Citation Needed - Terrible Reality Television

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Reality television is a genre of television programming that documents purportedly unscripted real-life situations, often starring unfamiliar people rather than professional actors. Reality television emerged as a distinct genre in the early 1990s with shows such as The Real World, then achieved prominence in the early 2000s with the success of the series Survivor, Idols, and Big Brother, all of which became global franchises.[1] Reality television shows tend to be interspersed with "confessionals", short interview segments in which cast members reflect on or provide context for the events being depicted on-screen; this is most commonly seen in American reality television. Competition-based reality shows typically feature the gradual elimination of participants, either by a panel of judges, by the viewership of the show, or by the contestants themselves.

Like the rocket flashback stuff was sad, but the movie made no sense. Thank you. I feel like a crazy person. Everybody was raving about it. Also, how many more super teams do we have to break up? Exactly. Right, I'm waiting on fucking Moon Knight at this point. Season. No, finally, you're here. Okay, we need to make an alliance, like right now. No. No, no. Listen, Tom is going to vote himself into safety at the Puma tonight.

And if you guys are on board, he's going to have a weekly skip two weeks in a row. He'll say, what the hell are you talking about? We know it said that he didn't know what Eli was talking about. That's when I knew I was going to get away with this. Scott, free. Tom, who are you talking to? And what the hell was that noise? Oh, that?

Getting to that. Yeah, it's the drama noise. Okay, first of all, it's called a bowed symbol. And second, I know what this is. You do? Damn it! Yes, Eli's essay this week is on terrible reality TV show. So they're doing like a reality TV show thing.

Oh, got it. So are you guys in on this truce or not? I need to know like right away. Is the wool dash from Missile Inn? Nah, he got voted out last week for making Heath forget numbers. Right. Got it. This is my least favorite place we've ever been and sometimes we die in these. Yeah, no, that's fair.

We do. Hello and welcome to a citation needed, the podcast where we choose a subject three to single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because it's the internet and that's how it works now. I have no illusions and in the classic reality show style I'll be almost entirely superfluous as a host But the real star should be my panels and judges a survivor America's top chef and the biggest loser Tom Cecil and Eli Survivor well he thought that I'd be stressed without you, but I'm chilling I can

What you got I can make a better fucking grilled cheese and Gordon Ramsay he burns the fucking grilled cheese man And no it usually introduces me that way to new people. It just works. Yeah. Yeah. And before we get started, I want to take a second to thank our patrons listeners. If more of you were patrons of the show, we wouldn't have had to supplement our income

by renting Heath out to Indonesian cage fighting syndicates. He still would have done that, but we wouldn't have had to, right? It would have been my choice. He's been like, he's got such long arms. He can separate those guys and they can't swing. They can't swing at all. Anyway, if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show with that out of the way. Tell us, so what person plays thing concept phenomenon or event?

We'll be talking about today. Terrible reality television shows. All right, Eli, you've dubbed your subject's terrible reality television shows. All right, Eli, you've dubbed your subject's terrible reality television shows, as though there's some other kind of reality television shows. Are you ready to show us the worst of the worst? It was this or gamer gate no illusions. Okay, you know what, fair enough. Yeah.

So before we begin, I want to thank Tik Toker, Joey Engelman, whose weird TV shows playlist was the inspiration and not gonna lie, a lot of the content for this episode. So thank you to Joey. You couldn't bother to Google your own bad reality TV. At least I'm here, Mr. Two Week vacation. I got fired. Not from here, you didn't. I will. I will wear you like a hat. You like us. All right, let's begin with a show. Sure to make Heath regret missing the episode. 2016's dogs might fly.

This six part series documented a nationwide search to find an extraordinary rescue dog that could be taught to fly an airplane. What? 12 dogs from British rescue shelters were selected based on their personalities and potential. After 10 weeks of training, three of the highest performing canines were selected to go on to play school. And then at last, one pooch was given the challenge of flying an airplane. I love the confidence in that title. Dogs might fly followed by perhaps America's next top model.

Well, obviously they should have recruited airbud. It's right there in the net. Obviously. Now, to be fair, each of the dogs did have a trainer there to give them commands. And those trainers were licensed pilots in case something went wrong. But the trainers ended up interfering surprisingly little and the winning pooch really did fly a plane for like a long time. Like I really recommend you watch the clip.

He flies the plane by himself for a while. Also as I said, this show premiered in 2016. So this isn't anywhere close to the dumbest thing we put an animal in charge of that year. No, that's fair. That's fair. I will save you the Google listeners. No, they did not put the dog in a World War I style leather helmet with the goggles like Snoopy.

So yeah, no, it's hard to say these producers were even trying really. Okay. Well, next you're going to tell me they didn't give them like little yellow birds named Woodstock as their wingman either. Do you want to lose to the red baron because this is how we lose to the red baron people. I'm very old. That's a very old reference. You know, so I was also referencing that time. Yeah. Now, a lot of people wonder where the current reality TV craze came from, you know, in case they ever get to make two trips in a time machine,

and baby Hitler is relatively easy to kill. He's pretty sure. Well, a lot of people would say, like, real world or big brother, because of chronology, I would say spiritually, the origin of it all was American Idol. Yeah, but you're wrong as just a matter of historical record, because that came out in 2000. Real world had been out 10 years and spirits don't exist.

I'm sorry. Yeah, no, that's fair. That's fair. So this alleged singing competition was supposed to find some low-lock nobody and bring them to a superstar. But what producers soon realized is that audiences tuned in for the losers. Terrible singers like William Hung broke television records while finale slumped with each growing season.

So it's inevitable that the demons that make our TV would attempt to show of nothing but losers. Enter 2004's superstar USA, a show that without telling them has the long bad singers to the next round while eliminating the talent it. Wow. So, country music. I like that Eli's world eventually is two years later. That is how long it takes.

Yeah, to take long. It's very long and TV time. Very long time. Very long. Now like American Idol superstar USA had a live finale in front of a live studio audience who were, of course, aware of the show. Jesus Christ.

So how did the producers keep the audience from ruining the surprise? Let's go to Wikipedia because otherwise, there's no fucking way you will believe what I am about to say. Quote, one producer, worried that the live audience members would be unable to respectfully compose themselves during the final performances, falsely informed them that the singers were all terminally ill young people who were having a wish filled by a charitable law. This is a lot right now. Wow. The Los Angeles Times reported that the said organization as the Make a Wish Foundation,

which later received an apology from the WB. In an interview with USA Today, executive producer Mike Fleiss straightened out the details, quote, first of all, it was me, but I did not say make a wish. I said, who's heard of the one wish foundation? People raise their hands.

There is no one wish foundation. It was a prank on top of a prank. It was the only way to get it to work. It was the real world. It's like a mish foundation. Jesus Christ, I will say though, my kingdom for Eli to have been in that audience that would not have no. Exactly. 100% chance that if I'd been in that audience, I would be being consoled with two armed hugs while I silently sobbed with laughter.

Two armed hugs. Yes, exactly. So in the end, when the winner, Jamie was crowned to the biggest loser, she took it pretty well. So it probably didn't hurt that they gave her $50,000 in prize money and then another $50,000 to produce her record and prove them wrong. She's, she never made that record, but she did keep the money. I like that the second worst person got nothing except knowing that they suck real bad. Yeah, right. Okay, but Cecil, the first guy you got eliminated, he had a real good day when he found out like a lot of him, right?

I'm just a lot of ups and downs. You can't talk about reality TV without its subgenre, love, exploitation, shows like the bachelor, the bachelor ret, the bachelor in paradise, the golden bachelor and go ahead and destroy us aliens. We all very obviously deserve it. Is golden bachelor a lot of peace stuff? I don't think they should tell me. It sure is. And you're right. No, you're right. No, you're a certain age, whether you want to or not, it's all. It's all peace stuff. it's all piece of,

you might think the weirdest show in that genre would be something like, flavor of love, where contestants vied for the heart of flavor, flavor and someone's shot on the floor in the first episode of the first season. Or Joe Millionaire, where contestants tried to charm a millionaire who was secretly broke,

but I'm gonna give it to I want to marry Harry, a dating show where contestants vined for the heart of a guy that producers told them was Prince Harry. To me. To me. I would have went out, this would have been less embarrassing for the royal family

than the actual story of how his nuptials would play. Oh, shit. Sure. Yeah. Also a lookalike of Prince Harry is just a spare spare. Oh, nice. Well done. Now, I should point out that the producers of the show claim that they never told the

contestants that their lookalike was Prince Harry. They just provided him with a security detail, dressed him like Prince Harry, and held most of the contest in various castles around Britain. Oh, and the lookalike absolutely told at least one of the women on camera that he was Prince Harry. They also hired a fake therapist for the contestants who told them that if they were having doubts, they were being paranoid and hurting their chances.

What? What? And if that didn't work, they just like flooded their suites with gas light. So, yeah. Yeah, I feel like this producer and the guy that gave enough acid to an elephant to kill it, should get together in the rainstorm.

Yeah, exactly. Whatever it is, I thought that would be extremely dangerous, Cecil. Yeah, similar mindset. So the show was canceled after four episodes, but it's winner insisted that there were no hard feelings and that she was still in touch with the look like nine months after the show was canceled after four episodes, but it's winner insisted that there were no hard feelings and that she was still in touch with the look like nine months after the show aired.

It also helped that they gave her a bunch of money. Yup, gave her a bunch of money. One more love exploitation show before we move on. Two thousands who wants to marry a multi-millionaire. In who wants to marry a multi-millionaire, 50 women competed to be the bride of an unknown millionaire seen only in shadow throughout the contest. Like the banker from Deal or No Deal, but he's gonna fuck you.

Right. Right. When it was down to five contestants, the multi-millionaire revealed himself to be motivational speaker Rick Rockwell, who I have pacedaced a picture of in our notes and who you podcastless nerd should absolutely Google with the safe search on if you know what's good for you. He looks like Henry Rollins over committing to a Bella Lagosian impression. I really is. But going to surprise him.

I really is. But going to love the cold. But the surprises just kept coming when Rockwell revealed himself rather than the rest of the show, he just picked a lady. No questions. No dates. He just went, you and then they got married on a stage and that was the end. It's like Mr. Birds picking the cow he's going to eat. I'll take

this lightly on lady right here. Yeah. See, it's a little weird. They hurt it or through the shoot towards him. I'm just like a little Robin notes, you know, he's holding that thing that that guy from no country from old men is helping. Yeah. But the hits kept coming. See, Rockwell had claimed to producers to be a successful real estate broker and motivational speaker What when investigators look into it the only house he seemed to own What's his own and none of the companies he claimed to have worked for had ever heard of Why oh, it's so so there's said rather going like okay guys here hear me out now What if we like on this new show what if we just lied to our cell?

The couple divorced a few days after marriage, Rick started a standup career. And the bride appeared on an episode of celebrity boxing. Yeah, look, oh, sorry. It's hard to feel like someone's been exploited when they keep raising their hands. You know, sure does Tom. Sure does when they keep raising their hands, you know? Sure does Tom. Sure does. Now at this point, you're probably thinking to yourself, wow, Eli, dogs, people who can't sing, women looking for love, the reality TV punch any lower, and the answer is yes. Specifically, children with a show called Boys and Girls Alone, a four-part British miniseries featuring 20 children between eight and 11 years old,

living without adults in a pair of villages, one for each sex. They had this 40 years ago. It's called Gen X, Eli. Yeah. It's the Lachkey kids. Yeah. So when the trailer for the show premiered, which featured children fighting, smoking cigarettes, and killing a chicken with their bare hands, people were outraged and child services were called. Now the show producers tried to explain that there were adults to step in if necessary and that they were giving the kids food and the ability to bathe, but child services was like, hey, that's great. Would you like to go to fucking jail?

So change is made before the final episode and the series was shortened. Yeah, don't get me wrong. I think it's good that our childhood is illegal now. It just still feels weird, right? Hey, listen, forgive my cynicism Eli, but how does shortening the series help if the outrage had already occurred based on footage of shit that had happened?

Like, does that mean the final episode was just full on Lord of the Flies script at that point? Yeah. Yeah. They actually use Lord of the Flies to describe the show in the trailer. So it's fitting. But Eli, you say, how can there be more to this episode?

Haven't we already stooped to children? What's left? The unborn? Yes, joke I just made. That is rare. The learning channels 2015 game show labor games comes in. What? Which gave couples in the delivery room. Yes, no illusions gave couples in the delivery room. The chance to win cash and fabulous prizes for their baby, including a $10,000 college fund,

while giving birth to them. Okay, yes. I would watch this is great. Sure. The show only ran two episodes, but the creator stands by it, saying on Twitter of the show, quote, it's a cute show. And there are babies. Well, yeah, but the gross fresh out of the package was the raisin. I think the conehead ring toss game never really took off like I expected.

Speaking of parenting, have you ever wanted your parenting to be called into question for the enumerated masses? Well, then you should start a podcast called Daryl that. But if you don't think you could stomach the auto ads, you should appear on 2007's honey we're killing the kids. Oh, yeah, that one got a local reboot during the pandemic. I remember that. Sure, for sure.

Honey, we're killing the kids is what's known as a family makeover show like 99, 1, 1 house swap and hoarders where rich television producers go into the houses of poor people and they're like, hey, don't you know that being poor is bad for you? And then Cecil's family are like, are you gonna use any of the resources you acquire from this show to help us? And the producers are like, nope,

no fuck yourself, Oliver. That's the job, right? That's fine. That's what my dad's job in the government said too. So we're just more exactly. Yeah. Anyways, honey, we're killing the kids. Was that without all the decorum and the facts?

The show would follow a family around for a week with a usual reality show flair, dramatic moments, staged arguments, et cetera. But then it got fucking weird. See, at the end of the show, the parents we brought into a fucking danger room, You got to Google this. It's like a danger room is all white where their bad parenting choices were shown to them. Jesus Christ.

Along with computer-enhanced pictures of their children reflecting the consequences into their futures. Now, the show was widely criticized for spreading untrue and harmful information about obesity and diet, telling one set of parents that letting their son drink juice would lead to baldness and obesity. Okay, but Eli, there is a deep irony hearing this from the mango nectar guy. I just said they're not directly, they didn't do my family. Another family was told that their six-year-old daughter's bookish nature would lead to a lonely life and

Enemia what? CGI bald spots and pimples were added onto these kids pictures This CGI anemias So wait they turned the fears that Eli falls asleep to into a TV show. Yes, so literally yes. Oh my God. So wait, so wait, they turned the fears that Eli falls asleep to into a TV show. Yes, correct. I can see why it was controversial. I can see what people didn't want to look at that. Yeah. So I'm getting bummed out by my own essay. So let's switch to some lighter fair where the only person to pity is the human condition. I'm talking of course about the 2010 television show Donald Trump presents the ultimate merger in which 12 men tiny hands selected by Donald Trump competed for the love

of two-time apprentice loser, Amarosa. And then we put him in charge of our country. That's just history bullshit now. But that is what our generations will be remembered for forever. And if we elect them again forever, it will be a much shorter time than you probably imagined. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. That's an advantage. So the winner was Arn B. Singer Ray Lavender. But before the two lovebirds could tie the knot at the Trump Hotel in Casino, like the show promised, it was revealed that Lavender was still married to another woman. And so Amarosa was left without love. So before you feel bad for Amarosa, she later revealed that she was engaged to Michael Clark

Duncan while the show was filming. So like I said, the person to root for on that show was a structured demolition of the building it took place. So let's keep the good feels ago and with our next program, 2014's utopia, with a budget of $50 million, the concept was simple. 15 men and women attempt to create society from scratch in a remote area. So like boys and girls alone, but nobody cared if they died. Exactly, yes. Okay. I was going to say so Noah gets talked into going to a pagan commune on the promise of some really good shrooms again, but a TV show. So I'm finally stopped squawking about it, walked into the woods, naked with a knife in his teeth, but a TV show.

Yeah. All of those things, all of the above. And it's not just that though, it was slated to be on TV two nights a week. They had 150 hidden cameras streaming 24 seven on the show's website. Three people would be voted out of Utopia a month and the internet would decide three new people to let in until it's finale one year later. And the two part from here start great. There's fights, there's skinny dipping, there's a white guy who can't stop telling the black guy that he's a racist, like he's been diagnosed with it by a doctor, it's the best. But alas, the show lost almost half its audience by the second part because then they start working together. And I don't know if you've ever been around people doing things

But it's boring. It's shit. Keep in mind this show wasn't a contest So there was no reason not to get along so they just did It's like that Russian guy with the manifesto had a point or something Anyways, the show got canceled after just three episodes and remains the largest failure in reality television history. Well, unless you count Tucker Carlson as reality television. That's a fair point. That's a fair point.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, I think we all need to reflect on the fact that as pathetic as it is, we're still making fun of an entertainment category approximately 23 places ahead of podcasting on the prestige rankings. So we take a quick break for some apropos of nothing. And now back to America's Next Top Podcast.

Coil, great, Nick, you're all top three. One of you is just hours away from becoming America's Next Top Podcast. Kyle, you excelled at our interview that cuts out halfway through challenge, but absolutely flopped when it came to apologizing for audio problems. I put a new mic on my Patreon. Indeed you did. Greg, you only managed to interview four white supremacists, but you sold the most CBD during our bullshit library challenge.

Thank you, Chef. You haven't released an episode in five and a half years. a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy.

I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. Well, I feel like there's a thing about podcasting, you know silence. You all win. Podcasting has no bar to entry. Oh awesome. What do we win? $200 from stamps.com.

Nice. Some of my podcasts out to people. And we're back. When we last left off, things were starting to get a little testy between Eli and Tom while Cecil was wondering if Eli would ever get to the point. Let's check back in and see how the essays go. This might shock you to your very bones, but reality TV isn't quite as real as you imagine. Whether it's a producer throwing an ice cube at Snookie or Kyle and Deep D's Hidden Romance, reality TV is TV first and reality a distant second.

And perhaps no show better reminds us of this than food networks, mystery diners. Okay, just if I ever get Alzheimer's, I genuinely hope the first thing to go is recognizing the word snooki. Sure. I want to go. I want to go. Yeah. When you go into like those jungle tribes where they have like no germ resistance, one of the rules is you're not allowed to tell them about snooki too.

That's one of the other ones. So mystery diners started simply enough as yet another clone of the bar rescue kitchen nightmare drama. Restaurants in trouble, TV network comes in with a bunch of cameras, unlike Bullhost yells at people for not winning the unwinnable game of capitalism and print. But mystery diners lasted for 11 seasons and there are only so many failing bars named Omalis. So they got a bit creative. My first thought is there's no way America ran out of shitty failing bars,

but then I realized that they would need shitty failing bars that weren't filled with people that are too sad looking for that piece. And that seems like a lower, far lower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get rid of my hometown. Now, let me quote from the Wikipedia here about how creative they got.

In season nine, episode 11, Stiles claimed, that's the post, claimed that the crew had a brand new technology called Stingray, that could intercept text messages from a person's phone, and that technology was supposedly used in the episode. Using such technology to intercept someone's text messages without their permission would be considered a violation of a number of

privacy laws and regulations, and it's unlikely the show would have done such a thing risking legal action. In the same episode, private investigator Elliott was depicted doing a stake out of the property and catching one of the employees on camera cleaning up from a party. Elliott was shown holding a video camera that very clearly would have been noticed by the employee and was not hidden or disguised in any way. Yeah, I don't know where any of this is headed, but since this is an Eli episode, I am now worried that camera is going to end up with toilet cam. God, it's okay.

Okay, let's get a little more extreme than my favorite episode of mystery diners is episode 137. In season nine, when a local seafood house discovers their lobsters are missing. So in that episode, it turns out that a member of the staff is an undercover lobster activist. We've been like a dude, yeah. At a local beach.

Yeah, they're everywhere. Yeah. The lobster activists. Crawling. It's his crime. So the lobster without hitting a lobster activist. The lobster activists only admits his crimes after the sting team disable his vehicle using a remote control car stopping device that they have. So it was really an attention to that point.

Exactly. And everyone else on the staff is led off with a warning was really an attention to that point. Exactly. Yeah. And everyone else on the staff is led off with a warning. They were trying to tail him. So that would happen. Yeah. Yeah. They go into the cooler and the animal rights activists is sowing all the pork chow's

back together and a terrifying franken pig. Yeah. That's all that one too. Yeah. The order tries to stop him, but all the lobsters run in and kick his ass. Exactly. Exactly. Yes. Speaking of reality TV being fake, have you heard the one about the time they fake to reality

TV show just to torture a guy? Well, they did. Back in 2003, and it was called the Joe Schmoe show. So the reality show was allegedly a live in a big house and win $100,000 genre. And the concept was simple. Take a reality show douchebag, have actors, including a young Kristen Wig, by the way, set up a bunch of wacky situations and then watch him be a total jerk. Except the guy they chose wasn't a reality TV douchebag.

He was just a human being. And so when they voted off his best friend or stuck him in a love triangle with two girls in the house and the host, he just felt really sad and cried sometimes. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And if we wanted to watch grown white men be sad, there's Fox News for that. Or we could watch the people watching Fox News for that. Yeah, that works too. So they pivoted the show and the second half of it is about the guy having fun experiences. And with the exception of having a wee bit of paranoia and psychosis post-production that the show was still happening and he would never actually be free. Everyone turned out fine. Everyone turned

out fine. Plus they gave him a hundred,000. Oh, well, they did. And if you're wondering if we learned our lesson about large scale gaslighting like that, no, we did not. A show with almost exactly the same premise called jury duty premiered last year, though admittedly with a lot less crying from its subject. Oh, so it wasn't a reboot of the Paulie Shore movie? Got it. That's exactly. Yeah, exactly. Now, I admit, I've used the word torture a lot on this program because you know that

that's a compliment. Well, anyway, I've used some word that means torture to me. And I've used it because that's what it means. But I think the closest we ever got to shock your balls for money, a phrase I googled just to make sure I wasn't overstating things was the 2004 shattered, which I gotta admit, I kind of love. Oh God. I'll let Wikipedia explain the premise quote. Ten contestants were challenged with going without sleep for seven days while their actions were constantly m-

No. Over the seven days, the 10 housemates had to endure daily performance testing and a variety of challenges. They were competing for a potential prize fund of $100,000, though, at any point, if a contestant closed their eyes for 10 seconds, then a thousand pounds was deducted from the prize fund. They should do this with Senator Salary's, man.

Ah! Yeah, no, so you've mentioned some bad ones. I'm pretty sure this is the first one that actively violates the Geneva case. It does. It literally does. Yeah. And yeah, that does just sound like watching people be tortured, but it was, it was funny watching people be tortured. For instance, the show had a section called Is

News You Lose. Again, from Wikipedia, every day a contestant was chosen by their peers to endure an hour long, you snooze you lose challenge in which the chosen contestant was tasked with remaining awake through an experience intended to encourage them to fall asleep. These challenges included a facial treatment, cuddling a giant teddy bear, listening to a bedtime story, repeated throughout the hour, watching a paint dry while seated in a warm chair, counting sheep on a television, and listening to a lecture on triangles

that the contestants had already attended earlier in the week. Or a citation needed episode about Joan Crawford, you know, whatever. And you might be thinking to yourself, Hey Eli, what are you going seven days without sleep in do psychosis? Yes. Yes. Sure. Contestant contestant Chris believed himself to be the prime minister of Australia.

And also thought he was on the set for the popular Australian soap opera neighbors. Yeah. It's all fun in games until somebody starts to have surgery on themselves to get the beagles out. Jesus Christ. Spurs about that one because contestant Jimmy became a rationally angry and violent when others refused to put on their Japanese armor and play with an imaginary ball that he thought he had.

Claire, the eventual winner, began telling fabricated stories of when she was arm wrestling Irish boxer Joey Ruin. And then there was the finale again, quote, at 3.45 pm on the final day, the contestants were sent to bed. were sent to bed. The last of all asleep one or alternatively, they would immediately lose the competition if they spoke, turned away from the camera, covered their faces, or closed their eyes for longer than 10 seconds. The show reported that Jonathan and Chris fell asleep within a quarter of a second of each other at 4.12 pm, while Claire continued to stay awake until 6.10 pm. At this point, she was informed by the camera crew to go to sleep, as there was concern she was not coping well with remaining awake due to displaying erratic head movements, but it turned out she actually just really needed to use the bathroom and was trying to signal the

crew this by flicking her head towards the toilet hoping that they would gather this. As she was worried that if she spoke, she'd be removed from the contest. She endured 178 hours of sleep deprivation. And last, and in my opinion least, Fox's 2004 show, The Swan. Each episode of The Swan followed two, quote, ugly ducklings, who, over the course of a three-month period, underwent an extreme physical makeover from a team that included personal trainers, dentists, and cosmetic surgeons. Jesus. Whatever woman was deemed more attractive at the end of the three months would move forward to compete in a live beauty pageant of the winners held at the end of the season.

Whoever received the most votes for the greatest transformation would be given the title, the swan, as well as a modeling contract. Hey, look, look, look, I get this is an awful exploitation of people's insecurities. But three personal training and dental care. I'm not. And look, this show sucked in so many ways. Many previous contestants have come forward to say that they were not pulled nearly the extent of the cosmetic surgery that they were going to be given. So surprise cosmetic surgery. Does it, of, of, of, of cosmetic surgeries?

Yes. Jesus. Others resented that their family and friends were coached by producers to say how ugly they were in their views before the episodes air. Fuck. More importantly, viewers and contestants alike agreed that the show's air. Fuck more importantly viewers and contestants alike agreed that the show's shallowness incarnate which comedian Josie Long suggested that the

show be named the bullies were right. So he had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence Eli what would it be? If I were God I wouldn't talk to us anymore, you know. And are you ready for the quiz? I'm not giving birth, but I'll do my best. All right. All right, Eli, which reality show below is absolutely real and absolutely the worst one that you forgot to mention. Hey, born in the wild, a show where women give birth in a forest without medical supervision. Well, B, cheaters, where the host once got stabbed on TV by a guy they ambushed cheating

on his girlfriend. See the pickup artist, which followed, well, pickup artists rather than drowning them in a sack and a river. And D, the Aninakole show, which was about Aninacole. Okay, I'm gonna go with B because I literally was about to do that one and then realized it might get its own episode. So I'm gonna say cheaters. Cheaters is the worst one that I forgot to mention.

I know man. The one in the wild is pretty fucking insane too. Yeah, sure, you're right or wrong. Whatever. Yeah, I win lose. Yeah, whatever. I don't know how this works. All right, so Eli, I want to ask the question on everyone's mind.

Why is reality television? Is it because A, audience is really like it. B, it adds a non-zero value to the world. C, the viewers just demand to more. Or D, writing as hard network executives are cheap and capitalism demands the proliferation of the lowest acceptable quality. I think it's that audience is really like it. Don't people really like it? I feel like you should know for the sake of the show up for this poor man. I think you just saw that you were the ass.

It's the last one. It's the last one. It is. Yes. I'm just right. All right. Which reality show sounds like it would star a horrible fascist? A being Bobby Brown shirt.

E say yes to the SS. See the most amazing race or dinging. Oh no. Oh. The apprentice. Oh, I gotta go with the most amazing race. Very obviously the reason for the season. Absolutely true.

I guess. No, it was obviously was D, the way the apprentice was. Oh, it's the apprentice. Sure. But you know what, regardless, I think no, I just announced it was the it was obviously was deep there with your friend to us Oh, it's a friendship sure But you know what regardless? I think we're all realistic enough to admit that when he doesn't hear Cecil you have no real competition for this part of the show Obviously you are the winner awesome Well, I think Noah is gonna write an essay next week. All right Well for Tom Eli Cecil and usually he thought I'm Noah thinking to bring it out with us today We'll be back next week by then. I'll be an expert on something else between now Right, well for Tom Eli C.S.L. and usually Heath I'm no a thingy to be praying out with this today.

We'll be back next week and by then I'll be an expert on something else. Between now and then you can hear Eli Heath and me talk about religion on the scathing atheist politics on Skeptocrat and things that make us mad on God off of movies, or you can listen to Tom and C.S.L. efficiently squeeze all of that into a one-stop shop on Kagan and Disney's. And if you'd like to help, keep this show going. You can look for episode donation at patreon.com, so stay tuned for the latest five-star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us

Check out past episodes connect with us on social media or check the show notes be sure to check out citation pod dot And Obviously one of the most shocking moments of the season is where Carl the Pug of Pegacorn voted for you clipplop Palm to be in the power tower instead of him is there still Bad blood there Clip Clop, Palm, to be in the power tower instead of him. Is there still bad blood there? Clip Clop, I wonder if a man is a game. We're all here to win. Oh, you wouldn't have done it, too. You would have done it, too.

Can I give the add money back? Shh, I want to see what happens next. Does he give it back to him, though? I want to see what happens next. Does he give a back to him, though?