Citation Needed - Harriet Tubman
Episode Date: February 24, 2021Harriet Tubman (born Araminta Ross, c. March 1822[1] – March 10, 1913) was an American abolitionist and political activist. Born into slavery, Tubman escaped and subsequently made some 13 ...missions to rescue approximately 70 enslaved people, including family and friends,[2] using the network of antislavery activists and safe houses known as the Underground Railroad. During the American Civil War, she served as an armed scout and spy for the Union Army. In her later years, Tubman was an activist in the movement for women's suffrage. Music Credit: Hitman by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3880-hitman License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license All other music was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here. Be sure to check our website for more details.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh
So tired. Oh
So tired must
Stop me about it eat
Hot roast beef sandwich must come on come on guys. We're almost at the next stop
We're on the side. I don't know Cecil
I mean I get what you're trying to do having us travel to underground railroad for the for the Harriet Tubman episode
But this is a lot of work.
It is, and I have to poop again.
What?
Oh, damn it.
Oh, seriously, we cheered up, Alison, during this disability time.
I can still see your poop.
You are making fun of a disability.
I'm disabled.
We're still looking at it.
We are not stopping.
We are going to track through the woods by moonlight.
We are going to go hungry.
We are going to be tired at the end of this. And we are really gonna understand the subject
of this week's essay.
We are gonna get the gravity and the magnitude
of what they were talking about.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a, or we could rent golf carts.
Ooh, two votes.
Oh, yeah, three votes, three votes.
That's settled.
Follow me, I got a golf cart guy.
Oh, I call the same card as Cecil.
Ah, hey guys, so much though.
Hello and welcome! The citation needed!
The podcast where we choose a subject, free to single article about it on Wikipedia, and
pretend we're experts.
Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.
I'm Eli Bosnick, and I've been informed that even though it totally fits the format
of our introduction, apparently calling myself the leader of this underground railroad is inappropriate.
Yeah, yeah.
But the negative Nancy's who told me I couldn't do my super good intro are also here.
First up, two men who hid all my makeup and preparation for today's episode, Cecil and Noah.
So many earth tones.
How do you pass so many earth tones? You're even a winter.
I didn't get it.
Also Eli, I need it to polish my shoes.
That doesn't work with your wearer.
Cross.
I'm like a shiny.
Like a shiny crock.
And also joining us tonight,
a man whose notes are wildly inappropriate,
due to the fact that he thought we were doing today's essay
on Harriet Tub Girl.
Oh, fuck.
She's a fraud. Good Girl. Oh, fuck.
She's a good lord.
Okay, I have never hated anyone
for making me Google something
as the set up for a fucking joke.
All right.
Jesus, this is why I don't research.
The spring is wound up.
Before we begin tonight,
I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons.
Without our patrons money,
I'd have to get a job where knowing who Tub Girl is
would be a detriment. It is a detriment. It is. It's a detriment right now. I just feel
it's pretty funny though. The punchline there was pretty fun. Thank you. Yeah. If you'd
like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show.
And with that out of the way, tell us Noah what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon
or event. We'll be talking about today? Today we're going to be talking about Harriet Tubman.
And Cecil, you're one of the two people on this podcast
who wouldn't make everyone else very, very nervous
by doing an essay on this topic.
I'm ready to prove them wrong.
That is a very interesting way of wishing me
happy black history month.
It's a lot of fun.
That's interesting.
And in that spirit, who was Harriet Tubman?
Harriet Tubman was born in Dorchester County, Maryland.
Bass Gas is she was born in 1822, but she was born in slave.
So there's no records kept about her birthday.
She was born on a plantation.
Her parents Harriet, Rhett, Green, and Ben Moss were both enslaved by different owners.
Her full name was Aminita Minty Ross.
Okay, I want everyone to have breath-related nicknames like, this is Eli, garlic Bosnick,
and Keith Sirosis Smell and Red.
She was one of nine children. Three of her sisters were sold away from the family
and there was a plan to sell her brother to a slave owner in Georgia. Harry and his mother
hit the boy for a month when she got word. She had to eventually bring the kid home and
at that point, the plantation owner and the buyer from Georgia, they were so frustrated
with the mother's obsceness. They decided to try to take the boy by force. They tried to enter the home and remove him.
It's reported that Ritt said, you are after my son, but the first man that comes into
my house, I will split his head open and close.
They, uh, they decided a Hasey retreat was in order and they canceled the sale.
Oh, there you go.
I mean, feels like the next natural step would be, and by the way, I'm not a slave anymore,
but I can't take it anymore.
Take what you can get.
It was a cook.
I suspected that she's the daughter of the plantation
or she spent much of her time cooking in the main house
on the property, and thus it was up to Harriet,
a child herself to take care of her siblings.
Plantation owners put her to work as a nurse maid
at six years old. Jesus. What? And her put her to work as a nurse made at six years.
Jesus.
What?
And her task was to care for a child.
And when the baby cried, she would be the one who got the beating as opposed to the baby.
Yeah.
I mean, if they're beating kids, I mean, she's only six, huh?
She's a baby herself.
Harry had a rebellious nature and she would run away on occasion.
She'd wear multiple layers of clothes as padding to take the sting out of her bootings,
which I love that she's squirted them that way.
And as she aged, she was given a bunch of other work and hired out by plantation owners.
At points of her youth, she was a muskrat trapper, an oxen driver for both plowing fields
and hauling logs. And she did many other types of outdoor tasks
Well, she's loved the idea like the baby starts crying. She walks out there looking like Michelin men. Yep. I heard it
You know say what you will about her, but still
Best resume on indeed
on indeed. It's just a lot of experience. Absolutely. Yeah. Once Harriet was trying to stop an overseer from beating one of the enslaved boys, at one
point she gets in between the two of them and just as the overseer threw a two pound weight
at the boy. It hit Harriet right in the forehead and knocked her the fuck out. Jesus.
She's like, oh, my bad. I was trying to hit a different child.
And even though Harriet, at the time, I was a bloody half unconscious mess, the, quote, returned her to her owner's house. And later on the seat of a loom, where she remained without
medical care for two days. The blow to the head caused her to have migraines and narcolepsy for the
rest of her life.
Yeah, but the lack of medical care saved her life and would soon become the American
standard we know together.
Exactly.
And I am very purposefully skipping over the stories of her religious visions and vivid
dreams that were rooted in her Christian faith because the culprit here is almost
certainly the fact that she had a brain mashed around in her head. Not to mention the fact that the
Bible says the real problem was that she got up after two days, right? If she'd stayed down,
the Bible says she could have gotten that overseer in real trouble, but didn't want to take that long
weekend, Harriet. That's on you. At the age of 22, she married a free black man named John Tubman.
I'm not sure how the intricacies of an enslaved person marrying a free person worked, and
I don't pretend to know, but weirdly, any kids they would have had would have also been
enslaved.
And that's sort of a strange, you had one hand on base kind of moment, you know, Harriet
had gotten ill again, although the article doesn't mention how or that her previous
illness was getting clunked on the noggin.
But anyway, her asshole slave owner was not impressed with her sickly work ethic and
tried to sell her, but to no avail.
The ever religious Tubman decided to try to wish him dead through the divine creator's
will. She prayed he would die, and it either worked, and there's a creation genie that'll kill
someone if he asked really nicely, or it was a wonderful coincidence because he died
a week later.
Okay, I don't want to be this guy, but really literal slave, Harriet Tubman, you couldn't
think of anything you'd rather wish for than your slave
over dying.
Nothing.
Also, like, you waited until now to find out if this would work.
I mean, I'm not trying to tell you how to do job.
Tubman knew she was going to be sold off in an estate sale along with rest of her family.
And the possibility was high that the family was going to be split up.
So she decided ahead this one off of the pass and escape.
On September 17th, 1849, she and her two brothers, Henry and Ben, they escaped.
They were gone for a few weeks before the plantation owner reported them as runaways to the paper
that Cambridge Democrat with a $ dollar reward for each of them.
The brothers decided that they should go back, possibly because one of them had just become
a father, so they turned around and Harriet went with them.
Did they at least get the hundred bucks?
No, they're not.
I think you could collect them.
They're so good.
This part of the story is very confusing.
They ran away, but then they ran back
when one of them became a father.
Like was this dude's girl pregnant when he left
and he just was like unclear about what happens next?
Like how was this a surprise?
And if it was, how did they know?
Right?
Like you've got a phone call.
I don't get.
When she returned, she escaped again.
This time trying to take her mother with her,
but they weren't able to round a voo. She traveled through the wilderness with the help of
the underground railroad, a network of safe houses for runaway slaves. She was able to make
her way north and she followed the stars. Since she was well versed at working and being
outdoors, she was able to avoid detection and make her way through some very difficult
wilderness.
She finally crossed the border into Pennsylvania and she reported later in life, quote,
when I had found I had crossed that line, I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person.
There was such a glory over everything.
The sun came like gold to the trees and over the fields.
I felt like I was in heaven."
It was after this
that she changed her name from Arminita to Harriet, possibly as a way to honor her mother.
Yeah, I can't think any other reason an escape slave might want to change her name.
Yeah.
Multiple reasons.
Yeah.
And this moment marked the one and only time anyone ever celebrated arriving in Pennsylvania. She made her way to Philadelphia and she immediately started working on jobs to survive
always with an eye focused back to Maryland to free her family.
She traveled back to Maryland a year later and she was able to get her brother and two other
men.
They had made their way back to Pennsylvania.
She then returned another time to Maryland.
This time to Dorchester County where she was from.
She wanted to go back to get her husband,
but when she came back, she found out he had already up
and married someone else while he was gone.
She at first wanted to break down the door and make a scene,
but she decided she just gather a group of enslaved people
and head back to Philly.
I think that's probably for the best.
It seems like an awkward trip if nothing else.
Alright, tonight we travel by moonlight.
If you hear the hound, sorry.
Harriet?
Yes, John.
Um, we're cool, right?
This is not really the time, John.
Right, no, of course.
We gotta escape slavery, of course, of course. Which is to be clear, we are not. We're not the time, John. Right, no, of course. We gotta escape slavery, of course, of course.
But just to be clear, we are not, we're not.
John, John, I don't.
It just seems like if we were cool,
you would be like, yeah, we're cool.
But if we're not cool, I don't wanna push it.
I don't wanna push it.
Fine.
Fine, John, we're cool.
Okay, we're cool.
Wow, you just got over us so fast.
I was like, I am just gonna let you get caught.
That's, I'm gonna let you get caught.
Like how long were you out of that?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
She made other trips back to Maryland after.
One time, taking 11 escapes,
slays with her and hiding out in Frederick Douglass' house.
Oh, Frederick Douglass.
He did an amazing job.
He's being recognized more and more, I noticed.
Yeah, I like this.
I like this news.
That's what we have.
Now, there's no direct record of this happening, but she did conduct a rescue operation,
rescuing 11 people at the same time when Douglass wrote in his biography, quote,
on one occasion, I had 11 fugitives at the same time under my roof,
and it was necessary for them to remain with me until I could collect sufficient money
to get them onto Canada.
It was the largest number I ever had at one time, and I had some difficulty in providing
so many with food and shelter."
They were taking them to Canada, by the way, because even the American north, where slavery
was abolished, was still a very unfriendly place for escape slaves.
Okay, fine, you're people, but we're still going to be dicks to you.
Which remains our policy to the state.
No, it's true.
And Tuppen wasn't done yet by a fucking long shot.
Over the next 10 years, she would
rescue 70 slaves in 13 expeditions. She freed so many her nickname became Moses, who
fictionally led the Hebrews to free him in a really dumb book.
A little book called the Constitution of the United States.
Oh yeah. She wound up freeing a bunch of her family members, including her brothers, sister-in-law,
her nieces, and nephews, and her parents.
She mostly conducted her rescue missions in the winter, so there was less chance that
she would run into people outside.
Oh, oh, oh, and she used really big fake bear feet to make tracks in the snow.
You know, like to trick her for two words and to thinking she was bigfoot.
Like, not for any reason.
She just thought that part was perfect.
Oh, there is.
That's not worth it.
She also left out with escape slaves on Saturday night, because newspapers didn't print
runaway slave notices on Sunday.
So that gave her a head start ahead of the bounties.
I imagine that was pretty frustrating for the slave owners. Oh, sorry.
I can't really let anybody know about that till Tuesday.
Tuesday?
Well, it's, no, I in the hell wouldn't have said that.
What's a bank holiday on Monday?
I'm not sure you could run it down there now.
Well, actually, I'm on my 15.
So, okay, could you do that?
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I holiday on Monday. I'm sure you could run it down there now.
Well, actually, I'm on my 15.
So could you just say I'm on my 15?
I guess she was always disguising herself, hiding her face behind newspapers to avoid
eye contact with people that like might recognize her.
At one point, she had a couple of chickens
that she was carrying around
to fit in with the local working folk.
And when somebody got nosy and started,
and she was like,
she can start it.
Exactly, do a chicken stump, man.
This started staring at her too long.
She pinched the chicken to get it
to make it go a little nuts.
So she could pretend she was distracted and hide her face.
Tubman also carried a pistol weather that she was not afraid to use.
One time a guy was with her and he was getting cold feet with the whole operation.
I wanted to go back.
Tubman knew this was going to jeopardize the whole mission.
So she put the barrel of the gun up to his head and said, you go on or you die.
And he went on and they made it to Canada.
Wow. I know offense Canada, but this time of year, though, you'd have to think about that
for a second, right? The whole time she's running his operations, she has to deal with the cold
and the wilderness. She's navigating at night, hiding during the day. They're moving from safehouse
to safehouse. The whole time being pursued by slave catchers
out for one of the many bounties on her.
Someone would go on later in life
to tell an audience, quote,
I was a conductor on the underground railroad
for eight years and I can say what most conductors can't say.
I never ran my train off the track
and I never lost the passenger, end quote.
Oh, okay.
Quick aside, but train's on way more dangerous than I would have shot back there.
Most conductors are running these things off the track.
What the fuck?
What?
I'm the only person who's trained.
It's not the right.
I would argue those aren't trains then.
Anyways, it sounds like we've got the story of one bad ass lady,
and I'm sure in the second half, America is gonna treat her fantastically.
So, I'm gonna take a quick break for a little ditty we like to call apropos of nothing.
It was a time of desperation.
We're never gonna make it to the North.
It was a time of fear. What are we gonna make it to the north.
It was a time of fear.
What are we gonna do?
We can't just hide here.
It was a time for Tubman.
Hey, you fucking people need to get aboard this fucking salt train, as we're leaving the
station.
From the people who cast Ghost in a Shell and the live action last airbender.
Marky Mark is Harriet Tubman. Hey Harry, you want me to fucking shoot that fucking guy over
here because I'll fucking whack him. Also, Robert De Niro is David Crockett.
David Crockett and Harriet Tubman weren't even contemporaries.
He'd been dead for years before she was even born.
Get out of the sketch!
I am too much a sketch.
I did two voices at the beginning.
They aren't taking prisoners.
I'm gonna write this fucking steamboat right up your ass, General Lee.
But they are taking passengers.
Looks like it's your last stop.
Motherfucker.
They are.
Tubman and Crocket.
And we're back.
And I want to see that movie.
When we left off, Harriet was telling everyone
to come with us if you want to live.
We're in that season.
We're out of that season. I think you'd crushed it.
That's exactly.
Civil war breaks out in 1861 and Harriet knows that this could be the endoslavery of the
Union wins.
So she right away tried to pitch in.
Oh, what did she do?
She decided to buy some stamps.
She adds to South Carolina where the Union controlled part of the coastline
and joined a camp at Port Royal.
One of the generals there, David Hunter, was a fierce abolitionist and he tried to turn
runaway slaves into a Union regimen.
When he's chastised by Lincoln for doing this, Tubman said, quote, God won't let master
Lincoln beat the South till he does the right thing.
And quote, okay, here we go.
So God's maintaining the institution of slavery and prolonging the deadliest war in American
history to punish.
Okay.
January of 1863 Lincoln finally gave the emancipation
proclamation and Tubman decided the best way to end the war was to join in.
So she started scouting the area around Port Royal as a union scout.
She wound up being the first woman to lead an assault in the civil war.
She helped Colonel James Montgomery raid some plantations along the Kumbahee River.
The general's like, I don't know, Tubman.
Do you think you're up for this?
She's like sneaking around plantations.
Yeah, I think I'll give it a one.
Wait a second.
Give it a, in the morning of June 2nd, 1863, she guided a pack of union steamboats to
show her around the Confederate mines where the soldiers were, where the soldiers basically
took or set fire to the supplies.
Man, these supplies sure would be useful.
Oh, God, dammit, pyro
Dave. A fire. Why do we even have pyro Dave? We could use fuck. Take him next time.
When the steamboats blew their horns, the enslaved people in the area all started to flee and
run toward the boats. This sentence in Wikipedia really captures the chaos of the moment.
Quote, women still carrying steaming pots of rice, pigs squealing and bags slung over shoulders and babies hanging around their parents neck.
Although the owners armed with handguns and whips tried to stop the mass escape, their
efforts were nearly useless in the tumble. End quote, the escape slaves were brought to
a nearby fort.
They get there and it's just like, okay, let's see, we got pork, thank you Dave and
rice, thank you Susan and Cheryl, you brought another mouth to feed.
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
They freed 730 enslaved people that day and she was plastered all over the newspapers.
She worked for the Union Army for the rest of the wars to scout a nurse and she helped tend any of the newly liberated slaves that came
in a camp. There's this kind of tragic aside here in the article where she must have had
some kind of paperwork that allowed her to ride in a typically white section of the trains.
They refer to it as government paperwork, so I suspect it's issued to her because of her work
in the Civil War. In any case, she's in a seat when the conductor tells her to move. When she refused,
she showed the paperwork and the conductor got the help of two passengers to remove her
from the seat and throw her another car, breaking her arm in the process. Rosa Parks would
later cite this as her inspiration for not moving from that bus seat.
Yeah, the story about slavery of the Civil War was getting a little too cheerful.
So thank you for that.
He's back down the year.
I throw it a little depressing aside once in a while.
They talk about her constant service to others so much so that she lived in poverty for
quite some time after the war. She was never paid for her service to the union.
She had to work several side jobs to get by.
It's like Keith from modest needs, but he's also your driver.
Yeah.
Sarah Hopkins Bradford penned an authorized biography for her, which netted her a modest
sum of money, but she was basically scammed out of it by some smugglers that said they
had $5,000 with the gold that they were selling for less money than $5,000 and they brought her out into the forests for the drop and then they
kicked a shit out of her and took her money.
Oh, 50 bucks with he sluck.
That's his like great, great, great grandpa.
He's one of them, yeah.
Jeb a diet and right.
A little historical side note. Just before that, she also actually changed her status
to I am not giving Facebook permission to share my information post to their website.
While her stories swirled around in the news and people worried they're filled with sympathy
or instead laughed about her gullibility, two representatives went from New York and another
from Wisconsin wanted to pay her $2,000 for her services to the union.
So they made a very simple stimulus bill to do so.
And like many stimulus bills, it was voted down by the Senate.
She was eventually given a pension, partially for the death of her second husband and
partially for her efforts as a nurse during the war.
They did give her a chunk of back pay too.
So she eventually was given something for all that good that she did.
9-11 first responders are looking at Harriet Tubman.
Lookie.
It's just amazing to me that there would be any debate as to whether to pay the escaped
slave for her work.
Jesus fuck her. What was the point of the war in your minds?
Exactly.
In her later years, she took on a new cause, suffragist activism hadn't done enough.
I get it.
Yeah, she certainly wasn't done yet.
She was part of that movement and she attended meetings with Susan B. Anthony and Emil
Holland.
Her life was a basic blueprint to show that equality was completely deserved.
And she traveled telling the story of her life and her struggles in 1896 at the first meeting
of the National Federation of Afro-American Women.
Harriet Tubman was the keynote.
She was honored at the reception in Boston for her life, helping others and
a lifetime service to the nation. But she helped others so much. She was basically living
in poverty. So she had to sell her cow to get a train ticket to go to the celebration in her honor.
She donated a piece of property that she had to the church so they could make a, and this is a
quote, making home for aged and indigent colored people.
The church opened the home a few years later, charging $100 for patients to enter.
And Tubman was appalled by this. She said, quote, they make a rule that nobody should come in without
they have $100. Now I want to, I want to make the rule that nobody should come in unless they
don't have no money at all."
And, quote, as she got older, the problems with her headaches got a lot worse.
She was experiencing a buzzing sound and she couldn't sleep due to pain.
So she asked the doctors at Boston General Hospital to perform surgery on her head.
They did this and she said they, quote, sought open my skull and raised it up.
And now it feels more comfortable.
And you're my favorite part of this.
She was was that she was given no anesthesia.
Instead, Harriet fucking Tubman bit down on a bullet like the boy she worked on in the
Civil War as they sawed her head open.
She was awake the entire time.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. as they sawed her head open, she was awake the entire time.
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Well, yesterday I stubbed my toe and immediately filed for permanent
disability.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Tubman died in 1913 of pneumonia at the age of 91, give or take a stupidly amazing lady
and a hundred percent worthy of being on our goddamn money no matter
what that walking testicle Charlie Kirk has to say about it.
Right.
And Cecil, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?
Charlie Kirk is a racist.
Yes he is.
Are you ready for the quiz?
I am ready for the quiz.
All right, I got one for you.
Besides misogyny and racism, what possible argument could exist
for not replacing Andrew Jackson's racist
and trans-sidal message of a $20 bill with Harriet Tubman's?
Hey.
Oh, I'm from LA, I love him.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Be losiando no no habla inglés.
And see, oh my God, what could that over there be?
I think it's definitely a hammer.
It is.
It's definitely a, definitely a,
it's definitely a, it's official statement.
That's Ben Shapiro destroying you with facts and knowledge.
I'm sure. All right, Cecil, what were some alternative names for the underground railroad?
Oh, no, which were ultimately rejected.
Okay.
A, the freed and the furious.
Like that one, nice.
B, mission nearly impossible.
C, run, tub and run. Or D, no country for black man. Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, a lot of the story for us in the movie Harriet. Do I think we can all agree is a terrible title?
Is that what should they have called the movie?
A, the tubinator.
Pfft.
Pfft.
The tubinator.
When Harriet met Sally Ford.
Okay.
C, dirty Harriet.
That's a good one.
I like that one.
I like that.
I like that.
That's dirty Harriet.
That's dirty Harriet.
That's dirty Harriet. D, Top man on wire. Okay.
I think it's secret answer E.
Harriet's a fire.
Oh, like Harriet's a fire.
It's very, very clever.
I didn't write it though.
All right.
Well, you still win because you.
It's better than the porn one.
The porn one would have been three men in a tub,
which is not
All right Cecil you I'm so the winner. Okay. No, I said yes. All right. Go get him Noah. Oh
All right
Our Tom Cecil and Noah I'm Eli Bosnick. They could you for hanging out with us today?
We'll be back next week and by then Noah will be an expert on something else between now
And then you can listen to Cecil and Noah on their new podcast,
old things weren't as bad when I was a kid.
But check out Commonize's new Snapchat feature reel,
What's a Snapchat?
And if you want to help keep the show going,
you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash
citation pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can.
And if you'd like to get in touch with us,
check out past episodes, connect with us
on social media or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com.
They are Tubman and Crocket. And cut excellent everybody.
Hey, I'm sorry, I don't want to be picky, but Steamboats aren't really great on railroad tracks.
I'm just saying. Just read the lines, okay Mark? Also, you sure you don't want to be picky, but Steamboats aren't really great on railroad tracks. I'm just saying.
Just read the lines, okay Mark.
Also, you sure you don't want me to do a black voice?
Because I can't do a black voice!
Does anybody know why I stopped fucking making good movies?
Uh, no, Mr. DeNiro.
Nobody knows why you stopped making good movies.
Because I was in really good fucking movies at one point.
I know you were Mr. DeNiro.
Yeah, me too. No, not really Mark. No, I was in really good fucking movies at one point. I know you were a superhero. Yeah, make two.
No, not really, Mark.
No, I was.
I mean, it's a part it was fine.
The part it was, but I was barely in that.
I was like, show up in the end.
It's part of the reason why it was good.
Mouse could tear and I shoot a guy.
What is that for?
Why was that in the movie?
You were just silly.
It didn't work.
Why was that in the movie?
You were just silly, it didn't work.