty cool. It's about an expose on Karen's past, present, and future. You're a mirror that's held up to every insecurity that I have.

When you have your sunglasses down, I'm just... I'm here to help. I know you are. That's what sucks, too. That's the best part. You're like a life coach. Yeah, man, let's go. If I didn't love you so much, there's no way I'd ever want to hang out with you.

Why's that? Because you make me feel bad. And you got Buddy. The fact that your sidekick is Buddy right here. Yeah. It rules. I don't even know if it's equal kicks, right? I don't know.

Yeah, I think that's fair. I knew Chris first, so. Yeah, me too. I don't know Buddy at all. Yeah, I'm fucking ripped, dude. That was fast. You didn't eat, though. You're at altitude.

I ate the tacos. You're at altitude. It's like double, man. Yeah, sweet. Fuck yeah, dude. That was fast. You didn't eat, though. You're at altitude. I ate the tacos. You're at altitude. It's like double, man. Yeah, sweet. Fuck yeah, I'll save some money. Yeah. I don't know if you will. I think we're going to drink a lot of beers.

Once I start drinking, dude, it's still bedtime. I don't stop. Yeah. I didn't bedtime. It was three or four in the morning. I think bedtime's 7.30 tonight. We're not going to see the end of Touched by an Angel. I would love to be

touched by one though, man. You ever watch Dr. Quinn Medicine? Of course. Yeah, she was fucking cool. What a hot lady. Dude, yeah. And also a lot of buckskin.

I love that Billy Ray Cyrus looking dude that is native in that. Oh, yeah, her boyfriend. Yeah, he fucks. Yeah, oh, yeah. The Lou Diamond Phillips situation.

Dude, do you think he's looking fucking more or less on the frontier? I think you have to fuck because you might die by snakebite every day. Yeah. I mean, obviously it stunk and there was like sand and shit. But that's, I think, better for my whole situation. It's all whorehouses too, dude.

It is all whorehouses. How about old west pussy banks? They got that gator bite. They're just waiting for people to pass their waiter. They're just waiting for you to pass through, dude They're just waiting for you to pass through, dude. They're waiting for someone to mosey on by. Yeah. Yeah.

They have some kind of yellow flower in their hair, and they know it means that's anal. They used to just stand in the front and just flap it out. Just get that smell out. Like a pizzeria. It's like when you have the smell of fresh ground coffee, you really want some coffee. Yeah a pizza, pizza. It's like when you, when you have the smell of fresh ground coffee, you really want some coffee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can smell frontier pussy. Yeah. Oh yeah. Shake that garlic knot out there. Oh,

I'm trying to untie it. Without using my hand. It's one thing to tie a cherry stem with your tongue, but untying a garlic knot. What sounds are you making? I'm getting fired up! I'm hanging out with the fellas!

Oh, man. When did eating pussies start, you think? Oh, 1948? The first guy who couldn't get hard. So when did cocaine start? Well, I think that's been around. People have been chewing the leaf. Coca-leaf? But I've definitely, you know, if you can't get hard or you're like, eh.

I don't think you wanted to put your mouth on it before. Yeah, that's the quantity. When was soap mass produced? Yeah, when did bathing become a thing that was a daily habit? Also, when did men start giving a shit about women's pleasure? Yeah, exactly. That's the thing. Yeah, women are bad, dude.

All right. Here it comes! Open it up! I'll shotgun another one. I don't even eat pussy unless it's work pussy. It's been wherever at the job all day, eight hours. Oh, yeah.

Prostitute work pussy's got to be the best, man. You're the first man I've ever heard talk about eating a prostitute's pussy. I've never done it, but I would. Whoa. Interesting. How much do you have to pay? Test this theory. I don't know, man.

Probably nothing. You get a rebate for sure. They take those whore baths and I just go for them, dude. I like you, but that's not a bath that's not a deep clean we could get you a whore I don't want one man I'm good we could get you a whore and then we could watch you go down on her and that'd be like a nice evening

it's not cheating if you only do it to prove a theory that is true we're doing science dude we're doing science bro this is the fifth If you're a science dude we're doing science bro. Yeah. This is the fifth beer you're going to shotgun. I'm not pocket

I'm sorry for pocket watching. No it's cool. It's the same we're going to bring all these beers in earlier too.

And I'm like what the fuck was I talking about? I was like I'm going to get 30 and then you

That's not what I sound like. Thank you. No impressions. Yeah I don't like the impression of me at all.

The best shit though is I got in the car, buddy's here? Oh, yeah. Well, because the way you guys were staring at the airport, I could only see Chris, and then he moved, and you were back there. It was like, oh, double trouble. Yeah. He sounded like you were so bummed that he wasn't coming, so. I was bummed.

I'm glad you're here, buddy. No, no, no, man. I'm a big fan. All right. I give five bucks a month to your Patreon. Thank you. How's that sound? I give five bucks a month to your Patreon thank you how's that sound I give five bucks

a month to y'all's Patreon what yeah really for sure you're not getting that money back

time to cash out time to cash out I haven't checked it in a minute I haven't checked it either there was like thirteen hundred

bucks in there are you serious yeah oh no should probably do another one I pulled up on windows down at work

and I was listening to this. And you were talking. You were fucking. Well, Ray Romano had visited. Oh, yeah. When Ray showed up. And the director comes outside. And she's like, what are you listening to?

I was like, oh, this podcast. And you said something real wild. And she goes, you cannot play that around the kids. And these are like runaways and drifters, right? Yeah, like foster care. And kids that have been in jail and shit. Yeah, they know about it. They say the worst shit, dude.

They say the best shit, man. They say the best shit. Truth from the mouths of babes. What's the wildest thing a runaway's told you in the last 60 days? Oh, man. I gotta know, man.

Whatever it is, it's gonna bum us out. Or it's gonna... Well, I walked in I walked in one day You know that guy Got a fucking hunchback and shit And then like

The runaway dude? No there's like We have a shelter Buddy has a hunchback And so These kids Like they see me go in And they're like

That looks like A fucking question mark That's what the fuck They said about my back That's pretty funny Yeah they go Okay Disadvantaged youth

They're the funniest Yeah and they were like Get it straight man Just get it straight. And I was like, man, fuck you guys. And then one of them goes, blah, blah, blah.

I was like, you don't have a home. Whoa. All right, well, you put that homeless kid in his place. You told him what's what. Wow.

He told me a story one time about this kid that was, what was he like, 16 or 17, I think. And he was sleeping with older men and then Buddy was like,

hey, man, you gotta stop doing this. And the kid was like, hey, man, you got to stop doing this. And the kid was like, I love meth. Wow. Pretty much, man. Yeah. Whoa. That's pretty much it.

I live that day in, day out. That's not even in the highlight reel. That's another day at the office. Oh, man. It's a long time. Yeah, dude, I know. Didn't you have to go into houses where people are sitting around? Like homeless camps. Yeah, dude, I know. You have to go into houses where people are sitting around. Like homeless camps.

Yeah. Homeless camps. I see all kinds of crazy shit, man. You're really doing the Lord's work. Yeah, I know. That's the thing. There's no holes in either of these guys. Yeah, I know.

That's the problem. There's a park called Hollywood Park. It's pretty much like Homeless Central, dude. Anything named Hollywood outside of Hollywood is the devil. You can see just fucking gray beards sucking each other's dick down in a ditch. Oh, it's awesome, man. It's fucking wild. I've never seen a ditch beach in my life.

Come on down, man. I don't want to. I've seen an under the rafters beach that sucked. That's not the same. No. Come on, man. I'm not trying to live his life. I'm going to go go for stolen valor here.

Most people are angry people, man, so they are like throat fucking. Whoa. Yeah, dude, it's... It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. You know how somebody does an impression sometimes and you're like, I never met that guy, but I think that's a good impression. It's like he's in the room with us.

Yeah. It's like we're in the ditch. Oh, man. Yeah, I'm really glad you guys are here. I'm glad we're going to drink all these beers. We've been hanging out for 45 minutes? Jesus Christ. I've only drank seven beers, man.

I've only drank seven beers. Live it up. That's what I'm doing. Can you hand me my third? Yes. Thank you. Beggar, do you want a shotgun of soda or something? No, I'm good.

All right, we need a ginger ale. Shotgun of CBD soda and get sleepy. Is CBD a scam or what? I think it's cool. For sure, it does literally nothing. I think it's a scam. I think you have to eat it. You have to have enough of it in you.

I've tried it all. You're smoking. You're doing have enough of it in you. I've tried it all. You're doing like 10 milligrams in a go. That's what she said. It won't do nothing. But if you're staying at like, you know, 160, 200 milligrams a day. I'm not staying at 200 MGs. I did the 1,000 dropper, and I was in pain.

I hurt my back. Did you drink the whole thing? It was 1,000 per, it was like 200 bucks. He drank a thousand of them is what he said. Yeah, but I just kept going after it and nothing. Nothing?

But I was injured. I got a fresh injury. A lot of the legal shit too is made with like Chinese farming byproducts. So it's not the same as getting stuff on like a pot farm.

I got hosed. Yeah. That's what happened is I got the bad. It was like 200 bucks. Damn. I hurt so bad and my wife was like, let's go get CBD. It's like literally anything right now.

I also don't trust it because I know a lot of hot women who hock CBD. Yeah, dude. I don't trust it. It is a very herbal life. That's what it feels like. It very much feels like snake oil. Yeah, like when a hot woman tells me to do something, I'm like. It very much feels like snake oil. Yeah, like when Hot Woman tells me to do something,

I'm like, shut up, bitch. Calm down. I am. They like ladies. What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, man.

This is an anti-woman pod. Len's not here. Len's gonna love this episode. What is Len not like? He doesn't like the word retard. Why not? Are you writing it down to take it out, dude?

Is that why you're writing it down? He's writing it down to pump it up, he said. He's going to put a fucking slide whistle right behind it. I haven't made a note of anything to cut out yet. That's why I'm sure Lon's going to hate it. The biggest complaint we get is that sometimes they'll call us woke. Like, oh, you're being too woke if I didn't say the F word nine times. Well, you said it eight, though.

It's crazy. They're going to hate this. They're going to love this. I don't want to get Sam in trouble. What? Oh, your fans are going to love this. Oh, you're not going to get me in trouble, man. I'm a thought criminal.

Lunda has that tattoo on his arm. What? Thought criminal. On his arm. He's a thought abider. Yeah. He thinks within the lines. Yeah, he's never spelled thought T-O-T.

He doesn't think 55. I only think those hoes over there. Me too. Also, I just found out about Wody. Wody? Wody's cool. Oh, you mean Wody's? No, Wody.

We say Wody. Who's we? Me and the boys. Me and the death metal dicks. The New Orleans? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Are you a hot boy, isn't it? Yeah, I'm a hot boy. I'm about to keep going. say woadie who's we me and the boys i mean the death metal dick the new orleans yeah are you hot boys in it yeah i'm a hot boy i don't think he always does it's warty dude yeah it's not warty yeah it's woadie what are you talking about dude i look

i love he's not talking about what you're talking about. What are you talking about? I'm talking about a big old white ass. Yeah, that's Wody. Go to Pornhub. It's W-O-O-T-Y. I think it's potato patty. It's an offshoot of the Pog family.

The Pog family. P-A-W-G. Bro, you know what a Pog is? He's not even out here, bro. I know what a Pog is. He's not even out here. He's not even out here. Where are you at? I'm clicking is. He's not even out here. He's not even out here. Where are you at?

I'm clicking. I'm clicking around. I'm singing Breeder shit, dog. I'm out here. I'm out here. You guys ever checked to a Bella Danger? What?

You know who the fuck that is? No. She's got the biggest ass, dude. Wait, what is her name? A Bella Danger. A Bella Danger. You know who I'm talking about. Yeah.

This is the first porn star that's come up that I'm aware of. Okay. Oh, she's got a big fucking ass. Because usually when we bring up porn stars

you have no idea what we're talking about. No, but I also feel like you and Lund had a sweet spot. I watched all amateur. Yeah, yeah. Like throw fuck porns? Yeah, all that shit.

I want my shit. Yeah, it sounds like hanging out in a ditch. I want it to look like I want it to look like somebody dropped the camera while it was still recording and then caught a fuck

like that's the shit I like a lot of people oh this isn't the biggest ass dog this isn't the biggest ass it's pretty sweet though no it's the biggest one before it becomes spectacle let's see that thing

is it a natural that's natural dude there's no implant she's stacked with fat natty for sure let me see it's not a natty light let me see what I got

she's not getting hotel injections let me see what I got hotel Yeah, she's not getting hotel injections, man. Let me see what I got. Hotel injections? Dude, people get injections of like drywall cement in their buttholes.

They're putting bullion cubes in their shit. Yeah. Down in Miami, dude. That one lady killed three people. Yeah, remember that? Dr. Miami!

She was injecting like rubber cement into people's ass. Oh, I do remember that. Oh, that fucking... See, this is what I'm on. Yeah. Oh. Is it a nurse, this is what I'm on. Yeah. Oh.

Is it a nurse? That's a pretty round brown. Is it a nurse? Oh, stolen valor because her wife's a doctor? My wife's a doctor. Maybe she's not a nurse. That's a dental assistant for sure. Yeah.

Hygienist. There's this fucking... That's the high class version. There's this death metal bin called fluids that always post the worst fucking possible gory shit, but it's like somebody getting, they got injections in their cheeks. This shit got infected. Yeah, because they're just filling it with shit. Bullion cubes are made by fish people, so.

Dudes do that shit, too. They get that synthol in their calves, right? Like, everywhere. Calfs, arms. It's like an oil. Let's get me all fucked up. I'm going to get bicep implants. Yeah, you would steal muscle valor, dude.

For sure, dude. If there's an easy way to do something. I'm going to get bicep implants. Yeah, you would steal muscle valor, dude. For sure, dude. If there's an easy way to do something. I'm in. I'm an awesome man. Man, you guys make me feel like a pussy for just popping the top and drinking it like a person. I'm on this one. I'll just take a break, man, and then I go back. Yeah, no, I can tell.

You need to have a sipper and then also slam them. Slip a sipper and a slammer. Also, buddy, what was your order at Chipotle? Can we talk about this? It was just tacos, dude. It was hard tacos. I didn't ask for hard tacos. I didn't even ask.

You got hard tacos at Chipotle? I didn't want them. He's hard, dude. He just goes, hard tacos? And I was like, well, what are you doing? So you walked in and they were like, hard tacos? No, no, I go, I go, I go, tacos. We can't fit what you want in one burrito.

Yeah. They weren't good. They weren't good? No. You didn't chew them. I just took them out, dude. Yeah. Howdy.

I just took them out. With a pill-popping wrist motion. Yeah, dude. I just fucking took them out, a pill popping wrist muscle yeah dude just fucking took him out man and then

like this is my pleasure thank you I don't want you to ever say the word pleasure I need you

to say it 10 more times oh my god this is my pleasure Jesus damn dude this dude

just told the therapist that gave you PTSD medicine. Yeah. Yeah, they tried to recommend him all types of stuff and asked him what he's tried that makes him feel good, and he just said beer. Okay. Which is true. It's true, man. It's all good. I can tell because you're shotgunning it.

This is amazing. They go, well, like, when you drink, do you drink too much? I was like, well, what's too much, man? That's yes. Anytime you ask a doctor to define you. Yeah, but that's the thing about these guys. They're also so strong. I'm fucking 300 pounds.

What's too much? And he's not. No titties on him. Three times what they quote for a normal person, which is still less than nine. Yeah. Can you not tell he's three times a normal man? I'll blow hot, man. Definitely. I'll still not go to nine. Yeah, you know? Can you not tell he's three times a normal man? I'll fucking, I'll blow hot, man, definitely. I don't know, I'll still not

go to jail. You say you'll blow hot? You'll blow hot, dude? I prefer you to blow hot. That's how you stay on the game. Blow hot. I'll do glass blowing on the side. I'll blow hot, dude. I'll blow hot, dude.

Oh, man. Well, they call cops the heat, man. You know? Also, we didn't tell everyone Anything These guys are from Yeah You guys are what? Fort Smith? No Hot Springs Hot Springs, Arkansas, man

Yeah Up in this bitch. It's a national park. It sure is. You guys are park blowers for sure. Yeah. You guys are Bureau of Land Management. It's the only BLM y'all care about.

You know what we never talked about? Write that down, Baker. I'm blowing hot. That's all right. Damn, dude, blowing hot rules. Oh, man. Oh, man. Blowing hot's going to make me barf, dude.

You were talking about like a DUI situation, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm just saying, go on, dude. Oh, God. Because you guys have been talking about... You keep saying that. You were like,

I was a fever the afternoon. I was like, I don't want to drive to Fort Collins. We'll get a hotel. And you were like, I'll drive. Man, I'm fucked. I get drunk. I drive real good. And I was like, well. And you were like, I'm also not going to jail. You're driving me and Chris to my home in Fort Collins. You're also not going to jail

I know We're trouble free It's all I'm saying Dude we can save money No Only one of us is blowing hot Your wife only mad at you She'll be mad at me

You can just be like You didn't bully me I didn't want to fucking drive drunk I'm not going to tell my wife A man bullied you What if there was a man Who wasn't going to tell your wife Bullied you

I would say it was buddy enough I wouldn't give Chris the satisfaction. Oh, man. Here's something we never talked about, David. On our last night at that house in Florida before we went to the second house, did you or did you not puke your bed and then sleep in the puke? No, I didn't puke at all. Yes, you did.

No. Yes, you did. No. You were lying. I swear to God. You puked all over your bed, and then my sister and Emily had to change your sheets. I at all. Yes, you did. No. Yes, you did. No. You are lying. I swear to God. You puked all over your bed, and then my sister and Emily had to change your sheets because I did not. Yes, you did.

They changed my sheets, and it was before I woke up. No, it was puke. No, no, I'm saying. They changed your sheets while you were in the bed? No. Because I didn't see it. You didn't see it. I was for sure copped to it.

I saw your puke when I came to wake you up that morning. I don't think so. Yes, for sure. Where? All over your pillowcase. Underneath your head. What if it was cunt? That rules. It was just water if it was. No, it wasn't. It was dark like you ate a bunch of fucking

asphalt. On the last night? That wasn't even the night that I was wasted. Did you drink Jager? No. We were drinking weird stuff. No, we weren't. We were drinking Cognac. Fruit drinks? D'Ussé? D'Ussé, yeah, yeah. We've been on D'Ussé forever. You puked your bed and then you slept in it.

I don't think I did. Yes, you did. Because I would say that because that's a good story. No, dude. You wouldn't say it because you wouldn't want to let me feel good about it. I do hate you feeling good. Yes, I know. I don't like it at all.

We can call Sophie right now and she'll tell. Sophie and Emily both had to change your sheets because you were just going to let it lie. You were going to play it as it lied. Yeah, fire it up. That move does rule. Yeah, it does. That's what you have to do. You've got to let sleep and puke lie.

I've got to call my sister. I hope she's not at work. She's 100% at work. Oh, now you know something. Is that a Grateful Dead pop socket? No, it's not. What's a pop socket? It's a...

What's a pop socket? It's a comedy show pop socket. What's a pop socket? It's a boulder comedy show, Pop Socket. What's a Pop Socket? It's the thing you pop out and you lock it. It's half Grateful Dead. I bet that show rocks. My friend Brent Gill runs it, and I'm trying to support him. Oh, you would love Brent Gill.

You would love him. He's in town. He'd be like your guy's kid sister. Bring him. He's in town? He would be like their kid sister. Oh, no. Get a hotel, send it.

Yeah. Shit. Calling Sophie. We're going to burn down the Curtis. Get a hotel, send it. Yeah. Shit. Calling Sophie. We're going to burn down the Curtis. We're not going to jail. Yeah, that's the best part. They're fused, dude. That's the only thing I like.

The only thing. You should get a whore. I'm not going to get a whore. Sex worker. You put all this weird stuff on me because you're married. I'm married. You make it seem like if you weren't married, you'd be down to get a whore. Which is not true.

If me and you could tag team up? That's not true. You're not for that. Sophie's at work. She's not for that. So there's no way single Sam is going

halfsies with me. He makes it, he always does this thing like when he was single, he was like murdering it or some shit. That is the vibe he gives off.

That's not at all what he's doing very well. He does portray himself to be a gashman. He does. Let's just say he gets some money. Becker, you're from Denver. Is that what was going on? He was with his wife when I started comedy.

Exactly. Yeah. But I heard all those stories about him on tears. Not from him. No. You heard all those stories, right? I haven't, no. Exactly.

And it's fine that you weren't like a fucking... I was. I don't need you to be a fucking cocksucker. I was on the road. I love you. I was on the road for five years before I met my wife. Dude, having sex is gay. No, it's not.

It's cool and it's straight. I was being Nathan Lund for a second. It did rule after we did it. I think you got it in. I'm not saying you weren't like pussy by the pound, and that's fine. I was pussy by the kilo. I was abroad. You always make it seem like you're this, like, off the chain, dog pound.

Root, root, root. Yeah, yeah. That's no. You don't know. You love love. You've been loving love. You're going to get some lady over there. We're all going to watch you come.

You don't want to see the ones I brought. You saw what I brought. I've been in a room with David Fox. It doesn't matter. Yeah, man. It was bad. That was gnarly. You were in the room when he was fucking?

Yeah, I mean, it was the same hotel room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Close enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, bed over? He made me smell it. I did make him smell it. That's pretty cool, though.

You got it. That is pretty cool. Come on, man. That is pretty cool. Crack a slurpy dumpy. Because after it was over, Chris was like, that ruled. It ruled, dude. I'll always be in the same room as people fucking.

I love when my friends have fun. You did. You were really supportive of the whole situation. Yeah. You were like, when she comes in, I'm going to tell her I'm gay. And I was like, okay. Well, I didn't want her to think she was going to get raped, dude. That's what you were going to call it.

Oh, okay. You were on the bull floor. For sure. There's no way to think she was going to get raped. That's what you were going to call her. You were on the bull floor. For sure. There's no way. That's when you have long hair. You walk into a room with me and you? Nighttime? No. You're shook. It was like 3 a.m. anyway. Yeah. You're shook for sure. Yeah, and it's you bringing her home. Yeah. And then it's waiting? You couldn't have a weirder compatriot than him.

There's no way they assume that he's in the room. It's the last thing they thought would happen when I opened that door. Yeah. Oh, yeah, buddy. She gets there for the handicap match, and then you're fucking making her tap. I was watching a huge Japan pro wrestling. Come Patriot? Yeah, that's the idea.

Is that like when you save the country? I don't know. Did I support the troops there? Yeah. I'm blowing red, white, and blue. Yeah, for sure. A true country. Shootin' hot.

We're about to steal this election back with cum. We're about to flip the ballot. The white wave. Oh, man. Is there any more beer? Yeah, there's a bunch more beer. Yeah, dude, don't worry.

Take two. Just don't hurt us. You can stay over there. This device you guys gave us, let's put them up. That's our sponsor, dude. Beerbongs.com. This thing is crazy. It rules.

Yeah, they got all the gear to get fucked with. Oh, man. They really do the gear to get fucked with. Oh man. They really do. Have you guys shotgunned anything else like a can of cream corn? I did a four loco. Oh no.

Yeah I did a whole four loco. What else did I do? We did a caveman coffee caveman coffee code dot com. If you use promo code DMD20 on either one

of those you will get free shipping and 20% off. Look chubby chasers don't help them. They're powerful enough. They would beat you up. Aren't you guys tired of these low-T women and hosts

trying to guide you through your work week with no juice in the caboose? Oh, I'm juiced. He said your ass is light. My ass is not light. I ride a bike dump it out dude

dump it out he calls you slim cheeks talent I wanna see the red eye dude yeah he's got no ass he's all crag he's all crag he's pure crag don't fall over that motherfucker

and eat it. You're pure foe. You stay away from my cookie cutter. He's going to fuck you. I know. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid these guys are going to fuck us. You're like how the government took white people down in the 90s.

All crack. No. That's not what I took white people down. That's what you think happened. I said black. You said white. No. That's what should be happening. I said black. You said white. No. You said whack, I think.

I was saying... Rebuttal? I see the fuck. I'm still stuck on moon pies, dude. There's a cream pie. So you cream pie in a pussy, dude. You moon pie in a butt. Alright, nice. Put it on moon pies, dude. So, like, what? There's a cream pie. So, you cream pie in a pussy, dude. You moon pie in a butt. All right, nice.

I think so. Put it on a t-shirt. That's why they're trying to butt, dude. Go to Spencer's, man. Your old lady runs one. She runs one, dude. She gave me this fucking mask. How funny is it seeing him with a Spencer's mask on at the airport, dude?

She goes, I got some masks. He goes, like, give me that one. That one's tight. Cowboy boots, Spencer's mask. Yeah. It makes total sense. Yeah. I can fuck, give me that one. That one's tight. Cowboy boots, Spencer's mask. Yeah. It makes total sense. Yeah. I can fuck, dude.

That's a thing, man. Nobody even said that. Contrary. Nobody was ever like that. You're overcompensating. That's a setup. You're overcompensating, dude. Your back was not against the wall.

No, not at all. It's never been, dude. I believe that. It can't be because it's a hump. Put it against the wall. It's never been, dude. I believe that. It can't be because it's a hump. Put it against the wall. I got a goddamn launch ramp, dude. Why are you so humped?

What happened to you? Man, my mom dropped me the fuck on my head. What? Like, many times when I was a kid. That affected your back? Yeah, dude.

She crunched him. You guys had some rough moms. I feel like you guys had some rough years. I saw her, man. I feel like you guys had some rough years. Dude, I saw her, man. I, like, pulled into my office. My boss was like, hey, we're gonna clean this place up, get some beers, let's hang out.

She's cool as fuck. Her husband shows up, whatever. My mom pulls up on a motorcycle. Doesn't say hi. Purple renegade fucking streamers. Dude. Yeah, man. She, like, Lorenzo Wallace from Renegade, dude, just pulls up and starts revving that

motherfucker. Doesn't say hi and then takes off. I was like, man. She, like, Lorenzo Wallace from Renegade, dude, just pulls up and starts revving that motherfucker. Doesn't say hi and then takes off. I was like, okay. Your mom is like the Renegade with big ones. Yeah, man. She's got them? She's got them. She's got them?

I like that. They're long, but she's got them. Hey. You won't eat her pussy, though. It's a beautiful story, man. You don't want to eat my mom's pussy, man. You don't want to eat my mom's pussy, man. Long and detailed.

I didn't say I was going to eat your mom's pussy. You're on a long day of riding, dude. Long day on the call. Her clit's like a tongue, dude. It's going to lick you back. Oh, that's a dick. Yeah, man. It's scary.

Oh! What's his name? You gurgled, dude. You gurgled. Oh, man. You gurgled. You said, Mark. You said it's going to yard.

You got to pop it from the end, dude, and then go back and forth. So neither one of you can sort through. It's the ritual of Chud from the end of It. Oh, man. Dude. I'm just imagining the woman who bore you. She must have been strong. She's strong.

Yeah. She's strong, man. She's an athlete. She was an athlete, dude. Shot put? She won a men's basketball. She didn't basketball. What?

She won a men's. She What? She ran a wig and a mustache? She got in the finals and then some dude fell on her and broke her leg. I'm dead serious. I don't think you

lied. That's how he was conceived. Yeah, you gotta stop trying to double down on stuff. We already know. I know, man.

You're setting your sales up too high. No, he's nailing it. He's nailing it. Anyone's blowing and it's you. Alright. And I'll tell.

Ball's ining it. He's nailing it. Anyone's blowing and it's you. All right? And I'll tell. Ball's in our court. Also, David's with me. He's going to try and defect to your side. Yeah, I'll cut him on your side. I love it. I see what you're talking about. We took David so long ago. We got stuff over there, man.

You're mine. We got stuff over there. You stay over here. What's that, man? What? You stay over here. We What's over here? What's that, man? What? You sit over here. No, we rode me over here. He's already run 12.

Yeah, man. You're about to run the jewels. This guy's crazy. He blows hot. Dude, you blow it off for sure. You do it so fast. Oh, my God. There's a graveyard over there. Oh my God. There's a graveyard

over there. That's 11. That's 11. You've been drinking the one too, man. That's on mine? God, we've been in here for 45 minutes.

Yeah, whoa. Jesus Christ. We have not even been here for 45 minutes. Usually there's whiskey too, man. That's the thing, man. We just tip them up.

That's why you said we're going back to the liquor store. Yeah, we're going back. Okay. My hotel's tonight doesn't work anymore. You gotta put it on yours. Alright, I can do that. man we're just tipping them up that's why you said we're going back to the liquor store yeah we're going back okay my hotel my hotel tonight doesn't work anymore

you gotta put it on yours alright I can do that we're gonna be in there we're gonna be up in there swimming pool oh shit swimming pool think I pooled

oh stew pool time dude stew fucking pool what does that mean yeah that's curious that's where you should've pooled I did that

a lot I had a run I had a string. The only time I ever went swimming with you, you tried to fight a cop. Do you remember that? No. We were in, it was the first night of that tour after that guy did that wacky keyboard thing, the opener.

Oh, he stole the Dane Cook thing, dude. Yeah. He did the Dane Cook thing where he does the speaking still, but he had a speaking still. But he had a speaking still. That was crazy, dude. But then we were at the pool after drinking all that D'Ussé. Yeah. And that guy was like a cop.

Yeah. And it was his honeymoon. It was his wedding night. Dude, I... They just got married. I would hate for a cop to be married around me. Yeah, you did hate it. You did hate that.

And he said something, and he was like, you guys had a little back and forth, and he was like, what? And you were like, I'll kick your ass. And he was scared because he was a cop. He has to be scared. Also, you're like a huge, you're like a big, scary man. That's when your friend that I'm probably not allowed to say his name got, he Donald Ducked it, dude.

He did Donald Duck it. And he peed in the coffee pot. That guy rules, dude. I don't care what he did, what type of crimes. That alone cemented forever. He rules. I'll pull him out of the depths. You're going to save his career.

Yeah, save him. Is he in town? I don't know. Oh, my God. He might be in town. No way. He might be in town. No way. So what, he Daffy Ducked it? He got in the pool? Yeah. Oh my God. He might be in town. I know. No way. He might be in town. No way.

So what? He daffy ducked it? He got in the pool? Yeah. Oh, that's right. He went out to go pee. I think that's probably what caused the altercation. He was naked.

He was naked. They were not happy about it because they just got married and they were having a wedding party. But it was like at the Aloft in like, where was it? Yeah. It's an extended city. It's in North Arkansas. Bentonville.

Yeah, yeah. It's in Bentonville. Yeah. He came out. You got a hotel room in Bentonville. Yeah, yeah. It's in Bentonville. Yeah. He came out. We've got a hotel room in Bentonville? Yeah, A-Law. I had to stay at the guy's house. It was fun.

There was a squirrel loose in there, so he sent us to the... Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a good time. We rode all the way back from Bentonville. Yeah. I remember that vaguely rich fucking... I remember we smashed so many fucking cheeseburgers.

That's all I remember. That's all I remember. We were fucking rich. I've only known you to smash whatever you want. I love it. Yeah, you're not daintily handling anything. You're smashing everything. Yeah, you're smashing. House eating, beer, holes, whatever hole I want.

You're really on this fucking thing tonight. I want to fuck. Why are you so horny? Oh, no. Becker, lock the Oh no Lock the door Lock the gates What's got you all horned man Flying

Dude I got stiff Man I saw Dude that happens I got rocked I got rocked I was asleep I was asleep I'm wearing track pants right now

I woke up showing Yeah yeah So those goddamn service dogs in there, man. There was a service dog. There was like four or five service dogs. That's what got you hard?

Yeah, dude. I was like, man, fuck a pooch, dude. I will do it. Tonight in the hotel room, man. Blown hot. That's not cheating. You can definitely

you can for sure fuck a dog. Definitely. That's a canine vagina. You know what? You for sure fuck a dog definitely that's a K-9 vagina you know what you can't fuck a cat no you got a neck thing for it

this is a preconceived oh man you can't fuck a cat though no impossible they can't consent I know the girl once told me

I was too big for a cat too big for a cat yeah yeah cause you would've crushed it no I mean penis wise she said I couldn't fit it in a cat you got too much for a cat I Too big for a cat. Yeah. Yeah, because he would have crushed it. No, I mean penis-wise. Yeah, right. She couldn't fit it in a cat.

You got too much for a cat. I don't think that's a lot. I think that's like a... I think that's too big. How... Where did she... We were just... I was just talking about fucking a cat.

Oh, yeah. Who did you pick up, man? He showed his ass, please. Yeah, he did Moon. Moonie rules. Yeah, dude. This is it. This is getting weird.

It's the beginning of your night. Yeah. It's like 3.30 We're sharing one hotel room I got an Airbnb and I'm not telling you the address You're not allowed there You're not going there You're afraid

You can't leave me alone with it I'm a spit roast man Buddy's had 12 beers it's 4 in the afternoon I'm sober as a gun that's pretty regular yeah but you're horny too yeah he's horny dude

I'm always like that man and you're tea bragging and you're about to be tea bagging on Sam T yeah you're gonna be tea lagging I mean I can fire it up

you know I can fire it up whenever I want man what does that mean is this the tea it's soft as hell Is this the tea? It's soft as hell right now. The tea's too hot. You get it going, you get up, show y'all.

You want to see my dick? Not really. You're singing it, dude. You're singing it. I bet it's forked. Like the devil's tongue, dude. Yeah, I bet it is. I bet your dick convinced Eve to bite that apple.

Yeah, for sure. Your dick was in the tree. Your dick was the tree. Fucking old dick of wisdom, man. Oh, man. Oh, fuck. I just want to say respect. I've never seen a man shotgun so many beers.

Yeah, it makes me nervous. I need one of those, please. Here we go. You should probably all shotgun one in honor. Let's gun them. But that makes for a weird podcast. Oh, yeah. No, it hasn't been weird. Everyone listening needs a second to breathe. All right.

Yeah, Becker's, he's here to fucking make sure that it doesn't suck. Damn, dude, our producer doesn't ever even try to slow us down. No, Jerry's not. No, he just lets it flow, dude, because we say a bunch of stuff that we're not supposed to say. Oh, God. I'll say a couple, you know. Don't say it. This isn't saying it.

This is what the podcast he wanted was. That is a cool name. Saying it? It flows. Yeah, I know, dude. I got a lot of cool ideas I can't bring up. Ah! Oh, fuck.

Then you got to pull it back. Reach in there and pull it back. I got housed. Buddy, carry it while we're shotgunning. No, man, I'm trying not to... Oh, boy, I got one. Got a few. This is just how you guys are living down there. Yeah.

Oh, man. I will say, every time I leave you, I'm like, man, that Chris has got a good life I think about you a lot more than most people yeah you guys should come over we love you I love you guys man

I know you do you're the only one there's like four I know you love Polk I like Polk I like Kyle Kadeen

yeah he's fun he's fun yeah he's not a baby no he's not a baby I'm pretty sure he was probably trying not to be a baby

possible around you that's probably pretty true I bet he ate meat around you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was trying. Yeah, he doesn't eat meat around me. Not anymore.

Oh, what a coward. Well, he's got the real deal gout. Yeah. Gout? Oh, yeah, he did say something about gout. He went to a Waffle House for the first time with me. First time? He never had been.

You popped his waffle cherry? Well, he said that his friend Dave told him to go. Dave Ross. Dave Stone. Dave Stone. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and so he went.

He wanted to try it out. He's like, dude. I've never been to a waffle. He's from Louisiana, isn't he? Dave Stone's from Georgia. No, Dave Polk. Dave Polk.

Andrew Polk. Andrew Polk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He went back. Yeah, but he's never been to Waffle House? No, I'm talking about Kyle. Dane's from Chicago.

Dude, I can't keep up. I know you can't. You don't need to. He stays wet. Grab one of these books and bite it in half. Can you do half a phone book, dude? There's a lot of books around. I bet you you can.

I don't know if these are ripping in half books. You can do a halfie. Becker? I mean, there's some porno ones over there. Go nuts, dude. Oh, my God. Rip one, dude. Slow comes revenge. Slow comes revenge, dude.

It's slow come. Is that a Western com book? Yeah, they're Western porno novels. We're not part of the country. That's not a porno. I want a porno book. No, that's a little thick, dude. Yeah, that one's good, dude.

I wish we could be ripping books in half. You started this! You started this! If you were cool, you'd burn books. You know what I'm saying? I don't burn books. I'm supposed to be ripping books in half. You started this! You started this! If you were cool, you'd burn books, you know what I'm saying? I don't burn books, I burn through them.

I read them. Oh, yeah, cool, man. Shut up! This is my house. You know what's gay, dude? What? You know what's gay? What?

Write the book, dude. No! No! No way! How are you gonna go and tell someone you're an Arthur, dude? Hello, I'm an Arthur. I'm not an Arthur. I'm a published Arthur.

I knew this was going to happen. Oh, you did? God damn it. You were really scared about me. At the previous point, I'm reading Rob Halford's book right now, dude, and it's great. All right. It's full of gay shit. I love it, dude. Is it betterord's book right now, dude, and it's great. All right. It's full of gay shit. I love it, dude. Is it better than my book?

Yes, dude. No. No, I'm just kidding. He didn't read your book, dude. I read it. You read it? Yeah, I read it. He gave me updates.

All right. Did I? Yes. And I was like, oh, cool. It's not some insane porno clip. Yeah. Whenever you send me a message, I feel like I've been into a fucking corn silo. Did you see the guy suck a dolphin?

Did you sit in that one? I don't know. Did I show... Oh, my God, dude. I showed my father-in-law that. Dude, dolphin dick is so wild. I showed my 69-year-old father-in-law... Sick, dude.

...a dude sucking a dolphin off, and he goes, get that the fuck out of here. That's all he said, and I go, no, man, we're going to finish it. No. And he goes, oh, God. Did you tell your father-in-law what to do? And he goes, spits it out, and he goes, this is the, we're going to finish it. And he goes, oh, God. The daughter-in-law comes in his mouth and he goes, spits it out, and he goes, this is the fucking worst day I've ever had.

Yeah. I feel like you're hearing this is different than my internet. Your algorithm is different than mine, dude. That's for sure. I was just fucking doing what I want, man. I was just waving it out. Plugs is how we wrap it up. wrap it up.

What great timing! That's true! You had the burp when you needed it, and then the fart, too. Cheers to you, dude. Yeah, dude. Also, writing a book is cool.

Yeah, okay, dude. Think about the funny author, Becker. Ciao, ciao. I'm an author. Did you know this? This is my pleasure. cool yeah okay dude think about the author Becker ciao ciao I'm an author did you know this this is my pleasure have y'all never

seen Hillraiser before no where's the chakucha yeah dude just die man Sam is writing

books dude that is so gay shut up it's cool it's a lot of very good books I don't think anyone writes books cool guys use their brain you notice how That is so gay. Shut up. That's a lot of very good books. I don't think anyone writes books.

Cool guys. You notice how like, so like Arnold Schwarzenegger has the encyclopedia of bodybuilding, but it's not him writing it. It's somebody else. Yeah, he tells it to someone. Dude, he told someone to write it. He did. He said words and they wrote it, bro.

Someone got paid to fix that thing up. He didn't write shit It's cold He said it You ever thought about Talking your way through I'm really good at talking too I love that

Make someone else Write it down dude Get your tea up And make someone Write it down dude I don't like anything Get your tea up And make somebody write it

Shut up Any motherfucker Any motherfucker That uses adjudicated In a fucking Everyday talk dude Fuck them man I don't use it In everyday talk You uses adjudicated in a fucking everyday talk, dude, fuck them, man. I don't use it in everyday talk. You use adjudicated.

Yeah, and it sucked with you. Yeah, it did. How much data did you burn fucking running that work? None. You're a fucking Obama phone. Dude, I'm a sucker of it. What was that? What?

What does he have? An Obama phone. Why is that? Because he's a fucking, you know, buddy. Yeah, man. Because we're the holiest people, dude? Yeah, he's the holiest. Why are we shaving poverty right now?

Yeah, all right. I'm rich. I'm a rich Arthur. I'm rich. Hey, what a wonderful kind of day. I write books and wear ascots. I don't wear ascots. Dude, you would wear ascot.

You guys love ascot. Did you tell him? I didn't tell him. I sold him. You sold me out. He caught that on his own, man. No, he knows. You got that on his own.

There's only one way he would know, and that's you. He caught that on his own, man. I can smell it, dude. This morning, you go, dude, I'm built like a fucking cotton candy store. And I'm going to put on some fucking peat cotton candy ass fucking shit and go out in public. All right. That sucks, dude.

I should always think of what I'm good at. The audience has just chugged another beer. God damn. All right. Writing is cool.

Reading. You read my gay book How about that? Yep Yeah okay It's great dude I made my wife read it to me No you didn't

Yeah I did No you didn't Call her right now I got her number Call her I'm not calling her Cause you're afraid of the truth I don't wanna call

I don't wanna bother Jackie at work She doesn't work dude She doesn't work dude She's a woman She stays home You know what other work You know what other Can we

If we say the other word That's human, but it's not the word. He him. Why is dog? It's big as dog, dude. Dog. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Why are you doing the worst response? That hurts, dude. That hurts, man. God damn it. You know me, dude. We made it 55 minutes. You told him about the ascots? I didn't tell him about that.

I wanted to. I'm not saying it. I swear to God I didn't tell him about that. I'm going to tell you something. I swear to? I didn't tell him about that I wanted I'm not saying it I swear to god I didn't tell him about that I'm gonna tell you something I swear to god I didn't tell I don't tell anybody about that

You wanted to be a part of that Yeah I wanted to start A fraternal organization In high school Called the ascots It was because we saw old school And I was like

Let's start a fraternity Old school was sick When you were young dude Yeah of course What ruled more than that? Nothing We had boxing, but it was only like

three chicks showed up, two got real drunk. I had to fight one of them. It didn't work out. No, it sucked. You lost? I won. I don't believe it. That was the night that me and Stefan threw Aaron Richter down the stairs because he took out that shotgun. Damn, throwing people down the stairs

rules. Dude, threw a blanket on him. He had a shotgun. Threw a blanket on him, pushed him down the stairs, he took out that shotgun. Damn, throwing people down the stairs rules. Dude, threw a blanket on him. He had a shotgun. Threw a blanket on him, pushed him down the stairs and then ran down the stairs and gave him the work. That's certified hijinks. Yeah,

it was hijinks. I love hijinks, dude. Me too. You lost your virginity that night. I did on a bale of hay. Yes,

dude. That's not a rule. I saw the last thing I saw before Sam. The last thing I saw before Sam lost his virginity is him with, I won't say her name, but she was on his shoulder. She was like, Sam, what are we doing?

And then he was like, I'm a man. It was very consensual. Oh, yeah, I guess I didn't make it sound like it. No, you did not. Did you eat her pussy like you're power bombing her? I didn't eat her pussy. I came real quick. Hell, yeah.

How about that? How about that for low T? Everybody comes real quick. didn't eat her pussy. I came real quick. Hell yeah. How about that? How about that for low T? Everybody comes real quick. Did the first time. I did. I came back in the

room and I was like, I rock. Did you put a condom on? Did you blow in there? Did you plan B? You blew hard?

Yeah, I've done that too. Oh, he shot up the club. He blew hard. Did you give her some money for plan B?

No, we didn't have plan B back then. This is 2003. I fucking put a hose in her. Cranked it. Damn, dude. Man stuff. You're T-Rex, bro.

How about that? I would have told someone to write it down. Do you guys have any plugs? Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. Check it out. It's the best damn podcast. Holdthephone.tv

Are we still giving them money? Yeah he's re-upping with us Is he? Yeah I need that fucking money Can we just post this on ours? Yeah we can do a swap catch Yeah I can send you a file

There's a word for it? Me and Stan Hope told us about it You just swap with us Okay Here comes swap Very good Hey man a few words? When they come in, they come in.

Or you fart or burp and it rolls to your mouth. Yeah, but thank you guys for listening. Check out Death Metal. These guys are two of the best in the game, and I'm very glad they're both here. Both of them. All right, buddy? Yeah.

And David has a podcast that I'm sure he doesn't want anyone to know about right now. He'll find buddy. Yeah. And David has a podcast that I'm sure he doesn't want anyone to know about right now. Season of Time. You'll find it. Yeah. Yeah, love y'all. Thank you. Shout out, Becker. Yeah.