Citation Needed - Ghost Hunting

Episode Date: July 5, 2017

Ghost hunting is a fringe pseudoscience wherein its adherents visit and investigate locations that are reported to be haunted by ghosts. Typically, a ghost hunting team will attempt to collect evidence that they see as supportive of paranormal activity. Ghost hunters often use a variety of electronic devices: the EMF meter; digital thermometer; handheld and static digital video cameras, such as thermographic (or infrared) and night vision; digital audio recorder; and computer. Traditional techniques such as conducting interviews and researching the history of a site are also employed. Some ghost hunters refer to themselves as a paranormal investigator.[1] Ghost hunting has been heavily criticized for its total absence of scientific method; no scientific body has ever been able to confirm the existence of ghosts.[2][3] Ghost hunting is considered a pseudoscience by a vast majority of educators, academics, science writers, and sceptics   From Wikipedia   Middle Skit music:  "Burnt Spirit" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/  

So why did you want to get together again, Eli? Just a good day. Meet up with your best friends. Have some coffee or just some lunch. I'm not. I'm not. Oh, God. Look, look, I have like seven shows to add at this point.

I really don't have time to hang out. I know, but like, you know, we're good friends. So I thought we can have my wife at all last week. I was in the studio for four nights. Yeah, man, we have other stuff to do. It's not a good time. That's alive from you. Definitely.

I have like three families at this point. And I don't even recognize any of them, except the poll to answer her I recognize. Okay, good. That's nice for you. Okay, I'm going to cut to the chase. I have a way to make some cash. And if that works out, hey, Cecil, you could quit your day job, right?

That sounds good. Spend more time with Sasha. Sarah. Are you sure? You actually know, no, I'm not. Yeah, I mean, that sounds great. Actually, Eli, that's totally worth getting. Did you figure out a way to, like, get the patronage up to where we can do the live show

goal or, no, better, better. I know a lot of people right now would remind folks that if they love the podcast they can go to patreon.com slash citation pod and pledge whatever they want to make a live show happen and a sitting near them Yeah, that was subtle. Thank you, but I think we could easily become psychic mediums, you know burn some stage and people's houses make tons of money chasing ghosts away. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not flusing people. That's horrible. You're horrible. Yeah, that's disgusting.

You're gross. Gross. I am in. Tall. Thank you, Tom. Really? I wasn't listening. Eli, Eli, we are not doing that.

Okay. Well, two votes so far. No, thank you. Thank you, Tom, by the way, come on think about just hear me out I use my experiences a mentalist called read people and the rest of you just you know read passages From the Bible in empty rooms wave a few electronic devices and then Burn some sage money pours in no fucking way. This is not happening. Yeah, man. No, never, never going to do it.

How's the Philly cheese steak? No, what? Don't even tell me. I'll have that. I like Tom's thinking already. See, he's very positive. No, look, this job's going to be way easier than writing and editing a show, right? All you have to do is tell people that their money and jewelry is haunted and that you

need to take it to elens it, it's evil spirits, money literally makes it solid. It's awesome. I don't. I am out of here. I can't even look at you right now. No, I just have an entire job. Okay, that's fine. Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, before you leave, I got you.

Huh? Really? You totally fell for it. Yeah. What? I was just fucking with you guys. I'd never do that. It was a joke.

In fact, it was a test to see if you'd ever be bad people. Tom said you wouldn't, but I wasn't sure. So now I'm like totally convinced. Then yeah, we'll do the Patreon thing. I'll ask people to give to the Patreon. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. Tom, we'll talk about something else now.

No, I don't want fries, you fucking asshole. I want to tell you. He's actually serious. Yeah, man, you really had me going there for a second. Yeah, actually, to be honest, it sounds like a lot of money. I was kinda starting to get really... Okay, because we can totally make that happen. Like, even if you...

I knew you were lying. You are the worst do-ros. No, A double test. Test number two. No, you come on, guys. I'm still in. Two votes. I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in.

Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in.

Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in.

Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Do vote! I'm still in. Hello and welcome to SciTationNeeded, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet. That's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick and I get an easy week of Magic Carp Jump while everyone else does all the work.

Seriously, another pigeon? No, fuck you, pigeon. Fuck you, wrinkly ass. Fuck you and yourinkly ass. Fuck you and your pigeon ass. So, let me introduce the people doing the heavy lifting. Tom and Noah. Wait, I literally thought we were going to be doing heavy lifting.

Is this not podcasting? You guys always talk about how do you guys keep tricking me into these things? Because you're gullible enough to think that something including my scrawny ass was going to involve heavy lifting That's fair and true and also joining us tonight Let me introduce the people doing the heavy breathing Cecil and he when you're my size everything you do is heavy. Yeah, I mean to but let's be honest Heavy breathing is coming from Eli's unethical dog breed whose entire short life is a terrifying

asthma attack. That's clearly how it looks to be realistic. Lot of sugar when you drop it on the floor from your... Uh, he... That was you. Here's what happened, everybody. Eli dropped his adorable plug on the floor the other day. He...

Now he's going to denial. It's okay. It's perfectly reasonable. Dropped my pug and then blamed my and she went to the action when he ran. And he's a little puppy still handle the truth. No, and he spiked it on the floor because he was excited to drink some more shoe shine remover with my wife.

I feel like pugs are like cats though. They always land on their face though, right? Like instead of feeding. Or is that just once when they're bored? That's just how they put it on. It's really it's really a cocker spaniel somebody dropped once. Like you didn't do that to Cecil's cats. You'd have a curse on you. You ain't exactly to be for a thousand years. He has weird, weird demon cats. It looks like the things from Ghostbusters. But before we start, Eli dropped his dog. That's established.

Go ahead. We know it wasn't Heath of that. It's still be falling if he dropped it. Thank you, exactly. I witnessed it. But before we start, we'd like to thank all the generous people who fund this show with money. They are really awesome. Probably feels good to donate to something so worthwhile.

Try it. Pause the show. Go to patreon.com slash citation pod and see how it feels. Ooh, yeah, you like that. You like how I'm giving you this podcast? Ooh, call me David A.R. White. No, call me David A.R. White. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know. I don't know. All right. They get the idea. They get the idea. It feels good to donate to the show.

And if you'd like to be just as awesome as they are, be sure to stick around to the end of the show where I will say a very similar sentence to the one I just did, but it will be at the end of the show instead of the beginning. And with that out of the way, tell us, know what person plays thing, concept phenomena or event. We'll be talking about today. Today we will be talking about ghost hunting. Ah, the younger brother of Goodwill Hunting.

Marke Mark is talented and handsome. No, that was Matt Damon played. I cannot tell white people apart. So, Cecil, you read a few hundred words. Are you ready to tell us how to see dead people? You can't. Well, that was informative. Great, thanks for listening.

I this Patreon thing came a little sooner than I was expecting. Perfect timing, too. I have a date with Magikarp. I just said to God, if this Pokemon was a Votrum, I'm gonna slid a child, throw it over a golden bowl. I swear to fucking God a one two thousand coins. So I can, I'm like, that golden ball movie with Eddie Murphy is amazing.

Let's not end it here though. I mean, I, I want to go into how many ways you can't see dead people who says they can when they can't and the history of people not seeing them. Since I haven't seen Cecil be this negative since I wrote that never to air episode on a show in Bonaire Ramsey, Cecil, that's starting with some juicy backstoring. I actually get a lot of negative responses, but I muffle them with a ball gag. Protests. It works like a chart test. I feel like by the way, Eli, your propensity for using the adjective juicy was at least

some of the reason that a show in B the day episode got so many negative comments. That and Tom's propensity for ball gag jokes. I think the ball gag fits where it doesn't fit for her. You need one of those little struts in the back to get it always fits. It's one size fits all. Thank you, Tom. Right. You know, taken and refused.

So season, tell us about some ghost hunting. So according to Wikipedia, there's a rich history of ghost hunting, but it only gives one example. It says that paranormal studies started in the 19th century with the society for psychical research and they named one member, Harry Price. Nope, I got it wrong. I think you mean Harry Potter. Harry Potter.

He's a wizard. I don't think people are going to get you Chronicles and Narnia jokes here. I don't think by the way, price eventually formed a rival group. I read recently like the national laboratory of the people's front of cyclical research and something like that. He like started it like in 1920s. It like came up with a rival. He just handed out stickers that said resist.

So you would think when he proved something, does he ever just like walk in and be like, hey, price is right. Oh, come on. Come on, you guys love that shit on my tits. Shit on my tits. Shit tits. Shit tits. So, I expect people were probably looking into claims of the paranormal much earlier

than this, but this seems like a good place to start. Harry Price was something of a James Randy of his time. James Randy, while gay is also a guy who publicly debunked Peter Popoff and Yuri Geller. And for the people who don't know who Peter Popoff was, he was using a radio to have his assistant slash wife read him personal medical information about people coming to his faith healing jamborees. Uh, yeah. By the way, net worth, Peter Popoff, $10 million.

Jesus. Jesus. Yep. But people might not know who your regalor is. Your regalor bent spoons with his brain. At least that's what he said. Spoiler alert. It was with his hand. Yeah, net worth $20 million.

Same job as Bender from Futurama. $20 million network. Fuck. I would like to be debunked. Because this sounds very profitable. Fuck. I thought he said defununct I figured it was all cocaine all while hookers asses for me for he be here on out All right, I don't see why that's related to whatever Tom used as the word to function So so here he wasn't exactly thing now. So, so Harry wasn't exactly a skeptic while he did consider a did spend considerable time debunking fake spiritualists. Price also endorsed some mediums that he believed were

genuine. Price was kind of a magician and a conjurer. And as we know, a lot of magicians do become skeptics. Yeah. Kind of like drug dealers become informants or like gym teachers become gym teachers. Yeah. So price did do some good work too. He found out a claim of actoplasm was actually chewed paper. Oh, well, genius. That wasn't readily apparent. I'm using spitballs. He found out they were spitballs. No, I was throwing act That wasn't readily apparent. I'm using spitballs.

He found out they were spitballs. No, he chai was throwing acta plasma at you. What was the expose there? Just like I checked. It's spitballs. Just like check. Did he just pick one up? Like nobody picked one of these up.

It's like her role, though. He got everybody to tune in. No, it's a hit spitballs well, this guy is so sorry. So sorry. And through the use of voice recorder, he found out that someone who could create, quote, spirit voices was using their own voice. And he also exposed the medium that was using their feet and toes to move things around during a sands.

He'd also expose the hoax of sexy ghost pottery too. He's like caveman skeptic just like poking the back of people's ears, like, see no coins. Where did Flint come from? I just say, I just love this whole guy. Like the guy was using his own voice. No one checked that first. You had to use a voice. Hey, your lips are moving.

I mean, I don't want to oversell myself, but I feel like I didn't notice somebody picking up things with their feet too, you know? The ghost is under the same table. We're sitting in it's picking up a bell with its toes. What? As someone who has made extensive study of the guy he debunked, yes, that's exactly what it was. People were dumb when they died of the rickets. So tell us, Cecil, how did he get into this ghost hunting stuff? Anyways, was it the fact that magician is only the second most dickish job in the world and skeptic with waiting with open hands? So price joined the Society for Psychical Research in 1920.

The group's areas of study included, quote, hypnotism, disassociation, thought transference, mediumship, reinback phenomenon, apparitions, and haunted houses, and physical phenomenon associated with Sam. He spells with your feet. Right.

So while the group is known for some skepticism of exposing fraud, they also have a repetition of let's just say being less than rigorous. Oh, really less than rigorous. That's the haunted house guys. Is it real? Well, say it. So they're less than rigorous. Okay, pick on my poor choice.

The way it's done. That's fine. That's fine. A skeptic and a physicist named Victor Stanger had this to say, he said, quote, the SPR on occasion, exposed blatant cases of fraud, even their own credulous memberships could not swallow, but their journals have never succeeded in achieving the high level of credibility in the eyes of the rest of the scientific community.

Most articles begin with the assumption that the psychic phenomenon are demonstrated realities. Well, I did enjoy their coverage of the psychic penis as a social construct. That was just good. So that's not entirely big. How many correction articles de skeptics usually put out? Is it three?

I feel like it's usually less than three. Am I right? How many times do they, how many chances? Is it like baseball? Skepticism? It's like baseball. Just like baseball. I just want to know when we're going to be free of these postmodern ghosts, you know, like Foucault keeps showing up in my house and insisting that my haunting is defined and

possible only because it's like out of his definitional oppositions to the unhaunters. Here's the guys he's fucking exhausting. Yeah, man, totally. I prefer a chomp ski and ghost penis as well. Yeah, it's about true and justice indeed. Well, I'm a skin dick. I don't know what those words mean. Therefore, it's bullshit. So it works, right? I am dying to know the actual methodology here. Right? Like, I'm just picturing these guys calling up like one mis-cleo hotline after another. No, that one guess seven seems like only 10% of these psychics are worth a shit.

Get it. Okay, so the article at this point takes a quick turn to the near present. And most of the rest of it talks about modern attempts at ghost hunting. They claim ghost hunting was made popular by TV shows in the 2000s. And if I did more research than just reading this article, I probably find a lot more early interest in this subject. Yeah, did a little research on IMDB and came across a movie from 1984. I'm just a stay puffed marshmallow man

on the subway somewhere. He pulls out his headphones. Wikipedia's bullshit. You're kidding me. You kidding me. Keith, you think stay puff rides the subway? No way, man. Uber's.

Uber's. That residual money. So the wiki page attributes the popularity of the subject to paranormal shows like ghost hunters and most haunted. Next up on scared of the dark, we sit in a creepy house and freak ourselves out because if you're going to be a blubbering man, baby, it's best to be a public blubbering man. Thank you, Tom.

No, see so for those who might not be familiar, tell us about these extraordinarily rigorous ghost documentaries on the history and learning channels respectively that you speak of. So, so these TV shows, of course, make it seem like the hunters are doing something scientific with all kinds of sophisticated equipment. And I believe Egon would agree he was real. Thank you. Thank you. Every day it works, somebody's like, don't cross the stream.

Every fucking time it's flashlights, Chad Jesus, you're the fucking worse. The afago places and stay the night there with night vision cameras and then they added together all the parts that make ghosts seem plausible because that's just going to sell ad space for them. Then they throw in a few extra sound effects and a couple of jump scares to keep it interesting. Yeah, I do the same thing at home. I call that for play. I feel like interesting is a little much there.

See, so I feel like interesting is a little much there. See so, inters both hunting goes and fucking Tom. I don't know. His jump scares during sex are like, probably like burpee scares. You're fucking Tom. All of a sudden break down. You're doing burpees with Tom inside of you. That's interesting. That's interesting.

Right. That's my new nickname for when I wake up throwing up, by the way, burpee scares me. That's interesting. Wait, you wake up like that. Okay. Okay. You never just woken up throwing up. Like three or four nights a week.

You just wake up and you throw, oh, okay. I don't want to do this. Cecil. While the rest of the gang are rousing, pretending they don't wake up throwing up and with severe nosebleeds, they can't control. Hair coming out in clumps and feces that's never solid. Cecil, I'm curious. Is it just TV shows? Because I'm sensing a rock of love ghost hunters crossover if it's not. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh Well, I'm gonna try to get us back on track

With a line that says Reality of reality style ghost hiding shows several new markets have sprung up trying to cash and I'm excited to hear about them But an older man just offered to massage my carp and I've got a poke Pikachu for some more jump power What game is this? This is not the game you think this is. Japanese one sees all, a Japanese one. So let's pause the show and play the interstitial music for apropos of nothing. My name is Buck Baggins.

I never believed in ghosts until I got this check from the network with a lot of zeros in it. We travel across the country pretending we hear things and shouting into the darkness. This is Ghost Wranglers. This week we head to a haunted glory hall in Idaho. We've placed some very light objects around the room and we'll film them shifting when it gets breezy. Until then, we're going to place this ghost box here on the ground and shout at nothing in hopes we can get a response. Anyone listening? Anyone in here?

Oh my god, what was that? Whoa! We heard knocking and suddenly we thought Ect Blasem was coming out of the wall. We were mistaken, so we went back to asking the Ghostbox questions and let that gentleman finish. Ah! Ah! Anyone not alive in here?

Suddenly, the Ghostbox starts to capture his signal from the grape beyond. Oh my god! Suddenly, the ghost box starts to capture his signal from the grape beyond. Oh my god! Man, I can't do this anymore, I can't do it! Suddenly Jeff, a tech guy, ran from the room. I followed him outside and asked him why he had such an emotional reaction. You don't understand, man. emotional reaction. Next week on Ghost Wrangles, we visit a closed sanitarium that used to be a former hospital

turned prison before it was converted into a pet cemetery. But little did we know, it was built on an ancient idiot- HA HA HA HA! Never mind. Sorry. Sorry. Hi. An ancient Indian baroque crown that lies directly on top of a spirit portal. And we're back!

And I am ready to listen because I'm all out of training points and I refuse to eat blueberries. What? Are you sure you're not having a stroke? Everything I have said has been accurate to the game. Even the throat-slitting parts with the bowl that you've... Fifth Amendment. So, what were we talking about? Money. You had me at money. Trans people are coming for your freedom. Can I have $47,000? I would like $47,000. Gross, right? What if they want to be called the jigsaplex? Did we make the money? If you convince them to say it backwards, they go back to their own dimension. You're wrong. All right. Well, just don't say it three times unless you really need their help. You can't have $47,000. Okay. Well, then let's do the same people thing.

Okay, I'll be sure to get their pronouns, right? So with an emerging market comes lots of entrepreneurs. And with the popularity of these jump scare ghost hunting shows came a lot of similar programming. And with this becoming more and more trendy ghost tourism became a thing people spent money on. Family ghosts walking into their Airbnb, the human family waiting around the corner with proton packs. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

So they don't have a section for this in the article, but they hint at it in a few places. Ghost tours are where you can travel to haunted places, often on a guided tour to learn about the people that have reported to see ghosts. Hotels upsell haunted rooms, tour companies add a nighttime haunted tour to their normal rotation, that sort of thing. In fact, I was recently at the Stanley Hotel in Colorado and they had their own medium in the basement with their own office. And if you were too busy to visit her on your trip, No shit. It wasn't too big a deal because they had a 9, 7, 6 number to chat with her for several

dollars a minute. That really was the second weirdest sex line I have ever called. I will take that as a compliment. Thank you. I love psychic sex line. Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first teeth.

Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first teeth. Don't always be my first. He shows me with you and your limp dick in your hand and a newly soiled sock wondering why you just recently thought it made sense to spend $8 on a four minute audio based speaker. You're right. Wow. That is what happened. Get out of my head.

See, for me, the best thing about ghost tours is you can go literally anywhere and say literally anything because you can go literally anywhere and say literally anything because you can't be wrong. We should start a haunted hotel, guys. That's what I'm saying. I just walk around and in this room. I'm in. I'm out of town.

I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town.

I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. I'm out of town. So psychic and mediums have also cashed in talking to ghosts to find out why they haven't let go and blessing houses that are supposedly on a spirit nexus or in the spirit realm or whatever. Yeah, really getting lots of money off of people's fear and curiosity of the unknown. I get a test to the strategy. I know very little and I am scared all the time. Always works the time. It always works the term.

I will be profiting from stupid people and their fear of the unknown is bad, but they like the psychics aren't raping kids very much. That feels like a big win something. I don't know why. It's just very much a good thing. I like that it's not never. It's just very much. Big win.

A good thing is that there is a fair bit of skepticism in the article. Uh, in fact, there's a whole section on it. I'm not sure how surprising this next bit is, but the belief statistics for ghosts are that between 34 and 37% of Americans, uh, believe in ghosts and then, uh, brits are coming in a little bit above that. Yeah. So just for some perspective, that's about the same number of people who believe the earth is 6,000 years old. I'm not saying we're doomed, but I'm suggesting short term in this.

All my money is Bitcoin. How is that? You think that's going to go well? Bitcoin. It's a pretty short term. It's pretty short term. It's going pretty well for you, kind of. By the way, you know what else?

37% of Americans believe. Approximately. The Donald Trump is doing a good job. kind of, by the way, you know what else? 37% of Americans believe, approximately. The Donald Trump is doing a good job as president. Pretty much exactly his approval rating. Well, but I feel like that number is complete horses. Are they not counting dead Jewish carpenters that clear parking spaces and whisper platitudes to you as ghosts?

Okay, well, either way, I feel like ghosts are the gozerian should jump in for the GLP primary next time. Just like, what else? So, you do well. Does that Paul Ryan be like, I am the gatekeeper? At least Donald Trump knows what to say when they ask if you're a god. So Cecil, any other bullshit on this otherwise large pile of bullshit?

You have to. Well, the pervasiveness of this belief also allows for another emerging market ghost hunting and detecting products. And to be perfectly honest, this is the entire reason I wanted to do this topic. They have this huge list of methods and equipment that I just want to go over. My Amazon wish list is about to get amazing. Mine is still just that circumcision practice dummy. You return the first one I got you for your birthday,

just because I broke. He didn't like Moli the mall. That's why I broke it. It's because it was the black one. It's because it was the black one, be honest. All right, let's start out with still photography. In lots of ghost hunting shows, they use night vision cameras. And still photography has been one of those things that we've used to quote, unquote,

detect ghosts since its invention. Of course, it was a lot fucking easier when it took four minutes for a picture. It would take still. Why would that work? So hard to get the ghost to hold still for that long without smiling. No matter what you do, there's always something dead about their eyes back then, right?

It's true, man. Check your being alive, privilege. Tell me about these photos, see? So we're talking laser backgrounds and prom poses. Because that's a picture. There might be prom photos that still photography often uses terms like actoplasm and orbs, which are anomalies on the photo that people think are ghosts and spirits. It's actually fucking dust. It's totally easy to recreate. All you have to do is just fucking shake a rock and take a photo and you have a million

orbs. Yeah. In my experience, that's usually semen on the camera. By usually, I mean always, it's just always semen. I'll also take that as a compliment. I have good volume. Thank you, Tom. Good aim, too, I put away.

No. Yes. Thank you, Heath. Money shots. So much harder when Noah and Cecil were young. Ever of the proof. And she's just sitting there for an hour. You're holding it with fishing water.

It's the whole thing. You got to get those gutter guards. It just got to. You want like a tube. By the way, my favorite of these photographic anomalies, if you've heard of rods, before these this is like bugs that fly past fast enough to get like multiple images in the exposure, or at least all the ones we've looked at so far are that, you know, some of them can still be Euclidean spirit shapes.

I don't want to prejudice our discussion here, but dismissing that possibility. Thank you. No, no, openness. Thank you. Finally. But Cecil, what about those do hickies with the knobs and the wires? Many of the ghost hunters talk about EMF or an electromagnetic field. Wiki has no explanation as to why

this would work and nor should it, because it doesn't. With a bit of reading elsewhere, Wiki has no explanation as to why this would work and nor should it. Yeah, right. Because it doesn't. With a bit of reading elsewhere, they evidently use it. The meters to look for spikes in the signal and these spikes indicate a possible disturbance because consciousness, I guess, I don't know, even floating disembodied consciousness has a field. Apparently, I don't know.

A great. Yeah, no, it's true. For best results with a spike in consciousness, start with a poppy field, specifically. Right? Or straight. Also, EMF readings just spike in houses that have electricity or are near electricity

or have people in them, but don't worry. They rule stuff that like that out by not acknowledging that it's a thing. You went there. You guys hear that? I'm getting a noise over here. Dude, you're carrying a thermon. You're carrying a thermon.

They all see these thermal imaging equipment like infrared cameras and other temperature sensors, measuring the ambient temperature is very important in pinpointing ghosts. Evidently, many of these ghost hunters will talk about cold spots. To be fair, it always starts as a warm spot, which I have to tell you, I find rather calm a thing. This is a lot like the John Bonet episode. Very similar.

See? Just sitting there, locked on a hard drive. Nobody to enjoy. Yeah. Fine, fine. But see, so what about these ghost recordings? I hear so much about. So they employ a recording of silence with audio recording equipment. And then they bump up the amplification on it to hear whispers from the great beyond because all ghosts talk with their inside voices. They call this EVP or electronic voice phenomenon. Most of the time these shows will play some kind of anomaly and then subtitle it and then play it 50 or 60 times in a row.

You're right. Now do you hear it? Just like arguing with your ex-wife just the same shit over and over and over and over and amplify it. Beyond over again, amplified it. Beyond sensibility. EVP. Fairly familiar. EVP.

You should've just listened to EVP recordings and like kept all your stuff. You really turn it up, you can hear a whisper. Preena. Which I could. Preena. All wish I could have. All right. So this next one is fucking baffling a compass, just a regular old timey compass, because all

ghosts are magnetic north. Oh, the parcheotic neutral. Did I do that right? Guys, no, you did great, Tom. You did great. He did not do great. Wait, I feel like once you figured out that ghosts are always, no. You don't need detectors anymore, right?

Good news. Just go to the polls. Right, and you could just like stay south of stuff and you're going to get destroyed. How hard? 12-o'-o'-d ghosts. They're north. They also, this is interesting. They also use Geiger counters.

And I guess maybe these don't detect actual ghosts, but can detect near future ghosts? No. That one, I would pay attention to if it went off. Right? I have to say, I have to imagine there'd be a loud boom. There would be something of a giveaway just ahead of the Geiger counter issue. Just a bunch of ghost hunters running around Chernobyl. This place is fucking haunted, guys.

Look at my ears, please. That's from ghosts, right? The ghost maker is. The next one actually is probably the first one I think that would actually work. They test for air quality, like carbon monoxide and carbon monoxide can lead to hallucination. So this is probably the first and only test I would take seriously. So all of New York, then, is ghosts or hallucinating people. Yes. All right, Tom, you tell us a more aromatic way to slowly poison the homeless and we'll take it. Okay. All problems, no solutions. We're all ears here.

Well, the AHCA doesn't really smell like anything. Does that count? It's like odorless. Okay. Cecil, while I ignore the fact that Noah is all the sudden on board with homeless people killing after a very firm talking to I was given a month ago. This ghost detection stuff you're talking about sounds

pretty normal heat detectors Fodios audios you got anything Fodios wacky wait a minute are there a Fodios? He'll fix it in post I can't Perfect No, it's gonna be Fodios. Oh, it's in it in edit it till I say hold on edit out the e. I got this Edit it in edit it till I say hold on edit out the e. I got this photo

Photo sorry, I'll do that. We'll see how that sounds I can't wait It's a serious Little professionalism that's all I'm asking Professionalism, no, it doesn't. No one likes you. I thought you guys were best friends. Did I miss that? I thought I have both halves of the necklace for now. Cecil's been real busy.

He keeps sending it back, but he just is waiting. So now this list takes a turn for the really crazy. Oh, now it does. Yeah, before it was some sciencey stuff that you plug into a wall and actual data comes out, even if the data doesn't correlate with the, with the paranormal. Now we get into magic. And the first thing on the list is dousing rods. And dousing rods, you don't know, are little L-shaped rods that are supposed to detect water

or evidently ghosts and you hold them really loosely in your hand and then unconsciously or purposefully let one or both drift in and at that spot, they're supposed to be spiritual energy or something. Now, these work every time I have my rod in my hands, I find what I'm looking for. Will you stop? You are embarrassing me. No, no. Bashful.

They need to know of our love. So they list a lot of types of charlatans next, psychics, mediums, clairvoyance, and then demonologists, exorcists, and clergy. And the first set just chat, and the later use holy water and crucifixes and bronjade prayers to chase the spirits away. Some of them also rape you. But just say it's fair. No, your kids, your kids only your kids.

Fucking demonologist. And finally, the show right enough to call them out. It just just occurred to me. Somewhere out there, two clairvoyants are bitching about how everyone always mistakes them from mediums. That's happening as we speak. Okay. Hi, welcome to clairvoyant Inc.

We can see the future, but instead of being billionaire gamblers, we ran a business out of this basement closet. How can we help you? Yeah, yeah, I'd like to speak with my dead grandmother. Oh my god, get the knock out! Mediums, what is with you? Eat your children! I will eat your children!

Jesus, fine, I'm leaving! What the fuck? Can you believe that guy? Ridiculous. Uhhh. How the fuck would we communicate with a dead person? They're dead. They're idiots.

It's every day with this shit. Unbelieveable. Ugh. Hey. I've been meaning to ask, do you want to win a million dollars from James Randy this year? Uh, kind of tired. Yeah, me too. So, also in the spiritual realm is the Ouija board.

And this has a long history, but was recently reprinted by Parker Brothers. It consists of a board with letters and short answers on it and then a pointer device that slides around the board. You ask the piece of cardboard questions and then your friends promise that they aren't moving the pointer But the trick is to ask a question that no one knows the answers to like Why can't I stop crying or when will dad come back from getting those Stop trying to spell this is your fault. You don't deserve a dad stop

You're pushing it You're obviously pushing it. I have it, Ellie, you were pushing it, dad. You were the most... If it wasn't for you... I'll just say it's your fault you don't have a dad. I got a dad. Weird, bragging. You know?

Weird bragging I have a dad I can shave my head without looking really really really sick So see so as much as I would love to recount my father's day that That sounds fun, but is there anything to detect ghosts our listeners can try at home? Well, they do list one technique. It's called lights out. And I'm just going to read what it says here. Quote, according to ghost hunting enthusiast websites, many ghost hunters prefer to conduct their investigations during peak evening hours midnight to 4 a.m.

This is incidentally when most white castle hamburgers are sold. Anything else we can do except for shutting off the lights and staying up till 4 am? Because I'm pretty sure Noah is the number one ghost hunter in the world if that's all you got. You know, just rain on your parade. But this next one and last one is my favorite. It's called the ghost box. Basically, you take a radio scanner that finds radio stations that are broadcasting. And it's like the one you have in your car when you hit seek. Basically, you take a radio scanner that finds radio stations that are broadcasting, and it's like the one you have in your car when you hit seek.

Then they just let it stay on that frequency for a few seconds to hear one word. And then they fuck a ghost. No? No. Sorry. It comes late. All right. So they will ask the empty room a question, and then the ghost box will cycle through stations

and play one word. And that answer is supposed to be to your question. Sometimes they added out the mistakes and that does help. They add out the misses. But more often than not, it's just has nothing to do with what they just said and they try to stretch it to make it seem like it does. It's really just parodole. That the music festival where the white girl's dressed like Native Americans. It's really just parodolia. That the music festival where the white girls dress like Native Americans. That's Coachella.

That's not the Americans. Parodolia. Got it. That's Yale. Penguin Hat Club. You know, what's, you know, why did I always say lawyer up? Why is that just me? All the time. It's the same. I once rigged one up to whisper, take care of it. And that's why I'm happily not a dad. Oh, jeep. Oh, jeep. We're just fine. That's what you think. I know things he doesn't.

I'm not being billed, so whatever. So many ghost hunters believe that ghosts are tied to places where they had some sort of tragic occurrence in the person's life. So I'll be haunting my ex-wife's vagina. Okay. Pass. I'm going to be the only one. It's a fucking tragedy. What this really boils down to though is that they get more hits at a spookier abandoned places because shit that's abandoned just creaks more. Again, my ex-wife's vagina. So weird, this is coming up.

So weird. Right. I said, creeks not crows. So, my go-store of Tom's ex-wife vagina did not sell well. Can I just say that? Can I get that out there? But Eli, it did see 11. So,

Dan, what's known as a black box? It's like a Mexican stator wagon. 11. So what's known as a black box? Including a million. Crazy picture of somebody trying to walk up Tom's ex-wife's vagina and it's like skipping stairs so they don't get caught. It's like creaks and certain spots. Well, as soon as he said the Mexican station wagon I started thinking of a vagina with hydraulics. He was a little racist.

Tom. Okay, Cecil. Ghost vagina is a side. How do people explain these ghosts anyways? So one of the most outlandish explanations for ghosts is the stone tape theory where mental impressions of traumatic events are stored in moist rocks. And they can be replayed later. I know why can't there are rocks? I can't drive rocks. The weak here and sense. The wiki article isn't that comprehensive, but rocks, yeah, moist rock.

Why is this a moist rock? You have to take it on a Gwenpeltors vagina first. Stick your ear by your twat, pick up the signal. You smoke it, Tom. You smoke or free basin. Either way, I can pretty much promise you both ghosts and mental impressions of traumatic events. We should do crack for a Patreon goal. Honestly, I would pay just to see Tom on crack.

I would pay a lot of, I would do the Patreon myself. We will buy a bucket of crack from Jim Baker and smoke all of it. No, what? Smoke it all. And also, by the way, to further answer the question, yes, you can put your ear up to Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina and you can hear the beach. That's it.

Casionalist. Casionalist. You don't feel like that's happening. Good for chief. All right, Cecil. And finally, you have to summarize what you learned in one sentence. What would it be?

That scaring the shit out of yourself can not only be fun, but also really expensive? Like WebMD for stupid people And now it's time for a quiz from our panel Cecil are you ready? I have plugged in my BS detector and I am ready to go all right I'll start it off Which of the following is the best evidence for the fact that I've actually been a ghost this whole episode?

Is it A, the amount of time I can stand at a staples counter before anyone acknowledges me? B, and this is true. During stop and frisk, the NYPD would ignore me entirely and focus only on the brown people around me. C, non-ghosts require food and sleep. Or D, M night shamanelon made millions ripping a third act twist off of a goose bumps episode so it would be silly for me to not even try. Oh, it's definitely, it's definitely D. I know you are after those millions.

Just so that I can buy enough crack to get Tom high. I'll take that much. We'll take a vowel poverty. All right, sometimes to catch a ghost, it's best to just call one. Who are you going to call? Which one is not a time-tested ghost summoning technique? A. Charlie, Charlie. B, Bloody Mary.

C, Candyman, or D, Prayer. Which one does not work? Not effective. Does it, a lot of people try it. E, all of you. No. Yes, sure. It's definitely D. I guess what I want to say here is it's definitely D. God now see, we lost our general audience. Thanks. Thanks. Cut our listener in half. See, so

for my question, which of the following is an actual historical trick of so-called spirit mediums throughout history? A, sexual channeling, namely pretending to be someone's dead wife or husband and then fucking them. Is it B, spirit writing, writing that mysteriously appears on slates using your toes under the table? Oh my god. writing that mysteriously appears on slates using your toes under the table. Oh my god. See, locking yourself in a cabinet all tied up and then playing a tambourine to make it

the ghost did it. Or D. All of these are real. Mediums are fucking stupid and also kind of rapier turns out. When you do the research. It's real creepy. I'm gonna go with D on this one. Correct. Correct. Correct. It's always the most depressing one. Yeah.

All right, I got one more for you. Which of the following is the best way to tell that ghosts are living in your area? Is it a human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together mass hysteria? Is it b, you wake up pregnant without fucking anyone and it starts an entire religion? Is it c, whenever you're doing pottery, the guy from Roadhouse keeps sproating you and fucking it up, just frustrating. Obviously I'm talking about Sam Elliott and final option, is it D, your girlfriend

vomits on you during sex way more than normal. Cause she's pregnant. Surprise. You know, my wife does not vomit on me during sex, but my girlfriend does. I'm going to go with D. I'm going to go with D on this one. That is apparently not correct. That is not correct. It was actually B. Christianity.

See, I was pretty sure it was going to be C because it was before he was a ghost that the pottery think, oh man, I would have got it wrong too, Cecil. Yeah. She's pregnant though. I'm telling him on air. It's going to be a funny way the pottery think, ah man, I would have got it wrong too, Ciso. Yeah. She's right now though. I'm telling him on air. It's going to be funny when he finds out in real life. I don't get it. Okay, he's moved one this week and you get to choose who our researcher is next week.

Eli. That's a while. Okay. Of course. Also included in your victory gift bag is reading the answer to last week's Twitter question. Okay. The question was, if you had to masturbate to one cereal box mascot for the rest of your life, which one would you choose and why? And the best answer was sent in by Robert

who said, Gizmo, just because. And apparently there was a gremlins cereal so just make sure you have good aim or dry come and this week's question is what's the best name for a website dedicated to all things ghost hunting all right well for Noah sea salt heath and Tom I'm Eli thank you for hanging out with us today we'll be back next week and by then I'll be an expert on something else. Between now and then you can catch the other three shows that know a heath and myself produce. God awful movies, the Skeptocrat and the Skaving Atheist. Tom and Ciso also produce another show you can check out once you've run out of ours called God in the distance. And if you'd like to keep this show going you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us one of those sexy five star reviews everywhere you can.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citation pod dot com. Now to head into the hard work of researching for next week. Go magic cart jump jump you motherfucker jump god! Goddamn it! How?! How?! I'll never beat the Heal League. I will shoot myself in the face and send Neandeka picture. Thank you. you