Citation Needed - J. Edgar Hoover

Episode Date: June 14, 2017

John Edgar Hoover (January 1, 1895 – May 2, 1972), better known as J. Edgar Hoover, was the first Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) of the United States. He was appointed as the sixth director of the Bureau of Investigation — the FBI's predecessor — in 1924 and was instrumental in founding the FBI in 1935, where he remained director until his death in 1972 at the age of 77. Hoover has been credited with building the FBI into a larger crime-fighting agency than it was at its inception and with instituting a number of modernizations to police technology, such as a centralized fingerprint file and forensic laboratories. --- To support us on Patreon, click here.

All right, take off their blindfolds. What? Where are we? What the hell are you? I was naughty the whole time I had that blindfold on. Nobody spanked me. I want to refund. I want to refund, right?

I want to calm down all three of you. I'm special agent Smith, and this is special agent every man, and we've brought you here today for a very important reason. She was dead when I found her. But that's not the reason. Wait, but seriously, we're the FBI. You're just volunteering that. Who now? I have no time for all that.

Listen, guys, heath, Tom, Eli, we think the three of you are in a position to do some important work for your country. You clearly just said said do and work. I'm out. Yeah, me too. Not so fast, Tom. We're the FBI and we don't mind using a little leverage. Like this, for example, that photo of Bigfoot has been long debunked.

Actually, that's a picture of my ass. Feel it. How can you tell? It's proof that you spent time with a prostitute named Desiree Ultrabold on the night of June 18th, 2009. Desiree, ah, that was her name. Oh man, the thing she could, thanks, I gotta give her a call

like someone named Minneapolis. Wait a minute, wait, you're not worried about your reputation? Oh, whoa, my reputation never gonna be mayor now. Doesn't even own a gas station. Okay, okay, well what about you, Mr. N, right? Here's audio of you admitting the most debased perversions imaginable. Is this from God off of movies?

No, it was from a Skype call. A Skype call where we're recording God Offa Movies? Yeah, maybe. You know, we publish those conversations on purpose, right? That's like our whole thing. Really? Well, what about you, Eli? This entire file is evidence of foreign objects

we can prove have been inside your rectum. Oh, awesome. Thank you. Oh, I'm going to win so many bets. Ha ha. See, see, Tom, I Oh, awesome. Thank you. I'm gonna win so many bets. Ha ha. See, see, Tom, I told you, I told you, I just, I don't see how you managed to unfold it while it was up there. It's like speaking Mandarin and doing a split man,

it's 90% confidence. Can, can you still iron on it though? I mean, I was never gunna, but yes. Also, pay up, both of you, 50 bucks, both of you. Thank you, Mr. Smith and Mr. Everett. Enough, enough, all three of you, get the hell out of here. You're all unblackmailable. Okay, Cecil, every man, I know you're mad about the situation,

but don't let shout. Not in front of Heath, we're all best friends here. I am not Cecil, I'm an FBI agent right now. Cecil, and we are not best friends. I knew it I knew it. That's how you get them you ask and it's like They have to tell you they're not allowed to lie to you. They have to tell you they're your best friend I just wear shirt that says are you a cop and they have to they can't do anything then I have a bumper sticker too.

They can't pull me over. Hello and welcome to SciTation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now My name is Eli Bosnick and I'll be militarily moderating today's meanderings, but I won't be alone First up give a big welcome to the closest humans we could find to before and after of making human jerky No, I can't tell you guys. I retain a lot of water Well now I'm avoiding it for fear I'm gonna hydrate into town A reasonable fear indeed and also joining us are inverse hair twins Cecil and he

He looks like a guy who owns a gun store in Mississippi with a side with a sign-out front that says no darkies with a signout front that says no darkies. Fair enough, I do. I do, but Cecil looks like he should be protesting my gun store with like a hack circle in 1970. So, Hackie Sack was invented in 72, shows some respect for America's greatest contribution to sport. Come on.

I'm in a circle of hairy taxi drivers. That Cecil would be in. That was our jobs. All right. So before we ramp things up, he was. All right. So before we ramp things up for the night, I want to thank all the fine people who support the show through Patreon.com.

We like them the best, just so you know, because without them, we would still be selling Hackie's Hacks. If you'd like to join their ranks, be sure to stick around until the end of the show or not pause the show. Go to patreon.com slash citation pod right now Toss is a dollar we'll be here. It's a digital recording. We gave it to you for free Tell us Noah what person place thing phenomena concept or event will bring us together today Maui Really?

No, it's Chad Grover, I'm fine. So, espn hours. This is a little something where there are no roadic consonants, but yes, that would be it. If you could hear them, would they be ear-roadic consonants? No, no, they would not. Beach tits.

Penis. I brought her back. So I tried it last week to go one way, this, I'm back at it. And he, because you stole and raped my pay with pants in a vicious blood-curdling home break-in, you gave me the key. Mind of a killer hiding plane site. Vicious home break-in. You get to do all the work tonight.

So you read the Wikipedia article on J Edgar Hoover. Are you ready to allow us to suckle upon your teats? Yes. Of wisdom. Let down, but still yes. That makes three of us. All right, then without further ado, who is J Edgar Hoover? And when exactly did he invent the vacuum cleaner?

He did not. He was the first head of the FBI and probably the closest America ever came to having a secret unelected dictator. Uh, well, at least according to what we know right now exactly at the time of the recording. And what we know. I mean, it is a Monday. Like, let's be fair to us here. Somebody check like CNN.com or something.

Just real quick and refresh. We're good for that joke. We are good for that joke. All right. So, uh, Jander Hoover served as the FBI's director for 37 years from its inception in 1935 to his death in 1972. Later in his life, and after his death, he became increasingly controversial as ever crazier abuses of power about him came to light. He's kind of like

Jesus, I guess. I already liked the guy. So what can you tell us about little Eddie Hoover? John Edgar Hoover was born on New Year's Day of 1895 and grew up in Washington, DC. In high school, he was on the debate team where he enjoyed arguing against women's suffrage and against abolishing the death penalty. And apparently his hero was Anthony Comstock, Jesus, who's best known for crusading against pornography and birth control in insane ways.

What? Imagine a poster over his bed of Anthony. crusading against pornography and birth control in insane ways. Imagine a poster over his bed of Anthony. If you jack off to a poster of Anthony Comstock, does this angel cry? I'm trying, it's worth trying. I can tell you, I've tried it and it always makes me cry. I don't know, it doesn't count unless you're crying, though. I can't call unless I'm crying.

Neither can she. So he tell us, did he have a higher education? Well, great question Eli. In 1916, Hoover got his Bachelor of Laws degree from George Washington University Law School and immediately went to work locking up foreigners. Hoover started with a job in the Justice Department and soon became the head of the Alien Enemy Bureau, which was, yeah, it's a special panel

created at the beginning of World War I, tasked with jailing allegedly disloyal foreigners with no trial. No, but they were only bad ombre's, right? Yeah. Course, so he got handed a list of list of 1400 suspicious Germans living in the US. Oh, okay. There's a bad munch.

But same time. Right. You got an idea. Right. So under his direction, they arrested 98 of these people and designated another 1172 as quote, arrestable. Whatever the fuck that means. I mean, let's be real honest though, they were, arrestable. Whatever the fuck that means. I mean, let's be real honest though,

they were all arrestable. They were just a few you had to explain yourself for arresting. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, just remember guys, check our ID before you get the handcuffs out. All right, it's all fun and games

until somehow you're the bad guy. Life lessons, life lessons. Heath. I ran the old ID check not stupid Oh gosh, let's go get beers I'll take I'll take your idea of to the bar We on within a year America's first red scare was ramping up and the government needed a voracious and experienced violator of civil liberties to be able to.

So, so Donald Trump went back in time. Well, not quite, but okay. Well, then Andrew Jackson awoke from his cryogenic slumber. Also close. Yeah, and in time travel, America has a lot of good candidates here. Hitler 2020, he's a socialist, he's a Nazi, everybody loves him. Walk in the middle. Wow. Yeah. I'm a moderate like Dave Rubin. He throws the wrong race. Yeah. Anyway, in 1919, Hoover became the head of the General Intelligence

Division at the bureau of investigations or pre-FBI. His first job there was to monitor and disrupt the work of domestic radicals, which he did by deporting hundreds of people who definitely didn't do anything illegal. The original illegal immigrant. Immigrants. Still America's leading export. Okay, only because nobody will start counting pollution. So tell us, do you have some sweet, sweet and city-us-rise to power narrative to share this? I do, Eli. I do. Another great question, by the way. You're crushing it. So, better than Cecil. Yeah, on a scale from one to Cecil. How good would I say I am? Cecil? Yeah, on a scale from one to Cecil. How good would I say I am best friends is a 1924 now and who was made such a name for himself that the attorney general makes him the acting

director of the Bureau of Investigation. At the time, the bureau had about 650 employees. 441 of whom were special agents. I'm assuming the other 209 were extra special? I don't know. I don't know. I think the distinction of being a special agent is rendered somewhat less special. When the badge is dispensed out of the vending machine and the brake.

Yeah, so you quickly got a reputation as an unpredictable and petty boss. That's terrible. Sounds really terrible. That's terrible. And it was a quick to fire agents that pissed him off or got more good press in him. And apparently also fired the ones that he thought, quote, looked stupid like truck drivers.

It's exactly where it's moving. I, you know, my dad drove a truck for 40 years. He had three teeth and ears. He could have blindfolded himself with. I'm with Hoover. See, so we agreed the lets insult our dad interstitial, didn't fit with the vibe of the show. What's not trying to force it, right?

That was over. No, that's fair. My dad was shitty at the lines. Okay, so from this point on, the history of the FBI and the biography of Jay Edgar Hoover are the same thing. I'm excited for Jay Edgar Hoover to be castrated by Komi. All right, so here's a quick bit of background on how and why the FBI came into existence. Prohibition started in 1920 and ended in 1933.

So basically, you built up this hugely profitable revenue stream for criminals and then took it away all at once. The result was lots of criminals looking for something to crime on and many of them turned to banks. Well, admittedly, those banks were asking for it with their rates of yield hiked up around their knees. Did we create trickle down crime? Because it seems like we did. Which reminds me, we should probably come up with something for criminals to do once pot as legal, right?

Like how counterfeit money? That seems fun, right? Counterfeit money? Yeah, bed robbers in the early 30s had a lot of things going for them. He said right is weird time traveling. Pick up our hands. Yeah, Ben Grober is in the early 30s and a lot of things going for them. He's in right is weird time traveling. Pick up our hands. They generally operated across state lines and there was little to no cooperation between

police departments back then. Plus local law enforcement often wasn't trying that hard because in the post depression era, pretty much everybody hated the fuck out of banks and wanted to see him get robbed as vengeance for their contribution to the plight of the common man. Unlike now where we all love banks, guys, we should rob a bank. I am in two votes. No.

Nope. Tied. Absolutely not. All right. Never let us do anything. He's going stupid article. No, never do my big, rubbing podcast. I said I would do it.

All right. Patreon goal will rob a bank. That's it. Who on our way to the live show? Yeah, nobody could give zero fucks about the play to the common man, quite like J. Edgar Hoover. So he pressed to have bank robbery recognized as a federal crime at this one. Also naked ladies. Okay, just bank robbery. Does anyone else retroactively resent this guy? And then over the next couple of years, who have got credit for the capture or shooting

of several high profile criminals, including John Dillinger, machine gun Kelly, and Alvin Carpice, despite the fact that he was absolutely nowhere near any of those things happening. Can I just say when you name your kid machine gun, you're kind of dooming him to a life of crime? Racist, Cecil, racist. Can I just say when you name your kid machine gun, you're kind of dooming him to a life of crime. Yeah. So, racist, Cecil, racist. Against Irish people, thank you, Eli. Well, either way, his ability to lie his way

into good press gave him an illusion of competence that would ultimately lead to more power that he could then abuse horribly over the rest of the story. Need you to slow down? I'm taking a lot of notes right now. I need to slow. Are you, Tom?

Are you? Never taken a note of the iPad. You're allowed instead of a computer, like a millennial's accidental baby. Yeah. You're taking notes. All right, moving ahead. In 1935, the BI got its F and within four years, established itself as the preeminent agency

in the field of domestic intelligence. And to Hoover's credit, lots of the success actually came from changes he made, like his centralization of fingerprints, for example. He also made important advancements in the use of forensics, including establishment of a division to examine and analyze evidence they'd found, which apparently didn't occur to anyone for the first several years. The first thing thought of this. Yeah.

Bags the question. Yeah. Well, so far, he seems like a delightful eccentric competent fellow doing his best to make the country great at the time. So, the shadows that allusion for us will pause for everybody's favorite excuse for Noah to take a smoke break apropos of nothing. I Can't believe you talked us into this trust me guys. This is gonna be a mate. Hi. Welcome the first national How can I help you? Okay? Everyone down on the ground

Shit, I am so sorry Dude, I if that is your real name. Yeah, it's good save. Thank you shot Steve. I'm sorry It was a warning shot straight in front of you. Okay. All right. That's my bad. You okay? I'll be fine. Just just give me a minute here see this guy's a trooper That's what I like about him. Well, I am a veteran. Yikes. You shot a veteran. You shot about him.

Oh, it's okay, it's okay. I've been shot before. What in the purple heart for it actually? I am so sorry. No, no, I was just too low. Trying to pull it in some extra income from my grandson. He's got cancer, you see. Oh, this went so bad.

No, no Steve, don't die. Well, not a week before you're wedding, seriously, he's like 80. Yeah, who would have thought I'd meet the girl of my dreams again after 50 years apart? Tell me, boy, I love her. I quit the robbery. Oh, I absolutely quit the robbery.

Oh, I said we should do go-carts. Ooh, let's do go-carts. Yeah. Bye, Steve. And we're back. When we last left off. J. Edgar Hoover was kicking brown people out of the country or knitting hats. I wasn't really paying attention.

That's what's showing this week. Thanks, Eli. So I should point out that long before he took over as the director of the FBI, Hoover developed a habit of spying on perfectly harmless American citizens. Yeah. I literally can't imagine what else to do with this power. Why would you have it otherwise? I don't. You're fine.

So included in his early list of dangerous subversives worth keeping an eye on was Felix Frankford. Despite who was classification as quote, the most dangerous man in the United States went on to become a Supreme Court justice. She's uh-uh-uh and fun fact. No. Help found the American Civil Liberties Union. Oh, yeah.

I thought you were going to say that he, uh, and invented the hot dog. Yeah, a lot of people know that. Yeah, and he's coming. You were speaking about spying on civilians in the past. Yeah, so this didn't exactly slow down once he had the fb i up and running uh... today who is probably best remembered for the grossly unconstitutional

abuses of power that stemmed from his psychotic paranoia about subversives under his leadership the fb i investigated tens of thousands of suspected subversives. Under his leadership, the FBI investigated tens of thousands of suspected subversives and radicals, including MLK, Charlie Chaplin, Albert Einstein, Jerry Garcia, Jimmy Hendrix, and of course, the Paragon of international terrorists

subversion himself, Liberace. Jesus. Can you imagine being the Asian-West international terrorists a version himself Liberace Can imagine being the agent who has to listen to those secret microphones? Just a report full of uh Why is so much of this report withheld? No, no, redacted is this safe word. I say it at the top of the report there.

I know it's going to confuse us. Guys, just because he was a black civil rights activist doesn't mean he was gay. I like the official stance of citation needed podcasts is that Martin Luther King Jr. was gay. Let's make a shirt. No, let's not make a shirt. We don't make shirts out of all of this. Let's also not make it our stance. Let's not make the shirt. No, we'll make it our stance. All right. Moving ahead to World War two. Just the one vote outvoted. That's special. World War two. So this is when Hoover got permission from Roosevelt to wiretap any person suspected of any kind of subversive activity.

And when it became clear that Hoover took that to mean anybody for any reason forever, FDR added a stipulation that Hoover needed to at least tell the attorney general he was doing it. And sometimes he even did that. Was there a pretty pleased clause in the fact that it's 1940s WikiLeaks was just Julian Assange on a street corner, X-Tree, X-Tree, who of a spy, Sonja? He got away with rape. Fun fact.

Not away with it. Right. According to Assange's fans, so did John Podesta. Oh, maybe they both did. Lock him up. Okay. So the war ended. And then in 1946, Attorney General Tom C. Clark authorized Hoover to compile a list of potentially disloyal Americans who might be detained during a wartime national emergency. And from what I've

read so far, I'm pretty sure Hoover was like, oh, you mean this one? I should pretend I need more time. Wow, wherever can I find something like that? That'll take months, weeks. I feel like weeks, weeks, weeks to compile. It's your time, J. Edgar. Don't screw it up. Play a cool man playing cool. God, this is yours. Yeah. So basically from prohibition through the first decade of the Cold War, J. Edgar Hoover

steadily increased the amount of shit he was allowed to get away with. And pretty much nobody pushed back at all until the mid fifties when a series of Supreme court decisions sought to limit the ability of the Justice Department to prosecute people for their political opinions. I can't Supreme Court legislate from the banching ends, right? Always. I mean, I've been cock blacked by a team of old men before, but never so formal. They were liar. They were in uniforms. That was pretty formal. I mean, Tom, maybe don't always be the first guy to shout ass to ass to those company

requiem for a dream parties you guys do. That's all I'm saying. No. No, no. Suggestion not taken. Second guy's always much more popular. The shout that I'm talking about. Someone's got to get the chance to start it.

Or it never happens. Tom is the Metz fan trying to start a wave of ASTAS. So as you might have guessed, not being able to arrest people for thinking the wrong shit, really pissed off Jay Edgar Hoover. So when the law turned against him, he decided to overlook stuff like legality. And that's when he started a program called co-intel pro, which is described as a dirty tricks program. Well, it's described like that, but people who can't think of anything more, drogatory to call burglary wiretapping, planting false documents, and spreading disinformation everywhere. Or what you might call a presidential campaign in today's point.

Many historians claim that the list of dirty tricks also included inciting violence and arranging murder. But to be fair, those authors classify it as a downright borrower tricks campaign. We also have a tasteless tricks division, which specializes in not bringing food to people's potlucks, sending out Facebook invites to weddings, my bad. Oh, really? You want me to check my Facebook if I can come near wedding?

Yeah, let me check on my high school ex and then see if I can come near wedding. That's... Buy a paper invite invite splurge. Yeah. So meanwhile, while who was obsessing over Kabutists and gathering turned on celebrities and politicians, real crime is also happening, which is kind of his job. During the 40s and 50s, he ignored the rise of organized crime to the point where the mafia is basically advertising

for like mob con 57 in local newspapers. FBI does nothing about it. Bunch of mobster's dressed as Harley Quinn. I was real big crowds at the booths for pinky rings and improper pluralizations. So, what's your booth about? What the fuck is it to you, asshole? It's actually not too far off. Up until the highly publicized Appalachian meeting where nationwide crime bosses openly met to discuss who gets to extort whom

like they literally did the first scene of the warriors. Anyway, before that, Hoover was still denying that the mafia even existed in the warriors. They advertise it in papers. Anyway, before that, Hoover was still denying that the mafia even existed in the US. And this actually led many to believe that Hoover was being blackmailed, obviously, by the mob. At this point, the federal government had a mandatory retirement age of 70. But Hoover happened to turn 70 around the same time JFK was getting shot. So Lyndon Johnson wave the requirement. But they have to stay on indefinitely. Also Hoover arranged the shooting. So it'd be weird to fire the guy who just got you the job. What I'm saying is Johnson is classier than Trump is what I'm saying. It's a class here. About a year later, rumors about Hoover's enormous illegal surveillance program started

leaking to the public. So odds are pretty good. LBJ ended up regretting that one. It didn't work out well. All right. Well, I feel like I'm being super negative so far. So I'd like to add a couple of positive things about J. Edgar too. For example, he was a dog person.

Pretty awesome. Also, as far as we know, he never killed a man just to watch him die. That's an important question here. Do we know if he preferred Danish to donuts? Yes, we do know that he preferred donuts because he's a human and human dog preferred Danishes. And if Twitter had existed back then, he'd have like 800,000 followers. It'd be cool, right?

Now, but to be fair, this is the guy that invented following that. And also one more positive thing, who for died of a heart attack in 1972. And almost immediately the heroic image he maintained the media started to vanish among his many lasting legacies is the name of the fby's dc headquarters and also fact that fby directors are now limited to ten year terms so they can act like jay i grew up here there you uh... laws and hindsight the very saddest of all the laws.

What's your name? Megan's law. Second amendment. What a whole song that you do, whatever. Yeah. I'm a child molestin. I want to fuck y'all kids. It's a whole, I'm trying to like, we should choreograph it better though.

I think it's a dance. I thought it's maybe, That's the problem. It's the black face to be honest. You think it's the black face? I don't know. So he or there any other salacious details about him that you'd like to share with us before we close out the show this evening. All right. Well, well, by far the largest section on the Wikipedia article is the segment at the end dedicated to whether or not he enjoyed a good penis. That's the ticket. Hey, thank you. Yeah. Well, the rumors seem to be based on the fact that he never got married and that he was always going to like night clubs and taking vacations with another on married guy to whom he later willed his entire estate. So yeah, he was probably gay probably or or maybe they were just best friends. We are not best friends. Stop sending

the plane tickets. Don't get those revenge for you. So one of the rumor you'll have in here, according to one poorly sourced biography, who were also engaged in cross-dressing at gay parties. And despite the fact that it was never corroborated and the source might as well be info wars, and the fact that if it's true, that would be just about the least interesting thing this guy did in his entire life. Despite all that, this rumor has been repeated so often that most people seem to think it's like a proven fact.

So not that it matters either way, but it's almost certainly false. Because wherever he was putting his dick, there was nothing about J. Edgar Hoover's life that suggested flamboyant public behavior. That was definitely not his thing. Oh, sassy gay J. Edgar Hoover would be amazing. Just like that, that's just-American, tap its fat phone. What? His fat phone?

Batch. What's that? I don't. So, he, that's what gay guy sound like. So, he, what? Yeah. Talk to one. So, he, if you have to summarize everything you learned.

Yeah. That was a slow burn. Fuck. So he if you had to summarize everything you learned today in a single sentence, what would that sentence be? Everyone should have to read 1984 like once a year just to stay fresh. It seems like you've told us everything to know about the man except the time he built the dam and why the fan is right there where it can get the tip of your dick when the thing. No, neither of those things.

None of those things said, are you ready to face the panel? I am ready. All right, I will go first. It is a well established fact that Jadger Hoover was a cross-dresser. I literally just said that was not corroborated. No one's listening in for words. So which is not a completely true fact about jade gauver's personal. Not human intelligence. Sorry. Go ahead. All right. Hey, he chewed and swallowed 35 pieces of cinnamon gum ever. Be he started a child sex ring that he ran out of a pizza parlour. See, he was also a

furry, his costume of choice being a brown bear that he kept at the overlook hotel. Or D, he was more than a little concerned about where to put the lotion, his strong suggestion being in the basket. Wait, one of these is not a completely true, three of these are completely true facts. Just trust in you. I D lotion the basket. Yes, of course. All right, I got a, I got a tough one for you here. Which of the following is not something that Jay Edgar

who versus suspected of being a subversive danger to American liberties? A, the movie, it's a wonderful life. B, gay people in government. C, boobs. Gross. D, subverting American liberties. All right, well, we all know boobs are super subversive. subverting American liberties.

All right, well, we all know boobs are super subversive. A, the movie, it's a wonderful life. Oh, yeah, sure, because the thing kind of requires that you're right, but no, it was to. He gets this one right. It does. It does. So you're right. You're right.

We deal with it. No, actually, he had a big issue with that. No, it was the. So yeah, you're right. We deal with this. No, actually he had a big issue with that. No, it was the subversion of American liberties he had. No issues with what so. All right, my turn. Heath, which of the following is not the real name of a gangster that J. Edgar Hoover investigated?

A, pretty boy-floid. B, babyface Nelson. Or C, Stony Tongue Hyrum. Pretty boy Floyd B baby face Nelson or C Stony tongue Hiram Is it D Eli was too lazy to make a fake name? I was just trying to fit the pattern I realized It on it's a wonderful life I was just trying to fit the pattern. I realized we're gonna blow it on. It's a wonderful life.

One of us is D. Oh, it's just doxie. That was gonna hit my day. It's D. It's real name. All right, well, it's D. I'm real name that we're not gonna say. Okay, he's if Jager Hoover had a gay bar, what would it be called? Hey, I tapped that. B black male male is like a gender. See subversives for D the cum stuck.

It's definitely A. I tapped it. It's the test I made for one. I want now I have a life goal. I want to open a gay bar call. I tapped that. I tapped that bass. Yeah. Well, since technically someone stumped you this week, but we decided beforehand that they didn't. You win.

Fakeness. It's part of the show really fell apart, folks. Really didn't come together in the way we hoped it was. So that means that one way or the other, you get to take over hosting duties next week. Plus, you get to read the answer to last week's Twitter question. Okay, last week's question was,

you've been appointed Centralia's new mayor. And now it's your job to create a spiffy new PSA to convince its remaining residents to leave what's the PSA. And the winning answer was from Tyler, who had the coal fire once used a private email server. Very good, very good stuff Tyler. Also, hashtag IMCiselsbestFriend was in there. Well done. And here's the new question. As we just learned from Cecil, J. Edgar Hoover's government surveillance themed gay bar would have been called, I'd tap that. What would have been their best selling item? And if you'd like to be part of the contest,

retweet the episode along with your answer, and we just might read it next week. And that's going to do it for this week's show for Cecil Heath Noah and Tom I'm Eli Bosnick. Thank you for hanging out with us today If you'd like to hear more from us, you can hear Heath Noah and myself on the scathing atheist the skeptic rep or God awful movies you have a way if you were options if you want to hear more from Tom and Cecil But you can find them on the cognitive dissonance podcast as well And if you'd like to keep the lights on if you'd like to keep the bills paid You can also make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod, get yourself

some bonus content, extra goodies while you're there. And of course, you'll always remain our favorite. You can also help us a lot by leaving a five star review everywhere, like on bathroom walls, iTunes, all sorts of places. And by telling your friends about the show and hectoring them about it until they cave in and listen. And if you want the show notes, past episodes, contact information and more, head over to citationpod.com. I Whoa, what the fuck? I became a man just now. You deserve that.

You deserve that for stealing the tone of an intro. Hello and welcome. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed. The podcast where we don't you mock me. Now I'm so kind to this casual. I'm not there's nobody judging me. Just welcome people to the show. I'm judging him. Okay, we got to tell him. Hello, no, not that. All right, the key is to the key is to just smooth threat. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Hello, and welcome to site. That's weird. That's weird. We're growing up. I mean, my head, my head. Hello, and welcome. My head Hello, and welcome

Someone give me the read and then I It's like Christopher walkin all of a sudden To citation all right Christopher walkin' all of a sudden. Hello. And welcome to citation. All right, here we go. Mm. Easy breezy. Just welcome the folks to the program. All right, here we go.

Mm. Hello. And we're here. Hello. We're here. We're here, profession now. I'm getting stuck on the hello. Here we go.

Say it normal. What? What? You're a normal hello. here we go say it normal We go Jesus don't think too much about how you sound while you're doing it like just that's Just put that out of your mind you sound totally normal when you say hello here. We go hello about each letter individually Just press the H sound and up. Just sound it up. Hello. Maybe, maybe,

maybe, oh, the hell is this guy's? Is paint your head. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, pronounce the comma. Just like, it is really a new thing. Nobody does that.

That's a comma. And welcome to citation needed comma. The bypassed, where we choose a subject,. Nobody does that. That's a comma. And welcome to citation needed comma. The bypassed where we choose a subject comma. All right. Hello and welcome. Nope. Nope. It's too fast. It's too fast.

I was trying to get through it. You did so fast. I just fucking calm down and say the word. I'm down. It's just calm down. You can get 12 minutes. You calm down. You calm down. Come down Hello, and welcome howdy

Can we fair hello and welcome's a weird thing to say hmm Hello, and welcome to see a view He's all right. The first eight episode. Go both out. We're just fine, but I'm the ninth out. Some mention in it. Got the hell of that. Hey. All right. Here we go.

You'll have a york, guys. All right. I got this. It's gonna be easy. It's just, okay. One take, Marlon Brando. Okay, one take, Marlon Brando.