Citation Needed - Troy Hurtubise and Project Grizzly

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Troy James Hurtubise (November 23, 1963 – June 17, 2018) was a Canadian inventor and conservationist, noted for self-testing his often bizarre creations. These inventions included various ray generators, firepaste (an ablative heatproofing material), the Ursus personal armour suit and the Trojan Ballistics Suit of Armor.   Our sponsor: boxofawesome.com code: citation

Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm No Illusions and I'm going to be leading this sleuth. That's the collective noun for a group of bears, apparently. But to do that, I'm going to need some folks to bear with me. First up, two men who are dashing and daring, courageous and caring, faithful and friendly with stories to share, Keith and Eli.

All through the forest, we sing out in chorus. I love this song. Gummy Bears. Yes. Noah told me before the record that those are the words to the Gummy Bears theme song. Otherwise, I would 100% assume he was dying. I get it. That's why I told you.

Such a good show. And also joining us tonight, a man who will steal your picnic basket and another one who's smarter than the average bear, Tom and Cecil. Hey, you can't blame me. You see what that basket was wearing? It was asking to be stolen. Jesus Christ. And before we get started, I want to remind our listeners

that Grizzly Times might be brewing financially. So good. For those who don't who don't hand to the masses. So so join the cub and earth sign up to be a patron today. Oh wow. What's going on with Noah right now? Take her out of the end of the show. Now that I've stepped on everybody's bear puns.

Tell us heath. What person place thing concept phenomenon or event will be talking about today? We're going to be talking about Troy Hurt-y-bees. OK, so wait, that's is that a real name? Who is Troy Hurt-y-bees? Yeah, he was a Canadian inventor and conservationist who survived a grizzly bear attack in 1984 and who spent the rest of his life trying to build a suit of body armor

that would let him relive that wonderful experience and survive another fight with another grizzly bear outstanding he also came up with several other inventions that were intended to protect against a wide variety of absolutely absurd scenarios and sometimes grant superpowers. Huh. He was not successful. He kept trying so fucking hard. And that includes video footage of Troy getting attacked, smashed, burned, and just generally maimed in so many different ways in order to test his body armor. And those moments are immortalized in possibly the greatest movie of all time.

A documentary called Project Grizzly. Yeah. If you like Jackass, but you wish Johnny Knoxville didn't know it was coming, you're going to love Project Grizzly, everybody, especially because he manages to not know it's coming and deserve it. It's so uncommon. OK, so Troy's career as an inventor, it is fascinating. But even more importantly, he's a true hero of accidental comedy, like a hero. And I found a five second video that perfectly captures his personality.

So we'll start with that. It's from an interview with Extra about his experience with surviving that bear attack. He's got the courteous modified mullet of a proper Canadian with the lines buzzed on his temples that I actually had when I was like eight or nine. He's wearing a tan suede jacket with a piano of giant tassels running across the entire torso and both arms.

Oh, yeah. And of course, he's in a karate stance. And he's so fucking excited to be on TV and try to impress the lady from extra. He says, the bear punches me with such force that I fly back. And then he launches him backwards and hits the ground so fucking hard. He does it, it's so hard, and he flies straight back. Like, Keith, is it kidding? Jackie Chan would be fucking proud of this stuff. Yes, yes!

Yeah, the rest of the clip is worth watching too because he literally hits himself with a truck, everybody. Which is like, far from the most ridiculous, dangerous thing he does. Not even close. So here's how Troy got started on his path as a maverick inventor, disrupting the entire sector of homemade bear fighting armor.

After surviving the grizzly bear attack in the Canadian Rockies, he decided to invent a bear repellent spray that would work better than the like, oh, the bear vagina mist that he was apparently using. Obviously, yeah. Of course, testing a new spray would require a bunch more face-to-face encounters with bears.

So he started working on the armor suit. And pretty quickly, the suit became his entire focus and he forgot about the spray. What, come on! He didn't do the Iron Man repulsor spray out of his palm? Why even build a suit in the first place? Well, I'm sure why did you build a suit in the first place? I'm sure why did you build that suit in the first place?

Is the question he hears most often. See, so Troy called the bear suit the Ursus and he went through a series of iterations, starting with the Ursus Mark one and eventually landing on the Ursus Mark eight. The Mark six is the one that was featured in Project Grizzly, and it won him the 1998 IG Nobel Prize for Safety Engineering. He refers to that award ceremony in Cambridge, Massachusetts as that time I lectured at MIT. That's amazing!

I lectured at MIT. Yep. The Mark VI stands at seven feet, two inches tall, tall and weighs 147 pounds, which he describes as quote, relatively light for its protection capabilities. That protection is provided by a combination of titanium, plastic, rubber and chainmail and it cost him about $100,000 to build. Based on his testing, it can withstand a variety of attacks, including an AK-47 from three meters away, and of course, a chainsaw to the chest.

Listener, it looks like someone gave the guy who made Robbie the robot a can of road marking fluorescent paint. That's it. Yep. It looks like Ultraman fucked the Titan submersible. It's about to implode. I mean, I've read the rest of the essay,

so I know the answer to this, but what kind of chainsaw wielding AK-47 toting bear was he expecting to run into? All right, but I cannot be the only one looking on eBay right now for one of these suits. I just I've got it. They were available on eBay a couple of different times because he ran out of money and he had to sell the prototype, which is the only one he made. Yeah, I would mortgage my house for this suit. OK, so thanks to Project Grizzly, Troy got some fame and attention and this inspired

him to really ramp it up with the mark seven after that mark six. He started by improving the chain mail so it could theoretically withstand the bite of a great white shark. Because he intended to go swimming in 140 pound suit of chain mail? I'm sorry, he tended to go sinking in 140 pound suit. So he made most of that Mark 7 using one ton of what he called high grade scrap metal from a salvage yard in Ontario. And here's how he described the process.

Quote, I'd look at a piece of metal and say, there's my head or my foot or whatever, and then just start shaping it. Because I never made drawings, the right hand for example, looks differently than the left. Because when I did the left hand, I couldn't remember how I did the right. So I wouldn't be able to make an identical copy of this suit, even if you paid me.

Well see now I wrote in the notes, no need to worry about someone paying you to make this man. But now I know about Tom, so. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if this will work, but I'm sure I can't repeat it. That is quite the flex. That is.

So according to the people who run the Ig Nobel prizes, who gleefully covered every new innovation from their favorite winner, other upgrades on the Mark VII and Mark V 8 included a built-in video screen, a cooling system, titanium struts, no idea what that would mean exactly, also airbags and fingered hands. And for the Mark 8, instead of scrap metal, Troy decided to invent a brand new material. He called it FP 13 and claimed it was 105 times stronger than steel. Now he just pasted some pictures here in the notes.

And I'm telling you, man, it looks like someone tried to paint a small witch doctor totem like a space marine. It is genuinely the greatest thing I've ever seen. The helmet is the size of a recliner. It's so good. Seriously. OK, I know the thing about the metal being stronger is bullshit, but how amazing would it be if this guy had actually invented a new metal? And then for the rest of history, we had to admit that like the

21st century standard for metallurgy was created by a guy trying to luggage test himself on a bear. I know we're supposed to make fun of the guy building the Robocop mech suit to fight the bears, but you guys hear me out. He's building a fucking robo cock. That's the point. There is. I want. We all need heroes. That's all this guy. He's seriously my hero.

Thank you, Tom. You understand. I think Tom is falling for this suit because he looks like the middle picture, like Ramman here. That's what it looks like that. That's what Tom looks like. Beautiful. He's so angry in this one too, it's the best.

And here's the best thing about the Mark VIII. It was fully fireproof. After a failed fire test with the Mark VII made the airbags explode, leaving Troy with a whole bunch of really bad burns, he came up with a new invention called Fire Paste. According to Troy, it eliminates the cross transfer of heat. No, it doesn't.

So anything that's covered in the paste won't heat up or burn. And the paste cools down enough to touch it bare handed within 20 seconds after the heat source is taken away. No, it doesn't. But according to him, it does. It's four times lighter than aluminum. I think he means dense. It's more heat resistant than titanium, and it's way cheaper to make. And he demonstrated this miracle of physics on the Discovery Channel. He wears a hockey

helmet covered in the fireplace and somebody shoots a blowtorch at his head. Well, he just casually says to the camera, scientists say I should be dead by now. Actually nothing to do with my fireplace. They just keep saying it. Texting it to me now. This invention though, this will save so many hockey players from all the terrible burns they get on the ice from flame throwing grizzly bears.

He solves so many non-existent problems throughout his career. Am I the only one seeing this right now? So Bay Today News in North Bay, Ontario decided to check out the firepaste for themselves and Troy was happy to give a full demonstration. He lives right near Bay today, their headquarters. He held a tile of hardened fire paste next to his head and he shot himself with a torch that went up to 2000 Celsius or 3632 Fahrenheit. Then after 20 seconds, he put the tile against his face and said, it dissipates heat at an exponential rate.

It's beyond belief. And I have no idea why it does. All I know is that it does. He also adds, I could coat the belly of the NASA space shuttle with fire paste for $25,000 US instead of the 60 million it costs them to put piles on it. It can stand up to the heat of re-entry to the Earth's atmosphere and then they can simply wash it off.

Or not. Or not. And then he added, the World Trade Towers would have been fine if they'd used my fine paste. Oh, yeah. The paste prevents damage from 300 mile an hour collisions too. Why not just wear that against the bear, man? Now there's something I'd pay him to do right there.

So in addition to the suits for fighting bears. Wait, I'm sorry. He thought he was still building something to fight bears? I feel like he moved on a long time. He also invented a ballistics exoskeleton war suit, hoping to sell the prototype, the Canadian military. He called it the Trojan ballistics suit of armor or tip. So, uh, and it was intended to protect against an improvised explosive device, gunfire, knife battles, and most importantly, he really liked Halo on Xbox and clearly just wanted to make himself

the Mjolnir battle armor. Yeah, according to Wikipedia, in the section about the Tibsoa called features, everything I'm about to say ends with, citation needed just to be clear. The suit came with two pistols on magnetic holsters, a built-in laser to be used for targeting, a wrist-mounted knife for close combat, and a pepper spray device. He claimed the pepper spray could, quote, incapacitate 40 insurgents. Yeah, and the very common military tactic of dual

wielding pistols is shown here in this. Obviously. Absolutely, they train for that. I want to know what tests he did that landed on the number 40. Terrifying. Terrifying. He just made up a number, but yes, that concept would be terrifying. So the suit also had a remote controlled surveillance robot that deployed from the right leg, citation needed, and the soldier

could watch the robot on a fold-out screen that popped out of the left leg of the suit. A clock with military world time was built into the groin protector. Why? The groin part of the suit. Pergibes said, it's where it's gotta be. That's exact word. Pardon me, can I borrow a cup of time? Wikipedia also says, one of the shoes

has a small handheld shovel locked into it. Just like everything in the section, somebody added citation needed at the end. And also after one of the shoes in that sentence, they added, which one? Like ang in that sentence they added which one? Shoe is it I want to be clear. He's not saying like that's on the talk page. That is the footnote Also worth noting the suit had a helmet with intake and exhaust fans for air conditioning, a dose of morphine, a last words voice recorder, because there's soldiers, and a vial of salt.

Canada's military did not buy the Timsoa. Troy. Hey Troy, not sure the last word voice recorder is instilling a lot of confidence in the product, but maybe we should... Was the salt for a snack? Is that what it is? Thank you Eli. Again, we are making fun of this guy, but this suit sounds fucking awesome.

I can't tell you how often my dick needs to know what time it is in the middle of a fight. You know, a fight with some bears, yeah. This is essential. Yeah, so Troy was definitely focused on the body armor stuff for a long time, but he also dabbled in a few other areas. According to Vice News, invented several,

and they put this in quotes, ray guns, and later in life, he was working on a device that would, quote, catch dark matter in a box. No idea. But my favorite was a device that he called the Angel Light, which could let you see through walls. No, it couldn't. Again, the news team at Bay Today was delighted to interview

their buddy Troy about his new thing. The Angel Light device is about eight feet long and it contains colored light bulbs, seven lasers, a photon deflector grid, a microwave unit, eight plasma light rods, CO2 charges, magnets, 108 mirrors, and a few other secret ingredients that Troy refused to reveal. Eleven herbs and spices with it too, eh? I don't trust Troy with any of these components and it bothers me that he's allowed to have them. Right?

Right. And now there's a flame throwing bear with a shark's mouth, trying to hide behind a wall somewhere. This guy thinks of everything. All right. There's pictures of this thing. Do look it up. It's amazing. At this point you might be thinking, uh, this guy's lying and none of his shit works, including the angelite, but he told the news crew that he's done extensive testing to prove it works with covert help from scientists at MIT.

The lecture there once, is that it must have been when he met him and then he told reporters about the covert. For the initial test, he shined the angel light at the wall in his workshop and he could immediately see right through the wall into his garage. He said, quote, I almost broke my knuckles three or four times because it was almost like you could step through the wall. You could be fooled into believing that you could actually walk right through the wall

and go touch the car in the garage. But he wouldn't... I love it. Even in his lies, he's deeply stupid and walks into walls, his nose is bare. Thank you. And enters rooms, what? Fucking fist first? Knuckles first! He should wear the bear outfit when he's walking around with his new kid.

He needs some bear knuckles. Why didn't it make the car disappear too? I don't even understand. Like if he shoots through the wall and that's gone, why not the car disappear? He doesn't even know like what direction to tell Lysen. It doesn't make any sense. He was so mad that the car didn't disappear that he wanted to punch the wall. All right.

So following that amazing first result with seeing right through a wall, his secret contacts at MIT decided it was time to test the Angelite on something more advanced than a normal wall. According to Troy, quote, somebody from MIT shipped him a piece of top secret paneling from the latest model of the Comanche helicopter, which is made of radar resistant stealth technology. But when the angel light was on it, a radar could pick it up. Well, also tested the light on ceramic, wood, steel, tin, titanium, and lead, and he could see through all of them.

He even tested on his own hand. And apparently the angel light could see through human skin, showing the blood vessels on the other side. The only big failure happened when he pointed the light at a goldfish tank and they all died. Yeah, another angel fish. He also mentioned that the French government sent a team to Ontario for a demo, and they were so fucking impressed that they paid him $40,000 in cash to keep working on it and then eventually finish it up and send it to France. And if it passed their testing in France, he'd be getting a substantial amount of extra money.

Again, that might sound like he's lying, but Bay today did a little extra digging. And while they couldn't find any evidence about the French military sending an envoy to check his thing, they today did find, quote, documentation confirming that the former head of Saudi counterintelligence, who asked that his name not be used, has been in regular contact with Hurtubies regarding the angelite and the fire paste.

All right, nice to know there's a government being as duped as ours is. How does that make you feel better about the aliens guy? Well, on that terrifying realization that we've allowed both an angel light and fire paced gap, I guess we're going to pause for a little apropos of nothing. All right, everyone at this Wikipedia editors meeting, ready to get started? Sure am.

Let's do it. Excalibur. Right. Right. Okay. So a couple of notes. We're shutting down a few more pages and you'll find those names in your list. So if anybody needs to make an edit, just email me and we can get a temporary admin

login going. Be all set. Oh, also we got some complaints about a page. It was about a guy named Troy Bertiebes. Oh yeah, that was me. Okay. Yeah. What's going on there?

Well, there were, there were like 24 citation needed tags on the page. Okay. Uh, is he someone new like an Internet celebrity? No, he's just a big liar. Craig, I mean, I mean, he's made a lot of unverified claims. OK, so do we have counters like other reporting? What are we missing here? I mean, no, we don't.

We don't have other reporting on whether or not he made a paste more resistant to heat than NASA has managed. No. I mean, did he make a paste more resistant to heat than NASA? No, Alan, of course he didn't. Well then put the tag in! We can't just put a citation-needed tag every time some asshole makes something up. Look, I just edited my page to say Craig invented time travel.

I don't think we can rely on the internet's acumen with footnotes to debunk that. Well I don't know what to tell you, Craig. The internet is stupid and we're trying to fix it. Fine. Fine. Great. Now, did everyone get their hush money from George Soros last week? Nope.

Yeah, totally. Mine was in Gold doubloons. Nice. Must have found more in the cave. Hi, I'm Tom Curry. And I'm Cecil Something Italian here to tell you about this week's sponsor Box of Awesome. Tom and I have been friends for a long time. We sure have Cecil.

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I said, what about me? Cecil. See guys, I think my mic is broke. Can you, can anybody hear me on the, on the Skype call? Can anyone hear me? We can hear you, man. Oh, we hear you fine. Okay. And we're back when we last left off.

Real life Iron Man was rustier than advertised. So tell us, where does that bring us? That brings us to Project Grizzly. I'm so fucking happy. Project Grizzly, the legendary documentary of Troy's quest to build a grizzly-proof suit of body armor and then find a grizzly bear so he can have that rematch. It starts with Troy hiking through the Canadian Rockies in Alberta and finding the spot where he survived the attack in 1984.

He tells the story of how he just, you know, sensed there was a grizzly bear about to attack him and then there was. And then he looks at the camera and pulls out two giant comically oversized knives and does a bunch of what he believes to be knife karate moves. While he explains the amazing moment of survival. He didn't use any knives to fight off the bear. He just has them now and they're badass. So we wave some around for a while. And then he explains that he spoke with a bunch of experts. Those experts would be medicine men, psychologists and dream analysts.

And none of those people can explain how he survived. medicine men, psychologists, and dream analysts. And none of those people can explain how he survived. Does he not know that you're supposed to use experts in relevant fields? He does not. Or does he think that those are relevant fields? I can't decide which is weirder. I do find it telling that the psychologists have no idea how he survived like normally

being that full of shit would kill him. So, yeah, the movie gives a very compelling narrative about the whole fair suit project, but I'm going to skip ahead to my favorite part. We don't have time to talk about the entire movie. My favorite part is do I do. I probably should, but no, no. My favorite part is he Christian is of course, it's amazing series of different yield tests that he does on his suit.

He starts by hoisting a giant piece of tree trunk with ropes and then swinging it down to hit him right across the chest. He gets blasted so fucking hard and thrown backwards right out of the ground and then his crew runs over and picks him up. And it's seriously, listener, it looks just like when the Ewok smashed that ATS-T on Endor. It looks just like it. Right. Well, and that's not to mention the 13 fucking minutes it takes him to

waddle into place with the help of three guys who have to make sure he doesn't fall over. Yeah. It took like those same three guys to help pick them up after he goes down. The grizzly bear is just going to tip him over a piss on his face. Like the grizzly bear is going to offer to pick him up. Like after fouling somebody in basketball, Heath, Heath, I hope more than anything that he goes out into the wilderness wearing this suit

and he encounters a bear also wearing this suit. The ultimate weakness. They just look at each other from across the canyon or whatever like, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, now I got to build a suit to go over my suit so I have more suits. A suit suit. Buck. Time out. It's a Bear Troy arms race.

Shark waddles over in its own suit. Room for three? So from there, they cut over to Troy and his buddies at a diner talking about how medieval jousters were actually getting hurt by falling off the horse rather than getting hurt by the lance itself. And then they show another log smashing test. This time, after they get him back up and take out his giant mouth guard,

he explains how that proves a grizzly bear cannot hurt him. He says actual exact words, quote, "'You could do that all day long. "'I can take what he can give me. "'I feel great. "'Actually, my left hand was asleep, but now it's awake Normally I walk around with nerve pain and damage, but it's a temporarily jolted ship back I think that last one fixed some of my CTE. This is great.

Yeah. But Heath, but Heath, what did the doctors of physics? Thank you, Eli. Great question. And what about the dream weavers or whatever? He tells us he continues. The doctors of physics told me that if you want to simulate the swat of a grizzly bear, you got to hit yourself with a 400 pound log.

40 feet elevated. It's true. I was a doctor so physics laughing to themselves. That was got in himself with a huge tree. Why don't you get out that giant prop calculator to make it look real? Just say something about PSI or G force. He'll fucking do it. And of course they did.

He continues those doctors of physics did the PSI, the G force, the grizzly smart will not supersede that. The only difference a grizzly might be able to do that two or three times consecutively. And then he does karate chops two or three times to show the multiple grizzly chops. Right. And it's also possible, though he seems not to realize this, that the grizzly might hit him somewhere other than the black X they've marked on his fucking chest. You can only hit me where it marks the spot.

He's just got to find one of those toothless, clawless grizzly bears that's famously a quitter. Respects a 3B. Okay, so the next field test is getting shot. He starts with arrows from a compound bow and the suit holds him off just fine. So no worries about an archery bear, I guess. And then he moves over to getting shot with a gun. He brings in a professional marksman

and we watch that guy fire a shotgun from about 30 feet. I'm not sure you need a marksman to hit a man with a shotgun from 30 feet away. You could spin this guy around three times with a blindfold and he did it. So you know 30 feet of poke him in the eye with the barrel. It's right there. So the professional marksman fires the shotgun and the entire top half of the suit breaks off and falls to the ground. Turns out Troy was not inside the suit for that moment, but for a second I thought he was dead in minute 12. But no, it's terrifying. It's like a pop scare. But no, he's fine. He walks into the

frame right after that and he's like, ah, you thought I was in it. And then he pulls the helmet part off and he shows us a purple balloon inside the suit that was not pop. So another successful test. A Patreon goal. I will get shot with a shotgun wearing this suit every morning. All right. Next up from there, we get Troy describing the first iteration of the suit. He bought a bunch of hockey pads and about 80 pounds of leather and just kind of taped

it all together. And then his dad saw this dumbass fucking suit he made and dad ripped the legs off with his bare hands and yelled at Troy for being an idiot. So Troy kept working. Part of that working involved spying on grizzly bears to learn their behavior. So not just building the suit, but checking out the science of the grizzly bear. So we actually get to watch Troy sneaking around a garbage dump in Ontario, seeing a bear and then just hiding in a pile of garbage while he does some valuable recon about their behavior. Is he hoping to catch one practicing a kata or something to not counter their moves?

So then we get a quick montage of the suit's evolution beyond the first one. In 1988, he was still in the hockey pad stage with the Mark IV. Then in 1989, he had the Mark V Series A, which appears to be the good hockey pads that like the rich kids have. Later that year, he made the Mark V Series B, which is the same thing, but it's painted white, so it looks kind of like a Storm trooper and it's a little more badass. And we get some testing on that one. He has one of his friends smash him in the face with a big plank of wood

that he made into like a sword bat. And then he has two different friends attack his arms the same way, those same weapons, and then his torso and then a double smash right at the same time, right to his head with two sword bats simultaneously Picture of a really big swing to the crotch that went very badly and got cut from the movie But it's somewhere on the internet as a still Okay, Keith. I'm not saying you did this essay to show us a bunch of clips of this guy getting hit in the nuts. I'm saying if we had just let you show us the clips, you wouldn't have bothered with this essay.

That's what I'm saying. It's so good. I love this movie so much. So he was definitely safe from a grizzly bear with a sword bat. So now he's going to find out if the bear suit will also protect against falling down an extremely steep cliffside. Why yep. So first he double checks the log smashing test with another direct hit the face and he's the greatest thing I've ever seen. So long to the face. His head snaps back. So really does. Really does. Nobody explained to this man how concussion guy right nobody

Explained to this at all everybody. He's not gonna remember it. Why would you bother? It's himself again so hard to the log and also it's himself in the face with a giant boulder attached to a punching bag Sure, yep lying colors on that one, too to a punching bag. Sure. Yep. Flying colors on that one too. So now we get to watch him throw himself off the side of a cliff and just tumble down like a rag doll. And then to simulate more of a real life scenario, his friend body checks him off the same cliff.

Well, like, I honestly, I think his friends were just trying to kill him this whole time and he just kept standing there going on Another successful test. Thanks Frank. I didn't even think about the cliffside one Also on the cliff what if he's the first one down to catch the cheese wheel he gets Like the cheese wheel competition. Yes. Okay. Look patrons. I'm just saying if you give us a little more money This could have been a video episode. You could be watching these clips alongside us. I'm just saying if you give us a little more money, this could have been a video episode You could be watching these clips alongside us. I'm just saying There is a number so apparently he got in touch with the Canadian government at this point Explained how he invented a suit makes him absolutely indestructible and they were like no you didn't and they hung up of course

And they were like, no, you didn't. And they hung up. Of course, that meant more testing. Next up, he gets a three ton pickup truck with a big battering ram, like taped to the front of it. And he has this truck smash into him at 50 kilometers an hour. It's like 31 miles an hour. They ran. Sorry, I'm just thinking of what I think. He gets hit hard. He jumps up in the air, he just gets blasted. They ran this test 18 times. Shut up! He says that in the movie. Yep.

That same grizzly's now behind a big old F-150. Oh, come on! Okay, so you're probably thinking now, okay, that suit is pretty good, but a grizzly bear doesn't attack under controlled conditions in one particular way at a time, like a student from a Steven Seagal video and then just stop. Don't worry. Troy thought of that too. So for the next test, he walks into a biker bar in Ontario wearing the ridiculous armor suit and he finds four guys to fight him. He gets him to come outside and beat him with baseball bats all at the same time for a while. And okay, so a little peek behind the scenes for our listeners.

Heath has included links with time stamps in the script and he'll have notes next to him like watch for 45 seconds or watch for 20 seconds as though any of us had the physical ability to stop this documentary once it was playing. Seriously, the only thing that matters in my world anymore is this documentary. Right. That's it. I watched this documentary in full three times since I started writing the notes into this essay. There may not be a God awful movies this week everybody. If like half a month ago there just wasn't a game, it's because it was this. I watched this instead, is why.

Okay, movie keeps going. We get a bunch more insane testing including engulfing himself in a giant fireball or extended periods in case there's a bear dragon, I guess, or a bear dragon shark or whatever. And eventually he finally decides the latest prototype is ready for the ultimate test. So he goes out into the mountains of Western Canada again and starts looking for a bear to fight. And in the greatest ending of all time, he never gets to try it out. They hunt around for so long, they finally see a bear that he can fight.

But the crew with the bear suit at that moment, they're stuck up in the mountains and they're a little too far away. And the movie ends with Troy Hurtubese just pacing around furious going back and forth, looking at a bear with binoculars angrily, yelling into the camera about, I would totally beat the shit out of that bear, but I can't because they're up in the fucking mountains with my suits.

My suits not here. And that bear just lights a cigarette with his fire breath and drives off into the sun This is the greatest thing this is no country for old bear. This is amazing He just turns to being who or that guy the general from that battle a few episodes ago And he's like you were right the mountains to going up on the high high ground so and he's like, you were right, the mountains are going up on the high hill. Yeah. High ground. So beautiful movie.

The end of the story about Troy Hurtubese himself is actually pretty tragic. He eventually fell into a depression after all his inventions kept failing and he never made any money because they didn't work. He died in 2018 at age 54 and he crashed his car into an oncoming gasoline truck, causing a really big explosion. Sadly, he's not wearing a suit or any fire paste.

But his legacy lives on in Project Grizzly and most importantly, in our hearts. So if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, Heath, what would it be? Everybody should watch Project Grizzly. It's insane. If you haven't already watched it, just go back and watch it and then listen. It's so fucking good. He gets hit so hard. So many times.

And are you ready for the quiz, sir? I'm ready. All right, Heath. A. That's it? B. He fucking dies. That's it. B, he fucking dies in a car accident like the kids who got a full yearbook page in high school. See, you're not even a little bear. D, there is no God.

No. OK. So I couldn't include every dumb thing that happened to him, but at one point he tested the suit against a bear with a bear trainer helping him out, but the bear trainer was like, no man, this bear's gonna fucking kill you. I'm not doing it. So then he takes the suit off and then just sees what happens to the suit with the bear attacking it and the bear just fucked up the suit. Because it's a bear.

Yeah, because it's a bear. So it was a hundred thousand dollars. And I'll say D, there is no God is my answer. There is no God. You got it right. Or if there is, it's a bear. All right, Heath, waddling about in the woods like a fireproof, chain mailed barely mobile Robo cop to avoid the one in 2.1 million chance of being attacked by a grizzly.

Is a fucking worth it. B really see I haven't found this suit on eBay, but I have alerts set. D this is all that matters now. It's true. Tom is free. It's D, this is all that matters now, and somehow E, all the above. All of them. Tom is going to be fucking collecting pieces of this like the Infinity Gauntlet. Are you kidding me?

I now know how I want to die. Oh man. Finally trade Cicelynn for the last piece. I'm sorry little one All right Heath terrible prototype names for each one of these suits What should he have called each version of the suit a right to bear arms B? Bear witness C loaded for bear D bring to bear arms. B. Bear witness. C. Loaded for bear. D. Bring to bear or E. Bear necessities.

Definitely so good. Right to bear arms is what I think that would be. Oh, I'm sorry. It's bear necessities. I don't know the rest of that song. That's all I know. Yep, has the song in it. Alright, well it looks like Cecil is our winner this week. All right, Noah, you're next. All right. Well, for Cecil, Eli, Heath and Tom, I'm Noah.

Thank you for hanging out with us today. We're back next week. And by then I'll be an expert in something else between now and then. You can hear more from all of us on all of our other shows. But Eli is on the most shows, so he wins. Yeah, you can make a per episode donation at Patreon.com slash Citation Pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you want to get in touch show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citationpod Or leave us a five star review everywhere you can And if you want to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes

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