Chubby Behemoth - Who’s We White Man?

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

SPONSOR: MyBookie: Use promo code CHUBBY to double your money on your 1st MyBookie deposit. Head to https://www.mybookie.website/CHUBBY   BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam and Becker are coming to you from the hotel room at the end of Skankfest! Becker is ready to be the whole fruit cocktail, doesn’t really like potato chips, and only offered Sam some crust. Sam tells Becker why he’s been pissing him off all weekend, all he asked was 4-6 hotdogs of different varieties, and makes a Matlock rule for Becker. A 100 year old joke breaks the boys.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Check, check, check. I am engaged. Hell yeah. I am glad to be doing this now. This is great. The camera is sitting level. It won't be annoying to edit or watch. This is Becker's big moment. Ladies and gentlemen, you've been begging for it. A Becker forward episode. What happened, Carlos? Is everything okay? We have our new camera guy Carlos here. I figured you'd be at the nude roast right now being hard in the back of the room. Ooh Carlos is not going to the nude

roast because he wants to be here to bear witness to history. In this, let me from this day forth this will be Jake Becker's podcast featuring Sam and Lund. Oh yeah. Becker this is your coming out party. You have your ball gown on. You're at the top of the stairs looking down at a sea of young debutantes. They're all jealous of you because you are the new face and voice of chubby behemoth., he's been begging me all weekend. He said, hey, I think I got it, man. I think I got the gas.

I think I got that juice. Sam just had two Coney dogs and he's out of gas. It's the middle of the night. He's done four shows. I've already I've already saved two podcasts today. I don't know if I have it in me for this one. Yeah, Becker is Becker is the, but seriously, since I got here, I got a text message from a certain young podcast producer, former podcast producer, that said, hey, I'm tired of being the third

fucking banana. I want to be the whole fruit cocktail. Oh, it's me. Yeah, I mean, mean dude you've been Getting a little big for your britches Yeah, yeah, and you're always like, you know what like why why why is it? Why isn't my name in the metadata? Why isn't it Sam Talent Nathan Lund Jake Becker? I'm the one who decided to keep it out of the metadata Yeah, because you're being humble so you can have a cash grab later.

No. Look, Becker, this is what you wanted. It helps nothing. All right, take your fucking shot, buddy. They're gonna hate it just like they'd hate my name in the metadata. No, no, no, the metadata loves Becker. You're always making your name number one

when we get the search results optimized. Oh yeah. Yeah, you put in Sam Talent, what pops up a picture of Jake Becker holding a fish He caught when he was 18 years old. He's got that nod in his eye. He's got a little pep in his step He's got a bunch of fucking young pussy juice on his wangus He thinks that he's become God. Well, here you go Becker step up. Here's the plate Okay balls balls on the tee. He's gonna whack it over those fences over there. Today was nuts.

Did we record yesterday or the day before? Today was nuts. That's his grand entrée vu into leading America's favorite... I'm not ready for this either. I'm also burnt out. You know what, Becker? You've been pissing me off all weekend. I'm sorry. Alright, today what did I ask you for? You asked me for six hot dogs. We're not even starting there. And also it was four to six hot dogs.

All right. I was giving you a little wiggle room. No, what happened earlier this morning? I had a cramp at the sports book. You wanted me to crawl under you and rub you like a mechanic because you got to pretend that I was a car. Yeah. And that's all you've ever wanted.

It did sound really fun. You were going to lay on your back like you were underneath a jeep and I went up on the fuck beep beep beep and you could crawl under me and rub out my upper thigh. If you had gotten a serious cramp at any other point after I knew it was a serious request. I had a deadly serious cramp. When you made it clear when you were doing Tommy's show that if you got a cramp on stage I needed to rush out there and rub you down. Yeah and what were you doing checking your phone

for mentions? You were on reddit searching your own fucking name. I was waiting for you to cramp up so I could come be your mechanic. I saw you download the X app and type in J-A-K-E-B-E-C-K-E-R-B-I-G-S-T-A-R. That's what you put in there. That's what I put in there. you search for jay becker big star Yes, and you weren't you weren't in that band if I remember correctly. I wasn't Yes, and you were so upset that only 12 results came up under jake becker big star Don't check don't produce now. I why start now. It's your show. You don't have to worry about Producing but I wasn't doing production levels. I was checking time because I got

to keep an eye on this. Yeah. You're checking time eight minutes into the pod. Wow. I remember my first podcast. It's like three minutes. We're not three minutes in. We only started a minute after the recording started. Look, Becker, quit getting lost in the metadata live. Okay? I'm not in the metadata. So I said, hey, I had a big old cr cramp I have not had enough fruit or vegetables this weekend

Yeah, you had a kale salad yesterday and rejoice like we'd fucking cured polio. Look at us. We're Jack LaLanne It was a review or Jack LaLanne Carlos. Yes, you were there Carlos used to write in letters to Jack LaLanne on Parchment that his grandmother would make out of corn husks. He'd say Jack come make me Jack He's like it's 1955 kid. No one says jacked yet because Jack Lillane was a time traveler. No Nice addition Becker. I like I'm fucking dead. You're dead. I said we should get a guest all day What guests were we gonna get column Tyrell who ate a fuck? He didn't even lick the toad. He swallowed it whole

What we're gonna get Sean Gardini who left at 2 p.m. Because he quote was getting weirded out by Becker Yeah, remember he changed his flight because you said hey guess how many push-ups I can do Yeah, I had a big old cramp and you, your hands, I don't remember them landing on my body at all. I didn't land my hands on your body. And then I further disappointed you by not getting you six hot dogs. Oh, that was the least of my worries. At that point, you've just been a fucking haunted house of disappointment all

weekend. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was doing so poorly. Yeah. Walking around, getting my sunglasses, like I can't do it my own self. Yeah, and your hat that you left across the festival. That was a test. When I told you, hey, go get my hat and sunglasses, you were not supposed to do it.

Why? Because you're not my little monkey. No, I'm your friend, and you needed your stuff. Oh, you're my friend now? You want to say friend after today? You said we're business guys? Oh, that's... You said we're not friends, we're business guys.

That's what I said? Yeah, because I introduced you to Cory Holcomb. You don't know who that is. Jesus Christ. You need to grow up. You're showing your ass to the whole world. I'm sorry, everyone. Jesus Christ, Becker. Yeah, I introduced you to grow up. You're showing your ass to the whole world. I'm sorry everyone Jesus Christ Becker

Yeah, I introduced you to Jeff Ross. I said hey Jeff Ross. You're my friend. You definitely know my name This is my this is my podcast producer and good buddy Jake Becker and you went whoa whoa whoa we're business guys Then you fucking rubbed Jeff Ross's bald hairless head. I started that. And he said, hey, it looks like results are murky. He did the eight ball treatment to Jeff Ross. Man, no I didn't. I did fart in an elevator as Bobby came on, and that was pretty bad. He was like, oh dude, it smells like me.

No, you just kind of gave me. No, no, no. Yeah, I mean there's been so many just fucking missteps on your part. I've kept a detailed dossier. I feel like the fart was really the biggest one. Also not being your butt mechanic. Wasn't my butt Becker, it was my upper thigh near the testicles. Okay, the inner other side. Yes.

And then I messed up. You made me look like a fucking idiot in front of Eleanor Kerrigan because I said Becker Oh, okay, the other side. Yes. And then I messed up. You made me look like a fucking idiot in front of Eleanor Kerrigan, because I said, Becker rub me, and you went, I'm not doing that, and Eleanor went, ooh, business guys, huh? Yes, I'm sorry to embarrass you. I do know who Eleanor is, she was very nice.

No one cares that she was nice. Yeah, huh. And also, you judging a woman based on if she's nice to you or not? We don't do that anymore. I judge everyone based on whether or not they're nice to me not women. You don't judge women? I Judge everyone on the same metric dude. You came up to me today when we were at that circus sports book Oh, and you nudged me in the ribs and you pointed the waitress and you went I you got baby want milk I didn't do that but I showed it because I did want

milk Becker hey quit Carlos you're on thin ice too okay yeah she wants she has milk she's quite a shapely woman she didn't have milk, stupid. Carlos, you're not on mic. Yeah, you're off mic. All right? You're not on mic. Not on mic. You need to go get on Mike Racine.

You should go wrestle him right now. Or maybe Mike Rainey and Mike Racine can fucking run train on your ass. Huh? Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. That'd be a good picture. Why are you laughing? I was picturing it.

Why are you laughing? I was picturing it. Yeah, I bet you were, you fucking pervert. Yeah, goddamn right. God damn it Becker and God Yeah, so then today, you know, I have to go fuck I do Tommy Pope's podcast cuz Chris O'Connor is on hunger strike until Palestine's free and fucking It was me. It was me and butterly what's true Carlos. Why are you laughing? Some people have principles you advise principles on VHS No, but what happened was I had to do I did I didn't have to I got to do Tommy Post podcast me and butterly Butterly were flanking him. Oh, and I was fucking we were we were cooking. Yeah, and what happened?

You said what about Becker and came on stage and you took a bow? Like a psychopath? I did not come up on stage. You did. Oh God. You bowed on stage? No.

You bowed. You were sitting next to me. He said, he didn't, he just bowed. He didn't say anything while he bowed. He didn't bow in any specific way. He just bowed. He actually curtsied because he was wearing a dress he was trying to trick any letterman and starting a podcast Though that would be fun. You'd love that, huh?

Oh, so you'd fucking use crush my skull beneath your feet to do a pod with the letterman I like I would not I said any letterman. I didn't say David Letterman. Oh, okay Yes, Annie you would quit this podcast to go do a podcast with any letterman. No, okay. Yes, Annie. You would quit this podcast to go do a podcast with Annie Letterman. No! That's what you just said. I said I would not quit this podcast. Carlos, roll back the tape. All right, that was better than I assumed it was gonna go. Carlos made some fun sound effects, showed us his big old tongue. Also yesterday you described Carlos is having a desert nose. That's right. Yes, which is terrible So what you?

What so we have to hide behind a paywall whenever you're fucking nasty well somebody else's nasty today So someone made a mistake Someone made a whoopsie as they were telling a fun anecdote that was a quote so we're not talking about that We're talking about you accusing Carlos of having desert nose What do you mean by that? I mean? He's got a the perfect nose for breathing in that dry dry desert air He doesn't get cracked. He doesn't get chapped you or you have so much privilege right now No Yeah, no wrong

He was not talking I yeah, he probably was It matches the cold Coliche. Yeah, they're in New Mexico the red clay which nothing will grow from You're saying that Carlos has a dust bowl face damn You're fucked. Don't look at me with laughter in your eyes. Dust bowl face is very fun Well, you're gonna have you're gonna have rust bowl ass when I'm done with you because there's going to be a copper ring around it. There will be.

You're fucked. You're so fucked. And then I have to run over to the Yo Cratum stage and you say, hey, me and Carlos are going to go eat a big pizza. I was like, I'd like some big pizza and you went you're on your own fat man. People kept asking Becker to take pictures of me and he said I'm not a fucking photographer. That would have been great. I volunteered to help people take pictures of them and you. You volunteered to clean the cocktail waitresses underwear. That's what you did. I did. You said hey I got a

sink I won't need any water though, cause I'm going to use my tongue and mouth. What you said to that poor woman. Oh, fuck. She was, whenever she would walk by you and you would try to tip her, she would flinch. Okay. She was flinching. I didn't mean to scare the young lady. And also this morning for breakfast, I woke up early. I went down there to watch football, put in some face, keep a roof over our head yeah networking as we call it in the business yes meanwhile you and Carlos were up here playing grab ass so your hands were cold I was editing the podcast editing the podcast yeah this

one's gonna be late this is late yeah you know who loses money on this one being late no old Sam T add. I only get the ad revenue Yeah, but I don't think they've they punished you for this. No, yes, but I'm gonna tell them it's late I'm gonna tell them it was late because of Becker and we don't deserve any money It's not late because of me this morning Carlos. I had a sandwich around 11 I bought Sean Gardini a sandwich so that he would go run over to Saganas and get it Becker comes fucking mosey and in you know fuck he's hey was he fucking goes fake handshake on Adam Eaget You know does that one he comes in again. He fucking rubbed Bobby Kelly's head this time

He's got some weird bald head rubbing fetish You know I don't know what his issue with Bobby Kelly is, but it permeates every aspect of him. I was gonna apologize to Bobby, but then I farted in that elevator and didn't really wanna speak. Why don't you apologize to me for any of the myriad things that I've listed so far?

I've said I'm sorry about the hot dogs and the rubbing, because those are both true. We have not got to the hot dogs. All right? We have not got to the fucking hot dogs. Becker. Sorry to jump the gun. So Saginaw's I eat it. I eat maybe at 1030 a.m. You know, I'm down there keeping morale high, you know, bird call, just anyone's laments. They pile them upon me. I mash potatoes and their pain gravy is just in every nook and cranny and then you you're like I I would have a sandwich yep and I was like you can

order it from your phone and go pick it up and you're like oh wow tell me something I don't know fatso why are you being this way and you're like why are you why do you weigh so much I was was like, Jesus, Becker. So anyway, he orders a sandwich, goes and gets the sandwich, comes back. Not only is there not a backup sandwich for me, just in case, didn't bring me a sandwich. I mean, I had a sandwich a mere 45 minutes previous to him getting his.

Yeah. And again, I'm burning so many calories out there. You just bridging the gap between the new and the old you know and Then fucking Becker rolls in and he does not have a sandwich for me does not offer me a bite of his sandwich Oh, no, that's just Becker not shut the fuck up. I tried to give you back half of the no no no That was after I did a hilarious bit where I leaned as far back in my chair as I could it was after put my head into your lap and tried to Bite your sandwich, and it would have been funny if I had a little nibble right then it would have been good That would have been worth the bit no no no I get up after you fucking go vice grip on your sit Her are you start growling at me like London baby back ribs on the plate?

Yeah, God no hey listeners never share ribs with one You think Adam and Eve had it rough? So yeah, so Becker then I sit up and he goes Would you like this part? No, not now now just like you're feeding a fat guy your scraps I can't have that in front of Eleanor fucking care again, bro Jesus Christ. I mean, just use your fucking brain for once in your life. So then, is the pickle even offered to me? No, am I actively having a leg cramp in that moment?

Yes. And you literally have the one thing that can bail me out. You're not gonna rub me down like a fucking Jeep You're not gonna give me a pickle Course you didn't cuz you only think about Becker. No, how can Becker shine in this moment? I was just so I know what I'll do I know how I'll look cool. I'll light my eighth cigarette that'll impress everyone I had three bells gonna lose it when he sees this. Oh He fucking gave Drew Montana his business card and said hey trying to get out of something I want to get into something with you my business card. Yeah your business car, which is the ace of spades

Everyone thinks it's super cool Anyway, then he says you want these chips Do I want your fucking trash? And you know what he told me about the chips? He says Becker over here the human trash can you know Becker will eat eggshells for eight bucks Becker He fucking has the balls to say to me. I don't like chips He says, Becker over here, the human trash can, you know, Becker will eat eggshells for eight bucks, Becker. He fucking has the balls to say to me, I don't like chips. I don't really like chips. He doesn't really like chips. Your honor?

Carlos? Jake Becker over here, who you've seen probably eat, I don't know, 800 Eggo waffles, said that he doesn't like chips. They don't do anything for him I don't like fries chips he likes fries he likes tater tots but chips are beneath him are we in jolly old England no we're talking about you guys make out and you both caught stupid Carlos doesn't know how restaurants work. Oh, yeah. Shit about everything.

You got to get on mic. He has to. No, he doesn't need to get on mic. Okay. Because he's not on trial right now. You are. All right. This is like the Menendez brothers.

You guys are going to have separate trials. All right. So no chips for Becker. Becker's too good for chips. Sam didn't eat all the chips. You know this food that I fucking hate? You'll eat it pig. That's what you said to me. You said these are beneath me. But you know what? You're below me. That's what you said. With your actions. So you know I'm being cool about it. I'm just plugging away, I'm shaking every hand. I'm kissing every baby. I'm posing for every picture So that you can get fucking

Free gaming headset or whatever's coming in next week. We are getting we are we are for some reason you and me not Lund Yeah, well one would confuse it for earmuffs and go outside and get frostbite. Yes, because he's also stupid as hell All right poor god this tricycle has one big wheel in the back to her deflator you don't have a pump around all right god so then yes so I fucking grin and bear it you know what people keep saying hey wide world I love I say Becker's right there and Becker literally goes like I'll be like Becker's over there Becker's right here he'll go, Jesus. He turns his back on the people who love wide world.

Yeah. He said, of course you love wide world because you're fucking wide as the world. He said that to a woman today. I did not. He did dude. No, there's people, people are like, these ego people are like being nice about me after the last one came up to Becker for real Today and said hey, I really love your work

Someone said that to you as I was waiting to go to these days with stories said as an editor and you said thanks, man Yeah, don't edit wide world. He was he doesn't edit what someone said to Jake he back He was talking about the someone came up I created a world podcast someone comes up to Jake Becker and says I like your work he's talking about our podcast I asked from you was four to six hot dogs each of a different variety credit for Pat's work though you said hey thanks I work hard on wide world I did not I'm glad the people he said I'm glad the fans love it I'm glad you like it as a you like it the rest of these things are very funny I would not take credit for Pat's hard work well you did in front of me and you didn't think I saw it cuz me and Eddie Pepitone were talking about

meatballs nice that's what you assume we were talking about we weren't we were talking about empathy and how to find it anyway So I say to becker meatballs. I say to becker. I say you know what man Given you literally everything Everything you have going on in your life Comes from me. I said this to him. You know you guys shoot him straight Yeah I said becker

The only reason you're not fucking dangling from a rope right now Because old Sam T shed his light upon you and I've never asked you for anything have I buddy no no no all I want right now is Maybe a half dozen hot dogs You wanted them to be all different kinds. I wanted different, you want to eat six of the same hot dogs? Where was I? One of my Lund when his wife's asleep?

Shut up. And did he get me any, did he get me one hot dog? No. I did get you two hot dogs. Becker? I'm gonna tell you one more time. Shut the fuck up. Earlier it was that I had to talk the whole time.

I've been waiting to say that to you. Well, you know what? I'm a guest on your podcast. And I have grievances. You have me on, I get to say what I want. I get to say my fucking piece. Okay, go for it. And you know what?

I wanted a piece of tubed meat. Six different ways Four different ways would have been fine, dude If you would have showed up with three hot dogs one of them had ketchup one of them had mustard one of them had relish I would have said Lisa's fucking trying You know, he showed a little bit of effort a little bit of gumption But no and you know what? I didn't blow up on him. I saw him an hour later

I said before I went on Tuesdays the story said when I get off stage if I could have six hot dogs waiting for me I've covered that Becker and they're listening or you just thinking about all the money you make Is that what you're doing right now fucking tabulating how many more action figures you can buy when I'm done sweating it out on this pod God Fucking tabulating how many more action figures you can buy when I'm done sweating it out on this pod God Let's see, okay, he listened he's not talking Great. He's pouting now Fantastic. Oh Becker. I'm wounded. I'm the best editor ever. I invented wide world Becker over there

Becker Is this picking up? Am I picking up? there. Becker, is this picking up? Am I picking up? Am I having levels? You're having levels. Dude, if this did not work, I would literally have to kill you. I would literally have to take you in the toilet and give you, I would, I would take you in the toilet, give you one last drink of water. I'd say, here you go, buddy. It's your favorite flavor of soup. And I would fucking drown you in the bowl. It's working great. Like the turd you are. Why would it not be working? I'm here.

Because you're at the helm. Okay. Becker, how many hot dogs were waiting when I got done saving Tuesdays with stories? Zero after you saved Tuesdays with stories. And I'm not saying that as a dickhead. I think I literally did. That was a tough one. Yeah, you did.

And Mark and Joe said so themselves. And then Joe asked for my phone number. So you have Joe list phone number? I don't well I don't think so if you have it your phone's going in the toilet right after you okay, but I don't have it Do you have your list phone number? I don't think so he did my pod bet way a long time ago So why would he do that? What blackmail did you have on Joe list to trick him into doing Jake Becker 1.0? Before you took over this podcast. Whiskey and Six did really well. Whiskey and Six did really well.

I don't have a list number. Yeah. Brown probably has. You're on a list. My shit list right now. I'm sorry. Yeah. Hey, you should be.

So then we go, we watch the Shit Talking Show. I'm backstage with my peers and you keep saying, hey I should be here too, because I'm a professional stand up comedian. He kept saying, he said that to Colm Tyrell, he said that to Lev Fur, he said that to Mark Norman. He asked Norman if he wanted to open for him. That's what he said to Mark, he said,

hey Mark I'm gonna do some dates coming up, do you want a feature? That's what Becker said. Yeah, I figured he opens for Seinfeld, He could open for me, you know, yeah Becker This is exactly what I'm talking about Yeah, this is the attitude exactly what I'm talking about so anyway You watch that whole show

then I find Becker and I think maybe If there's any justice in the world, Jake Becker will have a hot dog, a bratwurst. Hell, I'd take a cup of chili. That's how desperate I am right now because I haven't eaten since 1030 and I had to suffer through watching Becker eat his whole sandwich. I was cramped. I was cramped to the gills. It was like my legs were giving birth to twins. That's how cramped I was. And you got a pickle over there. I don't like chips. I only eat

pickles. I saw Andrew Schultz eat a pickle one time and I was like that's me. I'm that guy too. That's what he said. All right So then later that night No hot dogs. Do I blow my top? Do I blow my top Becker? Becker did I blow my top? Nope, very calm very calm So I say hey Becker look, let's let bygones be bygones. I know a place we can get a couple of greasy D's right now They took him to the Coney Island over there on Fremont Street. We walked in. They say, Hey, Jake, what's up, Jake?

Hey, it's Becker. Everyone who works there says, Hey, it's Becker Becker. How were those six different hot dogs you ordered earlier? How were those six different hot dogs that you were getting for your? You said it was your, your business guy. That's what you said? That's what they said, business guy? Yes.

Yeah, and you said, oh, what, I don't, that must have been a different, they were like, no, no, you're the editor of Wide World, Jake Becker, professional comedian. Mark Norman's opening for you, that's you. This is what they fucking said in the D, in the Coney Island, and you went like this, you went, no, that is a different, hey,

so hey, what's the haps, what's the haps fellas? They said the usual? All right, we don't know who you are you want the usual and then when I get six different hot dogs two euros Becker to you're gonna try and change up the script right now. I have by the way You're not doing anything right now. If you wanted to run out to the D and grab a couple hot dogs am I gonna be mad? You know what I'm gonna do with them I'm gonna shove them in my fucking ears so I don't hear you snoring all night how about that? Yeah you well yeah dude said the cowboy so yeah you interrupt the podcast what do you do? Snore? Yeah no you're not gonna get me any and they're not gonna get me shit cuz no one in this hotel room contributes besides me Yeah, I'm used to of course you secret cookies over there I have to open them and eat them all

Well, you're not in the room and eat all of them without your permission? Is that what you're fucking saying to me? We have a fucking ad read Becker. Yeah, we got my job now. It's my job. Big shot. Is it your job? My job to know about the ad read? I can read the show. Yeah. Read the ad. They'll love that. We have like a couple of minutes to get to the ad. How far along are we in this episode? Becker, can you tell me that? We're at like 20... Six minutes? You're fucking kidding me. No. I have put so much fucking effort into this episode.

I know you have. And I don't know where it's coming from. I don't either. I know where it's coming from. My disappointment in your antics. You represent... You represent Chubby Behemoth Industries. And you're out there trying to go

into business for yourself. I do represent us. Yeah, you do. Yeah. And how do you do it? By not getting shitfaced this year and trying to keep it together. Yeah, because last year,

last year they had to fucking initiate Becker Protocols. Becker Protocols. That's why no one's producers are here this year. But you. Everybody's producers are here. I bet you know, I bet you guys had a little union meeting, didn't you? Gardini? The producers.

Gardini is an accomplished stand-up comedian. The other two are gone. Who are the other two? It seems like it'd be rude to talk about it. Who? Toby's gone. Jesus Christ, Becker. The man is dead and you wanna fuckin' besmirch his name? And Nadav quit.

You are fucked. Can you believe that? Nadav does his own thing now. Becker invoking the name of my friend, Tobe's. I like- Tobe Lerone, the Tobe man from downtown. I like Toby, but he's not the producer now That's why you don't talk to him anymore because he can't help you he never talked to me before is that why you don't return?

His phone calls. He's always reaching out. He's like why won't Becker answer? He's never Becker He says why isn't mr. Becker and he's never reached out to me once. This is so fucked. Oh my god I mean, I just don't get where you get off It's like it's like it's like everywhere's a fucking train to you and you just get off whatever stop you want This is insane. This is insane. Yes, I got two words for you You're off my car Lo saying is you are not on a microphone But yet you professional fan of comedy and podcasting keep talking Yeah, Carlos, you know what I need from you

six six hot dogs six hot dogs and three euros. You don't want a hot dog. Well, then Carlos, bring me those cookies. Bring me the cookies right now walk in front of the yeah, but arrange them as if they're six hot dogs. I want you to crawl on the ground as you bring me the cookies. Or duck. I'm kidding I don't want that. I would not want that. I'm kidding. Thank you. Oh wow half a pack of cookies. Fucking great. Oh good. Okay Becker. Just waiting for the camera to not shake. This football season stopped being a baby and place some bets on the game already with my bookie

Becker and bees back here hold on If you're gonna read these ads I need you to do it like you give a shit I do give a shape Take it from the top Take it from the top start it over this football season stop being a baby So you don't think that babies can like football? I think you're telling me right now. I think that my bookie thinks that babies can't like football Or the babies don't place enough bets because they want you to place some bets on the game already Becker You think this is a fucking game. Is that what you think you're betting? I've been on this like it's a game

I bet today. This is your whole thing. We had a parlay today. You bet last night for today. Yes, and what happened I Lost immediately why because I don't know much about football and I trusted Fun information who gave you the parlay. And you're blaming me for your loss? Not at all. I told you yesterday. By the way, with my book, your parlay is always hit or whatever. But you never lose. With my book, you never got that part of it.

But you and Carlos both came to me with your hands out. And it was like I was an angel. You were trying to invoke me and get me down. And you said, you there, angel, give us some sacred knowledge. You did. I told you, Pittsburgh, minus two. I told you the Texans, minus five. Told you the Eagles will never lose to the Buccaneers.

Minus one. And what happened? They lost. And whose fault is that? Nobody's. It's my fault? No. Is that what you're saying?

Carlos said that. Do you have an earpiece in? No. Is he no he feeding you lies that why he's talking off Mike no I don't know why he's talking off Mike but it's not your fault when Carlos told us earlier when he blamed you I said yeah but like I don't know anything so I have to go off of people smarter than me and Sam knows a bunch and guess who lost a lot more money than you? You. Oh, and that makes you happy? No. Is that what you're saying?

Not at all. That's good for you. No, but I know you did. Anyway, with promos like weekly risk-free boosts, even if you've never bet on anything in your life, you can definitely handle this. I wish the windows in this hotel opened. I really wish that. You'd throw me in the pool?

No, no, no, I'd go. I would take my own life. Oh no. Yes, because I can't live in a world where a man that I've taken into my inner circle, would ever treat me the way that you do. Oh my god. You literally slapped my ass earlier and you said, honey baked ham, honey baked ham honey baked ham

I wish I was that fun. You did that in front of Paulie Shore I would have been so proud if I did that in front of Paulie Shore. That's hilarious That's you level funny, which is why you came up with it. I told you It wasn't that funny first of all what I just said I like you saying me slapping your butt and singing honey baked ham honey baked ham Really sure you don't think they go over well poly Sure, I told you this great anecdote yesterday And then I so Carlos I don't know if you heard this I was backstage

Yesterday and I was talking and I don't want to name drop uncle laser All right, I'm talking to uncle a Back there chopping it up as we say Probably sure introduce myself to him and say hi. I'm talking to Unki Lay. Back there chopping it up as we say. Polly Shore introduced myself to him and say hi, I'm Sam Tallent. Nice to meet you. He says, oh alright, whatever. He sits in a chair by himself. I'm talking to Laser. Ten minutes later Polly Shore says, hey Sam. Hearing a lot of good things about you. Your vibe checks out.

Everyone's saying you're real funny. So that happens. So it's like, is it Pauly Shore? Did someone come up and tell him that from behind? Was he on his phone checking my data? So I tell Becker that he laughs. Today, I walk up. Becker's talking to Steve Ranazizzi.

I hear him say, yeah, I was backstage last night and I introduced myself to Pauly Shore. And then 10 minutes later, I was talking to Uncle Lazer, Pauly Shore said, hey, Becker, hearing good things, hear your vibe checks now. Oh my God. Everyone's saying you're really funny. You told that to Steve Ranazizzi.

I'm gonna get creatively told to kill myself by a bunch of people that can't understand what's happening. What why don't you explain comedy maestro what's happening right now? You're fucking with me. I'm fucking with you. Yeah always the victim. Christ on the cross. With risk-free boosts if your bet hits you win big. I wish I had a fucking rocket booster to attach it to your ass. If it doesn't don't worry my bookie will give you a full refund What? That's crazy start from the top with risk-free booze

If your bet is from the top you win big if it doesn't don't worry my bookie will give you a full refund Whoa, you really can't lose with my bookie. You can't lose. With my bookie you can't lose. In your interpersonal relationships you can. I've learned that. I've learned that this weekend. If you're not a huge football fan you can still get in on the fun. My bookie has tons of games you can play like blackjack and European roulette. Great. You love blackjack. I love I love whitejack, I love yellowjack, I love Jack's of all creeds and colors It's true. Don't try and fucking fetishize my enjoyment of certain cultures for your benefit when you're ready to get started Shut up for once in your life

Once in your life take that tongue that you love to wag and just push it against the roof of your mouth Try that out. That's me. I'm always talking too much When you're ready to get started just click the link in the show notes sign up And you're ready to get in there and then I'll get an email saying you're not getting paid and you sure will be somewhere Going like this Yes Use you that's you doing anything as you watching the new matlock, which I told you you're not allowed to watch Yeah, you did tell me that I did

Like I represent the business you represent Chubby be even I represent chubby be I can't have you out there watching the new mat that lock And then going online from the username that everyone knows on Reddit better than salmon lawn that's Becker on Reddit and being like hey this is Matt lock shows crazy I told him like two weeks ago that I'm excited for the new Matt lock and he's very upset with me Becker you can watch Matt lock or you can be I mean I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you what to do with your podcast but if it was still my podcast, I'd say you choose Matlock, the lady one, or you choose the pod. It has nothing to do with her being a lady. It's the reimagining. You don't like,

I don't like the reimagining. I told you that nothing to do with her gender. I said no reimagining because whatever you made that clear, you're not allowed to enjoy any reimagining I'm not even sure if you're allowed to see Joker 2. I don't want to What I don't want to you don't want to see it. What the fuck it doesn't make sense Does it need to make sense to be a movie? It needs to be maybe make sense to be a movie about specific characters that have like a whole story everybody knows I can't make a movie where Jesus Christ rides a skateboard And why not because you don't have enough money even though you keep trying to borrow $300,000 for me to get your quote passion off the ground But you don't want to see Joker 2

Then guess what I'm you you have to see Joe Now it is mandated that you are not allowed to watch matlock. It's a real magic to watch It is mandated that you are not allowed to watch matlock. It's a real magic watch With a lady guess what we all make mistakes. Oh, we all are allowed to Remember things differently can you reconsider? matlock that maybe No Percent no fair enough. I'm sorry allowed. Sorry watch matlock I've already agreed to only watch the old original Matlock. Jesus, I don't even like that.

Well, you have to get over that bit. That's just a reimagining of old radio plays. Kinda. Just click the link in the show notes, sign up, and you're ready to bet. Kinda. That's you. Use promo note. God damn it. Start from the top. Use promo code CHUBBY to claim a bonus that doubles your money on your very first deposit. You heard that right. Double your money with code chubby before you even place a bet. My bookie plus is the lock of the century. You ever read before it's written? I'm not joking right now. I know we've been joking around on this episode. Do you know how to read? Yes, you do. Yes. Okay. Even if it's not word balloons coming out of a turtle's mouth. It hurts if it's not

word balloons coming out of a turtle's mouth. You can still read it. Yeah. My bookie plus is the lock of the century. Bet on anything, anywhere, anytime, and make your season a winning season. When you're ready to get started just click the link in the show notes, sign up, and you're ready to get started just click the link in the show notes sign up And you're ready to bet use promo code chubby to claim a bonus that doubles your money on your very first deposit You heard that right double your money with code chubby Before you even place a bet my bookie plus is the lock of the century better than anything anywhere anytime and make your season Winning season that's how you fucking do it. Do I have to keep coming into the ring? You step into the ring. You're like hey, can you tie my gi for me? That's what you fucking do it. Do I have to keep coming into the ring?

You step into the ring, you're like, hey, can you tie my gi for me? That's what you want me to do. I do want you to tie my gi. And guess what? I don't even wear a fucking gi. All right, you guys need to know that. When I get in the ring, I'm completely nude.

And yeah, Tim Butterly's scared. But I don't care, because I want that. Oh! Whoa, god damn! That was nuts! scared I don't care because I want that you were asleep and then awake within a minute that was crazy why don't you get into that bed kind of get in the bed start snoring if he lays down yeah let's get it on tape let's get it on tape. Let's get it on tape. Yeah, let's see what it's like. Do you know what it's like to be the sad man?

Yeah I slept next to the bad man. To be the snoring old man for two nights. Behind blue eyes? Yeah. Do you know? He doesn't know. That's the who. I thought it was Fred Durst.

I know you do do you saw him live You old bitch yeah Biscuit what I did see limp biscuit. Yeah, you saw him biscuit. Yeah, great You know what? Here's what we're gonna do. We have another half hour this we have like 20 minutes Please stay away from my cookie. I'll get you something else. I know I know You just read for my bookie, but guess what? My cookies and I can't lose and I'm gonna eat them even though my teeth hurt cuz I had three coca-colas tonight Okay

Three that's just a lot of caffeine for you at night, isn't it? Oh Cuz I don't care about you I'm not allowed to care now. Becker what just say sorry already. I said I'm sorry. Okay. About the hot dogs and the Coca Cola judgment, the Coca Cola judgment, the Coca Cola worry laughing when I burped. That was so mean of you. We had fun with that burp Becker You farted this morning something insane. Oh, I farted this morning. Yeah, you clapped one off. That was truly Historic it was horrible. It was a story. You want to talk about sleep noises, Carla Carlos. You don't get stuck

You accused Becker and I of stealing your adderall Remember that you said what's this on the ground way? And I saw you drop them. I saw you drop them on the ground. And then you looked around. You looked around at the speed that you do things. You were being very sly about it. Really, you were like a lighthouse sweeping the waters. And then and he said whoo. What are these? No, you didn't but Becker was stealing your pills anyway Becker we've got another ad read we don't have another ad read Great. Yep. We're just you need to lead this pod

So if we're gonna give these people a taste of what the show is gonna look like moving forward We need to give them so let's start from the top even you have you have me you have one of the best Podcasters in the history of the game true first guest. Yep. All right Bring us in Is it a talk show? What are we doing? Why are you asking me kid show business? This is yours. This is your show You demanded this and now you're being coy which annoys me It literally annoys me No, we really shouldn't literally not talk about that on a free episode. We can't talk about that

Yeah, that's like the whole rule of that show. Yeah No, no Please don't give us any edits. Yeah, I don't have time to deal with this Yeah, they're gonna have song as he's busy fucking counting money and touching bitches is what he says Yeah, we can't talk about what any of that Becker here. We are nice I had two euros just now Sam did finally have two Coney dogs. You're not gonna introduce your guest? I said to come in. Coney dogs mom, you should go down there and get six hot dogs and a couple of euros. So I got, I, we went to that Coney dog place, I guess I'll just keep running

the episode since you can't. I got two Coney dogs after Becker said, oh I don't want the usual please. I got two Coney dogs and Becker steps up. I got two little measly Coney dogs. Becker gets two euros. Yeah. And then I we get back here. I go in the bathroom. I take a probably 85 second piss. It was crazy Carlos. Craziest piss I've ever heard. I was in my, it was the longest piss I've had since I lost three pounds wrestling in high school I weighed in then I took a piss and I came back and weighed in and I lost three point one pounds from a piss This rivaled that I don't know why I don't know why dude

It was like an audio gag like it went on so long That if we were having like a serious conversation, it would have been a good bit Yeah, like it sounded like something mr. Bean would pull off to trick the Queen. Yeah. That's what it was like. It was so long Carlos and it was it was heavy flow. I had a good flow. Yeah it wasn't sputtering. No. Heavy flow. No it was like I was pissing the whole time. I don't dribble. No. I know. It's okay. It's fine. We've, he's been sharing a bed with you.

He's seen the spots. It's a side effect of snoring. We're calling you the leopard. So Becker got two euros. Yep. And then I pee and I come out and my hot dogs are in my bed next to napkins that have a fork on top of them. They're laid out like, Oh, look what I did for you, dude.

Look what I did, look how nice I am to you. That's what Becker's thinking, of course. They're laid out like they're buckets of slop and I have to put them somewhere decided and on purpose. Master manipulator, Jake Becker, changing the narrative to fit his paradigm. Anyway, so I sit, I almost sit in my hot dogs because they they honestly they're in styrofoam They blend into my bedsheets. I'm exhausted again from keeping the lights on in that house. You almost sit on them

Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. I was sad. Everything was white white napkins white plastic fork styrofoam I realized that I wanted in Becker. I noticed after I was sitting on him, he has cameras set up all in the room. He has cameras set up for the Jake Becker prank hour, whatever the project is, double X'd. And so I finally, I'm like, oh dude, that was close, he doesn't fucking care, because he's looking at pictures of cars in the little notebook full of car pictures. He keeps in his pocket

so I Finally I figured out I get into bed. I open my box. I have a bite or two of the hot dogs Becker chowing down two of the biggest euros you've ever seen. It was like a junkyard dog found double fisting. Yeah, he was like, argh, argh. Did he offer me a bite of that? No! Those were the messiest? No, didn't offer me a bite.

You are O for two today, offering me bites of different kinds of sandwiches. One for two. Excuse me? You claim that you're putting your head on my tit and pretending you wanted food and then me offering it after that didn't count. You offered me crust. I offered you most offered me literally crust. I mean we can. I know we've been joking around a little bit on here. I offered you a

bunch of bacon. It's been about 12% jokes and truth. You offered me crust earlier. I offered you the bottom of the said that's what you get because that's all that's left. That's what you said. that's all that's left that's what you said I could have eaten it all yeah you did eat it all you ate it all she didn't want any no I didn't want to be condescended to in front of Adam Eaget my best friend oh I think he's my newest best friend yeah one crazy I love you newest best friend okay he's the greatest addition to my crew. Last year, actually last year was EGOT this year it's Nick Rochefort. But anyway enough about me. Oh I'm sorry I was vulnerable I

told the truth I know you've never done that a day in your fucking life. Oh yeah. You scab. You're scab. You know what I'm gonna call Toby McMullen right now. I'm tired of this. No. Yes. I'm gonna say Toby heard you're looking for a job. Becker's going into business for himself. He hung out his own shingle We're all really proud of him Toby time to move to Trinidad bite the fucking bullet Yes, we're the Trinidad guess where he's staying that saved my guess where he's staying my house. That's right cool That's right. You're moving to New York Becker. Okay, you and Toby are apartment swapping

Do we pay the same bill we're paying now? Who's we white man? You got a mouse in your pocket? I'm trying so hard not to laugh this whole time. Oh Yeah, my fucking cheeks are from smiling through this I'm so high who's we white man From like a hundred-year-old Joe my dad used time. Oh, it's the Lone Ranger in Tonto. Yeah. Yeah. I know the joke. Fucking asshole. I'm losing it. Yeah, listeners, it's midnight on the last day of Skankfest and we're fucking fried. It's the Lone Ranger and Tonto are standing on top of a bluff and they're looking out and there's a hundred natives and they're coming up the hill and Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and he says, he says tanto it's been an

honor but this is where we make our last stand in tanto says who's we white man I'm so sorry. I've never laughed this hard off in this podcast ever. I literally think my brain just broke. It's possible. Fuck. Fuck. You're shaking the camera. You're just laughing so hard it was shaking the camera. You're fine. Oh my God.

Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh my God. God. I've been trying so hard. I need more hot dogs. This whole episode to keep this thing going. No, you're amazing.

Keep this thing going You're doing this at all I'm not mad at Becker Becker's been great Carlos has been great I Couldn't keep it up man. Oh We've got like ten minutes left, but I think we're okay. Are we going? What am I going to do. I don't know what I think the one is left to talk chapstick. Huh? We got chapstick. You don't need this with your big desert nose. It was better. I didn't even think it was weird. Oh, fuck. Shit, man. Okay. Okay, Becker.

Now, seriously, can you give me... Can you help me... Which... What? What? I thought you were saying somebody was knocking at the door. I thought somebody was telling us... No, no no no no the cops are not at the door oh no

I was trying to listen to the people yelling at the door after you said someone is at the door yeah it's such a good bit well Becker actually I don't know how to tell you this but uh that's actually a hundred native warriors And this is where we make our last dance We who's we white man? It's like one of the first jokes I ever heard. My dad will say it. He'll just say, Who Wee White Man? Who's Wee White Man?

Oh, fuck. Okay, so Becker, you got about 10 minutes. You have me. Why don't you ask me some questions and I'll answer them. This is every podcast I've done. Like the last 20 minutes are like, any questions? It has been Just do a rapid-fire skank fest recap hit me

best show you watched What's your favorite thing and watch any shows except for the one we can't talk about oh Yeah I'm watching comedy. No if I wasn't here. I was on the tables. I watched bumping mics those Oh the best show I really enjoyed I mean there really weren't any bad ones I really enjoyed Today just like chilling with Tommy and butterly on that stage Yeah, cuz yesterday when I did the do rag in the deer tag and I had to do those wedding vows

I couldn't really be present cuz I was like actually nervous. Yeah, then I did the do-rag and the deer tag and I had to do those wedding vows, I couldn't really be present because I was actually nervous. Yeah. Then I did the wedding vows. And then that nervous energy that I had then carried over into stand up on the spot where I was fucking near panic. Because when I walked in, there was a comic on stage eating it so hard. And then Aaron Berg fucking crushed.

And I was like, fuck. And I was also a little high on Adderall I think today with Tommy and Butterly cuz that literally just I just felt like I was sitting like on a couch with my friends that and we were all we were all pretty funny on that What's the other pod? Oh, yeah Tuesdays with stories was that was that was a bit of pulling teeth but yeah those guys rule. I also really liked you on the circus. Oh the midday circus was fun. That was huge. It's a fun show. I was I'm worried because Colin Tyrell has the midday circus and last year he just asked me if I wanted to like help out because he was like planning on taking drugs. Yeah. And

then yeah and then so I was like okay dude I'll do, I'll be your second banana, whatever you need. And then this year I felt like I was maybe like driving too much, you know, cause he was like on, he was, you know, he was dipping his toes and hallucinogenic waters at noon on that show. Yes. You said there was a moment where he like, you thought he was mad at me or something? No, it was, it wasn't mad at you. He had a moment where he got like, you could tell he was starting to

be on the hallucinogens a little bit more, because at the very end of the show, you started to make an announcement of like, thank you all so much. And he was it wasn't even mad or Kurt. It was just like that, like really intense, like, I have to do something when you're on mushrooms. And he was like, no, I will do that something when you're on mushrooms and he was like, no, I will do that. Okay, yeah.

But it wasn't aggressive or anything, it was just like, oh, in his mind, that was one of the few hoops he had to jump through before he got off that stage. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Columns, he doesn't talk about it, he bees about it. Yeah.

I saw him eat the fucking, he ate like an Ari Shaffir dick-sized mushroom on stage yesterday at like noon. Yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. He passed around a top hat and filled it with drugs. And it's full. Yeah.

Filled it with drugs. Brimmed with drugs. Oh man. Dude, this was almost Jordan's flu game. I almost wrote it out to an hour. I hope that whatever I did at the beginning of this episode was as funny to me as it was to the listener because I was having

A very nice time blasting your little ass But then yeah, who's we white man? Alright this is what sucks. We'll do these episodes and we'll have like 50 minutes in the last 10 minutes Just me being like god. I'm good Did it again T? You still got it. Really it's like not done yet you know. No it's done. No no how much time are we at? Weird if we have got like fuck. What? Tell the truth. I'm doing math man hold on. Okay. Becker doing his job live. We've got like

six minutes left. Six minutes. Okay keep them coming. Come on. Hit me Questions, what was the best food you a my in Vegas? Who who was who was the one car Oh Nick DiPaolo Nick DiPaolo easily dude Yeah, yeah, I did a show yesterday. I did the E.O. Cratom Theater and DePaulo was back there in that little like curtain green room they have by the stage. And I walked in and he was like,

I can't remember who else was back there. I think, oh fuck, it doesn't matter. But I walked, I think it was Shane Torres. I was like, Nick DePaulo, you're the man. And he was like, hey, thanks. You know, it couldn't have been nicer about it. I was like, yeahPaolo, you're the man and he was like, hey thanks, you know, it couldn't have been nicer about it I was like, yeah, you're you're great. It's really nice to meet you. Then he went on stage and he was super funny He told the joke. He said yeah, my wife's frigid Anytime I go down on her I get an ice cream headache and then he went I tell you like

Rodney Dangerfield fuck yeah, he got off stage and I was like dude That was great the fucking ice cream headache joke. And he was like, I haven't told that fucking joke in 25 years, but I'm up there and I was, woo, it popped in. Yeah, he was really cool. And then today I got to watch a little football with him.

Nice. Yeah, he came over and stood next to me in EGIT for a bit. And we talked about playing football growing up and stuff. And, oh, then Bobby Kelly came over and like said that he wasn't gonna talk to Nick because he saw Nick talking to me And that was fun. But yeah, DePaulo is the man Fuck he is 62 years old and he is fucking Taught yeah, like there is not a wasted scrap of meat and he's not like jacked or anything But God DePaulo's got it. He's got locked in. I don't know what he's up to but that guy's a stud fuck

yeah he's the man yeah I loved Apollo Tommy DePaulo he did kids books Tommy was a musical by the who yeah okay all right who what where when why and how how does not start with the W W Yeah, yeah this this year was different you guys saw it it was weird yeah, it's a little bit different this year. Yeah For me this this year wife who was like We stuck to the back streets. Yeah. We found different routes to get around.

Yeah. Fremont street. Yeah. Because everyone was so nice, uh, to me and people wanted pictures and stuff, but it was like, it was the most overwhelmed I've been with people's praise ever in my life, which is awesome and I'm not complaining, but it is, it

is just a notable data point to take in. Yeah. Cause I'm rushing around and then, you know, you get stopped. I mean, again, really, really happy about it, but you guys were there. You saw just people were. Oh yeah. And sometimes you just like have to get out of a venue and pee. Yeah. Yeah. Like I felt like kind of like, I don't know, I hope you guys wouldn't think I was big shotting when I would like I would like be walking really fast on Fremont Street like as fast as I could. We get I wanted to

motor. Yeah. And then like we would like I would like try and like stick to the hallways. Not that I'm fucking you know I'm not it's not like I'm not like Carrot Top or anything you know. But like I think people understand that I'm approachable and I will like try and talk to them and have an honest interaction, but still it's like when you're running around you do fucking two pods, two shows, it's like I really just don't want to talk at all. I saw Sarah Squirrim have a thing on her phone that says I'm on vocal rest. I saw that in a picture she posted and I can never imagine doing that to anyone, but that's

a pretty good workaround. Yeah that is pretty good way to do it. We're like, Hey, I would never ever do that. Taking it easy. Yeah. But yeah, it was, this was this year really felt like a lot of hard work was paying off and people were stoked and I'm such a fucking Carney. I'm so desperate. It seems, cause at the end of every conversation, I'll be like, where do you live? And they'll be like Dallas I'm like I'm there December 16th and 17th, you know, like every fucking person I would plug my dates. They love to know I know but also it's like They're probably gonna come you know, yeah

They're probably gonna be there already a lot of them were like, I know we have tickets then it's like Oh, I could have just had the great interaction without fucking shilling to these people But what are you gonna do? Yeah, I Mean hey no shame in the game. They love that you're coming They love that you're coming they do they love to be reminded that they have tickets and they're already coming to see you They love that you're coming I reminded that they have tickets and they're already coming to see you they love that you're coming I mean people should be getting tickets to come see me at the big diamond comedy festival next weekend Becker will be there yep

Becker's gonna be there James McCann is gonna be there I mean obviously Patton Canane Jeff Asmus Zod Doogee is gonna be there you know Zod I don't know I don't know who's saying his name correctly he's super funny there's still tickets available for him and like did I see ran I think yeah Randell be there yeah yeah random Blake Hammond will be there really great lineup big diamond Comedy Festival next weekend after that the fucking Widowmaker baby we're walking into the buzz saw Bridgeport, Connecticut my god are their tickets available

They keep calling and saying hey, we've never had so many tickets There were any more tickets available We would set a new record for the most available tickets, but they added a Thursday, so that's good But they added a Thursday, so that's good. Who's we white man? They said, hey, we added a Thursday. I said, who's we white man? What do you mean you added a Thursday? So Thursday, Friday, Saturday at Bridgeport, Connecticut,

then running down to Newport for the Rogue Island Comedy Festival, bumping around Newport for a couple of days, going to pop into Boston, me, Bobby and Lon, they're gonna have dinner, then we're going to Sharpie's wedding, and then the next weekend, Becker, you know where I'm gonna be, tell them where I'm gonna be, Becker.

The weekend after that? That's right, where are we going after? Key West. No, Becker. I'm done. Am I off by a week and a half? Come on, Becker, no. I don't have your dates memorized. Why not, Becker?

You have two jobs. And you didn't do one of them, which was bring me six hot dogs. Oh yeah. Savannah, Georgia. Those tickets are flying. North Charleston, North Carolina. Charleston, North Carolina. Philadelphia. Get on those please. Helium. San Diego. Tampa. Florida. Denver. I'm coming home for Thanksgiving Springfield Springfield, Missouri god damn it Springfield, Missouri Can't wait to come back to Springfield man Dallas, Texas just added it hyenas Milwaukee Honolulu Sam talent comm Becker Tell them where you're gonna be Sam talent comm Becker

Tell them where you're gonna be Oh, yeah, Key West we're going to key we're going to key where for wide world Yeah, thank you all for listening and watching we better have hit an hour We're just gonna say we have no Becker. We are not doing that. I worked so hard For the first 50 minutes of this podcast You can fill the last two minutes Becker If that is, I, it's not even two minutes. It's like seconds. Keep your finger off that button or it's going in your own eye. I will take that finger and I will jam it in your nose, up into your brain.

And I will lobotomize you forcefully and they won't be able to tell I had anything to do with it. Cause I'll just think you were picking your fucking nose. Cause you ran out of, you know, muffin bites. We've hit it, right?