Citation Needed - New Coke

Episode Date: July 26, 2017

New Coke was the unofficial name for the reformulation of Coca-Cola introduced in April 1985 by The Coca-Cola Company to replace the original formula of its flagship soft drink, Coca-Cola (also called Coke). New Coke originally had no separate name of its own but was simply known as "the new taste of Coca-Cola" until 1992, when it was officially renamed Coke II. Coca-Cola's market share had been steadily losing ground to diet soft drinks and non-cola beverages for many years. Meanwhile, consumers who were purchasing regular colas seemed to prefer the sweeter taste of rival Pepsi-Cola, as Coca-Cola learned in conducting blind taste tests. However, the American public's reaction to the change was negative, even hostile, and the new cola was a major failure. The subsequent, rapid reintroduction of Coke's original formula (which was re-branded as "Coca-Cola Classic" and put back into market within three months of New Coke's debut) resulted in a significant gain in sales. This led to speculation that the introduction of the New Coke formula was just a marketing ploy; however, the company has always maintained it was a genuine attempt to replace the original product.[1] New Coke remains influential as a cautionary tale against tampering too extensively with a well-established and successful brand. It was officially discontinued in July 2002. --- Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details. --- Additional music in this episode: "Chill Wave" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/ licenses/by/3.0/

Hey there guys, welcome to the marketing firm of Zuckerman and BELCOM. Come on in, have a seat, have a seat, drink some of this stuff we paid for that you didn't. Um, what? Thanks. Okay. And a swanky office man. Bit Avenue huh? Yeah, yeah, we pay these rents because we firmly believe in reasonable expenditures of

company funds. Is that why the chair has made a lapis lazily too? You betcha. Now look, I had my top research team look over your citation needed podcast at 600 bucks an hour and they've come up with some very interesting recommendations later when they Google how to grow your podcast. Oh, awesome. So this year is Marcus Bennett Habsburg senior, the third Esquire.

You ever heard of that NASA thing? That was him. Anyway, he's got some suggestions for your show, and I think you just might love him. Hey, guys, I'm Marcus, and I don't really care about your names because I've had sufficient time to show you the quality of my teeth. Anyway, we listen to a number of your episodes and cross references with the standard application programming interface and the CTRs and the COSs with the ABLs like you like your KBI's came up with a great CRO for your CAC. Now hear me out.

Have you considered doing one subject across multiple shows? Oh, huh, like a two-parter? Hmm, we're thinking more like a 12-parter. And instead of, you know, your whole wacky stories from history thing, I love that, I love that, but I hate it. Wherever the hell the theme of your show is supposed to be, you know, your whole wacky stories from history thing, I love that. I love that, but I hate it. Wherever the hell the theme of your show is supposed to be, you chose something emotionally compelling. Say, an unsolved murder that's totally solved.

But you present that evidence in the right order that it won't be obvious until the end. You present that in what we like to call a serial format. Dude, that's just a ripoff of serial. The podcast serial. Yeah, yeah, totally. And what ripoff of cereal, the podcast cereal. Yeah, yeah, totally. And what, do you guys think Adnan did it? He did that allowed to eat as many of these as I want. Like, I can eat them all right now.

Oh, by all means, yeah, no, those are very expensive and thus promote psychological pressure that manifests in a feeling of indebtedness to us later. No, they don't. What, thanks. Okay, don't like that idea. I got it back and forth, little tennis match, little ping pong, Let's get it.

No problem. We're gonna bill you for the infographics anyway. How about this? We go full visual. Bring the whole thing, the podcast to fit on a TV, Scray-Anne. And instead of telling stories and making dick jokes,

you all try to run a hotel together, but you just get it right. Are you with me? Are you with me? That's a stupid, that's a terrible idea. This is fucking stupid, I quit the meeting. I'm in. Yeah.

Are any of you amenable to the idea of becoming a jaunty black astrophysicist? Ah. Yeah, I'm with you. I quit the meeting too. Okay, racist, we got one racist, got it. I'll keep listening until his bullet chalkets is empty, I guess. You can just... you can just have him.

My teeth itch. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed to podcast for re-choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Tom and I'll be pushing you down this knowledge hole, but there's no need to clench up. I've had a long plenty of intellectual loop. First up, two men whose scalps are in perpetual need of a shaft to nestle between them. Eli and Heath.

If only one of the three of us was known for being a giant dick, it wouldn't be a... Oh, no. Oh, me. And regardless of who's dick we're talking about, Nestle sounds a little boring. I feel like that's the wrong, so I want to be an active girl. I know you do, Heath, but you don't get one.

They're also joining us tonight representing 40% of the team and 93% of the hair. Please welcome Noah and Cecil. I feel like you're underestimating Eli's ass crack, but you know what? I'll take that as a compliment to everybody Yeah, regardless of who's ass crack we're talking about nestle still sounds a little boring All right before we get started today I want to take a moment to kiss the asses of all the people that support the show financially

Maybe use little tongue maybe like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Eli, what person plays thing concept phenomenon or event? Will we be talking about today? Today because Noah apparently made a deal with the devil that involved finding a topic to boring to be funny. We'll be talking about a shi- Flater of soda. New Coke. Amazing. Yes. Great. No, you picked this dumb ass topic. Apparently you'd write this entire Wikipedia article before at some point and didn't want to do some new work. So I wrote it to educate us us all even though we don't care. With a vote of confidence like that time,

how could I not be, right? All right, well then with no additional excuses to stall, tell us what is new Coke? It's an old type of Coke. That's why new shouldn't be baked into titles people. It's gonna get old, the vision. It seems shit when they started calling one kind of art modernism, right?

Fucked up all the later generations. It's semantic pedantry, the only reason you wanted to talk about this, like, no. It's the main one. And it would be sufficient despite your tone if it was, dude. Well, can do the grammar class where the Oxford comma can go fuck itself I will stab you

yeah are you serious? no way endorse that needless slander of the superior common placement methodology oh I love those two dots the most I'm on your side I'm on I am on your side oh you need the Oxford guy I don't even know what a regular comma is. Fuck it. This episode's about the Oxford guy. It's really only stupidity.

It's not even close. It's obviously better. It's totally ambiguous if you don't have it. It's a case of whatever. I'm telling you so. Yeah, I mean, because if you make a list and then everyone won't know unless you use spaces and the- Yeah, that's how it works.

Yeah, exactly. Anyway. Anyway, everybody. Why you that's how it works. Yeah, exactly. Anyway. And why you everybody? And why you. My microphone is broken. So new Coke was the name retroactively given to a formula that the Coca-Cola company rolled out for its signature beverage in 1985. And it's mostly remembered today as one of the greatest marketing disasters of all

time. This is basically the cautionary tale that advertising executives tell to their children to scare them into behaving. But as you're gonna learn at the end of the episode, despite its reputation, it was actually a spectacular success albeit in a very unexpected way. It's weird that we don't have any modern marketing disasters.

Like, like, say, dragging a seven-year-old off a plane and returning everyone's tray table to the opposition with his face on the way. Yeah, we all hate old people, but I feel like the United Stock would have done even better if it was a one year old. Yes. It's very bad chance to beat the shit out of a baby and make a profit. That was a big oversight. Oh, what's that? Sound of United Stock bouncing right back up to 80 because nobody actually cares. Oh, yeah

Delicious delicious negligence Delicious All right, so here's the backstory right so this Chinese guy he won't get out of his fucking And when they come back and say get out of your No, we're gonna do a different episode on that one right after your john bane one Ever since soft drinks were a thing I've been advised that that Eli's not allowed to talk about Chinese people or fake Chinese people anymore. So that was actually out. So ever since soft drinks were a thing, Coke was the dominant force in the market.

In fact, the word Coke is second only to okay in terms of universal linguistic recognition. Oddly, sucky, suck, long time is number three. Now, how is that I? Oh, okay, yeah, I don't see anything. Yeah, there we go, there we go. Anyway, in the mid 80s, it seemed like Coke's spot at the top of the soda industry was vulnerable. A quick number to illustrate the point.

Right after World War II, Coke controlled about 60% of the soft drink market. Now, that's not drinks owned by the Coca-Cola company, by the way, that is the one singular flavor, Coke. By 1983, it had dropped from 60% to below 25%. Now, some of that drop off came from people shifting to more healthy stuff as they got older. Some of it was because regional competitions showed up

with companies that could offer more flavors, but the real driver behind those numbers was Coke somehow even more sugary rival Pepsi. And perhaps also switching the formula away from having actual cocaine. Well, that's and affirmative action too. Exactly. By the 80s racism effectively gone. It was black people were getting jobs and buying sodas like fucking crazy.

It was really great. 1983. The year when the answer to is Pepsi okay was yes. No, Pepsi's not okay. And I want you to spit in a glass. I'll tell you what, hustle on back to the quote unquote kitchen and say you can find the world's most popular soda. All right, woman who wears her name on her shirt.

Gray. Oh my god. You're a terrible person. That's not for me. That's for her. You're ashamed to know you. So anyway, like Eli was saying, Pepsi wasn't exactly the new kid on the block or anything. The company actually started in 1893. I'm your eight years after Coke made his debut, but until the 40s, it kind of limped along in and out of bankruptcy until a series of marketing when started in the 50s, which started a road, Coke's near monopoly. This included a lot of niche marketing.

By the way, concerted efforts to reach out to minority markets, for example. So actually, you were right, Heath. And also, the big win for him was the Pepsi challenge. For those of you too young to know this, the Pepsi challenge was like the snap challenge, but with more nutrients. Oh. Yeah, those Jade eggs have pretty much zero nutritional value. It's like a lodge in your throat too. That's what. You can always tell which vagina was using one. It's all yoked up, but we should. Oh, God.

Would you get Gwyneth on the show? You get Gwyneth. Clap them all, I care about this. Thank you. She won't return my emails ever since the incident. The incident. The incident. Nope.

Oh, I set up the whole, nope. Do what they do. No. We learned our lesson last week, Eli. So here's Coca-Cola's board of directors. Look at these trend lines and doing them I think getting really scared, right? For decades, they've watched Pepsi slowly chipping away

at the edges of their business, but now they were getting a huge section of the youth market as well, which is where the soda business lives and dies. In fact, in the early 80s, the only thing making Coca-Cola the top selling soda was the captive pouring rights they had at stadiums and theaters and shit.

Pepsi actually outsold them in both supermarkets and convenience stores. For those of you two young theaters were like big auditoryiums where you watch Netflix with a group of people, but you didn't necessarily chill with them. Not necessarily. No.

If you wanna know what it was like, invite a homeless person into your home to jerk off while you try to watch a movie and pretend he's not doing it. Way ahead of you. Way ahead of you. I keep getting this one backwards and inviting a movie into my home and jerking

off the homeless guys. What do you call the money shop? What's the verb you use for the money shop? There's been a week. Has has a way. How do you Tom? Also, it does now. He hasn't now. So speaking of money shots, that's a terrible segue, but I needed something. So in 1984, the CEO of Coca-Cola, that would be Roberto Guizüeda. Guizüeda, I guess. Anyway, he decides that it's time for some drastic action. Kids are driving the markets,

kids seem to prefer a soda, so sweet you had to literally chew your way through the sugar crystals to drink it. So they said about completely changing what was by most standards, the best selling consumer product of all time. Uh, I'm not sure how this relates to the Assa Akira flesh life. Where you bring that up at a nowhere.

I'll segue back here. We're talking about some of us hid both under our bed. I keep hiding Asa, Kira under my bed, but she gets loose easily. She loose. You know, they lose. You can get the ass for less like two. She's an awesome. I want to know where she held the pen.

Too much prep work, it's too much prep work. Now, I'm just saying there's three different options you can get asked by the Virginie, go ahead. Sorry. You Coke. Speaking of mouths, no, I got a good one for that. Speaking of mouths. Now, at this point, the marketing execs take over and everything predictably goes to shit.

They arm themselves with a bunch of new flavors and they set out the world to determine which people like most and whether people prefer them to shit. They arm themselves with a bunch of new flavors and they set out in the world to determine which people like most and whether people prefer them to the existing Coke flavor. All of this under the secret agentie moniker of Project Kansas. Yeah. And it was all part of a big conspiracy, right?

Are you ready for this? Get your push pins in your and ready. So the Goi's way to family comes from big sugar money in Cuba. And that ties in with Roberto's time at Yale, where he joined the Illuminati and helped with the fluoridated water scheme by promoting tooth decay. Most people don't know. Info wars.

Right. You're welcome, sheeple. She didn't have to know. You know it's work for him all the time. Get woke, everybody. Pay attention. Watch a meme, Jesus. Right.

The whole meme. Ultimately, there were three prongs to their market really research. Yeah, taste tests, surveys, and focus groups. Now, the sweeter formula performed significantly better in the taste tests, surveys, and focus groups. Now, the sweeter formula performed significantly better in the taste tests. First sit bias, read a fucking book. Well, preferably one written about this marketing effort and then sent back in time.

Yeah. Also, Malcolm Gladwell can make a time machine. I don't know. That's also the blink of an eye. Oh, this title was blink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Garrison Keeler. Also the blink of an eye Oh, it was blink All right garrison killer so nice Five million dollars call back Million eyes running right down my chin. It's fine right down my chin. I'll bring it back up. I'll bring it back up

And it's five million dollars $5 million. So I got to switch right back from swallowing garrison healers sperm to new coke and it's so easy and I can't do it. It's never as different and easier transition to make. The only time anyone's ever swallowed new coke. Spraying on your chest. All right, so they have these taste tests. Also, the marketing concepts seem to do really well in surveys, but there were some hints of the disaster to come in their focus groups.

Something like one in 10 group participants reported feeling angry and alienated and the thought of completely changing the flavor of coke. And they said they'd probably quit drinking it all together. Wait, angry and alienated? Yeah. the changing the flavor of coke and they said they'd probably quit drinking it all the gather. Wait, angry and alienated? Yeah. So an oddly emotional reaction to soda news. That's just weird people.

Like who the fuck stops what they're doing for two hours in the middle of the day to a focus group in a mall. Crazy. It's a bad thing. It's just bad. It's a bad word. No, it was weird people, but it wasn's a bad sample. That's just bad. It's a bad group. No, it was weird people, but it wasn't a bad sample because it turned out that translated.

We'll get there. Now, the one in 10 might seem kind of low, but you have to keep in mind that only like one in four people were actually buying their product to begin with. So this should have been a huge red flag for them. But because it was a small minority in the data, it was only shown up in focus groups, not in the taste test or the service, the marketing execs ignored it.

So just for clarity, it's not doing a menstrual show and seizium dust, but the theme of this show about being stupid people who got what they deserve stands. I'm just saying it stands. Robert in. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no spin-off show is doing well. Now, they did consider the idea of just launching this as a separate soft drink to compete more directly with Pepsi, but they ultimately decided that they wind up cannibalizing their own sales. So they ditched that. Wait, wait, okay, okay, hold on. So they still sell stuff, right? I mean, if I make a dollar and I put it in my back pocket, my front pocket isn't bitching

about it, right? But no way, I'm confused because when I make a dollar, I get 42 cents in my right pocket. That was because of a 20 year bad deal. Well, speaking of Coke money and one dollar bills, Cecil's actually a really talented exotic dancer. Seasol's actually a really talented exotic dancer. It's true story. Everybody knows that. Yeah.

I can make the tassels go opposite ways. I know what I want for my birthday. Yes. He actually, he goes by the talented Mr. Stryply. That's very good. So I want to kill myself for my birthday. Two, two. So to address your point, Cecil, but not in the way that Eli wants to, if you spend

marketing dollars to move the dollar from one pocket to the other, there is something to bitch about here, right? Plus the bottles were already complaining about the new cherry coke flavor that they were going to be rolling out in 1985 and they feared that adding too many new flavors in a short period was going to piss off the people that actually got their product to their customers. People who by the way were already suing them over the company's surrup pricing policies. The bottlers union is surprisingly intimidated. Like there's so many impromptu knives laying about everywhere.

Don't fuck with those guys. So co-glet's the media know on April 19th of 1985 that they have a major announcement for the following Tuesday. And while they didn't say specifically what they were doing, the wording of the press released made it pretty obvious. Now, for their part, Pepsi publicly celebrated the move as proof that Coke was surrendering in the ongoing Cola Wars. And they even went so far as to declare a company wide holiday in honor of this momentous

achievement. Just everyone at Pepsi headquarters firing AK-47s in the air doing lines of blows, sticking their dicks and coke machines they rented. And then they celebrated when they were done with that. They celebrate. The average day at Pepsi. No, that's a Tari had quarters actually if we're in the 80s. So the day that Coke was set to make their announcement, Pepsi even went so far as taking out a full page ad in the New York Times to let everyone know that Coke was not, in fact, the real thing. Oh, for those of you too young to know this, a New York Times full page ad was the equivalent

of two Donald Trump tweets or like one Chloe Kardashian Instagram. Right. Uh, at 7 a.m. and easy to jerk off to who jerks off at 7 a.m. Way ahead of you, Tom. People who wake up at 6.59. Yeah. Come on. Crossfitters. I should.

Weird. Muscley people who don't read books. Call us. It just hurts. I'm call themselves coach. Now, I should say behind the scenes here, Pepsi was actually scared as hell. They were certain that this move was going to reverse decades against form. So they made a concerted effort to ensure that the rollout went poorly, but as it happened, the CEO was not going to need any insistence in fucking up this rollout. Since the adjectives he used at the big press release to describe the new flavor included rounder and harmonious. What? I suppose the original formula, which was more elliptical and dissonant.

He overest. as opposed to the original formula, which was more elliptical and dissonant. He overrides. Of course, he only there up against the jagged, contrappuntoflame of Pepsi with its rhomboid flutter of terraform. What? What? What? What?

What? What? No one. Did you work in Coca-Cola before you did this podcast? You have to disclose this stuff. No one to tell us. My words always mean this stuff. I mean for them to anyway. So to be clear, I wouldn't know. On one end, the rollout could not have been any more successful.

Marching research after the fact show that 80% of the American public was aware of the change within a couple of days. For comparison, that's significantly more than the number of Americans who can correctly identify the country we won our independence from. Yeah, it's England. It's America. China.

The biggest loser. The Confederacy. So of course, knowing that the formula had changed and buying it, those are two completely different things. And judging by Goi's way, those comments at the press conference, that would have come as news to him. When asked if the company had plans to change the formula for Diet Coke, if the news formula was successful, he pushed back against that bullshit, if qualifier and respond and quote,

I didn't assume this is a success. This is a success. And quote, all right. Well, I guess this is our last chance to is a success." And quote, all right, well, I guess this is our last chance to take a break while that guy's still employed. So on that note, we're gonna cue the interstitial music for Arapoe of nothing. Hey there, you love sex? Yeah, yeah, sex is pretty great. Well, how about something different?

Okay, like what? you're talking about? So we added more dick. Oh, dick. Wait, wait, what? More dick. One coming right out of your mouth. Out of your mouth. Uh, get that thing away from my face.

It's comfortable. Or out of your ass. Robots. No, again, a dick coming out of your ass. Robots! No, again, a dick coming out of my mouth or ass is not gonna make sex better. That's not all. We've also added more sweat.

BOOM! Dude, that sounds horrible. Now you'll have twice the dick. And all the sweat in one package. That's three packages. Are you sure you're marketing this to the right audience? Like it. Try new sex in stores now. New sex. I'll have a sex classic.

And we're back. When we last left off the storing, which seems like far too grandiose term for this, this consecutive series of words. Let's go with that. That's more accurate. Sintilating. It's just a great topic. Cokid just announced their new formula and their CEO was hard at work.

Counting his unhatched chickens like our Patreon dollars. So Noah. Very unhatched. Not even just stated. So Noah, when did this all go wrong? Well, it was all wrong from the start, but it took a little while for the Coca-Cola people to realize it. In the immediate aftermath of the announcement, Coke sales shot up 8% over the previous year. Now, they took that as a huge success without stopping to consider that virtually all of those sales represented people trying the new product for the first time like citation needed 8% growth. It's a rocket.

Fucking rock. Shit people. No, I'm early indicators. Now early indicators on the acceptance front looked at least kind of good. The marketeers brag that the majority of coke buyers actually liked the new taste without fully considering the fact that before the change, all of coke buyers liked the taste. Well, none. Are you saying they bought it just for the taste of it? Oh, they say they like the taste, but they're just being polite about it.

You know, for those who are confused just for the taste of it was a slogan back when commercials were not nightmare hellscapes. They were not. They were not. They were not. Hellscapes. We just, we just actually watched them back then. It's good they start Cindy Crawford back.

She's dead now, right? David Copperfield gave her AIDS. That's just true. That's just me. That's just... Ask Andrew. So the key here though is, despite what the marketers were trying to tell the CEOs and what not, 75% of your customers thinking your product still doesn't suck is not a victory.

Yeah, but admittedly, that's way better than we do with presidents. No, that's true. Yeah, in politics, that's a win. At least one person during the Clinton presidency liked the taste. Presumably. And that was a manly, garrison key. Oh, garrison key. Five million dollars. $5 million. I'd keep it in my beard for a week. Jesus. I'd style my hair with it. I'm just saying.

I hope Garrison Keeler's sperm becomes a regular guest on this show. So what happens next year is that the average American gets a hold of this thing. The stalwart Coke supporter turn on them and I hear my dad say fuck for the very first time. And the second time, I believe is exact quote, as I recall it upon first tasting the new formula was, if I wanted a fucking Pepsi, I'd bought a fucking Pepsi. He then, by the way, it's a little side note. He offered me some. He says, you want to try some, but I didn't,

because he had just had to resort to HBO where to describe it and I'm not a fucking idiot. Right? It's like when you're trying to get some of that angry argument sex, so you keep it going. No, nevermind, it's about that bad example. You guys have to hold on. Hold on, Never mind. It's about that bad example. You guys. Hold on. Hold on. He's a bad example. What angry argument sex?

I'm willing to argue about this. He's I will argue you so hard. You guys get argument sex. You know, my wife doesn't do when she's mad at me. Fuck me. Nobody in the history. This is the thing. I can't imagine when the history of ever just being like, yeah, now that you've said that about my mom, let's get it on! You might want to try turning the tables and fuck your wife. Instead of waiting for her to fuck you.

Oh, look at me. You clearly don't have the body physique of any of my boss neck. I can do a sit-up. I can fuck them on their place. So the bulk of the resistance to the new Coke formula came out of the South, which is where Coca-Cola was born, with a number of angry letter writers describing the flavor change as I'm not making this up, it's in the Wikipedia article,

the worst thing to happen to the South since they lost the Civil War. Jesus Christ. And I honestly don't know the most disturbing aspect of that comparison. I can think of at least four contenders. Fucking the southerners. They should have just painted the Dixie flag on the can. Those surrender monkeys would have fucked it. Kendall Jenner walks up to Robert E. Lee, hands him a Pepsi, a new Coke turns around.

Okay, black people, you're free. We're done here. Not you, Caitlin. Not yet. Yeah. Of course, I don't want to leave anybody with the impression that hating new Coke was like a regional thing here. The most vocal outrage was concentrated in the South, but it quickly became something the

entire country could get on board with. We used to have those things. Entire country agreed on shit. It was amazing. It all, it was shit like the flavor of Coke, but it was something. In all, the company received more than 40,000 calls and letters from disappointed customers. At the peak of the shit, the company hotline was receiving over 1,500 calls a day. That's almost four times the normal rate.

And according to a psychiatrist that Coke hired to listen in on the calls, people quote, sounded as if they were discussing the death of a family member. And quote, if you're describing the change in a recipe of a soft drink, like the death of a family member, I'm fucking flabbergasted.

You could limit the number of buttons pressed at one time to one with your fat fucking fingers. You gotta have a fucking beaver tape. I'll put a hand in that. We dial back in and still sometimes. Your fingers are too fat to obtain a dialing one. I'm not surprised. The people in Georgia were pretty much all Homer Simpson with a bit more. John Dis. But I got a little bit of Homer Simpson.

Yeah, yeah. Talking up guys, you guys all have so much to live for. You're not that worried about the Coke flavor. Show off. All right. Sporting things. I'm with you. I'm with you time.

I can't. So the new flavor quickly became a standard punchline for late night I'm with you. I'm with you, Tom. I can't. So the new flavor quickly became a standard punchline for late night comedians. Ads for New Coke were being booed when they played at major sports arenas. Even Fidel Castro got into the action, describing the taste as a sign of American capitalist decadence. Now, what's going to be out by the way to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going And like in the back of my mouth, I don't even know how to describe it.

It does smell so many cigars just to cover the smell. It's not worth it. It's not classical. Well, these people, what they're shag of our shirts on, they're spiking the coke on the ground. So the calls to reintroduce the classic formula came almost immediately. In fact, a Seattle retiree named gay Mullins. Most Seattle of names. Anyway, so gay Mullins borrowed almost an eighth of a million dollars to start the old Cola drinkers of America organization for the express purpose of getting old Coke back. This happened on May 28th, one month in five days after

the initial launch. He even went as far as filing a class action lawsuit, which classic action. He was got nothing on you. Now, and I should say at least the lawsuit was literally laughed out by a judge who said in his ruling that he preferred Pepsi. So fucking Scalia. Okay. Scalia always struck me as a mountain do man, you know, the official soda of racist. So, Goisway to though was undeterred even when international biolers started to push back against the schedule changes in their markets. In fact, he went so far as to blame the customers for not being smart enough to know they

liked the new taste better. He said that bashing the new flavor had become chic and pure pressure was keeping the silent majority who loved his idea from speaking up. Come on, all the cool kids aren't trying it. Just stirring up a controversy to get more drinkers, fucking amateur. I just love that we can all rally around hating stuff again. It just feels a merit. Right.

We need to make this country great again as what we need. So it wasn't until the sale started to level off and national protests of people pouring bottles out in the street, starting making it into local papers that coca-cola started seriously considering reintroducing the old formula it's probably worth noting that among the groups applying the most pressure were their bottleers many of them were already suing them even before this debacle after the switch numerous bylers complain that they were suffering personal appropriate from the corporations decision with many of them the reporting that their friends would now refuse to speak with them. Just, uh, Hey, man, uh, you're taking this soda thing too seriously.

You know, I love you in double C. Don't do this. Come on. You're taking C. So, Cokes intention to revert to the old formula was announced on July 11th, less than three months after the change was first announced. This was such big news that television networks caught into regularly scheduled programming to announce it. Like fuck, fuck mid episode of days of our life. In fact, I can show Senator David Pryor took to the floor of the Senate to dub this quote, a meaningful moment in

US history. End quote. I love this little detail too. The first case of the reintroduced classic formula was given to gay Mullins. That's good marketing. Now, I have a question about that. I would have called gay Mullins once a week for the rest of my life. If I was a coach of color, you're still drinking, you're still drinking, you

like it, because you called us and you sued us and you got a eighth of a million dollars together, making sure you had a cup today, gay, just making sure you enjoyed the flavor you're like. So new co-glingered on store shelves for seven years, despite the fact that virtually nobody was drinking it. No, not after sitting it around for seven years. So, however, I should note, the reintroduced classic formula sold with unparalleled success.

In fact, six months after the mulligan rollout, classic coke was selling it more than twice the rate of Pepsi. Now, that has led a number of marketing researchers to dub this the most successful failure in advertising history as it permanently reversed Pepsi's creeping market share. Speaking of which, check out the new citation needed and we're back. Citation needed classic. To be fair, a lot of people have pointed to the introduction of cherry coke, which

happened at about the same time as the classic coke rollout as a far more significant factor in the company's success. But there's nothing like consensus on this fact. For his part, though, Goisewayde had never admitted that he'd made a mistake, and even through a 10th anniversary party for New Coke in 1995, in fact, he continued to drink it until his death in 1997, which was not related to New Coke in 1995. In fact, he continued to drink it and tell his death in 1997, which was not related to New Coke. What a sad image. Some guy just loudly announcing it in the bar. No, New Coke. I love that

stuff. Always thought people were wrong about it. Ah, always thought. They were right. Am I right? This guy knows, this guy doesn't know he was just, he just had a pee. No, no, no. Day after day he sits there saying that, a little known fact, too,

that guy donated his body to science. They're still carving them up and putting them in coke overnight to see which pieces dissolve. Spoiler, spoiler, it's all the pieces. Yeah, it's all of them. They're done now. Yeah. Now in a commendable effort to put a positive spin on this catastrophe, marketing VP Sergio Zimins said a new coke quote, yes, it infuriated the public, cost us a ton of money

and lasted for only 77 days before we introduced, reintroduced Coca-Cola classic. Hard to believe that there's a butt coming, but there is still new Coke was a success because it revitalized the brand and reattached the public to Coke and quote, it's like pouring honey on your dick for a few months and I'm washing it off. There he's like, you're lady friends, super happy with the classic D. I would have thrown an interesting side note to this whole thing. Something interesting in this thing.

Yeah, can you believe it? I saved it for the very end. So as a result of this fiasco, Bill Cosby ended his advertising contract with Coke, saying that his endorsement of new Coke had hurt his credibility. Oh, really? Yeah. In an effort to rebuild that credibility, I suppose he went on to star in ghost dad and rape a lot of women.

Oh, Jesus. The worst. I hated ghost dad. And meanwhile Pepsi was using Michael Jackson as a spokesman for the next decade. Yeah, right. Who was supposed to win? It's like raping apples and baby oranges. How does the math work? I don't know how we say he did worse.

Michael Jackson had a lot of fractions. So If you had to summarize what you've learned it one sentence. I'm moving on. See slide moving on. No, we can't get it. I'm learning to edit and editing you out. That's what's happening. See, so you've made me uncomfortable. Do you have a computer I can borrow? He's only allowed to use a tablet. All right, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? Bill Cosby is a rapist. I'm stupid.

Oh, you meant about new coke. I said, no, I'm sticking with that. I'm sticking with that. I didn't care about new coke. I still don't have the money. This great topic. Great topic. Are you ready for the quiz? I am sure.

All right, let me go first here. There have been a lot of marketing disasters. Which one comes in second to the New Coke debacle? A, this is your brain on drugs because it made high people hungry for an omelet. It did. B, the AIDS diet candy, which was actually filled with hepatitis C. That's real.

It's a really awesome AIDS. See, the Snickers campaign grabbed some nuts, which featured a commercial where Mr. T removes someone's testicles with his bare hands or D, the citation needed his rollout plan. All right, well, like Robert Guiserra, I'm way too involved in D to pick that one. And I do recall getting hungry during those. I'm going to go with A, the, your brain on drugs. It is true. That's the second one. Yeah, we didn't stop doing drugs in the 80s.

So I just ate a bunch of fucking eggs. All right. No, I got one for you too. So as we all know, the best version of New Coke is called crack. And their marketing team was killing it in 1985. team was killing it in 1985. The CIA. Which of the following was there, best slogan? Was it A, crack? Twelve ounces is a mandatory minimum in the can. Is it B, crack, do you smell what the rock is cooking?

Is it C, open your crack open happy Or is it D crack I don't follow up I'm selling crack All right, so I think you're trying to tempt me with D because that's definitely the one I remember from 85. But um, but I feel like the best one. It was Garrison killer's favorite. That was C. Open your crack.

Open half. That is correct. All right, guys. My question is a little personal and simple. True or false? The host did not properly prepare for this episode. Hey true. B, true or C, true or D impossibly not true.

Impossible not false. I didn't prepare for your quick. I read my question wrong. All right. I'm going to go with E then because you have no fucking clue. All right, I'm gonna go with E then because you have no fucking clue. All right, so it's obvious we're taking a page out of Coca-Cola's book and the time has come for us to roll out a new terrible version of all of our shows to make people appreciate the old ones and especially this one.

So what's it gonna be? A, the bathing atheist, same show. Now recorded in the hot tub. That's a great idea in your show. Second vote. That's a great idea. I like it. Cognitive impairment.

I'll let you all fill in the blanks there. C, what would I like? I like the awful blue bees. I'm correcting all your spelling as the ass. Right. It's every. See every life. God awful boobies. Correcting all your spelling as the ass. Right. It's every. See every life.

Every life. Every life. See God awful boobies just us criticize the kids. It's just a silent podcast, right? Yeah, right. It's just a three of them like, have you guys seen any of you guys?

I hear really good things. Nobody's. Can you touch them too? Did they? And D, the sex with that, a political wrap up of which political figures we'd fuck. Just a big list of Elizabeth Warren. Yeah. Yeah, I was just going to be a 12-part Ronald Elizabeth Warren and then we'd run out of shit, but that didn't stop cereal from being super successful.

So I'm going to go with D, the sex with that. Ooh, I think that one's wrong. It is, yes, that's the final of the last person is the one who's... It's cognitive impairment, which is... You can't, you can't, you can't, you can't. I don't wanna say it. So you say you didn't completely prepare

for this one, huh, Tom? Oh no, no, I, I don't want to say it. You say you didn't completely prepare for this one, huh? Todd. Oh no, no, I prepared. I just, I rode out the line and then I was like, no, he's going to cut it anyways. So I'm going to fix it home, realize that that show and what it is. And then it would be hilarious. All right, well, you were the first to stump our experts. So you'll be taking over in this chair next week. Don't worry. I'll leave it warm and wet for you.

So who do you nominate to do all the real work? I'm going to go with you because you did such a great job this week. And I can't tell if that's asked sweater P without sniffing it. I don't. if that's S-Wedder P without significant harm. So either way, I don't. I should be calling it. I choose one. I get both choices. It's a big chair.

All right. And before we close things off, pass things on a Sarah to read the answer to last week's Twitter question. Thanks Tom. Last week's Twitter assignment was to write a high coup about the Donner party. This week we had so many great submissions we chose to. The first is Travis Welpley or at Solid Zaku on Twitter. Party in shambles. Eating each other?

Donners? No. Republicans. And Georgia Peach at GTPch on Twitter. Let's take this shortcut. Oh God, we're all gonna die. This arm needs more sauce. Thanks for playing along.

This week's question is, make any product better by adding new to the title in one ingredient. Tell us the product ingredient in why it's better. Retweet or Facebook share this episode with your answer and you could be next week's winner. Back to you, Tom. All right, well, for Cecil, Eli Heath, and and Noah I'm Tom, thank you for hanging out with us today.

We'll be back next week and by then I'll be next to putting something else. Between now and then you can hear more from Cecil and me on the Cognitive Disnance podcast every Monday. You can also hear more from Noah, Heath, and Eli on the Scandinotheics. Got all from movies and the Skeptocrat because none of them ever shut the fuck up. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod, or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes,

connect to us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out citation pod.com. Optional sign off. dot com optional sign off ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's three packages. Are you? Sorry. I'm sorry. That's so bad. Sorry. I'm sorry. About penises.

Okay, I got it.