Citation Needed - Joan Crawford

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Joan Crawford (born Lucille Fay LeSueur; March 23, 190?[Note 1] – May 10, 1977) was an American actress. She started her career as a dancer in traveling theatrical companies before debuting on��Broadway. Crawford was signed to a motion picture contract by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer in 1925. Initially frustrated by the size and quality of her parts, Crawford launched a publicity campaign and built an image as a nationally known flapper by the end of the 1920s. By the 1930s, Crawford's fame rivaled MGM colleagues Norma Shearer and Greta Garbo. Crawford often played hardworking young women who find romance and financial success. These "rags-to-riches" stories were well received by Depression-era audiences and were popular with women. Crawford became one of Hollywood's most prominent movie stars and one of the highest paid women in the United States, but her films began losing money. By the end of the 1930s, she was labeled "box office poison".

And then I run up to the giant boom instantly killed so I mean you had to know that was gonna happen Why would I know that was gonna happen? See, so have you ever played a fun video game? Apparently not And that's what she just takes off my brother and I are just standing there as this giant turtle comes out of the water after us So good buddy. That's so so fun Hey guys, I know what are you talking about? Oh, hey, hey, no, hey, see, so finally, I was just telling some hilarious mom stories, you know. You were?

Yeah, I figured since this week's episode is about adorable prank mom, Joan Crawford, I should just like whip out a few stories in my own. Hey, did I tell you guys about the time she left me in a fire? I, no, I have not heard that one. Oh, man. That was after she already killed her monkey, but yeah. Okay. So there's that. There's the time she threw out all of my baby pictures, and I was just telling the guys about the snapping turtle into that. That was a really. Tom, you know that Joan Crawford wasn't like funny, right? She's best known for being a terrible and abusive mother No, what are you talking about you knew half the stuff my mom did You know what you're you're right. I must have not gotten the joke

This guy Okay, have you heard the one about what you dropped me off at my dad's without telling me? No, man, haven't. I don't know if that one either. Oh, it's a doozy, you're gonna love this one, doozy. Doozy, the citation needed. The podcast where we choose a subject, we do single article about it on Wikipedia,

and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet? That's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick and I'll be starring in this motion picture for your earballs. But I'll need a supporting cast of quick talking rubs. First up, two men who know that there's a right and wrong way to clean a house, Tom and he. I mean, look, I know there's a right way.

I just don't care. Okay, I gotta be honest, if I was an old-timey Sexist husband I think my obsessive compulsive disorder would overpower the sexism Little panicky about just very important details kitchen wise cleaning. Yeah, I know I saw and also really this tonight. Living proof that a podcaster's best friend next to his talent is his hairdresser Noah and Cecil. See, I was about to argue that the last time

I had a haircut while I was in middle school, but then I realized you probably didn't mean that as a compliment, you probably didn't mean that. Nope, nope. And if you'd like 50% off your bottle of panty, you can have 50 citation. Wait, is it 50 citation or citation 50? The last one I know.

I know we're gonna do another one for free. It's actually a free one. It's a good make. Actually, they changed it. Yeah, exactly. Before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons. Patrons, without you, we wouldn't have any glory days to relive.

And even if you go out before the stars You'll still burn brighter in our memories And then a nice quote from this mean lady We're about to learn about anyways If you like to learn how to join their ranks Be sure to stick around till the end of the show With that out of the way tell us know what person place thing concept nom and on or event will be talking about today.

We're going to be talking about Joan Croft. And Tom, you looked through world history and found a mom almost as bad as yours. Are you ready to go out? I did exactly why I should. Okay, but yes, I am ready. So tell us, Tom, who was Joan Crawford? All right, well, listen, the other day part of my life's ongoing project, I'm gonna just, this is how I do it.

This is my, respect my process, Eli Bosnick. Respect my process. Let him finish. You will listen to my fucking stories. I will weave my depository. The audience loves this. Are you starling? Is the diet right? No, it's like the diet try people turn off after tons of putting monologue at like 10% I listen listed the other day as part of my wife's ongoing project to expose me to the many, many,

culturally significant movies I've never seen. We watched Mommy Dearest. A movie I was aware of only in the sense that it brought to mind the unacceptable ability of wire hanger. And while the movie itself was overwhelmingly meh, it was ostensibly based on true event, having been adapted from the memoir of what of Joan Crawford's adopted kid. And I was immediately intrigued.

While I usually make it a point not to care at all about celebrities of any stripe, Joan Crawford seemed in enigma worth exploring, and the more I learned about who she was, the impact he had, the more I realized that she was perfect fodder for this show. She invented something and it killed her while she was exploring the Arctic. She wrote fanfictions so bad it caused a natural disaster. She spilled a giant bat of uranium syrup all over Major City while giving a hege to Adolfin. You're thinking of Lauren Boebert. Oh, we recorded in advance.

I'm saying like, by the time this comes out, yeah. Yeah. All right, Joan Crawford was born Lucille Fae LaSour at a some date between 1904 and 1908 with sources such as her tombstone choosing the later date while her righteously vengeful daughter chooses to proclaim the earlier date. And at some level, this kind of uncertainty on even the most trivial details isn't keeping with much of Crawford's biographer. Perhaps sensing that his daughter was going to grub to be a huge pain in the ass, Jones

father abandoned the family when she was only 10 months old. Jones' mother remarried at least once, perhaps twice, again, not very clear, but by 1909, Crawford's mother was married to Henry Cass, who ran the Ramsey Opera House in Lawton, Oklahoma. And here I should note that the Opera House did not mean that the venue hosted only operatic performance. Rather, the Ramsey Opera House was home to a diverse array of talent and Jones eagerly drank in these performances, but was especially enamored of the vaudeville acts.

Sounds like the kind of place Lauren Bobert with jerk offered date. I'm sorry, I'm done. I'm done now. I just, it's really fresh for us right now. No, I'm all of my kids. I promise for us. Absolutely. She was vaping too.

Fuck you. So offensive. The two. Yes. Thank you. That's the nice thing to do. Like your vape, yeah, neighborly. Look at the fuck out of here.

Her love of performance now having been fiercely kindled, John became determined to become a dancer. Though her parents preferred she spent her musical gifts learning piano, a task that she loathed. She hated it so much, in fact, that in an attempt to avoid the lessons, John left from the front porch of her home and severely injured her foot, requiring three surgeries and ending her dance lessons and stalling

her entire education while she convoiced. She should have landed on her hands, man. What the fuck? The plan ahead. Definitely would have worked better. Doesn't it sound like she was just storming out from a ground level porch and it just smelled like really bad. Yeah. level porch and it just somehow really. About 1917 when Joan was either 13 or nine, the family moved to Kansas City where they

became mired in scandal. Joan's stepfather Henry Casson was accused of embezzlement. And although it wasn't successfully proven, he was blacklisted nonetheless. Psh, amateur. Cut to no one. He's changing bank account passwords. What? I'm just saying that Bosnix have a proud tradition of getting away with the investment.

Okay. A straight-of-the-scandal broke the marriage of Jones' mother and stepfather and Jones ended up at St. Agnes Academy, where she was what was called a work student. I was there as I can tell a work student at a boarding school like St. Agnes Academy is very much like An internship. There's no pay for the work. You're used like a Tijuana prostitute and nobody cares how things turn out for you Ultimately Jones education never progressed past the primary level Tom you're supposed to pay your Tijuana prostitutes. I don't know what you heard. I just give an IOU with your name.

If it's fine. After her years working at the boarding school to pay for an education she ultimately did not receive, Joan landed work dancing in the choruses of traveling reviewed. She was noticed by producer Jacob Schubert. Schubert saw talent and potential in Joan and casters a dancer in his chorus line for his 1924 Broadway show Innocent Eye. Joan saw talent and potential in the saxophone player on set, and she had her married or just checked up with the guy James Welton for several months, though Joan never mentions a sax player or that first marriage in any of her interviews

later in her life. At this point in her life, Jo knew that show business was her business, and after the chorus lines, she wanted to continue. There was some connection she was able to score a screen test, which ultimately led to her first Hollywood contract. Her first contract was with Metro Golden Meyer for $75 a week, which amounts to about $1,350 a week today. It's not actually a terrible contract for a young person with no acting experience landing their first real gig.

And these were not high-profile gigs. Her first role was in Lady of the Night as a body double for Norma Shurr, then MGM's biggest star. I mean, judging by the fucking streaming royalties they're posting, I feel like a lot of actors would be stoked about a $75 a week contract today, right? Yeah. Now up to this point, I should also note

that Crawford was still working under her real name, the seal Lesur, and the head of publicity at MGM hated that name. Studio executives felt that Jones Beauty and Talent might turn into real star power, but not so long as her name rhymed with, you know, sewer. So the big brains at MGM did the only natural thing and they held a public contest in movie weekly,

called Name the Star. Put you loud readers, choose Lucille's new stage name. And since Filmy McMovie face was presumably taken out of the sewers Rose Joan Crawford. Yeah, because there's no way someone named Lucile was going to get famous in Hollywood. If anyone ever tries to convince you the golden days of Hollywood are gone, this is a nice reminder that there used to be a contest called rename this sentient human being. And apparently it was binding. She was just like, okay, yeah, I'm now Crawford. All right. My

thoughts to nine. I wish more people had written in. A Joan was still getting a bunch of nothing burger bullshit work at this point. So she said about hirelessly building her brand long before that horrible phrase had been created, much less told endlessly like the death knell of culture that it portent. In the words of an MGM screenwriter that I've never heard of, but no one decided to make Jonas star. John Crawford became a star because John Crawford decided to become a star. So big vision board vibes here. Yeah, right. It's got a very like, well, nobody decided Tony would win the lottery. He just did, kind of. That's the same sentiment. Well, nobody decided Tony would win the lottery. He just did, kind of, that's the same sentiment.

I'd be fair to Joan, either MGM notice Joan's beauty talent and tireless work ethic or the universe responded. But either way, Joan was cast in her first big role in 1925 in the film, Sally Irene and Mary. This would also mark the first of Crawford's first major feuds, hitting Joan against Norma Scherer, the biggest star in MGM's lineup

who was also married to MGM's head of production, causing Joan to lament, quote, how could I compete with Norma? She sleeps with the boss. Well, I mean, he likes to type in, you are her body double. So, yeah. Yeah.

A despite her protestations of unfair disadvantage, Crawford was cast again and again, an increasingly high profile role. A period across from some of the biggest stars in Hollywood at the time, whose names I won't mention because they won't mean anything anymore to anyone. Wow, just attacking Noah out of nowhere. Thank you, Eli. Though she didn't lack for work, it wasn't until she started in 1928s, our dancing daughters that Joan became a true star in her own right. Joan quickly became the new Hollywood it girl, embodying an idealized flapper femininity. Even

have scotch Fitzgerald commented about Crawford quote, and it is a great quote. Joan Crawford is doubtless. The best example of the flapper girl. The girl you see in smart night clubs, down to the apex of sophistication, towing ice glasses with a remote, faintly bitter expression, dancing deliciously, blasting a great deal with wide, hurt eyes, what? Young things with a talent for living. Okay, that was going pretty good for a second. Like, I was all the man board, sophisticated, faintly bitter, I kind of like that. Kind of scoldy because I'm a fucking idiot and I deserve it. But then he was like, and deep pain, just deep pain. She doesn't like it here.

Right? I'm attractive. We're stuck. Yes. A Joan Crawford where they're characteristically was more succinct and significantly more bite it. She said, quote, If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

Tell me. In 1929, Joan married, perhaps again, perhaps for the first time. We don't know. Though what is clear is that she eloped Mary Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. The son of Hollywood royalty, Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. and Stepson of Mary picked. The eloped met, however, thrilling for the young couple, did not thrill the groom's parent, and for eight months following the wedding, the newlyweds were banned from visiting the disapproving parents, though eventually Joan won them over, probably because she was young,

beautiful, and quickly becoming a force impossible to ignore if you worked in Hollywood. Well, we really don't like you, but because you're successful, we will begrudgingly acknowledge your existence. Okay? No, let's eat. So I was reading my Christmas card for my in-laws on the air again. Don't worry, Eli. I still promise not to tell them what successful means. You're fine. A bear is noting here that Crawford frequently saw the writing on the wall before the studio. Up until now, the films that were being produced weren't popular. These were all silent films. The transition to sound was a fraught one with many actors and actresses being left behind when their unfavorable accents or inability to sing or remember their lines left them unable to adapt. Even before MGM transition to sound, the last major studio to do so, by the way, Joe had begun working to rid herself of her southwestern accent and to cultivate a voice with

flawless diction and allicution. Quote, If I were to speak lines, it would be a good idea, I thought, to read aloud to myself. Listen carefully to my voice quality and anunciation and try to learn in that manner. I would lock myself in my room and hear news paper, magazine aloud. M.I.L. Bo, I kept a dictionary. When I came to a word, I didn't know how to pronounce, I looked it up and repeated it correctly 15 times because she was a tireless worker, Joan made the difficult transition to the talky. Look easy. Okay. Good work. But you can't exactly do the opposite. Go from audio to video and

be like, stop looking like a podcaster, say that if you're ready for the big screen. So one thing is check your privilege, Joan Crawford. Yes. It is, it is kind of fucked up to think though that a silent movie actor did more training for my job than I did. It's a stream. I'm not going to bore you here with a lengthy recitation of our next string of roles,

but I do want to comment on the lengthiness of that unspoken potential recitation. Don Crawford was in a lot of fucking movies, guys. I mean a lot. In 1931, she was cast in five movies just that one year, and this was the height of the studio system in Hollywood, which basically meant that the studios owned your contract, and you, you danced for your supper. The bigger the star, the harder the studio worked you, and the studios could even loan a star

to another studio for a fee pocketed by the studio. No wonder they felt entitled to an AI copy of everyone's soul or whatever they offered. Back then, you had to buy snacks from the craft table at the company store. It's terrible. Yeah. By 1933, Crawford continued to turn out role after role. The force Douglas Fairbanks Jr. setting grievous mental cruelty, claiming that Fairbanks had a quote, jealous and suspicious attitude toward her friends and quote, and that the pair had loud arguments about the most trivial subjects lasting far into the ninth, which

does not sound like good times. Though Joan wouldn't stay lonely long, she remarried two years later in 1935. This time to friend show Tom. Hmm, the husband names are getting sillier. I think she may end up married to someone whose name is Wingedings guys. Appreciate it. On a morning, you know, yeah. A tone was a New York stage actor, together with Crawford, the pair built a small theater at Jones' home in Brentwood, California to entertain friends like Clark Gable with plays and classical theater producers.

Don't want it very much to help launch tone into Hollywood stardom, but this struck a sour note for tone who wanted to act in theater rather than become a Hollywood star. And it's too compromised by attempting to have kids, but producing miscarriages and heartbreak instead, and by 1939 the period divorced. By the end of the 1930s Crawford's reign as Queen of the Movies began to slip. Her movies were making money for a while until 1937, when she made the stinker the Bride War Red, which became one of MGM's biggest failures of the year being dubbed box office poison, along with other studio stars considered now too expensive for the revenues they produced.

And while that's kind of fucked up, I also like kind of get it. The next string of movies Crawford made were well received by critics, but they were flops with the audience. And since critics don't usually buy thousands of extra tickets and metric tonnage of popcorn, they don't usually buy thousands of extra tickets and metric tonnage of popcorn, they don't fucking matter to anyone. No, which is why I am a hardcore Jeff Dunham fan, no matter what he elite, try to tell me about Ahmed the dead terrorists. Yes.

A Joan Crawford needed something to do to reinvent herself, get herself back into the hearts and minds of the masses. Something that would relaunch her career by getting everyone talking again about Joan Crawford. So she bought herself a baby. What? All right. Well, it sounds like we own an apology to Jim Covesil.

So, if we love on a telegram and start that up, we'll take a quick break for Apropole of Nothing. Telegram and start that up we'll take a quick break for apropole of nothing John thanks for coming in no problem bigens, the biggest director in Hollywood. So I just wanted to go over your calendar for the year. This month we've got you in three pitches. The Dame Who Was a Gal? The Gal Who Was a Dame? And my gal, the Dame Gal, Dame Gal, Gal, Dame Woman, vagina.

Wow boss, that's a lot of work. Sure is, but you're a stock kid and the people love you. I suppose so. Say, what am I making for these movies? Your monthly salary, of course. Three whole nickels a week. Of course. Which reminds me, we just added time travel to the movie,

so we're gonna need you to be able to act at a totally different dimension than anyone has ever done before, instantly, or you'll be dropped like a hot rock. Oh boy, I guess I can try. Yeah, sure I can. Oh, wait, wait, bad news. What's that?

The gal who was the day was a flop and the people hate you now get out of my sight. Oh, geez, well at least people won't be striking to reverse these conditions 123 years into the future, eh? One can only hope, so lady, one can only hope. And we're back. When we left off a woman had the audacity to age. What happened next time? All right, so I'm going to go down something of a rabbit hole here.

Please bear with me. I promise it's worth it. In 1940, when this went down, adoption was not a widespread, socially normalized practice. And Joan Crawford was a single woman. Not only was it basically bonkers level unheard of for a single working woman to adopt a kid. It was actually straight up illegal in the state of California. And again, remember that adoption, while not unheard of, was not a socially normalized practice.

So for Joan to adopt a baby, she turned to Georgia Tan. Oh, man, Tom, are you gonna be like those anti-adoption TikTok lives? I keep swiping past, because I'm not saying it's out of nowhere. I would just like to be prepared. Like I get it. Also, by the way, Georgia Tan is a term for having tan lines in the shape of overalls. I'm taking this whole story with a grain of salt from this point. Okay.

So Georgia TAN ran the Tennessee Children's Home Society. I have to take over the organization or the set of shop as a child trafficker. This lady was straight up brokering the sale of stolen babies to rich families all over the country, but particularly in New York and California. While a typical legitimate adoption at the time, might cost $7, Georgia Tan was selling babies for as much as $5,000. Wow. And Georgia didn't give a shit that Joan Crawford is a single working woman, so long as she had that cash.

Okay, I'm trying to decide if that's less haggling or more haggling when you're buying a stolen baby compared to like the normal haggling. I feel like it's more compared to the average. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's a buyer's market for sure. Sure. Yeah, sure. You just go like, well, you know, every minute we're handling, he's one minute less of a

baby. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's what you're doing. It was hands on your side. Yeah. In fact, there wasn't much that Georgia TAN did care about, except money. Every week through her associates, TAN would send four to six babies out for a prospective couple to meet an ogle and koo-o. And meanwhile, fees would be collected from the love-struck prospective parents for shit

like background checks that nobody ran, paperwork, travel fees, and these fees are paid into secret accounts. The Georgia 10, pocketing 80% and 90% of the money, and this stolen baby business was booming with somewhere around 1200 kids being sold by Georgia in one six year period. Okay, where did the other 20% go from those shoes? Some of the people are in the weird front. Also, I feel like the background check comes back and it's like, yeah, okay, it says

you're willing to buy a stolen baby. So now it's gonna be eight grand. It's the seller's market. Fuck you. And to get these babies, But now it's going to be eight grand. It's the seller's market. Fuck you. And to get these babies, Georgia would pressure, threaten, and coerce poor single mothers in assigning over their newborns to Georgia. But just as often she would procure babies

from inmates who gave birth in prison and mental institutions. And sometimes she would just straight up kidnap some kids, just like whatever it took. She made that money. I mean, I feel like kidnapping cans when you got two sources of free ones is just greedy, right? Like why are you, what are you, yeah?

Well, the fucking three sources, if you consider the way that most of us get them. Sure, yeah, you make your own at home. At the high the identities of the stolen kids, their parents could never find them. Tan would destroy any existing records of the children. And then she would create fictionalized records for those stolen kids, thus severing any connection

that children might one day use to find their birth parents. A tan story gets even darker here, too dark even for a show that, belieffully covered the challenger disaster, but suffice it to say that somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 children died in Tanscare and custody. She's trying to launder him in an actual washing machine. Oh, she's a scrum. The last time, Georgia, you do not need to fifeo the kids. Stop writing dates on their forehead.

We don't need that. But here's what's particularly nuts, Georgia T Tan, child trafficker, and very likely child serial killer, sold a movie star lady a baby, and the adoption of that stolen child by one of the biggest names in Hollywood actually helped to change social attitudes surrounding adoption in America much more broadly, very likely helping to normalize the practice of adoption, and perhaps even more crazily, the process of severing identity ties between children and birth parents and an adoption, although begun by 10 to hide her like, kidnapping and child trafficking, that gave birth to the identity obfuscation process

that is part of many adoption practices we still employ. Yeah, we also live on Native American ground and pretend it was always ours. It's not that crazy. Yeah, right. Now, like the only constant in American history is that everything came from a more horrible place than you thought. Right. That's exactly right. Now, after adopting her first child, Crawford married yet again, this time to actor Philip Perry in 1942, the couple adopted a boy that they named Christopher, but they only had Christopher for a short time before somehow the birth mother

Founder son and took him back. Give me that Crawford Terry bought another kid and this other kid they named Terry But years later in 1946 after Crawford and Terry split up Joan renamed her adopted son Terry to be called Christopher. What? Nice. Yeah, they had two adopted sons named Christopher Terry

and then Christopher again. Okay. So now I'm Christopher to replace your lost other kid. Is that what you're talking about? I'm just gonna head out for a pack of cigarettes real quick. Go on. I'll be right back. Oh, I'm glad the practice of spite renaming didn't catch on after the worst, right?

Or I mean, at least I think, I mean, the fact that I've never met somebody named your dad never made me come Smith leads me to believe it in every title, right? Ah! Well, Joan is experiencing a surge in popularity. Her career was still kind of taken a shit. Joan and MGM mutually part of ways.

In a 1943, Joan signed a three movie deal with Warner. And it was while that Warner brothers that she starred in Miljard Pierce, the hard boiled noir film, that won Joan her Academy Award for Best Actress in a leading role. Crawford was now on a new role, starring in big movies, again, being nominated for two more best actors awards and adopting two more kids from Georgia Tans, Tennessee Children's Home Society. And by 1955, marrying her fourth, maybe fifth husband, Pepsi Cola magnate Alfred Steele. And if that sounds sweet, remember that Pepsi is too sweet for anything but hummingbirds to drink?

Fucking horrible. The balance things out Alfred died just a few short years later in 1959. And somehow, and do not know how this catapulted Joan Crawford into having a seat on the board of directors for Pepsi Cola. Okay, weird idea. Let's steal a bunch of Coke and pretend it's our product. Where did I get the idea? Don't ask me. Don't, don't ask. Joan, why did you break all those old bottles we had in the hall? I said don't ask. You might think that Joan Crawford was fantastically well, and she probably should have been, but she seems to have been a lavish spender. And so after Steele's death in 1959, Crawford was a near penniless single mother of four stolen kids. Rough. She calls up Georgia Tan.

What is your return policy? Did not keep the receipt. So she needed to work and to earn. And so she began work on whatever happened to baby Jane, starting alongside Betty Davis, and igniting rumors of one of the most vicious feuds in Hollywood lore. And although both Davis and Crawford long maintain

that no such food exists, that yes, it absolutely did. What happened to baby Jane was the title? Yeah, you know Joan and Georgia Tann had a big laugh about that. I'm the fool. I'm the fool. I'm the fool. But Baby Jane became a smash hit, earning back its cost in the first 11 days following

its release and earning Davis an Academy Award. This Baby Jane was such a success, the director tried to recapture lightning in a new bottle. And again, cast Davis and Crawford together. This time in Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte. But this time the feud that was not a feud, but was absolutely a feud ended up with Crawford in the hospital. Yeah, there's nobody messes with Betty, mother fucking David. Right?

Sounds like she's successfully a Hushed sweet Charlotte. Didn't she? Yeah, again, there is some debate on what caused what? But according to Crawford, a relentless campaign of harassment against Crawford caused Jones so much distress that she took ill. Other reports contend that Crawford took to the hospital in an attempt to slow and sabotage the production in order to gain leverage to increase a size of her role in the production. It didn't work out well for Joan, who was ultimately replaced by the director, to move the movie along. Well, shame on you then, Tom, for introducing it in such a way that at least me and Eli assumed Betty Davis knocked the fuck out of her. Judah Throer. He lay, are you a huge Betty Davis fan? Like a Gremmi?

I'm not a huge Betty Davis fan. Against Betty Davis. All right. I'm just getting a big vibe, like a strong thing going on. 50 years, hundred acting credits. All about it. What is happening now, producer? A huge advantage?

It's crazy. Jezebel. Come on. You feel like you've clearly Googled something now. I should also bondage. It's crazy. Jezebel. Come on. Feel like you've clearly Googled something now. I should also pause here and introduce you a term from the film world that I learned while researching this topic. And that term is hagg exploitation.

What a lovely term. Ditz, this is terrible. Shit. Studios had a stable of well-known but aging actresses, actresses whose sex appeal may have diminished, but whose name recognition still drew proud. And since we live in a massage in its hellscape, producers and directors took note of the success

that Crawford and Davis generated for studios with Baby J. They figured audiences would love nothing more than to see the sex symbols of yesterday year humiliated and reduced, and thus, They figured audiences would love nothing more than to see the sex symbols of yesterday year humiliated and reduced and thus, hagg exploitation was born. What's you talking about? I'm just talking about haggs. Oh, yes.

Shut your mess. Man, thank goodness we treat aging actresses with dignity and respect these days. Am I right? Why? Goodness. In need of the work, Don Crawford took a series of roles in Hacksploitation film. These films were horror movies that recast mature female actors in the role of monstrous hag. This term, as on the fucking nose and repellent, as it very obviously is,

was a term in active use in Hollywood. They were just, like like actively and happily openly making hagg exploitation as hagg exploitation. Forcing talented and beloved actresses into roles which are designed from their inception, tear down these women for the pleasure of insecure blood thirsty audiences, eager to watch their heroes burn

and their crushes reduced to sexless ash. Right, like the Republican Party is doing to Lauren Bobert. All right. That's the three. I thought you were just going to say like the Republican party is doing to women, but I like specificity is fine too, I guess. Right. I need the three. I need the three. No, I get it.

I get it. Although Joan would have continued to work for years, she played her last role on the big screen in 1970, with a career that spanned 45 years and included more than 80 films. Despite her long career, Joan was not as financially well off as you might imagine, her relationships with two of her adopted children were, to say the least, quite strange. When Joan Crawford died in 1977, she had moved into a small, relatively modest apartment. And at the reading of the will, she explicitly disinherited her first to adopted children, the text reading quote,

it is my intention to make no provision herein for my son Christopher, or my daughter Christina, for reasons which are well known to them. Okay, my dad actually did the same thing, but it was helpful to me, because I avoided the categories. So it's cool. Of the following year, Christina Crawford published Mommy Dearest, a memoir of her time as a child growing up with Joan as her mother, and the book detailed the litany of abuses both physical and emotional.

The book went on to become a best-seller, and three years later was made into a rather terrible movie, but the allegations of Christina's telling are far from gospel truth. Two of the other kids that grew up with Christina categorically deny any abuse in the house has those Jones first husband and many of Crawford's friends and contemporary. Well, you know, they say about child abuse to kids are usually making it up. Am I right? Especially when their parents are famous. Yes. Look, I'm not saying the abuse didn't happen. Maybe it did. Nice. But there was no corroboration. There's no corroboration. And lots of folks refute in Christina's story. And Christina may not have been a terrifically reliable narrator.

In 1968, for example, Christina was working as an actor on the show, The Secret Storm. When Christina fell very seriously, ill, Joan Crawford at the age of 60, stepped in at the last minute to play Christina's role when Christina recovered. Christina lied about the situation, claiming that Joan swooped into the role to undermine

Christina while all other accounts, including those from Christina's own husband, indicated that Joan filled the role that the show executives wouldn't cancel Christina's character on the show. It reframing the cast some doubt on Christina's credibility. And Fadi Arbuckle was a super quiet and nice guy. Okay, he was like a little lamb. Come on now. 20 actors, wrote fucking letters for Danny Masterson after he was convicted of rape.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need a lot of convincing that the lady who spiked renamed her second stolen baby that she bought then disinherited him was abusive. Okay. She's me. Yeah. That was no on this one. By a meanwhile, Christina has been tirelessly monetizing her relationship with Joan Crawford for deck.

So maybe wire hangers were the problem. Maybe not so much. You'll have to decide for yourself, will you find credible? Either way, they are terrible for your clothes and you really should not use your shirts. He's right. He's right. And if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, Tom, what would it be? Again, why are hangers are terrible for your clothes? Yeah, I think it's a reason to use it. You ever do the thing where you've bent them into a diamond and put a quarter on the end, though, and you can spin it and it stays.

What? Yeah, you can be. I've got a cool thing with a quarter. Super cool. You bend them into a diamond shape, right? You can picture this and then you balance a quarter on like the end of the hook part and it's upside down. And then you start spinning it slowly and if you do it just right, you can like keep it spinning around on your finger. And then you can stop it and the quarter stays. It's awesome. Video or didn't have't I don't know school. I the school is what he does instead of having a child Eray for the quiz

You at hangers he you weren't that poor, okay? I am ready for the quiz Eli Yeah, let's do the quiz now. We learn what Cecil's family used to hang their clothes. Quickly. God, quickly. All right, Tom, you learned the story of an abused child who became an abused wife who got used up and hung out to drive by a heartless industry,

bought a bunch of stolen children. And it is perhaps best known for allegations of heinous child abuse. And you thought to yourself, what a great topic for our comedy show. This would be, um, so my question is, what will your next essay be about? Hey, the abiding pain of loss.

Be the epidemic of unsolved rapes on Native American reservations or a cease. The Buturama episode about fries. There is. All right. All right. All right, your ma- see is making me cry just thinking about it. I can't. So I'm definitely I'm going to do see that.

I'm going to do see that. I really think B should have also made you cry. You want to take this again? We're should be awesome. Yeah. See, so it's like, can I cut a whole question? They noticed my kind of whole question with my thing. Well, I did it before.

Okay, Tom, which are the following? I don't need to leave the big one. I'm fucking crazy. Did you do that? This is a make it sushi on him. All right, Tom, which of the following is the best reality show about stolen baby retail? Oh, this is much better. Yeah, no, yeah, there we go.

Hey, spawn stars. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Unmarked Vanderpump rules or fantastic abducts dynasty. That is the best one. And abduct dynasty is so good. So good. It's between spawn stars and abduct dynasty, but I think abduct dynasty has to that is correct. Well done. All right, Tom, what's the best product to use

when you are laundering stolen children? A, shake downy, B, ill-gotten gain, C, sever ties, or D. Smuggle brand fabric stuff. Oh, God, as much as I hate the little bear for smuggle, it's gotta be so good. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah, sure. All right. That means Heath Wins. Oh, look at that. I stumped him. Nice.

He drew on vacation for the next four episodes. So who would you like to replace you for your essay next week? Oh, let's get some factual information from Eli Bosnick. How can you know what you're not gonna be here? How dare you? Just learn. Social grenade and I walk out of the room. Hey, gamer, hey. All right, well, abortion. How dare you just a social grenade and I walk out of the room

game or hey, all right abortion Tom Noah and Cecil I am also here. Yep. I did it. I did it. You got it. You got it. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then I will be an expert on something else. But we know and then you can listen to our podcasts on all the podcasts. What are the places that we do? We do scaling 80s, God awful movies, citation needed. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a great and D&D minus Tom does dear old dads.

I'm on that one too. Cecil does cognitive dissonance with Tom. He also does seasoned liberally by himself. He fucked the chicken on the most recent one. I didn't fuck a chicken. I made a butt pan, fuck a chicken. That's a very different thing. That's true.

A chicken with a butt pan. Yeah, Cecil pimped out the fucking of the chicken. I just, Tom's gonna write a whole citation needed essay defending you don't worry about chicken was violated come watch it if you'd like to help keep this show going I'm not sure why you would do that but you can patreon.com slash citation pod or even suffice our review everywhere you can and if you'd like to get in touch with us Check out past episodes connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com.

And then I find out the guy at the camp is like, you know, dangerous and not supposed to be around kids. Pasha, how's it going? How's it going? Classic. Are you crying? What? No. No, it's allergies. Oh, those are the worst. Yeah. Your mom. What? I said, yep. Uh-huh.