Citation Needed - Chung Ling Soo

Episode Date: July 12, 2017

Chung Ling Soo was the stage name of the American magician William Ellsworth Robinson (April 2, 1861 – March 24, 1918), who is mostly remembered today for his death after a bullet catch trick went wrong.

Okay, guys, now I know that when I want to just I want to go on record as having said no before you even finish this sentence. No, God, hear me out. This week is a magic themed episode. I'm talking about one of my favorite magicians. So I thought to open up the show, I'd perform a little magic for you guys to get everyone. How could this possibly go well? I'm still stuck on this phrase favorite

Magician once I get let me get my costume Hello and welcome to the room whoa Unfucking believable I quit the show come on guys. I'm chungling Sue ancient Chinese conjurer played by an American white guy No, no, no, come on. I got the rings and everything or no Lings as I might call Jesus we just we just need to stop letting him call meetings second third, two votes. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed. Never went to NYU Tish, but I can say that phrase.

This is the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Heath N. Wright and I'll be leading you down this long and winding path, but what's an adventure without some magical creatures? First up, we have trolls of both the physical and internet varieties. Respectively, please welcome Tom and Eli. Call me up in the middle and I drag me out from under my bridge or I was happily organizing bump fights. It's better be good guys.

Not morally good to be clear, but just good. It's about ethics and skepticism journalists. And also joining us tonight. We have a night, Squire, and a Fend, so say whatever, and someone who were all pretty sure knew actual magic at one point, give it up, Cecil and Noah. Can we just default back to the jogging thing? No, Squire Master and Defendant. I have already read this week's script and I would like to strongly disassociate myself

with magic before we even get started on the record. All right, but before we roll the first D20 and order the pizza tonight, let's take a moment to thank our legendary patrons. These heroes of your keep the show going. And if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around until the end of the show going. And if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. Unless you, you might die in the next like 30 minutes, in which case, go make a pledge at patreon.com slash citation pod now. It's a weird day for that guy. Anyway, we'll direct you to our estate planner, right? That's your Taurus.

The plan works great until the next of Kin cancels his credit cards. Well, that takes a while. That takes a while. Yeah, he is. R.S. Cars for sedation. All right. So tell us Eli, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event.

We'll be talking about today. Well Heath, we'll be talking about magician and conjurer, Chung Ling Soo. Well, excellent. And Eli, you scrolled through a web page while another six tabs undoubtedly distracted you in the background. Are you ready to educate, elucidate, and enunciate? No!

What the fuck? Okay. We'll take two out of three, I guess. All right, let's get started. So Eli, who was Chung Ling Su? Well, Heath, he was an American guy named William Ellsworth Roberts. Why? Who performed magic in yellow face? Or is that like to call it cirrhosis face or the mirror? I drink a lot. I drink way too much now. That's.

Come on. Asian is one of the good ones. I quit the show. Oh, you don't know the half of it, Heath. Born in Westchester County, New York, like all good racists on April 2nd, 1861, his father was a vaudeville performer, who specialized in impressions, dialect singing, hypnotism, ventriloquism, and magic tricks,

while performing in Charlie White's minstrel shows. And apparently, young Williams saw that and thought to himself, I can combine all that shit. Wait, wait, by hypnotizing Erasa singing dummy and song it in a half, I'm having trouble with that. And visiting finally, someone to unite these powerful forces in a one bulltron, ask magic super app to undoubtedly be performed on a corporate cruises to board executives who will immediately forget what they just saw. Eli with four Disney crows taped to his arms and legs. Black people

disappear a coin like this. Jesus. I shared that new piece with you in confidence, he failed confidence. Now, to be fair, Robinson tried to make it and show biz as his own race first, performing his first magic show at the age of 14. And on the Vaudville circuit shortly thereafter, under the name Robinson, man of mystery. But as Rachel Doltzall taught us all, little makeup can go a long way in your career. Oh, Jesus. Right, because if you want to succeed being white, makes it way harder.

Wow, that's it. It does if you want to succeed at BBC porn, Tom. And you're the guy. But I feel like no amount of makeup is gonna make that convincing. You can pay the twig, it doesn't make it a mighty oak. Wait, I'm still stuck on BBC, they have porn. I was,

I'm just, I'm just, 22 minute unbuttoning. Yeah, it's BBC 69. Yeah. The whole thing is just a making of this movie documentary about this movie. It's the whole thing.

Wait, we're gonna pretend we wouldn't watch a porn starring Michael Marshall. Is that what we're pretending on the show? Why would we pretend that? Absolutely not. Thank you. Thank you. Solidarity. Best friends. Now, in Robinson's case, he didn't try yellow face first. No, his first incarnation was that of Ahmed Ben Ali, where he performances the mysteries. So, yeah, the mysteries and magics of the fakes, his words is not mine, as was the fashion of magicians at the time.

He's got like a color wheel of makeup in the back. He's just like, okay, I know it needs to be more racist, but my skin is really a winter, so. Oh, boom. Just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and hub. On second thought, do search for it, but bring a moist towel. When I'm done, they're all moist. Mr. President. So we're still this act, and this will come back, by the way, with stolen, not from an actual Arabic guy, but a German magician named Max Ozzinger, who performed under the

name Ben Ali Beh. So it's one of those, if you rob a thief, is it steel stealing questions? Racism to the second power? That is a great question. That's a CJ Whirlie, man. Let's rob CJ Whirlie. Oh, geez.

Right? Oh, three votes, but we do it in blackface. We do it in blackface. And follow up question, if a cop shoots a white guy in blackface, does he still get acquitted? How does that work? No, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous though, because if they would get acquitted, then cops would just carry

around shoe shine polish in their utility. Oh, shit. Did they want to hurt white people? That doesn't make sense. That's the end of the song. I think school was hard. I want points at the end. I'm confused about who's wearing the black face in the service.

Yeah, it's just the top. It goes on beat. We're bladder to why I'm doing this. It does. I feel alive. It just makes me feel more alive. Wait, so if the cop puts on black face then, is that what shoots a white guy?

Then he can shoot himself. Who can you shoot then? The cop puts on the black face and then gets in the car with chungling, or whatever. It's like rush hour seven. Like that's what got the whole thing. We're not even there yet, Tom.

You're getting way ahead of us. We're getting way ahead of us. We're getting way ahead of us. Okay. Anyway, by 1896, he's performing in the shows of some of the biggest magicians in the world. Traveling with such household names is... He's a man. He's a hurtful but fair, Tom. He's a hurtful but fair. He's a yes. But you see, he desired to strike out on his own.

And it was at this time that he learned a challenge had been issued by the Chinese magician, Qing Ling Fu. Wait, who was a black guy? I'm just kidding. That would be impressive, Megah. Or... Tom, please tell Eli you didn't mean that as a challenge. Just know what's how we station and accept it.

No. No, Qing Ling Fu was actually Chinese, which is why the story that follows is so horrifying. And why we're hungry 20 minutes after we listen to it. Exactly. Anyway, Chingling Foo in the fashion of the day, like many contemporaries, offered a $1,000 prize, about $18,000 in today's money, to anyone who could successfully duplicate his illusions, which Robinson could, because magic is super stupid and easy to figure out. For example, Heath, how do you think levitation works? Um, like ropes that you can't see.

Jet boots. Very strong ass. Airplanes. Magnets. Tribeshaes. Tiny explosives. Invisible bulldogs. You're right on.

Uh, visible bulldogs filled with healing. Allegiance with the devil. Antigravity underpants. A vile of David Blaine's blood. The unrivaled gullibility of American audiences. Okay. Okay. Sorry, Cecil and Tom, but the answer was,

rope, you can't see, and the unrivaled gullibility of American audiences. But thanks for keeping the whole alive. That's a point for me, I know. Yeah, thank you. I'll still have a job when this whole podcast trend goes out of style. It's nice to know.

Nice to know. Nice to know. Don't even joke about that, dude. I have a mortgage, or at least I could. I could have it. They're just theoretically loan money. It's great. Or at least I could. I could have. They're just theoretically. Loan money, it's great. So it was like that.

It was like what we just lived through, but with money on the line. However, there was a catch. See, this was the 1890s, and people were all stupid and full of milk-like. So, what is it? Had already attempted one of Qing Ling Fu's challenges and failed. He had guessed like visible bulldogs for a helium. So, Qing Ling Fu refused to meet with him.

He's like a paranoid logon screen. He got like one pass really. You must complete the capture to take my challenge again. So, that's right. And this is really important because as a result it appears that Robinson was like, oh yeah, fuck you. I'll pretend to be a Chinese guy for the rest of my life and steal your ass. What? For 18,000, for the equivalent of 18,000 dollars, he is going to pretend to be a Chinese guy for the rest of his life.

Esquites to a racial thing so quickly, right? Who does that? Just like, sorry, sir, we're out of hummus. I'm Arab now. I'll ask for it. Dude, dude, I'm, first of all, Mexican. I just work. It doesn't even make sense.

Damn, we're splitting hairs. I feel like I'd have to be pretty pissed to pretend to be Chinese for the rest of my life, but I mean, if that's what the fortune cookie says to do, I mean, what choice do you have? I mean, pretend to be Chinese. Anyway, you carry on a fake perfect SAT score. I am glad you asked, Cecil.

You see, in 1900, Robinson learned that an agent was looking for a Chinese magician to perform at the Fla Bajari in Paris. Nope. Yep. He accepted the job and quickly created a new act based on Qing Ling Fuzh Magic show by which I mean he stole Qing Ling Fuzh act. Do you start a phony dry cleaners? Is that what happened? This is the 19th century. He built railroads obviously

Die building railroads obviously. Oh, God, I think you're building railroads. No, no, no. Now, here's where it gets amazing. Cecil, you were wondering out loud on a recording how you pretend to be Chinese. Well, Robinson began dressing in traditional Chinese attire, shaved his facial hair because a common belief at the time was that Chinese people like couldn't grow facial hair or something. Peasants! They can't, they just shouldn't.

They just shouldn't. So should 50% of the people in the studio, Tom. Hey, you got to, we got to talk about that for you, buddy. Not working. Just sleep right here. It's not. It's not going to fill in, Tom. One day.

I was probably one long hair, I just wrapped it in circumference around. And you're just gonna name it Hulk. I'm waiting for puberty. That's gonna happen. I'm still hopeful. Just a comb overbeard. Awesome. One is the second.

It's only a comb under, actually. Yeah. I'm coming up from the pubes just right. I'm doing and then bring that over the ears and then down and around there's a technique to it. You guys don't know anything about. So the white guy then painted his face with grease paint and began yeah and began wearing his hair in a traditional Chinese manner and adopted the name Hop Singh Su. Hop Singh Su.

Hop Singh Su. Real hop fucking Singh Su. And no one suspected this guy was just a Richard Spencer of magicians. Hop Singh Su. I so thought you were kidding about the yellow face. No, I just, I just, I never kid about yellow face. No, it's like there in Trump I'm not even gonna make the follow up joke because he's just gonna delete it so

Why waste all our time? Alright, and uh by the way another follow up. Let's just like really get into the philosophy here Oh, please if Marke Mark Mark beats up Hop Singh Sue, is that still a hate crime? What is it technically at that point? Cause just epistemologically, I don't know if it is, is it justice because they're both white? I don't know.

I guess what this episode is gonna get us some angry emails. Okay. Yes, guess what also aside from what Noah said. Robinson's new act was a hit. And by the time he began performing in London, he had perfected his act and changed his name to Chungling Su, a direct shot at his now nemesis. And I can't emphasize this enough.

Actual Chinese man who's acting still. Well, a Chungling Su to Chungling fool. Well, all that I'm getting and I did, you can you can change see so how much of the money that you earned Do you keep keep all of it like decent people do that's it? I'm changing my name to see so For the record British and Australian people can pronounce Tom I get all my money to be fair Dear stop deleting my Thomas rich jokes from the show see so I see you This is great. I'm gonna delete that too

So Robinson now chungling Sue said about creating a fanciful back for himself. Well, if you're going to be an imaginary Chinese guy, be an imaginary Chinese guy with a fucking backstory, right? Yeah, like, uh, the Mickey Rooney. Oh, exactly like Mickey Rooney. Guys, like, uh, he's like a yellow face Banksy. He said, Yanksy. He's Yanksy. I'm, I'm Banksy, by the way.

Forever. Yanksy, it works on so I'm Banksy by the way. Forever. Yangtze, it works on so many levels. It's the bus. The river. Oh, you got seers. So Yangtze was my first seers. I didn't think it really Yangtze.

All right, so as Chong Lingsu Robinson playing Tewa's, the American-born son of a Scottish missionary who married a Cantonese woman. He claimed his father was a descendent of the Campbell and Robinson clans and both of his parents died before he was 13 years old. As an orphan, Sue said he had been taken in by a Chinese magician named Arhy. He If I had to write out he'd laugh phonetically

Exception worse than that so apparently this isn't in the Wikipedia article So I didn't know if it counts it was Arhy Who Dini like Harry who Who Dean it might be hard Dean cuz who Dini's later said there's a whole thing But are he who trained him to perform ancient Chinese magic tricks mixed in Chinese secrets? Modern European magic. What? Pick a finger trap.

There is a dab of yellow face paint in my palm, try and snatch it. Trained him? This seems like a super elaborate story for a guy who's just going to tie fake knots in a row. And in that moment, Cecil summarized all of magic without meaning to. I feel like you meant to. Doesn't hurt any less. Now as Chungling Su Robinson maintained his role as a Chinese man scrupulously. He never spoke on stage claiming that he spoke no English, though

he would occasionally say phrases in broken English like happy B here. She's always used an interpreter when he spoke to journalists. Where from, wait, oh yeah. Where from every source I can find, he would speak fake Chinese to another fake Chinese guy. Who would translate a joke in English. Yeah, for, yeah, it's literally, because he didn't speak Chinese, so he was just like, oh god, oh god, oh god.

And then I was like, he says he likes card tricks no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, was a white lady named Olive Dot Plath, an American who Robinson claimed was his wife. Speaking of tie and fake knots though, I mean, you know, I, I got to call bullshit, man. No one invents a wife. You invent a mistress, you invent an excuse for that mistress. It's an invent a wife. Maybe since it all, she's real. I've had sex with a woman i met her at camp in internment camp

uh... i wait wait i want to make sure i understand all the layers here so to summarize the fake chinese guy that fake shit for a living had a fake chinese fake wife that fake interpreted his fake chinese. We have now raised our bullshit to the sixth power. I'm sure have no doubt. We have also a layer of yellow face paint. Fun side fact. Tom's right. Olive Plath wasn't his wife since he never divorced his first wife. Bassy Smith. Funner fact, later in life, though he continued to perform and tour with Olive Plathas Sushin,

he began an affair with a third woman with whom he had multiple children. Yeah, see, this is why imaginary China is so overpopulated. She's like, you're gonna want to measure a chocolate Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha one of the highest paid performers on the Vaudville Circuit. So much so that other white people thinking he was a Chinese guy, Stolgazact pretended to be Chinese themselves. What?

What? What? What? He's like racism inception. That's what's. That's like the top falls over and like it splits in the, and Russian nesting doll of races characters just pop out making shit disappear.

I think I finally understand cultural appropriation now. I think I finally got it. I think I got it. Snarky email. But gentlemen, this story actually gets worse. Yeah, I'm sure it does, but before Eli tells us about Robinson's like, super popular internment camp trick. It's kind of like, you're actually kind of close.

Wow, we're going to get emails from people who are like, you know, that was the Japanese. Look, they all look alike. It's okay. Oh, geez. Thanks for saving us those emails, Tom. Oh, we're going to take a quick break for a skit right now. And oh, shit. Yeah, I'm sure that's not gonna be a taste home too. All right, if I just keep stalling here, do we stop or what happens? We just cut the show. We've made we've made so many racist jokes. Heath is uncomfortable.

What have we done? What have we done? Uncomfortable. All right, it's time for our performance. Nothing. Just cut to the thing. Do the fucking music. I don't know. Okay, now hear me out.

No, no, no, no. What, I'm David Blaine. Look, I felt bad about the whole thing earlier and I know how much everyone loves David Blaine, so I just thought that, and dude, it's not, it's not. Look, I know Blaine's a little bit of a joke, but his magic is really strong,

and honestly, he created Street Magic as we know it today, so I just thought that it would be I'm sure that's true You know, I mean, but his work was Spike Lee his modernization of the character of the sort of extraordinary man that who did he develop still how he Transform that into sort of a shamanic character. I mean it's a little inside baseball I know but he's really really you know you are in blackface Yeah, I am ashamed for you. Well, yeah but he's really, really you know, you are in blackface. Absolutely.

I am ashamed for you. Well, yeah, he's black, right? Is he black? I think he's black. I don't. Talk. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Guys, I just, like, really?

Why are we doing this? I don't, he, he, they're gonna we doing this? I don't like it. Keith, they're gonna be fine. We've gone over the stuff, we've rehearsed. There's really nothing to be worried about here. Yeah, okay. Um, like, I guess I've got the cooking part down. I'm not worried about that.

So, okay, and the script, I mean, I thought we went through this pretty thoroughly. We, it's not the script. That's not it. But is it the camera? I mean, I get it, I understand. It's just, you know, Tom and I had the same thing when we were doing the live stream at first.

We both had nerves, but you get used to it. No, no, I don't care about the camera. That's not the problem either. It's okay, so what's the issue? You guys put Tom and Eli in charge of wardrobe. That's the issue. I feel like that's definitely it. Yeah, but Heath, I mean, how bad can it be?

It's, it's cooking ramen with Heath. It, we, we had to give him something to do. No one I handled all the real work. Besides, you know how those two get when we don't pretend to value their contribution. We're job time. Nope, I am not wearing that. Absolutely.

Oh, no. Oh, yes, you are. Heath. We are going authentic Japanese for this. That's nice. I'm just boiling ramen noodles like from a package. There's nothing authentic. That's actually, that's the whole joke. I'm not wearing like what? What even is that? I don't even know what that is. It's a Moashi standard sumo loincloth. You are going to look great much romear than they will. I'll put it. I'll put it on him. If he, you just, yeah, deal, deal. And he, when

you come out, and I remember you stomp your foot twice before entering the cooking circle. No, I quit the show. Why are ads for this segment read cooking llamas with teeth trying to appeal to our target audience. You have to meet people where they are. So, you know, seriously, Eli, we wrote all this down for you. All you had to do was say it will not be a puppet. Tom's off. So, Did you just kill heath? I just like I just like- I hugged him a little. Hugged him!

Where- where's eyes? Leaking blood earlier, I think they- I thought they were- Goddamn it Tom! Heath is my best friend! That hurts Cecil. It does. That you would lash out and I'm vulnerable like this. My time of loss. But moving on, we can explore my show now, my soul food cooking show.

I'm thinking of calling it, rib tips, rib tips. Get it? Part cooking demonstration, part, menstrual show. It's all black-faced. Paula Deans already on to be the co-host. I quit all of the shows. And we're back and I'm pretty sure we're very, very sorry for whatever just happened. So Eli, when we last left our hero, he was pretending to be a Chinese guy with a fake Chinese wife.

How could it possibly get worse? Do you have more story? Oh, Heath. How about destroying the career of an actual Chinese guy? Have I mentioned that I quit the show? I think I said that earlier. You have Heath, but I haven't. So, I'm so I continue. And washing my hands of this. Wash? Hands. I'm no longer involved. In January. 1905. Sue was in London for an engagement at the Hippodrome. His rival, remember the actual Chinese guy, magician Qing Ling Fu was performing at the nearby Empire Theater. Now, by now, Qing Ling Fu was aware that actually William Robinson and that he had virtually copied his entire act and and race You say that like it's a bad thing, but I feel like M&M's made a nice living out of this business

I'm just picturing a magic rap battle in like Chinese versus made up I'm so glad you brought that up after the skits. I'm not. We can go back. In order to gain publicity, Qing Ling Fu's promoter publicly announced that he would duplicate at least half of Cheng Ling's su's illusions to prove that he wasn't the real original Chinese conjurer. His words not mine, which to be fair, he was not the original Chinese conjurer. No, no, no, I feel super confused about who's who I was the real chungling Sue would just please stand up

Stand up Maybe pull a B rabbit out of a hat Eight mile crushed it. I was Eminem's character I feel like we're gonna get to the climax of this story where someone has to shoot the real one And they're just gonna catch the bullet in their teeth. Spoilers, Cecil? Spoilers. I actually wrote that joke before I read the end.

So Sue accepted the challenge and agreed to meet Foo at the offices of the weekly dispatch for a press conference. However, when Qing Ling Foo realized that the press was not interested in chungling Su's real identity and only wanted to watch an ancient Chinese magic battle. Yes, I would. That's all I would want to watch too. That's it. What? So he was Voldemort versus Dumbledore out here. Exactly. So he realizes this and he refuses to attend the press conference and backed out of the challenge.

I would suffocate muskrats to know what the early 1900 British press was envisioning here. I don't like to give notes, but you offer that a lot. You offer that quickly and often. Do we have muskrats? I would find it. So are you hiding muskrats? I would fight. So are you hiding muskets? That's fine.

The episode was a huge public embarrassment for Chigling Foe, who went on to play the Empire Theater for only four weeks while Chungling's sews engagement at the Hippodrome lasted three more months. Ha, an episode that was a huge public embarrassment. I wonder what that would be like. That would be like, that would be like, I feel like, epically, Scooby-Doo level lost at this point. Like I should be taking up the mask of the apostle, but I have no idea which one is the real Mr. Jenkins. She's pulling it everyone's skin. Just pull a mask off a scooby and he's like,

he's Hong Kong fooey. Yeah. It's an offensive 70s cartoon. It feels like, it feels like this is the part where the original chingling went off to mimic a Native American and right. It's really nice. Sounds about right.

By the way, Eli, just a great topic. Really, really glad you picked such a nice guy for your essay. This is awesome. By the way Eli just a just great topic really This guy for your essay. This is awesome. Well should it let me do my John Bane episode heath Never ever ever ever nope would it help if I end my story with Robinson's come up. It's Maybe okay. What if he gets shot doing a super racist magic trick? I am listening You bet your ass you are so everything's going great for Robinson everyone thinks he's Chinese I just want to point out not very often that those two clauses fit right together like that We're in a terrible Chinese iTunes ratings now, guys.

Just terrible. They think he's Chinese, he's a star, he's defeated the actual Chinese guy, but he's getting a bit of bad PR at the time for being Chinese because the boxer, Belian, was going on and making the white people who he performed for who thought he was actually Chinese. He's just taking communion, smoking, oh, I'm on your side, guys, I love Jesus. Kind of what happens. According to Millborne Christopher,

author of the illustrated history of magic, who I should just say further record for people who like care about what's true and not, is the yik yak of magician historians. But I love this story and his book so I don't care. We know you don't, Eli. Yeah. Right.

Anyone knows about ethics in magic. Turn it. Thank you. Robinson senses this hostility and makes up more fake backstory about being like against the boxers and starts performing a brand new trick called condemned by the boxers. Where he sends out a snarky email, right? Pretty much.

Pretty much where he gets lined up against a wall on stage the way the boxers were lining people against walls and shooting them in actual China at the time, by two assistants dress this Chinese boxers and shot firing squad style. Robinson would then use his ancient Chinese magic to catch the bullets out of the air or in his mouth and drop them onto a plate. Oh my God, me and Cesar were both accidentally right. You damn right, you were.

You damn right, you were. You're really good, you're good. You're gonna be in chopsticks. He didn't. Like, thematically. I'm just saying, like, I'm not sure if you'd ask, but like, that would have been good thematically. I like that. In order to show everyone not to be nervous about the boxers, he can cocks a narrative

for his show where he gets shot by the boxers. This makes total sense. Don't be worried. I just watch him shoot people. I have seen this, I think there's an Asian up against the wall. Get shot spit something out, but I think it was a champagne glass, not a platter. Just like the fake boxers doing their pattern on stage before the trick, you just, you're just going to be hungry for another bullet and a half

hour. Married America. But damn, no, no, definitely, definitely different than the movie I saw, because she was hungry for a long time. She had her mouth open like a robin feed. She was like, she was hungry. Hungry. Batman comics got weird. got weird. So honestly if I do nothing else in my career, the fact that I just made however many thousand people picture Robin taking a cum shot, I would. I would. You never get

to not have that thought in your brain and you all had it. No one was like, oh, bad man, come. Nope. You all had the thought I planted and I won. Preserved in digital form forever. Just old women checking out Wikipedia podcasts. I like Wikipedia. Sightation. Amen. Oh, shungling. Sue. That bet he's a magician. So on March 23rd, 1918, Robinson was performing at the Wood Green Empire in London. He performed his act without incident until he got to his famous contempt to death by the boxer's illusion.

That night, as one of his assistants fired at him, the gun malfunctioned and fired a live bullet into Su's lung. Nope, no, no, that literally can't be true. The gun did not malfunction. The gun functioned perfectly. That's how the gun worked like a gun. That's fair. Anyway, Robinson, again, who's never spoken English on stage and has been a Chinese guy for years now

And screams in perfect English. Oh my god something's happened That's the best trick ever somebody shut Maybe the bullet was loaded with Rosetta's stuff haha maybe the bullet was loaded with rosetta stokes exactly haha the guy comes out on stage his whole career speaks broken english fake chinese and his last moments were just him thomas smithing finding a dead headless body in perfect english Oh fuck, fuck, motherfucker damn Brian fuck oh

So Robinson is taken to pass more Edwards cottage hospital But he died the following morning. He's buried in East Sheen cemetery in East Sheen a suburb of London And what's an episode with me saying things that are true without some outright lies see There are a ton of legends surrounding Robinson's death, and unfortunately the folks at Wikipedia have managed to debunk most of them, but damn it if I'll be held to those standards. It's the foremost though, the cause of Robinson's death was a build up of powder in the barrel of the fake guns he used, but rumors persisted long after his death that his accident had been orchestrated by Qing Ling Fu and his scorned lover, Sushin.

Another apocryple bit of fun for many years, legend persisted that like before he died, Robinson displayed tremendous regret at having lived a double life as a different race. According to legend, the doctor tending to him at his bedside told him to like, focus on the joy he had brought to people and the magic he'd brought into people's lives, to which he is said to have replied, I am a series of masks covering something long dead and they got a sentence. I have never been able to forget and now neither will our audience along with the image of Robin taking a com shot

So I guess only if they have crippling I love that sentence to Eli I actually have it tattooed on my balls So the balls are a shell around pink tender shell opening and closing There's a testicles monologue right shouldn't there? I'm gonna be a testicles monologue, right? Shouldn't there be? Is that okay? Contribute the testicles. Point being, Eli considers himself a series of masks

covering something long dead. Tom considers his testicles to be the same way. And they're both an absolute joy to share a comedy show. Thank you. He's, thank you. What was that sentence we were supposed to remember? What was that sentence we were supposed to remember? Flushed it from the RAM.

All right, Eli, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? How about if you chung for the Ling, Sue Bess not miss. Top drawer. All right. All right. You know that you gave us that amazing word play. Are you ready for a quiz from the panel? Bring on the boxers. All right. I will start even though I haven't even do what that means.

Which of the following is Jackie Chan or whatever his name is least favorite sports team? A, Arkansas School for the Deaf Leopard. B, I love that one. Defrisco fighting coons. Tom really like. See, the here Ford white faces. D, the peeking chinks whose logo looks like a shitty takeout menu. By the way, or E, the beaut pirates.

Oh, this is a tough one. Now Tom has bolded two of these answers in his nose. So I'm going to go with the Arkansas School for the deaf leopards. That is. I like sweet home Alabama. He likes this is least favorite. These are all real, by the way. I did not make any of these up.

These are real. These are real. These are real. These are real. These are real. These are real. These are real. These are real.

No, this is made up. Absolutely true. The is reading. These are all real school mascots. None of this is made up. Absolutely true. De is reading. These are all real. The beauty pirates. De is real? Yeah. De is all real.

I know you're having a great time with the but pirates over there, but yeah, I am. De is the fucking D. Yeah. The Peking Shigs Peking Illinois. No, fuck off. Peking Illinois.

The Peking Shigs. We have to go. We have to go. We have to go. Illinois 30s until 1980 Those people are still alive we can find someone who was like Why do we got a change it? I would pay an infinite amount of money for a big And then in 1980 they became the Beijing chants There's no I mean like seriously I will bid on that till I run out of credit Just keep your fucking arm up with the panel in the air

You'll pull out you'll pull out the business credit card All All right, Eli, here we go. That would be the six digits. I got to, I'm on Google. There's literally nothing you could do to take me away from my Google results right now. I have to read this question, Eli. Here we go. What are the things?

Did Robinson do offstage to help perpetuate the rumor? He was Asian. A, reluctantly taught bullied kids martial arts. B, intentionally drove his stage coach poorly. C, talk. Watch my hands. This whole thing or D, none of these, all of these are super racist open brackets. Eli picked this one. This is the right answer. Haven't we had enough racism today? Question mark and brackets. I am going to choose D the

peak in chinks. Retained until 1980. It is D, but for the wrong reasons, go he. All right, Eli, who was the most racist person today? Was it a Noah, C, Tom D, Chinese people were racist for thinking we're racist. That was racist that they even asked. I don't know why they would ask us about like we're doing an episode here. That was kind of like interrupting or E you Eli Bosnick the subject and wrote the two skits that included Chinese jive talk. It's obviously you Again, I my answer is D the peaking chinks Remains till the 19 It was d chinese people

uh... again he got it right for the wrong reasons alright elia upon hearing this story trump began to suspect that a significant percent of china's massive population was faking it what other reason does he have to suspect that most Chinese people are secretly Western magicians? There's nothing to love to disappear. It's all gone. There's nothing to do. Yeah, well, I have it.

I have it on good authority that math not working out doesn't really sway him. That's the big deal. The amount of Chinese to bigly amount of Chinese people believe this. So is it a the fact that Chinese people have a relatively low income compared to other types of Western entertainers? Is it? Is it beat you're right? You're right at the top of the heapy.

Like how does that feel to be in the top 10% of your entire career? So he's pretty sure that would allow him to take their wall and it's already assembled. So convenient. Yeah. Somewhere we'll put. So convenient. Yeah. So we're gonna put his solar panels. Yeah. Was it C Trump asked Marky Mark if he could beat up a magician and he said yes. So he seemed enthusiastic too. Or was it D? None of the Chinese people he's met will let him rub their faces to see if the grease comes. Oh my god. Gotta go with D. Gotta go with D. The peaking. Yeah. The peaking. No, I'm sorry. I know it was it was it was see I'm sorry Eli Trump, uh, it Marky Mark actually Mark. I want you to fight Mark.

I want you to fight to Mark. That sounds hilarious. I does actually. You're gonna come out in the giant like a sumo wrestling inflatable. Amazing. What were you fucking doing? Every time you hit me, you hit yourself, bro. Every time you hit me, you hit a perfect image of yourself.

It's like looking in a mirror, mirror. You like starts bouncing a stits at him. No, funny. Some people have bouncy tits. All right. So, well, congratulations. I'm doing you jog to Noah. He stumped the expert on horribly racist magic.

So Noah, you get to choose next week's presenter to make up for the racism in this week's episode. I proposed the guy who keeps asking why we can't do a eugenics episode. That would be Mr. Heath then. All right. Well, that's locked in and doing eugenics and also included in your victory gift bag is reading the answer to last week's Twitter question. All right. Well, last week we asked for ideas for what to name our ghost hunting website and our winner is Natalie Bohemian who offered up

404 error page not found. Unfortunately, that's taken, but it's a good idea. page not found. Unfortunately, that's taken, but it's a good idea. And what question do we have for the tweeters this week? All right, that would be what were some other offensive characters? Robinson tried before settling on chungling su and what tricks did he perform as that character? No, Twitter's great at this kind of shit, guys. Twitter is amazing at this stuff. I love when the Twitter questions are two parts. They get 140 characters. That's a two fucking questions and retweet our episode.

All right. Well, good luck with that. And for Noah, Eli, Tom and Cecil, I'm Ethan Wright. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week. And I will continue being an expert on eugenics between now and then you can learn about religion, politics, bad movies and current events from our shows, the Skating Atheist, Godolph and Movies and the

Skeptocrat. Or if you prefer something more food argument based, you can listen to the comments, so over at cognitive distance, and if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or help us out with a five-store review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com. I am a series of masks covering something long dead. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey Noah. Oh, hey Cecil. What's the matter buddy?

Can't sleep. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about China. Yeah. What about China? Well, just how awesome a place it is. I mean, amazing people. Did you know that they invented printing and the compass?

They were also the first to make gunpowder. They came up with the concept of negative numbers. Right, Gutenberg didn't invent printing? No, no, actually, he just tweaked it and popularized it in the West. And today, China is the largest population of any country, a huge infrastructure for high-speed rail. In fact, more than the rest of the world combined.

They're an enormous economy. They manufacture an export to the planet. Their culture is celebrated all over the world. Yeah. You know what, Cecil? Yeah, no. No matter how many good things you say about China now, you're just not going to cancel out all the racism in this show.

I know, but I thought I'd give it a shot. Yeah, no, and it was a good idea, kiddo, but now it's time for bed. You need to get some rest. You got a big day tomorrow, champ. We're covering you, Jenics. Noah, yeah, big guy. Can I leave the light on tonight? You sure can, pal.

Good night. Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, one more thing. Yeah, buddy. Can we do less racist stuff in the future? No, no, we can't. Can we do less racist stuff in the future? No. No, we can't.