Chubby Behemoth - Sodom & Fedora
Episode Date: September 11, 2020Don't touch the shells. Day Owl. Ring the gong.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth. ...
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Oh, boy.
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Yeah, like Phoenix, Arizona, covered in COVID.
Hey, everyone.
Look, this is another hot pod.
We're coming at you.
Fucking load the gun.
Dig a grave for your wife.
Make sure that your brother can take the kids when the deed is done.
Because it is Shubby Behemoth, everyone.
And we're all about infanticide, mattressideide. Ripping the tags off mattresses.
Going hard in the paint.
Not cleaning your taint.
Voting for the Saints.
Huffing paint. This is it.
Chubby B. Sam T.
Live from the 970 down south.
Put my dick in your mouth.
Are we in the 970?
Burn down your house. I don't know.
We're in Cortez uh colorado everyone
coming to you live from our airbnb that's right bitches and brews bitches and bratwursts
i like airbnbs with very specific rules where you just want a place to like put your stuff and sleep
and then they're like the seashells are not to be touched do please do not
press any of them up against your ear it's not the ocean it's the vibration of your inside of your
eardrum it's like you know there's just like four pages do not put the doorknobs in your mouth the
doorknob must be turned clockwise counterclockwise will cause the entire structure to collapse the door hinges are not gold foil
wrapped in chocolate do not try to eat them this airbnb is uh decorated in what i like to call
mid-century white guilt it's just a white woman who's like second husband died and she got the
money so she bought this house she put a bunch of prayer fucking flags on the porch. There's a wicker duck for some reason.
Yeah.
At least it's sparse.
I don't like when there's shit everywhere.
And it's like, you don't have to have every inch of your personality splayed on the walls.
You could just have something regional, something nice or something interesting instead of just continuing to add.
There's a urn over there. Is it? Yeah, there's an urn over there.
Is it? Yeah, it's filled with Navajo ghosts. Oh, boy.
I think we're on the Ute Reservation.
We're just north of it, I think.
Are we? Yeah. We should go down there and buy some fireworks.
I don't, much like
America, I do not recognize any treaties.
Oh, you think that
words are just words? Yeah.
A man's promise means
nothing? Yeah. You're a capitalist,
huh? I'm a capitalist, man. Look,
things change, okay? Industry
rolls on. Just because
you have this precious burial ground doesn't mean I don't
need to build an Arby's on it, alright?
We're going to put the I-25 right through this
burial mound. Manifest Destiny says
the people want meat, and we have it.
No, we got the meats.
We also have the beans.
We tricked you.
Hilarious.
So, one, you were in the bathroom for a long time.
Of course, yeah.
Let's go from one annoying stance to another.
Okay, you run the show.
I'll be the sidekick today.
Good call.
We got a show tonight. Comedy's
back. It's better than ever.
There's money to be made.
Hand over fist.
Hand over stink fist.
You need to wash your hands is what you're saying.
I'm a water conservationist.
Nice. And so I only
wash my hands if they smell to
high heaven. I used to fake wash my
hands all the time
isn't that crazy what for your po you're like oh yeah i'm clean yeah exactly after i fill the cup
here you go it's not surge this time no man like if you pee and you're in like a girl's apartment
small apartment she's sitting on that she's like a studio yeah you go in the bathroom you pee just
pee i just turn the faucet on for like 25 seconds.
Let the water run.
Just look myself in the mirror and say, you're going to get this pussy.
You're going to get this pussy.
Why is that better than just washing your hands in 10 seconds?
I don't know.
I think I have some kind of anti-authoritarian complex.
Oh, you do.
For sure.
Yeah.
I don't like to be bossed around by the societal norms.
But yeah, I've been fake washing my hands for years.
That's so stupid.
During COVID, from March 17th to now, I've washed my hands more than I have in my entire 48 years on this earth.
I'm not lying.
You forgot to say your Hollywood age.
Oh, I forgot.
Yeah, my entire 17 years on this earth.
Yeah, say I'm 17, I'm 22, I'm older and wiser.
You are, and I'm kind of the bad
boy. I don't give
a fuck. The young heartthrob.
Yeah, I'm playing Twitch on TikTok.
You're big on the
hand sanitizer. You've been good about that.
Oh, I've been trying to be as safe as
possible. You know, another way to
be safe is to wash your hands
and actually wash them instead of
fucking pinch-fibbing when it comes to your hygiene.
Well, when I dump, it's not a pinch-fib.
That's reality, brother.
It doesn't pinch off.
The floodgates are open.
No.
But yeah, no, I have been washing my hands during COVID, but I for sure...
But you hate it.
I do hate it, yeah.
Because you think...
You're like the anti-mask people.
You feel like it's a direct assault on your freedom.
Yeah, it's my personal liberty.
To wash your fucking hands.
Yeah, I don't like the CDC getting in the bathroom or the bedroom.
Stay out of there.
That's my time.
That is like the only place I'm ever alone.
Yeah.
Because whenever I'm not in the bathroom, I've got the paparazzi all over me.
You got.
The greedy eyes of society your kids moms
begging you to help with their dental health poppy he need teeth his teeth no come in daddy
his teeth on the outside of his mouth i sold those teeth juanita they're half my teeth too
juanita's cool man uh I know that when you knocked her up
you guys were both 14 but she's like trying hard yeah people change she wants a relationship
yeah on some level or if not with you and her at least with uh little Tito I allowed her friend
request on LinkedIn didn't I that's a. LinkedIn, let's talk about this.
I've invested heavily.
Let's not talk about my first wife and son, Tito.
Well, we don't want to get into that without the lawyers being on the pod.
No, well, Tito, I'm trying to get him in law school so he can sue his mom.
What was I saying?
Something.
Yeah.
You said, let's get into this, LinkedIn.
Oh, yeah, LinkedIn is the future like a
jackpot i've invested in linkedin it's the future i feel like people aren't going to be on instagram
in a couple years they're just going to be networking and hustling yeah just trying to
connect with other uh people who want to open a hot dog cart slash covid testing center oh yeah
mobile hot dog COVID testing center.
If you test positive, you get two hot dogs.
Makes you forget about how scared you are, whether you're going to make it or not.
You are a COVID denier in a way because you think that it's just old people.
Yeah.
And I think that's hilarious.
Well, I don't think it's just old people.
I just listened to what the CDC numbers
said when they changed them mysteriously
after college football came back.
Once the veil was pulled over
Lady Liberty's eyes
and the scales of justice were tipped
to the side of science once more.
That's all I'm saying, man. Yeah.
I know you want to live in a world where your feelings
matter, but I'm living in a world of hard
truths. Yeah, I'll bet in a world of hard truths.
Yeah, I'll bet.
Where Sam T. rules.
Sam T. Nation worldwide.
Everybody else is just pretending you're the real deal.
Yeah.
You burp while you talk.
It's a time saver.
I like to waste air.
If COVID's real, I shouldn't be breathing that much, right?
Multitasking with your mouth. No, I think COVID's real i shouldn't be breathing that much right multitasking with your mouth no i think covid's real i'm married to a doctor on paper you know and she's telling me that
the uh for tax purposes yeah exactly it's a lie so my parents will love me you know i don't have
to come out as gay so you get the house after they die yeah and i get the mouth from all the guys. That hot tub is a scene, a bacchanal of depravity.
Well, you say it's depraved.
I say it rules.
By the way, Becker is here, everyone.
He's taking hash dabs.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's a maniac.
He definitely has some type of sordid past that he's running from.
Yeah.
In a cloud of concentrated hash dabs. Yeah, Becker just keeps telling us how he's running from. Yeah. In a cloud of concentrated hashtags.
Yeah, Becker just keeps telling us how he's friends with Bugs Bunny and Dave Chappelle's his homie.
It's just a fucking myriad of lies from this guy.
I can't keep up with him, but he drove us down here because my car was impounded because I was protesting that mosque.
So it's
tough out here for us pimps. We're down here
at Down South. We did a show last night in a backyard
in Durango. It was the front yard, man.
It was the front yard. Why change the narrative?
Well, I control the narrative.
You're such a manipulator. I am.
We were in a backyard in Dolores, Colorado.
Why lie about the
most tiniest of details?
I'm trying to punch it up.
A backyard is funnier?
I think backyard is funnier, yeah.
Backyard, people have a picture of it in their head.
There's a rope swing.
There's a guy smoking a corn cog pipe in a hammock.
A bunch of toads hopping around.
Historically, tire swings are in the front yard, so you're already completely full of shit.
What do you know about yards?
I've seen them.
I've read about them in books.
You don't have a yard.
I minored in front yardology,
so I know a thing or two about...
And now, hey,
backyards are not my thing,
but I can go toe-to-toe with you
when it comes to front yards.
Well, think about it.
Business in the front yard,
party in the backyard.
That's how it works.
Mullet logic.
That is the saying.
Yeah.
That's what's carved into my back.
All right, so we're in a
backyard in santa fe new mexico that's right yeah uh we're chilling with the cast of breaking bad
turquoise everywhere yeah i'm not wearing anything but a turquoise belt and a gun is wasted and a gun
is crazy and i've got a gun on my hip and i keep shooting at the moon and saying prove yourself god
you coward it was a blast.
It definitely wasn't 11 people and we got paid $60 between the two of us.
Yeah, who would do such an insane thing as that with their time?
Who would drive seven hours to do that on the one weekend their wife has off?
You got to want it.
Dude, I'm all about the game.
I don't care about the money, the fame, the success, the respect of my peers.
No, all that's horseshit. I do it for the game. You know, I don't care about the money, the fame, the success, the respect of my peers. No. Oh, that's horseshit. I do it for the laughs. I do it for the
fucking 12 minutes of jokes that I
get to do. I like to make Trump supporters
feel real good about themselves. That's why I'm
here. Exactly. I want them to know that, look,
politics is politics, but we still have
hearts. We have more
in common than we do differences.
Yeah, we're all white.
At the shows I do.
Yeah, that's in your writer.
Your ghost writer.
Remember in the movie Ghost Rider
when Sam...
What's his name? Nicholas Cage?
No, but the other guy. Sam with the big mustache.
The stranger. Sam Elliott.
They're in the graveyard and Nicholas Cage
rides out. And it's like halfway through the movie
but Sam Elliott needs to give everyone the update.
So he says, he's the rider.
The ghost rider.
And then the music, like, Sepultura kicks in.
Nicolas Cage rides down a dusty road.
That's the funniest part of that movie.
Megan and I just watched it recently.
Why?
Just because.
How slow are things going?
How dead is that bedroom? we wanted something stupid
sure
so that we weren't
just like
crushed
by all of the
fucking hopelessness
around us
we wanted
escapism
ever heard about it?
it's why you thrive
is that
you rhyme for 45 minutes
and people are like
oh this is better
than thinking about
my mom in the hospital
so yeah
escapism
and Ghost Rider
was funny because we thought it
was we thought it was funny when sam elliott is riding that horse and they ride for like
3 000 miles or whatever yes but but then like he's just gone like doesn't he like say never
mind brother like you gotta go the rest of the way on your own it's like it's a football field they're like
riding for like this montage of like seven minutes and then yeah the entirety of in the
god of davida plays yeah yeah extended version yeah acid trip uncut like me and your dad yeah
my dad's got a scar he had circumcision. So he did it himself?
My wife's not going to do circumcisions.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, she said she refuses.
Okay.
So don't get your hopes up. Because it's just based in whatever old-world tradition, but no real...
There's no, like...
Any beliefs about it being a cleanliness thing have been disproven.
Yeah. So it's unnecessary. Dudeliness thing have been disproven.
Yeah.
So it's unnecessary.
Dude's dicks are supposed to stink.
Yeah.
It's supposed to be... Power move.
Smelly on the tip, not smelly on the shaft, balls reek.
That's how it is, man.
That's what God intended when he designed us.
Deal with it.
Yeah.
I like that.
Take a stand.
I like when my doctor... take a stand with your gland has
her personal opinions and beliefs affect my access to care no i like that yeah don't do it don't do
it why would you're gonna leave it you're gonna fucking take a snip of the the sweetest part of
a boy i got three and a half inches down there you want to take the half yeah fuck that that coveted half it's just off of the
top that's the seventh of my hog my little baby hog and also you have to get the kids hard first
that can't be true for sure yeah you gotta get the kid all stiffed up you don't have to but
that's what that's what those moils used to do those moils are fucking sucking you gotta get
him hard and he's he is not in the mood. The moils
put the baby's dick in their mouth
afterward. I know, that was a part of the
sacred tradition that God
whispered in Moses' ear was, you gotta suck
that blood off or else if a drop
of that blood hits the earth, the
entire family will be
cursed forever. Yeah, seven years of family
if you don't belate this baby.
Good luck sucking my kid's dick for a while. Hey man, if that's don't belate this baby. Good luck.
It's fun sucking my kid's dick for a while.
Hey man,
if that's part of the religion
I'm signing up.
I'll be a holy man
if I get to cram
some holy ham.
Yeah, and also
all those kids got herpes.
You remember that
in New York?
That was a thing.
A bunch of babies
got herpes
from dirty moils
giving them
the secret kiss.
Goddamn.
Yeah.
Literally,
goddamn God to hell.
Yeah.
Fuck that.
We heard an owl outside, me and Becker.
During the day?
Yeah.
It stopped when you slammed the door and went inside.
Yeah, because birds respect me.
I think it's because you're cursed.
I have dominion overall.
I'm pretty sure that means that the devil reigns in heaven.
Did you hear a day owl?
Yeah, the poles have reversed Yeah God's throne's been abdicated
And Satan's riding shotgun
Yeah I'm glad that a lot of our
Lives are directly
Impacted by the religious
And superstitious
Like why move on
And create a new world
Based on logic and science
when you can just hold tight to whatever your grandma thought?
Right, yeah.
Just get your fucking claws into something and don't forget.
I mean, as Bill Maher always says.
As Bill Maher.
As Bill Murray Maher.
As Bill Frankincense used to say.
Stage name, Bill Maher.
Nice.
I forgot what
Bill Murr said
he sucks
yeah
he said the N word
and got away with it
for some reason
he said the N word
he said it many times
yeah
he's not all bad
and then he gets in trouble
go on
and then
people just let him
keep having a show
or whatever
he sucks man
I remember when he said
the N word
he was funny
he was funny long ago.
Much like religion, we've
outgrown Bill Maher. We need to move
on to something new.
He's proof of the opposite of intelligent design.
Worship Trevor Noah and his
arc. I'm Trevor Noah?
Hello?
Me, Trevor Noah?
You were doing better with
South Africa yesterday. Sooth African? me trevor now you were doing better with south africa yesterday sooth african
sooth is that soothsayer from south africa is that how you say it
it's gone now i don't know where you're at south african hey it's back oh hello like a boomerang
the official weapon of south africa I'd go to South Africa.
Let's go.
We can't go.
Oh yeah, I forgot.
Yeah.
COVID.
No, you got five DUIs.
Don't COVID thy neighbor.
I have one DUI and it was a good one.
I should have a million DUIs.
But, you know, one hiccup, not one bourbon one bottle one school bus crashed into i don't miss that man that fucking dread of like oh god i had eight beers in the last hour and a half and
i have to drive home i don't have to but i'm going to get to i'm such an idiot that's my privilege
every beer makes you think that your dick is longer
and you're better at driving when
you're buzzed or whatever the fuck.
Ugh, yeah. I'm almost
four years sober and that means
that I've saved a lot of lives, I think.
If I would have kept drinking,
I would have had quite the
body count. Yeah, they'll have
night school to happen again once you hung up your
spurs.
The whole generation has a future. Yeah, they'll have night school to happen again once you hung up your spurs. The whole generation has a future.
Yeah, you retire New Jersey.
Yeah, it's gross, man.
We've talked about it before.
I wish that there were a culture here with drinking where it was more about having a good time or your taste in certain types of alcohol or whatever.
But it's not.
It's all about quantity and like extremists,
you know,
just taking it to the limit,
all that bullshit.
Pounding.
Yeah.
Why can't we have any,
just like moderation in anything?
We've already talked about this,
but it's in the archives.
It is.
Yeah.
Look it up.
Which people love.
I think in a podcast,
like,
Oh yeah,
that's in the archives.
Check it out.
You got a Dewey Decimal System for your dumb podcast.
We've done seven episodes.
Go back into the tombs.
The catacombs of Chubby Behemoth.
And you'll find some gold.
Yeah, find that stalactite.
So yeah.
And I wasn't good at moderation, so I stopped.
I moderated myself last night.
I only had four drinks. You only jerked off four times in front of us. I didn't jerk at moderation, so I stopped. I moderated myself last night. I only had four drinks.
You only jerked off four times in front of us.
I didn't jerk at all.
I pleasured.
I don't stroke.
It's like I'm starting a fire.
Give yourself an Indian burn.
Yeah, it's like I'm trying to make pasta.
A fusilli.
A gnocchi.
My dumb wife didn't know there was potatoes in gnocchi.
Damn. I had to blownocchi damn blow her up
call her out
you must have missed the day
on making gnocchi in the ER
man doctors are fucking weird
dude
they're just people like us
but they decide who lives and dies
it sucks
right they're like teachers they like who lives and dies. It sucks. Right.
They're like teachers.
They like to party and get all fucked up.
Oh, yeah.
But then they're also responsible for shaping society.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I don't care for just the human...
I wish they were infallible, like the Pope or O.J. Simpson.
I wish they could do no wrong.
I also wish they were beloved by
the black community, but there's a lot of bad blood there. There is, man. Doctors are
like real racist on accident all the time. I don't know if it's on accident. Well, it's
like, you know how we all have like these ingrained racism? Yeah. You know? Like you
don't think about it, but like doctors are constantly, like a black guy will come in
and they'll be like, so do you have a a house it's just like the questionnaires for different types of
people are wild well yeah and i feel like part of the problem is that there were like doctors or or
in medicine there were just like stated facts of like oh yeah black skin is a lot it doesn't have
as many nerve endings so you don't have to worry as much about their pain.
It's like, this fucking book was written by Hitler.
Why are we still teaching it in this fucking university?
I don't understand that.
The ridges on their skull mean that they can't get the flu.
Yeah, what the hell?
And then, but shouldn't doctors have figured that shit out long ago and moved on?
Doctors should know a lot more than they do.
But a lot of it's just guessing and witchcraft they're literally rolling dice in there they're playing dnd they
are yeah it's like oh you roll the one you don't get a catheter sorry you don't get that stint in
your arm yeah that's uh ridiculous i feel i wish i feel like we should be like when people complain
about how we don't have jetpacks and stuff,
it's like, yeah, because we still have people that think that, you know,
God got it right in zero fucking A.D. or whatever.
And, like, we have much to learn by looking to the past.
It's like, no, it was a bunch of savages back then.
They didn't know where the sun went at night.
That's right, yeah.
They celebrated the fact that they came up with fire for like 2000 years
they were tricked by water
they didn't have mirrors
they were literally beholden
to the magic of reflection off water
yeah we're like yeah they got it right
back then we have a lot to learn from our elders
what are you talking about
they were so brave they fought the great war
if it's sunny and raining they think that the devil
is beating his wife.
Like, who would marry the devil?
Juanita did.
That was not good news back then.
That's right.
Yeah, you're a different person as well.
You guys have both come along, right?
I was stealing copper wire and selling it for scrap metal.
It wasn't a good deal.
I would marry the devil.
Yeah.
For sure, dude. think about the power the
devil has right you got a kick-ass condo in hell yeah and there's a pool rent to own instead of
just throwing money down the well yeah you get a torture uh william shatner is he dead rest in
peace uh no he's still kicking he's doing like colostomy bag commercials. He's in jail.
He was kicking women.
And they're like, this is New Mexico, buddy.
We don't let that fly.
They do.
That's the one place you can do it.
New Mexico is pretty much the Italy of America.
Women have no rights and they're all bruised up from the neck down.
It's bad down there, dude.
Yeah, Albuquerque. We talked about Albuquerque on the way down uh-huh yeah it's bad down there dude yeah albuquerque we talked about albuquerque on the way down here that's a just a vortex of insanity i think a lot of people
running from something and then they're all bumping into each other and so they just are
all constantly pulling knives and threatening one another yeah and there's like a school and
then also people who are very anti-education
Yeah New Mexicans
Yeah the locals
New Mexico is the dumbest state in the union
It's like always them or Mississippi
Not the dumbest the least funding for schools
Right the most
Fucked over by their government
Most boned
By Big G
My grandma's from New Mexico
From the top down.
I don't think she could read.
She didn't have to.
She didn't.
She just followed the stars.
She had them.
She had birds sing to her.
Day owls.
What else?
No.
I don't know.
We haven't really said anything funny yet, but it's okay.
I feel like that's not true.
Okay, good.
Yeah, Jake's dying.
I'm hyper sensitive for this podcast.
All the listeners out there, I'm really fucking sweating every goddamn word.
I want people to love this so much.
Really? You're trying really hard right now?
Yeah.
Huh.
Yeah, because you're over there like, another thing about politics.
And I'm like, ball ball licks uh uh shatter
sticks uh jiminy glick you know i'm just trying to think of rhymes yeah that's that's your idea
of working hard scraping your mind what rhymes with dick i'm trying to get the marrow out of
these bones man uh no let's get into some heavy shit.
No, I'm kidding. Where do we go when we die?
I think, I have been
I've hung onto this, that matter
can't be created or destroyed.
It just changes. Allegedly.
Well, what proof do you have?
Albert Einstein got his rocks off on that.
Where's he?
Somewhere cool, I would imagine. He's fucking his cousin
in heaven. That's what you hope for. That's heaven for imagine. He's fucking his cousin in heaven.
That's what you hope for. That's heaven for you.
He married his cousin.
Oh, yeah?
He's Jerry Lee Lewis, the little girl.
Damn.
Yeah.
Well, maybe I should stop spouting the words of Einstein.
Or maybe you should get into physics.
But I think that there's something,
and I don't think that we're supposed to know what it is
We're just supposed to be here now
And then whatever comes next is probably pretty cool
Otherwise this would be a real raw deal for a lot of people
You know, somebody
A kid born with cancer dies at like six weeks old
That can't be it for that being
For that energy
That's just it
You're spiritual?
I'm not spiritual, but I am Catholic I'm not spiritual, but I am Catholic.
I'm not spiritual, but I am afraid of death.
I am the other.
Yeah, I go against the grain.
No, I don't think that we're supposed to know, but I think something cool comes.
I want to be able to fly through the stars, through the cosmos, and I hope that that's part of the reality.
I want that for you.
I believe that we're eaten by weasels i think we go in the dirt and worms eat us and poop us out and that's where the matter goes well i want to get comfort in the idea that the end is the same
or what comes after your consciousness is the same as before you came about which is you're
not aware of it at all.
But that's not super comforting.
It's just better than being tortured by Satan.
Or being his right-hand man.
Being Satan's sidekick, riding in the sidecar, hitting the dune buggy.
Satan's maintenance man.
Yeah.
Satan's wacky upstairs neighbor.
I'd love to Kramer Satan's lair.
Go sliding in.
S-Man. What up?
The comedic relief.
For an eternity of pain.
Yeah, for the fucking
fire-filled void that is
hell. I like whoever came
up with hell to scare
the villagers because they were just
complete madmen. Louis Black had a funny, he talked about that. Let's do some Louis Black bits. I like whoever came up with hell to like scare the villagers because they were just complete
madmen.
Louis Black had a funny, like he talked about that.
Let's do some Louis Black bits.
Uh, let's get into Black's corner.
Let's get Black Book.
Let's paint it black.
No, he just said something about how like to get, you know, to control people or to
prevent them from like fucking their camel.
Yeah.
They'd be like, you can't do that.
And they're like, why?
And they're like, well, cause, well, because, I don't know.
Hell, when you die, you'll get in trouble.
I think that was on Black in the Saddle.
I don't know.
Or was it in Blackface?
I love all of his albums.
It might have been Blackish.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Live from Carnegie Hall.
I liked when he got into porn and he was on Blacked.
Remember that?
Those are good.
Those are solid, man.
Yeah, I'll watch those.
Yeah.
Black Attack.
Don't Look Back.
Jack.
Oh, here you go trying again.
Man, what a lawless group that you had to create like hell and being tortured and it's like
oh for like five years i don't care i'm gonna keep doing what i'm doing no it's forever
oh but i'd probably get used to it no you can't get used to it well if i don't have a physical
body why would i feel pain like wouldn't that be like you know just left behind you start stoning
that guy yeah oh kill him he's a witch yeah we've we've done so many dumb things
in the interest of like control and it's even better if you're told that hell exists because
you're fucking your camel and you keep fucking your camel because camel pussy's worth it
you're willing to risk a damnation yeah yeah that's later i live for the now
pull your sunglasses down.
Hop back in that camel.
Humping.
One hump or two.
This pussy's dromedary.
It would be one thing if there were
more religious people
that it just kept them
in check, but they always have to proselytize
and spread the good word.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People will find it.
Let's spread some bad words.
You know, like shit and damn and crap.
And buttholes.
Yeah.
Snooge.
The new one.
You ever finger your butt?
No, dude.
You never have.
No, what?
You're so full of shit.
No, I'm not!
You do? I have, yeah. What are you talking You're so full of shit. No, I'm not! You do?
I have, yeah.
What are you talking about?
When you're jerking it, you put a finger in your butt.
It's crazy.
Ugh!
You're so dumb.
I'm dumb?
Your wife's a doctor and you didn't know about this?
You think I'm dumb because I don't finger my own butt?
Because you haven't explored your body.
I've been on some unmapped territory.
Here be dragons.
Apparently not. I've never fingered my own butt. You fingered your own belly button. You're like, ugh. explored your body i've done i've been on some unmapped territory here be dragons apparently
not i've never fingered my own butt you fingered your own belly button you're like oh i hate that
makes me nauseous it just did i know i hate the idea of your belly button it makes you nauseous
i hate it yeah yeah you're not ready for the butthole i'm not ready for the butthole you
know what comes out of there i've been told. Your ancestors.
They're disappointed in you.
I'm not making stew, man.
I just don't know.
I don't like what goes on between these cheeks enough to try and make a friendship with it. I don't want to be allies with the dark crater.
Your butthole is Russia in the 80s.
Exactly. And the rest the view is the united states
we have a cold war going i'm not gonna probe for an allegiance with my becker have you explored
down there i yeah it's pretty cool i don't do it all the time it's like not it's not really
worth like i wouldn't i wouldn't want to constantly uh keep it clean enough to like get in there
but i when i was younger, how did you not?
When you're younger and it's all new.
I do like holding in a turd a little too long.
That feels good.
What?
I mean, let's...
What, hear him out?
No, I was going to say, let's let you figure it out.
I've always loved holding one in.
Why?
The control?
I think it feels the same as something going in, probably.
No.
Yeah, it's kind of taboo and forbidden.
Like, you've got a secret.
It's not food.
No one in the movie theater knows what you're up to.
No one in line at Qdoba knows what you're doing over there.
All right, so you're taking things slow back there.
Well, yeah, I don't want to go in, but I'll slow down the coming out.
Steve and AJ said it's like a...
What does he say?
It's like an injector seat for your fucking cum.
You press that button and it's like,
Oh, now I'm done.
You know, if you only have a few minutes to get to work.
Was that on AJ's album, Black in the Saddle?
He's black. I don't't know he's our friend he's the comic of the week
have you been the comic of the week uh on this podcast no you blocked me out yeah i'm on a roll yeah you stopped the voting on that one Every episode, sure enough
It's long
I wanted to kick your ass last night before bed
Why?
Because you wouldn't let me ring the gong
Oh yeah, because you can't
You can't stop yourself
From banging a gong
How many times are you going to go to bed next to your best friend
And before you do, you bow and ring a gong
I think I would have been okay with zero times How many times are you going to go to bed next to your best friend, and before you do, you bow and ring a gong?
I think I would have been okay with zero times.
It's like feudal Japan.
We're two samurai.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, we have different lords.
You know, when you fucking take your kimono off and you get in the old salt bath.
Konnichiwa, ring the gong.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Dude, I would never, ever stop you from ringing a gong as many times as you wanted.
That's all I'll say.
We're different that way.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, you have no control except when it comes to putting a finger in your butt,
and then you're like, never.
But you see a gong, and you're like, I've got to do it twice.
Yeah, you're butt-fringing yourself.
I'm supposed to respect you?
I'm supposed to, like, you know, allow you to have the same foothold as I do?
Yeah, it's cool, man.
Ringing a gong's cool. It's nothing.
And also, I came out here this morning, I woke up early at 7.30 to pull a classic gong
prank. You set an alarm. I did.
So that you could, yeah,
anger me first thing in the morning.
Yeah, wake you up pissed. And yeah, guess what?
Yeah, you took the goddamn
hammer. Yep. I couldn't ring the gong.
It was in bed with me.
It was under your pillow.
Guess where the handle
of that gong ringer
was last night.
Oh, Konichiwa.
I said bonsai
and then went in.
Yeah, you woke up
and the first thing you said
come and fucking get it.
You held up the gong hammer the mallet you said, come and fucking get it. You held up the gong hammer, the mallet, and you said, come and fucking get it.
Yeah, I was ready to go.
Had a good night's sleep.
You do look so funny.
You look like a little mole rat in the bed.
A little mole rat.
Yeah.
Combination mole rat.
You look like some kind of creation doctor.
Stronger than both.
I was going to say Dr. Savago, but no.
What was the one?
Mengele?
Mengele?
He made a mole rat or two.
He did.
Out of gypsies.
What is it? Romani?
What is it? Zygonists.ists that's the term those without a homeland is that it because a zionist is one who has a homeland like you know the palestinian conflict
it's all their fault um yeah so a zygonist is one who wonders without a home now who's the stupid
one i don't think i don't believe any of what you just said.
Why don't you pull your finger out of your ass
and listen?
I'm glad I told you that because now
it's all you will talk about.
Well, didn't I say something crazy last night
that you were taken aback by?
I'm sure you did. I had some revelation and you were like,
my God.
Becker, you know what we're talking about?
I don't remember.
I think that you said dogs are boys, cats are girls.
No, that's like on the internet now.
Yeah, this isn't the best podcast ever.
That's the hot take that everybody's saying.
Yeah, this is every comic in LA's opener.
Have you seen this?
Have you heard about this?
Dogs are cats.
Yeah, dogs are cats.
A hot dog is a boy and a hamburger is a girl i think that's true
yeah hamburgers are buns i'm speaking truth to power i'm powerful
you need to speak truth to shower you stink let me check i think we all kind of stink honestly
well we were in a car for seven hours. Yeah, we made 60 bucks.
We both broke a sweat trying to entertain seven and a half people.
Yeah, there was that kid in a wheelchair.
Yeah, no legs.
No legs, all heart.
No legs, Ryan.
He had a heart for a brain.
A brain for an ass.
And you kept trying to finger his brain yeah hello
is this thing on?
I like that you're fingering your butt
I'm proud of you
I'm not currently doing it
I don't believe that you've never done it
I never have
you're such a depraved fucking psychopath
I'm not depraved
you have no moral compass.
You only feign fucking care for others.
So you have demolished your own asshole for sure.
I have not, man.
I've never knocked on the door.
I've never solicited my butthole.
You've never made the ring sing.
That was rhyming. All right. Your improv ring sing? Now it's rhyming. Alright.
Your improv light's on. That's good.
Hey. I have not
ever
made the ring sing.
It's okay. It's pretty good.
I've never
wanted to do any butt play
with a woman.
I feel like it's just a one-on-
not even a one-on- not even one-on-one,
one-on-one situation.
But hey,
if you're into it,
I could see it being cool.
I just have not
wanted to share
my butthole
with anyone else.
It's mine.
I'd feel better
about fingering
my own asshole
than having anyone
ever go knock
on the back door.
I don't want to ever
have a woman
that I love
where I'm paying by the hour
to have to
dig a ring out of there. Oh my god, dude.
That would suck. I'm so ashamed
of the inside of my cheek meat.
Also, I think my cheeks are about
six inches from crust to core.
I think I have a deep butt.
Yeah. Well, that means you've got more
topsoil
to play with. No, it means there's more fucking bats in the belfry.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, there's so much hair, there's so much room for dingleberries, humperdinks, whatever you want to call them.
Oh yeah, you would have to do a lot of landscaping in order to be comfortable with somebody else getting back there.
I need a power washer.
And I don't do that.
I'd have to go to Home Depot and rent a power washer you would use to clean concrete and sit on it for half an hour
before i let even anyone even see me nude yeah it'd be too much too much work so yeah i get that
but hey i'm not gonna judge couples that are knee deep in each other's bungholes you judged me
you said that i was defrayed not doing it i just had no moral comfort i judge you for what i believe
is you lying why would i lie because you're ashamed i'm not ashamed you're the one who's
filled with shame nope yeah you're a shameful individual i let it loose you scurry around in
the darkness just fucking eating dirt. You're disgusting.
Mole rat. Yeah, a little mole rat. A little Mormon
mole rat. Why am I Mormon?
Because you wear
special underwear. Mormons don't even acknowledge
the existence of a butthole, let alone
finger it. It's rumored.
Actually, I think that Mormons are all
about butt play because it's not sex.
Oh, they do the backdoor
exception or whatever? Yeah, the
backdoor clause. I like that
belief that God won't
care about you getting your ass destroyed
because he didn't
do the sign of the crossover
like he does every vagina
on its way down from heaven. There's no umpire
in your rump empire.
There's just the Holy Ghost
hangs out in your pussy.
The doorman.
Let me see some ID.
You're not on the list
to get into heaven.
You're on God's shit list.
Go around back.
There's no rules back there.
Yeah, I think that's pretty cool.
I like a loophole
in my religion.
With my poophole.
No, I wasn't even going to say that.
Oh, yeah, it's beneath you?
You fucking liar.
You are so full of shit.
That's a hacky rhyme.
That's disappointing.
What? You have no moral compass?
You're the god of hell.
That's me. The god of hell.
Man, this has been a wild one.
This is a real road show.
Yeah, well, you know, when you have to drive seven hours to split 60 bucks.
That moral GPS starts really getting on the fritz.
Yeah, dude.
This is why we've been doing comedy for a combined 30 years.
I don't blame anyone.
Maybe I do.
To maybe cover gas.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, it sucks because you want to have those days be behind you where, like, yeah, you put up with a bunch of bullshit, but you're young and hungry and you hope that it pays off.
You still care about the art form.
Yeah.
You're not mailing it in.
Right.
You're not just coming down here to see your secret family.
With Tito and Juanita.
I'm sorry, T.
Yeah, you want it to pay off and then have it be like...
Then it's a fun memory because it's not your fucking current life.
So yeah, it always sucks to get brought back to the beginnings.
To be humbled and reminded who you are.
And that there's just a thin veneer between perception and reality.
Right.
And you pierce the veil of truth.
Yeah, it sucks.
I'm used to making 30k a show.
I'm used to doing arenas, dude.
And dogfights, state fairs.
Going down to Tijuana. Where the money is. Yeah, dude, dude, and dog fights, state fairs. Going to Tijuana.
Where the money is.
Yeah, dude.
Well, and it sucks to...
But to be in a backyard and not a front yard, for sure.
To definitely be in a backyard performing.
Standing on a hay bale.
Yeah.
Screaming at the mountainside.
The guy who lived in the house where we performed, his tongue kept fucking slapping his chin.
It was the eve of his 38th birthday.
Yeah, what was he on?
Fucking heavy sedatives?
I don't know.
He told me and Becker that he started his day by tripping acid on the porch, on the balcony.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was his morning.
So yeah, he's a real explorer of the unconscious.
I saw him bite into a Bud Light seltzer can.
Like a goat?
Yeah, he fucking tied up the tin
like a cherry stem and spit out an
origami swan. What's thou
like to live
deliciously?
Ew, what's that?
I don't know. What are you talking about?
I think I blacked out for a second.
You spelled burnt hair?
I think I can smell stuff.
Wouldst thou like
to live
deliciously?
It's from The Witch. Did you see that?
Yeah, Emily walked out.
Black Phillip.
Dr. Idiot couldn't take it.
Dr. Dumb Shit was like like this movie's at the end
or the middle the whole thing when did she walk out i think we walked out like 35 minutes in
one before anything cool happened yeah it builds it builds well emily's not one for building god
she just wants the cliff's notes yeah exactly she's wrap it up she's like oh no one's racing
cars in this i'm out i gotta go circumcise the kid under duress.
Yeah.
Under court order.
I gotta go suck the blood off a kid's dick.
I'm out of here, the witch.
Yeah, that movie ruled.
Yeah, it pays off.
It's good.
I liked Black Phillip's comedy album, Black in the Cell.
Goddamn.
You're chomping at the bit to get that out there.
That's the third time.
Third time's a charm is what they say.
Nobody hates it the third time around.
No, man.
That's when you're really living deliciously.
But The Witch was sick.
And I was really disappointed in my wife for not having the patience to watch a movie
did you stay or did you walk out after her?
I was like go wait in the car bitch
I threw the keys
near the exit, I was like go find him in the dark
give me your phone
I don't want you talking to anyone
I'll finish this film
threw a handful of change
get some Starburst
put some fucking taffy
in that bitch hole.
That's what I said to her.
So I was like,
shut up.
Trying to watch a movie.
I was like,
bitch,
I got some change
for you too.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Yeah,
why don't you go
feed the parking meter?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
I usually take my wife's
phone and lock her
in the car.
Did you crack a window?
Crack a fart in there.
Lock the windows.
Say, smell it.
Yeah, that's too bad. She needs to watch that.
Watch it at home.
I was like, let's watch Midsommar.
And she's like, watch the trailer.
And she's like, I think there's
an episode of Bones I haven't seen
Megan's
Megan's all about Bones too
she's a real bonehead
you should get these two
to hang out man
yeah
leave me alone
yeah so we can
finally hang out
yeah
I'm sure our wives
definitely feel like
we don't see enough
of each other
we don't prioritize
one another enough
oh we
some of us are leaving town forever
it looks like.
Some of us are committing Trinidad treason.
It's treason season down south.
I like that
you moved to Fort Collins and that doesn't
count. Why did I move to Fort Collins?
Because you had too
many warrants in Denver?
Touching your butthole in public
the heat was on
there's a steady heat emanating from your anus
you sell a kilogram of methamphetamine
to one undercover cop at a schoolyard
you gotta cut ties with your town
so yeah you left
my wife got a contract
who cares
what does it matter
I love her.
No, I'm saying it doesn't matter why you moved.
You moved up there, so you don't live in Denver.
And then I'm thinking about leaving Denver, and you take it very personally when it has nothing to do with you.
Your business is my business.
And business is bad right now.
All right?
We're about to have to shutter the windows.
You piece of literal shit.
Yeah, it's pretty tough to do a podcast
virtually.
Oh yeah, they suck. No, they're good.
No, they're not.
Have you done a Zoom podcast?
No. Okay, bingo.
Neither have I. I do them all the time.
I'm promoting my book,
Running the Light, SamTalent.com.
You fucking pigs can't read.
They're auditory learners.
Yeah, these idiots.
They're not multisensory.
No, they're fucking, they're fingering their buttholes.
That's the name for our fans now.
Look, if you want to move to Trinidad, that's fine.
Okay, but just know that we can't be friends anymore.
That sounds great.
Let's do a couple more episodes of this
and then cut ties.
I'll see you at the Denver Comedy Reunion in 2050.
Alright, cool.
I'll be wearing a mask of your face.
I'll be shirtless, tattooed on my chest
with the word traitor.
I'll be wearing leather pants.
You'll be Mark Wahlberg in fear.
I'm going to have burgundy shoes on.
You did finger me on a roller coaster once, but other than that, we have nothing in common with the movie Fear.
Yeah, I fingered you.
You were on the roller coaster, and I was like, officer, that's him.
Has anyone done that joke?
That has to be a joke.
Is that a joke?
I don't know.
Think about it.
You can't think because you're too stupid?
Big surprise.
I feel...
What are you going to do in Trinidad?
Be a pig impersonator?
Be the hog daddy?
No, I'm going to raise hogs.
Raise them right.
Yeah.
Episcopalian.
And then when I slaughter them, they get to go to heaven.
Pigs go to heaven, goats go to hell.
I remember. Like Cakes said. Yeah. You know, Cakes' drummer, I think, pulled a moil, didn't he? of them they get to go to heaven pigs go to heaven goats go to hell i remember like cake said yeah
you know cake's drummer i think pulled a moil didn't he i think he went down on a baby oh what
yeah you would know that i i remember everything and that's that's a fun fact that stays with you
yeah i think the drummer for cake like maybe not the guy that went on tour but a like studio maybe
like on an album or something.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure he got caught blowing a baby.
So that sucks.
I don't like that, dude.
Yeah, but you cross your arms.
That's where I draw the line.
I'm pouting.
Yeah, hey, I did not create that.
I read it, and I'm sharing it. A lot of people pop out of a cake.
This kid popped into a cake, remember?
That's right.
Yeah.
So, yeah, it's no good.
Did the kid come?
Jesus.
The kid came.
It's not as bad.
He came original.
Wait, that's 311.
If you're going to left the kid, at least make sure that they get off.
Take care of them.
Yeah, right?
At least put them through college.
Sure, yeah.
So you're going to move to Trinidad, and I'll be even more alone.
That's the rumor.
Yeah, I'm starting.
Well, Megan and I figure it's time to move out of Denver because it's just bombarded with people.
And it's not really sustainable, don't think you know traffic's
insane and so it would be nice to switch things up but then like any of the smaller like mountain
towns are too expensive so we don't have a lot of options we don't have any credit uh my credit
score is literally not applicable there's it's not a number it's. You're like a rumor.
It's the lack of a number. It's beyond math.
It's the opposite of color.
It's as if I were a baby
born in the woods
in Canada and then came down here
no social security number
and just lived in the sewers.
And then we both
and then me and this
made up person
both have the same
credit score
yeah it's like
you came here
on an asteroid
and cracked out
of the center of it
like it
like Pennywise the Clown
right
I thought you were
talking about Superman
no you're not like Superman
Superman was a hero
Superman was something
to uh
I'm an anti-hero so it's almost the same thing.
Two sides of the same coin.
You can't deny that.
I can't deny that.
That is solid logic.
Good point, man.
I got you.
Yeah, dude, I'm fucking cooked over here.
That's forensics, baby.
Call me ramen, because I'm boiled in the pot.
I had forensics in high school.
Here we go.
Never lie.
One day we spent the day watching Wizard of Oz
for whether you can see
a midget hanging
in the background.
And you can.
Also,
you're not supposed to say
the M word.
Yeah, wow, dude.
An LP.
Latino person?
No, a little pedophile.
He was a monster.
That's why he hanged himself.
Los Pinto.
He couldn't live with his memories.
He stood on a thimble and he said,
I'm out of here.
He tied that licorice around his rope.
Around his neck.
Damn it.
But yeah, I think you can see...
Start the phone.
Scrap it.
Give me that blowtorch.
Not the Zoom.
I think you can see a little
bit of a shadow
at a certain point. But yeah, that was a good day.
I remember that more than other
high school class material.
That was a good day.
Yeah, it was a solid
use of time. When you were investigating
if little people hung themselves on the set of
Wizard of Id. Thanks, Mr. Flanders.
You're definitely dead.
I'm going to miss you.
He was old enough when I was in high school.
Becker's moving, too.
Yeah, we're both going down to Trinidad.
We're going to open up an S&M shop called Trinidadis.
Yeah.
You should call it Sodom and Fedoras and sell hats.
We're doing Sodom and Gonorrhea, and we're going gonna either give it to you or cure you of it depending
on hey you know no judgment and double the business yeah you don't want to specialize in
one when you're you could open the door to both whether you're a bug chaser or a bug taster
we got you i'm worried that uh you're gonna make new friends down there you're not gonna need me
there's nobody down there there's like 16 people that live down there so i're going to make new friends down there. You're not going to need me anymore. There's nobody down there. There's like 16 people that live down there.
So I'm going to be calling you and texting you all the time.
Yeah, I miss you.
I blew it.
This was a dumb idea.
You were right.
You're always right.
Why don't I listen to you more?
I like the idea of Fort Collins without all of the college kids.
So that does sound like paradise.
But what?
I could get Megan a job at the vet.
Yeah. I could. Okay. job at the vet. Yeah.
I could.
Okay.
Caleb, one of Emily's residency classmates,
his wife's a veterinarian in Wellington.
We take Gordy up there to get him his steroid shots.
Oh, that's why he's so angry all the time.
He's jacked.
Yeah, he's pissed.
He's doing a strong dog competition.
Yeah, I don't know.
I could get you coverage from the veterinarian.
She could give you your shots, too.
Check your joints. Yeah, I like that your. I could get you coverage from the veterinarian. She could give you your shots, too. Check your joints.
Yeah, I like that your plan is that me and Megan should just follow you and your wife around,
depending on where her work takes her.
Bend to my will.
No thanks.
I'm the puppeteer. Be the puppet for Daddy.
Will to my bend.
You sit on my knee.
I'll drink the water. You sing the song.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
Look, I know you have this whole, this idea of having your own life and your own free will.
Starting over.
But as far as I'm concerned, you're a creation of my reality.
When I'm not around, you don't exist, you know?
I'm older than you.
I came before you, and I'll be here long after you're gone.
You came before me because you put your finger in your eye.
If you've got to jerk it in a hurry, I've got a way that you can fast forward that scene.
I've never had to jerk it in a hurry.
They're closing in!
They've got to close out.
They've breached the perimeter!
The snipers have taken the hill!
That's right, yeah.
Before we forget, please help us grow this podcast, you chubby chasers.
We want more Minutemen for the chubby chaser army.
So like, rate, subscribe, spread the word, tell your friends.
Yeah, threaten someone.
Yeah, write a note on a piece of paper, attach it to a brick, throw that brick through the window of a pharmacy, and hopefully we'll get some...
Pills.
Hopefully I'll be able to get something for this gal.
Yeah, but please tell everyone you know.
I mean, we're trying to fucking get rich.
everyone you know.
I mean,
we're trying to fucking,
you know,
get rich.
We want to be able to make a bunch of money
with a podcast
that we put
really the minimum
amount of work into.
I'm working real hard
in the yard.
Oh yeah,
I forgot.
Yeah,
there it is.
Yeah.
Rhyming again.
Tell a friend.
My story,
my story.
Here I go again.
This is a cry for wealth.
Yeah, but no, dude, please please like subscribe just uh venmo sam talent a thousand dollars that's fine too that's half of my rate so that's a deal yeah what do you get multiply it by two
you get two grand i get 2k a pop whoa you, man. Well, soda outside of the Midwest.
But yeah, $2,000 a soda.
Anyway, yeah, tell your dumb friends if they want to spend an hour or so with two of the fucking closest of frenemies you'll ever meet.
Yeah, until one of them moved.
All right.
Let's just fight.
Let's have the next episode be us fighting in a gravel pit.
What if we did a fight challenge?
Oh yeah, I forgot.
We didn't talk about any challenges.
Oh God, here we go.
Yeah, last night we got in at like 9 o'clock
and Lund immediately got in bed.
He just fucking Uncle Charlie'd.
Grandpa Charlie'd.
Charlie is the kid.
Grandpa Joe? Grandpa Grandpa Joe there it is
Old stanky leg Joe
Him and Becker were head to toe wearing their sleeping caps
Literally I came in
And like saw my room and you were shirtless
And in bed in your undies right away
I wasn't shirtless cause this AC is
Rockin
My nips were hard so I had to cover them up Be modest I didn't wantless because this AC is rocking. My nips were hard, so I had to cover them up.
Yeah, be modest.
I didn't want you to be rock hard before we went to bed.
Your nips were covered.
You're not good at sleeping on your back, so I wanted to make sure that you weren't aroused.
I don't.
I drowned in my own juices.
I can't.
Every bed you've ever been in is a water bed.
It sucks, man.
I mean, I had COVID.
Sorry, I have COVID. I thought that was a wet cough. you've ever been in is a waterbed it sucks man i mean you know i had covid sorry i have covid
i thought that was a wet cough i thought it was diarrhea
that's why i can't touch my butthole because it'll open the floodgates
oh my god i come out of both holes stop please brown and white
it looks like my coffee which you made fun of me for putting milk in because i'm a quote baby
anyway grow up shut up put the bottle down i would fuck you up there's no way i would destroy you
now you would try and shoot on an all-state wrestler i would start crying because you'd
be bleeding out of your ears i'd be like this man used to be my friend. And I like that I produced him too.
I like that you wrestled in high school 15 years ago
and you think it's going to help you now?
Oh, for sure.
No way.
Yeah, you've never been on the mat with another man.
I watch Raw, SmackDown, and NXT.
Cool.
And you're saying that you would shut me down?
Well, I'm not going to sell for your pussy.
I've watched UFC since Ken Shamrock and that
Canadian guy. Ken John?
No.
That was a mismatch, wasn't it? That was a rough fight.
Back when the UFC would
book matchups based on
name similarities.
Ken Shamrock versus Ken Tremendous.
Where you at? Frank Shamrock
versus Frank Stallone.
There were a lot of weird fights on those cards.
You keep listing fake fights, I'm going to keep spinning in this chair like a boss.
Yeah, that's a decision.
What's this?
Found these on that revolution.
Double bird.
Two fingers.
One owl, one hawk.
Double bird, one stone.
No, but guys...
Seriously, guys, listen to this show.
So, no, we were talking about
challenges last night
remember
oh yeah
I thought we were
wrapping it up
but we're moving on
anyway me and
Len are going to
start doing some
challenges
if you have a fun
how about this
let's put it to the
people
what challenges
should we do on
the pod
like who can eat
more pork products
in a day
yeah not pushups
nothing physical more we need mental tasks yeah we need pork products in a day. Yeah, not push-ups. Nothing physical.
We need...
Mental tasks.
Yeah, we need things
that will test the limits
of our mental
capacities. Who can do math fastest?
Two times two. Four.
You're going to ask the questions and answer
the questions. How about periodic
table challenge? Because I remember a lot of that shit.
My campus one.
Zinc.
PB.
Zinc.
Lead.
I just said PB.
I said lead first.
What are you talking?
Oh, you're just naming them.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I was going with the symbols.
Oh, cool.
Carbon.
C.
C.
SeƱor.
Copper.
CU.
CU in hell.
Cobalt. Yeah, that'sU. C-U in hell. Cobalt.
Yeah, that's one.
C-B-O.
C-B is not one.
Yeah.
M-G, Magnet.
C-B is a radio.
Hey, so our first sponsor is The Vail Comedy Show.
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