Citation Needed - Mary Toft, the Lady that Gave Birth to Rabbits

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

Mary Toft (née Denyer; c. 1701–1763), also spelled Tofts, was an English woman from Godalming, Surrey, who in 1726 became the subject of considerable controversy when she tricked doctors into b...elieving that she had given birth to rabbits.   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.  

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Because because the point of the game is to give clues about the meaning of the words he's well I mean the point of the game is to win. That's a game. You know what never mind Tell him to stop clenching Okay, you gotta stop clenching I know you're gonna get a smaller funnel. That's what you got it Okay, the parts won't fit through a smaller funnel Tom. We've been okay guys guys guys Why are you feeding chicken nuggets? Into Tom's ass with a funnel again?
Starting point is 00:00:31 No, I know Jesus You know okay, so you know how you're always saying we need to grow the show by consistently making a good product and then letting it grow organically yeah while you were talking about that i was thinking about this week's episode and how famous marie tof got bing bang boom tom is gonna give birth to one hundred chicken nuggets it's not a uh...
Starting point is 00:00:57 bing bang boom situation that phrase doesn't work for the record guys think about it did you read in the paper about that guy who gave birth to a hundred chicken nuggets? What? Of course I did. Have you heard his podcast? We're gonna be rich and then the dollop is gonna want to be our friends. You gotta let that go. You gotta let that go Eli. Never in my whole life. Guys, guys, first of all, you don't, you don't give birth out of your butt. Tom, you have kids. I know, don't remind me. They were a nightmare about me taking their nuggets for this.
Starting point is 00:01:29 And see, so I get Eli and canonically, Tom and Heath, but what possibly convinced you that this was a good idea? Oh, don't miss, I don't think this is a good idea, but Tom knocked over a bunch of mic stands this week and going along with it seemed like a good punishment. You know, over a bunch of mic stands this week and going along with it seemed like a good punishment. I'm surprised you weren't on board seeing how you always talks about your essays. I mean, yeah, you know what I'm in.
Starting point is 00:01:54 I'm in me too. Yep, that a boy. See, I told you. Nice, yes. So how many we got so far? It's still free, dude. It's still free. Not damn it, it feels like so many more.
Starting point is 00:02:07 Stop clenching. It's all about the breath. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Heath and I'll be chairing this week's Warren Commission, Warren. Oh my god. And joining me are two original members of the rabbit-themed hair band. It's already lunch. I can't do it. Warren, Warren, C-Saw and Noah, Warren.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Is a band. Warren, 2020, that's what I'm saying. Oh, we hair bands, we should have known eventually the tortoise bands were gonna overtake us. Oh, it's so good. And also, Johnny Mear, two men who aren't allowed within 500 feet of a chocolate egg ever since that Cadbury audition, Tom and Eli. Okay, at least mine didn't break Tom.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Okay, it's the same reason I'm not allowed within a thousand yards of a brothel. I'm the only one with that restrictions. They wrote, okay, so tell us, Noah. What person-place thing, concept phenomenon or event or event are we gonna be talking about today? Okay, huge thanks to patron soggy pants for what could be the greatest suggestion of all time great work today We're gonna be talking about the woman who gave birth to rabbits Mary Toft and Cecil, you appreciate getting confused by the phrase fucking like rabbits as much as the next person, which to be clear is the lady that we're talking about
Starting point is 00:04:14 today and nobody else ever. So, tell us the story of Mary Toft. All right, this is an amazing story of a woman with a roomy womb who was also an expert in animal husbandry. I think you misspelled Dugger up in the earlier. This story starts in 1726 in a town called Godelman, about 45 miles outside of London. In that town lived a woman, a wife of a clothotheier and a mother of three named Mary Toft. The couple were peasants, so they worked like a whole
Starting point is 00:04:50 fucking lot. And back then, they didn't have much in the way of maternity leave, kind of like the United States does now. So when she got knocked up for a fourth time, she kept working in the fields. Right, but Amazon workers do get two day free delivery. It's good. Amazon's whole model is labor and delivery. right but amazon workers do get two day free delivery amazon's old model is labor and delivery
Starting point is 00:05:11 as we found out i guess subsequently in civilized countries it's probably not great to be working your ass off while pregnant the wiki says quote she complained of painful complications early in the pregnancy and in early august it just did several pieces of flesh one as big as my arm this may have been a result of an abnormality of the bell of the president i don't know what's whoever was talking it's just a random person on wikipedia's like this is my arm i know i immediately looked out of my arm and i thought that's full term like that's a lot what that's happening it's really
Starting point is 00:05:48 big it's like the size of a salami it's a very long which would maybe which I'm gonna continue on which would have caused the embryo to stop developing and blood clots and flesh to be ejected that is the quote Cecil buddy gonna need you to take a hard right turn into comedy people came here for the stuffing rabbits up your kooch episode we could get any better this this character talking about a commercial in Alabama that's enough it doesn't get any better for a woman who treats her fucking kooch like a
Starting point is 00:06:22 pressure cooker? Okay, here we go, bring it around. Yeah, hold on. Let us up a second. And forget it. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Well, late in September, I'm guessing on her morning break, she goes in the labor.
Starting point is 00:06:40 Wow. Her neighbor was there this time just hanging out I guess and watched quote as she produced several animal parts and quote what so her neighbor thinks I should package these up and give them the grand tour so she so she takes him to Mary's mother and Toft who's also a midwife I love you goes hey anything about me walking up to you with his handful a random animal flesh that seems odd in Anyway, I'm open. So anyway, it's also sufficiently freaked out by this so she quote Set the flesh to John Howard a gilford-based man midwife of 30 years experience." And quote, she sent it.
Starting point is 00:07:25 Yeah. That's what it's up. Just like walking up to the post office with a wicker basket of loose fling. Hello. No liquids to declare before you ask. It's books. This side up.
Starting point is 00:07:43 The open sides. What they call for a man midwife. This side up the open size What they call for a man mid what man made wife has to be the most man's planious job title It all mid ever mid husband mid man man We didn't ask a man what happened in these lady parts yet. Okay, this is gonna go well for this story. I can feel it all right. Yeah. All right. Now, Howard initially just dismisses this shit as totally made up.
Starting point is 00:08:13 But I guess he had some duty to fulfill because the next day, despite thinking she was full of shit, he heads out to go visit her. When he shows up, her mother Ann is there with more pieces that fell out of top last night, when he checks her out he doesn't find anything. Wait so this guy's job was to finish up this situation and say everything looks normal to me. I don't know what his job was.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Then she goes in a labor again. You're right. Then she goes in a labor again I I guess, and she births more parts. They finally inventory. Never a good phrase. I don't care if a rabbit involved her, not birthing parts. She's got a jumping guard. I guess I guess there was a more sensitive way to say that I did, but I guess there was a more sensitive way to say that that I did but I don't know Anyway, she shits out more parts and then Mrs. Finally inventory these parts like two weeks later and here's the quote
Starting point is 00:09:22 Over the next few days he delivered three legs of a cat of tabby color What one leg of rabbit the guts of a cat and in them were three pieces of backbone of eel. The cat's feet supposedly were formed in her imagination from a cat she was fond of that slept in her bed at night. Tof seemingly became ill once more and over the next few days delivered more pieces of rabbit and Yeah, the original turducken recipe got honed a lot over the years It's good to begin with but you know none None of this needed to happen if she hadn't swallowed that spider to catch the flop Right, it just went downhill. So quickly. All right, so let's continue with the tale
Starting point is 00:10:06 of the worst slot machine in history. So somehow this story gets a part for such and puts rabbits in, she gets rabbits out. She's like, cat arm, cat arm, cat gut, it's got to them it. Fuck. Cat, cat, cat eel,! Fuck! Uh, always lands on eel. What's known as a slit machine?
Starting point is 00:10:29 No cherries. So somehow this story gets to the court of King George I. And a gentleman by the name of harry devonant heads out from one didn't go see what all the fuss is about he goes to check it out examinzer and the bunny parts and is immediately a convert john howard then moves tough to gilford where
Starting point is 00:10:57 quote he offered to deliver rabbits in the presence of anyone who doubted her story and quote yeah uh... the original rabbit from Hat Magic trick should not have been honed so much over the years. Yeah, because it was perfect already. OK, so fun fact, that is actually, this story is literally where that trick comes from.
Starting point is 00:11:19 Wait, really? Yeah. Yeah, after this took place and was like really well-known, a London magician Produced a rabbit from a hat with the line Mary Toft must be around here somewhere Wait, I'm I'm sorry Eli You knew about this story and still went with a Harry Potter fanfic essay That's the one you're calling out, not like what happened to Finland, the Harry Potter
Starting point is 00:11:48 fan. I'm still stuck on that one. I'll get there. Howard and Devonant begin to correspond about this and it comes the attention of the royal surgeon Nathaniel St. Andre. St. Andre later published a pamphlet with one of these letters. So here's the letter. Sir, since I wrote you, I have taken or delivered the poor woman of three more rabbits.
Starting point is 00:12:15 All three half grown. One of them had done rabbit. The last leaped 23 hours in the universe before it dies. Jesus. Leap. Yeah, that's what it says. Leap. It actually just punched your fucking belly. It cut this out. Fuck. As soon as the 11th rabbit was taken away, up, leaped the 12th rabbit, which is now leaping.
Starting point is 00:12:39 The original rabbit ears vibrator really got honed over the years if you have any curious person that is pleased to come post may see another leap in her uterus and shall take it from her if he pleases what which will be great satisfaction to the curious yet another car machine also got home uh... if she had been with child curious. Yeah, no, the clone machine also got honed over here. I guess. Ah! If she had been with child, she has but 10 days more to go. So I do not know how many rabbits may be behind.
Starting point is 00:13:15 I have brought the woman to Gilford for better convenience. I am, sir, your humble servant, John Howard. OK, real quick, so a modern translation, because that's, you know, some fancy prose there. A quote, sir, none of us know how babies are made or born and lady bits are a mystery to us all. But if anyone around wants to stare at a poor person's crotch and gawk, now's your chance.
Starting point is 00:13:41 Yes, there might even be buddies. Pretty good. Pretty good. What? your chance. Yes, there might even be buddies. Pretty good. Pretty good. What? What a little translate-stalled time, I guess. Yeah. There's a new twist on that staring thing if you're getting bored with the regular version
Starting point is 00:13:53 of poor people's hat, that you're gawking at. A week after a newspaper reported the story, the Miss weekly journal had this to say from gilford comes a strange but well attested piece of news is it uh... that a woman who lives in godman was about a month past delivered by mister john howard an eminent surgeon and madman wife and i have a great
Starting point is 00:14:20 and he was already uh... corrected people uh... the creature of a creature who was already corrected people. Of a creature. He's resembling a rock actually about every of a creature resembling a rabbit, but whose heart and lungs grew outside its belly about 10 days since she was delivered by the same person of a perfect rabbit. And in a few days after of four more and on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the fourth, fifth and sixth instant of one each day.
Starting point is 00:14:53 In all nine, they died all in bringing into the world. The woman half made oath that two months ago, being working in a field with other women, they put up a rabbit, who running from them, they pursued it, but to no purpose. This created in her such a longing to it that she, being with child, was taken ill and miscarried. And from that time, she has not been able to avoid thinking of rabbits. What? People, after all, differ much in their opinion on this matter. Oh, they do?
Starting point is 00:15:27 Some. Well, back then, I guess they did. Some looking upon them as great curiosities, fit to be presented to the Royal Society, et cetera. Others are angry at the account and say that if it be a fact, a veil must be drawn over it as an imperfection in human nature. End quote.
Starting point is 00:15:47 I don't know. I was really like, hey, honey, now think about gold bars and anibyod. Okay, I just like a point of contention. If women gave birth to whatever they were thinking about at the moment of conception, there'd be a lot of Brad Pitt babies out there like just I'm slow. None of them would look like you is what I'm saying to the other people. Or at least they do. They'd look like your brother. All right so just to review the two sides of this argument are this is great we should present this to the royal society
Starting point is 00:16:26 or be this is an imperfection in human nature and that's it. Yep. Okay so that's the craziest for a quick break for some apropos of um fucking a rabbit I guess probably true hey honey I'm home oh hello my darling husband, how was your work today? Okay, offensive. It was fine, just you know, poor Irish stuff, the usual. Mm-hmm. Well, me love and laughter. A plan has formed in me, mind, to change our stance.
Starting point is 00:17:20 We're in New York, whatever. What's that? Oh, well I was thinking, what if we stuff like, hmm, 12 rabbits up me, coach. And then we call the doctor and say, I gave birth to them, you know, will be so rich and famous. Sorry, sorry, just real quick. Your plan for us to escape our desperately poor agrarian lifestyle is to insert 12, you said, 12 rabbits? 12 rabbits, you're gonna put 12 rabbits inside your body and defraud the entire medical profession
Starting point is 00:17:56 in hopes of being famous? Indeed, indeed, indeed. Yeah, fuck it, why the hell not? That's actually pretty good. That's pretty good, you don't usually have good ideas. Grab a foyer, poker. These bastards keep slipping out. It's all in the breath. Ah. And we're back. When we left off, Cecil was about to tell us about a live tortoise coming out of this
Starting point is 00:18:26 woman's birth canal. So now the British royal family is super duper interested in this amazing phenomenon. So they send out their surgeon and the secretary to the Prince of Wales, Samuel Malanoo. So they get there to check her out, and as a welcoming gift, she goes in a labor again and gives birth to a rabbit torso. They examine it, quote, to check if it had breathed air, he placed a piece of its lung in the water to see if it would float, which it did. Holy shit, the lung was a witch, dude.
Starting point is 00:19:03 This is the best story. What? Continuing, St. Andre then performed a medical examination on Toft and concluded that the rabbits were bred in her fallopian tubes. They leave, and while they're gone, she gives birth to another rabbit torso.
Starting point is 00:19:24 Let's hold in that one in for later, huh? Yep. Swoxen. Oh, you guys just missed it. This crazy. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. So their conclusion from that test was that it breathed.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Philippian air? Yeah, I guess. Little while later, they come back and quote a further medical examination followed and saint andre delivered some rabbit skin followed a few minutes later by a rabbit's head both men inspected the adjusted pieces of flesh noting that some resemble the body parts of a cat and quote this isn't a real rabbit birthed by a human, it's a cat! Boom! Born! Boom!
Starting point is 00:20:06 Just the rabbit gets skinned, I wonder, doesn't matter, whatever. What is happening, it's like a meat grider up there. I know, right? Wait, is this just like what a bowl of... She's giving it a sausage length in a few minutes. It's a bowl of Hassan Feffer, that's what that is. The bowl? The kid can't get enough of this story and he sends another search and out to examine Mary Toft. The gentleman by the name of
Starting point is 00:20:34 Syriacus Aillers, when he sees her he's immediately suspicious. She's basically smashing her legs together to hold whatever is inside or where it is. And he gets so weird vibe from Howard as well because Ayers totally wanted to be there to help this lady give birth to the rabbit cutlets and Howard wouldn't let him. So he's like the weirdest version of the PP dance ever. Just like, ahhhhhh! The rabbits! Should have picked something I wasn't allergic to. This is very itchy.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Hold on. I'm leaping. So this guy pretends he 100% believes these two and says that he'd like to further study the miscarried rabbits. They give him some parts to take back to one with him and he inspects them. He decides that they look like they've been cut with a knife or some other implement and he also found straw and grain on them. Okay, right, but fallopian straw.
Starting point is 00:21:34 It is kind of suspicious though, but I don't know. The tour so was wearing a diaper but but babies do wear diapers this dot i mean it makes sense but but saying andrei comes back to gilford and when he arrives he's told by howard that she gave birth again this time to two more rabbits
Starting point is 00:22:01 no word if they had detachable parts are not uh... she was however not doing well. I mean all parts are detachable. Yeah, if you try hard enough, I guess that's true. That's the most time observation. I can break any object. This is honestly listeners, he does this in every episode. This is the only time that comments made sense She was at this point however not doing so well Quote yeah, no she delivered several portions of what presumed to be a placenta But she was by then quite ill and suffering from constant pain in her right
Starting point is 00:22:47 side of her abdomen and quote saying Andre had all the witnesses to this particular birthing sign affidavits those witnesses would go on to vouch for joseph smith's golden plates and really look silly yeah why i just i can't believe she's not well see that is it is stuffing fucking dead rabbit parts up your who Not well. Oh, I don't know time. I'm waiting for some woman to woman's plane it to me. So let's see
Starting point is 00:23:18 The King orders a third investigation and asks Richard manning him the bishop of Chis sister? I don't know, whatever. Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you. Whatever, fuck that is. Manningham, the Bishop of Chis sister. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Fuck you. Fuck you. So he says, go look at this lady. She delivered while he's there. She delivered what Manningham called a Hawksblatter. But St. Andre and Howard said that it was totally something else. It didn't pass the sniff test though, as Manning him called a hawks bladder, but St. Andrean Howard said that it was totally something else. It didn't pass the sniff test though,
Starting point is 00:23:47 as Manning him noted that it smelled like urine. What's a bladder supposed to smell like? I'm like, I'm like, I said it's not a bladder though. Okay, just point of curiosity, like what the fuck was on her mind when she conceived the hogs bladder like honey you look preoccupied in this don't fucking interrupt this moment Jim this is my time what is happening this is my favorite part of the story
Starting point is 00:24:19 the story becomes something of a sensation all over England. People stopped eating rabbit for some reason. Also, it tastes like shit. I can't. Also, it's shit to the doctors. Want to inspect this lady? And under St. Andre's supervision, a bunch of them do. One of the people that inspects her is a doctor who taught midwives called John Marbury. He wrote a book called The Female Physician.
Starting point is 00:24:43 And he claims that women can give birth to a kind of creature called a pseudocrine. What's what? And I can't explain this as well as a Wikipedia can. So this is my favorite part of the whole story, okay. There's a thing called a pseudocrine, a pseudocrine. And I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly. I'm sure someone could tell me better, but I'm gonna just gotta call it pseudocrine. A pseudocrine is a fabled, is a fabled small creature about the size of a mouse that certain women were believed
Starting point is 00:25:11 to have been capable of giving birth to. The origin of this initially jocular fantasy lies in the 18th century in some, and some eminent physicians of the day considered it factual. It is attributed to the tendency of judge women to frequently sit on stows or use them under their petty coats to keep warm what hence causing the breeding of a small kind of animal that would
Starting point is 00:25:36 mature and be born right right right because stows are made of mousecom got it that track uh... i didn't mean to interrupt go ahead i would believe this if they were like sitting on an unbalanced washing machine but the i'll be like this alright right not everyone's into the same stuff time
Starting point is 00:26:00 mullaby was in i'm gonna continue out with this quote from wikipedia marbary was an advocate for maternal impression. A widely held belief that conception and pregnancy could be influenced by what the pregnant mother dreamt of or saw. Marbury warned pregnant women that over familiarity with household pets could make their chills when resemble those animals. Interesting. We did have a pretty racist golden retriever
Starting point is 00:26:29 when my mom was pregnant, so I got that. That's awesome. But by the way, in case you're wondering where they got such a crazy idea, it was from the book of Genesis. It's really, yes. Oh, but like looking at a zebra or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. looking at a zebra or something. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:26:45 We're gonna get the striped cows and the spotted cows. It's a biblical concept. This is where a prominent male midwife and probably the foremost authority on anatomy, James Douglas enters the picture. Foremost authority on anatomy. At this point, this is a low bar in history. I don't know. That's really is.
Starting point is 00:27:04 That's the art okay name all the parts on the outside you're in first place everyone else answered rabbit dick so shooter king
Starting point is 00:27:17 who was the fuck so they keep trying to get him to check toft out and he thinks it's a hoax and has zero interest eventually he's convinced to see her and they produce the hogs blatter that came out of her and he isn't fucking buying it so he and the others basically say that's cool and all but we'd like to be in the room when she does it so they let him stay but her magic uterus get stage fright and while she went into labor several times, when they were there, she doesn't give birth to a rabbit. She's like, I guess I should do some impressions or something.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Well, look, it's the Sarlac. Boba Fett, where? I love that this is the first time in this whole story where any one of the doctors was like, okay, what if we watch her give birth? I know where you're taking the thought of that. Look at it. Nobody thought of that. Let's see it.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Oh, my eyes. Okay. Man, they should have done, like, remember what the spontaneous generation, they just put a, should have put cheesecloth over her, who to ever see if a rabbit just appears on the anyway in early December this whole house of cards comes tumbling down and investigator finds out that Mary Toff's husband has been buying a bunch of young rabbits oh god in the same day a porter at the hotel slash brothel that Mary Toff was staying at confesses that he was bribed by Toff's sister-in-law to sneak a rabbit inside her chamber.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Look, that's not a euphemism. Yeah, I know, right? What? What? Didn't Mary? When question Mary denied this, but her sister admitted it, but said the rabbit was, quote, for eating only and close. Unlike her chamber.
Starting point is 00:29:00 That means at some point someone was like, no, I am telling you, I was not stuffing those rabbits up my fun basket It's an eating rabbit not a vagina rabbit The bishop then examines are again and thinks there still might be something up there So he suggests that they keep around our observation for a few days It's not that he believes her as he's the one who sniffed the whole pig letter thing, it's that he's pressuring her to confess. He says at one point, he says, there must be a rabid up there, and he has to perform a very, very painful operation to remove it, and she confesses a movie. Well done. Well done. Classic King Solomon move move just like i'm gonna cut this rabbit
Starting point is 00:29:46 piece in half with a god damn chainsaw wallets inside you uh... unless anyone has any objections three to uh... that's okay there is so here's here's a quote from wikipedia following her miscarriage and while her service permitted access
Starting point is 00:30:04 and accomplish had inserted into a womb that clause and body of a cat and the head of a rabbit just they had also they had to first thought yeah right they had also invented a story in which tough claim that during pregnancy and while working in a field she had been startled by her habit and since had become obsessed with rabbits and quote later bursts were accomplished by stuff and cut up rabbit parts up her badge so that's how they did that so for clarity this whole thing started when a woman had a miscarriage and then was like you know it would be fun I mean, we'll work here. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:46 No, for her friend, that's like a live laugh love moment, right? Like, that's fucking something. That's like... Sisterhood of the traveling rabbit births or something, anyway. She's charged as a... Now get this. Vile, cheat, and imposter. is she's charged as a get now get this vile sheet and in pasta she basically blames a bunch of people relatives john howard a woman that she
Starting point is 00:31:11 meant and told her the procedure and said that this trick would make it so she would quote never want as long as she lived and quote okay so i'll start by saying phase three is profit marie taft um but you gotta let me finish while I tell you phase one. And she's brought up on charges and has to appear in court. Her official charge is for being an abominable cheat and imposter in pretending to be delivered of several monstrous births. She had that charge lying around in English law.
Starting point is 00:31:46 But it doesn't appear that any punishment was handed down to her. John Howard, the guy who was basically her promoter and almost certainly, and on the whole thing, was fined 800 pounds, which is over $100,000 in today's money. Now that was a weird kickstarter. You mean, you guys really have that as a win. I mean mean, I don't like, I feel like I would
Starting point is 00:32:09 pay that amount now to have a legitimate conversational purpose to ask somebody what she thought the maximum dead rabbit capacity of her vagina was. Yeah. No, I thought we established this wasn't a dougar store. Somebody give me 100 grand. Few other careers were ruined from this hoax. The pamphlet I mentioned that St. Andre had published. It was called a short narrative of an extraordinary delivery of rapids. He wanted to get it to press right away and he published it on the 30th December, which was a few days before Tof's confession. Needless to say, his star wasn't on the rise after that, bad timing. 9-11 birthday.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Douglas, one of the only people who knew it was a hoax from the start, decided to publish a letter called, the Souterkin Decected, where he calls the theory, quote, a mere fiction of your moberies brain and what so this was something of a sensation back then as i mentioned uh... so once it was found out to be a hoax a bunch of writers satirized it and this was that heyday upon so they had a little so a lot of the stuff is just really delightful
Starting point is 00:33:17 mean how can you go wrong when the eighteenth century word for rabbit track is prick it's fucking just delightful also do yourself a favor. Look at the old-time illustrations on the Wikipedia page. They're really a delight. There's tons of really great, amazing drawings of a woman lying down in rabbits just marching out
Starting point is 00:33:35 from under her dress. It's fucking, that's seriously awesome. One of the satirists was a ballad called The Discovery or a squire turned ferret. It opens with this verse. Most true it is, I dare to say, ever since the days of Eve, the weakest woman sometimes may, the wisest man deceive, as if somehow not knowing how the parts work and tricking a bunch of gullible guys is the woman's fault.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Yeah, the wisest man is not in this story. Yeah, right. Wisest man is not a grand title to hold in ye old garbage hot. That's true, like true. True. Yeah. All right, Cecil, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?
Starting point is 00:34:19 It took three centuries to figure out how these bunnies got in or some coyote painted a giant vagina on a mountain face somewhere and they ran right through. And are you ready for a quiz from the panel? Let's go. All right, Cecil. As I mentioned, this is the actual origin of the famous rabbit from the hat trick, which of the following is a real variation on that joke. A. In the early 1800s, grand mesmer hollyworth would bring women on stage and convince them their newborn child was a rabbit. What?
Starting point is 00:34:57 The German magician, Hofzinser of the 1920s, would put a rabbit in a hat and then change it into a baby boy. Then can you read the poem when would put a rabbit in a hat and then change it into a baby boy. Then can you imagine how it was a rabbit? See, the English magicians, Barian Stewart, in their current live show produce a rabbit from a naked woman's vagina on stage in front of everyone. I've been England twice, I've missed this show. Fuck. Or D, Victorian magicians would make rabbits disappear from that
Starting point is 00:35:28 using a steam press that crushed the rabbit they put in that that i'm gonna go with secret answer ee light pulls a toy plug out of his own ass it's got to come to twenty twenty i think that's that was never invited to do magic so they'll never know uh... no right or wrong maybe i don't know those
Starting point is 00:35:50 the answer is that it doesn't know how this format works wait you made the other ones up i was sure that was all it's all me too it's just see their current show current barriens to work live show they bring up a naked lady they tell the story she lies on a gurney they bring up a dude They go do you want to examine the hat? He looks at the lady they go examine the gurney examines the gurney
Starting point is 00:36:15 Go you want to examine the hat again? And he goes like yeah, I do and then they reach in Front of her and produce a live white rabbit. I gotta go see the show. Get woke. All right, Cecil. Oh, that means. Not enough attention is paid to the children of poor Mary Toft. What were her child's first words
Starting point is 00:36:35 upon coming into the world? Hey, eh, what's up, Doc? Yes. That's it. Just, eh. You wanna go with, I'm gonna go with B. I thought I saw a putty tattoo. A putty tattoo.
Starting point is 00:36:48 It was right next to me up here. It was next to me the whole time. It's like, it was my womb mate. Oh. So wrong turn it albacurky, like none other. I'll tell you that. womb mate. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Cecil, today we heard your favorite story about people shoving animals inside themselves. Which of the following is your second favorite in that collection of stories that you clearly have? the keyster bunny he he who shamed roger rabbit or c carat bottom uh... well not in the shaming but i do love redhead so care about them all day alright with nobody's trip to up yet see so but i think i got you here here
Starting point is 00:37:43 we go what do you give to a woman who's giving birth to rabbits? Okay, a lepiscural Latin word for private B Hydracotentale See Lagomorphine Or D other hoppietz.
Starting point is 00:38:05 Hoppietz. Hoppietz. So good. So good. I got because I didn't need to know so good. I'm going to go with secret answer E and abortion. Oh, you didn't get it. That's correct.
Starting point is 00:38:18 So good. Got it. All right, Cecil, you are the winner. Okay. Why don't we go with Tom next week? Tom seems to like. That's good, I got it. All right, Cecil, you are the winner. OK. Why don't we go with Tom next week? Tom seems to like, there's a lot of work to do. There's a lot of work to do.
Starting point is 00:38:30 There's a lot of work to do. These can be good. Yeah. Someone else is doing. All right, well, for Cecil, Noah, Tom and Eli. I'm Heath. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week.
Starting point is 00:38:41 And by then, Tom will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can hear Tom and Cecil on cognitive dissonance, and you can hear Eli, Noah, and myself on God awful movies, The Skating Atheist, and The Skeptocrat. And if you don't hate freedom, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with us on social media, or take a look at the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com. And that's 12! Great! Let's call some people, good work!
Starting point is 00:39:18 Oh, indeed, husband, wish had a! Hey, just real quick, um, Any chance this could backfire? Oh, Tobias Bartholomew and Wright, you are such a wordy wart. Yeah, no, no, it's cool, cool, cool, cool. No, it's a stupid question. Our last name is Enright. I don't know who I am in this show. It's a funny nightmare. You know, you're the guy who ass eats chicken.
Starting point is 00:39:50 I said in this show, like I was referring like a character. With your tiny wax, don't worry about it. Don't think too hard. you

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