Circling Back - Egg McMuffins & Diego The Tortoise
Episode Date: June 17, 2020The Aunt Jemimah brand is done, Chris D'Elia is a confirmed creep, the Egg McMuffin Cop is having a tough day on Twitter, Diego The Tortoise has officially retired, and This Weekend in Fun presented b...y Vizzy. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (13:04) Chris D'Elia, Egg McMuffin Cop, & Aunt Jemima (45:20) Diego The Tortoise (53:25) Buffalo Stampede (1:00:08) This Weekend in Fun Presented by Vizzy Vizzy: To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com Quip: www.getquip.com/circlingback (FREE REFILL) Hello Tushy: www.hellotushy.com/circling (10% off) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
all right we're back circling back podcast coming to you live from the lodge my name is
will to freeze my right david ruff i got great news this morning will hit me they finally mowed
the park across from my house really it's It's been about a month. The grass was getting a little tall.
Bugs were getting heavy.
And now all the boys and girls and dogs and cats are free to roam around there without the fear of a snake in the grass.
Gardener snakes, venomous rat snakes, all that stuff, you know.
Are there any gardener snakes?
Rat snakes aren't venomous.
No, the venomous rat snake.
I asked if there were any gardener snakes. Yeah, I said venomous. No, the venomous rat snake. I asked if there were any gardener snakes.
Yeah, I said that.
Oh, I said garter.
But there are garterer snakes, gardener snakes as well.
Wow.
There's a lot happening over there.
The garter snakes, they throw it to their buddies when they're done.
It's a subspecies.
That's so stupid.
It's a game they play.
It's kind of like horseshoes.
You just throw the garter.
Actually, the garter is when they shed their skin,
and they sling it at their boys.
Yeah.
What up, Dylan Chivary?
Then they just put it on their head and then hit the dance floor afterward.
Exactly.
That's what they do.
Dude, that's a creepy move.
Is that a creep move?
I haven't seen that done in a long time.
The tie off, and then you tie it around your head move,
and then you go hit the electric slide.
That's the wedding move.
It's a classic.
It's a classic move.
Like, oh, you must be drunk by this point, sir.
That's the funny guy at the wedding.
We get it.
You're drinking.
That's the funny single guy that everybody will remember.
You must have hit the open bar a few times.
We understand what's going on here.
Hey, guys.
I'm glad to be here, too.
Cool.
Is there anyone else that you just want to shit on for having a good time?
Is the biggest power move you can pull at an open bar just to bring your own flask and don't even go up there?
I don't know.
Do people do that?
I don't know.
Somebody's probably done it.
It's just totally unnecessary.
I know.
Yeah, you don't need to be doing that.
I'm glad you guys dropped some cash, but I'm good.
You guys didn't have the gym beam I wanted. There's always a guy who tries to order shots. They don't need to be doing that. I'm glad you guys dropped some cash, but I'm good. You guys didn't have the Jim Beam I wanted.
There's always a guy who tries to order shots,
and they don't do shots at open bars.
He's like, here, here's 20 bucks.
They'll pour you like a neat on ice, and you just have to pound it.
You're like, you know I'm going to pound this either way.
You could just put it in the shot glass.
They get it.
Was there a bar at my wedding?
There's nowhere to walk up and get a was there was there a bar at my wedding like there's nowhere to walk up and get a drink was there they just kept the staff was was keeping them very attentive i just just realized
that like you took a sip of your wine and they would just they would replace that sip oh yeah
no i mean like yeah you look down and there's six glasses of wine yeah they were they were pouring
did you walk to the back of that building?
Yes.
And see how many people were part of that operation and how big it was?
I might have missed that.
I walked back there looking for the men's room,
and I walked into the kitchen, and there was like 40 people back there.
They had like an entire roster.
Like bigger than the wedding.
Yeah.
Shouts.
They were ready.
They were ready to rock, man.
Probably COVID ground zero
you know who do you know what we just did we just gave brett scaryman the uh the dylan chivery
treatment yeah yeah well welcome back welcome back to the stew what to do dog i've ended my
holdout thanks for the new contract yeah putting up numbers this year now wow good for you man
that's big i like the the idea of Brett holding out.
I don't.
Just hold down. Don't encourage that.
Actually, no, yeah.
Just hold out
on the couch out there.
Yeah, good to be back.
Can I give some
major programming notes?
Uh, fine.
Yesterday,
the stream room,
live on Patreon,
patreon.com
slash circling back podcast.
We did Out Cold
tomorrow,
or next week,
next Tuesday,
we're doing Dazed and Confused.
You guys ever seen that movie before?
Oh, yeah.
I need to.
You've never seen it?
Dude, what's...
Okay.
Get out.
I feel like it's a little before my time.
A bunch of dudes just opened a new tab in their browser and typed in R-E-D-D-I-T just
to go scorch.
It's a timeless high school...
Did you not have VH1 growing up? No, I did. I mean, it was just kind of a little out of the... IT just to go scorch. It's a timeless high school whatever.
Did you not have VH1 growing up?
No, I did.
I mean, it was just kind of a little out of the way. That was always on VH1.
Always on VH1, dude.
It's like 93.
Don't even bother renting it.
If you need to watch it for Tuesday,
just toss on VH1.
Does that still exist?
Does VH1 still exist?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I said that way too quickly and confidently.
I have no fucking clue.
I have no idea.
Yeah, VH1 exists.
Here's why Days of Confused is perfect for this, what we're doing.
Yes, it came out in the 90s.
So, you know, right in the middle of our nostalgia period.
But it's not a 90s period piece.
It is a late 70s.
So it's not like you have to deal with um what because i said period piece
oh i saw you i thought you were about to no i'm looking at photos from this
it also has they called dylan that back in the day oh come on it also has two like power actors
who were just getting started ben affleck and matthew mcconaughey and jason london jason yeah and Matthew McConaughey. And Jason London. Yeah, Jason London as well. And, of course, Jason London.
And also the young lady who gets confused with Renee Zellweger.
I don't know who you're talking about.
The blonde.
Rye, you freshman pigs.
Dude, it's hard to say.
There's the blonde who's in my crew.
I didn't know she was confused with Renee Zellweger.
We'll sort that out on Tuesday.
Yeah, we will.
Come on, Dave.
Let's just do it now.
Yeah, should we just recap it now?
You don't have anywhere to be, Dylan?
Are we a Jason London stand podcast?
Yeah, we only do Jason London.
London's called.
J-Lon?
We're not doing J-Lon.
We can get them on, dude.
Should we do Fast Times at some point, too?
That's going even further back.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
80s. Should we do a ladies-themed ladies themed dude I want to do clueless it's on that watch that recently it's on Netflix no actually I
have very fond memories of that movie as if oh my god oh he's not of clueless, Brett's here. This guy's here. Zing.
Good point on top.
Bang!
I don't think that deserves a bang.
I just don't think that was a bang.
It was a bang, dude.
You just got banged six minutes and nine seconds into this.
Jeez.
Oh, man.
We also got happy hour live tonight.
If you haven't gotten your dinner in, it's probably too late.
But, you know, if you cooked something up last night and randomly took a picture of it, toss it on Twitter.
A number of people were doing this last night.
Last night was apparently a big night to cook in our audience because there's some good good getting pushed around there.
I'm going to start making people write the dates on a piece of paper and put it with their meal just to make sure that they're not going their backlog.
Set it next to today's newspaper.
You take your pictures.
You can pretty much do anything at this point.
If you have a dope-ass dinner, we're going to be happy to rate that.
Dylan mentioned a newspaper.
How much do you think a newspaper, maybe the Wall Street Journal,
would cost you from, say, Barnes & Noble?
$5.
$3.99?
$9.99.
Huh.
Was that the weekend edition?
I don't think so.
No, because it had the Supreme Court stuff in there.
That's too much money.
Yeah, I bought it, though.
Not to flex, but I really wanted to read the paper and not read it on a screen.
I just wanted to mix it up.
Get some ink on your fingers?
Huh?
Get some ink on your fingers?
No, I wanted to get the silly putty and flatten it over
oh that was that was always tight read it off the putty that was a very tight move nice but yeah so
uh i'm well read yeah learned my parents give me a subscription to our hometown newspaper every year
for my birthday and i love it it's so much better i have to read it a week late but it's not it's
local news i don't care if it's a week late like there's an issue didn't they like stop delivering
it to you?
No, that was the New York Times.
The failing New York Times, David.
They failed because they stopped delivering it to you.
And they could never figure out how to get it from them to my apartment.
It's hard.
And then other people started having the issue.
And I was in the comments of our apartment thing like, dude, I'm having the same issue.
And I was really trying to put the heat on.
And our apartment tried. They did everything they could but wasn't gonna happen
they couldn't get it there but I do love getting the daily email asking me to renew my subscription
it's really cool oh yeah I was just trying to get the weekend one I didn't even want I don't want
I don't want a daily newspaper I just want the weekend my dad so has it like dropped at his like
on his driveway which not many people are doing that anymore no he asked
me to go pick it up when he's out of town so like you know people don't break in is there anything
more iconic than tony walking out in the driveway with his robe on to get the paper no that's the
move man coffee coffee in one hand did you coffee i'm not familiar with that show too much
what surprise i mean i haven't like watched it all the way through i don't know if you i mean I'm not familiar with that show What? Sopranos?
I mean I haven't
Like watched it
All the way through
I don't know if he
I mean I don't know if he brought it out there
He would just walk out there
Looking just like shit
Yeah
Yeah
He was always
Too hungover to make coffee
Well baked potatoes
Not me
You know what I mean
Got it right here
Oh wow
Congratulations for not being hungover
On a Wednesday Dylan
It's a first You know what I mean? Got it right here. Oh, wow. Congratulations for not being hung over on a Wednesday, Dylan.
It's a first.
We got a new sponsor, Dylan.
New sponsor alert?
Mm-hmm.
Kind of new sponsor alert.
Well, new sponsor for circling back.
New sponsor.
Just go with it.
I have a question.
I have a question.
Do you have a butthole, Dylan?
You know I do.
Then this ad is for you.
It's hard to believe that when we go to the bathroom in this country, most of us wipe instead of wash.
Can you imagine being a wiper?
Dude, they said something good on the onboarding call for this.
If a bird poops on you, do you just wipe it off with a piece of paper?
Exactly.
Exactly.
I sure don't.
Exactly.
I wash that off. For years, bidets have been available, but hideously expensive, costing thousands of dollars.
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Does that sound like something that would interest all of you?
The idea of a clean butthole sounds very intriguing.
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And this is all thanks to Hello Tushy.
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I have.
They got bidets everywhere.
You know I have.
More than once, actually.
Oh, yeah.
Va bene.
This thing attaches to your existing toilet and requires no electricity or additional
plumbing, and it cuts the toilet paper used by 80%, so the Hello Tushy bidet pays for itself in just a few months.
Like Vabute.
I don't even know what that means.
Boutte.
Major shots of Vabute.
It's a boutte joke because we're doing the butt thing.
Like, ditch the paper products, guys.
We're trying to go green here.
We do have that green initiative.
Yeah.
And Hello Tushy is just amplifying it.
I'm so pumped because if we can't get Dylan to bleach,
we can at least get him to wash
imagine just walking around
without like the cleanest butthole
you can have
it's a level of confidence
that few have reached
ugh
get out of here
yeah and Sally
Sally will randomly buy
like trash toilet paper
every once in a while
and it's like
now I don't even have to worry about that
you like put it on your hand
you can see the lines
on your hand through it
it's like dude
what's going on get Get out of here.
Stop. Stop.
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I've got a question that kind of relates to this. What's the etiquette? Say you put this,
the tushy, ad is done, but if you put a bidet feature into a bathroom and it's not your master
bathroom, let's say it's your guest one. Is it weird if guests use it too?
If you're staying, I think you have to be an overnight guest.
Overnights only.
And you have to ensure that it's been cleaned.
I think it's a little strange to attach this to your guest bathroom.
Yeah.
You've got to go master with that.
What if there's a member of your household who's not really it doesn't really trust you with your handiwork and doesn't really think you can put it into the you know things
you're gonna screw something hypothetically speaking by the way i got you a tushy like
wink wink you need time to get clean sure yeah i'm tired i'm tired of washing the streaks out
of your undies you okay i'm just saying man it happens stre happens. Streaks. Skidmarks.
You're way too comfortable with that.
It's dad stuff.
You know, being a dad, you become pretty comfortable with poop and vomit and stuff like that.
Yeah, unfortunately.
Or when you party hard like you do. So when Stella was puking and pooping the other day, was that just like whatever?
Yeah.
Honestly, it's like, yeah.
Honestly, I'm somewhat numb to it now.
Dylan's washing Stella with his bidet. Yeah. Yeah. It honestly, like, I'm just, I'm somewhat numb to it now. Dylan's washing Stella with his bidet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, when kids start to eat, like.
Stop.
When kids start to eat, like, real food as opposed to, you know, like, baby food and stuff.
The poops start to get really smelly, man.
That makes sense.
Poop smells.
Yeah.
It's waste.
Anyway, we don't have to keep talking about poop.
Hey, did you guys log on to Twitter.com this morning when you woke up like I did?
Sure did.
The trending topics.
I really enjoy when the trending topics when I wake up every morning are hashtag Wednesday
thoughts, hashtag Wednesday vibes.
Tuesday vibes was trending yesterday.
Yeah, yesterday the number one trending topic when we got into the studio was hashtag Tuesday
vibes.
I couldn't be less on board with Tuesday vibes.
What is a Tuesday vibe? I don't know. Well, this morning we had something the studio was hashtag Tuesday vibes. I couldn't be less on board with Tuesday vibes. What is a Tuesday vibe?
I don't know.
Well, this morning we had something different.
We had several people.
I don't know if they were getting canceled.
Well, one of them was definitely getting canceled.
One of them is getting pre-canceled, I'd say, and the other one is just getting flamed.
Wait, dude, so I think I only know two of the three here.
Is this news segment canceled, pre-canceled, and flamed?
Yeah, so the first one.
I'm not about that cancel culture life.
I think it is toxic.
But we have to confront the news that's in front of us.
Well, I'm now looking at the run sheet, and yes.
So Chris D'Elia.
Is that how you say his last name?
D'Elia?
D'Elia?
D'Elia.
Stand-up comic and actor Chris D'Elia.
He's getting canceled.
This dropped last night.
It dropped last night.
I was playing some COD.
He's getting exposed as um a sexual
predator of of sorts i guess he goes after he goes after young women um he emails them he texts
them he dms them when he's touring around and he tries to sleep with very young girls he will say
that 17 is too young for him in text messages, but then he will just keep texting. Yeah, like, oh, yeah.
Calling you cute.
Right.
Doing stuff like that.
Yeah.
How old is Chris D'Elia?
Hard to say.
He's mid to late 30s.
What?
I don't know.
I always thought he was old.
He looks 40.
Oh, he's 40?
He's 40.
He's 40.
Ooh.
Okay.
That's even worse.
So, I will give Dylan this.
Dylan was early on being out on Chris D d'elea yeah i think he came
up on when we did ross's pod uh like four or five months ago whenever it was he came up yes he was
a trending topic yeah and for something else and dylan you were out on him from the get-go yeah
he's always rubbed me the wrong way because of how he treats his fans
and just his general attitude toward everyone is just
very poor um i admit that he can be funny at times he's got some some funny bits i get it
but the guy his attitude toward people like i remember there's one he posted an instagram story
someone had just come up to him on the street to like say hi whatever like hey can i get a
picture with you or something and he was totally just offended that someone would interrupt his day like dude these are the people who are literally
paying i feel like i'm gonna be on the wrong side here i feel like some of that shtick i don't think
it is i feel like that's like kind of his thing he's leaning into and maybe you can fault him for
leaning into that because he said something like that's kind of part of his deal he said something
like you want you want to hear me like make jokes pay for it here's a link to you know my my next my
next show or whatever he's a grime boy he's he's just a dickhead he's unappreciative like
when you've reached success in the entertainment industry and you're not appreciative toward the
people who put you there i have a big problem with that. He is going to, it's going to be interesting to see the people who
have to speak on this.
So he dated Whitney Cummings for a time.
They had that show together too.
You guys know her, noted female comedian.
I like her a lot.
She's super funny.
She's a really good Rogan guest also.
But he is also in that Rogan,
not in like the super friends inner circle of Rogan, but he is also in that rogan not in like the super friends inner
circle of rogan but he is in that world like buddies with shop brennan schaub and all those
guys brian callen so that's going to be pretty interesting to see how they handle it not that
it really i don't know i feel like people look to them and you know especially joe 100 million
dollar man hundo big boy stacks big boy
stacks yeah but yeah i i was never that big of a fan of his stand-up stuff i've never followed
chris delia i've never watched like a full stand-up from him my exposure to him is just through like
the random stuff that he's been in his wasn't he he was big on uh vine wasn't he? I don't know.
TikTok or Vine?
I think he might have gone off on Vine for a little bit.
And then, yeah, I was talking about Huge in France,
the Netflix series where he plays himself and he does stand-up.
And just that amount of exposure to him on that show,
I was like, I just don't really like him that much.
Did you guys watch You?
You!
No.
Different You. Oh.
You know, he has like seven different pitches
yeah darvish i got it i got that so in the show you he was he was on a few episodes he had a guest
appearance on the show and he played a stand-up comic who was a sexual predator how do you do that
yeah he played he went by a different name in the show, so he didn't technically play himself, but he played himself.
If I'm an actor and I'm of his stature, like his fame,
and somebody offers me a role where I'm a sexual predator,
unless it's like a role where I'm like, you know what,
this could be awards season for me.
Unless it's that, I'm going to be like, you know what, I'm good.
He apparently played a very similar role in Workaholics.
He played. Like just a creep? I'm good. He apparently played a very similar role in Workaholics. He played...
Like just a creep?
I think he played like a sexual predator in that.
I don't know.
That's what I'm reading on Twitter.
Pick up artist vibes in Workaholics.
According to that one conservative pundit on Twitter,
you shouldn't play deplorable characters when you're acting
like the Sons of Anarchy guy.
Because, you know, that means that that's you.
Art imitates life, apparently.
Wow.
Makes you think.
Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
I already fucked you to this guy.
Yeah.
There's too much.
The threads that are coming out,
SheRatesDogs has a good one.
Okay, is that what spawned this?
Yes.
Because that was the top tweet.
Can somebody give me a little background on SheRatesDogs?
Yes.
SheRatesDogs is a play on WeRateD Rate Dogs, which is a very popular Twitter account where they rate dogs.
And the funny thing about that Twitter account is that they always do something over 10, like 11 on it.
Oh.
10 of 10 would pet.
Dude, that's Chad's boy.
I know.
I know.
Is it really?
They've had some issues in the past, We Rate Dogs.
Really?
Issues in the past.
We rate dogs.
Really?
At one point, they got outed for changing names from names that were maybe considered to be black names.
And they would change the name of the dog to something that was more like Maggie.
To like Kyle or something.
Tanner.
And it was just like, why are you guys doing this?
What?
Yeah, they were doing that.
And it kind of just went away.
You know what? I feel like we talked about this like two years ago, and I'm kind of remembering it.
Yeah.
That's a really weird thing to do.
Well, She Rates Dogs popped up, and it was just, I don't know who runs it.
I don't know if they make it public who runs it, but they pretty much just expose guys for being like assholes.
It's essentially just like a fuckboy.
Dogs in this case is not actual dogs.
Oh, I did not know that.
I really thought it was just like a spinoff, like a funny comedic version is not actual dogs. Oh. I did not know that. I really thought it was just like a spinoff,
like a funny comedic version of actual dogs.
No, no, no.
The dogs are the guys.
Okay.
Arf, arf.
They're in the dog house, baby.
We some dogs.
Oh.
D-A-W.
Yeah, you don't want to be featured on that, though.
If you're featured on that, then things aren't going well.
Okay.
So we...
She's dragging Chris.
I'm showing my ass here.
I'm an idiot.
So it was somebody who maybe sent that gossip or that information to the SheRatesDogs account.
It wasn't necessarily the person who runs that account had the first hand.
Correct.
The accounts are snowballing at this point.
A couple hit the internet, and then people are like, oh, I had an encounter with him years ago too.
And what's interesting is the timestamps on these conversations, people are cross-referencing them with his past tour dates.
So he was in Tempe in July of 2016.
Was Tempe an actual place that was talked about?
Because the first thing I thought of when you started saying that was Tempe.
I think so.
Had to have been in one of those texts.
So it's matching up.
This stuff looks like it's pretty legit.
He's been silent on Twitter.
He hasn't liked any tweets in over 24 hours.
His most recent tweet is a quote tweet of someone's kid, which it's a very innocent tweet, I think.
It says, I love this kid.
Yeah, it's an innocent tweet, but it's a tough look
when people are roasting him for being a predator
and then you go to his profile
and that's the first one.
Is there any evidence
that he actually followed through on these?
Hard to say.
Are there people like,
oh yeah, no, we definitely slept together.
The original text that spiraled all this was a text that was about how he called up somebody to his hotel room to check out his AC unit.
And then he exposed himself to that person.
That's very bad.
That is major Louis C.K. shit.
Yeah.
Where is Louis C.K. at right now?
See, he's not like in prison, right?
No, no. He's dude he's actually
doing comedy yeah got it okay he was apparently going to like small clubs and doing like small
shows and trying to work his way back in i think he kind of has the i think he has some some pretty
big hitters in hollywood that are supporting him and like acknowledging that he's trying to change
but i could be wrong in that i feel like i mean rogan rogan has been like out there like saying like hey you know give him a chance in other words but
didn't chapelle do some kind of stand-up about him i could be wrong he probably what i think in
one of the when he released like the three on netflix like a year ago or whenever it was
i feel like louis was did y you all watch the new Chappelle?
Yeah.
On Netflix's Joke YouTube?
It's fucking intense.
Yeah.
It's pretty powerful.
Yeah.
Yes, it's powerful.
You don't go there to watch Dave Chappelle riff and just drop jokes.
He's going –
I'll check it out.
He yells into the mic at one point just just pretty adamant about racial injustices.
It's good.
It's a very good-
Chappelle and Louis were buddies.
I think they came up together.
Do you guys hear about the Aunt Jemima news?
Fuck Chris D'Elia.
Can I admit something else?
I didn't realize Aunt Jemima was still-
I didn't realize it wasemima was still around.
Oh, it's still around.
I'm more of an organic syrup guy when I do my peanut butter and syrup sandwiches,
trying to put on mass.
Okay, I see you.
Yeah, Aunt Jemima's canceled.
Actually, they're canceling themselves.
Preemptive cancel.
Yeah, they're canceling just for future backlash.
I mean, I'm sure they've already had a lot of backlash anyway,
but they're like, you know, we're going to retire this brand,
and they're donating $5 million over the next five years, I think,
to black causes, which is great.
Good for them.
But yeah, no more Aunt Jemima. They have acknowledged that the brand is based on a racial stereotype.
I think that's fair.
Owned by PepsiCo.
Oh, no.
PepsiCo is the parent company of Quaker Oats,
which owns Ancient Monuments.
What's the new name going to be?
Dude, hard to say.
Maybe they're doing a contest.
Like, okay.
I know the answer to this,
but how did it make it this long?
I don't know.
Yeah, and now after somebody,
I think Randy, before we started recording,
was like, what about Uncle Ben's?
And now people are all looking at Uncle Ben's being like, tic-tac, you know.
Come on, dog.
Okay.
Yeah.
We're ready.
Oh.
Man.
No one's safe right now.
And Jemima.
She's been in the syrup game forever, man.
1926.
Really?
Wow.
That's a lot of syrup. slinging that syrup man yep time to
go organic though like dave sure they're completely does texas have maple trees though
hard to say no one really knows you want me to bring some back from michigan i guess i can just
bring back like a vat will you just do me a favor and just go hammer a pipe into a tree and just
suck down that syrup and then just baby bird it into a bottle for me or just go hammer a pipe into a tree and just suck down that syrup and then just baby bird
it into a bottle for me or just like build a pipe all the way to texas like they do with the water
and you have to eminent domain a bunch of people's property yeah but i mean it's worth it get that
syrup down here just do it don't even ask questions what if you human decanted the syrup
i had to so i had to recently that's it i had to recently uh tell
sally that she needed to stop talking about human decanting in public uh it all came to a head when
we were doing our family zoom call what came to a head oh i didn't mean that uh i did not mean that
oh yeah right on but yeah we were at a family zoom call and somebody and sally brought it up
and started explaining it to all my relatives, some of which are older.
And I just walked out away from the computer.
I was like, yeah, I can't be around for this.
Like, I know my aunts and uncles too well for this.
You got to think syrup would be a tougher substance to get up in there.
You know, it's gelatinous properties.
Viscosity is too high or low.
Anybody who didn't enjoy our human decanting line of humor,
it's Sally's fault.
I'll say it.
She's the one who gave us that story.
Did people not like it?
There's one person
who's repulsed by it.
Probably more than that,
but one vocal.
It's repulsive.
Yeah, it's repulsive.
It's in a fun way.
But we had to cover it.
We have an obligation.
And it was our first day
back in the studio.
Yeah.
Yeah, we weren't going to
just come in here and not talk about it.
We had to let it rip. Yeah, sally yesterday that i was like sally
i have some bad news you have to stop talking about human decanting in a public forum i was
like i you're like she has that she has the kind of doctor complex where she thinks that like she
doesn't think about how other people aren't numb to this stuff at this point anatomy and so she'll
just tell revolting stories and like show a picture of like something that she saw online and i'm just like yeah other people aren't as numb to like
open wounds as you please don't do this man i can't hear you say that word without thinking
of lincoln park just want to let you know that what numb rest and rest in peace, Chester. Oh, it was sad.
Damn.
Yeah.
Dude, that Jay-Z Linkin Park album absolutely slapped.
Not to disrespect, I never cared for it.
I never had a Linkin Park phase.
I didn't either, but I liked the combo platter.
I got out of...
It was a combo platter.
It was a double dipper i got out of the um
whatever new metal game before lincoln park blew up i think i was when i realized like they were
blowing up and everybody was liking them i was like yeah i'm done in eighth grade i was on a bus
and we were coming back from a school trip and the girl that i had a crush on at the time was
sitting next to me and she had a cd player nice and i was going to ask her to be my girlfriend
on that bus ride and i did end up doing that but the one
hesitation I had was when I saw her press play the song that came on on her
headphones was crawling in my skin by Linkin Park and I was like man I just
don't know if I should be dating someone that's like raging Linkin Park on a
school trip right now it's hardcore it's funny you say that there was a girl that
I went to school with that way back in the day who was just smoking hot.
But her favorite band was Blink-182, and it was such a turnoff.
Legit was such a turnoff.
I don't understand how anyone could listen to this music.
I wish I was making that up.
Do you think she's going to be listening to Bon Jovi or something?
Bone Thugs or whatever, like I was.
No, it was just I never understood it.
I still don't understand it, how people enjoy that music,
but it's whatever.
She was a skater girl.
She said, see you later, girl.
Yeah, see, that's just awful.
That's Avril.
That's Avril.
She's dead, unfortunately.
Should we get to the final Twitter exposure from last night?
The McDonald's cop.
Is that why Officer Karen is trending?
Yes.
Sounds like it, yeah.
I feel like her name's not Karen.
Yeah, I don't think her name's Karen.
Actually, on a similar Zoom call that we had,
my Aunt Karen asked us to describe the Karen thing.
We were like, yeah, it's not a good time to be Karen right now.
I'm sorry.
Tough.
She was like, this is too bad.
Tough scene for Karen.
Yeah, my Aunt Karen's like, she's so nice.
Yeah, there's some nice Karens out there, I'm sure.
I have nothing bad to say about my Aunt Karen.
She's just getting, yeah, she's getting killed.
What's the male equivalent to a Karen?
Todd.
A Todd?
No, there is one.
I just, I feel like it might be either Kyle or Todd.
Kyle's like a younger person's name, though.
You don't meet many Kyles over the age of 40.
You just do Mike.
Not many.
Ben Dujo is only like 26, right? I don't meet many Kyles over the age of 40. You just do Mike. Not many. Ben Dujo is only like 26, right?
I don't know.
I always...
He's shockingly young.
No, he's not 26.
I don't know.
Like he's not 30.
He just texted me.
Want me to just ask him?
How old are you?
Just get him on.
Tell him to call in.
We'll ask him how old he is.
How old are you, Kyle?
Settle the debate.
Yeah, no, it's Stacy is the officer's name.
She does not have it going on.
Well.
Mom does, though.
So do we play the audio?
It's two minutes.
I don't know if we do or not.
Let's not play the audio just because we don't have it set up right now to do that.
And it is too.
Oh, we don't?
How do we not have that? We can play the audio. Do you want me to play it? No, we don't how do we don't have that we can play the audio do you want
me to play we don't have to i just don't know i it's just so just describe it it's 12 hours the
number one trending topic on twitter right now so just you know go click that and just watch the
video essentially it's just a this cop and she goes mcdonald's and she placed the order on her
mobile app and unfortunately uh she was asked to pull forward because her order wasn't ready and
there's some confusion regarding the order.
And she took that as that they were poisoning her food and not that they were being every fast food restaurant in the history of fast food restaurants that ask you to pull forward and wait for your food.
Yeah, this happened.
One out of every, I would say, four fast food excursions results in you being asked to pull up, especially if you go during a busy time, breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
Like, go ahead.
Do you mind pulling up or maybe around?
We'll bring it out to you.
Very common.
I used to get annoyed and now it's just like standard protocol.
I enjoy it.
Now I'm like, whatever.
I'll toss on a pod and just listen.
I'm going to tell this to the officer.
Don't go to Popeye's.
I was going to say the exact same thing.
Like, her life would be shattered if she went to Popeye's and saw the service there.
Yeah, this is a – can I say, like, while this is sad, it's like I don't –
I feel like you don't need to be on the streets serving in a police officer capacity
if, like, this has got you to a breaking point.
Yeah, if this rattles you so much then
like what else is going to rattle so like the last minute is her saying that so they brought
out her coffee to her they didn't bring her uh what was it egg mcmuffin muffin on a on an english
muffin by the way um and she was i guess she didn't ask like hey where's the rest of my order
she said she was too anxious too nervous too and she's like borderline shaking and she's like in tears and it's just like
yeah you have a tough job but this this is not that different of an interaction than
that 95 of the people i mean fast food like we were saying like read the room like look at all
that's happening right now you can't complain you just can't you can't do this like your 10 minutes
kind of pales in comparison to the hundreds of years of racial injustice that have been going on in the United States.
You look like a total moron.
Yeah, but she had to eat breakfast.
I will say, the people that are actually trying to fuck with cops' meals at these places, that's really messed up.
Oh, yeah.
That's really messed up.
The people at Shake Shack got cleared for allegedly putting bleach into drinks.
I don't really know the full details of that, but if that's actually happening, that's fucked up.
But you can't just assume because you're waiting 10 minutes at McDonald's that they're poisoning your meal.
Yeah, we don't know what the hell is going on here.
It could just be that it's really inefficient.
Very likely that nothing sketchy was happening with her food.
Yeah, that's the concern here.
She's not worried about the time.
No.
She's worried about somebody's doing something to her food.
People on Twitter feel, I feel like they're like,
about the time piece of this.
I can understand the hesitation of a cop to go somewhere like that right now based on the news.
Like that would freak me out a little bit.
But there's a really simple solution to that.
Just make some eggs at home
and have a cup of coffee
in the comfort of your own home.
If you're so nervous
that you're going to post a two-minute video crying,
then I think you just need to take this home.
Get you an oat mega bar.
This does suck for all the good cops out there.
I agree. I totally agree.
It does, because obviously most cops are good people.
Yeah.
And what's going on, it's unfortunate.
It really is.
So I get it.
But this is a video that if she sent this to anybody and they're like,
you should post this.
You've got to surround yourself with a better team right now.
Hey, don't post this.
It's going to end badly.
Can I just put out a blanket statement?
I don't want my peace officers doing vlogs while they're on on shift prefer yeah her radio's
going off you can i don't want i don't want you vlogging and i definitely don't want you uh
freaking out because you had to wait a little long for your for your breakfast at mcdonald's
not chick this was chick-fil-a i'd be like oh something's up it's chick-fil-a they're boom
right there you don't wait you might wait 30 seconds But this is McDonald's. That's a really good point.
Yeah, if it's Chick-fil-A, then you get to do a vlog.
Yeah, then you vlog.
But I want less vlogging from my civil servants, I guess.
I feel like if I was crying in a Popeye's parking lot, I feel like the Popeye's employees would bring me out of the car and be like, stop crying.
I probably have. Don't cry right now.
Popeye's parking lot.
They discipline me because they don't mess around.
And I like that about that.
Dude, we just gave you like five extra strips.
Just get out of here.
I don't complain when they short me on strips because they always give me so many every other time.
I'm like, you know what?
You're at a net gain, like historically.
You've been shorted on strips?
I thought that was just like not in their ethos.
I got ethos.
Ethos?
All right.
Poor Brett.
Both?
That Popeyes might be getting a visit today on Ben White.
Dude, you can't do Popeyes on a Wednesday.
Why not, dude?
You can do whatever you want, man.
I had leftover King Ranch casserole last night from Micah.
He made it on Thursday and I ate it on a Tuesday.
And I texted Dylan.
Dylan didn't respond for 10 minutes because I was just trying to get some clearance from, like, a dad whether or not this was safe to eat.
Dylan didn't respond for 10 minutes.
And by the time he did respond saying, no, I wouldn't eat that, I had already finished the entire bowl.
Sally, on the other hand, was like, yeah, that's fine.
My left leg has never been more asleep than it is right now, and it feels really uncomfortable.
Try to do a stranger?
Oh, my gosh.
No.
Can I read a tweet that I thought was humorous from our friend
at NotJackKemp?
A lot of takeaways from McDonald's crying officer video,
but this one is going to go unsaid if I don't do it.
If you order a breakfast sandwich with the English muffin instead of a biscuit,
I don't trust you to do any job, let alone an important one.
Hate that take.
Oh, that's not a good take.
I agree.
That's not a good take.
Hate that take.
Dave, I'm with you.
No.
Dude, the sausage McMuffin with egg, which is served on an English muffin, is delicious.
English muffin, something about it, it just doesn't do it for me.
You hate the English we get.
Oh, you just don't like the butter just getting into the crevices?
Yeah.
It scratches the roof of your mouth.
No, it doesn't.
You're eating trash English muffins.
Barrett would come across the table at you right now if he was sitting here.
Well, you know what, man?
Put some respect on English muffins, David.
English muffins are incredible.
The biscuit's great, too.
Jake does have a longstanding history of beefing with the English people.
That's understandable.
I get it.
I just...
Dude, just like a good biscuit, though?
Yeah, I'm not going to fault that.
But my concern with biscuits at fast food restaurants is that they're just going to be so dry.
Parks was peeking his head up.
So I was waving to him. him look my son looking ass yeah
little guy so when we get the other room set up are we just gonna twitch parks yeah dude how funny
would that be dude be great yeah if he'd end up going like mega viral and we'd like the leading
you can't do you can't broadcast parks the leading the leading like uh money getter for us would just
end up being parks twitching it'd be funny because when he when he plays like he plays this
Jurassic Park Lego game it's pretty cool actually and he just narrate he tells me what he's doing
if I'm in the kitchen doing something he'll just be like dad this is what I'm doing throughout the
inside it's really funny so he would be electric on Twitch. It's cool that he involves you.
Yeah, he does.
You know what would be a great steamer?
Are you okay over there?
What?
Is he not involving you anymore? Well, no.
So many kids are just glued down and just...
They don't talk to you.
Oh, he will not stop talking when he's playing.
It's funny.
No, we're not...
We had a fight a couple weeks ago.
We haven't talked.
I'm sorry.
That's why we haven't...
He was telling me about it.
Yeah, it's fine.
You guys just need to talk it out.
I try to tell them that Arby's is not doing the five for five anymore,
which they're not.
They haven't done it for a long, long time.
Sit down and just finally just talk it out.
I'm over it, dude.
All right.
We need a stream of revenue, and it's just Stelly, Rosie, and Randy.
Stelly?
Stelly?
Stelly, Rosie.
I don't hate Stelly.
Stello, Rosie, and Randy just on Twitch.
Just chilling.
Yeah, just hanging out in there.
Oh, when we used to take Rosie to a daycare place in Fort Worth,
I would just watch the webcams at Grand X.
I'd have one screen with my work, and then the other screen at my desk
was just Rosie running around all day.
It was great.
You just know the other dogs, too, so you know the characters.
Oh, yeah.
I knew, like, oh, that dog's mean to Rosie.
Better get away.
One time, Rosie disappeared off the screen for two hours, and so we called. I knew like oh that dog's mean to Rosie better get away. One time like Rosie
disappeared off the screen
for like two hours
and so we called.
I was like hey
why's she not playing?
And they were like
oh she nipped at another dog earlier
so we had to put her in timeout.
That's bad girl shit.
Damn.
It's like yeah
keep her in timeout.
Bad bitches only.
But yeah
in closing
this officer
probably needs some treatment.
And I feel bad that she's in that spot, but she does not need to be on the streets.
She's going to end up quitting, and it's going to be sad.
Yeah.
It's going to be weird, and whatever.
Just don't post a video.
You know what's going to happen?
Some local business is going to see this and be like,
we'll give you free breakfast for a year.
Yep.
To all the...
That's the move, actually.
Yeah.
She just needs to chill.
In high school, we had...
So, you know, cop cars, they can get free car washes a lot of places.
Somehow, we got our hands on the code that you punch in
at one of the Chevrons by our high school.
Dude, that's a good move. We were just lined up getting free car washes which is stealing
i get it yeah dylan come on i'm not proud of it i'm just wasting water as well it's it's it wasn't
the right thing to do but dude back in the day like you couldn't afford a car wash without that
oh it was the works too it did everything you got the undercarriage and the the shine it was tight
was it a tushy he just drove over it was basically a tushy yeah hello tushy can i just say that um i did not know that cops got the code for free
car washes didn't know that either i knew they have one for like apartment complexes that like
there's a universal one yeah this was like 2001 probably when we were doing this so i maybe they
still do it maybe they don't but they definitely did back then. What was the code?
It was like nine digits.
I don't remember.
It was tight, man.
Is there a good car wash spot around here?
I need one.
Oh, is there a good car wash spot around here? Do you have one?
Jurassic Car Wash on South Congress.
Dude, that's right up Parks Alley.
Dude, they have an actual dinosaur
that is built into the building
that squirts water out of his mouth.
You're just now telling me about this?
Fuck you. Dude, I gotta take the homie.
I go every Friday. What kind of dinosaur spits the water?
Uh, T-Rex.
Dude, that's not accurate. I will say this.
Do not go on the premises
if your sunroof is open.
Why would you do that?
You didn't spit on? Why would anybody do that?
If your sunroof is open while you're waiting for other people to go through the car wash,
you're going to get doused.
Dude, that's like first day car wash stuff. That's what they teach you. Like, If your sunroof is open while you're waiting for other people to go through the car wash, you're going to get doused. Dude, that's like first-day car wash stuff.
That's what they teach you.
Close your sunroof.
Yeah, it's always a good idea to close it before you go.
I've heard of this place.
This is the car wash that uses only human decanted water.
I'm legit mad that you're just not telling me.
You know Parks is a huge dinosaur guy.
Jurassic car wash, dude.
Dude, and you've lived in Austin your whole life.
How do you not know about this?
Why didn't you tell me about this?
Oh, you think it's been around since 1983?
Will moved here like two weeks ago.
I bet you it's very new.
Jurassic Car Wash?
Yeah.
I'm about to find out.
Big old jerk, David.
I mean, I don't know how you can find out the history of this, but...
No, you can't.
Can't even look it up.
You actually can't look this one up.
I'm looking it up.
I'm on their Facebook page, facebook.com slash Jurassic Car Wash.
There's dinosaurs everywhere.
It's not just the T-Rex.
Dude, this is an electric post.
23 hours ago, they said, we're taking your car
washing experiences to new heights. And then they
just posted this photo of a
dinosaur that I don't even know. This place is amazing.
There's a pterodactyl on the roof. It got two
likes. Oh, that's actually their pterodactyl
on the roof. This is so
lit. There's nothing I love more
than just getting my car cleaned while just
revisiting the glory of the Mesozoic era.
That was close.
What?
The Mesozoic?
What about it?
It's just not an era.
It is.
Is it not?
It's just not.
I feel like I'm right.
It is an era.
Oh, that's like South, South Carolina.
Definitely an era.
There's the Triassic.
There's the Jurassic.
No, there's the Mesozoic.
The Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous.
Excuse me.
Those are the three periods.
Your day's about to school, you dog.
Dude, yeah.
Buckle up.
There's not a Mesozoic.
You might want to take this tag back, because not only was there a Mesozoic era, it lasted
180 million years.
Oh, duh.
That's just like a blink of an eye in the universe's history, though.
Just a quick flash in the pan.
Man.
It includes three well-known periods.
It's overarching.
Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous.
Damn, dude.
I will.
All right.
Wait a minute.
Stop!
Stop!
All right, Dave.
I'm sorry for not believing your Mesozoic, too.
You act like I didn't Google it before I said it.
Because I didn't know how to pronounce it.
Yeah, there's no word on how long Jurassic's been around.
But, dude, come on.
You've got to go check it out, Dylan.
Yeah, well, I'm going to now.
Take the homie today.
Take him after his doctor's appointment.
All right, we've got to go see Stella, and then we'll talk about it.
In our lifetime, we live to see the continents come together and form us.
Pangea-like supercontinent one more time.
It would really bring the world together if we were on the same surface.
There is nothing more tight than Pangea.
Just all chilling on an island.
You weren't there.
You don't know.
No, but I've seen the simulations.
You could drive to Russia.
But there wasn't one.
It was all one thing.
You're right.
What is currently Russia.
Sorry.
Actually, can we talk about Quip before we go too far into a nature talk right now?
Yeah.
Because we've got two nature stories that are just going to blow people's minds.
We don't really, but you know.
Let's talk about quip.
Have you guys had your morning or evening routines change lately?
Yeah, man. I have.
I brush my teeth three times a day. I've introduced a nap into my afternoon.
And I'm a post-nap quip guy. Have to be.
I love it.
So you're brushing three times a day?
Yeah, because you know,
you got morning breath,
even though it's afternoon.
Just sleep breath.
Yeah, quarantine made me a lot cleaner,
and it caused me to brush my teeth more,
like pretty much after most meals.
Yeah.
And thanks to quip,
my teeth have never been cleaner.
They look pretty good, man.
Getting a quip package in the mail
is so great,
because you know it's just going to be the most efficient package you've ever seen.
It's going to have a replacement head.
It's going to have a new battery.
Hook you up with everything that you need.
Some floss refills.
Yeah.
Like, what else do you need?
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The Quip electric toothbrush has timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute routine.
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The homie's going to have the cleanest mouth on the block.
He's got to cough one of those.
Have you guys tried their watermelon toothpaste yet?
Yeah.
I haven't, and I need to get some.
All I have is the mint right now now and now that I know there's watermelon
I don't even know what that would taste like but I'm in.
That's up to Homies Alley too, man.
Is he a big watermelon guy? He's just anti
seeds?
No. Is he worried?
He's anti traditional toothpaste tasting
toothpaste. Bad boy.
Does he ever mess with cinnamon?
I don't think so.
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Dude, Diego the tortoise.
Is he fucking?
Fucking legend.
He's out here getting his.
He was.
Spanish class.
I wanted my name to be Diego so bad, but my buddy got it.
What was yours?
Was I David?
Or Davide?
No, that was at...
David?
David?
David?
I can't even remember.
There was also a dude who got Nacho.
That was always the funny... That played well. That was the funny kid in class.
Yeah.
I was Guillermo.
Guillermo was a great name.
Before I shortened it to Memo.
I was just Dion.
Dion.
Because you know the double L.
Yeah.
I always thought it was weird that we had to choose names.
Because when you go to a foreign country, they don't call you by the foreign version of your name.
Yeah.
Your name's just Will. Yeah, they don't call you by the foreign version of your name. Your name's just Will.
Yeah, they don't call you the native version
of how you'd say your name.
Yeah.
No one's going to be like,
oh, Guillermo.
That'd be tight.
Like over there, that's how they address you.
Dude, talk to us about Diego though.
Yeah, sorry.
Dude, a giant Galapagos tortoise
whose legendary libido has been credited with saving his species
from extinction has officially entered retirement.
He's done.
He's just riding into the sunset, completely drained.
His work here is done.
Diego and 14 other male tortoises have returned to their native Española, one of Ecuador's
Galapagos Islands.
The tortoises were put out to pasture on Monday after decades of breeding and captivity.
Wait, they killed them? No, they didn't kill
them. Yeah, putting them out to pasture
makes it sound like they're just like
firing rounds into their heads. No, that's not
what that saying means. Out there to just
frolic.
The breeding program was a success
producing more than 2,000
giant tortoises since it began in the 1960s.
See, this blew my mind when I read it because I was
like, you know what?
Like, dude, Diego's been doing this for 50 years.
Man, that's a lot. 60 years.
That's a lot of humping.
60 years.
800 offspring.
Why is Diego getting all the cred, though, when he had 14 of his boys?
Because he's the one with the legendary libido.
He's got the most swag.
He could really bring it home.
He kept it going.
He's 100 right now.
Imagine having to wait until you're 100 to retire.
Man.
But I guess if you're doing that gig, it's not too bad of a gig.
She's having a lot of sex, man.
Yeah.
Have you guys ever seen tortoises have sex IRL?
I have.
That's why I'm asking.
No.
We should do that on a live stream.
Go find some tortoises.
How do they do it?
Doggy style.
He hops on the shell.
Tortoise style.
Tortoise style, but it's from behind.
Makes sense. The stroke game is very slow.
It's like one pump every 20 seconds.
And they make this grunting sound.
Tantric stuff.
They make a noise.
Sting and P. Diddy got into that for a while.
Yeah.
I would be freaked out if I heard a turtle make a noise.
I was freaked out when I saw it. Imagine a turtle from Finding Nemo.
Just be like, oh!
He just climbs up on that shell, imagining a turtle from Finding Nemo. Just be like, oh!
He just comes up on that show, man.
I'm out to Nemo.
To answer your question, Brett, even though he had 14 cronies with him that were also doing this,
he had about 40%. You could account for 40% of the 2,000 giant tortoises alive today.
He was just drinking Coronas?
What a badass, man.
He's such a badass.
Diego's just drinking Coronas. What a badass, man. He's such a badass. Diego's just...
Such a badass.
The photos of him, not to be a perv, but his extremely long neck on this guy.
Yeah, what's up with his neck?
His whole...
It's a humpback.
Pretty much everything from the shell up looks phallic.
Maybe he got stuck that way from all the humping he did.
Yeah, why does his shell go up so far?
Yeah, what's going on here?
Is he some kind of genetic freak?
After his last one, did he just walk over to somebody and he's like, dude, I'm done.
That was it.
I'm going to Disney World.
I can't go again.
I have nothing left.
I've been drained.
How big are these things?
Oh, shit.
Yeah, they're big boys.
Okay.
Do you have any
basis for that or
you saw him fucking
I've seen him in person
I mean
okay
yeah
what uh
I guess they can only
do it one position
it's like
once you're on your back
like you're not really
getting back over
yeah missionary doesn't
work for a tortoise
tortoises can grow
and weigh as much as
919 pounds
and can grow to be
4 feet 3 inches long.
Excuse me?
Crush that.
I don't like that.
A thousand pound tortoise?
Mm-hmm.
I mean, that's a giant tortoise.
That's a big boy tortoise.
It's a giant tortoise.
Man.
Those are giant tortoise stats.
If this thing...
More of a botched turtle, Jay.
If this thing gets flipped over on its back, can it...
So is he.
Can it fix itself?
Can it go back to its feet?
You got to think, no, man. It's like a cow. Once it falls over, you tip it. Can it fix itself? Can it go back to its feet? You got to think, no, man.
It's like a cow.
Once it falls over, you tip it.
Can't get up.
There was a tortoise from Madagascar that was 188 years old.
That's too many years.
He died in Tonga in 1965.
How do they know?
Okay.
How do we?
So this dude was around in the 1700s, and they're just keeping track of it.
See, this is my alligator theory.
There's no way anybody actually knows. Nah, dude. You can live forever. Born in the 1700s and they're just keeping track of it. This is my alligator theory. There's no way anybody actually knows.
Nah, dude. You can live forever.
Born in the 1700s?
That's wild.
He used to wear a powdered wig.
So stupid.
He was just like
directing the Navy.
The Naval Fleet.
I don't think so.
The alligator or the tortoise? Tortoise. I let an alligator direct naval fleet. I don't think so. Wait, the alligator or the tortoise?
Tortoise.
That seems a little sly.
I let an alligator direct the fleet.
They were slow but steady.
Dude.
These Galapagos tortoises can live to be about 152.
The oldest was 152.
So Diego does have some time
in front of him.
So why'd they retire then?
I don't know.
You can't have a libido for a century.
He's done enough.
You think the last few times they were like, man, he's really slipping.
He probably enjoyed it
for the first, oh, I don't know, like 200
offspring.
That it became a job?
Then I was like, dude, this is just like... All, like 200 offspring. That it became a job?
And I was like,
dude, this is just like... Yeah, they say never...
God, all they want me to do
is have sex, man.
It's crazy.
I would love to see
his like post-game interview.
Say if you love what you do,
do what you love.
I thought it was that
you'd never work a day
in your life.
That's exactly right.
That's what I was trying
to teach you guys.
You learned the lesson.
Congratulations, Dylan.
I think we need to go to the Galapagos and link up, link and build.
With Diego?
I'd be like, dude, man, how did you come so much?
Yeah, dude.
I don't think we need to do that.
What?
You don't want to go to the Galapagos Islands?
Joe Diego?
Yeah.
They have, is that where they have Komodo dragons?
No.
No, that's in. They have actual dragons there. they have Komodo dragons? No. No, that's in...
They have actual dragons there.
Australia.
Like fire-breathing ones.
They fly around and shit.
Yeah, they don't.
Do turtles have testes?
They have to.
You got to think they got something down there.
Probably inside.
They probably don't hang.
They don't have like a...
A pouch.
They lay eggs, right?
Turtle?
Correct.
Yeah.
I've actually seen them hatch.
I've seen them hatch.
I've never seen them actually get made.
That's like one of the best parts of any nature show.
Saddest.
It's very sad, but the ones that make it to the ocean and don't get picked off by like pelicans or seagulls.
Dude, how do they know to come back to that island?
Life finds a way.
Is it like...
Life finds a way.
Okay, Jeff.
Is there something about the magnetic field?
That's a big dino duty.
Sorry, you had something.
Yeah, it's like the electromagnetic field of the Earth with the poles and Mercury.
Yeah, these things aren't on that side of the world
brett galapagos they're off the coast of komodos kimono dragons komodo drag kimono dragon no it's
kimono dragon who do you think kimono dragons are just dragons that wear kimonos yeah traditional
like japanese garb yeah no these things are over north of australia on the island of komodo who do
you think the person was that discovered that if you flush a toilet in the southern hemisphere,
it spins a different way than ours?
He's just texting his boys.
He's like, wait a minute.
Dude, you're not going to believe this.
Dude, hold on.
I think I just noticed something.
Am I wrong?
Am I high here?
Like, is this going a different way?
Dude, it's going a different way.
I would love to know who made that discovery.
That's all I'm saying.
Dude, what's the deal with the stampede?
Those things were, what does Dylan say?
They were chucking?
Chopping.
Chopping.
They were chopping.
Talking about the bison?
Yeah.
So Yellowstone, when is this from?
It appears to be yesterday.
Yeah.
It was posted at 1037 a.m. yesterday, June 16, 2020.
And it's in Yellowstone National Park.
And I've never seen a stampede of buffalo like this before.
But I've also never been exposed to stampedes of buffalo in previous parts of my life.
Can I just say I did not realize that they were that voluminous?
Like, I didn't realize there was this many buffalo that would just hang out together.
Like, this stampede just goes on for, like, two minutes.
I thought you meant the size of buffalo.
That, too.
Oh, dude, I knew buffalo were huge.
I knew they were units, but, like,
there was, like, a thousand of these things.
A lot of them.
Yeah, I didn't realize they rolled this deep.
Yeah, I didn't either.
This is, like, the crew that if they roll into the bar,
it's like, oh, God, this bachelor party's going to ruin everything ruin everything right now there's gonna be a lot of noxious we gotta go
let's go somewhere quiet i can't even hear y'all they're just feeding the juke there's one at the
end that's that's rolling in a little slower than the rest of them i feel like he's like the
patriarch of all of them but he's just alpha he's a big boy yeah he's not going as fast he's watching
their six yeah what do you do what do you do if you're sitting there?
Is there a worry that one is going to just go rogue and step over your car and crush you?
I had that thought.
One of them just wants to send a message and just walks over on the hood.
You can't drive anywhere, I guess, right?
You can't get out of the way.
You have to just sit there and hope that nobody takes you off your side of the mirror.
You got to respect an animal that large, Dave.
I think this video was taken from a semi.
Oh, so he wasn't concerned?
I don't think he was because there appears to be a very large hood on the front of the car,
and the height that he has to take the video and not make these things look like they're towering over him,
I think he's in a semi truck.
Maybe he's in a jacked up f-350 like oh i got bad news guys what this was taken a year ago dude i was i didn't want to ruin it but i dove too deep into the thread yep and
someone exposed this guy for like kind of stealing the vid and trying to maybe take it take credit
for it almost i don't know but it's just
a it goes to show don't ever if you see something like this just enjoy it on at its face don't don't
dive too deep because you're going to find out that this is you know this has been done steven
noted well this was taken from a year ago and he offered the source and then a guy named gus
responded to see and said hi steven i didn't realize there were time limits on majestic scenes of nature. Sorry, boss.
Oh, wow, dude.
Stephen just got murked.
That's a clap back.
Dude, I didn't realize he got canceled, too.
Yeah, rest in peace, Stephen, dude.
He's just trying to do some journalistic integrity kind of stuff over here,
and he's just getting exposed.
This was Yellowstone, though.
Yeah.
Yellowstone's atop my list.
I think it's on the very top of my list right now of places to go in the United States.
What states does that expand to?
Wyoming.
Majority in Wyoming, I believe.
It goes to California, doesn't it?
I'm an idiot.
It's a very tiny park, to be honest with you.
Brett's been right every time he spoke up today. That's true. It's in the far It's a very tiny park To be honest with you It's just lit Brett's been right
Every time he spoke up today
That's true
It's in the far
Northwest corner of Wyoming
Cap
It's relatively
Like you think Yellowstone
It sounds huge
It's just
It's just not very big
Yeah I was wrong
Saying California
Was literally
In hindsight
One of the dumber things
I could have said
Because Yellowstone
Is not only not in California
But it's separated by Idaho
And Nevada from California.
That's tough.
Yeah.
There's some parks, though, over there.
Oh, they got parks.
Oh, dude, yeah.
It's just in Wyoming.
It's like they cut it off.
So we could do J-Hole and Yellowstone in the same state.
You're correct.
Wow, Dave.
Did you ever think about doing that?
No. Plan a vacation that's tight one
time one time maybe i will i wish you would you need it maybe you'll go with me i won't okay
actually i think i'm an idiot i think i've kind of been to yellowstone just not really realizing
that when i was in jackson hall that i probably had to drive through or be around yellowstone
at some point when we were driving around oh j hole j holeHall? J-Hall, dude. J-Hall.
J-Hall's so tight.
They say it's real steep out there at J-Hall.
I will say, going to Breckenridge,
and looking at Breckenridge for the first time,
I was pretty impressed by how large it was and how steep it was.
Being in Jackson Hole,
even though there was no snow on the mountain,
I could not believe the vertical whatever.
It was shockingly steep very intimidating i want to shred though did you base jump i should have i was just bay jumping
what is that i don't know like bae jumping is bay
i feel like now's the time to get national park trips off.
We have one, West Texas.
I know, but that's like, I'd rather not drive eight hours to it.
Is that the Stars one?
Not the Dallas Stars, the Enchanted Stars?
There's a big Mike Madonna carved into the side of the mountain.
Every time I drive by the Texas Rangers Museum near Fredericksburg,
I always think that it's like, I'm like,
why do they have the Texas Rangers Museum here? Justburg. I always think that it's like, I'm like, why do they have the Texas Rangers Museum here?
Just a bust of Julio Franco.
Yeah, it's a bunch of people with signs that say,
like, Profar's getting there.
No.
He was not in the Texas Rangers Hall of Fame.
Profar could have been great.
You need to get past that.
Dude, he's going to pan out.
Well, he's not in our system anymore, so.
Bring Palmeiro back.
See what he's got left.
He tried to make a comeback.
Did he?
Like two or three years ago.
He was playing in one of the summer leagues in Fort Worth or something.
King shit.
Dude, a sweet swing on that guy.
Beautiful.
Just pulling it.
Not going oppo.
Never went oppo once in his life.
Just yanking it.
Imagine throwing inside Rafael Palmeiro.
Could not be me.
Couldn't be me. Dylan would try, though.
Dylan, what are you cooking over there, man? You've been real quiet for two minutes. Dylan's grinning about something.
I'm trying to think if he went Opto
or Oppo. He was a pull hitter,
man. He had that open
stance out to, I mean, he's a lefty.
He did, yeah. He had a very smooth,
like, effortless swing.
Let me guess. He shouldn't be in the hall either. He shouldn't be in the hall. He probably, yeah. He had a very smooth, like, effortless swing. Let me guess.
He shouldn't be in the hall either.
He shouldn't be in the hall.
He probably shouldn't.
Based on numbers.
I mean, he had a good career.
He very much did steroids.
Steroids are tight.
I can't wait until Griffey gets popped.
Oh, come on.
That's messed up.
That's mean.
No, it won't make me think any less of him.
Don't put that on my dog, dude.
I love Griffey.
He's so tight.
That swing.
Come on.
Can we do this weekend in fun?
Only if it's presented by Vizzy.
You know it's presented by Vizzy, baby.
Whoa.
We love Vizzy.
You know we do.
If you watch any of the Happy Hour Lives, you know that we stay drinking Vizzy.
I'm just going to tell you a little secret, Will.
I'm drinking Vizzy right now.
Really?
Really? Really?
I am beyond fucked up.
Do you ever have that moment where you're trying to make a choice between two things,
and you're like, man, I want this, but I also want that?
Yeah, all the time.
Like pretty much every restaurant I ever go to, I'm like just laboring over the menu.
Well, guess what?
With Vizzy, you can have it all.
They have something every hard seltzer doesn't have.
Antioxidant vitamin C.
Yeah, you don't see that anywhere else.
Acerola, dude.
Ever heard of it?
It's a super fruit.
Super fruit.
Super fruit.
Super fruit.
He's doing super freak there.
That was good.
Yeah.
I was told that you can't eat acerola.
This is an actual DM that I got.
He said you shouldn't eat it all at once because it won't taste good.
But in Vizzy.
You're catching me eating it.
No, you're not eating acerola.
Put one in front of me.
I'm going to eat the shit out of it.
No, you have to do it through Vizzy.
All right.
I'll do it.
Fine.
You can eat it, but it won't be pleasing as it is when you're drinking it through a Vizzy.
Yeah.
It's a superfood that has 30 times more vitamin C per cup than an orange.
Wow.
Hey, orange, up your C game, dude.
Dude, oranges are so yesterday.
I'm going to note the inherent hypocrisy in me calling out Dylan for doing the Vizzy, Vizzy, Vizzy thing
and then me doing a super fruit bit.
No, that was better than his.
Oh, fuck.
Mine's tight.
There's something cringy about Dylan doing Vizzy, Vizzy, Vizzy. Can't you see? Oh, dude, come on. That's fuck. What? Mine's tight. There's something cringy about Dylan doing busy, busy, busy.
Can't you see?
Oh, dude, come on.
That's not fair.
But it's accurate.
Is it really cringy?
No.
Because that makes me want to do it more.
You just don't own it yet.
You do it.
Busy, busy, busy.
Can't you see?
You're getting there.
Oh, man.
That was a little more confident.
That was somehow worse.
I'll get better.
I'll practice.
I mean, let's talk about these flavors real quick.
Pineapple mango, underrated.
Black cherry lime, just a solid double into the gap,
and you're going to love it every single time.
Strawberry kiwi.
That's your boy's favorite.
Everybody loves that.
Blueberry palmy still goes.
Yeah.
Still goes.
That's the best.
Dude, people are DMing us dozens, if not hundreds,
of pictures of them enjoying Vizzy's.
Yeah, if you want to hit us, tag us and Vizzy in your post,
and we'd be very happy.
Tell them Circling Back sent you.
Yep.
Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy.
To find out where you can purchase Vizzy, go to VizzyHardSeltzer.com.
That's VizzyHardSeltzer.com.
And yes, you must be 21 or older.
Come on.
That's how it goes.
Yeah, that's just what it is.
We're rule followers here.
Dylan, start us off.
What are you doing this weekend?
Well, we're playing golf Friday.
That's the plan.
I forgot about that.
We're hitting the links Friday morning.
Where did he make the tee time?
Kaiser.
Man, nothing better than an absolutely wide open first tee shot.
Yeah.
Nothing better.
If every hole was number 10, I'm shooting a 68.
There's no way.
It's the easiest hole in North America.
I bet you could shoot 79, but you would not shoot.
You're right.
I wouldn't break par.
Actually, I want to do this now.
Just play 10, 18 times.
It could not be an easier hole.
So that would be a par.
What's 18 times 4?
62? Nope. 72. 72 72 i was very close not bad i have probably birdied that hole more than any other hole in texas it it
doesn't get easier which is like twice maybe yeah it's short it's wide open and it's flat i can't
wait there are no trees i gotta say i can't wait to go there and have one of the employees there be completely put off by my existence.
I can't wait to be disrespected by a groundskeeper who's just having a bad day.
That'll be fun.
I played the other course out there, Kalei, once by myself.
It was just me, and there was nobody out there.
It was like a Thursday afternoon, like 5 o'clock.
I'm playing by myself, and I have a marshal just following me.
There's no one else on the course, and I'm just being hawked.
You're a bad boy.
They're creeps.
You're a bad boy.
What am I doing?
Trying to hunt you down.
You're violating the 90-degree rule with the cart?
Well, they came up.
They're like, dude, so you're compressing the ball too hard.
Your smash factor is just too high.
Wow.
That's all I have this weekend.
I get parks back Saturday, so I have Saturday and Sunday with him.
Saturdays are for the boys.
We'll probably go swimming somewhere.
Not sure where yet.
Our neighborhood pool is still closed because of COVID.
Yeah, I don't have a whole lot other than golf.
Very sick. I mean, yeah. What are you getting into, Brett? Wow. Number two. yeah I don't have a whole lot other than golf very sick
I mean
yeah
what are you getting into Brett
wow
number two
same as Dylan
literally the same thing
I have Friday morning golf
you want swimming with us
if I'm invited
where are y'all swimming
I don't know yet
this thing came out
across my TL the other day
the Narrows
have you heard of the Narrows
it's like this tight swimming hole,
but apparently it's like you can't go there.
Just outside of Austin.
It doesn't sound that tight if you can't go.
Well, you can go.
That's how tight it is.
Property owners are like...
You got a trespass?
Yeah, you got a trespass.
Bad boy shit.
But it looks...
My trespassing days are over.
Well, you can get there.
You just have to walk a riverbed for 14 miles.
Have you seen that really creepy
swimming hole that's
basically a hole? It's called something well.
Yes. Did Micah
go there? Somebody we know went there.
Catch me not jumping in there. Let me say this.
I am really bad about the natural lakes
and watering holes in Austin. I don't
experience them like I should for someone who
lives here. So I would like to get into that more.
You know what, Dave? What? Stop by and we'll hike down to the
Greenbelt and go to Sculpture Falls. I'm alright. Okay.
He and the homie are still beefing.
Dude, it's so dumb because I told him it's not on the menu. You cannot get five
for five. You could have found a way, David.
And it wasn't about, like, the money.
It was just, like, the fact that he was so sure that he was right.
And I'm like, no, dude, look, it's not on the menu.
We even asked.
Wasn't he pissed off, too, because they asked you guys to pull forward and wait?
Yeah, they just brought out his coffee.
Yeah, they didn't have any curly fries ready, so they had to have you pull forward.
I look over and he's vlogging.
I would, I will, depending on what day, a little teaser to my weekend and fun, I guess I could Depending on what day
Little teaser to my weekend
And fun
I guess I could just do that now
What day I head back up
Oh we're not done
Sorry
That's all I got
I'll probably
Drink a few Vizzies
Your weekend is gonna be
Cooler than mine
Yeah
I'm going up to Duncanville
Either Friday or Saturday
Oh you are
Father's Day
The dunk
I am playing golf
I keep forgetting That it's Father's Day.
I'm playing golf.
Does Parks know?
I don't think Parks knows.
He's not going to get you a gift, dude.
Probably not.
Last time I asked him if he was going to get me a gift,
he went out of his way to get me a gift.
It was like the cutest thing ever,
but I felt like I put pressure on the kid.
I felt bad about it.
Did he ever get his money back?
I was just saying,
you took all his money from that character.
I haven't given it back yet, no.
Nice.
Nice.
Yeah.
I don't have much
going on this weekend.
Yeah, like we said,
golf Friday morning.
Is Klein going to want
to, like, step out?
He probably is.
I'm not stepping out.
What's he coming in town for?
Hard to say.
Is that happy hour
still happening?
Actually, it's not.
Huge.
I figured.
We got an email late last night.
But, yeah.
Happy hour live is still on.
Happy hour that we were going to on Thursday is now.
Happy hour live is tonight.
Yeah, other than that, we got a full slate of EPL games.
Tell me about it.
Catch me butt deep on the couch.
I have a little conflicting schedule on Friday.
Friday afternoon I did get a pool reservation at 2 o'clock.
Manchester United plays at 2.15.
Or sorry, no, Man City Arsenal is at 2.15, so I don't know what I'm going to do.
I think I might just bring a Bluetooth speaker and just listen to the game at the pool.
Just annoy people with it.
We'll see.
And then, yeah.
That would be annoying, just to have the audio of the game.
Very much.
You know what, though?
I think I'm mixing up my schedules in my head.
Is it Bundesliga?
Man City is today's at 2.
I also have a pool reservation today, but I don't know if I'm going to use it.
And then Friday is Manchester United.
It's going to be fun.
But we've got a full slate of games.
Other than that, I'm not really doing anything this weekend.
I'm intentionally not stepping out this weekend, I think.
And I'm going to have a low-key one.
I might make something that takes a long time to make.
Get a crock pot going.
You should smoke a cowboy cut bone-in ribeye.
Maybe I'll just go do that in your backyard while you're gone and not tell you.
That'd be fine.
I don't really care.
Can you rent me your smoker for the weekend?
You can just come use it.
Okay.
Should we just chill in Dave's backyard?
Beer die?
There's better ways to...
Let's play beer die in Dave's backyard.
Oh, fuck you guys.
You didn't even mention beer die.
I still have your card table.
That's the beer die table.
It's still wrapped up in packaging.
Never been opened.
That was quite the episode.
We don't really have a lot of stuff going on this weekend.
Shouts to us.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about coronavirus right now.
Why?
Because cases are spiking?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because Austin's recorded some of the highest days in recent history.
Or maybe, I guess, all of the time.
I have to jet. Get out of here. The homie's got to go of the time. I have to jet.
Get out of here, dude.
The homie's got to go to the doctor.
We're leaving anyway.
Let's stay on.
Yeah.
Dude, we're wrapping up anyway, dude.
Get out of here, dude.
Bye.
Lay.
Lay.
God.
So Dylan was trash today.
Yeah.
Let's talk about Dylan's performance today.
I was kind of wondering why you left your laptop.
You fucking loser.
You're going to need that for the happy hour.
Bye, idiot.
So, I actually did have something, and now I don't.
Now, rest in peace, Dave's thoughts.
Oh, man.
I shouldn't have been drinking all the Vizzy this morning.
I was joking.
It's cold brew.
Oh, you're a bad boy.
Well, guys, this was fun.
Check out Happy Hour Live tonight on YouTube.
YouTube.com slash watch media.
Mash that subscribe button.
Like we said, Out Cold was recapped yesterday on Patreon.
We've got the Friday voicemails coming right up.
Dazed and Confused next week.
Patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast.
Go follow us on Instagram and twitter at circling back pod
make it happen i'm so pumped for days of confused i am too i am too it's been a while since i've
watched it straight through that's a that's an all-star movie for me getting 30 minutes in then
a commercial break taking me out of it and me just like going and doing something else yeah
but it's a great it's a it's maybe the most classic i put this in quotes because it's not your typical teen movie, but high school movie.
I feel like as far as high school movies go, granted I was not alive in the late 70s, only Dylan can speak to this.
I feel like it nails it.
If they don't nail it, then they've convinced me that it was nothing but what it was like then.
It's very convincing.
It feels authentic.
convinced me that it was nothing but what it was like then. It's very convincing.
It feels authentic.
And the idea of just going and drinking in a field or a moon tower or whatever, we were
doing that in high school.
Yeah.
We weren't as cool.
That's the only place people had parties.
It was way more pathetic.
It was like four dudes just sitting in the bed of a truck.
Yeah.
Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah.
Cool.
All right, boys.
It's been fun.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. Alright boys, it's been fun Bye Bye