Circling Back - I Am Weed ft. John Duda
Episode Date: October 13, 2021Noted Internet Party co-host John Duda joins us today to talk everything from MGK meeting Megan Fox to the world's largest (and lamest) pub crawl, and a lot more. Support us on Patreon and receive we...ekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (15:20) Meghan Fox Meeting Machine Gun Kelly (30:00) World’s Longest Bar Crawl (48:15) Which country singer would be the worst to get beat up by? (1:06:00) This Weekend in Fun Support This Episode’s Sponsors Rhoback: www.rhoback.com (BACKER20 for 20% off) Stamps: www.stamps.com (CIRCLINGBACK for 4-week trial, free postage, and digital scale) Birddogs: www.birddogs.com (STEAM for a free football) Express VPN: www.expressvpn.com/steam (extra 3 months FREE on a one-year package) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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My name is Will DeFries to my left, Davidid ruff why are you shaking your head at me doing um i was just replaying some of the skits from i think you should leave in my head and just
laughing at them because we were just talking about them well they're so stupid but so funny
at least we're not late to that show or anything. I know. We're pretty ground floor.
We're GF with it.
How you doing, Will?
I was kind of thinking, though,
if y'all aren't busy later,
we can go get some sloppy steaks or something.
Stop.
I should stop?
Stop.
I woke up with one thing on my mind this morning.
That's podcasting.
Wow.
What are you going to do about it?
I'm going to sit here,
and I'm going to podcast my little D off.
And people are going to enjoy it enjoy it they're gonna say wow this guy this guy is true true uh professional oh wow we get
distracted dorn yeah dylan dylan's just oh sorry our guests just put a picture right in my face
i'm not even gonna bother introducing dylan at this point because i think we've got somebody
more important in the building you guys can i first say something what i take my craft seriously did you
miss me yesterday no no a lot of red did great no a lot of people messaged me saying how it was
significantly less spooky can i see can i see who messaged you it's going to take a while to go
yeah pull up the messages man i picked just one it'll take forever honestly but generally speaking
there's like yeah it's just wasn't a spooky anyway we have a guest can we welcome our guest who is so nice to meet us even
though you're just going to want to sit here and talk about how you you weren't here yesterday
i'm so happy our guest is here you guys might know him as deuteronomy you might know him as
wide load we know him as our good friend john duda Duda. John, welcome to the studio. Hey, fellas. Hey, John.
Thanks for having me in.
It's a pleasure having you here.
Got in late last night, hit Dave up this morning,
had an espresso in the kitchen of the Airbnb,
and he said, come through.
Wow.
Yeah, I am.
Was it a biodegradable pod?
Yeah, it was one of those DeLonghi.
DeLonghi. DeLonghi.
DeLonghi.
We have a DeLonghi.
We've yet to figure out how it works. I have an espresso now,
and it's good,
but I still feel like the pods just...
They're not it.
There's something off.
Yeah.
Like, it's a great convenient replacement,
but there's still something off
about a regular cup of coffee.
My favorite part about this DeLonghi is the fact that when you pour your cup of coffee,
it pours another cup of coffee at the same time directly onto the ground.
Yeah, that's great.
That's very cool how that works.
It's cool if you're wearing white shoes.
Yeah.
I also have a refurbished Cuisinart that I bought, and that, you know,
it was like half price of the regular ones.
Why wouldn't I get a refurb?
Is it pronounced Cuisinart?
I've been doing Cuisinart for a while.
I say Cuisinart.
No one's going to come at you for that.
You're fine.
Cuisinart.
But now I want one of those Smeg coffee makers.
You know what I'm saying?
No.
Smeg.
I'm about to.
S-M-E-G.
They're like very high end. Careful on about to. SMEG. They're very high-end.
Careful on that search.
Yeah.
Don't add smegma.
Smegma.
I'm saying be careful.
So you guys dress up for one episode a week.
Is that correct?
David does.
Dylan and I are going to join him dressing up later in spooky season.
We've only got two episodes left.
Are you kidding?
Yeah. Well, you missed one. Yeah, you skipped one. We're going to do more than two, David. We've only got two episodes left. Are you kidding? Yeah, well, you missed one.
Yeah, you skipped one.
We're going to do more than two, David.
We missed a fifth of the episodes.
So what if Dylan came in next Tuesday,
or whenever it is that you guys dress up,
and he came in as Dick Suckington?
Is that something you've tossed around, Dylan?
What are you doing?
Is that a real character?
It's Jack Skellington, but instead you're just a guy that sucks D.
Okay.
Dick Suckington.
You should consider that.
Topping all of washed media off.
John, do you have any Halloween costumes that might be in play right now?
I don't.
Squid Game, bro. I'm not doing Squid Game. I watched one episode of now? I don't. Do a squid game, bro.
I'm not doing squid game.
I watched one episode of that.
It was trash.
It's pretty twisted, though.
Garbage.
Who cares?
You know?
A lot of people, it turns out.
It was just Black Mirror.
Just Black Mirror in a different setting.
That's what I want.
Did you not understand the message?
I want more Black Mirror shit. Black Mirror's lit. The fact that the dude who created black mirror is copping out being like
no man like we're living in it now i can't even write it it's like shut up dude is that what he
said yeah just write another season i love that take though it's lame did you guys like the the
one where you choose your own like ending that was kind of the end for me where i was like oh
they lost i on that one too
i hated that which one was that one snatch bender or something yeah i don't think it's called snatch
bender but yeah you it's like a choose your own adventure and like they were different they
recorded like different oh i didn't even do that no i didn't i didn't even i didn't even enter that
i didn't care hey did y'all like those books as a kid that choose your own adventure and you you know you read like 30 pages and it's like okay and you can turn to like page
70 or yeah i would always like i would go to one and i'd be like oh this one kind of sucks so i
would just go back and yeah rl stein right he might have done one he probably did about will
do you remember the Michigan centric horror
the children's
horror novels
I do not
I didn't read
oh okay
yeah I thought reading
was kind of lame
one of those
yeah I still don't
really read that much
reading is fundamental
that's what they say
when I was going
to the book fair
I was going to the
poster section
yeah
stocking up on
Gordie Howe
shit
yeah and then
I would also try to buy some Calvin and Hobbes cartoon books.
Sure.
Shouts to Calvin and Hobbes.
Damn.
That's where I bought the one of Calvin peeing on a Ford truck logo.
Mm-hmm.
Big Chevy guy.
Right before we started the ep, I showed Dylan this pic I took,
put it on my main grid on IG.
You just did it now?
No, no.
This was a couple weeks back.
I was flying to New Orleans, but it's just like a paper plate with some fries on it from O'Hare.
It's pretty electric.
It sounds electric.
You guys should see this thing.
The shoestrings, curlies.
Yeah, that's why he was laughing, though, and you couldn't introduce him, so you can go ahead and do that now.
I don't want to introduce him.
I was trying to figure out what the significance of the picture was, and I couldn't find it.
There's no significance.
What, your boys can't just show you a picture of some fries?
No, he can.
Whenever he wants, man.
Did you guys want to talk about Shatner before we get into the meat and bones of this?
Did you guys see this Demi Lovato thing?
Hang on.
We've got to do Shatner.
Stop cucking our guests.
Why would you do that?
Stepped all over.
Talking about the alien shit. They're both about space. you know that's fair there's a connection to be fair
yeah the um you can't call aliens et anymore no she you can't call she's done she wants you to
stop referring to extraterrestrials as aliens as it is offensive to them the dumbest thing I've
ever heard in my life was this think. Was his tongue in cheek?
I don't know.
I mean, Ladd Bible's reporting on it, and those guys know what they're talking about.
The Lads?
Yeah.
They're Lads that wrote a Bible.
Exactly.
Demi's kind of, she's off the...
You want to talk Shatner now?
Off the...
Reservation?
I don't know if we can say that.
Is that an offensive term?
I think it might be.
As a Native American, I can say that, though.
I'm going to say this.
I'm glad that you have some Native American in you, because I would be a little more worried if you said that without it.
Yeah.
I watched the Cigar Store Indian episode of Seinfeld the other day.
It's a great one.
It's so good.
It is really good.
What happened with Shatner?
He's going to space today.
Oh, he's going today?
He just came back.
He's back already.
To actual space or did he fly really high?
He edged, just like Bezos did.
It was soft, dude.
Okay.
He played just the tip with space.
Stupid.
Just the ship.
Spaceship.
Did he have zero gravity?
Went like 63 miles up I think
Which is high
Very high
It's higher than I'll probably ever go
It's like from here to Waco
Right?
It's probably a little bit more than 63 miles
But about that
Yeah I guess
So think about that
If you just tilt that up
Like it's not that big a deal
You could drive there
You know
In an hour
What's the big deal?
I don't
I don't see a big deal
It's not
It's so stupid Well he's significantly older Than most of us't see a big deal. It's not. It's so stupid.
Well, he's significantly older than most of us.
You know how big space is, David?
Do you guys think space ends somewhere?
Like there's an end point to space?
It's hard to say, man.
It's actually on the run sheet.
I've always thought about, like in the Truman Show,
and I promise I didn't smoke any weed or CBD before I came here.
You didn't take one CBD?
What about Delta 9?
This is just off rip.
But, like, you know how in the Truman Show he hits the back wall?
He's hitting the back walls.
Will does that.
Will does?
Dude, I get nervous.
I get nervous all the time, man.
No, I'm talking you like to hit the back walls?
Oh, you guys are making it dirty.
I don't know why I picked you.
I'm sorry.
You have a wife.
It's inappropriate.
Yeah, that's not great.
That's what I grew up, dude.
I'm sorry.
Apologize to my mother who listens to this podcast.
Yeah, go ahead, man.
I'm sorry.
I feel like at the end of space, there's got to be a wall somewhere with a like a yeah but staircase let me
ask you this to somebody else like an ed harris type guy just pulling all the strings yeah but
what's what's beyond what's beyond the wall everything about that that motherfucker's busy
whoever probably a studio like this you think there's a studio yeah aliens you can't call them
that you can't say that you can't call them that uh extraterrest You can't say that anymore. You can't call them that. Extraterrestrials?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
They're terrestrials that are very extra.
Mm-hmm.
They're just sassy.
Yeah.
You know, I passed.
Can I get a salad instead of these fries?
I got to apologize to you three and Randy and Brett.
I did pass Rudy's on the way in.
I should have stopped and brought everyone some breakfast tacos.
Some very mediocre breakfast tacos. They're not mediocre. They're fine. Yes, have stopped and brought everyone some breakfast tacos. Some very mediocre
breakfast tacos. They're not mediocre.
They're fine. Yes, they are. No, they're not.
No, the
Rudy's is fine. Their barbecue's
good. I'll say it.
The barbecue is a major player in their breakfast
taco, though. Right?
You can get the brisket tacos. Thank you for championing
this, David. You're correct. Okay.
The brisket tacos are okay.
Apologize to John.
Apologize to Rudy.
They're more traditional ones.
They're sausage, like sausage and egg ones.
They're not good.
Egg stink.
I feel like Dylan's already hit his talking quota for the episode.
I agree.
Should we mute him for the rest?
What are you talking about?
We just maxed him out.
Let's mute him.
That's so rude.
What are you doing oh i gotta give a shout out to my
co-host brad um who couldn't be here with us this week what is he what do you co-host that
internet party it's uh at intrnt prty on both instagram and twitter what is it exactly it's a
well it's a podcast but it's also a party. Okay, cool.
Very cool.
Yeah.
We like to have fun over there.
We just recently crossed the 100-episode threshold.
Sorry I couldn't be there to see it.
I could be.
We got pretty tuned up on a Tuesday night.
It took us like four hours because we kept taking breaks to rip Casamigos shots.
Nice. Is that your go-to
casamigos um yeah it is it's a little sweet though for me there's a hint of sweet um i like it though
it's it's the the tequila uh of the now that's what that's what the young kids are drinking. You know what happens to Dave when he drinks tequila?
Clothes come off?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, okay.
I didn't think you were going to bring that up on the pod.
Can we get some official business out of the way
before we get loco with it?
Don't ask me on a straight tequila night.
That's all I'm going to say.
That's fine.
That's what we're doing Thursday night, me and you.
I'll see you.
Okay.
Head over to patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast.
We've got spooky season currently in the mix.
Probably our most popular content that we put out.
We also have Friday voicemails that air on Thursdays.
No one's doing that.
Also, we have a new podcast that just launched yesterday.
You can go listen to a preview of it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or anywhere else podcasts are found, called Cold Stove,
featuring our very own Brett Merriman as well as NRD.
I want to say NHLRD.
Yeah, I've struggled with this as well.
And so go listen to that.
It's a purely hockey podcast, boys talking puck.
It's kind of insulting to too much dip our other sports vehicle.
It's like, what, do you think we're not doing a good enough job talking hockey?
I thought we were crushing it.
That's clearly what they mean.
Now, what are you going to do next?
Launch a baseball vertical?
Because we don't talk good baseball?
Damn.
Are you crazy, man?
Did you hear our shit the other day?
You didn't.
Dylan's going to start a baseball podcast exclusively.
I don't watch enough baseball.
Called Pissin' On It.
Yes.
Pissin' On It.
Piss missiles. Also, go follow Circlingissin' On It. Piss missiles.
Also, go follow Circling Backpot and Wash Media on the Grom.
Leave a review and five-star rating.
We always read some reviews on Monday.
If you leave one, there's probably a good chance that we're going to read it,
especially if it's good.
Tell a friend about the podcast.
And as always, go subscribe on YouTube, youtube.com slash washmedia.
Hey, can we talk about our friends over at Bird Dogs real quick?
Bird Dog Shorts, it says on the copy that they're back.
In my opinion, they never left.
They never went anywhere.
So I don't know why we're talking about that.
Like, they're not back.
They've been here.
They're out here.
Not only do they have their Bird Dog Shorts, which you know so much about,
they also have their pants.
We're going into pants season.
It's pants season.
Their pants are absolutely phenomenal.
If you want something comfortable, they have a liner that's not too tight, not too loose.
Dylan's wearing Bird Dogs right now.
I've been saying that from the jump.
I've said how I've worn other competing brands with liners,
and they just aren't comfortable like the Bird Dogs ones.
They fit perfectly.
These are the best and most comfortable pair of shorts that have ever existed. They have a super
soft built-in underwear, and they're perfect
for doing literally anything.
Bird Dogs kidnapped Lululemon's designer
and made him design stuff for their stuff.
A little aggressive, I think, but
it worked.
Oh, God.
They actually took designers from a bunch of different
athleisure companies, and they put them in a squid game
type scenario, and the Lululemon guy won,
so he got a job at Bird Dogs.
He had to work there.
It's sick.
Very cool.
Yeah, you know that guy will do anything for comfort.
Bird Dogs is back with one of their famous giveaways.
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We got it here.
Hold it up.
If you're currently watching on YouTube,
you can see noted John Duda holding it.
If you're currently watching on YouTube, you can see noted John Duda holding it.
Just go get one of those Nerf Vortex Howler footballs that whistle when you throw them.
They're the must-have beach toy.
That's birddogs.com, promo code STEAM, and boom, a free Bird Dogs whistle tip football with your pair of Bird Dogs.
You will not take these things off.
I promise you.
I'm actually very glad that we have John in for this segment because I feel like he's going to have some takes on it.
Do you guys want to talk about how Megan Fox met Machine Gun Kelly?
Yeah.
You guys didn't talk about this yet?
No.
Why is this such a hot couple right now?
I don't mean.
This is all PR, right?
Oh, you think it's a fake couple? I mean, they're probably doing the sex and stuff.
They probably like
each other and that but it's just they're they're totally this is billy bob and angelina 2.0 they're
doing a bad job of ripping it i don't like it megan fox i feel like has been out of the spotlight for
years now and so you're just not watching the shit she's been on what has she what has she
been doing like i don't know she's been doing stuff Now she's all over the T.O., man. So I have a theory on actors or just musicians who are this famous, people as famous as MGK.
And the theory is that they get so much ass that they get eventually bored of having sex with women.
And they just go the other way because they've already done everything that has been done sexually with a woman.
It's like the final frontier for them is to go the other way
and see what that's all about.
You mean like with men?
Bestiality.
Oh, okay.
I was joking.
Yes, with men.
This says Machine Gun Kelly and Fox said they met for the first time in 2020 on the set
of action flick Midnight in the Switchgrass, but they actually met briefly a few years
before that, introduced at a GQ party in LA.
This weird thing happened, says Fox.
We didn't see each other.
She looks at him and she says, do you remember seeing my face?
And he says, that's what's crazy. crazy i don't i don't remember your face and then i think she said i don't remember your face and i definitely would have remembered his face she continues i just
remember this tall blonde ghostly creature and i looked up and i was like you smell like weed
and he looked down at me and he was like i, I am weed. And then I swear to God, he disappeared off like a ninja in a smoke bomb.
He is not weed.
Dude, he's weed.
Wait.
At what point did they breathe into each other's mouths?
I think that's the hottest part of the story.
Yeah, let's get to that.
They just put their lips on each other and breathed.
She has potential bad breath vibes.
I could see that.
That's mean.
I could absolutely see that.
He has potential just smells like cigs and body odor vibes.
So I think this might be a smelly couple.
Do you guys know who Ella Emhoff is?
She's Kamala Harris' niece.
I've seen her.
I've seen her going off lately.
She's just a fashion person.
She's frequently photographed.
No.
I don't know who you're talking about.
So we talked about this on Internet Party last week,
but that's a couple who looks like they stink.
Yes.
They just give me patchouli vibes.
They went pretty viral on Twitter for just a really bizarre photo they took together.
I don't remember what the circumstance was.
They were at a wedding.
Yeah.
Dylan, between 2014 and now,
she did take a bit of a hiatus,
but in 2014, she did Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Classic.
In 2016, she did the follow-up
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows.
Then she did a two-year stint on New Girl.
I just saw that stint.
I've been rewatching it.
She was good on New Girl. She was. She stint. I've been rewatching. She was good on New Girl.
She was. She's very good.
Her and Machine Gun Kelly together are absolutely
insufferable and I hate every single time I see
them on a screen somewhere. But I actually
liked her in New Girl. Wasn't she dating the guy
from 90210?
Or married to? Like her ex?
Husband? Yeah, I think you're right. The dark haired guy.
Not Jason Priestley. Not the dude
who recently passed, Luke Perry, but the other guy.
If we could go back to the sex for a moment.
Yeah, we can.
I feel like they're probably just having some vanilla, just missionary.
Nothing crazy.
I'm trying to think of any positions they might be doing.
Do you think couples who, like, put on for public, like,
they're, like, wild and crazy and do all this dark sexual shit
are just super vanilla?
They're not doing any of that.
You don't think they have a swing?
I think there's something to that.
They've probably got a planned day.
Couples who are really into PDA.
You could tell me they don't even like each other.
That they don't even date.
You could tell me that this was a fake couple
and they're just doing it to propel each other's careers.
Have you guys seen Jennifer's body?
Which one?
The one with Megan Fox. Oh not aniston or anything no come on man keep it clean um i watched some of it i'm gonna say yeah i've seen the breakup it's it's pretty good y'all should
check that out it's not good it is it's a good halloween movie how many machine gun kelly songs
could each of us name right now zero i didn't realize this guy had an audience.
I can't name a single one.
Does he do pop punk now?
Is that his thing?
He does.
The only thing I've seen him do is like talk shit about somebody
on,
on,
I forget what it's called.
Some radio show.
Oh, shit.
Thank you, Dave.
Oh, wow.
Dave is presenting John
with a live coffee
mid-podcast.
The gift of coffee.
Brett brought it.
That thing looks piping hot
and I can't even see anything about it.
It's just a black coffee.
Yeah, you're going to burn your mouth, dog.
No cream or anything?
No.
Damn, that's bad boy shit.
That's all I do.
Y'all remember the Billy Bob Angelina?
They showed up to the award show, and he was like,
we fucked in the car.
Yeah, and these two are doing the exact playbook that those two did.
It's kind of see-through. They also wore a vial of each other's blood around the car. Yeah, and these two are doing the exact playbook that those two did. It's kind of see-through.
They also wore a vial of each other's blood around the neck.
Which, a little bit ahead of their time, honestly.
And then they got divorced.
They did get divorced.
It's too bad.
And she married Brad Pitt.
How's that coffee, man?
It's good.
Do you want some?
No, I have my own.
You ever heard of this?
It's Starbucks.
Mm-hmm.
What'd you get? Just a mine. You ever heard of this? It's Starbucks. Mm-hmm. What'd you get?
Just a latte.
You know what I say?
Damn the haters.
Starbucks is good, man.
Fine.
Of course.
It's fine.
It's perfectly fine.
Same with Dunkin'.
McDonald's coffee is flame.
I'm sick of these people.
Everyone's just ragging on These giant coffee corporations
They're good
What was your go-to in the morning?
Weren't you a Folgers guy?
I thought you were a Café Bustelo guy
Bustelo, Folgers
It's kind of the same deal
Dude, I'm trying to Bustelo
What are you doing?
Sound effects
Trying to Bustelo You guys should get the we had a soundboard
for a little bit but it broke um you guys should get goku um when he powers up you know he goes
no it'd be good for like when you make a busting joke. Dude, you're not familiar with Goku busting, Dylan?
Who's Goku?
From Dragon Ball Z.
Parks is going to get into Dragon Ball Z at some point.
He's an anime guy.
I've been trying to get into it, but it's very difficult.
This guy.
Why are you trying to get into it?
Randy, like Evangelion?
No.
He's not familiar.
You sandbagging Randy?
He says he hasn't seen it.
Damn.
I think that's one of the more popular ones,
but Brad's been trying to get me to watch that for years now.
I just haven't gotten around to it.
Too busy watching prestige television on HBO.
Yeah.
I can't believe you only made it one into Squid Game.
I'm just not into the hype surrounding that show was not warranted.
Neither was Brad.
Brad wasn't into it either.
I'm not going to lie.
The tune, the jingle that they play throughout, that shit scared me.
It's a very dark show.
I don't love scary movies. I don't think it's the best show of the show. That shit scared me. It's a very dark show. I don't love scary movies, so.
I don't think it's the best show of the year.
Not even close.
It was entertaining enough for me to finish it within a week.
Super entertaining.
Yeah.
I just like the message, you know?
It kind of makes you think.
Yeah, it's freaking twisted.
Like, dude, are we?
Are we?
Wow, it's like capitalism.
Capitalism.
Yeah.
It makes me think, like, do I need to keep consuming like this?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Well, actually, this would be a good pivot into,
if you guys are still doing ads for betting,
it would be a good pivot into that.
It's fair.
Do you think DraftKings does anything with murder games?
No, but the beginning of the first episode, the guy is really into gambling. It's fair. Do you think DraftKings does anything with murder games?
No, but the beginning of the first episode, the guy is really into gambling.
He has a big dub.
That's the most unfortunate thing.
He caught a big dub that day and then dropped it. What an idiot.
Yeah.
I question the validity of the initial pickpocket that kicks off the show.
Yeah.
How did she just get in there?
It was very Breaking Bad.
How did she know where in there it was very uh how did she
know where the money was getting the cigarettes out of pinkman's jacket and replacing it real
quick and that whole thing he went into her yeah you know she got blown up he hit that truck stick
button well have you watched um you've got mail yet this fall i haven't watched it yet this fall
it's not fall down here yet.
Do you watch it every fall?
Is that something that you do?
No doubt, dude.
No doubt.
Who doesn't love New York in the fall?
I might have a product.
I didn't say that.
I might have a product coming out that's a direct thing from You've Got Mail soon.
Just keep an eye out.
I've done this before, but I can do a really good Tom Hanks.
Let's hear it.
You've Gotta to love crab.
Wow.
Damn, dude.
Wow.
It's pretty good.
Dude, you killed that.
He's sitting right next to me right now.
Dude, you killed that.
It's like I just transported you to the beach.
Don't you do a good chat, too?
I've got one I've been working on.
All right, go for it.
This is Al Pacino, Scarface.
Say hello to my little friend.
Yep.
Yep.
Spot on.
Yep.
Did you hear that?
I shut my eyes when you did that,
and I actually thought that I was on the set of Scarface.
Say hello to my little friend.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
Here we go.
This is a new one.
That's Christopher Walken doing the line.
Oh, I was going to make John guess.
Oh.
Did you know he's doing Christopher Walken?
Like he did know that was Christopher Walken.
Dylan had a little spice in that one.
Do it one more time.
Say hello to my little friend.
That's pretty good.
Dude, it's like I'm actually Christopher Walken.
All right, Will Knight.
Now, you're the only one who hasn't done one, so.
I'm going to need to workshop a couple before I launch into this.
I don't have any go-to impressions right now.
Have you done a walk-in yet? Give us an English one. I'm not to need to workshop a couple before I launch into this. I don't have any go-to impressions right now. Have you done a walk-in yet?
Give us an English one.
I'm not very – I can't – my brain can talk to itself in Christopher Walken,
but it doesn't communicate well with my mouth.
It's hard to follow me when I do my walk-in because it's like it's just –
I basically am him when I do it.
Yeah, everyone says that.
It's a tough act to follow.
Can you do Paul Reiser in Mad About You?
It's actually on Hulu right now. I know.
If you're looking to watch it. Sally won't let me.
Why? That seems like a fun
show for a married couple to watch. I think it's perfect for us.
It's perfect for us. I've never watched that one.
Y'all are mad about each other. Mad About You, Helen Hunt,
Paul Reiser.
They have the most 90s looking
New York City apartment of all time. You know
Helen's brother is?
Oh, Mike.
What's he been up to lately?
Helen Hunt is in Castaway, isn't she?
She's the volleyball.
Yeah, she played the volleyball.
It was her blood that they used for the volleyball.
Did you hear what Dave said about her brother?
No.
His name is Mike.
Mike Hunt.
Yeah, Michael.
He likes Michael these days. We're a little bit irreverent here.
Like, we kind of push it, you know what I mean?
But at the end of the day.
I thought I was on Comptown for a second just now.
Dude, they were always one ahead of us on the charts when we had touching base.
What?
We didn't know what it was at first.
Why is Comptown ahead of us?
I don't even think we should be giving them airtime right now.
Oh, really?
They get canceled?
No.
No.
I think their Patreon brings in like 150K.
It's insane.
Something crazy.
Insane.
They're doing it right.
Sheesh.
Must be nice.
Can we talk about our friends over at Stamps.com?
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Then you know shipping can be a real pain.
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Oh, yeah.
Hey, if you're watching on YouTube, I'll show you how to lick a stamp right now.
He just demonstrated how to lick a stamp.
I mean, you don't have to worry about that because you print out all your postage.
And then you just... It's offensive. stamp. You don't have to worry about that because you print out all your postage.
It's offensive.
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promo code circling back stamps.com easy e-commerce shipping for less a lot less remember when we
first got this office and we were ordering like office furniture and like for the first two weeks
anything we ordered just never showed up it was got sick. It got stolen. Shouts to Wayfair, by the way.
We would order like a desk, and it was just like, oh, the desk's been delivered.
Cool.
I guess I'll go up there and get it.
It was gone.
Well, there's a desk that we paid for that just disappeared.
Someone's just working on it.
Well, didn't you pay like $2,500 for the Topher desk, and then that never showed up?
But you've had a child living at your house since we were supposed to get that. It's a Topher desk, and then that never showed up. But you've had a child living at your house
since we were supposed to get that.
It's a Topher desk.
Are you guys not remembering when Wayfair was accused of being...
Topher Grace?
Topher Grace.
Okay.
Do you guys not remember when Wayfair got in trouble
and everyone thought that they were child trafficking?
Oh, yeah.
And you could pick out the child that you wanted
by the name of the piece?
You went with Topher.
Dave got Topher.
Damn, David.
Just an affluent suburb kid.
Yeah.
Dude, you didn't want some kid that didn't mesh.
You wanted him to be frat.
Yeah, you're right.
He's got the vibe with him, right?
If you're not ordering frat children from Wayfair,
I don't know what you're doing.
No, we had our own child.
He didn't need to order one from Wayfair.
Was Topher in the mix?
Me and my buddy have been you know out at the bars
in in chicago randy probably knows all about wicker park right right randy he didn't have a
microphone he knows um so like a hot chick will walk past this and we'll be like damn she's got
an ass like a 10 year old boy no okay no it's a funny joke. I thought you were going to say you just go, awooga.
Was that too much?
By the way, this is my favorite thing to type in a text, the word awooga.
We were just talking about child trafficking.
How do you even spell that?
How is that out of line?
No, man.
It's totally cool.
You guys see some dude in Britain completed the world world's longest pub crawl i feel like we did
the longest pub crawl in chicago it felt like it at the time we made it to like four stops we did
four bars this dude did 51 so a little bit different i have a good video of dave please
don't rapping uh to young jeezy he wasn't like he was at it was edited of course but um
we were in the Uber,
and Dave was just rapping along to Me OK.
It's really embarrassing.
I'm wearing a tech vest and a button-down.
There's nothing wrong with a tech vest and a button-down.
No, I know, but I just look like such a – I guess a chotch bag, Dylan might say.
We were outfitted in it.
We had man outfitters just repping the whole weekend.
I shouldn't complain because, yeah, man outfitters, shout-out to man outfitters just as rep i shouldn't complain because yeah man
man outfitter shout out to man outfitters also shot at the jason judge bag yeah it's a new one
you heard of that you know what shots like i'm back in 2009 uh-huh well well that's an intern
evan special did you ever cross paths with intern evan yeah i remember you and evan used to get into
some spats a little bit yeah well he did i did have him, what was it he did on notebook paper
rather than just typing out a document?
Yeah.
Google Docs definitely existed at that point in our lives,
but instead he decided to write it down.
Real space cadet shit.
I love the guy.
Hey, great guy.
He saw him in Jacksonville.
He got two summers out of us, man.
He was a good intern. Good enough to invite back. Speaking of Jacksonville. He got two summers out of us, man. He was a good intern.
Good enough to invite back.
Speaking of Jacksonville.
He played a lot of ping pong that second summer.
That's all I'm saying.
Did you know that Jacksonville is not actually the largest city by land area in the United States?
Well, in the continental United States.
In the continental, yes.
Does Alaska count?
There are four in Alaska that are bigger.
That's because there's four cities in Alaska,
and they need to take up the appropriate amount of space to fill out the map.
Sounds about right, yeah.
You guys ever been to Traverse City?
No.
I'm thinking about moving up there.
Let's go.
What's up there?
I thought about –
What's the vibe?
He just doesn't want to be here anymore.
It's like an up north – Will knows.
Up north vibes.
If I didn't move down to Austin, there's a very decent chance that in the next year
I was going to go to Traverse City. Have you brought them up to Harbor Springs yet? No. I tried to have my wedding up there, but that didn't move down to Austin, there's a very decent chance that in the next year I was going to go to Traverse City. Have you brought them
up to Harbor Springs yet? No.
I tried to have my wedding up there, but that didn't work.
He won't invite us, man. Why don't you
get them up there? Honestly, John,
I know you didn't have any ill
intents, but bringing this up on the
pod is a little awkward. Yeah, it's sensitive.
I have a golf
course in mind for y'all to play.
Arcadia Bluffs up there in northern Michigan.
We've heard all about it, John, because he plays there.
It's like he's ashamed of us.
He doesn't want his people to see us or something.
I mean, you guys wouldn't even have to stay with the rent.
You could get a hotel or whatever.
Yeah, they have lodging there.
That's true.
You can find lodging in some capacity.
I mean, if you guys aren't doing anything for Halloween,
we could all scoot up to East Lansing for the football game.
Who do they got?
They got Michigan.
Oh, shit.
Might be a battle of the undefeateds.
I would 100% go to that game.
I always say that when those two teams meet,
there's no love lost.
And you can take the record books.
You just throw them right out.
Has Harbaugh ever beat Michigan State?
Yeah, a couple times.
Yeah.
It's Ohio State he's never beat.
That's correct.
That's the one thing you have to do as a Michigan head coach.
Yeah, dude.
This might be the year, though, Dave.
Hey, man, they're looking pretty good so far.
I feel like Dylan's a Michigan guy.
Yeah, because he's a Texas guy.
Michigan people and Texas people are the exact same people.
Most wins all time.
Such bullshit.
It's true.
They count wins from when they were playing high schools in the 1900s.
Hey, I don't hate Michigan State, by the way.
I know.
I got love for Sparty.
You know our role with the Spartans.
I know Dave does.
Duncanville legends only.
That's it?
You ever heard of Matt McQuaid?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Basketball? Basketball? Yeah. Yeah, bitch. See McQuaid? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Basketball?
Basketball?
Yeah.
Yeah, bitch.
See, you know what I'm talking about.
Oh, yeah.
Didn't he pitch in that movie that you were in?
That was Dennis.
Dennis McQuaid?
Yeah.
These fans are legit, by the way.
This is like a public school principal desk.
Yeah, you're welcome. That's what we were going for. Dylan by the way. This is like a public school principal desk. Yeah, you're welcome.
That's what we were going for.
Dylan's the principal.
Sounds about right.
Are you going to be towering over Dylan?
Have you seen the photos of KJ sitting next to Dylan?
I don't think so.
I've had really bad posture this episode, actually.
See how the camera's at an angle?
It makes you appear to be bigger.
What's weird is that the second John sat up,
he automatically looks much larger than Dylan,
and Dylan is closer to me.
I have naturally broad shoulders.
Dylan's are manufactured in the gym.
You do have broad shoulders.
That's true.
You and Brett have a similar shoulder game.
I know, the blonde bombers.
Let's get them in here.
They could be a problem on the basketball court together.
It takes more than just wide shoulders to be good at basketball, to be fair.
I know, but they're going to be skying over you for rebounds.
This guy cannot sky over me.
I can't right now.
I definitely can't.
But probably give me like six months.
You know, last time you were here, we played a little basketball,
and it was soon after I broke my leg.
Did you really?
Yeah.
That was my first time trying it out. No, when you dunked.
Did you actually
break your leg, though? I fractured it.
It wasn't like a full break. I fractured it, though.
It should have been worse. It's actually the most
remarkable thing I've ever seen.
If you watch it in slow-mo, you're like,
you think it's going to be a disastrous
leg injury. I thought you Kevin-weared
yourself when I first saw it. I thought I did,
too.
Yeah, that's tough. Broken legs. I thought you Kevin-weared yourself when I first saw it. I thought I did too. That's, yeah.
That's tough.
Broken legs. I've never had a broken bone
before my recent injury.
Yours was
about a thousand times worse than mine.
Hey,
not everyone's built different and can get run over by cars
and survive like John and I.
It's very true.
Didn't you just kind of get brushed by the tire?
He's got a nasty scar on his foot.
Yeah, I would not talk shit about my foot
based on how it looks 10 years after the fact.
It's nasty.
I'm just a nasty boy scar.
But scars only make you stronger.
You're a bad boy.
It's a show of strength.
Want to know how I got these scars?
Hey, seriously, what's this bar crawl?
I don't fucking know.
I don't even care anymore.
He did 51 bars in 24 hours.
I don't give a fuck.
This guy sounds like he has a drinking problem.
There wasn't even...
You know what's weak about this?
He sounds like a fucking goober to me.
And he drank...
Guess how much he drank at each bar.
Like one beer?
Four ounces of beer.
Yeah, that doesn't even count.
No.
This dude's soft.
You can't even drink.
You just have to drink one full beer.
He kept going to different bars because no one liked him at the one he was at.
He's like, all right, I'll just go to the next one.
And everyone's like, get out of here.
Also, there wasn't a previous record for this, so they just set it at 50.
And he went to 51.
You know what I bet he was doing when he went in there?
He's probably like, well, precisely.
Can I have...
And then be like, all right, get out of here.
Yes, sir.
Fuck out of here.
He wore a t-shirt that said, world record in progress.
That stinks.
My many saints of Newark impression.
Yeah, I don't know what that is.
What do you think of that?
He even had his boys show up that said, most pubs visited in 24 hours by an individual
official witness.
That's a bunch of boners, man, these guys.
We can break this.
No, these guys are lads.
Well, there was a group that said, even though there was no current holder of most pubs visited by an individual
in 24 hours, 13 people managed to
visit and drink at 250
bars in New York in 24 hours. It set a team
record in September 2011.
We could beat this.
We just got to find a place that has bars open 24
hours and plenty to choose
from. I know y'all have. We did that in New Orleans.
Like children, but
thank you for knowing that.
I came in here, and now after half of this coffee,
I just want to get absolutely twisted with you guys.
We've got to go out tonight.
It does sound good.
It does sound good.
We're getting out one of these nights.
We're going to step out, John.
What day do you leave?
Sunday.
Friday's off.
It's booked already for us.
You know that.
Friday night.
I told Sally she's not going to the wedding anymore,
and I'm taking John as my plus one.
Let's go.
If y'all are out Friday night, we'll be out.
I'll be guy in the suit.
Always the coolest guy at the bar.
I didn't have time to go home and change.
Shit starts at 5 o'clock on Friday.
You can't be me and a guy in a suit if it's after a wedding.
I know, man.
That dude's always ordering shots for everybody.
Dave in a suit is ordering scotch at the bar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
After that bus ride back and after drinking for all those hours straight,
I'd be very surprised if you make it out.
It's not even a long bus ride.
Jerry surprised.
Yeah, I'm sure the bus ride back won't be lit at all.
We'll see about it.
I'm sure nobody will slip me any PEDs.
I don't like that Dylan's already trying to tank the after party.
I'm just saying Saturday might be a better night.
Why not both?
Dylan can't even
turn his head.
You're just making preemptive excuses.
By Friday, I will be
95% mobile again.
I think I'm going to go.
Should we break this dude's record?
That's what I'm saying.
I don't want to go on after 11pm.
Dylan, you're not going to be able to do your
Mick Jagger routine at the wedding.
Dude, his Twitter is, he's the best person on Twitter right now.
I don't even follow him.
I'm on it.
It's really incredible.
Have you not seen this?
He's getting a follow right now.
What does he do?
I mean, he's just, he's dancing.
He's posing for pictures.
Oh, wow.
That's crazy.
It's got like a Magic Johnson vibe to it.
You know how he tweets?
It's just very matter of fact.
Yes.
It's not ironic.
Spartan grade.
If the Lakers score more points, you're going to win the game type stuff.
Yeah, it's not ironic at all, though.
He's just a genuine tweeter.
Yeah, he's very excited about exploring Nashville.
He even went to what appears to be a dump.
That is sick.
But it's funny.
There are the allegations out there that he gets his blood replaced every week.
There's a blood boy from White Fair.
He's got enough money.
Wouldn't you?
Like, if I had the money, I would 100% get new blood.
Absolutely.
I'd be getting my toes licked by beautiful women and get my blood replaced.
At the same time.
Same damn time. just a full transfusion
we should just start a service that does that don't bend me over this desk you know what i'm
saying show me the 50 states i was in yoga yesterday i don't know if you guys know that i
do yoga and i noticed that a lot of the the people in there the young ladies have their toes looking
very nice and my toes are trash your feet guy a feet guy? No, I'm not.
I was looking because my toenails are just – I don't really – I clip them, but not like – I don't put a lot into it.
And I don't – mine are just jacked up and, like, my feet have hair on it.
The knuckles are bad.
Everyone's feet has a little hair on them.
I know, but I just feel like I need to almost wear, like, booties when I'm doing yoga.
Can I read two paragraphs from this article about the dude who broke the world record for...
We're still on this?
Listen to this.
We're talking yoga.
You're about to get sick to your stomach.
Under Guinness World Record rules, Mr. Ellis, who runs a wine merchant in St. Neots,
had to consume 125 milliliters of any drink at each stop,
visit a minimum of 50 pubs, be monitored by witness to get verification from pub staff.
All right, here's where it gets stupid.
I then had to run to the next pub.
It was probably the most difficult thing I've done in my life, added Mr. Ellis,
who largely limited himself to orange juice and diet cola.
He didn't even drink alcohol at these times.
Loser.
Oh, you're done.
You're done, buddy.
What?
I hate this guy.
I'm sorry.
I had to let you allall know he said there's
only so much you can get into your body some of the surreal sites that kept him going were old
men doing the macarena okay and an elderly dj having a whale of a time at two community pubs
didn't even get twisted okay you know dylan has the did you see that dylan lost odds last week
and like has to get a tattoo on his butt i did did see that. We're trying to figure out a buyout for him.
At Micah's wedding, you have to request the Macarena,
and you have to go out there when there's nobody on the dance floor
and just do the Macarena by yourself.
As the person who gets to make the final decision on the bet,
that's not enough for me.
Were the odds so in your favor when you made this bet that you were like, you had a 1 in 100 chance of having a tattoo? That's 1 enough for me. Were the odds so in your favor when you made this bet? One in a hundred.
That you were like...
You had a one in a hundred chance of having a tattoo.
That's one percent, John.
You got to just get the tattoo, man.
Considering what the buyout options they give me, I might just get the tattoo.
Just get a Roman numeral or something.
No, he has to get a very specific tattoo.
A circling back logo, but instead of all three of our faces, just my face three times.
Would you be more likely to do it if it was the actual logo with all of our faces?
I wish it was all of your faces.
I'd rather be one of your faces.
I'll let you do it, all of our faces.
If my face is going to be on your ass, well.
I'm fine with you just doing it the regular logo.
Did you guys ever do brandings in high school?
No, I had some very close friends that were doing it, and the recovery that I saw them endure.
Disgusting. It changed my mentality completely.
At first, I was like, oh, fuck, I wish I would have been there to get branded with them.
And then I saw their arms bubbling for the next six weeks.
I watched a guy light a cigarette, set it on his forearm, and let it burn all the way down.
And he has a huge scar to this day on his forearm.
Damn, he Ryan Cabrera'd that thing all the way down.
What are you doing?
Hell yeah. No one thinks you're cool, man. Dude, that guy probably can't stop that thing all the way down. What are you doing? Hell yeah.
No one thinks you're cool, man.
Dude, that guy probably can't stop
hooking up with chicks.
That's true.
Fair point.
No one's going to acknowledge that,
but that was great.
Thank you.
I didn't get it.
I'm on my Laguna Beach bullshit right now.
Is he still dating Ashley Simpson or whatever?
Maybe.
They were the it couple.
They were the Megyn Kelly and MGK
of the early 2000s.
I don't think he has well.
Stop calling her Megyn Kelly.
Yeah, what's her name?
Megyn Fox. I don't think he aged well. Stop calling her Megan Kelly. Yeah, what's her name? Megan Fox?
I don't think he aged well, man.
It's a lot funnier to imagine
Megan Kelly and MGK dating, though.
They kind of look alike.
I'll look up Ryan Cabrera.
They're just both good-looking people.
Do you remember when Megan Kelly
had that show,
and then she tried to cash in
on the dance craze from Ellen,
and she tried to do
this spontaneous
crazy dance thing so everybody would like her show and it was just real forced and real awkward
nobody knows what i'm talking about i don't but go watch it later why did i do remember ashley
simpson on snl her like lip syncing went awry yeah that was bad she did like a weird hill kick
she did like a leprechaun kick yeah um Isn't that what you do when you get found out?
You just immediately start doing leprechaun kicks?
It's my panic move.
This was peak family guy too, so they did a whole thing about it.
That show's just not great anymore.
Dude, you put off family guy vibes.
No.
Like Stewie Poster in my room.
Swag.
You can't...
Everybody had watched Family Guy at some point.
Yeah.
I watched more like the YouTube clips.
I never actually watched the show.
Hello, YouTubers.
What's next for Internet Party in 2021?
Hold on to that thought, actually.
Since we're talking about television, can we talk about watching stuff?
You ready for this?
Yes.
You ready? Succession's back next week. Dylan, can you hit us with something talk about watching stuff? You ready for this? Yes. You ready?
Dylan, can you hit us with something real quick?
Is it a new sponsor alert? Yeah.
New sponsor. We have a new
sponsor, John.
I know most of you are probably thinking, why don't you just
use incognito mode when you're trying to
see something online that you don't want other people to know about?
Dave? Incognito mode.
Let us tell you something. Incognito mode?
No, it does not hide your activity
It doesn't matter what mode you use
Or how many times you clear your browsing history
Your internet service provider
Can still see every single website you've ever visited
And that's why
Even when we're at home
We never go online without using ExpressVPN
Doesn't matter who your internet service provider is
ISPs in the US can legally sell your information to ad companies
I don't like that.
I don't want my information sold.
Me neither.
Dave's crushed over here.
No, no.
Dave's freaking out right now.
I knew all that.
I was like, yeah.
I definitely knew all of that.
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You're protected, Dylan.
You telling me all you have to do is tap one button
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You won't see a better read for a first-time sponsor than what Will just did right there.
Oh, he's a pro, man.
I'm in my bag.
You certainly won't hear it.
You certainly won't hear it.
I'll definitely, definitely, I'm going to start really leaning into the ExpressVPN
now that I know that my information is just being sold
at a rapid clip
you guys have already low key been using it right?
yeah
we were in the need for a VPN when we were doing some
Love Island watching out of the UK
I need Dave to come in
with some heavy breathing during those
ad reads
like he's so he's so into the read Come in with some heavy breathing during those ad reads.
Like he's so into the read and what the offer is.
Have you seen The Honk If You're Horny?
I haven't. I think you should leave yet.
No.
Okay.
Slap him up, though.
Okay.
It's not the best.
I hate that.
You know what it is?
Our Christmas party is going to end with all of us dumping water onto our steaks.
It's so annoying.
You know what that show is?
It's like the, you know, like in SNL.
Because he was on SNL, right?
Or something.
I've seen him on something.
I don't know.
There's a lot of SNL influence, a lot of cast members.
But it's like, you know, like the weird sketches from SNL that like they always do one.
Like they'll let Kyle Mooney do some shit. And you're like you're like okay that's kind of funny but i could see how people
would hate it it's just that yeah and 80 of them are really funny and the ones that aren't that
funny i don't i'm not mad that i watched the owner of the restaurant comes over he's like i
no sloppy steaks tonight like oh we're good we're good
stupid show.
I'm actually surprised you like that show.
Dave got me onto it like three days ago.
Yeah, I was pretty early on it three days ago.
I took an early bird.
Shout out to early bird and just laid on my couch.
I don't belly laugh.
I've been accused many times of not laughing.
I don't think that's true anymore.
They pour the water on the steaks, John.
I saw the show that's true anymore. They pour the water on the steaks, John. I saw the show.
They're sloppy.
The dumb thing is I'd seen the memes
for like the last six months and I just
thought the memes were funny and I didn't even know what they were.
Where the guy just steals
the other guy's burger at dinner.
He's just eating his burger.
And then he makes him record a video that says
he's going to kill the CEO. No, the president.
The president. Say you're going to kill the president so I can record you.
What the hell?
Dylan loves this shit.
It's so stupid.
So what's next for Internet Party in 2021?
Man, I don't know.
All right.
Sick.
We don't really have any plans.
It's only October.
It's Q4 early.
It's always Q4 in this office, man.
It's early Q4.
You're right.
We have a sense of urgency here.
I got you.
You guys work hard and you play hard.
Is that the mantra here?
I don't know.
I was looking into maybe getting up on YouTube, seeing if we could start filming this shit.
Hello, YouTubers.
He's going to get up on the YouTube.
I know it's a like a generational
gap thing i just don't understand why people like watching podcasts on on youtube but it's a thing
so that's a very big thing that's what i'm looking at next for for internet party have you thought
about becoming a tiktok sensation no i can't i can't get into TikTok.
It's too much for me.
It's a slippery slope.
It's hard.
It's difficult.
Are you on it?
Is Washed Media on TikTok?
We are.
Circling back.
We've gone viral, sir.
So, yeah, I think we're on TikTok.
I feel like it's very easy to go viral on TikTok.
I think I agree with John here.
I'm very proud of us.
I am too.
What do you guys do?
Do you do the dances?
I've never even...
Well, Dylan's about to have to do one
for a buyout, but...
Yeah, all you have to do
is just go do the Applebee's thing
in front of an Applebee's.
Oh, God.
That one is bad.
What about bleaching my two-hole, man?
Can I do that?
I think at this point
you just get the tattoo.
He's not going to get the tattoo.
There's a lot of hemming and hawing.
Here's the question that everyone's been wondering.
They didn't say what size it had to be.
How does Bay feel about another ass tattoo?
You already have one?
Yeah.
Show it to John.
When I was 18, I got one.
You don't have to show the cameras, but show John right now.
I don't want to show him right now.
Is it a smiley face?
No.
What is it? It's a duck. face no what is it it's a duck i should know this you should duck yeah yeah i don't know i don't think i've seen it if i could like that's like so frat yeah it's the ducks unlimited logo when i got it
yeah dylan dylan didn't join because it would cost money so he wanted he still wanted a bumper
sticker and instead he just got an ass he's got the tat now how about this instead of a tattoo when I got it. Yeah, Dylan didn't join because it would cost money so he still wanted a bumper sticker
and instead he just got
an ass tattoo.
He just got the tat.
How about this?
Instead of a tattoo,
Dylan brings back
the TFM forums.
That's also a good call.
I no longer have access
to the back end
of TotalFratMove.com.
Speaking of access
to back ends,
can we light a cigarette
on your other butt cheek
and let that burn down
completely
and that will burn down completely?
And that will be your punishment?
I'd rather get a tattoo.
You won't let us brand your ass with a cigarette?
No.
You've gone real soft lately.
Man, the booty meat for a tattoo, very painful place to get a tattoo.
Very painful.
Cool Adam told me the other day that it doesn't even hurt to get tattoos.
He's like, nah. Depends where you get them.
He met our intern.
He said it.
I haven't met him. They call me Cool John whenever I smoke weed get tattoos. He's like, nah. Depends where you get them. He met our intern. He said it. I haven't met him.
A-bomb.
They call me Cool John whenever I smoke weed, though.
That's sick.
Why?
Do you just get really cool?
Just feel like really chill.
Have you been getting some sick strains lately?
I only smoke mids, actually.
That's a good thing to do.
We only smoke the stickiest weed out there.
Oh, I have like seeds in my shit.
It's like crackles and pops.
It's terrible.
The ambiance with the crackles.
Just get a headache.
I love it.
I bought a dime bag from some high school kid the other day.
I think it was just pencil shavings.
Yeah?
Is he like your neighbor or something?
Yeah.
I was just like, yeah, dude, I'll take a dime bag.
They're calling me Dime Bag Dave.
Really?
That's sick.
Do we want to answer the question I have on this rundown just so we don't completely
depart from what we were doing or do we just want to skip it because i'll do either no no no this is
good we need to talk about this tim mcgraw recently uh forgot some lyrics during his show and when
people made fun of him they uh he jumped off stage and tried to fight them and it just made me wonder
which country singer would be the worst to get beat up by wait he's that sensitive about it like
the guy the guy has more money than he knows what to do with.
Seriously, how does he look?
This is not his first time getting, like, booed.
No, he's Tim McGraw.
Do you remember he got groped, too, while he was on stage?
He is very jacked if you didn't know that.
He's in extremely good shape.
He's got Westlake hormone replacement dad working out at Gold's Gym vibes.
But he has no fat on his body.
He is absolutely ripped.
Yeah, but his music absolutely stinks.
His music does stink, yeah.
Except for Indiana.
So the question is,
which country singer would you least like
to get beat up by?
Who does the Applebee's song?
Walker Hayes, I believe his name is.
There's no way that's his real name.
I just wanted to say that.
I was going to say Chris Gaines.
Is he the one with the alter ego?
Yeah, it's Garth Brooks' alter ego.
I would hate to get beat up by Chris Gaines.
There's another country musician who has an alter ego.
Because he has that flavor saver, you know?
And you don't want to get beat up by a guy with a flavor saver. Why did he do that? Can saver you know and you don't want to get up beat up by a guy why did the flavors why did he do that can i just say i don't know can i just say walker hayes looks
like an absolute alpha yeah i would kick the shit out of yeah his i can't believe he actually
recorded that terrible song he's got the jaw jaw like the jaw of a fucking something that has a big jaw dude he's fancy like he is huge yeah i'm not fucking with him what about like keith urban his jaw is too much i'll
say it i would try to kiss fight keith urban i don't want to get beat up by a guy whose hair
looks like that keith urban has a flavor saver no yeah he does he saves flavor he's australian
you know how did he get credibility within the game if he was Australian? That's what I never understood. He's actually
a fantastic guitar player.
As far as country
goes, if he's on the radio,
he's not notably better or worse than anybody else
on the radio. Is he still married to Nicole Kidman?
I think they separated.
I bet George
Strait could beat the fuck out of somebody.
I can't get over the jawline.
Yeah, he's a tiny lad.
Look at this guy's jaw.
There's no way he's getting Oreo shakes,
because that jawline, it just screams that he only eats red meat.
He's like Kenny Chesney then.
Looks like he eats marbles.
Yeah, he's a tiny lad too.
Yeah, they're both.
Kenny Chesney used to be jacked, though.
Would it be worse to get your ass kicked by a mega country star, Garth,
or the new country that we kind of rip on.
Or what about the Rascal Flatts guy with his bedazzled jeans and his spiked frosted tips?
No, he doesn't.
His hands are free.
He's the king of whiny, nasally country music.
He's got pipes, baby.
No, he doesn't, dude.
He's trash.
I want Miranda Lambert to absolutely bring that hurt on.
Back me up.
On Rascal Flatts? Rascal Flatts. baby no he doesn't dude he's trash i want miranda lambert to absolutely bring the hurt back me up on rascal flats rascal flats there's a couple uh i miss mayberry oh here we go sitting on the porch
drinking ice cold cherry coke where everything is black and white that's a terrible line
it's a good song it's it's not i would actually prefer to get my ass kicked for, like, the story.
So give me, like, I'm going to go, like, 90s.
Give me, like, Tracy Lawrence.
Travis Tritt.
Travis Tritt.
Oh, yeah.
Give me a Randy Travis.
Oh, he's just out there.
And then he can dig up my bones.
He's going to dig up your bones.
Get out of my face with that.
And then put me back together, and it's just Skeleton Dave.
I want Pat Green to beat the shit out of me and then sing Wave on Wave for all the people in the crowd asking for it people forget that i'm in that music video
is that true what are you doing in it it's it was filmed at a concert wow can you actually spot you
in the video probably yeah probably probably definitely some of my friends are in it probably
where was it like like daytona beach or something it was at the backyard
which no longer exists is now a uh strip center in bk and what is down the road what isn't though
you know what's a strip center strip mall strip oh okay this is a great time to remind everyone
that micah once got um absolutely crumpled by toby keith's entourage that's true i would tell
you to go back and listen to that entire story on Touching Base,
but I think that episode has sadly fallen by the wayside.
You can have him on again.
He claims that Toby was walking by to go to the state, I don't know,
walking through the crowd, and Micah gave him the double birds.
I feel like there's more to it.
I feel like that alone wouldn't trigger.
I feel like Toby Keith probably said something that
wasn't agreeable with Micah's
politics and then Micah came
at him for that.
He did. I think he said that we'll put a boot in their
ass. It's the American way.
That sounds about right.
He's kind of an alpha dude
though.
Micah's alpha as fuck.
Toby Keith whips your ass nine times out of ten.
And that's fine.
It's facts.
This says he's 6'3", and I know we always take two inches off for celebs.
I think he might be taller than 6'3".
He's thick, too, man.
I think he puts out 6'5 vibes to me.
Do we take two inches off for celebs?
I didn't know that.
You have to.
Just like basketball, man.
Why are the actors, like every actor in Hollywood is like 5'6".
It's hard to say why.
Is it easier to be on camera if you're the similar height as like somebody else there?
So if you have like a love interest, it's better for taping if you're similar heights?
That might be true.
I don't know.
That's the only thing I can come up with as to why they're all short.
Like isn't Efron like, how tall is Efron?
He's a little fella.
He's tiny.
Cousin Greg's tall.
Yeah.
He's a big boy.
We stay in our short cans.
This says Efron's 5'8".
Dave Franco, 5'7".
But, like, every famous actor is that, like, is short.
I just don't understand.
Tom Cruise, famously.
I don't understand why.
Did y'all see the photo of Tom Cruise at the ballgame,
and everybody said he looked like Norm MacDonald?
Yeah, he looks a little bloated, puffy.
Yeah, you know.
It was probably his body double sent out there by the Church of Scientology.
You guys noticed one of his teeth?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Have you talked about this before?
Yeah.
One of y'all, maybe it was you, in the bullpen at the old office.
In the center of his face.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
If you watch, like now if I watched Jerry Maguire recently It's like in the bullpen at the old office. In the center of his face. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's off-putting.
Yeah, if you watch, like now if I watched Jerry Maguire recently and I couldn't stop looking at his teeth.
Yeah.
Show me the money.
That's my impression.
Okay.
Show me the money.
Ready?
Let me help you.
Did you cross that? Help me help you. Help me help you. I cross that help me help you help me help you
i've been working on this one you complete me
hey hold on hold on can i can i do my renee zellweger you be here i'll be tom okay
you had me at hello i'm gonna fuck this guy i thought he was renee this guy hey this guy you want steaks i
can get you off my own that's irishman never watched it it's fucking not good it's so dude
irishman was good i never watched it was too long but it was good it was really if netflix
separated out into episodes,
I would probably be more likely to go watch it right now.
That's what they should have done with The Saints of Newark.
They should have done a six-episode thing.
I felt like they were playing into the characters too much.
The banter wasn't believable.
They did the O's way too much.
It wasn't believable.
They did the O's way too much.
The guy who played Pauly was... He just...
Not Pauly.
Silvio?
Sil.
People were saying he was the best.
Really?
Because of the...
Here's the thing.
Kind of leaned into that.
That thing.
Silvio was always an unbelievable character.
That's the thing.
Even in the regular Sopranos, there's not a guy out there like Silvio.
No one's just walking around like that.
Yeah, it's hard. I feel like it'd be
really hard to cast that movie. There's a lot of
pressure to casting Saints of New York. I thought
the guy who played Junior was very good.
I thought so. Yeah, he didn't try to do too
much. Well, they made him say
the varsity athlete line like seven
times, which is probably a little much.
A little Easter egg, Will.
Have you not seen The Sopranos?
We're not even past October right now.
I'm not going to think about Easter.
I get why people who haven't seen The Sopranos
would be annoyed by all...
It's the same thing as Squid Game or Ted Lasso
or any of those other shows.
You're super into Ted Lasso, though, right?
Yeah, you're a big Lasso guy.
I'm not a Lasso head.
Is that what they're called?
You don't like it?
It's fine.
I don't know.
It's fine.
It's a feel-good show, man.
Is it, though?
Yeah.
The second season.
I feel like season two beat me down a little bit.
Yeah.
Well, life isn't all apples and cherries.
But with soccer, it is the backdrop instead of.
Never watched scrubs.
What?
Same.
What's that dude's name?
See, Dylan, I feel like you're like a murder-she-wrote guy.
How old do you think I am?
Murder-she-wrote.
Like you saying that you liked I Think You Should Leave put me off a little.
I've got kinds of weird shit, man.
I'm very diverse.
I'm just not a Zach Braff guy.
I kind of am, actually.
Garden State is fire.
Do you watch House?
It's fine.
No.
I didn't either.
So you probably watch Burn Notice, you and J-Bone.
I did not watch Burn Notice.
Fuck.
Tonight might be a Burn Notice, if you know what I mean.
Oh, he's going to burn tonight, dude. Fuck. Tonight might be a burn notice. You know what I mean?
Didn't you either you coin J-Bone
or he...
I coined it.
Tell us. I knew there was some
involvement with you that I bet he will deny.
I was just calling him J-Bone.
That's not how I remember it.
That's it. How do you remember it?
I remember he just showed up to the office one day
and says, I'm going to start going by J- showed up to the office one day and says, like,
I'm going to start going by J-Bone.
Everyone call me that.
We were like, yeah, okay, whatever.
No, I'm actually pretty positive I did have something to do with that.
I thought you were calling yourself J-Bone and then Jared took it from you.
I don't think that was happening.
I could be wrong, though.
That was a long time ago.
I do remember, and Micah, if you're listening, don't think that was happening i could be wrong though that was a long time ago i do remember um and micah if you're listening don't don't be offended but um he would always come in to the
office like it was like you know 8 15 in the morning and he'd just be really chipper and
corporate and be like damn man shut up so good to see you guys. Get out. For Micah's first month.
Two hours.
For Micah's first month, it seemed like he had just read How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Yeah.
And was like trying to implement it in our media department.
And everybody was just like, yeah, man, what?
What the fuck?
He was reading that and the game.
Yeah.
Trying to pick up chicks.
He was just trying to pick up co-worker
friends. It worked.
Hey, since we're on the topic of
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Yeah, hit it.
Bae can't keep her hands off me, John, when I wear this stuff.
I've seen you with your shirt off.
You think I'm kidding?
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Let's freaking go.
Let's go.
Hey, Dylan, what are you doing this weekend?
Yeah, thank you for asking, Will.
I have a pretty big weekend.
I'm not going to lie. Friday,
you guys are going too, but I will be at the
Micah and Boo Boo
wedding. I cannot wait.
I have a new suit. I'll be debuting.
Highly anticipated.
I can't wait, man. What color is it? Off the rack.
JCPenney. Yeah, what color is it? It's not off the rack.
What color? I'm answering the question.
What color? It's gray. It is
fucking heat. Wow, dude. No one's ever worn a gray
suit before. So boring. That's sick, dude.
A gray suit? Really?
It's fucking heat. When you go into the place
to buy a suit, do you have to ask the guy what color
everything is? Oh, man.
Yeah, actually. Thanks for... Yes.
Are you going to the trading floor?
Anyway. Are you going asc the trading floor? Anyway.
Are you going ascot or no ascot?
He's going to a deposition.
I'm doing ascot.
Oh, I might have to buy a new tie.
That reminds me.
Should I do bolo?
Is it bolo season?
I bet you won't, bitch.
It's ascot eating season.
Nice.
Bolo would be fire.
Anyway.
I actually was thinking about getting a new tie for this as well.
Dylan, do you wear boots with your suits?
I have. I will not be doing that this weekend, however. Well, I actually was thinking about getting a new tie for this as well. Dylan, do you wear boots with your suits? I have. I will not be doing
that this weekend, however.
Well, I may. We'll see.
Are you looking at me to see if I was going to say boots with the fur?
No. You were. It was also going through my head, but that's not why
I looked at you. Okay.
If you were an intern in D.C.
and you interned for a
Texas congressman or senator,
you basically had
to wear the boots. You to um i'm gonna get a
pair this week um is okay if i go on with my weekend is that cool y'all yeah dude sure yeah
everyone cares actually i have nothing the rest of the weekend nothing so you you made a stink
just so you could say you had nothing else going on i want to hopefully link with john at some
point i would hope so in your it doesn't really seem like you want to, though. Yeah, I do.
I'm just saying, Friday, after we get off the bus and we're drinking for six hours straight,
it's not super likely that we want to start bopping around.
I will.
I'm going to 52 bars that night.
Not with that attitude.
I'm just saying it's going to be challenging.
Have you guys, for a video, you should do the smelling salts that they give the NFL players?
Dave's familiar with these.
Dave's done them. If you bring smelling salts to one of our meetups,
I'll do one. And I have done it before with listeners.
So yeah, just get some of those.
Or drink a Red Bull. Hopefully
Lincoln with you Saturday or Friday. Have one
espresso martini. Like, what's your problem?
Or Dylan. Oh my god, y'all are so
fucking annoying. Thank you. No offense.
There's other things you can do too. There are.
Like what, David? Heard about that.
I don't do coke, man.
Nope, not talking about that. Espresso?
I was saying Afrin so your allergies
don't get you down on Friday night. Oh, thank you.
That's a nasal spray. Chill out, dude.
Actually, the nasal spray does give you a little
buzz. I did some this morning.
Just saying.
I wanted to be on my best behavior for
Judah. That concludes my weekend
in fun, if you guys would like to talk about yours. Dave, what are you
doing this weekend? I want to start mine off by also
talking about the time I used
the same deodorant as John, I think.
And it also, not only did it make my
arms burn, but it gave me like a little rash.
So I now only
use Hawthorne's aluminum-free.
Well, just to be well uh they also just
be clear they also have stuff with aluminum in it sure that's your thing like high school when i was
super self-conscious about the pit stains so everyone had them though that's what you have
to remember like did you guys ever go um i used to for some reason i would wear a white undershirt
under all of my like the shirt that I was going to wear out.
Oh, yeah.
You thought it was protecting you from the pit stain, but I think it might have just made you sweat more.
No, it definitely made you sweat more, but it made it show less on the outside.
It was also, I weighed like 90 pounds, so it just made me look a little more like thick.
Yeah, I had an Abercrombie shirt.
We were talking about Abercrombie before the pod.
I had one that was like a fake ski resort, and I used to wear a t-shirt under that t-shirt. Damn, that's swag. Yeah, I had an Abercrombie shirt. We were talking about Abercrombie before the pod. I had one that was like a fake ski resort,
and I used to wear a T-shirt under that T-shirt.
Dang, that's swag.
Yeah, dripping.
You know how I know?
You could always tell the kids who didn't have Abercrombie,
they were Aeropostale kids, because they would call it Ambercrombie.
Ambercrombie.
Dave, you had one of the hats with the frayed brim, right?
Oh, yeah, I frayed it myself.
Put a fish hook in it.
Then I cut it into a visor.
This is all true. I feel like Dave was more of an Etnies guy.
No, this is like I went from skater to hard pivot Abercrombie guy
like in ninth grade when it was still kind of cool.
Then 10th grade they started doing novelty shirts with cocks on them.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, dude, that's funny.
There was a bikini.
Yeah, and then I kind of got out of it.
I don't know.
We had a dress code implemented, and I just wore red T-shirts.
I'm going to Micah's wedding.
After Micah's wedding, I'll be meeting John.
Let's go.
Assuming John's out.
Saturday, weather looks fantastic.
Little woodrows.
I would like to throw – yeah, there's probably some games on, football games.
Who's Michigan State got?
Indiana.
Trap game.
Randy's a Purdue guy.
I don't know why I'm looking at him.
Boiler up.
Let's go, Randy.
But, yeah, so, you know, I'll be around.
And that's it.
I'll yield my time to John.
Well, what about Will?
He always goes last, but Will, if you want to hop in.
No, I'll go. I don't care. John can do it.
I don't have shit going on.
I took the whole week off, so
I'm going to be partying tonight,
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Wow. If anyone wants to meet me out
that's listening to this,
just hit me up. Hit my line.
Bang my line. Party time. Bang my line.
How will they know it's you when they see you out?
I got a mullet.
I've got kind of a fucked up leg, so it looks like I'm wearing a prosthetic, but it's not.
I can assure you.
I wouldn't judge you if you had a prosthetic leg.
I know.
It'd be perfectly fine.
Yeah, they're kind of sick.
I just need to get back on the squat rack.
You know what I'm saying?
It makes me nervous even thinking about you squatting with that thing, man.
I know.
Please don't.
Just give it up.
Well, I have to.
I have to build it back up.
Rehab.
But, yeah, I mean, I'm going to go.
I'm going to hit some restaurants.
I've got a resi at a higher-end spot on Friday night.
And I might go to – I wanted to do Matt's,
but I guess that's not a thing here anymore.
What's a thing?
El Alamo.
El Alma.
El Alma.
Alma.
El Alma.
Slightly more upscale and just a cool vibe.
Oh, okay.
Better food.
Yeah, so I might do that.
I'm craving some Tex-Mex, so.
Go to Matt's, dude.
Maybe I'll go for lunch.
I don't know.
Their lunch specials are delightful, John.
Oh, all right.
Delightful.
I really just want the queso dip.
That's fine.
We still do Matt's, by the way.
Yeah, I still do it hard.
Okay.
We fuck with it heavy.
Can you walk in for lunch?
You don't need to res.
Correct.
They don't even take resies.
It's Wednesday.
Even for dinner.
Yeah, the easiest way to get a table immediately is to go in before 5 o'clock on any day.
All right.
I might do a Perla's trip too.
I don't hate that.
I don't hate that.
Some oisties?
I don't have much going on this weekend outside of what you guys are doing.
I'm kind of going to fly by the seat of my pants.
Yeah, you should bring the dog actually because I have a dog at my house
that's going to want to mess around.
I'm putting on Who Let the Dogs Out at every bar I go to.
All 52. I'm going to put on The W Out at every bar I go to. All 52.
I'm gonna put on the wreck of Edmund Fitzgerald
and bum everyone out.
Dude, now's the time.
We're about to hit those gales
in November. Dylan doesn't even know what we're talking about.
Have you ever heard the Edmund Fitzgerald song?
You weren't forced to sing it as a child in school?
I'm not even sure what you're talking
about, so no. Yeah, I think that's a Michigan thing.
Pure Michigan.
Dylan, do you want to come over at 9 a.m. for the Manchester United game
on Saturday morning?
I actually would love to.
For sure, I'll be there.
Dude, come over. What's wrong with that?
I stayed out too late last night.
I went to bed at 11 after the wedding.
I can't believe you're going in on me right now.
I'll just put you in the fryer.
Hold on.
I got you in the frying pan right now.
I can't believe deleting a latte
during the pod made me pee.
Are we doing deleting
in front of lattes right now?
Wow.
What did I miss?
What happened here?
Sorry.
I got wild there.
You really did.
You know what the damn weekend is for, right?
Having some fun?
For the boys.
That's just Saturday, man.
What?
What happened in the 30 seconds I was not in here?
That's the saying, right?
The IQ level went down a lot when you left the room.
That's a first.
Should we get out of here?
What are you doing this week?
I didn't get to hear it.
Tell me now.
I'm going to Micah's wedding with you.
Okay.
And then I'm hanging out with John.
We'll see about it.
I want Dave so drunk after the wedding that he's in his suit trying to talk oil and gas to some stranger at the bar.
But you're just actually speaking in tongues.
Ask and you shall receive.
The thing about oil is you got to buy low and sell high.
You know, Putin says it could hit $100 a barrel.
That'll be my talking point.
Okay.
Putin. Okay. Is it time yeah john thank you for joining us
go subscribe to internet party thanks for that yeah thanks john appreciate it