Citation Needed - Unusual Deaths 4

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

This list of unusual deaths includes unique or extremely rare circumstances of death recorded throughout history, noted as being unusual by multiple sources.

Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Noah and I'm going to be leading this autopsy, but I'll need other people to do all the gross parts. First up, two men who were able to procure a body for this bit way too quickly and with way too few questions, Cecil and Tom. I'm basically Harvey Keitel's character from Pulp Fiction, except I'm cleaning up after Tom. That's my whole job. Hey

You got one client. That guy shouldn't have stepped in front of me at the airport. What there's one at the airport now? Fuck! And also joining us tonight two men who refuse to stop jumping rope with the small intestines and won't share Eli and Heath. It's called a high intensity workout Noah and it's the future of exercise. Thank you. Thank you. Training exactly. And of course before we get started we should thank our patrons. The third person is the person with the intestines there it's coming out of their body. Yeah, it's anchoring. There you go. There you go. Yup, it did make sense. Thank you. Yeah, right. So there you go.

Anchor point. So patrons, without you, Cecil would have to think shit like that up for way more nefarious reasons. If you want to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show. But with that out of the way, tell us, Tom, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event will we be talking about today? All right.

Today, we will be talking about unusual deaths. All right. And Eli, you made it almost a year before returning to this. Well, again, good for you. OK, you can call me out when we've dealt with the fucking ice climber twins over here. OK, OK. Fair enough. Fair enough stories. If he just wants to end the sketch, every paragraph. All right. Yeah, that's it.

So are you ready to laugh at the face of death once more? I sure am, Noah. Starting with an event that could be a whole episode of our podcast. But now won't be. But now won't be. You're welcome. I love gas names. The Thanksgiving Day disaster of the 29th of November, 1900.

Quote, during the 1900, the big game American football match between the California Golden Bears and the Stanford Cardinal in San Francisco, which, side note, sounds like me making fun of what Cecil and Heath and Noah sound like before the record rather than an actual sporting event that happened. Okay, yeah. Sports are dumb. Pretending to know Proust is amazing and relatable. He's a good show.

Guys, guys, Eli's mom wrote him a note. He doesn't have to talk about sports for the rest of class, okay? Susceptible to cults. Quote, a large crowd of people who did not want to pay the $1 equivalent to $37 in 2023, admission fee gathered upon the roof of a glass blowing factory to watch for free. The roof collapsed, spilling many spectators onto a furnace. Of the hundreds of people on the roof, at least 100 people fell four stories to the factory floor.

60 to 100 more people fell directly on top of the furnace, the surface temperature of which was estimated to be around 500 degrees Fahrenheit or 260 degrees Celsius for you communists out there. Fuel pipes were severed as a result of the roof collapse, spraying many victims with scalding hot oil. The fuel also ignited setting many of the victims on fire. 23 people were killed. Only 23? And how was it only 23, Eli? And over a hundred more were injured.

The disaster remains the deadliest accident in sporting event in US history. Turns out glass fuel is that hot. Okay. We know now. Yeah, still weird that all the Jews called in sick that day to sports watch. All right. Well, that might be the deadliest, but the worst disaster in American sports history is still the bill. Second half collapse in Super Bowl 28. Yeah, we can all agree.

Stan Walker was murdered by his friend, but somehow the dumbest lie in history has made it into the history books. So here it is, quote, the 20 year old was watching an amateur baseball game in Morristown, Ohio, with a friend on either side of him. One of the friends borrowed a knife from the other to sharpen his pencil as he was keeping score. And when he was finished, pass the knife to Walker to pass to the other friend. As Walker was holding the knife, a foul ball struck him in the hand and drove the knife into his chest, come back to his heart.

His friends asked if he was hurt and he said, not much. But the wound soon began to bleed heavily and he died within minutes. Okay, same thing actually happened to me just without the knife and the dying. That's the awkward part of the story though, Heath. So, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you hurt is a weird response to a dude who just got stabbed in the chest, right? No, I get it though. My dad legitimately once put a nail through his thumb with a nail gun and all I could think to ask

when it happened was, are you okay? To which he said, nope. What, you know what? Accurate. Man, a few words. Yeah. Oh my god, did you catch a foul ball on a major league baseball game? I did! Who said that? Yes, I did. It was amazing. It's very rare. And yes, I did at a meds game. It was pretty cool.

I had actually just switched suits with a friend of mine and he was super mad because it would have hit him right in the chest. Call me when you play Tev heavy as a freshman in high school. He Yeah, were you That's gotta be rare for thank you first one ever cool That's amazing each other in the light here Oh my god. Hold each other in the light here. We keep the podcast.

I'm the essayist. We keep this energy. They can't move. Usually one of them starts talking, but it could just be this now. The rest of the show. All right. If you think your parents- We've both had orgasms.

We have. With women. Not at them. Together. Oh, yup. And together. If you think your parents beat you over the head with the Bible, wait till you hear this next story.

In 1903, an unidentified person was beaten to death with a Bible during a healing ceremony gone wrong in Honolulu, Hawaii. The victim, quote, was being treated for malaria when his family summoned a kahuna who decided he was possessed by devils and tried to exorcise the demons. The kahuna was charged with manslaughter. All right, podcast listener, are you ready to go? You. Now let's talk about the death of Melissa M. Tiemann.

The 50-year-old resident of Los Angeles. You. Sorry, early. You go. The 50-year-old resident of Los Angeles fell from a streetcar and. You. Was it now the time? Too early. You'll know. Fell from a streetcar and struck the back of her head on the ground driving the teeth of an aluminum comb She was wearing into her skull

Yeah This next one might be my favorite of the entire episode. The chief of the German Imperial Military Cabinet had Kaiser Wilhelm II and some buddies over on the night of November 14th, 1908 to watch him do ballet. That's right, you heard me. After his vigorous performance, shortly after his bow, the soldier collapsed and was pronounced dead at the scene That is a great final moment though like you finish out your last moment on earth take a bow all your friends clap for you That's the way to go

I always wanted that Lord of the Dance to go out like that That's it exactly. I always wanted that Lord of the Dance to go out like that You know what I mean? Lot of people would like Michael Yeah, but what makes this story extra funny is that the court was actually already embroiled in a scandal about homosexual behavior So the attendees covered up the circumstances of his death Make it look like he was doing something manly. Literally, yes. Now. Have him fight a bear.

Throw him in a bear. We got any bears? Put him in a suit. Now, I swear I've done this next one before, but perhaps I've only been looking forward to it so much that I thought I did. George Spencer Millett was a 15-year-old office boy at the Metropolitan Life Building in New York City. According to Wikipedia, he was, quote, fleeing six young women stenographers at his workplace,

intent on giving him kisses for his 15th birthday while carrying an ink eraser in his breast pocket. As the women moved in for their kisses, he fell forward and the eraser's point pierced his heart, killing him, end quote. One cupid just slaps the other cupid, make it an ink eraser. Real smart, Phil! You fucking idiot!

Oh yeah, I don't know, how the fuck was it facing his heart in his breast pocket that's crazy the way it's done on him, right? How was he carrying it? Also maybe we should stop erasing ink with a small sword in old times. Agreed. Trying to start an orgy with a child here? Fuck! It's really exciting to see a cupid.

And heroes. Content warning for you here, Tom. King Alexander of Greece was assassinated by a monkey. What? This story comes from Royal Central. Quote, the story begins on the 2nd of October 1920. King Alexander went for a walk with his dog in the private park belonging to the Tatoi estate outside of Athens. A monkey attacked his majesty's dog, a German shepherd named Fritz.

The monkey of the breed Barbara Macaw belonged to someone who worked at the palace. When the king saw this, he ran forward to the fighting animals and tried to separate the two from each other. Then, and I had to check so many articles to make sure this is actually the story, then another uninvolved monkey came along and bit Alexander on the leg and upper body several times. I'm sorry, fucking King Alexander didn't have a monkey guy? He has to separate fighting monkeys himself?

Fucking royalty's come a long way. I guarantee you that King Prince Charles has a guy whose whole job is to curtail Simian mischief in his presence, right? And in exchange... And to brush their teeth. And in exchange, he was allowed to paint that insane painting, yeah. So when the king's servants saw this,

they came to his aid and managed to chase away the monkeys. A little late. Yep. King Alexander had two deep bites that were cleansed and he was sure that the injuries were not serious and did not want the information about the fight and attack to reach the public. Okay, I told you guys and I am serious about this. No monkey business. There it is.

The damage was much more severe than King Alexander. Tom had to deal with a lot of monkey wrangling as a kid He's got a lot of trauma from that the damage was much more severe than King Alexander believed the same evening Both bites were infected and the King developed a serious infection his majesty's doctors considered amputating his leg But none wished to take responsibility for this if it didn't solve the problem Okay, and it is 1920 so chances are pretty good at what now? Exactly. The situation worsened each day without the doctors doing anything special. Let's see, has anyone told him to try losing 20 pounds?

The infection spread around the body and sadly, it was no longer possible to save King Alexander by a simple amputation. It ended with the death of the king on the 25th of October, 23 days after the attack. Say what you will about fraudulent psychic mediums, but Thomas Ling Brantford was committed to the bit. Quote, in an attempt to ascertain the existence of an afterlife, the spiritualist committed suicide by sealing his Detroit apartment, blowing out the pilot of his heater and turning on the gas, dying of carbon monoxide poisoning.

I'm confused. He had a carbon monoxide burning furnace? I was confused about that as well. And then I was like, is that what furnaces run on? I don't wanna ask. That is not what furnaces run on. To die of hypoxia if that happens. Bradford had intended to communicate his findings

to fellow spiritualist, Ruth Starkweather Doran. But some weeks after his death, the New York Times ran the article, Dead Spiritualist Silent. Well, okay, but kind of fuck Ruth for not at least playing along. Right? Right? Bad for her. Jesus.

Yeah. Fucking goldmine. You got a goldmine there. If you ever fucking golded it, got a gold mine there. Yeah. If you ever heard. This thing is fucking gold and I'm giving it up for free. If you've ever heard of the mummy's curse, it's probably because of George Herbert, the fifth Earl of Carnivon

and financier of Howard Carter's search for Tutankhamen. He died after a mosquito bite, which he had cut while shaving and became infected. OK, I guess the curse of not having invented antibiotics yet is putting it. Frank Hayes was a 22 year old jockey from Vermont who had a heart attack and died mid race collapsing on his horse. The horse still crossed the finish line first while carrying his dead body. still cross the finish line first while carrying his dead body. Don't! Don't! First! Alright, which means that either there's this super awkward conversation afterwards about

whether that counts, or they already have a rule for that. Either way, I am intrigued by that story. You know 19. I feel like that counts. Yeah, old timey Heath runs up with his ticket, that fucking counts, man! That definitely counts. Absolutely. I wasy Heath runs up with his ticket that fucking counts man Was putting on the horse motherfucker. Here's another murder that old timey people were too stupid and lazy to solve Jones a lawyer from banger Gwyneth Wales who quote woke up to find that he had his throat slit

Motioning for a paper and pencil. He wrote I dreamt that I had done it I awoke to find it true and died 80 minutes later he had done it to himself apparently while unconscious an inquest at banger delivered a verdict of suicide while temporarily insane you know we laugh but this is Tom's future of escalating alarm clocks that's true yeah anything before 7 a before 7am I'm now up to pepper spray into my open mouth. That's where I'm at. Playwright and novelist Arnold Bennett, who sad to say is probably best known for the absolute pounding he took from Virginia Woolf in the press. Okay, boo, boo, boo modernism, boo. He, shitty books, exhausting.

He died of don in the fury. Fuck you stream of consciousness. Get out of here. Unreadable. Yeah, he died of don't tell me what Mrs. Dallet couldn't go up a page. It's OK. I'm so dumb about a single page. Exhausting. OK, best thing she wrote was her suicide note. And I don't mean that in the sense that you read Virginia Wolf's suicide note, you become whatever percentage

more suicidal than you were before. You're like, you know what, Virginia? Great points. Anyways, he died. Read the note. You'll kill him. Convincing. Convincing.

So your pockets full of rocks. There are a hundred people who listen to this podcast. If you all listen to it and one of you reads that note, you'll kill yourself. Convincing, convincing. Fill your pockets full of rocks and walk into the fucking sea. There are a hundred people who listen to this podcast. If you all listen to it and one of you reads that note, you're going out. I'm just saying. Anyways, he died of don't tell me what to do, itis. The British quote, the British novelist was dining in Paris with his partner, Dorothy. He drank two glasses of tap water during the meal, scoffing at Dorothy's claims that the

water in Paris was not properly treated to be safe to drink. Within two days, he'd contracted typhoid fever and died two months later. Ugh, those I told you so's must have been insufferable for two months. Whoa! So, how you feeling? Apologize-y and almost dead-sy? Huh? And of course, what kind of citation needed as a would this be without some radiation poisoning?

Enter even buyers quote, the American socialite and industrialist died after drinking excessive quantities of radium. And that seems like any quantity of radium. You would think that. He had developed persistent pain after a fall in 1927, for which he was prescribed Rattathor, a patent medicine that contained one microcure, each of the isotopes 226RA and 228RA.

He drank a total of around 1,400 doses, which concentrated in his bones Continually irradiating him by 1931 his bones were reportedly Disintegrating and his jaw had been removed. He died the next year Mm-hmm. Well, tell you what death by radiation is the big musical number on this podcast, which means we need an intermission But we're gonna be back in a bit after some apropos of nothing. Well that's very good. I'm impressed. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you. Rrrrgh!

Rrrrgh! Rrrrgh! Rrrrgh! Uh... Dietrich? Dietrich? Uh... He's...

He's dead, sir. Oh, come on! You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Uh, it's alright, your majesty. I-I shall call the doctor. No, no! Don't call the doctor yet. We gotta fucking change this, right? Ch-Ch-Change this, sir?

Yeah, this doesn't look good for the whole, you know, the gay thing. What? He's wearing a tutu. A traditional ballet uniform. Whatever, just take him out of it. We'll say we were hunting or wrestling or something. Sorry, you should wrestling your highness fine hunting. Oh Man, he's got a boner. Oh, yes Probably the heart attack though, right? I don't just put it put him in the put him in the hunting clothes I don't think he has hunting clothes

to Traditional ballet uniform whatever put him in it, please! Oh, okay, it's um... It's uh, in the way. What? What's in the way? What? The boner. I can't... I can't get the... Pull harder! Here, here, I'll help. I'll help.

Your highness, I heard a commotion. Oh. Um... Ahaha, this is... This is not... what it looks like different You guys aren't Dressing a dead guy in a tutu over his boner It's a traditional ballet uniform with you, man. I'm just I'm just saying words matter Just don't tell anybody. I

Already texted a 100 people. Yep, that tracks. And we're back when we left off. People were dropping like flies. Eli, who's next? Our next death is a great lesson that you got to be careful who you sass. Nicholas Comper was an aviator and aircraft designer who, on June 17th of 1939, was playing with fireworks in public.

Now, our justice minded listeners already know he deserves to die. But a passerby asked him what he was doing. Copper replied that he was an IRA terrorist planning to blow up Town Hall. And in 1939, that joke was actually way too soon. So the guy punched him in the head, which he hit on the curb and died. Oh, Jesus. Okay. That's so weird. That actually happened to alt-right citizen journalist Andy Noe when he was covering a protest by the Antifa Army. He got milkshaked with concrete. I read about this.

And then he got punched to death. And then he wrote the article that I read about. Thomas Mantell is the first person to die of a UFO sighting, quote, the P-51 Mustang fighter pilot crashed while in pursuit of an unidentified flying object near Franklin, Kentucky. Officially the object remains unidentified. So the most likely explanation was that it was a U S skyhook balloon. Yeah. Well, yeah, they don't want to say,

because it's embarrassing when your fighter jets can't keep up with your balloons without crashing. Yeah. Look, my daughter really loved balloons when she was little, but we didn't like let her drive the car to chase them around much less a fighter plane. Exactly. Yeah. On July 2nd, 1951, Mary Reeser fell asleep while smoking and burned to death in an unfortunate incident that is far too common.

But America has never seen a tragic death we haven't wanted to turn into something weird and sensational. Rumor quickly spread that she had spontaneously combusted a topic probably worth its own essay. And the media quickly gave her the nickname, The Cinder Lady. I like back in 1950, we were still like, Yeah, humans can sometimes light themselves on fire

like a pile of oily rigs. Yeah. Exactly. So cops, who were apparently as good at solving murders humans can sometimes light themselves on fire like a pile of oily rigs. Yeah, exactly. So cops, who were apparently as good at solving murders then as they are now, sent her remains to the head of the FBI at the time, J. Edgar Hoover, with a note saying, quote, We request any information or theories that could explain how a human body could be so destroyed and the fire confined to such a small area and so little damage done to the structure of the building and the furniture in the room not even scorched or damaged by

smoke." The FBI quickly returned with almost exact quote, "'The floor is cement and the chair is in the middle of the room, you idiots. This is why the communists are women.'" Jesus Christ. FBI, any chance the floor was lava? Love, local cops. Let us know.

The parents in our audience are all too familiar with Margaret Weiss Brown, who wrote a children's book I could recite while being waterboarded. Good night, Moon. I should say, Brown is a fascinating character from literary history and probably worthy of her own essay as well. Well, stop ruining so goddamn many answers.

There's three now. You're just... No. Not only did she publish Gertrude Stein's Only Children book, she was an outspoken feminist, openly bisexual, and she died the way she lived. Fantastically. Here's the story is written in Thomas Nisly's Literary Almanac. Quote, though she was just 42, Margaret Weiss Brown had nearly a hundred children's books to her name when she took ill while traveling in Europe.

Treated for an ovarian cyst, she grew fond of the nuns in the hospital and, to show one how well she was doing before being released, kicked her foot high in the air from her hospital bed, dislodging a blood clot in her leg that quickly traveled to her brain and killed her. This is how I'm going to die, but it's going to be an entire cheeseburger in the vein. Yeah. Weird postscript to that story. She left all the royalties of her books to her nine-year-old neighbor, who spent the rest of his life blowing the money, committing crimes, and telling people that Brown was secretly

his mother. She was not. Well, then he wrote the bestselling kids book, Good Night Trust Fund. Look, I'm sorry, but if you give that trust fund of riches to a fourth grader and you don't expect them to turn into a Maserati driving coke head, then you know nothing about the American dream. She didn't know nothing about the American dream. She did know nothing about the American dream. I don't even want to be American if that's not true.

Come on. Clarence Hudson and Eli Bosnik have one shared key philosophy. If you're going to kill yourself, you should do it in a way that's awesome. And that's exactly what Clarence did by making his own electric chair. Quote, clutched in his hand was a ground wire from a homemade electrical apparatus Hudson's bare feet Rested on a wet towel another wet towel was around his head pasted to each temple was a 25 cent piece We usually call those quarters, but sure I'm quoting from the newspaper at the time and from each coin Extended a wire to a homemade transformer police said the transformer was used to increase the voltage from a wall outlet.

It was estimated that 1000 volts shot through Hudson's body. Okay. Do you think he used a chair from home or got a new one? I feel like he got a new one, right? It's a weird fucking trip to Ikea to pick that chair, but like, I think that's what he did. Yeah. And they probably didn't have the right kind of.

He opened up the instructions. There's like a line drawing blob man with a hammer scratching his head and looking at other than a line drawing blob man whose eyeballs have started melting, you know. Oh, exactly. There's an Allen wrench in the socket. I feel like that's related to this death. Now, this would be just another slightly grisly suicide.

But if you've heard this story, it's probably because of professional liar and essay topic of his own already, Alex Jones, who has often used Hudson's story as proof of a secret cabal of pedophiles who either killed him for knowing too much or for being one of them. It depends on the day that Alex is telling the story. It's weird for a conspiracy to kill you for being part of it though, no? It's a work against your greater goals. Yeah. I'll let Wikipedia do the heavy lifting on these next three deaths. Quote, during the testing of an experimental nuclear

reactor design in Arco, Idaho, two soldiers and a sailor were killed but their deaths were not due to radiation poisoning while trying to bring the reactor online John a burns pin in that for irony. Well, unless he's gonna be iced to death. It wouldn't be irony. Okay Army specialist was supposed to pull a control now. He has to improvise something that's not burns Was supposed to pull the control rod part way out by hand, but he pulled the rod out further than intended. The reactor instantly went critical, which flash boiled the water around the reactor. The force of the steam expanding lifted the entire reactor into the air about 2.77 meters. That's nine feet one inches for you Americans in here.

In what has been described as a water hammer like effect I don't know what that is. What is a water hammer? It's like a water hammer, but it's an effect Water hammer. Wow. Yeah. Thanks T-Dog. Maybe maybe I do know what irony is because you guys don't know what a water hammer is I still don't know what irony is irony is because you guys don't know what a water hammer is. You still don't know what irony is? Absolutely. Anyways, in what has been described, very apropoly as a water hammer like

effect, many components were, ironically, apropoly. Many components were thrown out of the top, one of which impaled Richard C. Legg, a Navy electrician's mate. Not for him and the arm. That's ironic. The arm would have been ironic. That would have been ironic, thankfully.

Yeah. It lifted him from a catwalk and penetrated the ceiling, leaving him dangling. Jesus Christ. Yikes. While the reactor was airborne, the radioactive steam escaped spraying the room. The steam was so hot that burns instantly died of severe burns.

No, apropos. I almost had it. Iron. Fair. Leroy McKinley suffered a head wound from which he died later that day. The steam left the bodies of all three men radioactive. So they were buried in lead coffins. Officials feared that moving them would risk spreading contamination among public roadways, so a graveyard was established in the desert only

half a kilometer, or.31 miles, from the explosion. The graveyard is still monitored by the Environmental Protection Agency. The three remain the only human beings killed by a reactor explosion in the United States. One of them turns to the other. How far should I pull this rod out? I don't know a smidge? Maybe a smidge? See, so just pull it out by hand a little bit. What the fuck's happening? The user manual for the nuclear reactor, it needs not to have, you know, like hanging a painting on the wall as like an instruction what the fuck is happening history has some pretty bizarre

dominoes dude grabs a sandwich at the right shop to console himself after a failed assassination attempt we get World War one some children yell at Nicholas Christakis and Cecil and I's best friendship is born it wasn't a snarky email it was not it. It was a snarky. It wasn't. And in the case of Echol, Coley, and Robert Walker, their death forever changed the civil rights movement. See, Follin Walker were garbage men, but, unluckily for them, they were black garbage

men. And so, when it started to rain during their shift, they weren't allowed into the sanitation building where they worked. So they settled down into the back of their truck instead. The truck malfunctioned and squooshed them. Sanitation building where they work so they settled down into the back of their truck instead the truck malfunctioned and squooshed them this in turn caused a strike by the sanitation workers a strike so prominent that they were visited by none other than Martin Luther King Jr. Who was assassinated on his visit?

Okay, I was about to ooh MLK and then it's like oh he got assassinated right there. I'm I was about to oo-oo MLK and then it's like, oh, he got assassinated right there. I'm gonna let you know. Yeah, that's true. It's good I didn't do that. I could move that track in the edit and then it seems like you're oo-ooing the assassination. You gotta be careful. And lest we end on a bummer note like that, I'll finish up this segment with the death

of Basil Brown. Again, pinning that for irony. Quote, the 48-year-old health food advocate from Croydon, England died from liver damage after he consumed 70 million units of vitamin A and around 10 us gallons or 38 liters of carrot juice over 10 days. Jesus. Turning his skin a bright yellow. All right.

That was irony. If you want to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, Eli, what would it be? Nobody makes it out of life alive, Noah. All right. And are you ready for the quiz? Hit me, but not too hard. Yeah, it's a curb there. Which of the following people should have died in a slapstick force?

Hey, the world's number one ranked golfer, Scotty Shaeffler, after pulling onto the sidewalk and trying to drive through a police investigation that was delaying his arrival at a golf course. Jesus, what? B, the cop who grabbed onto the side of Schaeffler's car and got dragged for 30 feet, the cop thinking he could, I don't know, grind the SUV to a stop using his amazing arm strength somehow? See, the judge who somehow let Scheffler leave the courthouse minutes after being arrested for the, you know, almost vehicular homicide, allowing Scheffler to still make his 10.08

tee time that morning. Or D, Scottie Scheffler dies again a second time for being a massive piece of shit. I think it's secret answer E. Scottie Scheffler and I share a driving philosophy and a single heart. OK, I guess that's technically right. Also, yes, correct. Thank you. All right, Eli. Eli, who's the most famous person to die by spontaneous combustion?

A. J. Cole B. Bic Flair C. Richard Pyer or D. Bernie Senders. Awwww. Doubles on each one. It's really good.

Gotta go with Bernie Sanders. Got to go. Yes. All right. Eli, when polled, people often say they want to die in their sleep. Why is that? A, because they are boring. B, because they don't have close friends to battle to the death with while driving rented

bulldozer. Right. C, yeah, you can really just rent a bulldozer. D, for real, to anyone, they'll just rent you a bulldozer. Right. C. Yeah, you can really just rent a bulldozer. D. For real, to anyone, they'll just rent you a bulldozer right now. Or E. How are the streets not lined with blood-soaked bulldozers? I'm going to go with secret answer F. Yes, Tom, I accept your invitation, but based on my triglycerides we better hurry. That sounds right. Yeah that worked. Yep that one is correct which means that this week's winner is Eli. Oh alright let's uh return back to the frozen north next

week with an essay from Tom. Alright well for Tom, Heath, Eli and Cecil I'm Noah thanking you for hanging out with us today we're back next week and by then Tom will be an expert on something else between now and then. Be sure to check us out on Cognitive Diss and the Skydolphin Movie, Skating Atheist and a bunch more shit. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash CitationPod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com.

media or check the show notes be sure to check out citation pod.com Okay so then as we were carrying the body down the stairs I began to yawn just that happened that yawn made me trip and fall forward onto the middle of the body. Literally none of us believe in your highness. Totally hork that dead dude's dong, man. I fell whilst yawning. You don't have a gag reflex either, that's so weird. Irrelevant!