Citation Needed - Nellie Bly

Episode Date: October 11, 2017

Elizabeth Cochran Seaman[1] (May 5, 1864[2] – January 27, 1922), better known by her pen name Nellie Bly, was an American journalist who was widely known for her record-breaking trip around the world in 72 days, in emulation of Jules Verne's fictional character Phileas Fogg, and an exposé in which she worked undercover to report on a mental institution from within.[3] She was a pioneer in her field, and launched a new kind of investigative journalism.[4] Bly was also a writer, industrialist, inventor, and a charity worker. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Where am I? Who am I? What the hell is wrong with Tom? I don't know, man. We just, we just found him like this few hours ago, just wandering around muttering. Uh, okay. I'll bite. Sure.

Uh, where are his pants? Obviously, he has no pants on it. That's, that's, that's not unusual for Tom. Okay. That's, that's not unusual for him. Can't remember. My mommy. I miss pie.

Yeah, there he is. Hey, guys, Eli, do you know what happened to Tom? Oh, yeah, that, yeah. See, we're gonna be talking about a journalist who faked being crazy and having amnesia to report on abuses in a 19th century man house today on the show. Eli, please tell me you didn't just

not like where this is happening. I saw so interrupting root, both of you. So I thought what better way to get into the mood than to have Tom do a little undercover journal at his own. Only, like, he wasn't interested in being committed. Something about like kids, the responsibilities. I don't know, I got bored.

Anyway, turns out Tom needs a lot of drugs to get to this point. But if you're determined, anything is possible. Eli, were those my drugs? They were all our drugs. No, what? Tom is big. But most of all of our drugs are my drugs. Fair. All of them though. All our drugs. It's no one else worried for Tom. I think that's a lot of drugs. No, it's dude worried for Tom. I think that's a lot of drunk. No, not a drunk, dude. People die. I think I'm okay, guys, but I don't know who my pants went and my leg potatoes are

definitely how they talk when I'm not listening. So we're going to need a new parent. That's all I'm saying. Okay, he's back to normal. Okay, that's good. Okay, cool. Cool. Hello and welcome to CitationNeeda, the podcast where we choose to subject-read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.

I'm Noah Lutonz and I'll be working against my own life choices to try to make sense of the madness on offer today, but since Reagan defunded the asylum, I'm not going to be alone. Joining me are two men who have never faked anything in their lives, but will be grateful for your efforts, Eli and he. I'd rather fail to satisfy a woman than watch bad acting. No, thank you very much. Thank you. And that's why act three of my play had the audience interaction.

You said you enjoyed it. I said it was brave. I said it was brave. I'm you. And also joining us tonight are two men who could travel the world in under 80 days, but I'm just saying. I'm you. Also joining us tonight are two men who could travel the world in under 80 days, but only if you had tied a stick with a cake out in front of them Cecil and Tom. I will do that for literally any pastry.

I am tired of you bringing this up. No, that trick worked once. Okay? It'll work every time with a different pastry. To be fair, I only try it at once, too. But before we really begin here, of course, we need to take a moment to thank our patrons. You don't have to be crazy to support the show, but you'd have to be crazy not to. It's only because of the generous support of our patrons that we aren't homeless or even worse, gainfully employed.

Our patrons keep us out of the warehouse, outhouse, henhouse, farmhouse, poor house, and madhouse. In that order. Most of the time. And for that, we are grateful. If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, please, no, don't just keep going. We just have to keep going. Sometimes you just have to plow for it.

If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what person plays think concept phenomenon or event will be talking about today. All right. We'll be talking about Nelly bli Journalist in vener adventurer Charity worker and all around badass. All right and Tom you seem a little more animated than usual

Are you hopped up on trucker speed in the tears of our oppressors? Are you finally ready to teach us something? I don't know why these seem mutually exclusive to you. I just... Fair enough. All right, so tell us, Tom, if you can stop pop and yellow jackets and aim a nitrate long enough to form a coherent sentence, who was Nelly Blah?

Hey, don't judge my lifestyle, Noah. You're basically a snowman of cigarette ashes at this point. You see that it's a bad thing. Nelly Blie was about the most money where her fucking mouth is, bad ass journalist ever. She was born Elizabeth Jane Cochran in 1864 in Pennsylvania, which admittedly is gross. The town she grew up in was actually named Cochran Mills. After her father, a mill worker decided just fuck it. And he bought the mill and bunch of land.

And then basically the town because the family that badasses together, when they don't stay together, they actually all die young, but they die memorably. Remember John, but they know no, no, no, no. The year is 2001. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no.

No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no.

No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no.. Three votes. Oh boy, I don't want to be this next line.

As a little girl. Okay, good. Those are John Mayramsy handoff and nobody took it. As a little girl, Nelly's nickname was Pinky, which is adorable, but Nelly didn't want to be adorable. She wanted to be sophisticated. So she did what people do and she edited an e to the end of her not surname and dropped the pinky moniker, making everyone saddled with a shitty middle school nickname jealous

at the ease of this transition. My middle school nickname was pinky cockburn too, but middle school nicknames are actually really hard to lose. Follow you throughout life. It turns out. My nickname was chunk from the goonies. And as a 36 year old grown up, I've done the truffle shuffle thrice this year to get into a building. Fuck, sorry, Heath, but I'm not going to set the chicken in the balloon back up every time if I'm not going to get a chance to use them. It's ridiculous. So, so tell us Tom, when did she get her start in journalism? After moving to Pittsburgh, Nellie saw an article published in the paper titled, What are girls good for? Which prompted her to write an article in response.

And although the original article in her response written under the pseudonym Lonely Orphan Girl, or lost a history, one can safely assume her response was not to be demure, pregnant and quiet. Her response to impress the editor that she was asked to write an article for the dispatch and her new article, The Girl Puzzle, landed her a full-time job with the dispatch. The editor created this new pseudonym, Nelly Blyphore, which being a newspaper editor, he actually fucking misspelled. Wait, wait, it's a pseudonym. He can't misspell it. He made it up. He named it after a popular song and just got it wrong. It's decided. The reason I can't spell

is because everything I write is a pseudonym. No, not again, to which you misspelled suit of it. It's so meta. It's so meta. I love that. That makes sense because all of his essays should be behind glass and you should have to get permission to give them out. So it makes sense. So Nelly began her career writing about the role of women factory workers, a job that

in the garbage times of the late 1800s and strangely the current 2000s was a miserable difficult life. And as a result, it's like reconstruction. It's great. It's awesome now. As a result, she was moved to cover the women's pages, which meant writing fluff pieces that no one really cared about. The citation needed story. Ouch.

Ouch. You're all here. So at the age of 21, also no one listened to that. Yeah. It's that it didn't just care about everyone who listens to the show is on it. It's a fun thing. We're doing it. It's weird when five people masturbate at once. Isn't that like you think we can help each other out?

I don't know. I don't see how that's weird. So the age of twenty one. Were you not an fraternity? I guess not the age of twenty one. Nelly pieced out to Mexico to document the lives and cost them to the Mexican people. This was somewhat unappreciated by the current dictator, Porfirio Diaz, who threatened to have her arrested. She fled home to the United States and reported the Diaz was a quote, tyrannicals are oppressing the Mexican people. So they're Diaz.

Diaz. The Russian Diaz is. Okay, so tyrannicals are oppressing the people. Glad we've solved that problem. Tom, so after this fantastic episode of experiential journalism, I assume she was given a seat at the boys club and respected from then on for her contributions. No, no, absolutely not.

But I appreciate you for the hopeless optimist you clearly are. It's true. That's what they say about. No, hopeless optimist. Mrs. Sunshine over there. I know. No, not at all.

Instead she was relegated back to the society pages, which she felt was a terrible insult because, you know, it was. And so she said, fuck it, she quit. A four months later, she was broken in need of something to turn her talents towards. So she walked into the offices of Joseph Pulitzer's paper and convinced them to give her an assignment going undercover in an insane asylum on Black Wells Island. I think he means shudder Island.

They made a movie about it. It's just touching for strong and brave. She went there to report on the suspected abuses by subjecting herself to their treatments firsthand because, you know, bad ass. Today I learned that the prize is named after a guy. Huh? Wait, wait, so what did you think it was named after? I don't know, I just assumed it was one of the prizes

they make up names for like Oscar, Tony, Emmy, or Belle. Let him leave, let him in. Like hurricane? Yeah, exactly. Maybe that's how they did it. Let him leave let him in like hurricane Maybe that's how they did it Well, Tom this seems like an obvious and well-crafted moment to take a break in our tale and enjoy a brief interlude that we call apropos of nothing And the winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Outstanding Work in Journalism Goes To? Joseph Pulitzer. Thank you, thank you.

Wow. Eight years in a row. What an incredible honor. I want to thank the judges, my family, and my staff, because they're all the same people. Anyway, good luck next year, everybody. Pfft. Pfft.

Hey folks, just wanted to take a moment here in the middle of the show to thank our patrons. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, you make this show possible, and without you, we couldn't do what we do. I need charts and I need graphs. Now, many of you have inquired, when is Eli gonna do is John Bene Ramsey episode?

And the answer is never. Keith, where is my blonde wig? Nope. Never, never, never, never, never. But as of this recording, we are just $350 away from reaching our goal of a live show. And while it will not be about John Brunei Ramsey, we promise to tell Eli that it will

be. No, sorry, you're doing a tie triber, something. Have you seen my finger now samples? They're in the filing cabinet. Look at me, like, so if you want to see us live, consider pledging as little as a dollar and episode at Patreon.com slash citation pod to help make that happen. We're even going to let the patrons choose the location.

Again, that's patreon.com slash citation pod because we're pretty sure he'll wear a costume. Where is my stage blood? Hey Cecil, hello uninvited Eli. You say that every time I come over. Hey you've never been invited. So I brought that movie over. I am still not interested in the director's cut of dirty dancing Oh, but it's our movie it is Definitely not our moving. Okay, I don't want to fight about this. Can I just come in? I need to change

I'm gonna ask just come on in Yeah, okay Hand it over to do a little investigative journalism, so I'm pretty busy Okay, so it's probably best. I just head out honestly. How do I look? Oh? Well, that's interesting you gonna furry convention or something when I go to furry conventions I go as a raccoon and blackface called cracker. I've introduced you to cracker like I know I've talked about cracker Oh, oh, yeah Of course, how could I forget cracker? Yeah, sure

I'm actually gonna try to sneak into a farm nearby and do an expose on the harsh conditions that animals live in. Your dress is a chicken, Eli? Yeah, right? Looks pretty good. No, no, it doesn't. Your costume doesn't even have a beak. It's just a hole for your face.

You're a chicken with an Eli face. Yeah, I cut that out. It was hard to breathe. I'm just, so... So, I sent another factoid here. You're 20 times larger than a chicken, Eli. It's cool. I'm going to crouch. See, look, look, Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Well, that was clearly in poor taste. Well done.

Tom, I believe you were telling us about someone who actually cared about the world. Of you, I think we can all agree is at this point in history, almost adorably nostalgic. Please continue. Gladly Noah. Yeah, they were better times. When men were men and women were easy to confine to a silence. Deep cut. A Nelly.

It's true. Nelly said about getting a sentence to the women's lunatic asylum in Blackwas Island. So here's what she did. She practiced looking crazy in the mirror, noting in her book that far away expressions look crazy. So just focus on stuff. That's just that was her thing. Then she stopped bathing and brushing her toe.

College was fun. It's a good time. You're doing college. That's fun. That's cool. She put on second hand clothes and checked into a boarding house for women. And she ran to that she couldn't sleep because she was afraid of the beds and that they all looked crazy. Adderall is a hell of a drug college super run. Right at the schnauz, that's where I get the most out of that. Anyway, the boarding house for brighter, thought she was the one who looked crazy and he called the police.

And Nelly proclaimed this moment, quote, the greatest night of my life. Interestingly, her love life not cited in the start of taking over you. Just saying. Yeah, well, she's just being cautious. Isn't the old saying never sleep in crazy? Isn't that? I thought the saying was five pumps in an orgasm are worth a crazy person bothering you forever.

Is it not? I thought it was. You better hope so, Heath. Oh, I thought. So what's a custody she claimed to have amnesia and a judge decided that she'd been drugged. Oh, so she was a Stanford student at the time. Oh This would make some sense and might not be super horrifying if it wasn't about to get much much worse because she was then examined by several doctors All of whom not only declared that she was insane, but also declared themselves lovers of hyperbolic, non-scientific nonsense. One doctor, a pine that Nelly was quote, positively demented and a quote, hopeless case, another

declared that she was undoubtedly insane. Now, this got to the newspapers and they love this story. They love this story like she was a pretty white girl with a tragic backstory because that it turns out has been a thing for now a really long time. And they wrote delicate and sensitive headlines for her like, who is this crazy pretty girl? No, but no. Well, the answer, of course, is all of my access. That's the answer. Anyone can use it. So just. All right. So the good news is that she got herself locked into a late 19th century insane asylum. What was the bad news? The bad news was the insane asylum. So once

she's inside, Nelly experiences horrors for 10 straight days. The most dangerous of the inmates in the asylum were tied together with ropes, like you do with like crazy people and dangerous things. You guys all picturing Trump voters and Jill Stein voters just like tied together in a big angry fuck pile. Every time I close my eyes, every time I close my eyes Plotting is a different thing than picture I feel like now others in the asylum and then I set the pound fire Others in the asylum were just who are committed because no one knew what they were saying

the fuck is this bullshit crazy motherfucker no shit make a silence great again that's the same acronym by the way it's the same one um make assholes gap again what game are we? I think he's we're playing the same game. We're winning. Yeah. We're winning so much. You don't even know what losing feels like. The final winning. Now, Nelly dropped a crazy act as soon as she was committed. And she did only to find out that the more she behaves sanely, the more she was treated as crazy, kind of like living in Trump's America.

I know, right? I wrote that joke and thought it was funny and then I cried myself to sleep. The women were forced to sit all day and into the evening tied to straight back benches, exposed to the cold, forbidden to talk, beaten by guards and belittled. You know the phrase, the inmates are running the asylum. That was literally true in this case because some of the staff consisted of actual inmates from a nearby penitentiary. Oh, okay, Tom. Well, that sounds bad when you say it out loud or read it, but I bet the food was the saving grace though, right? At least they had

good meal plan. No, no, crazily Noah, I think you're always a sparse eating habits would have served you well here. Rats and feces were everywhere. No, it does love to eat rats and feces. You ever mungerat? You ever mungerat? Absolutely. Just give me your money. Give me your money. No, not what I mean. It's like, it's just like eating a dead rat is what I'm talking about. You asked first, if you didn't ask first and the head last, it's like a burrito. You know how you have to angle a burrito? The guards spat tobacco all over the floors.

The food as much as it was possible to call it that consisted of rotten meat, gruel and dirty, unsafe water. Basically, this was a burger cake. Mugging? Never mind. I thought you were going to say something else. We can only hope they start tying the crazy at Burger King to chairs. Sounds nice.

Well, after 10 days in this hell, attorneys from the paper had a release and Nelly wrote her expose in her book, 10 days in a madhouse. The horrors of the lunatic asylum were so bad, Nelly contended that the asylum itself could drive a woman mad and she wrote, quote, what accepting torture would produce insanity quicker than this treatment? Here's a class of women sent to be cured. I would like the expert physicians who are condemning me for my action, which has proven their ability to take a perfectly sane and healthy woman. Shut her up and make her sit from 6 a.m. until 8 p.m. on straight back benches. Do not allow

her to talk or move during these hours. Give her no reading and let her know nothing of the world or its doings. Give her bad food and harsh treatment and see how long it will take to make her insane. Two months would make her a mental and harsh treatment and see how long it will take to make her insane. Two months would make her a mental and physical wreck or a really happy Buddhist. I get a feeling like he is the only one that wouldn't notice the change of family. I mean, 6am would bother me. That's ridiculous. Well, that's all fine and good, Tom, but we know that the world doesn't actually change or care to do anything when terrible abuses are uncovered. So why would any of this matter?

Okay, I guess we're just stealing each other's bits now. That's fine. Wack, wack, wack, science. Wack, wack, wack, wack. See? See? Why do I quack? Why do you crack? Why do you crack? Well, crazily know, people have been at least used to care about stuff. I know. I know. Right? So after this, as X-Pose comes out, a grand jury launched an investigation, massive amounts of funding were poured into the system to rehabilitate the asylum and changes to the way the patients were evaluated for mental illness began to take hold.

Her journalism and her exposé literally changed the world for the better. Again, it's so weird, like people used to care about stuff. Yeah, America was great for a minute there. I want to say, what was it called? The regressive era? No. No, that's now. There's an age where it's not positive.

There's something like that. Nelly then set her sights on making the book around the world in 80 days into a reality. So she suggested to her editor that she'd be allowed to give it hell. She's given the green light two days notice and like all women setting forth on an 80 day never before attempted trip around the globe,

she packed the dress she was wearing, several pairs of underwear, her toiletries, and a coat because presumably she didn't want to pay to check her back. Ah, Delta, she gets it, yeah. Yeah. Hahaha. Some other lady just smashing a giant treasure chest into an overhead bin, stop rushing me.

The dimensions change if you turn it. It's getting different. If you turn it, you can get it in sometimes. You're enormous 1880s dress hitting Noah in the face. He's trying to edit on the plane. She gives birth in the seat right next to him. It's loud triplets. Delta. He's got to call. To her adventures, they took her through England, France, Brinsey, the Suez Canal, Colombo, the straight settlements of Penang, Singapore, Hong Kong, and Japan. She traveled using steamships and rail and her dispatches were delayed sometimes for weeks as they made their way across the world.

Her newspaper sponsored a guessing contest, although we're in the world is Nelly Blie, and they offered a prize to the person who guessed her arrival back in New York down to the second. Jesus Christ, the world is sweet, boring as fuck. It used to be. Oh, it's not a thing. God.

Now in her adventures, Nelly visited a leper colony in China. A best porn tab ever was Chinese lepers. You don't even know. It's sideways. They don't tell you that but it's sideways. And she bought a monkey in Singapore. That's the second best porn town. That's saying a point. Put your hands together, Cecil. Put your hands together. And it's the monkey as souvenirs goes beats the fucking spoon collection by a goddamn mind.

Yeah, right. Third best. Yeah. Yeah. Or a best friend doll made of your own hair. If you don't like it, you can regift it. I threw it away. Cecilfer, you didn't.

Cecilfer. Cecil for you didn't. Cecil for you. What a Cecil for. And then he arrived back in New York 72 days after she left having completed a journey of over 24,000 miles, almost all of it alone and setting a world record for having done cooler shit than anyone currently listening to this show. Um, when I was a kid, I once went to the, uh, slightly less white suburb next to ours. I was pretty, pretty exhilarating. Took me way less than 72 days. Right. Faster. Yeah. Q sex, but hurt email. I feel like we're like, six fans. Everyone's

not going to write in at once. I feel like we're burying the lead though. You said 72 days, but which second? I don't know. I got damn it. Wikipedia sucks. Now for her love life, Nelly later married a millionaire. And you know why? Because she fucking deserved to. And just like she deserved that fucker died pretty quickly and left her

all the money. She took over his business, but she proved not to be a very good business person. The company folded. But not before she invented a new milk canister design, probably because she's hadn't had any patents to her name yet. So why the fuck not? Um, I put a balloon on the end of a turkey baster to pick up CDs for a science fair. It was pretty ingenious. You don't have to have friends. I also held a world record briefly for break the targets.

Super Smash Brothers originally. She's better than me. She's doing all this stuff. She should go back in time and cough on her. Oh, I guess I'll go back to my time and have some penicillin. Well, after her company folded, she went back to journalism. She covered the Eastern Fronten World War I and the women's suffrage movement. Unfortunately, Nelly died young at the age of 57, probably from accomplishing too much shit and running out of not giving any fucks. Either that or

was pneumonia, the record is not super inclusive. I think I was in pneumonia though. If you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would that sentence be, Tom? That most people make me feel lazy, but Nelly Blie makes me feel positively dead by comparison. Yeah. All right. So do you feel confident to face the gauntlet of blie based questions from our panel? I'd be insane to say no. Insane. To say no.

I'm just still waiting. I'm just saying. I'm just silent in the story. Yeah, you say no. I don't say no. Let me start this off. How does Insane really start it off? Of all the places that Nelly stopped as she traveled the world, which was her favorite, a Puget Unsound, b, the straight jacket of Gibalter, c, Stockholm syndrome,

or t Carl Youngstown, Ohio. I like that last one. Yeah, I'm going to go with it. Carl Youngstown Ohio. That last one. I like that last one. Yeah, I'm going to go with it. Carl Youngstown Ohio is a great place back then for it's a dead city now. Yeah, it was great back. All right, obviously like all iconic figures, the Milky Way, Babe Ruth and Charleston, Kelly Blight had a candy named after her. What was it called? Was it A, the Nelly Belly?

P, Nutters Stutters, C, Crazenettes, or D, Daffy Taffy. Well, it's got to be Nutters St tutters, because it's it's insulting to two different groups of people. I don't know. Answer. All right. All right. Well, unlike Eli's question, mine actually involves real things that were named after

her. Well, she was most famous in her time for her investigated journalism, she's most famous today as a person with a lot of weird shit named after her of the following actual things that are named after her, which is the weirdest. Hey, a parlor car only expressed train that's most of remembered for a spectacular wreck that killed 17 people in 1901. B, Nelly blies old-time ice cream parlor in Riverton, New Jersey, mostly noteworthy because they basically misspell every word, but ice in the name there.

Was it C, the Nelly blive kaleidoscope shop in Jerome, Arizona, the world's largest kaleidoscope shop and not because there aren't others apparently. It seems like that would be an easy title to take, right? But uh, or was it D, the round the world with Nelly Bly board game in which players compete to see who could marry the oldest and least healthy millionaire, I think. And I actually look. He was 71. She was like my age.

Uh, I'm going to go with the collitis gopeshop just because I love a world where there's more than one. I want to live in that world. I'm gonna go with the kaleidoscope shop just because I love a world where there's more than one Congratulations Tom our format demands that you're right All right, I want more for you time which of the following is the most popular song on the lady asylum mixtape was it a insane in the membrane? Nice. Was it a cypress ill? Was it B under a vapor moon? Was it C hit me with your for D men straight out of Compton. Yeah. Yeah. And D, it's gotta be D, that's great. It is not D, it is. A, a different one.

In scene in the middle. It's one of the other ones. That was fun, that was fun. That was fun. Well, that's pretty embarrassing. You should all be embarrassed, Heath, you stumped Tom. So both of you guys should be embarrassed. We should be embarrassed because. Heath, you stumped Tom. So both of you guys should be embarrassed. We should be embarrassed because we witnessed the stomping. Anyway, tell us

who's going to walk down the road to tradition next week. Okay. Well, I, I for clever reasons, choose Cecil. Right. With that, I'll talk Cecil. No, that sounds more clever when you say it like that. That's cleverly. Oh, right. With that, I'll talk. Cecil. No, that sounds more clever when you say it like that. Thank you. All right, so with that, I'm going to talk things over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question.

Last week's question was, what is buried on Oak Island? The winner was penis subpoena on Twitter with this answer. A beta-mex copy of the Muppet Babies episode where Scooter gets spinal meningitis. Thanks to everyone who said Jambane Ramsey. This week's question is, if you had to fake being crazy, what one phrase would get you committed? Just retweet or face bookshare this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner.

Thank you, Sarah. Well, for Eli Cecil Tom and Heath, we're gonna call our attorney and get the hell out of this mad house. We'll be back next week's winner. Thank you Sarah. Well, for Eli Cecil Tom and Heath, we're going to call our attorney and get that hell out of this madhouse. We'll be back next week and by then Cecil will be an expert on something else between now and then you can join us at skating a The Scat off of movies in the skeptic rat. You can also listen to more of Tom and Cecil over cognitive dissonance if you haven't already had enough. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out our past episodes, connect with some social media or check the show notes, be sure to check out citation pod.com and remember, if you're high right now, everyone knows and is super mad at you. Ah, nice to finally be alone at home, maybe get some raiding done.

Eli, only shit what happened? I don't want to talk about it, chickens are jerks, they can all be nuggets for all I care. You're just completely covered. I said I don't want to talk about it! No, when I go to furry conventions, I go as a raccoon in blackface called Cracker. I've introduced you to Cracker, like I know I've talked about Cracker. I was a cantilever! I was holding cantileid. I was holding it.

It's that racist whistle. You can hear it. It's making its way through. I'm reccooked. I love that your issue is logistical. I don't even want happy. Okay. All right. I'm coming. All right.

I hope fucking pro. Here we go. you