Citation Needed - The Valdivia Earthquake
Episode Date: December 12, 2018The 1960 Valdivia earthquake (Spanish: Terremoto de Valdivia) or Great Chilean earthquake (Gran terremoto de Chile) of 22 May is the most powerful earthquake ever recorded. Various studies have... placed it at 9.4–9.6 on the moment magnitude scale. It occurred in the afternoon (19:11 GMT, 15:11 local time), and lasted approximately 10 minutes. The resulting tsunami affected southern Chile, Hawaii, Japan, the Philippines, eastern New Zealand, southeast Australia and the Aleutian Islands.  Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Okay, but what kind of sick fuck wants you to roast his dog though? That's messed up.
Wait, they were just doing it for fun. It's a goddamn golden retriever. That's not a joke. Fuck you.
Absolutely not. It's just a, it's just a, it's just a, I know stab you. It's a golden retriever.
Just let it go.
Hey guys.
Oh, oh, I am gonna fucking kill you for this this time. I, I literally have nothing to sit like I have no lines.
And...
Skim.
My god damn real doll collection, what do you do?
Uh...
Alright, I'm gonna get this one and try.
Why is the studio filled with...
Is that fondue?
I guess they'll be the Tom.
It's the Velvita Disaster today!
Oh, the Velvita Disaster!
Yeah!
With the tankership crashed into that off-shared drilling platform in the Gulf and spilled 1.2 million barrels of Velvita into the ocean.
Eli, you're conflating four different disasters, one of which you made up.
You drowned Annabelle! Not Annabelle! Speak to me! Motherfuck!
Dude, we're doing the 1960 Valdivia earthquake today.
It was the largest earthquake and recorded.
Right?
It isn't it crazy that after the tanker full of Velvita hit that rig and spilled, there was an earthquake?
Like that was a day.
Huh?
Jesus Christ.
Okay, you know, I was kind of overreacting before.
Now I think about it, I'm not sure.
I'm all that upset about this. You know, it's kind of like thatacting before. Now, I think about it. I'm not sure. I'm all that upset about this.
You know, it's kind of like that Reese's commercial.
Like the fake vagina is in my cheese.
And well, your cheese is in my rubber vagina.
It's, it's like just two good things.
I quit the show.
You know what I mean?
Me too.
I'm out.
No.
He gets that's weird for me.
He came together.
Hello! Welcome to Citation Needed. The podcast will be choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend.
We're experts because this is the internet.
That's how it works now.
I'm Tom and I'll be shaking the dust off this episode, but if I keep shaking it alone,
it means I'm either bored or lonely, so I'm gonna need some help
Joining me today are two men who spend more time jiggling than standing still
Ethan you have
Full-body shake weight at this point. It's fun
You want to lose that unsightly arm fat. You just put your hand on me and don't move and you're all set
How are you still single? Right.
And of course, we are also joined by my good friend, Cecil. And also Noah is here. So let's
welcome the only two men I know who can disagree with each other and still somehow both be
right at the same time. I see my time to the gentlemen from Georgia.
In Georgia, not from...
And I see the person who will see so I...
I can disagree with anyone and still be right at the same time.
So there's nothing else in the room.
And of course, none of this disaster would even be possible
if we didn't have our patrons.
That's right, we will stop doing the show if we can't afford to eat.
So if you have money you're not using and you'd like us to have some of that, well,
I'd just be swell.
And you'll even get some patron-only content.
So if you'd like to learn how to join the ranks of the swell, be sure to stick around
till the end of the show.
And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what person plays thing concept phenomenon
or event?
What we'll be talking about today.
We're going to be talking about the 1960, Valdevia earthquake.
All right.
And Cecil says here in my notes that it is your turn to seem knowledgeable.
Are you ready to fake it like a porn star?
I have spent my life researching that role, Tom.
I admire the dedication to your craft method acting.
Tell us then, Cecil, what was the Valdivia earthquake?
The 1960 Valdivia earthquake is the most powerful earthquake ever recorded.
It happened on May 22nd of that year, and it was just one in a series of quakes that
shook Chile from May 21st through June the 6th.
This earthquake was a mega thrust earthquake. Show off. That's okay.
The these occur when one tectonic plate is forced underneath another known in geological
terms as a Kevin. The plates in question were the NazCA plate and the South American plate where these plates
meet actually is the easternmost edge of the ring of fire.
Okay.
And I believe that is that the border of Indian food and Mexican, right?
I think that's where that.
No, no Tom, the eastern edge.
So Indian food in time.
You're trying to think of the western edge.
And it really doesn't even look like a ring.
It looks like a horseshoe
for a horse with Parkinson's. If you look at the quake had a rupture zone of 800 kilometers.
The speed of the mega thrust was 2.2 miles per second. And I'm thinking this is different
from a mega thrust, which only lasts 2.2 seconds, but there still is a whole lot of force.
Look, that all sounds very earth science and scary, but that's what you get when
you live somewhere called the Ring of Fire.
I mean, I'm looking at you, California.
Oh, look at you.
Johnny Cash got what he deserved is what he was trying to say.
Diabetes exactly suck it, Johnny Cash.
And also, by the way, learn to manage a forest, California.
I think that's also what Eli was trying to say. Someone's got to be doing the raking, guys. Someone's
got to be doing the raking. That's an older joke, but at the time I was crushing, just
now that we record these ahead of it right in there. This used to be crushing it. You couldn't
hear from right now. You feel it before. You told it earlier, not when we recorded it.
As I mentioned earlier, the earthquake was paroled by other earthquake.
Okay, I'm just, is anyone else, it's just me?
I'm just picturing like a tectonic plate with one of those like long, medieval horns
like a banner hanging from like.
These started on May 21st at 6 a.m.
And the first one was an absolute doozy.
It was an 8.1 on the
moment magnitude scale, which I literally just found out from a cappeti as a better-weighted
determined strength of earthquakes than the Richter scale. To quote with cappeti, quote,
because of various shortcomings of the Richter scale, most seismological authorities now
use other scales, such as the moment magnitude scale, to report earthquake magnitudes.
But much of the news media still refers to these as Richter magnitudes and quote, or in
other words, quake news.
Alternative fracks.
I mean, the press tries to report on and just gets kicked out of the ring of fires.
No, yeah.
Which by the way is the flaming octagon where you battle,
sorry, Huckabee Sanders in single combat to win a microphone during a press conference.
Oh, I'm putting my job to become a ring of fire contestant. Oh my gosh.
Mother Nature set another wake up call at 6 a.m. the following day when another quake hits the area,
a 7.1. And later that same day around 3 p.m. a 7.8 hits.
I guess that day there was a coal miner strike that was marching its way toward
conception and protest for higher wages. They called it due to quake though. And that's a good thing too.
Um, is it? I feel like this is a great time for underground tube-based workers to take a day off, isn't it?
At 3.11 PM on May 22nd, the big one hits.
Oh, you just know there was some Colombian Heathen right that ran into someone at 4pm.
Dude, did you just feel that earthquake? I sure hope that's the only one today.
Oh, serious.
Wait, what do you mean the only one today?
Dude, that was the fourth one.
Fourth?
Oh, yeah, yep, yep.
I meant the only one that the day had left.
What was the last one.
What time did you wake up Colombian heath?
Normal Colombian time.
Okay, what's normal Colombian time then?
Three.
Three.
A.M.
Two early.
Three.
Okay, if we're being realistic,
Colombian heath doesn't really sleep.
So. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, I mean, that sounds like an overweight Nazi.
And I think that's a great naming system.
We named the earthquakes like the hurricanes,
except with famous bigots only like overweight ones, ideally.
I like that.
It's a Bill Mar.
Again, very, very temperate.
At the time, I was nailing the, everyone's talking about this quake was
estimated to be a 9.4 to a 9.6 on the moment magnitude scale. This quake was so large, it affected
a 400,000 square kilometer area. The quake created tsunamis, it swallowed buildings.
That is so hot. Yeah. It ripped huge riffs into the ground. Okay, but if it's spit buildings, what?
That's so hot.
Oh, and then lick them off their hands.
Yeah.
Oh, dude, you're, I'm a spitter guy.
I'm a spit man.
I'm all the way a spit man.
It just got a lock eyes.
It just locks eyes and then you're good.
No matter what happens next.
But what's interesting is that it didn't strike here
and it would make the magnitude.
I'm just gonna keep soldiering on it.
That's all you can do man.
I don't really have a transitional line there.
Just there it is.
Just me and Tom just opened a Skype window and we are locking eyes.
What's up about it?
Guys, what do you say?
We're just like, well, come dribbling out of somebody's face.
But hey, earthquake, guys.
So what's interesting is that it didn't strike the area with equal magnitude.
Some areas escaped with little damage while others were completely level.
I see.
See, I was uninterested in the earthquake until now.
So now you've caught my interest.
Most of the recorded devastation surrounding the earthquake was localized in the city of
Valdivia. This was one of the most populated areas affected, even though the quake did extensive
damage to the rural and unpopulated areas. Well, right. Yeah, the empty canyons also had it rough,
guys. A lot of alpacas just freaking the fuck out. You fell funny. Yeah, I'm pleased.
The next wave of shit is terrifying.
The quake caused the water in the area to rise.
It happens if you jiggle it long enough.
For sure.
I'm fine.
You're quaking.
It should be already wet, I guess.
But anyway, the water rows four meters or 13 feet before receding.
Jesus.
Fuck.
Some guy just took a shit in the ocean at somebody's party.
He's like, stop, ocean's occupied.
Just in a fucking minute.
Hold on.
That's not the fuck.
I am picking up shit with my hands now.
That's happening.
I'm picking up shit with my hands.
It the coast with waves that were eight meters or 26 feet high and a little later with
a 10 meter or 33 foot tall wave.
The title for she was so strong that his ship named the canalos was pushed a kilometer
and a half up the river and then back again before sinking.
Oh, anyone else have the image some guy stand in there with his friend?
I'm just saying the canalist is a stupid boat.
Ah, it's right behind me.
It's it.
Ah.
Those guys are like, oh, fuck.
I don't know, we're coming back.
We're gonna be okay.
No, oh, fuck.
Ah.
And speaking of sinking, there's a thing
that happens during earthquakes called soil subsidence.
It's where buildings literally just drop right into the earth. And I'm sure you've seen models of
this. They'll set up sand or mud with an object on top of it and shake the shit out of the container.
When they do this, the object will just sink in place. Well, that happened a lot.
Seasel, this may shock you, but I have not seen models of this.
a lot. Cecil, this may shock you, but I have not seen models of this. I feel like Cecil's just walked in on this wife and heard, no, no, it's a science model. See, she shook it.
See, and this is why we shouldn't build our homes in like little plastic containers
of sand and mud at every time. Or in big containers of sand and mud called giant fault lines.
I feel like that would be good.
Here we Johnny Cash.
The soil subsidence also deepened rivers and created some new wetlands.
This caused Valdivia to flood as well as if they didn't have enough trouble already.
And spoiler, they are not going to reach their requisite amount of trouble yet.
You see, all their water supply was basically silt water.
Pretty sure that's pronounced salt, see dog.
Okay.
Okay.
This silt water salt like fault.
No, no.
Had some detritus and other debris in it.
Dabri like entire houses.
She Eli, you're not the only one with a house that is just debris.
See?
Hey, you and Chilayam, this basically cut off the water supply for the entire area.
And immediately following the event, there was a lack of potable water.
There's like some guy with like a life straw with a house suction up against it.
Oh shit.
That's fucking stuck in there.
He keeps sucking on it.
It's making that annoying noise and his mom won't tell you what to do.
He's the house of the spoon.
What the fuck?
Can that slurpy spoon straws not good for either one?
You're like, fuck this thing.
And then he's just playing that game where he lifts it up and it falls down a little
and then he lifts it up just so it down again, use the fries, whatever.
Just do something.
Yeah.
And I know this episode is about the earthquake, but I wanted to include this little
tip from the wiki page.
Quote.
On May 24th, the Cardone Caille volcano erupted.
The eruption had a few eyewitnesses and received little attention by the local
media, which was preoccupied with the severe and widespread damage and losses caused by
the earthquake and quake. You think that's bad? Imagine living there and dying the day before
of cancer. Holy how shitty does that fucking volcano feel in that moment? Just like blows it up and like
no one even notices like a fat kid on the diving board. No one wants to watch. Do just
another stupid cannonball. I was going to do a jackdive at that time. Whatever. You guys
are like I said earlier, the earthquake set off a tsunami. So let's talk about that part of it. The areas affected by the tsunami were southern Chile, of course.
Hawaii, Japan, the Philippines, China, New Zealand, Australia, and the Aleutian islands.
I love the idea that there was like an Aleutian island or listening to that list the whole time going,
if he leaves us out, so help. Okay, no, no, we're good.
It's got two coconuts for headphones. It's plugged into a seashell.
The tsunami's caused because one plate is compressed against the other and it builds
up pressure. And when the plate is released, it shoots forward, pushing the water up
and creating the plate is released, it shoots forward, pushing the water up and creating the way.
The earthquake sounds like a lot like a 15 year old kid who briefly got his penis touched.
Just puking.
I would be way more comfortable, Tom, if you didn't have such a deep metaphor, reservoir
of things that are like touching a 15 year old's penis.
I get that note all the time, Jay.
I'm not here to make you comfortable, Noah.
Okay, but technically that was a simile.
I'm fine, you're welcome.
That was for you.
But yeah, that was a simile as in like a deep metaphor
reservoir is like touching a 15 year old's penis.
Sorry, you're right.
Just the reservoir tip, just for a second.
Just a few people.
Still bad, no matter how much you raised for chair.
I'm just waiting for Noah's pedantic correction.
I similar is a type of metaphor.
I'm just waiting for the moment there.
There are some areas of Chile that received a wave from the tsunami that were 25 meters
high, which is over 80 feet tall.
The wave had Hawaii and Japan killing in both of these locations.
The wave that had Hila Hawaii took almost 15 hours to get there. And when it made landfall,
it was about 30 feet high. 61 people died. To be fair, in Hawaii, 60 of those people died trying
to surf that wave. You know, 60 of those people died. Yeah. I mean, fucking 15 hours later, you know at least some of them had to be bitchy dads going,
oh, we still have plenty of time.
That was like 11 hours.
I spent too much money to get you kids to Hawaii to run.
I have every time there's a little tsunami.
No.
Stay on the fucking beach.
And have fun.
Make a fucking castle.
I'm just glad that the first deaths that we're reporting on are the white American yes, that's important. I'm glad we got about you. Chile. Yeah.
I want to quote the wiki here. As we learn about one group that tried to escape the quakes just to
get caught in the tsunami. Quote, after the May 21st earthquake, people in one area sought refuge in boats. A police boat, the Gloria was towing a few of these boats when a second earthquake struck
on the on the 22nd of May.
As the sea regressed, the Gloria became stranded between two islands.
The stranded boat was wrecked when the tsunami wave came in and gulfing it and quote,
I'm just saying that first tsunami wave wasn't that big a fucking it's right behind me isn't it
All right, all right, I don't know much about much at all actually, but fleeing an earthquake
Like it run away from the earth like in a boat
Like yeah, what's the plan to just like motor out past the tectonic plates before the
shaking?
I was this going to work.
What's the best case scenario?
All right, that's fucking stupid, obviously.
No, no, we'll stay in these hammocks, way safely off the ground.
We waited out.
The earthquake triggered landslides throughout the Andes.
Most of them were in rural and less populated areas,
so while the damage was excessive,
the human toll was not.
The landslides also struck the chain of lakes
and their tributaries.
The block waterways basically started building up
tremendous amounts of water and they evacuated the area.
They were fearful of a huge flood in the area
if the landslides broke loose,
so they mobilized hundreds of workers and 27 bulldozers and even resorted to people using shovels to make sure that
they help.
Okay.
Well, hey, Cecil, buddy, as much as I love these cheerful upbeat topics of yours, I think
it's time we pause for just a minute and take a break for a skit or something or whatever
we do next so I can just drink myself cheerful again.
I need this.
You can drink during the A segment too.
I do.
I do.
I do.
So. Don't lie to me Eduardo, I know you've been sleeping run behind my back.
Marishel, I never would.
If I lie, make God strike me down.
Guys, guys, the world's largest earthquake just happened to the dams are all broken and also a volcano exploded
Oh
I mean we did hand stuff, but you know it's just
Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick and I'm Tom Curry, you know that sketcher was fun, but
I also had a very important message.
Hand stuff.
Hand stuff.
Doesn't count.
Doesn't count.
After all, I do it.
So like, what's the big deal if someone else does it, right?
I mean, they're basically just helping now.
So please remember.
Hand stuff.
Doesn't count.
Doesn't count.
Paid four by the hand stuff.
Doesn't count foundation.
Hey guys, what are you doing in the studio? Nothing. Nothing. Hand stuff doesn't count paid for by the hand stuff doesn't count foundation
Hey guys, what are you doing in the studio nothing nothing marries going great. Thank you cool cool That was somehow more depressing than the earthquake.
Okay, Cecil, can we take a brief break from Eli's sad excuse for a sex life?
And here about some other moments of despair and misery?
Don't end.
Uh, well, okay, my essay about dating in your 30s isn't for a couple more weeks.
Let's relax and just keep it light and continue talking about dead South American plan.
So the property damage was not as bad as you would expect because all of the 1960s
Chile could be purchased with a medium stack of Pepsi points.
Yeah.
And spoiler, the 70s don't get much better for Chile.
That's when the CIA gave
a no medium stack of Pepsi points to Augusto Pinochet and we also gave him Milton Friedman,
the Frado Corleone of economics. I mean, this is the largest magnitude that we have ever recorded, but there was little
infrastructure in the area.
Any buildings purpose made to survive earthquakes didn't do too bad and mostly were damaged
from soil subsidence.
Shit that people made from Adobe and other weak building materials, basically, but a bunch
of just regular concrete buildings that were not built up to earthquake
code just collapsed.
Okay.
Just going to go ahead and do a quick summary here.
I'm going to note that what we're saying is that because people were already so poor
that they had nothing, the upside was that most of the nothing that they didn't have wasn't
broken, except for the ones you did have a little bit of something,
which then did break.
That's the same thing.
I think that's,
or if you want to put it more succinctly,
you're welcome to South America.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Crumble down economics works.
That's just bad.
And I want to temper this.
It wasn't all that bad considering
by pointing out that 40% of the houses in Valdivia were
not the fuck down.
This meant that 20,000 people were immediately left homeless.
When you look at the photos just after the quake, you can see large swaths to the city with
all the buildings just disintegrated.
Some of the areas that were affected did not have new
construction on them in the aftermath and remained empty until the 90s and the 2000s.
Okay. Wait, Cecil, quick question. Did I miss read? Was this, is this Detroit?
I'm talking about Detroit. No, no, no, no.
But Michigan, I think it was probably Flint. Nope. No, wrong again. No.
New Orleans probably. No, we get the point, Tom. We did. No, we did.
We did, Cecil. I don't think we do.
I agree. No, no, I think I'm agreeing with Tom.
Do we get it? We wouldn't have New Orleans. Would we?
The death toll isn't certain. The estimates are between a thousand and seven thousand.
Okay, but what if you don't count Trump tweets?
1000 and 7000. Okay, but what if you don't count Trump tweets? Yeah. And this is not a huge loss of life considering the devastation. Okay, now it seems like you're softening us up for something,
Cecil. If you think about it, a thousand to seven thousand people, that's not really that.
Anyone who's chillin' a thousand people. Yeah. Whatever. The low population density helped keep
this number a death slow. And the way the wiki reads, it sounds like people mostly died from the tsunami instead
of dying and falling buildings from the quake.
The monetary cost was quite extensive.
In 1960, the cost was estimated between 400 million and 800 million, which today would
be between 3.31 billion and 6.62 billion.
I have questions on the death toll. I would be between 3.31 billion and 6.62 billion.
I have questions on the death toll.
Like it's either 1,000 or maybe 7,000.
Like, yeah.
Yeah.
We're like, how do you think people using dog gears?
What is an version rate for Chileans?
How do you fuck this up?
1 to 7.
Yeah, it's hard to put an exact number on it.
Somewhere between, you know, zero and
6,000 people died of regular stuff while riding a tsunami. So you're on the hard list.
All right, but the upshot though, the silver lining is that for weeks, you could just get
really good bass from your rain gun. The death toll includes one human sacrifice. They did not see that sentence coming.
Got to be honest.
No, no.
See, in a town along the coast that was populated by natives to the region, they had a human
sacrifice ritual that took place in the days following the earthquake.
One of the locals demanded the sacrifice of his neighbor's five year old grandson to
quote, calm the earth
and the ocean.
And quote,
So what did they do?
They dropped him into a volcano like Frodo's fucking ring.
Well, they killed him somehow because the article is some is a victim.
What have I been saying for six weeks?
We got to kill that five year old.
But did you guys listen?
No.
Crazy Frank always saying the earth is going to explode. weeks we got to kill that five year old but did you guys listen? No crazy
Frank always saying the earth is gonna explode. Juanita, Beneta.
All right Eli see this is why I don't let you come over for dinner. I mean I
invite you while you ask because that would be fine if you just stop
eyeing up the kids for the sacrifice. I've told you you don't get to pick I'll
give you the one that's ripe when you get here. Please be hailed. Please be
hailed. Please be hailed. So let's just head to Wikipedia for the next part here.
Quote, the sacrifice was learned about by authorities after a boy denounced to local leaders
the theft of two horses. These were allegedly eaten during the
sacrifice ritual. The two men were charged with a crime of murder and confess, but later
recanted. They were released from prison after two years. A judge ruled that those involved
had, quote, acted without free will driven by an irresistible natural force of ancestral
tradition. End quote. will driven by an irresistible natural force of ancestral tradition."
I heard that.
Judge, do you have a fancier way to write savages going to savage here on your room?
Yeah, it's called religious freedom.
Let's just call it religious freedom.
I'll put that.
All right, Dice, see some real quick.
Did they leave like a recipe behind or anything?
I mean, I got four kids and I got barbecue
as much as the next savage.
So, it's curious.
This region remains a very seismologically active area
in the 58 years since the disaster there.
There's been 41 earthquakes over 7.1 in magnitude.
Jesus.
In 2010, the area suffered an 8.8 magnitude quake.
The quake hit the major population centers in the country
and the quake triggered a tsunami which destroyed the coast again.
The tsunami also caused damage in San Diego and Japan.
The damage shut off power for 93% of the Chilean population,
525 people lost their lives in the quake
and about 9% of the people in
the region's affected area lost their homes.
The monetary losses for this quake were estimated to be between 15 and 30 billion.
All right.
See, so if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?
This essay includes a lot of what Bill Murray warns us about in Ghostbusters, I think.
He's a sacrifice, dogs and cats living together.
All right.
And since all you're ready to face a tsunami of questions from our panel, I am quaking
in my boots.
Well, there you go.
All right.
I got a good one.
Earthquake.
It's this right.
It's quake was a Hollywood movie.
What would the tagline be?
Hey, don't worry.
We put white tourists in the script so you can care about
something. B, this movie puts the chills and chillin. Is it C? Mark Walberg was already
attached to this movie before we even had the idea for it or was it D? Chilean down the
wall. You know, all these are really good, but I'm going to go with C because of the end skit.
So it's definitely Mark Elmer.
That's why I wrote it.
All right.
What saw, Cecil, what song is a must for your earthquake playlist?
Is it A, panic at the disco and everywhere else?
B, living Valdevia, loca.
See shake, shake, shake, signora.
Or D and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Definitely not see that songs about Parkinson's.
Thank you.
That's so mean.
Call forward and that's let's go with silt, because I know you're going to correct me on that.
Aigo.
All, Saul.
All right, last one.
Cecil, you described the ring of fire as a horseshoe, but what'd you say for a horse with
Parkinson's, right?
I did.
That's exactly the right side.
So that makes what's about to happen.
Your fault.
What's the best name for a horse with Parkinson's?
I'm so sorry.
Is it A?
Michael J. Horse.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
Well, at first, well, at first,
well, at first, is it B?
Pepsi biscuit.
That's a good one.
That one's all right.
That's the other stuff too, you don't right. I'm not sure about your stuff too.
You don't know.
You don't want to draw attention to the Hawaiian.
He might be tired.
It's weird.
Or C.
Belmont shakes.
Belmont shakes.
Oh, Jesus.
That's good.
I went to a, and I was going to recently just forcibly.
Where's there was like a D. He's dead, but I don't think that one's in here.
I like this.
I like this.
I like this.
I like this. It's a weird thing to go on. D.S. I like this. I like this.
I like this.
I'm gonna stroke.
It's different.
It's different.
It's very different.
Okay.
I'm gonna go with C bell.
That is incorrect.
No, it's correct.
It's totally correct.
You have to say it.
We changed the pattern.
All right.
We'll see, so buddy, nobody stumped you or maybe they did.
I don't know anymore how this game is played. So who's up next? I'm gonna pick
Eli Bosnick to follow
All right, well for Cecil Noah Eli and Heath, I'm Tom, thank you for hanging out
with us today.
We'll be back next week, and by then, Eli will be an expert on something else.
Between now and then, you can catch Cecil and I yelling and pounding the table at whatever
grinds our gears over cognitive dissonance if you want more of Eli, Heath, and Noah check
them out over at Skeptocrats, gating atheist and gun awful movies.
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You should check out CitationPod.com.
In the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, disaster is about to strike.
Oh, we're going to need a bigger chimichanga, Boris.
B-b-b-boss, boss. Don't fuck it, tell me how to strike. Oh, we're gonna need a bigger chimichanga, Boris. B-B-Boss, boss.
Don't fuck it, tell me how to do my job, asshole.
I've been mining cheese out of this rig for 26 years.
And they won't have any time to lose.
Boss, we just gotta word that tankers out of collision course.
I'm gonna beat the odds like they're a Vietnamese man just trying to get home to his family.
And they'll fight to stay alive.
Look here, Commodore.
I'm Commodoreing this cargo container full of tortilla chips.
Can't let you take my boat.
You have to.
It's not your chip anymore.
Ah.
That's, that's really fucking terrible.
That, guys, do I have to say that?
Oh, what's that?
Oh, I'll, I'll take whatever movie roles I'm giving.
Seeing as how I'm an incredibly unlikable and untalented relic,
found only in Dunkin' Donuts and Massachusetts at 4 p.m.
and for some unknown reason family movies.
Okay, yeah, it's not show chipped.
And only he can save them.
And only he can save them.
Fuck me, that's things.
Do I have like a scrape on the back of my arm or something?
I can't tell your arm is covered in molten cheese.
Really fucking hurts. I think I caught arm or something? I can't tell your arm is covered in molten cheese. Really fucking hurts.
I think I caught it on something when I was running.
You know, maybe it's covered in hot cheese.
Maybe that's the st-
Don't interrupt me, it's a scrape.
Marky Mark is Captain Al Gouda in Jesus Take the Wheel.
I pretend to wake up at 2.43 am, so nobody knows I'm on steroids in plastic surgery.
Oh no?
Yeah.