Chubby Behemoth - We Got A Tub Guy

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

Support the podcast & support your balls. Head to https://www.sheathunderwear.com & use code CHUBBY for 20% off your 1st order   Robot Hand. Antifa Super Soldier. Patrick Richardson.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth  

that was confusing hello hey it's not confusing at all those glasses make you look so different when you take them off you go right back to looking normal it's very odd yeah i got these from the wizard's chest i i hate them you look good in them no no nobody does i don't think it's possible they put you in like the uncanny valley i think that's cool i like that oh i like being in there did you see night did you see night fishing at ums no i went two nights ago i hadn't seen them yet i went to did you see have you seen them no they were at the honky tonk hodgepodge oh yeah they were

but I didn't see them I think they closed up Friday night and I was just there Saturday that looked fun yeah it's very fun hopefully there will be more of them but that bar in New Mexico is for sale.

And so that was the last hodgepodge out there. Oh, damn. Yeah. But Kurt and Suzanne have said they will possibly, probably do some type of music festival in or around Trinidad, either next year or the year after. But yeah, I've listened to Night Fishing on Spotify, and they're good and fun.

Yeah, they're cool. They're friends of mine, and they're instrumental. And the whole time I was watching them, I was like, I just want to go up there and do vocals. Spit. I want to just do lincoln park verses over this you should have spit on that uh sample that i used for my special but you were busy yo it's lun special and it's time to go hey everybody is soups on that would have been fine no i was happy with it i didn't want to make you

i hit you up like eight days before the premiere and i was like i need i need music i'm glad you liked one of those i'm glad that turned into something i made that a long time ago like oh this is cool and then never did anything with it well yeah i don't know if you heard or becker heard what they had what they had in there originally is in one of the instagram clips yeah it's just down down down down pretty generic kind of little blues rock stuff yeah a little dad rock segue type stuff so yeah i was glad to have something from you at the beginning and the end yeah that was cool i feel honored it's good just to have something in there that doesn't sound like

royalty free music you know yeah right uh so yeah thank you and you you will not you also will not get royalties for the music i wasn't expecting it flat fee you sent me money you like uh paid me i was oh yeah cool that's cool i didn't even think about it so you paid me everybody eats uh on my watch amen sis i paid jordan for the logo for the art paid you for the other art now it's time for me to get paid but i probably won't because i'm at like 4 200 views hey that's nothing to shake a leg at a lot of comics would be lucky to have that many views on their shit thanks but uh it ain't no shane gillis numbers that's for sure dude somebody else joe list has had his special out for like four days and it's got like 160 000 views so i was pretty jealous of that yeah oh you have to introduce you this is patrick richardson hello it's me i forget uh and this is

the what's happening podcast where we watch an episode of what's happening and then we talk about current events and and that's an hour easy maybe. This might be a giant episode. Three hours? Yeah, Megasode. Sam is in Australia where the time difference is killing us. That seems, yeah. He texted, I was like, I officiated a wedding yesterday. He texted me one in the morning.

He's like, can you put this episode together? And it like one in the morning he's like can you put this episode together and there's one in the morning and i'm like ah he's like i'm getting on a plane for 20 hours i'm on a plane that will never come down is that the patreon for today uh he said it needed to be done by sunday i don't know see maybe this i don't know i he sent me video i i was planning on doing it after this right on cool guys can tag team well i was just i was gonna hit him up after this because i was gonna be mourning and be like hey man i never got that file oh yeah i don't know he sent me the video yesterday, last night. Nice. He told me to send it to you when it's done.

Word. Welcome to Behind the Scenes, where we australia that uh got him out there that's like coordinated all of the i didn't think about it but that is a lot of work like all of the shows there's like 20 shows or whatever plus all the logistics 20 hotel rooms maybe 18 hotel rooms i don't know if he's got isn't it like six hours to fly between every city in australia like they're not close together at all to fly i think if you went tip to tip it'd be like six hours but i think sam's doing like two and a half three and a half hour flights yeah you have to fly though you can't just drive all the cities are on the coasts right yeah yeah the inland empire is very very sparse that's why they're they never

gave up on the ghost on hot rods because during the oil crisis they were like now i'm gonna haul ass in the desert oh that's mad max and they kept it alive forever yeah but they they're like the only country that didn't dumb down their cars in 78 when the oil crisis hit they were like we'll pay the money we're going fast we got all this land what are we gonna do with it yeah i'm not adding an hour to that commute i'm done let's go i don't have breaks probably they probably run over so many indigenous people with their cars just roll to a stop that's why the haka is so loud and memorable it's like their last chance to not be run over yeah they got to make themselves seen and heard

yeah they try to bring you to tears so that you don't kill them how do you think those are do you think they're cool like personally do you guys think that a haka is cool yeah it's neat yeah i feel like it's cool if someone it's not cool when i do it but that was pretty cool anytime duane the rock johnson does it somewhere there's always one or two jason momoa too there's always one guy in the group who looks like he shouldn't be doing it my mom's the moment yeah right yeah that's what she told you and he just gets uh yeah crazy looking where it's it get broaches over to comedy yeah there's a very thin line there thin blue line you know what kind of line are you smoking weed yeah you're not allowed that's why you're allowed since when

nobody's supposed to smoke weed during the podcast oh no that's always been a thing yeah becker you are in a lot of trouble but we haven't but we haven't addressed it uh i'm kidding i'm a little stoned oh yeah i've been getting very high and then having to drive and it's not a big deal because it's a tiny town no it's just funny because i used to like smoke so much weed that i did everything stoned and i haven't been in that habit in a long time so now driving high it's like whoa don't forget you're fucking driving or don't kill anybody i don't i don't forget your fucking driving or don't kill anybody i don't i don't love it but it's also like i say uh driving here is not super like stressful stoned or otherwise so yeah how much foot traffic or anything it's okay no not a lot of feet there's a lot of people missing a leg or a

shin here i always forget to ask you guys about that everyone in trinidad besides you guys doesn't have feet what is up with that an amputee i don't know i used to think it was uh all diabetes related no they're all snowflakes amputee snowflakes down here because some of them like accidentally cut it off while they were on meth. Some of them tried to sell their leg for more meth. Brutal. Yeah. I think it's mostly diabetes, but there's some cancer in the mix. I've talked to a few people because every other dude is missing a leg.

Need to open up a computer leg store down there. Some robot legs? Yeah, a robot leg store down there some robot legs yeah robot leg store yeah there's one guy with both of his legs missing below the shin and he just mobs around on crutches whoa there was a guy with a robot hand at the wedding yesterday and apparently it exploded off on in a fireworks accident whoa yeah shit and people like go ahead go ahead people like died oh god yeah like two people died and he his like arm exploded off i want to know what kind of fucking fireworks those are that's doesn't seem were they in like a tiny room how do people die maybe transport maybe they were taking them to a firework show it was a fireworks competition and they were gonna get the gold medal and they overdid it but then they hit a bump while smoking we didn't need that last

fucking black man i don't even what are cool firework names black cat is not a cool one those are baby fireworks i think black cat also makes the cool ones just not the ones we have access to yeah colorado has pussy fireworks if you don't live in colorado yeah we're regulated yeah we yeah you have to go to wyoming which is because it's kind of a fun wide open yeah uh my my sister's uh close friend chase recently blew i guess this fourth of july blew his hand off and it was you know something went wrong and he like rushed to protect his kids. I think. And blew his hand off.

And the picture my sister sent me of him, he was wearing a Chubbs Peterson, I think, from Abby Gilmore. He's wearing a Chubbs Peterson Memorial Golf Tournament shirt. So he's having fun with it. Yeah, he's having fun with it yeah he's having fun god damn could you imagine you used to be able to hold both of your kids at the same time and now you have to pick one and then the other that's right at least they're both still alive the tickle monsters here but he's limited he's tired so he could only get one of you at well at a time so you gotta take turns it was it is do you know if it

was like his dominant hand i guess it doesn't really matter i think it's his left hand and he's right-handed so it might be but i mean i'm left-handed i wipe with my right so which hand do i want to lose which hand do you crank with my right nice i crank with my left yeah i do everything else left-handed i've talked about this somebody's gonna be like oh boring he's already talked about wiping and cranking with his right i uh crank with my left and do everything else with my right what is this what is this phenomenon for my my strangers. Yeah, exactly. Something a little less familiar. Except it's very familiar.

I'm sure this isn't a new development for you to use the left. That was you that had that Camus stranger jack-off joke, right? Yes. That hardly ever worked. I loved it. Yeah. That and several of my jokes uh that's how you become a comics comic you have jokes for just comics and big comedy nerds and that's not where the big bucks are but it's where a lot of the respect is and that's what you have jokes for guys that want everyone to know they've read Albert Camus. Yeah.

It's not Camus, you son of a bitch. It's French. Speaking of which. It is French. Speaking of. When are you going? Qua. The 31st.

Hell yeah. Becker, are you going? Nope. Not going on this one. I'll be in Austin. I don't know if i'm going to austin damn he's just tagging us in and out are you gonna go to skank i don't think so i don't know i don't know when is that two weeks after yeah it goes austin then high plains then skank fest uh damn i'm not going to skank fest i have a wedding too oh congrats i'm i'm loving weddings dude weddings are fun you officiated i did how many have you

officiated two that was my second one another one was in hawaii so all i had to do is go we're in hawaii and everyone loved it and then a bunch of then a bunch of locals threw at your heads until you left well i was one of the people getting married was a local so i guess that makes it maybe worse that they they were marrying a white person from greenly colorado oh like actual yeah yeah well that's better better reason for you to be over there i guess the happiness of a native hawaiian yeah i know a comic who's over there like right now not on maui or whatever is maui i was on kawaii i was on the baby island but still they don't want us over there and yeah they really hate how he's on the little island there was a bad fire and then my friend was like well i still have tickets so i should probably honor the memory of me paying money for those tickets.

No, I don't know. It's well, cause you know, I'm sure a lot of people think, and maybe they're not completely wrong that so many people rely on tourism money, that it's more complicated than don't come except a ton of people that live

there have said, don't come. So what do they all do for money if it's not tourism bucks then there's another way it just seems like you should not go towards a wildfire like it you're it's overthinking it to think about it any other way yeah no i guess i meant overall outside of the of the fire thing're not supposed to go, but would it be better if nobody went over there? Probably. Yeah, but I'm glad I do get to go over there because it's awesome.

Yeah, I haven't gone. I don't think I'm going to go. There used to be shows that you could do, and I was like, oh, I'll go do the shows and ideally some uh native islanders go and then i'm entertaining them and that's a good reason to be there but i've also been told that those shows were for tourists so uh and i didn't i didn't get a chance to go oh that dude's dead now yeah he died yeah did you know him shane shane is price know him? Yeah, he was a great guy. He was weird, but he was fun. He died.

Yeah. Man, you're never going. Locals buried him and cooked him in the dirt, in the sand, and then put an apple in his mouth. He moved back to the mainland for treatment. Yeah. Iowa? Was he from Nebraska or Iowa? Something like that. Yeah. And his daughter and his wife stayed behind in the states they didn't go back to the island

well yeah i didn't get a chance to do those shows and now i never will now there's a vacuum a hole in the ground. I'm going to have to marry a native Hawaiian and make you officiate my wedding. Perfect. Get me over there. Where was this most recent wedding? Oh, you said Nederland. Nederland.

And then we stayed in Blackhawk. The Hawaii of Colorado. Netherlands. Colorado. Noetherland is pretty it is yeah it was at my friend henry's house his parents house beautiful vacation home kind of thing in the mountains no it's just they live there he grew up there okay did you go to mountain burger no it's the most important thing about Netherland. Dang.

He's vegan, so I don't get any good food recs from him. But I'll remember that. Yeah, it's hiding in the grocery store. Oh, okay. It fucking rules. That's awesome. I do like Netherland a lot. Like Grandpa's Burger Haven style?

Yeah. But better burgers. The wide ones? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I'm going to get five guys after this. Ooh, that sounds good. Did you gamble in Blackhawk?

Was that part of the festivities? Did you gamble? It was very weird because we the wedding started like at three and then we partied really hard really quickly and then it was like 9 30 p.m and then we're like let's go to blackhawk now and we're all drunk and tired it feels like you should start at blackhawk and then party just seemed like a reverse order we were just very tired at blackhawk and i won one dollar oh hell yeah that's still winning yeah you bet 50 cents on something that doubled up and you're like i'm done i'm out of here i was doing five dollar minimum roulette bets dude i was

playing for a while did you ever get up a bit or no yeah i was up like 30 at one point and then i went down to like 40 on a slot machine and then shot back up and i was a dollar up and i was like this feels right this is a good time to leave yeah i'm doing it's not fun you gotta invest the dollar or else it's for nothing it's not a team activity and there was a bunch of us it's like i don't know what to do here i guess craps but none of us know how to play craps sam just won money on craps i think you don't really have to know you need somebody to just follow to tell you uh what they're doing and then you do that for a little bit tailing and you get out i think just say sailing yeah yeah

it always looks like people are having so much fun at the crab stables there's got to be some lives ruined too though right you just you don't see those videos it's my favorite eight dudes that put 80 bucks each on green or whatever and then it hits yeah my favorite part about driving up the blackhawk is you're going up the canyon is like it's just gas station and then pawn shops and a liquor store it's like oh i wonder why there are pawn shops up here yeah it's not just a little hillbilly oasis where everybody gets their dreams to come true yeah I like to leave fake suicide notes in the hotel rooms at Blackhawk. I think that's fun. Have you done that?

Multiple times. I didn't last night. I didn't think of it. What do these notes say? I should have gone with black instead of red. Yeah, just vaguely sad and not like very explicit. But like, I don't the maids probably don't even read them. I just like to think that they're like fucking good.

I'm glad you died. Oh, it's a good. Yeah, I was going to say you're putting them through some mental anguish. Is there a body somewhere in here that i'm gonna find eventually yeah oh yeah i'll bet they they know better they don't care they won't just want you gone they've seen everything they see a body like oh who cares we need the body guy we got a tub guy we got a guy in the tub everything's automated there now like you can order food from a robot and then there's just slaves working in the back that make it

and you just check into your hotel on a computer you don't even have to talk to anyone that sounds good becker what's the place down here where people gamble? Or is it between here and the Springs? What's it called? Ripple Creek? Yeah. Yeah. You ever go there?

Yeah. It's like a little bit northwest of the Springs. Okay. I went there all the time. I've heard that's fun. Yeah. I gambled there like once, but we used to drive up there on the back gold road because the gold road from that town leads right to the broadmoor that's why the broadmoor like exists and we'd see

how quickly we could drink beer and make it there and then turn around and drive back that rules that rules a race against time yep hoping not to hit any maoris maoris yeah in your hot rod samoans idiots we take down like 230 racks on the drive there and back shit man i've done similar things going to blackhawk like at two in the morning for show just throwing suicide notes out the window like your car somebody doing community service has to pick up trash on the side of the road they find your note there's no car wreck so they just threw it out the window and then kill themselves somewhere at their destination what the fuck it's not even signed just annoying people with your bullshit

yeah yeah that's what it is it's just for me just wasting eight seconds of someone's time before they crumple up your note and throw it away at the roulette tape it was like the virtual roulette and this guy sat down next to us and he was really drunk and he was like betting like 50 on like black and red and he was like that one was black so the next one should be red right and i was like in my experience that's usually how it works yeah so we were just giving him bad advice and he just kept losing money virtual seems like a like like a scam right like yeah well it's a physical ball oh like it's just automated i don't get it maybe virtual wasn't the right word yeah what do you mean so a robot just like drops the ball on the wheel gotcha but there's an actual wheel i thought you were looking at a screen it's like

that's not fun yeah well there's a big camera of the wheel on a big screen where's the wheel off-site no it's right there on the table but it's just easier to see the big screen because you're sitting down you're looking at the screen okay okay. Yeah. I just love those people that take notes on what's hit. It's like you don't know how reality works. They got a little spiral notebook. Yeah. Collecting data. Are you trying to find God's pattern or something?

Avogadro's number says that this next one will be a double zero for sure tailing it out these tool guitar tabs and i'm just placing the numbers on them yeah the piece is fit oh yeah because i just watch them fall into place or whatever the lyrics are. You know the lyrics. Our sponsor this week is Sheath Underwear. Huge shout out to this episode's sponsor, Sheath. Chafing seriously sucks. Make it a thing of the past with Sheath. Not to be confused with Heath.

Heath bars. Yeah, underrated. Very underrated. I'm saying, Patrick, don't accidentally eat sheath underwear thinking there's some toffee underneath the cotton if i'm wearing them for more than two hours there's gonna be toffee in there chocolate and toffee sheath underwear features two pouches one for your dick and one for your poems no one for your balls patrick on your case noodle ball you have one ball yep skeeter you not you closed your other testicle in a door in high school yeah doing a prank i listen to kobo's Patrick Podcast. Check it out. I know your secrets.

We paid for this ad read. These pouches keep stuff separated so you can go for a jog. Yeah, right. Play sports. No, thanks. Or just sit at your desk without your dong stuck to your leg for once. We should get into water aerobics. Low impact cardio. let's go there's there's there's pool yoga here that megan has gone to but i have not

um i ain't running on sidewalks no you're not pounding no pave but yeah uh but i wouldn't my sheath underwear that's right sheath uh they have tons of cool colors and patterns to fit your personal style while making sure you feel comfortable and secure. These are a safe space for your nads. I have enjoyed them. We've had our package in the mail from sheath for a while now. We brought several pairs each over to Tokyo. They held up. they do a good job uh they fit good you know i don't have much of a butt but they still uh they don't fall off is what

i'm saying yeah becker you love them they're great they're not too snug in the thigh they like fit right uh yeah they're cool looking uh you can separate your dick and balls if they're cool looking you can separate your dick and balls if they're fighting if they've had a little bit of an altercation you can separate them that's important for guys like me with one ball because my

single ball does get intimidated by my penis because he's like this isn't even this isn't natural right yeah have you had a chance to try them patrick no i haven't no next time you're at sam's throw a pair on yeah i'll steal i'll steal some in paris i'll sneak into the brief is suitcase yeah it's it's luxurious having your dick and balls and thighs all in separate places.

That's nice. I've been chafing a lot lately, boys. You can finally figure out what the hell's going on down there. Divide and conquer. Thanks to Sheath. Whether you're into trunks, briefs, or boxer briefs, Sheath has you covered. Or maybe you're looking to wick away boob sweat. Awesome. In that case, Sheath has super comfortable sports bralettes just for you. So go to

sheathunderwear.com and get the most comfortable underwear you'll ever wear. Use code CHUBBY to get 20% off your first order. Plus, Sheath Underwear's guarantee that's sheath underwear.com promo code chubby for 20 off your order get sheath underwear support the show and support your balls let's open those gates i'm wearing a wedding uh a piece of wedding memorabilia from my life. This is what I wore to Kevin and Mara's rehearsal dinner. It's a Rockaware brand Fat Guy shirt. It used to be huge. Now it kind of fits, so that's upsetting. You want to back up and give us a full view? Oh, yeah. I was mostly just trying to get

the patterns. What's on there i can't uh it says company it says uh rock aware there's a logos it says 40 degrees celsius i think whoa that's cool the sleeves look like they fall pretty low on you. Oh, yeah, it's big. I definitely had to fold them, wrap them up to try and make the pieces fit for the rehearsal. You know, I didn't bring any great options for the rehearsal dinner or the wedding, the ceremony, which I officiated. I think I have officiated five weddings perhaps isn't it nerve-wracking no it's like doing stand-up except well it would be nerve-wracking if i weren't very close with the people so don't don't you think it's not as nerve-wracking because you know them and i think the opposite they trust you i don't want to ruin my good friend's special

day with my but i just it's not about you you know no one really gives a shit about you you just got to make it about them you just have to have a plan you can't wing it you have to have some good lines you can't swear too much even if you're friends because you know there's a a great aunt or somebody's you know grandpa hasn't died yet even though everybody else you know is 30 years younger than them at least yeah yeah there's still somebody hanging on who doesn't like curse words so other than that yeah no i i haven't been super nervous i don't think since the first one which was my sister and her husband evan and i was nervous because it was my sister and it was the first time so i guess but yeah like the rest are all like good friends sam and emily i don't think i was nervous i definitely wanted to do well at sam and emily's

and uh kevin and maris because there's so many comics there. Oh, yeah. That would have made me more nervous, too. There was no comics at this wedding. I fucking crushed, dude. Nobody cared about your officiating. The reception had karaoke. And so my opener was, we're gathered here

today for karaoke. Nice. gathered here today for karaoke nice and that crushed everybody was blackout drunk i wouldn't say that got the pop i wanted it to okay but you got them eventually the weird thing i remember feeling very weird nervous uh when i had to speak at my grandma's memorial service because i was you couldn't be funny i had to speak in front of people without being funny i just you could be funny i was but it was also sad she i don't know yeah suicide by cop and uh so it was difficult for everybody you know she went for the gun she had several she had several good weeks left i'm nuts that's brutal that's cool that she was an antifa super soldier though yeah she's grabbing a brick um no what okay so

what being funny was fine what it was was it was weird because i was emotional i like teared up yeah that was very weird because when else would you like it it's like where the similarities with comedy and other public speaking ends because it's like, yeah, usually I'm not like super sad when I'm trying to do public speaking. Yeah, that would be pretty. I was kind of worried I would do that because it was a good friend of mine, but I was just too focused on not fucking up. And I cried during his brother's best man speech but yeah i didn't get too emotional while i was doing the ceremony because you're on zans yeah i'm barred out all the time because because you're a zoomer and you're on zan little zan baby yeah check out blp kosher the new hot thing in rap music so i wanted to um well sam wanted me

to have alec flynn on and luckily he is in la and his girlfriend is visiting so we will have to get him another time i wanted to have you on because we just posted a patreon video of your work oh yeah following sam and sharpie in milwaukee and following me and sam in houston and fort worth uh that video rules becker is really good did you watch it yeah i watched the whole thing it rocked i was very easy because there's just a lot of funny shit that happened on those trips yeah uh but i thought you did a good job because like i don't know how much you filmed between those two things but i'm sure it was a lot more than 32 minutes so how do you get it down what do you keep what do you what do you leave out you definitely got a lot of footage of me at the pool which was good because yeah that was money that was a highlight of that

video for sure uh sam's elbow monster is the worst thing of all time yeah that's very freaky i don't blame you for being scared that was awful um that was a good set i'm very hung over today that was a good serotonin drop for me like seeing that video and then people are like Patrick rocks he did a good job I needed that boost this is the free one did Sam want his

to be Patreon I didn't know if we were getting one from him so I sent you the ad to be safe I'd rather do the ad than this one because I have to have it up by midnight and I need to be in bed by 10'd rather do the ad in this one because i have to have it up by midnight and i need to be in bed by 10 and pat still needs to throw that one together yeah okay uh well then yeah if you're not on the patreon you should be because you're missing out this video is uh funny and there's more to come we we didn't have you with us in tokyo that was bonzo that was filming but you're gonna be uh

putting together something with the tokyo footage right brother it feels like i was there because i've been watching that it's uh it's a very different when it's not footage i shot because i don't remember it obviously so i have to like watch it more to like yeah get the feet remember it because you want to I have to watch it more to remember it. Because you want to be able to remember most of it while you're chopping it up. But yeah, it's fun to be there with you parasocially from the future. Knowing what you know now. Yeah.

what you know now uh yeah yeah i i think when we were in tokyo i described it as us giving you a puzzle to put together without the cover like without the image that yeah but also or it would be like saying here's a bunch of puzzle pieces but a bunch of them fit together like there's not one way that they go together it's up to you right right together however and i think that's why i like video editing yeah yeah you just have to be like okay it's done because you could just do stuff to it forever really yeah you know i could make randy stubs dance on the screen forever you know yeah stubs has gotten me for over a decade and it was funny it was surprising to see it in that in the video because it's been a while you should do it at like the lion's lair or whatever like long ago and uh so yeah i'm glad sam decided to bring that back yeah that was good stuff but yeah we will be in paris me you sam bonzo yeah why yeah why you and bonzo

um i think bonzo is going to be cameramaning it and i'll be also doing i'll do audio and maybe some side camera action i don't know two cameras god damn uh it'll be fun i'm a little nervous because uh when we were there the first time you just know people want you to speak french and when you don't you're either pissing them off or confirming what they think about us which is that we suck and it's stressful and i did not feel that ever in tokyo because there it was either automated shit where you pick english and you order and then the food comes out you know from a robot or a hot air balloon brings it to you or a little dog has your food on its back in paris it's just gonna be some fucking french person that like wants to kill you yeah europe is like 400 years behind the rest of the world

somehow still like there's no air conditioning anywhere it's fucking dumb but it will be fun the food will be great and hopefully it won't be as fucking hot as tokyo because that was like the one negative was it being very warm and humid and it is fun listening to you guys bitch about the heat and i'm like in my room in the air conditioning like dude it looks like it sucks it was unrelenting yeah except for in our airbnb which was huge that that the ac was good god that would have been a very different trip if we would have had some like awful hostel or some old ass hotel with no relief we would have heat stroked yeah yeah one of us would have died yeah a lot more to come back 150 pounds yeah because us would have died yeah london would have come back 150 pounds

yeah because i would have had a fucking conniption and seizure and then they hit my head they would have fed me through a tube for a month i can't sleep in extreme heat i'll flip my shit dude i can't either i'm right there with you the air conditioning and the airbnb was a god so every time we walked back in it was like a religious experience it was so good sweet yeah it's hot yeah no it was a huge and i was not hopeful when we first got in there because it felt like kind of a student living, exploitative. This is two little rooms for $1,600 a month or whatever. But yeah, they had those little wall-mounted AC units, and they were blasting. all mounted ac units and they were blasting okay it did look like a little apartment that like a japanese school girl would have got murdered in or something yes very much so and surprisingly

even though it was close quarters we did not really have like any arguments disagreements we were all just having fun for the most part i think it helped that we were heat exhausted and delirious every night just giggly yeah we couldn't we couldn't muster up any energy to fight because i thought about that too that was close quarters for nobody getting like bitchy really ever the only thing that sucked was there was one thing and and luckily i was cool about it and it was that there i think there were four towels right maybe there were five but there were definitely like limited towels there's like four and so we each grab one and we each have one and we're using it to shower and then you hang it up to dry it off and then all of a sudden i don't have my towel

where it's supposed to be and sam says what do you say oh i pissed in the shower and you guys got mad at me so i grabbed a towel to clean it up and it was like why was why was there a fucking towel involved just have the shower on i think it was detachable right so he could have just like yes down the drain like any normal person would clean any liquid out of a bathtub he grabbed a fucking towel it was your towel cabana boy sam well no it was something stupid where like maybe he grabbed his towel but then he used mine when he went to the shower yeah so you know he's just going through towels left and right like uh like we live in town city where towels are a part of your town yeah land of the towels land of the rising towels

every morning fresh towels appear yeah thanks to a pact with the gods and we didn't find the the laundry the the the washer until the last night and it was like maybe two days before maybe it was friday we left sunday yeah okay yeah too late to really and like i don't know i thought about doing some amount of laundry for like damage control so that my whole suitcase didn't reek of old clothes but we would have had to dry everything and with that humidity it would have been tough to know yeah how long it would have taken and you know we were we were busy uh going and seeing stuff so it would have been um detrimental to like stay and do laundry yeah that sucked yeah it would have eaten into our time going and exploring it does suck to go to the airport with like all sweaty disgusting clothes but i didn't have one

piece of clothing that i did not purchase and that's smart is that real yeah dude what do you mean you brought no clothes or you left oh i meant clean i brought no clean clothes back everything i had including what i was wearing was dirty it was yeah yeah i i when i left you guys because of my flight was first getting to the airport involved me sweating so profusely and then i had a couple hours in the airport to like try and settle down but uh yeah i felt very gross and luckily i didn't have to worry about it or be in my head on the plane wondering who was smelling what because sam sam gave me two pieces of xan and said he usually would take one if he like

you know was conserving and and and one usually knocked him out two was like coma and i was like coma please and it was the real deal because i and i thought it was gonna be bullshit because like i didn't fall asleep right away i was like oh fuck and then sure enough i was out quick for like the whole tokyo to la and la to denver nice i was able to switch planes and still just like go to sleep again you just keeping your eyes closed the whole time yeah sleepwalking i just got shoved into another plane and you guys uh i have to get from la guardia to jfk within like three hours yeah i heard that phone call it made me giggle that sucks dude or or the opposite i don't know i do i do too it'll be fine we'll just get a an uber or something we're on the same one i don't know i do too it'll be fine we'll just get a an uber or something

we're on the same one i don't know probably i think we don't think so i'm mine's the first okay well then we aren't or maybe it's the same flight but different days but it saves sam a bunch of money to uh change planes or change airports. And so we just have to... Well, I heard that you have to log or hedgehog from JFK to LaGuardia. Will you attach a GoPro to your head and record

the whole process for me so I can watch it the night before? Take notes. Yeah, good call. You'll be like sam showing up in tokyo a day early allegedly to figure out how to get from the airport to the airbnb there was something else he wanted to buy something weird or get slurped something yeah you got jorped and slurped i swear he kept he kept saying his lie as if we would eventually believe it it's like no i don't think you showed up a day early for us to make it easier on us instead of just figuring it out together which it would have been very easy you just look at your phone and you do what your phone says to do and he was like no i'll show up a day early it'll save us some time yeah well yeah he could

just say like i won a day to myself or something right but no he couldn't couldn't be honest he loves to lie he was getting the schlorp that he was getting pounded he got gundam he got he got head from a gundam that's why he was pretending to hate it so much yeah he went to the gundam by himself and then it like the gundam head and it gave him like a complex that he was the only one who could navigate because he was there for a day before us the condom by himself and then it like the gundam head and it gave him like a complex that he was the only one who could navigate because he was there for a day before us yeah i think that's why he gave us the address to the airbnb in france so that he's not the only one uh taking the lead dude i got around fine when i went out on my own and our phones all

like did it did all the work for you the apple maps and google maps knew everything yeah yeah uh yeah he wants to uh be in control and then act like he doesn't want to be in control uh it's so hard for me to do everything and it's like all right well i'll do some stuff he's like no you don't know how to do stuff right you don't do it the right way but that's what i mean i think getting there early like added to that complex of like oh now i know the way around yeah it's like okay yeah i'm i'm basically i basically am from here now i've been here one day longer he went native on us yeah yeah i like when you stay in a hotel let's talk

shit about sam more i like no no i miss sam i miss everybody it was so nice to be together for a week i like how he uses the hand soap for the sink in the hotel he just uses it in the bath in the shower body wash in the shower he always does that he just puts a if it's bar soap he just puts one in between his cheeks and leaves it there for the whole weekend yeah he doesn't get wet. He just has it back there. He's like, look how clean I am. It doesn't count, bro. I miss him too. Nice.

I'm going to put a baguette in his butt. It'll fit. It will. There's a lot of his butt in that video. He hiked those shorts up and they went up in there. It's a big crack. He had room to spare. I can't believe your crack has a top.

I was dying. I had to pause and rewind like twice because I couldn't get my shit together. It feels like it should go to the back of his head. Just a thong all the way up to the back of his head. One of those Borat numbers. Yeah. Oh. all the way up to the back of his head one of those borat numbers yeah oh man uh it was also very hot in houston and fort worth and i don't think you can tell in the video but man it was it was sweaty uh and the secret group shout out to the secret group because they got

flooded recently oh fuck and so they're closed yeah oh but that was uh yeah it sounds like that was due to like this old issue it wasn't just like a bad storm it was some issue that the city need needed to uh take care of themselves some type type of city piping. City whatever. So they better fucking pay for it. They better or else it's going to be Abbott's ass in November. Yeah.

I feel like I always forget something in those videos. I should have put the name of the venues. I did in the last one. well hyenas is also in their signage and shit in the frame in the back stage secret group was the houston venue there's three rooms i think and uh we were in the big one it was very um it was pretty much full there were there were some seats available but it was pretty full it was a good some seats available, but it was pretty full. It was a good room.

You crushed. Thank you. It was very fun. You buried me. I struggled. I lashed out. No, you did. I didn't do very well at Hyenas. You did very well at Hyenas.

Did no one film your set? Mine? Yeah. Nobody cares. No. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to see Patrick's festival submission. So many episodes. He could have put a little bit in there i wondered when i watched it i was like why did nobody film pat we need to do it's not we need like a camera just make that's recording all

the because i can't record all of sam's set right now you're right we uh went into the green room at hyenas because uh i think i've talked about it i can't i don't like being close to the crowd being yeah right near them the whole show they're looking at they kept looking at us in hyenas you know like looking back at us and it's like yeah watch the show how about you know like we're back here but yeah there was nowhere for me to film really in there i was in someone's way no matter what yeah i don't like being in the way i don't like hearing people as they either chit chat or uh what they don't laugh at it's just like too much information so we went to the green room and vaped and uh yeah

we could listen to sam in the green room yeah i'm the speaker but we could texas is cool because it's all just big fat people and it's really hot so every place has ac like blasting nice yeah that part was good that part was good uh hyenas was very fun uh it was funny to be reminded of the dude that couldn't like sit and just enjoy the show he kept participating yeah that freak had the saddest story of all time like everybody that he's ever loved is dead from their own hand due to like mental illness and addiction issues holy fuck his step mom and dad died on a boat in a boat fire i talked about him in an episode at some point yeah he punished you for a while he would not leave me alone and then i felt so bad i had to like i mean i didn't have to take it i but i

didn't want to like cut him short and bail he walked up to me and i read about him he walked up to me i was like no no no and i just kept recording and walked away from him yeah good call i thought he was going to be in uh some of the shots of us um after the show because he like dominated me for a while he might be in some of it i didn't i don't know the audio wasn't great maybe on the shots he was i didn't see him but uh yeah the the video of him just popping up just standing up in the crowd when sam isn't talking to him i'm sure he had but and in that moment and it was just perfect because after the show is when he was like oh yeah you know my mom worked at an improv uh venue that ryan styles opened or so yeah he was dropping names he like was talking about he had like a bloodline to comedy or

something yeah he like grew up in that improv venue in washington uh state and so he like he really made it sound like he knew exactly how to like play with a performer and like give and take and stuff and it's like no dude you fucking made it all about you every second and yeah i stood up he got on stage when we were in the green room right yeah i was gonna say i don't think i got even the best interactions of sam and him during sam's set no you couldn't because there was so much of it we thought uh that there was some in the beginning or whatever and then it would uh settle down you know as he worked the rest of the room or whatever and that was not really the case because he was right there ready to do say whatever, hopefully he finds peace.

Peace in the Middle East. He was a veteran, so hopefully he doesn't have to go back over there anytime soon because he's not ready. I don't care if he re-enlists. He should not be over there ever again, unless it's for pleasure, unless it's to have a nice chill time. You go back over there as a civilian.

I just kind of wanted to see it without getting shot at the whole time. You know, like I just kind of wanted to. There were less spots I wasn't able to go and check out because they were on fire. My platoon was blasting five finger death punch most of the time. So I didn't really get to hear the sights and sounds. Oh, yeah. finger death punch most of the time so i didn't really get to hear the sights and sounds oh yeah so speaking of uh that type of music yeah uh i'm all jazzed about chevelle you know and then i go to i go to see how much tickets are there at the fillmore it's fucking live nation it's ticket master it's your worst nightmare. General admission is $130.

And I was like, come on, man. Where is this? The Fillmore. Oh, my God. Do not go to that. High Plains weekend. Well, see, a friend of Sam's and mine, a comic, might know their tour manager. And if he's still their tour manager, this was last year that he that we found out about this connection i haven't reached out yet but i might also uh this tour is with three days

grace and they are co-headliners and three days hey that used to be my callback tone, dude. Oh, yeah. Wait, which one is that? Where if I called you. Oh, yeah. If I called you, that's what I would hear. Well, I hate everything about you. Well, yeah. So I was never. Sam probably thinks I love Five Finger Death Punch and Three Days Grace.

I do not. I read about how Three Days Grace, that's their big one, but they stuck around. They also have a new lead singer. I don't know why the old one left. I don't think it's a trap situation. But new lead singer. but new lead singer and so i need to try and figure out who's first and try to get in there i'd like to see chevelle play i don't want to see three days grace when trapped played the moxie and the singer said this song's about 9-11 and then played headstrong he said headstrong's about 9-11 and then played Headstrong. He said Headstrong's about 9-11.

Well, yeah. After the towers fell, he enlisted with Pat Tillman, and he was over there. He was taking on everyone. He was a one-man battalion. He threw Pat Tillman on an IED. He dropped drought. And he took on everyone. In Iraq and Afghanistan.

He double dipped. Yeah. That's a track, though. Yeah. That's a fucking track. Yeah, that one's all right. Oh, and I saw Night Fishing the other night. The Squire House Band also played, and they covered a Chevelle song.

I thought of you. What? Yeah. Why is the Squire House Band throwing Chevelle into the mix? What else are they? I don't know. Well, they were playing at a high dive. Maybe they felt like they had to.

They played a Deftones and an At The drive-in song i was like oh do they have their own songs too or were they all cut no it was all covers what were they doing on that show just friends of night fishing probably it was gianni is going away show. He booked it. Okay. That's fun. Yeah. Bartender at High Dive. It was his going away thing. Chris Baker didn't play with the Squire band, did he? He was there. He doesn't play music. There's a picture of him

playing at the Squire with Miggy and whoever else. Oh, damn. Is it Miggy that's in the Squire band anyway yeah the big dude the big dude the big man yeah yeah all of the names that we get called by strangers on the street big dog big man boss man big boss man big boss man guardian angel all of ray trailer's gimmicks you might be called on the streets yeah i heard that they played that chevelle track and it made me it was made me wish it was it made me wish what am i trying to say i wished you were there to to

hold so that we could link arms and get in the pit and wreck people's shit. Fishavelle's Red or whatever it was. Was it Red or was it Send the Pain Below? It was Red. Red is a slow burn. Yeah, I would have lost my shit if it was Send the Pain Below because that's the only song by them that I really know and like. It's the worst one they have like suffocating they have like 15 albums they just kept cranking them out yeah much like you and junior high they just kept cranking cranking my soldier boy

how's your mom she's good she's good she made biscuits and burnt her fingers earlier all of them yeah she's a massage therapist we're gonna get evicted we're not gonna have any ac for september yeah right that bitch won't turn the ac on are Are you kidding me? She doesn't do the AC. No, she does, but she doesn't turn it down enough. Keeps that thing on like 73, bro. My mom in Henderson, Nevada, where it can be 116, 120, whatever. She keeps it at fucking like 78. She doesn't give a fuck. She's insane.

She wonders why I don't visit there's a lot of reasons but that's one of them it's like my mom we're gonna crank it down yeah crank it down all day my mom loves to do the ac on during the day and then right when the sun goes down just opens every window in the house you can't do that it's not how it works and opens the door get that airflow going yeah that's but it's not cold enough at night it's too hot as air yeah well this has been mom complaint corner from the crank them boys uh love you vicky what else do we have to talk about before we go what other pressing issues aliens are real asteroid city was pretty good i haven't seen it did you watch it i did yeah it was good it was solid i liked the cars more than the movie everything about the look and feel

was great and then the story was like yeah a bunch of characters being cute charming i i liked it more up until the weird alien which was a play was megan said the same thing she's like the alien looks dumb but it was a play so i get it i follow i followed the logic but it just like took me out of it a little bit. Wasn't it Jeff Goldblum? It was Jeff Goldblum. That made me not care as much. At first, I was like, why make it look like that? Then I was like, oh, yeah, it's a costume.

It's a play. I had a back-to-back viewing. I watched the new Blade Runner for the first time like last week and it was very good i'm waiting until 2049 to watch it i want it to be real and i watched bow is afraid and i really liked that oh i gotta watch that i liked it more than i thought i was going to for sure was that uh aronofsky no ari aster oh that's right oh yeah everybody a lot of people hated it i read a bunch of shit on twitter like guys standing up and being like no oh yeah i think it was some some guy on twitter posted about how he saw it with like there were like five other people in the theater and at the end uh the guy one of the guys like stood up and was like nobody clap nobody clap

for this movie like a little little baby about it jesus the only thing more embarrassing to do than clap at the end of a movie yeah right yeah it's lose lose but yeah the option there the correct option is to get up and leave and say to you whoever you're with whether you whether you liked it or not yeah you don't clap and you don't tell people not to clap you fucking just bail and just go to five guys some movies when you go see him with someone else you walk out and you're just silent for like half an hour, though, too. You ever had that? Yeah, yeah. I watched Blue Valentine with a lover.

Oh, shit. Yeah. After that, we were on the rocks a little bit. So it was a little tough. I was like, whoo, baby. But also felt a little better about where we were at in that moment you know but like could be worse right but it was also a lot to watch with someone that was uh yeah well that i'm not still with today is what i'll say so you know you're watching it just like oh god please don't make me turn into

either of them there's a giant living penis monster in Bo's Afraid. So I think that fits with those chubby behemoth demographic. Hell yeah. I like seeing dick in a movie. It's a big dick monster. It's just a dick. Cool. I'm in.

I'm going to go watch it. I'm going to watch it now. I'm not afraid but bo's afraid but i am not i'm gonna watch that shit now i gotta keep watching three hours homeland i gotta do that finish homeland already no how are you still watching there's a lot there's eight seasons and uh after really hitting it hard uh megan and i needed a break we watched asteroid city yesterday we we finally watched the last righteous gemstones that's uh done with nice uh so yeah we have circled back uh to homeland megan's like wavering she doesn't want to finish it. She's kind of over it.

And I'm like, come on, let's fucking do this. Sometimes series do just get really bad near the end. Well, what's funny is I don't know if it's good or bad. You know, like after seven seasons, I'm like, is this good or no? I'd say it's good if you've watched it all. A lot of it is very good. Well, it's just crazy to have that weird. So the show is fiction, but it's about the CIA and the Middle East and terrorism.

So a lot of it feels like very real. There's, I'm sure, some things that have happened that are very similar to what happened in the show but it's also like the it's like ridiculous you know some of it feels like it's you know beyond reality but then it's like is it because oh I keep thinking of I need to look up that CIA that spy that got like doxxed by trump or whatever because she was involved with like he's always punching down she she yeah he was like did you see her head her head was huge uh no he he i can't remember the specifics but there was like some like woman spy in the middle east and then trump like named her and she was like on her way out of the cia because she was like dating some married dude spy i can't remember the specifics because it was like 2017 where every other day there was some like crazy news story involving trump you know and national security or whatever and so it was like a blip on the radar of those

four years you know yeah every day was something psycho yeah you know it's funny i'll bet you were the same as like you're some like idiot comic who just wants to like you know come up with new jokes or whatever and then you have to know like who the deputy to the interior secretary is you know like we yeah we knew the names of so many people in trump's cabinet in his circle there was like lawyers and shit fucking anthony scaramucci yeah and then like uh fucking gorka and just like these people you don't even think about anymore sebastian gorka what's the one guy what's that freaky guy that owns what's the guy that owned the website or whatever the gorkas that wet man what's that wet man's name that owned that website that was like trump's guy for a while and now they hate each other bannon yeah bannon

steve bannon that wet guy yes he was often wet they're all wet yes uh oh but yeah homeland so yeah i gotta go just kidding wait wait i have a question i want you you to rate the Danny McBride series, the three of them. Have you seen them? Yeah, yeah. So rank them, not rate them. It's got to go Eastbound and Down, Gemstones, Vice Principals. But it's pretty close between Eastbound and Down and Gemstones. Yeah.

I don't know. I would say Vice Principals is really good, too, though. It's very funny, but it is really kind of just him and Walton Goggins being funny each week with occasional help. And then Gemstones is like a true ensemble because he doesn't dominate. ensemble ensemble because he doesn't he doesn't dominate i think uh god tier of those characters is judy uncle baby billy and keith and then everybody else is like in the next year or below the the in the base he might be the best character well no uncle baby billy is probably my favorite it's hard to it's hard to pick it's hard for me to funny yeah it's hard for me to pick between the two of them each time i think that i have decided with one i think about the other one and so i and i think keith is like up there with them but he's

not in it as much if he would have been in it more he would have been as funny as them yeah i put him in the top tier with them but they're really like tied for first and then he's second and then or i guess technically he'd be third but then everybody else is like below that and then yeah uh that was such a beautiful subtle way to develop like a gay relationship in the show it was just like done really well yeah i don't know if i want to spoil it but also i thought it deserved more than what it got which was almost nothing but anyway uh eastbound and down is like the danny mcbride show and and stevie is hilarious and then i thought he kind of i mean he definitely took a big step back in gemstones and that was the

right move because he didn't need another danny mcbride is a dick and swears a bunch or whatever yeah so that was smart and the kid version of him is so good at playing him yeah that weird thing they do with their voices with the ai is it's crazy how good it works oh i didn't even know that never mind fuck that kid they're blending danny's voice with that kid's voice i don't know they're doing it to all of them that's why they all sound so close damn never mind i was giving that kid his props but his flowers well his his mannerisms and his facial expressions were also good yeah he nailed that all of them nail it but he does the best by far of just like and i think they're all doing their best impression of the person they're doing like i think that helps with the blending of the voices but there's like every couple of

words you'll hear him say something and it's just like clearly danny mcbride yeah yeah yeah it was uncanny for show yeah i'm glad it's done i think it's smart when series kind of they got another season and no that it did yeah what the fuck i thought it was done no and i was okay with that they thought it wasn't gonna get like renewed because goodman might not make it with the strike and stuff but they hbo went ahead and did it renewed it but they haven't they wouldn't have started yet no they'll just use fucking ai but they think they're all contractually obligated like they could do it all signed five season contracts so they don't have to worry about it breaking SAG-AFTRA for HBO to announce that they were doing it. Nothing will be funnier

than in season two of Eastbound and Down Danny McBride calling the Mexicans villagers. It's the funniest thing of all time. I always think of when his dad says, you uh smoke any of this and he goes does the pope like to fuck little kids i think that's like my favorite line anyway this has been father of the mcbride where we rank and discuss Danny McBride projects.

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Patrick. If I don't see you before Paris, I'll see you in fucking Europe, dog. How about that? Oh yeah, that makes sense. I'll see you in Europe. Paris is in europe if i don't see you in the next two weeks which i probably won't i will see you over over there or we'll be getting yelled at no no no i'll do fromage we're actually sending you to um kabul afghanistan Afghanistan ooh 90 day fiance I got the 90 day fiance I got that part

you go to Paris for like two days but then for like eight days you're in Kabul I'll be doing war tourism make some beats over there dude I would be fucking the alchemist over there I

would be working with all the top cabool rappers you'd show people how you can put kool-aid packets into sunny delight bottles it makes a molotov