Club Random with Bill Maher - Bill Burr | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

Bill Maher and Bill Burr on why Bill directed Old Dads, the state of cancel culture, what happens if you keep drinking with age, how kids are a buzzkill, the problem with self-driving cars, the age gap between the two Bills, big roast energy, what happened to Bill Maher while wearing leopard shoes, the randomness of award shows, how Bill Burr fell in love with his wife, Bill’s Burr’s take on The Beatles, Bill Burr’s hilarious hometown friends, why war is legal and much, much more.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey, transforming into Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, nearest green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Hey, Club Random Fans. Guess what I did? I wrote a damn book. It's called What This Comedian

Said Will Shock You, and it's available for pre-order now where you get your books or at simonschuster.com. I'm going part-time to college. I'm unloading trucks, what am I doing? That is what has made you the guy who sells stadiums. Because you do like to like pick a fight about anything. One more reference away from taking this mic off and just walking out. Bill? Hello, William.

You're there. Yeah, so we're not confused. All right, what's going on, sir? Master your word. Yeah, I showed up. You showed up. You said you would and you did. That means a lot to me.

I appreciate it. That's it, well the bar is set low if that's all it is. Like who doesn't show up? People, are you kidding? Are you in showbiz? That's why I don't have guests. For the most part, I don't have guests because I don't wanna deal with that.

That is something I also am somewhat in awe of. I couldn't do that. You know, there's some things I can do, I think in showbiz, as good or better than anybody, but then there's things like improv I couldn't do. Rap. Rap, there you go like improv I couldn't do. Rap. Okay. Especially right up the dome.

Yeah, that's amazing. That blows my mind. But also, just talking straight to the camera, just starting and it's just you. Rush Limbaugh did it. Yes, he did. And you do it. But that is a rare skill, my friend, to just go.

It's probably some personality flaw in the rest of my life, but in that moment, it works. Well, I know a lot of people that would agree with you. Well, I mean, don't you have a childhood that lends itself to humor because of, who was the Boston comic who used to say you had a bad father like you did? And he was like, when Bing Crosby's kids

were talking about how Bing Crosby was, remember that? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, hey, my dad used to, my dad used to hit us with your father's record. You know, that was a Boston comic. I forget who it was. Yeah, yeah, that was... But yeah, you have, you're a fodder, you know,

like all of pain in life is fodder for art, right? Yeah, I mean, I guess that's kind of how it, All of pain in life is fodder for art, right? Yeah, I mean, I guess that's kinda how it works. I mean, consider. That's class. Look at that. I just, when I used to drink, I used to just fill it up till it was above the ice cubes. Well, I used to drink like that too, but you know, we all have to throttle back as we get older.

I like that joke that you used to do. Said if you don't stop drinking as you get older, you start looking like a Kennedy. Yeah. But it's not just. Ted Kennedy. I mean, he did have that. He had a lot of demons.

No, but he had a. He would have been a hell of a stand up. All the pain that guy had and then the pain he caused. Ted Kennedy. Oh my God, he would have crushed it, that giant head. I know stories about him from like... Let's keep it light, huh? What could be...

You're going to Ted, you're going to Teddy Darkness. Can I smoke a cigar in here? Of course, you can do whatever you want in here. But I dated someone whose mother I dated someone whose mother was someone he visited as a lady. They had a book club. What are you, by the way, you were very good as Jack Kennedy in the Seinfeld movie.

Oh, thank you. That was a perfect, perfect answer. I had a great, wasn't that great a movie? So good. I loved it. And you know what, I have to say, and Jerry was here just a few days ago, I heard terrible things about it.

To be honest, I don't know why. Well, I think younger people, because I think younger people didn't know some of the references. I don't think they even saw it yet. I don't know where that came from. And then I watched it, I was like, wow. Not only is the concept so genius,

the juxtaposition of the most trivial thing in the world, breakfast area, with all that stuff that was going on in the 60s, NASA, and the Cold War. You know, all the- But what's funny is the battle that Kellogg's and Post's, it's the same battle that people are fighting with the Army. I loved all of that. I also loved when they went to the grocery store

when Post and Kellogg's are racing to get their Pop Tarts there. Did you notice one truck was a Ford, one was a Chevy? No, I did not notice. There was a lot of little things in there. Oh, there were. But what's funny is treating it as if it was the end of the world, the space. Yes. That's what's funny is treating it as if it was the end of the world, the space.

Yes. That's what was funny, the Anne Khrushchev, that it was important to the Cuba, the Cold War, El Sucre, all that stuff. And the pacing, for a first time director, I thought, I love that about it, that it just moved. Comedians make good directors, though. They do.

Like who else would be in that category? There was this guy, Bill Burr, directed this movie, Old Dads. Yeah, I saw it, it was... Comedians make good directors, so they do. Like who else would be in that category? There was this guy, Bill Burr, directed this movie, Old Dads. Yeah, I saw it. It was good, you're right. I thought you were gonna say, I didn't think it was that good. No, I didn't know you directed it.

My heart just went down like that. I was like, oh God, I just set myself up. I actually didn't know you directed it. I directed it because there was no one available. That's the only reason why I did it, because we were coming out of the pandemic, so all the directors that were gonna shoot something in 2020, whenever the hell it was,

they didn't shoot it, because we were quarantined, and then they were like two projects behind, so they started pulling that like, it's gonna go away, it's gonna go away. You have a big future in filmmaking, very much like Luis AK, but without the jerk. Yeah, but Luis just make movies on his own. I know.

Did you see that one? I loved it. That Fourth of July, would you list? Yes, absolutely. very much like Louis J.K., but without the jerk. Yeah, but Louis just make movies on his own. I know. Did you see that one? I loved it. That Fourth of July with Joe List? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, it was fantastic. No, I mean, don't get me started on that, but isn't it time everyone just went,

okay, it wasn't a cool thing to do, but it's been long enough, and welcome back to the world. You took $50 million from them, I think they punished them. Enough, enough. Not every, I think they punished them. Enough, enough. Not every, I mean, for Christ's sake, it's not the end of the world. People have done so much worse things and gotten less.

There's no rhyme or reason to the me-too type punishments. Well, it's like most things. It started off with something everyone could agree on and then quickly it just spun out of... I mean, whenever that cancel culture got to the point of where it was, I don't like some of the topics in your stand-up act. Right.

Yeah, that's when it got weird. But like, that's all over. It's all over. That's... It's over. Cancel culture? Yeah, no one cares anymore. That's so not true. Either one ofcel culture? Yeah, no one cares anymore.

That's so not true. Either one of us could get canceled in the next two minutes. No. For what? Well, if you're not doing anything. It was just like you did this joke about this group of people or that group of people and I've decided to... I don't know. I feel like I'm going back two years of my life.

I don't even think about it anymore. Nice ashtray, by the way. Isn't that lovely? Yeah. I've never known where I got anything. I probably should. Somebody gave this to me. Yeah, that's the kind of thing they used to give you

when you were tired after a while. You're watching an ashtray. When you think about- Martini shaker. When you think about how much, I don't know, you probably had similar upbringings. You treasured like almost every physical thing you had, even though it was a hand-me-down. Like you had just certain things in your little room.

And then as you go through life, so much stuff, and you don't even know where you got all the stuff. Well, you know what about that? What's great about that is there's no upgrade. And everything became disposable. Electric cars are like laptops. Like after a couple years, they're not worth anything because of the technology, which doesn't even make sense.

But same thing with a laptop, with phones, all of that stuff. What do you drive? What do I drive? I'm a truck guy. I got a Ford F-250 and I have an old F-100. Really, why? The same reason why does a guy drive a Ferrari

down Sunset Strip and never take it to a racetrack. That's what he's into. My Ferraris, I always wanted a Ford F-250, eight foot bed, regular cab. Why, are you hauling dirt? Is that guy going to the racetrack? Have you ever driven one of those on a racetrack? You cannot flip them over.

They're unbelievable, the technology and the respect you get for racing of what they're putting their bodies through. Cause I didn't, you know, I was driving like an asshole. I finally realized that you try to go smooth around the track, not try to just stomp on the gas and slam on the brakes, but like, I like driving, that's why I like cigars.

I like going slow, because my brain goes fast, and there's something about driving a truck, it's slow, it slows me down, and I can think. You like driving. I love it. Me too. I would hate to be at that stage, or for whatever reason, where I had to. Me too. I would hate to be at that stage or for whatever reason where I had to be driven everywhere.

You know, I mean sometimes you do, like one around the road probably get picked up by somebody, right, you're not driving yourself in Cincinnati. Right, right. But there's something, and I see these electric cars now next to me on the highway. That, I mean, not like self-driving cars. That's insane.

First of all, what kind of question, why do we need that? I'll never get used to it, is the bottom line. Is I don't think I will, like some things, like I don't fight progress. I mean, we all love our phones, come on. They would put a little computer like that in your pocket that does so many things. It changed everybody's lives, mostly for the better

and some for the worst when it's done to kids' heads. Really fucked them up. Kids' heads, my head. I stayed off Instagram for a month, and my short-term memory got like, it felt like 30% better. And I realized like, oh, maybe I'm not getting dementia, I just think my brain is like getting scrambled. Like the amount of times I'm sitting there going like,

put this down, put it down, talk to your wife. You're supposed to be watching this movie with her. And like something on TV, I'll be like, is that guy still alive or like, what kind of car is that? And then I'm just fucking', I'm like that, and I miss the... You mean you're looking up the answer to those questions? Which then, and then that leads me to videos,

and then I'm just going like, I never saw that movie Girl Interrupted, and I saw it on the Criterion Channel. I wanna watch that, and there's all these great actors in it. I wanna see this. So I put it on, and something in there reminded me of one flew over the cuckoo's nest, and I was trying to think of the cast, you know, who was in it, Danny DeVito was in it,

young Danny DeVito and all of that, and I just went down this thing, and all of a sudden, it felt like 10 minutes, and the credits were rolling, and I was going like, like someone, I forget, somebody won an Oscar on that movie, and I like totally spaced on it. I think that might be the difference in our generations, which is not that, I mean, we're maybe like 13 years apart.

You're one of my elders, man, I respect you for that. I feel like I'm in the Reagan-Mondale debate. No, I just remember when you did my podcast, you kept getting like, I'm not that much older than you. And I'm not. Dude, 13 years is a long fucking time. Well I think the point I made then, and I'll remake it for you,

is that to anyone young who is what we care about in this discussion, because it's like, well we don't want to lose that audience, trust me, when you're 25, you and I are the same. And I told you this story about- How dare you? You dress like you paint, look at you. When Leno and Conan were going through that whole thing

that we all remember as comedians so well, remember the fight for the crown at the Tonight Show? I think it was 2009 and I was with, my girlfriend was 25 at the time and we were talking about it and I said, well, you know, it's a big age difference. Leno's 59 and Conan's 46, and she went, yeah, that's the same thing to me.

And I always remember that. So, we're this, we are the younger audience. No, no, if you and I are just like hanging out, talking, but if we go back far enough. And you're a dad. If we go back like. That ends 10 years. You're married and a dad.

See. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. You just hate kids. I do, but like having never gotten married, not married, not kid, that definitely closes that gap. Anyway, the point being. I don't like how you just made that point

and then said anyway really quickly before I could refute it. Anyway, did you learn that in debating class? I did. Because you said anyway I'm gonna roll with that? No. Well, I mean, you gotta play. No, but just like, I mean, you're like

pre-stand-up spotlight, you know, as far as like, you know. What does that mean? I mean, that's just, I mean, you were like comedy on the road, evening at the improv, I mean, that's, yeah. That's a whole different generation than mine. I was, the point I was gonna make is that, this, to me, says two different generations. Like, I don't think many people from my generation

ever have what you just described. This addiction to social media, going down rabbit holes, the attention span issue here where you're watching something but it makes you think it's something else and then you go to that. Just what you were just telling me. That's like very alien to me. One of the best things you did for society

is you didn't have kids. Well, thank you. I know you meant that in a snarky way. No, no, but I, no. It's okay. We need more people like you. We do. That can just admit that I don't wanna deal with this shit.

The worst thing is, is when a person who doesn't wanna have kids has kids because they think they're supposed to do it, and then they fucking don't like them, and then that kid has to spend their whole life without that love, and then they meet my kid, and then they're a fucking asshole to him. That's when it's one ends, or they met us, or whatever.

So like. Has that happened? Had kids, your kids have had to encounter kids who you thought were shitty kids because of the parents being shitty? Well, that's one of my favorite things that they say, like when they go, you know what, kids are mean. And you know what I always say to them?

I always say, yeah, you know who makes kids? God. So stop worshiping this guy every fucking Sunday. He makes mean kids who say shit to other kids. He makes people who don't want to have kids who end up having kids, and then those kids don't get love, and then they go to school and they're fucking mean, and they say stuff to kids,

they carry it for the rest of their lives. Like, if anything I can instill with my kids is like, the attribute I have as a father is I remember what it was like to be a kid. So one of the big things is when, in the morning time when my kids are getting dressed, my wife picks out the clothes, if they're like, I don't like this shirt, I'm like, wear one that you like.

Because if you go to school with, I don't like my shirt energy, your shoulders are gonna be slumped and then they're coming at you. I want you liking your shirt. Let's start your day liking what you're wearing. I wish I had someone to tell me that. Most of my schooling, I would say most,

I went to school with a knot in my stomach. Yeah, you got picked off. Because even if I wasn't, it was always the potential and sometimes I was. They just, it just never felt right to me. If you're a control freak, which I kinda am, childhood is a kind of torture because you just do not have control yet.

I got happier as I got older because I got more control. I don't need the control. You know what night I remember? The first night when I moved out, and I was on my own, and I remember just being out and having nobody to answer to when I got home, and I was just like, this is fucking amazing.

It's an exhilarating feeling. Yeah. It is. But then what you quickly realize is you have to become your own parent, which you have to tell yourself it's time to go to bed, or maybe you're drinking too much or something like that, because I saw, you know, you see, you watch people mess up not just show business

but just careers in general because they, you know, they can't, like, I feel like the people that had the most overbearing parents a lot of times, like just that feeling when they finally move out of freedom, it's like literally, I can't admit, I think it's too much for them. Yes it is. It's, you know what it is?

It's Morgan Freeman, no, who's the other guy in Shawshank Redemption who? Tim Rommons. Yeah, but no, the guy who, he gets out of prison. The old guy. Can't handle it because he's so used to prison. And now he's working at the supermarket, and he says, can I take a pee, boss?

And they say, you don't have to ask every time. Just take a pee. And he can't hack it. There is something to that. I mean, the mind is a strange place. I feel like people that watch 24 hour news networks get institutionalized to blame colors of ties rather than the corporations behind them.

And they will just sit there convinced that Trump is the worst thing that happened to this country or Biden is the worst thing that happened to this country. And it's just like, you know, you might wanna just kind of push through that veil a little bit further. Yeah. And so I kind kinda have this thing,

like when I get around the 24 hour news zombies, I just, Jesus Christ, was that Geritol? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Nobody under the age of 50 got that one. Remember that?

It was on the Lawrence Welk show. He used to pedal the Geritol. To my point, the 25 year old is watching this going, look at these two old guys. They're not going, oh, the guy with the cigars, obviously 13 years younger. I know, but you have to go all the way down to 25 to appear my age.

Well, I don't mind. You can see, look at the difference. You can just see the way we dress. We're not different people. This is like, you know, you come from the slacks generation. Like slacks were still a thing. These are jeans.

These are not slacks. No, but slacks were a thing. No, I look good. That's the difference, is that you were wearing sneakers. You do look good. You don't gotta throw that in my face. You got a tee shirt on. You look kind of thrilled at my face. You got a t-shirt on. Like I...

You look like a fucking defendant. You're trying to beat him, drinking and driving charges. He doesn't have any priors, Your Honor. Look at him, he's wearing his Chelsea boots. He's a fucking, what do they call it, a productive member of society. He needs his car for work. I think that this should be a suspension,

not a full on... That's good. You ever get busted for that? What? Drinking and driving? Yes, I had a DUI in 92. It was a nightmare. It could have wrecked my life,

because it was just as I was starting politically incorrect. And I had to get a special dispensation from the court, It was a nightmare, could have wrecked my life because it was just as I was starting politically incorrect. And I had to get a special dispensation from the court to interrupt my 14 week corrective program that you have to go to when you get a DUI. And if he, if they didn't- I would have killed to watch you in that classroom

having lost all that control. Oh. And just having to sit there in that desk. Everybody who got a DUI, I mean it was just a cross section of society. We weren't criminals, we were just like people, just douchebag millennials coming home from a club and we had one too many and we're driving too fast. When I was stopped I happened to be wearing

leopard print shoes. Now if you think I wasn't gonna get a ticket that night, and you know, I'm... I wanna hear why, what sort of party were you going to, where that seemed like... It wasn't a party, it was 1992. I had just done a sitcom, and it was wardrobe from the sitcom I had.

I guess we thought, you know, don't ask me about clothes. You had, I'm sure you wore also ridiculous things in the day. No, I did, but I didn't, like leopard print was always like. Leopard. That was always for that woman of a certain age that wanted one more lap around the block. She'd go to a local watering hole and she'd wear her leopard print blouse.

Well, I'm sure some cool people have worn leopard print in the past. I'm sure I could find pictures of rock stars. Oh yeah, yeah. Okay, so. But they can wear anything. Anyway, the point. Not Bill Maher reading the New York Times driving around fucking leopard print shoes.

You know what I really resented, and they were hard. If you missed a meeting, or if you were late by even one minute, you had to repeat the whole program. You had to go to six AA meetings, which I really resented because I was a little over the limit, but it doesn't mean I was an alcoholic. So I had to go to these meetings and we would go

around the room and everybody would say, hi, I'm Phil, I'm an alcoholic, I'm Bob, I'm an alcoholic. I wouldn't say it. I just wouldn't. Hi, I'm Bill, I'm not an alcoholic I'm Bob, I'm an alcoholic. I wouldn't say it. I just wouldn't. Hi, I'm Bill. I'm not an alcoholic. They made me come to this class.

That's great. They said that. Yeah. No, and this thing, alcoholics are cool. Like they would be like, all right, I get it. Yeah, absolutely. And I wasn't the only one in there like that. You know, and I asked Sarah that like part of being

an alcoholic is drunk drivers passing through your classes in groups of them. I got busted in 89. So if you got this DUI. That was like a part of growing up. That's all you did was drive drunk. And the thing about it is, there was no Uber back then,

so you just kinda had to like, we were all idiots and we didn't understand that we could kill somebody. Even in Malaysia, they dragged the wreckage there. You just had that young, stupid brain, like it's not gonna happen to me. So that was the best thing that happened to me, because it happened when I was 21

and I was already starting to feel, like 21 felt old to me then. And I was like, what am I doing? You know, I'm going part-time to college, I'm unloading trucks and I'm getting shit-faced and I'm broke every Thursday, waiting for my check. What am I doing? How long and I'm getting shitfaced and I'm broke every Thursday waiting for my check. What am I doing? How long can I do this?

That is what has made you the guy who sells stadiums, which is very, very few comics. I know, but you played the size of an audience that very, very, very, very few comics do or ever get to do. Not that many wouldn't even want to, but they don't even get the option. But it all comes from you are an everyman. They, every crate you lifted, all that stuff,

they see in you, which, and you're of course very funny and great at your craft, but like, there is a emotional connection that they have to you. That's a very valuable thing. I think that where I grew up though is another thing. Because I've grown up, I'm trying, I have a hard time thinking of people in my life, all my childhood friends, everybody I worked with,

every place I worked, everybody was funny. There's a weird thing about, oh my God. Dude, there was, there's. Wicked funny? Dude, there's guys I went to high school with, I'm still not as funny as they were. And the thing about it was, what made them even funnier was,

they weren't trying to be funny. Well, they must be really pissed off. Because they're still carrying the crates. No, they just had good childhoods. They had cool parents and like, they were happy and they. But you said they're fun carrying the crates. They just had good childhoods. They had cool parents and they were happy. But you said they're funnier than you. I mean, as far as I remember, some of the guys that I can't even explain,

there's a difference, I tell the story, they were the story. These guys, they would get into a fucking fist fight. They didn't care where they were. And I always just looked at them and they were free. I just loved, I would be like. Because they were kids, because when we're kids, everything's funny, everybody seems funny. You're just filled with so much extra energy

and part of it you expend just giggling and laughing if you're in a good mood and you know when you're No, these guys were fucking funny I remember one of my No, I had a buddy of mine. He fucking you know all my friends gambled. He was losing so much fucking money on On the Houston Rockets as he kept doubling down thinking they were gonna win and they kept losing games They had these great players and he he literally called long distance information, not joking.

He said in Houston, last name Elijah Wong. And he didn't say he was gonna do it, he went up and did it, and we just looked over and we just started fucking, he was high, but he literally thought that he was gonna get Akim Elijah Wong on the phone and he was gonna get Akeem Olajuwon on the phone and he was gonna read him the riot act the way he played that night.

I'm talking about that shit. I would've done that as the joke just so everyone would hear it. He did it dead serious. I'm talking about guys that would go in to get their hair cut and they had a fucking joint behind their ear and they would comb out their hair and it would fall.

They were fucking hilarious and they weren't trying to be, just how they lived their lives was fucking hilarious. By the way, that was the same guy. My friends will watch this and I don't know what he's talking about, the same guy did both of those. I guess I'm less of a fan of practical jokes than many others are. I guess I'm more of a verbal, but you know, like I've.

There was no practical joke in there. Kind of, when you actually do it. He was speaking from his heart. No, did Elijah want anything? I mean, to do that? He like legit thought he was gonna get him on the phone. I understand. To me, that's a practical joke.

It's practical. I thought a practical joke was if I stick a bucket of water above a door and you open it and it gets you all wet. That's another kind. And then I go, ah-oo-ga with a horn. I mean, like you always hear these stories about how George Clooney and some of these big stars, they're like, they're practical jokers.

Like on one movie, I forget he did with Matt Damon, and every day he had the wardrobe department take out his pants just a little bit, take in his pants, so that he thought he was getting fat when he really wasn't, because the pants would not fit. Yeah, it's a fucking, I mean... That's a joke? That's like a fucking nightmare. Here's another thing, too, for young actors,

when you go to wardrobe, because they wear the same pants, like, I don't give a fuck what it says on the sides, it's not that size, they either let it out or let it in. And Ice is just going like, I'm a fucking 34, like, what is going on? Am I retaining water? What's going on? And, like let it out or let it in. And ice is just going like, I'm a fucking 34. Like, what is going on? Am I retaining water? What's going on?

And it really gets in your head, and you start eating like salads and shit, you know? And it's just like... What is your regimen? I'm very curious. Like, your health regimen. How much do you care about what you eat? Or are you... No, I do.

I don't fuck with desserts. I don't eat bread, and I've laid off sugar and stuff. I had a little bit of a relapse, but when you get to be my age, you're not gonna go to the gym and burn it off, what's gonna happen is your joints are gonna wear out before the donut does, so just stop eating the fucking donut. So I just try to maintain, and I keep my shirt on.

So I just try to like maintain and I keep my shirt on. I'm not one of these testosterone fucking HGH guys. What do you think the price of that's gonna be? Because you can't have your cake and eat it. You can't get your frat boy yulked body back. At a certain age you can look good in clothes. Yes. Okay, and you just have to accept that. And luckily women accept that, most women. It's very rare that-

And very forgiving. I also think they like if you're a little bit out of shape because it gives them some leeway. Well, you keep telling yourself that. They don't like that, but- I'm not telling myself that, I'm telling you that. Okay. Who, that's, I just don't think that's true.

That's how you say it. But they are much more forgiving of that than men are. You know the old saying, men fall in love through their eyes, women fall in love through their ears. We are. It's just somebody selling books. No, there is truth in that. Are you kidding?

There is absolute truth in that. Women can be what? That to me is when you're younger. When you get older and you actually want to get married, what you're looking for is a good person. And at that point, I feel like men and women, it kind of levels out. And at that point you realize, all right, I got some baggage, can I deal with your bullshit?

You know what I mean? There has to be that initial attraction and all of that, but it really comes down to that. Like, you know what got me? My wife is gorgeous, but what really got me, like, going, who is this person? I remember we were hanging out. I had a sofa that folded down into a futon

when I first met her. And we were watching TV, and somehow we were talking about dogs, a sofa that folded down into a futon when I first met her. And we were watching TV, and somehow we were talking about dogs, and she started imitating a dog, going, whoa, whoa, whoa, and she just threw herself into it, and it was fucking adorable, and there was like a freedom of the way she did it,

and that's the second time I brought that up, when I used to watch my friends just get into fights, the freedom of it, because I lived in such an oppressive fucking kind of thing, control freak thing, that I was really attracted to that. And like, I was still as a performer trying to free myself up on stage. And I just saw, I thought she was the most beautiful woman

I'd ever seen. And I just thought, and just seeing this other side of her, that, you know, like there's this whole stereotype that beautiful women aren't funny. My wife is fucking hilarious. So it was kind of this... And then I got in a car with her one time, and she puts on like Steely Dan. I'm in Harlem.

Okay? African-American woman, she pops in Steely Dan. Like, the fucking levels, I was just going like, who is this person? And it was beyond anything... that I had met. So that's how I didn't be like, oh, look at these nice tits. It wasn't that, it was like, this person is like. Was this the first black girl you ever went with? I was equal opportunity, so no.

I dated them all, I had a good time in New York, put it that way, I had a good time. You lived in New York? Well, initially I lived my shutdown years. The Cold War emotionally for me was growing up in Massachusetts. And then when I went down to New York and I finally had moved out and everything

and finally got through college, I went down there. And I- That's where you went after college, New York. I stayed home and paid off my college debt. And one of my buddies gave me some money, because, you know, we had a big family, so, I mean, you kind of had to, like, work your way through college, so... I had to pay that off, and then going to New York scared the shit out of me,

so I had a day job, and I was doing stand-up, and I was driving this piece-of-shit car from high school. I put a new engine in it, so I wouldn't take on the debt, and I saved up, like, I wouldn't take on the debt. And I saved up, like, I had like 10 grand. And then I just went down to New York, you know, and I was going like, all right, I gotta get a day job. And somehow that morphed into, I need to get more gigs.

And I never got a day job. And I had just a couple of acting gigs that padded me enough that then I got an agent and then I've been on, like I haven't had a day job since 95, which is so cool to me. I mean, we are so fortunate. I always say, I hope there's not reincarnation because I'm not gonna pull a better life.

No. And I know that sounds crazy to some people, and maybe it is crazy because maybe some people live lives that we have no idea about and it's really great to be an accountant. No, but the thing is, it could be. But some people, that's their passion.

Exactly. So for them, that's not working or managing people's money or construction or whatever, people like building stuff or whatever. I think the big thing that everybody would like is to do a job that they love and work for themselves. That's kind of the best. The idea that we're working now...

Is a joke. It's literally a joke. But we are working. This is our job. Oh, man, I love radioactive media so much that I've practically burned through my entire wardrobe talking about how much I love radioactive media so much that I've practically burned through my entire wardrobe talking about how much I love radioactive media.

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contact Radioactive Media. Don't leave your marketing to luck. Go to RadioactiveMedia.com or text the word random to 511-511. Text random to 511-511 today to save up to 50% in 2024. Terms, conditions, message and data rates may apply. Hi, it's me, Bill, that guy from the podcast you are currently watching. And I'm here to tell you about the greatest clothing brand, Roan Rhone's Commuter Collection is effortlessly stylish and comfortable.

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Download FanDuel and get more from North America's number one sportsbook. Please play responsibly, 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Now why can't we just say people are different, especially, especially. You can't say that and you just said it and there's nothing gonna be. But we should say it. We're just different when it comes to what we want,

how we relate to. No, that's true. Cause I'll tell you this. Some people aren't even heterosexual, believe it or not. Here's one. They're gay and trans. And that, ever since that has gone mainstream, like when we were growing up, it was like,

you're either gay or straight, that was it. You didn't realize there was this whole fucking, this whole, there's like a whole thing going on there. There's another difference in generations. When I was growing up, it wasn't even gay. It wasn't even there. I don't remember that coming up in high school at all. And trans, I never even heard of in high school.

I saw this great, there's nothing to why you should scroll, is the level of comedy by regular people, the comments that they leave on this, oh my God. I agree with that. They're fucking amazing. They are, they come, yeah. So someone was, they showed this clip of Liberace, and it was that weird period where rock had taken over,

and there was these older acts trying to be hip, so they were doing their swing versions of like these rock songs. So I forget what Liberace was singing, but the way he was dressed and just like, just running around like that. And this guy wrote in the comments, he said, he said, when I was younger, my dad described Liberace

as an eccentric old man. You weren't gay, he's a little eccentric. He wanted it better, but like, all his homosexuality was filed under eccentric, and it's just like this. They had many, many euphemisms for gay. You couldn't say that in Hollywood, for example, the director George Cukar was, everyone in town knew he was gay.

His name was Cukar? No, George Cukar, C-U-K-O-R. You never heard of him? No. Was his brother Billy Bum-Mike? What? I don't know. Oh, cue card, it's like all like, what the camera? Cue card, not cue card.

All right. Anyway, he was known as a woman's director. They couldn't say gay, that was the. He's a confirmed bachelor. That's another one. That was another one. Yes, a confirmed bachelor. I actually, out of all was another one. Yes, a confirmed bachelor. I actually, out of all this shit,

like homophobia's gonna be the dumbest, it's just how somebody is born. And I don't understand why anybody gives a fuck. But it's true though. You didn't like that? It is true, I'm just saying. It sounds like. I deserve that a little bit.

But I don't understand why all of these people, well religion, right? That's what gets everybody going. Yes, and I certainly made my bonds with that subject. So I'm glad we're on the same page there. I am 100% on the same page. I'm not saying that there's not something out there, but it doesn't give a fuck about us,

or it wouldn't have set this thing up the way it is. Right, that's a good way to put it. Where sociopaths seem to just fall up the stairs of success and then these fucking nerds make all their dreams come true, whatever weaponry or robot they want, they make them. No, justice on Earth is like an award show. It's just random. Yeah.

And then it gets dark. It does get dark. I thought we'd just let that sit there. But, well, you're a great star. Well, here's something. I'll tell you about great being a parent. Is all the highs I've had as a comedian, there was no bigger high than teaching my daughter

how to ride a bicycle. That day I let go and she took off was fucking amazing. What do your kids think of daddy big star and daddy playing these arenas at night? They don't really know. My daughter said to me, she knows now, but when she was five she said to me, she goes, dad, how come everybody knows who you are?

And I just go, I'm old, I've met a lot of people. I don't have pictures of me doing standup in my house. I'm just totally like. So you lied to the child. You lied to a child. Well she didn't say are you a comedian? And I said no, I just don't bring that home, I'm dead. I don't wanna be a comedian in my house.

But they're going to notice. Yeah they're gonna, but I'm not embarrassed of my job. Not embarrassed. But I don't wanna come home and be like, but I'm not embarrassed of my job. Not embarrassed. But I don't know if I'm home and be like, hey, you know, I made bonus this weekend in the improv. They had to add a show for dad. Like, I would never do that. And also, like, I understand that I chose

to be in this business and they didn't. If they wanna get in the business, I think it's a great business to be in. No better or worse than any other business and it's just like if you wanna get into it, get into it, but don't, I'm not gonna be like, being some stage mom. There are positives and negatives,

but it's undeniably a variable in a kid's upbringing when their father has fame and a great success. I mean, that's not the experience of kids, most kids. their father has fame and a great success. I mean, that's not the experience of kids, most kids. Now there's many ways you can handle it. I mean, we see a lot of nepo babies. We see a lot of... I love that nepo baby.

Everybody's a nepo baby. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. If your dad's a dentist and you become a dentist, now I don't give you credit for being a dentist because your dad was filling teeth. What a dumb analogy. Why? Because we're talking about NEPO,

and we're talking about... You are. I am? That's what you're talking about. No, it's that thing where they go like, I've been doing this bit about, they talk about Hollywood pedophilia, like it's not everywhere.

Like the Catholic Church has to be on the fucking Mount Rushmore and that shit. Of course. And then the Hollywood pedophilia exposed and it's just like, did you watch The Catcher Predator? That was never in Hollywood. Plenty of people coming up that driveway. Yeah, no one's denying that.

No one ever made it. All right, well then, Nepo Baby, your dad has a construction company, you take it over. Does somebody call him a Nepo Baby? No, it just becomes Sanford and Son. Yeah, but it's a little more pronounced when it's in the arts, because you have this. I hate that word.

Why? Pronounced. Jesus Christ. Because that's like a PED, you know what it was? That was like a PED for your fucking point. Your wife is. It's a little more pronounced. Your wife must be insane, because like, boy. Because you're such a victim right now?

No, because you do like to like pick a fight about anything. You just said I was stupid. I, well that's another. You just came at me. That's a completely different subject. You know I just like arguing with you. I like arguing with you. I know, I love it.

Are you kidding? It's like sparring with Muhammad Ali. More who was the guy, who was the white guy back then? Trevor Bobbitt? It's like sparring with Muhammad Ali. Who was the guy, who was the white guy back then? Trevor Bobbitt? No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh my God, before Tex Cobb it was. Wepner, who was the Bayonne bleeder. I'm gonna remember his name when I get out of here.

So Bill, where are you playing if someone wanted to see you do stand-up? Coming up, I am at the Belko Theater, Denver, Colorado, on June 5th and 6th. The 8th, I'm at the Greek Theater in Berkeley, California with all your LibTard friends. Uh, June 9th. I love how LibTard doesn't even make sense. It's't even make sense, it's like Moron came up with it.

I hate bad, like come up with something better than that. June 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, I'm at the San Jose Civic Center in San Jose, and then at the end of the month, at the Moore Theater in Seattle, four nights, and I'm gonna be taping my next special. Four nights? Yep.

How many nights in a row can you do without being too tired to go on? Can you do like every night in a row for a while? That's more like I miss my kids after a while. But you don't mind doing the show every night in a row? No. I mean two shows at my age, I can get a little like. You do two shows in one night?

No I don't. I try not to. That's crazy. I agree. I try, that's a night? No, I don't. I try not to. That's crazy. I agree. That's a young man's game. It is. I did enough of those. And these kids coming up,

I imagine those gigs still exist. Remember the Tuesday through Sunday, two Friday, three Saturday? I certainly lived it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, and you were just, you were in Portland, Oregon, and you were in Seattle,

and you were in, you were just Portland, Oregon, and you were in Seattle, and you were in, you were just there. You were just fuckin' there, and it was like, it just, and the hardest show of the week is the second show Saturday. Knowing you still have one more to go. I did three shows sometimes. That's what I'm saying, three shows Saturday. But the middle show, the first show,

you just have no hope, because you got three. And the last one's the last one so that's cool. The second one, knowing you gotta do your bullshit act again. Right. Going oh my God. And the third show you know they're not throwing anybody out because no one's really showing up

so they gotta sell their booze. So you had to basically throw a knife at the comic and they'd be hey, hey, settle down. Settle down. I mean. you're. But that's how you get good though. And that's how you, I always hated to like, and then once you got through the Saturday,

that was like, okay, I'm done. And then you had to sit around the whole fuckin' day to do one more fuckin' gig on Sunday. I don't know if that made me better, honestly, that kind of bullshit, but. Made you tough, right? Made me tough, honestly, that kind of bullshit. But... Made you tough, right? Made me tough, that's right.

It actually didn't make the act better. I remember doing those nights, even with two shows, but especially with three, where you were just petrified, I was, that I would forget where I was, every comic knows this nightmare, and say the same joke, because you thought you hadn't said it yet, but you said it in the first show.

So now you've said the same joke in the second show, and the audience looks at you like, oh, wow, what? I would just always ask them, going, have I told this one yet? I've done three shows. I don't even know where I am right now. And I would just say that, and then they would laugh. And then even if I did repeat a joke,

they thought it was funny because they think you're just up there and you got the whole thing together. It's just like, it was funny, because they think you're just up there and you got the whole thing together. It's just like, no, this is just like when you're at work and you don't know what's going on and you're just kind of faking it. Like that's what I'm doing right now. So I think that's another thing that like,

you know, that's actually in a weird way, it's a way to bond with the crowd. Like, all right, this guy's fucking up at work right now. I can relate to this. Wow. I must say I've never explored that avenue of dealing with it. But I haven't done two shows in the general term.

But isn't like page one, I always thought page one in comedy when you learned that it's addressing I mean, I remember it happening once. In these situations. I remember where I was, it was so traumatic. It was Sacramento. It was December, it was 1983. Sacramento when nobody knows who you are,

that's a tough time to do stand up. Rough, and said the same joke, and I just, I don't remember any of the sympathy from the audience that you describe. I guess when you're a star and you do it. No, but if you own up to it. No, I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about when nobody knew who I was.

No, I mean you have to, I mean, but it's like this dead silence where there was laughter at your other jokes. So you're just like, oh my God, it's like when you stick a pin in your leg and it's numb there. No, but if you just said, I already told that joke, didn't I?

Then they would've laughed. You're like, oh my God, I'm a fucking idiot. It's my third show and it would've been fine. Yeah, but I was young and I don't know. I just think it's gauche. But yeah. You go again with the big words. What does gauche mean?

I've heard the word. It means great in French. Gauche? No it doesn't. Manoufique. Do you remember when you were on Real Dumb? Say Manoufique, Mr.'t. No. No. No. No. No. Men who faked. Do you remember when you were on Real Time? Say men who faked, Mr. That's, that's, that's, you know, you're in the highlight reel.

Super. You're in the highlight reel because you're on the panel on Real, or in the guest chair on Real Time, but with the panel. And you say, I don't know what I'm doing on this show. I feel like I didn't study for the test. Oh, God, yeah. I still don't know why you booked me on that show.

Because you were in the celebrity spot and because you're a very bright guy, you play this character of the blue collar, regular guy, but you're obviously very, very smart. In a bar? It's a, no. No wait. Do you know what's really smart? No.

Do you know what's really smart? The people they write books about. Those are really smart people. Well that's definitely on a level above us, yes. That's what I'm saying. I'm just comparing me to like your friends who you think are so funny. No, I'm kidding.

I know you just want to defend these friends so bad. Where are they now? What are the, describe the friends to me. What do they do? Andy and Bill Bob, what do they do? Where are they? Where are they now? They have regular jobs.

Right, like? I'm not gonna get into their fucking lives. But everything that you would look down, your fucking nose. Do your kids play together still? Yeah. Your kids play with their kids. That must be a satisfying feeling.

Well I think you said do my kids play with you together? With their kids. Well they live back east. And I also started late, so their kids are grown up. Oh, well that would be inappropriate. So they just tell me like it's the greatest thing and just enjoy every second of it because it's gonna fly by or whatever.

And I let go a lot of that. That whole fucking enjoy every second of it. It's like the reason why you feel, I think when you get older as a parent that you didn't enjoy it enough is because of the responsibility to make a functioning, empathetic human being. So you can't fuck it and enjoy it

because you're waiting for whatever other shoe is gonna drop. And you know. You still have that attitude? Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest with you. I don't listen to any parent that comes at me with some negative shit. I just go like, well, you obviously fucked the job up.

You know, and then also there's like this thing that parents have that once they have kids, they become these all-knowing beings because, and they know more than you because their kids are older. And it's like, that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any fucking sense. There's, like I remember when I thought, for a minute I was playing drums,

I was like, well, maybe this is what I'm gonna do because I didn't want to have a real job. So I was playing drums, but every time I'd go to the music store, I would see some like eight-year-old kid go in there and he just had it. And he was already expressing himself, or she was, on the drums.

And I just remembered like, you know, I don't know what the fuck my point is at this, but just, I understand, but I couldn't go up to that kid and be like, well I've been paying longer than you, well let me tell you something. I was like, no, you're better at this shit. You're already better at this shit than I am. So parenting it could be like that.

I could be better than you. So maybe what you're telling me is like, how do I know you don't suck at this fucking job? But that had it. You have to be born with it. Because show business is so competitive that unless you have great amount of the innate ability, if you're, whether you're a comic or a drummer

or whatever it is, even then you may not get to the top or close to the top because there are people who will have a lot of innate ability but then they're fucking demons, fuck them up. Yeah, self-sabotage, they're not good at the business. Right, or the, right. Because what I experienced, the hardest thing I experienced when I was coming up was watching people

that were good at the business and I wasn't, and watching them pass me, whatever that even means, but when you're young, you think this person is passing me. They were on Comedy Central, I haven't gone on Comedy Central, I must be doing something wrong. And you know, I gotta do, what are they doing? Oh, they have a fucking website, I gotta get a website.

And like, people think that shit. Like, I remember when Dane did all of that shit on fucking, what was it, MySpace back then. All of these comics were like, I'm gonna get on MySpace, and then I'm gonna sell tickets like that. And they did, it's like, that worked for him. You know?

So it's just like, you, kinda after a while, once you reach a level of maturity, like fuck this, I'm doing what I'm doing. And wherever this takes me, this takes me, and I have to be okay with that because there's some people out there that are just like You know like if you're in a band you're never if you're in a band That's like a band right and you're really writing what you want to write

You're never gonna sell more records than a fucking pop star whatever downloads whatever it is And you have to be all right with that you have to be all right with that There's gonna be these pop stars coming through that are just gonna, and they have that megawatt like electrifying thing and all the girls love them and everything. That was not me. That was not that good. That's not comedy.

That's music. No, but that happens in comedy. Rarely. Eddie Murphy, Russell Brand. Dane had it, Matt Reif has it. Eddie Murphy, Russell Brand. There's some. Dane had it, Matt Reif has it. Those guys, they have that in factory where it's like, this is a good conversation if my cigar goes out, buddy.

Think of how many comics that is over 40 years. It's not a common thing. Yeah, but that's like a special thing. Joe Coy. I worked with that guy one time, man, that fucking guy, the level of talent that guy has to sing and do all of this stuff for the end, I was looking at this guy going,

this guy is literally a pop star doing stand-up comedy. The women were going fucking crazy. I can make like people in the crowd laugh, but there's like a different thing with a guy like that where they are like enamored. Like, oh my God. Like, it's. I didn't know that about you. Yeah, it's like a Beatlemania type of thing.

To, you know, use something from your generation. Yeah, the Beatles. I remember. Yeah, it's like the four tops. Right, I remember being backstage at the Sullivan Show when they went on. You went to Chase. I had some good advice for them that night.

Guys, sing the hits. People don't wanna hear the B-sides and the moody stuff. Sing the hits. And they changed their set list that night. What is so amazing about them is they should have been over in two summers, cause they were essentially a boy band. And they.

The most ridiculous thing you've said tonight. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was one of their first songs. They made a few records after that. You've gotta be kidding, Bill. I'm talking about going from that to the white album. The fact that they made that trajectory, that they had all of this management

that were probably wanting them, like remember that guy sang the twist and the next summer he was like twist again? I mean, it was over. Like, you know that they wanted to be, next summer, saying she that they wanted to be, next summer, saying, she loves you, oh yeah, yeah, they were just, it works, let's ride this thing

to the ground, and they were like, fuck that, we're gonna keep developing as musicians, and we're gonna start our own label. They did a lot of shit. I'm on the same page with you. I know young people shit on you. You're Zeppelin, I know that happens a lot. That's in vogue for young kids to say the Beatles stink.

I can always talk Beatles. One reason they are prima renta paris among rock gods is that they... I've never heard all of those words. Was that three words, was that two words? That's Latin for first among equals. Don't you say that for your parties when you're wearing your smoking jacket.

I'll tell you that Bill Maher is really smart. He is really well read. He just said prima peri-varties. Prima inter-peries. Inter-peries. You know what, I'm not the bad guy because I know more. Okay, can we just get that?

Can we just hire on that? I'm not the bad guy because I know things. I apologize. You should say, I'm sorry, I'm not stupid, Bill. That's what you should have said. You're right. That's what you should have said. And that's why you sell stadium.

Because you could fuckin' pip. You got it right on the head. Okay, but the Beatles are first among equals, okay, because they always stayed ahead of the audience. Albert Goldman, in his brilliant book, I thought, made the point that 1966, it's only two years after Beatlemania, the first song on revolver is Tax Man. He said, what could be less interesting

to a teenager than taxes? So. But it's also relatable. Not to a teenager. They don't care about taxes. I did. As a teenager? Yeah, as a teenager.

Because I fucking, there was like a fucking glass ceiling on the amount of money I could take home. Like I couldn't, like I was working full fucking time in this warehouse, I could not make 300 bucks a week. I just couldn't. And with the overtime I would get it, they would just punch me back down to 240, 235. And I remember one year, like a fucking idiot,

I didn't get any taxes taken out of my check, and I was drinking the whole fucking with it, and then it came and I owed thousands and thousands of dollars. So that was one of the dumbest things I did as a kid. When I was 17. When I was 17. It was a very good year. No, I was the delivery boy for the only industry in town,

the liquor and drug store. I would do both. That's a great job. I thought it was so cool. You know what I like, because you didn't have to be at work. You grew up at that time when you were in your car. Yeah.

It's the greatest. And I was delivering drugs and liquor. Fantastic. It whet my appetite for my future. Right, I remember I had a gig one summer washing windows and houses outside, you know, those fucking, I remember those stupid storm windows that they have back east,

like your fingers, by the end of the day, you had to switch fingers from just opening. And they had, for some fucking reason, everybody had a screen and they had like three of these fucking solid ones, and they wanted you to wash all of them. And my favorite part of that job was in between when we were driving, my buddy had this fucking sick ass,

he had this F-150. I bet he was funny about it. Oh, he was fucking hilarious. Okay. He was fucking hilarious, oh my God. About the drug, even? Like, that good? Dude, listen, I get it.

You're not a knock around guy. You fucking, you looked up Latin words and you didn't fucking hang out with the fellas and they used to hang you by your underwear at the locker. So now, none of them are funny, because this is your one thing. But I'm funny. They could never be as funny as me.

Like, there's so much shit about you that's funny that you're not even trying to be funny. Your whole fucking outfit is hilarious. I don't know what it is. Yeah. A shirt and pants is an outfit? You're dressed like that, you're gonna sing that, what is that song?

Splish splash, I was taking a bath with your stupid little slippers that you're wearing. Slippers? These are like boots. These are almost beetle. Oh fuck, you're an outlaw. These are almost beetle boots. Chelsea boots,, you're an outlaw. These are almost Beetle boots. Chelsea boots, I know that because my wife's into fashion.

Because they were the greatest. What were? Beetle boots. Those were badass. Well, that's what it was. It was like the half boot. That's what they sang, She Loves You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Yeah.

So what do you? What I like about their music is it's like two and a half minute song and what they could say about a relationship that's still relatable. Like I used to listen, when I really started going into their back catalog, right? Not back catalog, their later in their career.

Rubber Soul and all of that shit. Revolver. That was not later, that was mid. All right, relax, you fucking historian. Go ahead, throw another Latin word at me. Anyway, I started listening to the lyrics and I would be like, I literally just went through that with whoever I was dating.

Which song are we referring to? I don't fucking have it memorized. I'm looking through you. Oh, that's called I'm looking through you. And that fucking song is about the end of a relationship and you experiencing that as a young person. You don't look different but things have changed. Like the love died, it's fucking over

and now you have to learn how to break up with somebody. Can I share something about the Beatles with you without you making fun of me? Maybe you'll find it. Bill, that's why I'm here. Okay. So. To listen to you share your ideas about tracks three.

See, I know. I just, when I ask it gets shot down. Okay, but I'm gonna do it anyway. That's from their mid period. That's 1965, Rubber Soul. You were what, 28? That was like the first album. First.

First album. That was the first album. You bought your first Beatle Boots. That was the first album. You bought your first Beatle Boots? I was nine. First album after Beatlemania. So it's great. And that period.

Do you ever think that you're older than the hula hoop? That period, I remember the hula hoop, that's true. And that period, he was, Paul McCartney was with, his girlfriend was Jane Asher. And he lived in her parents' apartment in the Garrett for like three years in the middle of London. I'm not making this up. It's the Garrett.

The Garrett is like an attic, like the top of the apartment. We're in California, you can just say attic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then after that, did they move to the gay-rage? And have put some basil on their fry-up? Knowing things and words, asshole. That's an asshole thing to do,

to use the English word for fucking addict in California. I'm one more reference away from taking this mic off and just walking out. I wanna make a list of all the things I didn't know and I'm just gonna fucking say them all to my wife tonight. She's like, who the fuck did you have? Are you on mushrooms? What are you talking?

The Garrett. We have to do, Garrett. G-A-R-R-O-T-T. Brad Garrett. Garrett, like Garrett, yes, with an O. So when he goes over there, they think his name's Brad Attick? No.

So anyway, Paul McCartney, he was with us, he was with us, she was a... Bill Bullocks. And a number of the songs in that period like that one are really about her, and some of them are quite wistful. I think at the beginning it's I've Just Seen a Face, but it gets to...

Put more heart into it. It gets to some, like you could just tell that it was a relationship that was like, I mean he was the middle of, you know, he's a Beatle in London. I don't know how, but he liked, you know, he was a guy who needed a family. He liked having a family.

So he lived with the girlfriend's family in the fucking attic. It's a... He's a relationship guy. He's a relationship guy, yes. Yeah. But... Yeah, 100%.

I know, I'm not mocking it, I'm just... I wasn't saying you were. I... Yeah, I'm really defensive. No, I'm just, it's back to my point. People are different, So different about that. Yes, and that's why I have no problem with how you live your life.

You are a happy guy. I am a happy guy, and you're a happy guy. I am. See, that's the thing, we found what makes us happy. Yeah, and then you get into your ego, and not saying you, you, not metaphorically, hypothetically, generally, whatever the fuck you said. Garretly.

Is you start thinking like, oh, this is the way you're happy is what made me happy. You know, so you have to do it the way that I'm fucking doing that. Then, you know, that's like, I don't. Right? I can do whatever the fuck I want. Can I? Did I lose you in that somehow? Yeah, because I feel like now you're reading my lines. That's my line. I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Oh, when you're a joke thief, eventually you run into the comic you took it from. Well, you are not a joke thief. No. I mean, I don't know if when you came up being of such a different generation. I was totally different. We had cars.

We had cars. We had cars. We had cars. We had cars. We had cars. Well, you are not a joke thief. I mean, I don't know if when you came up being of such a different generation. It was totally different. It was the same way. But when I came up as a comic, I mean, it was like the cardinal sin. Oh, it's still the cardinal sin. It is, okay.

It's still the cardinal sin. I would think it would have to be. Because that's all we have. That's all we have is our own take on shit. And in Boston, before cell phone cameras and all of that stuff, if you took somebody's joke, that person came in and fucking punched you out. There's a famous story about Tim Tomerson, who I never worked with.

He was even older than me, if that's imaginable. That's incredible. Was he World War II? World War II, yes. They used to call him the Major. No, this is like late 70s when... He did Omaha Beach the day after D-Day. He worked with Frank Capra.

It was a rough crowd. He worked with Frank Capra. I know who rough crowd. He worked with Frank Capra. I know who he is. He's fucking amazing. I'm joking. Yes. Tim Thomas said he's one of the legends down at a comedy store. The story was that when Robin Williams rest his soul, a great guy, but he might have had a tendency once in a while

because he was on Mork and Mindy to hear something at the comedy store and perhaps it involuntarily got into the back of his head and then it would appear on Mork and Mindy. And the story was that Tim Tomlinson just walked into the comedy store one night and punched him in the face. Well, I mean, if you do shit like,

I mean, and who said he was wrong? I'm just saying. Yeah, that's how that shit was handled. It was like hockey. It was settled on the ice. Yeah, but Boston comics just seem more truculent and pugilistic than most to me. I knew what that meant.

I would agree or disagree with it. I normally would not have used those words. Did you ever play Next Comedy Stop? I bet you had some rough sets in that one. I had a rough night in Boston once where I was the headliner. I can see you not having a good time in Boston. I can see them going. That was a long time ago. Dude, this is a hacky reference, but you totally have the energy.

Have you forgot to give out the homework assignment, Mrs... so-and-so? Boston, you may have heard, is a college town. There's quite a few intellectuals there. The audience that's very sophisticated, they like my show. Okay, we all have our niche. Oh, God, you're so fucking highbrow. Well, it's true.

Oh, does your shit jokes float above ours? A little bit. Why, because you say, set-mit-tank or something? Something about shit? Wait, what was I just gonna tell you? God damn it. Nothing interesting.

No, it was. What were we talking about? Something. No, we were talking about going to Boston. Boston! Thank you, yes. I love Boston, it loves Something. No, we were talking about going to Boston. Boston! Thank you, yes. I love Boston, it loves me. That's been going, I did a special there.

You just went regis on me. Special there. Boston! In 2007. I have a love affair with the Boston audience. We are like this, because they're just very smart. What can I tell you? I know you hate to hear that.

But this was like in. No, it just sounds like you have a gig coming up in Boston and the tickets are a little slow. No, they're never slow in Boston. Never slow in Boston. But- Do you perform in Cambridge? Cambridge.

That's where Harvard is. For a guy like you- I know that. That's gotta be the Taj Mahal. I love that that bugs you. I hate Harvard. Are you kidding? Have you heard what's going on

on college campuses these days? I don't watch the news. You don't realize that college campuses erupted with the kids demonstrating for Hamas? They are in with the terrorists? They were for the Palestinians. Well, it's sort of the same cause. Why, are you?

I'm on the side of the kids. Yeah, that's easy to say. No one wants to see kids dead. This is a war. That was very brave of you to say this. This is a war. No, I'm the one who was actually brave on this. Pat yourself on the back.

It's easy to say I'm for the kids. Who's not for the kids? It comes down to real hard nosed decisions. Well, I don't sound to real hard-nosed decisions like a country I'm talking like you're a general country got attacked Israel got attacked. I'm not saying that they didn't have a right to go back I'm just sitting there going like how do I look at what the only country in the world that they get attacked and then as soon As they counter attack, it's like well, we got to stop this shit now Don't attack them is a very simple solution to all this problem in the Middle East. Stop attacking Israel.

Stop attacking Israel. I did. I actually did. There you go. That's fantastic. Anyway. All right. Let's go to Russia and the Ukraine.

How do you solve that one, Bill? Let me hear your hard-nosed decision about that. Well, let me ask you a question. How is war still legal? With all this shit that's been canceled. Legal. Why is that still fucking legal With all this shit that's been canceled, why is that still fucking legal? Would you like a real answer to that?

Because for something to be illegal, you have to have the capacity to enforce it, and you can't enforce against war, or else you have to go to war with the country that's going to war, and we don't wanna go to war with Russia over Ukraine. What would be the sense of making it illegal? That's really going to stop Putin?

No. To stop people from going to war, you have to also put boots- You can't sit down and talk it out. Why can't Putin do a podcast with the head guy? You just solved the Middle East on a podcast. Why can't they solve what they're doing on a podcast? See, this is why this is not your thing. This is my thing. It's not your thing. It's what you- It. This is why this is not your thing. This is mine. Make some hard noises.

This is my thing. It's not your thing. It's what you're doing. It is my thing. It isn't your thing. It isn't. You're like that guy that has a fantasy football team and thinks he's a fucking GM.

No. That's exactly what it is. Why am I fucking listening to you like you've done something? What have you done in Washington? Nothing. No, I would never go to Washington. It's beneath you. It's, no, look.

You would be the coolest fucking guy in Washington. You showed up with those boots. Oh, it would be so easy. And no tie, they'd be like, oh my God. It'd be so easy to be. Did Kevin Bacon just come back to that Footloose Town? Kevin Bacon. You could teach him how to dance, Bill.

Yeah, I absolutely could. Ba-dum-da-ba-dum-da-ba-dum-da-ba-dum. You fucking get off, you little private jet. I have a TV show. Oh, and you travel southwest, is that right, Bill? I love southwest. Really? I love the order.

Is that how you travel? I love southwest. Do you travel commercial? Most of the time, yeah. You do? Yeah. Commercial? Yeah. Commercial. Yeah.

Interesting. Bigger plane, better pilots. You don't get knocked around as much. You're riding in a fucking Cadillac. The only thing that sucks about commercial is boarding. That's it. Once you're there and you got your fucking shit up there, you're flying first class,

which all first class is, if you've never flown it, is they treat you like a human being. As opposed to the animals in the back, they just throw you back there. That was my whole career. Working my way up to being treated like, remember the DC-9 when you'd sit there and your window didn't open

because there was an engine there? You don't remember that? How about that last row in the DC-9, the window doesn't open, there's an engine right there, and then right across from you is the bathroom, and you gotta listen to another human being take a fucking shit behind one of those things starlets used to get undressed behind.

I'm still stuck on you defending commercial flights as better. Now you can make the case that it's wrong to fly private. I get that. But I've never heard anyone make the case that it's actually better to be on Delta. That's kinda kooky. No?

No, I hate Delta. Delta's the fucking worst. I bet you fly private more than you're letting on. Listen, listen. If I have to go somewhere and I don't have enough time to get there. Oh, suddenly we've got an exception. No, I said mainly I fly commercial.

Well, you're an idiot. You shouldn't. You know what, it's. What is this, if I don't agree with you, I'm an idiot. You're right, I apologize. Fucking John Varvado's shirt, you're not young. Put on a sweater for fuck's sakes. Put on a sweater, why?

I have to be. At your age. That's the secret in life, avoid that. No. Don't you think? No. No? Well hey, I'm an idiot, right? No, I think the number one thing is to be your age. Like all these fucking people,

like they go do a college gig at my age, it's gonna be 56 next month. Be 56 and come at them as a 56 year old and you can give them advice on all the shit that you did and just say, hey, this worked for me. And you can just have a great time with them. You can have a fucking great time. What fucks you up is if you're looking at what they're

wearing and you fucking come up with your little outfit. I don't know why this simple shirt and pair of plain black jeans. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're wearing. That's why it's so much fun to just make fun of it. It's a little bit of a fucking pirate shirt. You got a lot of extra material in the, you know what, that's what it is.

It's this. Why? First of all, you should have buttoned that if you actually were the gentleman you're trying to be. Button this? Oh, you're right. But I'm, but you're right. You had a woman in your life

she wouldn't let you go on camera like that. It's almost like we're giving you like an advanced comedy test. Like, can you make fun of this? Which is pretty bland. Let's not get crazy like you're a fashionista. It's kind of bland. You know?

Like your opinions, yeah, exactly. Oh. And then when I fucking, you know, go against you. It's over two of this. And I go, ooh, a big word, another big G word. Look at you. You memorizing that part of the fucking dictionary you know, go against you. It's over two of this. And I go, ooh, a big word, another big G word. Look at you, you memorizing that part of the fucking dictionary? I don't have kids, I got all day long

to fucking read the dictionary. Use my fucking three dollar words. With a guy who unloads trucks. Why do I think there's gonna? Why don't we do a, we gotta do a buddy movie. This is like perfect, this is Walter Mathau, Jack Lemmon. I'm certainly not gonna do a movie, but there a buddy movie. This is like perfect. This is Walter Maffao, Jack Lemmon. I'm certainly not gonna do a movie, but there is something about.

You seem like an actor. There is something very like, very mineable about this vein of comedy of the single guy, the married guy, the pompous professor guy, and the blue collar guy. I mean it does kind of write it. I mean I was Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad is one of the great dark comedies of all time where you had this super smart teacher

and he had like his biggest fuck up as a student and then they have to somehow work. It was the odd couple. Fantastic. I never watched that show and I know everybody loves it. I'm gonna watch it now because that is interesting to me. I'll tell you what was the coolest thing about that show, is you know those, anytime you make a TV show or a movie,

you always have these people that go, no, that never would have happened like that. But that's, everything that they did, right down to me laying, me and LaVelle Crawford laying on that pile of money, they figured out how much money Mr. White would have in what denominations and how high it would be to shoot those people down.

When we did this train robbery scene, I got to be on that, it was so fucking robbing a train, it was amazing. And they would, whatever chemical they had in one of them, they used to make meth. So they were taking it out, my job was to stall the train. They take it out and then replace it with water and they had their teams figure out how long that would take.

And they said, we literally had somebody that would be on the internet. That wouldn't happen like that. They said, actually it would. The volume of water is this, the volume of that. And they would just shut them the fuck down. Like a comedian, just chopping the head off of the fucking loud mouth asshole in the front row.

They did that while making one of the greatest shows of all time. That is satisfying. Oh, it made, like, I already loved them. Like everybody liked the show. It was the most efficiently run. They just knew what they wanted to do. I did it, one of the first times I did the gig there,

we got through the scene so fast, they switched my flight from the next day southwest, they go, we can get you right now, we can go get your bags at the thing, and I felt like fucking Elvis. Do you have like a deal now for Make More Movies somewhere? No. No? It doesn't exist anymore. No? It doesn't exist anymore.

What? It doesn't exist. No more three picture deals? They don't do those, they don't do, like they're getting away from first look deals. Like I'm always late to the party. Like when I started stand up was right after the 80s. All the balloons were popped on the ground

and everybody was getting their wages garnished. Oh yes, again, my generation ruined everything. I didn't say you ruined, I never said that. No, but that 80s, that's when I was starting. I mean, that's when I was a young comic. All right, but I didn't say you ruined it. No. I'm just saying no, but it got bloated.

It was on every channel, and then it went, so I used to open for guys. It got bloated, yes. Yeah, and I used to open for guys, and they would try to discourage me. They would be like, oh man, I didn't know why you even started. If I was your age, I would get the fuck out of this business.

That's what they told me. And they would be like, Wednesday night, look at this, there's nobody in here. Fucking three years ago, there'd be a line down the fucking block. And I didn't have any deflector shields. So I would be listening, really? Oh my God, should I quit?

But fortunately, I sucked at everything else in life, so I really didn't have any options. Yeah, I didn't have a plan B either, really. I remember when I got out of college, I sent out resumes to advertising agencies. I guess I thought I could get that as a day job, be an ad man, write ad copy. I could see that.

I could see it too. I mean, yeah, you know. It's not that different from stand up in a way you're trying to be humorous and pithy and okay. You probably talk down to a few clients but you throw those words in and they be like, this guy's smart. This guy knows how to sell these widgets.

I'm telling you, when we both flame out and doing a morning talk show in Seattle, this kind of stuff is gonna be gold. It's fart man and asshole Jack. Yep. Oh, that was morning radio. Morning radio was always a real name and then, you know, Eddie and the Bulldog.

It was always something like that. We got Wild Man Vermouth with fucking Jerry. It was always a regular name, then something crazy. So there's no more three picture deals, no more like deals at streaming services. I shouldn't say that. Don't they need content? For someone like me.

Really? But that, but old dads. When you're a bald ginger in Hollywood, it's basically. But didn't old dads do very well? Yes, it did. Then why? Crushed. During the strike, it was, it was number,

let me fucking, for everyone who worked on that movie, Bobby Cannavale and all of those amazing actors, and everybody. I like him. Patrick Donvito, everybody helped me edit the thing, Ben Tishler, all of them. We were number one globally on Netflix two weekends in a row and it streamed like 50 million.

Because who around the world doesn't understand the concept of old dads? Certainly in Pakistan. Well maybe we just made a good movie. Okay, so tell me this about the business. Was there a compliment, the thanks? What? There was no compliment in that.

Actually there was. Kind of shit on it, like you didn't think that it went fucking global. No. I didn't say in Pakistan they were watching, they might have. You don't think there's some old dads there? No.

What I said, it was. Oh that's right, you figured out the Middle East. It was a giant hit, no. I found a way to craftily get a very good compliment into you. Well that's what it is. Without making it look like one. Because I am the pompous professor, my friend.

I like it. I know you do. So anyway, what riddled me this about the business, because I'm always reading, as we're always talking of people at dinner when we're in this town and we're all in the business, and we're talking about the changing and the streaming and everything.

Why is it, if a movie does well like that, then there isn't at least a offer to do the next one? Or? Because the people running it now, they're kind of doing like what Germany did, where they tried to take over the whole world, and you can't do that, because there's just so many, people don't want that.

But there's always something in every business, like Amazon or fucking Walmart, they're always trying, you know, let's open up a cross from this mom and pop and put them out of business and we'll be the only show on time. Like, there's just always people doing that. So. Except to do with hiring a guy who just had a big hit movie

to do another hit movie. If you wanna take over the world. Because streaming service has devalued art. Where back in the day you used to pay 10 bucks to go see a movie, now 20 bucks you get all the movies. That's what I'm talking about. You ask me a question, I'm trying to fucking answer it. We're talking about success.

The movie had. Why don't you just tell me what it is, rather than ask me? We could save some time. I'm asking because I don't understand. The movie had success. Doesn't matter if it was art or not. And I can tell you what happened to me.

I fucking went back and I pitched another movie to two junior executives, and I waited six weeks to get an offer that it was just like it never happened. Still starting out like that movie never happened. And that's kind of like, that's how the acting world, that's why I think being an actor is so much harder than being a fucking comedian.

Because if I come through town, first time I headline your club, I draw okay, but you see I'm funny. We'll take another chance on this guy. I come back, but you see I'm funny. We'll take another chance on this guy. I come back, even if the same 30 people show up, but you see I have a whole new act, they see it. And you've proven you're funny. I don't have to re-prove that I'm funny.

No. Again, we're an actor. This fucking actor's with an Oscar. And this people going, yeah, I don't know, can they play that? It's like they won the highest fucking award. And I just, I have empathy for actors for the lack of control there.

First of all, you do the performance, and if you're not in the edit, especially if it's a comedy, and you get the wrong guy editing it, they're gonna leave you hanging out to dry. Like, the actors really are like the quarterback of the team, where it's like, if you win your fucking Joe Montana,

if you lose, you're a bust. And like a lot of times, and as you're making a movie, you have no idea how it's gonna come together. No idea. I've been on enough movies to know it is just always a mystery. There's so many things that can go wrong. Are they gonna promote it?

I mean, I did this, I did this really, really great movie, Front Runner, and it came out the same weekend as Aquaman, and it was just, I saw one of the stars promote it for like two days. Yeah, I never heard of it. And then the next time I saw him, he was promoting his next project, and I said, oh my God, they're burying it.

It's not gonna get, and it's just. What was it on? What was it on? It was in the movie theaters. It was in the theater. Yeah. I mean most of. You would've liked the movie.

It was about Gary Hart. I would've watched it, Gary Hart. It was about Gary Hart, and it was about the first politician. Never heard of it. Where they went into his Gary Hart, and it was about the first politician where they went into his personal life, and there was this big debate. And what did you play? I played one of the reporters for the Miami Herald,

and the big thing was, there was like a battle at the paper, they had this great scene where it's like we can't run this because we'll be like a tabloid. And then the big thing was Gary Hart said, hey, I'm an open book, you know, go ahead, look at everything. He said that.

And that was their wiggle room to get in that. And then after that. Nothing was the same. Nothing was the same. But I always wondered, what did Gary Hart think? Because he had to end his campaign because of infidelities, and then within four years, Bill Clinton comes in

and he's like the Teflon Don, none of it sticks to him, and he still ends up getting elected and does two terms. He must have been thinking, oh, I could have done that, I didn't know that. I could have just went like, I did not have sexual relations. I love the look of determination. I did not. I always wondered if he stood in the mirror and got that bottom lip.

He was something. But I'm still so puzzled by this though that I mean just in their interest, you'd think it would be in their interest if you did something that was successful for them to wanna, I mean you could always count on that in show business. Art is just always, if you're lucky,

it coincides with their business interests. But profit, success, people bought it, that's what they care about. That's why I don't understand about this. It's in their interest. So something is very fucked up in this media age we live in when success is not rewarded. And I've heard a lot of people say that about streaming, that success is not rewarded, like directly,

like it was back in the day. You bought a record, that went to number one. You know, people actually went to the store and bought it. We knew which was most popular. Same thing with movies, the box office. Like streaming. And now, like streamers, they're holding all the cards. It's like Stripes, remember Stripes? We knew which was most popular. Same thing with movies, the box office. Like, streaming? Now, like, streamers, they're holding all the cards.

It's like Stripes. Remember Stripes? That great scene? John Candid. He's looking, ah, yeah, man, you lost again. He's looking at his cards and shit. Like, you know, they give you the numbers, and it's just like, how do I know that's true? Like, you had, like, for the awards season, they can go, this is a massive hit,

ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, and then when you come to be like, okay, it's a massive hit, can I have some, well, you know, the numbers weren't that good. The numbers are whatever they need them to be. It's become like that. So, I mean, so I just roll with it. I mean, that's, I don't think it's gonna stay like this. It's like.

But like are you working on scripts though for ideas? Yeah, me and Ben Tostro were writing another one. We got another great idea. It's another thing. In the title, you know what it's, that's what I liked about Old Dads. You knew what it was. Right.

And then within that, you could touch on a lot of bigger topics with just regular people. Like we were commenting on, you know, sort of like summing somebody up in one tweet. And you like the process of like writing a movie with somebody? I love writing. I love writing dialogue.

And one of my favorite things to do is every, like I want every actor that shows up to be excited, like that we wrote him something that's gonna be fun to say, because then they come to the set. Of course. They have fun. Well, that's how you get an actor to do it. Yeah, and then for the crew, all you do,

once a week you bring in a food truck, and a coffee truck on another day, they're like, okay, this guy gives a fuck. Like the bar is so low. You only feed your crew once a week? No, no, no, no, there's a regular thing, but once a week if you spring for a food truck, because that's coming out of your pocket, that's not them.

They're like, all right, this guy's a solid guy, so then if you have a long day, because shit isn't working, which is gonna happen, they're not looking at you like, how many times can I eat this fucking lasagna? Lasagna's like the big, if you gotta cook for 100 people, they come out in those aluminum trays.

If a truck comes up every once in a while, you gotta give somebody a rail light as they're doing it. It's a great tip for the kids out there who are thinking about going into the business and treating crews bad or good. Once a week, food truck. Can I tell you how low the bar is? How low the bar is?

Oh, you just did. A food truck once a week will do it. Yeah. You know what, I tell you, just saying good morning to people. They're like, you're like one of the nicest guys I've ever worked for. It's just like, what the fuck happened to you?

Who doesn't say good morning? There's people that don't say good morning. No, I mean, look. I would not have the, oh my God, to do a movie, first of all you gotta get up at like the crack of dawn. I mean, and it's like, I remember in the 80s doing it, it's like all you do is the movie. DC cab, right?

DC cab, right, My first big picture. You do the movie and sleep. That's your whole life. There's almost nothing else. If you're the director, you do the movie and then you answer questions and then you go to sleep and you wake up and there's more questions. Yeah, well, it's all I'm saying.

It's just the movie and sleep. There's no life there. So it was a great experience for me because I, I already obviously respected people that directed and edited and everything, but I didn't understand the process of how tedious it is and like, you know, my ADD and everything, like I really had to like, I had to figure out a way...

in the edit room to give your brain a break. So what we started doing was... Me, Ben, and Patrick Donvito, who edited the movie, we would... we would go for walks. We'd be like, you know, let's just take a walk around the block. We gotta get out, because we're, you know, just in this fucking editing bay. This, you know, curtains are down and everything,

and you're just fucking in this thing. And just like, it became like really productive to not sit there all day working, to actually get up and like, and you'd be looking forward. What do you think, 11 o'clock, we'll go for a walk? Okay, great, so then I can break my day down. We would have lunch, and then in the afternoon, we would go for like another like, walk,

just walking around trying different restaurants. What about a meditation podcast for you? What do you think? You do just mindfulness, where you just talk to... Did that make you uncomfortable that I did that? Yeah, you see, you do that to me, but what I do to you, it's not, it's suddenly out of bounds.

No, I knew what you were doing. I thought we were doing that thing. So I hit it back to you, did that make you uncomfortable? I took it off of me, I put it on you. That's nothing new. No, I'm just saying, I see you doing a kind of a, like we call it meditation for meatheads. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I am a meathead, I don't have a problem with that. I am. One of my biggest fucking mind, one of my most, the best thing about me is I know I'm an idiot. You're not an idiot. If you were an idiot, what? I mean, you know.

It's just, it's not an idiot, it's just a. You're calling me a fucking meathead and then you say I'm not an idiot. Because we're doing. You're all over the road here. It's a bit, but no, it's just that people perceive truth differently. Like if you've ever had a lover who is like in the arts,

I know you hate that term, but like artistic people, they don't like perceive truth exactly literally. Now sometimes that's better and sometimes it's worse because sometimes the truth is just the truth and they don't see it that way. They see it sort of artistically. They see it through a very... That's your question. And I don't think they're stupider,

I just think they see life through a different prism. Can I ask you a question? When was the last time? Good night. From the bottom of your heart, you said to another human being, you know what, I'm wrong. Oh, all the time.

All the time. Really? My favorite words are I'm wrong or I don't know because every time I say them I learn something. Absolutely. And I'm... I didn't see know because every time I say them, I learn something, absolutely. And I'm so. I didn't see that coming from you. I know, but we don't.

That extra material on your sleeves. We don't know each other and I dress like a clown, so why would we? This is one of the most showbiz. Ridiculous. This is one of the most showbiz friendships I have in this business, because the only time I've ever been is podcasts or your show.

It's just the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Have you seen Casablanca lately? I would recommend it highly. I love it. I did. I actually took my wife to go see Casablanca where they had the symphony downtown. I saw it also with a lady friend.

And it's very meaningful. And they had a live orchestra playing the score as you watched the movie, so cool. Where was this? Whatever that big symphony hall is that I never go to. Oh, downtown, the Disney Center? Yeah, the one that looks all weird. Yeah, the one from Artsy.

Frank Gehry. Frank Gehry? He's an architect. He's an architect, I knew he was an architect. Oh, that's a big thing in your world, knowing architects' names. I wasn't trying to brag. That's an L. Ron Hubbard. No, no.

It's just, I'm always... No, Frank Lloyd Wright. I always say L. Ron Hubbard. Frank Lloyd, that's a Frank Lloyd Wright. You knew that one. I like Frank Lloyd Wright. Right. He and his brother invented...

I like Art Deco. Frank Lloyd Wright. He and his brother invented the airplane. I like Art Deco. Frank Lloyd Wright, he and his brother invented the airplane. I like Art Deco. First of all, I don't think you could change the oil in a car, so don't talk about fucking architecture. I can't and I wouldn't want to.

Oh, let me adjust my glasses. Why would I want to? Why would I want to, Eliza? I'm Professor Henry Higgins. That's another great way to use it. It's a really satisfying film. Have you seen My Fair Lady? Can I recommend something?

Watch that with your wife, My Fair Lady. You'll really enjoy it. Some white woman spinning around in a field? Yeah. I don't think she was gonna be too into that. No, that's the sound of music, fool. Aren't those all the same movie? Isn't that all Fast and the Furious

for the music lovers? No, no. My Fair Lady's based on Pygmalion. Oh, that's based on that. Can I tell you something, Bill? Most of the shit that you say is not smart, it's just sort of obscure. It's not obscure to a certain percentage of people. People that are in your altitude.

I'm not some giant egg head. I'm just like. I know you're not that smart. I know, I'm not saying I am. You would say something about all these things that you don't know what I'm talking about. So what? I know. Like these subjects I could bring up, it's just, you know, you just end up, you know, musicals. You're not gonna make me feel dumb.

Because who's your favorite? You're so dumb make me feel dumb. Who's your favorite? You're so dumb, you sell stadiums. Let me ask you this. What's your favorite top musical? You know, I'm not a musical fan at all. My Fair Lady was playing in the house when I was a kid,

along with some other ones, but that's the one I gravitated to. I still could play Professor Henry Eagans. I'm almost still not too old to do that. I'm not going to do that, but it's one of the rare parts where I would be perfect for it. He's a pop-ish professor.

There you go. And it's just delightful. The music is great. I'm sure you know many of the songs. I won't sing them all for you. Sing one for me. I have't sing them all for you. Sing one for me. I have often walked on this street before. Sing another one, I don't know that one.

I'm walking down it now. Dooby-doo. Good clean fun. What's that? What is that? That's scat singing from your generation. Oh, that's scat singing. That's one of the most annoying things ever. Oh yeah.

Scat singing? Oh, because it was. I get it. You sound like a trumpet. Stop it. It would make your zoot-zoot itch. Yeah, I wasn't. Scat singing is something I have to walk away from.

What music do you listen to? What music do you listen to? Bill Burr? I'll tell you the latest thing I downloaded. I downloaded a song called Scat singing. I'm not sure if you've heard it. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Scat singing is something I have to walk away from. What music do you listen to? What music do you listen to, Bill Burr? I'll tell you, the latest thing I downloaded, Willow Smith. Willow Smith? Just put out a fucking incredible album, and what I'm loving is the drums are incredible, and so much of it is in like an odd time.

I was trying to play along to this one song that's, it started in seven, and then it stops, there's a bar of eight, and then you play in seven, and then the chorus is in four. And I literally had to write it out to try and just figure out like the first friggin' half of it. So I listen to that, I still listen to Zeppelin. I've been listening to Kenny Rogers.

I like like old school country. I like a lot of hip hop right into, right about Biggie dying and Jay-Z coming up. I liked all of that. I liked storytellers. 90s. Yeah, like yeah. A lot of the 80s shit is really cool too, but like, basically the 90s.

And what I loved about Biggie was he was fucking hilarious, and he was an incredible, incredible storyteller, and his stage presence was unbelievable. And the fact that he was only 24. He did all of that by 24, and, you know, I was really into that. Now, you know, you just age out of it because people are talking about stuff.

I mean, not like I can relate to what he was doing. Actually, Bill, I wish we could, but there's another rap war going on currently. Maybe you've heard about it between Drake and Kendrick Lamar. And who better to discuss this? And a 60-something and a 50-something year old white guy. What do you make of this rap war, this sort of renaissance of the 90s rap wars?

I think it's great, it's great. Great? Well, it's great. Great? Well it's great for. Somebody got shot today. Oh, well you know, you have to make your hard nosed decisions. Um, I, uh, no, I think it's great, it's fun, I think it's fun.

Why can't we all get along? That are all, why can't we all get along? Because sociopaths want all of it. But why Drake and Kendrick Lamar? I mean, why are mommy and daddy fighting? I don't know where you're going with this. Why are they, what? I believe the kids call it beefing.

I know, it is beefing. I know, I'm single. I'm into all those, no cap. I don't know anything about that world. I don't know, I don't fucking know. I was 16 minutes, done you yet? No. See, it never stops, that whole thing about,

well, why am I not, somebody passed me, they got 16 minutes. No, no, no, I like where I am in this business. Yeah. I like that I just do what I do, and whoever likes it, likes it, and whoever doesn't moves on to something else. I don't have like that.

I bet you 60 minutes does you within the next two years. I'll take that bet. All right, well, I had a ball. I had a great time I hope so because you're my favorite smarmy person in this business my favorite whatever the fuck Come on All right. I want to dunk. I know we're not hooked. I had a fucking great time. Yeah, that was so good. Oh, come on. Bring it in. Oh, he goes for the side hug.

The side hug. It's non-committal even with his male friends. Oh my God.