Citation Needed - Battles with Purported Divine Intervention

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

https://www.cracked.com/article_18894_6-real-historic-battles-decided-by-divine-intervention.html   and    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Mons

Oh, hi, it's Zach Peter, your new favorite pop culture guru serving you the hottest tea three times a week from the latest news on the Real Housewives, deep dives into celebrity legal scandals, unfiltered combos with your favorite stars, and of course the latest from Vanderpumpland, I've got you covered, and new episodes of the podcast are now available in video on Spotify, and they don't just let anybody do video, but this Platinum Blonde has won them over. So if you want the latest news from the ultimate T-spilling professional,

tune in to No Filter with Zach Peter. That's No Filter with Zach Peter on your favorite podcast app now. Look, it's a lightsaber, not a sword, so I can't tell you what style Balan has. Well, I really don't like to be the guy you have on speed dial when you can't figure out what kind of sword someone's using. Okay, I'll talk to you later, Marsh. Okay.

Cecil, this is your Lord in heaven. Oh, okay, it sounds a little like Eli doing a deep voice. No, I am here to give you your commandments. And you probably found the reverb on the mixing board sounds like. That's not what it's called. This is totally God. And if you follow your commandments, I will help you win your battles.

Oh, okay, I see. I see. So for this week's show on battles decided by divine intervention. This is what this is like, the shenanigans. Dumpa go right? Huh? Yeah, yeah, so, um, to your God. So what are my commandments?

You need to set aside time for brunch. Any particular place I should perhaps go to brunch? A vegan place would be nice once in a while. Okay, any other commandments? All desk drawers should be stocked full of mango nectar. Well, you sure you don't want me to put it in the fridge? I mean, no, if it's too cold, it hurts my throat. Oh, I'm just afraid.

All right. Any others? You have to answer your phone on the second ring without looking at caller ID. And what do I get out of it? You win, battles, and stuff. Well, look, I would, but I already signed up for Heath's religion the other day, and his commitment say that we can never answer the phone no matter how many times it rings. Oh, wow. What did he offer you in return?

Nothing. That's basically paradise on Earth, man. Yeah, that tracks. Oh, and all the scotches holy water, too. Mm-hmm. Yep. Sure. Hello and welcome to Cytation Needed. The podcast where we choose to subject read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because it's the internet.

And that's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick and I'll be leading you down the warpath this evening, but I'll need some super troopers. First up, who men who might not believe in God, but God believes in them. Cecil and Noah. Okay, but Jesus is gonna carry me across a beach. He better not skip fucking leg day. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Also, I'm just carrying me over the water. You stingy bastard. That's your whole thing.

It's right there. We're at the fucking beach. And also James tonight. A man who only prays on Jimmy John Sandwich shops. Tom. Yeah, I love that, but the smells are free. Also, if you intimidate the manager enough, so is everything else.

So, sorry. So, before we begin tonight, I wanna take a moment to thank our patrons. Thank you, patrons, but hey, if you enjoy us saying mean things to people, have you considered having us say mean things for you? That's right, it's that time of year Volgarity for Charity when we do good by being oh so very bad. Send your proof of donation to

Volgarity for Charity at gmail.com and you could hear us say mean things about the people that you don't like. And with that out of the way, tell us know what person place thing concept, phenomenon or event. We'll be talking about today. We'll be talking about battles with purported divine intervention. Ooh, and Cecil, you've read the scripture and they lifted high your sword. Are you ready to lead us forward into knowledge? Well, it took me a while to pick one, but I did settle on one of my many swords to lead us, yes. I bet you did. So, tell us about some times there were battles with the porpoise.

Whatever you know as that. So for this week, I wanted to do one topic. But since its entry is poultry on Wikipedia, I had to search for other stuff to fill in the gaps. So I found a cracked article that led me to several Wikipedia articles so I could bolster the topic. So shout out to cracked for linking all these together. I wasn't surprised to find numerous examples of battles retrospectively attributed to divine intervention because we are a weirdly religious species. Yeah, I'd be way more interested in the battles where we were like, that one was us. That

was just us all there by ourselves that time. I'm just proud to be part of an intellectual endeavor that on the rare occasion when Wikipedia isn't a false, some enough source turns to crack.com. How do you do? What is still so good, so good. Let's start with the battle of Tonga or the battle of the bees. That quite the buzzer on that. Which took place 109 years ago. Tomorrow.

We took place 109 years ago. Tomorrow. November 12, 1914. This is a battle that takes place in the early stages of the First World War. The British and Indian forces tried to attack and capture Tonga, which is in German East Africa, which is now Tanzania. This was a port city and was approached by the British ship the HMS Fox. The captain, Francis Wade Caffield, came ashore and gave the city one out to surrender and lower their flag. Damn, an hour, how high up was this flag? So high, the only way to reach it was to send Mario to jump to the top of the flag. They're right. They're running. Well, that's why you needed a running clock, right? So you could pause at the right time and get the fireworks.

The captain demanded a no if the city had mined the harbor. And they assured him that the harbor was in fact mine and they lied. The captain went back out to his boat and he waited patiently for the people in the town all over the flag. They instead set up defenses to prepare for the attack. And after three hours, Captain Caulfield left to escort the 14 troop transports that were planning to head ashore and capture the town. And then he spent the next day and a half sweeping the harbor for mines that weren't there.

And then he told his troops to land on one of the beaches that he was, he had determined was mind free. Hey, we're about to invade and kill you. I mean, unless you have mines, you have mines. Yeah, tell us. Yeah. But now I feel like I'm a, I live in this town and I see them doing this shit. I'm gonna spend the entire time putting up like, beware of the rabid crocodile science in this shit, right? When they landed, they were met by Doug and German troops. And just like that old saying, someone stirring up a horn in its nest, well, the invading troops did just that except these were African bees.

Now, the bees didn't pick a side here, but the English got the worst of it. Here is a quote from book called Gorilla. Quote, the furious bees were given a wide birth by the Africans who knew one thing could lay a man low. Many of the troops were stung so badly that their faces and arms swelled up to become unrecognizable. One officer who was laying unconscious on the field was stung into consciousness and

thus survived and quote. So I guess the guy was it was like reverse divine intervention for that one guy. Okay. Did they do a B time out or was everyone just ignoring it like a crying baby on a flight? The next one. Wait, I'm sorry, that's it. God's Divine intervention was just, ah, bees. That was well, well, the diligent scholars had cracked, have decided it belongs as Divine intervention. And who am I to argue with those scholars?

No, you're right. You're right. Yeah. I'm trying to get a second place to drop out, guys. They really are. This next one is the battle of Ireland. This next one is the battle of Long Island, also known as the Battle of Brooklyn. Took place on August 27, 1776.

It was one of the early battles of the American Revolutionary War, pinning the British Army, led by a general William Howe against the American continental army, commanded by General George Washington. The British sought to capture New York and use Long Island as a launching point. They landed a significant force on the island and rapidly moved against the American positions. They landed at night and no one but the commanders knew the plan, which really seems like a bad idea, but there it is. No, I get it. I have no idea why people from the island come to the city either. So I can just see. See, so the thing is you can't tell anyone on Long Island the plan. They're next thing

you know, a bunch of ladies with horrible accents and long nails and tall hair are going to scream talk. The whole thing's so loud. so loud. You're all the way in the lower Manhattan. That's true. That's true. Now, George Washington had anticipated the attack. Maybe you heard one of those ladies from Manhattan. And then he stationed troops in a defensive positions around Brooklyn Heights. They were stopping and frisking anyone selling cigarettes. However, the Americans were outflanked due to a critical mistake in not guarding the Jamaica pass adequately, allowing the British to mount a surprise attack on the American left flank. This maneuver forced the condolomia into a dire situation, being nearly trapped between

the British forces and the East River. Yeah, plus the G wasn't running, so they had no means of escape. This game is never running. They were, they were probably like, oh, no, we could retreat to Staten Island and everybody is like, okay, so fight the last man. Then we're just going to stay here. In the street, you have just a tonner. Sing, Nudie.

Recognizing the grabbed the situation and the potential for a catastrophic defeat, Washington ordered a retreat. In a remarkable stroke of luck, a dense fog settled over the area on the night of August 29 and 30th, obscuring the American movements. Using this cover, Washington and his troops made a stealthy and orderly evacuation across the East River to Manhattan without detection by the British. This miraculous fog played a pivotal role in saving the bulk of the continental army from capture or possible annihilation. So God wanted them to run away like cowards successfully.

Yes. You were a thug. He said, it looks so far. He's got bees where bees live and fog and a foggy place that a time of data tends to be foggy. I don't mind saying this is a shitty guy. So let's stay in the US for the burning of Washington, which occurred on August 24, 1814 during the war of 1812.

Confusing. Okay. This was a war between the United States and the British Empire that had seen a series of military actions with varying outcomes for both sides. In 1814, the British had decided to launch a strategic strike at the American capital Washington, D.C. Partly, as retaliation for the American attack on the city of York, which is present day Toronto in 1813.

Yeah, today the victims of that attack in Toronto are memorialized with a dispensary on every corner. Potentially pretty beautiful. It's not how I'd want to be remembered, yeah. Not short term remembered, but a British force led by major general

Robert Ross quickly routed a larger American force at the Battle of Bladensburg, clearing the way to Washington. No word if General Bob Ross painted any happy trees. Now, I am not going to talk about the Battle of Bladensburg because it could be a great show on its own, but I will quote from Wikipedia here, it is the quote, greatest disgrace ever dealt to American arms and quote with little resistance left. The British forces entered Washington, place, not the person. See, my vote for greatest disgrace of American arms is the mock arena, but you know, to each his own, each his own.

All right, Eli, I will see your mockarena and I will raise you a gangnam style since we're clearly not worried about the dance being American and origin for this joke. How dare you? The British targeted key governmental and military buildings for destruction to demoralize the American government and its citizens. The White House, the Capitol and other structures were set ablaze. However, the British did not target private property or residences, focusing on public buildings as a statement of power and retaliation.

President Madison fled with other members of the government and stayed in the small town of Brookville, which is known as the U.S. Capitol for a day. President Madison stayed the night in a Quaker's house by the name of Caleb Bentley. And it's now known as the Madison house. So take that Caleb. And in true American style, we've proven we don't need the British for nothing. Now we'll invade our own Capitol building like a patriot. It really says something that the British were like way less barbaric about it when they

did it in the fucking 19th century war. Isn't it? It's about four days after the attack began, a sudden storm came into Washington, DC. It's referred to in the Wikipedia article as a very heavy thunderstorm, a possible hurricane and a hurricane that spun off a tornado. And a tornado that turned into a wildfire, and then a wildfire that began an earthquake, which spun a landslide, bumped a bowling ball and rolled into a basket. The storm was so strong, it lifted two cannons and dropped them on the British soldiers killing them.

The Brits ran back to their ships, which were also damaged and they limped out of port. There's a terrible storm. Quick, to the safety of a boat. Some say the storms scared the British back, but others claim that they were just there to break shit, not occupy. So when it was all broken, they just left. Also, the storm probably did much more or more damage than the sacking quote, the rain sizzled and cracked the already charred walls of the White House and ripped away at structures. The British had no plans to destroy such as the patent office. The storm may have exacerbated an already dire situation for Washington DC. Yeah, it feels more like God was coming in like that friend who throws a sucker punch just when it looks like you're going to avoid a bar fight. So yeah, that

sounds like God to me. Sorry. I feel like if there was divine intervention in that at all, it's not on our side, right? It's it's got to sit next to England at a table, looking at a half destroyed DC and go, are you going to finish that? I would. Like some. The fries. Next up, the siege of Orleans, which took place from October 12th, 1428 to May 8th, 1429, during the hundred Years War.

At this point in the war, the English and their allies were dominating France and capturing Orleans would have paved the way for an English conquest of the remaining French territory. The English led by the Earl of Salisbury clearly had a stake in this. Salisbury's stake. And later by the Earl of Suffolk, after Salisbury. Oh, oh, oh, ohrable semi-circle. I mean, no, it was all they could build really after trading all their sheep and wheat for wouldn't really. So in April of 1429, Joan of Arc, a young peasant woman arrived at the siege, claiming she received

visions and messages from saints instructing her to support Charles VII and help lift the siege, she provided a significant morale boost to the French troops. How, you ask? Well, one of the immediate challenges was to get supplies into the city. The city was essentially encircled by English fortifications. Right. In semi-circled. I'll allow it.

Making it difficult for French forces to send reinforcements or supplies directly. A convoy of supply boats was waiting up river, but the wind was against them, preventing them from reaching Orleans. If you want the wind to change, just light a campfire. If my history is any guide, the wind will immediately shift to a blow right in your hands. Yeah. Yeah. And Joan of Arc arrived at our leans, she prayed shortly after the wind changed directions. This allowed the supply boats to move.

And probably they did eventually. This allowed the supply boats to move down river and into the city. Many saw this change in wind direction as divine intervention. Further believing in Jones claims that she was sent by God to aid Charles VII and lift the siege. The lifting of the siege of Orleans was a turning point in the Hundred Years War and provided a significant morale boost for the French bolstered Charles the Seventh's claim to the throne and set the stage for his coronation as the king of France. Jonah Varks pivotal role in the siege led to her eventual canonization as a saint and

solidified her place as a national heroine in French history. And then they set her on fire. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then she changed the wind again. Yeah on fire. Just right. Yeah. Oh, and then she changed the wind again. All right. So now on to the Battle of the Bulge. This was the last major German offensive campaign on the Western front during World War II. It took place December 16, 1944 to January 25,

1945, despite being pushed back across large parts of Europe, Adolf Hitler decided to launch a massive counteroffensive in the West. He aimed to split the British and the American Allied line in half. Captured the pivotal port of Antwerp and encircle and destroy four Allied armies forcing the Western Allies to negotiate a peace treaty. Germans managed to catch the Allies by surprise in a densely forested region of Belgium. Huh, and yet we didn't dedicate the next hundred years of our war movies to how sneaky and evil the Belgians are like we do with the Japanese. I wonder what's different about those two groups of

people. While the German forces created a bulge in the Allied front line, the Allies regrouped and mounted a counteroffensive. American forces in particular bore the brunt of the initial German assault, suffering heavy casualties. Russian listeners do an airquotes heavy casualties. Well, Americans weigh more than Russians, this way. Yeah. By weight, it's the same. During the battle, the weather was particularly poor with thick clouds and fog, which hindered the ally's ability to deploy air support against the Germans.

US general George S. Patton, known to be a religious nut and for his aggressive command style, urgently needed clear skies to aid his third Army's counteroffensive. He asked Chaplain James H. O'Neill to draft a prayer for better weather. And the prayer read, quote, all mighty and most merciful father, we humbly besiege the of thy great goodness to restrain these emotorant rains with which we have to contend grant us fair weather for battle and quote. And then God was like, sure, I'll clear up the weather. I can help the Jews though.

Shortly after the prayer was distributed, the weather improved. The skies cleared, allowing for the Allied forces to launch sorties against the German positions, supply lines, and transport routes. The change in weather played a significant role in stalling and then reversing the German advance. The battle of the bulge ended up being a massive drain on the German resources, manpower, and morale. For the Allies, despite heavy casualties, the battle demonstrated their resilience and ability to counter punch after initial setbacks and to rely on God to help in the year of our

Lord 1944. All right, well, now we know what God was doing instead of stopping the Holocaust. So while we hold a big guy aside for a chat about priorities, we'll take a quick break for some apropos of nothing. The Chaplain is here, General! That's... Sunderman! Uh, hi! Oh, yeah.

Father, just in time. I'm afraid we're in desperate need of your services. Oh, you are. Yes, yes, I'm afraid we've got some bad weather! Locking our planes. We could really use some of your services. Oh you are. Yes, yes, I'm afraid you got some bad weather locking our planes. We could really use some of your help Oh, oh you mean gods help. Yes father, please Right. Yes, of course. I would be happy

To do that like why else was him military have chaplains if we couldn't in some way talk to God right? Yes exactly yes doesn't so do you mind asking him? Yes no problem I was actually you know I was gonna say grace over my lunch so I can get that worked in father father I'm afraid this is desperate we need your words here and we need them now now Right of course you do. Yeah, so whenever you're ready Yes, okay Dear God, I know you're probably super busy right now

I'm getting a lot of prayers stacking up a world is at war so I have your inboxes Probably pretty tight it might be a while Yeah, but but obviously you like America the most It does so if you could Make it rain make it stop make raining make it stop the rain yeah I'm sorry they get stop raining so we can get them Germans Germans right out of um get aware of wherever they are amen sir the rain is stopping I know it yes thank you

father this truly is a mirror Yeah, no problem. I knew that was gonna happen Father one more thing. Mm-hmm. What's up? Now so as God mentioned how he feels about You know the Japanese people I I don't think he's mentioned it specifically, but I would assume that he's he's fond of them at least. But he hasn't mentioned it to you. No, no.

No, that's a relief. I'm sorry, why is that a relief? No reason. No reason. Okay. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING No reason for. Okay. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING No reason for. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING And we're back.

And that sketch was better than Oppenheimer. When we left off, God's interference looked strikingly like God's non-existence, but I'm confusing the brands. What happened next, Cecil? So let's talk about the Battle of Mons. This was the first major battle for Britain after it joined the forces with the French in World War I. The British declared war on the 4th of August in 1914. While the British forces were outnumbered, they were probably the best trained and most experienced in Europe at the time. And the most confusing thing about the battle is that the British were allied with France, but led by Sir John French and the German commander, Alexander von Kluck was not a chicken in a spike helmet.

I literally don't believe you. All right, Cecil, I do. But if they didn't have at least one as a mascot, I'm quitting. The sad of this shoulder. Yeah, the battle itself started pretty well for the Brits. On August 23rd at dawn, German artillery targeted the British defences by a canal in the Belgian town of Mons. By 9 a.m., German infantry launched on a salt, particularly focusing on a bridge defended by the British machine-gun deployment. The British effectively countered the advancing Germans with rifle and machine-gun

fire from a distance, causing significant casualties. The intensity of the British fire led some Germans to mistakenly believe they were up against multiple machine gun batteries. Yeah. The British loved to emphasize the fact that they're very, and right before they kicked our asses, we ran away, they were, we were winning. They kind of went, they loved it. This is a story about now. Yeah. The Germans were genuinely getting their asses handed to them, but then quickly adapted with a more open formation, which made it more difficult for the experienced British Marksman to hit as they move forward. That's right.

They were like, Hey, how about if we don't all bunch together so we don't have one big thing to target? So instead, it's like spread out a bit, so it's harder to hit us. And the general quacked or something, and then they did. It was two and a half. Well, to be fair, you had to kill a bunch of the Germans before they was room to spread out.

They were pretty tight, like, you were like, yeah, sure, yeah. Defending the canal crossings became increasingly challenging. And one of the bridges, after significant losses, one of the British lieutenants, man the machine got himself until he was shot five times and handed that duty off to a private.

The private fired the gun until it ran out of bullets and then took the gun, dismantled it, and threw it in the canal before he was captured. They both got medals. And engineer tried to blow the bridges and he succeeded with one of the passes, but then he was hit in the head by a projectile. Tried to retreat, fell in the canal, was rescued by one of the passes, but then he was hit in the head by a projectile. Tried to retreat, fell in the canal, was rescued by one of his comrades all while the

Benny Hill music played in the background. He also got a medal, but then oh, oh, oh, oh, like a loss because it was, but the Brits treated it like a victory. And this is where the angels of Mons came in. So not divine intervention so much divine consolation. Yes, exactly. See, in September 1914, Welsh author Arthur MacKinn published a short story called The Bowman in the evening news. Inspired by the battle amons, the story depicted phantom Bowman from the Battle of Aging Corps, summoned to decimate the German force. Well, hold him for 48 hours and then retreat, actually. But anyway, the guy did not label his work as fiction, leading readers to believe it was a true account.

Okay. This is why you don't bring in Corporeal British angel archers to a machine. Right. Yeah. I'm sorry. In Arte's defense, the story has medieval angelic Bowman in it. Right. You shouldn't have to label that as bitch.

Yeah. I'm with you, but he faced numerous requests for sources and evidence, which he did not provide. Stating the story was in the work of pure imagination. A few months later, a modified version of Mackin's Tale began circulating as real accounts. One such story claimed that the German soldiers had been discovered with arrow wounds on the battlefield. The narrative evolved with phantom bowmen gradually

transforming into the angels of mons. The legendary soldiers of the Battle of Aging Corps armed with long bows and sharp sticks in the ground at a 45 degree angle. And there's the reason for the essay. Long as call back in history. But like the other guys had machine guns and artillery and like, I mean, it was nice for the angels to show up in everything, but like, I mean, we could see why they didn't swing the tide. That's very, yeah, right. Wheel within wheel covered in eyes.

I got one. Yeah. More than that. More. In April, 1915, tales of a supernatural force aiding the British during a pivotal moment of the battle began circulating, following an account in the British spiritualist magazine. Descriptions of the mystical intervention ranged from medieval Longbow archers and St. George to luminous clouds, with most popular version depicting angelic warriors.

The proliferation of such tales wasn't unique to this era, as accounts of visions were present in ancient and medieval warfare narratives. And with war comes horrible stories of the conflict, and because World War One was a level of horror, we as a species weren't ready for, this set the stage for beliefs in divine intervention against such terrible enemies. By May 1915, these angelic stories became widespread, evolving into sermon, songs, and art, and creating a significant media storm. Despite the original author's efforts to clarify that the rumors were

inspired by his fictional story published months prior, the angelic tales were embraced by the public. I mean, I'm not sure why people are surprised, but the species that brings you Jesus on toes. We are. That's wonderful. This guy and then the two dudes who invented crop circles just years later sitting at a bar, shaking their heads, silently

leaving. The Wikipedia guys then spend several paragraphs talking about how serious people investigated ghosts on the battlefield and could find no credible evidence for it because ghosts aren't real. So anyway, yeah, that's probably, yeah, so I'm going to leave you with a poem written about the angel of mons by Doug old Mac Aaron. I was hoping for a poem. Okay, here we go. Loose flowing were their garments, their hair was burning gold. Oh, they were fairer than the sun. So God like in their mold. We get it, man, angels. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, word for that. We gaze. We're these shining shapes of which the prophets tell. It was the prophecy about angels that lose to Germans. We knew not yet. We felt we looked on Michael and Gabriel. Okay. Maybe stick to dying in the mud.

Yeah. Also, I said, like, if they were angels, they were third tier angels about Michael and Gabriel fuck off. You didn't go to the other side of the world. They're at Comic Con. Come on. And the central shining seemed the Christ, whose wounds, heaven's gates on bar and meet his feet.

Once pierced for us, they're burned one golden star. Oh, sweet. Jesus is about to do a spirit palm on the Germans. I've seen this one. his feet once pierced for us, they're burned one golden star. Oh, sweet. Jesus is about to do a spirit palm on the Germans. I've seen this one. And in their hands were shining brands that smoked the tyrants pride. Well, that's smoked so much as briefly delayed.

But over a weekend, Christ and his holy angels were fighting on our side. We still lost, but they were there. They were there. They were totally there. All right, Cecil. Well, if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? Don't end your citation you did essay with a poem.

Okay. You had another reason for me not to do gamer game. All right, are you ready for the quiz? Let's do this. All right, Cecil on any given day, there is a battle between the angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. This is a Metaphor representing the push and pull of our conscience and desires be actual fucking angels

see actual fucking demon Or D immediately stop talking to anyone that doesn't answer a Think I'm gonna go with D on this one definitely the D All right, so we're obviously all atheists here on this one. It definitely the D. All right, so we're obviously all atheists here on this podcast, but there's some valuable lessons to be taken away from your essay this week. What's the most important one? A, God hates the French. I think I'm going to go with A on this one. All right, I have one for you, Ciceland.

I think it's the one that the listeners are probably wondering too. Back of the days of the Bible, God would intervene in battles by empowering Trump and Stacrumpal walls or stalling the sun to prolong the route. Yeah. These days it's mostly, he angers bees

or he makes rainstorms not be infinite. So I guess I guess I guess. I got a question is why did God get so fucking lazy? Is it because a, even when every second is a thousand years, there's two damn much streaming content to keep up with these days. Oh, yeah. B, all the damn iron chariots. Yeah, it's the iron chariots for sure.

C, I got some good ones left. Okay, all right, fair. Okay, that's what you're doing. The Eli thing where you're just done after one. No, no, no, no, no, no, okay. All right, okay. And I thought, You missed out on my great answers for this part of our show.

See? See, every time there's a Christian schism, God's power is evenly split between the resulting domination. So now he's been diluted to like a homeopathic level in most regions. Or is it D? God realized that the world's seventh largest pyramid was a bass pro shop in Memphis, Tennessee and he just didn't want to be seen with us anymore. Oh gosh, I want it. It's got to be B, it's all those damn Iron Cherians.

It has to be a mystical explanation. I'm trying to throw you off, but you name it. Iron Cherians, baby. You can't beat him. All right, well, Cecil managed a 300 episode callback, so he is automatically the winner. All right, go with Noon this one. Awesome.

All right, well for Tom, Cecil Noah and Heath, I'm Eli Bosnick, and I can you for hanging out with us today? We'll be back next week and by then, Noah will be an expert on something else. Between now and then you can watch Cecil goatsy a chicken on YouTube. And if you'd like to help keep the show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com-sightation-bod. Or leave us a five star review everywhere you can and if you'd like to get in touch with us check out past episodes connect with us on social media or check the show notes be sure to check out citation pod dot com. Donates of all Gary for charity

for Gary for charity break the full Gary for charity record yeah fuck you you wanted to see me, sir? Yes, father I'm afraid I have a heavy heart and I must confess Is it because you slapped those two guys with PTSD and lost your job? No Yeah, I'm afraid I Took the Lord's name in vain this morning when I stubbed my toe I really hate that history thinks of you used anything, but the worst form of psychopath.

What? Oh, I said, uh, I said God says he forgives you. No, yeah, good.